Oxytocin Over Hustle

If you’ve ever tried to calm down by getting more done, only to feel more tense, more tired, and somehow still behind, this conversation is for you. I’m sharing what shifted for me after a painful stretch of betrayal trauma and years of caregiving fatigue, when I realized I’d fallen out of the very skills I used to teach. The way back was not more grit. It was learning what my body actually responds to.

We dig into the female nervous system through a practical lens: how dopamine-driven “push and perform” culture can keep women stuck in stress, and why oxytocin-based regulation often restores a deeper sense of safety and vitality. I connect the dots between chronic hustle, depleted oxytocin, rising cortisol, adrenal fatigue patterns, and the sneaky way worth gets tied to checklists, service, and nonstop output.

You’ll also get simple tools you can test immediately, including a sensory approach to mindful eating that supports digestion and regulation, plus easy oxytocin boosters like touch, warmth, co-regulation, and the underrated power of an eight-second hug paired with genuine encouragement. If you’ve been craving a new narrative where success doesn’t cost you your peace, you’ll find language and practices to start that shift today. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s been pushing too hard, and leave a review with what practice you’re going to try first.

Connect With Marnae

Website:  Awakened Academy

Book a Call:  Schedule a Call with Marnae

Listen on Apple Podcasts:  Flourishing Femme on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify:  Flourishing Femme on Spotify

If Flourishing Femme speaks to you, follow the show, leave a rating or review, and share it with one woman who may need this message.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, and thank you for joining me, Marnae Bocett, for my eighth episode of Flourishing Fam. I'm super excited to continue a series of podcasts that I am passionate about. I want to share with you in a conversation that I had with a friend this morning, and maybe this will help you understand why one of the reasons why I am so passionate about these concepts and principles. So several

Why These Teachings Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:44

years ago, when I was in not a very good place at all, and I had experienced some pretty intense betrayal trauma as well as just a very hard four years of taking care of my my parents in their in their journey to transition. And so I was tired and fatigued. And I I really slipped out for a while, slipped out of all of my skills and tools that I had taught, literally taught and mentored for 25 years. And I just went into this place, this dark place that felt like I was not ever gonna really be able to come out of. It did all of that for me. And as I've come to recognize how a lot of these principles as I have adopted them can really actually change how I relate with men and with people in relationships. And so it wasn't about just about me too, it was about my relationships with men and my relationships even with my children and my grandchildren. So that's why I feel so called to share these things and to ask and invite continually those of you that are listening to also have a very open mind, get curious, choose in some into some pretty hard vulnerabilities sometimes with some of these invitations that I may um extend to you. So I just wanted to share that right out the gate because it's I I just was reminded again, and I wanted to maybe give you a little bit more background as to why I am sitting here right now creating this podcast. Okay, so today we're gonna talk about the female nervous system and how for so long we, and because of culture and because of programming, and because of even tradition or the way that we have seen things done, that we've tapped into a more masculine way of trying to calm our nervous systems down, and it just isn't working. So here's what I've come to find out is that the female nervous system and the

Dopamine Culture Versus Women’s Biology

SPEAKER_00 9:17

woman's body and their biology and their hormones were not even studied as far as how nervous systems work until the early 2000s. That's not that long ago. That's twenty-six years ago, and that all the studies were being done on men. Well, what they've come to find out is that that study found that female females' bodies were regulated and their nervous systems were regulated by oxytocin. And this whole time, what they knew and what they had known in the studies and the and the research that was being done is men's bodies and their biology and their nervous systems are regulated by dopamine. Those are two very different uh well, they're actually hormones, and they work very differently in our bodies. So dopamine, let's talk about dopamine, is how men's nervous systems regulate. So men feel regulated and whole and more aligned when they're getting things done, when they're um performing and problem solving and fixing and sometimes even competing and you know, pushing through to meet deadlines and that kind of stuff, and noticing that their performance and results is creating you know more success for them, and that that too is an old paradigm, which we'll discuss in another podcast, but um, that's how their bodies regulate, and so females have been more or less just brought into that same way of thinking, and I know that when I used to watch my mom and other people that I admired and wanted to be like women, yeah, it was how successful they were, how much they got done, how much they served, how how much they gave of themselves and how they could fix things and they could, you know, uh I have a sweet sister-in-law that I mean that woman can do anything, anything. I admired, I still do admire her so much because she can fix she can fix a wedding dress to look absolutely dynamic on someone, and she can create wedding cakes that look unbelievable, and she can change water on a farm, and she can fix an engine in a car, and she can she can take hunters up and help them find uh an elk and then help them take care of it once they've hunted it and fulfilled their tag. It's it's crazy. Everything she could do. And I was like, wow, she's like superwoman. Well, this has not been super complimentary to our hormone systems, to our nervous systems, to our heart system. To, I mean, all of that dopamine that we're creating when we are trying to just push and do more and accomplish and you know, all of that kind of stuff, it it actually that all that dopamine does deplete our oxytocin and can create more cortisol and adrenal fatigue, and it just it is not complementary or in alignment with our bodies. And to stop doing that is difficult because we get so much of our value and our worth and even our identity really plugged into how much we accomplish and how hard we push and how much we give ourselves away in serving and doing for others and fixing problems for others, that kind of thing. And so, really and truly, how females' bodies can feel aligned, whole, and regulated is through pleasure and co-regulation, touch, warmth, connection, and even acknowledging our senses. So I was working with a client the other day, and she was having a lot of digestive issues, and she's one that definitely runs from this old paradigm of push harder, get more accomplished, do more, perform better, all of give yourself away, do more for the kids, do more for the community, do more for your clients. And I said to her, when you stop to eat, when you eat, how what does that look like? And she goes, Man, I'm just I usually am standing up and

Mindful Eating For Nervous System Calm

SPEAKER_00 15:03

just shoveling it in because I need the nutrition and I I eat fast and I sometimes even choke because I'm eating so fast. And she says, even my my kids and my husband have noticed how quickly I eat. And I said, Well, what if we tried something different? What if you chose to eat and at the same time regulate your nervous system? And she looked at me like I had a third eye. She goes, What do you mean? And I said, Well, when you smell your food, that is the very first step of your um digestive system starting to work. And she goes, Yeah, I knew that. I I kind of knew that at one time. I remember reading that. And I said, when uh you are eating the way that you're eating, you're actually producing dopamine, and that is not regulating your nervous system. So what if when you ate, you fixed the meal, you sat down, you put on some nice music, you took a couple of big deep breaths, and as you ate, you tapped into your senses. Look at perhaps look what does the food look like? Does it look um interesting? Are there a lot of colors in your food selection? You know, just just observe your food for a minute. What does it look like? And then as you begin to start to eat your food, notice the smell. The smell of each bite. And then as you put it in your mouth, notice the temperature. Does it feel cool? Is it a nice cool salad? Does it have a lot of texture to it? Like, is it yogurt with granola and there's a lot of texture? So begin to notice the temperatures and the textures of your food and chew slowly and really tap into perhaps all the different tastes that you acknowledge, textures, temperatures, uh, smells. Just really tap into your senses and notice how you have a very different experience. Because that is one way we as women can actually regulate our nervous systems is by tapping into our senses. I've talked a little bit about this in previous podcasts, but this one's just taken it to another level. And I said, as I started to do that, I noticed my digestion changing. And I gave her the challenge to do that regularly with at least two out of three meals a day, and notice if her digestion feels different, if her stomach feels better, if she feels like her digestion is working better. Because yeah, if we're just and I used to do the exact same thing when I would eat, I was always so busy doing so much, accomplishing so much, seeing so many clients. I didn't even have time to eat between clients. So I'd slam something together, five minutes just like really shove it in the pile as fast as I could, and you know, it at least I didn't feel hungry. So I felt satisfied and fulfilled to some degree, but I really really jacked up my nervous system in the process of actually eating it. I'm pretty sure. So this is a challenge that I'm going to have I'm going to extend right now. I'm gonna extend the exact same challenge or invitation. Let's use the word invitation. I like the energy of that word better. And just try that. Just try it and do it for several weeks and notice if you, if you do have digestive issues, if you notice a difference. Slow down, check in, breathe. Definitely take a nice big deep breath in between each bite. And yeah, you're you're going to get to plan a little bit longer, I'm guessing, for you to prepare and eat a meal. So, anyway, back to this topic of how we regulate from oxytocin. Um it's very common in our culture, and we've watched it, and we again we just didn't know what we didn't know. And it was that's the way we have literally been trained and taught to do our lives. So let's just let's just take a second and look at some other ways perhaps that we could tap into creating more oxytocin. Okay. So I talked a little bit about pleasure, co-regulation, touch, warmth, connection. So another thing that does create oxytocin, doc oxytocin is touch, hugs, um, even playing with a a soft animal, a puppy. You know, they've got this new thing out where you can go and cuddle with Highlander cows or, you know, baby horses, that kind of thing. You know what that's doing? That's creating oxytocin. And people pay to do that.

Oxytocin Boosters Through Touch And Praise

SPEAKER_00 21:49

And it's like it it it really does serve a purpose. Sometimes it seems kind of funny that you're gonna go pay, you know, money to. Go hug and rub, you know, pet and snuggle with a baby mini Highlander cow, but what it works. The proof has already come out about that. And so that is that touch. Now, with myself, I love hugs from my grandkids. So when I walk in, my grandson, especially still, because he's not 14 yet, comes in and goes, I need attention, Nana. Let's do an eight-second hug. And so I get down on his level and I kneel on my knees and I just hug him and hold him for eight seconds. And guess what? It's a win-win thing. There's been research about that for children, being a very good regulator for them as well. Sometimes he'll just sit on my lap and I'll just hug him and hug him and hug him and you know, maybe run my hands through his hair and tell him what a great kid I think he is, and I how great he pitched the other night at the baseball game, and just really lift and build him. And that also creates that oxytocin within us when we champion other people. That's another way to create oxytocin. And so super fun ways to experiment with this type of a nervous system regulator. Okay, so it is very beneficial for every woman and man to learn to prioritize this in a relationship. It's good for men to experience producing oxytocin too. And it's good to do it some, you know, together, of course. But it's really important that we understand what regulates a man and that they can understand and prioritize what regulates us. To replenish our oxytocin in the woman's body, that is what keeps us healthy and able to live and thrive in vitality. And it it is also keeps us in, let me rephrase that, it also keeps us in alignment with the divine feminine archetype, architecture, or template. I've seen in myself and in my clients what happens when a woman starts to move from dopamine into oxytocin. There's a difference in the sparkle of their eyes, in their skin, and even in their weight. This, you know, I'm not proclaiming to be somebody that's gonna help people lose the weight that they want to, but that was one of the perks and the benefits for me and with some of my clients that I've introduced this to. Because when we are trying to regulate endopamine, it destroys the oxytocin, increases the cortisol and the adrenaline fatigue, and cortisol, we all know, is what can pack on the weight, especially around our bellies. So because we all have been programmed culturally to perform, and according to our performance, what results we get, and then that we believe and perceive is what determines our value, our worth, and our identity is how much we succeed, how much how much we get done, how we perform, how much success we have. And I just want to really invite all of

Releasing Shame Around Productivity

SPEAKER_00 26:30

you to consider a different way. Now I'm gonna go over this paradigm a lot more thoroughly in a future podcast. But if you can just start to recognize, if you can just start to get curious and go, oh, yeah, when I don't get everything accomplished in a day that I want to or that's on my checklist, or that I perceive I need to. Another concept we're gonna look at really carefully in a in a future podcast, but I'm trying to keep these to a certain time limit so I can keep your attention uh more fully in a shorter time. It just seems to work, and people have really commented and appreciated it not being a really super long podcast. But just get curious about how you kind of bump up against a little bit of shame when you don't get everything done. Or guilt or disappointment in yourself, when you don't get everything done, when you're not giving more, when you're not doing more, when you're not accomplishing more and succeeding more. And but it's it's gonna be normal for you to bump up a little against some disappointment in yourself or some shame or guilt, and that's common. But what what is really great is when and what I have found to work really well is getting women together, like in a sistership circle or the women's retreats, where this kind of stuff can just be acknowledged and you can move through the shame together and figure out that you know, I don't really my sister-in-law, I'm gonna use my sister-in-law for an example. I love her, I accept her and I adore her regardless of how much she accomplishes. And I hope that someday she can get to that point that she can love herself and know her worth and her value and her true identity regardless of how much she accomplishes. And you know, she's talked to me a little bit in the last little while and said, I think I'm figuring this out. And I'm so happy for her because that is just not truth. It is not our truth, it is not the truth of who we truly are. That our worth and our value and our identity is not determined by how much we accomplish, how much we get done, how hard we push, how much success we have. Because the truth is, is our worth and our value is non-negotiable in the bigger picture of schemes, in the higher truth and higher knowingness and remembering us of who we really are. So, you know, there's a testimony right there for you that I love my sister-in-law regardless of how much she accomplishes. And I know she loves me and adores me and cherishes our relationship, and it doesn't matter how much I accomplish, how much I get done, how successful I am. It's great to get things done. It's nice, and you can feel very accomplished and fulfilled and successful, that's great, but not at the sacrifice, not sacrificing your health, your vitality, your joy, and your peace, and your relationships. That's where mine got in a pickle is because I was totally in that place where how much I got done, how much I pushed forward, how much I accomplished was really weighing upon my value and my worth. And it, you know, affected my relationships. And I didn't want that anymore. I wanted a new story, I wanted a new way of doing things, I wanted a new narrative. And so I've extended several invitations out to you, and I'm super excited to hear back. So feedback is good. I'd love to see what you experienced, especially with when you eat your food and tap into um all of your senses when you're having a meal, and also the just you know, giving somebody a hug and champion them and hug them for a while, like at least eight seconds, and then look them right in the eyes and just champion them in some way. That is a really good oxytocin booster and will help you regulate. Thank you for joining me today with my podcast of Flourishing Femme. I really appreciate

Invitations To Practice And Connect

SPEAKER_00 32:11

your time. I know your time is valuable, and I am super excited that you chose to spend a little bit of time with me today. And I just want to remind you to visit my website if you so desire, Awakened Academy at awakenedacademy.io. It's always great for you to um leave some feedback, good good positive feedback for me, and to subscribe to my podcast. Thank you for joining me. I look forward to connecting with you again. And remember that on my website, if you if you desire and you felt let feel led to, I'd love to meet with you in a in with an introductory personal alignment discovery session. You can make it a time to do that. Anyway, I hope you have a beautiful day and that you just really contemplate these concepts and principles that I've talked about today and work or not work. I invite you to contemplate regulating your nervous system with oxytocin. Have a beautiful day.