Am I really saved?

While navigating my journey as a new believer I started to question myself about whether I was really saved. This episode unpacks what it means to be saved and gives some insight into why we ask the question in the first place. 

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Happy Monday, everyone. Welcome to the I'm Saved Now What Podcast. I'm your host, Jaavonne Taylor. For those of you joining us for the very first time, welcome. And for those that joined me on the prelude last week in the journey to Jesus, welcome back. I am so happy to have you here with me today. Today's episode, we're gonna be talking about Am I really saved? It's a topic that is really near and dear to my heart because it's something that I battled with after saying yes to Jesus, after committing my life to Christ, after getting baptized, I found myself struggling, asking myself, Am I really saved? So after the excitement of my baptism wore off, and then I was walking in what I thought was my new life, you know, it popped up, and it popped up because I wasn't seeing evidence or proof of this new life, or at least that's what I thought, right? I wasn't speaking in tongues. I didn't suddenly know more scripture overnight. I was still liking the things I used to like. So my appetite didn't quite change, right? I was still impatient, still kind of, you know, rude sometimes. And I was a bit confused. I was like, God, honestly, big and serious, like, you sure I'm safe? And I was feeling a little ashamed too. And I was very embarrassed about it. Because I was thinking I was the only person who was struggling with this kind of experience. And so I didn't really ask anybody. I just kept it. I kept it, right? I kept it because I'm like, yo, this don't look good. This how am I a Christian and I still getting triggered by stuff? How am I a Christian and I still like dance hall music? How am I a Christian and you know, I still not speaking in tongues? How am I a Christian? And I still just, yeah, I still like the things I used to like. Like these were things that were plaguing me. And I was like, God, am I really saved? You know, it's not until recently, that's after I started to open my mouth, that I recognized that I wasn't the only new convert that was struggling with this question. And thank God for his grace, his mercy, and his patience. I'm gonna share with you the things that the Lord shared with me. But before we get into that, we have to start with the basics. So before we go anywhere, we need to understand what it means to be saved and what is salvation. The dictionary definition of salvation says that salvation means the state of being saved, rescued, or delivered from harm, sin, danger, or destruction. To be saved, it says, means to be rescued from danger, preserved, kept for future use or stored. So it seems pretty consistent with what the Bible says, right? That's what we we know of it. We are being saved. To be saved means to be rescued. So the dictionary seems consistent with what we believe we are embarking on in our relationship with Christ. My friends, in preparing for this, I asked them, guys, what do you think being saved means? And I got some good responses, and I'm gonna share them with you. I've been permitted, so don't worry. I got permission. One says, salvation is forgiveness through grace and a family to experience joy with. Another says, being free from the eternal punishment of sin and receiving the gift of eternal life through Jesus. Another said to me, Being saved means I have access to the gateway of eternal rest that God promised. The other one told me it means restoration, redemption, and unwavering love. The other one said, being redeemed and being tucked away in Christ, freed from the sentence of separation from Him when the day of judgment comes. And the last one I got was being offered peace that cannot be found anywhere else and with anyone else. It means that I have someone reliable and dependable, and knowing that I am worthy of loving kindness even when I'm undeserving. Let's just sit with those meanings for a minute. What's popping out at you? We're looking at grace, we're looking at freedom from eternal punishment, we're looking at restoration, we're looking at reconciliation, right? Those are some of the words that jumped out at me when I was looking at my friend's definition of salvation. And I thought they were beautiful. What does being saved mean to them? And that's what they told me. My definition of being saved was to be rescued from death, to be reconnected to the source of life and the awakening of my spirit to who I truly am in Christ. That was the definition I had. Simple. But when I first asked God the question, Am I really saved? I didn't have that definition. This definition came to me throughout my journey in Christ, throughout the journey, because as I told you, I didn't quite understand. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't quite understand what was happening. Because I was looking externally to see, hey, alright, I'm saved now. Something is supposed to be different. But I didn't understand that salvation, being saved was greater than external manifestations. So let's jump back into let's jump into the Bible. The Bible will tell you how to get saved. And let's look at it first and foremost. We need to establish this from the jump. Salvation is not something you earn, it is a gift from God. We can't buy it, we can't work for it, we can't steal it from anybody else. It is a gift. And Ephesians 2, verses 8 to 9 tells us that. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. So the Bible is telling us that listen, guys, salvation, the currency is faith. To get salvation is faith. Like faith is what you use, and faith is not something that you know you can manifest like. No, that's that's not how salvation works. That's what the Bible is telling you. That salvation is a gift from God. You can't buy it from God, you can't boast to God, you can't convince God to give this to you. No, how you get salvation, the currency is by faith. That's the currency. That's that's the exchange. You give your you use your faith, and in exchange, you get the gift of salvation. God gives us salvation, but how exactly do we get that salvation from God? We said it's by faith, but how? John 14, 16 says, Jesus says, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. So though God gives it, it's Jesus that is the pathway and the gateway, right? And we're gonna get into more details later. So just stick around while I unpack this. Peter in Acts 4, 10 to 12 reaffirms this and he says, then know this, you and all the people of Israel. It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth whom you crucified, but whom God raised from the dead that this man stands before you healed. Jesus is the stone you build us rejected, which has become the cornerstone. Salvation is found in no one else. For there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved. So again, Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. So we are looking at faith and we're looking at Jesus. So we're looking, so we we need to have faith to get salvation. And it's not faith in yourself, and it's not faith in your money, and it's not faith in your title, it's faith in Jesus. So let's go and and unpack why this is essential. Why is faith in Jesus essential to salvation? And why is salvation essential in yet how why is it relevant? Why is it necessary? It's necessary because we live in a fallen world. We live in a world plagued with sin, darkness, and deception. We have been spiritually separated and disconnected from God. And spiritually, guys, we are dead. Without salvation, we are destined for eternal damnation. But by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, we have been given a gateway to return and to be restored and reconciled with our Father. That is what it is. That's why it's so critical. You can't buy salvation, you can't bribe your way into it, you can't earn it. God gives it as a gift, and you get it by exchanging your faith in Jesus to get it. And it's important because we are disconnected from God, we are spiritually dead. Romans 6 23 in the King James Version says, or the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. So without without Jesus, without Jesus, we are going to experience death. Without Jesus, we are going to experience death. Without Jesus, we are dead. And we will face eternal damnation. We will face eternal damnation. There is there is no going around that. And I'm taking my time to unpack this because I want you to understand why salvation and the question that I asked the Lord was so critical. So let's now go to the revelation. How do I get salvation? Because I can't buy, I can't earn it, right? There's nothing external that I can do to get it. So what what how do I get it? And we know that we need to have faith in Jesus. But is there any is there a specific way that this is supposed to be done? I call Romans 10, verses 9 to 10, the formula of salvation. What salvation, like how we achieve salvation. So Ephesians 2, 8, 9, you know, tells us that it's not something we work for. But then if it's not something I work for, I get it by faith. But how do I actually get it? And this is where we're gonna spend some time. Romans 10, verses 9 to 10 says, if you declare with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. So, what is critical here? The profession with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and the alignment of your heart, the belief in your heart that what you are saying with your mouth is true. That is how you activate the faith, and that is how salvation, that is how you get salvation. You have to believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord, you have to believe it in your heart, believe it that God raised him from the dead and you will be saved, right? And you profess it with your mouth. The profession by itself means nothing if your heart is not connected to what your mouth is saying. It is empty, it is an act in futility. If you say that Jesus is Lord without the belief, you are not saved. And I'm not saying that to condemn or to judge anybody, but I can tell you that from experience. At the age of 15, I got baptized. I got baptized. But listen to this. I was at church with my grandma and a friend of mine had come today. And I was just there. And my friend gets up, you know, they have an author call. My friend gets up and says, hey, she wants to give her life to God. And I'm there, and I said, Well, this seemed like a good idea, you know. It seems like a good idea. I was already like, I go to church, so I know that you're supposed to serve God, you're supposed to have a relationship with God. I knew that. But I just got up and followed my friend. I said the words that Jesus Christ is Lord, and I believe that he died on the cross and God rose him from the dead. But those words were empty. And even the baptism, it was empty, everything was empty. And let me tell you something. God did not say this wasn't real enough because I could have drowned in that baptism that day. Because when the pastor put me under the water, he did not tell me to cover my nose. So when he pushed me down, the water ran up in my nose. I wanted to run up in my nose. So when I get up, I was coughing, coughing, coughing, coughing. I went down a dry sinner and came up a wet one. There was no transformation, there was no change. Because even though I professed with my mouth that Jesus was Lord, my heart did not believe what my mouth was saying. I knew he was Lord, you know, in the sense that I know God and I told you I went to church. Like I grew up in church, my grandma prayed to God, but I didn't make him Lord of my life. I didn't believe that he was Lord in that moment. So it was an acting futility. It was an empty, the words were empty. So although I professed with my mouth that Jesus was Lord, my heart did not align with what my mouth was saying. And so though I would have gone through with a baptism in that moment, and though persons around me might have been clapping, thinking, yes, she's saved. The reality is that if God had taken my life in that moment, I would have gone straight to hell. I would have been on that express train right to hell. Because I did not, I did not in that moment, honestly, truly with my heart, say, believe that Jesus Christ was Lord of my life. I did not believe that, you know, I didn't believe it. And guys, don't miss the critical element of belief. Belief is not a feeling, by the way. So don't get caught up. You have to feel a particular way. It's it's not a feeling, but it's a knowing. It's a knowing. And in that moment, I didn't have it. But at 30, I can tell you the difference. I knew in that moment when I was getting ready to make that decision, when I made the decision, I knew it. I had a knowing in my spirit, in my heart, that Jesus Christ was Lord. And I believed it in the moments leading up to my baptism. I'm gonna say something critical here. Baptism is not what saves you. Baptism is the public profession of your faith. It is the public profession of your salvation in Christ. But baptism without more is nothing. And I might get backlash for this, and people might make all sorts of comments about me. That's fine. But I know what I'm saying because I went through baptism without without actually getting salvation. And it meant nothing. I after that, after that, literally, I'm telling you, I went, I went, I went back to doing what I was doing before. I went back to doing what I was doing before. I went back to partying with my friends and just living my life, and I felt nothing, nothing changed. Yeah, initially I did kind of feel bad about it because I was like, Jano, you know, like people did say I get baptized. And I think I made a Facebook post about it, but it was empty. It was empty, like it meant nothing to me. It sounds bad, but I'm being honest, guys. So that was when I was 15 years old. But when I was 30 and I made a decision to give my life to Christ, there was a knowing and there was a difference in my spirit, and the belief was there. When I said the words publicly that Jesus Christ is Lord, and I believed that God raised him from the dead, you know, my heart was aligned. My heart was aligned with what I was saying, and I knew that this was it. There was a knowing in my spirit, and I knew that this was it. So let's jump back now to 30. Let's jump forward to when I'm 30 and I'm making the decision. I make the decision, I come to Christ, and I'm struggling with the who I am. But it's so it's so interesting, you know. It's struggling, I'm struggling with the am I saved, Raza. It's so interesting because when I was 15, I wasn't struggling with the am I saved. But at 30, I am struggling with the am I really saved? You realize it? And why am I struggling? I am struggling now because my spirit is awake. I am now struggling because my spirit is awake. The spirit that was dead, the spirit that was dormant, the spirit that was not active is now awake. And my spirit is now awake because the Holy Spirit came in and decided to sit in me, and he's dwelling in me, and he's living in me, and he's through me, and he is awakened. And he was awakened by my honest, vulnerable heart when I said, I believe that Jesus is Lord. The Holy Spirit woke up. He ignited a fire in me, you know, and the fact that I was battling the fact that I was having, you know, tugging having this tug of war with this question is all the more reason for me to acknowledge that I was actually saved. But at the time when this started to pop up in my head, I you couldn't, you could not convince me that I was saved. Because as I tell you, like I had this, my mind was just fixated on external. Like, I have to look a particular way, I have to sound a particular way, I have to do things this way, and I was just getting consumed by it, and it was just really and truly unsettling. But there was something I realized. There, there was an awakening that I had that I didn't have before. There was a consciousness that I had that I didn't have before. I realized that the decision I made was not a surface decision, it wasn't performative. It was from the depth of my soul. Right? It was from the depth of my soul, and now I was conscious of what I was doing. I was conscious of the decisions that I was making and I was feeling differently. I thought it was guilt, but I later learned it wasn't guilt, it was conviction. It was the Holy Spirit saying, No, no, you know. And again, I'm not used to Holy Spirit working in me. So I'm like, why do I feel like this? Why do I feel uncomfortable? But it was the Lord. It was the Lord showing me that I was awake and he was showing me and giving me this roadmap and this guide to help me to navigate it. So although I was being hard on myself by saying, Why don't you this? Why don't the Lord was actually helping me along the way. He was tapping me to say, Nah, go left, not right. He was tapping me to say, All right, you can switch this song. As I said to you, my appetite did not change instantaneously, but gradually, over time, I started to realize that things were shifting in me. We grew up, we we we are growing up in a society and in an age where we think that things must be instantaneous. Everything is microwaveable, we have it overnight, and we don't work hard for things or things are not we, you know, we can bypass processes, but God is a God of structure and system and process. And my process is going to look different than your process, but God is not going to bypass a process, justify your timeline or your agenda. Because at 30, when I got saved, I'm like, I need to play catch up. Like, you know, there are friends of mine that have been saved since they were 20, since they were 15. And I wanted to play catch-up, and God is like, slow your role, slow, slow yourself, slow down. This is how we're gonna do this. Because what I was exposed to for 30 years, he had to take his time now and groom me and purify me and cut off things that became ingrained into my identity. And this was a major part of my journey in the beginning. So external manifestations did not start, and what I call external manifestations. Where, as I said, speaking in tongues. Those things did not start initially. What God started to do was work on me internally. So the Lord started to shift my heart. I, you know, initially, I as I said to you, I was triggered still. But over time, I recognized I started to be a little softer. I was not as reactive as I used to be. Someone would say something to me, and before I jumped off at you, I would calm down. Again, I'm gonna confess, there were still moments where the old Jaavonne jumped out and I had to come and repent. But the fact that I had to come and repent showed me that God was Lord in my life. Because prior to God being Lord in my life, I wasn't repenting for nothing. I was justified in my actions and I'm doing this because you did this to me. But slowly but surely, God was changing the entire narrative. But I was so focused looking at external manifestations that I wasn't really seeing what was happening over time. God is so strategic. God is strategic, God is extremely strategic, and God knows what He has to work on first. Because for me, I was so caught up with the external because it's like I need to prove to the world that I am saved. And God is saying, you are saved, but it's not for the world to see that yet. I have to work on you internally. And one of the major things the Lord had to deal with me with was my identity. Who is Jaavonne? Who am I? And it's not who am I from the world's perspective. It was who did he say I was? That was critical. He had to get me to that place of surrender and submission where I'm like, God, this person who I've become, the person who I've embodied for 30 years, this is not who you called me to be. This is not who you designed me to be. And God was working inside on that. And I had no clue because I was busy looking for external manifestations. Because it's like I said, yeah, you know, you want to be able to speak in tongues and you want to be able to pray loud and you want to be able to know scripture and those things will come, you know. Those things will come. And I'm telling you that because those things have come for me now. But it didn't come instantaneously because God had to work on me internally first. So if so if you're struggling with asking, or if you're struggling with the question, am I really saved? Is it because you're looking at external? If you're are you looking externally? Are you looking externally at what you think you're supposed to be doing, what you think you're supposed to be showing at this stage? Do you think you're supposed to look any different in the mirror? In my walk and in my journey, God showed me that salvation is the restoration of the relationship between us and him. The fact that you are consulting God and asking God for directions. You're asking him for clarity, you're asking him to show you the way is proof that there is salvation. And I might get some backlash for that, but it's not just the random ask, it's the the desire to know from him. Like, God, am I doing this correctly? Is this right? Is this wrong? God, I have messed up. I am sorry. Because he is restoring the relationship. That is the relationship that is essential and critical to life. Once that relationship is restored, you will be fully empowered. And I'm not gonna tell you that in your walk with the Lord, and though you're saved, you're not going to sleep. That's not what I'm saying. But we have help. God has sent us his Holy Spirit to help us, to help us to navigate this terrain. You know, in my journey, I God was God was so good to me in that part because I met God as father. I met God as father. I met him as father, and it was important I met him as father because I was raised without one. My mom was a single parent and she worked extremely hard to put food on the table and she was busy. You know, my mom has always been a provider. Shout out to you, my mother. I hope you are good. Yeah, but the Lord had to, the Lord came to me as father. Before the Lord started to deal with anything else in my life, before he started to show me anything external, I told you he had to deal with identity. And he had to come to me as father. And that was something I didn't understand because I didn't understand the dynamics of a father-daughter relationship. I didn't understand the importance of it. I just knew I didn't have one. And I didn't want to, I didn't want to be defined by not having one. But it created wounds. It created wounds. It created patterns and behaviors. And the Lord had to reaffirm who I was. The Lord had to confirm who I was. The Lord had to say, listen, you're not a reject. You're not a, you're, you're, you're, you're not an afterthought. You are you are not unworthy. Jaavonne, you are loved, you are valued. I made you. You know, I put my breath in your lungs. I love you. And the Lord had to show me him as father. He showed me him as father. He he showed me what it was like to be comforted. He loved me. He oh God. Like this is getting me very emotional now. But God, God really and truly just had to work on that part of me. So while I was looking for external evidence of God, you know, of me being saved, God is showing me there's internal evidence because I'm working on your identity. I'm working on who you are. You know, this abandonment that you think defines you, it doesn't. He reminded me, though, your mother and your father forsake you there. I am. You know, he's there. He's a father to the fatherless, and God had to father me in my first part, you know, in the first part of my walk. That's what that was a critical role he played. He's still playing it. Because he's still loving on me, still caring for me, still directing me, still giving me gifts just because he can. And of course, still correcting me because this is a journey. And he chastens those that he loves. And he loves me. And so he's keeping me aligned and keeping me on the path and on the journey. God showed me that I wasn't alone. For many, many years I thought I was alone. And God said, You're not alone, my daughter. I am here. I am here. Stop carrying these burdens by yourself. Release the control. I got you. I am in control. You don't have to carry that. And that was something that was so critical to me because it was missing before Christ. I carried everything. I still struggle with that now, but it's not so bad. I'm a work in progress, so God is still working on me. But God was able to do that for me. He was like, lay it down, give it to me. You know, I thank God for giving me this opportunity just to speak and to unpack. Because these are questions that many of us have, but we don't even know where to turn. So we feel ashamed or embarrassed. But what was critical for me, what was significant for me in my walk, when I started to ask this question, am I really saved? God revealed the relationship that existed between he and I. He revealed the relationship. And that is what is important. How do you know you're saved? Do you have a relationship with God? Do you have a relationship? Right? This is the most critical relationship you will ever have in your life. And it's not just acknowledging that he is Lord. Because you can have a relationship with him outside of being saved, you know. You can. And I was blessed by him even before he saved me because God is good and God is merciful and God cares. So you can have a relationship with him before you're saved. But let me tell you, when you are saved, it hits differently. The access that you have is different. We are reminded in Romans 10, 9 to 10. Salvation is personal to you. It doesn't say if your mother confesses with her mouth, then you will be saved. It doesn't say if your father does it, if your husband does it, if your grandmother, it says if you, if you profess and if you believe. So some of us grew up in Christian homes and all of that, but that doesn't make you saved. You have been exposed to the word. You've been raised in the word, but until you make that decision, you are not really saved. It is personal to you. You have to make that proclamation. Your heart has to align with the words that are coming out of your mouth. You have to invite the Holy Spirit in, and then you have to give him space to move. You have to give him space to dwell. I was looking for quick overnight success in my relationship with the Lord. Looking for quick overnight external evidence, not recognizing that God was already working. From the moment I said yes to him, he had already started a transformation. And I can say that now. The woman that I look at in the mirror, the woman that I hear, the woman that I see is different. She's different. She's different. And she can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is saved. She is saved. By the grace of God, I am saved. That Jesus' blood that was shed on Calvary saved me. It saved me because I believe that He's Lord. I believe that God raised him from the dead. I believe. I believe. I believe. And once you know that you believe, once you know that you believe, trust me. Don't watch the external manifestations. They will come. Don't let people in church or your family or the world tell you that. How can you be saved? And you still have this and you still have that. It takes time. It is a process. The Lord has to sanctify us and purify us. It's not an overnight experience. It is a daily journey. It is a daily walk. It is a daily commitment. It is a daily surrender. It is a daily laying down your life. It is a daily walk. There is no rush. There is no rush. There is no all of that. And I'm not saying there's no rush for you to delay getting saved. No, don't misinterpret what I'm saying. But when you are saved, once you've said yes, once you've made that decision, allow God to work in his time because he knows what is best. He knows what's best. And the Lord took his time with me. The Lord took his time with me, and I am grateful for the time that he took in unpacking all of this. So if you're having doubts in your mind right now whether or not you're saved, and you know you believe genuinely in your heart that you're, you know, that that Jesus Christ is Lord and you believe that the Lord raised him from the dead, and you know that when you professed it with your mouth, your your heart was aligned with what you said, then my friend, you are saved. You are saved. You are saved. Everything else that comes after, everything else comes after that. But salvation is critical. Salvation is critical. Baptism is essential and it is necessary. Jesus was baptized, but I will reiterate that baptism without more does not guarantee you a place in heaven. You have to be saved. You have to believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord. That God, that God resurrected him from the dead. You have to believe and you have to profess. You have to repent and turn away from sin. And repenting is a process. It's not easy. But God in this walk is not leaving you alone to figure it out. He is walking with you. And yes, you might be slipping into old habits. Yes, you might still have the same appetites you did, but God is there and you have a relationship with him. Go and sit down with him and have a conversation. God, I am struggling. God, I thought I could do this thing, but I can't. God tell me what to do. Tell me who to go to. Tell me, God, I need help. Ask him. He wants you to ask. Ask him. Don't don't back away from what he's, you know, don't back away because of shame. Don't back away because you think he's gonna be disappointed in that. He knows. And God loves you. Guys, before I go, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna pray. Holy Spirit, thank you so much for this opportunity to share with your sons and your daughters. God, I pray that this podcast ministered to them in the way that you wanted it to. I pray that regardless of location, God, that they would have received something in their hearts, Lord, and they would have received your word. Mighty God. And I ask that this seed, mighty God, takes root in them. God, I pray for everyone struggling right now, struggling with the decision to choose you, struggling with the decision to come back to you, struggling, wondering whether or not they're saved. God, struggling. Mighty God, in the name of Jesus, God, I pray, oh Lord, that you, oh Lord, will give them peace of mind. You will give them, oh God, clarity and assurance, God, that God, they their faith will grow in you in the name of the name of Jesus, Father. I pray, oh Lord, mighty God, for your healing, for your increase, for your overflow in their lives. God, I pray, oh Lord, mighty God, that they they won't be ashamed or embarrassed when questions like this pop up, but they come to you, Lord. And God, I pray that you provide them with a solid and sound community as they walk out their journey. Mighty God, in the name of Jesus, I pray, oh Lord, mighty God, that you send destiny helpers, that you send mentors, God, that you send spiritual parents to them in the name of Jesus. And God, regardless of wherever they are in their journey, whether they just started or they've been there for 20, 30 years, God, you know who is listening. You know what is there. God, I pray for them. And God, for every unsaved person listening to this podcast. God, I pray, oh Lord, mighty God, that you will minister to them, God, in a way that is unique to them and a way that they will understand. God, I give you all the glory, all the honor, Lord, all the praise. I thank you for all you've done, all you are doing, and all you will continue to do. Mighty God, I pray, oh Lord, that your hands will be upon this. And Lord, I thank you for your blessings, your mercy, your glory, and your power. Thank you, Lord, for all you've done in Jesus' name. Amen. So we've gotten to the end of episode one. If you've made it this far, thank you very much. Join us next week for episode two. And until then, I'm signing out. I'm Jaavonne Taylor, and thank you for joining us on I'm Saved Now What