Wrestling with your former self.

As you navigate along the journey in christ there will be moments when you encounter battles with your former self. The Bible does provide you with scriptures  on how to deal with your former self but sometimes it doesn't translate into the practical. On this episode I get into the nitty gritty of the battle between the flesh and the spirit (the old and the new self) and discuss what steps we can utilise to win the battle. 

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Speaker 1 0:01

Happy Monday, everyone. Welcome to the I'm Saved Now What Podcast. I am your host, Jaavonne Taylor. Thank you so very much for those of you who've been listening to this podcast on repeat. I am so grateful. Welcome. And for those of you who this is your first time, welcome back. I am so excited to have you here today, and I pray that the Lord blesses you in such an incredible way. If your morning is not going great, I pray that the Lord changes your morning into a fantastic one. Today we are going to look at the topic wrestling with your former self. Now, this one, I don't know. I think it was so interesting with how the day unfolded for me and the irony of what happened to me today in preparing for this episode. Because in preparing for the episode of wrestling with your former self, would you believe me if I told you a remnant from my past just decided to jump up today out of nowhere and confront me? But you know, you can know when you're on assignment by from the Lord, you know, because the devil will devil and he will just try to get you off of your assignment. But, anyways, here I am being obedient and doing what the Lord has called me to do. So, today we are going to look at what it means to wrestle with your former self and how it is that we actually overcome this battle that we have. You know, one thing I will tell you is that I don't think I really understood all that I was getting myself into when I said yes to Jesus. And while it was that, or while it is that it's actually pretty challenging, I'm going to be honest and I'm going to tell you that I have absolutely no regrets. The choice is the choice to give my life to God, I don't regret it at all. But the the path is is very challenging path. But it's not one I regret. And I'm grateful to the Lord every day that he has given me this opportunity to walk out this journey with him. So I'm really not sure in what direction we're going to go. So give me some grace today, please. The Holy Spirit is going to lead me as he sees fit, and so I am just going to allow him to flow through me in whatever direction he wants to go. So when we talk about wrestling with your former self, I'm going to let you into where my mind space was. So you can call me naive and that'll be alright. That's fine. So when I said yes to Jesus, when I decided to give my life to God, somehow I was of this view that the moment I said yes to Jesus, my life would have just miraculously changed. And instantaneously, all the things that I battled with before would evaporate and I would just be in this kind of utopian kind of life where I was immune from trouble. Yes, guys, very naive. I don't know. Maybe that was just the impression I got from a lot of Christians who were in the faith before. So perhaps that was the illusion or that was the impression. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. But the reality was that for me, I thought that the things I struggled with before Christ, I wouldn't struggle with them. What actually happened was when I came to Christ, I gave my life to Christ, I suddenly realized that hold up. These things didn't disappear. Some of them actually now I was more aware and more sensitive to these things, right? In some parts of my life, I I can see where my appetite would have changed instantaneously. So, in one sense, I could tell you. So before Christ, I used to be a party girl. I used to like to go to the parties, I would go to um different events in Jamaica. I was a big carnival fan. I jumped carnival. I used to go to different dance hall parties, all of that. And that appetite in terms of that aspect kind of shifted. So I didn't necessarily want to be in those secular spaces anymore. I still did listen to Dance Hall and Soaker, but it was not to the fullest extent that I used to listen to it, right? So my appetite in that regard was changing. But there were other things that did not change, and I was wondering why wouldn't these things change? And to me, it made no sense. I loved God, I said yes to him, but I found myself slipping into old habits and behaviors, and these were things I thought that I had overcome. So we're gonna dive headfirst into the messy part of the salvation journey, the not so pretty part that most of us want to forget and hide, but the part that we need to open up about to assist others from getting into the same mess that we'd you know that we experienced, and for them to avoid some of the roadblocks and the hurdles that we had to go through. So, what does this battle of wrestling look like? And how do you overcome it? To wrestle means to engage in a struggle with an opponent by trying to throw off or force them to the ground. So, if you guys ever watched RAW, I think it's on USA, that's what I used to watch it on years ago. When we see these wrestlers and they're fighting each other, we know they're in a battle. So, and obviously they're fighting for a prize. So, when we talk about wrestling with your former self, you need to know who the opponents are. The opponent is the new creation in Christ and your former self, those are the opponents, or if we want to get a little bit more, if we want to simplify it a little more, I look at it in this way: the opponents are the flesh versus the spirit. Because your flesh has its own appetite, and the spirit has its own appetite. So when we're looking at the battle, when we're looking at this wrestling match, when we're looking at it, who are the opponents? And the opponent, the opponent, strictly speaking, is the flesh versus the spirit. The apostle Paul in Romans 7, 21 to 23 said it like this. And I think this scripture helped me so much when I was battling what I would call stage one or the first stage of asking the Lord to shift my appetite. And he said it like this I have discovered this principle of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart, but there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Now, when you read something like that, when you read a text like that, when you see words like this, for me, it really put into perspective what I was feeling. Because what I was feeling was that something was wrong with me. I felt exactly like how Paul said. I want to do what is right, but I'm inevitably doing wrong. I am doing the opposite of what I know I should do. Because I know the difference between right and wrong. I know the difference between right and wrong, but I am choosing to do the wrong thing. And it's because sin is still living within me. The reality of life was that I didn't recognize that sin would still be living. Somehow I thought it was dead, but I didn't realize that it was not dead. That I literally every day I woke up, I had to submit and surrender to God my entire day, my entire mind, my entire body, my entire soul, my entire being. I had to submit to God that part daily because sin was not dead, it was very much alive in me. But I had to give the Holy Spirit power in me every day to help me overcome the sin of my flesh. The truth of the matter was what I didn't understand at the time was that every time I kept slipping and sliding back into sin, I thought I did not have the power to overcome it. I thought I did not have the power. I thought somehow this sin had a stronghold. I thought it had control over me. I thought that I could not be released from it. And that was the lie of the enemy, you know. That's what the enemy was trying to use. The enemy was trying to manipulate the situation because he knew I struggled with things before I gave my life to Christ. He knew I struggled with people pleasing. He knew it. And my people pleasing came from a place of rejection because I didn't want anyone to abandon me, because I didn't want to feel rejection. So I would people please, I would give people what they wanted at my expense. Right? But I didn't think that I could stop that. So when when when I gave my life to Christ now, thinking, okay, I'm not gonna have this encounter anymore, I'm not gonna have this experience anymore. What I recognize was, wait, this is not true. I'm still having this experience. Why am I having this experience? And in my head, when I'm looking at the the history with this thing, I'm saying, but I can't overcome this thing, I can't win this thing. And so I am here looking at it from a fleshly perspective to say, well, history says that I cannot overcome this thing. History says I cannot, you know, I cannot win this battle. So history says I am going to succumb to this sin. And that's what the enemy used. The enemy used the history in my former self to try and convince me that this new identity in Christ was impossible, that this new creation in Christ was impossible. He was trying to convince me that my flesh, my appetite of my flesh was going to control me and rule me, and he was trying to get me to feel so unworthy, so inadequate, so incapable that I would run from this new life that the Lord was giving me. And you see, the thing about it too is that if you stop at verse 23 when you look at Romans 7, you don't even recognize that there is power. You see, the true the true power in that scripture for me came from verse 24, and it says, Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? And then he goes into verse 25 to say, Thank God, the answer is in Jesus Christ, O Lord. Because you see, without Jesus, I could not overcome sin. Without Jesus, I could not overcome. Without Jesus, I wouldn't even know the power that I had within me to overcome this thing. But the reason I am wrestling is because I am so familiar with this thing, right? I am so familiar with it. It's something that was a part of my identity for such a long time that when I found myself back in those situations and navigating these roadblocks and these hurdles, is like I'm like, okay, what do I do? But the devil tried to keep me blind. He tried to keep me blind because the moment I realized that I could call on Jesus, that I was not alone navigating this situation, that I was not alone slipping and sliding in sin, was the moment everything changed. It was the moment I recognized that I could do something differently, was the moment I realized that I could click block on my phone and not give somebody access to me that was leading me into a pathway of sin. The moment when I said, you know what, enough is enough. God, I cannot do this on my own. I need you. The moment when I realize that Jesus, Lord, I do not want to sin. We sing the song, I am no longer a slave to fear, I'm a I'm a child of God. But many of us are are still living in the fear, we are still living in the fear of sin, you know, because we know our sin nature, we know what it's like, we know what it's like to struggle with something and to battle with something, and the reality is that it's not easy, it is not easy what we are called to do. Ephesians 4 20 says, well, 20 to 24 it says, but that is not the way you learn Christ. Assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Oh, if it were only that easy. To put off your old self. It's not a garment of clothing, it's not an article of clothing, it's not a jacket. I can't just take it off and throw it in the trash. I can't just take it off and throw it in the trash and buy a nude blazer. I I cannot do that. The reality is that this is so much harder. This is a mindset renewal, this is a mindset renewal, this is an appetite shift. This is a shifting from my identity, this is an identity shift, this is so much of an over like this an overall change. Everything is being overhauled in this situation, and you don't even know what is going on. And whilst this is happening, because you're believing what God says about you, you know, because remember, this is a process, this is not a one-off thing. So you're believing what God says about you. The enemy is creeping in and sneaking in because he is trying to convince you that this life that the Lord is calling you to live is impossible. Because the enemy knows who you are, he just does not want you to recognize the power that you carry in this new identity that you have. And if he convinces you that you cannot overcome sin, then will you truly know the power that you carry? Because if I'm always stuck in the same battle, if I'm always battling with my flesh about the same thing, do I really and truly have power? Because those are the questions you're gonna keep asking yourself. If the same obstacle keeps presenting itself to me and I cannot overcome this, it clearly means I don't have power. But the truth is, you do have power, but the power that you have is not fleshly power, it's the power of the spirit, and you can't access this power. At least I didn't access this power overnight. This power that I got to access was from a place of deliberate and intentional worship, prayer, fasting, and and sitting in the presence of the Lord. I had to get very honest with the Lord. I said, God, what is this? I said, God, what is this? Why am I slipping and sliding in sin? Why? What is it, God, God? I know better and I'm not doing better. God, I saw this thing and I knew it. And I and I still, God, God, you gave me all the warnings. You told me you are playing with fire. You told me, Jaavonne, do not, and I went there. God, why did I do this? Why did I know better and not do better? Why did I give into my flesh, which was being short-sighted, instead of giving in to my spirit? But let me tell you something about God. God is such a true teacher. God is a teacher. God allowed the situation to teach me. God allowed the situation to teach me. He taught me. You see, the things of the flesh, the desires of the flesh are short-sighted. They're very short-sighted, and they can only offer you temporary satisfaction. The devil knows how to market death as life. He knows how to market things that will kill you and present them as glorious trophies. And that is why we cannot live by the flesh. The moment we say yes to God and our spirit comes alive, we have to choose our spirit. We have to choose the spirit. We have to be sensitive to what the spirit is saying, and we have to choose the spirit. You see, at the end of the day, the Lord is not going to force you to make any decision because free will is and has always been a part of God's design for man. We have a choice, and it comes down to the decision that you make. The Holy Spirit will guide you, the Holy Spirit will nudge you, the Holy Spirit will literally tell you, do not do something. But if you choose to ignore the spirit, or if you choose to do something completely different, the choice is yours and you're going to face the consequences. But God is a true teacher. And the good thing about God is that if your heart is repentant, if you're truly repentant, the Lord will be able to minister to you and to teach you and to show you how it is that you can overcome this battle. It would not be a battle if it wasn't worth something. I get very annoyed when there are people who come to Christ. There are new new believers in the faith, and older persons are so quick to judge them when they slip and they slide. I get very annoyed with it. Because this faith journey is not an easy road. It's not easy. It's not easy. And especially as a new believer, especially as a young Christian, I think it's even harder. Because you're still trying to figure things out. You know when a baby is learning to walk, and that baby is getting up and falling down and stumbling and tumbling and hitting themselves and all of that. There's a level of grace that we give to babies when they when they're learning to walk. But there are very few people that give you new believers grace when they're learning to walk in Christ. And the reality is that you're going to slip. You are going to fall. Many of us have slipped and have you know slipped and fell into sin. We have fallen into the hands of the enemy. We have fallen into the hands of the enemy. We have done things that are contrary to the will of God. And we knew better and didn't do better. We convinced ourselves that we got this now. Oh yeah, man, we're now safe, we got this. And we didn't yield to the Holy Spirit's nudges. And so we ended up in places where we were not supposed to be. And because we ended up in places we were not supposed to be, we ended up facing some severe consequences. But God is still in the business of redemption. And God is still in the business of restoration. And if you have a truly repentant heart, the Lord is willing to meet you and to help you and to get you back up. But there is something that you have to know that you have to do in this process. You see, in the battle of wrestling with your former self, you have to get to a place of radical honesty with the Lord. And when I mean radical, you have to be very radically honest. Like whatever it is that you are struggling with, whatever it is that your appetite is dying for, like is thirsting for, is hungering for, you better get honest with God. And I don't care how messy you think it is, I don't care if it's if it's a drug addiction, a porn addiction, sex addiction. Addiction. I don't care if you have a problem with lying, whatever it is, you have to get very radically honest with the Lord about it. And I've said this before: the devil should not have any secrets for you. Don't let the devil have any secrets for you. You are aware of what you used to be. God is aware too, but God wants you to let him into that mess so he can turn the mess into a message. Right? So you have to get radically honest. And these are some of the things that I did when I recognized that I was falling into habits, old habits. I got radically honest in prayer. I got radically honest in prayer. I said, God, honestly, I need you. I need you, Father. I got radically honest. I opened up to the Lord and I got radically honest with him and it changed. I started to feed on my word so much more. I started not just to look at the verse of the day on the Bible app, but I went further into reading my word, deliberately looking for sermons and scriptures that were dealing with what I was battling. I would request prayer from online churches. So there's some online churches that I would watch sometimes. In addition to going to my church, there are some online churches that I would go to and I would send prayer requests in and ask them to pray for me. Because I realized that I was a part of a global community. So I said, you know what, God? I'm praying to you, but I'm getting intercessors to pray on my behalf as well. Because God, we're breaking this, we're breaking this. Whatever this is, we are breaking it. And so I let people into my mess to pray for me, to pray with me. And then God was so good, is that God allowed my pastors at church to be to be preaching on things I was battling with. I read for most of last year, I think probably 80% of the altar calls at church. I was up there for it. 80%. Because the Lord saw that I was genuine and I was honest about wanting to change. And then that this battle that I couldn't fight it alone. So God literally allowed everything to align and to fall into place. So I went up for the altar calls. I got to a place where I didn't care who was looking to see how many times every Sunday that I'd be getting up and going to the altar. Because I knew that I couldn't keep living the life I was living. I knew that I had to change and I knew I couldn't do it alone. So I kept going to that altar. And the Holy Spirit met me every time I went to the altar. And then, guys, I got into a place where I had to fast. You see, as believers, we need to recognize that fasting is an important part of this faith journey. It is not optional, it is mandatory, and this is not ritualistic. This is about demonstrating humility. If I can starve the flesh of food, if I can starve the flesh of what it truly desires, if I can starve the flesh of natural food, then I must can starve the flesh of sin. I must can be able to do that. And so I committed to a lifestyle of fasting. I committed to it. And I allowed the Holy Spirit to guide me in the types of fasts that I would do. And I committed to that. And God is our rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. And let me tell you something. Every time I fasted, every time I said, you know what, God, we're committed. The Lord met me. He met me in my fasts. And the Lord was able to develop more strength in me. He was able to develop something in me. I really don't have words to tell you what he developed, but he developed something in me. But the reality was that there was discipline being developed. I was learning to release control to God. To know that God got me and God was the sustainer of my life. I was able to let go. In those moments when I was fasting, things were being broken off of me. I was learning to submit. I was learning to release control to the Lord. One of the most important tools in the battle with your former self is obedience. I think we ignore how potent obedience is. But without obedience, we will always be in trouble, you know. Because if we had yielded to the voice of God in the first place, there are a lot of things that we would not have been entangled in. But if you're like me, or like who I was, because I'm not claiming that person anymore. It's almost like I know meant yes. So you told me not to do something, and then I decided that I was gonna do it because you told me not to do it. That was just rebellion on display. But the reality is that the only person who got hurt in the rebellion was me. God is not trying to stop your fun. God is trying to protect you from death. That's what He's doing. He's trying to protect you from death. We battle with it, whatever shape or form. And we live in a world that makes sex seem so simple when we don't even realize the spiritual intricacies of that action. Many of us are here struggling with lust. And we don't even know why. And we don't think we can overcome it. We want to, but we don't think we can. But I'm here to tell you that God is a God of the impossible, and that even if you think this addiction of yours is so great, God is greater. He is so much greater. I will tell you as well, do not lie and delude yourself thinking that oh, we're just friends, we can hang out together, blah blah blah. Don't delude yourself. The Bible tells us we must run from sexual sin. It says run. And it says it in 1 Corinthians 6.18. And it also says again in 2 Timothy 2.22 run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. It says to run, it doesn't say negotiate, it doesn't say discuss, it doesn't say speak, it says run. There is a reason we are supposed to run from certain things. It therefore means don't even tempt yourself with an environment or an atmosphere that is going to produce problems. Don't do that. But just because you're dealing with these things, it doesn't mean that you can't get over them. And God wants to meet you in the mess. You said yes to him. Don't run from him now when you think you're too dirty. When you slipped into something that you never thought you would have slipped back into. Don't run from God. Run to God. David, I believe in Psalms 51, when he had the incident with Bathsheba, where he ends up committing adultery.

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You know, planning a murder. All of these things. David. David comes to God with a repentant heart.

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He says, Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. Why did David do that? Because David sinned. David missed the mark. David ended up in a mess. A mess that he didn't even realize he was in, by the way. It took a third party to come and tell him that it was him. But when he recognized it, he didn't run from it. He ran to God because he knew only God could deliver him from that. And I'm saying to you today that you may be in a battle with your former self. But don't be hard on yourself for being in the battle. The fact that you're battling is a good thing, it means that your spirit is alive. But what I will tell you is don't fight it alone. Call on the name of Jesus. Go into a place of prayer. Call on God's name. Ask Him to help you. Get very honest in your prayers. Go to the scripture, read the Word, feed on the Word, and get support from community as best as you're able. I had a friend as well that I could call and I would talk to her and I'd cry. She said, Give yourself grace. I said, My girl, I don't want to give myself too much grace, you know, because that is the problem. I don't want to get to a point where I know that Jesus Christ is forgiven, so that I kind of justify. Nope, I don't want to do that. But it's good to have community. There's there's good, it's good to have community, especially when you're new to the faith. Not community that justifies your sin, but community that is able to show you love and to show you what is right and help you to get back into position. You have to fast, you have to pray, right? Do not hide. Hiding is one of the biggest problems that we have because we get embarrassed. We get embarrassed, we are so embarrassed that we hide. But humble yourself before God because God wants the old self to die completely. God wants the new identity and the new creation to stand firm. We read all these scriptures in the New Testament written by Paul. But we need to remember that Paul wasn't always Paul, he was Saul. He was a persecutor of Christians, and then he became an apostle.

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Look at that. If you think your situation is impossible, just look at Paul. Nothing that you are going through is new.

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God wants to restore you completely, and God will restore you completely. Daily surrender. Surrender is a daily walk. Another thing I will tell you is that don't lie to yourself. Don't try and convince yourself that you're good when you're not good. Don't try and justify the sin that you are in either. Go to God in prayer. God does not endorse sin. He doesn't endorse it. Sin is contrary to the character of the Lord. He doesn't endorse it, he forgives it if there is genuine repentance. So if you find yourself falling back into cycles and old habits and old behaviors and old patterns, the first thing you need to do is to stop, repent, and seek forgiveness. Turn away from your old behavior and walk away from what it is that you are doing. And if you are struggling, you need to get help. Before we go, we are going to pray. Most righteous and heavenly Father, Lord, I thank you so much for what you are doing. I thank you for every son and every daughter on this line. Lord, I want to pray for each and every person who is battling with their former selves, who is wrestling with their former self, who is wrestling with the sins of the flesh, Lord. God, I pray for each and every person that is under the sound of my voice today, Lord. That you, oh Lord mighty God, will minister to them in a way that will truly speak to their hearts and help them to overcome the battle. God, they think that they cannot win, but God, the devil is a liar. They said yes to you, Lord. They received you as Lord and Savior and Savior. You are dwelling and living inside of them. So if you're dwelling and living inside of them, that means they have the power, they have all the power, mighty God, to overcome sin. God, I pray that they will cry out to you, Lord, and you will meet them where they are. God, I pray that they will not run and they will not hide, they will not pretend, but they will seek you with their entire hearts. They will seek you with their whole hearts and they will find you, Lord. They will go in search of you, Lord, and they will cry out genuinely and you will meet them, God, and you will help them. You will help them, Jesus. You will help them. You will help them, Father. God, they will not, they will not succumb to the sins of the flesh. They will not succumb to the former self. God, they will battle and they will succeed in this battle because victory belongs to you, Lord. Victory belongs to you. Lord, we just we we I just want to give you honor this morning. I want to give you honor and glory that whatever it is that they're going through, no matter how impossible it seems, we serve a God of the exceedingly abundant above all we can ever ask, think, or imagine. And we serve a God who is a redeemer, a restorer, a resurrector, a reformer. We serve a God who makes the impossible possible. We serve a God who moves mountains, we serve a God who turns a murderer into a liberator. That's the kind of God we serve. So, God, I pray that everything that is that is going wrong with them, everything that is keeping them in bondage, everything that is trying to convince them that they are mess, it will be silenced now in Jesus' name. And I cover them under the blood of Jesus, mighty God. I cover them from the crown of their heads to the soles of their feet, mighty God. And I pray, Almighty God, that you will unlock doors for them that no man can close in the name of Jesus. Lord, I pray that they will get honest, honest with you, God, that they will sit in your presence and just get very honest, very honest about what they're feeling, very honest about what they want to do, get very honest, Lord, so that you can help to switch their appetites, to change their appetites, Lord, and to tell them what to do, and they'll be receptive, they'll be obedient. God, I pray for obedience, I pray for obedience, Lord. I pray for obedience. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Father, thank you, Father, for all you've done, all you are doing, and all you will continue to do. I give you all the glory, all the honor, all the praise in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you, Jesus. So we've come to the end of this week's episode, and I hope it was one that assisted you. I hope it was one that was truly a blessing to you. Until next week, I am Jaavonne Taylor, and this is I'm Saved Now What.