Why Emotional Healing Doesn't Require You to Fall Apart

 Most of us carry skeletons in our closets—secrets, fears, doubts—and we keep them hidden, tucked away, pretending they don’t exist. But what if that skeleton wasn’t something to hide, but something to invite to dinner? Bonita Jacque shares her transformative journey from the pharmacy world to soulful healing, revealing how confronting those skeletons can set you free.

This isn’t just a story about change; it’s a call to action. Bonita’s powerful insight that “if a skeleton falls out of your closet, do you push it back in or invite it to dinner?” invites you to see your fears differently. She explains how she realized her skeletons had everything to teach her if only she was brave enough to face them. From discovering limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” to using simple techniques like EFT tapping to release emotional charge, this episode is packed with practical tools to help you reclaim your life.

You’ll discover:
How to recognize and release hidden skeletons that hold you back
The secret behind living joyously regardless of age or circumstance
Why purpose often finds you, not the other way around
The importance of showing up for yourself and creating space for growth
Simple, effective ways to start emotional healing today
This is essential listening if you feel stuck, lost, or ready for a new chapter. Bonita’s story proves that healing takes time—and that transformation begins the moment you decide to invite your skeletons to the table. If you’re ready to embrace change, step into your true purpose, and show up as your authentic self, this episode is your wake-up call.

Bonita Jacque is a healer, spiritual coach, and transformational guide, known for her heartfelt approach and real-talk. Her journey from traditional pharmacy to soulful work is a testament to the fact that it’s never too late to become the person you’re meant to be.

Are you ready to do your big talk? Hit play—your next chapter starts here.

www.jonileigh.com
www.bonitajacque.com

 #healing #podcast #personalgrowth #selfempowerment #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever smiled your way through a crowded room and still felt like nobody knew you were there? Yeah. Me too. That's why this table exists. This is big talk at the table where real stories, hard truths, and healing all have a chair. And I'm your host, Joni Lee. Today, this is more than an interview. This is a conversation with my friend Boni DeJac, someone I've known for over 14 years. She has walked beside me through some of the deepest work I've done on myself. Over the last five years, she has helped me look at healing, purpose, my life, and parts of myself I finally was ready to face. Which let's be honest, soul work is the hardest work you'll ever do, but the most rewarding. So pull up a comfortable chair for you because this is exactly the kind of big talk this table was made for. Bonita, welcome. I am so excited that you are here today, that we have this chance to sit at the table and have some really big talk today about you, your sole purpose work, and kind of everything that's been going on with you. So welcome. Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

I am honored to be here. I'd say excited, but it's a little nerve-wracking. So honored to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

It might be here. You might be a little nerve-wracking for a little bit, but you know what? You're gonna get over that. I know you are. We've known each other for quite a long time. 14 years, I think, to be exact, if we're counting. I know. Can you believe that? And as I was like preparing for today's interview, something just kind of just kept bubbling to the surface. And it was a question that I'm dying to ask you. So I want to lead off with that. And so we're gonna get to know who Bonita is and everything about her a little bit later on, but I've been dying to ask this question. So, Bonita, you once told me, this was a while ago, too, I think over a year ago, that you've been kind of carrying a book title with you. You haven't done anything with it yet, but you've been carrying it with you. And I have never forgotten the title of it because it is such a great title, and it's called Well, why don't you tell them? Because it's your it's your book that you've been carrying around.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Well, this is a mock-up of a book title. If a skeleton falls out of your closet, do you push it back in or do you invite it to dinner? So that is so awesome.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

So I wanted to start there, and so before we talk about your work, I want to start with what does that title mean to you? It is a great book title.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Well, it's the title of my journey, and it took me a long time to realize that it had greater impact on me than I thought. And I think we all have things that we find out about ourselves or about the way we grew up or whatever, and what do we do with it? Do we ignore it and push it back in the closet like I did for 11 years? Or do we invite it to dinner and see what it has to teach us?

SPEAKER_00 3:14

So you say invite it to dinner, and I think to me that is like the most creative part of the book title. Like, what does inviting it to dinner look like for you? Like in real life? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 3:25

It's like let's get together and commune, right? Isn't that what dinner is? It's a communion. So let's talk. So what do you have to teach me? Why are you here? Pass the peas, you know, whatever. You know, it's just like we need to get to know each other, and I need to know what you're here to tell me, to teach me.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Well, I love that part of the explanation because you know me, I'm all about big talk. I'm all about at the table because I feel like you're absolutely right. The table is kind of like this like sacred place, isn't it? Like, I feel like people can be real and be honest when you're sitting around a dinner table. And I feel like that's kind of where you're leading with that title of that book for sure. So, what happens when you finally do invite the skeleton to dinner? What do you think is gonna you're finally gonna be able to face, maybe, that you've been avoiding?

SPEAKER_01 4:19

I so the skeleton that fell out of the closet really I thought had nothing to do with me. And then I realized that it had everything to do with me. And so it was where I needed to work. I needed to release some things that weren't mine, that I was carrying. And you know what? There was a lot of stuff that this skeleton had to teach me.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

It really took my work in a in a totally different way. And so we're gonna talk about that, but I don't want you to give too much of your idea of the book away because I want people to be able to buy your book when you come out with it, because this has now intrigued a lot of listeners, I will guarantee you. And I'm excited because it excited me and I've held on to it for this long. So you know that like that I'm like can't wait for you to start writing and start like figuring out what that looks like. But for the listeners meeting Bonita for the first time, I want to ask you, what does this season of your life look like for Bonita?

SPEAKER_01 5:20

This is a blossoming season. I really feel like I'm coming into my work in a deep way. Um it's just so much fun for me to connect with people and to help them. I mean, their problems aren't fun, but the connection that we have is fun. You know, we're we're we're reading on a really deep level when you're working with someone like that to help them with the things that they're going through.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

And so it this is like your season of joy then. I mean, is that a good way to say that? Like who what you're in right now?

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Deep fulfillment. Deep fulfillment. Yeah, like that too. Joy. There is joy in there.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

So I want you to kind of I'm sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

It's just like I've become the me that I wanted to be. I just didn't know it.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Which is so awesome. And we've talked about this, and we're gonna continue to talk about that subject for a long time because that's really truly what Big Talk at the Table is really about um and is going to be about, which is telling people's story, them getting into stepping into their sole purpose and who they really were meant to be. Exactly what you just said, and they didn't even know it. You didn't even know it, right? But when you do know it, you know it. And you can kind of talk about, I want you to kind of talk about a little bit about where you went um from being in the pharmacy world to where you are now, you know, working with people on a soul level and kind of give us like a little bit of how did that happen.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Well, it's been a 22-year-long journey. Um, I was very happy being a wife, mother, pharmacist. Life was great. And then my mom died. And what I had had grown up in the church and what I had been taught, it just didn't seem enough. And so I set out on a a spiritual quest, is what I called it, to to gather more information. And there was just so many interesting things that I came across that I understood on a different level of our awareness and consciousness and all of these really interesting healing techniques that I needed for myself. So I learned them. I mean, I've taken a multitude of classes and been able to cobble things together to create something different, and so that just took me into this whole new world, and I slowly took myself out of pharmacy, and I finally retired totally in 2020, and so then the these last years have been just devoted to my coaching work.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

So the path that you left, and you say you retired, but retired people don't continue to work. So you retired to something then?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Exactly. I did not retire from because I was changing. I knew I was gonna pursue this path. I had no idea where I would be going. What I started with was natural health classes, and after about a year and a half, I said, okay, you know what? I'm done because drugs are or herbs are just like drugs as far as what they were used for. And I'm like, I it's not where I want to go. And so I went off and took some other spiritual classes that really just resonated with my soul. It was it was so much fun and so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

And so I think you I think like you bring up a good point that we should like kind of settle here for a second because this work that you did and the path from your pharmacy, from your career to what you're doing now, that wasn't like an overnight thing, was it? So I want you to kind of talk about that transition and the timeline maybe of what that looked like. Because I think a lot of people, when they hear this, they think that one day you just retire and then the next day you're doing this.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Yeah, it's it's a long journey. I mean, it's really been 22 years. My mom died in 2004, my dad in 2005. 2005 is when I started with the natural health classes, but I got um got bored. I got really bored. And um the natural health classes were only once a month, and it just wasn't enough for me. So I actually went back to work on a part-time basis for a pharmacy that did natural health as well as traditional pharmacy. It was a perfect place, and I didn't know where to look, but I wrote down a list of everything I wanted in a job, and everything that I wanted in a job was this pharmacy. I wanted spiritually minded people, intellectually challenged. I mean, it was I wanted to wear pretty clothes because I wore a white jacket for 30 years. I didn't want to do that anymore. So I mean it was perfect, and so I was there for 13 years, and then I finally decided, okay, that's it, I'm done. So, and then I started looking at other classes, and I ran into a life coach and I worked with her for a little while. I'm like, well, I could do that. So I took a life coaching class, and then I took another life coaching class because I was a terrible coach. I didn't like it, I didn't know what to ask, I didn't have any direction. And then I took some Akashic Record classes because that's just really interesting. Well, I you need to learn about this. And I just took things as they came up, and I'm still taking things as they come up. We love our classes. So I'm just gonna yeah, just accumulating this information and then forming something for myself that feels really true and has worked for myself.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

So something about you that you have like on your website and that is part of your work that you do is called emotional healing and limiting beliefs. And I want to talk about that for a minute. What do people do you think misunderstand the most about emotional healing? Well, that we're gonna cry.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

That doesn't necessarily happen. Except if it's me. Well, I've had my moments too, but you know, it's not it's not difficult. I I don't just do a discussion with someone to help them with that. I mean, yes, we want to know what kind of story we've got, but I don't need you to go into it really deep. We're gonna we're gonna do some other techniques, some other modalities that I have to help release that energy that you've been storing. And it might not even be your energy. You could have inherited it from a family member. So there's just a lot of interesting things out there.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

So with limiting beliefs, what do you think that you see most people carrying far too long than they should?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

I'm not good enough. I don't have I don't love myself. Something's got me stuck and I don't know how to get around that. One that I'm gonna be doing with a group coming up is I don't fully show up for myself. We show up for everybody else, but we don't show up for ourselves, and we need to change that.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

That is so true. Especially as women, I feel like that is so true is everybody's needs come first. We put everybody ahead of us, and then when we get to us, we feel guilty because we're doing something for ourselves, or we don't end up doing it because we're just too tired, honestly, to do things for ourselves. So you've hit the nail on the head because I truly believe that that is so true. And I know that there has to be a ton of women listeners out there who are shaking their heads right now and they're like, Yep, that's me. I get that, you know, and you're not alone. I think just as women, we generally kind of mold to that. Why do you think that we keep holding on to these stories that keep us stuck? Why do we don't why do you think that we keep playing that same thing over and over again?

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Well, I think we don't know that we can change. It's just the way that it's always been, so it's the way it's always gonna be. Well, it doesn't have to be. We can make we can make differences and believe new things. And it's amazing of how light you can feel once you have let go of that. It is.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

And you know, I want to talk about that for a second. We have known each other, like I said, for about 14 years. What do you remember? And I'm really gonna put your memory to the test here. What do you remember about the season of life I was in when I first met you?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Well, I really don't remember from the very first meeting that we had, but I remember when you first came to me to do some work. And you didn't even tell me what who that who was involved in this. But I loved your outcome when you got a hold of me like the next that night, I think it was, to tell me that something had changed. You were tired, you were depressed a little bit, you were sad, you wondered what was next, how do I move on? And you were able to to make that change and look at you now. Thriving.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Look at me now. Well, and that is my that is my you know, my purpose is, and that's what I found. Um, and this was not work that just happened with me overnight, and I keep telling this same story, but I feel like if we're gonna tell ourselves the same old story of I'm not good enough or all of this, then I need to tell this story just as much to counteract that story. And well, this story is I didn't just like you, 22 years in the making. Mine, I don't even begin to think like how many years it's been. But working on yourself, it's not overnight. It doesn't happen just like I'm gonna do this and tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and be like this. And I think that that's a hard thing for people to understand because they see you and they see a transformation in you, but they're not with you through all the hard work, right? And the one thing that I love about where you sit is that you get a glimpse of the behind the scenes of the hard work that people are doing, and you get people who reach out to you to tell you how much you've changed their life. And that has to be so rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Just just yesterday afternoon, I had someone tell me that I changed their life.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

And so you get the back-end peak of that, and I think that's so cool because the other nobody else gets to see that.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Right. It is, it's very fulfilling, it's very heartwarming to know that that what I do can make such a difference in someone's life. I mean, I want us all to win, right? I want us all to thrive. Yes, it's not me against you, it's it's all of us together, and we need to uplift each other and support each other and stop the the meme of the catty woman and the you know talking behind her best friend's back. Yeah, no, not that. That's not real. Let's be real.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Be real. And the word that I had for this year, my word was rise. And I have to tell you, I mean, you and I have talked about words of the year and all kinds of things like that, but mine was like, I got it, and I kind of was kind of unsettled with it at first because I felt like at first it meant like you're gonna rise to the top, and I didn't like that, but that wasn't what my word was out all about. It was us all rising together, and it's exactly what you just said. It's about lending a helping hand to somebody. If I can help somebody else succeed, that makes me feel like that's the joy, that's my purpose. And and so I think that when you can focus on everything that you just said, you change the way that we talk at the table, right? We can change the way that women operate. We don't have to operate the way that you know we I go back to grade school a lot because I feel like that's where it was learned behavior, um, how girls treated each other. And we have a chance to change that, change that communication or that narrative, right? Absolutely. Yeah, it's really important. Do you think people, and we're talking about purpose, and you found yours, and I've found mine, and um, if you have found yours, amazing, because I know you know, but if you haven't, I want to talk about do you think people discover their purpose or do you think they grow into it or they remember it, or how do you feel like that comes along?

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Okay, I'm gonna offer you a a different option. What if your purpose finds you? Oh explain. What? Well, what if you're doing all of these things and there's something that really lights you up? Well, I think your purpose just found you. Oh, so I like that thinking.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Changing the thought process, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah, I mean, sample everything. I told somebody that the other day. Try all these things. Um, I had a friend who had recently suffered a loss, and I said, Well, find out who you are now. You know, what try something different. My husband spent a year working out of state, and I saw him every few weeks on weekend. But I and my kids were gone, and I said, I'm gonna try something new all the time. Who am I as me now? Do I like this kind of peanut butter because we always had it, or do I really like it? Um, you know, and so it was you know, trying new things and seeing what do I want now in my life as this woman I have become.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

And I feel like what you're saying, there's so many listeners who are in that stage of their season of their life, who have, you know, they've they've had a career. They have, and a career, I think for most of us, titles you. You feel like that becomes your purpose, right? And then you kind of get lost in that. And you've had a career, maybe you've had children, maybe the children are gone and you have an empty nest, you're getting ready to retire, or you just retired. And I think a lot of women are sitting with these heavy things, which is exactly what you're saying. Like, I don't know, do I even like that now? Because who you were 20 years ago is not who you are today. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

I have grown immensely, and I know you have too.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

And it's about continuing that, right? Like it's continuing that growth. You and I talk all the time, we love our classes, but every time you do something, I found, okay, I like that, or that's not for me. And that's okay, right? Right. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

There's been classes I've taken that's like, okay, well, I did two parts, but you know, I think I'm done. Part three just doesn't really appeal to me. And right. But it's but it's you know, you've got to pay attention to how you're feeling about it. Are you still excited about it that you want to go on and continue? Or all right, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Well, and I also think that you're not, I think the the concept is our society, if you don't finish something, it's a failure. And I think that that's not true. It's basically it's just not for me.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

You know, we need to consider everything an experiment. It works or it doesn't. It's not that you failed, it's that the experiment didn't work. Okay, like what did Einstein say? He did a thousand things before he created the light bulb. We have a thousand failures. Okay, well, I've had some failures, but it just moved me in a different direction. Right.

unknown 20:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Then you no, I love that word experiment. I really like that because I don't like the word failure because I don't think that's I don't think what we're doing at this stage in our life is anything a failure. And how do you know if you like something if you don't try it? Like you don't know.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Well, and you also, you know, when you start something new, you're not very good at it. Like I said, I took my first life coaching program and I thought I was a terrible coach. I took my second one, and okay, I'm a little better. And by the time I got to the program that gave me the most, then everything changed.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Well, it's funny you said that because that's podcasting. They say that most people quit podcasting within their first five episodes because they think they're horrible at it. And usually you're not good at your first few episodes, right? Like this is in my first few episodes. I'm sure I'm gonna look back and be like, oh, I wouldn't I shouldn't have done that. Um yes, I agree that that's so true. So true. So, what do you think is one question that every listener out there right now should ask themselves this week? Wow, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Um, and people always say that just so it gives yourself some time to think. I don't think everybody asks themselves, what do I want? Is my life the way I want it? Do I need to change something? What would I change? How can I change? Where do I find information? Okay, I'm sorry, that was a lot more than one question.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

No, that's actually a good and a great answer because I also would lead on to or add on to that. And I would say, ask yourself those things because those are all important questions to ask. And then I would take it a step further and say, then I want you to journal what your answers are. And after you've journaled what your answers are, go back and reflect on those answers and then say, okay. Okay, what is one thing I could do as an action to move me closer to this, right? Because we can all think and do, but unless we're doing something to make a step in that direction, you're gonna kind of sit in this, you know, whirlwind, right? Of that.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Well, we also don't take time to be introspective at all. If we're scrolling on the internet, we're watching TV, we're cooking, we're cleaning, we're shopping, we're doing all kinds of things. And sometimes that's just avoidance. And sometimes we are really busy, but you have to actually slow down, become a friend with yourself that you want to hang out with.

unknown 22:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

And you know, go within and say, what's really important here? You know, how do I want to, how do I want to feel?

SPEAKER_00 22:45

And then it's funny you say that because um you're describing my life that it used to be. So I used to think that I was like the queen of multitasking. Like I thought I was like, oh, I'm like so got this down. Like what I really realized was I was totally avoiding anything that I was trying to deal with. So if I stayed extra busy, then I wouldn't have to deal with that. And I could just push that down under the rug. That skeleton wasn't coming to dinner at my house.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Well, mine was in the closet for a really long time.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

So I agree. And now my big shift has been being more present, not trying to do, you know, 20 things at one time and thinking I'm good at them because I'm not, and really kind of like being present in the moment and and and like it's okay to have boundaries, it's okay to like have these values and these things, and you should and you should always like stay true to them. And then who am I? Like, what do I like about myself? And I really had to sit with that for a while, and it changes your perspective then on everything that you're making choices on, you know?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Yeah, it's um there's a lot of wisdom in us that needs to bubble to the surface.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

So, what is a small step that you think somebody could take today? They've listened to this, they're like, oh yes, I have limiting beliefs, I have that story in my head. I need some sort of emotional healing. What is a small step that they could take for that today?

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Well, there is a modality called emotional freedom technique, EFT, or also known as tapping, and you just tap on different points on your head to help shift the energy, to help release that energy. And all you have to do is just tap these spots, and you can certainly look this up on the internet, it's it's a in a lot of places, and you just tap, and that helps shift the energy, and you can even start out by saying, Okay, my anger is at a 10. You do a couple of rounds of tapping and check in again, and you'll find often, very often, that it's gone down, and you can just keep doing that to release it. We're carrying stuff that we don't know how to get rid of, and so we just store it and bottle it up. But the simple technique can help you release that charge, that emotional charge.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

I love that. That's so easy, and somebody can do that right where they're listening right now on the podcast. So if you feel that way, as we're finishing up here, you could start doing that, and maybe you know, by the end, you're gonna feel totally different than you do right now. So I love that. So I have a fun question for you. This is a be honest question. So this is something that I'm gonna do with all of my guests, and so it's be honest, Bonita. If one of your skeletons actually came to your house and showed up for dinner, what would you serve it first? A stiff drink. Let's get it to relax. Comfortable, right? Comfortable. There you go. Yeah. Skeletons are usually very stiff, right? So you're gonna get it comfortable. I love that. Thank you for playing along. I love that very much. So, what truth do you want people to carry with them after this conversation is over?

SPEAKER_01 25:59

You are never too old to change, you are never too old to heal. I have goosebumps just saying that. Um, you know, you don't have to go slogging through life. We want to go through life joyously, we want to go through life being connected, be brave, reach out, let's get you moving in the right direction. You don't have to carry this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Awesome. No, I love that. So if you've listened to Bonita today and things that she has said absolutely resonate with you, and you are interested in doing work with her, you with her, if you are interested in doing work with her, how can they connect with you, Bonita? You can go to my website.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

It's my name, BonitaJac.com, and um there is a connect page there, and so you can send me an email through there, and I will I am very good at responding because I'm kind of my computer scrolling.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

You do you do stuff um via Zoom too. Somebody doesn't have to be in person with you, correct?

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Okay, which is awesome because with someone, but I also work a lot over Zoom. I have clients in other countries, so it's a wonderful way for us to connect, and it doesn't make any difference in the work that we do.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I love that. So I have had just an amazing day here with you today, and I always have an amazing time every time that we're together.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Well, thank you, Joni. You you made it easy when Joni first mentioned this to me that we were gonna do this. I was a deer in headlights. I just couldn't believe that somebody was asking me to show up on a podcast. So thank you for bringing me into the next century.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

And thank you for showing up and and and helping us understand, you know, that the limiting beliefs and the stories in our heads are so, so true. And I know if I had them in mind, I know other women have them in their head too. And it's really about how we get out of that and how we are keep having these big discussions at the table to make you understand you're not alone. You're not alone in what you're feeling, you're not alone where you are, and you are enough, you are worthy, and you are loved beyond belief. And so that's what this table is going to continue to do. So thank you so much for joining me on Big Talk at the table. And I look forward to to talking and working with you um in the future. Thanks. Thank you for sitting at the table with us today. This was such an amazing conversation with Bonita. It means so much to me to have her here because she was such a big part of my healing, my soul work, and honestly, helping me through a season where I was just trying to figure out who God was calling me to be. If something we talked about today hit a little close to home, don't ignore that. Pay attention. Sometimes the thing that stirs us is the thing that God is really trying to help us look at. So make sure you do all the things. Make sure to follow, like, and subscribe to Big Talk at the table. And if this episode made you think of someone, by all means send it to them. Sometimes one honest conversation is exactly what somebody needs. And please go connect with Bonita. So, hey, remember, keep making magic, remember your worth, and don't forget that life is full of endless possibilities. And until next time, know there's always a seat waiting for you at the table.