HEAVY LOAD....Stop Carrying What People Said They'd Do!

In this episode of Second Wind, KR Henderson talks about the silent pressure men carry when they take on responsibilities, expectations, and promises that were never theirs to hold. From relationships to work to leadership, this episode challenges you to stop carrying what people said they’d do and start building structure instead of stress. You’re not overwhelmed… you’re overloaded. Put the unnecessary weight down. You’re not late… you’re assigned.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

All right, champions. We've got a lot to talk about. Because some of you right now are tired. And it's not because life is hard. It's really because you've been carrying what somebody else said they would do. I mean, you ever had somebody tell you, I got you, and in your mind you already moved like it was happening. Oh yeah, you you shifted plans, you canceled backup options, right? You walked differently. You may have even told someone else what they said they'd do. Because they said it. Somebody you thought had integrity, possibly even character. Somebody you thought was solid. And then, boo yah. Nothing. Gone. Like a puff of smoke. Like they entered the witness protection program, right? Their words not congruent with their actions, and now you stand in there holding the back, holding the weight of something that was never yours to begin with. And that's what I really want to talk about. Because I've had prompt people promise to assist, promise to help, promise to participate in the vision. Some actually did. Some disappeared like a free trial subscription. Right? I mean you ever notice that? Everybody's solid until it's time to renew. But I want you to hear me, good man. See, challenges, that's part of life, we know that. Burdens, now that's that's kind of a part of really it's a part of transcending into adulthood. But this right here, this extra weight, that's optional. But here's the part that we don't talk about. You know it's too heavy. You know it ain't yours, but you keep carrying it anyway. Why? Because you don't want to look unreliable, you don't want to things to fall apart, you don't want something or somewhere in your mind, you're still hoping that they come through. So instead of putting it down, you adjust, you lean, you strain, you compensate. And now what was supposed to be shared weight became silent, and nobody even knows you're carrying it. It's just silent weight. This is how men break. It's not from one big thing, but from carrying too much for too long. Stroke, heart attack. Let me show you what I mean. There are times when I go out and help the guys. We have a landscape company, so sometimes I go out and help the crew. And sometimes I go out and help them. I'm trying to get a good workout in at the same time. Make no mistake about that. So I load up a wheelbarrow, uh, or they'll load it up for me. Sometimes it's flagstone, sometimes it's bull rock, sometimes it's dirt, sometimes it's mulch. And it's heavy. Sometimes it ain't just heavy, right? It's unbalanced, right? And here's the part somebody always comes along and adds one more stone, one more shovel, or one more load. Now what was manageable just became a problem. It's leaning one way, then the other. So now I gotta brace it, use all my strength just to keep it from tipping over. And here's the crazy part the person that added the last rock ain't nowhere around when it's time to push it. They gone. Talking about man, in the corner somewhere laughing, man, you got that. You can do it, you can handle that. Laughing. And that's what some of you and some of us are doing right now. We're we're not just carrying weight, we're carrying added weight, carrying what we're not supposed to carry. And what somebody else said they would handle. And what God added after you already said yes. You see what I'm saying? So now you're you're kind of like that wheelbarrow, heavy, leaning, about to tip over, and you're using all your energy just trying to keep it upright. Am I making sense? The problem ain't just the weight, it's really what got added to it. It's what got added to the weight. How about that? Because we've allowed something, I've allowed something that was never ours to carry. So now the question becomes if I can't depend on what people said, which I can't, then what do I depend on? Here's what I want you to depend on, and I'm learning to depend on it. Structure. I don't build my life on promises. I build it on structure. We don't build our lives on promises. Oh man, I'm gonna do this, I'll take care of it. What do you need me to do? I'll okay, I'll send that over to uh XYZ. No. Structure is how you respond when life doesn't go the way you planned. I want you to hear me now. It's what you fall back on when everything feels off. This is what you fall back on. Structure. It's not feelings, it's not moods, it's what you already decided you're going to do anyway. I mean, I'll give you an example. When your kids or my kids are not acting like they have good sense, we don't overreact. We don't go making emotional decisions like, okay, you got expelled from school, vaping in the bathroom. That's it. You're done. We're homeschooling, you're starting tomorrow. Knowing good and well, I don't have the time, nor the patience, nor the curriculum. That's not structure, that's control. Leadership doesn't do that. It's it's frustration with Wi-Fi. I give you another example. When my wife is frustrated, which seems to be frequently, can be regularly, I don't match emotion with emotion. I don't get louder, I don't try to win the moment, at least not most of the time. Because now we get two people reacting and nobody's leading. Structure says, I'm gonna become in the moment, listen before I respond. I'm not turning this into anything bigger than it is. It's not heart surgery, gentlemen. When a job hits you with something unexpected, you'll work, your career like a say a layoff, pressure, or just some kind of thing that's creates uncertainty. We don't panic, you don't panic, I don't panic. I don't go, man, everything is falling apart. Structure says, all right, what's the next move? What's my next move? What's your next? What can I control right now? What's the plan from here? Look, you may not be dealing with all three. But if you miss one, you may land on something or some point at some time that's dealing with all three. Sometimes you might deal with all three. That's life. That's that transcending into adulthood that we talked about. This is why structure matters, though, because structure doesn't change based on what shows up, whether it's the kids, home, work, whatever the case may be, structure says no matter what happens, this is how I'm going to show up. Because life doesn't wait for you to get ready. I want you to hear me, good man. Sometimes life can show up all at once. And if you don't have the structure, you will respond differently every time. Structure kind of seems like a mindset, doesn't it? Structure kind of goes back to that whoa, work harder on yourself principle. We talked about. Some of you aren't necessarily overwhelmed. You just overload it, man. Still checking your phone, like they said they were gonna send it. No. In the last episode, we talked about not controlling the outcome. The other side of leadership, right? This episode is about what you do because of that. Since I don't control the outcome, I refuse to carry what was never mine. I build structure instead. So yeah, put it down. Not your responsibility, but everything that doesn't or never belong to you. Because some of you ain't you ain't tired from life. You're tired from carrying people, bodies. And let's say in that today. Please remember, you are not late. You're assigned. And some of us get reassigned, don't we? This is second wind. Truth with oxygen.