I'm Good Isn't Always the Truth.....

Too many men answer, "I'm good," when they're carrying pain no one can see. In this episode of Second Wind, KR Henderson talks about the silent weight men carry, why strength isn't pretending everything is okay, and how faith, resilience, and personal growth help us carry life's pressure without losing ourselves.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

As always, let me remind you, this is Second Win with K.R. Henderson. You're not late, you're assigned. All right, fellas. Tonight we've got to talk about something men rarely discuss, honestly. Pain. Not physical pain. Even though the title of this conversation is Strong Men Bleed Too, this is not a physical pain. This is a life pain. We're talking about disappointment, pressure, rejection, divorce, failure, loneliness, financial stress, regrets, and silent frustration. Now this can be a little bit weighty, I understand. But we need to talk about it. Because the truth is a lot of what we call anger is really pain with nowhere to go. Think about that. And the problem is most men were taught how to survive, but never where to really place pain. So we carry it, work through it, laugh through it, sometimes drink through it, sometimes some may smoke through it. And in this new era, we scroll through it, right? But very few men actually heal from it. Let me reflect. As a young man, a young boy, even young boys that you see now, when we start talking about them, I have to think about myself. We learned, don't cry, don't complain, don't look weak. Handle it yourself. Shake it off, right? I can actually recall being told never let a woman see you cry. So eventually men become emotional storage beings, basically. I mean, we start holding on for years, pressure, heartbreak, rejection, responsibility, unmet expectations. And after a while, carrying pain starts feeling normal, doesn't it? And eventually what was meant to be processed becomes stored. And what gets stored long enough starts affecting how a man thinks, how he reacts, how he responds, how he loves, how he leads, and sometimes even how he sees himself. Because sometimes unprocessed pain, it doesn't just sit there. You know what I mean? I mean, watch the people around you. It starts shaping their behaviors. And before man knows that, he's responding to today's situation with yesterday's wounds. Does that make sense? I mean, he's he's arguing from old hurt, reactive hurt, disappointment. I mean, distrusting because of old betrayal. I know all too well what that looks like. I promise you. Withdrawing because of old rejections. And the dangerous part is he often doesn't realize pain is what's influencing the decision. We think, ah, this is just who I am. Nah, brother. Sometimes that's not your personality, sometimes that's your pain. Some men are emotionally unavailable. But that's not the problem. Sometimes they're just emotionally overloaded. And there's a distinction there because when people really don't understand what's happening internally, they start labeling. Oh, he's distanced. Oh, he's angry. Right? You can't talk to him. He's hard to talk to. He'll shut down on you. Maybe, maybe. Or maybe he's just carrying years of pain that he just never learned how to process. I mean, now this is real. I mean, when you look at statistics, they show that this is a legitimate conversation. I mean, this isn't just a feeling. It's showing up in the numbers. Men dying younger than women. Men are far less likely to ask for help. Men account for the vast majorities of suicides and deaths, which means a whole lot of men aren't dying from weakness. They're dying carrying things that they were never meant to carry alone. Let that sit with you. You see, some of us, we start carrying emotional pain in our teens. It could be from rejection, a broken home, a failure, maybe even a disappointment. And we'll spend 40, 50, even 60 years carrying it. That's a long time to bleed internally, my man. Far too long, to be quite honest with you. Now, here's what nobody really mentions. They don't really talk about it. Pain always comes out somewhere. You understand what I'm saying? If it isn't healed, it leaks through anger, withdrawal, through control, depression, maybe even overwork, and most definitely addictions, right? The isolation. And some men don't even realize that their attitudes are changing or have changed because life wounded them. They're not reacting to today's situation, they're acting to an accumulation of pain. I mean, am I talking to anybody? Comment in the chat. Have you ever asked a brother, are you okay? and he hit you with, I'm good. I mean, that's what they say. I'm good, Doc. Right? I mean, say it so fast you know it's not good, right? That I'm good, been hanging on by duct tape and caffeine. And if we're honest, some of us have been saying I'm good for so long, we almost start believing that ourselves. We do. You start believing a lie, you're telling it. When we talk about stress, we talk about it like it's emotional. But stress eventually becomes physical, or at least it can. I mean, we see it every day with sleep problems, anxiety, uh, high blood pressure. The body, it just seems to collect what the body or the mind seems to uh not want to process. Pain doesn't always show up in tears. Sometimes it comes back in exhaustion or just irritability. But I want to drop a footnote. I want to say something to you right now. This is where faith matters. I mean, you can say what you want, you can believe what you want, but God never intended for men to carry everything by themselves. He did not. And he wrote that, Yeshua, Jesus, as you know, said in Matthew, come unto me all ye that labor, right? And are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. He didn't say, I'll remove all your responsibilities, I'll remove all your problems. You'll never have to experience pain again. That's not what he said. He said, I'll give you rest because sometimes the answer isn't carrying more. The answer is sometimes putting something down. And I wonder, and I wonder how many men listening tonight are carrying things that God never intended for them to carry alone. I mean, man, I watched my dad when my mother was going to school, private college, tuition up here, and I watched him carry that. I'm serious. She ended up graduating. I mean, but he carried it, and he carried it for four or five years. You see what I'm saying? So I need to give you something practical. I want to give you something practical, a tool, not just theory, not just a conversation. When you are hurting, brother, sometimes it's good to name that pain. Most people skip that step. We say I'm stressed or I'm tired, but what are you really feeling? Disappointment, embarrassed, lonely, grieving, afraid. What are you really feeling? Because it's going to be hard, almost virtually impossible to process what you don't identify. One of the healthiest things a man can do is stop saying, I'm fine, and start saying, This is what I'm carrying. Because awareness, which is a whole nother subject, is the first step towards healing. You can't work on what you don't acknowledge. You know that. And as a man, as men, right, I just believe this is where faith and belief are important. Because we often use those words interchangeably. But make no mistake, they are not the same. Belief says, I believe it will happen. But faith says, I'm going to keep working harder on myself until it does happen. Belief says it can. It can happen. But faith says I'm going to keep going until it happens. Does that make sense? A lot of us believe, but not every man has the faith to keep going when the process gets uncomfortable. Because belief belief can get you started. It does. But faith keeps you going. And sometimes just I just believe the most faithful thing that a man can do is keep working harder on himself. Even when he can't see the progress yet. I mean, we see it every day. You go to the gym the first day, first two days, first week. Do you see results? No, you don't. That's not how it works. Gotta keep showing up. Gotta keep coming. Keep believing that what you see in the mirror today is not what's going to be there four weeks, eight weeks, twelve weeks from now. And fellas, here's the good news. Just because you've been carrying pain doesn't mean pain needs to be carrying you. Just because you've made mistakes, that don't mean you're a mistake. And just because you've had a difficult season does not mean that's how the story ends. Believe me when I tell you. Healing is possible. So is growth, peace, and joy. Second win is all about not pretending like life didn't happen, but refusing to let what happened define the rest of your life. Does that make sense? So we have to acknowledge that strong men bleed too. We just don't have anywhere to do it as of yet. Now here's the problem. A lot of us don't have trusted friends, mentorship, safe conversation, peace at home, spiritual grounding foundation. Does that make sense? So we'll suffer in private. And the world still expects us, them, men, to perform while bleeding. Some men are carrying the emotional weight with no emotional outlet. Still got to provide, still got to pay bills, children still need guidance, family still needs leadership. And the man is trying to do all of that while carrying pain nobody can see. I mean, and people applaud the consistency without realizing that, you know, sometimes we're emotionally exhausted too. Strong men get congratulated. We get congratulated all the time for surviving, for showing up. I mean, things that we never heal from. Still daddy. This is why, whoa, working harder on yourself is paramount. Not because life isn't hard. Life is hard. Make no mistake. I mean, parenting, leadership, business. It all can be extremely difficult at times. But working harder on yourself teaches a man to work on the one thing he actually has control over. See, all the things that I name, we don't have control over a lot of times. Life, marriage, parenting, leadership. We don't have control over those things all the time. But you do have control over you. Your mindset, your discipline, and your awareness, which is a whole nother subject because most men try to fix everything without fixing the person in the mirror. Come on now. So, whoa, work harder on yourself. Teaches that before you try to improve your circumstances or someone else's, improve yourself. I mean, you've heard it said life gets better when you get better. And trust me, growth never stops. At one time, you know what? I thought it did, but I realize now. Not even close. I mean, I give an example. I live with a project manager, my wife. Always has a project. If the closet gets organized, she has another project. If the garage gets cleaned, she has another project. If the house is looking good, she has another project. Sometimes I wake up nervous because if she starts smiling too much, I know a project meeting is coming. But honestly, she did teach me something. There's always another thing to improve. And woe works on the same principle. None of us are finished. We're all under construction. And the goal isn't perfection. The goal is progress. Because life does really get better when you get better. Make no mistake about that. So let me show you kind of what happens when pain starts making decisions. Stay with me for a second. See, when pain starts making decisions, a man goes through a divorce, he's disappointed. He's trying to rebuild his life. He's trying to really basically figure out who he is now. But instead of dealing with the pain, he jumps right back into the frying pan. He's back in the dating scene right after the divorce. Now he's trying to juggle being daddy while trying to become somebody's boyfriend, brother, bro, my good man. Come on now. I mean, he's still trying to figure out visitation schedules, right? And talking about soulmates. Man, stop. Still trying to figure out where the kids' cliques are. And you're talking about relationship goals. It's an oxymoron. And because he hadn't done the work, he starts painting a false narrative to a woman that doesn't deserve it. Not because he's a bad man. Not because he's intentionally deceptive, right? But he's hurting. He tells her he's ready, but he ain't ready. He tells her he's healed. But he ain't healed. He tells her he's over it, but he's still carrying it. And eventually the pain he refused to deal with starts making decisions for him. Does that make sense? I mean, I know this is weighty, but we got to talk about it. So let's put some application to what we're talking about. I mean, let's let's add some texture, as they say, to what we're talking about. One of the things that I realize is when you read and study, at some point you're going to have to or have a chance to apply what you've read or studied. When we look at applying what we know, I mean the things that we've heard, we know pain doesn't disappear because you ignore it, right? We know pain doesn't heal because you stay busy, right? We know it doesn't heal because you're strong. So eventually you have to process. You have to put it out somewhere. I mean, you gotta put it somewhere. Maybe you do it through prayer, maybe counseling, mentorship, a trusted friend, I don't know. Journaling, I mean, but whatever you do, don't keep carrying it alone. That I do know. Because if you don't, the pain you refuse to deal with today, it will show up in places you never intended tomorrow. So tonight, fellas, is your assignment. Check on the strong man, check on the quiet man, check on the man who keeps showing up without complaining. And if you are that man, stop carrying pain like it's a tool. Stop carrying pain like it's just too much to get rid of. Like it's proof of masculinity. Because healing doesn't make you weak. It makes you healthy, man. Come on. It'll make you whole. It could even make you available. How about that? I mean, this makes it so strong men bleed too. The difference is most people never see it. They never see it. They see daddy, they see father, they see the employee, but they don't see the wound and gentlemen. My good men. If you don't learn where to put this pain, you're gonna end up spending your life putting it in places nobody can see. Some men don't need more pressure. They need somewhere safe to put the pain. I'm K.R. Henderson, and this is Second Wing. Truth with oxygen.