Day 25: Some Rewards Take Years

Sometimes the best podcast topics aren't planned—they find you.

Today begins with another beautiful letter from my dear friend Rebecca, whose words have been inspiring this special sponsored series. As I reflected on her message, I couldn't help but think about a conversation I had earlier today with a young couple looking for parenting advice.

Funny how life works that way.

A letter written years ago and a simple conversation today somehow found each other, leading me to think about what we leave behind, the people we shape, and how our perspective changes with time.

This episode is about legacy, family, and one of the greatest blessings that often isn't fully understood until years later.

I hope it gives you something to think about.

Transcript

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Good afternoon. Welcome to another edition of 10 Unedited Minutes with Marlena. It is Wednesday, July 22nd. It is mid-afternoon and an absolutely gorgeous, beautiful day out there. It's nice and cool. There's very little humidity, little windy, but it's it's really nice out there. I have the windows open and air in the house out, and it feels beautifully, beautiful. So let's get into it today. Uh our podcast is sponsored by a very dear friend of mine, Rebecca Conklin Kleibomer. Rebecca has agreed to sponsor two months worth of my podcast episodes just because she loves me and she believes in the work I'm doing here and she wants to see it continue. So if you want to be a sponsor, you can. It's a small investment of $25 per month. And that basically covers my subscription to Bud Sprout, which is the uh streaming platform or yeah, the platform that I use to push this podcast out to uh Apple Podcast, Spotify, Amazon Prime, all the all the uh podcast streaming things there are. And then um I also record this for YouTube. And I've I've just recently started uploading full episodes to TikTok. So um let's get started today. To honor Rebecca for her sponsorship, I decided to spend two months um just loving on her a little bit, taking a couple minutes at the beginning of each episode to maybe share a fond memory of our friendship or um just say some kind words about her. And then I saved the final 28 days for uh this. And this is love letters that Rebecca wrote back in February of 2017. Rebecca took each day in February, dedicated it to one of her near and dear friends and family, and wrote them a love letter, and she published them on social media. And I kept each one of those love letters with the intent of putting them in a book for her someday. And nine years later, and that hasn't happened yet, so we are uh bringing them back to life via this podcast, and I am loving uh going through these with her. Today's love letter. Um, I read it beforehand, and I did choke up a little bit, so I hope we can get through it without tears. They would be beautiful tears anyway, but it's to her son Max, and she wrote this on February 7th, titled Love Letters. February 7th, dear Max. My first moment of consciousness early this morning was wondering why my body felt so stiff and sore. Then I realized that a 50-pound bag of knees and elbows had crawled into bed with me at some point in the night. I managed to push you over without waking you up, repositioned myself, and settled back into a few hours of deep slumber. Your hand nestled in my own instead of tangled in my hair. Later I woke to the sight of your beautiful blue eyes and sweet smile, and your invitation to get up and make something of this day. And some breakfast, please. We snuggled and laughed and absolutely smothered each other in kisses. And that's what it's been like to love you these past four years. There are some tough spots for me, challenges that I'd never imagined as a parent, but just on the other side of them is a boundless expression of love and joy. I probably have some puzzle pieces too that just don't fit into your picture of what a parent should be, but you are the most forgiving creature I have ever known. You always overlook my failings as a mother and pour out your love like you had invented this stuff. It's rather humbling to be loved like that. To be hugged by someone who considers that hug the most important thing in the world to be doing that very moment, to hear a laugh so uninhibited, so free, so trusting that the source of this glee is a woman who loves you back as fully. You're so smart it scares me a little. You knew what an octagon was when you were two. You had a vocabulary that rivaled children in grade school, you leaped frog your early language barriers to string all those words together in typical ways with code sounds and mix and match lines from cartoons. The day you figured out how to open doors was just like the scene in Jurassic World with the Velociraptors in the kitchen, and Max today would probably correct me on saying that dinosaur name. You've crawled out of the you've you've crawled out of cribs and over gates and up shelves. You've unlocked and unhinged and unscrewed. You've torn it you've torn it up and stuffed it down in all kinds of places, I wish you wouldn't. You are systematically destroying every illusion I have of keeping my life in order and you out of harm's way. I love that you notice things I never would, and you have a determination that rivals my own. Your perspective is unique, one that demands that I get down on my knees and consider things anew, literally and figuratively and spiritually. I love the myriad ways you make us laugh with merriment and surprise. You cuddle like it's your purpose on earth, and you clap to the music beat like it's what binds us together as humans. You live in the present moment. There is a twinkle in your eye that could have own that could have come only from the stars themselves. You think I am beautiful, you think I am a great mom. You look at me like I'm the source of all that is good in your life. Wherever you are on this autism spectrum is a total mystery. Where your personality intersects, that is a moving target, and some days the best practices we have for coping with it all just fall completely flat. We have suffered, we have cried and we have complained, and we have wondered if we are ever going to get through this. And I mean we as in you too. What in the hell are these people thinking? Has got to be a thought that goes through your head every once in a while. How will I ever be able to tell you how much I love you? How will you ever know what it was like to change our entire lives around just to get the chance to try for you, to wish and pray and love you into existence? Will you trust how much your daddy misses you when he is at sea? That he never, never fails to add hugs to Max when he signs off on our daily online chats? Will you always be this close to Brother Gabe? Will you remember that your grandparents loved you to the moon and back? Will we make it through these sleepless nights and rough days? Will you grow into an independent man? Will you find a love of your own? Will my love and my work and my attempt to make up for my shortcomings have been enough? I know what you would say. I know what you would do. You would throw yourself at me and wrap your arms around me and simply say, Aw, I love you, mommy. I love you too, Max. Always mommy. Rebecca, I think you just took a letter and said everything that's on every mother's mind um in this letter. And seven years later, so Max was four during this time, right? I'm sorry, nine years later, so Max is thirteen. And I hope this uh letter, hearing this, um, you are able to look back and see that you have succeeded and you are the absolute best mom to Max. You are rocking this uh motherly thing. You have done so with Gabe, your oldest son, and you are um entering the Grammy era with me, and you're doing amazing. You're doing amazing, girl. And you are one of the strongest women I know. Just so you know that. Okay. I really had to hold back those tears there, Rebecca, just so you know. Alright, what are we gonna talk about? Uh I think to continue on with this letter, we can reflect on being parents, and it's hard, right? Rebecca spelled it out perfectly in that letter that you have good days, you have bad days, but um you have rewarding days. And I feel like right now my kids are grown. Um, I am a grandma, I have a beautiful granddaughter, another one on the way, and just God, a grandparent, being a grandparent is the most beautiful gift God could give you. I'm I cannot say that enough. And it's funny because I was just um talking with somebody about um being being a parent, and this was somebody who's not yet a parent, and I think would really like to be a parent, but it's just not the right time in their life, and um I think that they are kind of uh struggling with, you know, all the outside influences they have, you know, these people are newlyweds, they haven't been married for that long, and you know, what's the one thing somebody asks you? What's the first thing somebody asks you after you get married? Are you gonna have kids? When are you gonna have kids? And if you don't have kids right away, you constantly get asked that question. And you know what? Some people just want to enjoy the first few years of their marriage and you know, get used to each other, learn about each other before they bring a child into this world. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. My husband and I wanted to have kids right away because we knew that we wanted to have kids, and I'm glad we did. My husband is the best father to our daughters and has really picked up the slack when it comes to, you know, I feel like we balance each other out in the parenting world, and he he does an amazing job, and he's he's an even more amazing grandpa. Um, sometimes he gives in too easily and too much, and you know, that can be a double-edged sword when you're talking to a child, but um as a grandparent, it's okay. It's okay to give them whatever they want. I'm joking. Not really. But I am. But what I told this person that I was talking to today was this if you are questioning having children, think of it like this, especially in this phase of my life, the reward is the grandkids. Have kids just so you can have grandkids. And if you're out there listening to this, wondering if you want to have kids, or you're in the early stages of of marriage and you know, talking with your significant other about having children, have kids so you can have grandkids. I'm telling you what, it is worth it. The bullshit you go through as a parent, it is worth it. And for me, being a parent was is one of the hardest, most accomplished things that I have done, but yet I am so proud of. I look at my daughters every single day and just marvel in how what they are doing in life and how they are growing into these beautiful young adult women, strong, ambitious, just beautiful. Hannah is an amazing mom. Haley is, you know, starting her career and just rocking it, rocking it, let me tell you. So anyway, have kids to be a grandma, right? I know that sounds ridiculous, but trust me, you'll thank me later. All right, guys, we have used up all of our 10 minutes, and we're gonna hop off here. So, you guys have an amazing day. I love you so much. Thank you so much for your support, for listening to me, for keeping this podcast going. Um, thank you, Rebecca, for more so than sponsoring this podcast, just for being an amazing friend, an amazing mom, um, holding down your ship while your uh captain is out to sea. And I love you. I admire you. You guys pray for me. I pray for you every day, and we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.