Cute For Me, Cute For You, Or Cute For Him?

Why do we keep up with all of the maintenance? Is it to make us feel better, pier pressure or for our mates. Listen to our take on why we do what we do!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hi, and welcome to Two Chairs, No Filter with Sarah Kate and Holly, where we bring you real life, real beauty, and unfiltered conversation. Hi there. Welcome to another week of our discussions. This week we're gonna talk about Am I being cute for me, cute for you, or cute for him?

SPEAKER_01 0:23

What's your like this one? I think this goes in so many different directions. This actually came to us from one of our male clients, which I always think is kind of interesting. Um a different male client than then brought up the why do men come to us, right? This is a different male client.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Another quiet one, another quiet one, and he said, I think women get cute for each other.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I tend to agree with that, honestly. Um and honestly, I think most of my girlfriends would agree with that too. That like we want to be cute for ourselves and for each other, and we have FOMO.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

We have FOMO because wait a minute, you got this. Tell me more about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

About you mean like you're getting XYZ.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yeah, like lashes or what kind of treatment are you getting? Are you trying the latest and greatest something I don't know about and I should know about? Um, should I be doing what you're doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Oh god, the amount of conversations that my girlfriends and I have about that now that we are 40-ish, heavy on the ish for me. Um we talk about that all the time. In fact, we had one this week that was one of my girlfriends sent a text in our group text and said, Have you guys tried beef tallow for moisturizer? Which is back to the using kitchen condiments for for um beauty and skincare and whatever. But so I did try them in with I have not used it because I don't generally like to use food food in my or animal-based.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

I mean, because wouldn't that be animal-based? It would be collagen or something from beef. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

I'm not a scientist, something. And our other friend had she had used it, but she said it she felt like it was too heavy for her skin. So, or and or did not do it was not the miracle that she meant perhaps thought it was going to be. But I mean, yes. We have we are constantly talking about are you using the red light therapy? What am I supposed to be using that for? How often are you using that? Are you gua shawing? What are you doing? Are you using this, you know, um deep conditioner? Are you using that? Are you, you know, what are you doing for your vitamin C? Are you doing that under your eyes? Do you do it? What how do you put the treno out? We are constantly talking about that.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Always, constantly, always, and it's not everybody is an open book either. Like it's a generational thing, I think. I think older generations, they don't talk about what they're doing unless they're doing oil of Olay. Pons cold cream.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

They are talking about that. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Oil of the original, like that scent in the original. My mom used to use it. Something to that scent. I don't think you can buy a bottle of the original stuff.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Maybe eBay and it's an antique.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

But like the Pons cold cream, like, oh my gosh, if that doesn't like take me immediately back to Gigi.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Noxema.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Oh my gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Wasn't that like a a cleanser too?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Yeah, it was like minty.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Remember that?

SPEAKER_02 3:33

But Pons, there's something to the Pons because you're using thick cream based to remove your makeup. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

I have been using an oil facial cleanser.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

I know. I'm on that too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

I've been using a natural product from Maine that's an oil facial cleanser, and I love it because it takes my makeup off. My face doesn't feel dry.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

But you're right. I think that we are doing a lot of this for each other. We are like trial and erroring it. And I feel like especially our age group is really the age group that they're saying is like aging backwards. Like we're putting so much into skincare and taking care of our bodies and this, that, and the other. And I would believe that's I do kind of believe that. I don't think that, and maybe I'm just biased, but I don't really look at my friends and think, oh, we look old. Yikes. That looks very 40 plus. Like I don't, I don't look at my friends and think that. Um, I think that we are looking younger and we are taking care of ourselves, and each of us talking about what little piece, oh, I tried this, I did really love this. You should totally try that, whether it's a vitamin or a serum or a you know treatment or whatever. I think we are doing that and trying stuff out and then sharing with each other, which I I love.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

I love that. And we're not a one size fits all unlike the male product market. Right. What you know, what works for you at your stage and it's stages, it's different chapters of our life work differently. Like if you would have given me an oil cleanser at 20 something, I would have thought you were crazy. Absolutely. I have never had oily skin, but I've never had extremely dry skin, but I have to moisturize every day. My face, head to toe. I put lotion on all over.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

I think there are phases in our life when we dress and do for the opposite sex attention or same sex attention, whichever you're into. That's fine. The attention of others, I should say.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Um, you know, I think when you're young, definitely, when you're that teenager years and I think teenage years, you're just so trying to conform so you don't look different than the crowd. That's so true. So anything out of the ordinary, and I think that comes down to getting your hair done for prom. But I think girls don't have a strong sense of who they are at that age, and they're just so trying to be like everybody else, so they blend with the crowd instead of standing out in the crowd. So then you come across other style options that really stick out, like emo styles, when say the general population of your high school is looking, whatever the style or trend is at that point.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

So I definitely think as we get older and come into a sense of style in different chapters, it's important to embrace where you're at and not try to be back in your heyday, whether it's your makeup choices or your hairstyle choices or in general.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Oh, I think so too. I had a conversation actually yesterday morning with one of my teenage boy clients, and I was talking about how millennials get this bad rap about our style and it's this and that. And I was like, I am a millennial. I should be dressing like a millennial. If I was dressing like a Gen Z, people would look at her, look at me and be like, why is she dressing like that? Why is she looking so trying to look so young? Like, I'm not young, I should not try to be that. So I do try to dress in what I feel confident and comfortable in that doesn't make me look too young. And I don't want other women looking at me and thinking she's trying too hard or she's you know trying to be somebody or trying to live in a different decade or a different stage of your life. Absolutely. Yeah, so in that case, I do feel like I dress for other women because I don't really want that judgment, which I mean at the core of it, should I care?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Probably not, but but still everybody kind of, right? Right. But then we also believe, not getting too woo-woo, that our energy attracts energy. I mean, that's just Einstein law of attraction. So if you feel more confident about yourself with your hair or makeup done, you're going to feel better and produce better, or maybe feel a little happier on the inside. Um, even with clothing choices, if it's something that you put on and you feel like a former version of yourself, or you feel like, oh my gosh, this isn't fitting me the way it should fit me, why wear it and do that to you? Right. Because that's an old version of you. We should we should always be evolving. And I think each stage approaching 40 is different than it was 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Absolutely, it's different, it's totally different.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

So, with us trying to keep up with each other, I think we're all running our own race as well and trying to be the best version of who we are. But doing it for us is really number one who we should be doing it for.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Don't you think, like when you have that? Um I guess just I think about those times when people are a little, you know, down in the dumps or you know, depressed for whatever reasons, you know, just that getting up and getting the shower and getting clean and you know, drying their hair or something like that. Like then all of a sudden they feel like, oh my gosh, like more transformed. You know, you know, they're energized, they're a little happier and this, that, and the other. Maybe all the stuff that caused them to be depressed is not gone, but that glimpse of happiness and hope, I think.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

We see it every day at work. Uh, we do see that every day, and we take it for granted because we're just going through the motions of our job, which we are catering to the person sitting in our chair. But how many people say, You've made my day that much better? This was my favorite part of today was getting my hair done today. Like, right. And they have a pep in their step when they leave versus when they come in. You know, if we didn't make people feel better, we'd be out of business real quick.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Absolutely. So I think that that had, I mean, there's merit to that.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

That's it's psychological. Like you look better, you feel better. And I remember way back in beauty school when my um instructor, she was one of the heads of look better, feel better campaign for the Cancer Society. Okay. So again, it was early 90s. We didn't talk that much about breast cancer and all the different happenings that happened during that journey. And she said, Look better, feel better was about placing wigs on women who were going through hair loss because it's psychological. Our hair is our crown.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

You don't have to tell me that. You do not have to tell me that.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Right. And just when the better we feel inside when we look in the mirror at ourselves, the stronger and the more of a presence we're gonna have and just be better. We can't affect other people coming at us or cutting us off in traffic or saying certain things or not following through with what they say they do, but we can definitely look better while happening, while all that's happening.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

You just feel like you're walking on sunshine when you just have that great hair day and the makeup's on point and you love your outfit and you feel confident in your outfit. Like, like, can't nobody tell me nothing. Like, I love that feeling. Exactly. I love feel better, you know. And I I love that that we give that to women all day, every day, and men all day every day. That's one of my favorite parts of our whole career is that we do make people feel like the best versions of themselves on any given day, and I do love that. I think that's really special.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Do you think the peer pressure affects women deciding to let gray hair come in on their head? Oh my gosh, absolutely. Or do you think it's like more of a social, a social pressure working, or what do you think it is?

SPEAKER_01 11:48

I just think I I I think it's pressures from everywhere, you know. I mean, one, it's like you don't want to look too old because then you know people are discounting you for, oh, she's just old, like she's gonna be antiquated, you know, at work, she's you know, whatever. Um, and but I do think it's you don't want to look older than your friends. You don't want to look like the old lady of the group, right? Right. So I think that's part of it for sure. And everybody else is doing it, so you kind of just do it also. Um I don't know. I probably shouldn't really speak to that because I don't have gray hair.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Well, I like to talk to people too in those circumstances. Why are they wanting to make that choice? Is it a budget thing? Is it a time thing? Is it just they want to embrace who they are? Um, you know, all of those things come into play because if somebody's still working, they're gonna be judged, unfortunately. And gray hair sometimes can make us look older. And honestly, it's an issue. People over 50 being able to get jobs or to get placed in jobs, male or female. Right. Um, it's just a thing. So I do think if covering your gray makes you feel a little more confident and younger, I think go for it.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Um facial really into whatever makes you feel confident, do that. Do that, like whether it's wearing whatever you want to wear, like whether it's coloring your hair, whether it's getting the fillers, whether it's getting the Botox, whether it's, you know, a facelift. Like, I just really, you know, getting your boobs done, doing what like all those things, like if that makes you feel confident, then do that. But don't do it because of other people and other people's thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Okay, so that opens another thing. What about husbands telling their wives how to wear their hair or what to do? Oh my gosh, I have zero time in the world for those men. Um A, if they want to blow dry long hair, fine. If they're gonna do my hair every day, yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

If your husband's gonna do your hair all day, every day, phew, have at it, buddy. What do men know about style? Right, I don't know. Um, I think that men just know that they really like long hair. By and large, most men like really long hair. I would say majority. The majority of men, I cannot speak for all men, but majority of men. But I think the majority of men like women with long hair. Those men do not actually understand what goes into washing, drying, styling their hair, that hair. They don't or the maintenance upkeep.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

They're the first husbands.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Those are the first husbands to be like, oh, are you at the salon again? What I thought you were just there. Well, do you like my hair blonde, Ricky? Then I'm gonna need to go ahead and be back here in four weeks. Yeah, Ricky.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

I don't know where that came from. Who is that? We don't know a Ricky. We're just made up names. It's made up, made up names. It's made up completely.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Anyway, but Ricky doesn't know anything about hair color, healthy hair, styling hair. What's trending? Are you going to Ricky to ask him if you should buy this dress for this party you're going to? No. So why are you asking Ricky whether you should have long hair, bangs, short hair, all of the above. Most of the women Ricky is seeing on the TV have hair extensions. Right, but Ricky stylists.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

No, Ricky doesn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

No, they have hair extensions, hairstylists doing their hair, combing it, styling it before they go on the screen. So Ricky.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

We did put my extensions back in, and they are so long, and I love them. I'm so obsessed. But Brian did say, I was like, Oh, I can't wait, I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. Whatever, whenever I put this in. And he was like, You don't have to do that. I was like, I'm not. I I looked at him with his face, like, do what? Did you just say that to me? Because I don't do that for him. I don't put extensions in for him. I put extensions in for me. And that's exactly what I told him. I'm not doing this for you. And anytime I have my Botox appointment, you don't have to do that. You look so beautiful. For one, you've never seen me without Botox, sir. So let's start there. Two, I do this for me. Like, I don't want to look at wrinkles. I don't want to look older than I am. So that's why I do that. Like I'm doing this for me. So you feel better about you and more confident, whatever that is. I I will say for a brief period of time dating, and most of my girlfriends would also say this when they were in the um, most of my divorced friends would say this when they were in the dating scene. The men would just say, I just I think you are so naturally beautiful. And all of us girls would just cackle because that is a freaking joke. I mean, do they have nothing is natural about me?

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Like the brides that say one pin, my husband.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Wanted to take out one hairpin and my whole hair would just fall down on our wedding night. Like, buddy. Okay, Ricky. That's not how this works. Like negative. That's not how this works. No girl, woman that you're dating now with, you know, a divorce behind you and several kids has no wrinkles and is fully natural. Stop it. We don't stop it. For one, you know, all of us are wearing makeup, getting Botox, like at the gym all the time. You know, some people are taking GLP1, zero shade to that. Like, do you um, you know, have boobs done, have had um, you know, the mommy makeover, body makeover, blah, blah, blah. Like, zero shade to any of that, but like really cute that men think that we're fully natural. We are not. We are not. We are not. And if that's what you think is fully natural, sir.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

And there's different levels of natural and different thresholds that people are like, oh my gosh, I can't go below this. I gotta get a wax, I gotta do my nails, I gotta get my hair done. Whatever that is, some people are okay with letting an inch of regrowth grow in their hair.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Yes, like the level of high maintenance stuff that I do is it is high.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Compare, you know, but comparatively, comparatively. Comparatively, sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

I mean, not to everybody, I don't think. You know, I mean, I'm not getting a facial every month and massage every month. I would like though those things, but that's not what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Um well, it just even you mentioning the Botox. You started doing Botox, and I'm a decade older than you, around the same time as I did, maybe slightly beforehand, and I've only been doing it for six years.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Oh, yeah, then I've been doing it for six years.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? So the level, like us mentioning our moms never doing it. Botox, they don't understand. They think it's gonna get rid of their wrinkles, but it isn't. It's a preventative, so you don't get future wrinkles. Right. So, I mean, for our my mom at 81 to go get Botox is not gonna solve her problems that were created 50 years ago. Yeah, I think you need filler at that point, don't you? I don't know, or facelift. Or facelift. Yeah, like because there's skin hanging, you know, that's just what happens with the gravity and all of the things.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

So I don't know. I'm doing, I think I'm by and large, in answer to our big question, I think I'm doing it for me. Yeah, for me and for maybe my girlfriends, yeah. Other women, not my girlfriends, my girlfriends always think I'm pretty, but but like strangers, I guess. I don't know. But like, you know what feeling like cloud freaking nine that I feel is if somebody out gives me a compliment on what? Your hair and your clothes, yes, anything, anything, well, because they don't have to, yes, like a stranger on the street just being like, oh my gosh, your hair is so pretty. Oh, thank you so much. That's so nice.

unknown 19:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Holly's looking at me right now while I have my bed head with my hair pinned up at the very front, and probably half of my extensions are showing. So that's what Holly's very confused at why I would like all about my hair.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

That's sweet. I think that is definitely well to me that's a compliment. That's nothing.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

It takes nothing to say something like that to somebody, and it makes their day a bazillion times better. And that's like one of my huge lessons in raising my daughter is like be a girl's girl and share other women up. It takes nothing to lift other people up. And it's free. It's free, and it makes you feel good to make other people feel good. It's the energy thing. The more that exchange of energy feels so good. It's like a high in itself when you see somebody just like glow when you tell them, like, oh my gosh, your outfit's so cute. Oh, I love your hair. It's so pretty. Gosh, your nails are awesome. I love that design on them. Like it takes nothing and it makes everybody in the room feel better.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

100% is the whole exchange. You're feeling better, you're paying out compliments, not to get them back.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

But just that positivity. The only thing we can control is our attitude and our positivity, and it costs nothing.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

I love that. I really and my daughter's really good at it. Like, she will say, if she sees anybody out and she's like, Oh mom, look at her hair. That's so pretty. I'm like, go tell her it's pretty. And she does. She will go up and she will say, I think your hair's really pretty. And then to have this compliment from the sweetest little girl, you're just like, you just melt. She could have told you you didn't even look pretty, but it still would make you melt. She's so cute when she does it. So um, I will brag on her for a minute on that because she is really sweet when she does that. And I love that she's just like, that was a girls girl thing, wasn't it, Mom? And I'm like, Yeah, girl, it was. It was, and it made you feel good to say that, didn't it? And she's like, Yeah, and she's grinning from ear to ear. The person she's complimented is grinning ear to ear, like You can just see them like walk away with like a lighter step. Like, I don't know. I think it's special. So special. Um the last person on our list that we do stuff over is men, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

Yeah. Men are they they don't pay attention.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

That's the truth.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

They don't pay attention.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

They sure don't pay attention. My son even was like, What do you did? You put your extensions back in, mom? Parker's like, her hair is longer than mine, Carter. What do you mean? Did she put them back in? Of course she did. They don't notice. I said, Park's boys don't notice stuff.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

They don't. They have no clue. They don't notice. My boys didn't even notice I had my hair cut. I'm like, nobody. And one of the girls at work said, What are your boys gonna say when you go home? I said, I don't know. But I really don't care because I like my the length of my hair. And nobody noticed. And I called them out on it. I said, You didn't even notice I got my hair cut. And they're like, um, um, yes, I did. No, you didn't. Just stop trying to come back. There's no coming back from that. So with boys, no news is good news because they obviously like what they see. Right. Yeah, and they are visual, and we should not give up on us. Oh my gosh, that's so important. Doesn't Barb always say that? Yes. I remember learning early on, she would say, boys have a wandering eye. Oh, Barb. Yeah, she's like, they like they're visual people, they like to look at pretty things. So don't ever give up on you. Don't ever give up on your style, give up on who you are at the core.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

I think there's a lot of that kind of going around with how many people work from home. I think that's kind of been a slippery slope into that where you just gradually stop. You know, you go from wearing PJ bottoms on the bottom and a nice top on the top.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

What message does that?

SPEAKER_01 23:48

And then, you know, and then you're all of a sudden you're just staying in the PJs the whole day, and then you know lazy. You're not washing your hair and styling your hair up and putting on makeup makeup on and what about waxing your face or your brows and all of the things?

SPEAKER_02 24:04

You definitely have to just make an effort, get up and show up for you. Show up for you, whether it's a conference call, whether you're cleaning the house, even if it's just like washing your face, brushing your teeth, putting on a CC cream, which is a tinted moisturizer, something to make you look more refreshed. And I always have to put shoes on in my house to get things done. Do you? Have to. Have to. It's a message. It's like during the pandemic, and my son would say, I'm so sleepy, I can't focus on work. I'm like, Well, your brain thinks you're going to bed because you're laying on your bed in your PJs trying to do school. It's a message you're sending. Get up, wash your face, brush your teeth, put clothes on, even if they're comfy clothes. Me, I have to have shoes on to get stuff done.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Well, I have I've never heard that from you. So yeah, see us. I I get up, you know, do my little root morning routine, get showered, even on my day off. Like today, I paused in the middle of my dog walking responsibility and shower to record today. And so it's a good day to record that because I don't feel put together.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

I am not put together yet, but I will be put together. I will be too. I will be put together by the time I go out. I will be put together. I my mom was always the same way. She got up and showered and fully like did her hair, like washed and styled her hair, put on a little bit of makeup, not a ton of makeup, just a little bit of makeup, just enough, and always like put on a nice outfit. I like to say my mom look I like that she dresses in a way that looks like she's got somewhere more important to be later in the day.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

You never know who you're gonna see.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Never know. And she is always dressed for that occasion.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Always. And then one of your clients one day in the salon was talking about her thing, and we all have different things, and it's her thing is not necessarily my thing, but she was talking about the lingerie she chooses to wear and how she always has matching bra and panties, and they're always nice looking because of you never know what could happen. Well, and that makes her feel good, and it makes you feel good, right? So you could have, you know, underneath our black attire that we wear to work, you could have the brightest underwear or bra on underneath. Whatever makes you feel confident, whatever makes you feel confident. So I just say you rock it for you, you come first in this matter. You find your style. I love a woman that knows their style, whether it's clothing, because it all ties together. If you have a good hairstyle, good color, it goes with every outfit. Just I love a good style and a woman that knows their style. Because honestly, we don't vary that much with hairstyling or different hairstyles we try during our lifetime. We're a bit better than men's one size fits all for all of the decades. Bless them. Bless them. That's all we can say. Bless them. Bless them. But just do you be cute for you, be cute for your girlfriends. I definitely do like talking to girlfriends about advice and what they're using and why, and show up for you. Style costs nothing. Just because you have money doesn't mean you're gonna have cute style.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

A hundred percent. And be kind to others you see with a great style. Cost nothing, also. Compliment them, tell them they look pretty. It'll brighten your day too. Thanks for joining us on two chairs, no filter. We'll see you next week for another episode.