Episode 8

Dresses, Tuxedos... Demolishment of Value... A Narrow Escape... 

Voice Actors: CJ Cinco, Dan Paragon, James Rand, Josh Mihal, Joe Valdes, Sam McMorris, Rick Kuebler, and Daniel Sorrick. 

Written, Narrated, and Produced by Mark Johnston
www.constellationaudio.biz 

Photo Credit: Seth Steward 

Music by Mark Johnston
- Gala Music courtesy of Soundscape Station

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Constellation Audio Howdy Presents Revity by Mark Johnston. Episode eight. Christian enters the gaudy gala through the main front entrance, looking dapper as ever in a black rented tuxedo. His hair combed and styled for the first time in at least a year. The professionally lit brick venue is already bustling with babbling bigwigs meandering and networking within the neatly pre-arranged formal dining room. A small army of eager cocktail servers rove throughout the congregation with balanced trays of bubbling champagne and fancily lavish finger foods. Christian spots Ephraim across the room in a server's uniform with a shiny tray of some unrecognizable hors d'oeuvre. Great job, eh. He was certain that Laszlo was around here somewhere. Continuing to scan the room, Christian notices the stage. A standard speech-giving setup with a podium and three flagpoles, one each for the national, state, and union colors. Adjacent to the platform, just off to the right, was a heavy red curtain concealing the evening's showpiece. Dad, you are so predictable. Just as the surveyor finishes his circular scan of the event, he hears an unmistakable voice call out his name from behind. Christian transforms his fierce, focused gaze into a smiling, cheerful expression of fake excitement. He sees his father standing in a semicircle with three other gentlemen, motioning for him to join them. The son obliges.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

Christian, I can't believe you came. What a splendid surprise. I want you to meet Mr. Brown and Mr. Dabrowski from the CCPD. They are the chief and commissioner of police, and Mr. O'Callaghan is the senior charcoal city council member.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Very nice to meet you all. What, Dad? Couldn't get the mayor?

SPEAKER_05 2:55

He's here somewhere. Probably snuck away with some young waitress.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

So tell me, Christian, what do you do? Are you involved in the family business? Helping your father with union entanglements or managing all the real estate?

SPEAKER_05 3:10

Well, actually, it's up and coming. We've got a spot warmed up and ready for him once he finishes with school and whatnot. It wouldn't be a family business without all my kin involved. He's got what we call the Archambeau intuition. That ruthless business acumen. I'm sure you know all about it. We uh can't wait to get him going.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Christian stands and nods to the gentleman while he secretly gnashes his teeth. He is so embarrassed of me. Why did he even want me to come? Just then, Laszlo waltz into the awkward triangle of tuxedos with a tray of tall beverages. Champagne for you, fine gentlemen? All five men clear Laszlo's tray. Christian finishes his with one large goal.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

It was a pleasure chatting with you all. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go find my table.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Christian follows Laszlo back to the service bar, then silently speaks to him without looking in his direction.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

How are we looking? Good. We've got eyes on the ingredient. So far, no hiccups. Just hoping we're good on timing. We're gonna have to be. Good work. Continue as planned.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Christian checks the table number that he was handed upon entering, then moves to find his seat. When he gets there, he discovers his brother and sister standing next to the large round table, conversing with Sheldon Vogelied, the Union Vice President. Christian approaches the group and gives his siblings a tight-lipped grin with a half-hearted nod. Siege!

SPEAKER_06 4:44

I've never seen you in a tux before. You look like a little kid playing dress-up.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Knock it off, Larry. He looks nice. Thanks for coming, CJ. I'm sure it means a lot to dad.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

So, Lawrence, did you get the night off or something? They don't need security for this thing?

SPEAKER_06 5:00

I'm still on duty as Dad's bodyguard. We got a team in place for the event. This old building made it hard to wire up a full system, but a third of the police force is here. I don't think we have anything to worry about.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

What about the two and a half million dollar painting behind the curtain?

SPEAKER_00 5:14

I don't think anyone will be running off with that. It took three hours, ten men, and a forklift just to get it in here.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

Well, it wouldn't be an Archimbo exhibition without a brazen and boundless act of exuberance. Am I right?

SPEAKER_00 5:28

When are you gonna stop hating on your own family? Our great-grandfather built a noble empire out of nothing. It's our duty to uphold this family's legacy.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

I don't know. I guess we just have different definitions of noble and legacy. What kind of award is dad getting anyway?

SPEAKER_00 5:45

The civic engagement influencer of the year.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

I see. Sure sounds like the type of thing they give out as gratitude for some unethical favor.

SPEAKER_06 5:54

I ought to beat the piss out of you, you shit talking little twerp.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Speaking of piss, Lefty, can we test some of yours? There's gotta be two or three unsanctioned syrups in there.

SPEAKER_07 6:03

That's it. Guys, guys, guys, come on. Stop it. Chill out. Tonight is about your father. Can we please just bottle it up and save it for another time? I'm just about to go up and present him with the award.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

I'm gonna get another drink. As Christian heads to the bar, the lights dim, the music stops, and an announcement is made for everyone to take their seats.

SPEAKER_08 6:30

Let's get this thing started.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Christian has no intention of returning to his. He orders a glass of whiskey, knee, and watches from the bar as the ceremony to Planet Archimbo begins.

SPEAKER_08 6:40

Please put your hands together for your civic engagement, influencer of the year, Mr. Rubin.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

After Mr. Vogelhead makes the announcement, there is a magnanimous applause as the rotund Union president waddles onto the stage.

SPEAKER_05 6:56

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

I'm really Christian checks his watch. Hopefully, F and Lass have their uncovered. He pounds the last portion of his bourbon and heads to the outdoor smoking pavilion, then steps out and lights up a cigarette to avoid attention. Luckily, there is only one other smoker on the patio, engrossed in a telephone business conversation. Christian walks over to the railing, leans over, and grabs a black backpack that he had stuffed into an adjacent bush the day before the event. He takes one last drag of the cigarette before he flicks it away and heads inside to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Laszlo and Ephraim walk through the kitchen as a team, pushing a wheeled tray. There is a white tablecloth draped over the top, hanging down the sides to conceal the bottom rack. On top of the catering roller are six full pitchers of water with which to refill Patron's glasses. The two phony servers stop at the dessert section of the kitchen. All of the chefs are frantically occupied with the preparation of the first courses, leaving the station for the last course vacant. Ephraim looks around to make sure no one is watching, then quickly grabs the large, vapor-emitting carafe of liquid nitrogen and securely places it on the bottom rack of the roller. The two men then leave the kitchen and head out to the service floor with the carriage. While the award recipient is ostentatiously giving his acceptance speech, the faux servers casually roll the tray through the tables of listeners and subtly move behind the giant crimson curtain.

SPEAKER_04 8:45

Alright, baby, it's now or never.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Okay, water first. You get that side, I'll get this one.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Laszlo and Ephraim quickly grab the pitchers of water and quietly marinate the slab with wetness. The slate grey concrete begins to slowly darken. Next, they gingerly team lift the smoldering carafe from under the cart and gently pour its silky contents all over the concrete. The section of structure begins to rhythmically crack as the water deep inside its pores begins to freeze and expand. The saboteurs give each other a thumbs up before returning the frozen liquid to the undercarriage and calmly rolling it back into the kitchen. Inside a bathroom stall, Christian is already changed from one black getup to another, trading his tuxedo for a hoodie and a dark hat. He leaves the water closet and beelines for the bar closest to the curtain. Christian ducks down behind a garbage can on the side of the serving station, waiting for his cue.

SPEAKER_05 10:01

Well, that's enough about my gratitude and plans for the future. Let's celebrate. And to do that, I brought with me tonight my new pride and joy. I love it for its rugged exterior, but most of all its unique rear and special embellishments. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy my Dio Pasteur.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

The curtain is pulled and the audience gasps as they see the cracked and icy monstrosity, the image barely recognizable. If not for the inner bars holding it together, the slab would likely have already collapsed. Christian reaches into his sweatshirt pocket and pulls out a white bandana. He ties it around the back of his neck and affixes it firmly above his nose to conceal the lower half of his face. He then rolls out of his hiding place and swiftly detaches a stanchion from the velvet rope leading to the bar. With both hands, he lifts the gilded post over his head and crow hops toward the painting. Letting out an audible grunt, he flings the stanchion like a throwing axe directly at the tundra-stricken toad. It flips over itself in the air three or four times before finally finding its target, landing the base of the stand directly into the center of the slab. The concrete immediately shatters into countless crumbled pieces. Shrapnel is flung to all corners of the stage. All that's left is an icy pile of rocks and rebar. Christian takes exactly one second to admire his work, and exactly three seconds to look over at his father, witnessing the mighty magnet slip from utter astonishment into apoplectic rage. An expression so violent, Christian almost expects a heart attack to soon follow. The fuming father turns from the rubble, huffs three times, looks directly at the perpetrator's concealed face from across the room, and simply points. Christian hears his brother Lawrence shout from the left. Get him!

SPEAKER_06 12:16

Bring him to me!

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Christian wastes no more time. He bolts back toward the smoking patio as fast as his legs can take him, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulders mid-sprint. Once outside, he leaps over the railing and races down the grassy hill, hurtling over every shrub in his path. He takes one look behind and sees half a dozen men in suits frantically chasing after him. At least one pursuer has stumbled, his ragdoll body tumbling down the terrain. The last hedge at the bottom of the hill is taller than the rest, so instead of leaping over it, Christian takes a sharp left turn to run alongside the bushy wall. He dashes down the path for 40 yards or so until he reaches the end of the hedge and takes an immediate U-turn to the right, putting him comfortably on the other side. The trailing security guards reach the same spot just moments later. As they shift to the other side of the hedge, they find themselves standing on a paved road. They hear it before they see it. Christian's Ducati fires up with a fury, kicks into gear, and blisters off into the night. Voice acting for this episode provided by CJ Cinco, Dan Paragon, James Rand, Josh Myhall, Joe Valdez, Sam McMorris, Rick Kiebeler, and Daniel Sorry.