Your Self-Doubt Is Not as Private as You Think

In this episode of In Full Power, Jasmine talks about how the stories we tell ourselves can shape the way we love, lead, work, make decisions, and show up for the people around us.

Through a personal story about introversion, leadership, and self-doubt, Jasmine explores how one belief can quietly affect your confidence, career choices, relationships, and the way you encourage or limit others.

This episode breaks down three reasons why personal growth matters: so we do not place our limits on other people, so we do not let the past control our present and future, and so our growth can help other people believe more is possible for them too.

If you have been dealing with self-doubt, fear, perfectionism, people-pleasing, low confidence, old patterns, or limiting beliefs, this episode will help you see your thoughts in a new way and choose one pattern you no longer want to repeat.

Transcript

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Hello, my powerful people. This is the Info Power Podcast, and I'm your host, Jasmine Conway. If you want to think about your limiting beliefs in a way that you never have before, you're going to be happy that you tuned in because today's episode is for you. By the end, you're going to understand why the work that you do on yourself is so much bigger than you. And how choosing one belief, just one belief to question, can change the way that you love, the way that you lead, the way that you advise and show up for the people connected to you. But before we dive into it, if today's show helps you, please leave a rating and share it with a friend who needs it. It helps the podcast grow. It can help your friends grow. It can help strangers grow. We can just all be out here growing together. So if you like it, please rate it and share it. All right, so story time. Many years ago in a prior life, I used to work for this large financial institution and I led a team of analysts. And one day I was in a one-on-one meeting with one of the analysts on my team. And he was always super eager, very polite, and generally just open to feedback and wanting to grow. And he used to talk about his journey and how it was always his dream to work in corporate America and how he was the first person in his family to kind of take this path. And he was proud of himself for doing it as he should be. So we were in a small office and we were talking. I don't remember everything that we talked about, but I do remember one question that he asked me. He asked me what I wanted to do long term. And then he asked me if I'd ever thought about becoming a higher level leader or moving into sales. And without even thinking, I said, no, absolutely not. I'm an introvert and I need to be way more extroverted to be successful in those kinds of roles. And I said it so quickly. And in the moment, I didn't think anything about it. I didn't think that I was placing a limiting belief on myself, or I didn't think that I had a limiting belief. I just thought that I was stating a fact. But later that night, I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation. I just kept replaying it in my head over and over again. And it wasn't because I had limited myself. I still at the time didn't even realize that I'd done that. But what stayed with me was that I had said it to someone else. Someone who also happened to be an introvert. He was asking me possibilities about the future. He was looking at me, at least in that moment, as a person who might have insight into what growth could look like. And instead of exploring all the options, I might have eliminated some. I made it sound like leadership only belonged to extroverts and like someone could only be successful in sales if they had a certain personality type. And I remember thinking, what if he had never questioned whether being introverted could limit his options until I said that? What if he walked away from that conversation, not only knowing what I believed about myself, but wondering if he should believe that about himself too. And that was the part that that was the part that bothered me so much. Because I wasn't trying to discourage him or make him doubt himself. I wasn't trying to tell him what was unattainable for his future. I was just speaking from a limitation that I had accepted as truth and placed on myself. But sometimes the limits that we accept for ourselves become the language that other people borrow for their own lives. And that is where this episode begins. I recently heard a line in a song that said, Our children inherit the people we become. Our children inherit the people we become. And when I heard that, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Because I don't think that it's only children who inherit us. Our friends inherit us, our partners, our families, our coworkers, our communities, the people that are close enough to us to get to experience us regularly, they inherit versions of us. They inherit our courage or our fear, our honesty, or our avoidance, our self-trust or our self-doubt, our freedom or our limits. And that conversation with that analyst reminded me of something that I don't think we talk about enough. The work that we refuse to do, it doesn't disappear. It doesn't just go away. It becomes the way that we love, the way that we lead, the way that we react and advise and parent and show up. That's right. That's right. The work that you refuse to do, it doesn't disappear. It just becomes something that someone else experiences. And that's why this matters. Because during the work, it it's not just about feeling better or becoming a more confident version of yourself. Doing this work is about becoming responsible for what you carry and what you leave behind. It's about asking, what am I passing down? What am I projecting? What am I making other people carry because I haven't been willing to face it myself? Or what am I accepting as myself that might actually be something that I learned or copied or picked up or just something that I never questioned. So today I want to talk about three reasons why we have to do the work. And third, because who we become paves the way for other people. And that's where we're going today. Because I don't know about you, but I want people to leave my presence believing that more is possible, believing that they can have more, that they can experience more. I don't want them to doubt what they're capable of, and I definitely don't want them to doubt it because of me. So let's get into it. The first reason we have to do the work is because what we do not face, we will pass down and pass around. And again, I don't mean only to children. I mean to the people who get to experience us because people are learning from us all the time. They're learning from how we speak to ourselves, from what we tolerate, from what we avoid, from what we excuse, what we normalize, from how we respond when life throws us curveballs and it doesn't go our way. And sometimes what people inherit from us is not what we meant to give them. Sometimes they inherit our fear or our silence. Sometimes they inherit our voices in the back of their mind saying, be careful, or don't try that, or I don't know, that's not realistic. And the hard part is a lot of this, it doesn't sound harmful when it's coming out of our mouths. It sounds responsible, it sounds protective, like practical advice. But sometimes what we call advice is coming from a place of fear. Sometimes what we call being realistic is really just a dream that we had that we abandoned, and now we don't know what to do when someone else still believes in theirs. And that's why the pygmalion effect is so interesting. Okay, I'm gonna tell you about it. I want you to picture this. A group of teachers, they walk into a school year and they're told that certain students in their classroom are expected to bloom, that these students are likely to show a major jump in growth and academic achievement. So now these teachers, they're looking at the students differently. Maybe they give them a little bit more patience, maybe they notice their efforts more, or maybe they call on them more and with more confidence. Maybe when those students struggle, they say, oh, they're still growing into it. And maybe they give them another chance and make room for their growth. And then by the end of the year, some of those students, they actually do show greater growth. But here's the twist in this study that took place, right? Those students were randomly chosen. They weren't secretly selected because they were more gifted or because they had some sort of advantage, or because they were actually expected to bloom. It was all random. The students didn't walk into the room with a sign that said, I am about to bloom. No, but the teachers walked into the room believing that those students might bloom. And that belief that the teachers had, it shaped how they treated the students. Now, of course, life is gonna be a bit more complicated than one study. Expectations aren't gonna magically erase every barrier. And believing in someone, it doesn't automatically fix every challenge that that person is gonna face. But the idea here is still powerful because what we expect from people, it often shapes how we treat them. And how we treat them can shape what they start to believe about themselves. And that's why we have to be careful with the limits we carry, because our limits, they don't always stay private. They can leak into our language, our advice, our reactions. They leak into what we encourage and what we discourage. And when I think back to that conversation with the analysts, that's what makes me pause. Because when I said, no, I'm an introvert, I need to be more extroverted to be successful in those kinds of roles. I wasn't just describing myself. I was making introversion sound like it was some sort of ceiling or a disadvantage. And that was not true at all. There are wildly successful introverts everywhere. Introverts who are leaders, who are speakers, creators, CEOs, salespeople, influencers, introverts who are deeply respected, deeply impactful, and deeply powerful. And I had to stop talking about my introversion like it was a disqualification. Because every time I called it a disqualification for me, I was making it easier to see it as a disqualification for someone else. So the question is what am I teaching without meaning to teach it? What have I accepted as truth that may only be a limitation that I inherited from someone else? Because doing the work is how we interrupt the pattern. Is how we say, this may have come through me, but it does not have to continue through me. The second reason we have to do the work is so that we don't let the past write the script for our present and future. Because if we're not careful, the past it doesn't just become something that we remember, it becomes something we obey. It starts to make decisions for us. It tells us what rooms we belong in, what opportunities we're allowed to want, how visible we're allowed to become, how much we should ask for, what kind of leader we can be, what kind of love we can receive, how much success we can handle, how honest we can be, how much risk is too much risk. And the tricky part is most of these scripts that we rehearse in our head, right? They started for a reason. We became guarded for a reason. We became perfectionist for a reason, people pleasers for a reason, controlling for a reason. We became hyper-independent for a reason. We learned how to hide our needs for a reason. We learned how to expect disappointment for a reason, right? We have reasons for everything. And a lot of those reasons are because it once helped us at some point. But just because something helped you survive at one point and in one season, it does not mean that it gets to lead every season. At some point, we have to have the cojones to ask, is this still helping me? Or is this just familiar? Because that's how the past keeps writing the script. An opportunity opens up and the script says, Well, people like you don't get picked. Or you want to speak up in a meeting and the script says, Don't say too much, or maybe that's a silly question. You think about applying for something bigger and the script says, Okay, be realistic now. Or someone gives you feedback and the script says, You're failing. You start being seen, and the script says, Hold on now. You might want to pull back before they start judging you. Or you want more from a relationship, a career, a friendship, or your own life, and the script says, Don't get your hopes up. And before you know it, you aren't responding to what's actually happening. You are responding to what you learned to expect. And if we don't ever question it, we make people interact with our defenses instead of our truth. And that's how the work that we refuse to do, it becomes the way that we test people, the way that we pull away, the way that we avoid hard conversations, the way that the way that we make people prove what they've already shown. The way we overexplain, the way we under-ask, the way we wait to be chosen, the way we turn fear into attitude. And again, this is not about blaming ourselves. It's not about blaming ourselves. This is about being honest with ourselves. The goal is never to shame the part of you that learned how to survive. The goal is to stop letting that part make every decision. There's a difference between honoring what got you through and letting it control where you go next. And I I think that's where doing the work becomes powerful because you start to catch yourself. You start to notice I'm not really reacting to the to this one moment. This moment is actually reminding me of something else that happened before. Or I'm not shutting down because I don't care. I'm shutting down because I don't know what's gonna happen if I'm honest. I'm not avoiding the opportunity because I don't want it. I'm avoiding it because I'm afraid to be disappointed, or I'm afraid that I'm gonna disappoint someone else. I'm not underpricing myself because I'm being humble. I'm underpricing myself because asking for more it feels risky. And I'm not judging them because they're wrong, I'm judging them because their freedom is pressing on a place where I still feel trapped. And once you can tell yourself the truth, once you can keep it real with yourself, you get your choice back. And you can choose not to respond from that old version of you. You can choose to not make someone else responsible for something that they did not create. You can choose not to turn every fear into a fact. You can decide that you're not gonna let old disappointment decide what you believe is possible. You can choose not to let your past write the script for every relationship, every opportunity, every room and version of your future. That is power. That's power. And that's the kind of power that says, I know what I feel, but I do not have to be led by it. I know what I learned, but I do not have to keep living from it. I know what protected me then, but I get to choose what leads me now. And that is the second reason we have to do the work. Because if we don't question the script, we may spend our lives performing a story that we don't even want to live. The third reason that we got to do this work is because who we become, it paves the way for other people. And this is the part that gives me the most hope. Because yeah, the things that we avoid, they can be passed down, they can be passed around. Yes, our limits can become someone else's ceiling. And yes, the past can write the script for the present and the future if we don't question it. But the reverse is also true. Our courage can be passed down to. Our honesty can be passed down to. Our freedom, we can pass that down too. Our self-trust, we can pass that down to. It can become proof for someone else. When you do the work, you don't just stop passing down the not so good stuff. You start passing around the good stuff, the stuff that everybody wants. You start passing down what freed you. You become evidence, you become a living example that something else is possible. Think about the person who grew up in a family where no one ever apologized, and they decide to become the person who says, I'm sorry, I was wrong. That changes the room. Or think about the person who was taught to hide their feelings, and they decide to become someone who can say that hurt my feelings without turning it into an attack. That changes the room. Think about the person who was taught that failure is embarrassing, losing is embarrassing. And they decide that they're gonna let people see them try, they're gonna let people see them learn, fall, get back up, and keep going. That changes the room. Think about the introvert who was taught that influence belongs to louder people, and they decide to lead anyway, to speak anyway, create anyway, apply anyway, take up space anyway. That changes the room. Because now somebody else gets to see that power can look different than what they were told. Somebody else gets to see that leadership can be quiet and still be strong. Somebody else gets to see that you don't have to become a different person to become a powerful one. You may only need to stop using who you are as an excuse. This is why your life matters beyond just you. People are watching you. They're watching whether or not you give yourself space to grow. And sometimes someone else's courage begins because they watched you choose yours. Sometimes somebody else tells the truth because they watched you survive telling yours. Sometimes somebody else tries because they watched you try. Sometimes else believes that change is possible because your life made it visible. And this is where I want to bring back that pygmalion idea again. Because if expectations can shape how people are treated, then imagine what happens when we become the type of people who expect possibility. Not perfection, not instant success, no easy outcomes, but possibility. Imagine being the person who makes others feel like growth is allowed. Imagine being the person who does not project a ceiling onto everyone else because you have finally started to break your own. Imagine being the person who can say, I know it's scary, but I believe you can try. I know you failed before, but I don't think that that means that you're finished. I know this is new. But new does not mean impossible. I know you're afraid, but fear, it's not a stop sign. Keep going. I know you haven't seen it modeled, but maybe you get to be the model. Maybe that's your job. Maybe that's the torch you carry. That kind of person changes people. That kind of person changes families, changes workplaces, changes friendships, changes communities. And that is the kind of person I want to be. Not fearless, but honest. Not untouched by life, but not ruled by every old thing that I have carried. That is what operating in full power means to me. It means understanding that your life is not just a private experience, it is an example. So let's recap. We have to do the work for three reasons. First, because what we don't face, we will pass down and pass around. Second, so that we don't let the past write the script for our present and future. And third, because who we become paves the way for other people. And listen, I know this can feel like a lot because sometimes we hear something like this and we turn it into pressure. Like, oh my God, now I gotta fix everything about myself so I don't mess anybody else up. But no, that that is not the message. You are human. You are going to have your moments. You're gonna have flaws, you're gonna have rough days, you're gonna react in ways that you probably wish you hadn't. You're gonna say things and later think, that was not my best. And that doesn't mean that you're failing. It means you are human. You are human. The goal is not to never get it wrong. The goal is to stop pretending that you don't have anything to look at. The goal is to stop saying this is just how I am, when the truth is that maybe it's just something that you haven't challenged yet. The goal is responsibility, and responsibility can start small. It can start with one question: What is one pattern that I don't want to pass down or pass around? One pattern. Not your whole life, not every flaw, not every fear, not every old story, just one. Yeah, just choose one. And this week, I want you to pay attention to it. Notice when it shows up, notice what it sounds like. Notice what it tries to convince you of. Notice who it affects and what it costs. And then ask yourself, what would it look like to choose differently one time? Just one time. One moment where you don't let the old version of you make the choice. And and this is how things change. And not always in huge or dramatic moments. Sometimes change can look like interrupting the sentence you were about to say, or letting someone try something new without projecting your fear onto them. Sometimes it looks like admitting you were wrong. Or sometimes it looks like admitting I'm scared. I don't want fear to be in charge here. Sometimes change looks like you deciding that what happened before you doesn't have to continue through you. Because yes, our children do inherit the people we become. But so do our friends, our partners, our families, our coworkers, our communities, the people we lead, the people we love, the people who are watching us. So the question is not am I perfect enough to influence people? You are already influencing people. The question is what kind of influence am I becoming? And what do I want people to experience when they experience me? Do they inherit my fear or my courage, my limits or my possibilities, my silence or my honesty? My self-doubt or my self-trust. Because the work that you do in private can become freedom someone else gets to witness. The belief that you challenge within yourself may become the permission that someone else needed. The pattern that you interrupt may become the pattern that ends with you. The courage you practice may become the example that someone else borrows until they find their own. So, no, this work is not just about you. It is about the rooms you enter, the people you love, the future you are shaping, the ceilings you are either building or breaking, and the version of you that other people have to inherit. So this week, choose one pattern you don't want to pass down. Notice it, name it, question it, interrupt it, and choose again. Become someone worth inheriting. If this resonated with you, share it with another powerful person who needs to hear it. I'm Jaslyn Conway. This is the Info Power Podcast. I'll talk to you next time.