Unlearning the BS: Healing, Boundaries & Burnout

INTERVIEW!

Miranda is joined by one of her clients (and soul sisters), where they dive into a deep discussion on the journey of healing. From meeting ourselves with awareness, high expectations, wearing the masks, burnout, and the growth that comes when we realize it isn't sustainable and we deserve to feel better.

Topics:

• Wearing a Mask- How we 'cover' or 'mask' our big feelings, inner struggles, emotions and truths to keep our shit together as we move through our day. Whether it be in career roles, relationships or day to day environments. And also, how we even sometimes mask our inner shit from our ourselves to avoid honoring and processing.
• Autopilot & Burnout- The surprising things that can create the feeling of overwhelm or heaviness in our body, and how it isn't always busy schedule. Living out of alignment, trying to prioritize too much (because we are told it should matter), carrying others emotions, people pleasing and more. 
• The Data Backlog- How much being in rooms, conversations or relationships that aren't in alignment can create so much data storage in the mind and physical energy
• The Self Care Plate- The importance in finding balance in what we ACTUALLY need in each season, and listening to the body in what it needs for support. The variety of self care options can be endless and exhausting if we feel pressured to 'do all the things' instead of really getting honest and clear about what we need and where we want our energy to go in our practices of caring for self.
• Learning to Unlearn-  Sometimes our ability to 'do all the things', always be productive, people please, help everyone, show up how others need or expect, and live in productivity and resilience becomes our flex. So much about healing is unlearning! We are allowed to grow, shift, change, rest and still be valued and loved. And finding compassion for the past versions of self that lived that.
• Expectations in Healing- Its not linear! The ride of phases in personal healing from big expectations, to cracking open, being with your heart and big feelings, being in the inner work, isolating and then also finding community (sometimes a new one). And for some, connecting with their soul team, lost loved ones, and messages or signs from beyond those we can physically see. Its a fuckin ride!
• Coming Home & Meeting Yourself- The beautiful journey in finding ease and peace with your heart, who you really are, contentment, comfort and alignment in solitude and the simple things in life. How to support yourself, live authentically and protect your energy around those who may not be able to meet or understand this different version of you, moving amongst the fast speed of world outside, and a journey of finding new 'like minded' community.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Miranda Lee Podcast. A life fully lived embraces every season, the highs and the lows. Allowing ourselves to love fiercely, feel our feelings, and trust to land softly. This is a heart-led space created for just that. Deep, vulnerable conversations, connections, learning to unlearn, become part of a beautiful community while growing and healing right alongside me. Because everything is easier with support and lived experiences shared with the right kind of people. Let's step off autopilot, get a little uncomfortable, take a breath, and dive right in. Okay, I, as always, am so incredibly excited for this episode and this interview. I am joined by one of my clients, someone from my community that I have built, and I always thank one of my people because all the people that hold space in my life, whether it be in sessions or in coaching or whatever it might be, ultimately become like my little soul people. So for the safety, security, and just comfort of all of my clients who hop onto this podcast, healing journeys are very personal. And for that purpose, I will just not include names or locations as I do work with people from across Canada. So I would just want to welcome you and thank you for hopping in for this little chat. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. It's really a cool opportunity, and I'm loving how I'm able to maybe reach someone that maybe needs to hear this, or anybody that's apprehensive, or maybe just somebody that's just turning on a podcast just to listen to something and fill their time up, and who knows, could possibly potentially make you stop and think and dig a little deeper and be like, oh shit. Totally. Yeah, and I would say that is like we talked about the why. Like I think you and I have similar pieces of our story, and it's that needing to feel like you're you have to be with it alone, and that no one else must be going through this, and needing to be as women in particular. I know men face the same, but just needing to be so private, and then um, yeah. So whoever's listening, hopefully you can connect with something that we say and just feel a little bit more understood and heard. Okay, so let's just invite a little bit of an intro to you, um, to whatever capacity as to how we connected and maybe where you were at. So it was about a year and a half ago. I was I want to say lost in the woods in a term. I was to a point that I was at wit's end. I felt like the whole world was on my shoulders, I felt all kinds of things that I was not able to explain to myself, to understand within myself, and I was just mad, sad, miserable, all the things, and I just couldn't understand or grasp as to why because I had so many of the surface level things I have, all the things I could have dreamed of, all the hopes, all the all the things to say the least, but still deep down I was missing something I felt completely crushed and like uh it was not fun. In that place almost, and I've talked about this of like, why should I have the right to feel this way almost? Like, who are you to think that you shouldn't be happy? Right. You've checked all the boxes, yeah, you have all the things. Poor me. Yes, literally, poor me for having I want to say all my shit together, but it's not even close to having my shit together. Looking like, looking like from the glass window, right? And like what I feel like sometimes what we're just taught it should look like and what should bring you joy and happiness and all of that. Yeah, absolutely, and it's so much easier to mask that and like put on that smile to obtain the oh she's got it, I don't kind of thing. That it's yeah, it's a rough. Did anybody know that you were in that headspace? No, you were putting on all the masks, yep. And so just a question for you when did you because the analogy of like putting on the masks? I would do that when I would be in a really shitty head space. I'd have a fitness class, and I needed to be like the energized peppy person, or being around other parents because I was like, ah, people don't need to know all my shit that I'm going through. So putting on the mask. So maybe you can touch on like where did you catch yourself now that you can reflect putting on your masks, or who actually might have known, or how might that have showed up for someone close to you? Oh gosh, I feel like I had a mask for almost every person every day of the week. I was this happy, I had to be uh productive, I had to be above and beyond, uh, and not even just in um from an employment standard of also into my own personal relationships, my even for my own family, my sisters, my mom, my all the above. It's there were so many masks, and genuinely, unless I could have a a moment of a small breakdown, which wasn't even surface level barely with my mom, I felt like she could maybe, maybe just understand, but I don't think she ever until I started kind of breaking down a little bit more and understanding myself a little bit more over the last year and a half. Um, I don't think she actually understood how how much I was struggling to say the least, and how much I was um not okay to say. And so I always love to bring this up because when we talk about parents, I was once the person who was like, nope, my childhood was good and my parents loved me, and like, oh my god, they did, and they supported me and they loved me. And it's when I speak about my healing from just like my upgroup upbringing or my relationship with my parents, it is not that I don't love them immensely and that they didn't do a great job, it is just that even as a parent myself, our parents' ceiling is our floor, and that's just how it was for them too. So I just want to really clarify because if you're listening and you're like, oh, my parents are great and they didn't do anything wrong and I had a great childhood, it's like that's beautiful and I love that, but there's still always like some pieces. Oh, absolutely. So I just like to share that because I think you and I can both relate. But when you're like you want to keep the peace and you want to not hurt people's feelings, and I know, oh my gosh, my own dad's gonna listen in on this, and it's like, oof, I love you so freaking much, but I also hope that they can know their parents were amazing. Yeah, but there's still like ways that you could have used different support, and there's only one way to know that, and it's experiencing and awareness and then moving through it, right? So little side quest, just cuz I think it's important that especially we're 30s, I'm almost 40. Yep. Um, yeah, we're just our age groups are doing some deep healing, and that's also new for our parents. Oh, absolutely. So being able to meet them with love and compassion and understand that this is newer stuff to them. Yeah, it's like a whole new chapter in a book, I want to say. It's it's like we've just like all of a sudden we bloomed into this say I want to say stage, but kind of like I don't know. It's it's kind of it's new, it's new, it's messy, well can be depending on how you go about it, but it's good. It's and at the end, it's so worth it. Yeah, that is the best part. So when would you say you said very surface level, did you ever were you ever able to just like take your mask off and be with like your vulnerable parts that maybe you were hiding? I felt like I have a few times in the past, but it was a hundred percent when I was by myself when I was not really having my lowest low, but close to it, and I was just knew that I had me, my own, myself, my own safe space that I could just cry, scream, or even just like sulk into a chair and just feel just nothing. That whole, I don't know, I want to say a roller coaster, because it could be from one minute of crying to like one minute of sulking to the next minute of just like pure anger, and then it was just like taking a deep breath and be like, Okay, we're fine, wipe it all off, get your ass up, get out the door, and pretend everything's fine again. So totally relatable, and I see that all the time in sessions. That's like meeting a part of yourself. Yeah, I love that. Okay, so um, in coaching with you now, and um, you're in some of the community spaces that I hold as well, you know that I love words, like a word or an intention. So let's go back to maybe even just before you and I met, that like moment, those moments leading up to like I need to book a session. Um, what were your three words that you'd use to describe yourself? Now looking back at those three words again and again, they are huge words once you actually understand where you're at in those moments, but they were overwhelmed, disconnected, and absolutely exhausted. How did that show up for you? I f again there was those masks. Like I feel like those masks hit it, but I was did you feel it? I felt every moment of it, like the overwhelm, this dreadfulness, this complete like waking up in the morning, doing the same routine just to get by, to continue just moving on with your day, and like this constant feeling, even being up and at work at 9 a.m. in the morning, already feeling exhausted, already emotionally, physically, mentally, just like checked out. I want to say before I even started my day. So physically, like exhausted. Um, and then you know me, I love somatic work, but I know you might not have known it there, but in reflection, where where did you feel it in your body? Where did overwhelm hold space? How did it show up? I feel like the overwhelm was really, really stuck to my core, like into my heart, into my um, into my bones, into my chest. Like I felt it everywhere genuinely. I felt that there was this constant heavy weight on my shoulders. Um, but again, like I said, every single time I'd feel that, I'd put that I'm fine mask on. Um, I'm still functioning, I'm still showing up for everyone, still pushing through. That's what I've got to do. And like it just ignored that heavy, gross feeling in my body. And in our defense, it's also like remembering that's survival, and like that we needed to do the things. Did you like because in those moments it feels like you have eight million things on the go? But sometimes we don't, but it's like the emotional shit or the overthinking or the things we're thinking about for other people. Yep. What did your like schedule plate load look like then? It looked like rushing through my day, being at least 10 steps ahead of myself, and as well as everybody else, and everybody else's thought process and everybody else's thoughts and emotions, and honestly, like that was in the back bag that you carry. Yes, yeah. It was just every I want to say myself, but really looking back, it wasn't about myself. It was just getting through the day and worrying about everybody else. And that was a big pill to swallow is realizing this backpack is full of pretty much 90% of everybody else's shit. Yeah, well, and I I have to even still step back sometimes and go, Kay, do I have a lot on my plate right now? Because what used to, oh my gosh, I was like scheduled. And like my flex was how tight my schedule could be and how much I could fit in my day. And I feel like I was programming myself like that through universities, and then when I was in working, it was like, oh my gosh, look at how much shit I could do in my day and do it successfully and have a smile on my face. But now, even having worked through burnout, I catch myself being like, Oh, I have so much on my plate, and then it's like, nope, you don't, but you're reflecting back to like how it used to feel, so that's why I like to ask people because sometimes it's not schedule, no, sometimes it's all the relationship shit, the overthinking. I think all most of us women have attributes of ADHD that are exhausting in our mind. Oh, hell yeah. And as I talked to my husband about, I would love to ask you this the amount of data stored in my brain in case I need it. Yeah, like the defenses of like, hey, this is the room I'm in, these are the people I'm around. What can't I say? What can I say? If this gets brought up, like, oh my word, and we I think we learned that from school. My husband's like, that's gotta be exhausting. But I feel like you can relate with that. Oh, absolutely. There's so many parts of that that's relatable that you I mean, unintentionally, but intentionally, like you said, you absorb things in a room that are not for you to be even involved in or even have a thought that processes through your mind about it. But it's your duty in that moment and your due diligence to remember to think about things because just in case, just in case, but I feel like we learn that as little girls, yeah. Being around absolutely and in out of compassion, we're all learning that, but when you mix a group of girls into a classroom and say, you guys need to make this work, yeah, and you get such a variety of emotions and availability and vulnerability and parenting styles at home that I think that's where those defenses kind of kick in. And then I I do speak to not putting myself in those rooms anymore, but yeah, that piece is exhausting though. It is, it genuinely is. It it's even crazy how nowadays, and being an adult, you can be thrown into that little girl room and you literally take a step back and you're like, holy crap, am I back in elementary school? Am I the similarities to unfortunately how some some things, some things happen, circumstances, situations that we put ourselves into that we think we're doing better to be there and we're gonna make an impact, we're gonna help out, but then you take a step back and realize that maybe your thought and your intention was good, but being around those kind of people are not what your soul needed, nor well, and vulnerability equals sometimes hurt, and so then there's that piece of it too, right? Absolutely. I could talk about that for hours, I think, because of the amount of unpacking and unloading that I've had to do with that. Um, okay, so what parts of health did you focus on? How did you take care of yourself during those chapters? And maybe you didn't, but I we usually have something we lean into. Honestly, I was stuck in this motion of physical wellness that I needed to walk more, I needed to run more, I needed to go to the gym more, I needed to, you know, ensure that I looked good. I need to keep that confidence up because as soon as I lose my confidence, she's downhill from there and we ain't coming back from it. Like, look good, feel good. Yes. And don't get me wrong, I was on the same page, and I had to like give myself permission that I'm more than that. But that's so fitness, super important, but not everything. It's not everything, and now you and I have spoken to the different pieces of health and wellness holistically, anyways, and I love that I feel like that shifted for you. Yes, a huge it was a huge shift, it was a great shift, but such a huge one for me. It was uh I want to say a really big breaking point for me too, because it was a moment that which I think we'll get into later on, of how you can take something and you can build off of it, but you're not gonna get this brand new per thing from it. So yeah, it's the physical piece and like especially nowadays, I believe you and I had this chat not that long ago about the weight of all the physical things. Yes, it would have been in a soul dive. Yeah, in one of our soul dive like circles. Um, and I I feel like everyone feels it, but women especially, just because I think we always feel like we need to carry that load a little bit more. But with all the resources and education and options and trending shit, your your plate of self-care to eat good, move, take care of your nervous system, um, take all the supplements and get to nature and meditate and like your self-care plate can be so full of shit that I think that's why people tap out. Oh, absolutely. It's like you messed up, here's my plan, which is excessive. Yeah, and I missed out on this and this. So, how do you not just like roll into I failed? Yeah, you instantly roll into this plate is now empty because I didn't do these two things off the list, and we're back to square one. Do I want to start all over again, or do I just continue moving forward? And it's so much easier just to shut it down and be like, nope, it's screwed, we're done, I'm done. Instead of realizing how heavy that plate was or taking a step back and being like, Okay, no, we're fine, it's just a bump in the road, on to the next. Yeah, and I think it's important to like as we spoke in that session, just about how it doesn't have to be a lot. Like, one of our members was talking about movement and how her goal is to go, was it three days a week or five days a week? I think it was three days. We always like put this big weight on it too. Yep. And in the fitness industry, I've been here for 20 years, and I still am constantly like, once a week counts, twice a week counts. It's the consistency piece, and it also doesn't matter what it is. I will say, like, lifting is important. Everyone needs to get strength and work on bone density and all those things, but it can look different all the time. Absolutely. And I always come back to being really honest with myself about if it is important to me because there are seasons where I focus on journaling and like I'm really emotional, or I'm I'm very busy in a very busy season, and so I know I need more grounding and a little bit of movement, yeah. And then there's seasons where I want to move, and some of the other like softer, more grounding practices take a step to the side, and there's seasons where I'm like full carnivore and I am eating so good and doing this and this, but then like the end of the season, I do find it seasonal. I'm like, okay, I'm not doing that, and I'm not gonna shame myself because my heart tells me or my body's telling me like this matters, and I yes, I feel like it's okay if you pick one to three things that matter, depending on how busy you are, where your head's at, what your body's feeling. I agree. That's it's a huge thing to take a step and realize there's only so much that you need on that plate. You don't need it all at once. You you doing it in those seasons and changing, and it's okay to feel at the end of it, like you said, to do something different to change it up because it's not about doing the same thing in a routine. A routine is in a sense doing something again and again, but it doesn't have to be the same exact things again and again. As long as you have that push, that drive to keep doing things, not the same things, but doing things that's That's your biggest hurdle. That is the biggest hurdle, to be honest. Yeah. Well, and even I've just got back onto my like, and I feel like it's because we're some like entering spring summer, right? And my body's like, take your herbs. And that's top notch what I'm focusing on. But during the winter, I'm like more sporadic with it. And I've just come to a place where I'm like, if my body's craving it, it's probably important. See, and that everybody's different. And mine, because for me, I'm like winter, I'm like, we need herbs, we need vitamins, we need all the things, we need to store this shit before summer comes so we can be glowing and all the things, and then summer hits, and I'm just like out the window. I got vitamin D. We're good. Oh, totally. And I I think that's so important. And and that is a piece that I don't know if like later teens, early 20s, movement, fitness, all the big shit is huge. And then I think it's okay for our what our things are, what our movement looks like to shift and to give yourself permission for that to be acceptable. Um did we answer the question? I think partly, I feel like what parts of health did you focus on? Yes. So movement was a really big one. Movement was big. Aside from the like physical piece that we just chatted about, um, what else were you kind of focusing on? What was your like self-care or what was your wellness that you were kind of putting energy into? Right before we had our first session, I probably for I want to say two-ish, three months, um, I had a different version of a physical, um, it was uh hyperfixated on a physical health problem because something was seriously wrong with me in my brain. I felt like there's gotta be something. I was having heart palpitations, I was having chest tightness, I was having anxiety. Right. I genuinely genuinely thought that my body was failing me, and I was like, hey, I'm going down, like I've gotta get my will in place. Like we we are in some serious shit here. That's right. Um, but I mean through the process I realized I realized quite a bit uh within myself, and I actually want to touch on this. I feel like our first session when I had with you, and we always talk about it because it makes me giggle. Um, I came to you, came to the session with this expectation because I've heard so much great things about you. So I'm like, Thanks. She's gonna do it. If there's one person in this world that's gonna do it, it's you. You're gonna fix me, you're gonna heal me. I'm gonna be great. So I come in here with all these intentions that I'm about to enter this and leave this within an hour and a half, and I'm gonna be this brand new bitch walking down the street with nothing to hide. Well, I came in here, we did our work, and I left. And I remember getting into my vehicle and I was just like scoffing, like this didn't work, this is horrible. Like, it didn't do shit. I feel worse. Like, what is this nonsense? And then yeah, I had kind of a mental breakdown moment where I was like, okay, I don't need to be mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong. You you how long did you feel like that though? Weren't you mad at me for like mad at you for like two months? It took me two months to finally text you and be like, hey, so complete transparency. I was so mad at you, like you didn't do anything I expected, and like I was supposed to walk out of there, a whole new lady, and like it didn't work. I do remember that. And so, um, first of all, did we I recall, did we chat about like anxiety attacks? Mm-hmm. Okay, and where did you meet me with that? Do you remember? Like, were you like, yeah, it could be that, or were you No, I was very wishy-washy about it. I was like, no, I it could be, but like there's gotta be another reason for it. And I don't know, I'm sure I shared with you because I'm pretty open, but like I went through that piece. Yes, yes, yes. Feeling like this was before any medical shit, too. But being like anxiety attacks, yeah, and like they're terrifying. They are you've ever had one, they feel like a heart attack, you think you're dying, and you literally feel like you're trapped, and like there's no nobody in this entire world that's going to relieve that pressure, that's feeling that ugh, just it's such a gross feeling of so much, I don't know, I want to say energy, and but you can't outpour it all at the same time. It's it's horrible, it's not good, not fun. And it's funny because do you remember what we did in that session? It would have been probably like first of all, relaxation. Yep. We did we do some somatic work. We did some somatics, and then you did a little bit of breakage. I would have done energy work for sure, and I think I remember being like, oof, just your whole body was just like e like vibing. And I remember you leaving actually, and me being like, ooh, I don't think she was super happy about that. And I've been doing this long enough that I was like, that's not about me, and like trusting the process and just like doing my energy clearing at the end and being like, ooh, let's see where that takes her. And yes, I do remember you texting me and being like, okay, full transparency. Can I re-book? But this is this is what my headspace was at when I left your session. Yeah. So what were your expectations? I came in expecting that you were going to lift the weight of the world off my shoulders. You were going to make me feel happy, you were gonna make me feel more patience with myself. Like all of these things that I was genuinely and truly at the time knew that I was lacking, and you were like this guru that was gonna come and just like bless me with all these things that I'm missing. So it was pretty high expectations on my behalf, but I mean, I also humbly was obviously not in the right space. Yes, but I think uh we get to a place where we're like just desperate, kind of too, right? That is a good word. Like, yes, I just want this to be done, and that's where I feel like I was. I was at a place of desperation, I was at a place that I was like, I can't go on any longer feeling like this. Like the feelings of anxiety on top of the heart palpitations, but on top of this, like heaviness, like nobody until you've gone through one of these situations could understand that there's like a genuine elephant standing on your chest. You swear to god your next breath is gonna be your last because you can barely muster up this one, and you're in this dark place. That it's it's a scary, scary situation. Living in fear too, then right, and like gripping to anything you can control. Yeah, and that's a hard that's a hard line to walk to because you can't mess around with physical heart stuff that comes up, and like physical body sometimes there is medical things, absolutely, but then there's also and like this is where I think it's very clear to be honest with yourself about where you're at and trust, but like with anxiety attacks, I was like, ooh, I don't feel like this is like I was trying to be honest with myself, like there's no heart stuff that runs in our family. I know I'm overwhelmed, I know that I I carry this plate so full with so much pride, but then my friends say to me, like, ooh, you're busy, and I'm like, Yeah, but it's so normalized that I'm like, meh, like I'm busy, but I just live like this, and so yeah, it was like a little bit of hey, is it my body? And I'm grateful for people in in my past too that kind of got me stepping a little bit into holistic and energy to be like, okay, and like heart chakra and control and how much that impacts nervous system, and yeah, I feel like you were probably at that point, just like I was, where it's like, okay, my body's like, um, no. I wish that I had that support system looking back because I feel like it's almost embarrassing to talk about. But I went as far as like my doctor's appointments and such. I went to get an EKG. I went for all these tests because everyone, including the doctor, was bound and determined. I had heart situations going on. I even was prescribed, but I actually never ended up taking a medication for heart and blood pressure, because of course you're in that state of fight or flight. Your blood pressure is through the roof. But they never really, other than I mean, I love doctors, I love them. They're obviously very useful, but also at the end of the day, too. Sometimes things are a little bit more surface level than a medication. There's more questions to ask. Yeah. And I feel the same. It's like, I don't think you should be embarrassed because we're also taught that. And like, there's nothing wrong with getting the tests and doing the stuff to rule it out. The part that is scary, I agree, is the like, okay, nothing's showing up, but I'm gonna medicate you. Yeah, and that stuff is scary, and in the point of like our medical um practices, especially here in Canada, it's like they're given band-aids. Absolutely, like even good doctors are like, I don't know what's wrong. And I'm I'm excited because I I do see changes happening in that regard, but yes, like when physical heart stuff comes up, I don't think it's something to mess with, but it's also like what else could it be? And I think it's just good to ask the other questions while also doing the precaution of the medical stuff, right? Absolutely, and I feel like I don't know, it was just good timing, I guess, from both of our behalfs because I had seen your work on social medias, and as well as like I said, I've had numerous people come up to me and say, Well, why don't you try this and try holistic and aligned and all these things, and I was just putting it off, putting it off, but then yeah, it just kind of came to a point that I was like, This is not obtainable anymore, this is this is not where I want to be. This is yeah, it's like you said, it's waiting until you're ready though, too, because you could try things and not be in the right headspace for it, and then it's not gonna be right for you, yeah, right. Like even your session, feeling resisted and feeling like frick, I'm not fixed. Um good, like that's what you needed then. Absolutely, but maybe like two months before that, if you would have been forcing yourself to do it, you might not have been able to meet yourself with the same compassion because you may not have been like at the point low enough that you're like, okay, I'm getting slapped across the face here, universe. Like, I hear my favorite quote is listen for the whispers so your body doesn't have to scream at you. And yeah, like definitely missed the whispers. I did. I shut those whispers down real quick. Yeah, absolutely. Me too. All right, so after you hit this kind of low point, you've been doing your work, what would you say you've learned about kind of how you're wired? Or were wired or what you're unlearning? Um, I'm feeling like I was someone that carried a lot, uh that naturally nurturing kind of a person, highly aware of other people's emotions and just a go, go, go. Um, but I also learned that obviously my body keeps score. I can't run on stress and adrenaline forever and expect my nervous system not to crash. I learned that that being strong all the time was actually disconnecting me from my true self. So it was Okay, I'm like sitting here looking at you, being like, oh, I hope the woman a year and a half ago hears this. Does she? I get like tingles sitting here being like, oh she was she was a whole new girl, I tell you. She was strong though, she was very strong. And she was keeping your shit together. Love on her. Yeah, love on her, but like we didn't need to be drugged through the mud for that. But now you get to like let her have some softness. Absolutely. Those things like make me tear up because it's like so easy, and I've harped on, I feel like in the past I've harped on this version of me that like hustled so hard and did all the things and built my business and was had little kids and was dragging them around, and I was also running a day home, and I was like, holy shit, doing all the things, but I sit here also being like now being able to be like, thank you. Yeah, like I could not be where I am in my life if you wouldn't have been able to hustle. Do I wish that you could have had a different circumstance or a more compassion for yourself? Yes, but I'm grateful that I got to unlearn that for her, and that makes me oh, that always just makes me really teary-eyed because I can see the version of her, and she wasn't faking that like she was chasing her dreams and doing all the things she wanted to do. She's doing what she needed, yeah. Yes, but also oof, girl, like you got your whole life, and I think that was what I needed to hear too, is like life isn't a race, trust the timing, absolutely every step is a step in the right direction. That's a lot to learn about your wiring. It is, and it's I mean, we've we've also talked about too. I was obviously leaning into where we find the difference between being too hard and too soft, right? Like that hard, strong doesn't need to run yourself into the ground, but then also that soft side of giving to your loved ones, giving care to people that maybe you don't have the capacity for. So it's it's a top. Being able to meet people and meet, yeah. Because I love everyone, right? And like I still you asked me that not long ago. Like, how do you how do you draw the line between where you're soft and really open and where you're really like hard or pushing or being strong? Yes, and I think my my biggest answer would be like my body tells me, which I love that we've got to share that, like our body does keep score and it's always giving you whispers. So I try to pay attention to the whispers and like if my body gives me a no, I'm a no for whatever that is, or if I'm picking up hard energy from someone, unless it's like unless my heart is this sounds so cheesy, but unless my heart is like really warm and wants to hold space for them, and I feel like I can be compassionate and vulnerable and be met to have deep conversations, then I can be there. But if it is met with like if the energy I'm being met with that dictates so much now, and it's not that I can't have compassion and understanding and softness for people who might be like not have the best intentions all the time, but it's just that I'm not gonna give as much, and yeah, and then also learning that um I can still hustle, I can still fucking crush it if some but it's because I'm really passionate about something and it is important to me, and my body is like not stressed but excited, and having to try and decipher the two, yeah, understanding your cues, right? Like each person is different, each of us have different cues of like understanding where our whoa, hold on, this is overwhelming, or oh, this is feeling good. But it's finding those cues and actually understanding because for the longest time that me and you have worked together, I had a hard time differentiating the difference between okay, where's where it where is my line? Where is my cue? I I'm feeling this way, but I want to feel this other way. But then it's like, well, did I stop myself before I got all the way there, or did I just like power through and then I miss that part of excitement, or I miss that little, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think there's two there's two other parts of it, is like when I started looking at life and relationships as energy exchange, that was huge because relationships need to be an energy exchange, and I was in a lot of relationships where I knew I was giving more, and I was like, Oh, you're so sweet. And like, yes, oh, I was so sweet. However, like, girl, she what are you getting back in return? And she didn't get shit in return. Oh, and there's certainly chapters where I've even had this chat with one of my best friends. I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm being the really needy friend. And when we do talk, I'm like, it's me talking about all my shit. And she's like, Yeah, but that's okay, because that's where you're at right now, and that's what I'm here for. And then I have to be reminded there's people that are that also have that consciousness about energy exchange and that like I can hold for you, but you know it's gonna reciprocate both ways, both sides, yeah. Right? And so that's been a really big one. The other big one, and I'll share this with you. You had a struggle, you had a bit of a struggle last week, and I caught myself. You were like, I'm so sorry, and I wanted to be like, oh my gosh, don't worry about it. And like my intention was it's fine, but I was also like, I'm not gonna sugarcoat or give her a whole bunch of like it's okay, and don't worry about because I I was also like, I feel like this is a moment where she just needs to like be in her shit and she knows I'm there for her, yeah, but I'm not gonna be like in the moment, I'm not gonna like go people please, and that's been a hard part for helping people with healing because me, God, the people pleasing, the people pleasing, or me like being like, girl, it's okay, when I actually have to be like, hey, sit with it, it's all good, we'll reconnect. Absolutely, and then I messaged you because I I was like, I wanted you to know that like you're good, you got this, but how much I was hindering, how much I hindered in the past by trying to pump everyone up. Absolutely, and that's it's huge because there's I don't know, I've I feel very much so the same with like the people pleasing thing because me, I'm always that girl that's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I could literally walk in a straight line and somebody will come from the left and like run into me, and I'm saying sorry. Like starters, you're Canadian. Well, yeah, that too. But but yes, it's it's crazy. And another thing I actually just spoke to um with a really good friend of mine is how it's crazy that we can meet strangers, we can meet our loved ones, we can meet our family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, fian, all the above, which with such kindness, such compassion, patience, but damned if it comes back and I do it to myself, we're the mirror, and yep, that ain't happening. Yeah, that's a huge piece of coming home because because our heart is literally our compass, it is our inner voice, but we've shifted to our head, and yes, when we buy into all the things that our head tells us, we believe that's us when really like we need to be able to acknowledge and process and be with our thoughts, but we have to remember that, like, again, it sounds so cheesy, but once you can like feel what your heart is actually trying to tell you or your body's trying to tell you, there's so much love and compassion to come home to. But you have to be able to flip the mirror totally. Yes, it's genuinely. I even bringing back to that question of you know where I was and where it all began to where I am now, even in the sense of when I have gone to your sessions, and that very I remember that very first session, I think it was a soul dive I went with you. Um that there was a prime moment where I realized that I need to stop, I need to slow down, I need to hone in on myself because, like we also spoke about the cues. I had no idea I was capable of it. I was like, no, you have to be a certain kind of special someone. Again, you like a guru, like there's no there's no way that I can feel those sensations. I I've had these walls up for so long. I'm it's part of who you are. Yep, I'm there's no way. And after that first soul dive, I was absolutely blown away. Absolutely blown away at how I was feeling, how I was reacting, the feelings I I felt and almost like meeting an old friend. It was so in it was so neat. That is the analogy I use all the time, but also remembering that when you come back to your body, it's like meeting an old friend. When you start to connect back with your heart's voice and like trusting life and trusting yourself and loving yourself, you have to remember though, like if you've been apart for a really long time, it's rebuilding a relationship. I remember when I first started meditation, I just wanted to like get into my root chakra and I love you, I love you. And saying I love you to myself broke me. Like bawling my freaking eyes out broke me. And I don't think I could receive it yet. And one of the ladies that I was working with, one of the coaches I've worked with over the years, she was like, remember you can't force it. Well, there was me controlly trying to like take charge and the things I thought I needed. And when I actually was able, I think our body also is like it wants to reconnect and it wants to have that relationship. But there's like, I don't know, you have to be able to make sure you can trust each other again, too. And coming back into your body is literally like reconnecting with an old friend. Isn't that crazy that we put up walls and trusting into our own self? Like as if we've done ourselves. And also thank you though, yes for the walls, because sometimes it's because we're in rooms that our little self and we need it, needs it. Yeah, I love that. What made you was there a practice or a moment that you were like, oof, there I am. There is my old self. Now you said, sorry, you said soul dive, and so my soul dive sessions. This isn't a like link into what my services are, but soul dives are like uh we meet twice a month. It's a group of women. I usually try to keep it between 10 to 15 people. Um, we do different practices from meditation to breath work to it's kind of my way of like bringing people in and being like, hey, I'm gonna teach you some stuff, but mostly we're gonna hold space. And it's like gently opening up the door to hey, come try this stuff, see what lands with you. You might not love it all, but also just without even needing to speak, and as we get more comfortable, people speak and we do our sharing and stuff, but it's like you don't have to necessarily say anything unless you want to, but just the like look at all the people around you who are also like, I need something different, I need to come back to something that'll ground me or make me feel better, or I'm sick of feeling this shit, I'm sick of my own shit, whatever it might be. So was there, and maybe there wasn't a specific moment, but were there even practices or something that made you be like, ooh, there was one in particular that's come to mind from the very beginning when we kind of just started chatting about this. Is there was a meditation that we did that was it was a one-on-one, and you kind of took me to this place of this little girl, and that little girl was obviously me. Angel Reiki, it was Angel Reiki, yes, where you go on a journey to your past self, and for you it was your inner child. Yes, and that was the moment that I it kind of broke me in a sense because it was a realization, it was a really harsh look, if if that makes sense, because it was like I wasn't expecting that, and I also didn't know I was capable of that to get back to her. Yeah. Um there was I mean, even in that session, I was lucky enough to have somebody join me in that session, which was my grandmother that passed away, that meant the absolute world to me. Um and just that feeling and the everything that was tied with that session, just like I said, it just broke me because it was like I'm I now can fully feel that I am on the correct path. It may not be like perfect, but I'm where I should be. You're home. I'm home. That's a good yes, I'm home. Can you still physically feel how you felt in that moment? I feel her now and again. I can I can bring myself back to her and I'm just like, oh, there she is. Like in those moments where I'm feeling like overwhelmed, or those like really gross heavy times, I literally can just like tune it out and be like, I bring tears to my own eyes, and I'm like, girlfriend, I missed you. Like, ugh. There's a huge shift. I remember when I was first connected with a past loved one, and it's like we our souls know how that all works, but there's so much learning to not believe in that, yeah, and not that is so I know when I'm not a religious girl, and I know that like that is spoken about, but like the power of connection and how just even knowing I had a soul team and like people looking out for me was huge, and also takes away that like fear of death, too. And anytime you can peel back layers of fear, fear of being alone, fear of being on the wrong path, fear of physical illness, you literally return home more. And so many of those layers that you just mentioned are what I just I've gone through and how I've got to this feeling of home, to feeling, like I said, that breakthrough moment when I I mean I was working with you previous to that as well, but that was one of the sessions that really broke me open, and I was like, huh, I'm here, I'm where I'm supposed to be. I got to say the least a little bit of like an affirmation from my grandmother when she appeared, and like of we're here, I'm here, we're gonna pull through. Again, like you said, that spiritual side where you're you're kind of on the fence about it, but then when you're in this moment and you're in these bad places or these I don't want to say like you're you're completely screwed, you're broken, all these things, and then these moments that come up that just absolutely lift you, and you're like, holy shit, pull the wool over my eyes, like or away from my eyes, I should say. Um, I'm fine, we're fine. Yeah, let's keep it. It's like unbelieving and unlearning the shit that we put on top of ourselves, it takes us further and further away. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, I love that. Yeah, and just the reminder that we are very connected with with the spirit, and you don't and that you don't have to. I think this is the other thing is like you don't have to be like this is another thing about like social media and stuff where it's like you see these extremes, and like, yes, there's people who do work with that, and but it it can look like walking through your day and seeing little signs, and I feel like the little signs, like whether it be license plates or you see numbers, or um, a feather was mine for a really long time, or whatever you even ask for the sign to be, those are like the whispers that our body tries to give us, but those are the like whispers from our team, yes, and yeah, it's not like you have to be living this like oh, the word of like witch. It's the voodoo. Yeah, it's not you can live a regular life like everybody else, but being open, yeah, that's what changes it. That's a really good way to put it because from somebody that I have no background, like I said, a year and a half ago was my first real interaction with you and everything. I never really believed in that stuff. I'm like, no, it's just it happens, it's just the way it is. But once you actually like understand or like give yourself that ability to be like, that was intentional. You feel a whole different vibe. Like it's almost like it shoots directly into your for me at least, it shoots directly into my heart. It's that little like hello from my loved ones, my spiritual team to be like it's a physical feeling for you. Yeah, and it's the best feeling. Like, even on your worst days, and that happens, it's like, oh, okay, it's not bad. We're fine. I'm fine. Again, that little itty bitty piece of a reminder, whether you want to ignore it or not. Deep down in your head, you're like, no, that came that came from them for me. Yeah, and sometimes they're really big and sometimes they're not. Yeah. And don't overthink it. That's my biggest. I've always told myself don't have expectations. Let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happened. Totally. That's a good reminder for probably all of us. Okay, so question. What do you think you would have thought if you heard yourself say that a year and a half ago? Would you have been like, oh, damn it, I needed to hear that, or would you have been like totally closed off to it? I was to a point that I genuinely know sitting here that I was closed off. I would have not even, I'd be like, uh-uh, don't know her. That's not possible. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. I love that. And I also love that you shared because um I don't see anyone. I always ask for communication in a way I'll understand. And it's it's been funny because sometimes it's like I'll be guided to like uh do something or say something, and I'll be like, I'll say something, and I'm like, those are not my words, yes. And it's been like little old ladies that have come up for my clients, and they're like, oh my god, my grandma used to say that all the time, and I'm like, okay, because I was like, that is not something I would say, or um, lots of times I'll see it. Um, like I'll close my eyes and I'm more like I see the picture of it, or I'll hear just really soft messages in my heart that I'm like, oof, those are like these are things that need to be said, and I'll usually be like, I don't know, I don't know like where this is coming from. The worst is when they give me a name because I'm like, I don't want to be wrong, and then the and then I get it all up in my head, and then I'm never wrong. The name is usually so close, but I'm glad you touched on that too, because I would just like to say, from my point of view, those moments that we're in that session, I and you you've done it a few times for me with my loved ones or spiritual guides, and as soon as you say certain things, or like if it's something that's meant to be, sometimes I have a giggle because it's like you always are like, Oh, that wasn't me, that was just like, and I'm like giggling because I'm internally it's like, Oh, I I already knew, I knew it, I knew it. Not saying you're not like soft-hearted or anything, but as soon as like I can just like tell, like, it's not like it's coming from you, but it's coming through you, yeah, it's coming through me for sure. Um, do you get any physical sensations when you hear that stuff? I always get like full body tingles. I do. I sometimes can get the tingles more in my legs and feet, I want to say. But there has been a couple times that I've been again lucky enough to have um and you like there's been a couple times that you've brought up something that my one grandmother that I've been very close to that has said something to me, and I can literally feel the sensation of her hands on like my shoulders, and it's you're nowhere near me, you're not there's no nothing going on, but it just feels like she's like hugging me the biggest hug, like only her she could do. I've just been like sitting here vibing, like when I do energy work and I can feel like my body tingling. That's why I've been since we got on this topic. So so cool. I love that we brought that up too, because I think some people unl until you get open to like, oh, that's what that is, or I think that's really cool. Okay, okay. Let's go back to we'll not go back to, but what parts of you have you needed to meet with the most compassion? The softer parts of me for sure. Um what are those? The permission to slow down, the permission to feel those feelings, um not to always be so productive to say the least. I don't need to have where your value was. Yeah. I don't have to, I just don't need it. I don't need to be this like like you mentioned earlier, too, the energizer Benny. I don't need to have a show home. I don't need to have like everything all my shit together. I feel like is a good way to put it. Um is that hard to be with? Oh, it's it's really tough, tough. Even still to this day, I still struggle with it. Am I doing better? Yes. Am I doing better than I was that year ago, a year and a half ago? Yes, absolutely. Am I anywhere near the goal line? No, but I'm just taking it stride by stride to just allow and accept where I am and just kind of also keeping that little bit of I again don't want to use the word permission, but to permission in a sense to it's okay, it's okay for it to not be all perfect and to slow down and to take care of myself. Like that's huge. Everything isn't a reflection of who you are. And like, I know I had to unlearn that, and I s I think that it's always coming back to it because even in how I run my business, I know how much tons of social media like pumping that out, how much it takes from me, and then I will like see other businesses doing it, and I go, Oh, you're not doing that, and then I go, No, but remember, I'm not just my social media post, and I have people who care and I have trust that I'm doing enough, or I'm or I'm guided to do whatever I need, and same with the house, like that's something I speak with women about all the time, the whole show home thing. Yep. Of like, it my house used to have to be perfect, and now I literally sometimes I'm like, Okay Miranda, you could dial it up a little bit, but I do in phases, but yeah, unlearning, but then it's like, but then you get in the rhythm and you're energized and you're like on a mission, you're like checking all the things off. Yes, but then I I go, Oh yeah, remember we don't care about this anymore, and it's okay. Yes, and and I take time on that topic, like thinking for the longest time that your worth came from how much you could handle, and that's that's where I was like, I shine, I'm this is it, this is this is my best quality, who I am, yes, and it's not, yeah. Yes, no, I totally agree with all of that. Was there anything else that you've had to meet yourself with more compassion? Parts of you that needed more compassion, or did we get them all? I think we got them all because yeah, those are big ones. I think yeah that your identity is beyond what you do in your career, in your home. Like when we can sit in a chair and just be a great person, right? You don't need to do that in our life. I have found that for me, anyways, I have I do kind of dial back, I do spend more time. I've always loved solitude, but I kind of have my life balanced out and I'm grateful because I work for myself so I can kind of set my schedule, but I do kind of tuck myself away a little bit because I just feel it easier to live the way that I want to live. But then holy shit, the rest of the world is so fast when I go out there. Except now I don't feel like I always need to catch up. It's more just so like, oh, I wish you knew how fast you're moving, or you just see you can see and feel how tired people are. I love that you brought this up because I have been feeling that so hard the last couple months. Again, my journey hasn't, I feel like I should say that it hasn't been that long. It's been long enough, but it's been only a year and a half. And a few months ago, I had the same like aha moment that I'm like, I'm not that girl that I was. I don't need to go out, I don't need to go and party and have like all these things that really don't matter and be this person and be this social butterfly that I just don't want to be. Yeah, I'm okay with being at home, I'm okay with being in my own peace, I'm okay with loving myself where I am, where I'm at, emotionally, physically, I'm okay. Don't worry about me, I'm good. I've walked, I always share this with you, but like I went on similar paths. And I think if you go from extreme busy kind of burnout, yeah, and then you burn out, and then you're trying to stay busy, but then you finally realize, okay, I don't have to do all the things, and you start to figure out what you do need, but then you kind of retreat more than maybe you should, yes, which is also okay. You like have your you're like reflecting inward and you're being alone, and this is why I even say with like people that come to any of my group sessions and stuff, it is also okay there's chapters where you do things alone, or where you just need more private healing or more private time, and they don't necessarily always match with the seasons because spring and summer, everyone's out and about and doing all the things, but like maybe not, and so yeah, but then you do hit that point where you're like, Whoa, the outside world feels like too much, and I remember being like, Hey Miranda, you do need to like you, it's safe to be part of the world, but put yourself in places where that feels good, and I'm so grateful that I have my studio because that's where I spend a lot of my outside time, and yeah, but I think you go through those phases and you're probably going to slowly kind of crawl yourself out of that a little bit, but it's okay to like I right away thought of like a groundhog, like poke his head out and be like, meh, that's enough for me, but then later be like, Okay, yeah, like you might find some things that draw you out or intrigue you or whatever that might be. But yeah, it's meeting yourself with compassion of where you're at, and that might be even day-to-day. That's why I always say, like, I show up, but I sometimes don't. And that is the worst. It's okay, it's okay, but I have to be really honest with myself about what that looks like because it's not me not showing up for things that I need to show up for, but it is like I step back from coaching because I was like, ooh, that's taking a bit more from me. And then I ended up shifting into a different kind of work situation, and I was like, ooh, this is really filling my cup. Yes, I'm busy, but it's filling my cup. And so I just think it's important to give yourself permission that like sometimes I'm a yes, sometimes I'm a no. I'm not flaky, because if I'm committed, I'm committed, right? But I'm gonna readjust, and you can't assume that if I did it before, I'm doing it again. And I even do that with my studio. Like, sometimes people will get expectant about certain offerings being certain days and times, and sometimes I'm like, meh, like I can't. Like, that's gonna, it's not gonna be fun anymore if I do it that regularly or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, the world's feeling fast for you right now, hey. Absolutely, it is so so fast. So, can you like put yourself back to the place where that was you though? And then it's like meeting yourself with compassion of like, holy shit, no wonder I was so tired. Yeah, I I have taken a big step and been like, okay, this this this obtainable girl that I used to be, I have no idea how she got there, how she survived all of the things. I for myself, I struggle now with getting back out in the world because it's like I get out in the world, I realize, like you said, everybody's moving so fast, and I have this almost guilt and and pity for these people that are just like zoom, zoom, zoom in and out with their day. Meanwhile, I'm just enjoying my time, my my place, my peace, my home. And once I step out of it, it's it's just like ooh, this this feels very, very familiar because it's that girl I was a year and a half ago, and I don't want to be her. I don't want to almost touch base with her, even. I'm just like, we're going out, we're coming right back home, there's no in between. But I know that I have been trying to push myself past that discomfort and realizing that just because you You go out and you maybe go a little bit splurging to say the least, um, you're not gonna turn back into that girl. Yes, that's a huge thing that always comes up is like um almost being worried that you're gonna go backwards, but it's it's not that you're going backwards because you have awareness, it's just like giving yourself permission to kind of keep doing check-ins. One thing that is important to note too that when you're going through shifts like that, and I think you might be in this right now, but um your people that you surround yourself with change, and some of those or some of those people are able to meet you where you're at, and some of those people can't, and so then it's also really feeling out like um where you find yourself or how often you find yourself around certain people, but then also like finding community that are kind of in the same place as you, and so that's a little bit of a like it's a giving yourself room to figure that out too, because you also can't just be like you don't want to cut everybody out, but it's a little bit of like giving them a bit of time to adjust and see if they can meet you, or if it's like, okay, um, I I just watched an awesome video about this, but also like if there are people that you needed to meet with forgiveness, and I've had to be really honest with myself that I can forgive people, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna be around all the time. Yes, I can move past things, but it doesn't mean that my availability might not be the same, yeah, and that's hard for some people to understand too. So I have been met with a lot of that, a lot of change, a lot of people in my life that obviously at the time I didn't realize that were taking too much from me, and it was a big struggle to realize for myself, and it was an even bigger struggle for them to realize that hey, I need space, and you know, this is this has been happening, and I've been allowing it to happen, and it's just not okay anymore. I'm I'm doing things for me and myself, and unfortunately, like you said, it's not that you need to cut them completely out of your life, but it's also like you need to stay take a step back and be like, hey, so I need some time, gotta get this figured out for myself, and I mean, luckily in my situation, I mean, I've feel like my eyes have been open in many ways to realize kind of where I stand in situations in that said relationship or whatever it may be, but also at the end of the day, too, it's kind of opened my eyes to realize that there's so much more potential out there, other than who you thought that were in your corner. Yeah. So Madeline and I talked about this in a previous episode together, just about how in relationships, um, it's just that like bullshit idea to that they're gonna look the same forever. And like we're meant to grow and we're meant to change, and and also, and I'm real grateful that I've that I've come to this place that I can understand that first of all, for you and your people too, it must be hard for me to not be as available because I realize how much I was giving. And so then a little part of me is like, oh, I feel for you, it doesn't change my availability, but I can meet you with compassion and understanding that like this would be hard for you, but also I'm doing you a disservice if I just continue to um do all your work, basically, right? Yeah, and also being able to understand that everyone's on their own journey, not everyone's here to do a bunch of inner work, and that's fine, but just understanding and giving yourself permission, I think that um not I love lots of people in my life and they aren't really in that place, and I can still love you and spend time with you, but it looks different, and yeah, so you might not find me in those rooms as often, but I think when you're able to at least be able to meet people with a bit of like understanding where they're at, and a big one for me in the people-pleasing piece was like, I really gave you a lot, and I'm really grateful. And I've had friendships where they gave me a lot, and I understand why they like needed to move or shift, and then I've also been that friend, and it it's hard to also be it's hard on both ends, right? Because you miss the person that might have grown or fallen away, and but then it also typically mirrors or reflects back like some of your inner shit that you need to do or what you learned or whatever it is, which isn't easy, but then when you're the person that kind of needs to shift and move, then you're like, oh, like I'm sorry, but I'm also like I gotta move on. So I think normalizing that. I think we've been talking about this is the best analogy when you're coming out of that, is like these have been my people for a really long time because I was trying to stay the same. So then when I shifted and changed, the people around me stayed the same for a bit. So there I am feeling different, trying to navigate things different, but finding myself in the same rooms and the same energy. And some people do change with you in relationships, marriage, like my husband's shifted with me. Was it easy all the time? No. But you can sometimes find yourself ping-ponging, right? And like it's like negative energy or hard energy that can't help to absorb and meet you where you're at, and so you're like ping-ponging around until you kind of find someone you can land into, which is why I'm grateful for our soul dives or our online communities for that, because sometimes it helps when there are people you don't know and haven't known your whole story and your whole chapter, right? Absolutely, yeah. It's it's a big key to that next chapter, I feel like, is understanding and seeing where you stand, the people around you, and like you said, if some of them are, some of them aren't gonna change, and that realization for myself was a really big pill to swallow that the expectation that they're going to, yeah, and you know, the expectation that they're even gonna meet you with a little bit of anything, but then you don't get anything from them, and yeah, so I don't know, it's like you said, you take a step back and you're like, Okay, regroup, start all over again, or even like the situation that I've got in my head right now is come when they do reach out, meeting them with compassion and kindness of like, okay, obviously you're still in your space, you're still doing your own journey, I'm on a separate one. That's okay, that we're on two different paths, but you're not gonna absorb my energy like you used to. You're not I'm not gonna give you my energy. Well, it's also like, are you meeting me with understanding and compassion too, right? Yes. And if you're not, that's where like a yeah, we yeah. Sometimes those people, I think in my mind, anyways, sometimes people are here to show us how much we deserve. Sometimes people are here as constant reminders of a lesson you're supposed to learn about how you carry yourself, and both of those are beautiful because yeah, the same relationship will keep showing up if you don't learn the lesson. And so that's where I've really that's given me permission to in when I do coaching work and stuff to remind myself that if someone would have not given me that relationship ending or kept highlighting or triggering something in me that I needed to fucking own, I wouldn't get through it. So it's that too. Like remembering one person or these two people, time is 444. Isn't that cool? Um just that, yeah, like some people stay, some people go, some people are literally put here to help us grow, some are put here to help us be challenged, and isn't that really a beautiful thing at the end of the day? It's just not what's normalized. I I love that. I love every part of it being on that journey and looking in hindsight. It's it is a beautiful journey once you realize on the other tail end of it, like where you are now. Maybe the people that you hoped for, but they're still in your corner, but maybe not front row in your corner to say the least. They're still there, they're allowed to be there, but too, you're allowed to do what's best for you. Because at the end of the day, you're that for other people too, right? Absolutely. And I have to remind myself that too. I'm not always meant to be the person who carries everyone. Exactly. And sometimes I need to use my voice or stand my ground so that someone else can get whatever lesson they're supposed to learn. But it comes back to intention, it comes back to compassion, how you carry yourself, and yeah, being able to meet people and without expectations. Yes. Because if you have an expectation that everyone's gonna grow with you and everyone's going to change and everyone wants to do their inner work, you're gonna be let down a lot because this is not how it is. And being let down is a huge, it's a it's a huge disappointment, it's a huge like mental emotional blow. It's like and yet it's awesome. So why? But part of you said, but then it's awesome. You get let down less when you understand that that's part of the that's part of life, right? I always find in moments like that I can meet myself and be like, okay, what am I supposed to be learning from this? What is the why am I sitting here? Or maybe it's just me supposed to take a little checkout and do some inner work. Because sometimes we go in those waves too. I'm not just sitting in inner work tucked in my office all day and night, you know, thinking about situations. Yeah, and sometimes I get busy or I'm in a chapter where like things are really vibing and I'm happy and all is well, and then it'll just be a little nudge of like, hey, go check in on yourself or whatever. I love that. Absolutely. All right, so lots of awesome stuff we've talked about. Um, I would love to just ask what would you say to someone feeling like they are healing alone or suffering alone or like feeling that heavy carrying the world, whatever that might be. The cliche saying that you're not broken and you're definitely not alone. Sometimes healing feels isolating because not everyone around you, and like again, that circle, um, understands what's happening when your body or mind finally says enough. But there are also the sorry, there are so many people quietly going through the same thing. I mean, take her groups, for example, one session, you're feeling it the next session, the lady beside you is feeling it, and you're just loving it for her, and like so supportive. You don't know her from a hole in the ground, but you support her and what she's going through. Um, healing isn't linear. Some days you feel that grounded and empowered and can't. Either go you, right? Like holy shit, I love it. And other days you feel like that fear creeping back. I I even had it last week. I had the slight feeling that I'm about to have like heart palpitations or that, like what if kind of set on, which no, it's not a nice feeling, but then it was also easily suppressed by not suppressed. Not I feel like change that to processed. Well, processed, yes. If you felt like it was processed, maybe it was suppressed. I feel like I don't know, maybe a mix. Because it was I feel like it was suppressed by the fact that I was able to kind of calmly bring myself out of it. I was able to do a little bit of breath work and be like, no, we're fine, we're not gonna go into that place of like I'm broken again. I'm there's something wrong with me, and I'm about to start this whole episode that doesn't need to happen because I am okay. We are safe. Yes, and it isn't linear, and I always come back to when you feel like you're going backwards, sometimes it's a moment where you're reminded how far you've come and how much you aren't back where you started. So sometimes I think those feelings are just literally like reflect on this, yes, sit with this, and you might find something different. So sorry, I did feel like shut your mouth, Miranda, because maybe she did suppress it though, because there's a time and a place for that too. Yes, you can't always process that's exactly true, is you can't always process everything, and sometimes like it's okay to do both, like one or the other, but keeping it all together is yeah, it's I jumped in because language is so huge, I've learned like how I talk, the words I use have been huge in shifting how my body feels too. Yes, I feel the shifts um with just one single word that can absolutely change past or change your mindset or change what you're even about to say, what you're about to think or feel. Words are huge, and that's something I've genuinely learned from you because you're always like you're a word person that you're like what is it? What is it? And for me, that has been something I've gradually kind of adhered to as well. I want I don't want to say adhered like as if you like you took over and you decide what it's okay if you hear me in the back of your head. People in the back of my head, my head I'll be like, I had a shit day, and then I'm like literally hear my counselor or my psychologist being like, don't call them shit days. And and I think I've shared that with you. You even use that on me too. You're like, I'll call them shit day. Don't say it with so much passion. Like, okay, don't call it a shit day. Because, first of all, how grateful that we get to have a day. Secondly, what did you get to experience that's gonna help you grow or shift or sit in your shit? Because sometimes you need to sit in your shit. And don't you fucking dare! And this was me, this was my headspace. One thing doesn't need to spiral a whole day. That's not who I am anymore. Yes, it can make me have to sit and crumble or feel some shit, but then something beautiful can happen, and it's that same thing in our body, right? We can have parts of us that are mad and parts of us that are happy. It doesn't make us anxious, it doesn't make us an angry person, it makes us human. We have parts, days can have parts. Side quest, yes. Um, words are huge. So I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, no. Suppress away if that's what you need to do. We were talking um women's circles or our circles, and um how sometimes you're the person in the hard place, sometimes you're in a really good place. Typically, you resonate with every something everyone says, Um, but also how healing wasn't linear. Yes. Does that pull me back to where I side quested us? Uh so I guess, yeah, back to the circle with the women and like sharing these moments. Um, just like learning to slow down and regulating my nervous system, spending time outside, reconnecting to myself instead of constantly distracting myself made a massive difference. Like honestly, these groups also having the conversations, being so real, so vulnerable, conversations with women who made me feel less alone that make you feel like you're not the only one going through shit. Whether it's somebody else and they're different shit, we're all going through shit. Like, you don't have to put a label on it, like I'm going through worse shit or better shit or whatever kind of shit. There's a lot going through. Yes. For it to be honored and valuable. And I just love to touch on the fact that some days it is you, some days it's the girl beside you, and whatever day it is, when I go into those sessions, I am just constantly feeling this like aliveness that I'm like, yes, I'm I'm there, I'm able to break, or if it's maybe not me that day, somebody else is able to do that. And we we need that. They're strangers, I don't know them, but we need that for each other. We need that, whether it's even if you've brought this up before, too, in those sessions and even on one-on-one, and it really helped open my eyes. And I think it's really important for others to hear that it's okay if you're the first one to crack. You're it's okay to be the first one to scream, cry, whatever you need to do, just honor the feeling that comes through your body, comes through your core. You can feel it, I promise, when you're in these sessions. It is okay to let that loose because nine times out of ten, you start, and that's gonna open the door for the majority of the room to break free from that moment of I I gotta hold back, I gotta hold back. And then not to say follow the leader, but it's also just that little bit of vulnerability when you're the first scream to let everybody else go follow along with you. It's powerful, it's powerful because it's like all this force is with me. It's not like I did it first, now everybody's following me. It's like, no, we are doing this, we are in this together, we've got this. Isn't there also this like, I don't want to be like, I don't want to make it sound like you're like, I did that, but when you're the first one to like cry or whatever, and then someone always ripples behind, and I'm always like, oh, like heart, thank you for giving me the vulnerability to do that, so that someone who might have needed a little nudge for support can get that. Um, yes, I love that. Okay, in circle, I like when I'm leading, I try to stay really grounded, but I it's a different experience than when I'm going to a circle and not hosting it, obviously. But I remember and know that when I'm going to a session, there's like I just want people to know that when you sign up for new shit, or even if you've been doing it, like you've been doing these for a year and a half, haven't you? Yes. Okay, so you've been doing it for a year and a half. I'm still nervous. I'm still like, ooh, what's gonna come up? What's gonna be said, but also what's gonna come out of me because my brain will be like, these are the things that are bugging me. Yeah, but then something totally different will come up, and I'll be like, oh, and I'll crack about something else and be like, holy shit, I didn't know that's what it was. But what I want to just like reiterate, maybe you can speak to is you never like show up and are like calm and relaxed, and like, ooh, it's circle or it's our group healing, it's uncomfortable and it's vulnerable every single time. Every time, even as a host, it's that I think think it's that piece that it's like okay, we have to be prepared. Like, again, thinking I need to walk in there and be like, hey, I know there's this and this and this bothering me, but then by the time you're sat down and you're in that space, you're like you said, holy shit, that that stuff had nothing to do with it. And then you find out the root cause, it is huge, it's it's uncomfortable. It's it's not it's not meant to be easy, it's not meant to be this like aha moment. It's supposed to be like, no, you're feeling this, you're trusting in it. It's one of those spaces, your spaces, and I will forever say this, is one of those spaces that you will walk in feeling so uncomfortable and so like, oh, I'm about-I don't know what's about to happen here. But at the same time, as soon as you're on your mat and you you don't even have to be sunken into it yet. As soon as you're in that mat, you're sat there, you're looking around the room, or you're just laying there, you can already feel the support of these random strangers, yourself, everybody. You can feel it. You can feel this like uplifting, but yet like almost like we're giving each other a hug at the same time. There is no judgment, there is no comments, there's no like it's you literally walk in there silently. You don't say hi. Sometimes you say hi, or you can't do it. Where you're at. Yeah, but a lot of times, like I mean for myself, I just walk in, put myself on a map, and I'm just like, okay, I'm here, I feel so safe, I'm so secure, but yet I can't do that with my own family members. Like, it's crazy to me. Like, you know, I think it's different though. I know, I know exactly that feeling. You know what's really interesting? First of all, my studio space has always been, I'm so grateful for that place because it's good energy. Um, I love my community and I think good people pull in uh in other good people. Um, it's interesting to me because I've had to, I still have to unlearn that when people come in and Don't have expression, which is how I typically move through my day. Don't get me wrong, I'm smiley and stuff, but I have a lot of just not expression. But that doesn't mean anything's wrong. As someone who leads circles and stuff, I've really had to reflect on why I would feel that way. And also being a person who shows up and doesn't need to be smiling and stuff. Um, I love that you feel that. I love how you touched on that too, because I feel like I that hits me hard too when you go out in public and everybody's like, oh, you got the RBF on. And I'm like, no. It's like, no, I'm just I'm just being. Yep. I've had to unlearn that. And I've actually learned I'm real uncomfortable around people who are always smiling. Yes. Just like I meet them with uh aw. Like I hope that you can get to a place where you're not always feeling like you need to do that. Because don't get me wrong, I drive around sometimes when I'm fucking vibing and I'm smiling at everyone, but it's like genuine because then I also move lots of places, and the there's a voice in the back of my head being like, people probably think you're being bitchy, you're sitting by yourself, or you're not super chatty, but I'm just like, I just don't like to force stuff anymore because it takes a lot and it's so much energy. I'm okay with that. Yes. Question How does it feel to be someone who helps to create that space for people? Because you are a piece of that, it is so amazing, honestly. Like it could just talking about it to you again, it could just bring tears to my eyes because it's like if I was that girl that could have met me a year and a half ago, before the year and a half ago, you were that for me, I guess. Um, it is so empowering and so amazing, and honestly, just the best to be able to possibly give that to somebody else that was in my situation or whatever have you, and that's that's huge. And now you get to be that for yourself, yes, and myself, but I've seen here I am. I'm like doing it again. I'm like, I'm so happy I'm doing it for everybody else, but again, I have to remind myself, which thank you for you, to bring it back to me because I am also important. It takes someone or some well, someone holding space for you where you can drop your guards and meet yourself. Come home. Yeah, I love the analogy of coming home because that's what it feels like coming back into your power, coming back into your own energy and to being able to feel your own light and love. Oof, and yeah, you like walk through your day sprinkling it around, but to allow yourself to actually do that for yourself, and we're the one person we have with us our entire life, so we better make sure that we can do that for ourselves. Okay, just brief, real quick question. What modalities or practices do you find um help you just even in your day-to-day, or what do you lean into and when? I do a little bit of the somatic practices throughout the day, like first thing in the morning. I have learned to kind of add that into my schedule. Um, somatic practices, whether it's literally going, finding a space on the wall and throwing my legs up and just laying in there for 10 minutes or so. Um getting a coffee or a tea, whatever. I prefer tea, going and sitting out on my deck and taking 10 minutes, not looking at your phone, and just enjoying that sunshine and enjoying that those little moments. Being in the now, hey. Yes, and that's just to start my day in general. That's sorry, I'm kind of going through a little bit. No, I love that. Don't be. But also throughout my day when I'm starting to feel heavy or overwhelmed or like kind of like ooh, that's not the energy I want to feel, or like somebody's around. Yeah, and so that's when I really integrate breath work. I find that that has hugely helped me in those situations, even in the verge of feeling like I have heart palpitations, anything like that. I then can do the different breath work techniques. I personally, the four-in, four, the four forks, what is it? Four square, whatever you call it. Called four in, hold but four, yeah, and whatever the number is. Four, four, four, four, yeah, whatever. Um, and then I also do another one to help me kind of get into a more relaxed where I breathe in for four seconds and then breathe out in a slow deep breath for eight seconds. And that one is my top go-to. Have you tried four, seven, eight? No. In I I feel like we've done them before, but it's more of like before bed. Um, it's to help fall asleep, but it's inhale four, hold for seven, exhale eight. Interesting. Okay, well I've been doing the four and eights before bed though, too. So well, and that certainly helps because it brings as long as your exhale is longer than your inhale, it brings you into more parasympathetic, rest digest. Okay. Um, breath holds are different for everybody, but that four, seven, eight technique is really cool for really down regulating and grounding and falling asleep, basically. So you gotta be careful where you do it. But breath works are a big one for you, though. Hey, yes, and then even our sessions, coming to some of the sessions with the breath work itself, like the full 90 middle. Full 90s, holy smokes. You walk out of there, each each session. I feel like you can't be like everyone, like, holy shit, everyone, I come out a brand new woman. But like those ones knock you back on your feet. Yeah, um, I always feel super energized and like I let go of a hundred pounds, and I feel like on a and I say this when I lead them, but on a cellular level, you feel different. Yes. Oh, I love it. Yes, you get so in your body and so in your breath. If you haven't done a like 90-minute transformational breath work session, um, you gotta meet yourself in the right place. Sometimes we scream, sometimes they're more restorative, but oof, breathing for 90 minutes connects you with spirit. How can you go wrong? I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Circling back to the woman's circle, uh, I just want to make note again on this because that healing doesn't happen in obviously isolation. That's that's not possible. Um, there's something incredible and powerful about being around women who are honestly vulnerable, emotional, healing, growing, and realizing that you're not crazy and you're not alone. Uh, I think there's so many women that are silently carrying stress, the pressure, anxiety, the burnout survival mode while still trying to be everyone for everyone. Um, being in that space where masks come off is it's incredibly healing. Uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable, but incredibly healing. Always remind myself that the universe puts you in rooms you're supposed to be in. Yeah. Because even like we live in a smaller community, I never have been in a circle or anything with people that, or even put with someone who I'm like, ah, and then it ends up being exactly what I needed. So I do, I always trust. Even in I've landed in online sessions with people who moved away, shit you not, and maybe I had a falling out with, they've popped up in meetings, and then our instructor will be like, I'm gonna put us into groups, and I'm literally sitting there being like, Okay, I'm trusting, I'm trusting, and it's so funny. The universe always like that person needed to pop up so I could do some healing from that. Yes, but literally living in different parts of Canada, end up in the same room, there's reason there's reason, yeah. No, for sure. Um, I love that you shared that because I think we're taught to not come across weak, deal with your shit in private. Yes, um, everyone's going through it, so why should my stuff matter? Yeah, all of that. And then we're on the same page, but it does, it shows up in your physical body and in our nervous system and in in in the masks that we put on. I also feel the big power of sharing after the sessions is huge because maybe I haven't got there yet, or maybe I'm on the same page but a different story, but you always learn something. Someone needs to hear what you have to say, yeah. Like it's not even just for you to say it and just to let it off your chest. Everybody else is listening, some might resonate, some might not, but there's been so many times that I've been like, oh wow, like I've never thought about that, or even situations. I always say this part that I love the most about these sessions, too, is there's moments where somebody's sharing something and nobody moves, everybody just sits there silently listening, but like deep in my heart, I'm just like hugging them, and I want to like give them the biggest hug because I'm like, oh. Do you ask at the end? No, of course, because like I haven't got there yet. And that's but I'm always like that person that's like I'm always sat there and like in my intentions, in my heart, I'm just like, I'm hugging you right now. Like, I hope like I'm so proud of you for sharing that with our group. Like some things that I I've heard, some things that we've been there for um our group, uh some things just like break you inside, and you just you can't even imagine if that was to happen in your life. So the fact that this person's going through that, it just it really it's hard, it's really rough. I'm not gonna lie. It's and they're sharing it. And it's exactly which is like the as soon as you speak it, it has less power. I was gonna ask you, have you ever left circle and been like, shit, I should have said this, I should have spoken up. Yes, at the very beginning. Oh yeah. When I was starting these groups, and I felt like I would share a little bit because I was feeling c inclined to, but I'd only share to a point that I was like, Well, that's that's it, they don't need to know, and I'm gonna bore them, or I don't want to like compare myself or make myself feel like I'm more broken or feel that I'm wasting people's time listening to me jibber jabber. And yeah, I kind of got to a point where it was like leaving and not feeling that fulfilledness. Um and then once I started actually letting it all loose and being like, no, here it is, hard on my sleeve, this is what it is. Those sessions are what really helped me keep coming back because that's where you're getting the most out of it. That's not even just going through the session, but the ends when you're able to share, when those end pieces are that, like I just said, you can maybe help inform somebody else, or maybe they're in the same situation and you can align together. That's huge. I love that. Um, and in saying that, there's times where I think you gotta meet yourself with compassion if you're like, I don't want to share this. It might be something you need to like hold space for yourself with or whatever that might be. Have you ever not come because you didn't want to be a hot mess? I think there was once. There was one time, and I even texted you and I was like, Nope, not today, because like I am not good, and you were like, This is exactly why you need it. Get your ass down here. So I didn't say get your ass down here. I could I could feel that vibe going across the text. No, I think you caught compassionate love actually. Okay. There's a time and a place, yes, when people, when people do message me being like, I don't think I'm gonna make it. Usually my gut is like, what are you working through that you're catching yourself feeling like you need to be alone? However, I will say there's there's sometimes where you just need to be with yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely. Love it. Okay. Did we get it all? Oof! So healing. I love it. Does it look like you said all the things your heart was calling? So the end of this all, I feel like the one thing I I'm I'm called to say and kind of bring up is the younger version of me, the version of me a year and a half ago. Is this my last question? I think so. Okay. Is it about your younger self? What would I say to my younger self? Yes. So I have three questions that I'm gonna start ending all my interviews with. The first one is what would you say? I let you cheat today. I'm gonna normally be spontaneous and not tell anyone. Now everybody knows. I'm so sorry. But no, no, I mean now everyone knows because I just explained to everybody that I'm gonna ask these questions. So don't pre-conceive these thoughts. What would you say to your younger self? You do not have to earn love, rest, or worthlessness or worthlessness. Jeez, where am I going? Worthiness by overlooking, overlooking, overworking yourself. Um, one day you'll realize that constantly being the strong one is exhausting, that the softness is not weakness. Um and just telling myself your body is not against you, it's trying to protect you. And that's huge. It's gonna make me cry. I'm sorry. It's it's big, it's huge. It's where where I was to where I am now is it's huge. It's even these little moments of hey, I I wasn't in this disaster state. What I was in was my body was protecting me. I wasn't medically ill, my body was protecting me. All of these answers to the unknown but was known is huge. It's such an uplifting feeling to be like, okay, I wasn't broken. I was, in a sense, I wasn't broken, physically broken, to the part that I wasn't able to piece myself back together. I wasn't physically incapable, I just needed to bear down. I needed to regroup, recharge, and let things that no longer served me go. And I release the grip. Yes. That's a hard one. Control too. That is a big grip to let go. Control's huge. Um, good job. I'm sure she would be so happy to hear that. I think all of those resonated with me too. What do you think the world needs most right now? Genuine connection. Everyone to take their mask off. Everyone to take their masks off. Like people are starving for the authenticity, the honesty, the community and spaces where they don't have to pretend that they're okay all the time. Uh, I think people need to feel seen without judgment, and I think that's all looped into why for me myself is why I love your business. I love every aspect that you support because all of that that this world needs, you provide in your business. Thanks, girl. Well, sorry, I love that. Thank you. Those are my whys. Those are literally the reasons that they every part of your business just resonates in different areas, like all the time, even our conversations, conversations with others within your community of your business. It's just it's amazing. It's amazing to be a part of. Well, thanks for being a part of it. It's people like you that make it that way. So we'll pump up for you. Thank you. What are three words you're moving forward in this next chapter with? I feel they're cheesy. No, I love cheesy. Cheesy is good. Obviously, grounding, intentional, and just free. Love, those aren't cheesy. Well, I feel like they're bait, like grounding for sure. Everybody's like, oh, I want to be grounded, but that's why I'm do they feel cheesy because they're like soft? I was gonna say soft and intentional. Because they're not like the strongest. I'm gonna I'm gonna hustle. Yes. I'm gonna be strong. Yes. It's cause I feel like holy fuck, that's the other version of you that's sitting here being like. That's legit. What I was about to say is like that girl a year and a half ago would be so confident being like, no, uh, she needs to be this and this and this, and these words are not it. Like, we need to be powerful, we need to be strong, we need to be all these things. No, cut that shit. So, isn't it really cool to think when you come home to yourself, you can hustle, you are strong, you can put on a mask to help someone else out in a moment that you need, you can put up walls to protect yourself if it's needed, but you've also learned that you need to come home to the other part, the softness and the reflecting love inward instead of always outward and letting go of control and trusting. And like in saying that, realizing that you already are all those things, you're just getting to learn what that looks like, what it feels like, and the balance of it, I think. They're big shifts, they're meaningful, and when you get there, it's one of the best accomplishments and the best feelings. I hate to say, because everybody's always like, let's do this, let's do this now. But it does not take an overnight session. I also was very naive to start with that, thinking that I was gonna be fixed at the beginning. You still took a step though, but that step in the right direction is all you need. I love that. Okay, do you feel like you're on track to love fiercely and land softly with yourself? I feel like I definitely am. I'm I'm getting there. She, like I said, two different people from a year and a half ago to today, and I'm so proud of everything that I've gone through, what I've accomplished, what you've helped me through, everything, every part of it. So thank you for being there for love. And thanks for um being on and your support and encouragement because my people always remind me of my value too, which I think we all need that sometimes. I know it, but there's a power in hearing it from someone else. So absolutely thanks for being part of this little life journey with me. Thank you for allowing me to be part of it. I love it. Okay, well, in ending that, I do want to say just that. Make sure to give yourself permission to learn to love fiercely and trust yourself to land softly until we meet again. Peace and love.