Befriending & Demoting My Busy AF Mind: From Boss to Backseat

Here goes nothing.

In this episode Miranda Lee allows her BUSY brain to share its story, and her body to tell its side and speak for itself. A chat about how she needed to first understand her mind to then be able to shift it from being 'the boss', to connecting and allowing her body to take some lead. 

Topics:

• Awareness & Understanding of the Her Mind- The journey to discovering how much in the driver seat her overactive, ADHD-like mind was controlling her. How necessary it was to meet her brain and thoughts with compassion and curiosity, as an observer and chatty friend, rather then with judgment and trying to work against it. 
• Importance of Diving into Your Birth Chart- The value in learning about her full astrological birth chart and signs to get some understanding into her wiring (and you too). A 'cosmic snapshot' into how you navigate life, your personality, intellect, strengths, habits, soul lessons and direction, relationship, discipline and communication styles based on planetary alignment. 
• Somatic Connection & Experiencing- The life shifting relationship she built with her body, and learning how it communicates, its sensations, its voice, volume and language. And how it changes how she shows up for herself and expresses herself.
• Practices & Tools for Support- Some of the ways she supports teaching her brain to take a back seat, and rekindling trust with her bodies ability to communicate and lead. And how sometimes her thinking thoughts need to be able to run wild.
• Conversational Shifts- Navigating some tools and reflecting on what she has integrated into listening and speaking with others (and to herself). From active listening, holding space, anchoring or organizing her thoughts and putting them forward into speech (or not). 
• Somatic Experiencing & Grounding- The practices she uses to settle into the body and allow its voice to turn up and guide easier, while dialing down the thinking thoughts. And holding space for both.
• Time & Tasks- Take aways and some tools she uses to stay in conscious awareness of 'time', managing her energy, and evaluating how many fucks she actually has to give.
• Finding her Value- The importance of understanding we are more then our thinking thoughts, our productivity, our ability to multi task, and the numbers we pump out in our work or finances.

She will likely dive in deeper to each topic in future episodes.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Miranda Lee Podcast. A life fully lived embraces every season. The highs and the lows. Allowing ourselves to love fiercely, feel our feelings, and trust to land. This is a heartless space created for just that. A vulnerable conversation. Learning to unlearn and become part of a beautiful community while growing and healing right alongside people. Because everything is easier with support and lived experiences shared with the right kind of people. Let's step off autopilot. Get a little uncomfortable. Take a breath and dive right in. Welcome to this episode. I am going to be honest. I'm real curious how this episode goes. I was really called to dive into how my mind works, what I've learned about it, um, how I work with it, and then also my body and my heart, and how I've learned to be with that, and the balance and cohesion that I try to create between the mind and the body. I have no idea how this is gonna go. I also feel like it's either going to totally land with you and relate, or my mind and the way that I process is going to drive you completely fucking crazy. And either way, I think it's just good to know because when you understand how someone else is wired, we're able to meet people in a different place. And I'm going to say I've learned a lot about myself and picked up on some things I didn't even realize in listening to my recordings and my interviews. And I've also learned so much, thanks to some really great friends who will be on here or have been on here, um, as well as my husband. And as I'm like sitting here, I'm like, I might have to have him on one day to speak to that. Because even in the episode that him and I talked, um, there were moments where he's like, there was a lot of words there. I'm just sifting through what I need to take. And um yeah, I I'm really excited and curious where this goes. So what I'm going to speak to today isn't science-based. I've done an insane amount of research and reading about so many different aspects of ADHD, of nervous system, of somatic experiencing. Um, and so this is based on my experience, just what I've learned through my own work, as well as what I've learned in holding space for other people and my clients. Um, I don't have a diagnosis. Go ahead and give me one, but I'm pretty good. I've really learned how I'm wired, how to support myself, changed some aspects of my life and how I hold space for myself and how I move. Um, and then I've really normalized and started to follow people that I can look up to and lean into for some guidance and normalization just in this. Um, as a woman, I think so many of us are wired now um into kind of the way mind works as well. It's just like the strength of being able to organize, the strength of being able to multitask, to be high functioning, for that to almost be a flex, um, to be independent without needing help, the plate load that we carry is just crazy, just task-wise, not including emotion and relationship and like all the pieces of our lives as women. So, and not saying I know there are men that are wired this way as well, but um, I can't speak to a man's life in this world. So um, yeah, I'm I'm excited to hear how this goes. Um, how this will work is so I work with my mind and my body kind of differently. We're still a team, we're a unit, but when my brain and my thinking thoughts get to take charge, they typically speak really fast. Um, I have loved learning that in interviews, my volume and my amount of words and my reactivity to what someone else says um is big and fast. And I know that about myself. And then when I lead sessions or record by myself, I know that I'm slower, there's more pause between words, but even still, in this episode, I'm really excited because this is how I this is how I did it. I work in parts, so I speak to my body, um, my body speaks back to me, and then when my mind speaks to me, um, it's just different. It's like having two different friends. One who's super fucking chatty is probably gonna cut me off, has more to say than maybe the time that I have allotted, and then my body is really good at holding space and listening and not always needing to have something to say back. So for this episode, I literally opened up my phone because I knew I couldn't write fast enough, and I said to my brain, let me know what you need to say, what you need to share. And then I just wrote it all down, and oh my god, it was the longest list, and I love it. And then I kind of stayed in my body and my mind and was like, Okay, how can we sort this? Needing my body to do a good job of kind of organizing and just mapping things softly so that it will make sense and not just be a zigzag of things and information. Um, and then I let my body speak to kind of what I've learned and how it has needed to kind of learn to be a little bit more of the boss. So, in saying that, um, in my coaching, in healing sessions, this is kind of what I do, and this is my why. Because I have learned that there is so much value in learning about our thinking thoughts, about where our brain spends its time, about what we are hearing in our head all day long from the one voice that you hear constantly, um, and how or how unorganized all that does, and how it makes you show up in your life, in your profession, in relationships, in conversation. And so I do that. That's more coaching, more guided. Um, and then I spend a lot of time with clients, and I think this is what we need the most, is um somatic experiencing coming into your body, coming into the voice of the body, the messages that the sensations our body holds actually have for us, and it speaks so much slower, and it speaks in a really loving, kind way, and then being able to make friends with all of it because ultimately we need our mind, it does so much good for us, but we also need our heart, and we need our body and our nervous system's input and wisdom and insight, and you need to be able to kind of blend it all together and then also connect with your intuition, um, which I think is held more body and heart. Um, so that's the work I do, and that's what I'm going to attempt to work through in this episode in my 32 pages of notes to try and keep my thinking thoughts in line and allow my body to also guide the mind without holding it back. And so if you think I sound crazy, listen in, because this is my life. Okay, so I'm going to start with my mind. Why? Because it is the loudest. Um, it used to be the boss, it still sometimes is. Um, but it was the it was the loudest voice. I'm gonna let it be for part of this episode today. Um, but it told me my value, it told me what was acceptable, it also tried to really tell me who I was, gave me a story, um, gave me labels and identities that I that it wanted me to believe in. And it also really tried to tell me what the world thought of me and how the world was around me. And I'm really grateful for that. However, oh, my body's talking right now. However, um, what I needed to be able to learn was to meet my thinking brain as an observer. It is a part of my journey, but that it wasn't intended to always be in charge of me and where I was going and what I was doing and what I was saying. So my mind needs to be heard, it needs to be acknowledged, and it has to be given room to process. Like I said, it's like my super chatty hyper friend who sometimes just needs to be heard, and I have to be able to meet it as a friend who just needs to vent and say all the things that it's excited to talk about and understand that I don't need to carry it all. I don't necessarily need to agree with it all, but just hold space for it and just let it speak because essentially um that's what it wants. It wants to be heard over the past oh specifically probably 20 years. I think I've met my mind. Ooh, I'm gonna get emotional. Ooh, yeah, I am. Um I've met my mind with a lot of judgment. I think it I felt like it was getting me in a lot of trouble. Um it was speaking around people that I wasn't safe to speak around. And then that was creating hurt or distrust. Um it was making me feel like I was taking up too much space, um, like I was being annoying. But then it had a lot of good shit to say, and it it helped lots of real good ideas and creativity, and it's like excitement to create and to connect, and it's vulnerability to share was literally what's created a lot of things in my life, and without it, I wouldn't be here, and so I really have had to meet that part of my mind, and so if you have a busy mind and you talk a lot where it's super chatty, and it feels like it controls you, really meeting it with so much love, because I think for me, this actually came up just before I started recording. I was just eating lunch and sitting outside, and I was like, Where or when did my mind get super chatty? Because I remember and still am real quiet sometimes. And as a kid, my parents always say how I was such a quiet kid. Um, and then I think I've just learned that that part of me was more accepted when I was more chatty, and I also think I learned that there's value in what I have to say, and I'm good at articulating words, I'm good at writing, and uh it also felt good to be big energy, and even though when I'm really excited about something, um, or I'm just in a good chat, I have so much to say and my thoughts are so quick, but they also, even though my communication might be super disorganized sometimes, or it's like a complete chaotic mess, it feels like in my mind, and I feel overwhelmed, it's also so good at helping with organization, and so as someone who was a big dreamer, and I'm always thinking about things, and they don't have to be meaningful, but I'm always like out there and deep in thought, and so part of it was releasing control of everything because that's learned. Um, also, it was creating a really loving friendship with my mind that I needed tools and support and practices to strengthen the ability for all the amazingness that my mind brings and my thinking thoughts bring me in my life, but being able to also slow them down so it's not always the boss, it's not always taking me out of the moment I'm currently in. And it is, it's just like a muscle. So the more you practice things that help it to slow and to allow a different person to talk, so my body or my heart or my intuition, and also allowing it time to run fucking wild and finding avenues for that when it's like appropriate almost. I don't want to put it in a cage, but like um giving it the time to shine, but then allowing it to take the back seat so that it's not learning that it always needs to be in charge. And I think that was a really big piece for me. Of I've really dove into journaling and writing. Um, podcasting has been really cool because as I spoke, and we'll get into um writing down my thoughts that are literally in my head, just like popping up randomly throughout the day. And I'm like, oh, that's a good idea. But then I don't write it down, and then it comes up again, and then I don't write it down, and so it just keeps popping up. So being able to write these things down, organize it in a way that it can make sense to me, but also my listeners, my clients, and then speaking it, and then holy shit, now listening to it has been incredible. And I've also noticed that if I give myself the time each day to be like, what do you have to say? It learns that it's time will pop up, and then it can have full control. And so, in listening to my podcast, it's been an interesting journey too, because I made a rule that I'm not allowed to re-record anything. Like, once it's done, there's no judging or being like, no, that wasn't good enough, because there's always things I'm like, oh, I should have added this. But instead, just like once it's recorded, it's done. Also, it's been really cool. I wish everyone could just have a podcast so they can listen to themselves, not in a not in an ego-driven way, but in a like, holy shit. I hearing yourself interact with other people too. So one of the outlets that my brain gets to run wild is like my interviews with me and Madeline. Um, or me and my girlfriends that'll bring on, or my clients that kind of function the same way. And just letting myself have conversation however feels good for me, and then listening to it without judging myself. So this is what I've learned conversation with Madeline. I listen to it and go, well, all of them actually, not even just interviews, but I meet myself first with a smidge of judgment for maybe how I said something or what I didn't say. And then I listen to it again, and that part of me softens, and I'm just like, oh, I like it. In especially knowing that I'm not changing anything, I can't correct anything. Um, it's been really cool. Start a podcast because holy shit, great way to organize your thoughts, write them down, speak them, and listen to them, and your brain and body will be like, oh, I know this girl. And on the flip side of that, and I will get into this. This is basically my episode is how I've learned to run with it, how I've learned to shift so my mind can take the back seat. Um in meditation and journaling, intuitive writing, breath work. Yeah, so that. Let's dive into that 20 minutes in already. So, first thing first, this might seem off topic, but it's fully intentional. I was reminded in these last few weeks to go back to my birth chart. And so pause this freaking podcast right now and dive into your birth chart. Because if there was ever something that would explain to you your wiring and kind of your soul personality and why I like to think of it as like why I am the way I am and how to meet myself, your birth chart, you need for it, your birthday, your birth time, your location of birth. From there, it's gonna give you so much information. But I've dove back into this because I was reminded in the beginning of my healing journey, I took a course soul school, and it was Was really important because it literally taught me about okay. First of all, you're an air sign, you're a Gemini. This is what you need to know about being a Gemini, and like deeper than a horoscope. This is your birth chart. This is like they're long and detailed, and it's epic. And you will feel understood like someone's like, oh, that is me. And then more so, also, you need to learn your rising sign. And that's the one that correlates with like the moon. The importance of it is because it will literally make you understand how you function, what you need, and a little bit of like validation as to how you move and navigate your life. So I'm not gonna get into my shit, but I'm a Gemini. Um, I have learned a big piece for me was that I need to tell many people the same situation. So I can have literally the same conversation 30 times, be equally excited about it all 30 times, and that fills my damn cup. And so I'm grateful for friends that know that about me who can also meet me there or are similar. And that's also just a piece of healing. I've also learned I need to sit in my thoughts to process before a conversation. I know I'm playful, I know I like change, I like to go with the flow, but I also know I get bored really easy. I'm naturally a very busy mind, and I'm super fucking loyal once proven. So you get just a little bit of me, but if there's trust and loyalty and friendship there, look out because I got your back for fucking life. Um, my moon sign is Earth sign. I'm a Capricorn. I think in my healing, learning that I was a Capricorn for my rising sign changed and gave me permission to know that I'm not just like this big energy Gemini who's busy, busy, busy, busy, but I'm also um someone a little bit deeper. And again, it's it's not like it needed to be a label or an identity, but it it really did just give me permission. So I need routine, I need stability, I know I'm a leader. Um, I know I'm someone who learns from my mistakes, and I get to the top based solely on experience and expertise. And that really resonated with my heart and soul when I read that. I can be more serious, again, very loyal. I always have time to drop my shit and listen to my people through and through. Yes, yes, yes. I take my goals and my relationships very seriously. And in romance, I am big about that. I'm a big cuddler, and my partnership is so important at the end of the day, just to be with my partner. I do, this was another big one for me. I have trouble understanding differences in people that are far from my character, and I can sometimes, and I apologize, but get aggressive about imposing my personal values. And reading that didn't make me be like, oh, see, good, I can be that. It just let me understand that, like, yes, when people live very different lives, different than my values and my personal choices, I really have trouble understanding it. And aggressive is a very strong word, but like I really deeply want to share mine, and I've learned that like why don't bother, but understand that, yep, if someone's living a life very different than yours, I have trouble understanding it and connecting with you, and I'm working on that. And I do think birth charts are just a really huge astrological way of understanding yourself. And then I'm a nerd, and after learning that about me and feeling so understood, I then went and did my husband's and I did my kids, and it was just like, holy shit, like learning their their way of communicating and their way of love language, and just being able to meet them in a way that feels good for them, and also being like, hey, this is my birth chart, this, this, this about me. And then it's like, oh, okay, now we know that about each other, how to better communicate, what you are looking for, what your strengths are, and where you need more support. So super cool. Dive into your birth chart. All right, so from there, I want to dive into how my brain works. And again, I really still have had to meet myself and I've been like, oh, when I listen to this episode, how much judgment is gonna come up that I'm gonna have to just hold space for and be like, uh, let's see where this goes. Um, okay, these are the things about how my brain works. And if you haven't learned these already and just listening to this podcast and me interview people. Firstly, I ask questions to other people, and before they can, I answer them myself because I didn't know I had an answer to my own question until I vocalized that. That um, what can I share always is being filtered like before I speak, and it's a protector. It's like, is it safe for me to say this? So, and I've had to unlearn this too, but while someone's talking, if I'm thinking about, ooh, I agree with you and I want to share this, which we shouldn't do because that's not active listening, but I was already screening and filtering what is safe for me to share. And saying that, I overshare, and I still do, and I have learned that I actually feel safe, safer oversharing with people than not. And I'm also not saying I figured out all my shit, but yeah, that is that's just I'm like take it or leave it, I have this to say, and I think it's because um that's where lots of connection points come from. It either lands and we have something we can connect and share about, and it's not superficial shit, it's like deep stuff, but or we don't, and then I know meh, don't worry about it. We're just not a connection. Um, so that's been one. Um, I've learned and I want to share. I'm not cutting you off on purpose. I'm so excited about what you're saying, and I have something to say about it too. And I'm really grateful for the women in my life who are exactly the same because we have learned how to have conversations together without hard feelings, but also um getting better at not doing it. And I'll get into that if that makes sense. I cut people off all the time. I cut people off in my interviews. Definitely something I'm trying to work on. Um, I'm not talking about myself because it's my ego. I want you to know I totally understand and relate to you and had a similar experience. And for me, that's also I remember moments in my life where I was really uncomfortable and I really would have loved if someone would have been like, oh girl, I've been there. And so I think that's where the oversharing is too. I would rather overshare and have it not land than the person in the room that needed to be like, oh, I didn't know that. And when I speak oversharing, it's like my health stuff. Oh god, I've overshared on this podcast probably a million times. But like, did it land with you? Did it help you feel like you were understood and heard? Fabulous. I'm okay with oversharing being something that I really truly am comfortable with. And I launched this podcast to share my experiences. So um, this has been an avenue for me for that in speaking about my shit. But when I do talk about myself, it's never a like shine the light on me. It's just like relate, I can relate to you. Um I've also learned that I'm real good at figuring shit out on the spot. It almost became a flex of mine, my ability to be able to flow. And so oftentimes I purposely show up not fully structured and prepared because I've had to unlearn that too. Um, so professionally, I I worked a job where clients would be brought to me and be like, this is the situation, figure it out. And I just think I got really good at being in the moment and figuring shit out. Now, I'm not saying that my brain doesn't have a plan, but um yeah, I really had to find my my sweet spot because there's a part of my brain that wants to plan every fucking detail till it's completely exhausted, and I've done that. Fitness instructor had my whole class doot doot doot doot doot, everything's planned. But then life has also taught me, like, mmm, sometimes you don't know what you need until you're in the moment. So really finding the flow and the balance between some structure and some not. So sometimes I'm one, sometimes I'm the other. Um, I've learned that my brain has 1,000 things on a to-do list, and I no longer do to-do lists, but all of the like bullet points that my brain fires at me in a day are to help me be organized so I don't forget stuff, and so oh my god, who can relate with this? I have my systems, they work for me. But who has notes on their phone for whenever thinking thoughts come up? I try to plop them down because then my brain is slower, especially if I haven't sat and been like, K-Brain, what do I need to know? Um, screenshots of things that I can't forget. Uh, unread text messages because if I open it, I'll forget about it. Unread emails, girls. I know who you are. There's some of you listening that I know have a hundred unread emails and fucking get to them, but we'll get to that. But yes, my brain is always like this. Don't forget about this, don't forget about this. Thank you, thinking brain, because I need that. However, I've had to learn to not make them 1,000 things of to-do lists and instead manage that different. Um I had to how my brain works is I used to not be able to settle until things were done. And that was once my 1,000 to-do list things were done. So essentially, I never settled. And then when I did, I wasn't in the moment. I think I was still in my brain. My brain's always going unless I'm doing my practices. Um I've learned about my brain and how it works. Details matter, but like, do they? And so in telling a story, I my brain wants to tell you every detail so that you can experience it the exact same way I did, and you won't miss out on any part because I apparently took note of every single detail in my experience, or felt like every single detail was important. That my love, I can already feel my friends listening be like, yes, that is true about her. She does like to tell the details. I can talk forever if it feels good, if there's a good conversation. Um, yeah, but oh, I'll get into this. Um, and another thing that my brain thinks is that everyone that I run into has been with me all day and knows everything leading up to this point, and I don't know why. I always feel like that, but yeah, it's like pick up from where I've been in my day, and my husband will be like, What? Like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Well, like an hour ago when this happened, he's like, Okay, like I wasn't there, and then I'm like, Oh, right, well, let me tell you every single detail of that experience, and it makes sense in my brain, so you're welcome. I have learned that um in the past, when something would make me emotional, my brain would talk me through it instead of allowing me to feel it. And so I would be mad in my head, and it probably came out in words to other people or throughout my day, but it didn't actually get to be felt, and these are things that I if I catch myself doing, I'm like, ooh, you need to get back into whatever the practice is to help support this and take care of this. Um, I and this isn't, I think this is everyone, just because we're thinking in our heads as we move through our day, but like I end up in the Tim Hortons drive-thru uh with a full coffee already in my hand because I needed to go to the grocery store that's right by it, and it's just part of my regular path. So yeah, my husband and I both do this for each other, though. It's like, um, you're going to work, we're going to your studio, and I'm like driving to my parents because a thought popped up about my mom or my dad, and yeah, that. And I do that for Alan too. So two tootus, not just me. Um, this is a big one for women. Um, this is just the multitasking backpack backpack and flex that we carry in our life. But I was again, I've done a good job of unlearning this, but starting a task and then walking by something else and starting that task and then ending up over fucking whelmed with a bunch of uncompleted tasks throughout my home or throughout my day. Um, so we'll dive into that. I learned that my brain is constantly scanning. Now, our body is supposed to, our nervous system is always scanning. That's a survival piece. However, I needed to pay attention to what I was looking for because I was constantly scanning um for danger and not danger like how our nervous system was wired for, but like uncomfortability, um, which thank goodness, but yeah, my brain was always scanning. I still, this is a this is a perimenopause thing though, too, and you can support yourself in in other ways, but losing thought mid-conversation because something else popped up. Again, if you're my friend, you're like, yeah, that's Miranda in a nutshell. And I'm getting better at coming back, but I'll share, I'll share that. Um, this. So time, time in my mind. So time doesn't really exist, and that's gonna make me sound woo-woo, but time is a man-made thing that we've created so that we can all be structured and scheduled. Um, and so it's very valuable to me. However, I don't really love to honor it because I try to stay in the moment. But when I was working corporate world, I had a boss, and I get this as an employer now, an entrepreneur, I get it, but I'm still like, no. Um, my boss would ask, because I would be on time, or let's be honest, a couple minutes late for work. I was really bad in my 20s at that. Um, but so I was asked if I could come in 10 minutes early for work each day. And I said this and I mean this, but like if I come in 10 minutes early to work, Monday to Friday, that's 50 minutes of my week that I'm coming in to wait to start my work. And that I'm sorry, not getting paid for. And so it was like, I'll make sure I'm here on time. I won't be late, but I my brain is like, no, I'm not coming in and sitting and waiting. I hate sitting and waiting when I could be doing something else that has meaning, but it wasn't met with like probably the most understanding, but I do give her credit because she didn't like freak out at me or anything or or challenge that. I think I made her be like, what? Are you are you serious? But it's almost an hour of my week that you want me to come in early just so I can. I was ready. I'm organized. The minute that clock fires up and I got a client, I'm ready. But yep, nope, not coming in 10 minutes early. And awesome. Guess who I see on my way to work who starts at the same time as me, driving to work two minutes before she works. My mom. So there. Thanks, Mom. I was wired the same as you. Um, what else? Oh yes, I already mentioned this, but um this was even in childhood in English. I remember my teacher saying that, but I already think you know parts of the story. And I thought them in my head probably while I was writing something. I'm thinking 30 steps ahead and I miss parts or I miss words. And I remember my English teacher being like, this was a really good story, but like you need a little bit more explanation because I'm not sure. It's almost like you think I know a piece of the story. I'm like, yeah, because in my head I said it fast, but my writing couldn't keep up. Um, avoiding tasks that are easy. This is an ADHD thing, big time, but uh avoiding tasks that are easy, but things that I just loathe. And this was a really big thing I had to work through, but uh, I hate phone calls. Loathe. You can text me, you can email me. We could have a face chat. I hate returning a phone call. I've even sat with if there's a trauma response with this, and yeah, I don't know. There's and in saying that, um, avoiding the tasks that are easy uh with distraction and finding significant importance in things that don't matter. Uh, this is a millennial thing, rearranging my whole home instead of returning a phone call or doing the task that I didn't want to do or having the conversation I needed to have with someone. And I thought of this when I was writing it. My I was going to a retreat in Alberta a couple weeks or last weekend, and I needed to. Get ready and pack. And I I hate packing. Anyways, I need to get ready and pack. And I wasn't avoiding it, but Ellen called me and was like, Hey, how's it going? How's your day? Are you ready to go? And I'm like, I'm just getting the potatoes planted. And he's like, Oh, good. Because getting potatoes in the garden is more important than being packed and ready to go to the retreat that you have tomorrow. And he's like, You know that me and the kids could have done that. And yeah, I did. And I wasn't, I knew I wasn't going to be unsuccessful or late. But yeah, I wanted to plant my potatoes with love and good energy. And and yeah, someone else could have done it all week and no one did. So I was planting potatoes and then I was getting ready for the retreat that I was leaving for in two hours. And that is that. Okay, so you guys love when I say okay, so it's my it's my starter. So that was my brain and how it worked, and still does work, but these are the things that I needed to learn about myself to be able to meet my mind and become its friend and its support to try to help it out. So one of the hugest moments with me recognizing how busy my mind was and how in control it was of me and my thinking thoughts. When I say my mind, I mean my thinking thoughts. Um was I had a counselor that I worked with, not for long, but she said to me, I want you to pay attention to what you're doing in your day. Like literally notice what you're doing. And so I lived in dissociation. I a significant amount of my time was outside of my body, which I think a lot of us are. And I've had to learn on finding compassion for myself with that because I felt like it was I was broken, or it was something that was my fault and my blame for health stuff that came up and all the things. But so it was taking awareness. So I remember this was during the chapter when I was still running a day home and stuff, pouring a glass of water and being like saying to myself, I'm pouring a glass of water. I'm taking a drink of my water. And like, yes, that sounds completely ridiculous, but I was thinking 800 thoughts while I was pouring my water, right? Being productive, thinking ahead so that I'm ready to rock. And that was a huge thing because holy shit, did that make me realize how many thoughts were going through my mind and how out of my body I was. It also made me realize how much of a dreamer I am. I'm always dreaming. It's not even just steps ahead. It's not me pre-planning things in my day. I'm legit like dreaming stuff up. And I think we unlearned that as kids that it's not welcome. It means you're not being productive, you're not being present. Um, and it was good, like good dreaming. That's creativity. I was dreaming up things I wanted to do. The time is one, one, one. Thanks, universe. Um, I learned, I needed to learn that productivity was my flex, and I believed the amount of productivity I brought to my day meant my value. Like, oh man, the fact that I could get up, teach a class, come home, run a day home, take such good care of all these little kids, have 20 minutes to then get to my next class, teach all evening, come home and go to bed and do it all over again, and keep a clean house and have the laundry done and run my business and oof, all the damn things. Um that it wasn't my value, but it was my flex. It made me feel like I'm good. That's I'm good because of that. Um, and I will throw in there, I think we learned that in school. And not sorry, not shame on you, school. I got good grades. I then won awards. Nothing teaches productivity and success more like good grades, right? You do do all the things right, get the grades, and that means you have value. And I had to unlearn that, and I need to parent that different as well. Feeling like I was too much. That's huge for me. I'm gonna have a beautiful one of my friends on to sit and chat about this, but I uh remember, and even in adulthood, but I remember this feeling as a kid too, but like saying something and getting a blank, confused stare from someone, including counselors I've worked with, and I even have worked with some people in like spiritual healing, and I'll I'll like speak my truth and the blank stare that I get, and then it makes me feel weird and like I was broken, and then it would make me feel fucked up, and I really had to ooh meet this part of me and find the people that also support me in that. So that was a big one. Madeline and I have talked about this, but yeah, feeling like I am too much. Pulling this in, this was I've shared this with my psychologist. Um, this is like a core memory of mine for feeling too big in university, first year university. I've moved away from home. I'm living um on my own. I have a roommate, I was in a relationship that was a little bit like up and down. And I was taking psychology, that was what I was going for. And so you had to volunteer to be in, um, be like a subject in some little like experiments and whatever that they were doing. So I signed up for this one, and it was, and if you're a counselor or psychologist, maybe you know about this practice, but it was so traumatizing. I went in and this was the this was the process. I could talk, but the person or the counselor or whoever it was that was leading it couldn't reply or speak to me. And so I went in there, I think looking for help, looking for counseling, poured out my heart, was met with silence, no reply. Um, it literally made me spiral, and I was already like depressed, and then they called me back to come in again for another one. I was like, Abso fucking lutly not. Anyways, that is like a core memory of mine. And if those things still go on, I'm sure you learned how much I had on my heart and how much I was looking for, but oh, that was so vulnerable, and it was just met with no reply, made me feel like a fucking mess. I learned that about me, just that I felt like I was too much and like the things I was going through were not understood by the people that I interacted with. As I mentioned, um, multitasking. I can have 32 things going on in my head and 13 tasks on the go. And sometimes I get them all done, it was at the cost of myself, but multitasking that's women in a nutshell, and multitasking is um some an attribute of mine I'm grateful for, but I have to make sure it's not my value and it's not what guides me through my day. Relationship with time. I always used to underestimate, I still do, but I have tools to lean into about how much time is needed for something to get done. Um, I would have 15 minutes till I needed to be at work, as I mentioned, or whatever it was. And so that's enough time to do a whole load of laundry and clean my car. And yeah, then I would be late for everything. And guess where I was finding my shame cycle? The like negative self-talk was coming up in the me being late, and like you're a failure, and oof, negative self-talk for sure. And so I'll never forget this, but my husband one day he said to me, because he doesn't like being late, and I I hate when people are waiting at the door for me, but um, this was modeled to me though, too. Anyways, he was like, Miranda, five minutes is 300 seconds, and since he said that to me, I've been like, holy shit, because my 10-minute window that I always thought I had all this time for is actually 600 seconds, and I will say that kind of snapped a little bit more awareness. I don't know, my brain needed to hear that. So, yeah, 300 seconds is five minutes. Go. Also, in time, though, I've learned that I just lose complete conscious awareness of time when I'm in conversations that are fulfilling. And um yeah, I'll chat about this, but like just learning that first of all, I'm okay with it, but sometimes I need to be mindful of the time. And like if I'm going to a if I'm hosting a retreat or I have a session, my family knows I'll probably be an extra half hour to an hour because if someone wants to chat, especially in those situations where someone wants to chat or I connect with someone about something, I'm gonna be a bit. However, um, I did need to pay attention in one-on-one sessions that I'm not giving an extra hour of my time. That should be billable also, um, and finding that balance between like um honoring my time, especially like it can't mean that I'm picking up my kids late all the time, which is what it was. I had to learn that. Um, being late always, yep, the shame cycle. Um, awareness of my inner thoughts was really massive because your inner voice in your head is the one that you hear the most. So when you can be aware of what that dialogue is, that can be a huge eye-opener to how you move through your day, um, what you believe in yourself, the value you place on yourself, and then just being consciously aware of if you're buying into it, because it was things like uh me having 20 spots open for a class and like during COVID, two people showing up, and then me being like, that was my value, was only two people saw value in me, and it was like, no, not the case, other things at at play, but um, or relationship stuff too, and sometimes it's even generational things that you heard as a kid that you're you just have on repeat, and yeah, we all have those. Even if you work through a hard chapter, but you don't process it, you can really stay stuck in like this is who I am, this is how I live, this is what I'm going through, this is the energy I'm around, and it can it can really weigh you down. Um, I needed to learn that organizing is my strength. It's a big one for me, even in my numerology, and I'm super grateful for it. Organizing is my strength, but also it can be a distraction and needing to find the balance between that. Like I said, reorganizing and designing spaces that's a huge flex for me. I love it, it's creative, it feels good. I love reorganizing, I love structuring, I love making things move and flow better. But time and a place to prioritize that and sometimes not. Um, and it was it's really interesting because if I walk into a space that is unorganized or join a club or association or whatever that is unorganized, um, instinctually I instantly start being like, ooh, this is how we could change the space to function and flow better, or ooh, like these are the things that really need to be prioritized. And I think it's why I love entrepreneurship too, because I get to do that in my own business and in my own home. A really important one, and I remind myself of this when I'm in interviews or deep conversations, is I'm excitement driven, but what I needed to really learn is my outcome-driven piece. So I know this about myself. I've had to learn this. I can avoid that thing that I can't do or don't want to do. Um, that's not a big task and won't take a lot of energy, but I can paint and have painted the whole outside of my fucking house in a day because it was important to me. I was excited about it and I wanted to see the outcome. And it's the same with work tasks. So just making sure that like I had to learn how to sprinkle that excitement into things that maybe weren't as exciting so that I could find my drive to get that done. I needed to learn about myself how locked in I get in things and how out of body I get. So, like disconnecting from my hunger and thirst signals or bathroom break signals. This is pretty common with people. Um, we get so in our external world or the task that we're working on, we lose concept of time and we lose our physical body sensations, including the ones that literally keep us alive. Hunger, thirst, bathroom. Um, and that's been a really big one learning in my healing piece for sure. I needed to learn that I keep myself busy when I'm uncomfortable and that I don't even know what I'm doing in those moments. Disassociation for sure. Um, put me around or in a room I'm uncomfortable in, and I'm a like, where do I put my hands kind of girl? Like, what do I do with myself? And so I I would do things to keep myself busy, I'd move around. Um, yeah, and not even really know what I've done because I left my body and was just kind of protecting my sense of safety. Um, I'm always prepping. This is a woman wiring thing, I think. I've had this conversation with Alan, but I'm always potentially prepping for conversations so that I'm ready. And this was a big piece of unlearning. But also I love having it because I always it needs to take the back seat, but in moments that I need to prep for a hard conversation, I'm grateful that I have the parts of me that can meet the possible outcomes and be able to prepare because I meet it with compassion now, not defense. But yes, prepping for potential conversations. Um, processing and scanning how everyone might feel. Does that relate? That is a big one for me. I've really sat with this and silent treatment in my childhood from people I love, but also from friends and stuff, has taught me to really pay attention to how other people might feel when I make a decision and or when I say something. And that's a people-pleasing thing that I've learned and a protector. But I had to learn that about myself to understand some of the busyness of my mind. Um, thinking my way out of feeling, as I mentioned. And I think one is needing validation and compassion from myself. So a lot of the times when I thought I needed to speak, I actually needed to hear it myself. And this is where somatic works work gets really amazing. But um, I think that my brain thought that when others would say things that resonated with with me, um that would then fire up conversation because I was like, oh, I resonate with that. And even though someone would be in agreement with me, I needed to learn that um I didn't need to keep having that conversation and keep thinking that thing, I needed to let my body be with that. Uh, big one. My house. So I am gonna chat with Alan on here one day about this, but as a big one, women, mothers, um, I think we're all kind of organizers, but my home or this no, this space that I'm existing in represents my mind. And that's why it matters to me, because if a room is fucking chaos, my mind has trouble settling. I needed to learn this about myself, though, so I could learn some tools and how to shift from this, but I will still agree with it to a point because it's energy. And when things are chaotic or there's a lot of weight in the room, that energetically affects you. So I'm a like yes and no with this. However, the piles, like I mentioned previously, the piles that are like sitting in my house of unfinished shit or things that need to be tended to or let go of, those are similar to thinking thoughts. And it's a control piece. It's like waiting for me to do it. Cause I think even if someone said that they would do it for me, I'd be like, that's okay. Um, so the control piece of that, lacking being able to ask for help and the ability to let go and releasing processing is equal to the piles of shit that build up in our house. Like, why do we keep accumulating them without letting them go? And our mind is the same, and we just need to learn those practices. And then I needed to learn about myself that um sleep is so incredibly important, but like bedtime, I'm a two minutes in bed and I'm crashed, girl, because my brain is so fucking tapped out, and I have multitasked and managed the entire world for the entire day, and I'm prepped for three weeks ahead. Yeah, no shit. My brain is tired, and it's not I'm not a lay-in-bed girl and think about things. I'm a like, nope, tomorrow can't do it. Physically exhausted was where I was at, and emotionally and mentally, and all the things. And so then here I am. All of these things. Um, learning how my brain works, learning kind of what I needed to learn about myself to better understand what was going on inside that was making me show up the way I was, which was unsustainable in my day and in my career and in my life and in my relationships. And so this brings me into where I got the opportunity to say, okay, brain, thinking thoughts, I hear you. Um, I understand your why, but I'm gonna ask you to take a little bit of a back seat and let the body take over the steering, the driving, the direction for a little bit. And meditation was a really huge part of this, but my somatic experiencing training was a huge shift for me in my life, how I held space for myself, and really the inner dialogue shifted a bit. And so somatic experiencing is really coming into your physical body. I feel like when you're in your physical body, there's sensation. You're more connected with your heart, which, as mentioned, I believe is the compass for our life. And you get to hear a voice that I think a lot of us have distanced ourselves from a little bit. And that was a really huge shift in how I supported myself, but also what my career would look like and how I would support clients. So I want to take a minute just to kind of explain what embodiment and connecting with a different um guide in your life or friend or whatever feels like. So when you come kind of out of or you backseat your thinking thoughts, and it takes practice and it takes patience, but you come into your physical body, and your physical body then is able to be heard, which I think is a huge piece. I've mentioned my favorite quote the body is um listen for the whispers so your body doesn't have to scream at you. And so it's like below the surface of all the busy thinking thoughts are messages from a different part of you, and that is your physical body and I think your nervous system. And it speaks really slow, typically. Um it was really rebuilding a friendship. And I don't know, there's truth to this for me, but I think it's like learning, it's like I learned distrust in my physical body because the world needed me to function different. And that's like just the way things are set up: time, school, expectations, and just what society wants out of you. And so then you learn to be good friends with your thinking thoughts and give it all your power and all your trust. So it is rebuilding a friendship, and it's a very vulnerable one, it's so loving, it's a beautiful way to meet yourself. And for me, it was like reminding or getting confirmation that I can be the big busy thoughts and the big energy, and that can feel good, but that I also have to be able to come into my body and let it also have its turn. Um, and so when even when I'm recording in this moment, when the body is guiding conversation, it speaks slower, and my voice gets slower. There's pauses that I've learned hold space where words don't need to be put in, but you can reflect and you can feel. Um, but then now I've found a lot of really beautiful truths come out of embodiment and somatic experiencing. I get to meet a different part of me that holds different wisdom and different experiences, different emotions, more depth, and I've learned to love the space between words and get really curious, and curiosity is a word that I will carry with me with big significance for the rest of my life, and I really try to sprinkle it into other people's also because rather than there needing to be an answer, curiosity is a really beautiful way to meet your thinking thoughts and your feelings and sensations in the body, and just being able to be curious about what you're what you're available to learn from it and what the message might be under it without getting really caught up and needing to come up with explanations. Um when I learned to connect with my body to support and hold space for other people, support them doing somatic experiencing, um, there was a very different vocabulary that also came up for me, and it's not like I learned it, I just was able to hold space in my body and let it talk, and it just talks different, and so what gets me really excited is that that exists in you when you can learn to allow the thinking brain to take the back seat and allow the body and the heart and the soul to be your guide for a little bit. And so when I lead, I do this work at the beginning of every yoga session, I do this work in my healing sessions, um, in coaching, but it is like not needing to explain or have a why, but just be curious, and so even in this moment, just be curious. What do you physically feel in your body? What are what's a sensation that feels really good, really open, really light or warm? And you have to give it time to surface literally like a whisper and then notice in this moment what might feel the opposite. Maybe it feels closed off or heavy or tight. Maybe there's physical pain in the body and noticing the sensations, just noticing what you physically feel and then letting all of those parts, whether they're light or heavy, cold or warm, painful or relaxed, letting them know that you feel them, that they don't need to change, that both parts are welcome, that you're just curious about them, and these are our felt senses, these are with us the entire day, but these are what we don't often feel until it's something big, and so being able to come out of the thinking mind and into the physical body and what its wisdom holds can be really incredible. I think a really great way to explain this is like when I would feel um frustrated or angry, and my mind would give me all the reasons, and I've spoken to this, but this is where I'd like be pulling and reaching for reasons, right? Because my mind wants to explain it, but my body is actually the one that needs to feel it, and so I would I could I would spiral because I wasn't feeling anything, I was just reaching for reasons and whys and defenses and blame. And then when you'd come into your physical body, I would have to go, what is the sensation that I'm feeling that has me thinking I'm angry, and so tightness in my chest, or I'd feel my jaw clenched, and it's always different. So there needs to be no expectations, but then it would be letting my body know that I feel that my jaw is really tight, and like thank you for that feeling and that sensation. And does it get more intense or less intense? And so not needing to know why, but actually just feeling it, and then noticing does that feel like anger? And and this is an entire practice that I love to lead and support my clients with because it teaches you your body's wisdom and the body holds the score, and it it has so much wisdom in it, and so finding that balance, then this is why I was angry and feeling what I need to feel, and then leaving it there because it doesn't need maybe more explanation, it just needs to be felt, but then finding that balance between okay, this is what came up, and maybe you know the why, but then the mind and the body can kind of work together instead of the mind just taking the lead and giving you thoughts to validate something rather than feelings and sensations to actually process. So, as I mentioned, um it becomes like a muscle. So allowing practices for our mind and allowing practices for our body, and the more you do them, the easier your body will get comfortable with them, and the easier your mind in moments will be like, okay, this is the part where I take the back seat. This is what she does when it's my turn to step back a little bit. And so I want to start with how I kind of bring myself out of all the thinking thoughts, put them kind of in the back seat, and let myself be with my physical body, which ooh, you guys, my physical body and I have become it is my best friend, and it's taken me probably 10 years to get here. But like my body, and sometimes we get in arguments, but I now can always return home to the love I have for myself, no matter what's going on in the world, no matter what any of my relationships are, my body, my heart is my best friend. Ooh, I just had to say that and I feel it and I hear it, and it sounds really crazy until you really get into somatic work, but my body, before I sat down to record this, my brain was like making me nervous because it wanted to get off the leash and tell its story, kind of right, it wanted to project its version, and I sat with like, why am I nervous? And then my body was just like, trust yourself and just like the ability to anchor into my body, knowing that when I allow pause or less volume in my thinking thoughts, my body it's always got me. It always has the right soft, beautiful, supportive thing I need to hear to say. And yes, so meditation. Meditation was, ooh, I'm getting emotional. I don't even know why. Let's see where this goes. Ooh, yes, okay. Meditation made me have to hold compassion and awareness for my dark thoughts, and you don't have to be going through anything big or have trauma to have dark thoughts come up, but like dark thoughts just want to be heard, and then once you tell them that you hear them, moving on. And I think I was so scared about some of the thoughts that would come up because you're also like, don't think like that, and when you're not exactly how the world or your friends or your family tell you that you should be, then you think your thoughts are wrong, but we also, like I said, they become it becomes like the boss, and you feel like you need to believe all your thoughts, and our thoughts are literally just something to observe, and so meditation was big because I think I got to like meet anger and meet hard things that happened to me or whatever, whatever came up, and that was a vulnerable kind of letting go of control piece, too, is like, okay, mind, what do you want to show me? And just letting it show me it and feel what I needed to feel when it came up, and then be like, all right, thanks for that thought, and like letting them go by like clouds. You see it, you feel it, you recognize it, acknowledge it, and it moves on. But you don't have to like keep your eyes on the same cloud when you're looking up at the sky, right? So just kind of letting that go by. Or what I like to say in class is like imagine a windy day and a bunch of leaves blow by you. You notice, oh, there's a bunch of leaves that blew by, and then they leave, and you didn't pick one leaf to pay attention to and follow on its entire journey and chase it, you just let it go by. So meditation was really huge for that because it was like letting go of the reins and just watching, watching your thoughts, also creating silence because typically when you give your brain permission to run wild, like okay, I'm gonna sit here and just watch what you have to show me, it's real busy in the beginning. It's to-do lists, it's things that are weighing on you, things you have to get done, blah, blah, blah. And then it kind of settles. And the more you practice meditation, it's like your body knows, oh, like I said, go. I I would go like you go to the gym to work out, your body's like, okay, we're working out. When you go and lay in your bed, your body's like, okay, I'm going to bed. Meditation can be the same. And especially if you can create a space where you do that every day, then it's like your body and your brain go, okay, this is where I go to meditate. And your brain goes, Oh, okay, I'll show you what I need to show you. And then it silences faster, and the thoughts kind of purge quicker, and then you can just meet yourself and start really slow. And I'm I'm not going to get into that today. I could do a whole episode on meditation, but um scanning a room. So I try my best whenever I come into a space, or if I've been really focused on a task, letting myself scan the room. So scanning allows your body to know that you're safe. Um, staring at a screen does the opposite. And so, yeah, just letting myself like look around the room and be reminded of the room I'm in and what I'm drawn to. And I do this when I'm in a new space, especially. I think we do this without even paying attention, but the conscious practice of like just letting your eyes wander around a room. Notice what you feel called to look at or not look at, um, what you smell, what you hear, what you sense, whatever that might be. Um, yeah, letting yourself scan a room. Somatically listening to your body instead of all your thoughts. So I kind of signal to my body typically, hand on my heart, and I'll be like, okay, body, what do you want to tell me? And it starts with sensation and then connecting with those sensations and noticing what it might be as an image, and there's an entire practice of it, but just pausing and doesn't have to be something big, but just like hands on your heart and notice what you feel physically. Our body talks really slow, and I really love to be with this part of me, but I will also say, um, I've talked about how I like to kind of pull myself into solitude. I couldn't have done this work without being alone and changing my life a little bit because I I think I sprinkle it in like watching my son soccer or watching my daughter play a sport. I'll show up, I'll scan the space, I'll ground and do a little bit of energy work always, but then I notice what I feel in my body, and there's moments throughout my day all the time that like I get teary-eyed or I get the giggles because I'm noticing how my body feels, and there's always emotions that we're holding there. Um, and also giving my body and me as a soul and as a human permission to be different things, like I can be insanely fast speaking and chatty and big energy and loud, and I can be really calm and quiet and deep and emotional, and our body has those same, it needs that same recognition and permission that there's parts of you that don't feel so great and want to be heard and held and processed, and parts of you that are real good in the same moment. And the beauty in that, we don't have to be one thing. We can be so many things all the time, but we need to check in. Um, being able to meet my parts, knowing there's more to me than go, go, go. That was a really big one. Because that's what I was celebrated for. That's what brought me success in my career, in my sports, like being busy, my productivity taught me that that was like my worth, my organization, my ability to be in a million places at the same time. But then learning that I can also be a really quiet, kind, soft friend, that I like to just sit in my yard, that I could take up a whole day doing absolutely nothing. Um, journaling, that was a really big one to get out of my mind. So once you take words and put them down on paper, your brain like goes, Oh, okay, that's kind of dealt with. And those repeated thoughts do slow down. So journaling is a really big one. Something I practice with the athletes that I do coaching with, or my even the soul dives and groups that I lead is a brain dump. So just taking a couple minutes to write down whatever comes up in your mind so that it's on paper, and then you can kind of like it's kind of like letting your brain take the backseat a little bit. Um, I very much have to limit my screen time. I never journal on my phone. Um, I have to get pen to paper and I I kind of sprinkle that into my life. I I do my calendars on paper. Um, technology is amazing, but I do notice my brain gets extra busy the more I'm on a screen. So just being mindful of that. Um, there's a practice that I use quite often closing my third eye. So if my thinking brain is really busy and I'm trying to just be without needing to be productive, just taking the palm of your hand or both palms and stacking them on top of each other right between your eyebrows, right on your third eye chakra. Um, it's a really cool way, and I've always found that it literally just shuts my brain off. Like I can't think a thought even if I wanted to. So I I do like to use that practice. And uh kundalini is a really good one for me also. Um, it keeps me in my body with my breath. I can't think thoughts if I wanted to, and if I do, I have to come back to my breath and my body because you have to to know what you're doing in kundalini. Um, I think workouts did that for me for a bit, but to a point. And um, I think for me, I just I have a body that even when my thoughts or the tasks I want to get done are more than my are more or faster than my physical body can move, that is when I trip or I get caught on something like, oh my gosh, the things that happen when I try to have my body keep up with my thinking thoughts. Um, so it's a little bit of a blessing, just that my body's like, no mind, I'm actually going this pace. Um, but kundalini is really awesome. Workouts can be good for that, but you do have to make sure that there's also things that let you be in your body without having to accomplish something in your body, and I think that's actually a really good way to put that. Being in your body without it needing to accomplish something, and that is a big why for me, as like why I speak to movement being important, but sports and workout not always being that answer because there always feels like there's something to prove or accomplish, um, including in yoga, I think the way yoga's been a little bit can feel like that too. Ah, and then catching overload in my nervous system or my body before I can feel it. So in burnout, um, when my thinking thoughts were trying to prove something and I was spreading myself too thin, my body would then show up with literally stinging almost sensation in my body. And I still, if I'm overdoing things, overthinking, being too productive, asking too much of myself, um, I still catch that physical sensation. And to me now, that means I missed the window, I missed all the whispers, and now my body's like, no. Um, conversation. So that was like kind of how I stay, how I've learned to stay in my body and let the mind take the back seat. In conversation. So in conversation now, I try to first pause and feel the energy between me and the person that I'm speaking to. Does that happen to always know? If it's especially in a room that I'm in a lot or with people that I'm with a lot, sometimes I skip that step, though I shouldn't. Um, I've really worked on active listening. I think if there's something the world needs a lot of right now, it's relearning active listening. The world is slower, and your body can absorb and process when you active listen. So I work with this lots with youth. It is not thinking thoughts or replies or anything while someone is speaking, and it can take a bit of time to get good at this practice. But yes, when someone's speaking, you are just listening to what they have to say, and you might be feeling in your body what comes up with what they're saying, and then not needing a reply, just literally listening, and this is why I love sharing circles. Um, that's huge. Allowing space, so showing up, and I think circles have taught me so much, and these used to be a practice all the time. You'd have a talking stick that you passed around and no one else talked. It's huge, but allowing space for I think myself to have pause without needing to explain myself, but just say and then that's it, as well as other people. Um inner dialect with myself. So while I'm speaking, I'm conscious of sometimes, depends what kind of conversation I'm in. If I'm with my best friend and we're just talking, then I'm not in my head about any of this, but I'm mindful of it in moments in my life because I think that's how you build the muscle, right? So I'll ask myself if I'm sharing what is coming up in my mind because it needs to be said, or because I want to hear it because there's a difference. Um, and meeting myself with where I'm at. Because if I'm in a conversation and I keep repeating myself or I keep speaking when it might just be things I need to sit with, then I need to be diving into some of my body practices a little bit more, or finding an avenue for my brain to run wild, uh, whether it be writing or whatever. Um, really big for me has been finding my people that I can just speak and not feel like I'm too much. I'm really grateful for the people in my life that I have. I have a couple really amazing friends that hold space for me, and I do the same for them. And like I mentioned, my husband does a really good job of sometimes he challenges me with this, and we're learning the balance with this, but um yeah, or vocalizing and me being able to receive if I need to just dial back a little bit. And this is something that like I have to remind myself. So lots of times I'm by myself during the day, so um, sometimes I have lots of thinking thoughts that maybe I didn't write down or whatever, or I have things I'm excited to share with my husband when he gets home because remember, he doesn't want me calling him all the time. So I have to remind myself that when he gets home, he might not be in the headspace right away to hear all the things that I need to say. And it's the same for me. I get home from a retreat, I need to just like chill for a little bit or kind of collect my own thoughts before I can be like open to receive all the data my kids or my husband have to share with me. So remembering that not everyone might be in the same energy as me, and um, and that that's okay. And also that if people aren't, that I also need them to vocalize that sometimes too. It's not my job to know where you're at, and it's also my job to speak to my friends or my loved ones or whatever that hey sorry, but like I just need a moment to kind of meet you where you're at, and I don't want you to share and me not be able to hold space for it, so just setting some boundaries and some clarity without it needing to be met wrong. Um, also that lack of reply doesn't mean disinterest. I know that about myself, and I've had to remind myself also that sometimes my husband doesn't have anything to say because he just doesn't, and that's okay. And I think Madeline and I do a really good job of each other with that too. Uh I limit my small talk because I just I don't like talking about nothing that isn't meaningful, feels like wasted energy, and I also in conversation I try to ask myself if this person will be able to um if the person that I'm talking to will want to go there, and so I'll like throw something out, and if it's not met, then I'm just like, no, that's okay. And I don't, then I don't have to talk too, right? Like, don't have to talk just to talk. Um, a really big one in just kind of organizing my thoughts is having some anchors to stay on track. So I'm a little bit visual. I can see like my three words if I'm telling a story. I've been trying to work with my son on this one too. But um taking a pause before I tell a story to think about what matters, what is important, what are the main points, and trying to stick to them. And so, yeah, choosing a word to represent that. And I do this in my interviews with people on my podcast, even if they're like, nah, I'm good, we can talk about whatever. I'm like, ooh, I need a couple anchor points. So even if it's just three words or four words to draw back to, if we go on a rant or we kind of just fall into a pause. So finding an anchor to staying on track, and then also allowing pause before I speak to decide what details actually matter in the story, and allowing myself to talk slower and allow space. So when I coach people, do healing sessions, lead meditations, the slower stuff in life, I definitely do that. When I'm with people who I'm really comfortable with, who I know I love, or are on my team and in my corner, um, I think those rules kind of go out the window, though I am aware of them and trying to do a better job of um meeting myself and my words uh differently so that I'm not always the one talking. And meeting myself without judgment too, because I'm learning these things and unlearning these things and letting myself be with myself, really huge. I and this podcast has been really epic about that because I get to write and um speak and listen, and I hear things different that way. All right. So that's my kind of how I dial in on my thoughts, let them take the backseat, how I try to navigate conversation, try to really dial up the act of listening. That's a really big one. Um, for my body, ways that I kind of stay in my body. My body has learned that something burning like Sage Palo Santo incense instantly takes me into my body. Very connected to the scent sense, it helps me get into my physical body. Non-lyrical music has been really big. It lets the music take up space in my mind and kind of tells my brain that it doesn't need to think. And that might not make sense, but sometimes when the body says stuff, that's how it comes out. And yeah, that is how it feels. Um, I need to allow myself to leave a room. I learned this about myself in my birth chart too. I am better at being loyal and comfortable in a space if I'm allowed to leave and come back, which is funny. I was just talking to one of my friends about why when I go to sessions, I always feel like I want to be near the door. I was like, ooh, that's probably a trauma I need to sit with. Or I need to be near the bathroom just because that's my bathroom anxiety with my health stuff. But um, yeah, because I'm more at peace when I know I can come and go and it's not going to be met with resentment or frustration from the people in the room. I think that's a feeling of trap, like being in a classroom I'm uncomfortable with, being in a room where I'm not just giving myself permission to leave. I'll dive into that deeper on my own. Um adding breath work pauses. So I'm I will get into breath work one day, but there's some different practices you can do throughout your day to regulate or meet yourself where you need. Um that breath is spirit, breath is a way into the body so quick. Um, adding pauses, literally looking around, or big one. I like to be able to look up to the sky. Uh, eating lunch and nothing else. So eating without doing anything, so huge. And like a good way to connect with your body, let it know that you love it, that you hope it receives the nourishment, a bit of energy work with that as well, but not multitasking or being productive while we're trying to tend to our physical body. A really good way to somatically connect with yourself, allowing myself to be alone because you're thinking, thoughts can be heard louder when you're alone, especially when you're aware of them. And so that's a good way for you to realize, ooh, thoughts. Thanks. Here's your five minutes to be noticed, but like then I'm coming into my body and into noticing what's around me and feeling what I'm doing and listening to my own words. Like I said, putting on a Zoom call with just yourself instead of having a counselor, like I told my psychologist. And sometimes you just need to hear your own words. So writing and and reading it to yourself can be really huge. Sometimes being able, if sense is a big one for you, and and hearing can be a really big way into the heart, especially when it's your own voice speaking it. Writing about a photo that has an emotion or something I feel about it, that's been a really cool way to dive in. Um, lots of times when I do my big pieces, I'll either do a somatic practice before and write about what I kind of felt or saw, or I'll do a meditation, or I'll look at a picture that just like brings me feeling and I'll write from there. And then uh environments are really big one for me with body, cleaning up my space, keeping a clear mind, dealing with the piles of shit, and letting that be a release and a purge so my body can also feel that I've let go. And yeah, a busy room feels busy for me, and it it's harder to settle in. So my worth. So really reminding my brain that I'm not outcome-based, my worth exists beyond what I produce, what my outcome is, that my bank account doesn't represent what I bring to the world. I work for myself, and so I had to adjust my work hours because um I felt like my success would be in the amount of hours that I've worked. I really had to unlearn that. Uh, learning that rest wasn't earned, how to allow myself to view it as a value. And that's been a really big one my body has taught me. And I think you would do the same if you could let kind of the thinking thoughts take a seat and your body guide you a little bit. Awareness of my gut feelings and my instinct. Um, that's huge. We have learned to ignore those, so really don't question them, be curious about them, but they are our deepest voice. Um, living in my means and my worth. Ooh, my husband and I have really owned the fuck out of this. Um living in my means, I don't need to, and I we've always kind of felt like this, but I don't need to put myself in a trap where I feel like I need to be more and more and work more and more and give more and more, and that we're good where we are, and that doesn't mean we're unsuccessful. It just makes us really content and happy, and and that's okay. Um being just who I am and carrying myself how I do, that's my worth. Nobody else does it the way you do, right? That's part of our amazingness. The light that we bring to the world is that we're all different and loving that. Ah, really? My body connection really did teach me I'm a kind and loving human, no matter what, and that love is our birthright. We have no, we don't need to think our way into it. We don't need to wait to think our way out of things, we just need to exist and how incredible and valuable we are in just that. Um uh talking about my opinion and how I live, and that it'll either be met or not, but that that doesn't matter to me. Like, listen to me and love what you see what you hear and resonate with it and come back for more or don't. But um, my worth doesn't matter. My worth is my worth despite whether it resonates with you, and that I'm not here to prove my way, but I'm here to align and support those who align with me. And then I should have done tasks first because worth is kind of the Like but uh big big thing, but tasks have been really big because my thinking thoughts were all task-oriented success productivity. I have uh three, two, one do it, and I don't know, maybe that was Mel Robbins that taught that one. I don't remember, but if I'm really procrastinating, I'll go three, two, one and like get moving, quit procrastinating. Um I do a somatic practice. I feel like I've done this since I was a kid, but um when something feels heavy or my body knows something's bothering me, I'll stop and ask myself what feels heavy, like what's not good right now, what feels hard to be with, and I'll sometimes just write it down. I'll write what feels off, what feels good, and then um I'll start with one step or one task to start to take care of that because sometimes it's just something I've been avoiding or procrastinating, and so I'll start with that because then instantly I've let that go, right? And maybe it's a conversation, it's been that in the past too, like I a conversation I needed to have with my husband. So instead of like holding my words or being quiet, it's like go and have this conversation, and then it's like dust your hands off, celebrate that you got it done, moving on, and sometimes just writing them out so you have a bit of a map almost about what you need to navigate to move past that. Um, I have a very big rule. I learned this when the kids were little, when I needed to have a perfect home or people were coming over, and I was like, oh my god, the house is a mess. I now always ask myself for anything, will I care about or remember this in a week? And if the answer is no, then fuck it. Like the detail stuff, no. Like, I've had a printer sitting in my living room that isn't working. I need to deal with it, but I've almost been late for work a couple times because it's like sitting there, and yes, I need to deal with it, but it's also not weighing on me, it's just sitting there, and like I'm not saying avoid it, but like, do I need to do it right now? No. Do I need to clean the house before my company comes over? Am I in a week from now gonna be like, oh, remember when that company came over and there was a pile of laundry sitting by the basement stairs? Like that, that's a huge deciding factor for me. Does that really fucking matter? Then that brings me to my daily list. So I have a book that I write out the things that actually fucking matter. So they're not just like it's not a to-do list. It's like, what are the work things that have to get done this week? I'll plop them in in a balanced way through my week. What are the things that have to get done for the kids? Um, what are the things that I have to do for myself so I feel good? And saying, like, if it doesn't fucking matter, then it's it can wait or it can get put onto the next week, and I'll flip the page over and put it on a separate section of like this is things that maybe next week will matter. Um and then saying no to the things that are not on my energy list for the day. My house is a big one. If getting laundry done is the thing on my list, and I'm fold the blankets on the couch and put them up and realize the floor is dusty, and I will instantly go on a whole fucking house binge if I don't go, nope. Today was laundry and that was it for the house, and you don't have time, or for me it's physical energy, honoring my physical energy because yes, I might have the time, but I also need to take care of myself. I also need to insert some time of doing nothing. I don't like that's not on my list for today. Tomorrow, if it if that's the thing that really fucking matters, then that's the thing for tomorrow. Um letting go of my mental barometer of what isn't done. Will I even remember this? Like seriously, the mental barometer of walking around the house, that's a big one for me or my studio, and instead getting intentional and plotting out what matters when it needs to be done, and laying it out so it's not a big heavy to-do list, but just spaced out tasks that feel good and I can get done efficiently on a timely matter with intention and then celebrate it without being burnt out or overwhelmed. That's just something I've had to learn in this body too. Timers. Timers, I live on timers. I have a timer at 310 to remind myself I have children because that is also something that I just get really caught up in looking at my plants in the backyard or working on my podcast or whatever it might be. And so I need my kids to know that I love them and that I'm there for them after school. So yeah, 310 is my, I always joke about it. It's my don't forget you have kids that are going to be coming home from school. I set timers to remind myself that I have to go to work because that I just time is not real conscience in my brain. So I have timers to remind me 45 minutes before I have to be somewhere. And that also helps me just to make sure I'm not caught in the middle of something and I'm giving myself time to show up on time and be successful and not be spiraling or rushing or living in a really activated state. I also set timers for or sorry, those were more alarms. Timers though, so I could have I could get lost in tasks every day and my whole day go by and I really got nothing done. So what I like to do is, and I I teach my kids this too, it's been a huge shift for me, but like how much time would feel good on the task that I am going to work on. So a big one for me is like I like to do a sweep of the house, like just do a walkthrough, put stuff away that needs to get put away. And I could do that, and then all of a sudden be in the basement going through my storage room, and you know, like so sidetracked. So I'll be like, hey, what feels good? And I'll ask my body, what feels good, and like 15 minutes. So I'll set a timer for 15 minutes, and the intention is I'm doing a sweep of the house. And if I walk into my room and I'm about to start folding laundry, I'll go, nope, right now we're doing a sweep of the house. And then when my timer goes off, that is it. Firm line, no more, moving on. I didn't, any like extra task along the way didn't get picked up, but if it became a fuck that I need to care about, then it needs to be brought to the top of my list for tomorrow or for later in the day. But it's just how I keep myself from getting totally time warped into one thing and locked in and and failing at the other things that mattered in my day. So yeah, even when it comes to writing for a podcast, I'll be like, okay, give myself 40 minutes and then I can always come back because it everything doesn't have to be done in one sit, which is another thing I've just had to unlearn. Okay, that was my brain, and that was my body. I feel like they took turns talking today. Um that was either a lot to listen to or you resonated with it all. And I hope my husband hops in and listens to that because you'll understand myself a little bit more. Um, yes, all of it. We're all wired different. We're in a world where multitasking is huge. We're in a world where we're very disconnected from our body and very locked into the environment the external world. And so, yeah, I'm really grateful that I've found some hobbies and stuff that let me be able to dive in to let my thoughts be processed, but then take a back seat. Um, routines and things I've sprinkled into my day that let me be more in my body, and also just that I've invested in myself educationally and financially to be able to hold space for people to be held in my office and supported so that they can find that balance between the thinking brain and the physical body. Okay. I could dive into all those things for like an hour on their own, but let me know what you resonate with. Don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to your podcast. That's a great way for others to be able to find me and connect. And my door is always open for messages, um, what resonated, what you might have to share. I love to have conversations, so reach out. In the meantime, I invite you to please love fiercely, meet your thinking thoughts, and allow yourself to land softly. Until we meet again, peace and love.