Redefining Success in Seasons: Honoring Your Parts & Changing the Narrative

A more reflective, meet your parts, journal prompted conversation to invite you into the body, your heart, parts work, and likely emotions! Pause to journal, talk to yourself along with her, or take with you whatever you need to reflect on as you move forward.

If we don't stop to reflect, redefine and reassess success along our lifetime, it can feel like a mountain with no end in sight. Or we can meet the things we define as success, and just move on without celebrating them.

Under the energy of the Full Moon in Aquarius, Miranda dives into it all.

Topics:

What Got Us Here: What prompted Miranda to dive into the topic, and some of the experiences, words or reflections that have led us here today.

Q. Whens the last time you stepped your awareness back to view you and your life from the outside? (As an observer)

Meeting Your Parts: Bringing awareness, space and curiousity to what comes up emotionally, what we physically sense, what opens or what guards as we move through todays discussion.

Q. Who have you had to be for so log that it became 'you'. Who wants to take their place now?

Messages of the Moon: The insights, guidance and inventions by the energy of this moon, this season, and what you can learn from yourself in it.

Q. What did you used to trust about yourself that you now protect (even if it shouldn't be leading anymore)?

Success.... Taking an opportunity to sit with what it means to you, how it feels, how you know you achieved it, and if it ever changes. A chance to reflect on it, the chapters you navigated, and how 'success' tags along and sometimes feels like a cling to something that becomes a distraction or leads to a feeling of failure. Miranda walks through her chapters, what influenced her feeling of whether or not she was successful, where she is now, how she viewed success up until today, and how its changed.

Q. What have you overcome, and what lessons did you learn because of it?

Full Circle: A discussion on some of Mirandas 'full circle' experiences this year, and this month, and how they empower her and now remind her of her healing and her success. And how they are very different then she would have thought if she hadnt allowed pause and time to hold space for it.

Q. What do/did I want to hear from someone, but it actually needed to come from within myself?

Reflection:

Q. Where could you cut yourself some slack?

Q. What don't you celebrate enough of about yourself and what you bring to the world?

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Miranda Lee Podcast. A life fully lived embraces every season, the highs and the lows. Allowing ourselves to love fiercely, feel our feelings, and trust to land softly. This is a heart-led space created for just that. Deep vulnerable conversations, connection, learning to unlearn, become part of a beautiful community while growing and healing right alongside me. Because everything is easier with support and lived experiences shared with the right kind of people. Let's step off autopilot, get a little uncomfortable, take a breath, and dive right in. You're joined today by just me and my heart. And today's episode will be a little bit different. Um, it's definitely not one of my typical episodes. This is more a in case you need to hear this episode. It's a pause and reflect. I invite you to take it in bits and in chapters. Feel free to jot down any of the takeaways and allow yourself to just kind of retreat and reflect and sit with pieces of it. And I invite you to really just feel whatever feelings come up. As always, I invite your emotions to join me here and meet me. I can guarantee this is going to be an emotional one for me. Um, and I invite you to talk out loud to yourself because when I was a kid, I would talk to myself all the time or to my imaginary people and such. But as an adult, I've reminded myself to lean into that just for the sake that I'm listening. Even if it's just me in a room, me voicing whatever it is that's on my heart, I hear it. And it's just a piece of processing it. As I've mentioned again and again, this podcast alone, being able to write and then say and then listen has been incredibly healing. And I knew that was the purpose of it. And so, yeah, I invite you to do the same. Write. If you get a good journal entry or good notes about it, read it back to yourself. There's so much power in speaking it and hearing it. Um, today is less about my words, and very much imagine just a space opening up, a container, if you will, that will just hold you to feel or think or be with whatever comes up for you. And if that's new for you, just welcome that in. Meet yourself with compassion and vulnerability and non-judgment, just as I would invite you to if you were in a space or a group healing container alongside with me. Today I want to dive a little bit into meeting our parts. I want to dive in with the invitation of this full moon happening today is. If you're new to the moon, it's fine. You don't need to know a bunch about it. And if you're listening to this not at the time that it's first released, don't worry about it because I always believe things land on our plate when they're intended to. So if it's a year from the time I've published this, still lean into all the pieces of it. Um, I want to talk today about success and redefining success and feeling into that. And I want to speak to just some really big full circle pieces that have happened in my own life in the last like six months to the last month. So, yeah, let's dive in. This past month has been a reminder and invitation to sit with something that I think I've always worked through. And it's being my hardest critic. I think we all have that inner critic. And sometimes the voice of that critic is really loud, sometimes it's quiet, but also I've always held myself to this incredibly high standard. And I'm incredibly grateful for that in some ways, but I've really had to sit with that in this last month, six months. Um, and it's always also frustrated me because lots of times people I look up to, my mentors, will say to me, You're so hard on yourself. And I'm like, I fucking know. I'm a woman in this world and I'm a mom. And yeah, I'm hard on myself and I have really high standards, which I credit some of my success to, but also, oof, do I get in my own fucking way? So what landed with me, and I was like, I need to record this, is a few things. One, I've really been reminded this last month, though I've been incredibly annoyed and irritated and uncomfortable, um, the importance of allowing yourself to have a season or space to be with whatever's coming up for you emotionally. It's why the slow season is important. And when I think back to five years from now, if I would have had the exact same things I'm working through or holding space for, um, I would have met it with such different energy. And so I'm celebrating that yeah, I'm able to hold space for this. But what's really cool is that I've needed the reminder that even though I'm this might sound really crazy. Alan understands this. I hope you guys do too. We walk through our life very much in our body, in our mind, in our own like parameters. We have that inner dialogue that keeps us almost feeling like we're the only person walking through life. And I've really been reminded the last month that like everyone around me and the whole world around me is also doing the same thing. And I know this, but I've really had to allow myself to do something. So I'm gonna fire a bunch of journal prompts your way, and I'll also put them in the episode write-up. But my first one is this When's the last time you allowed your awareness to step back to view you and your life from an outside view? And I'll invite you just to like sit with that, and maybe that's new for you. But coming out of the like me currently living this life and stepping back and taking it in. And I feel like I do this in little micro bits. I'll stand outside my studio and be like, I built this, like this is my business, or I'll stand in my home and look around and be like, this is my home. Um, I'll sit with my family and just be in that. But to literally like widespan back and look at my life and be like, where am I at? Who I am or who am I? And like, what is my life when I'm not in my head and in my physical body? So there's been a few things that have brought me here that I'm so grateful for. The first is um receiving a notification that I was nominated for a business award. Um, it's an award that I never thought I would be seen for, like keeping my myself really small and being like, I'm not participating in that because I would never qualify. Um, but filling out this application and really needing to shift my inner dialogue and reflect on what I've built and what I advocate for and what success looks like. The other being supporting my beautiful friend who is going to be birthing a baby in the next few weeks. Um, and her just really reminding me as I sit watching her walk through a chapter that's so fulfilling, but also really challenging in many aspects as a woman entrepreneur and just a woman and mother. Um her just reminding me, despite all the things that I say I'm disappointed in, or I could have done better in, just being like, I want to remind you, you run a successful business, you've run a successful business for a really long time. And I just needed that reminder, which seems absurd, but again, my own biggest critic, and just not being able to see sometimes all the distance you travel, but seeing all the little things along the way, which we'll dive into. And the other thing is my husband and I have been getting into some really deep chats, which has been so healing and fulfilling, and oof, but him just reminding me that like outside of my business stuff, how much I bring to my family, to my household, to the kids, to our marriage. And again, I know this, but sometimes when they're just the things you always do, you forget that the focus doesn't need to be on what we've labeled as success or where we're placing our own um hardships or struggles. So I want to start with that. Just allowing yourself to be with when's the last time your awareness step back to be able to view you and your life from the outside. And then I'll invite you. Feel free to pause at any time if you just need to like sit and hand to heart and process. But um, I really want to invite you to meet parts. And I know I talk about this a lot, but allowing yourself to feel what you feel, like physical sensations that come up in this conversation, or just as you hold space for some of these prompts, to allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. Because ultimately, if we can't be open and vulnerable with ourselves, we won't have the capacity to be that to other people who might be trying to support us, but we also won't be the best at being able to hold space for that for other people. It's like leading by example, and sometimes that's where we need to start, is just with ourselves being really open and vulnerable. I want you to sit with how have you reshaped? What has happened in your life that you've just kind of like reshaped or reformed and see what comes up in the body? What have you had to go through maybe recently, maybe just in the past in general, that's made you uncomfortable. And uncomfortable can be exciting, uncomfortable, it can be challenge uncomfortable, emotional uncomfortable, it can represent growth, but it can also represent where you're at in the moment that just might be really hard to sit with, and both have value and both need to be met with openness and curiosity and love and compassion, and also what has changed in you and around you in your life, in your relationships, just being able to meet your parts and meet yourself where you're currently at. I want to invite you to almost take a back seat to just observe. We're not taking any action. And this is what it's taken for me. So when I talk about a slow season, this is where I've really had to hold space and what has bubbled up for me in my body. This is the I'm cutting cucumbers at the island and all of a sudden I start crying. These are the things that come up for me. So in my slow season, I take a step back from some of my compute community and leadership roles. Not because I necessarily want to, but I think because it's important. So my soul dive communities, my moon circles, my healing groups, I take a little step back and I'm reminded why it's so necessary. So that I can first of all miss those people, but also so I can hold only space for myself, which is absolutely necessary. And I've really been moving in just like a live mode, learning about myself along the way, being reminded of when I'm not in work mode or pressure mode or schedule mode, what I think about, what I prioritize, how I feel, how I work through life. Also watching other people. That's like my kids, watching my kids, how they navigate their lives, who the people are in their lives now that they're home during the summer, my husband, watching how he moves through his day, um watching just like the community and watching people at the beach and just like really just allowing myself to observe. Because I think when we allow that, it can really mirror back what messages we need to receive for ourselves. A big one has been learning who I miss. Um, I've got a couple friends that are really dear to me that have moved or are moving and already miss them. And also like genuinely, when I take two weeks off of my small group training, missing my people. Two of my friends weren't around this morning to have coffee like we always do, and like missing them. And that's been really important to just sit with. And if this podcast hasn't highlighted this even more so, um I've really taken inventory of the people I have in my life, and how different of chapters everyone's in, but like every single one of them being able to be like, oh, to sit with like why I get to have them in my life.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I've got one friend who just like continuously gives me her wisdom and knowledge, and it's always exactly what I need to hear. And she's a person that can hold space for me to cry and to ask questions that I wouldn't be comfortable asking other people.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

And my friends who can just call me out on being hard on myself and being able to hold space for my kids and my husband in a different way. And oh, just being so grateful for all the amazing people that are sprinkled in whatever capacity and whatever role into my life, and really being like, I really have it all. I really truly do. Clients, family, friendships. I my inventory of people is amazing. And I'm also so honored that I've been able to share so many of them with you. And I still have like this long list of amazing people that I want to share with you and share their journeys and their wisdom. So that's what having a slow season has meant for me. And so, my question for you this is going somewhere, I promise. My question for you is who have you had to be for so long that it's just become you, and who wants to take over that place? I in this season have met, and I think I didn't even know the parts of me that were still leading, still being strong, still guarding. And it's been really epic because listening to myself talk, listening to me talk with my people, listening to me talk with my husband has taught me so much about that, and just some invitations that have come up in my life in the last month. Like, who have I had to be for so long that it's just become me? And it really isn't, it's just a part of me that has taken the lead, and who I've really been sitting with is who wants to take their place now. Part of it is a new part of me that I don't know really well, and I am a little bit nervous handing the reins over to. And another part of it is it not being me and me just leaning in and trusting some of the people in my life. So as we go through this, I would love for you to just notice intuitively whatever comes up, meet it with no judgment. Notice what you feel in your body. Does the throat get tight? Does the jaw get tight? Does a part of you feel really open and excited? Um, just notice your physical sensations, but also notice like where there might be like a closed-off feeling. Because sometimes that can also just teach us a lot about where our protectors, what topics, and where they live within us. Um, I'm really excited because a lot of this comes from this big episode, this release comes from the moon. And so if you're new to the moon or you have a minute to like pause and check out the moon tonight, I strongly encourage it. Um there's a part about just sitting and looking up at the moon and remembering that you share energy is amazing. Remembering that she has a physiological impact on you. Um, when you believe in her power and her guidance and her wisdom, that can be huge. Um, this one is a full moon of Aquarius. It's in a season where we're really learning patience and trust. So at time of recording, we're halfway through summer in Canada. Patience and trust um has been powerful, yet I thought really boring words when I first said them at the beginning of the month. Um, but a really big invitation is detachment. So noticing what you're gripping or what you're really like putting too much into almost and allowing yourself to emotionally detach in a healthy way from whatever you're meant to release, as the full moon is about release. And sitting with like, what does your does your life feel different? And although nothing has really happened, I would say yes, my life does feel very different, and not in any ways that I would have ever guessed. Um also allowing yourself to just breathe and know that you are exactly where you're meant to be. I have to continually remind myself I'm not behind. I didn't fuck up. I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm enjoying what I'm supposed to enjoy, I'm working. Through what I'm supposed to work through, and where I am right now is good and it's okay, and it's where I'm supposed to be. And my journal prompt for this full moon is a little bit like what I had given in my new moon circle for those that were in person for my session. Um oh, this is such a big one. I just get goosebumps, but what did you used to trust about yourself that you now protect? Even if it shouldn't be leading anymore. So this is a really big piece I've been leaning into also. There, and we'll dive into this, but what parts of you did you trust and always lean into, as I mentioned, that now you almost protect any chance that they aren't to be trusted, even if they are could be like a decision-making process, could be a routine, um of actions that you take on a regular basis that maybe like used to be good for you and now maybe don't support your life or your health or your relationships in a positive way. And so meeting the version of you that you used to really trust, that you're now protecting, even if they shouldn't be trusted, and uh remembering that like we need different aspects of us, different personality, different pieces of us to be the lead, the trust in different seasons and chapters of life. And so this moon really invites reflection to the part of who is in our path, who's in front of us that maybe just needs to kind of step aside, and who is softly in the background, and who wants to let go of the reins a little, uncomfortable, yes, and who wants to take the lead, and maybe in a completely different way, and those are what's brought me to where we're gonna talk about success. So I've really been sitting with the word success and what it right what it actually means to me now. What is success? Sit with that for a moment. You what is success? And how does that feel? And how do you know you've achieved it? And does success mean you're always climbing? You're always working towards the thing. How often do you find success or evaluate it? Does it ripple into all the avenues of life and health and wealth? Or is it measured merely by one? This is a really big one that I feel like I've worked through forcefully because of guards I was dealt. But this is something that I hold space for a lot of clients. In success, like in the idea of success and creating a successful life. What all is considered? Is it health? Is it wealth? Is it relationship? And what I've been really reminded of this last month, I feel like something that's just been kind of plopped in front of me that I've had to like stop and take inventory on and reflect on. Is that does it ripple into all the avenues? So for me, I always like to go into like the holistic aspects of your health and wellness. So is success tied to your physical health? I feel like this one gets missed a lot. It's almost an assumption that it's gonna be there. Um, emotional. What does success look like in your emotional health? And how you navigate that in your life? And spiritual. What is success in spiritual health? And social, your relationships, romantic friendships. What is success in that? And then financial? What is to you financial success? And the big thing, this thing almost like sat in front of me, and I'm like, yeah, success in physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and social health. How often does the meaning of success change? Do we allow ourselves to take a step back and really check in on this season to season? And I will say to myself that I met a version of me who's been holding this like definition so hard that I couldn't see the other things sometimes. I was doing little mini inventories and like honoring and being grateful, but I was still holding this so tight that I couldn't even let it go or change direction or see past it or adjust. And it was thankfully a good friend holding space for me to be like, Well, you are successful. And me typing up a whole bunch of stuff about my business and being like so fucking proud. And then just like some interactions I've had this last month that truly remind me that the word success and the word achievement have so drastically changed as to what they mean and how they feel. And this is where I really want to invite you to sit and reflect on journal. I always love to write stuff out, but that's just me. Um, how many seasons of life have you been through? I don't know if it was me approaching 40 and like reinventorying what achievement and success looks like, but honoring holy shit, the seasons of life I've been through. And I'm so grateful as I look back on the last honest, honestly, like the last month. I've held space for people in very different chapters that have already been through. I support people that are high school, that are university age, that are becoming mums, that have already been mums and that are older than me in totally different chapters. And I really had to sit with like, holy fuck, I've been through this. I worked through what they went through. And then, like, really stepping back and being like, what mattered to me at that time and what was important to me in that time? So sit with that. How many seasons of life have you been through? Childhood, teeners, early adulthood, parenthood, marriage, midlife. Oof. And when did your dreams of success end? Or did they, or did they change? I instantly, when I started reflecting on this, went back to me as a kid. And like success for me would have been owning a horse and living on an acreage. That that would have been my success. Or being a snowbird pilot in the military, having a farm with a whole bunch of animals, like oof, that was raw success. And I love that for me, but then that changed, obviously, because I don't sit here, I actually sit here being like, that's bomb ass. And that would have been so epic if that was still what I was chasing in my life, and some of them are. But then I'm like, okay, teen years. In my teen years, what was I dreaming up? My teen year success would have been having this like core group of friends, having a boyfriend, having a car, and probably going on a trip because we didn't travel. Success was also tied to all of those. Like success was having friends, and success would have been having a boyfriend, and success would have been having good grades, making sports teams, um, and being in a good relationship with my parents, because that did oof, that did matter to me deeply. And then later in my teen years, success, I was really successful would have been defined as moving out on my own, creating my own freedom, building some new relationships, moving to a new city, and going where nobody knows me, like being in a place where I would know no one and would get to just meet new people. And I remember meeting those goals and being like, okay, I'm like, I'm moving out, I'm going on my own. That was success for me. And then in university, that was a whole other season. Once I got there, then it was like having some money to do the things I wanted to do, to buy some new fits for when I was going out. Um, I was still, I'm a big romantic. I was looking for love always. And so funny, I think about this one lots, but near the end of my time in university, success for me was convocating on time, because oof, I was close in a couple business classes. It was eventually having my own gym or studio space. I was in good shape. That was success. Success was eventually owning a Jeep and having a French bulldog. And it's hilarious. Cause those are like, they seem really silly, but that was legit my view on success and landing a job, like landing a job at a university so I could have money to start building my gym. And it's been cool reflecting back on seasons and what success look like. Cause I literally I met my goals and like I don't oof.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

I don't know if I ever stopped to be like, good job. I remember like having a good cry after my last final at university, being like, I'm done, and getting my job and being like, yes, I killed it.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

But then I also sit here being like, as silly as it was, I literally have a studio space, which I'm so grateful for. I also have a Jeep and I have two French bulldogs, and I sit here just being like, Good job, me.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Like that was your success depiction, and you reached it.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

And I don't know if I ever like really celebrated it, and now I almost think it's so funny that that was what I thought was success that I am like, well, as I drive in my Jeep with my French bulldog to my studio space, I'm like, go me. But it feels silly, and it's just because success I think has been redefined, right? So then I was thinking about like early adulthood. What did success look like for me? Because was that still like what I viewed as success? And I remember having like career goals for sure, working in more of a corporate kind of setting, working for somebody with an end goal of like knowing I want to work for myself. So I think like building up my own business, I was still looking for that relationship. Um, I really wanted to buy a home and eventually have kids. Those things were on my radar then. So I kind of stayed with that like career focus, which I think everyone, early 20s, some travel, some are working for career, some are trying to establish like foundation. Those were really big things for me. And then when I had my business going, there was a whole other piece of that. It was like what my financial goals were and how many people I wanted to have in all my groups. I really measured my success by the extra income, by the experiences people were getting, yes, but also the volume of people that were registering. That was important to me. That was a piece of success that meant I was growing and I think just getting closer to that dream and goal of eventually just having my own business. So then I have met my now husband, and we decide that we want to have a family, and I'm still working on building my business. That's still really important to me. But then we're having a kid, and as soon as I have a kid, um, I leave my work. I left my corporate job, my full-time job, to stay home and to keep continuing to focus on my business. So obviously, I just want to be a good mom. We all do. I wanted to stay home with my kids. That was really important. I lived in the needing to have a clean house. Um, after having a kid, I didn't feel like I needed to get back to my body, but um, that was like my physical fitness stuff was a big part of my identity. And that was my coping for sure, too. And so that was really important to me. I would say my looks and presentation to a point, um, a part of me has never really given a fuck. But then a part of me when trying to build a business did feel that a little bit. And uh perfection. I've perfection has always been something that has led me a little bit on the journey to success in business. I think that it got me somewhere in building up like my finances and building up our house life a little bit. It was a big strong leader, was perfection and my drive and success needed that in the avenues that I was placing on that. My organization, my ability to be a good mom. I feel like those all were control and perfectionisty. And they definitely didn't help with several aspects of my life and of my holistic health, but they got me to what was success-driven for me. And then what gets really interesting is um how even though things shifted and I became a mom and my time was to devoted to that, there was such a pressure I put on myself, which I'm again grateful for, but to lean so heavy into my business success, reflecting my overall success. And I would say that in some seasons trumped motherhood, that trumped me being fully present. And I think like I'm at peace with that, but I needed to sit with that version of me too that allowed my success to be so heavily on the scale with my business's performance, its financial performance, its growth measures. And for that to be a really big piece in that chapter. And then in my 30s, I've had two kids now. I'm entering my 30s. This is a piece that I've really had to give myself permission with, is that I think I always had this vision, the same vision I had in university of what success would look like. But along the way, I sprinkled in having two kids and getting married and buying a home. And yet my business was still supposed to look as though I had none of those chapters part of it or interfering or having any influence on my overall success. Things I also haven't allowed myself to weigh in is keeping my business open during some really hard shit, during like my health stuff and during needing to take a year off to be home with my kids and during a fucking pandemic. And like, did I re-evaluate success during any of those? I feel like I kept the bar in the same place. And I felt, I feel like I put the same pressure on myself, even though I'm navigating a world now as a mom with kids in a marriage that I was working on with financial restraints because of circumstances outside of my control. And like still holding this bar of like, this is my main success. And I'm not saying that I wasn't that my kids were not a huge piece of it, but like I don't know. I really invite this, but I don't know what moms tuck their kids in and go, fuck, you did a good job today. You're really successful in this life. You got kids who are fed and they're in their pajamas and bath and they were loved and you laughed with them and you played with them and you're tucking them into bed, like success. Do I do that now? Fucking rights, I do. And I think I did to a point, but not in the way that as someone looking on the outside of your life, looking at all that you've invested in the people in your life and in the things that you do outside of maybe the like work, the career, the finance, those pieces. I feel like I just never let my success shift that heavy to it. I readjusted during my like career shift a little bit. Some big things that came up were like writing a book would be a success. Starting a podcast would be a success. Um, doing more holistic coaching and supporting people in their heart and in their challenges, doing less of the fitness. That would be success. Supporting teens through like pressure, struggles, and overwhelm, and giving the support that I think I could have used, that would be success. Those were things that were like put up on the bar, motivators, goals, but definition of like if I reach those, that'll be success. So I invite you now, though, to really meet yourself. And like if you are in university or high school and you're just getting started, my message is continue to reevaluate your success and give yourself permission for it to be outside of finance career big time. The journal prompt for this is what have you overcome? Like, what have you really overcome in this life and in these chapters? And what lessons did you learn about life or about yourself? What have been like the obstacles that you overcame? And did you adjust what your success would look like in those seasons or beyond those seasons or past those chapters? And if you're the new mom or the woman who's trying to get pregnant, or you're working through being a new mom, whatever it might be, like please give yourself time to really honor what success feels like and what it looks like, and let it be whatever the fuck matters to you, and let it change and adjust and shift a million fucking times if you need it to, but let it be the things that matter. I sit here now in my 40s, so awesome. Um, but I still need a part of me that's like, you should be further ahead. And it's been really beautiful holding space for Madeline as she moves through her pregnancy because I see her put pressures on herself and hold herself to similar standards. And lots of the clients I work with just like the bar that we push up without actually reflecting on what we've overcome or what we've created, or the successes that have sprinkled in that maybe look different than the big thing that we thought was super important. And I've been slapped upside the face with several things that I'm really grateful for that have made me have to redefine this. My biggest one is first of all, redefining success over and over and over again. I would say success is not comparing yourself to old ways, not comparing yourself to versions that had a different life, different experiences, different hardships, because that's not who you are anymore. Not comparing those old versions of yourself to where you are now. I constantly remind myself now, like I wasn't a parent when I set some of my big goals, and they can still mean success. I would say they don't. It looks different, and we'll get into this, but um, I hadn't learned what I had learned, and so now I have to hold space for, hold space for redefining success because I think in so many ways, social media, society, the way our world works has said this is success, but there's no consideration for the journey to get there, and the fact that success might look and mean different things to different people in different seasons. Things that I would have once judged myself for and made myself feel less successful are mistakes that I made along the way, which like are part of growing, but can be met with shame if you don't meet them with curiosity, which I didn't start to do until the last three years. Financial hits, as I've spoken about in past podcasts, finances are just another avenue of health, and every piece of life comes with lessons and growth, and we have to be able to meet both of them. Um things that were outside of my control, because those things are put there to teach you. Control is a huge one that you have to be able to let go of for things to go the way they are intended to go. And so I think the big things of where I am now, and this just like gets me so pumped. And I wish I would have given myself permission in past versions of me to give myself grace and to be able to see these things. But I think it's a part of being 40 and being in the chapter of life that I'm in. But what success means to me now, in this chapter, at the age of 40, as a mother of two, as an entrepreneur of almost 20 years, connection. Having like an honest, meaningful connection is huge. That's the biggest cup filler. You're never alone when you just have connection with some fucking good people. Success to me has been watching people grieve and being able to hold space for that and being able to be a person that that person can feel vulnerable enough to grieve around. That's success. Supporting other entrepreneurs, holding in my studio space so many spots over the last 20 years for people to come in as instructors and find a new version of themselves, find confidence to hold space and offices for brand new entrepreneurs to come in and get my support and watch their businesses flourish and then watch them move on to these next beautiful chapters. Success. I got to support that. Hearing my clients' success stories and seeing my clients overcome hardships. I'm grateful I get to share an interview next week with someone really dear to me that has accomplished that success, coming over big hardships, a huge success, developing community, developing a studio space and an online community that can walk in a room and feel held and feel taken care of and feel like they can be exactly who they're supposed to be, however they are. Show up with all of their parts, whether it be my like group fitness classes or my soul dives or retreats or workshops or one-on-one sessions, like community. The fact that I have a community and that my community becomes other people's community just by being in my space or working with me. That is success. Staying in business during a hard chapter, success, working on my healing, messy, but success, big success. Not letting myself go into burnout. That's huge. That's developing a whole new respect for yourself, and that's success. Meeting yourself at your limits before you burn out success. Having the ability to have deep emotional chats with my kids, about relationships, about our own interactions with each other, about things that feel hard in life, being able to legit have a meltdown in front of my kids and hug them and hold space together, being able to apologize if I did something wrong and talk about navigating that success. Being able to sit oof, sit and have a hard talk in a marriage, and be able to hold space for each other, be able to be vulnerable and emotional, to fight and to make it back up and to continually grow better and better together. That's success. Saying no to things that aren't a fit for me. Learning and rebuilding over and over and over again, success. Doing work that isn't nine to five because that's not a fit for me, success. Allowing myself to not always be available, and for my business to look different. That's always a hard one for me in the summer. I step back from my business to be taking care of myself, to be enjoying the weather, to be enjoying my children, focusing on family life. And even though I love it and it feels successful, I always feel the weight of like not being not running a good business because I've stepped back and setting boundaries. And that's always something I'm working through, but not always being available and letting my business look and run different success. Why the fuck else would I do entrepreneurship? But for that exact reason. And that's amazing. Being able to see the responsibility, see their growth, see their friendships, how they navigate relationships, being able to support them. Oh success. Like success. Doing things different, being seen. Success. Beautiful. Being able to volunteer. I'm really grateful for that opportunity. For being able to put healthy food on the table. Success. That's been a really huge focus is taking care of my family in that regard. Accepting myself. That's a success. One of the hardest. And I think even though it was never on the list, accepting yourself needs to be part of your how success feels and what is prioritized. And friendships. I'm just so incredibly grateful for the friendships and relationships I have in my life. And I I think I owe a huge success to each and every one of them because they help me show up how I am. And that goes out to my listeners too, and everyone who sends me messages because yeah, even though I do all the work, even I have to step back and remind myself to accept myself and be proud of myself. I think there's this really cool piece about stepping back, looking from the outside in, reevaluating, redefining, honoring your feelings and your hardships and your successes, and where you like grip and what you trust. And it's been really cool this year. I've had some really cool full circle experiences. Um the first one was that I always wanted to lead. And when I was younger, like early 20s, I wanted to lead, but what I needed to do was be able to learn also. And then I think I was like in this place where I wanted to lead, but I didn't quite trust myself all the time, or I felt like I didn't have enough to lead. So I went through this journey of like needing to learn and needing to learn and needing to learn and not quite being there yet. And at the end of last year, I had this full circle fucking moment. And I'm grateful. My husband's seen this in me for a while, but I needed to see myself. And it was like lead and quit asking for advice. And I think I really stepped into my power in that moment and was like, I am who I need to be. I know what I need to know. Now lead. And that that was a big shift for me. Another full circle was that when my health stuff came up, I dove back into past. I did so much healing of my past, so much. And then I got to a place where I could live kind of in the present and be really content. And then I started diving a little bit more into the future and like manifestation and what am I calling in for myself? All of those are beautiful. But so then in July, specifically in July, I found myself again going into the past. And I caught myself feeling really panicky about it. And I reminded myself in this moment when I kind of realized this full circle, but I reminded myself that healing is not linear. And sometimes we think we've resolved something, and then it spins around and comes back. And it doesn't mean you're starting over, you're just reevaluating, looking at something different, tuning into maybe something that you didn't catch the first time or noting your growth. And so I'm back there doing a little bit of past stuff, which I know is going to help me in the future and allow me to just be more held in the present. So that's been a really cool one because I really thought I was done with diving into past stuff. And oh my gosh, we never are. We're always we're always allowed to do healing in various parts of our life. So that this one has been really cool. So I think I've mentioned this in a past podcast, but like physical, physical health in the form of fitness was a priority of mine. And when emotional stuff would come up, I would go physical health. And then, as you know, in my 20s, I get thrown a physical limitation or challenge or obstacle that forces me to go into my emotional healing, into my emotional health. And that leads me to my spiritual health, and that led me to some financial healing, and that led me to some relationship stuff, my marriage. And then now I find myself back in the physical health piece, but different. I'm at a place where I'm just now holding space for my body in a new way, but that I've already walked through all this other stuff and I can now meet myself in a different space. So that's been full circle, absolutely, but different. Um, there's been a really cool one. I feel like I'm gonna do a whole episode about this, but past relationships. So I feel like I don't, I feel like the last three years I've done a lot of healing with past in regards to friendships and relationships. Um, I know my automatic thing when I was younger was anger. When relationships didn't work out, it was anger. And um, I've I've had to meet myself with this, and I've I've learned my full full circle growth here in some parenting aspects this year. I've caught things that my kids are going through in relationships, bubbling up a really significant past relationship in my life. And I met the emotions with so much gratitude. And it really made me reflect on like what I learned in that relationship and what I really valued in it, and how it opened doors for me, and how I met that person then with anger too, and just hoping that they could receive my gratitude for all that they brought for me. And I literally sat outside one day and sent gratitude to this person, hoping that they would receive it. And I've had these really cool events happen this last bit. It kept bubbling up and showing up and showing up and showing up. And then I just had like this full circle experience happen where the universe sent me this sign, and it was really cool because there's just like what I've learned about relationships and how they shift me, and how gratitude is just really truly where to meet everything, and how I'm no longer that person that feels anger, and that's been really healing and uplifting for me. I'm gonna save that because it was a series of epic, cool shit. And yeah, I'll bring it up another time. Um another one I've always known that I loved writing. I wrote poetry and stuff in high school. Um, I knew that I one day I'm gonna write a book. One day. Um, I started my Substack this year, and then I knew that like podcasting had a much bigger meaning than just like launching a podcast. It was for my own healing, and it's done so much for me on how I meet myself, um, how I understand myself. It's also been so cool listening to Al and I talk and the things I've picked up about our conversations. So just that like knowing eight or 10 years ago that I wanted to do these things, and then now, like literally being here and being like, ah, yes, it was for my healing. So that's so cool. And valuing my friendships in different chapters. Um, my friendships are so unique with such a variety of amazing humans that I think none of them know each other. If I put them all in the same room, I know they would get along, but they all are on such different life chapters, and I'm just so fucking grateful for that. So um, I think that's just been really cool because I always thought I would have this group of core friends, and that just is not how I'm wired or what the universe brings for me, and I'm really so fucking grateful. Control, that's been a big one. Oh, having such control and strategy and planning about where my life is going. And then needing to release control and then coming back into control, even though I learned. Learned that letting go of control was important. I even still cycled back into catching myself in old ways I didn't even know I was trying to control, controlling. And now sitting with where I'm put my trust in myself and who I want to allow to maybe take the reins and control. So that's been really full circle too. And I think I'll probably circle back a time or two yet with control because that's a tough one. All of those very much tied to success and knowing that it's not linear and that sometimes you literally success is circling back to where you start and reevaluating or learning the lesson. Um, communication has been a really big one. I learned this about myself, and I learned that I never say sorry. And that's something that I think for me to that's something that would be really successful for me is to lean into that more. And I honestly just had no idea about that until my husband told me that. And I was like, that's I hate that. I want to do better. That would be successful. Me owning my shit when I need to. Also, this has been a really cool one, but um, when Al and I met, I had big plans and goals, and I was straight and narrow heading for them. And in the chapter that he was in, that served us, that I kind of led the way and was organized and had all my shit in order, had direction, I had leadership, and what I've what we've talked about and what I've learned is really that I never handed it over fully. Like I went from being our security and kind of our leader to then like having kids and building a business and going through a whole bunch of shit and never just really being like, here, you take the reins. And so that's been really fucking cool and really enlightening in some ways to just be like, I don't know why. I trust you a hundred percent. Why have I not said to you, like, here, I'm gonna, even though you might already be doing it, I'm gonna like on an energetic level be like, here, lead the way. Um, parenting, as I mentioned, the healing that comes with parenting of yourself, being able to support your kids and watching my kids who be who they are and being who I wanted to be as a mom. That's been really huge, and that's been a success. And I've had a really cool one come up lately, too, about just being reminded of things I observed that I don't even think I thought were in my radar. Things I observed in a relationship and in a in another family's relationship and lifestyle that I really was intrigued by and wanted for myself, but I don't think ever really spoke it out loud. And the person who I kind of looked up to in that regard, I feel like I've just been waiting for them to say, to see that and to say that they're proud of me. And realizing that these things that I didn't even know about lifestyle and like holistic wasn't really a piece of my life growing up. I think it's definitely shifted in the world, but the person I looked up to was very deep into it to the point that it was like weird. And I fucking love the weirdness, and I loved the pieces of the family and the pieces of how they live their life. And it's been so fucking cool to now universe gives me this big sign that, like, holy shit, I am living holistically. I am not letting my kids have lots of the shit that lots of people eat. We don't eat food dyes and we try to limit packaged foods, and I'm like trying to do more of the home cooking, and we have a whole herbal apothecary, and oof, I own a holistic studio. Like, I've had this moment where I'm like, holy shit, I didn't even know that deep in my soul this whole time. That's been something to me that would feel like success and would feel really good, and I'm living that. And I literally haven't said to myself, like, I'm so proud of myself, but I am. So I invite you to this journal prompt. What do you need to hear from someone? And does it actually need to come from within? I felt like this past relationship, I really just wanted them to see that like I saw them and I loved what they taught me and I appreciated them. And I almost wanted that confirmation to come from them. And I've had this huge massive experience lately that I'm the one that needs to stand here and literally look myself in the mirror and be like, I'm so proud of you. Because at the end of the day, that's my success, accepting myself, accepting all the hard lessons and hardships, and also celebrate all the successes along the way, and really take inventory on what success feels like, how much it matters to you, and allowing yourself to continually change and adjust and redefine, and to sit here, and whatever it is that you need to hear from someone, whether it be the past or someone who's currently in your life, that you need them to say it to you. And I invite you to sit in front of the fucking mirror or right in this moment say out loud what it is that you need to hear and allow it instead to really come from your heart. Cause at the end of the day, nobody can say to us that we've made it. No one can say to us that you accomplished all the things or that this matters. It has to come from within. And it has to come from real vulnerable honesty with yourself, compassion, and allowing yourself to meet you where you are, where you've been, and where you're going. I have a few more little prompts I just want to throw at you. Take them or leave them. Where could you cut yourself some slack? What don't you celebrate enough about who you are and what you bring to this world? And I just invite you to sit with that. I'm really proud of you. From another mum, from a woman, from an entrepreneur, from the person who's going through a health thing, from someone who's in a relationship and trying to do their best, for whatever the fuck is in your way or has been in your way. I'm really proud of you. We're all trying to do our damn best. Don't be hard on yourself and let that hard edge, that judgy little biotch, take a seat on the bench for once and allow yourself to really honor all the things you've accomplished. All the things you didn't expect would be in your way, and acknowledge right now what might be standing in front of you that you just need to ask to step aside to trust yourself. Wish you the absolute happiest full moon. Get outside, take her in. She's gonna be big and beautiful. Sit with the feelings, the emotions, the sensations that you felt, maybe as I walked you through some of my own things or the journal prompts I gave you. Sit with the moon, sit with success, what it means to you, what it feels to you, and the chapters of life that you've been through. And honestly, sit with if there's been some full circles. We're entering into a really exciting time in life and in the world and the astrology that's supporting some significant change. See what in this full moon you can detach from emotionally, what you can ask to hand over the reins, and what part of you you can start to trust to take a little bit more lead in whatever way that looks like for you. I'm sending you so much love, inviting you to love fiercely yourself, your life, all you've created, all the beauty in it, and always trust to land softly until we meet again. Peace and love.