S1E6 - Turn Small Talk into Million Dollar Connections

This episode of The Right Room features Lorraine Lane, Founder of Lane Business Consulting. Just when you think you are the only one who struggles with “I don’t want to”-syndrome, Lorraine shares how she didn’t want to attend networking meetings but soon realized what her attendance and participation could mean for her growing business. Lorraine’s book, Business-Building Referrals: Play Your A-Game and Become a Networking Super Star and her “Play You’re A-Game” Program will show you how to network sensibly and in the way that is YOUR way. Lorraine teaches you how to make the essential connections and build the relationships that are the necessary foundation for a referral-based business. Learn the critical marketing method of referral generation which is not salesy, pushy or manipulative. Lorraine clears up the myths that are promoted about the way to build a referral-based business and spells out clearly how to make a powerful difference in your approach this part of your business.Contact Lorraine Lanefacebook.com/LorraineLane827 LinkedIn.com/lorrainelane827Alignable.com/land-o-lakes-fl-2/lane-business-consulting The Right Room Vodcast – "Life never stops teaching" and we should all be open to discovering more and harnessing the power of others' experience to help us grow, personally and in business. Join us each week for our newest vodcast; catch us "on the fly" wherever you find your podcasts, and subscribe to our channel to find out about releases, discounts, and upcoming special events, live and virtual! Visit our website at https://The-Right-Room.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the right room where life never stops teaching. I'm Jane Carmel.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

And I'm Celeste Camps.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

And today we're going to be talking about one of my favorite near and dear topics of networking.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I know a lot of people I know how much you love doing it, Jane.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Yeah, I love doing it. I love it so much that I I've dipped my toe from my toe up to about my shoulder in networking. And, you know, it it works for a lot of people, I think. And it and it works if you work it. And um I think that's something that people do tend to lose with what networking is. They hear the promise of uh, you know, meeting new people and getting referrals or leads or whatever you want to call them. Um, but then they don't want to do the work. So that's always that's always a little disappointing. But I know myself, I I I I kind of am an introvert. I know nobody believes me when I say that, but I'm an introvert. I don't like going to um strange places to meet a room of strangers. Um, I'm very hesitant. So those are like all the things that I know I gotta work at this, I have to go into a room full of strangers. What do you think about networking?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Well, I I think that it I always look at it as an opportunity, but I also know the trepidation. And I think that most people are hesitant because you're hoping that you can get into a group quickly, you're hoping that you can meet people and they're receptive to you. And then the question is, how do I do it? Do I immediately recite my resume? Do they need to know everything about me in 30 seconds or less? Then you also have the issue of, for the most part, in the last two, three years now, it's been over Zoom. And I find that whole thing very difficult and not conducive to what I feel I can put my best foot forward in. And I know that there are definitely tips and tricks to doing Zoom meetings as well as in-house, in-person meetings. And luckily for us today, we do have a networking expert who is going to be able to answer all of our wonderful questions. Please welcome Lorraine Lane.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Hi Lorraine. I'm so excited to have we we've had some uh back and forth with timing and everything and scheduling because we are all so busy, but Lorraine is is really out there and doing so many things, including networking, and she's one of the um the best people I know at it. Um Lorraine, introduce yourself, tell us about you, what you do, and how you do it for the clients that you work with. All right, glad to be here, Jane and uh Celeste.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

So, my business is helping small business owners stay in business. That's the way I'm gonna put it. Um, you know, people have a skill or a talent and they start a business without thinking about how am I gonna market this? Who's my target market? All of that. So all those basic things. And I will tell you that I help business owners with this because I started my business without a clue about what I was doing. So I say to people, I started my business quite by accident, not by choice. And so I made all the mistakes and I try and help people not follow in that path.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

I love that honesty. That's so cool. To hear somebody say that, that's so important because I think that's something that we can all identify with. I know I was I've gotten into the business that I've been in two or three times over already uh by accident. I think that's really unique that you said that.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Yeah, so you spend a lot of money, a lot of time, not making any traction, and it gets very discouraging, right? So when I started my business, I didn't know what I was doing. So I asked people, how do what do you do? And they said, networking. I had no clue what that meant because I came from the corporate world, 15 years in the corporate world. And so I went to the library and took out as many books as you were allowed at the time. You know, libraries, you take out books, okay. So so this was 20 some years ago, and you were allowed to take out 17 books. So I went home with 17 books that had some description of networking and so on. And I read these books and I thought, oh my god, I've got to go meet strangers. And so in my book, I describe my process, which was torture, of finding, and we had newspapers in those days. I mean, this sounds like the dinosaurs were walking the earth during this time. Not that long ago, it wasn't that long ago. I know. So I I selected a group of professional women. I thought that that's my tribe, right? And so on a Wednesday morning, got in my suit, got in the car, got out of the car, went back in the house and had a cup of coffee.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Person after my own heart.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

The next week, though. We can all speak to that. The next week I got I got in my suit, got in the car, backed out, got as far as the end of our development, made a U-turn, came back home, did the same thing. This time I cried as I thought, I just I can't do this. So I read the books again, thinking there must be something I'm missing. No, so the following week I got in my and I went and I'm parked in the parking lot of the restaurant where the meeting was being held. And I sat there and I thought, maybe a sinkhole will open up and I won't have to go in. No, no. What happened was this perky little person knocked on my car window and said, Are you here for the networking meeting? And I my head went, Yes. She opens the door in the car and she's come with me. Off we go. What I hadn't got far enough into the reading about networking was that you had to do a 30-second introduction. Oh, so I can't tell you what I said because I don't remember, but I know I sweat a lot. And so I decided that they asked me, Are you coming back next week? And I did go back. And these women were very patient. And I decided I had to contribute something so that I could keep coming back. And because I was a corporate trainer, I developed these mini workshops where we met once a month and our group grew because the workshops were beneficial. That I knew how to do. Networking and a whole lot of other things about building a business, I didn't, but I learned. And those women were a safe haven for me where I could practice some things and learn. And I I tried all the things that were recommended, and it was a it was a struggle. It was a struggle to build business. How did I approach people? So I made tons of mistakes, but I learned from them. And one day it dawned on me, I had to stop. I had to think about what this activity, and I love the name of this podcast, the right room. That's exactly what you have to do with networking. Find the right room. And when I'm talking about networking, that is an activity that you do, but there's another purpose. You need to build your network, and that's where people fall short. They're networking, but they're not building their network.

unknown 9:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And not doing follow-up.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, I was gonna say right, extend on that because I think that that is so pivotal. And I mean, I I so appreciate the fact that I'm not the only chicken in the world because that was my thing too. I've I've gone and backed out and and canceled because my own hesitance, my own fear, and then not really understanding what networking was, how how to go about it. Um, could you explain what you're saying about, you know, you're doing the networking, but building your network is what the what the gift is from it?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yes. So in in the program um that I have that's built on my book, I teach people who do you have you have to have start out with 10 people in your network and the role that those people play. So that's what we do in the weeks that we we meet. Like, who is going to be a person who's going to question things for you? And I have, and those people don't have to know that they're part of your network. They can, but they don't have to. So there are certain people that I meet with once a month. We go for lunch and they serve a purpose. They're very connected, or they'll connect me with certain people, and other people are serving as a role model, or different roles. So we describe those roles, and who's the person that plays that role for you? So that it's like your board of directors, so that network will help you build your business like nobody's business.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Well, see, that's interesting. So you and you are actually assigning roles, and you're putting it down on paper, and you're saying, you know, when I meet with this person, it is for this reason. Yes. And when I meet with this person, this is what I'm hoping to get from it. And then also, I guess you're having to qualify what you're bringing to the table as well for these people.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Yes. So people move in and out of your network as okay. So when I first started this idea, it's like, okay, so I started meeting with people, and some people didn't get it. Okay, they didn't know how to connect you with other people, or it's just a social thing for them. So I don't know about you, but you know, social, I have certain people I socialize with, and other people, okay. Good business, good business associates, but um, so how those people serve that role and how you identify it and how you interact with them, but you also have to do what am I giving that person? What value do I bring to that relationship? So it's a mutually beneficial relationship, and when it isn't, I kind of push those people out of the inner circle, and I'm still colleagues with them, but not in that intimacy that your network is. Okay, so you're building together, whether you acknowledge it or not, okay, but those are people that you go to for certain things. So, for instance, one of my colleagues is she asks really good questions and sometimes very annoying questions because she really wants an answer, but that serves such a purpose, right? Questions are hugely powerful and and make you think. So she serves that role. I serve a different role for her, where it's almost like an advisor for how she's going to bring people into her business.

unknown 13:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

This becomes very strategic then. I mean, this is you know, so you're really building together a strategy of who does what and the in the different roles that will help you build your business, what you bring to the table, and how to constantly find ways of utilizing them and expanding at the same time, I would imagine.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Yes. And and you're very aware of those people and how you nurture those relationships. Okay. So you have to like there's certain people we meet for breakfast, other people we meet once a month for lunch, you know, but I'm I'm very conscious of that.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Lorraine, let me ask you one question. Two two things come well, I'm gonna ask you one question, but two things come to mind. One is as you were saying about meeting certain people in certain places for certain purposes, I think of the people that go to open networking uh um events where I really think it's just like a business card exchange. And that to me fills that that that role of you saying, you know, they're they're they're networking, but they're not growing their network. When I hear you say about really putting the people into position, are you basing that on um their business skills, their soft skills, a little bit of everything? Um, what you need, what they need. I I hear you say that, you know, it's just as important to give back. Um how do you how do you like, is there a guideline that you give yourself to to know who you who's good for you, or or what?

SPEAKER_02 15:44

It's a it's a long conversation that we have during the A Game program, which is based on my book, uh, about how you think about those people, right? What do you need? And when people look at the 10, the 10 positions, for instance, you know, I have a graph of 10 chairs, you're going to fill those chairs with people and think about who's going to serve in this role, who's going to serve in this role. Okay. And you may think about people, but they they don't really measure up or they're they don't have that that connected kind of energy. And so when I was first doing this, you know, five years into having my business, I would just meet with people and talk about how we could help each other, but the conversation was only, you could buy my product, and that's how you how we're going to work together, right? And it was not, they weren't, it's like when you're hiring somebody, you interview a lot of people before you make the hire, right? And so you pay attention to the conversation. And so I met with a lot of people, and a lot of people just were they were good, they had strengths, and so on, but I was trying to fill a certain position. And I wanted to know if it worked, because if I'm training people to do this, I had to know if it if it worked, or this was just a harebrained idea.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Do you do you think that you based it on um the fact I'm on on your corporate background? Do you think you based it you know on the the the employees or the or the supervisors you worked with or the administration that you worked under?

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Well, when you when you look at business, you know, there's a board of directors, right? And and and as as a solo entrepreneur, it's just you, you know, and so you have this conversation in your head and you don't know whether you're it's a good idea or not, right? So you don't have you don't have you're very isolated as a business, small business owner. So that isolation can be very detrimental. And and what I realized was that just networking didn't satisfy that need for business conversations. Because when you get go to a networking event, you stand up and you give this 30-second, you know, Seth Godin call calls it a turd of prose, your 30-second introduction. That's true. So you can cut that out if you need to. So when you when you give your introduction, what are you really communicating? You know, it's like who's got the most cute factor? People aren't going to get to know you from 30 seconds. So you're not benefiting your self. And I'm not against networking, but you have to be very strategic about what you're doing and how you're spending your time. What I'm noticing since COVID is that people are networking to satisfy a social need.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Oh, that's a good point. That's an excellent point. And and I I found many times uh I was getting burned out with these Zoom networking events because I I wasn't looking for it as a social need. I was looking to, like you said, to help my business to see what I could do to help others. And yet what I found it was constantly devolving into well, let me tell you about what my day was like. And I'm thinking, oh, we've got three minutes in this little breakout room because again, those and that would go so quickly. And then at the end of it, I thought, oh my God, I I just I wasted another two hours.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

I didn't get any names, and I didn't, or the names that I've got were I'm like, I don't even know how to follow up with them because it just was not a good give and take, and not an even enough time to build any kind of rapport or sense of how we could help each other.

unknown 20:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

And you hadn't had the opportunity to see if you were in the right room, exactly. With the right people, the right room is hugely important because you can run around to hundreds of networking events and you'll see the same people over and over. And I did a survey asking people, you know, why do you network? Well, I don't know what else to do. Okay, and are you getting the results that you want? Well, I'm making a lot of friends. Okay, is that building your business? And for me, I need to build my business social satisfaction. I don't need to go to lunch with people I don't know, right? And and so the networking meetings and events, asking yourself the question, are the people that I need to meet going to be there?

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Yeah, definitely. I I get that. So now my next question is probably um, you know, you have to always hit the decision makers. And for those of us that are solopreneurs um who have not had a corporate background, my you know, my background was in education before I became a business owner. So when you needed something, you went to the principal or you went to the administrator or the supervisor. Um when you're when you're trying to sell to businesses, which I think a lot of us do, um How do you how do you find those decision makers? Like, you know, everybody says it, you have to talk to the decision makers. And I sit there and I go, okay, I'll be ready to talk to them. And I have no idea where they're hanging out.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

You know this is where your network comes in. You're never going to find the decision makers at a networking event. Do you think that Bill Gates or Steve Jobs went to networking meetings? I don't think so. So they had a network of people, advisors, people who pointed them in a direction or introduced them to the people they needed to meet. So that's what you're trying to do with your network. Okay. And you can meet some people at networking events if you do the research and see where are those, where are people meeting? Okay. So I do my networking in a different way, in that I offer to give talks, and I met several people at the last talk I gave that are turning into business. So you have to think where do you show up? How do you show up? And if you're at every networking meeting in town, I'm not sure that people are going to hire you because that becomes your business.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Right. Very true. Very true.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

And I like to say, you know, you may get a few people buying something from you, and I call that the drip method, but I want the flow method. When I turn on the faucet, I want the water to gush out. I don't want drips. And the first few years in my business, it was the drip method for sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Well, then how did you decide where you can give these talks that helped people connect with you that much easier?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Well, that started when I was networking, they had, you know, that you could do a 10-minute talk. And I avoided that for the first two years that I was in that women's group. It's like, oh, can't do it. Oh, can't. So, so I started working with a coach because I was desperate. And he said to me, When are you going to do that 10-minute talk? And I said, Well, any day now, because I want you to do it in two weeks. So I had to get a talk ready and deliver it. And it was awful because, you know, in the corporate world, I was a I was a trainer, facilitated all kinds of training. I could have 40 managers in the audience and do a three-day training. Stand up in front of 10 people and do a talk. I was like, I had very different, very different. And I thought it would be the same, but it wasn't. So after that dismal talk, you know, my coach asked me, How did it go? And I said, it was terrible. And I started crying. And it was just terrible. I don't ever want to do that again. He goes, No, you're going to do it again in two weeks. Oh. Clean up the mistakes, rehearse it, practice it out loud because when it is up here, it doesn't come out the mouth the same way. So practice that. And then and then when I was doing the research for my book, I said to myself, for one year I would say yes to every invitation to give a talk. And I put it out there. I'm available. So I was getting calls from meeting coordinators. Oh my god, the person who was supposed to talk today can't. Will you step in? Yes. And I had five talks ready to go. So they could call me on, you know, if I wasn't with a client, I was there giving a talk. That really helped me get more confidence in talking and just standing up and giving a talk. So you have to kind of push your boundaries, but it works when you do. And so now I get I get people asking me to be on podcasts, asking me to give talks, and so on.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

So it's a business builder for sure. I can definitely see why. Um, your book, you keep you keep referencing the book.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

You have a copy of it to show everybody, or and this is your book, business building referrals?

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

And what did you do and and what do you want to say about it?

SPEAKER_02 27:09

It is available on Amazon and in Kindle form. So print or Kindle.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

And have any of this advice been tested?

SPEAKER_02 27:21

It has been thoroughly tested by me and a few hundred people who have been in my A-game program.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

Oh, that's excellent. So you have uh real life actions that people were able to take. Yes. And you help them uh with this and strategize?

SPEAKER_02 27:44

It's a whole method for taking your business to the next level through networking and building your network, which I'm very big about as a business owner, thinking strategically about building a business. So people who have done it have experienced tremendous success, which I'm very proud of. No, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

And what we're gonna do is we will have all of the information about how to get your book, the name of it, and and other details. We will put that up. So anybody that wants to buy it, which honestly I think everybody should buy it, I'm already on it. That you we're not really taught. Yeah. I mean, everybody seems to think, oh, I just go to a meeting and start talking to people without understanding that there should be a plan going in and a plan to follow up. And I think that's where a lot of people do miss the opportunities. They don't realize how much there is in contacting people that you spoke with or adding them to a newsletter so that you're constantly uh on their mind and reminded about what it is you do and how you do it and how to incorporate each other into that board of directors, which I think is brilliant. I I I think that is just a great way of making it simple.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Yeah. Now I offer the A Game program once a year because it's intensive. I offer it once a year and limit it to about 15 people because I do a lot of one-on-one work with people during that program.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

So when is that open again?

SPEAKER_02 29:43

Well, I haven't decided. So it'll probably be it'll probably be March. So um, yeah, if people are interested, they can just reach out to me and and I'll keep them on a on a wait list.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

That's what I was gonna say. Do you have something where people can sign up and and be alerted for when you put that out?

SPEAKER_02 30:03

They can send me an email, and my email is Lorraine, as it's spelled here, at lanebc.com. Okay, we would all they have to put in the in the subject line is wait list.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Okay, great, because we will we will put that at the end as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Okay, good. No, you know, I have to I have to I um shame on me because I'm I'm hitting myself on on my my hands, my my fingers, because the honest to God truth is I know Lorraine since 2020. We were in um we were in uh Women's Speakers Association together, Women's Speakers Association. That's where I'm lying. Global business connectors. We all met, in fact, I think Celeste, you met that through um that all as well. Um and I'm realizing as as Lorraine's talking, I'm like, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. And I and I'm I'm like kicking myself because it's taking taken me now this long to realize the power of networking. And um I do it differently. I I was gonna ask you about organizational organizations that do networking, like B and I or uh HNP, these other these other uh organizations. What you think of them? But also I I again would go back to the amount of work that it does take the person that's going to be doing the networking. Um I get I get pushback from people because it's oh it's too much work, I'm not getting up at that hour of the morning, I'm not meeting, I'm not this. Um can you talk to the um speak to the to the power of the work involved, the benefit that um like you said, having that board of directors is just I I never I I know I've heard you say it before, but it just clicked in my head and like, wait a minute, that would be so much more strategic in in the process of building my business than everything else I'm doing. Sometimes it's you know with the dark game, the spaghetti game, it's it's whatever sticks and it's it's uh ridiculous. But if I had uh a board of directors, now that's a different story. If I had people in place and I didn't have to feel like I was by myself and truly believe that this is a marketing um plan strategy, right? Can you speak a little bit to that and and um you know what it takes to really be good at this?

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Yeah, so so I did the you know organizational kind of things every week, held every position and and everything. And I realized, and how I realized it was I was doing a um a workshop for the Business Expo for Our Chamber, and I thought it would be just so much fun to see how much it cost versus the ROI on networking. So I did this whole chart of how much it costs for a membership. And if you were paid $50,000 a year in corporate, you would make $25 an hour. So, what is your time worth? So you get up, you get dressed, you get in a car, you go, you spend time, you're supposed to do one-on-ones and and all of this. So, time-wise, I had people do this exercise: how much you were spending, and what was the return on your investment? You know, plus you had to buy and you had to do certain trainings and all that sort of thing. So let's say, bottom line, you spent $5,000 in the year. Did you get $5,000 worth of business? And I had a wake-up call when I went through the chart. I thought it was so cute doing this chart, but then it hit me, I was just pouring money down the drain with not the return on my investment. The next day I I quit the organizational um networking group. And then I thought, okay, now what am I going to do? Yeah, I wasn't getting bus, I wasn't getting business, but now what was I going to do to get business? So I started just going to various networking groups without joining. And I remember this one night I went to there's a professional club where you know big business people go, and I had been invited to this mixer. I drive all the way down into Tampa, I'm parked, it's seven o'clock, and I think, you know, I guess other things I could do. I I should go home. I'm tired. But then I thought, I'm here, I'm going to put three business cards in my jacket pocket, and I'm going to find the person who's more uncomfortable than me. And when I do that, I'm going home. So I walked in, I did not know a soul, which was like terrifying to me. So I looked around the room, and there's a guy way over there holding up the door jam, dressed in a really nice suit, and he's just leaning against the door. So I worked my way over to him and I said, Hi. He goes, Hi. And I said, My goal is to find the person who's more uncomfortable than me at this event. He goes, Well, you found him. Nice guy. So I said, So why are you here? And he said, I lost my job at FedEx. I got laid off. And I'm in a program where they'll help you find another job, and we have to go to three networking events before the next meeting, which is in three days. So I said, Oh, okay, good. I said, Do you want to come to another meeting? He goes, I suppose. So the next day at that same place, there was a meeting of HR managers that I was going to various meetings. So I was going to that meeting because I thought HR managers would hire me to do trainings. So I said, come be my guest tomorrow. And I thought he he's not coming. But so I was able to go home because I found the person who was more uncomfortable than me. So I had met my goal and I left. The next day he did show up. He did show up. And around the table, we had to introduce ourselves and so on. So I introduced him as my guest, and the woman across the table said to him, I need your resume. I need to talk to you. He got hired by that company. That was a huge lesson for me. That it isn't about me. It's about if I had not gone there that night and not interacted with him, you know. So that was a big aha for me. That if I'm gonna go, I go and I make a result before I go in. I'm gonna find somebody I can help or introduce or something. It takes the attention off how uncomfortable I am being there.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

That's a great story.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Oh, you see. That's a great story. I I just I'm curious, are you still uncomfortable when you go to those things, Lorraine? Of course.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

Yeah, of course. I can make up a thousand excuses not to go. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

I'm just checking. I was wondering if it ever went away.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

I stand in my closet and I look, I have nothing to wear, so I'm not going. Or it's been a long day, I'm tired, I'm not going. But that's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

I mean, it really is a lot of people. Because again, it is uncomfortable. You aren't always sure what to say or do in meeting new people and how you could really be of help or how they're going to help you. But the fact that you make a plan, that you said, like you have set your resolve, there it there is a focus there. Yes. And there is an intention. There's definitely intention. And I think that does that does help bring everything to line up. And I think that does help with some of that trepidation when you go, well, look, I already made the plan.

SPEAKER_03 39:19

I made the plan.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

I'm following through. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

Yeah. It helps. It helps to, you know, take the attention off how nervous or how you don't, you know, and and I used to consider small talk as a waste of time. And actually, it is a skill that is hugely important in networking. So I do a small workshop on the power of small talk and how you can use that to build those important relationships. You have to start somewhere, right? And still, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

And it and the icebreaker isn't really a diatribe of your accomplishments. It's really about finding that rapport. You know, um, I like to scuba dive. Oh my God, I've always wanted to try that. Or, oh, I just scuba dived last week. But there's but there's something that you can talk about.

unknown 40:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

And then you can ease into, so then what do you what do you have to do during the week before you get a chance to skydive, you know, or scuba dive? What is it that you do? But then at least there is a sense of of caring about the other person, right? Showing that you do want to talk to them and meet with them, and they're just not a vehicle for you to get your foot in the door.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

Right. You don't see them as a wallet, you know.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

I and I think people appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

I'm listening to to this and uh and I'm saying to myself, um, in an organizational setting, um, I tend to hit people that have a lot of pushback. Um, by that I mean um they are the masters of the universe, they are the kings of their castles, kings, queens of their castles. They built their business, they know what they're doing. Who the hell are you to come in and tell me anything? Um, although they're although they're at a networking event looking to make connections. So um what do you say to people like that? Like, you know, is it is it a new way of thinking that they have to have, or or um, you know, hey, if it if it works for you and things are going great, you shouldn't be in a networking room to begin with.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Well, so if they you know put out this everything is working great, go there, talk to them about that. How did you do that? You know, what what is it that you put in place? What are the strengths and you know, so because when you when you try to take the conversation into what are the challenges you're facing, they don't want to go there. Yet have them talk about what they love and why things are going wonderfully, you know. Could you interview them so that other people can learn from them? Yeah, you know, but they'll let the guard down.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

When they when they think they're doing something good and you're in true interested in in the good, right? Uh you'll get it. Absolutely. Very good.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Yeah, most people don't understand the power of being vulnerable. They they have a hard time understanding that that's what connects all of us. So somebody like that who is putting up a lot of bravado because deep down they are insecure and they are nervous and they are worried that you're going to see right through them that the best way to yeah, kind of break through that barrier is to go all in with them.

unknown 43:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

And say, Well, that's amazing that you are this wonderful and confident. Tell me more about how you did that. And yeah, that's a that great advice again, Lorraine, to just go ahead and play up to that part of them that they're at least comfortable with. And then maybe you can get a little bit to the underbelly at another time. Right.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Yeah. People have to know and like you and trust you, you know, mean that KLT factor. That's important. So once people have that trust, then they'll be more apt to, you know, talk about things that might not be going well. And they may have. They may have, you know, achieved something that would teach other people how to have a successful business. Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Lorraine, Lorraine, can I ask you one question about um again, we we touched a little bit upon the the virtual and the in-person thing? Um, I know a lot of people think that that 10-minute presentation is really easy to do when you're behind the camera because you can have all your notes plastered everywhere and and it goes off well. Um, other than that, do you think that um vir virtual is the way we're headed, or the in-person is still just as powerful and important?

SPEAKER_02 44:44

What I'm noticing is that more and more people want in-person. And one of the Zoom fatigue is real. And I do a program on how it's the presentation blueprint, how to do your presentation. And I had a couple people in in my last classes, oh, easy to do on Zoom, no problem. They found it wasn't so easy. Um, it was even more challenging than in person because you don't have the energy to draw from, it's flat. And I know for myself, when I'm doing a training or a talk, I so much more appreciate being in person. There's there's a just something that is missing with Zoom, although Zoom was at the right time and the right place when we needed it, right? Grateful for both. But you have to know the limitations. You have to know the limitations.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

You also have to be a little bit more over the top in a sense, because it's people are so easily distracted when they're at home, and they do get bored looking at the screen. And before you know it, they're then looking at their phone or talking to their spouse and forgetting completely that they're still on camera. And yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

Sorry, yes, yeah. A lot of that goes on. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

Yeah. I mean, I've seen people do their hair, and you know, and I'm going, you know, people, or my favorite one is this.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Oh, gee, my connection just must have dropped when they're and then they go back on screen and they're like doing their nails. Yeah, those kind of things. It's it's very challenging.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

It's also, yeah, and you instantly become disengaged when you see the camera go off. But I think taking that's very distracting and it's and and it's uncomfortable because you were almost thinking, well, I I'm doing my best to keep you uh informed and to make this impactful, and you still turned your camera off.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

So yeah, taking it from where taking it from where Lorraine is saying, like that that having that different mentality, like I'm sitting here saying to myself, if I could read the book before my next networking thing, that'd be great because now maybe I would understand how to look at the people that are in front of me that I see all the time. Um, maybe I don't need this person in my quote unquote networking group. I need to look at them as more of advisors, board of directors. Um, it changes for me, just hearing her say that changes the way I'm perceiving the people that I'm already connected to. And no offense, do I really need them? You know, I don't you know mean that to sound it that way, but I think that you know, you have to go through and start the wheat and the chafe. You have to start getting rid of the things that aren't serving you.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

So well, it it it's a circle, okay. So there's certain people that are in your very inner circle and how you're gonna nurture them, and then you have other people who you probably connect with, but not not as intimately as your inner circle, right? So, but you you're the one that makes the decision, not them. Because it's your it's your business.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

Perfect. Well, that's I think that this is probably one of the best um podcasts we've done. I say that I don't say that about everybody, but I I'm I'm just like floor because again, I know Lorraine since 2020, and this is the first time I actually really I feel like now I have an understanding of what it is you do when you say you're a trainer. I'm like, wait a minute, what is she you're like? I just knew that. Like, even when Celeste asked me, she goes, Well, what does she do? Uh, she's a trainer, but I'm not sure what she trains on. And and now I'm sitting there going, I'm kicking myself, literally, because I'm saying to myself, wow, what a resource in having this perspective, which networking organizations do not generally promote.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

I've been involved with a bunch of them, and and well, they don't know that they're promoting get to know a lot of people and build relationships, but they're you're not really building relationships when you're going to networking meetings. So that I think is where the focus where your focus is if you're thinking about building a network, right?

SPEAKER_01 49:37

Okay, and then like you said, researching and finding the right room and not just going because it says networking event, you need to go and find where is this group that is going to help you the most.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

And that you can that you can give, you know. Oh yes, yes. Yeah. So it's it's a it's a match. Right. And I stopped one group that I was going to join. They wanted they wanted some mini workshops as part of the agenda. And I have hundreds, so that I could do that. But it was a group where I saw I would be contributing, and the people who were there would not help. I I would be giving so much and so much time that it was not a good business decision. And people people don't make business decisions. It's I I worked with one woman, she was going to 10 networking meetings a week.

SPEAKER_03 50:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

So I said to her, Lisa, how much business are you getting from this group, this group, this group? And the answer was this. But these are my friends. I said, Lisa, we're trying to build a business here. And if she had taken time to go to the people who really wanted the product that she had, she could have made thousands of dollars, but she would not stop any one of these 10 groups. So after a couple months, I said to her, You are not ready for coaching. You are not. So in six months, she had closed the doors to her business. Um networking was not building her business, she was not paying attention to the activity that would have made her a successful business owner sad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:57

But but unfortunately, I think that that's is a lot of us. I think that speaks to a lot of us because I've heard time and time again, networking doesn't work, it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And and then if you try to explain to somebody, well, how are you doing it? What are you doing? Are you just collecting business cards? You just handing out your business card. What are you doing there? Uh and and that's and that's difficult. It's hard to be able to work with people who aren't really sure of the concept. So it's so great that you decide to sit down and write a book about it and break it down for everybody and then offer the additional help. That's tremendous.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

Thank you. Definitely awesome. So, uh Lorraine, where can our listeners find you online?

SPEAKER_02 52:50

They can find me on my website, which is lanebc.com. Very simple. Cool. Lanebc.com. Very good. All right.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

We will make sure we have all of that information and more about you so that anybody who's interested in learning more about building your business through networking, you need to contact Lorraine Lane.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Thank you. Yes, definitely. And and I just bought the Kindle book, so I'm good. I'm going to read right after we get off this fall. And if you have questions, you know how to find me. You better believe it and uh and and look for an email from me too, because I'm I'm very interested in the in the course as well. Um, but thank you so much. I cannot tell you how impactful and important I think the discussion was today in terms of moving people that are by themselves into a different way of thinking, um, a different way of of um you know creating something that they're really looking to do on their own, but with help. And that's that's the whole thing. When we have community around us, um things, all things are possible. And when, like you said, when you're in the right room, uh anything can happen. So thank you so much for finding your way to uh our right room. Uh again, my name is Jane Palmell. And I'm Celesticaps. And we thank you. Thank you so much. Take care, everybody. Bye bye.