S1E2 - "Taking Risks: Taking Risks to Reach Your Goals" - The Right Room Ep. 2 with Shane Kulman

This episode of The Right Room examines the power of taking risks and how it can help struggling entrepreneurs reach their goals. Knowing when you have to embrace being out of your comfort zone is the first step in genuinely changing things up for you and your business.Our guest today is Shane Kulman. Shane is a Mentor and Speaker who works with her clients to help them embrace their strengths and take steps to become more confident and powerful. In addition, she provides tangible advice and strategies for taking the plunge and creating something uniquely your own. Contact Shane Kulman: Email: love@enchantedembodiment.comlinkedin.com/in/enchantressshane/facebook.com/EnchantressShaneinstagram.com/enchantressshane/twitter.com/EnchantedShanetiktok.com/@enchantressshaneclubhousedb.com/user/enchantresshaneThe Right Room Vodcast – "Life never stops teaching" and we should all be open to discovering more and harnessing the power of others' experience to help us grow, personally and in business. Join us each week for our newest vodcast; catch us "on the fly" wherever you find your podcasts, and subscribe to our channel to find out about releases, discounts, and upcoming special events, live and virtual!Visit our website at https://The-Right-Room.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the right room. My name is Jane Carmel. And I'm Celeste Camps. And we are going to do the podcast today on risk. Our podcast focus today is on risk. Knowing you need to take that risk.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

I don't want to take the risk. But you know that many times it's important that you do. Even as uncomfortable as it seems, you have to decide: do I stay where I am, where I know it's not working out, or do I take that risk and have something better? And that is always that issue. I know it was for me years ago when I left a very good paying job and knew that if I stayed with it, I was just going to get more and more miserable. The job took my whole life. And I thought at this point, if I don't jump ship and decide that instead of expending all of this energy making somebody else rich, I could probably put all of that energy into myself and have my own business. And as scary as it was, the decision really was the best one I ever made. And Jane, I am sure that you have found that as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

You know, I I I don't consider myself a daredevil. I actually consider myself risk avert, adverse, um, because I I literally had a very phobic mother. So she put that fear of everything in me. And to to go out on a limb has always been terrifying. Um, I usually can do it, but I usually have something in front of me. A partner um in business, uh, a musical instrument when uh I was performing. So it was always a a little bit of, you know, a little bit of a buffer. But now that you know, even like this this podcast, this vodcast, the risk behind it is, you know, is it gonna work? Is it not going to work? Um, is my guest gonna show up? Um the the tension that that builds in you, um it almost it almost becomes debilitating to some people. And you know, how do you how do you deal with that? You know?

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Well, luckily we have somebody today that can address all of that. And she is here today to help us walk us through this. Please welcome Shane Coleman.

unknown 2:58

Yay!

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Hey Shane, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

So good, so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

We're happy to have you. And we know that you do actually many things, and we asked you to pare it down to just one topic. And I like the topic that you picked, which is making that big decision even when you're unsure of yourself. So walk us through it.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Yeah, well, I want to say, as entrepreneurs, we make bets. Like we are in a life that's like a casino, and it's really scary because essentially we're saying, I'm so great that I don't need a boss to tell me what to do, that I'm gonna wake up on time, I'm gonna take a shower, I'm gonna eat my breakfast. And there's actually nowhere to rush to. And that is really, you know, at the core, we've all been raised in school, where it's like, do this, come here, sit down, stand up, and anything outside of that, you get in trouble for. Um, so I was a preschool teacher and a therapist for little kids, and I saw the training, you know, happen. And so I, you talked about your mom, like my, I just didn't like authority. I just was like, I can do it better and different and more efficient, even in kindergarten. Um, I there's so many examples that just rush to my mind. And getting in trouble, I was like used to it already. So I think that gave me the permission to be like, I want to do what I want to do. Up until I was about 12, I reached puberty, and then I was like, I just want to fit in, I just want to belong. And so as an adult, it is a slippery slope, but I'm obsessed with um, I'm self-interested, I'm obsessed with personal development. And the scariest, most efficient place to grow and learn and make money is by being witnessed by strangers, doing your thing, making your offers, putting yourself out there. Because they don't know you're a nice person or you're kind, and they have their stories like, oh, you're a hustler, you want to make money, like, and that stuff all comes up. And so becoming an entrepreneur, it wasn't like I became an entrepreneur, I just was one. Um, and taking risk is a part of that. And I always think about I'm a New Yorker and I think about the guys that own or the women, whoever that own the bodegas or the corner stores. Like, I wonder if they think about risk or they're like, no, it's busy, it's a bus stop. We're gonna be, it's guaranteed. Um, and so, you know, taking a risk doesn't feel fun. I want everyone to know, like, even if we're all smiling and we look nice for the camera, you know, there's days where it's like, I'm not showering, I didn't eat, it's three o'clock. I where's the next money coming from? Um, and that's kind of the excitement, you know, the dopamine of like, where's it gonna come from? What's happening next? And where are coping mechanisms come in? Like, there's a lot of psychology around taking risk. And at the end of the day, if someone's gonna watch up until right now, I want them to know that sometimes you take the risk and the joy or the pleasure come afterwards. So it's not like, oh, I want to have fun, I want to be successful like these other people. You might feel horrible, terrible. You might eat two pies of pizza and take the risk, and then something happens, and you're like, oh my goodness, I'm real. People believe in me. Um, I just had a client, she calls herself Jen 3.0. Um, she's been a mother of two teenagers. She was a private investigator, she worked for an assembly woman, and now she's a postpartum doula. That's what she did while she was working with me. She got trained and and she was she'll love me anyway. She was really undercharging. And um, she's been a mother for 20 years and a caregiver and a natural doula, as far as I'm concerned. She's like, I'm just starting, you know, and her yeah, she was undercharging. And now she's raised her prices, she's taking it little bits at a time. Her prices are good. She has a wait list, she has people showing up. And she just posted this thing like, I'm doing it. It's my actual business, it's thriving. I have money coming. People are calling, I'm having meetings. And that joy of a little kid who's like, I won the game, is really important to share. So I want to take a breath.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Go ahead. You know, I'm I'm what I'm hearing when you're when you're saying it is yes, there there's risk, of course. There's risk, there's reward. Um, sometimes there's a detriment to your, you know, a setback or or whatever that comes with it, and that uh otherwise it wouldn't be risky. Um, you know, but what I'm what I hear in what you're saying is um you know, people especially as as an entrepreneur, um, that risk embodies things like where does the next dollar come from? Uh am I gonna have clients? I am a profit acceleration strategist. So to hear you say your client was afraid to charge more um I always laugh because that's usually what exactly what you said is usually what happens. They'll they'll push back with a coach or a or a clo a consultant and say, I can't charge anymore. Are you kidding? I'll put myself out of business. And then they start to, and two things happen. They actually make more money, and then the risk, the fear of the risk, starts to fall away. That being said, do you have any um processes or systems that you work through with your clients to really help them put that risk at bay, you know, hold it at bay, uh, not to let the fear overwhelm them?

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yes. And the name of my method is the unconventional icon. And here's why self-expression is the way in and the way out of fear. Um, and so I suggest to my clients go find an open mic, go get on the karaoke mic, go do a poetry reading. I mean, you could do it all online, but it's really interesting. It's interesting, I want to say that, to put your body through that process. And because the part of the brain that's like, I'm gonna die, actually takes over, right? That reptilian part that's like, I'm gonna die, and then you don't die, and then you're like, well, if I could do that, I could do anything. I just had another client, I was like, get to karaoke. She was like, I don't feel well, you know, really in a place. She was really fighting for her comfort. I know it very well. She went to karaoke. They didn't start on time, blah, blah, blah. She ended up singing. She ended up, the whole audience, she sang, I want it now from Willy Wonka. Like everybody was like, oh my goodness, we never hear that song. It was totally lit everyone up. A week later, she got invited to do a live DJ event, which is something she always wanted to do, and she'd been doing it online because of the pandemic. So it's like once you do one thing out of your comfort zone, it's like the actual body, the emotional body, is like, okay, I'm not gonna die. And and it's a literal, it's kind of logical. Um, and then if you do it once, then more things happen. So sometimes you sometimes, all the time, you have to go through the back end and give yourself an experience that has lower stakes. If your business, if you're in a family, you have to pay your mortgage. That's super high stakes. Of course you're afraid. Let me get a job, let me sell my stuff, you know. But in the at the same time, those things are not bad, you know, integrating jobs, selling stuff, but you just have to work around so that you freak yourself out enough that you're like, well, that could have been horrible, but it wasn't. So now I'll. So the unconventionality is in self-expression and the arts.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Well, what happens if you have a client that really is stuck? I mean, that the idea of karaoke, nope, not doing it. Well, what about you take an improv class? Nope, not doing it. Are there people that you find that it's not that they're that they don't want to experience it, but the fear is is paralyzing. Is there something that you're able to do to help them work through that?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yes, I so love this as a follow-up question. So I'm an actor, and you're right, like some people are just like absolutely not. So another part, there's three parts of my method, and the the second part is really being with those parts. Like you said, frozen. Okay, I get frozen. I sit on the couch and I'm with my phone. I'm like, what am I doing? So we kind of give that part a role or a character, and we befriend it. And I there's no pushing, there's it's just real curiosity, deep curiosity of like, wow, what's it like to feel frozen? And a lot of times, you know, I'll have them close their eyes and take them on a journey, and a character shows up. It's it's real. Sometimes it's an animal, or sometimes it's a feeling, and we can relate it to a character. And sometimes people say, Oh, it was my third grade teacher, and you know, people emerge from the past that literally had an impact on our blueprint of how we cope with intensity. Um, one of my famous stories that I talk about is the birthday song, right? Everybody sings happy birthday, and you're like, Oh my god, I don't know what to do with myself. I recorded my friend's child, and I she was having fun. She's two. She was turning two. Oh, she was turning three, and her shoulders went forward and she put her head down. Like all of a sudden, all these adults had their phones up and they were singing loud because they loved her. But she was like, Ooh, what is going on? No words, just her body. And a lot of us, right there, that was a snapshot in her body of what's it like to get attention, and she was totally shrinking. So we have to have compassion for these parts and not push through. Like this, I'll call it bro type marketing that's like big mission, go do it. It's actually re-traumatizing. So if you don't, you don't want to get to the bottom of it, you just want to look at it as if it was a movie or a play and be like, wow, that's so interesting. And then at the end, after the journey, it's like you check in with that part again, and that part's like taking a nap. And you're like, okay, I can go do my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

I'm fascinated with this now. Um do you think that I again I'm gonna go back to my mom. Um, you know, phobias, uh fears, completely, you know, phobia being an irrational fear, the the walls don't close in, the those kind of things, stage fright. I mean, the the best thing, the closest thing that I can tell you that I've ever experienced has been stage fright. Um but I noticed that as I've gotten older, um the concept of pushing myself out of my comfort zone um is something, you know, like again, being a New Yorker, I say, Oh come on, all this, you know BS of of of you know, your mind and your body and all of this. Um I kinda poo-poo it and then I started to really listen to it. And um I guess my thing is does there come a point where it becomes um easier once you're out of your comfort zone? Um is it is it a continual if you're if you're out of if you all of a sudden are comfortable, are you looking for another challenge? Uh is it easier to find another challenge to push you? Is it I guess what I'm trying to say is when you become comfortable, it's time to get uncomfortable again. Right? Yeah. Otherwise there's no growth.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Yeah. Yeah, it's I love it. You know, wait, did you want to say something else?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

No, I was gonna say, so how would you um you know, like I'm I'm almost thinking that your job your work is finite. It's because the way it sounds like, okay, well, you know, I'm I'm nervous about this and I don't want to do that, and I don't like the risk, but Shane's gonna work with me, and once it's gone, it's gone. And my point is to it really should be like this continuing, long drawn out, let's let's get the next challenge and the next challenge. Do you work with your customers? Were your clients like that? Do you do you um push that that way of thinking?

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Yeah, I almost thought you were gonna say edge. It is edge pushing. Right. Um, you know, I created this business for myself because I can be really stuck. And so, who am I to help people if I don't keep pushing myself? And so it's this constant, you know, revolving elevator of like, what's next for me inspires my clients. And then they inspire me, and it keeps on going. And the stakes get higher. So, self-expression, no problem. I love it. I still get some nerves, but I use it as energy. Um, recently I started going dipping in the ocean during this winter. That is not only out of my comfort zone, but I don't like physical challenges. I don't do roller coasters, I don't ice skate, you know, I'm like comfort queen. Every room I live in a small house has a couch in it. Like, I really like my comfort. Um, and I went to one of our, I'm on the board of Rockaway Creates, and this guy shows up and he starts giving me my own rap about going in the ocean. And I was like, Yeah, okay, buddy, it's not for me. You know, I'm delicate, all this stuff. And I was like, okay, this is an opportunity. He's giving me my own, you know, if you do it, you never know what else could happen in your life. And I'm like rolling my eyes, and I got to embody what it might be like for a really shy person to meet me. And I started doing it. And so that is like my latest example of going completely out of my comfort zone. Once I go on a stage, I kill it every single time. Like, even if I think I'm not, people don't remember, and then they say I did great. And so for me, going out of my comfort zone is like budgeting my money, you know, things that are just very left-brained or physically uncomfortable. I'm doing a 5K walk of marathon something. I'm like, ugh, what did I sign up for? You know, but it's like you have to know what your next what the next stakes are. And a lot of times as a as a mentor and a coach, I'm the person people are like, ugh, leave me alone, you know, but they they pay because they want to get out of their little bubble of comfort.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Um so when you when you are doing this, now I would imagine that your customers, your clients, they are varied. They come from differ different backgrounds, different cultures, different mindsets. So I am thinking that it you are having to pretty much customize these processes, but is that something that you present to them? Is it something that after speaking with them and giving an assessment that you put together a plan of action? Or is there something that is a checklist and it's universal and it's we're going one through 10?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

I love that question too. So I don't love structure, but I love systems because to me, systems are a placement of what can happen and the chaos can happen in between. So my method is the unconventional icon. There's three stages. Um, the first one is open the golden door, and the second is awkward alchemy, which I shared about with the um the characters and the frozen pieces. And the third is strut the stage. They can happen in any order. You can go back to them because what I really want that I really want more in the coaching industry is sustainability, like having a coach that you're, you know, codependent with and you can't grow if you're not working with them. There's so much money being, I'll say wasted on stuff like that. And so these three stages, when I ask my clients that are in my group program, what stage are you at? They now know. And if they know the stage they're in, they know the process. And uh the first stage is about rambling, just rambling like a child. And the second stage is called awkward alchemy, and it's really changing around any feelings that are keeping oneself stuck. And strut the stage is when you're going outward. So the first two stages are really in hiding. And a lot of my clients are like in hiding in some way because they care so much that they're fragile. You know, we're all fragile. It's like the loudest, I won't say any names, but the loudest people that are confident and boasting their BS, they're not caring. They've sort of desensitized. And so the people I work with are pretty sensitive. Um, and they care so much that if somebody's like, this is B, we don't know what you're talking about. Oh, now you're trying something new, that they're gonna be devastated. So having these three stages gives them somewhere to be devastated and not be wrong about it. Oh, good, I'm glad I'm bringing this up. Um, but they're right in their devastation and they know what to do with it. So it doesn't last 20 years, or they don't give up, or they don't end up giving their stuff away for free, you know, stuff like that. Or they have like a beta program, like the things that entrepreneurs do that make them like, I know I'm not that good, but if you work with me, I'll do all the free things. And then it just proves to them they couldn't do it to begin with, and then they quit, and then they think that entrepreneur is just a scary big monster.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

And that makes sense. And that also how I mean you must then come up with circumstances where somebody is dead set. This is their job, this is their new business, this is their big idea, and they are going to plow through. And yet that's setback after setback after setback. Do you at some point either tell them maybe it's a dead end? Or is there something that they're not learning that there's another path that they're not seeing? I mean, how does that work out? Because I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of people just okay, I'm giving up. They can't make this work. And then the very next day it's like a door opened up and they're on a whole new path that they wish they had figured out maybe some time ago, but maybe it just the timing wasn't there, or their intention was misguided. Have you come across that kind of circumstance and be able to help that person go, okay, maybe not here, but let's try this path.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Yeah, you know, it's like you can go kicking and screaming, or you can go with a little bit of curiosity. And there are people who really want to fight for their limitations. Um, and then it would be like my fault, let's say. That hasn't happened in a really long time. Um, but I'm really not here to push an agenda. Sometimes I do get attached to people's success because I'm like, oh, it's so right. I have a client. We're working together about five or six years. She's done so many like shots on goal, I call them. She finally said something. She's like, I don't want to work with adults. I'm so hard on myself. I feel like they're all judging me. She's a highly intelligent administrator in education. So now she's changed it around and she's helping, they're like graduate speech therapists. So they're younger, maybe they're 21, right, you know, right out of college. She already has 15 signups from a post she posted two weeks ago. She's not doing her marketing every day. She's been working at a job she kind of doesn't want to be at anymore. It's like an agency type thing. She makes a lot of money, so she has her lifestyle, but she's miserable. There's something innate in us that doesn't let us give up. And if the person is like, I'm done, then I'm like, you know what? Great, let's put this on hold, come back. I mean, that's never happened. Um, but you know, people are in charge of their own lives. Like I had a grumpy client. She was like, I know what to do, I'm just not doing it for a lot of weeks in a row. So, you know, my job as a mentor is like know when to push and know when to like get curious. Um, she ended up going to a yoga. She's not living in a place she likes, she hates it. She went to a yoga class. The owner happens to be from New York, and now she has a relationship. Now she's moving her body. So sometimes, and I just got this feedback, it's not about working on your business. Just like put that aside, go to the back end, get in nature, touch the earth, you know, go hold a baby at the hospital, like change the game in your head. Because when we get to that white knuckling place, it's like if you hold tight, you get pins and needles. There's no flow, there's no oxygen, there's no place to receive. And so this is where I'm really into the divine feminine principles of life, which is relationships and nature. I love what I'm feeling from you, Jane. And and when you're in that place, like nature's perfect. I have these beautiful flowers. If I wasn't, you know, situated, they're perfect. And so if we start to think of ourselves as perfect and whole and right, we can't mess up. And if we get so angry, then you can dance it out, or like don't take a shower for a week. Let's see what happens, you know. Like, there's some rooms that you can go throw pots and pans. You could take, I have all my clients get a wiffle ball bat and like beat the bed once in a while. You have energy in your body, and if it's not being expressed, sickness happens, frustration, stuckness. Um, but my first, you know, stage of rambling, it's like just ramble that stuff out, get it out of your head, and then see what's next. So there's always a way. I do lean a lot on like movement and body, because if you're just living your life from your head, your mind is not your friend. You know, you can prove whatever case study you're you could prove you're garbage or you could prove you're amazing in the same 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

You know what's funny as you're talking. I'm listening and I'm saying to myself, I know some I know somebody that could fit into every box that you're describing. Um, you know, again, going back to what I do is is when I and I and I know Shane through Rockaway Creates and and um actually I know Shane further back than that was um Women's Speaker Association, where I met Celeste as well. So um thanks to them. Um but uh to be honest with you, one of the things that I find with my clients, again, is it's all mindset, like you said. Um one of the courses that I take is I've taken is something called receiving your riches. Um and it's based on the principle of if you have more, you can do more. You everybody's talking about being socially responsible and being uh benevolent and being empathetic, which is all what you just said now. Your clients your clients sounds like it t they tend to be more empathetic and they take things to heart and they get hurt and they want more out of the people they deal with. It's good to know that you can do more with more, and just like you said, I think I think you know, br bringing together everything that you said with all the examples that you used, it's a positive mindset. If you're coming, if you're coming in from a negative, you're not gonna get more, you're going to probably get less. Um, but if you are open to it and you can receive riches, and riches being anything, everybody always talks about money. I know as an entrepreneur, listen, sometimes you have the money, sometimes you don't. But you the wealth of what you learn, the wealth of what you know. Like I'm sitting here listening to this and I'm going, wow. I never thought of it that way. And and it's just a constant learning, it's a constant taking in of information, it's how you can use it, who we can direct to you or anyone else that has these these fantastic programs and and and um mindsets that can really change the game for you personally as well as in business. I I think it's just really awesome and and uh really clear-cut the way you've said it. That's really good. Thanks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Yeah, I like the way that you have, like you said, you have a process to bring them through. And it's interesting too, because you are also learning a lot. Because the more you help people, the more it really does help you. And I think that's where a lot of people I think when they feel stuck, I I tell them, go help somebody. Yeah, get out of your head, go help somebody. And I like that that is something that you are also letting people understand that that is what we're all supposed to be doing anyway. We're all supposed to be here helping and learning. And the only way we could do that is by connecting. And I think that's a great way to yes, bring everything full circle in in in terms of knowing that yes, you're taking a risk, but we're here for you to take that risk. And I think that's something that Jane and I were hoping to do with the Right Room is to bring a community together that realizes that we are going to share tips, tricks, and techniques because it also reinforces what we are trying to do. The more we can help, the more we learn, and the more we understand the value in all of that.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Yeah. You know, you just said something. I hope I don't let it slip out of my mind. Oh, you know, we're built certain ways to not do things alone, where it's it literally is parts of our brain that are like, this is dangerous, don't do it. And when you have someone in front of you that's like, oh, I just did that, I can hold your hand, it really gives us more softness to be willing, you know, and it's that willingness that is why we need each other. And so I hear so many people who are stuck and they're like, I can't afford a mentor right now. And it's like, you can't afford to not have a mentor right now. There's everything, we're not creating anything brand new here. There's tons of free stuff, there's tons of self-study programs. I have an obscene amount of books. But there's nothing more magical than getting on when you have full attention. And you know, when you have a friend, they have their own agenda of what they want to talk about. But when you have full attention from someone who's neutral and just wants the best for you, it's absolutely priceless. I've spent over 200K on my self-development and I plan on spending more. And I started out like making a $25 deposit to my first coach. I had $200 to my name. There's a risk, but I was like, well, what am I gonna get? A job and I'm unemployable. I am not working for anybody. So it's just like knowing that you get, you know, and this is more woo-woo, but you get um fed back when you take risks. The universe sees like, oh, well, let's, it's not even like gray, it's black and white. Oh, that's a risk. Here's more. Like my karaoke client who then got a live DJ event, that was not in her field of like she wanted it three years ago. It wasn't like she was working towards it. Of course, she's freaking out about it. She's not like, oh, cool, my life is now amazing. But at least she has an opportunity. She might go through the same process of not wanting to leave the house and blah, blah, blah, but she's still gonna go. And maybe that's who she is, right? Like, look at some of our comedians, their whole shtick is about complaining, you know. That's what they do, it's human.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Yeah, like I got it. I just from what you said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? All the way around. So definitely. Okay. Where are we going, Celeste?

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Well, I think that you you actually opened the door about how you started. So here you are, $200 to your name. You're risking $25. And uh, is that something you'd like to share with us? About it sounds like, yeah, you you stepped into your own risk taking.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Yeah, well, right before then, I was a therapist for children with autism, and I was doing a whole bunch of learning. So my path of learning has been um children with autism. I used to work in gentlemen's clubs, so that was a whole bunch of learning. And then um, I like how I titled that, and then um then I worked with children in prison, like teenagers in prison, incarcerated youth. And I always use some form of connection to who they who was in front of me and exactly where they were at. So that's the the pass. Then I met an my improv acting teacher who it was based on saying no, and it saved my life. I was negative Nelly, so judgmental. I was self-loathing. You wouldn't have reckoned only my teacher could talk about how triggerable I was and how I just didn't even know the word embodiment, let alone experiencing it. I was just a really angry, sad, I just wanted to belong. I was giving advice, I was angry, and it was seeping out all over the place. And I went to this improv work and I dropped my social life for two years. I only went to this class. No dates, no friends. And I had a large group of like party friends and all that, and I didn't go. I stopped. And I invited everyone to this class because I was like a bully about it. Um, and I continued for the next eight years, so for 10 years, but the first two I did nothing else. And I learned these methods that I was working with children at the time and working with their parents. I'm like, they need to know this because it was play, it was being real in imaginary circumstances with a with um intensity of no. And so what that gave me was permission to have my feelings. And that took me for a ride, and um I needed this work to get out there, and I knew I needed a coach. There was somebody in class that was like, when you don't know what to do, she gives you a piece of paper, she gives you a script, and I was like, I need cheat sheets, I don't know what I'm doing. Um, and I already had a business card, like so to me, it was it wasn't, I didn't even think about the risk. I was just like, I need help. I don't know what to do. Um, I'm not someone or I wasn't someone who asked for help, but if I had to pay for it and it's a teacher, I was like, okay, that makes sense. I wasn't asking for personal free help. Um and that changed my life. It saved my life, and I used it with everyone. I used it with the four-year-old who was nonverbal. I used it with a mother, and a lot of it's based on mirror neurons, you know, mirroring the neurons and meeting the person of where that where they're at. And I grew up with teachers that were like, I'm better than you. I'm gonna, you know, very authoritarian, very mean. I was always out, you know, outside in the hallway because I was in trouble for talking, by the way. So it's like what I do now is talk. Like, this is where my money comes from. And they were telling me to shut up, you know, whatever, that's a different time, a different place. But I've always taken those risks. And that, you know, from the improv, I was like, everyone needs to learn this. And if they're not coming here, I'm gonna go out in the world. And my teachers invested in me so much, like they really showed me unconditional love. Um, it was more than an acting class, you know, and it was the same eight to ten people every week for two years. So now I experienced real community, and I couldn't prove that I was a piece of garbage because these people had seen my heart and my soul. And to everyone else, I would fight for my limitations. So I got on the fast track of really, you know, all the work that I'm here to do today. And they were so smart and they knew they were special people to invest in me because I'm like, I'm moving this forward tomorrow. I gotta learn this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

Um let me ask you a question, Shane. You said something, you touched on something that um even on your worst day, these people wouldn't let you fall into the worst of what you could be. So the the the importance of community, I mean it's it's huge, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:06

We were doing a scene and it was something about a donut shop. And you know, weight is something funny for me. And I thought they all got together, and I thought this was my mind that they were gonna have an intervention that I should be thinner. It was crazy. It was so real for me. I ran to the bathroom. I was like, you know, it was like somebody else put a pillow in, they wanted like playing with costumes, and I thought, like, they're really just making fun of me. It was so twisted, you know, saying it, but I literally ran to the bed. So they saw the worst of my moments that I would never show anybody. And they still loved me, and they we took time to digest it and open it up, and I had never been loved like that before. I would never even show up to share that stuff. I remember once I went on a very depressed day and I just sat quietly and I wasn't the Shane show, like people think, and I for me to leave the house on a day like that, to be seen by strangers. You know, when I say strangers, I mean people outside myself, it was the worst thing and the best thing I could have done for myself. It was like exposing all that I felt, my ugly dark parts. And my teacher so brilliantly gave me a character of being a monster. So I got to embody the feelings. And then I was like, oh, and then I literally looked different. Like my eyeballs looked brighter. Everybody, we all looked younger, our cheeks were flushed, which they're probably right now. Like when we're alive in that moment, you said something earlier when it's like it's that moment of like, oh, I'm terrified, I'm doing it anyway. There's a dopamine like floods our system, and all the healthy chemicals that rejuvenate the cells of our body start to fire, and we look younger, you know. It's really, it's science. It's the kind of science class I like.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Yeah, definitely. It's like it's like war reward. That's what you become. You become, I guess you you embody um, you know, the stress, you you take on all of that, that physical, that physicality of of the risk, not not leaning into the risk and learning how to deal with it, um, just really wears wears down on you. But this is, I mean, to me, this is excellent um advice, programming. Um I like the way you the the way you look at at the way things were, like the way things, you know, like listening to you talk, I'm like, oh yeah, I had those days where, you know, everything was anger because you know, who is who was judging or who I thought was judging, um, you know, it it does take a toll on you. And and this is just really amazing to hear that, you know, um I'm listening to it now and I'm going, it was somebody else that felt that way. You know, that's that's exactly why we're doing this. We want make we want to make sure that there are people, this stuff reaches people that may not even want to admit it to themselves, but now to hear it, and now, you know, like like listening to you, I'm sitting there going, Yeah, that was me. I wouldn't, you know, that angry and and and concerned and and on a timeline and on a deadline, and and what's this one gonna think and what's that one gonna think? And then you get to a point where it's just overwhelming, and you either reach out to somebody and you have great community around you, like you said, or you know, the alternative is not a good one. And um I think that's the best message that you bring. The alternative is not a good one, you have to make those take make those changes, take those steps to be in a different place.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Yeah, especially these days, because I I know that that lockdown did a number on everybody, whether we understand it or not, but the disconnect is there, and a lot of people are complaining about it. People that I speak to, people that I read about, the subject matter is I can't get anybody on the phone, I can't get anybody to answer an email, I have people calling, but they don't tell me why they're calling, they won't leave a voicemail, or I call them back, they don't pick up, and it's we have all this communication, and people are feeling still that disconnect. And I think until we start to come together in groups like that, and I uh and I love improv too. I I did it as well, and it and it is a great community, but there's so many different communities out there, whether it's dancing or poetry or like you said, music, something in the arts, something that is not business related. I'm not talking network events, I'm talking about an actual group that you attend because it is fun, it is enlightening, and it is an opportunity for you to connect with people and be yourself. I think that we need that more than ever. And I think the idea of finding those communities is very important because things are opening up. You do not need to sit in the comfort of your home, as comfortable as it is, with a couch in every room. We do have to walk outside and sit on somebody else's couch and be with them and have that conversation of how are you today? Not just I'm fine. No, how are you today? And we take the time to listen because you're right a mentor, a therapist, a coach, whatever it is you need to be heard. To understand what you need to do to move forward is invaluable. And Shane, I think that your program is amazing. And I'm so glad that we have the chance to introduce you to hopefully a bigger audience and have an opportunity. We were going to make sure everybody will have your information to be able to contact you. Is there anything else that you would like to add? Anything else? Is there a good way for them to reach out to you?

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Since I'm a big advocate of play, I would say like go to your Google bar and type in Shane or Enchantress Shane and see what comes up and click something. Like I'm all over the place. I've written some books. There's a bunch of articles. I'm all over YouTube. And because I really trust that whatever the person finds will be just right for them. Um yeah, so play with that. You know, sometimes I do that because I listen, I need my own support, you know? And so yeah, just typing in my name and seeing what comes up. Um, and of course, you can always find me on social media all over the place, but yeah, make it a game.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Or in the water in Rockaway. She's or in the water and warning dipping that you'll never catch me dead at. Sounds like me. I don't know. I mean uh I'm too cold. Too cold all the time. I'll meet you in July. That that'll be good. Yeah, totally understand. Yeah. Uh, all right. Well, I think that that really covers everything. Uh if there's anything else that you can think of, Shane, um, that you want to add.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

I want to tell everyone that you're right and you don't have to prove it to anybody. Like that's what somebody told me years ago. Um, and I don't know if it's a New Yorker thing, but like fighting to be right, it just it's terrible. You're never gonna make everybody believe you're right. So just know that you're already right. And we're in the right room to say that. So it feels really cool.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

There you go. Appreciate it. Thanks for the time. Thank you so much. Well, that's it. I think we're all good.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

Celeste, anything else? I I think this was great. And Shane, thank you so much. You are our first guest, and and and this was the I don't think we could have asked for anything or anybody better. So thank you very much.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Very much, very much so. Um, so now what we're gonna do is we're going to clean this up because, of course, you know, all of the ums and ahs that Shane does. Um, but we'll clean it all up.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

I'm not worried about ums and ahs. Honestly, I I don't know that I would have to really edit very much. Yeah, this was amazing. I would have liked you to give me a little bit more time before going, okay, we're done. But I'll find the ending there.

unknown 46:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

Yeah, see, all a learning process. I have to, and I'm gonna tell you, you know you you said about meeting somebody um and working with someone to get you to move? Yeah. I've been trying to do this thing with the right room for almost two years now. And I don't even know how it happened, but I mentioned it to Celeste, what, about six months ago? Maybe four months ago? And she's like, Well, I I could work with you on that. And I'm like, really? And just the whole yeah, but you know what it was? The whole the weight of it became less. It's like, oh, well, wait a minute. Now it's not just the me show, it's Celeste, what do you think? And it and unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I've been working with a partner in business or work or whatever since I'm 18, 19 years old. So for me to be on my own has been very tough. But just what you said, having somebody, something, some touchstone that you can put in your life, in your business, whatever, it's so meaningful. And thank you so much for pointing that out to everybody. Yeah, beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

I have in the back of my head um that if if I don't know, I don't want to, but Celeste, if you want to add on now.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

I'm adding all of this on.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Okay. No, but I don't yeah, I don't know. I'm just I'm here for it. If you wanted to say more and then splice it at the end.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Yeah, this is this this all works. This is we're not here to be perfect, really.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Okay, great, great. And I just want to let you know, like, I'm okay, I have some time if you needed to. I don't know, both of you wanted to add stuff on, or I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

No, it's it's just that you know, I mean, I'm sure that it'll come to me like or or it'll come to Celeste afterwards, but you know, we'll listen, Shane, if you're willing, we'll be more than happy to have you on again. Um to to uh be on because we're our plan with this is to not only just do these uh interviews, do like a panel or or you know, uh a mic.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

All of it.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Yeah, that'd be good. That would be good.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

That'd be great. Yeah, I just thought to myself, like, ooh, I could and if you were open to guests, I mean sure you have a a major amount, but like my um doula woman, the gen 3.0, she's an amazing speaker and guest open. But she shows up and like she could really do it well.

SPEAKER_00 49:19

We're always open to guests. If you know of anybody that can use it, just shoot me an email, shoot me their email, and and I'll get reach out to them. Just you know, if you want to do a soft intro, that'd be perfect because we're always looking for anyone and any anyone and anything that they cover. Um, we look to have the conversation. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

And is your audience um, I guess it's everybody, but uh it doesn't feel women focused. Is that is that true?

SPEAKER_00 49:47

I don't think we really had uh have a focus other than you know we're we're trying to concentrate a little bit right now on on business and entrepreneurship. Um I don't know where it's gonna go. We don't we don't know where it's gonna go. So yeah, it could be a little bit of everything, a little bit of anything, and a little bit of nothing. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 50:06

Yeah, I like I have another interview and it's like divine feminine leadership, and I'm like, I don't know, I'm trying to just be with people and like I've been in the women's world so long that it seems like a jump, but I think it's not. I think it's just a jump in my own head.

SPEAKER_02 50:20

It's not really it really is because yeah, when I started my speaking business, it was targeted for women, and yet I did not do one uh presentation where men weren't there uh uh for one reason or another. They wanted to come uh to support their wife or their girlfriend. Um, one group came because it was for a woman's union, and the the other men in the union wanted to be there to support them. They just uh and they showed up. And it what was really interesting to me was having men come up to me and say, you know, I realized that you were focusing this on the women, but I got so much out of it. I I really felt that there were so many things that you were talking about, tools that you were given that I can use. And I said, Well, I'm so glad to hear that. I mean, it I said I I did it for women because I felt like men already knew how to do this, and they said, You would think so, right? You know, so I then I realized, oh, you know something? I I I really have to understand that when we're all talking about inclusion and diversity, it is everybody, it is men, it is women, it is everything, and everybody um it doesn't matter if you're an electrician, you know, or if you're an architect, again, we are all dealing with the same misgivings, the same self-doubts, the same idea of am I good enough? And I think that we all struggle with that in one form or another. And that's why, again, to have a community that says, Yeah, listen, we're all like that, so get over yourself, you know, because whatever it is you're trying to do, we got your back.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

Yeah, yeah. And it's so oh it's so interesting to hear like men. It's like there's different kinds, you know, there's different kinds of women. Women are not just one woman. Anyway, it's so, yeah, it's just a like a funny limitation that's so clear right now.

SPEAKER_02 52:36

Yeah, and so that we yeah, we left it open-ended. We we just yeah, it it's the idea is we're going to look at different careers, different perspectives, different mindsets, just to have hopefully develop a compassion and empathy for each other. Because when you kind of get into the nitty-gritty of what somebody goes through, because it's like, oh, that looks like that looks so glamorous, and like, yeah, let me tell you what's happening behind the scenes, and you go, Well, that's a lot of work and that's a lot of pressure, and you have a different understanding now of what that person is doing and how they are presenting themselves, but you get the idea of all the work that they put into it for to make it look easy.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Yeah, oh yeah. Uh yeah, I'm reading this great book right now. It's called 100 million offers. Have you heard of it? It's like a workbook. Oh, okay. I heard of it the other day, believe me or not. Uh on some some TikTok, and they were just talking all about what you just said in such a friendly, cool way. Yeah, I just got into it last night, but um, yeah, this feels so full, like of potential of so many things. So I'm here to support it anyway, you know. And if you want me to share it on Rockaway Creates, like just let me know. I I would love to.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

This has been a great interview. Thank you, Shane, again for coming on. I believe we learned so much, and I am looking forward to having you again. Well, thank you for coming to the right room. I'm Celeste Camps.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

I'm Jane Parmel. Thank you, Shane. We'll see you again in the right room. Thank you. Bye-bye, everybody.