Parenting Teens is hard, Parenting Adults is hard, it's all just hard

Nobody warns you that parenting teenagers can feel like getting whiplash every single day.  

One minute they need you for everything. The next, they act like your very existence is embarrassing.  

On this episode we cover how teenagers get dumb before they get smart again...we hope.  Getting ready for high school, admissions tests and getting them to acknowledge your existence.

Let's face it, parenting teens is hard, parenting toddlers is hard, parenting is just hard. It's nice to know that you're not alone. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the latest episode of Double Booked Official, a podcast available wherever you get your podcasts, including Spotify, Apple, and you can watch us on YouTube, which my dad likes to do.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

I can only imagine if someone puts us up on the big screen.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

He's hilarious. He likes to like send me notes, like not necessarily critiques, but like, hey, you should talk about this, or you two should have character roles, and somebody should be the happy, and somebody should be the mad, or like he tells me for it.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

We take all critiques, good, bad. We love feedback.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Well, okay, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I love feedback. Michael Ann does not.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah. You can send all of your feedback to N Papa. Too funny. Do you ever have those days where you feel like you've lived a lifetime and it's not even lunch?

SPEAKER_01 1:06

It's literally my life right now in a nutshell. Totally. Like every day. You know, the good news is I'm taking all kinds of NADs, creativity, you name it right now. So I feel like it's getting me to the end of the day. But by the time seven and eight o'clock roll around, I feel as if I went to war. And the second my head is hitting the pillow, I'm out like a light. Like Mike's like, can we watch a show? Or hey, like, do you want to watch this? And I'm like, I literally can't keep my eyes open to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

I'm done. Oh, see, I like live in this place where I also feel like I've been, and then I get into bed and I'm because I'm like, all right, I need my sleep. I need you need to be like strategically ready to fight another day. And I'm like, oh my God, but what about this? What about this? I had I had a nightmare last night. Like, wake up in the middle of the night, heartbeating, oh my God, nightmare. And it was that I was hiking with my entire family. And my daughter, who's eight, kind of ran ahead of us and was going around this curve to this pond, and then sees us from the other side of the pond and decides that she wants to swim across the pond back to us to catch up to us. And she is a swimmer, she's on the swim team, like she's a good swimmer, but but it's a very deep, dark pond, and she doesn't see this giant warning sign. It says extreme danger. Don't swim in the pond. You know, there's pictures of like a mythical creature. The lockdown monster is kind of great. So she starts swimming, and I'm like screaming. I'm like, no, don't, don't. And she just keeps swimming and I'm freaking out, and she's gonna get eaten by a monster. And I'm yelling at my husband, go get her, go get her, and he's like, I'm trying. And I think the moral of the story is I just feel like my kids don't listen to me. Oh, that that was the hidden meaning in all of it. That's what I think. Whenever I have these kinds of really intricate dreams, I try to take it back to my life. Like, what is my brain trying to tell me? So I think this is just my kids don't listen.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Oh, well, most, I mean, your older ones are in that phase where you know they probably don't listen.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

No, because I'll tell you, today I dropped my boys off to be camp counselors. And as I'm driving there, I'm giving them the lecture. You are not here to play with your friends. This is a job. You are here to work, you are here to entertain the younger children and keep them safe. I get a call 15 minutes after drop off telling me that my middle kid was playing basketball and tripped over his own feet and slammed his head into this, you know, commercial basketball hoop pole, and now needs me to turn around before I've even gotten home to pick him back up and take him to the ER to make sure he is not concussed.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

So day one is off to a great start. I how is he, by the way?

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Did we pass all the tests? He's okay, yes. Passed all the tests. He's got we've got a six-hour protocol, but we have to watch for any changes, any drainage, any leaking or any squishiness to the wound. I mean, it is it's a goose egg the size of a goose egg on his forehead. But as long as he passes that six-hour protocol, then he is good to return to all activities.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

So the real question was he entertaining the younger kids by showing them his basketball moves?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Nope. Him and his buddies and his brother were shooting hoops.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I just feel you being enraged.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Enraged. But of course, you know, mom fail. He gets in the car, and I'm like, I told Joe not to be playing around. This is exactly what I'm talking about. And then he just starts bawling because he's already scared, he's hit his head, he's in pain. He doesn't, he's kind of a warrior, so he doesn't know if he has a concussion. Like, I can kind of tell he doesn't. He never lost consciousness, no blurred vision. He's talking, walking. But you know, he's already a little worried about himself, and and now he's in trouble and he doesn't know what's gonna happen. So and he just starts bawling. And I realized that I screwed that up.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

I should have well did you, or did he realize, like, you know, was it the opposite that potentially occurred? Yes, he's gonna be upset, yes, all those things, but uh he had to understand your feeling. I don't know that you were wrong in this. I probably would have had the same exact reaction because you literally just said this. It wasn't like this was last week, this was 30 minutes prior.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yeah, yeah. And I don't know how to parent kids, so I don't know what's the right answer.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

You do. I just don't know that I would have had remorse either, in the sense of like we had this conversation and you immediately went the wrong way. So if this happened continues to happen this week, like that's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Oh yeah, gosh.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

So that's my day. And it's our busy day at work. Like we have we have a big meeting where we run through all of our projects, and we have a lot of projects. It's such a good problem. I'm so, so excited. I was on a tour last week, got a couple additional assignments from one of our clients. So everything is firing at all cylinders, but I just need more cylinders to be firing.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah, no doubt. So I guess that leads me to like what happened over the weekend because I know the weekends can be a rat race for all of us. Like, you know, you work and then you have all the activities going on. So the weekend is your catch up period. It's my catch-up period, it's all the things. And I know we had a number of events this weekend. Like, what how was the weekend for y'all?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

It was event-wise, was okay. It was somewhat low-key. My oldest had a baseball tournament, but as we've talked about previously, he still has the spinal fracture. So he's not playing, but we did still go watch the games with his team, which was fine. It's a good team. Yeah. And then my son had a sleep, my middle guy had a sleepover on Friday, and then he went to an amusement park with another buddy on Sunday. But it's like, are your whole weekends just full of like cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, bills, laundry? Like, well, I don't think my husband's weekends are filled that way.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Oh, yeah. I do feel you there. So we had graduation. I knew you had the four. Yeah, so we had graduation Saturday night. So all day Saturday, I'm, you know, this Saturday night's a graduation, the party was at noon yesterday. So I obviously wasn't gonna have time Sunday morning. So Saturday, all during the day, I'm getting everything ready, yeah, doing the laundry, all cleaning out, all the things that you have to do to do, anyways, on a Saturday, but amplify that because you're having you know 50 people at your house for a party the next day. And then my husband, well, I take that back. He he was productive in some ways. So to update you a little bit at the same time from our moving situation, yeah. We I we signed a lease on a rental house in Atlanta. Okay, I hired a mover, okay, and Mike got all the utilities switched over or got all the utilities set up, so that's what he was doing. Oh my god, when does your lease start? June 15th, next Monday. That's one week. So the movers come on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. They gave me a three-day window.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Oh my god, is this Thursday, Friday, Saturday?

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Yes, hold on, this gets better. So they come to pack for those days, and then because I did ultimately give in and said somebody can pack us, and then they move you, right? Like, so they have to take a twenty, I give it 24 hours to get to the destination. So I have to somehow put a tentative flight on my calendar to get to Atlanta to accept the delivery and put it in the house. Okay, not sure how that's all gonna work out, but it's that's the plan thus far. So all of this is going on. Mike hires a dumpster, so that's delivered today. I somehow have to clean up my house in the next four days.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Wait, yeah, aren't you still supposed to be hosting a party? I thought you were still hosting the going away party.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Oh no, I just I bailed on the going away party. But going back. I know we're gonna have to come up with something else. Okay. So Saturday, he's doing all that. I'm getting everything cleaned and ready for the party, and Saturday night's the graduation. So then Sunday, the party happens at noon. And what I had put in the invitation is noon till three. Well, that never tends to be the end time at my house. It I would tell you, I think Mike crawled into bed last night at 12:30. So it just everything kept going. And I was being very sensitive because you know, it's it says last time with all his friends, but which leads me down about a hundred different rabbit holes to talk about. But the party was awesome, it was pure, you know, just leading up to it. The graduation was awesome. We're so proud of her, and it was just it, it was nuts. All the things I just was exhausted sitting there at the graduation. I was like, finally, I can sit down. And I'm like, I wanted to fall asleep, but waiting for her to come across the stage. What's next for her, by the way? Uh she's going to go to community college for two years, and then I also think she's looking into getting her real estate license this summer. So hopefully she'll do that to instruce and research, which is encouraging. So I told her to do it. Jump on board. Absolutely. So I've been dying to tell you this. So we did it. I didn't text you, so I could tell you this. So our 22-year-old, she comes into town, she's in she's in college, she came back for the graduation and the party, and so we're at graduation. She's like, Man, your skin looks really glowing and good. What are you doing? And I was like, funny, you should ask. I said, I have been doing this GHK serum that my friend Michael Ann told me about. She's like, Wow, I'm she's like, You just look younger, it just looks fresh. And I was like, Coming from my 22-year-old, I was like, I'll take it. I was like, major win. So I felt very, very good about that. But then even better. So she, I have not seen her in a few weeks, and we did not see each other for Mother's Day. So she was bringing me a Mother's Day gift and card. So I opened the card, and it's like it was a funny card, but it was like that what she said, that look that that awkward moment when you realize your mom knows everything, and she was right the whole time. It was so funny. She's like, You've been right about everything. And she's like, I finally get like I get it. And she actually verbalized it in the form of a card as well. So I was like, I have proof. I'm just gonna start sharing this with all my kids. Like, yeah, I do know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

You do know everything.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

It was yes, so a lot of big moments this week. It's been overwhelmingly good, exciting, all the things.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Oh, I'm not ready for this. I feel like I had more time, like stuff was gonna go sideways and it was gonna get delayed, or you know, it was just gonna take longer. I'm not ready.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Which still could happen, let's be real. But but yeah, it's um it, it's we're having a lot of lasts, we're having a lot of like we don't have time to fit it in. You know, the good part is though, I'll be back in a few weeks for a period of time. So, you know, I feel as if whatever I don't accomplish now, I can accomplish in July when I'm back for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Right. So inspections went well, everything's good with the house, closing. When is it closing? Two weeks from today. Okay, so you kind of have maybe a one-week buffer after the movers leave.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Yes, I'll be living on an air mattress for that one week, and well, you know, our house will be empty. But we had to do this now because we're going out of town. That was the other thing. Like, of course, we have a trip in the middle of all of this, so we're going out of town, and I'm out of town for work. So it's like I have this was it, like this was the time where it wasn't happening. Okay, oh my god, where are you going? Where's the trip? Just to Orlando. My it's a Father's Day golf tournament.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Oh, got it, got it, got it. Yeah, my husband is going golfing at Streamsong this week.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

So did I forget to tell you? Of course he did.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Yes, this is why all wives hate golf.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah, like yeah, because it's not about the golf, it's about the way you the them, they manipulate it.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Yeah, it's it's not a four-hour round, it's always a last minute decision to play, and I do not like the after effect. And then I lose him the entire next day because he's so tired and my back hurts, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah, this one he's actually gonna be just gone for the whole weekend. So I think I'm gonna take the kids and go to the beach.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Good idea. Good idea. So what else? Anything else from the weekend? I think uh I think you should share your story from the weekend.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Okay. I will because I just thought I thought I had more time before this became a thing. Like I feel like our my whole life, or at least all the life that I remember. Like I have always worried about my appearance. And I feel like that's true for all of my peers, right? Like we're always talking about how do I lose five pounds or 10 pounds or 15 pounds, how do I look younger? What should I do with my hair? What I need to go close. So we've just, it occupies so much space. And in my 40s, which I am now, I feel different about it. Like I can look at it and be more confident and have it be more of just a desire to look optimal versus, you know, I I don't, I think I'm pretty. I think I'm pretty, I think I am I don't think I'm fat. I, you know, all these things already. But the 40s have given me that confidence. But there were years in teens and 20s, especially, where, you know, you really get into a state of depression. Your body image really impacts your mental health. And so I thought with my daughter, I knew that it was gonna happen at some point. I thought I had more time because she's eight. But she does do dance, and but she's just a dabbler. She's not on the competitive team, she doesn't even want to be on the competitive team. It's it's a thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

She goes, Right, it's recreational, it's a good place to meet new people. It's a little bit of exercise, it's fun. She likes music, she likes to move around.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

She's a hip-hop girl, she loves her hip-hop. I love her little hip-hop moves, I love her sassy attitude. And she's she does acro and she does hip hop. And so their recital is next weekend, and they just got their outfits. And hip-hop's never been a problem because hip-hop's baggy pants, you know, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But this year, the acro recital costume is essentially a bikini with a ruffle bottom, right? Like it's it's just a bikini. And my daughter is very strong. Like, she's tall for her age, she's got these gorgeous, like the legs that you would kill for with the perfect calf muscles and thigh muscle. I mean, like, I would do anything for her legs, but usually eight-year-olds are kind of a little bit chicken legs, right? They don't really have that muscle tone. And she is a little bit bigger in the middle because when she she bulks up and then she grows really tall. She bulks up, she just happens to be in a bulky phase right now. And so she's not this skinny little thing. And we have to try this costume on at the dance studio so they can confirm that it's the right size before they swap her out. And so we're in the bathroom and she just breaks down. She, Mom, this looks terrible on me. I'm so fat. All my friends are not fat. I'm the only one who's fat. This looks terrible. Look at all my fat squishing out, you know, and it didn't look flattering. It didn't. I mean, she's not wrong. It didn't look flattering. Right. Um, but it just absolutely broke my heart. And it broke my heart and it made me as a mom want to be like, okay, well, you know, we're not doing this recital, we're out of here. Get your crap, let's go. We don't even need to do acro anymore. It's fine. And she her response was, no, mommy, I've worked really hard. I want to do the recital, which I'm so proud of her. So proud. But I'm also I'm I'm terrified of her. I I don't I can't imagine her having to carry around a feeling of being less than about something she can't control, like her body size. She eats well, she is a fruit and vegetable queen. She is so strong. She does basketball and softball and swimming. She swims five days a week. Like she is strong. And I'm terrified of her carrying this around. And I'm terrified in today's day and age, how deep does that insecurity go?

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Right. So, how did you leave it with her? How is the conversation post-costume then?

SPEAKER_00 18:45

So we just said, all right, well, let's just take it home. I'm gonna get, you know, a nude leotard to try to figure this out. Let's get it into a different light. Let's get it when we're not in a rush. Let's see how we approach it. Always on the table to because the acro routine is not what I would call a group routine. It's, you know, a line of a little bit of dancing, and then they individually do their one trick across the stage. So we're keeping the option open that if we decide she doesn't want to do it, if she decides, then we don't have to do it, and that's okay. And we're just gonna try to look at it in a different light. And then the nude Leotard didn't get in until late last night, so we haven't even sort of re-tried it on. Sure. But I just said, look, you know, the bottom line is everybody's everybody's body is different, everybody looks different. There are people out there that would do anything to have your legs or love your hair or wish they had your face, or and you're gonna then wish you had their butt or, you know, whatever. That's normal, that's okay. Just remember who you are and that you are independently beautiful in every way. And, you know, try not to let this noise take over your life, is how I look.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

I think that's awesome. And I think I would also just highlight the confidence that she had that she wanted to continue to do it because going on stage is a big deal, right? That's a whole nother confidence factor. So for her, and she's been on stage before, so she she still wants to have that part of it. So, costume aside, I do think it's really brave of her to want to be still in the recital on the stage. And I would really just focus on how awesome that is with her, and that she's really good at what she's doing and her craft and what she's learning. And I think that starts to push the negative thought process maybe a little bit to the back burner. So, not so much highlighting the costume anymore, but really highlighting the skill.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Okay, that's a good thought. All right, I will do that.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

I really do wish like the costume thing in dance is out of control. There's and and the nude leotard is such a great idea. I would tell you, like, so many parents, especially with at eight and under, do not want their. I mean, my husband had a hard time with girls, still has a hard time with the girls and the outfits, and just it's it's a lot, like a lot of skin showing, and it's it's a it's part of the the sport per se, but it's too young. I think that you know, like you said, preserving body image and preserving how they see each other and themselves is is such a thing, and we need to really, I think, focus on that. I would very much think that if there's any dance instructors out there, like we need to really look at the outfits these girls are wearing on stage at this young age.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yeah. Like I understand wanting to be able to see the form of the dancer's body, especially like in a judgment situation. Like I do get that, and having you know some visibility and leotards have always been a part of it, but I do feel like it's taken a little bit of a turn here. Like we've got to it can't be quite so sexual. A one piece guitar is efficient.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

You don't need to my my niece is five and was in a two-piece little thing on stage over the weekend. And I was like, it's cute, of course. But really, like at five, we need to be in this. Like, there's so many options for costumes that fit the themes of these dances.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Yeah. They don't need to be two pieces.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

The little booty cheeks don't need to be hanging out either.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Well, I'm proud, I'm proud of her for wanting to continue on. And I think you're do, I think you said all the right things and are doing all the right things. And I think you just keep highlighting how awesome she is as a person.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Yeah. And again, going back to what I said earlier, I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent. So we won't find out if we've screwed these kids up for many, many years to come.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Well, that's interesting because I wrote down in my notes today, like life at 45. Is this what you expected or or not? Right? Life in your 40s. And I would tell you, like, that fits right in there. Like, I thought I was doing all the right things, but now that I'm looking at the the kids, I'm like, God, what could I have done different? What would have been, you know, what would have been a better answer? What would have been a better path? Because no kid is the same. And that's the other challenging part.

unknown 23:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

They all react different.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah. They do. And we're doing so much for our kids, right? Like we're curating their every experience in life. Like our parents didn't do that. I know.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

And I if I think about so I was taking the decorations down from the party over the weekend. I'm thinking, God, like I fucking nailed this. I like nailed it. Like the backdrop was there, the balloons, the painted sign, which is all the rage. I had a a friend of mine did a charcuterie down the middle of my island with the the trending grape tree and the whipped butter that Martha Stewart was talking about. Like, right? I did all the things. And then I I got done and I'm like, she gonna remember this? She would care. Like, of course she does. Is it okay? Like, did I, you know, of course, I'm like saying they're second guessing myself, and I'm like, is was this more for me than for her? Like, what did it what where are we at?

SPEAKER_00 24:14

No, not at all. Although, like, and this is the I think the boy-girl difference because I read some uh Instagram posts or something about Christmas, and that they'll never remember the gifts, but they will remember the sentiment, they will remember the feelings. So then, of course, I go to my 14-year-old, I'm like, hey, what does Christmas mean to you? Like, what's your favorite Christmas memory? Like, do you remember, like, what does Christmas feel like? It and it's like crickets. He's like, uh, fine, good.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Maybe this is why the saying, like the gifts that come later, is where, like, right? My the knows everything thing really comes into play. Like, I'm hopeful in the next 10 years that there's gonna be some like real self-reflection on their part, and they come to me and I probably have too high expectations of that.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

I don't think the girl, the boys are gonna get there. Maybe the girls, I don't think the boys, especially like he's like my husband, he's a very engineered brain, he's very black and white, and he has the memory of a goldfish, which is great. Like, that's why he's such a good pitcher in baseball, right? Because immediately he forgets the prior play, you know what I mean? And he could just focus, it's great. It comes in handy in so many ways. But like, I literally said to him at some point this week, because we we had a drive to baseball, so I always use that time to try to talk to him, try to cry. I'm trying to create a better husband for the future, ladies. Like, I don't know. I'm trying to give him some thoughts or some ways to be empathetic or ways to be aware aware of his surroundings, but I don't know, man. I just don't know. I said to him this week, I said, look, grey, I really am gonna need you to be emotionally deeper than a mud puddle, okay? I'm gonna need you to try.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Yes. I but I I this is where a lot of my friends come to me because it's that it starts at 1213 with boys and girls, right? And and they like they don't want to talk to you, they have no feelings, they it is the worst. This is why I say teenagers are super hard for me, because I need I need conversation, I need to, I need something out of you. And you know, you just don't get it. You get like whoops, don't call face, you get like some snarky side comments out the side of their mouths, or and it's it's so frustrating. But I will tell you most, I mean, if if listeners, if you have children that are not like this, like kudos to you. Tell us what you're doing because all of our teens, all of my teens have been like, yeah, not the nicest and definitely a little more cold and all of that.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Yeah, we're just getting there. My oldest is 14, and that's where we're at. Like, I can't, I can't get anything out of them. So I like I said forget it last night because they're always on their phones and always like playing video games, whatever. So we had a state-mandated tech-free family night last night. So everybody had to go and we played a bunch of different games. We have this one game that I like to play on road trips or like family meals. It's called How Well Do You Know Your Family? So it's just like a series of questions. Like, uh, it might be like, What's my favorite sport to watch? And everybody else in your family has to guess, and then you give the card to whoever has the correct answer. So we like to do that because it's you know, it gameanship and sport, then you know, they'll they'll answer a little bit. But so I got a couple of jewels out of him, but not many, you know. He I'm not I don't know where if he knows where I stand. I don't, I don't know if he likes us or if we're screwing it all up, especially because like my 12-year-old is still he's very aware of surroundings, what's going on, people's feelings, vibes in the room. Like, I hope I don't lose that. He's he's naturally a very empathetic person. Yeah. So hopefully we don't lose all of that. Like my older son has always sort of been a little bit that way.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, I yeah, I do feel as if like it it takes a like they almost become this is gonna sound so terrible. They almost become really dumb and then they get smarter again. But like they're dumb until their frontal lobe forms at like 25, 26 years old. So I'm told I'm not there yet with our son. And I'm just I'm like counting down the days for that to happen. It's so they're so dumb and so smart, like but yes, they do things that are super smart and put together and all of that.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

But we have three days at a pretty hard academic school, right? But then, oh, forgot to tell you this. So he's starting, he's going into eighth grade. So we are in the summer before eighth grade, and he's gonna apply to uh some schools for high school, some private schools, and so he's got to take a couple of different admissions tests. So he took the practice tests and needs some work. So we've signed him up for the tutoring, and he took his first tutoring session. We had just gotten back from Ireland, right? Like literally the day before perfect timing. All right, it was his birthday. He had to go to physical therapy for his back, and then he had to go to tutoring. Welcome back, happy birthday. But anyway, so the lady, the tutor, calls me after his first session. And again, he's engineering, he's math, he did pre-algebra in seventh grade, he does algebra one in eighth grade, straight A's, smart cookie. And she calls me and she's like, Look, I just wanted to have a private conversation with you because sometimes when I talk about this in front of the children, they they get upset and they cry. And so I've seen this before. There are sometimes some things that can slip through our modern day educational system. And I'm like, What? Oh do I need any doubt? And she is like, Well, I noticed that Grayson was struggling a little bit with some general math principles. Like, I'm like, what do you mean? Like she's kind of beating around the bush. I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, Well, he seemed to struggle with like eight plus four and nine plus six. And I was like, Wait, are you are you saying my 14-year-old can't add? And what? Lip through the educational cracks. I'm like, look, I am worried about so many things with my children. That's not one of them. That's not one of them. I'm like, oh my god, quite a bit of a doubt that he was just jet lagged and tired. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Yeah, not not something to worry about, like step one. Let's if it's still an issue in like three, four, and five, like, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

And of course, he went the next session and he it can add just fine. So it was Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. She was like trying to like let me down slowly, that somehow, you know, like that kid who can't read in high school because everybody just kept passing him.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

It seems like everybody's going through that tutoring phase for the for the exams. I have a few friends, kids that are doing that, obviously the same age as yours. And so it's been interesting to watch that. And then on the even further, the ones that are getting ready to take their SATs for and get ready for college. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Did you take the SAT or the ACT? Or both?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Uh I took both, but we used the SAT. What's crazy to me is, and I I look for a professional to tell me if I'm right or wrong on this, but my best time, and this happened for our kids too. Like the best time we took it was the first time. And so I think one of the things I would do if I was doing this, like I'll do this with our youngest now that I've gone through this a few times. I would do the prep before the first test. And a lot of people do the first test and then do prep and have them take it multiple times. Cause now I think you can take parts of the test and add it together for the score that you need. And I, you know, I may just hedge my bet and do the prep class beforehand.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Because I don't think I took I I know I didn't take any prep for the SAT and I I took it once and it was okay. I think we used the ACT because I did really well in the ACT, and maybe, maybe I took like a couple hour session at the local high school like at my high school for the ACT. Maybe I don't know, but I mean we're gonna get this kid six months of tutoring for the high school and high school test.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

So you might as well security. Yeah, start your college one right after it. Keep them in the keep them in the path.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Yeah, right. Except I need to recoup some money.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Oh my gosh, everything is so expensive right now. It's just crazy. I'm like throwing money out the window as we speak.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Yeah. Hemorrhaging, it feels like.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Yes, no doubt.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

We're gonna have a couple of episodes upcoming for by our listeners. We're gonna have an episode about investing. Well, two episodes about investing. One, we're gonna have some real estate investors that we know that are fantastic human beings, and they're gonna come and talk about how they got started investing in real estate, both passive and actively. And then we're gonna have another episode about more traditional investing, stocks, mutual funds, bonds, that sort of thing. So everybody can kind of look forward to it. If you're open to it, yeah, I'll just call you out right here. If you're open to it, I would love to have some very honest budget conversations about how we or lack thereof, right? Right, right. But like, what's the real spend? What is what are people like? I'll give you an example. Like we we are both high wage earners, right? And so when you get the traditional advice of put six months of your savings in a checking account just to have cash for emergencies, like that makes no sense. I would never, I would never stockpile that much cash in a checking account, ever.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Uh no, I I don't. And I would tell you, yeah, I don't know that there was a point where I ever did per se. But I'm curious to see what like a real advice, like I've done some of the Dave Ramsey stuff. My financial advisor, you know, basically wants me to follow that method. I have not fully, I'm probably like the financial advisor reject, and I have so many aspirations that I need to like actually put a real path forward. And so, you know, I talked about life it in the 40s. Like financially, I'm probably not where I thought I would be, but in a I feel like a good position. I feel like real estate's always been a great thing for me. We used to flip houses and such, but I would like to be in a better spot because I do feel there's moments where I'm like, oh shit, we have a lot coming down the pipeline. Like, how's this gonna work? Yeah. And I want to invest in more, and I wanna, I wanna have some mailbox money coming in and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah, I wish I had some passive income. That would be probably that's probably the thing that's missing. And also, like, I always wished, and it and we pretty did a pretty good job of this until maybe I don't know, three or four years ago. Where essentially, like, could we be okay if one of us lost our jobs? Like, could we just make some changes and some modifications and still be okay while that other and it's up until about three years ago, that was true. And now it's not.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Okay, so I'm a perfect example of that. Like, Mike stayed home with the kids for the past few years and just now starting to get back into the workforce. And as we're making this move, he's finding a new career. And and ultimately, like, yes, we have you know, before we could make it work, now like I definitely need some of the income. Like, we need it for multiple things, right? Kids' college, current dance situation, which is you know, you gotta be a millionaire to be a dance mom, and not true, like anybody listening, that's not a hundred percent true statement, but you I mean, you it feels that way, you know, all the things with the house, because I am having to outsource and such with him being back and you know working. So it is it's a juggle.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

I mean, it really is a juggle, yeah, it is for sure. And like our biggest expense is our kids' school. The kids, all three kids are in private school, and it's that's a beast. And then their sports, yeah. I mean, Grace Baseball is $5,000 a year just for just for the team, let alone you know, the equipment and sets and privates and whatever. So, yeah, that's pretty insane. So between the kids' sports and the kids, so then it's like when you do these retirement projections, and they're like, you have to project that you're gonna keep spending approximately 75% of your current spend, but like, uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

No, better not be, I better not be still doing that, right? Right? Oh my god, I know. I that's why I need I feel like I'm in a spot where I need to maybe find somebody else, another advisor.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Yeah, let's get some pro help. Let's figure out. I would love to know because I feel like my monthly bills, like our just monthly spend is insane, like dumb. And I would just like to know if other people in our similar situation, like compare and contrast, like, are we all in the same dumb place?

SPEAKER_01 38:19

So we're taking a really good look at this right now, right? Because I'm canceling stuff here to turn stuff on and all of that in in Georgia. And it is, it's actually giving me a really good look at what our spending really has been and kind of where we can cut some of those costs. And listen, I you know, with what we outsource, it is probably a little excessive. And now that I'm not outsourcing as much from like the yard guy, right? It's included in my rent now because I'm a renter now, which is so different for me. Banana. And yeah, and like, you know, I won't have a pool anymore, and I won't have, you know what I mean? Like, I'm sure there's other things that are gonna creep in that I haven't had now that I will up there.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Or is that included rent?

SPEAKER_01 39:06

I have no idea. That's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Well, you're gonna pay for features like you probably don't have to pay much of a heating bill in Florida, but you will in Georgia also.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

But now I have gas here. Yes, I have state income tax now, but the cost of insurance is way less, and I'm not gonna be paying home insurance right now because I'm a renter. I'm only paying renter insurance, which is substantially different. And it's like, holy smokes, like there's yes, we'll probably even it out, but it's giving me a good glimpse into cost.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

All right, let me what do you guys spend every month on groceries?

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Um, I probably should have a better figure for you, but I would say we're probably spending around a thousand bucks a month.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Okay. How much do you spend a month on eating out?

SPEAKER_01 39:58

I would say probably between 500 and a thousand a month.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Yeah, yeah. We're about 1,400 a month in groceries and a thousand dollars in dining out.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

I mean, because we can't go to Chipotle for less than $75.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

It's so crazy. I can go to, but I could I almost can go to Chipotle cheaper than I can go to Chick-fil-A, which is insane. Really? Yeah, it's I gotta tell you, like some of these like the McDonald's and Chick-fil-A's of the world, like the pricing, you know, down from here by my office is Bolet. I can go to Bolet and eat a healthier meal and for definitely less than I can at Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Really? Okay, all right. I've never looked at it that way, but yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

And so now we are looking. So, you know, you were talking about body image and such earlier. I will say, you know, our youngest is in the off season for dance. And so we're trying to educate her on healthy eating. Not that we're not doing this all year long, but I would tell you it's very hyper-focused because she has more time at home right now.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

Okay.

unknown 41:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

So really trying to focus on like healthy eating and mixing in a workout routine because she's got to continue to train in the off season, and there's not dance every day like there was during the regular school year. So Mike has been talking to her about this a little bit more than I have. And so what was really cool to see is the other day she had she ate some chocolate or ice cream bar or something like that. And then she went outside and she did, you know, 20 sit-ups, 20 push-ups, some jumping jacks, and was running around the pool. And I was like, okay, like it's starting to correlate a little bit in her mind. Like, will it work it all the way off? I don't know, but it is she's correlating the fact that okay, if I'm gonna have indulgences, I also have to mix in some moving around.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Yeah. I uh I do this every once in a while, but I did like a massive meal prep yesterday. And I in my head, it's being narrated like I am on my own cooking show, and I can hear the third-party narrator like I'm so impressed by what she was able to accomplish in such a small kitchen in such a short time. But we did major, major high protein, high fiber. I can't have gluten as we've talked about, so almost none of the food that I make in the house is made with gluten. So we have got our week set up. We are set up for success of healthy eating.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

I'm so proud of you. I am probably in the opposite where the leftovers from the party and the two home chef meals that are showing up today, and then kind of clearing out my freezer from here on out.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

You got a moving truck coming. You've got to get this figured out. You're not, you can't stockpile, you gotta clear.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

No. If anybody happens to be in Tampa and wants to come take stuff out of my house, feel free.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Do you ever do like meal prepping for the week? Or I know you guys do the delivery services, but I do.

SPEAKER_01 43:15

I do for probably Chloe more than I do myself because I know she's got to go for she was going from school to dance to dinner at dance. So like I'd have I have these boxes. You can find them on Amazon or Target or wherever, but they're like the Bento box. But I get the ones that have four, and then I get the ones that have two. But the four ones are like making your own lunchable. So she'll do a fruit, a veggie, some chicken, some cheese. And that kind of help separates out, like that. I know she's getting that balance. And then the two, I'll do a dinner and then like a rice or veggie on this side. So I've been using those quite a bit, those have been lifesaver. And if I can have a few of those in the fridge, it's it's extremely helpful. Yeah, that would be very helpful. You know, people always ask me, they're like, how do you have time to podcast? And I was like, some people like to cook, some people like to go to the gym, and I love to podcast. Like this is like my, you know, this is my mental therapy. It's all the things that I it gets out for me what I need to talk about. And it's it's fun for me. Whereas like cooking, not so fun.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

Working out? I don't love it. Like I had this, I had dinner with some girlfriends on Friday night, and it was great. And they were talking about how they when they listen to their podcasts and when they listen to audiobooks, because I listen to podcasts a lot, but always when I'm driving, that's my podcast time. And I I never have time to listen to an audiobook because I'm listening to the podcast. But they said that they are wanting around their house every time they're doing chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuum, that they're listening to these podcasts or audiobooks. I don't know which house they're living in because I I don't exist in my house without somebody all up in my business.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

Like, but maybe that's the trick. Maybe we just need to put our earbuds in and pretend like we're listening and like just nod your head and keep going.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

No, they don't care. They're like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, watch me, watch me, look at me, look at me, watch this. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. You wanna see this trick? Hey, mom, mom, mom.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

It's like, oh my god, I can't do it anymore. I always say I'm like, I am not my time as the cruise counselor or my time as the cruise director is off. And this is my time. Like, I I always have to like tell everybody, cruise director off. I am not planning anything.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

I feel bad sometimes taking me time in my own house because of I can't.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

No, but I have you have to do it, right? Like, my sanity is much more important. Otherwise, I'm gonna have otherwise I'm gonna go rage style, and I don't think that side of me wants to come out either.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

So you definitely rage too much.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Last night out last night after the party, right? These people are on my back porch, like Mike's still living his best life. And I I was like, I'm done. Um so I walked inside and Chloe's like, this is nine o'clock. Chloe's like, I'm hungry. I was like, I'm about to lose my shit. We just had all this food all day long. I said, but let me whip you something up. I was like, take a deep breath, let me whip up dinner real quick. So I did, and then she's like, Well, I need this and I need this and I need this. And I finally looked at her and I was like, mommy is done. If I go, if I get one more request from you, you are going to be so mad at me. And she looked at me and I was like, I'm done. I'm going to bed. And she's like, Okay, mommy, I'll go to bed now too. I was like, Oh, I just like I feel as if we don't, if we don't cut it off, they're just gonna keep going.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Yeah, and they do. I've got to find some better balance. I got I also gotta find these people that live in my house need to start doing more of their own work. Yeah, like they've gotta all of them, all of them need to be able to fold and put away their own clothes.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

Yes. They need to make it. My roommates, I think you need to treat it like they're your roommates.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

Oh, that's a good philosophy.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Like, like if you were living on your own, you would have to do all these things.

SPEAKER_00 47:18

Okay, yeah. And every there's no reason that you shouldn't grab something from the steps when you're heading upstairs.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

How does no one else see the shoe, their shoes on the stairs as they're walking past them? Like you, if it was a snake, it would bite you.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Yeah. When I was in the hospitality industry for many years, we had a philosophy, we had a phrase that we had to say, full hands in, full hands out. So when you go upstairs, yes, fill your hands up with the stuff that's got to go upstairs, and when you come down, fill your hands up with the stuff that's gotta come down.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Like the cups and silverware in your room that you're not supposed to be eating or drinking.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Correct. And if you did that, I wouldn't find it and get mad and lose my shit.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Yeah. And then you wouldn't be in trouble and we wouldn't be fighting.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

Yeah. Cool. Well, that seems like a really happy note to add today's episode.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

Yeah, and I'm gonna chat, I'm gonna challenge you. We're gonna follow up on the next call of what of implementing your roommate policy.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

Okay, I'm gonna try it. And I'm so excited and scared and sad and happy and all of those feelings about the movie trucks coming for you this week.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

Oh man, get ready, bring the tissues next time. We're gonna, I'm sure I'll have. I'm really glad. Like, I know we wanted to talk about friendship, and I'm really glad we didn't get there today because we'll save it. And I'm positive I'm gonna probably be very emotional. So I've been compartmentalizing for so long. At some point, it's all gonna come out.

SPEAKER_00 48:47

Yeah, maybe when you're sitting in that new house up in Atlanta, you're gonna be like, crap, I should have said goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

I yes, no doubt. No doubt.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Although for me, I'll just make an excuse to come to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Yeah, super close. And you gotta come up there anyways.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

Yeah, I do. We just hired a new VP and she lives in Sandy Springs, so which is right next door.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

And so there we go. Bring her over too. Yeah, you got it. Awesome. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. You know, as Michael had mentioned early on, as you know, you can find us on YouTube, uh Spotify, Apple, all of the places. It's double booked podcast official, and look forward to hearing seeing you next time, hearing, listening, all the things. Bye guys.