Before We Had a Name for It: Our Mom's Early Alzheimer's Signs (Part 1)

In this episode, we take you back to before there was a diagnosis, before there was even a name for what was happening to our mom. We walk through the early signs we noticed over a series of visits, and how many of the signs we missed because they were easy to explain away. 

From getting lost in a hospital parking lot, to wandering a hotel hallway in Washington DC, to struggling with a video game in Orlando, to losing her job and never quite finding her way back- this episode traces the quiet, creeping trail of signs that told us something wasn't right.

This is Part 1 of a three-part series leading up to our mom's official Alzheimer's diagnosis. Because the road to understanding what's wrong with someone you love is rarely a straight line. It's years of excuses, disagreements between us, and moments that don't quite add up until suddenly they do.

If you've ever watched someone you love change slowly and couldn't find the words for it, we hope this episode helps. We're sharing these early signs because we almost missed them, and we believe that catching them sooner rather than later matters. The earlier you recognize what's happening, the more time you have to take action, build a care team, and explore the things that may help slow the progression. We don't want anyone to look back and wish they had known sooner.

Walk with us! Join our team at the Walk to End Alzheimer's in Buffalo, NY this September 2026 — or donate! 100% of proceeds go to the Alzheimer's Association: act.alz.org/site/TR/Walk2026/NY-WesternNewYork?pg=team&team_id=1057467&fr_id=19818

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Conversations Through Alzheimer's. I'm Amber Marty and I'm Felicia Wood. Four sisters and daughters of Rosemary Marty, diagnosed with Alzheimer's in June of 2025. We're documenting her journey as it happens and we're sharing every resource we find along the way. This is her story and ours.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

So today I really wanted to dive into the signs we saw with mom before she was officially diagnosed. Anyone that has ever noticed these signs and someone that they love know it's not just a quick go to the doctors. They say, Yeah, it looks like you have Alzheimer's, like the flu. So it takes a couple of years by the time family members start to notice it. I think a lot of the symptoms are things that you can brush off and say, like, they're stressed, they're getting older, they're tired, they're, you know, a million excuses. Um it takes a long time before you start to kind of start to put the puzzle pieces together and say like something's not right. Um, I know we kind of saw this over multiple trips that she took since we had both moved out of state. Um, she lives in Colorado. I moved to Florida in 2021, you moved to New York in the spring of 2023. Um, and it was around that time that you know she got hired from her job, which we'll go into in later episodes, but and like and and us moving, like there was just a lot happening that like that was really hard for her. Like we are her life um in a lot of ways. And I think we thought that like maybe like the cognitive decline that we were seeing was just maybe she was depressed from us leaving, and um it it took a while for us to really realize something was wrong. So I think we should go through some of the trips that she's taken to Florida and New York. Um, I think the the time she came and saw you um and helped you when Oliver was being born in June of 2024 is a good place to start. If you want to start there.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Yeah, absolutely. It's um, like you said, it is interesting to look back and think about it now. Um, I was really excited for her to come out that trip because she was gonna be there for three weeks. Um, part of the reason we picked three weeks is because uh we didn't know when Oliver was going to come, and so we wanted her to be there. We didn't want her to miss the birth. And so she came out, I think, on June 11th, and then she left um, I think like June 29th or like right right before July. So she was there for three weeks, and in that time, you know, it it was it was different than I expected it to be. Um, and not, I mean, not that I had really firm expectations, but I think one of the things is like when you have a baby, he was my first baby, like I really wanted to feel that support. I really wanted my mom there, I wanted her to be able to help, you know, mother me during during that time, like have her there to help with like house stuff and cooking and and and those kind of things. Um, and when she came, you know, like it was obviously great to see her, but I did notice like just a difference in like the best way I can describe it is like a difference in initiative. Um, like she she was very present and she, you know, would sit on the couch, we would talk, and we would laugh, and we'd go to the store and we'd do those kind of things. But she wasn't like very proactive.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah, proactive, or like you need, can I do anything?

SPEAKER_03 3:37

Like, whereas maybe she did that like our whole lives, like crackers, do you exactly and what I noticed is like she couldn't really come up with ideas, like as you know, and I think a lot of people out there know, it's like when you're looking for help and support, like part of that is not just um coming up with like a task and saying, Can you help me with this? But it's kind of like that person using their brain power to think like what would she need? And what I noticed is like she didn't really have access to that, and not because she didn't want to, but she really just truly couldn't access it. She couldn't think like, oh, like Felicia's probably hungry right now. Like, what could I put together? In fact, actually, this reminds me of when she first got there, I had been working on like foods that were really great post-partum. And I had created this entire list of like different recipes, things we could make ahead, like freezer meals, um, different kinds of cookies that were super nourishing. And I thought, like, I really was silly enough to think that when she would come, because I worked up until I gave birth. And so I really thought, like, during the day, like I could just give her the list and like she would cook during my work day and then be like, look what we got done. That didn't happen at all. Like, it was like she she came and like the and the days go by fast. Like what looking back now, it's like you said, there's all of those excuses that you're like, oh, the days are going by fast, like she's tired, like everything happened so quickly. Like, oh, but now I'm like, yeah, she she couldn't go take a list and like go get those things, especially new recipes, and new stories I didn't know. And she hadn't been here for an entire nine months leading up to that trip. So, like, looking back now, I'm like, I see now in hindsight, like that going to a new place, traveling to a house you're not familiar with, being in a new situation, a new environment, like I think that was very stressful for her cognitively. And I didn't have words to describe it other than I was like, something just isn't quite the same. And then um, there was a situation that happened at the hospital. It wasn't a big situation, situation's probably the wrong word, but there was um a time when she had left the hospital for a few hours to go probably back to our house, let the dogs out, do that sort of thing. And she went to go find the car and she couldn't find the car. Um she again in my head, I'm like, oh, she didn't, it's not her car. She didn't probably really know what it looked like. But that's like also something that it's like, well, if you park a car and you walk from it, at least you kind of know directionally where it was. When she came back and she told us she was like, You wouldn't believe what happened to me. She likes I um was like wandering through the parking lot, and eventually this woman had to pull up and say, like, do you need help? And the woman and she was so flustered, she was like, I don't know where my car is. And they they she she got in the woman's car.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

She was like a worker there, like a nurse. Like she knew she was, I think. It wasn't just like some strange stranger, like, get in my car, lady.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Yeah, well, I think we think it was a nurse, but we don't really know. But like she got in the in this person's car and like the person, like good Samaritan, like drove her up and down the aisles until she found the car. And even then, I kind of wonder if it was like was mom able to like describe the car and the woman helped her find it, or like was she clicking like the buttons so there was like a visual? Like, I don't, I never asked her that question. Um, but the other thing about that, even that whole car situation is that it really stood out to her. Like, I remember she told me that story when Dave came in the room, she told Dave that story. I think she called you and told you that story. Like it was definitely something that really stood out to her, which makes me think, like, again, in hindsight, that it was probably really scary for her. And maybe even one of we, I mean, we it's hard to really know like how often did things like that happen. We maybe it happened then because all of the stress of being in a new area made it even harder.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah, yeah. So that was June of 2024, and I think that was when we first started to really notice something. That was a year before the diagnosis.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Yeah, and I also feel like one of the things that because it was through the lens of like going on these trips to see us that we started to notice things, and I can't remember if there was an exact thing, but I I feel like I marked this thing in my head that was like she's having trouble at airports. Um, coming to see me, I live in northeastern New York, you have to usually take a connecting flight, and I feel like those connecting flights were very, very challenging for her. Like, I can't remember if she had an incident where, like, oh, you know what? I do, I think she doesn't, it wasn't with bags, but when she got to the Philadelphia airport for her connection, she I think had a very hard time like finding the gate, like with the entire situation with it, might have been a situation where she had to like go get her bag from Sue and then go check her. And then you know, and that whole situation was extremely hard for her. Like, I remember her saying, like calling me and being like, I'm so stressed out, I've been walking forever, this airport is horrible. And she really told me exactly. She's she blamed it on the airport. Okay, this is a horrible airport, the air the layout was horrible, yeah. And honestly, like I um there was another time that later where I she came to visit me and I had to leave at the same time. So like I flew to do you remember DC? She was gonna come to DC with you. Yeah, exactly. It was after this, it was when I actually flew to Philadelphia. There was there actually, that's another one we'll have to bookmark and talk about right now. But there was this specific time I'm remembering is there was a time she came to visit me where we both left in that morning and took um the same flight to get to Philadelphia, and then we like split our ways. She went off to Denver and I went down to North Carolina, and that I rem that was my first time at Philadelphia, and I remember thinking like, oh, I expected this to be very complicated. Like I was bracing myself and crazy, exactly, and then I was like, no, this was very straightforward, like there were big signs, it was very clear. Um, and again, I think at that point I was starting to have more clues, but yeah, we could we could definitely talk about the Washington DC trip, though that was a big one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Well, we can go to that next because I think that's when she was she was doing it over there to come to Orlando to see me. Um and so what happened? She was gonna come with you.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

So what had happened is I was going to be um for my my first trip postpartum. It was my first uh flight, and Dave and Oliver were gonna come down so I could go to my um work Christmas party. Dave and I would attend the party, and then mom was gonna stay at the hotel with Oliver. And um, right before that trip, I think Dave and Oliver had both come down pretty sick with a cold, and we were like, it's not worth it. We're not gonna chance that. We're just gonna leave Dave at home with Oliver. I'll fly in. It was like a 24-hour trip. It was like fly in and then fly back out. And so we had paid for mom to meet us in uh DC, and then she was gonna fly down to Orlando for a few days to see you. And it was that trip, I was I was more on alert that trip because there was one more trip in between the trips that we are talking about. So she came to see me in June, and then she also came to visit me with dad in September of 2024 as well. And there was one specific incident that happened during that trip where she was doing laundry, and she asked me, like, how do you start this thing? Like she could not remember how to do the laundry. And that was an exact repeat of what happened in June where she didn't know how to work her washing machine. And that was very odd to me. That stood out very, very prominently because I'm like, I remember telling her, like, mom, just press the big circle button with the big triangle on it. Like, looks like a play button. She couldn't find the button, like, I had to physically show her. And then in September, she did that exact same thing. So I was already kind of a little on alert going into the December trip that I was like, something is just off. I feel like she might have early signs of cognitive decline. I wasn't totally ready to call it Alzheimer's, I don't think, but I was like really starting to feel like something is off with mom. So, first of all, we flew into DC, it was December. She didn't bring a coat with her. Um, and what again, you brush that off. Oh, who who cares? Like people forget their coats all the time. But it was freezing cold. Like I remember I had a cold. Right, exactly. Exactly. I would like to take my like shawl off and like put it over her, and like she was like shivering, like she was so cold. We were waiting for the cab. And then we checked into the hotel and we we were on the same floor, but like our rooms were pretty far apart from each other. So I had brought her to her room, and then I think I like needed something from her. I was like, Mom, could you bring me an XYZ something from your bag or some a bottle of water, some I can't remember what it was, just some item. So she came to bring it to me. I was like, okay, I'll meet you in a few minutes. She was gonna go back to her room. I walked out of the room a few minutes later, and she was wandering the hall. Like she had, and she wasn't even, she was like, Oh, I know it's one of these doors. And she was kind of like laughing, like, oh, I can't figure out what door I'm in. And I was like, looked and I was like, Mom, you're not even close to your room. Like, your room is like way past the elevators. Like she couldn't even mark, like, oh, you know, like when you're I'm like in the rooms near the elevators, I'm in the rooms at the end of the hall. None of that had happened, and that wasn't like her, but that none of that is like mom's always been a little loosey-goosey and silly, but she was never unable to remember where a room was. That was a big one. But then she came to see you, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Um, but yeah, she came to see me, and you know, she like we talked about, is very loosey-goosey, has never really been great, like video games, and like it's like for example, um we would play like um Mario Party, and she like was just kind of like, you know, it's like stay on this little balance beam thing as Mario, and then you fall off, and she thinks that's funny. And we used to play it like back in 2020, and you know, it was fine, but like she would she would know how to play it as is the context here. Um like she knew like the Joy-Con just to move it and the buttons, and we were playing Mario Party at some of my roommates um when she originally got to Orlando um after that stop in DC. And we had explained, you know, they're like little mini-games, like press this button over and over and then jump, like very simple. Um, and she just couldn't do it. Like, we tried, we had to stop and re-explain multiple times. She just wouldn't press the button, or she'd press the wrong button, we'd say, No, it's this button. And eventually we just had to tell her, like, why don't you just watch for a little bit, you know, like without telling her, like, you we can't play through in the towel, right? She was kind of like, oh ha ha ha. And she would always come with these because he's like, I'm just tired, like I just traveled today, and like I'm just silly, like it's fine. Um, but it was really frustrating because we were just like, I I like these are very simple games. I mean, like seven-year-olds play these these Mario games.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

I remember you calling and telling me that, and I feel like this was I feel like this was the trip that like you and I had a I mean, not a fight, but like we were kind of actively disagreeing about what was wrong with her because I was like, Amber, I'm telling you, something is wrong. She is this is not normal. This is cognitive decline. I don't think it was calling it that sign. I was like, I was like, this is early signs of dementia. And you were like, no, you were like, absolutely not. And then I think this is when you were like, I think she has debilitating ADHD.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

That's because that's what a lot of the symptoms I was seeing was presenting. She wasn't listening to the other symptoms. Well, I mean just for that video game one, for example. She wasn't she she wasn't listening to the instructions, or um, there were I I can't remember like other examples, but uh like just like getting distracting mornings, like was there something about like you had to wait for her? Yeah, like you know, she is a she's our mom. She usually used to get us up and say, like, hey, we're getting in the car at you know, seven o'clock, be ready. And it's like the role reversed. Like, I and I get it, like it's a two-hour time change between East Coast Mountain time, so they're gonna go to Disney for the day the next day. And so I was like, Hey, like, we have to be out the door at 8 a.m. I don't remember what time it was. So, like, when you tell an adult that, you expect them to set know when to set their alarm, know when to get dressed, know what how long they're gonna need to get breakfast, you know, things like that. And it was like 7:30 and she was still sleeping, and so like I had to go in there, she's like, Oh, five more minutes. And like, I felt like I was the parent, I was like, you know, like that's fine, you're on vacation, like you can have five more minutes, but like even when she got up, like she just took a long time.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Like, yeah, I remember you telling me, like, this is jogging my memory, because I remember you telling me that it wasn't even the night before, like, she was asking you, what time do I need to get up before an alarm? Yeah, but you were like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, how long do you take to get ready? Do you want to like go exercise before? Not that she would, but like, how long do you take it?

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I want to make breakfast. Like, I can't answer that question for you. I don't live with you anymore. Yeah, like it takes me 15 minutes, you know. Like, I wake up, throw on clothes, grab a bar out the and get out the door. Um, and so like it was just very strange that I was like, You're I mean, she was like 59 at the time, like you're in your 80s. I was like, this is just weird. I was like, it was just very strange. Um, and that's like what and I agreed with you, like something is wrong. Like, she needs to get tested for something because it is affecting her life and our lives. And like I I don't think we talked to dad about at that point, no, because we are like to her.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

We I think it was after that trip that I think you and I had called her or talked to her separately, and we're like, Mom, something is going on, like maybe you have ADHD, like you should go get evaluated for ADHD.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

That was not she's had for a long time too. So she was like, Yeah, she knew something was wrong too. Like she was telling one of her sisters that in a recent trip that her they told, like, something is wrong because um going back to 2019, like so. She worked in healthcare as an admin assistant, especially for the ER, for most of her life. Yeah, and so she was very good with computers, very good with you know, like task ex uh what is that, um execution, executive functioning, things like that. Um, and you know, anyone in healthcare knows it can burn you out quickly. So she got burnt out in her early to mid 50s, yeah, very stressful, especially in the ER. And so she um quit that job and she eventually got a job. I don't I don't know what her new job was in.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

So she knew she wanted to be some sort of like executive assistant because that's kind of what she'd been doing for the past 20 years. And so she started applying to a bunch of different kinds of um executive assistant jobs or admin administrative assistant jobs, and she ended up getting hired by a nonprofit. I can't totally remember exactly what they did, but her job was gonna be, you know, book meetings for people, order supplies, um, maybe do some like administrative work inside of a an admin portal, like bookmarks and pages, check on some dashboards. Yeah. And um she started in it was in 2019, I feel like maybe like spring of 2019, and it was within like two months that they ended up letting her go. And they didn't, you know, straight up say, like, it I don't think it was like a straight up like you're you're fired, you're terrible, your job, but I think it was a series of them, and again, I'm assuming a lot of this, like trying to connect multiple stories that she's given over the years. But I'm I feel like she was basically saying like she couldn't keep up administratively, and they had talked to her about it several times. I'm assuming what they had talked about wasn't getting acted on, and then they didn't say like we're firing you, they said we are like merging your position into a different position, kind of like our direction. They were going in a different direction, exactly. And so they let her go. And but one of I remember the one of the examples that she had given me was she was like, you know, they had to show me how to like bookmark these pages, and like they told me that because I didn't know how to do the bookmarks, that like basically I wasn't good enough. And her whole self worth ended up kind of getting wrapped up in this situation. And I assume now, looking back, that she She really cognitively did not remember how to navigate around a computer. Like you and I both know now that her ability to interface with screens has been one of the first places that has been like severely downgraded. And I think that we didn't really know then because working on a computer is something really personal, right? It's like I don't know how fast you type or how savvy you are. I just assumed always that mom was really savvy because she had done it her entire life.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Well, that and like me and you both worked for Apple for years. And so like Apple Watch, I remember when the Apple Watches came out, you know, we got her one, I think, for Christmas, or maybe she bought herself one. And she, we I think both of us were very impressed. She like set it up by herself. She was like, Oh, look at this new feature I made. Like, it's not like she's like always been bad at technology and we're like, Well, that makes sense. Like, she's worked with computers her whole life. Yeah, like she she would watch like the new tips and tricks, she would watch the new like Apple keynotes that would come out. She got the new feature. She's like, I just upgraded my watch. So, like, to hear this was just kind of like a weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

Like her being good with all of those things was prior to 2019.

SPEAKER_04 23:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

This happened in 2019. And then I think what really threw us all for a loop is that obviously 2020 happened. And so, you know, she had taken some time off after being let go just to kind of recuperate, right? Like she was so stressed, she was, I think, really scared too. But she she was kind of like, I just I'm not gonna get back into the jog market yet. And this turned into a really big thing in her relationship with our dad because I think in his mind, he was like, Oh, she's gonna get back to work.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

And instead, like, because then COVID quickly happened, she like never got back to. And then, but it, but it seems situational. Like, well, nobody's working through COVID. It's hard to get in a remote job. Like now, I think looking back, I I think that those skills weren't there. And I think she kind of in somewhere in her heart of hearts, she knew.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah, well, and she didn't, I don't think, because she was starting to have that cognitive decline. I don't think she knew, like, oh, I need to go to these websites and upload my resume. Like, she probably couldn't figure out how to upload her resume. It was probably too overwhelming. So she was like, Oh, I'll I'll get to it another time, like, you know. Um yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

So well, and I think we try to do that. Like, there was a time when she was like, I'm gonna get back into it, you know, because one of the things I think you and I were both always concerned about was like, is she is she staying active and agile? And like, does she have a desire to do things? And I think that kind of goes into the perfect storm of her, like of where we left off with after that trip to see you, and you were like, mom, you have ADHD, like you need help. Like you were you were very clear with her, like, mom, something is going on with you, like you've got go get help for and not just for our sake, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:00

For her sake, you should be able to know about your alarm or uh like how to do basic game things, like this is not normal, like something is wrong. So it's not like maybe she's always had ADHD and now it's just gotten to a point, you know, with as she's getting older or stressed, like I don't know. Yeah. Like I just wanted her to go see somebody.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

And I think that's where like it's it is a little tricky because like I think once you said that, I was kind of like, okay, well, maybe it's ADHD. I think for me, I really did think it was early signs of dementia. Like, I had been around some other people with dementia and kind of had seen some similarities, and leading up to that time, like there was a gap between December and April, where we were trying to find some kind of diagnosis, what's going on? Like, she was being evaluated, she finally went to a doctor to get evaluated for ADHD, and then they ended up diagnosing her instead with pseudo-dementia. And so at that point, she kind of had this name for being able to say, Well, I am forgetting things, it is looking like dementia, but it's not because of an a cognitive reason, it's because I have really severe depression. And that had been something that she had dealt with a lot in her life. And so we in that kind of gap of that diagnosis, like I felt like we even saw more things kind of escalate. Like, I remember we'd be on phone calls and like we couldn't get her to like know how to like change the camera, or like the mute button would get hit, or we kind of laugh about it now, but like anytime you wanted to share your screen with her and like show her pictures of the baby or show her something you wanted to buy, like she could not figure out where the screen was and like how to get to see your screen. Um, so like those those things stood out. And then there was another time when I was on the phone with her and we were having one of our, you know, normal 30, 40 minute talks. We're talking about different family members and catching up on different things. And she was telling me a story about we're talking about her sister's three kids, and we were talking about like the different um significant others that they all married, and it was like, oh, and then uh like Marianne's husband, and then I would I would say his name, and then she'd be like, and it was like the words she couldn't even begin to grab them, and I noticed very clearly it wasn't it was it ended up being all three names in a row, and I'm like, that's more than a one-off. Like you might forget one person's name, but then to to in succession not be able to reach for multiple people's names in that same kind of category. That was like I think another sign of just like something is not firing correctly.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Yeah, I I think the April 2025 trip we'll probably discuss in our next episode because it is I have a I have a whole excel of examples because we had to start tracking them down. That's when you know we had to call dad, that's when that we first started the ball rolling on the actual diagnosis.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

Everything up to that trip was kind of like the scavenger hunt to get to like the grand finale, and I do agree with you. I think we we need like dedicated time to really dive into honestly that entire trip from start to finish. Because from the time you guys got here to the call with dad, there's a lot to discuss.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Yeah. So great. Well, thank you so much for going through all that today, and we'll have a lot to talk about next time.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Bye-bye. If this episode resonated with you, or if someone you love is navigating an Alzheimer's diagnosis, please know you don't have to fight it alone. The Alzheimer's Association is a free 24 7 resource available to anyone who needs their support. Whether you're newly diagnosed, deep in caregiving, or just trying to understand what comes next. You can reach them anytime at 1 800 272 3900. You can also reach them online at alz.org.