005 - More Than Fridays with Rebecca More

AI images and all this Katie Price drama reminds me of Sophie

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello everybody, welcome to my More Than Fridays podcast where I talk about everything and anything. Um okay, we'll do that again because that was just like I don't even know what I'm talking about. Hello everybody, hello, no, do I really want to say everybody? Hello, welcome back to my podcast, More Than Fridays. I missed you last week. I'm sorry, I was otherwise engaged. Um, very busy week last week, and we always know that I occasionally have to miss a podcast. So we've got a lot to catch up with with this week. I've got my lovely dog Raymond here, my German shepherd, and he's asleep. And I just love having him right next to me because I need him um today. I've just had freshly out of a therapy session. Um I've been I haven't been to therapy for a while actually, because on my last session we kind of established that I didn't need it anymore, it's so to speak. I think what happens is you get into therapy. This is my own personal experience. I'm not talking for anybody else. You get into therapy. I get into therapy and I needed quite a lot. I needed a lot, I needed therapy. I'd started trying to discover a therapist around about just after uh COVID because I was struggling and obviously getting into recovery. There's only so much recovery can do, and then I for many years I didn't actually think I needed therapy. That's the biggest red flag. Um, but I got into therapy and it took me a little while to find this particular therapist. So I went through some and then some didn't work out. One of them was really good, um, but not really a match because I I couldn't we kind of had a bit of a clash because I had some relationship issues, and it was she got a little bit, uh I'd say uh she was kind of do this, and and that doesn't really work with me, do this or that. Like it wasn't, I think it was a little bit unprofessional, but I've got this therapist and she's absolutely amazing, she's so unjudgmental, it's amazing. She's she's just fantastic, and um she has I love where her setup. I live in the country, so she's in a little shepherd's heart, and I absolutely love it. And I really, really needed a session with her this week. I booked her immediately because I and um my close circle of friends, um, we had some bad news and it's really rocked our world. Um, I'd say my friend probably more so than me, but I do get when I um you know, I get tr triggered, I'd say, by um definitely by suicide. Um and I really need to revisit my therapist to just go over that, really, because I just I do feel that um I with grief you just you never get over it, you never get over losing somebody and that powerlessness. So I went and saw her today to just go over some things um that were that I was struggling with, and I think there will always be a time when I struggle with um what happened with Sophie, um, and that's that's okay to have somebody there, you know. There's I do talk with my friends, but I do need a professional, and a professional I can't stress how good therapy is for me because we can talk to people and we can kind of work things out together with friends, family, but I just there's some brilliant things that I've said to my therapist today, which she has helped me kind of work out and work through, and it was really great. She's just brilliant. So last week I was at work, and you know, it's been my daughter's birthday, and you know, had some really bad news, and everything has to change. I just wanted to be with one of my friends so we could work through that grief together, and you know, life's just a little bit like that sometimes. We never know what one day's gonna bring. My friends are so important to me, and I think it's really important to be it's one of my things, really, is to be a good friend, um, and making sure I'm there with for my friends, and I think what recovery has taught me is about that service part, getting out of self. I think getting out of self is so important, and because I've done um the 12 steps and I've got a programme, it's really close to my heart. About am I in self right now? Am I just constantly thinking about myself and my problems? So there's always something going on here where I can help someone else, or just you know, like other people, it's such an important thing to me to be there for others. And my own personal view is that's that's the purpose of life, is it's about generally helping other people as much as we can, and I do like it obviously not being a total doormat, but just by even like doing this podcast, I enjoy doing this because I do feel it's it's a benefit to me, and it might be a benefit to somebody. I might talk about something that resonates with somebody, and just having that understanding that you're going through the same thing. So I, you know, I was with my friend, and I do have to be careful because um, you know, it's really important to me, but it's not my business to say too much, but things that happen do affect me, and that's the main point that I want to want to talk about is how I cope with those things. Um, you know, something happened and it and it really made me think about Sophie again. So I know what to do. I know that I need help, I know that I need to go and see my therapist, I need to be with my friends and understanding grief. There's no magic pill, there's no magic pill, and all this positivity that's that's not gonna work. Um, there's this brilliant woman who I've I've actually just ordered her book. Um, I've revisited this woman again because she reached out to me um really kind when I was talking about Sophie. Her name's Dr. Lucy Hone, and she has three steps to resilience. And I really feel that I've worked on my resilience in the last four years, um, I actually feel now that I used to struggle so much. I struggled ever since I was younger with my mental health, since being a young mum, and I always felt so alone and that like I needed someone to save me. But since working on a program and that spiritual side of things, and you may laugh, I am spiritual. I have to work on that because I am a feisty, angry woman at times, and the spirituality side of things, which is like praying and what have you, that's the stuff that has actually saved me. I am spiritual, but I have to really work on it. I have to really, really work on it. Going back to Dr. Lucy Hone, she's her thing is resilience, and I love this word because I do feel like I have resilience. I haven't always had it. I've always been quite strong because I've you know, I'm single mum, I've been a single mum, and I've had to work things out for myself because being a single mum, you just kind of do. You either you either get on with it or you give up. And I I've wanted I'd wanted to give up, but I haven't. So over the years, I've built, I think I've built on my resilience muscle quite a lot, and especially in these last four years. Um, the things that have helped me with resilience, I've just got this mental attitude in my head now, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how hard it gets, Rebecca, no matter how hard it gets, you've been through stuff that you can keep going. You can keep going, you've been through harder than this, you can keep going, keep going. And the thing for me is because I have that spirituality and a higher power, I go, no matter what, no matter what happens, I will keep going. It's not up to me to choose to end my life. That's not me. I will just keep going. It's to make it to the end of this life, whether I die with an accident or or natural, I want to make it as old as I can. With that mindset, I've become a little bit detached to materialistic things. I've become a bit detached to what's real and what's not, which leads me on to this thing happened um this week, which was tragic, sad, awful, and heartbreaking and incredibly triggering somebody very close to us past, and it's heartbreaking, and you have to deal with that element of pain. During the finding out of this news, my Instagram went, I know it's two completely different things, but it puts things into perspective, right? You go, say that thing hadn't happened, and your Instagram goes down, you'd be like, I've I'd be like, oh my god, you know, actually, I'm getting less and less like I care. But there used to be a time when that would break my world, or if one of my websites went down, that financial insecurity. But I've come to a stage, I've got my dog's foot here, I'm gonna hold it like a tone with my hand. That financial insecurity, I'm really, really, really detached. I'm becoming less and less materialistically detached. I understand that money is important, but when it boils down to things, nothing like that is really that important. And so my Instagram went down, they're like, that's it, can't log in, just gone, gone. And I sat there having had this awful news and been like working out, like I need to go and be with my friends, I need to go and be with my friend right now. And I was kind of like, I don't care, but I don't, I just really couldn't give a shit. And I was I was kind of like, yeah, I've just Instagram, I don't really care. There's way more important things in life to worry about. But I was in a I was sad, but with me, I go into even when my dog Roy died, I go into like, right, we need to handle this now. So I don't cry immediately, I go into like, okay, what do I need to do? How do I need to, what do I need to deal with here to get to there, or what have you. So I go into this chronic like organization leader mode, which is a bit weird, but it's just me. And I cry somewhere down the line later. So I travelled back late at night, and then I got to my friend, and it was really lovely to be with them, and I just didn't give a shite about Instagram. I that said, miraculously, my Instagram came back on the Saturday, and we had we saw these two beautiful, beautiful rainbows right outside where we were sat, and I'm a big person on signs, and it was just a little bit magical. Um, you know, I I do feel that I get lots of little like signs from Sophie and these two massive, bloody rainbows outside the window. I'm sorry, but you know, I've never seen rainbows so close, so big in all my life. And the pair of us did actually feel really good about it. I was just felt amazing about seeing these rainbows. So we kind of like had this moment of like that's that's a sign, and that feels really good that they are they are at peace. So um we were sat together and um I did something which to a lot of people is unforgivable. Unforgivable. I went on ChatGPT and I thought, you know what? I would like to post something, but um I don't I don't know what to post, so I like that I'm back on Instagram. So I went on ChatGPT and I found this nice picture of myself and I just put it in there. I went, make a cartoon. Um, and I was like, I know people don't like AI, but I just fancy doing this, and I didn't really think that much of it. I know I don't really like AI, like I don't think AI's anything to be worried about. I've certainly look, come on, look at my job. I should be worried about, I'm not even worried about it. Anyway, I made these two graphics and I posted them. I posted one on my returned page, I posted another one. I didn't just do one, I did two. I did two AI images and I thought they're lovely, it's cheered me right up from the spot that I was in. And um, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, you'd have thought I'd I'd uh killed the planet and drained a reservoir. I got nothing but um like passive aggressive comments on the page, and I was just like, oh, this is a bit much. Like I don't I really don't need this actually right now, and and to be honest, I think there is a level on the internet you're gonna get this, you know. I was like, oh, I I've asked for this, you know. I I knew that I I didn't know that it would be as bad as what it was because I was getting like DMs like being talked to, so patronising, and I was like, actually, that's not gonna make me take them down, I'm afraid. And I take I took the stance of kind of like I'm actually gonna dig my heels in on this one because I I think what happened is I had been from I've been so traumatised by the week that I just went, no, we're not doing this today. We ain't doing this today, guys. Not today. Um personally, I think there's a real I noticed all far left, I'm afraid. Now I'm in the middle, like I'm not in the middle, but we don't like to talk politics, but I am open to other people's opinions, I'm open to other people's beliefs, and I like to take a bit from there, take a bit from there, and I just want to live in peace. Um, I believe in other people have their right to religious views, I believe in other people have their right to live the life that they choose to live, you know, without harming people or anything like that. Um, so I was just really disappointed, and I also didn't care. I was like, these people are claiming to be my fan and patronizing me. If you know anything about me, and and and I I'm going to kind of bring this back to when me and Sophie first um became like semi-famous or what have you, we got a fan base. It was if you do not think and politically like we do, we're gonna hound you, and I've seen this, it's not nice, it's it's really horrible. And actually, when you are like that, like religion, when people are religious and they think that preaching is the way forward, it's not where I have learned the best, particularly being um in recovery, attraction rather than promotion. Promotion, getting in my DMs and telling me to like AI is the worst thing in the world. I did two bloody cartoons. I don't use don't use it regularly, like and also hypocritical. I think most people that were talking to me are scared of change, uh saying that out of fear, and have gotten some fucking bandwagon. So, like most things, um all of these, uh like even the internet, I'm sure. So I looked up what the problem was, okay. I'm gonna get it up. Okay, so this is this is the problem that people have. Now, AI systems run a huge data center, and those servers get very hot. To stop them overheating, many data centers use cooling systems that can consume water. So the criticism is basically using AI has an environmental cost, including electricity use and some places water use. Right. So for me, I get that, okay, fine. But there is an element of like, well, where's the evidence of all of this in that sense? But also, why is it we're so scared of AI? AI is new, okay. AI is new, AI is definitely coming. And I I'm not scared, I don't live in fear, but the majority of people that would criticize me for these two bloody cartoons, I'm not being funny. If I don't think art is art, right? This is why I don't I'm not scared of AI, right? They're like, it's gonna come. Well, how would you like if it's come for your job? Well, they ain't gonna come for me. I'm a human being. Okay, I'm not scared of AI, and if you can't beat it, join it. Like you've got to move with the times. So when people are saying these two shitty cartoons, by the way, which I thought were absolutely brilliant, they're like, Who's the artist? Hold on a sec, hold on a sec. I'm not gonna like I I just don't, I just don't get it. Artists are my daughter's an artist, by the way. My daughter's an artist, she didn't even go, mother, you're using AI. Like, people use it. So many people use it, and I just thought it was ridiculous. How are you gonna police this? How are you gonna police this? Now, people are gonna get in the chat and they're not gonna like it, but I have an opinion. I've always people loved the cock destroyers because we were outspoken, we were outspoken, we just did what we want. By the way, I have an opinion, and if somebody catches this and they're like, oh my god, she's like pro AI, I'm not I'm not anything fucking AI. I used it to do two bloody cartoons, and people just get so it's as if people are on their phones too much, chronic. By the way, I had to get myself a brick because I was like phones, they just make you addicted. But I've I when you pull yourself out of it and you come and live in the you know real world, you realise how mad it is, and I think that when people are commenting about who are and being passive aggressive twats, because I know that some of my friends didn't agree with it, but what they do is they don't say anything to a complete fucking stranger. Like I'm gonna listen to a complete stranger. If my one of my friends got not one of my friends got in my DMs and said to me, Bex, you know what? Like I care about you, and this is the reason why you shouldn't do AI. Not one of them that did. If they they just didn't like it, and that was it. One of my friends, I posted something once about um Russell Brand, and I didn't know what was going on with him. Like, I hadn't, I I didn't actually know. I just saw this thing. I was like, oh, that's really nice of him to be kind to her. They were like, he's like a grifter, this is going on with him. I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Because my friend has my best interest at heart. They're not just trying to be horrible to me, they want to educate, like, they're like, you don't know, like this is really bad. And I was like, I didn't know. So I took it down and I was just like, I just and then I've been looking into Russell Brand and what's been going on, and I'm it's horrific, it's absolutely horrific. It's so, so bad. Um, so that was a time when somebody kindly highlighted to me. So this AI thing, I don't feel like anybody's kindly highlighted anything. I feel like it's it's a bit nuts. Um, I don't know how you're gonna police AI because I recycle. I'm I'm you know, I'm I recycle, I try and eat less meat, I try, you know, I try and be a good person. I do two cartoons and it's like yeah. I've had enough. Like, I'm just like, no, not today, not today. Piss off. It really, it really did just make me just be like, go away, go away. It didn't actually make me think, oh, oh, I'm gonna listen, I'm gonna like everybody was just nasty, everybody that came in was just patronizing and nasty. Anyway, let's move on, let's move on because um I just wasn't in the mood for that. And you know what? To conclude on that, will I use AI again? No, no, because I just don't need the headache. Do I think I AI is going to be a big part of people's future. Yes. Yes, I do. And if you and good luck to those people just getting so exhausted by people using AI, everyone that I know uses ChatGPT. And probably most of those people that would be in Twats in my comment section are hypocrites because I bet they use Chat GPT to ask what one plus one is. Anyway, moving on. Okay. So let's talk about mental health. Okay, let's talk about my mental health and what I do. I have to have purpose. I have a lot, a lot of reasons to live. I've got my dogs, I've got my family, I've got my work, I've got so much. But there are things that I remember when I became really unwell, started to isolate. That's why COVID was so bad. Isolation is really, really bad. Really bad. And it's almost I've got the tools now to identify if I'm getting unwell. And I've got the tools to identify, I've got the tools to identify if somebody else is also getting unwell. And I'm very grateful. I'm very grateful for the programme. And I'm very grateful for the work that I've done with my therapist to be able to identify myself and to be able to identify somebody else. Having a full life has really helped me. Um exercise is I remember, you know, the times when I've been really, really down. The last thing I want to do is get up out of bed. But there isn't part of me that knows that when I am feeling like that, I just have to, I just have to get up. I'm so far away from that feeling now. But when I take, I remember it. If I go back there, I remember how I felt. That's why I've got the ability to be compassionate to other people who are going through a tough time because I know what it feels like. And that's the great thing about recovery, is when we go to these meetings, we go back and we just think about that's what keeps us uh on the road to recovery and not picking up and things like that is like we get to uh go what it was like, what happened, and what we're like now, and we're able to extract talk with each other. Recovery and my meetings is another reason for me. I've got purpose, like going to a meeting tomorrow, and I get to share, and I've got all this support around me, which I worked for as well. I would, you know, swimming club. It's been amazing. These people I probably wouldn't have been friends with outside the world, and I am able to show up at the swimming club and not talk about work, not talk about Rebecca Moore, anything like that. Just show up as my authentic self, get on with swimming, have really good relationships with people. I love it, I love it. I'm going sea swimming on Friday to freeze my tits in off in the sea and feel alive. I love it, I absolutely love it. I have um so I have those, I have recovery, I have my friends, I have my family, and I have you guys. And um it's super important for me to have those things. And I wouldn't call them hobbies as such, I would just call them it's like purpose, isn't it? Um yeah, we were talking, I was talking about that with my therapist this morning, just about how I've done I've got I've done the real hard work, I feel. As long as I I now have to keep it up, so it's not like I've done the hard work, I can chill. I have to it is hard work, it is hard work getting well, I think. And it I just wanted I so badly wanted to live, and I so badly wanted to live happy. And to live happy takes work. I picked up books, I you know, I started the podcast originally with Matt, the Grey Fridays. You know, all these things have massively helped me. Sitting here talking to you is helping me. Maybe it's helping you. I don't know. I don't know, but you know, I'm just putting it out there into the world. Um, so yeah, my training, my training, oh, it's so important. It's so important to keep the body moving, keep the mind moving. You know, I'm getting older now as well, and I feel great. I feel really great, but I I did the three peaks, um, and then I had a week off, physically having a week off. I had to, and then I had a bit of a um fuzzy week, so I haven't really done anything last week, haven't done any exercise. I went last night, I went swimming, and it was lovely, it was really nice. I really respect and love my coach. Um, and I'm going swimming with her on Friday, Friday morning. I'm around really great people, and swimming has given me so much, it gives me so much for my mental health and for my ADHD. Because honestly, when I'm swimming, I'm just looking at tiles and I'm really trying to quiet in my mind. I'm like, no, Rebecca, just pull it back in, pull it back in. When I first started swimming, I thought a lot about Sophia, and she still, because I was going through so much when I started swimming and thinking about Sophie, I still think about Sophie now in my swimming, and I think about the good times. So last night I was kind of trying to meditate with my swimming, focusing on you know, reaching forward and am I entering my hand properly, and it's able to shut me off from you know some of the things that are going on at the moment. But exercise for me is just so important. Sometimes I don't want to do it, but I know I have to, I know it's really, really good for me. Um, talking of exercise, you know, we love I do love a challenge, I do love setting these things. I'm very goal-oriented. So I've spoken to my coach last night. I was like, what I'm gonna do this year, okay, is I've got Sophie's memorial garden coming up, you know, this year, and that's taken a lot of financial stuff, but I tell you what it's worth working for because it's starting to look absolutely beautiful. And I'll show you some of the updates too, because it's just looking fantastic, and we're we're not finished yet. There's still so much to do. And I said, I am going to, because I've been doing all these things, it takes me away from work. I'm gonna focus on financial making money. I'm gonna focus on my swimming, just showing up consistency, making sure I work my work around, making sure the discipline, I've got the discipline to show up to every session and not go right, I've got to put work first because that's an indiscipline. I need to have the discipline to work my work around showing up for swimming. So I'm gonna do that. And the plan is I know I'm not gonna get to do a full art man in 2027. That was the plan. It's just not it's just not gonna happen because I've got stuff I need to do here financially that I need to just calm down with the events and stuff like that because it takes me away from work, and you know, there's certain things that I want to achieve in this house. My plan and my goal, and I'm airing it here, is to do a full Iron Man in 2028. That is probably uh like the physical bucket list thing that I have is a full Iron Man, like that's my dream is to do a full Iron Man and to do it well. So I will treat myself when I'm when I've got through. I'm not trying to wish my life away, but this is the plan. 2020, the rest of 2026 is about working, um, keeping fit. So it's gonna be discipline with the swimming, um, running as well. Running is part of just um, you know, going out, doing some runs and stuff like that, keeping up that fitness. I do enjoy going to there's a place called the Shark Tank in New Market. Brilliant. I'm gonna go there every now and then and do um like a little workout or whatever they do. I really love it there. It's quite a far from me, but it's brilliant. I love it so much. I'm willing to travel, it's miles away, but I love it. I'm gonna go there, top up my like hyroxy kind of vibes, even though I don't, I'm not mad about hierarchs, it's not my thing, traflon is. Um, and weight training at home and really like yoga, doing just just enjoying fitness again, have it as a part of my um world, but not it be the overpowering thing because I know that when I do commit to a full Iron Man, it's gonna be 10 to 15 hours a week of training, okay? And so I'm just gonna be keeping up my fitness and then I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. And what I'm gonna do when I do do it, I decided this last night, is I am not gonna be pushing for charity. I'm gonna bring it back to the women's refuge, which was what I did myself. While I'm earning the money, I'm gonna I'm gonna pay women's, I'm gonna give the biggest donation to women's refuge. I'm gonna use the money that I'm making 2026, give the biggest donation to women's refuge, and just leave it up there. If anybody fancies contributing, fantastic, but I'm not gonna make it a thing. I'm not gonna make it like I'm raising, you know, and me, I'm gonna do the contribution. That's gonna be my thing. And so, yes, I'm that's my goal. That's my goal. I'm airing it. Wish me luck. It's hope that happens and everything goes swimmingly, but you know what life's like, who knows? Um, and I just want to share that with you. So, yeah, let me know if you've got any goals or anything you want to do. Please put it in the chat and share with me what you're doing and what you think's stopping you. So, for me now, I've got I had to be realistic. Is it gonna happen 2027? No, because why? Because the financial things, because I want to do stuff here in the house, I can't do it all. I really, really can't. Okay, so that's the goal. Now, what we've got some other bits now. Okay, let's talk about uh Sophie's garden. Sophie's garden is really coming along. I love it so much, I can't wait to share it with you. I have planned her memorial, her it's a garden opening party, celebrating her life because I didn't I didn't get to go to a funeral, I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to have the conversations um that I'd wanted. That was something very difficult when I had to deal with grief. And I was talking to somebody the other day about how we deal with that when we didn't get to say the things that we wanted to, and I said the way that I dealt with it was one night I sat on my bed and I was like meditating, and I pretended that Sophie was right there, she was there with me, and like it's I get a bit light now, and I imagine she was there, and I basically had the conversation it still gets me choked up. I imagine she was there and imagined that we had the conversation that we never got to have, and I'd tell you what it did help. I imagine it really helped. I imagine I could hear her voice. I could hear Roman's like, right, I've had enough, he's off. I imagined her voice, I imagined that we had the conversation that we so badly needed. Raymond, he's trying to get out. Raymond, my darling. Okay, he's nope, he managed to make it through the camera and not knock it over. So I imagined that we had this beautiful conversation about all sorts of topics, and it was quite surreal. It was I really could see her there, and that she was on a bed. We hugged and all sorts of stuff because I just didn't get to do any of that, and you know, when I went for the intervention when I saw her, it was like it was too late, you know. Um and I think I I think when you are on the receiving end of suicide, you you're either a family member or a friend, it is natural to just go, what if, what if, what if, what if. It's very natural. That's stuff that I have worked through with my therapist, and you know, it's just a very, very natural thing to to do. Um, it's really hard, and I really sympathise with all sorts of people that have been through that kind of thing. Um so yeah back to Sophie's garden. So I didn't get to have a funeral with Sophie, um, and the last time I saw Sophie was uh when we did um Daphne and Velma, there's something current that I'll talk about in the news at the moment, and it's very, very, very actually triggering for me, is the Katie Price and it's Lee Andrews. For me, I I because I feel like I've been that person too, when you've got everybody around you telling you that this person that you know the man is bad, and like the the rose-tinted glasses are on, and I feel like the way Katie has been is very similar to Sophie, and I felt that it's really hard to watch, and I just got so much sadness and compassion for Katie. I feel really sorry for her because something that Sophie said to me was like, I thought he loved me, and I can see how that manipulation of that man, like love bombing and all that kind of thing, is what Sophie went through as well. Like, she was so hooked, and even at the very end, we couldn't get her away from him. She was still so convinced that all this bad he'd done to her that he was still good, and that's really hard to watch. Like, I don't know, Katie, she's nothing to do with me, she's just a celebrity, and but she is a human being, and it is it really is quite sad, and I really, really hope that she's okay. And I like I I've seen some podcasts with her and her sister, her sister seems really nice, and she does seem like she's got like a really loving sister. Um yeah, and I just hope that she gets the support that she needs, it's actually batshit crazy to watch. Um, and a lot of people get entertainment from it, but I actually get a lot of misery from it because it just reminds me. I just when I look at this dickhead, this awful prat called Lee Andrews Knobface, I just see that horrible bloke Damien. Like, you know, there's something about these guys that you know, I don't know whether anyone could even call them good looking, but that there's something that the women go for and they're just blindsided because they get love love bombed, and it's just horrible to watch. It really is. And you just think, wake up, wake up! Like that's how I felt with Sophie, like, wake up, can't you just wake up? Like, he's done all this stuff to his ex, he's been prison for fucking harming women. That's not enough. I wish women would listen to women more. Women listen to other women more. You know, I know not all women are great, but I do feel like more exes need to get in touch with the ex when the bloke says she's a fucking psycho. All my ex is a psycho. Hello, that's the biggest red flag in the world. Listen to the ex. I did actually listen to the podcast of this Lee Andrews ex, and it she's pretty credible. She's very credible. You know, I was just thinking, oh god, you know, anyway, that has been. I should just turn my phone off. I should just turn my phone off. That's why I've got one of these brick things. It's just like, no, it's enough internet for one day. Uh get out there, hug my dogs, get in the real world about what is important, what's good. Um, what else have we got to go over? So I am trying to be a little bit more productive. Um, I'm feeling good. I'm not feeling overwhelmed or anything like that. I'm feeling really happy in a good place. I've got no stresses. Um I'm happy. I'm really enjoying doing Sophie's Memorial Garden. I can't wait to have everybody here and have a day of have a day. I thought the camera stopped then, but it hasn't. And have a day of pure joy membering her for the amazing person she was and the girl I fell in love with. Um she's just she's so missed. She's so missed. So missed. And I, you know, we're gonna I'm gonna look forward to sharing it with you as well. We've got a lot of like creative things to do. Um, it's gonna be a really, really special day, and I can't wait. And you know, it's it's taken a while for me to be able to do so like this. It's you know, it's um three years on, and I think I'll be able to get through the day with uh, you know, it's gonna be emotional. It is gonna be emotional, but I'll be able to get through the day and be able to talk without crying. I might cry, but it's gonna be a day of celebration and celebrating Sophie, and there's gonna be some really nice things. I've I've got a fabulous singer coming, which I'm very excited about, and um yeah, we've got lovely friends and you know, some some of the fans coming. Um, I'm just really excited, and I can't wait. And all I hope is that it's a lovely day, and I'm sure it will be. I'm sure we'll be very lucky with that. So on that note, I have just one thing I must share with you is my shoes. They're not heels, they're not heels, guys. I have just bought a pair of these vivo barefoot. I'm not I'm not sponsored or anything, I just want to share it with you because I love them. My daughter told me about them first, and it seems like everybody in my household, like uh Donna, who's my PA, she's got vivo, my gardener's got vivo, and I was just the one left out, and they're amazing. These are like barefoot shoes, so this is my latest thing. I've got some barefoot shoes on to waltz around the house in when I'm not wearing my heels because obviously I've got to look after my feet for wearing mega high heels on, so I've got these on today, anyway. I love them, they're so comfortable. But that is it in a nutshell. Um, I hope I've made sense. Um, there's lots of exciting things, but I do like to come on here and this is my channel. I could be talking out into the oblivion and it make me feel better. And if anything I say helps someone else, I'm happy. Um I want to end this by saying I love you. Um I'm gonna be working on being kinder to people. I'm gonna work on things that I don't like happening to me, which is you know, the way people are online and stuff. It's how I want to practice what I preach. I don't preach anything, I don't preach anything. That's the wrong term. I want to practice just taking on board things that upset me. So we all want to be able to like have our own opinions and views, like that's a freedom of speech, isn't it? But with within reason, I think, like you know, I know we live in this like massive bowl of like internet where everything's just everything's exposed, like we're all we're so connected, like there's no privacy anywhere. It's just like got the internet and you see everything, and it's just oh my god, just I think what this week's taught me is if you see something you don't like, like do I do I need to like get involved in this? Because sometimes I'll type something and I'll go, actually, I just don't even need to, I don't need to comment. And when I do think I need to comment on something, I like let's bring this back. Do I really need to post this comment? So I post a lot on my friends, like brilliant, blah blah blah blah. And I go, Do I need to comment? Because sometimes I see things and I think and I'm like, Yeah, let's just be funny, let's just be funny. I'm like, do you even need to do that? No, like what are you even doing on your phone, Rebecca? Get off, get off. This is a load of shit. Get back to what's important, making money and building your fucking peaceful um environment. I have a beautiful, peaceful environment here. Let's focus on that. Get off the bloody internet. I've got one of these brick things now, use it. Anyway, lots of love. I'll see you soon. I'm gonna be doing more vlogs, and I'll give you an update on Sophie's garden very very soon. Thank you for listening. Bye. See you next week.