Episode 27 - Dude, Where’s My Foreskin?

finally back again with our new guest Kunaal to talk about stuff, probably gay.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What up, what up, everyone? Uh we're finally fucking back. Uh we've got a new guest today. Uh this is Kunal.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

How's it going? That is me.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Did I say that right? Is it? Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool. So yeah, uh we met through uh the local comedy scene, just open mics and shit. And I'm trying to find a fucking, you know, co-host, so we'll see how this fucking goes. And I don't know, I like your shit, you're funny. Appreciate it. Man, I like your stuff too. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Especially the ambulance bit. I won't I won't go into detail, but I like that one a lot.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Oh, thank you. People tend to like that one. But yeah, dude. I don't know. I I kind of picked you out just because like I don't know. I don't see a lot of people like because you went up like straight up making rape jokes right on stage. That is true. And I love that. And it's like it's it's a tough sell. Yeah. But I mean, I admire the fucking the balls behind it.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

Yeah, I think my first set my first set was just like bathroom stuff, like a few months ago. Really? And then that that I mean I got laughs at the premises, but the punchlines were pretty weak because I didn't know how to write a punchline.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I feel ya.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

And then I did like immediately I did uh just pedophile stuff for like a solid month and a half, and I was like, alright, I need to do something else. And did the rape joking another month, and I think I think now I'm I'm I have more diverse stuff. It's just it's been going a little better recently.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. That's good, dude. But uh, I mean, yeah, you s you tend to do pretty well when you go up. You didn't go uh Monday, no, yeah. The weather stopped me, yeah. You didn't miss anything. There were like four fucking people. That's what I thought. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Anytime I don't go, I'm like, people always tell me there's no one there. I'm like, I guess like I have the right intuition of the audience then.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah, I mean the weather was fucked that day. I don't even know why I ended up going. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

How many comics were there?

SPEAKER_00 1:52

How many uh uh how many audience members were there is an easier question.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Yeah, you said four or five, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, two. I think I think it was one couple of things. Were there a lot of comics though? Like 20 at least, or um it might have been less than 20, obviously. It was pretty fucking empty. Yeah. But uh I don't know. I'm hoping maybe it'll be better this week. I I don't know about you, but I feel like the vault in the last few months has just kind of been like the vibe has just kind of dropped, you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

I thought like two weeks ago it was good, but it's been like less like it used to be like every two or three weeks there'd be like a really hot crowd. Uh-huh. And I think it's been I think we went like two months without like a really, really nice crowd. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

What I feel like, yeah. Because I don't know if it was just my jokes or like, do I suck? Like, does the audience suck? I was like having a crisis for a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

Yeah, I mean overall, like I I think like just judging off everyone's set, like usually they're pretty responsive. Like you can tell within the first like two sets whether like they're gonna be like kind of a good crowd. Yeah. Because like it doesn't even matter who the comedian is, like, if they're laughing at the premise, like even if the punchlines don't lack like like land, like if they're laughing at the premises, it means they're at least listening. Yeah, like recently it's been like they they just don't pay attention unless it's like a very obvious joke.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yeah, I feel that. Because I don't know, especially like when you're like see everybody else bombing and you just look down to what you've got and it's like rape joke, you got another joke shitting on women, and then poop. Oh yeah, they'll love this.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yeah, I know it's that never works.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

I don't know though, but that's what I find funny, so it's like I don't know what else to do.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Yeah, no, you have to. I honestly, if you could the the way I thought about it is if you can make that stuff work, even if it's not like a 100% success rate, like it makes everything else easier. Oh yeah. People say the opposite, but I don't I don't get the logic where they're like it's harder to do clean stuff. It's like I don't know if that's true.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I mean, I feel like it's harder to write a clean joke that a lot of people find funny.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Exactly, exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

But as far as like telling jokes on stage, I think it's m less risky.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Cause like just ignoring like the actual joke, uh like the like delivering like something that most people won't like, like it's very easy as soon as they don't like the first part of it to like fall into a shell.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

And that ruins the rest of the joke immediately.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

So like like if you can figure out how to not like the that's what I was trying to do when it would never it never worked, but my whole goal was like if I can get through this joke and never like kind of like shy away from it, like that's a skill I'm developing even if I keep bombing. So I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Dude, yeah, I'm I need to do that too, and I'm I'm trying to do that. But I don't know, I also get discouraged too easily. Yeah, you know. So it's like I need to I don't know. Fucking I was gonna say something, I forgot what it was. I don't know, some bullshit probably. Some gay shit, probably. I don't know. What else you been up to?

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Have you got anything lately or nothing, no, no, just just working, just working, driving too much for the commute. Which I tried to do like commute stuff, like jokes.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

And they they worked a couple times, but I just kept turning it into an AIDS joke.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah, yeah. That's kind of how I'm at. I'm because I'm like writing this joke, and I'm like, oh, is this actually funny? Well, let's take it there. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I don't know. I did a traffic joke like one time and it I gave up on it immediately. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

It might have been good, but I just it's the problem is I think it's a relatable premise, but the second you make fun of like aggressive drivers, like the room that likes to drive aggressively taps out. But then if you make fun of the opposite, like the room that likes to drive slowly and safely, they tap out.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

It's like you're always getting half the crowd. It's you're never getting everyone. And then I blame the Jews and my joke too. So there's that.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

I think my joke was literally just like it was me explaining being tailgated, and then like it's just like a long lead up to like I hope he gets AIDS and dies. That was the entire fun shot.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

I feel you, I feel yeah. Yeah, man. I've just been trying to do what mics I can. Fucking I'm glad I finally got to record again. I've been freaking out about not being able to do this. I've been doing uh I've been going to uh I don't know. I've been going to Golden Corral Breakfast on the weekends by myself. That's been my single about to turn 28 fucking loser faggot thing that I've been on lately. I don't know. Something about it just feels like right though. You know what I mean? Like this is where I'm supposed to be.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

That makes sense. You know what I mean? You can probably get some material out of there just observing observing people there.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

I was at a I was at a Burger King yesterday. I pulled up and there was uh two women arguing in the drive-thru. Like who got out of the car, the husband had to like go out and pull her back, and I'm just waiting to order my fucking whopper.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

In the drive-thru, they got through. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

How why are you even interacting with the person in front of you?

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Like the fuck? Wait, well, what were they mad about? I wasn't able to hear.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

I it was like just all like shouting and I don't know. But that was crazy. I don't know. Um, so fucking, I guess we got Christmas coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Or Hanukkah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Some also Kwanzaa, which is Kwanzaa. That's black Christmas, right? I think that's black Hanukkah. Black Hanukkah. Yeah, because they do the candles. Okay. Okay, okay. So that's black Hanukkah. I don't know what what who does that, but I I don't even think it's African. I think it's like I don't know. It's like an American like African American holiday that was made, but no one celebrates it. It's like I I I don't I don't know why it's a thing, but that's why. They mention it on like the all the political Twitter accounts will mention it. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

And I'm like, alright. But I think you look it up on like on like Wikipedia and it's like 40,000 people celebrate across the world. I'm like, that's kind of no way.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Yeah, that's like barely fucking anyone, dude. In fucking in the in the Jewish religion, there's no Santa in um Hanukkah, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:00

Uh no, no. They just it's a candle that didn't go out or something. Okay. I think that's all I think it's like they had eight candles and that's like based on the wax, supposed to die in like a couple of days, and they just kept going on. Oh, I and they're like, damn, now we gotta get you eight presents.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

What they didn't like the idea of a guy giving away stuff for free.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

If these candles don't last, then you'll get gifts.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

I mean, I guess you do leave them cookies, technically. Or in this case, probably fucking like uh I don't know, like chocolate coins and foreskins.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

The weird thing is the weird thing is the original story is that the candles were supposed to die, like before like they actually did, which is why they celebrate it because it's like a miracle. Okay. But now the candles they get are supposed to last the whole time, I think. Oh really? I might I'm talking completely, I don't know anything, but I I think like now they're just cheating. Because like now the candles they're obviously gonna last the whole time. I gotcha. Or they just keep relighting them. Like it's it's not a miracle anymore.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Uh do you think do you think the Jews ever ask if they're gonna get their deposit back on their foreskin?

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, definitely, dude. Probably, right? Yeah, they have to.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

I'm gonna get that back at some point eventually.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

I wonder, I wonder who invented like foreskin restoration surgery. I don't know. Might be them. It probably was, right? It probably was, yeah. They they cut it off and they're like, we'll give it back to you if you pay us this much money.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

I'm surprised they don't like try to reuse it. Yeah. Like for I don't know, like a like a baby wrap or something.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

Yeah, or like just like a rubber band or something.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah, something to keep, you know, fucking wires together.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

It might be a good idea, actually.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

It's not a bad idea.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

I don't know. I I've always thought that uh, you know, funyans? I've always thought of those as fried foreskins.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Oh yeah, that would make sense. Yeah, I mean the ring and you know. I've always I've never seen like a video, like an e even animated of them doing like the like cutting the foreskin.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

What is it, like calamari when they slice it?

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Yeah, like do they cut it like I think they just like do they just cut from the top, or how is it exactly I would think, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Do you have to like cut around? Like I yeah, I I don't think they'd cut around.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

No, I don't know. No, I think they would have to go from the top and then they like undress. Yeah, they undress it and then they can something like that. It would make sense. It's like taking the petals off a rose. She loves me not, or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Fuck dude. Uh I don't know. Do you have any like fucking like wild stories or anything you want to tell?

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Wild stories. Um what's something what's something wild? Uh off the top of my head, I'm completely blanking right now. I mean, about my about foreskin, I guess. Like uh I don't know if I don't know if this is a unique experience, but I I remember in like middle school, I would like use the bathroom with my friends at the urinal.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

And like we would like try to go like further and further back to like pee. Okay. Yeah, and they're they're all circumcised, and I wasn't. And I I didn't know this caused an issue, you know, because they they would get so much more range than me.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Oh yeah. Well you've got like a hole. It's probably like not a straight stream, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Exactly, yeah. And like it's so to me in my head, I was like, like I I think they their bladders are just way stronger than mine. So I was trying to just force, like, just put more pressure on it, and it wouldn't work.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

So that's my that's my story, I guess. I'm kind of surprised the Jews didn't want to keep the force game because it'd make a great change purse.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Oh, yeah, it would. Like a roll of quarters, you know. Was it a meme a long time, like you got a coin on you?

SPEAKER_00 11:38

Yeah. As dispenser or some shit. That's funny. I don't know, dude. I um I was just I don't know, I was thinking about back on like some of the old Tinder dates I had. I uh I remember one time I the only time I ever ate pussy was this girl that I met on uh what was it, Bumble, I think. Yeah, uh at my mom's house uh on Christmas Eve. And I don't know, I remember like we were like hanging out, sleeping, whatever, and then like I was very eager. I wanted to be like cool guy, whatever. So I'm like, pull down your pants, let me eat your pussy. I want to be that guy, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:16

And that that is what a bumble lady would like.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Yeah, yeah, right? That's what I thought. I'm trying to try to be a gentleman, you know. And then I I could see for a second there was like a little look of panic in her eyes. I swear there was, but she's like, oh, okay, go ahead. And then like I I don't know if that was like a go-ahead, as in like you you find out for yourself. But like the thing is though, like it didn't smell weird.

SPEAKER_04 12:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

So like, because if it smelled weird, I would have been like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Recoiled back a little bit. There was no smell, I just went right for it. But it just had this fucking weird fucking taste to it. It was a little fishy, yeah. It was a little fishy, that would make sense, you know? It like it had the flavor combination of like a nine volt battery and God's not real. Yeah, if that's the best way I can think to describe it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 13:10

That's funny. I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Specifically nine volts, too. Nine volts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

You ever put the thing on your tongue? It'll be never.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

No? I assume it's metallic, though.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah, it's metallic. If you put I was always taught that that's how you test a nine volt battery, is you put it on your tongue if it gives you a little shot.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

That's like that's like how you test a watermelon by like doing like you got that for batteries? I didn't know that. Yeah. Wait, like to test how much is left? Like the charge.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah, to see if it's dead or not. I don't even know if it's to see how much is left, but just to see if it's dead or not.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

I had no clue that was a thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

I don't know if it's still, I mean, I would assume most people just buy new batteries.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Wait for them to die. Yeah. Dude, I've I've gotten into rechargeable batteries recently. Okay. It took me this long to finally get rechargeable batteries. I just kept buying new ones.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Like like the act like the double A's and shit? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Like I I have like an Xbox controller that I use on my PC. And uh for a while I was using like a PS4 controller because I used to have a PlayStation. So I and that one you just charge. So there's no like there's no batteries. The Xbox one you you have to put batteries in. Don't know why they still do that, but that's what they do. So I I decided to get like rechargeable like ones, and it's uh it is like ten times better because I never have to like buy new ones. Oh, that's nice. And for me, that was it took me literally like those came out what, in like 2008 or something? Like they're old. Something like that, yeah. They've been around. And I I was always like, I don't know what what made me think this, but I was like, that's a scam. There's no need to recharge batteries. Well, I feel like you never see anyone use it. No, you never do. I mean, now there's no need for batteries besides Xbox controllers and like guitar pickups or something.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Yeah, dude. Do you spend a lot of time gaming or like how heavy how big of a gamer are you? Um Are you like a diaper gamer?

SPEAKER_03 14:58

I wish wait, what is a diaper gamer? What is that?

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Like you wear a diaper while you game. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

That would make you a lot of things. There's a community of those. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not I'm not at that level. I honestly I wish I had more time. Uh I play like I would say three or four days a week. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For like an hour each time. Oh, yeah, that's nothing. Yeah, like I I bought like the GTA trilogy like definitive edition so I can play on my PC and not have to like bring out the old PlayStation. And honestly, it's crazy how like how good San Andreas is, like, still.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Really? I've never played San Andreas. I've played, I think what was it? I think I played five, like once. Five once? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

You never played any other games?

SPEAKER_00 15:45

I was never a huge gamer. Oh, yeah, yeah. I played a few games. I played Portal 2 all the way through. I played fucking um Rock Band on the PSP. Oh yeah. And I think that's it.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

I think that's it.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Okay, okay. So not that not not that into games. Yeah, I I used to be really into Madden for a long time. But like not at like the not the way most people are into Madden where they just play it like normally. Like I tried to learn football by playing Madden. Okay. Like I would go into practice mode on the highest difficulty and I'd like run the same play against like cover two, cover three, cover four. Like I would go through every coverage. Okay. Like I'd pretend I'm a quarterback and like learn how to process. There you go. And now I watch football and I'm like, I kind of know what's going on. There you go. Which is it's not like there's no value in playing.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

You learn something, right?

SPEAKER_03 16:35

It's it's the dumbest way to play Madden, though. Like I would literally just be in practice mode, like trying to understand the defensive coverage.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Oh, bro. So yeah, dude. Um, yeah, guys. Uh let me take a quick second to uh plug my upcoming Netflix special, uh Kill All White Women, I believe. Oh no, I don't remember writing that down, but I don't know something along those lines. I don't know. I don't know. So I'm what I like to call trans black man.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

I identify as black.

SPEAKER_04 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

And I've that's a well-known thing on this podcast. Of course, yeah. I've always been black, I transitioned long ago.

SPEAKER_04 17:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

My friends and family accept me as black. And I don't know. I've been listening to a lot of Dr. Umar Johnson lately.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Great guy, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Great guy. And I really do believe that the white woman is the devil.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yeah, of course. Yeah. There's no question about it, yeah. So you see, when when Yacoub invented the white coob invented the white man, yeah. He knew he knew from the beginning that that Eve, Eve is she she makes a deal with the devil. She eats the devil be you are what you eat. Yeah. She becomes the devil. Exactly. Of course, yeah, exactly. It's all in the fucking in the black Bible. In the black Bible, yes. Where Kwanzaa comes from.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

In the Kwanzaa Bible, yeah. Holy Bible.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Dr. Rumar Johnson is a great guy. I love watching all of it. He's got a good video. It's so, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

He is funny too.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

I do do you think some of it's intentional? I think he plays it up.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

I think he probably played it up a lot.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Like, there's the one of like him like asking for donations. He's like, anyone can spare 20 bucks. Some lady gives him like 15, and he's like, next time make it 20.

unknown 18:28

Keep good.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

It's so good. That's funny as fuck. But yeah, uh, yeah, I don't my the name I like to go by is uh Denzel Sleepy Shoes. So just that's what I like to be called.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Yeah, that's like an original name.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yeah, I like to try and be original in my names, you know.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Denzel Sleepy Shoes.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

I'm working on getting an outfit together. I ordered a uh custom uh purple suit and hat. Oh yeah, yeah. So I'm waiting for that to finish being teased.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

Yeah, purple would look good on your uh your very urban complexion.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Matches my melanin skin. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why this is this is fucked up, but I thought of this. They say when they say keep it a hundred, they're talking about their credit score. Yeah. That's true. I didn't know how to tie that in, but anyway, uh, next joke. Next joke. Uh I watched um I've been watching a lot of like TV shows and lately movies and stuff like that. I watched like a half episode of that show, uh, Iron Heart. You've ever heard of that show?

SPEAKER_03 19:36

I've heard of it, I've never seen it now.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

It's basically uh black woman uh Iron Man. They have that now? They have it now.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

It's like in the MCU.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

I I think it's a Marvel movie. Oh wow. I think so. I think that counts.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Black woman Iron Man or Iron Woman.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yeah, I guess she's like some genius and like she builds her own like fucking. She doesn't know him.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

She doesn't, she's not like related to him or anything.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

No. That is illegitimate.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Completely different kin.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Yeah. She just invents she invents Iron Man from first principles. She just yeah, exactly. A black woman invented Iron Man. That's cool.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

I like to imagine that like when she's lifting off with a jet and the you know the jet engines arriving off and she's going like girrrrrrr.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Have you seen the have you seen like the uh there was like a IGN review of like one of the Spider-Man PlayStation games. And it's like I'm pr I'm pretty sure like the voice of the guy, I think it's a black guy reviewing it, but you don't see him, so it sounds like a white guy. Okay. And so while you're watching this review of of the Spider-Man video game, like he jumps off a building and like does like a cool spin, and in the video he's like, and I love how Miles Morales has all the to telltale signs of an exaggerated black teen.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

And I'm like, what does that even mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

It's just Spider-Man jumping off a building, and he's like, Yeah, he's got swag.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Because he jumped, is that why? I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

All right, so they got black Spider-Man, they got black Iron Man now. That's cool. They got black a lot. They need blank Shang-Chi, the Chinese guy.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what they need now. That would be cool. A Blazian uh superhero. They even have uh, you know that movie A Quiet Place? They have a black quiet place. Really? Are you serious? Yeah, imagine that. A black woman having to be quiet.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

You can't make this up. Yeah, that's uh that makes for more action though.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

I I guess, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:31

More interesting in the thought.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

It does feel like they're trying to push a narrative.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

Yeah. I yeah, I tried to watch the last, I think it's the the prequel, right? It's like we're I think it yeah. It's like they're like they're in like a cancer, like a hospice center. Okay. Have you seen that one? Um no, I don't know. I watched like the first twenty minutes and I couldn't get over the fact that like the lady who has terminal cancer is gonna survive this movie. Oh, yeah. I was like, why her? Pick someone else. Yeah. Like she's like the main character, it's like you're rooting for. For the little I I didn't see the ending, so she might maybe she died.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

You were hoping for the woman with cancer to die.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

She's the main character, I assume she lives. So I'm like, alright, like, but like this really this lady?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

And like everyone around like they keep getting everyone around her the whole time. I'm like, they gotta get this lady, dude.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Like every everyone else has way more to live for than this lady.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

I mean, logistically.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah, yeah. The whole time I'm like, I hope she dies, dude. Cause like I wish like the the any anytime she like meets someone else, like I immediately attach myself to that person. Like, I like that guy.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah, you don't want her to be in pain anymore.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Yeah, and everyone else just keeps dying, and she's like miraculously surviving.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

She probably wants it. She's like, what the fuck? Every time.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

There's one scene where like she's screaming and the thing comes and just gets everyone around her and then goes away because like she's making noise. I'm like, alright, so she's a murderer and she's supposed to die. Like at some point she has to go away.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Maybe they know she has cancer, and if they eat her, they'll get cancer.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

Oh, dude, maybe that's the end of the movie. Maybe that's the I didn't see the ending, but maybe that's how they resolved everything.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

It would be funny, like the idea of like someone like watching the movie and they're seeing that like a black woman is having to like be completely silent, and after they're like interviewing them after the movie, and they're like, Yeah, that was just super unrealistic. It really took me out of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

Yeah, you go on letterbox, it's like the most voted review.

unknown 23:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Yeah. This would never happen in real life. That's funny. Uh what about uh instead of Disney, right? It's D' Like that. Yeah. That's the beep, by the way. Yeah. You want to run through the buttons real quick?

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Oh yeah, what are the buttons? So the first one's the beep sound.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

First one's the beep. What's the next one? This one is, I think, the Twilight one. Nice. Goes a little too long. What's this one? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that one.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Well, you are you you you did say you are a black woman, so.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Uh yes. Yeah. I'm a black man. Oh, yeah. Maybe I'll be a black woman in the next few years. We'll see where the wind takes.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Yeah, that's the next, that's the next step. Why are you gay? Is it that one too? Wait, what happened there?

SPEAKER_05 24:26

Why are you gay?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Oh, you don't have I don't have headphones on. I'm relying on the phone. Oh, okay. Okay, that's my bad.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

That was the uh why are you gay? Oh, yeah, yeah. Classic. Okay. Um what was I gonna fucking do next? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking have you ever seen uh 60 Days In? No, I haven't, no. Do you know like what the premise of the show is?

SPEAKER_03 24:49

No, no, explain it. Maybe I've heard of it.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Okay, so it's basically they'll like take like, I don't know, like eight random people that volunteer uh to go into jail for 60 days undercover, right? Yeah. And the whole idea of it is they're like trying to find out where like contraband comes in, like where there's issues in the jail so like they can improve it. Okay. Or whatever. But uh, and like the whole when they volunteer, like they do the whole thing. Like they drive up, they get put in handcuffs, they like drive them to the jail, yeah, do the whole thing. And uh I this is uh getting a little too black-heavy, but uh I thought it'd be funny if like what if like one of the black women volunteered to do it, and uh when they were putting the handcuffs on her, she still resisted arrest. Yeah, no, that would be very funny.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

Is it is this on Netflix or something? What is the show?

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Uh I it's like an old one? It's a little bit older. There's one season on Netflix. Okay. I think the rest is on Hulu or something like that. It's a cool show. Yeah. But yeah. It's funny. Yes. Podcast is flowing like butter.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

Yeah, no, to t today when I was driving, I uh all I saw were were were like a bunch of police cars just everywhere. I don't know why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole time. I I think it's I don't know what it is about Bowlingbrook, but like people who don't know, it's a place in Illinois.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Anytime I drive through Bowlingbrook, there's just cops everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Yeah, I work in Bowlingbrook.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Yeah. I don't know why they're all they they don't patrol anywhere around there though. It's just over there, they're just always driving around. And I see them like pull people over, like there'll be a guy just like driving kind of normally, like five miles over, and then the cop will like just be going also five miles over, and then like the like I've seen the cops slow down to like the actual speed limit, and then suddenly turn the light on and then like go behind that guy.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

That's crazy. They do weird shit. They fucking love U-turns. Yeah, they fucking love them, bro. You know what's a fun game to play while you're driving? Yeah. Take a shot every time they do a U-turn.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

Dude, you all know what's crazy. There's like a forest preserve near my house. Okay, and like it's like kind of a residential area, and it's it over there, they the speed limit is 25 miles an hour because a lot of people cross the street, like they walk their dogs or whatever. And there's always cop cars like later in the day because it like shuts down after sunset, and they're always like so, like, if you go over 25, like they aggressively ticket you. Yeah. So like everyone's usually going 25. But I've seen them sometimes just driving down the road, and the guy in front of them is going 25 because obviously they're scared, and the cops just tailgating them the whole time, trying to get them to go faster. And the second the guy turns into the neighborhood, the cop like speeds up to 40. I'm like, someone should arrest this guy, this cop. Yeah, they're just fucking with people. I don't know why they do that. They're just waiting for him to speed up so they can take them.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

I don't know if that quota thing is a real thing or not, but I know people who like are friends with cops and they say it's not, but like they would never admit it. Yeah, they would they wouldn't say it was. Yeah, yeah. I I don't know if it's legit or not. It seems I mean I kind of don't think it's real. I think it's kind of random because like anytime I tell anyone like anything like this story, their response is always like uh, oh yeah, well, it's the first week of the month. But if I tell them at the end of the month, like, oh yeah, well, it's the last week of the month. If I tell them in the middle of the month, they're like, oh yeah, it's like the month's, you know, about to end. I'm like, you guys are always saying the quotas at all times. Like it's either one or the other. I do think like around holidays I see more of them.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:24

But I don't know if that's because of a quota or because they expect everyone to be drunk and like drive around. I mean, I'm sure that's part of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

That's gotta be part of it. Uh, I guess too. Another thing I was watching, I you ever watch Dirty Jobs? You remember Dirty Jobs? No, no, no, I don't remember that. Well, how old are you? Uh 25.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

25? Okay, all right. Should I know what this is?

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Uh yeah, it was just like an old one of those shows on Discovery Channel in the 2000s.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

You know, you you you know those like reality shows from the 2000s where they're like trying to be goofy or whatever. It's like fucking, you know, I was thinking, what if instead of dirty jobs, it was uh dirty knobs, right? Yeah and like he's just looking down the barrel of like a hard dick covered in fucking motor oil or some shit, and then his head just turns to the camera and he's like, somebody's gotta do it. You know, something like that.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Yeah, and the and the motor oil would be good lubricant. It probably would. I assume.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

I it's very something about very masculine.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

Does it get sticky? I don't know how motor I don't know much about cars.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

I don't think so, right? Isn't that the whole point?

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Is that the lubricate the vehicle?

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Yeah, yeah. I mean, unless it was like vegetable oil or something, it'd probably get sticky.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

He just and like after he's done, he just dies because it's probably poisonous.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:38

It's kind of like Fear Factor. Yeah, right. It's just one of the dares.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Just sucking fucking uh pen's oil off somebody's cock. I don't know. Something about the those shows there's has like some sort of charm to them. Yeah. It was like you watch them make those anymore. They don't. Yeah. You watch that and you're like, you know, this was post-9-11, but we still had some hope. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? This is honestly more.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

The weird like the silver lining is like YouTube does have a lot of like hidden hits. They do, yeah. Like like stuff like that. I mean, not to that level, but like they have probably a lot of like kind of reality TV type stuff on YouTube that has like 50 views.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Are do you ever watch uh you ever watch uh what's that dude that does the camping?

SPEAKER_03 30:19

No, I don't think so. Outdoor boys? No, no, I don't think so. Really? No, no, no. What does he do?

SPEAKER_00 30:24

He's this he's like one of the most popular YouTubers ever. He's made like millions, but like uh he would like go on these like extreme camping trips and shit. And uh like he would just record himself doing it. He'd camp in like fucking like the North Pole and shit, like that. And then he'd just document the whole thing. And I don't know, like he would like document like you know what he'd eat and stuff, like you know, chopping the wood for a fire, shit like that. I don't know. I was giggling the other day because I was watching these uh one of these videos, and I I like to add my own story to things when I watch it, and I just kinda like the idea of like he keeps like stopping what he's doing to crank his hog, you know, on films it. Yeah, and then it's like as the episode goes on, he's just like doing it more and more. Like, yeah, guys, I uh I just cut down a bunch of fireword. I'm getting pretty tired. I think I'm gonna take a minute and crank my hog real quick, you know. If you kind of boy, and then uh, you know, like maybe next day he'll be like, hey guys, uh, we got the wife and kids meeting up with me for the rest of this camping trip. I don't know how I'm gonna crank my hog with when they're here, but I think when there's a will is away, you know.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

It's like last scene, he's just he just gets like a tiger to eat them so he can get some alone time.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Yeah, right. Or at least distract them. Oh, look, there's a monster. Oh, let me it just cuts to like a night vision camera and it's just like him trying to like slowly stroke it just like one and like look behind him, like that Spongebob when he's tapping the nail with the hammer.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

You wanna know what I've been I I've been getting recommended, like a bunch of like uh like OBlock documentaries.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

Yeah, it's just like white guys going in Oblock, like and being like, so is this place not that bad, right? And the guy's like, nah, dude, and they're like people say it's dangerous. Like, no, only like once or twice a month people die. I'm like, it sounds horrible. Yeah. But like the whole time it's just like it's it's like when you watch like a like a propaganda video of like North Korea, but it's just O Block instead. Yeah, it's like everyone there is like it's not that bad. Like, it's like, yeah, there's gunshots, but like only like a couple of us get actually die.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Yeah, like that's pretty bad. I mean, you might get shot, doesn't mean you're gonna die. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

I mean, they all seem to survive, like, because you you you you hear all them talk about it. They're like, I've been here since they're like this year old, and like I've been shot like four or five times, never died. I'm like, all right, I guess their aim's not that good over there. Yeah, right. It's gotta be, right? They probably can't afford a gun raise, you gotta practice on real people.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Yeah, I don't imagine there's a lot of uh maybe maybe down like an alleyway or something, right? Yeah. You can just shoot down an alleyway.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

I mean, uh honestly, the I think the way it works is they have like that that they have like a there's this like a street where all the rivals live. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which is I don't know how how how that works that way. Like, why do they live next to each other?

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah, that's weird. It's such a hard divide.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

Yeah, it's like India and Pakistan. It's like why is that or it's like South Korea and North Korea.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:24

Yeah. It's like, why are you guys like there's there's like the DMZ, like the in Korea. They have like the line that no one's allowed to cross. Like 63rd Street or whatever. No one can cross it.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

It's almost like they're segregating themselves.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

Literally, yeah. Except into what's the they have like the two groups. They have more than two groups, but there's the two main ones.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

What is it? Like the black disciples, yeah, and the gangster disciples.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Gangster disciples. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

That's what it is.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Which is eh, the I mean, I don't want to I don't I don't want to disrespect. I don't want to disrespect them. They might come get me. But uh they're they the names are a little, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not I I don't like the names.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Like uh cricket?

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Yeah, yeah. Some shit like that. Yeah, like I like Crips and Bloods. Yeah. That's a cool, like those sound like it's yeah, it's quick. It's one syllable.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

I see what you're saying. Yeah, like gangsters, disciples sound like two.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

Yeah, it's like gangster disciples prominent. Like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

I I mean like GDs is cool, but it's like it's just like Sounds like it came from the Vatican or something.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

And it's also I don't know, actually, I shouldn't shouldn't disrespect the brave men and women in those groups, but like G D gay dudes, it's like it's not it to me, it's like you there's ne there has to be a better name for it. Yeah, I agree. I don't know. No, no disrespect. Please don't come get me. No disrespect. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

But I uh I've uh mentioned this before on the show. I really I've been wanting to start a poop gang.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

You know what I mean? Where instead of we we instead of having guns and straps, we got poop on people's like d doorsteps or something. Yeah, dude, we got big shits instead of straps.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

That would solve the violence problem.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Fucking uh we we call the defecation disciples.

SPEAKER_03 35:09

Oh yeah, that's that's a great idea. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And like the cops, is that illegal? Yeah, no, it is pub public. Yeah, but it's you get out. You don't you get out. You don't you don't stay in jail for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

I mean, it's a pretty I yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:24

It's not like killing someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how long is that? You don't get seven years for that. No. Unless you're a repeat offender.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Yeah, I mean if you're a gang member, you're probably a repeat offender, though, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:34

Yeah, but like I'm a repeat offender. Just pooping on someone's tree. In India, that's just what they do most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Just on the street.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Depending on the neighborhood, but it is quite frequent.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Yeah, it it happens.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

That's not mud. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

It's also mud.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Yeah, it's probably a little bit both. You can read that. I don't know, bro. I had this um, I have to go off topic for the 15,000th time this episode, but I did have this idea for a TV show I wanted to throw out there. Not a TV show, but for like an episode of a TV show. Like, I mean, I've I've written like I've had an idea for like a curb your enthusiasm type show that I'd maybe want to write at some point. And like I had like ideas for like goofs that could happen on there.

SPEAKER_05 36:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Like, what if like somebody like in the show, like there's a the main character, whatever, he was like sitting down, right? He like goes to like bend over while he's sitting to like grab something, but he like somehow stretches his asshole in a weird way, and then he's like it's like ripped open and now he has to go to the hospital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now like everyone's so sure that he got fucked in the ass by a huge black guy.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

The doctors are gossiping with him.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Yeah, yeah, and he has to like prove that he just he didn't get fucked in the ass by some guy.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he he he gets him to take a sample, it's like you guys can check Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Do a rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing check. There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

And then like everyone but instead of it'd be funny if everyone was like very concerned for him. Yeah. Because he's clearly straight, but like they're like, something you must have been molested. Like they get the cops involved, they're like, sir, you can tell us.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

No, I'm fucking telling you.

SPEAKER_03 37:19

And they're like, I think he's afraid to see if the guy threats. He's getting awfully defensive. He starts resisting, and they they take the gun out, they start shooting at him.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Uh officer, we got a uh God just got fucked in the ass getting aggressive.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

You want you you want to be funny about that? It's like it it it reminds me of have you seen the Spongebob episode where he rips his pants?

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:45

Yeah, yeah. It reminds me of that. Okay, yeah. Like he rips his butthole. Yeah, it's basically Yeah, and then but like at the end you can have like a good song and dance number. I'd like that. Like then sponge episode, like I rip my pants, like you just do this.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Break out into dance.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

I like that.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Yeah, there's a way to make it a kid's show too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Just ripping ripping the anus. And it teaches them not to, you know.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Not to shove anything on it.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

It teaches them that people will think you're gay. Exactly. Yeah, which is a lesson, you know?

SPEAKER_03 38:14

Yeah, that's it's better to learn that early than too late.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Um, young man's gotta learn, you know. Uh yeah, dude. Um how about this? How about um instead of uh despicable me, it's uh despicable Hebs and a bunch of Jewish minions uh nearly take over an entire country. I don't know where I thought of that, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:44

Dude, the I was uh I was on Wikipedia. Okay, just casually browsing the final solution page. Okay, and uh is have you read about like the solutions before they got to the final one?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

So apparently they he Hitler wanted to send them to Madagascar.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Really?

SPEAKER_03 39:02

Yeah, yeah. Madagascar was gonna be Israel.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Wow. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Okay. And then he's like, it's too difficult, it's hard to get them all there.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Put on your thinking caps, boys.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

And then he was like, Alright, we got we got we we have a better solution. But it's it's weird that his solution was just to make Israel.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

That's crazy. It's very funny. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

I mean, technically, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

At least I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I again, I everything I say could be wrong. But that's what I read on Wikipedia. Okay. It's like you go, if you right now go to the final solution page, read like what they had before then, and there it's all just like, yeah, there was a there was a Madagascar plan, I think is what they called it. Wow. He's like, we're just gonna send them over there. That's it would have been funny if that happened.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

And he's like, Yeah, that's a lot of work, let's just kill them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

The most the weirdest way to kill people, too, is just showers. Yeah. I don't understand that. Yeah. That's a little too creative.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

It's a little creative. I mean, if it looked like a giant oven, people might have some questions. It looked like a giant frigid air oven. People might be like, hey, what no?

SPEAKER_03 40:12

It'd be kind of funny if they they like if someone ever did that again, like just on Twitter, it'd be it would be way different from back then. Like back then, like technically there were like sympathizers in the US, right? Because they had like Madison Square Garden had like a they had like a rally for the the for like the Nazi Party, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Madison Square Garden?

SPEAKER_03 40:31

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And like I think like Henry Ford and like all these guys were like I think they were all like supporting it. I don't know why. Yeah, like if you look if you Google it, which is which is very funny. But like uh the funny thing is like the Ford family's like classic American family, like Walt Disney too. Yeah, and like they have kids and like their kids like own the Detroit Lions and crap, and it's like they show them on TV. Like I was watching like the Lions play on uh on Thursday against the uh they're playing the Cowboys, and the game was in Detroit. They had like the old grandma from like the Ford family. Oh wow. So yeah, her husband just casually Nazi. She's just on TV, like, yeah, scored a touchdown. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

Yeah, I always knew I always heard that uh Walt was uh not a fan.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah, yeah. Not a big fan.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

But he got into Hollywood, so he did get in, yeah. He must have been he must have had to make some deals. Yeah, yeah. Unless were they not in charge back then? They were now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the beginning, yeah. Yeah, they've so he was he was controlled everything. He he was like the first Kanye. Yeah. He was like in the he was in the group he was in all of the meetings, and he's like, you know what? They're pissing me off.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Yeah, yeah. You know what? I don't know, man. That's wild though. I didn't know that. Yeah. I appreciate you bringing some history to that. It doesn't have to just all be taking shits and slurs, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

Just World War II history.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Um what about this? How about um a zombie that instead of uh he eats your brain, he gives you brain?

SPEAKER_03 42:09

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Right?

SPEAKER_03 42:11

What'd you think of that? Would they still be in slow motion? Probably. So you could probably get away.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Yeah, you probably get away.

SPEAKER_03 42:18

Basically, they would only get like disabled people. Well, well they just only do Yeah. But I mean he'd actually wait a minute. How do people get caught by zombies regularly? If they're slow. Oh no, there's fast ones.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

Yeah, they are fast ones. Like uh, I think like 28 days later they're fast.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Yeah. So it's it's kind of like a football team then. They got fast ones, they got slow ones who are just strong. But I'm thinking blitz you.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

With by sucking your dick?

SPEAKER_03 42:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

Yeah. No, I can see that. I like that one.

SPEAKER_03 42:52

Yeah, no, I never I never understood zombie stuff because they're always slow. Yeah. Like, how do how are they eating people's brains if they can't catch up to them? But I guess like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

I guess you have to evolve, right?

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Yeah, yeah. At some point they figure it out. That's my issue with with like any zombie movie I watch is like they're always like moving in slow motion.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

Especially like the old ones.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Yeah, and the people running away are just tripping and falling, and like it's just the dumbest thing. But like I I think it like in the in the games I play, there are like fast ones that crawl on all four legs.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

But I wonder, like, if you get bit by a zombie, who decides that you're gonna be the fast one?

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

That's just your just your race.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

Yeah. Yeah. If you're white, you're fucked.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Black zombies, yeah. If you see a black zombie, yeah, yeah, you're you're done for it.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

I I want to know how that works because there are fast ones in the games. Yeah. There's ones that are on all fours, they're like super fast.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Like a left for dead.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Yeah, and then there's other ones that are like just moving like that. Okay. There's gotta be a way like they buy clearly they're converting humans. Yeah. Certain humans have the fast zombies like gene.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

Yeah. Which if like if LeBron James was chasing. You're down.

unknown 44:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

That's tough. Yeah, that would be fucking shit. That wouldn't be good. Yeah. Like Usain Bolt as a zombie, bro. Sanebolt gets caught. Like if those guys are getting caught, no, everyone's getting caught. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Yeah. And that's a lot of protein, too. It's probably only getting stronger and stronger, which each you know, which each person eats, dude. That is true. Oh yeah, they eat more than one person.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

Yeah. Yeah. How long does one person how much meat you get off that? Do they use after that?

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Are they satiated for a couple weeks or are they immediately on to the next?

SPEAKER_00 44:31

Is it like a picky eater eating a chicken wing that you just like take a few bites and suck on it?

SPEAKER_03 44:35

Yeah, or like how many meals a day?

unknown 44:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

I would assume you get a decent amount, right? Yeah, maybe three meals a day. Because it's just another human-sized creature, right?

SPEAKER_03 44:45

But also, like, what else do they have to do? Um probably not much. I wonder if they eat too many people too fast, they just get bloated and slow. What's the one zombie from Left 4 Dead that's fat? Uh I do not know. Boomer? Isn't it called Boomer? I think so. Probably. Yeah, sure. Let's go with it. Let's go with the big OB zombie. Fat OB zombie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Yeah, yeah. I think we're going to be able to do it. We're back. We're back. Yeah. Great break. Um I was thinking about this. Um like I don't know. Like, what if like a teacher, you know, right, in a classroom, right? Was like in on the bullying, right? He was like cool with all the kids. Yeah. And like, that would be like the cool teacher. Yeah. Like not like not, oh, they lets us listen or cheat on the test. Like, he's like, he's cool enough, you talk shit. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Be like, you know, there's a t you know, he's like got some all in a group together, be like, hey, hey guys, listen. Listen, guys, I know Caleb's a faggot, but we can't make fun of him anymore. The board is getting on my ass, and we gotta take a chill for a while.

SPEAKER_03 46:06

But before it gets to that point, if the teacher was like, like, like, on the first day of school, he's like trying to fit in. Like, like he wants to be part of the cool kids. Yeah. So like he's just figuring out which kids are like the alphas. Yeah, I guess. And then over like slowly over time, he's just paying attention and then making fun of one kid. And then one day he steps in, he's like, Hey guys. And then it's like every he thinks he's about to get them in trouble, and he's like, You're completely right. This kid's fat, looks disgusting. He's a fucking loser, he should be shot. I think his parents should get divorced, huh? I met both of them at parent teacher conference, they have no chemistry.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

No, they fucking hate each other. They're just fucking getting divorced, or they're not even getting divorced, they're just want staying together for the insurance. Yeah. Fucking what if like the like the student like went to the teacher to like tell that he's been born? And he's like, oh fuck, yeah, we'll get right on that. Yeah. As soon as he walks away, he's like, This fucking faggot game. He fucking told on you guys. He brings the group, bro. You guys won't believe what Kyle just comes in the next day, he's like, hey, fucking paddle tail. Heard you trying to talk shit.

SPEAKER_04 47:20

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

I don't know. As a hypothetical. I'm sure that actually happens, and then, you know, the kids just, you know, grow up broken.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

But yeah, those those are probably those are probably the same teachers who just molest kids, probably. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

They probably are.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

It's the same. Dude, I had a I mean he was never caught. I don't think he ever like acted on it, but I had like a sp like a Spanish teacher who like anytime there were like girls in the class. Oh boy. He was like just so friendly to them.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

And he hated every guy in the class. Oh no. And like he's married, like I've never seen him do anything bad. No one has said he's done anything bad. Like, I'm not accusing him, probably a nice guy in real life, but it was just obvious that he's a weird guy.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

Yeah, no, I've seen that trait in other people, and it's it's weird.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

Yeah, there's a lot of like, I don't know. I mean, I'm not I don't want to say a lot because I've only known like one or two, but there's like male teachers who have that archetype where it's like, all right, relax.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Oh yeah. Yeah. My um sophomore year, my homeroom teacher, uh, this was after I graduated, but I had him as my homeroom teacher sophomore year. He got caught with fucking uh pictures of underage kids on his laptop. That's crazy. The same laptop I was five feet away from in high school, apparently. That's insane, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:36

Yeah, no, I I had one who I didn't have him as a teacher, but he was like a he was in the English department, but he was like a Hollywood guy. Like he moved here. It was like a when they hired him, there were like articles in like the Chicago Tribune written about him being hired. Wow. Because he was in like some Zach Afron movie or something. Oh, cool. Okay. It's like a side character, but like still, and then when he got there, he was gonna be in charge of like the theater program and all that stuff. Like, I wasn't in that, so I never like had him as a teacher. But but I did stand up at like like the school talent shows and stuff. So he would be like the audition guy. Okay, and to me, he was very nice. He's uh I everyone thought he was cool. He like wore a suit every day. He had he looked, he was jacked because he was in Hollywood, like he worked out. Everyone liked him, and then like literally this year, it's like it came out that he's just flirting with like a 14-year-old in one of his glasses. Like he had there were text messages leaked. There was glasses? No, no, no, no. Uh in one of his classes. Oh, I thought you meant like it was meta glasses, he was fucking texting. That would be crazy. Yeah, yeah. But like, no, yeah, like the the I think he's on trial in January. So I'm I'm waiting for the documents to go online, but I read all like the pre-trial texts. He's like the weirdest crap. He's like, I loved kissing you tonight. Oh, damn, dude, what are you doing, dude? No, man, no, and like everyone loved him, everyone loved him, and he was like, And he loved them, yeah. The funny thing is, when I auditioned, I I thought he was awesome because he was like, Bro, you're so funny, like you're so good at this. And I was like, It's my first time like doing stand-up like when I was in high school, and I didn't do it for a long time after, but I was like, I I never had him for class. But anytime he would come up in conversation, I was like, that guy's awesome, like very nice. Like he's like a theater guy, but he's like cool, like he's not like a nerd or anything, which is like generally most theater guys are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, yep, child molester. Yep, it's always something.

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Yeah, it's always something, dude.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

Also, like, why?

SPEAKER_00 50:33

Why?

SPEAKER_03 50:33

What's the point? He's jacked and he's like 40. Yeah, you don't have to. If you're jacked and 40, that's like you're like Zach Afron for 40 year olds.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Yeah, you don't have to. I don't know. I guess that's not how pedophilia works, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

I don't know how pedophilia. He had a wife, though. So it's like he's he's like, he's like, he's a bi like bisexual, technically.

SPEAKER_00 50:51

Or maybe she's a cover up.

SPEAKER_03 50:52

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

She could be a cover up.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

That's true. And she's like, she's like Jiz Lane Maxwell for my high school. Just a high school, just like Jiz Lane, crazy name.

SPEAKER_00 51:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 51:05

Jiz Lane.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Jiz Lane?

SPEAKER_03 51:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

That's what I like to call Sydney Sweeney's backside. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. But um, yeah, dude. There was when I was in rehab like earlier this year, there was there were a couple weird guys in there that were kind of like that, that would like be super friendly with like with the women and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 51:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

There were a few weird guys when I was in there though. There was a there was this one dude where you this guy wasn't really like weird. He was just kind of like old and just kind of like, you know, lost a few brain cells kind of thing, you know. We were all watching a NBA game or whatever. So one dude like fucking dunks on it, and he's just in his recliner, he goes, Wow, Wakanda forever.

SPEAKER_03 51:50

Was it like racist, or was it just him like trying to relate?

SPEAKER_00 51:53

I don't know. I don't it didn't seem like there was hatred behind it.

SPEAKER_03 51:57

It just seemed like that that is the best kind of comment. Like it's racist, but it's not at all.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

That's just the first thing that came to his head.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

He like just saw the he saw the movie recently, doesn't talk to black people in real life. He's like, This is what they would say.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking um, I remember like one of the group leaders, too, when we would do like the AA group or whatever. Yeah, I there was this one, he's everyone thought he was a fucking tweaker just because he was always fucking like super like antsy. I mean, I know like I have ADHD, you probably have ADHD. A lot of them have fucking ADHD, but like he had tweaker energy, bro. Yeah, he'd be like, like fucking like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Saturday night we chase after addicts and we beat the living shit out of them, and then we force them to get help in rehab. And then it's cool, man. Right? We hang out, we watch UFC. It's all about helping other people, man. You should come with. And it's just like, dude, it's a lot, you know. Yeah, no, that can be.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

Anytime I like I I I don't want to like judge an addict, but like anytime there's like a really uppity addict, it's worse than like a like a mellow one. Yeah. Easily. Because it's like, alright, like you're like, is it's like you're just like putting it on to me. All of a sudden. Yeah. Like you can't like to it's like uh it's like playing tennis with someone. I don't play tennis, but it's like when he when someone hits the ball really hard, it's like you can't return this. Like I'm not ready to return this ball. You gotta slow it down.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Yeah. I mean, I guess at least if it's like, you know, a bum with a like a like he's got like heroin. Yeah, you know, he's got a needle in his arm and he's just passed out. At least he's not begging for money. Yeah, yeah. You know, there's a silver line.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

Honestly, dude, like the depending on the city you're in, it's like the homeless populations vary. Like in Chicago, it's a lot of crackheads.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:44

Philly, it's all like opioid. In Austin, it's all opioid, like in the West Coast, like Arizona, it's all opioid addicts. So it's like the homeless people over there are kind of chill. Really? Because they're just like they're just kind of like slow.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

Yeah, I feel like when I went to New Orleans, that's kind of how it was, too. A lot of people just kind of slumped over.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Yeah, they're just like asleep like and homeless. Whereas here they're like, they're productive. They're like they're walking, they're walking, they're taking the train everywhere for some reason. I don't know why they're traveling all day. Like they want to be productive, but they don't have any responsibility. It's true, dude. They like like in Chicago, they're always asked for money on the train. They're like uh I think they sleep on the red line usually because it's 24-7. But like they're like they're they're they're moving around. Sometimes they chase you down if you're like stare at them too long. When I was in like Phoenix for a while, it was like they were all just like they're just minding their own business, like asleep.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

Okay. Yeah, that's I definitely take that.

SPEAKER_03 54:44

Yeah, but and everyone's talking about like the opioid epidemic. It's like, alright, might solve the crime problem.

SPEAKER_00 54:49

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How about yeah, what if we just switch them to a different drug get them hooked on something else.

SPEAKER_03 54:58

Instead of putting, you know, instead of putting Fent in the crack, just like put put like legitimate, like I don't know. Oh no, Fent is an opioid, never mind.

SPEAKER_00 55:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

It's gotta be a weaker opioid you can put in the crack. Just mellows it out.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

Fucking. I mean, I guess you could just give them a ton of oxycontin or some shit, right? Something like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:20

This is the this this is this is the conversation the CIA was having in the 80s. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Yeah. This is the discussions they were probably having.

SPEAKER_03 55:27

That'd be a great job to have, though. Just it'd be a funny job to have. Yeah. I'd I would do it. Being a CIA, like guy in charge of the streets in like the 80s, it's like, alright, how do we fix this problem? It's like, all right, do we do we just lock them up? What do we do? It's like, how about we make a deal with the cartels?

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:46

We import a bunch of crack cocaine and then we distribute. It's like, alright, so how does the crime stop? And they're like, uh, we'll get to that point.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

Yeah, that's the thing, the thing about that.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

We can make a lot of money and then we'll figure out the crime later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Don't worry about that. Fuck dude. Um, so it's off topic again. I uh I wanna I had this idea, right? I wanna make like a uh animation, right? Yeah. And um I had uh audio to go with. So what I had envisioned was like, I like a challenge, right? Yeah. And what's one of the hardest things to sell in comedy?

SPEAKER_03 56:31

Rape jokes, yeah. Rape, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 56:34

So, but I had I think I came up with an idea for a funny rape joke, right? It could be like, you know, just like a close-up of his face, like just he just like got his mouth open and he's just like, oh, oh, and then fucking like some shit like this just starts playing as it's happening. It's like fucking and then it's just see if you play that something over. It's uh it's like a pursuit.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

It's the end of a part two. You can put that over a fucking cartel video. Yeah. And it changes the whole vibe.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

The music makes the joke, dude. Yeah, dude. That should be like uh in the future. I think the next groundbreaking form of comedy will be like Netflix specials with sound effects. Yeah, yeah. It's not Bo Burnham's type like musical, but it's like just the edgiest jokes, but they make it work by disarming the audience.

SPEAKER_00 57:28

Yeah, yeah. We're using fucking tone. Yeah. Just like a Tom and Jerry fucking episode.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

That'd be kind of funny.

SPEAKER_00 57:39

That'd be fucking funny.

SPEAKER_03 57:40

Yeah. Oh yeah. Um someone's gotta do that, dude. Because every every specials now, it's she it's there has to be like an evolution in comedy, right? Like there's gonna be something new.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:52

Right? So like that I that could be it.

SPEAKER_00 57:54

It could be.

SPEAKER_03 57:55

Yeah. Like, I mean, obviously you'll always have pure stand-up.

SPEAKER_00 57:58

And I don't as far as like, you know, like offensive jokes and shit, I feel like everything's a pendulum, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It comes in, it goes out. Yeah, I feel like it's coming back. It is, yeah, definitely. And hopefully, by the time this podcast maybe gets somewhere, people will be cool with the shit we're saying.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

No, yeah, honestly, because like you you notice with crowds, it's like there's definitely an audience for it, but the problem is to break through to that audience, you have to get through like people who don't give a crap.

SPEAKER_00 58:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:32

So it's like it's kind of it's tough. Bridging that gap is is difficult. It is. Honestly, like my my strategy for is probably like I mean, I'm only a few like a month into it, but like figuring out how to make like still the same subject matter, but like tone it down, and then like once I have like this is decades from now, if I have like a fan base, they they'll laugh at the edgy stuff. Yeah. Slowly bringing that back in.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

I that's probably the way to do it.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

That's probably the yeah. But no, I I want to I I at an open mind you should always do whatever.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Yeah. Yeah. I fucking um the way I try to do it, if I'm trying to like, you know, make a joke that's like a tough sell to a certain group of people or whatever, I always try to start it off with like you give them something. Yeah. So I it's uh feels like an even exchange rather than just punching down.

SPEAKER_05 59:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:22

Like the joke I do, I don't know if you've heard it. I do a joke where uh I start off by saying, uh basically all the pedophiles in the world are men.

SPEAKER_05 59:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:30

Right?

SPEAKER_05 59:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:31

And then um, you know, I talk about some woman that was uh, you know, transporting kids to her pedophile husband, and then the punchline is basically, oh, you know, if you find a woman that's down for you, she's really down for you so much so that even if you find a pedophile, she'll fetch you kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel like that works because like I start off by saying we the men are the rapists. Yeah, yeah. Putting that out there.

SPEAKER_04 59:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:56

But you're helping them. Yeah. You know what I mean? So that way it kind of doesn't just feel like I've heard you do that joke.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:04

It always makes me laugh. Thank you. I appreciate that, man. Like well, whenever the audience doesn't get it, I'm like, I is it because it's just the word rape? Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:12

It could be. Some people probably I guarantee some people hear it and don't like it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

Because yeah, I guess I've always wondered that because like sometimes it'll be like the joke is good. Like I've seen crowds love it. Yeah. Like, and then like sometimes the audience is like just like smiling and not making noises. It's like it's almost like either they find it funny and they're afraid to laugh, or they just like immediately are like they're like waiting to see where it goes, and because there's so much anticipation, it like takes them out of the moment. Yeah, you know? I think that's either one of those two things.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

Yeah, it's a it's a tough balance. Yeah. But yeah. I don't know. Fucking I'll try to wrap this up soon. Yeah. But um, I got one more thing. Fucking idea or whatever. Um, so like, how about this? You invent a pill that makes your dick bigger, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:07

But you only sell it to white people because you're trying to even the playing field, right? We want it to be fair at the end of that. If you give it to everyone, then it's just like there's no equilibrium. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:18

Yeah, yeah. It's like it's it's like giving a stimulus check to everyone. Exactly. Give it to the poor people, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

Exactly. You can't do it to fucking everyone. But now here's the thing. Now you've got a thing that you can give to white people, but not black people. So now it's like, oh, what is this? Racist? Yeah. Now we've got what is segregation we've got going on.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:36

So then that's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:38

And yeah. They might they might prefer that though, because they don't like being experimented on, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

Uh I would say what I've seen.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

There's a way to sell it, you know? Yeah. There's a way to market it, like, we're gonna test this out, and because you know, history, we're not gonna test it out on that community. I don't the whites, we're gonna test it on you guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:59

Yeah. I haven't seen a lot of black people at uh clinical trials. Not many of them. I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

Yeah. No, that that that would be interesting though, because that that is a great inequity in the world, you know? Yeah. And it's it's pure genetic. It's not even like you can't do anything about it. You know, you you you can't work hard and like make work hard to get it, and but you can't make it bigger like just naturally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:26

By like, you know, it's there's too much going on so you have to multiply.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:29

Yeah, there's gotta be a way the chin.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Like tit is like tit is just fat, so you can just add more fat, you got bigger tit. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

The Chinese. So have you heard about CRISPR? CRISPR, what's that? Yeah, so the Chinese have like a genetic modification tool. It's like early, it's like beta stages.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

Is this where they're trying to get rid of the Down syndrome gene? They have that, yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:48

It's the same software, basically. Okay. It's like, but they they can do genetic modification. Okay. And so if they can figure out the penis sized gene, they the Chinese are gonna have the biggest penises.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:01

Well could be the biggest comeback. They well, they probably have the most fire under their ass. Yeah. You know what I mean? They've had the smallest dick, they're fucking tired of hearing it, but they got the best brains.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:12

Yeah. So the problem is you have to consider like the Chinese have different priorities too. Yeah. So it's like they might go for they might try and make themselves like more smart before it gets the penis. Or what if they just sell it to us like they did TikTok? That's true. Yeah. They could sell it to us, but they like limit some of it and they get the full version. Yeah, right. They're hoarding with the good stuff. And then all the people in like the tech place, like same same, same with the AI race, are gonna be like, we need American, we need NVIDIA to make chips to do G modification. They're all gonna go to the White House, be like, we need American G modification, we can't be using Chinese. Yeah, it'll be a whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:55

Yeah, we gotta have our yeah. I like the politics of this.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

The politics is very important, dude. We're going in this direction, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:04

Or how about what of a like a dick pill that your grows your foreskin? It's just your foreskin.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:11

Dude, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That would be a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:13

It's like rogaine foreskin.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:15

See, the thing is, what I'm thinking is is a pill like an outmoded form of like ingesting like a gene modification thing, you know what I mean? Okay. If you could do it, like if you just if you can ins inject it into the bloodstream. Yeah. And then it like alters their DNA, and then they just have a longer they just develop foreskin. Yeah. Much better than a pill. No, because a pill, you would assume, because pills cycle out through the digestive system. I'm overanalyzing this. No, I love this. Yeah, yeah. This needs to be discussed. Yeah, exactly. So, like, you're it you have to keep redosing. Whereas with the injection, I assume if you can get it like with the vaccine, it w it went straight to like the RNA or whatever crap. You can get this thing straight to the DNA or whatever, just like, and then like you don't have to get injected again, maybe like twice in a month or whatever, like they did last time. You could you could solve a lot of problems. Yeah, it could be like Ozempic, but exactly a bigger dick. We need a the tech people, they're on AI right now, but we gotta get on the gene modification of Facebook uh invent something.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:19

Yeah, if everyone has a big dick, then we can get the fucking everyone get everyone fucking again.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:24

Yeah, and everyone's fucking exactly and we it'll be different, right? Like Google will have theirs, Facebook will have theirs. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:31

They're all each have their own variation of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:34

You have the logo on your penis now.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:36

It develops the logo on the but then there's gotta be some fucking small dick black guys out there that are gonna want to get this dick pill, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:44

That's true, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:45

So then what you know what tell them.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:47

Get rid of the race, you just I think I phrased that wrong. You know what? Just get rid of the whole fucking race. How about they go to Madagascar?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

Yeah, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:02

No, but like that should be very funny. No, but if we like if we just someone just checks, we get like uh depending on the age, right? Yeah, we get someone to check their just the penis itself. And so you ignore the racial element. Okay. And you just look at the penis and you're like, yep, check mark, that guy fits. You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:24

Or big you maybe you could get like a mold, right? And you stick your deck or like like the carry-on box airport if it fits here.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

The way if you have you had like a retainer for your teeth or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like you have to put like the the little like sponge thing, you and then they they have like your teeth shape. Yeah, yeah. That's how they develop the shape.

unknown 1:06:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:44

You do that with the penis. It's not an orthodontist, but the doctor gets to just put clay on the teeth.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:49

Yeah, right. Like a silicone must be shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:53

And then yeah, and then they figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:55

I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:56

It's a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:57

Fucking it'd be funny if like there was a little dick black guy, and then like a white guy saw it accidentally, and like it made him not racist anymore. Oh yeah. What?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:10

They're just like me, you know. See, that that that might be the solution. That might be the solution. Yeah, we gotta get one of those guys out in public.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:17

Yeah. Yeah. He needs to be the face. We need a we need a spokesperson.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:21

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That that is how you would end racism. Yeah, I think that yeah, that could actually work. Very, just a very Asian black guy.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:31

Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:33

In all aspects.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:34

Dude, if there's an Asian black guy, I feel like it could there's such a big spectrum of what size it could be.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:41

Or is it just like I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:43

It's high variance, dude. That's uh that's that's that's tough to say. That's like that's like that genuinely is yin and yang, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's hard to tell. Yeah, dude. Which side of the they would get best of both worlds on like every no no no. They might they might get like all the bad parts, or they might get all the good parts. Like they might get small penis and like small height and like can't play basketball, and like it's like that they would get like if if it was a black Asian guy, but he got all the, you know, he can't do all the I don't know how to phrase this properly, but you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:26

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:26

Yeah, I don't know. We're just doing eugenics.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:29

Eugene Eugenics at this point. I wanna I want a big dick pill. I hope the Chinese can invent that. Or shot, whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. I want I really like the idea of just like I don't know, like, you know, even like when you even when you visit grandma or something, you know, she's she's like, Oh, you know, I haven't seen you in so long, your dick's gotten so big. Yeah, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like grandma doesn't want you to have a big dick, she wants you to stay little, you know what I mean? She wants you to stay with that little boy dick.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:59

Yeah, it's like it's like whenever your aunt and uncle come up to you and they're like, when I used to know you when you were small.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

I remember when your penis was this big.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:10

Yeah. Dude, I've had I've had uncles say that crap to me before. Oh my god. Like they've they've come up to me and were like, I saw you when you were like fresh out of the womb. And I was like, Alright. And he's like, Yeah, you're you're the smallest penis. I was like, Why are you why are you telling me this?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:26

That is kind of funny, but also weird and fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:29

He's like, it was barely even, it was nothing. You know, I was like, all right.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:35

It's like first thing he looks at. Got the diagnosis wrong. I thought you were a girl at first. Thanks. I already wanted to kill myself. You know what?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:43

Really appreciate that, Uncle.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:44

You know, yeah, needed that. Needed that. That's funny. Alright, man. I think we're gonna call it for today.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

Yeah, dude. Hopefully we could do this again soon.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:55

This was great.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:56

Yeah, this episode was sponsored by Blue Chew, of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:58

This episode was sponsored by Blue Chew and fucking Chinese CRISPR. Chinese CRISPR, yes. Exactly. Yes, go get that. Alright, guys. Fucking episode 27 or some shit. Horrible hang. Until next time.