Episode 25 - Incelligence

Bill Clinton couldn’t stop himself, why are bbq and babies synonymous, and im basically the spike lee of poop dramas

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Are you hitting us with a cool intro this week?

SPEAKER_06 0:04

I'm I'm Bam Margera, and today we're in Phil's room, and we've been secretly playing Karl Marx lectures while he sleeps through his white noise machine. He's gonna wake up with a bunch of radical leftist ideas. Yeah, we so what we did was we hacked into his radio set, so now it only plays NPR.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Wow, that's gotta be shocking for Phil.

SPEAKER_06 0:33

Yeah. You Phil! Any fucking old white guy, bro. Any old white guy.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Especially one that's that barrel chested.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

If you're that barrel chested, you're just you just are a republic. You're right wing as fuck if you have a sweet barrel chest like that. Yeah. I hate to drop facts like that, but you've never met a fucking sweet barrel chested dude that's like fucking gay gay rides. No, no, trans people rides gay sorry guys, it's not 2008.

SPEAKER_06 0:59

Trans people rides the only fat people that support gay ones are like women, basically. Fat lesbians.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Sometimes I get the vibe from from Bush lesbians that they don't even really like gay shit. That they're not even they're not even a part of that.

SPEAKER_06 1:14

Yeah, I feel like I've from what I've understood, there's like a certain c sub culture of like gay people that just like have gay fatigue, I guess with the terms of fatigue going around.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

No, yeah. I think yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:28

I don't know, man. My parents are like Caitlin Jenner.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Caitlin Jenner's against gay marriage.

SPEAKER_06 1:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

I think that's hilarious. She said she's an old-fashioned girl.

SPEAKER_06 1:37

Yeah, isn't her isn't her girlfriend. Isn't her girlfriend like some fucking trans extremist?

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Yeah, but there are there are two men that are now women and they're lesbian together. It's my favorite. I love them. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:50

That's not I'm an old-fashioned girl. I'm an old-fashioned girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

I love it. She's an old-fashioned girl with a cock. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_06 1:59

Fucking my parents are mad at me.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Are they?

SPEAKER_06 2:02

My parents, well, my dad at least is mad at me because I brought up uh the Epstein files at the family gathering weeks ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Damn, which side does he fall on?

SPEAKER_06 2:11

I mean, he got he was a little quiet after.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Where's the list, bro? What's up? Where's the list, bro? Where's the list? Trump, I didn't vote for Trump. I supported him, though. I just kind of did it through an RFK paper airplane out there in the middle of class because I was like, it ain't gonna happen, but fuck it. I fuck I fuck with this guy and his voice. Yeah, like it.

SPEAKER_06 2:28

That is a tough one to defend if you voted for him, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

RFK?

SPEAKER_06 2:31

No, fucking Trump.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Everything that he said he was gonna do, he's not done a fucking thing of. And I'm like, I'm not Mr. Politics guy, but like I want to see this fucking list, bro. Yeah, what's up? We've been talking, we've been I've been thinking about this for a while. I haven't forgotten yet. Everybody else seems to have forgotten.

SPEAKER_06 2:47

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

I would like to know who went to this fucking island and had such a good time.

SPEAKER_06 2:51

Hopefully, dude.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Who didn't invite if anybody I know and they didn't invite me, I'm gonna be fucking pissed, dude.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

I mean, obviously, we're not gonna find out from his administration, but hopefully it comes out.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

He said it that was like one of the things he ran on. I know. Fucking oh my god. No, it's gonna be like three years after I die. Yeah. It'll be like all the like all kind of like Kennedy shit's like still kind of like every time they declassify some stuff, they're like, oh, here's another little fucking drop. But once all those people were dead, then it'll all be out. Guaranteed.

SPEAKER_05 3:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

And it'll be like if oh, it's in the history books. Like, motherfucker, we didn't even know about it. They just they just lie to us. For real. I'm gonna get killed from this podcast now. I'm fully whatever pill, whatever colored pill you take, I take it. I'm taking that motherfucker. I dude, it's all fake.

SPEAKER_06 3:33

Did you see uh did you see the joke I did on Epstein on stage?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I yes, I believe so.

SPEAKER_06 3:37

Yeah, that one did pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

It's a it's a great topic for one.

SPEAKER_06 3:41

I've been trying to do more topics. Epstein shit.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

I think Epstein pulls everybody in.

SPEAKER_06 3:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

At this point, because it's I think no matter where your beliefs are, you're kind of like, what the fuck, bro?

SPEAKER_06 3:50

I feel like the topical shit just gets like people's attention too.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Yeah, it's like kind of almost like a dog whistle, like, oh, I'm paying attention too.

SPEAKER_06 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, dude. So why is your dad mad at you?

unknown 4:00

Damn.

SPEAKER_06 4:01

Well, no, because I ruined the fucking Fourth of July.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Fourth of July?

SPEAKER_06 4:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

What what did you do?

SPEAKER_06 4:08

Well, I brought up the Epstein files.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Oh, the Epstein files.

SPEAKER_06 4:10

Yeah, my dad loves Trump, so I think he's conflicted about it. Damn. I think there's a real confliction going on.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

And what's what's he like? Just wait. Just wait. He's gonna put him out.

SPEAKER_06 4:20

We didn't really talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Didn't really yeah, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 4:23

I just removed myself.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Smart. Family, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

SPEAKER_06 4:29

I had an idea.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

I just don't really talk to my family to begin with, so I I don't know how to interact with them, I guess.

SPEAKER_06 4:34

I feel I try to. I try to. You gotta at least try. At least unless they fucking leave you, you know.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

That's true. Yeah. Yeah. True. I uh they didn't leave me.

SPEAKER_06 4:43

What's up?

SPEAKER_02 4:44

They didn't leave me. I'm not an orphan yet.

SPEAKER_06 4:46

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Partially.

SPEAKER_06 4:47

That's good. You're just uh you just alienated them.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

I yeah, I kinda I kinda do a great job of alienating myself.

SPEAKER_06 4:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

I'm just gonna be like, I'll I'm like, I think I'm autistic. I really do.

SPEAKER_06 4:59

That's the thanks you give to your beautiful, lovely mother.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Yeah, my beautiful, lovely mother. Yeah. She is lovely sometimes.

SPEAKER_06 5:06

I think I I think I remember once.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

She's intense.

SPEAKER_06 5:10

Is she? Oh yeah, she's intense. Fucking I had an idea.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Dude, you didn't even have to have to flex on me with the mini fridge right there. Pop it open with a little quick water.

SPEAKER_06 5:21

I won it from Damn Monsters.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Oh, that's a DB? Yeah, D B fridge?

SPEAKER_06 5:25

DB fridge.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Shit, brother. That's what I'm talking about. Bought that shit off tickets.

SPEAKER_06 5:31

I was gonna say though, I didn't have this idea for a uh Lego set, right? And I was thinking it's Gaza.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Oh, follow. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:40

Yeah, you basically just dump out all the pieces on the ground like, hey, it's done.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

See, like, where which one is Gaza though? I don't even know. It's I act like I have an opinion. No, I understand it's like over there, but is is Gaza like what relation does it have to Israel and Palestine? Is it like in Palestine? Is it like that's where the certain people hang out? Well, but I'm so uneducated.

SPEAKER_06 6:04

I'm also uneducated, and I like to make myself sound smart.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

But I like to make myself sound smart too. That's cool. Yeah. That shit fire. Not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_06 6:14

But the gist of it from what I understand is uh fucking like I guess a while back, like Palestine attacked them, so they're fucking trying to get Palestine came in Israel.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Yeah. But what's Gaza?

SPEAKER_06 6:26

Gaza's part of Palestine. Is that that's part of Palestine?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Okay. So but then what's the other words that they say? Fuck. Fuck, like the different group names. What do they call 'em?

SPEAKER_06 6:39

Uh ISIS. Nah. I don't know. Yeah, that one too.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Hamas.

SPEAKER_06 6:44

Hamas.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

What's that one?

SPEAKER_06 6:46

Isn't that just like a different terrorist group?

SPEAKER_02 6:48

I feel like, but it's always in the same like sentences. Is that like Israel people that are in Palestine and they're just like doing some terrorist shit? Or like Palestine that are in Israel and fucking shit up? Like, what is it? I just I can't keep it all still. You know I have a job.

SPEAKER_06 7:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Right? I have I have some interests. Like, I like I watched the Bears last like I have interests. I bowl, I don't golf, I bowl. I mean, like, I can't keep all this shit straight. Yeah. So like I cool with you, whatever side you like, that hey, me me too, man. We're fighting the good fight out here, ain't we?

SPEAKER_05 7:27

Fold either way.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Fake as fuck. I'm proud to say it. Hey, but I'm with you though. Dude, I got I got mad at my lady today.

SPEAKER_06 7:36

For what?

SPEAKER_02 7:37

So, and she was right, is the crazy part. We were right, but I was still got I'm still so dumb, and I just like we're we're pulling into the beauty supply to park. Pick up some Chris Brown outfits. Okay. Hair.

SPEAKER_05 7:50

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

We pull in. As I'm like backing in the parking spot, we're like right kind of by the entrance of the parking lot. This other dude comes in, does like this, and it's once we get out of the car, we realize that this is like this is a a wigger on the level of Jody Highroller.

SPEAKER_05 8:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Like we're talking about fucking riffraff levels of wig here. Like he's ultimate.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

So he like does this crazy maneuver and like looks like he's gonna hit me, and I'm like just try I'm doing like the most normal back in. A normal person just like sees me and slows down. He like speeds up, pulls like into the handicap lane, does this weird super long? He throws it in reverse real fast, does this super weird like question mark turn to get into the parking spot? I'm like, what the fuck, bro?

SPEAKER_06 8:35

What was he playing through the speakers?

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Nothing.

SPEAKER_06 8:38

Nothing.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Was playing nothing. Had like like a like an early 2000s, like one of those like SUVs, like a trailblazer, where they're just it's fucking huge, it's super long. Okay, it's an obnoxious car to drive alongside of.

SPEAKER_06 8:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

See the sticker posted up on the back of his window and says uh like it's like a caution sign or whatever and says, like, warning, allergic to stupid people or stupid drivers or some shit like that. And I'm like, you see that? He's allergic to himself, right? We're still in the car. We get up out of the car. You saw the nice um unk, I would say unk and auntie are walking up, and they're like, Man, we're they were like, we were cussing him out for you. That guy was a fucking asshole. This guy's already in the store, right? Uh-huh. And then, like, as we're walking up, he's already in the store. She opens my lady opens the door, and she's like, Yeah, and on the back it says he's allergic to stupid drivers or whatever. The fuck guy's like standing right there. I'm like, I don't know if I have to fucking bite fucking Jody Hyroller right here. Yeah, right. Like, you're right. Thanks, you're just tearing me to a fucking body.

SPEAKER_06 9:42

But like, goddamn it. God damn. Fucking women.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Ah, man.

SPEAKER_06 9:48

God damn it. It's always the woman's fault.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

She doesn't realize I'm a huge pussy. I don't want to fight this fucking ultimate fucking tough, ganged-out white guy. He's like a teardrop and shit. Fuck that, dude. I ain't in on that. I go to work. I got a job.

SPEAKER_06 10:04

I can't fucking fight either, man. I've never been close to being in a fight.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

I've never wanted to. I've never really had a reason to fight.

SPEAKER_06 10:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

I keep my business to myself, brother. I've always been a peaceful being. I've got I've got nasty little words.

SPEAKER_06 10:20

If I ever go through a phase of my life where I'm like, I'm trying to uh like bulk up or something, and I like get like super into like juicing and shit, yeah, then maybe I could do that, but see, I was trying to do that for a little while.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

I would try to do like the dirty bulk where you eat like McDonald's 35 times a day and take a bunch of protein and go to the gym. And then like the last time that I took protein, I had like I took too much, I guess, and I didn't do enough. But I had like this reaction where I got like fucking like sores all on like like from like below my ass, like on my thigh, like on the back of my leg, like down to like my kneecap, where my kneecap would be. So I was like, it was disgusting. I had to hide it from my lady. She found it, she saw it, and was grossed out. I was like, because that's that's shameful. Why do I got all this shit on my back? I'm like Googling, I'm like, oh my god, I OD'd on protein basically. Oh that's how it escapes your body.

unknown 11:11

Dude.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

I was like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_06 11:14

Dude, speaking of weird things with your legs, like fucking two or three days ago, I had this weird thing where like it almost felt like like shin splints or something, but my legs were just like hurting so bad. It was like painful to stand, dude.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I used to get like I always figured they were shin splints when we'd like run in gym class for a long time. Well, and it would just fucking every step would be like, yo, this fucking hurts.

SPEAKER_06 11:42

Dude, well, basically. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm just losing my ability to walk, is what I'm pretty sure it's going to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Why do you think that?

SPEAKER_06 11:50

Well, dude, it hurts to stand. I mean, it's only gonna get worse from here. Eventually it'll fall off.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

How old are you?

SPEAKER_06 11:55

27.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

This is the beginning, brother.

SPEAKER_06 11:57

This is the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

It's only the beginning.

SPEAKER_06 11:59

Dude, I I've seen it.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Dude, my body hurts like I would say four out of seven days now when I wake up. My body just feels like shit.

SPEAKER_06 12:06

Yeah, but are you losing your legs though? I'm liter I'm literally losing my ability to walk.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

I'm not I'm trying to steal some valor here.

SPEAKER_06 12:14

Dude, I was I'm looking into wheelchairs. Let me show you. I found some cool ones.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

You got bone density issues, bro.

SPEAKER_06 12:22

I do, I got bone density issues.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

I hate to say this, but you need you need to get a woman in your life that's lactating. This is a sport wheelchair. Let me see. A sport wheelchair. Sport wheelchair. Whoa, wait a second. Extreme motors. Nature is wheelchair accessible.

SPEAKER_06 12:38

Yo, that thing is a fucking giant. Right, dude? There's some cool ones out there.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

I bet I won't if I do a lot of if there's a competitive racing league for this, I'd love to see. Dude, wheelchair races. It's like a tripod with like it looks like I don't know, the wheels look like they're Flintstones tires. They're so like big and rounded off. They look, yeah, they look fucking they look fucking destructive as fuck. Those look awesome.

SPEAKER_06 13:06

But dude, I haven't decided which one I'm getting. I'm either getting this one or this cool one. Let's futuristic looking.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Whoa! A quad!

SPEAKER_06 13:16

I'm the good I'm gonna be the coolest.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Three and one. Holy shit. Two G's for these man. Dude. That's it.

SPEAKER_06 13:23

I mean it's gonna be everywhere I go.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Fire. You can get a right hand or a left hand. Gray or red. Ooh, you gotta get the red. You're gonna get losing the red, bro. Definitely getting the red. Jerry Red, the cop's gonna get you, bro.

SPEAKER_06 13:34

Definitely getting the red.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Damn. And they give you a$220 gift value rollator. Oh, really? The rollator. Maybe. Maybe that's how it is. Maybe that's the emphasis on the syllabus. Damn, premium lithium lithium battery, ergonomic design.

SPEAKER_06 13:52

Well, I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

You're gonna get all the crippled hose with that, brother. You need to get a sidecar for your bay.

SPEAKER_06 13:58

Well, I know. Well, I gotta get it soon because WebMD says I have about seven days until I lose the ability to walk completely.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Shit.

SPEAKER_06 14:08

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

You need that stimulus check to get over here, boy. We really do, bro. We need that. Donald, bro. Hey Donald, please hook my friend up with a four-wheel wheelchair.

SPEAKER_06 14:19

Hey Donald.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

He's he's disabled.

SPEAKER_06 14:24

He's disabled.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

And we can go to we can now change from him being disabled to getting all the disabled pussy.

SPEAKER_06 14:30

Getting all the disabled pussy.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

He gets all the disabled pussy.

SPEAKER_06 14:34

That's how I'm more like a Bill Clinton right there.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

I'm not even really trying to I don't even know what I'm trying to do right here. Oh yeah, that was Bill right there. If you're Bill, I'm Hill, dude. I got the pants on too.

SPEAKER_06 14:48

She just kept sucking.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

I liked Monica. I ain't had to put Bill's nasty penis in my mouth.

SPEAKER_06 14:55

Please, I couldn't help it. She just kept sucking, and I couldn't stop. Vote Democrat.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

I liked watching that slut suck Bill's dick.

SPEAKER_06 15:05

Don't suck.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

What is that? What is that? What's a cuck? What's a female cuck? What is that? That's a term, and I know you know it.

SPEAKER_06 15:12

I don't know. Wait. I thought just a cuck was a cuck.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Hang on. Let's do the Google. What would you call?

SPEAKER_06 15:18

That's definitely more of a male interest, I think. I don't really know any. Or really heard of any.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

No, not a female cock. A cuck queen. Oh, a duh, a cuck queen, dude. I knew that. Gotcha, gotcha. Watching Bill get slobbed.

SPEAKER_05 15:37

Slobbed.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Could you imagine that? You're watching the president get his dick sucked through Hill. That's pretty tight. That is tight. That's probably why she's fucked up now. She don't get to see no hot shit like that. Now she's gotta make fucking advanced stock plays and drink children's blood. Yeah, for real. Shout out Hill Dog. Hillary. Hey. I know Hillary. Whenever you want to, Hillary, whenever you want to get rid of Bill, call me. I know Hill doesn't suck like that.

SPEAKER_06 16:02

I know Hill doesn't suck like that.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

I ain't even interested in you. Like, I just want to talk to you, Hillary. We can go to breakfast one time. I gotta crush on Hillary Clinton. Tell everybody.

SPEAKER_06 16:11

Why? Because she looks like Sabrina Carpenter.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

I gotta crush on Hillary. Yeah, man. That's for sure. No, I didn't even know that. Nah, Sabrina Carr. Nah, you could keep her. If we're talking females with first name with S that are white queens, give me give me Sid Sween, dude. Yeah, she's give me that.

SPEAKER_06 16:28

She likes black eyes too much. He's probably way loose.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Give me that side. I like black guys too. I think they're funny. You just ain't gotta fuck them. That's what I do. I just don't fuck them.

SPEAKER_06 16:37

Yeah, I mean, they're no great hangs.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

They're great hangs.

SPEAKER_06 16:40

Wait, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean that. Oh, whoa!

SPEAKER_02 16:44

I did. No. No, they're way funnier per capita than white folk. Oh, yeah. For sure. I'm with her. I'm with her. Bros are cool.

SPEAKER_06 16:55

Imagine a world where a woman had to take accountability for her own actions. It would look a little something like this.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

Like Halloween?

SPEAKER_06 17:08

No, that's uh that's uh Twilight Zone.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

That's Twilight Zone. Michael Myers stabs the women that can't take accountability. That would be good. Yeah, dude. That's a fucking flick I'd go watch.

SPEAKER_06 17:21

Dude.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Fucking um admit you're wrong or get stabbed to death. Yeah, yeah. They all get stabbed to death.

SPEAKER_05 17:30

Yeah, yes, that's what we stand for on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

That's what it is. Michael Myers chops hose up for an hour and a half. Welcome to Halloween, guys. It's fellas, meet your new favorite holiday. It's Halloween. But now you get to carve up your lying bitch wife.

SPEAKER_06 17:51

Fuck in. Um and you know, when I have a son, you know, I'm gonna teach him that women run the world now. If you're not in the top 1% of men, then you're fucked. And I'm gonna teach him that all women are liars. Every last one of them. And if any of them are ever even nicer to them, he's gonna scream rape at the top of his lungs. Listen, I'm just protecting him. You know what I mean? I just don't want I just don't want him to get hurt. I'm raising him to be a man, you know?

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yeah, because the longer you go, the more horrible it hurts, and the more thoughts you have of getting that gun once you get involved. Maybe, maybe getting that gun and going and sitting in front of her house for a few hours. Maybe you just sit there and like hold it and sit across the street under that small tree that's next to the fire hydrant, and you just kind of pet the muzzle of that gun. You just stroke it and think about it.

SPEAKER_06 18:47

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Think about it. What the fuck does Luger could do to make everything better? But you don't. You drive away. You drive away because you are a pussy. You j you are. Yes. You can't do that. You always drive away in the answer. You're worried about your mother coming to your court date. Exactly. You're worried you don't want her to see her little boy like that. Yes. But you think about it. Yes. But you're not enough of a man to do it. That's kind of that's really the basis of my problems with a lot of the American youth now.

SPEAKER_05 19:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Is nobody has the confidence anymore. Nobody has the gall. Remember that word gall? I do remember. I like that word. Fucking gall, dude. Nobody's got gall anymore.

SPEAKER_06 19:30

Gall and balls.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Gall and balls, yeah. It's balls and galls, galls and balls, man. It's the same thing, but it's different.

SPEAKER_06 19:37

So uh yeah, there you guys there you guys go. There's some a little more uh uh incel intel.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Incel intel for you guys. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 19:44

Intelligence, even.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Intelligence, even. Yeah. Live in a place of the courtyard.

SPEAKER_06 19:51

Alright. Sorry about that. Is it going? Yeah, it is now.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Is it gonna keep going this time?

SPEAKER_06 19:56

Yeah, so apparently fucking cut out.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

You guys, I get the front and row seat of this fucking guy.

SPEAKER_06 20:03

You know, I'm glad I'm glad I paid$300 for this fucking thing, dude.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

We need visual component. So reliable. We need visual component, but it needs to be like a closed circuit television camera that's just in the corner of the room and can like only see you and see like my feet, maybe. Yeah. And just watch you silently, just like fuck. I would kill myself. So funny. It would be funny, but I would kill myself. If we only put out video clips of you getting pissed off, that would be fucking awesome. And it's like no, but the thing is it can't have sound. I feel like it makes it funnier when you have to imagine the guy going, fuck.

SPEAKER_06 20:38

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

I like that.

SPEAKER_06 20:40

I think it no, that works. That works.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

It's like a it's like why why are some girls hotter when they like have like a little bit like an outfit on? You're like, yeah. He's got that imagination. Leave me in the imagination of what he said. Did he say a slur? Maybe he didn't, but maybe in my mind he did. He did for sure, because it's you, but it's like mad libs, but in real life. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Mad libs, and it just says slur on your guy, right? Words you can't say post-pandemic.

SPEAKER_06 21:12

Is it still recording? You sure you don't want it cut out again? Every fucking thing's a problem, dude. I swear to fucking god.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Everyone's gonna do it. Wait a second. Are you about to go into a ERE Ting proper?

SPEAKER_06 21:25

That's how I've been managing my anger lately. As I just catch myself and I turn into an angry Chinese.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

You go into an angry Asian person? I go into everyone. You should be like an angry Asian person that like they own like a beauty supply. Sure. And they're catching a black person stealing hair.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

No. Because, dude, they You got how much done now.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Nobody puts your picture up in their store more than Asian people. They love it. When you steal, their eyes are like we gotta put we got another picture to put on the wall.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Honey, go to the Target and get a new Hullet pack of 44 ink. I'm gonna do brilliant. These bitch out and put it on the wall.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Guaranteed. They're 100% hit rate. You're on, you're on the I've been in every one of these fucking things. Do I seem happy about it? No. What do they all have? Pictures of black ladies. Some of them done up, some of them looking like shit. But guess what? There's one thing all in common. They all stove from the stove and they all end a well. It's what it is.

SPEAKER_06 22:26

That reminds me, I came up with an idea for this like character. It's basically like uh like this you get a new co-worker at work.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 22:34

And he's like, it's just this like this bootlegger or bootlegger.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Is it like uh it's so it's like a like a mail order bride, but it's a coworker?

SPEAKER_06 22:42

Kinda, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 22:44

Kinda. Daylight.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

That's cool.

SPEAKER_06 22:48

I don't know. Boss said we poop in pants here now.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

What?

SPEAKER_06 22:54

That's a that's the first that's his first line. Just go with it.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Okay, boss. Yep, you got it, boss.

SPEAKER_06 23:04

I I enjoy the warmth. They say, they say, Zhangju, did you s did you pull pants again?

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Alright, that's enough for this town hall meeting, Chong Wei. We're smoking on the poopin' pants thing too.

SPEAKER_06 23:16

I said no.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Chong Wei? This is your PC boss right here, power Christian, like the Power Christian principal in South Park. And I'm gonna tell you what, dude, take it easy. Go pray to the Lord and get the heck out of here. It's enough pooping and pants talk. We're all a big fan of that new policy. But you, my man, have to sit, have to get down off the table. Stop talking about pooping pants while you're standing on the table like Bobby Schmuta in that one music video. Alright? Cool.

SPEAKER_06 23:49

I remember at ease. I remember at line I fucked up. But uh yeah, yeah. He's like, Oh, you know, I see you I see you are lost a couple parts there. Well, it'd be it'd be a real shame if the boss heard about this.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

About what, dude? Oh, you're bit oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple parts, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:10

Do you space out to space out, dude?

SPEAKER_02 24:13

I'm not a I'm a normal leadership here. It's okay. I'm regular American leadership.

SPEAKER_06 24:18

This is going very smoothly.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

It's been four seconds and I've checked out mentally.

SPEAKER_06 24:23

It's okay. I check out mentally every like 120 seconds, probably.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Yeah. I like I um Dude, also I like okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 24:35

No, I was just on the topic of Chinese people. Uh I remember Liam and I went to a concert uh like a while back, and we were like parked somewhere and we had to walk to the venue, and on the way to the walk, we just see this like had to be like a 70, 80-year-old Chinese p man wearing a pink t-shirt that just said the word faggot in aerial font on it.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

What?

SPEAKER_06 24:57

Yeah, swear to god.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

That's a cool gay man. Right. That's a cool first generation gay man. Right. Those guys will let it fucking fly, dude.

SPEAKER_06 25:07

Dude, yeah. What were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_02 25:09

Um oh no.

SPEAKER_06 25:11

Did I make you?

SPEAKER_02 25:12

It probably wasn't that funny anyway. Um oh while you were frying out over there, uh, I was um I was taking the liberty. I wanted to look at you and say, what's the gayest thing that you could do to me right now? Because what my I have an answer. So what's the gayest, what's the gayest thing, what's the thing that you could do to tempt me the most to make me be gay right now?

SPEAKER_06 25:33

What's the thing that I could do?

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Bam. Can't ask it, can't ask the question again. Do something gay right now.

SPEAKER_06 25:39

Excuse me?

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Cause my answer was this. Oh while I looked you in the eye, try to put my mouth around the microphone and dead eye contact.

SPEAKER_06 25:50

Just so you're alive in my nice windscreen.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

I didn't mean come over here and suck my dick. I didn't mean that. I saw your eyes light up like it did. I didn't mean that.

SPEAKER_06 25:59

You saw there was a no light.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

No, no, no, no, no, I'm not over here being gay, dude. No, I know be gay here.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

No, not me.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

No, not me.

SPEAKER_06 26:10

No gay sex here.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Never do my eyes twinkle when I think about blowing guys. Never not once, sir.

SPEAKER_06 26:21

How about how about a theme park based on uh slurs? You can call it like Hate Land or something?

SPEAKER_02 26:28

Ooh, okay, wait a second. You normally have terrible ideas. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_06 26:33

It could be kind of like Epcot, you know, like each section is a different slur.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Wait, when you're good when you're going down the roller coaster, you're going, nah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

The beep. You're in it's like Epcot. Basically, it's Epcot. Yeah, it's basically Epcot. Epcot, but you do slurs instead of go to shops and spend money and be Disney adults.

SPEAKER_06 26:55

You go to the Mexico section.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

It's Epcot for cool people.

SPEAKER_06 26:58

You go to the Mexico section, it's just like a flatbed truck with way too much shit piled into the back of it. Yeah. Like a little Mexican driving it, and just the George Lopez theme is playing.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Something like that. There's like giant, huge fat ladies with no butts. They're my butt.

SPEAKER_04 27:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

There's Home Depots everywhere with people standing in front of them.

unknown 27:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 27:19

No. I'm with it.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yep. Yep. We still have to do it. I told you, like I said, I check out every 140 seconds. We both check out. We will check out.

SPEAKER_06 27:28

It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

It's what it is.

SPEAKER_06 27:29

Eventually we'll we'll do it in the sync, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:32

For sure.

SPEAKER_06 27:34

Nate or uh Nate Land. Fuck it, I meant Hate Land. Nateland. Fucking uh Nate Bargazzi. Shout out Nate Bargazi.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Yep, shout out. Homie. Shout out to the big homie Nate.

SPEAKER_06 27:44

What if instead it was uh Nate Barnazi?

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Nate Barnazzi. Nate Barnazzi, huh? Welcome. It's Nate Barnazzi live.

SPEAKER_06 27:52

Instead of the uh big dumb eyes towards the big dumb Jew tour.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

The big dumb Jew. This could be like almost a Borat thing. It could be, yeah. Yeah. Speaking of maybe he just takes a huge left turn on his career.

SPEAKER_06 28:07

Speaking of Borat, I'm going to see System of a Down next weekend.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

System. What does that have to do with Borat?

SPEAKER_06 28:14

I call him the Borat Band.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

The Borat Band. Yeah. Why?

SPEAKER_06 28:18

Because they're all from, you know, over there.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Oh, yeah. Conflict land. Yeah, conflict. If it was a theme park, conflict land. Yeah, right. It was ours first. That's what everybody says over there, dude. Everybody's like, it was ours. It was ours. If they're all just like fucking kindergartners over there, dude.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Like, it was mine first.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

The whole shit. Everybody over there just mad because it was theirs first. Bro, we weren't here though. So do you really fucking know? Chill.

SPEAKER_06 28:47

Yeah, chill.

unknown 28:48

Chill.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

The babes are hot.

SPEAKER_06 28:49

Fucking chill.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

Palestinian girls are hot.

SPEAKER_06 28:51

Yeah, yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

I'm taking the Palestinian girls over the Jew girls. Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 28:56

Yeah, yeah. See, face isn't great with the Jews, but they do have big tets. So that's at least. That's your thing. That is my thing.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

That's your thing. So I think that's once again. I've always had this theory that you can't clash, you can't have the same women opinion as a great male friend. You can't like the same girl.

SPEAKER_05 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Because especially if you like go out, if you guys go out, you'd hit want to hit on the same girl. That breeds contempt. Oh, yeah. That's not real male friendship. That's not what you do if you want to fuck the same chicks.

SPEAKER_05 29:22

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

I believe that's like a like a natural hormonal thing. It's like not even controlled like that.

SPEAKER_05 29:27

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Some guys will get some guys. See, here's the thing, right? There's there's a lot of dudes out there, and I know these dudes, that just want to be friends with other certain dudes because they think they're cool.

SPEAKER_05 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Which, let me tell you something, brother. That's dick riding.

SPEAKER_05 29:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

That's dick riding. If you're like, that guy's fucking cool, man. That's why you want to be his friend? Yeah. That's dick riding. That's gay.

SPEAKER_05 29:52

No, you're an adult.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

You're an adult. Yeah. You want to suck that guy's dick. That's wrong.

SPEAKER_06 29:58

Or you're just if you know. Or you're just a permanent child with brain damage or something.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Exactly. That shit weird. Why are you a fan of your friend? Yeah. It's fucking strange. See that. I see that stuff. Do you? I see you fellas out there. You gay fellas.

SPEAKER_06 30:17

Uh alright.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

What about uh And I'm jealous of your freedom.

SPEAKER_06 30:20

What if instead of what if a crip beat you up because you were throwing up blood, but you were actually throwing up blood.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Damn. Damn.

SPEAKER_06 30:30

You know.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

That's like I feel like that need you should ask that on like the Jim Jones of Cameron podcast. I feel like they would have something pretty deep to say about that.

SPEAKER_06 30:37

Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, for real. Please, I'm having a medical emergency. Like, oh, you're gonna have a medical emergency. What accent was that? Crip? I mean blood.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

You know, I'm a medical emergency. You get a big thing. Gotcha. Not a mental cryp. Which I am. I am a mental crip. That's why I can do that.

SPEAKER_06 31:08

I'm a mental crip too. I'm transracial. We've discussed this.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

Yeah, transracial. I feel like I'm transracial too, but I don't know. I haven't had I can't afford the surgery, though.

SPEAKER_06 31:17

I'm I'm working on it, dude.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Honestly, dude, what I'm thinking It's so easy for like Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa and shit to go white. Who's the white guy that went black?

SPEAKER_06 31:26

Well, what I'm thinking is I think I'm just gonna like cover myself in armor all tire shine every day.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

Travis Kelsey. Oh, that's a good idea. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 31:34

Just kinda or like maybe I could pick up a squid and have it ink me. That's supposed to stain really well.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

That's pretty cool, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you don't want to get tattooed black. That's crazy. Tattoo colors ain't right, they're not natural. Hurts and it's too much for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Too much money, yeah. Stick and poke.

SPEAKER_06 31:53

Stick and poke.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

Yeah, I don't know. I um I don't know. I want to be the first, you know, I want to be the first um white to black, I would say. Yeah. I'd like to you know what? The the white to black guys, even Serena Williams kind of, which kind of pisses me off because I always kind of had a crush on Serena. Okay. True now, she's kind of thick. She got that nice grunt. I kind of like that. I always kind of had a thing for her, I wouldn't admit it. Uh-huh. But I always liked her better than Venus. Okay. Oh yeah. Serena had a little cornbread. She is a cornbread. I like that. I like that about Serena. But now she kind of going white and she's with that like weird finance guy that's like whitish.

SPEAKER_06 32:34

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

It's really a shame.

SPEAKER_06 32:36

If I were white, I would want to be called a honky so bad.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

It's really funny. It's really funny. I like to make I like to make her say it.

SPEAKER_06 32:44

Please.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Anyone out there please call me a honky. Whenever she says something with cracker, I really am like, huh? What'd you just call me? She's like, okay, can you go get the written crackers over there? And I'd be like, what the fuck did you just say? I love doing it. It feels empowering. Dude. I get why. I get why black people are like, I wish a motherfucker would say the N-word. I get it. Because it's free reign to just be like, what the fuck? And you're never wrong.

SPEAKER_06 33:07

Even if it's a joke. Speaking of cracker, do you see the cracker barrel uh rebrand?

SPEAKER_02 33:11

Yeah, what the fuck is that, dude?

SPEAKER_06 33:12

It's crazy. Now it's barrel, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

No, it's yeah. No, I don't like this one. It looks more inclusive. Yeah. I don't really fuck with it. I don't feel like I don't feel like there's a gift shop that might or might not have a Confederate flag anymore. Yeah. With the new logo. It doesn't make me want to pull over and be like, there might be a Klansman sitting in that motherfucker right now. His family eat dinner too, man. Where are they gonna eat? Where are they gonna eat now? Where are they gonna eat? He probably doesn't feel welcomed anymore. Home? Come on. Home? The fuck? He might go to Cracker Barrel and see a black person now. That's kind of fucked up. That was like that was like the last bastion of white people. Chain restaurant.

SPEAKER_06 33:51

It's supposed to be Americana, not Americana.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

It's Americana, yeah. And they're just switching the whole shit up like that. Like it never existed, getting rid of the logo. For nothing. No barrel. There's no barrel and there's no cracker standing at that motherfucker no more. That's why it was called Cracker Barrel. Because there's a cracker standing by a barrel.

SPEAKER_06 34:11

Yeah, do you think it was full of crackers? No.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

You think it was called the hit the button. Did you think it was called before? No, because it was a cracker that was standing. The fuck? And there's there it's gone.

SPEAKER_06 34:29

Because some fucking dumb white bitch.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Dumb white bitch.

SPEAKER_06 34:32

Uh fuck.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Oh, fuck.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Back.

unknown 34:36

Back.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

We're back. Back in the gay sex house.

SPEAKER_06 34:38

I fucking um back. I have a taste for Buffalo Tenders, dude.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Off Dendy's from Culver's.

SPEAKER_06 34:45

From Culver's, dude. Ooh. With some sweet baby rays, dude.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

I'm gonna tell you what, as far as an original chicken tender goes, I think Culver's is maybe the best.

SPEAKER_06 34:55

I think it is. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

And if I'm gonna go nugs, when a Wendy something about a Wendy's nugget when it's done right.

SPEAKER_06 35:02

Yeah, dude. When it's fried.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

There's a certain hotness and there's a certain crispness that is not duplicated in any other nugget in fast food, as far as I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_06 35:11

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

And I mean it's rare, it's hard to get the nuggets done right. Yes. It's hard. It's a chase.

SPEAKER_06 35:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Hmm. Fried chicken, Popeyes. Popeyes all day. Just follow. Hate to say it like this. Follow the black people with fried chicken, man. They know that Popeyes is the number one. So guess what, white people? Get in line. Yeah. Get in line, white. It's a chicken sandwich?

unknown 35:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

The Popeyes chicken sandwich by a fucking mile, dude. I like chicken. It was causing wars. Chick plays fine. Go get you a Popeyes. I've had Popeye's. Go get another one. Okay?

SPEAKER_06 35:46

Put some heat in the breading and we'll talk.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

Well, agreed. Agreed. Need some heat in the breadding, but the spite the spicy chicken, the the little the little thing. Putting sauce on there, that's lazy. It is. It's lazy. It's lazy. It is. I feel like the original hits better from uh Chick-fil-A, though. I've never been I've never had their spicy and been like.

SPEAKER_06 36:07

Oh, dude, you gotta get the spicy.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

The spicy's buck. I've had the spicy, but I've never been like I'll get the spicy and be like, damn, I should have just got the original. Really? To me, the original feels like it's a fucking single up the middle every time. You know what you're gonna get and it delivers every fucking time. It's a one base hit. It puts a man on base.

SPEAKER_06 36:24

Spicy's literally the exact same thing, but with more flavor and a little bit of heat.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

Maybe, maybe it's just because it's just better. Maybe it maybe I feel like I get small I've in like maybe the four times I've done it, I've got I feel like I've gotten smaller chicken patties with the spicy. Oh, really? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 36:39

Weird. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

Okay. I hey agree to disagree, but I'll try it. I'll probably I'll try a Chick-fil-A if you try Popeyes.

SPEAKER_06 36:46

I'll try another Popeyes.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

I have a fucking Chick-fil-A gift card in my shit right now.

SPEAKER_06 36:50

Use that shit, dude.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Shout out to Debbie.

SPEAKER_06 36:53

No, but what I was gonna say is Jay.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Last time Hillary Clinton, call me. I want to fuck Hillary Clinton, dude.

SPEAKER_06 37:01

Ugh.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

That's not even a bit.

SPEAKER_06 37:04

No, what I was gonna say last time is uh Hill Dog.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

I know you're listening.

SPEAKER_06 37:09

I got uh the fucking culverse tenders or whatever. I get it with the fucking sweet baby race. They have the fucking it's just the sugar-free version.

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Whoa.

SPEAKER_06 37:18

It's just it's just baby rays. It's literally just called baby race.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

Why is it sugar?

SPEAKER_06 37:24

Stupid as fuck. Let me look it up.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

No way. This sounds like a bit that you're doing. This is definitely not just baby ray. Baby Ray's a rapper.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

Baby rays. I'm gonna find it. Oh, that's baby face ray. Is that a big thing?

SPEAKER_02 37:41

He's fire, man. That's what he sounds like a little bit. I like it. Yeah, it's weird, but it's cool.

SPEAKER_06 37:49

It's just rays.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

It's just ray rays. Ray Baker? That's what they call the sun. Ray Baker.

SPEAKER_06 37:57

So it's just without sweet baby.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

So what? No sweet baby.

SPEAKER_06 38:02

No sweet baby.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

That's the one that's the that that's the one that they give to the pedophiles in in uh prison. They just give them rays sauce. No sweet baby for you. You done lost your privileges as a sweet baby now. You just get Ray. Well, what if Ray? Ray is a crossing guard. Ray is a 65-year-old white man that hates black people. And he's a crossing guard. That's the only job he can get. Because he loves kids. But it's only in white neighborhoods. That's who Ray is. Maybe that's just the guy that was on my court. And maybe I'm putting beliefs on him that he doesn't have. But his name was Ray, and it fit him. Ray.

SPEAKER_06 38:42

Well, what really happened was too baby by them motherfucker. What really happened was the Trump administration didn't want any more babies put in the sauce.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No more babies.

SPEAKER_06 38:54

No more sweet babies. I know it tastes good, but we can't have that.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Gulf of America.

SPEAKER_06 38:58

Gulf of America.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

No sweet babies in our sauce.

SPEAKER_06 39:01

But you know, what do you think we've been doing with all the illegal ones?

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Joe Biden loved putting sweet babies in our barbecue sauce.

SPEAKER_06 39:09

What do you think we've been doing with all the illegal babies?

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Donald Trump, as a part of the Jeffrey Epstein plan, is no longer putting sweet babies in our barbecue sauce.

SPEAKER_06 39:18

No more sweet Mexican babies in the barbecue sauce.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Shut it pants.

SPEAKER_06 39:23

Yep, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

Shut it pants. Don't want to hear it anymore.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

That's right. Just like the onions, the Mexican ones are the sweeter ones.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

It's true. That's true. Those are called the Vidalia onions. I don't know why I'm going between Jew and Trump right now.

SPEAKER_06 39:38

You start to lose it after a while.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

I just suck at it, yeah. I'm just not talented at anything other than fucking gas bowling. What about what about what, Kyle? Finally fucking killing myself.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

Yeah, right. No, what if when you're overthinking, right? When you're overthinking.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

So when I get high and then get in the shower.

SPEAKER_06 40:04

Yes. So when you're overthinking.

SPEAKER_02 40:05

I'm washing myself up right now. I'm getting in the space.

SPEAKER_06 40:08

That's actually just your brain reading everyone else's mind, and you don't know that they're other people's thoughts and not yours.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I was right. It sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds right. So I was right all along. I knew it.

SPEAKER_06 40:26

Yeah. That's a good way to make somebody paranoid when they're high off their shit on weed. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Dude, I'm fucking blasted off cron right now. I like saying I'm blasted off cron. Even when I'm not blasted off cron.

SPEAKER_06 40:40

When's the last time you went to the city?

SPEAKER_02 40:41

Oh man, do you have weed on you? Sorry, officer smoked it already. Like that. Didn't save any for you. I'm fucking blazed off cron, dude. Even when I'm not blazed off cron, I say I'm blazed off cron, dude.

SPEAKER_06 40:55

It's a fun, it's fun to toss around. It's fun to blazed on cron.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

It's it had to be just cool to be one of those original guys that that was genuinely their personality. That they like woke up and either skateboarded or if they were by an ocean, they surfed. They're just like, I'm fucking blazed on Kron. I'm about to catch some fucking waves, dude. Or like Eddie Vetter, I'm gonna catch I'm gonna catch some waves and ride some Pearl Jam songs. I'm doing Eddie Vetter's voice.

SPEAKER_06 41:19

Um okay. Um did you know if you count the ridges on someone's asshole, it tells you how many guys they fucked?

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Can you feel them or can you only see them?

SPEAKER_06 41:32

Um you could feel them if it helps you count accurately. It's like re rings on a tree trunk, you know.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Yeah, gosh. I gotta I guess I gotta do some thing. I gotta count all to wear when I get home tonight.

SPEAKER_06 41:45

Call that around my asshole in 80 days. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

Like the sisters like the sisters of the traveling pants.

SPEAKER_06 41:54

Sisters of the traveling pants.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Like Sisters of the Traveling Penis.

SPEAKER_06 41:57

Sisters of the Traveling Penis. That's what I said. My brain power's dying.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

Curb your penis.

SPEAKER_06 42:07

Curb your penis. Curb your small penis as a I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

Dallas Cowboys penis. Did you see that documentary they put out? Dallas Cowboys Penis.

SPEAKER_05 42:19

No.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

Oh, it's not called penis. It's like America's oil man gambler penis.

SPEAKER_06 42:26

Oh, goddamn, dude.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

How about a family penis?

SPEAKER_06 42:30

A family penis.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

The simp penis.

SPEAKER_06 42:33

The simp penis, a gay man's penis.

SPEAKER_02 42:35

A gay man's penis.

SPEAKER_06 42:36

A gay man's penis.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

You know what are you doing with this?

SPEAKER_06 42:42

Well, I was supposed to blow the fucking cat hair off of this, but no matter what angle you can do.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

Are you sure, Tolly?

SPEAKER_06 42:47

Oh yeah, there is a look on the fucking agent agent in there to be stop people from holding it.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

Oh really?

SPEAKER_06 42:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

They Oh, inhalant abuse public safety announcement? Is that what we're talking about?

SPEAKER_06 42:58

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

This product contains. Wow. I never been discouraged by nothing before. I like having these a little bit because I feel like I talk cooler now.

SPEAKER_06 43:14

Really?

SPEAKER_02 43:16

Yeah. No, I don't. I feel like I feel like fucking a little girl from finding Nemo. Fishy, wake up! That's what I feel like. Truly, I'm so insecure about these fucking things. And if you eat, dude, there's just shit caught on the It's disgusting. I bet. Like you can't I can't even eat in public anymore. It's fucking disgusting. Oh man. Which I'm not really a big public. I don't just like walk around and eat. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of gross, but now it's like you see. If I don't have like fucking floss immediately, you're like, that guy hasn't brushed his teeth in six months. Yeah, dude. It's disgusting.

SPEAKER_06 43:48

Fuck that, bro. Fuck that. You gotta have more.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

They scared me. They scared me because my shit's like fracturing. Okay. Because I have like I have like a crazy overbite. This is like gonna correct the overbite.

SPEAKER_06 43:58

Oh, that's good.

unknown 43:59

But

SPEAKER_02 44:00

But like they were showing me like the fr I like they did a close-up. I have like all kinds of like fracture lines and shit. And like my front teeth are like beginning to chip. Oh fuck. Cause I like bite with my whole fucking mouth. I'm a fucking biter, bro. I bite. All my shit. They showed like on a heat map. They're like, it's okay if your teeth in the back are like red and yellow, but the ones in the front should be nothing more than like purple. Uh-huh. They're all red and yellow. They're like fucked. So they scared the shit out of me and I got it. And it doesn't help that all the ladies in there are hot.

SPEAKER_06 44:28

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

So they're like, oh, it's the oh my god. And then they they have this other thing. I'm gonna ask them the next time I go back, because we kind of cool like that now. Because I've been there a few times. But every time at the end, whether it's the old the the like like top lady that does it, or like there's a new like head dentist lady, they always at the very end of the appointment they say, Wow, you have great teeth. What does that mean? Are you just like trying to brainwash me and be like hot older lady said you have great teeth? Because that works. They're all trying to fucking I'm gonna keep going back.

SPEAKER_06 45:01

They're all trying to fuck you.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

Stroke my ego in a little non-consensual, weird way like that, that makes me think that it it's just gonna be me and you one time and you're gonna suck my balls or something. It works. Bro, I know it's never gonna happen, but guess what? The undertones work on me. If only they knew I am but a man.

SPEAKER_06 45:19

If only they knew you were a homosexual, though.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

I know, then yeah. Well, there's a really hot guy that works there too. They're all attractive too. It's fucked up. Seriously, it's really weird. Like, I'll have to give you the name of the dentist's office, but like it's it's strange. They're all attractive.

SPEAKER_06 45:34

Wow, okay. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

Fucking it's scary. No, like but it's like I felt like I was at like the grown-up version of a strip club because it's like three hot ladies being like, it's only 5,000. It's only new turns will pay for most of it. Like it was like, what the fuck? Am I like a gay little brogue boy if I don't buy this right now? What the fuck? It may be, yeah, it works on me. But I mean, like my upper lip is sweaty.

SPEAKER_06 46:02

Yeah, minus two. But no, go back to fucking gay people, no.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

I don't know why Going back to fucking gay people. Going back to no comments.

SPEAKER_06 46:09

Fucking gay people in the ass, yeah. And no, no, fucking uh no, I don't understand, you know, why people are so weird about that shit. I love gay people. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 46:20

I don't understand algebra. I understand stuff like that. I like gay people, they're cool.

SPEAKER_06 46:25

I like cool, you know what? You know what? So what if he goes home every night and sucks his boyfriend's dick and then swishes the cum around his teeth. That's his thing. Like it's Listerine. You know what? So what if they fuck each other in the ass so hard that there's bruises on each butt cheek, and then when he pulls out, there's a line of semen going from his asshole to his dick.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

It's better than what you do when you go home. Listener, not you. It looks like you took that one first. Listener. Whatever. No, no. I see, it's the same bottle of lotion as last time you were here, Andy. See that? I don't even barely do that anymore.

SPEAKER_06 47:04

But again, sucking cock violently.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:09

You know, come dripping out of an asshole.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

No, but for real, wait. Can I pause you? I wish I liked that. There's cock everywhere. There's dick everywhere. I could give four dudes in my building, I bet I could suck off. There's probably 20 dudes in my building. At least four of them would be like, yeah, fuck it, you can suck my dick. If a guy just was like, hey dude, can I suck your dick? I bet four of those motherfuckers would let it happen.

SPEAKER_06 47:31

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

So what if got him a little drunk? You watched the game, you sat kind of close, you had some good you had some oysters.

SPEAKER_06 47:40

Yeah, dude. Like, so what if a guy wants to fucking, you know, when he pulls his dick out of the guy's ass, you know, take a scoop of the shit left over on it and stick it in his mouth, you know, to get a little bit of that booty sauce in there.

SPEAKER_02 47:52

Yeah, I don't think that you're a freak. I think that's you, and that's what makes you cool, man.

SPEAKER_06 47:56

Listen, I know this is graphic, but you're missing the point. The point is to the point is to each their own, is what I'm trying to say. You know.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Unless, you know, yeah, certain things. Yeah, but unless I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_06 48:11

There's a um there's this good gay guy that does comedy, uh, shout out Ricardo Rivera.

SPEAKER_01 48:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 48:17

No, he's like a local guy.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

But no, he like actually like his name.

SPEAKER_06 48:23

But no, like he's actually like he made a joke about like always, you know, drinking a lot of water just in case he has to get fucked in the ass that night. Which as a concept is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

Yeah. Avoiding certain foods. Yes. That's okay.

SPEAKER_06 48:39

In case you get fucked. Hilarious. You know, I don't know. It's just there's a lot of like gay comedians where basically their whole act is just like sticking their ass out at the audience. You know what I mean? I appreciate active jokes.

SPEAKER_02 48:51

To a true gay artist such as yourself that you don't like that that degrades the um the medium of art.

SPEAKER_06 48:58

I mean, I guess that's basically what Joe Rogan does for his act.

SPEAKER_02 49:02

You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Hey, fuck you guy at the top. What if suck our dicks? What if fuck you guys that literally runs the world at this point and controls everybody's opinion?

SPEAKER_06 49:13

What if Joe Rogan's uh treated his stool humping act the way Bert Kreischer treats the machine act? Like he tells it every show at the end, like the crowd goes, he's like, You guys ready to see me hump the stool? Like the crowd goes crazy, dude. The staff has backup stools made of aluminum just because he kept breaking them last time he was at this venue.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

Wait, when did Joe Rogan become a black comic? The stool humping? Stool humping's a black guy thing. I've never seen a big-thool? No, like humps. Black guys love to fuck the stool.

SPEAKER_06 49:43

You've never seen a black guy do that.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Black guys fuck the stool all the time. He's fucking for real right now? Yeah. I thought you were a comic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:52

Maybe I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

I feel like the black comics are the ones that I feel like I feel like from 10 years ago, maybe white people stole that one. Maybe we came around. This is alright, here's the thing I've been thinking about. Black people need to be stopped being so damn mad because we took your we took your shit. We took your hot line, and we made it a hot song, bro. Just because Elvis took your moves, Elvis made it a hot line. He made it a hot song. You had a hot line, yeah, cool moves. Elvis made it a hot song.

SPEAKER_06 50:21

When I was 18 years old, I was involved in sucking cockia.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

The Rolling Stones. Sucking Bridge to Sucking Kakia.

SPEAKER_06 50:29

Bridge to sucking cockia.

SPEAKER_02 50:30

It's in your Oh no, Narnia is the one in the closet, right? Yes. Okay, yeah. Bridge to Kakia. I know it's not a bridge, that's terabithia. It's just cockia. Okay. In your closet. This is what you guys come back for, right here. Thank you, Noah.

SPEAKER_06 50:51

Thank you, Noah. Oh yeah. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah. They uh we took a work trip to uh the to the uh Sox Cubs game a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_06 51:03

Yeah, we had blue.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

That's fucking sweet. I'm going tomorrow, actually. Oh, you really know bowling day.

SPEAKER_06 51:07

Oh, dope. Yeah, bro. We got like a fucking box section and everything. Like socks too? Yeah, dude. Cub socks is the best.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

Yeah, that's that's I think every summer that's my favorite Chicago event now that I'm a fully adult. It used to be Lowa. Cub Sox is the best to go to. I love it.

SPEAKER_06 51:23

It was fun, dude. I'm not even a big baseball guy, but it was fun. Dude, there was so one of our co-workers is like she's bigger. And I remember we were like walking towards the thing, and she was like already like red face, sweat pouring down. I couldn't help myself, bro. She uh I was just standing, minding my own business. All of a sudden I look over and she looks up and says, Are those stairs? And I fucking that's a funny thing to do. I snorted, bro. I snorted.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

I would have had to I would have walked around the corner first.

SPEAKER_06 51:57

I didn't mean I couldn't help, I didn't mean to.

SPEAKER_02 51:59

Now those stairs is really funny because come on. Come on.

unknown 52:02

Come on.

SPEAKER_06 52:03

Have a little bit of fucking self-awareness.

SPEAKER_02 52:10

There's ramps, though. Oh, but you're in a box. Yeah. Shit, you're on the box floor.

SPEAKER_06 52:14

Oh yeah. Shit. Yeah, one one case of stairs. Damn. Versus one woman. One case of stairs versus like ramp versus food.

SPEAKER_02 52:24

It's a half hour episode. Yeah. What one woman one staircase?

SPEAKER_06 52:28

One woman one staircase.

SPEAKER_02 52:29

If a super Not my proudest Fap.

SPEAKER_06 52:33

Do you think if a super uh obese person shot a gun, they would just tip over backwards from recoil?

SPEAKER_02 52:40

That's a pretty interesting concept. Yeah. I like that.

SPEAKER_06 52:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

They could like cow tipping almost. Cow tipping. Gun tipping, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:47

Or what about this? Do you think if a fat girl sees something foaming in her drink, she feels good about herself?

SPEAKER_02 52:56

That's fucked up. That's good. That's a funny one.

SPEAKER_06 53:00

You're like, oh, oh, sorry. That one's not for you. Oh, uh, uh, Sister.

SPEAKER_02 53:06

Yeah. But that one's not as for your friend.

SPEAKER_06 53:09

You know, you know you've reached your weight loss goals when you're, you know, start you're start getting drugged more at bars. Yeah. That's how you know.

SPEAKER_02 53:17

That's yeah, that's why I still struggle with myself. I never got drugged at the bar. That's why I struggle with my self-image. I've always said that. Now nobody ever drugs me.

SPEAKER_06 53:25

If I were someone that to do that, and I'm not, but I'm just thinking objectively.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

If you gotta clarify it, doesn't that mean you're the guy that would do it?

SPEAKER_06 53:34

No, but I'm just thinking I'm just thinking. I think it does.

SPEAKER_02 53:38

Sorry. Sorry, I think it does.

SPEAKER_06 53:39

I don't even have access if I wanted to. Oh, it's just saying if you're gonna do it, you'll get the most bang for your buck if you do it to a fat girl, because when they fall, you know, they're more likely to take like three or four girls down with her.

SPEAKER_02 53:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 53:55

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 53:56

For sure. I'm just But also she might in the morning, she might be like, I love you. I didn't get drugged. This is what meant, this is what God wanted to happen.

SPEAKER_06 54:04

I'm not a roofy guy, I'm a logistics guy.

SPEAKER_02 54:06

I'm a logistics guy. I'm an efficiency guy. I'm a numbers guy.

SPEAKER_06 54:10

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

Yeah. Always been. Always been an efficient bastard. Isn't your isn't your last name German? Aren't you kind of German? I don't know. You're kind of German, you guys are big on the efficiency, yeah. Yeah. Get thrit of these guys. You get the efficiency.

SPEAKER_06 54:28

Efficiency, Schliederhausen.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

You are wait a second. Okay, wait. I'm you are a Nazi. You are you want all the big titted Jewish women to yourself.

SPEAKER_05 54:41

You got it. I got you. Busted Nazi.

SPEAKER_02 54:44

Got you. That's why you're trying to get rid of all them guys. All them, all them guys with those cool little hats. Those little coasters on their head.

SPEAKER_06 54:53

I like that. I like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

Yeah, you are a Nazi. You just want the big titty gals.

SPEAKER_06 55:00

Yeah. Well, good thing this is an audio-only podcast.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

You're in it for a different reason.

SPEAKER_06 55:04

I'm in it for a different reason.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

You're in it for a different reason.

SPEAKER_06 55:06

A much more wholesome reason, I would say.

SPEAKER_02 55:08

Much more wholesome, yeah. You just want a nice lady with supple breasts for your young men to suckle on.

SPEAKER_06 55:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

You just want them to develop good strong bones.

SPEAKER_06 55:16

I don't want to get rid of them. Only the fat ones, you know?

SPEAKER_02 55:19

Only the fat ones. Only the ones that are fat without big giant fat nattdies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 55:24

Kidding.

SPEAKER_02 55:25

This is a big giant fat natty podcast. Yes, it is. It is. This is we are pro natty, pro big fat. Pro big fat nattdies on this podcast. We and we disavow anybody that's not big fat pro natties positive. Because we're so po we disavow anybody. Anybody that's not saying that they're for it is against it. Yes. And we're the only ones saying that we're for big fat nattys.

SPEAKER_06 55:46

Yeah, we're the only ones.

SPEAKER_02 55:47

So think about that when they selections like it comes around.

SPEAKER_06 55:51

They're good for something.

SPEAKER_02 55:52

They're good for something. They goddamn right. Develop in the heartland of America. Farmer boys. Farmer boys. Big strong lads. Americana. American men. They're fighting wars and suck on their mommy's breasts. Because they make them big and strong.

SPEAKER_06 56:06

Oil those titties up.

SPEAKER_02 56:08

Oil them up.

SPEAKER_06 56:10

But not like baby oil. Something manly, like motor oil.

SPEAKER_02 56:14

Fucking castrol.

SPEAKER_06 56:15

Or WD40.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

WD40, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 56:18

Do you know what WD40 stands for?

SPEAKER_02 56:21

Uh no, I don't.

SPEAKER_06 56:22

It's because he's got a wide dick and she's 40, and that's why you need to loop.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

Ooh. Wow. You're not a rapper, buddy. You're a rapper though. Yeah, that's a bar. W D photo.

SPEAKER_06 56:33

That's a bar right there.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

That was a bar.

SPEAKER_06 56:36

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 56:38

This is a lubricant bar. This is a lubricant making lubricant bars. And he's walking past the window. That way.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

Oh, there's a dude that fucking has a dog here.

SPEAKER_02 56:52

Paces and shit?

SPEAKER_06 56:54

Yeah. Weird guy.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Weird guy.

SPEAKER_06 57:00

I d I was thinking of more shit movies, but I never stopped doing that. Of course you were? Of course I am, dude.

SPEAKER_02 57:05

You know. Some people wake up in the morning and they go run. Some people wake up in the morning and think about movies with shit.

SPEAKER_06 57:12

Yeah, dude. Shit dramas, bro. So, like, I'm thinking I want to do a kind of movie where there's like he they have to take a shit so big that he needs like a turd C section, right? It has to be surgically removed. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 57:25

A turd a tersarian section?

SPEAKER_06 57:28

A turdsarian section. A turd so big that you could literally like see it traveling through his body.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

Dying turd birth?

SPEAKER_06 57:37

Yeah. Like a snake when he swallows a mouse whole.

SPEAKER_02 57:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 57:42

Wow. Did somebody say swallowed whole?

SPEAKER_02 57:45

Is this like a really skinny guy? Or is it like a great big fat guy and the turd's even that even bigger?

SPEAKER_06 57:53

You're not gonna say hi to our friend Sebastian who just popped in?

SPEAKER_02 57:55

Sorry, sorry, sea bass. Top man.

SPEAKER_06 57:58

I thought somebody wanted to be swallowed whole.

SPEAKER_02 58:00

You know, I don't know if anybody of us in this room are really into that right now, being swallowed whole. What do you want me to swallow?

SPEAKER_06 58:07

A dump? You want me to swallow a big fat dump?

SPEAKER_02 58:09

It'd be nice if somebody swallowed my dick and balls. Whole? Yeah. It'd be really nice.

SPEAKER_06 58:14

Yeah, I'm not swallowing no dick, no balls, no turds, nothing like that, okay?

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Yeah, I forgot you ain't into that gay shit, sea bass. No, I am not.

SPEAKER_06 58:21

No, goddamn, I am not. Alright, I'm getting to get the fuck out of here.

unknown 58:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:26

Alright, sea bass.

SPEAKER_06 58:27

Say goodbye to Sebastian.

SPEAKER_02 58:28

Whatever, Sebastian. Go swallow something whole, you fuck.

SPEAKER_06 58:31

That's fucking very rude.

SPEAKER_02 58:33

That's very rude. There we go. Delayed beep. Delayed. Tape delayed. Sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_06 58:40

Audience members, say goodbye to Sebastian.

SPEAKER_02 58:43

Do it. Hi, Sebastian. Our fucking audience of four-year-olds. That's who listens to us is children. We're children's podcasts.

SPEAKER_06 58:51

We really are, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

It's Austin, Miss Rachel. We talk about Israel and Palestine too.

SPEAKER_06 58:56

Children who are too grown for their own age. That's who our podcast is for. Yeah. What about how about it like a dump that's so big? Like if you keep taking these huge shits, you have to get like your rectum stapled. Because your rectum's too big to get a piece of it removed.

SPEAKER_02 59:12

You're like you're like fun bridge that feels like it was sewn together in the womb anyway. Yeah. That kind of unseals itself. Yeah. I'm gonna staple that hoe back together.

SPEAKER_06 59:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:20

But am I gonna have to come out in two weeks to get the staples taken out? Because that's how it's not fun.

SPEAKER_06 59:25

Well, don't they have like certain staples that like dissolve away? I believe they do. Yeah, I believe it's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 59:29

I believe we have that technology.

SPEAKER_06 59:30

Because otherwise, how you'd have to reopen it again to take out the staples, at which point you have to staple it again.

SPEAKER_02 59:36

Is that stitches that dissolve? It might be the stitches. It might be the staple. Yes, I don't think there's a dissolvable staple stuff. Okay, well, whatever. It's alright. We gotta combine 100 IQ in this room.

SPEAKER_06 59:46

Maybe make a staple out of whatever you make the fucking stitches out of.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

But you ever think of that? Yeah. Fucking doctors? Yeah. Come on, Fau. Dude, I'm sitting across from the next Fauci right here. Leader in modern medicine, Kyle. I don't remember. Can you imagine when we like, we're gonna have a president named Kyle? There's a lot of people named Kyle. That's like around our age and younger. I know. There's a lot of people named Kyle. We might have a president Kyle in our lifetime. We don't need one. Think about that. How funny that is.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:14

I think the name should go extinct.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:15

I think it is. I think it is. I think this new generation, we like take the kids to school and shit. You look at the desks. There's no Kyle, like common names are just gone.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

They're like the ones that we grew up with. Now like a common white name is like Brantley or some shit. It's weird. Now everybody's fucking everybody's so unique that they're just we every kid is weird now.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:40

Now all kids are named like weird things like Courtesy or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

Yeah, instead of bro, Curtis was cool.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:47

That sounds like the name of That sounds like the name of like a conscious rapper. Courtesy. Oh fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

Courtesy's got bars for days that I do not want to hear.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:57

Dude. Talking about like race issues and shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

Big race issue guy, but he's a black guy. He's a black guy. He's not one like Tom McDonald. He's not like the white guys to talk race issues.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:06

He wears a beret. Speaky, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:10

Yeah, he's got his uncle's Bluetooth in. It was passed down.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

From generations. Did you know that?

unknown 1:01:16

What?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:17

That's like a family heirloom. What is? Um, Unc's earpieces. Is it really? It's like a family heirloom, yeah. It's like a big deal if that's bestowed upon you. Oh wow, you would know. It's pretty sweet, yeah. That's why I want to be transracial. I want to be next in throne for the earpiece.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:33

I was gonna make another joke, I forgot what it was, but uh that's alright.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:37

That was funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:38

That sounds good. Fucking uh oh yeah, another thing. I might have said this last week, but I had this idea. I wonder if AI could help me with this. But I keep having this vision when I close my eyes, right? And it's basically just the view of the camera is underwater, and then you just see like a turd come in and splash. Like go like but you're underwater, but you see it like go under the water. Kind of like the cover of uh Nirvana's Nevermind. Okay, but it's a turd instead of the baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:06

Does it move kind of like a seahorse towards you? It moves like a torpedo towards you. Oh, it glides to you. It's like bubbly.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:15

You just see bubblies and then it's just like slowly gliding towards you.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:18

That's terrifying. Maybe it's got like a piece of toilet paper hanging on the back.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:25

That's terrifying.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:26

Bro, dude, the other day Torpedo. I forgot. That's too the only thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:29

Tornado.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:30

Tornado.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:31

Tornado. Tornado. Did we already think of that one? That sounds in the past of your brain. It sounds like your work of your brain.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:36

Well, we have it here now if we don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:38

Tornado.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:39

But dude, I also forgot to tell you. The other day, bro, fucking, I had fucking diarrhea, bro. I had a shit, bro. And then fucking put Greg's in the goddamn shower, and I'm telling you, I was this close to having to fucking open the door and fucking have diarrhea.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:54

Literally in front of your room.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:55

Well, there's a curtain separating us, but he's still naked trapped in there.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:59

Naked trapped.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:00

You know, I'm holding him hostage in there for as long as I'm shitting and he has to hear all of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:05

I would rather you come in with a gun and hold me at gunpoint until I gave you my ass. Come in and have diarrhea with me in the shower. I would rather I'd rather you threaten my sexuality than come in and fucking dump. Go outside, you fucking animal. I'm in the gimme five, bro. Give me five. Give me five. Let me take the towel out and step out real quick and dry off. I'll go in my room to dry off. Get the I'll I'll come back in two hours when it doesn't smell anymore to brush my teeth. That's insane.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:42

Yeah, no, I didn't, but it was it almost came too.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:46

Bro, you live next to the park district. You could go to that toilet.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:50

Yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

Yeah, maybe there's always portajons, bro.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:55

Yeah, there are building houses next door with portage on there.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

Oh, see? That's but I don't want to diarrhea on a portageon in the humidity, though. You can hit it early in the week. If you if you're if you're like the first day of the it getting cleaned out and it hasn't really been destroyed by a Hispanic guy yet, you can get it. If you're like the first turd, first or second turd, you're good. Well, because it ain't really baked all there.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:19

Here's the thing about diarrhea, it's not exactly planned.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:22

You're gonna have a blue ass. Not exactly planned. But I'm saying, like, if it fits into your diarrhea schedule, like the last job I was on, they clean them out on my own.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:29

If diarrhea calls, it calls.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:31

Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I mean, hey, I was giving myself diarrhea Monday morning. I'd be two shots of espresso coffee with a vape coming in to work. You know, you know that I made a beeline the second I parked my car to that goddamn portage on Monday morning.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:45

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:47

I had a concoction of shit brewing.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:51

Oh yeah, dude. I've been there. I had another idea. Another movie idea, right? Figure this out, right? It's called Fecal Attraction. Right? Fecal Attraction. Did I send you the poster?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:06

I'll I'll put the poster up somewhere, maybe on the YouTube version. But uh anyway, so I want you to meet our ma main character, right?

unknown 1:05:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:14

One of our main characters at least. He goes by uh Pringle Can Dan the Dump Man.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:19

Pringle Can Dan the Dump Man.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:21

Yeah, because he takes shits the size of Pringle Cans.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:23

Okay. I knew a pop can dance because he said his dick was the size of a pop can. Pretty funny, funny really close related. Maybe he's his cousin.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:31

Really? He might be. He might be. But so he finds out, you know, he finds out about a serum that he could take to give him giant shits, right? Um and he takes it and starts taking bigger shits, and they feel really good, right? You know? Then he feels the need to take bigger and bigger shits, you know, to get the same satisfaction from the last one, right? He's kind of chasing this dragon. You know what I mean? But in this process, you know, it uh like any addiction. But it's destroying his body, you know? And you know, uh the stress a woman's body, you know, that goes through when she's having a baby. And you know, imagine that multiple times of a day. That's basically what this guy is going through.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:13

He's damn impressive. But like, you know, in this world of like everybody's like, I got low T, I got low this, I got low that, now my loads are bigger. Everybody's all about doing the best. He's about the shit. He's about the shit, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:25

And then what starts happening, uh, he starts selling his turds to the Indian cartel to support his habit, right? And at a certain point, he becomes indebted to them. Right? Do you have questions?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:38

Yeah, yeah. What is the Indian cartel doing with his turds? Um and if he's only selling them, how does he become indebted to them?

SPEAKER_06 1:06:45

Oh, well, maybe they're eating them, I don't know. It's like a fetish thing for him. We'll maybe we'll find out later in the moment. No, he's selling his turds. He's selling them. Okay, but eventually, you know, that doesn't work out. He's indebted to the Indian cartel.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:00

Logistically. Yeah. So uh Maybe they maybe he promised more shits than he can produce. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's like a redemption tale.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:08

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention this isn't Pringle Candan. This is another guy that wants to be like Pringle Candan.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:13

Oh, it's an imposter.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:17

Yeah, I know, I fucked up. But anyway, so now you know that. And now uh what he does is he calls up Pringle Candan when it turns out he died from taking uh too big a shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:28

Dang.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:28

Right?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:29

So like he saw it working through his whole body.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:31

Yeah. So he's wondering, like, did Pringle Candan also take the serum? You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:37

You know, anyways, he shits too big and dies, right? He's never paid his debt, so the Indian cartel uh rapes and murders his family.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:44

Okay, so cool, cool twist at the end. I'm a real M. Night Gemini classic. Cool twist. What about what about like I think it would be really cool. I think it could be a kid's movie if you just like made it that uh Pringle Cann had like he had like maybe like an eight-year-old undersized black kid that didn't make the football team or something as like his companion.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:12

And he's the one that like he's like, fuck, I gotta get in contact with J Jay Rich. I got in contact with Lil J. Rich. Fuck, who's Lil J. Rich? He knows he's the only one that knows if he took the serum or not.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:25

And then he finds Lil J. Rich. He finds that he walks into a liquor store and he's like, hey, I heard that little J. Rich hangs out round here, and he like brings him to the back, and Lil J. Rich is like playing basketball behind the liquor store, and he's like, Where's Lil J Rich? And he's like, That's Lil J. Rich, man. That's your guy. He knew Pop C you're like, Where Pringle Candy, like, whoa. And it's like heartwarming.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:46

So is that like the sequel? No.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:48

Or is that I don't maybe it's a prequel.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:51

Prequel?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:52

Actually, maybe it's a prequel, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:54

I think it could be a prequel where Pringle Candan is already dead. It's a prequel that happens in the past.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:00

Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:02

Think about that. Okay. Think about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:04

That's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:06

But it was all just a daydream in the end. But the Indian but the the the people do come in and rape and murder his family. Of course. That's that whole that's the only thing that holds up from the first movie. That part's not negotiable. The whole the whole rest was just a weird crystal math infused fever dream. Yeah. That didn't actually happen. But the Indian cartel did come. Indian cartel again. Didn't know that existed. Came and killed and raped his family.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:30

Except for the dog. They took the dog. They made the dog the king of India.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:36

They probably fucked him.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:37

He has such good policies. Wait. Such good policies. Gee, I told you.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:44

Bro, fucking like a month ago or so. I was at work. Or was I at work? No, I wasn't at work. I was at Target.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:53

You were at the gay sex factory?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:55

I was at the gay sex factory, right? No, I was at fucking target, bro. And I walk in and I heard a guy in the stall going.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:05

You know. That's pretty fun.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:07

That's fun, dude. Like I've taken.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:08

Did you make did you like quietly scurry backward to make sure that the door closed really quietly behind you after that?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:14

I should have. But I don't even know if you noticed over the sound of his own, you know. Grunt. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, I've taken.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:20

I would have just froze.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:22

I probably. I mean.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:23

What did you do?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:24

I did kind of just freeze for a second there, and then I just went to the urinal. I mean, I've taken some large shits in my life. Fucking yell again, dude. Shit really hard, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:37

Fucking cum. Fucking cum in this fucking urinal, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:43

I mean, I've taken some big shits before, but like, even if I have to push really hard, like I keep it quiet, you know? I've never taken a shit where it I like had to like strain, like I'm doing a PR deadlift, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:55

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:56

I feel like I should have offered him help almost, like made sure he was okay. You know what I mean? Like, be like a dump midwife and talk him through it or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:05

Yeah. You would be such a good dump midwife.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:07

I would be a dump good wife.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

Or a good fuck good dump mid wife. You would dump a good wife too.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:12

I would dump a good wife too.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:13

You would.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:14

You know, you could treat it like a home birth, too, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:16

Sometimes but it's Target, so it's like on the whoa, it's crazy birds. Target, Tarjay.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:22

I mean, it's tough because sometimes with that, you gotta fill up the bathtub and you know, get on your back and deliver it that way. You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:30

Because the splash would be too big otherwise, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:33

Yeah, can engulf the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:36

Fucking tsunami in Phil's bathroom.

unknown 1:11:39

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:40

Phil on the corner. You know that fucking guy, Phil on the corner, takes that fucking shit compound. Makes him take huge dumps.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:47

Big fucking yeah, Phil definitely takes big dumps. Phil is the name of a guy that would take big dumps for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:52

Shout out to Phil, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:53

Shout out to Phil.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:54

Comic book Phil.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:56

Fucking um Yeah, I mean, we'll wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Watch any good porn lately?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:02

Um Honestly, I've kind of just been trying to stick to what couple OnlyFans accounts I have. Nice. And fucking Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:12

Nice.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:13

You know.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:13

I try not to do like what's the monthly budge? I'm completely off OF. Really? Completely off.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:19

Like 30 a month.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:20

30 a month. Now, is that like you're paying subbies or you're buying a couple Vidge? I don't usually videos. No?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:27

No, not really.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:28

But I feel like you would su you sub and you get nothing anyway.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:31

Yeah, I mean, what I like to do is I rotate.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:34

It feels like it's a it's a cover charge at the bar. Just because you paid the cover charge at the bar, you still don't get any free alcohol.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:40

No, that's ships bulls that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:41

That's the subscription. That's bullshit. It's bullshit.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:43

I pay the amount, give me the pussy.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:45

Show me the fucking pictures of your boobies that I wanted to see.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:48

Especially when half of them show it on Twitter anyway. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:51

Oh, dang. Dang, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:53

I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:54

I got hit with fraud charges. Did you? I had my I had my credit card on that motherfucker, and somebody just went in and like somebody went in and pigged out on my shit. Really? They went in, they went, I I just opened up my Chase app the one day. I had like the worst fucking day of all time. And I come home and I'm taking a shit and I open up my bank app to just like see what fucking money that I have, what's in the budget for this week, and I see hundred dollar, hundred dollar, hundred dollar, hundred dollar, hundred dollar only fans. I'm like, what the fuck? So then I I've dashed, I made a mad dash to the OF and was like, This motherfucker loaded credits on here.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:30

Oh shit. And he's speaking in another language to these women. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:34

Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:35

So I hit I hit the fucking Chase. I was like, bro, DAC my shit. And Chase got rid of my car. I had, but then this is the problem. I had to make the most embarrassing phone call of all time to Chase and be like, yeah, there's some fraudulent OnlyFans charges on my account. Do you understand the shame that I had making that phone call?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:56

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:56

That was like, that was maybe the worst phone call I've ever had to make. Even though it wasn't me. I was gonna be like, there's fraudulent only fans charges.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:05

Yeah, try good luck convincing them. So embarrassing, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:09

But then they went back and they're like, hey, there's a bunch of other shit on here too. And I was like, oh yeah, for sure. So yeah. So then I got banned off OF because they were like, that was you. And I was like, uh-uh. Uh-uh, wasn't me? Nope. It was that fucking guy in India that was messaging them ladies.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:26

It always is.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:27

Yep. It was some foreign language. I don't know what it was. But that was, dude, getting hacked on OnlyFans. Because who do you tell? You can't tell your lady about that one. Yeah. Can't be like, dude, babe, I'm in such a bad mood because somebody racked up for$500 of fraudulent charges on porn. Why was your card on that website? Oh Yeah. I didn't say that. I had to just keep that one to myself.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:51

I'm gonna wrap up in a couple minutes here.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:53

Wrap it up.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:54

But uh I know I one last thing though. I just thought about this randomly. It was just thinking about like school, like like when I was real young and shit. Because I hadn't thought about a lot of that shit in so long. It's weird. It's weird, isn't it? Dude, but there were some funny characters though.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:09

Oh fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:10

Dude, I remember this one there was this one retarded guy in like my music class or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:16

Like what grade?

SPEAKER_06 1:15:17

Third grade, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:18

Okay, or oh young as fuck.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:20

And what he what he would do is he would like take the chair, like grab it, and bend over and yell, I've got gas, and then scoot the chair so it makes a loud, like noise.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:32

So it was like a car. Yeah. That's pretty fucking sweet. It was dope. That's a bro. I like him. Where's he at today? I'd like to play I've got gas.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:39

Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:40

Fucking fun. I've got fucking gas. I would just laugh, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:46

Shout out a different Dan.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:48

Shout out another Dan. Another Dan. Shout out to Dan.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:51

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:52

Today he manages a headphone.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:54

Bro, I remember uh the other thing that like weird guy that I remember, I think this was freshman year of high school.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:02

There was a guy, and I That's when the weirds really come to play. Dude. It's freshman year of high school. Everybody's like, I'm gonna be myself. People are gonna like me.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:10

Like obviously I can't prove this, but like the way he the facial expressions he would make and then the way he would like move around in his chair, I really think he was like trying to jerk off with his mind or something in class. Because he'd be like do the like this leg stretch and shit. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:30

Yeah, he oh, he would be like locked position.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:33

Yeah, like like you rubbing his crotch and a little bar under the table. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:38

That's a good feeling, dude. That's a good feeling, brother. No, I don't know. Dude, but sometimes I would I would no sometimes sometimes even now to this day, I'll like sit and I'll just like kind of you know how you could like kind of jiggle your dick a little bit, like you could just like kind of squeeze it a little bit. Yeah, you like flex it? You do it like one too many times, you're just like fuck, why does that feel good? Why is that rubbing against my undie feel kinda good? What's up with that? Am I jerking off to cotton right now?

SPEAKER_06 1:17:10

It's a dangerous game. You'll go to jail.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:13

Yeah, no, I'm I'm straight on that. I always I always you know stop pumping before the pumps get too close. But whoa, what the f why does that feel good?

unknown 1:17:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:23

I knew it was. Really?

SPEAKER_06 1:17:32

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:33

Weird ass fucking pants. Sounds like a Norman.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:36

I don't know. He would always like like talking demon voices to himself in the hallway.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:41

Ooh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:43

Strange guy, strange cat.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

Yeah. Wasn't yeah, it's that hasn't all probably worked out for him yet. You think he's still at his parents' house? He's gotta be, dude. Yeah. He has to show. Yeah. Taylor, you work, though. Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:59

I don't jerk off during class, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:01

Not anymore. Don't worry about it. That's so 2000 and late, brother.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:07

Jerk off this, Andy, not on air.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:11

Sorry, bro. Jerking in class is 2000 and late.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:14

Alright. I gotta go head out to this fucking showcase.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:17

Here goes the showcase guy. Oh, here we go. Plug the dates. Uh more showcases coming up.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:22

I got well, so I'm doing my I'm doing the one today, and then I'm supposed to have another one October 24th, but apparently the venue that we're gonna have that out went bankrupt. So they're trying to find another venue. So I'll let you know about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:37

But we'll do it in my at my community pool if we have to.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:40

Yeah. So hopefully we'll be back in less than two and a half months.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:45

And come to showcase. I'll even I'll let you suck my dick in the bathroom if you want. Yeah. Guys only.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:51

Guys only.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:52

Because I have my I have a woman. Sorry, the girls. Sorry, girls. Guys she said guys only. No. No, I mean it's cool. Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:02

Yeah, hopefully we'll be back sooner than two and a half months, but we'll see.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:08

Say your favorite slur as we end. One, two, three.

unknown 1:19:12

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:13

Horrible hang.