Episode 23 - SpaceX Rhymes With Gay Sex

the boys are back after another hiatus, chattin about white people, a new poop drama, and how to solve world hunger

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

I do declare Andy, the co-host of the horrible ha podcast, to be fucking gay.

SPEAKER_10 0:21

Hear ye, hear ye.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hear ye.

SPEAKER_10 0:26

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

King Fag to the microphone.

SPEAKER_04 0:29

King Fag has arrived. Guys, I don't know if you guys knew this, but we have to like make plans and record 20 times and then cancel each time before we actually We have to plan it out like a vacation if we're gonna have a two-hour fucking time session. It's it's like uh it's like we're when you're shooting a movie, right? You gotta do like 50 takes.

SPEAKER_10 0:49

It's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 0:49

It's a lot.

SPEAKER_10 0:50

It's a lot. I've been missing it action. It's okay, dude.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

It's what it is. We're back now. We're here.

SPEAKER_10 0:56

Missing it action.

SPEAKER_04 0:57

We're here. And uh, yeah, man.

SPEAKER_10 1:01

But now I'm the king.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

You're here, you gotta fucking King of the Queers, King Fag himself. King Fag is you got a fucking place, dude?

SPEAKER_10 1:08

KOQ. Got a place. Fucking A, dude. Me and my sweet baby baby girl Bootang got a place together.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

That's fucking awesome, dude. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_10 1:15

We have a bedroom set. What's up, bitches? A bedroom set. We have a bedroom. I'm the proud owner of a fucking former display piece at the room place in Bowlingbrook. Suck my penis.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

No one that would ever listen to our podcast is probably ever like.

SPEAKER_10 1:30

They had a going out of business sales because they actually were this time. Were they really? Furniture normally, that's like the gag. They actually were, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:38

No shit. Fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:40

Hot, hot deal.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Hot deal.

SPEAKER_10 1:42

It wasn't. I got molested by an old Jewish guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

You got molested, really?

SPEAKER_10 1:46

That's what it felt like.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

Really?

SPEAKER_10 1:47

Yeah. Yeah, they tend to do that to people and they I learned how they just flat out fucking lie to you.

unknown 1:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:53

They just flat out lie.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

It happens, man.

SPEAKER_10 1:55

He goes, okay, no, no returns, all sales final, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. After we agreed to think that's Jewish, but whatever the fuck he was. I don't know. I don't know. Something. He had that look about him.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

He dug was it a big nose? Hook nose.

SPEAKER_10 2:13

No. So already, you know, we had agreed upon. That's it's say it's Thursday. I said, okay, Saturday, delivered. My place. Boom. What's up?

SPEAKER_04 2:24

Fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 2:25

That's what I said. That's what I told him.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

Oh yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 2:28

Okay, cool. No returns. All sales final. Sweet. Sign the paperwork. Bam. Here's a G. Sup, dude. As I'm walking out of the store, sir, sir. Fuck. What? Yeah. What now? I'm so so I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Alright, alright. Why are you so sorry? We cannot do it on this day. If you want your money back, I give you your money back. I'm like, I thought all sales were final, brother. First of all. So that's just a fucking lie. Yeah. No sale is final.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:59

You fucking unless I fuck up. Now I had to wait. Then I had to wait three weeks to get the motherfucker delivered. And I had to pay for delivery. I'm like, I can't pay for fucking delivery here, dude. He's like, oh, third party, third party. Manager comes out. Smoking hot lady. Third party. Third party. Fuck. Alright, whatever. You can't continue. I can yell at the old guy. I can't yell at nice sweet face, hot lady.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

They think they think I think we don't know any better.

SPEAKER_10 3:24

I cracked the whole furniture business. I went, I've been to like four furniture stores. I did like I did like the rounds. It's total fucking laundering. Yeah. Bullshit. But you you learn, you walk through four stores, you sense a pattern. Every one of them has like a 50-year-old lady that clearly used to be hot.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 3:43

Okay she's had she has had kids and her body is not completely stuck with her. She's still kind of cute in the face. She still puts on way too, she puts on too much makeup because she's like fit. She's trying to get it. She's trying to get those sales because she noticed her number started slipping.

SPEAKER_04 3:57

Yeah, I see. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 3:59

Okay, she's sitting there. She greets, she's the first one to greet you, no matter what. There's always a smoking hot 20-year-old babe. Clearly just started, doesn't know what an ottoman is. Sitting on a fucking recliner, like that massages her, and she's like, hey, how are you doing? This is three out of the four stores. Swear to God. Swear to God.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

If you need if you need help, I'll be here texting my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_10 4:26

The manager is always that girl, but in seven years. After seven years of being the top saleswoman, just because she's hot, she becomes manager. She is now queen.

SPEAKER_04 4:40

Okay. Yep. That's a common pattern I've seen.

SPEAKER_10 4:43

There's an old gentleman that for some reason, this is what he's stuck doing. He's an immigrant.

SPEAKER_04 4:48

Yep.

SPEAKER_10 4:49

He's always an immigrant, and he's always 60 plus. If you go to Bob's furniture, they have coffee and little personal-sized ice creams. No shit. You just walk through. It's a catered event. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

It's like Costco of Furniture.

SPEAKER_10 5:04

It's a catered event, brother. It's a nice refresher. Nice. Alright. It's nice. And you also get to look at these people.

SPEAKER_06 5:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 5:14

Because I pro whatever store it is. I promise. There's always a black lady with too much attitude at a computer. You don't know what she does there, and she's the only person that works solely on the computer, but she's there and she's working on that son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 5:31

She's a little overweight because she doesn't move.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

But she works hard.

SPEAKER_10 5:36

But she works hard. She works hard. She shows up every day. Does she stay the whole day?

SPEAKER_04 5:40

Meh, not always. Not really. A lot of time on the phone, I assume.

SPEAKER_10 5:44

She's, yeah, biz whatever though. But whatever though. She's there.

SPEAKER_04 5:51

Dude, do you like uh do you like my shirt?

SPEAKER_10 5:53

I yes, I'm into it.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

Dude, fucking uh Luigi Magioni shirt.

SPEAKER_10 5:58

It's pretty cool. Godfather the stylings of the Godfather.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

Shout out Meth Syndicate.

SPEAKER_10 6:03

That's a Meth Sy Okay. That's badass.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

Dude, Luigi's a real ass dude, though. Is he? I have some opinions, but you know what's crazy though? Is that uh literally I don't is he wait, is he a real ass dude? I don't know. The thing with him is is like, yeah, he shot the dude, but also this dude was like, apparently he was like using bots to like decide if people will get an insurance claim or not. Oh, for sure. He was a huge piece of shit that was fucking over thousands of people. He's the CEO.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:37

Is he the guy?

SPEAKER_10 6:38

Or is he just the guy at the board meeting?

SPEAKER_04 6:40

I don't know how much of a difference because it's not really gonna make a difference. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 6:44

It might have been more of just a fucking hey, cool, hey, cool movement, brother. I can stand behind it. That guy doesn't make a difference. He's just good in boardrooms.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

I just like the idea of justice, you know.

SPEAKER_10 6:58

I agree. It's hey, cool, man, right on. Fight the power. Fight the power right on. But like, I'm with him. It's cool.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

You don't have to take it aside, but I'm not paying it aside. I just like the idea of justice. That's all.

SPEAKER_10 7:13

Somebody, here's what I can appreciate. He did something.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

He did something.

SPEAKER_10 7:17

Nobody does anything. Everybody complains.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

They try to put you in a situation where you can. I mean, you might get the death penalty.

SPEAKER_10 7:23

This is why I don't complain. Because if you fucking complain, you gotta do something. I'm not gonna do shit.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

That's fair. That's fair.

SPEAKER_10 7:32

I can tell you how much I don't like you. I'm not leaving you. I can't.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

Alright, man. We're gonna alright, we're gonna get started on this. We're gonna we're gonna plow through these bits like they're celebrating New Year's in New Orleans.

SPEAKER_10 7:45

Hear ye, hear ye. Hear ye, hearly.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_10 7:49

Go ahead, as king of the podcast. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

But no, but isn't that crazy that made me the king of the podcast? I've made you the king of the podcast. That's crazy. It's literally been so long since we recorded that the last time we recorded, a literal terrorist attack happened, and since then everyone's forgot about it. Yeah. That's how long it's been since we fucking You know it is crazy.

SPEAKER_10 8:10

Which one were you more of a fan of? The ex the exploding the car in front of Trump Tower or the driving.

SPEAKER_04 8:16

I don't really know like who was behind the Tesla shit, but like you can't just drive to a plow of people, man.

SPEAKER_10 8:23

No, you can't. It was like that was a really sick.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

Yeah, and then they wanted to say because he's was an ex-military that he's not a terrorist or whatever.

SPEAKER_10 8:31

So dude, those that was like maybe I don't know, maybe it's all fake and gay. But like, those are all like 12 people that was like, oh, oh, oh, they were like doing something. Oh, what a good person. They really sold that one as like these are the best people ever.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 8:50

You're getting hammered on New Year's. Yeah, no, you're right. Wait a second.

SPEAKER_04 8:54

But you know what is crazy?

SPEAKER_10 8:56

I got in a fight in New Year's. I'm not even a piece of shit. You're everybody's a piece of shit on New Year's.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

You know what's peculiar though is uh Skankfest was literally announced hours after that happened. The same day, hours later. Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_08 9:09

Bass.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

I don't know if anyone knew this, but Louis J. Gomez literally uh sent him to fucking clear out a plot of land for Skankfest in New Orleans. Yeah, not a lot of people know about that, but uh I've got some insider info. I probably shouldn't have put that out there, but you know, I've got connections, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 9:28

Hear you hear you, as the king you must cite sources.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

I must cite sources.

SPEAKER_10 9:31

King of the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 9:33

How about uh how about instead of Louis J. Gomez, it's Louis J. Chromosomez. And he's retarded.

SPEAKER_10 9:39

Wow. Groundbreaking.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

I'm a real ass dude. Or Jewish Jay Gomez. You like Jewish Jay Gomez? Okay. That's a fun one. I don't have anything to go along with that.

SPEAKER_10 9:55

How do you do uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

Fuck, dude. I got so much shit out of this fucking three months just worth of dog shit I've been writing now.

SPEAKER_09 10:04

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:08

Like, I don't know, dude. And it's like, yeah, a lot of the people that were fucking, you know, got mowed down were probably. Who knows? You know what I mean? You can't kill people, you can't kill people the mass amounts. You know what I mean? But like, I do think though, like, it's like fuck.

SPEAKER_10 10:30

Oh fuck, hold on. I'm talking into my knee.

SPEAKER_04 10:34

No, but like, I don't know. A lot of it, I think, is about the message, even though obviously it doesn't go through the way they intended. I think I know what's behind a lot of these uh attacks, though, it's going on. It's because women are hogging all the pussy.

SPEAKER_10 10:46

They're hogging.

SPEAKER_04 10:47

They're hogging all the pussy. Pussy, dude.

SPEAKER_10 10:49

I thank you. So finally, an ally. They've been hogging all the pussy, they're not giving it enough.

SPEAKER_04 10:54

They're keeping all the good pussy to themselves, dude. It's not fair.

SPEAKER_10 10:58

Tragedy. I'm not a fan.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

I need I think we need some sort of like pussy socialism. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 11:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

Or like pussy food stamps, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 11:07

This is this might this might get you in early presidency talks here, young man. You're a few years away from the phone.

SPEAKER_04 11:13

Help a guy in need, perhaps maybe lessen the amount of fucking the tragedies.

SPEAKER_10 11:19

Hey, hey, I don't know. Hey, I don't know. I'm just saying you never one of the these terrorists don't like you never hear like a terrorist do this, and then it comes out later that like, oh, this guy crushed a ton of pussy. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, there's so many, there's so many girls in Dallas that aren't getting enough dick now that that guy killed that all those people. It doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

He was crushing. What the fuck was he so angry about?

SPEAKER_10 11:45

It I've never heard that come out. What if it's always this weird internet history search that comes out?

SPEAKER_04 11:51

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 11:52

Which is pretty fun.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Yeah, it is. What if uh what if the crowd, what if that whole crowd was just uh all of the United CEOs entire like healthcare CEOs entire bloodline, and he knew that ahead of time, and he's like, I'm gonna like do some damage control here.

SPEAKER_09 12:08

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 12:09

You know?

SPEAKER_09 12:10

It could be, you know?

SPEAKER_08 12:12

United.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

I'm just speculating.

SPEAKER_10 12:14

Speculate hey, I'm joking allegedly, you know.

SPEAKER_04 12:17

We're on pod, we're fucking doing conspiracies and shit. On pod.

SPEAKER_10 12:21

En pod, open flap.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

On pod, open flap.

SPEAKER_10 12:24

Open flap. I was just down in I was down New Orleans way, wasn't down for New Orleans. It's fucking Baton Rouge.

SPEAKER_04 12:32

Well, I fucking just only an hour away. I submitted to perform there.

SPEAKER_10 12:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 12:37

Yeah, I had to send in a headshot. I had to I put together like an eight-minute compilation of like a lot of my best bits.

SPEAKER_10 12:44

All right, everybody, while you're driving home from work every day, while you're sitting in your car driving at 55 miles an hour, vote for Kyle.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

Vote for Kyle. Oh, yeah. Speaking of podcasts, dude, I don't know if you saw, I got uh, I made my first podcast guest appearance about a month ago. I got invited on by a fellow.

SPEAKER_09 13:01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_10 13:02

How did it go?

SPEAKER_04 13:03

Pretty well, dude. We went for a while. We went for like two hours, dude.

SPEAKER_10 13:06

Son of a bitch. I suck. I'm the worst. I didn't even know about this.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_10 13:09

I'm such a penis. No, I'm not good.

SPEAKER_04 13:11

No, I've been trying to like, you know, periodically just like post it on a story or something.

SPEAKER_10 13:16

I gotta listen to it. I'm a jealous lover. It's on YouTube. I'm a jealous lover. I might have to fuck somebody up, dude.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

I'll fucking I'll post the link again.

SPEAKER_10 13:22

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Link me, Dad.

SPEAKER_09 13:26

Penis.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

Man. If you don't care about the environment, man, I swear to god I'm gonna fucking beat the fucking shit out of you, man.

SPEAKER_10 13:40

Get the fuck on my level, bro. You don't care about the environment like me.

SPEAKER_04 13:44

Wait, you don't recycle, bro? I'll get me and I'll get my boys back here.

SPEAKER_10 13:49

Yo, bro, come on.

SPEAKER_04 13:50

We're gonna fucking gang rape you.

SPEAKER_10 13:52

What's up, dude?

SPEAKER_04 13:53

You don't care about the fucking environment, man?

SPEAKER_10 13:56

Hug a tree, brother.

SPEAKER_04 13:57

Hug the fucking tree, man.

SPEAKER_10 13:58

What the fuck's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 13:59

Why don't you fuck a tree, bro? There's plenty of holes in it.

SPEAKER_10 14:02

Ever hear of Smokey the Bear?

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Smokey the Bear hates you, man.

SPEAKER_10 14:06

We gotta preserve this shit, brother. We only get one. Ever heard of that concept, bro?

SPEAKER_04 14:12

Crazy. Crazy fucking.

SPEAKER_10 14:14

Don't make me teach you something physically.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

You don't want to learn the hard way.

SPEAKER_10 14:20

I'll beat your fucking ass.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

I'll fucking me and my boys. Dude.

SPEAKER_10 14:27

We can go like men right now here. Let me roll up my goddamn sleeves. What the fuck is up? You don't care about the environment. My ass.

SPEAKER_04 14:37

Hey man, I saw you just finish a Dr. Pepper. What uh what can you throw that in, man?

SPEAKER_10 14:42

Yeah. What are you thinking? You thinking green? You're thinking the three R's? Nah, man. Or are the three R's gonna be we're gonna rape, rape, rape you?

SPEAKER_04 14:51

Rape, rape, rape you, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 14:53

Which one's it gonna be? Reduce, reuse, recycle, or rape, rape, and once again, rape.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Are you trying to expand this square footage of Puerto Rico?

SPEAKER_10 15:04

Or your ass?

SPEAKER_04 15:07

Fuck dude. Bro. I fucking I should have shit earlier, bro. I gotta fucking shit. And now we're on my ass.

SPEAKER_10 15:14

He's gotta fucking shit, guys.

SPEAKER_04 15:15

Now I feel like we gotta ride it through.

SPEAKER_10 15:17

We gotta ride it through. I'll ride it through. I'll do a solo pod.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Do a solo pod?

SPEAKER_10 15:21

I'll commentate you shit. I'll carry the mic in there and I'll c leave the door open. I'm gonna commentate you shitting. That's the this is this is how we break through. Horrible hang. The horrible hang is when the turd is dangling and it's hanging on by a thread.

SPEAKER_06 15:36

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 15:37

And I have to stand and watch you because it is the horrible hang.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

Dude, I love the idea of like taking a big shit as like a sign of assertiveness. You know what I mean? What do you think about me? I'll take a fucking fat dump down your throat. Plug it right up, dude.

SPEAKER_10 15:56

I'll tell you what. When I'm at work and I walk I walk in, somebody didn't flush the nastiest shit that I've seen in three years. I walk a little bit lighter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 16:07

Oh, I'm a little bit more like, okay, who's the elf around here?

SPEAKER_04 16:10

You got a little pep in your step, you know what I mean? It's like you just got laid or something.

SPEAKER_10 16:14

I no, it's not like that. That's relaxed. This is fear, brother.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

Oh, are you talking about before?

SPEAKER_10 16:19

I'm no, I'm talking about I'm talking about if I see a big dump.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Oh, if you see a big dump. I see.

SPEAKER_10 16:26

I'm intimidated. Yeah, I think any man should be intimidated by a dump bigger than the square. If you haven't made one that big in the last 18 months, you should be intimidated.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

That is fair. That is fair. That's a real man right there.

SPEAKER_10 16:41

I'm a real man, dude.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

That's how you know a real man was here, dude.

SPEAKER_10 16:45

How about you know right now? I'll shoot straight, brother. If I ain't done that in the past calendar and a half, I'm scared, dude. I'm not eating anybody's shit out of the fridge anymore.

SPEAKER_06 16:57

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_10 17:00

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Well, well, I I try I tried to fart, and I felt I felt a turd coming out of my ass.

SPEAKER_04 17:08

So I figured, okay, now that it's coming out of my ass, I might as well push it out.

SPEAKER_09 17:15

How many accents in one bit?

SPEAKER_10 17:21

He went like German, and then he had like he spent the summer in Russia and brought that home. And then he went Asian. He went to the other side of fucking Russia.

SPEAKER_04 17:32

I couldn't decide who I wanted that to be. Dude, I wish I could take a shit so big that it just like clogs a target bathroom. You know what I mean? Yeah. Can you imagine the sense of pride that would wash over you after you do that? That's what that movie Pride's about, actually.

SPEAKER_10 17:49

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

You know.

SPEAKER_10 17:51

I did it at the junior college a few times. I had a certain stall. I could show, I could, we can we can do we could do a podcast from the golden stall at Joliet Junior College.

SPEAKER_04 18:00

Does the golden stall have a bidet though?

SPEAKER_10 18:02

It did not.

SPEAKER_04 18:03

Well, it's not a golden stall, but we've got to get it in there.

SPEAKER_10 18:05

Three consecutive weeks, I dropped an 18-inch plus deuce in there. You just got single piece.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

That's impressive. I'm telling you, you just got a new place.

SPEAKER_10 18:14

Three weeks in a row.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

A portable bidet on Amazon's like 50 bucks. I can't recommend it enough. Really? It's super easy to install, man.

SPEAKER_10 18:20

I don't know. I felt like I opened up a fire hydrant right here. So I done.

SPEAKER_04 18:25

You just gotta start low, but you it's fine. It's you trust me.

SPEAKER_10 18:28

It was really, it was really more just like uh holy fuck, it's cold.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

It's cold, but it's you eat something spicy, you'll let it run there for a few minutes.

SPEAKER_10 18:37

We get a little heated one, we're talking, we'll talk.

SPEAKER_04 18:39

Oh, trust me, dude.

SPEAKER_10 18:40

We'll talk.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

I don't think I don't know if you've experienced euphoria before.

unknown 18:46

I don't think I have.

SPEAKER_10 18:49

As a matter of fact, I know I haven't. Everything sucks.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

But dude, that's the worst part of shitting is fucking wiping. You know what I mean? Well, is it? I think it is. I mean, you still have to wipe like the water, but you're not like smearing paste everywhere.

SPEAKER_10 19:03

It's only it's only the worst part when it's like when it's more than three wipes. It's it's it I become embarrassed, and I know nobody else knows, but I become embarrassed of myself. Really? If I'm if we're talking if we're talking four sheets of toilet paper, I am now like, oh no, you're gross, dude. Go fucking take a shower. I gotta be honest, man. What's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 19:25

Well, that's that's unfortunate you say that because I actually I'm I'm really thinking about starting to do no wipe. Have you heard of no wipe?

SPEAKER_10 19:31

No wipe. I love a good no wipe.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

I I'm pretty sure I know some people that are doing no wipe.

SPEAKER_10 19:36

I know the feel. I haven't I don't I haven't had the balls to do it, but I know the feel of a no wipe. Well, why when you truly wipe it and you take it out and you don't know if you wiped your ass, when you look at the paper, you're like, holy shit, you see like a fuzzy that was from your underwear that was just in your ass hair. It's so clean. That is like the is I just voluntary why did I just rub my finger on my ass? What did I do that? What did I do that for?

SPEAKER_04 20:01

You know, why wipe when you know you're just gonna shit again anyway?

SPEAKER_10 20:05

You're just okay. That's just that's a different take. That's a different take on the event.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

I think it's a I think it's the future. It's yeah, it's everything new people shit on. People shit on at first. You know?

SPEAKER_10 20:20

Yeah, I do know. People are literally shitting.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

Yeah, they are. Yeah. I like the idea of like someone that has like they take like super high velocity shits.

SPEAKER_10 20:30

High VLO.

SPEAKER_04 20:31

High VLO.

SPEAKER_10 20:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:32

You know, like it'll just like violently splash in the toilet.

SPEAKER_10 20:35

I've had some, you know, we've all had it, but I don't not consistently.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

No, but I'm talking like sometimes you break a toilet. Fuck. It's like putting like fucking sticks of dynamite in like you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_10 20:47

Like a porcelain almost dense. I mean, I know it can't, but looks like a BB hitter or something.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

It's gotten so bad that in order to shit safely, he has to just launch it into the air and he like has to buy land to do it because he can't just be shitting everywhere.

SPEAKER_10 21:06

He just even from when he was a young boy, he'd go upstairs and use the bathroom, and his mother would hear pink, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

He's shitting again. Johnny, he's shitting again.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

You know, you know what else I was thinking about earlier? I was uh envisioning a uh situation in where Lizzo, right? She's got like violet diarrhea coming, but she's got this leotard on, right? But she's too fat and sweaty, she it's sticking to her, she can't get it off. Fucking it's then she ends up just fucking just like shitting into the leotard.

SPEAKER_09 21:40

Fuck yeah, she does.

SPEAKER_04 21:43

I don't know why I'm so fascinated with shit. I've always been since a young boy. I don't want to smell it or touch it, but objectively the idea of it is funny. You know?

SPEAKER_09 21:55

Poop is very funny.

SPEAKER_04 21:56

It is funny, dude. That's why I was getting to thinking too. So We had finished our first poop drama as far as like workshopping the ideas, right? I'm thinking I'm thinking I want to create another one too. You know what I mean? You in?

SPEAKER_10 22:10

I think I know what you mean. Can we say it at the same time?

SPEAKER_04 22:13

What?

SPEAKER_10 22:14

At the same time. Let's say that do you have a title?

SPEAKER_04 22:17

I don't have a title.

SPEAKER_10 22:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

Let's hear. You got one?

SPEAKER_10 22:20

Edward Poopy Hands.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

Edward Poopy Hands.

SPEAKER_10 22:22

And he says scissors, he has shit hands.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 22:27

That's what I got.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_09 22:31

Horrible.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

Dude. So I'm thinking for this one, dude, like, it starts off with like a battered father, right? Okay. Alright. And every day.

SPEAKER_10 22:47

Let's think it's something different.

SPEAKER_04 22:49

It's a battered father, right? And every day he uh he comes home angry and he beats his kids because he has to shit.

SPEAKER_09 22:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

You know, the he's the he's been weighed down by the plight of having to shit his entire life.

SPEAKER_10 23:03

Yeah, the plight of having to shit.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

And now he's taking it out on his uh family.

SPEAKER_10 23:07

I feel like that's your autobiography. The plight of having to shit.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

The plight of having to shit. I like that's that could be a title.

SPEAKER_10 23:15

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

I was thinking a uh like I had an idea for a scene where like a guy maybe takes a laxative or something and he's like waiting for it to kick in and he ends up going to a party, right? And then he forgets he takes it, and it's like, I don't know if you've ever seen a movie where like they take ass and then it kicks in.

unknown 23:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:34

But it's kind of like that where he's like, oh shit, wait a minute, wait a minute, guys. I gotta leave. And he's like, I gotta you see, like, visually, like it's getting more like distorted and something. He's like, guys, I gotta, I gotta something like that. I tried to put it on the soundboard, but it was fucking with the audio file.

SPEAKER_10 23:57

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

You like that?

SPEAKER_10 23:58

I like see where else can you come and get a true a true dramatic film idea about shit and then a true comedic idea about shit. What other podcast?

SPEAKER_04 24:11

I'm trying to find a perfect blend, you know? And I was thinking about this too. I really wanted to like And Edward Poopy hands. Edward Poopy.

SPEAKER_10 24:19

I wanted to have a I was thinking about two and a half poops.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

I thought of a really bad one, maybe.

SPEAKER_10 24:24

Charlie Sheen.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

Anyway, um, but uh fucking I really want like there to be like like some like deeper layers to this movie, right? I want it to have like some sort of social context. To which one? To the poo movie.

SPEAKER_10 24:36

They're both they're all poo movies, Kyle. Which poo movie?

SPEAKER_04 24:41

No, well we can I'm just which one of the two? Well, I'm it well we only have enough money for one movie. I'm just spitballing ideas here.

SPEAKER_09 24:48

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

All right, but here's I'm thinking I really want to explore the concept, right, of uh what I like to call poo plausible uh deniability, right?

SPEAKER_10 24:58

Pooh plausible.

SPEAKER_04 25:00

Pooh plausible deniability.

SPEAKER_10 25:01

Poo plausible deniability.

SPEAKER_04 25:03

Right? It's kind of just the idea that like there's certain things you can get away with if you had to shit at the time of doing them.

SPEAKER_10 25:10

Oh, I like this. Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:12

Poo guy murders someone.

SPEAKER_10 25:14

I would you know I would like to be a juror on your first trial, Your Honor.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 25:18

This is this is right up my alley here.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

It's like I'm sorry, Buster. Judge, I'm sorry I was speeding. Had to take a dump, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 25:25

How fast?

SPEAKER_04 25:26

How fast?

SPEAKER_10 25:26

How fast are you going? And 110 and it's raining. 110 and it's raining. Okay, ooh. How are you going to a gas station or are you how close are you home?

SPEAKER_04 25:36

Uh you're about, I don't know, you're gonna you've got like three exits before you can get off the highway.

SPEAKER_10 25:41

Three exits before there's like a toilet.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

Yeah, so you're thinking stop at a gas station.

SPEAKER_10 25:47

So you're probably going like 30 over, 40, probably going 40 over, let's be real. And you're three exits. So this could anywhere be from really like this could be five miles, this could be fifteen. You're going, you're hauling fucking air.

SPEAKER_04 26:00

You're hauling, but that's the whole thing. When you gotta take a dump, you gotta take a shit. You know.

SPEAKER_10 26:05

I'm an animal.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

There's just some things in life where there's just exceptions to the rule. And I really want to explore that in this movie, you know.

SPEAKER_10 26:12

I yeah, I think that I think that that's plausible deniability. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 26:18

I do.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

I don't know, dude. I've had a lot of things to think about over the last uh few months or so.

SPEAKER_09 26:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

A lot of uh ideas floating through my little head of mine.

SPEAKER_09 26:28

Really?

SPEAKER_04 26:28

Yeah, my little uh my little uh progeria sized head. You know this is a kid-sized bucket hat?

unknown 26:36

It is.

SPEAKER_04 26:37

It's a kid-sized bucket hat. I didn't realize that's a half-right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's on the cover of it, it's the same font they use for every children's book ever written.

SPEAKER_10 26:50

Well, why are you trying to look like a flapper? Like from the 19 like a 1920s woman's rights activist. Well, no, why don't you just have to look like that because of the headphones? No, why don't you have a big bucket hat like a man? Because I have a tiny fucking No, it doesn't matter the size of the head. You bought a small hat for your small head. You really think it's better? Bucket hats are solid size.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

I bought another bucket hat.

SPEAKER_10 27:12

Any hat.

SPEAKER_04 27:13

I bought another bucket hat. And it was normal size. This one fits inside of it, bro. There's enough space with that other hat I can fucking move in, dude.

SPEAKER_10 27:21

Fucking go get it. You want me to get it? Yeah, I want you to get it. I want to see it. I'm gonna hold it. Yeah. We're gonna hold the show. Give me one second. I'm gonna have to be the judge of this, guys. It's right here. But I'm gonna have to be the judge of this, guys. I don't know. I think he bought a small ass hat for a small ass fucking hat. I think he knew damn well it was a kid's hat, and he thinks this is a bit.

unknown 27:42

I don't think this is a fucking bit.

SPEAKER_10 27:43

I think I think you think this is all just a bit. You don't take any this is this is how off the rails you've gone. You've got a fucking Luigi Mangioni shirt, and you're making fun of bucket hat sizes. What's gotten in you?

SPEAKER_04 27:56

I'm just not understanding the point you're trying to make where I'm wrong for wanting my clothing to fit me. And you know what?

SPEAKER_10 28:03

Did you buy this for the yellow side?

SPEAKER_04 28:05

I want to try a different color.

SPEAKER_10 28:07

You want to try a different color? Alright. I want to try a different color. And it's reverse. Yellow is bold. It's reverse yellow's bold.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

It's bold, you know what? I'm trying to match less, actually. I'm trying to have less coordinated outfits.

SPEAKER_10 28:18

I think you should.

SPEAKER_04 28:19

I'm a contrarian. Remember this?

SPEAKER_10 28:21

I think you should because I have only ever seen you in coordinated outfits. Pretty much. It's always just like black on black, or here's purple jeans.

SPEAKER_04 28:30

Well, yeah, but now I'm a contrarian, so I'm trying to do the opposite. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 28:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 28:34

I put that into everything, dude. You know how I I fucking I went to- Do you mind if I try it on?

SPEAKER_10 28:38

Go ahead and try it. Can I compare for size? Try it on. Alright. All right. Hang on a second, guys. Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joe.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

I'm different, bro. You are different. Oh, you're different. Everyone thinks I'm different. Dude, I went to my therapist the other day and she spent like two minutes uh convincing me I'm a good person. I pulled out my phone and I showed it to her, and I'm like, look, child porn, you're full of shit. I'm a contrarian.

SPEAKER_10 29:02

I'm different.

SPEAKER_04 29:03

I'm different.

SPEAKER_10 29:04

I'm different.

SPEAKER_04 29:05

See, it fits you because you have a normal adult-sized head.

SPEAKER_10 29:08

See, okay, this feels normal. Okay. This hat feels normal.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

You know?

SPEAKER_10 29:12

This feels like a decent bucket. I'd like a little more cover. I'd like it to be a little less stiff if we're gonna be completely honest, but decent sized bucket. Alright, now let me try this one.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Alright.

SPEAKER_10 29:21

I have to try it. It's not, it's the podcast cannot go on. So this one, interesting enough, the first hat A that I tried on, no tag. This hat B, like Tahoe with this cute ass kids font, which looks significantly smaller, but it looks deeper. The bar this looks deeper to me.

SPEAKER_04 29:40

Really? It doesn't feel deeper.

SPEAKER_10 29:44

How do you know? You have the same size head, no matter what.

SPEAKER_04 29:46

Because it hugs my head like a warm hug.

SPEAKER_10 29:48

I don't know how deeper pussy is. I got the same amount of dick every time. I'll never if I didn't find out the first, I'll never find it out. Oh, this is tiny.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

It's tiny. I told you it's tiny.

SPEAKER_10 30:03

This is I literally can't get it on my head. I literally I can't get it on my head. I don't I don't have an unreasonably large head. I have like a seven and a quarter, I think.

SPEAKER_04 30:14

Really?

SPEAKER_10 30:14

The last time I wore like a fitted hat, which is I think I think it's perfectly normal for a boy of my age.

SPEAKER_04 30:19

Yeah. But not for me.

SPEAKER_10 30:22

Wow, you do have a good thing you well, so that fits that one fits big and the other the the other one fits right?

SPEAKER_04 30:30

I'm yeah, I'm the only 27-year-old man with progeria.

SPEAKER_10 30:33

What the fuck is pro so progeria means you have a small head?

SPEAKER_04 30:37

You uh here, I'm gonna show you progeria and you're gonna know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_09 30:42

Is it like I think yeah, okay. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

Yep, yep, I knew what that was. I did that bit on stage, I got a big laugh. Really? I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 30:54

People, people, wow, maybe there's people know that word. Yeah. I can't believe that. Who made it famous?

SPEAKER_04 31:03

It's not it's just, I don't know. That's good. And I'm like, that's I don't know what that's too.

SPEAKER_10 31:09

I have I've seen that too. Now, well think about it now. That could you just need to you need to lean into it and make that your community and be their icon. I agree. This is the shortcut. I agree. I'm laying out the blueprint. I agree. Right now. So you gotta start you gotta figure out how to put the makeup on to lean into it and make it look like that. Shave your shit, because them motherfuckers don't got hair. They all got the same kind of glasses, or maybe it's just one guy that I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

Maybe try to get some sympathy puss, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 31:36

Well, that yeah, I mean hang out around some nice like liberal universities and find some yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:41

Oh, yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_10 31:42

Yeah, there's gonna be some gross Democrat girls that are like the life expectancy for Proteur experience short stuff, but so I could just be like, dude, every day I wake up, I'm beating the odds.

SPEAKER_04 31:51

So I could go any day.

SPEAKER_10 31:52

Wow. Wow, how hot would that be to say to a woman every day I wake up I'm beating the odds.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_10 31:58

That would be like fuck. I mean, not to like not saying I want cancer, but like if if I did, that would be the line that I would use. Yeah, if so facto to per se. If one to were to say.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

I've always liked the idea of like I kind sometimes I do wish like I had cancer as a child and beat it. Wow. Because and then once you do that, you already have a big accomplishment under your belt at the age of you know, whatever age you do.

SPEAKER_10 32:22

You did it, yeah. You know? You already did it. Yeah, you can but you could you probably just like rest on your laurels laurels. You're like, whatever, dude. I beat fucking leukemia.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_10 32:30

What else do I got to do in life, man? Exactly. I'm not getting a job. I'll just I might get leukemia again.

SPEAKER_04 32:35

Yeah, just might get leukemia again.

SPEAKER_10 32:37

I don't even really know what that is.

SPEAKER_04 32:39

My parents might get leukemia again.

SPEAKER_10 32:42

Yeah. They got the divorce because I got better.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

Yeah. Alright, we're back. We're back.

SPEAKER_10 32:52

I really hope Small Head and all.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Small head and all. I really hope this fucking audio sounds better. We've finally got a new audio setup, two new mics, and a new fucking interface.

SPEAKER_10 33:02

It's fucking badass as hell, dude.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

I I mean I won't do it until I listen back to it.

SPEAKER_10 33:07

But uh also way where we wait and see what it sounds like after everything is done.

SPEAKER_04 33:16

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 33:16

We do it the smart way over here.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

Exactly. Yeah, just wait till the last minute.

SPEAKER_10 33:20

Look, let's wait until we've hung out for three hours and are completely tired and can't do anything else.

SPEAKER_04 33:26

And then hope it doesn't fuck up and then get mad when it does.

SPEAKER_10 33:29

And be fucking furious. Dude, I was freaking out.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

Sounds like Bro, I was because I was having it kept telling me like one of the files was correct. I was fucking freaking out before you came in, bro.

SPEAKER_10 33:40

Oh, really? You're an all-time fry guy. That's a you fry.

SPEAKER_04 33:45

That's an I think that's an autism thing. It's yeah.

SPEAKER_10 33:48

You know, it's an autism thing, it's a passion thing. If you're passionate about something and like you fuck it up or something about it is fucking up and it's out of your control. It's fucking frustrating. I think it's a passion thing.

SPEAKER_04 33:59

Yeah, when I'm in my apartment by myself and I'm screaming at my phone because the app won't work, that's passion, all right.

SPEAKER_10 34:05

Well, I mean, as as as gay as it is, but I'll I literally will need like some sometimes after I've pulled a tournament, I'll like the three-hour ride home. I need to decompress.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_10 34:18

Because I can't I'm not good for the outside world right now. I do feel that I'm not ready for it yet. They're not ready for me. I'm gonna be a piece of shit. Yeah, no, that's it. Because I'm so frustrated with myself. Dude, the cable management is pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 34:30

Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 34:31

It's pretty good. I'm not gonna.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

Yeah, it's a little long, but you know, it is pretty good.

SPEAKER_10 34:34

It's pretty good. Fucking I can dig it. Also sorry.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

No, you're good. We uh we finally have a autism cable management. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. But guys, we finally have a fucking soundboard again.

SPEAKER_10 34:47

It's crazy. Dude, is that a new laptop also?

SPEAKER_04 34:50

I've had that for a few months.

SPEAKER_10 34:52

It's what?

SPEAKER_04 34:53

I think I had that before last time.

SPEAKER_10 34:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

Guys, I have the the uh what do you call it?

SPEAKER_10 34:58

Is that a new penis? Did you get a new penis, Kyle?

SPEAKER_04 35:02

I got a new penis.

SPEAKER_10 35:04

Congrats on the new penis.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

I couldn't afford a bigger one, so unfortunately it's a little bit smaller.

SPEAKER_10 35:09

You know, give back an inch, save a couple bucks. What are you gonna do? Get bigger on the next one. This one's gonna hold its resale value.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

But no, I gotta I gotta introduce the new sound.

SPEAKER_10 35:19

So Introduce.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

I got seven right now, and you could do a lot more than that, but right now this is first. Obviously. We need that.

SPEAKER_10 35:28

It's gotta be the A1 prime pole position right there. You fucking that was you kind of blew that one. I gave it to you.

SPEAKER_04 35:37

I fucked it up. I threw a couple uh now does it throw a couple?

SPEAKER_10 35:42

Does it beep? I wonder if it beeps over us. Does it beep over us while we're doing it beeps over? That's even funnier because when a beep ends and you hear somebody's voice coming in. It's so fucking funny. Because it's like, what the fuck did he say?

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Oh, just behind a beep.

SPEAKER_10 36:01

It's like it's like the theory that a girl's hotter with like a little bit of clothes on than naked because there's that a little bit of imagination. Yeah, I read it. Same thing when the beep covers up the words like, ooh, what did he say?

SPEAKER_04 36:11

It had to be bad. Alright, so here's the second one. What do you think of that one?

SPEAKER_10 36:25

Okay. Okay. Okay, I like that. I was waiting, I was waiting for something with that one. I guess I was, but I like it.

SPEAKER_04 36:31

I don't know. There's a I still have to like, like I said, you could add more, but like I wanted to add a few of my own. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 36:37

No, I like that. I was just waiting, I was expecting some kind of drop, I guess, at the end of it. Sounds like home.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

Oh, you've heard it. Oh, I heard that. Oh, I heard the I thought maybe you had gotten used to it.

SPEAKER_10 36:54

No, no, no, that shit in the hallway in them fucking project ass buildings I used to live in. The fucking hallway. That motherfucker chirped for like six months, dude. And every time I opened the door, it chirped. And I you can't not hear it. Them ladies are dumb.

SPEAKER_04 37:14

It's a d what do you not have a stepping stool? I listen, I understand the little have a table. I understand the little fucking, you know, circle, you know, it's hearing aid batteries are expensive.

SPEAKER_10 37:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:28

But you know, make an investment. It's worth it.

SPEAKER_10 37:30

It's fucking two dollars. Why are you gay? See, I was waiting for this is kind of what I was waiting for at the end of the second sound, the samurai sound, if you will. I was waiting for a who and once the symbol stopped, go, you're gay.

SPEAKER_04 37:50

Dude, once I figure out once how I I figure out how to fucking, you know, make this stop saying I have invalid files. I can I'll put some shit on here.

SPEAKER_10 38:00

You got some files alright now.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

Oh, I got some files.

SPEAKER_10 38:02

He got some valid files too, brother. Alright, next one. You ugly. You are gay. You are gay. That's C.

SPEAKER_04 38:11

I was kind of waiting for that one at the end of the this to me, I think, is like my little uh passion project for little sampler, you know what I mean? Just a little taste, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_09 38:22

A little taste.

SPEAKER_04 38:23

Uh, how about this one?

SPEAKER_10 38:30

That's a shit. First I was like, is that a quarter like slamming around? What is that? Oh, it's oh, it's wet. Is that Greg?

SPEAKER_04 38:42

No, I just found that on YouTube actually.

SPEAKER_10 38:47

Your page?

SPEAKER_04 38:49

My view, yeah. Alright, so uh convert.

SPEAKER_06 38:56

Alright, wait a second.

SPEAKER_04 38:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 39:01

Is that a smooth transition there, Buster? Is that what that was?

SPEAKER_04 39:05

I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_10 39:06

Is that what I thought? Huh.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

I don't know. I have no clue what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_10 39:10

I'm mute you.

SPEAKER_04 39:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 39:12

I'll mute your ass, right? Fucking no.

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Um, alright. I mean, that's all like You are gay. Yeah. You are gay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:21

Um why are you gay? Why? Why are you gay?

SPEAKER_04 39:26

I wish you had a remote and you could just fucking do it too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 39:29

I could catch you off guard.

SPEAKER_04 39:30

That would be nice, dude. It's nice too. This whole sound, uh fucking every like the track on here is color-coded. You know what I mean? Makes it nice and easy, you know. Automatic, frankly. You know? It's like the power ranges. It's a lot of tracks. It's a lot of tracks, dude. There's six of them.

SPEAKER_09 39:49

Fucking eh. No, there's more than that.

SPEAKER_04 39:51

It's like the power ranges, you know. There's like one for each color.

SPEAKER_10 39:56

I counted eight. That's crazy that you counted six. You don't even know how many tracks you got, brother. I'm gonna pull your tracks in a minute, bitch. Well, it's eight because this is the Well well actually CS you can't count.

SPEAKER_04 40:08

Well, it no, it it it it's there's Don't argue with me. There's technicalities.

SPEAKER_10 40:14

Take your technicality and suck my dick with it.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

Two two of the tracks, or one's the soundboard and the other is the computer.

SPEAKER_10 40:23

Oh. Oh. Well, I was looking, I w I guess I suppose I wasn't looking at those things. I was looking at these sliding bars on the color-coded screen. Oh. And that's where I counted eight. I am just a lowly retard. I apologize.

SPEAKER_04 40:37

I mean, if you go by that, then yeah, there are eight tracks.

SPEAKER_10 40:40

Oh, that's why I said there's tacticalities.

SPEAKER_04 40:44

That's why I said there's tacticalities.

SPEAKER_10 40:46

You know exactly what I said. There's technicalities, there's technicality everywhere. Bounce on my penis.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

There's technicalities.

SPEAKER_10 40:52

Hug it with your mouth. Bring it over here, Luigi.

SPEAKER_04 40:59

Uh. Alright, well, okay.

SPEAKER_10 41:01

Luigi, man, you got a nice cock and you got a nice man, you got a nice cock. Man, you got a nice guy. Luigi, man, you got a nice guy.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

Well, don't aren't didn't they have you seen any of the videos where they're like go around like asking a bunch of women? We're like, what should we do with Luigi Mangioni? And they're all like, oh, he's adorable. Free him. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 41:27

Well, this is this is fucking Ted Bundy. Like, this happens. That is true. This happens. Ladies like these fucking killer guys, and oh wow, wow, is a hot guy. You could show him yeah, but have you ever heard of mug shoddies? We've been us fellas have been doing this for a long time. What did she do? I'll get her out. I'll wait for her, whatever. She killed a family with while she was drunk and off cocaine. Alright, alright. She's but she gets out in four years. I'll try. We'll go on a date. No, she's just a girl. I'd fuck her. Yeah, true. True, she is just a girl. True. Those face tattoos, she's just a girl. She's hot. She's just a girl though.

SPEAKER_04 42:04

Speaking of uh speaking of that, I was thinking this. What if uh I was thinking to Buddhism uh to kill myself and then I reincarnate into a guy that can get pussy, right? But then I do it, and then I wake up as an Indian man.

SPEAKER_10 42:24

Impossible.

SPEAKER_04 42:25

And I'm like, wait, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 42:29

I love you, baby again. No!

SPEAKER_01 42:31

This is West.

SPEAKER_07 42:34

I don't want to say I love you, baby girl, no more. I want to be white guy that doesn't get pussy again. I don't want to be told white guy. I don't want to say open bobs online anymore. No.

SPEAKER_04 42:52

That would be like a good ending to a movie or something like that.

SPEAKER_10 42:55

Yeah, like a freaky Friday switch.

SPEAKER_06 43:01

Dude. I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_10 43:04

With the head, what do they do over there? With the head, what in the village? What do they do over there? What kind of ex what kind of exports do they have in India? What's their big export?

SPEAKER_03 43:14

I don't know, but curry?

SPEAKER_10 43:16

The head guy at the head of the curry factory.

SPEAKER_07 43:19

I want to be a white guy again.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

And listen. It's not really a hot take. There's statistics to back it up, but they do like to rape women.

SPEAKER_10 43:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 43:31

They do.

SPEAKER_10 43:32

Well, they come over and but these have you have you seen the catch a predator guys? Those Indian guys? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They come over and like, yeah, she's 14, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

Of course.

SPEAKER_10 43:43

What do you mean? Yes. What does wrong? Those boys. Them boys are wild. That's a that's a part that's a white guy party that somebody goes, Whose man's is this? Yeah. You're not doing good.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

Well, no, but it's like Literally. It'd be fun. Because like I remember a few days ago, there was like something that happened in India where like five fucking dudes like gang raped a girl. Holy fuck. And then the curb your enthusiasm theme just started playing in my head. Oh dude.

SPEAKER_09 44:26

Not very good.

SPEAKER_04 44:29

My Indian She got ripped! The impression sucks too.

SPEAKER_09 44:33

Not it. Try it with me. I think mine's probably pretty bad too, but I'm doing it. I like that.

SPEAKER_04 44:40

I think yours is better.

SPEAKER_09 44:41

It's got a charm to it, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 44:43

It's tough because my true self. My true self. I'm a black man, and it's hard for me, you know. I just have a very type of voice that's my own. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 44:59

Yeah, you can't be you can't be nobody but yourself.

SPEAKER_04 45:02

I can't, dude. And you know what? I'm gonna say this on record. I'm I'm really tired of everyone, you know, disrespecting and you know, uh questioning my blackness.

SPEAKER_10 45:13

Oh, okay. Sorry. I was just trying to protect you. No, I thought I knew where that was going.

SPEAKER_04 45:23

I listen, it doesn't slip out. I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 45:29

You've really wound up for it before.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

Well, I've had a drink or two. But no, for real.

SPEAKER_10 45:37

I'm Luigi Mingy. This guy likes saying the N-word.

SPEAKER_04 45:41

But this is for all I'm tired of my listeners questioning my blackness. It's really fucking it's making me upset, guys. Sorry, I lost control. Sit down.

SPEAKER_10 45:53

Walk, don't walk around. It's okay. You don't gotta pace. You don't gotta pace. Stop moving as quickly as like if you just saw a magic trick. Slow down.

SPEAKER_04 46:02

I don't know. I gotta ask you though. Do you did you do you have an N word pass?

SPEAKER_10 46:07

I do. Do you? I do. I've been given multiple by multiple people, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

By multiple people, huh? Yeah. Well, I figured I had to ask it. You uh you know you have access to it.

SPEAKER_10 46:16

Did you ask me? That shit ain't fucking fun. No.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

You know, I'm just saying you have access to black culture.

SPEAKER_10 46:23

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I am very open with the one that my fiancee gave me. I'm very open with telling, I tell all of her family, oh yeah, she gave me a pass, but I'm saving it for when I really need it. When you're really, really upset. Yeah, they really get a kick out of me. They're like, man, you're crazy. They really enjoyed it. I told her, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna save it, but I'm not I'm not tipping you off. It could be at any time. We're supposed we're gonna we're engaged, we're gonna be together. That is funny. It's not it's just a hammer that I just hold, and someday I get to swing that hammer at the love of my life for free in the form of words. It's gonna be awesome.

SPEAKER_04 47:05

Well, I'm glad I'm j I'm jealous of your black sess.

SPEAKER_10 47:08

I've given her I I've said I wanted to say honky and cracker too. I I think it's that's not even in the same hemisphere. I think honky and cracker are hilarious. There's actually a uh faces song that's really good called Just a Honky, and I I like that song.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

Honky and Cracker aren't real stuff.

SPEAKER_10 47:23

Different. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_09 47:24

Yeah, no, they're they're funny words.

SPEAKER_04 47:26

They're fun.

SPEAKER_09 47:27

Male ass cracker white boy. I love it.

unknown 47:30

I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 47:31

I do identify as a white boy.

SPEAKER_04 47:34

Well, good.

SPEAKER_10 47:34

I don't identify as Caucasian, I identify I identify as a white boy. Well, I think it's different.

SPEAKER_04 47:39

I identify as a black man. You know me.

SPEAKER_10 47:41

We are a black man.

SPEAKER_04 47:42

Well, I'm transracial.

SPEAKER_10 47:43

Yeah. And you know I was born in Caucasian, I'm a white boy now.

SPEAKER_04 47:46

I'm almost finished with my transition, so you know. I'm almost as close as I'll ever be.

SPEAKER_10 47:51

Experimental transracial surgery. Yeah. It's huge.

SPEAKER_04 47:54

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_10 47:55

She's got a fucking penis pump in the mail called transracial surgery. Fucking racist.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

All right.

SPEAKER_10 48:03

Uh he got fucking he got fucking shoe polish and a penis pump, and he calls it fucking being transracial.

SPEAKER_04 48:10

I'm looking down at the ground if you make this next joke.

SPEAKER_10 48:14

He started fucking playing basketball after he got out of work. Transracial.

SPEAKER_04 48:21

I'm really exploring this new life of mine, dude.

SPEAKER_10 48:23

He got a girl pregnant and stopped talking to her. He doesn't make child support. I mean, he calls himself transracial.

SPEAKER_04 48:33

He's very loud in public.

SPEAKER_10 48:35

He can't sit through a movie. He can't shut up during the at the cinema. He says he's transracial. What race is he? Oh, he says he's white.

SPEAKER_04 48:48

I'll be up.

SPEAKER_10 48:48

See that? Saved it all.

SPEAKER_04 48:50

And it as I become blacker and blacker, I'm starting to nitpick the white race more. Do you know what I mean? I'm starting to see.

SPEAKER_10 48:57

Oh yeah. That's nitpicking the white. I can nitpick the white race for days.

SPEAKER_04 49:02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_10 49:03

No shortage. You know, you know the people, the people leading the league, and it's not there's only one competitor that I've ever seen in pet hair on their clothes. That'd be us, that'd be the Caucasian folk, brother. What do I mean? Leading the league in pet hair. They don't even all have pets. They just have pet hair on their clothes. It's fucking weird. They don't even have pets and they have pet hair on their clothes. That is fair. Lead the league. I always have pet hair on my shit. They don't have lint rollers and they always got a fucking dog. That's true. The two things about white people.

SPEAKER_04 49:38

And honestly, I gotta be, I feel like, you know, you can't really trust Whitey 100%.

SPEAKER_10 49:44

No.

SPEAKER_04 49:44

Whitey's always knowing something that you don't know. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 49:48

I pride myself on knowing something that people don't know.

SPEAKER_04 49:50

Whitey's always hiding something from you. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 49:52

Yes, yes. Look in the mirror. Yeah. Look in the mirror, listener. Probably white. You're hiding shit. From who? From who are you hiding shit? We're all hiding shit, us white folk.

SPEAKER_04 50:03

Probably all of our listeners are white people. I think a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_10 50:06

I think probably a hundred percent of demographic, but but this is not it's not only a white people thing. I'll push back a little bit on this one, but we're nasty with it. We hide. Yes, we hide shit.

SPEAKER_04 50:17

Yeah. Dude, fucking um.

SPEAKER_10 50:25

Motherfucker.

SPEAKER_04 50:26

But no, like, no. I've I've been pondering, you know, just thinking about white people and all that. And I was thinking about I think some of the worst one are the Taylor Swift fans.

SPEAKER_10 50:35

Those are an interesting variety of things.

SPEAKER_04 50:38

It's an interesting group. It's kinda a little cult-like. You know? And I have people that I like.

SPEAKER_10 50:43

It's weird.

SPEAKER_04 50:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 50:45

The older I get. It's weird to idolize somebody like that.

SPEAKER_04 50:50

I agree.

SPEAKER_10 50:50

It's pretty fucking strange.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

I feel like all I feel like most Taylor Swift fans are like girls with like receding chins and overbites.

SPEAKER_06 51:05

Ding ding ding.

SPEAKER_10 51:07

Whoa. That was that was spot on.

SPEAKER_06 51:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 51:11

That was fucking wow. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 51:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 51:16

I gotta say, that's a 10 out of 10.

SPEAKER_04 51:19

Do you think girls like that are better at giving head?

SPEAKER_10 51:23

No.

SPEAKER_04 51:23

Really?

SPEAKER_10 51:24

Because I feel if you had to think about my history.

SPEAKER_04 51:28

Why do you I if well I'm just saying, you know, you don't you have less chin to keep smacking the balls over and over again, you know?

SPEAKER_10 51:35

You're saying it's a more potentially aerodynamic blowjob.

SPEAKER_04 51:39

However, it could be more toot.

SPEAKER_10 51:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:43

It could be more toothy.

SPEAKER_10 51:44

The first problem is that she's white.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 51:50

White girls have dry ass mouths.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Is that a thing?

SPEAKER_10 51:53

White girls have dry ass mouths.

SPEAKER_06 51:56

Is that a really I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 51:59

I haven't really conferred with a lot of people on this. There's not not tons of people were a lot of people that I know just fucked white ladies. And that's it. There's not a lot, or like they fucked a hooker or something that was black. And I'm like, dude, it's not the same, it's not the same thing, dude. Somebody, I'd somebody literally had an I had an argument with somebody. They're like, yeah, I fucked black girls. I fucked a couple different hookers. I'm like, that's not. Yeah. That's not it. Why are you telling me this too? Keep your hooker business to yourself, please. But, yeah, white girls, dry ass mouths. Step that shit up. Make that shit wetter. I didn't I'll make that shit wetter, white lady.

SPEAKER_04 52:34

Whenever I get the opportunity, I'll take notice.

SPEAKER_10 52:37

Head from an oyster lady. Head from a white lady. Or hmm. Or a number one deluxe meal from Chick fil A. I'm taking the deluxe meal every time. Head from White Lady, free$12, but I want. They used to have a large, they used to have the Oreo shake, the cookies and cream, and they used to do a large. I want to flash back to that time. They don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_04 52:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 52:59

I'll flash back to that day for my me elective meal instead of having a white lady boja. Is it because I feel like per capita white ladies just pound weed? Yeah, a lot of them do. I feel like that's gotta be something. I feel like they pound weed.

SPEAKER_04 53:16

And just reek of arrogance a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 53:20

Yeah. And I've there's I've came across much more smelly white lady than not smelly unwhite lady.

SPEAKER_04 53:28

Yeah, if there's gonna be a girl that doesn't shower, it's one that goes to EDM festivals.

SPEAKER_10 53:33

Oh my god, this guy is a this guy is a genius. Yeah. He's a gentleman. Wow, those are that's the type. Yeah. That's the type. Even both but it's but what's so special about them is that they can't change it. Because she was always the smelly girl. She found the EDM festivals and her people. She was always the smelly girl. She just found out that she liked to do drugs with other people that smelled.

SPEAKER_04 53:59

Why take a shower and you could just surround yourself with other people that don't shower?

SPEAKER_10 54:04

And live in a tent and everybody gets sweaty and not have clothes on.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 54:09

Can I the one of the most angry things that's one of my b biggest pet peeve, probably of all time, is being at a concert, being in a general admission thing, and here comes the sweaty shirtless guy rubbing his body against you. Because they never just they never just stand off in the back and have a beer. Yeah. They're always in the fing middle of a mosh pit rubbing their sweaty man tits. Some of them are sculpted and they make me more mad. But there's a lot of sweaty man tits rubbing on shoulders. I agree. It's an epidemic. I do agree. At these festivals. I agree. I think that's gotta be that's gotta get under control.

SPEAKER_04 54:49

That's just kind of that's part of why I just I stopped going to a lot of them.

SPEAKER_10 54:53

Put a shirt on.

SPEAKER_04 54:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 54:54

Put a shirt on.

SPEAKER_04 54:56

I don't know. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_10 54:57

You got those shorts at Hollister, your junior year of high school. Put a shirt on.

SPEAKER_04 55:03

I unless you like have like a crazy body that you worked hard for and it makes sense you'd want to show it to me.

SPEAKER_10 55:08

Don't show it to me.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

Don't show I don't no one wants to show you.

SPEAKER_10 55:10

Don't show it to me.

SPEAKER_04 55:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 55:11

There's fucking 40,000 people here. I don't want to see it.

SPEAKER_04 55:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 55:18

Put it on Instagram if you want to show people. Put it on Instagram. Jerk off. Make feed content. Whatever. Put a fucking shirt on. I agree, dude. This is Travis Scott. Put your shirt on.

SPEAKER_04 55:33

I agree, dude. Alright.

SPEAKER_10 55:36

I'm trying to enjoy my stadium nachos. Leave me alone before your nipple hair gets in my nacho cheek. One of my jalapenos was soiled with a droplet of sweat.

SPEAKER_04 55:51

You know how much sweat has to be on there for you to not taste as much of the heat as you taste the sweat on? I taste salt.

SPEAKER_10 55:58

These chips were unsalted, and now they're salted by your sweat. John.

SPEAKER_04 56:08

Dude. A little off topic. But I was thinking about this. You know what I want to start doing to people? I want to start just Oh, wait.

SPEAKER_10 56:16

I guess. Measuring their shits.

SPEAKER_04 56:20

Uh no.

SPEAKER_10 56:21

Okay. Okay, but jerking off in front of them.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

No, what I want to start doing is like. No, you're good, man. What I want to start doing is like whenever I am like riding shotgun in someone else's car, whenever they drop me off to their house, I'm just gonna walk out and leave the door open.

SPEAKER_10 56:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 56:39

And then they have to unbuckle, get out. I think it's like just petty enough that like after like a few times, you're like, dude, what the fuck? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 56:52

No, after one time, after you if it's my car, if you get four paces away from my car, if I hear if I hear the fourth step, I'm yo, hey yo, the door? Were you born in a barn? As my mother would say. Were you born in a barn? Close the door. Yeah. The fuck? What the fuck are you doing, dude? It's just I feel like I told you you shouldn't eat that brownie. You're leaving doors open now, man.

SPEAKER_04 57:25

I think it's just the perfect level of annoying and really shitty that it's like, I want to see how it's a good way to test people, I feel.

SPEAKER_10 57:34

If I was having a bad day already and somebody did that to me, I would fucking spaz respectfully. Why don't you be giving me what I want? I know. I know who I am. I probably wouldn't spaz in front of you, but as I was driving away, you'd probably hear like faint like yelling from the car as I'm cursing you out. Go, what the fuck is wrong with this fucking doesn't he know my day is going bad? And then I just cry.

SPEAKER_04 58:04

Alright. We're back.

SPEAKER_10 58:09

The king is back. The king's court is back in order.

SPEAKER_04 58:13

Oh, dude. Yeah, dude. You know what I uh I thought of the other day? Movie title.

SPEAKER_09 58:20

The black dick. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 58:22

What am I not? No, but no. So you know I like the movie titles. I was thinking, so you know the movie um Austin Powers, the spy who shagged me?

SPEAKER_10 58:34

Austin? Austin Austin Powers is spying powers, man. Yeah. Alright. I do know Austin Powers, the sh spy who shagged me. Beyonce is the hottest lady ever in Austin Powers.

SPEAKER_04 58:47

I've still never seen him. I just know the movie.

SPEAKER_10 58:49

Look up, look up on your phone right now, Beyonce in Austin Powers. And dare I don't care what she did. I don't care her involvement in anything. Look at that lady. It doesn't, it does not get better, I would argue. Yeah. That's pretty top tier. Yeah. She looks fucking great, dude. She looks incredible.

SPEAKER_04 59:10

She does look good. But no, I was thinking instead of Austin Powers, the spy who shagged me, it's overpowered the guy who fagged me.

SPEAKER_10 59:23

It's on so many levels. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 59:26

That was a fun one. The guy who fagged me. The guy who fagged me.

SPEAKER_10 59:30

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 59:31

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 59:32

I like that. That's pretty clever.

SPEAKER_04 59:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 59:35

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 59:36

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_10 59:37

I think that was probably one of my better. If nothing else, we've got a great name and idea for an Austin Powers gay porn spin-off.

SPEAKER_04 59:46

Dude, if only we had the money to make movies.

SPEAKER_10 59:48

We don't really need the money, it's a porn. We just need a couple costumes. Once Halloween's done, we'll buy up clearance Austin Powers costumes. Listeners, we're gonna need you to help. We'll reimburse, but we need you to find clearance costumes for us. That's how we'll refund our new equipment. And as listeners of this show, we want you guys to be the actors in our movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:10

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:12

We want you guys to do gay porn. We want, yeah, we want our four listeners that we know really well to all have sex with each other on camera for money.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:23

I like to think the few listeners. Yeah. I like to think the few listeners we do have are like very loyal, but that's a big ass.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:33

It's for the cinema.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

It is for the cinnaba. Fuck me.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:36

It is for the Cinnabon.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:38

It is the Cinnabon.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:40

Fuck me, dude. As this guy says, it's for the Cinnabon. He's very nervous sitting across from me.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:50

Austin Powers in his shinnabon shaggy.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:52

Powers in the shinnabon, man.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:54

Austin Powers in the Shinnabon that he be bonded his sin on. He shot his sin. His sin. Shin. Jiz Sin. Uh Alright.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:11

Next shitty joke.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:12

Next shitty joke. Uh fire it up!

SPEAKER_04 1:01:16

I think it'd be funny if you like you like hooked up with a girl and you went to fuck her. But then like.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:23

Yeah, it would.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:26

As King Fag, it would be funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:29

It would be funny if I fucking girl. But no, I'm thinking like, no to fuck her. But like every outward stroke, I want to pull all the way out. I want to pull all the way out and have to resert in everything.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:42

And then she's just laying there, like, what the fuck are you doing? You might have fucking like a black guy with a huge dick and a porn.

unknown 1:01:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:50

Take that shit out. Put that shit back in. Take that shit out.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:54

You just reduce that whole bit to basically.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:59

Yep. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:02

Yeah, dude. Fucking.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:05

I would I would also like to fuck like I had a big dick.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:10

That would be funny. That would be nice.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:13

That would be a good problem to have. Dude. Sorry. No, you're fine. You're good. Oh, what else did I want to? Oh yeah. Fucking um. You know what I re-watched recently? Was that Tom Brady roast, like a month or so ago?

SPEAKER_10 1:02:30

Okay, the roast of Tom Brady, TB12.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:33

Only because I feel like I kind of have a soft spot in my heart for roasts. Like when I was like younger, first getting into comedy, I would like stay up late watching Comedy Central.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:41

That was a real entry path for me. I watched some of those roasts to the point of memorization.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:46

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:47

Like though that was the shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:52

Literally, like a midnight, you're fucking, I don't know, like 13 years old and watching Jeffrey Ross.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:57

You just you couldn't I didn't know who any of these people were, but they all made me laugh and I couldn't turn the shit off.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:04

Didn't he do a special where he like went to prison and like roasted all the inmates?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:07

Yeah, I did that. That's that's where I found uh Gilbert Gottfried. I was like from the roast shit, and I was I he's it's such a character loved him. Holy shit, so funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:18

Dude, he should roast like other like diverse not diversified, but like other like you know, groups, you know what I mean? I think it'd be funny. I was thinking it'd be funny groups. Jeffrey Ross presents the roast of a four-year-old boy. You know what I mean? Okay, yep. Right when he's most vulnerable, you know what I mean? He's had a hard life, so maybe he's a little more mature than most. He's just starting to like find himself, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:44

Yeah, no, four-year-olds aren't finding themselves. No they're not, they're dumber than fuck. Maybe let's talk eight. Eight-year-old. Okay, maybe finding himself. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:55

I don't know. The kid had a hard life. Hypothetically, this kid had a hard life. He had to grow up fast.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:01

He grew up fast. The streets hardened him by four turns around the sun.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:07

No, I'd like I d why not take it a step further? Just go after the most, you know, vulnerable people. Jeffrey Ross roasts an anorexic girl in high school.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:16

Yes. Jeffrey Ross roasts a cutter from third period. A cutter with a tail in Miss Swanson's chemistry class.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:29

Shit, this bitch.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:31

And she she's like, she's like, she's got like a blindfold on, and she's like hog tied, and she's like unmasking that cutter loose, and the lights go on, and Jeff Ross, welcome to your roast.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:44

This bitch looked like you put a skeleton inside a space bag and took all the air out.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:51

Dude, I it's like all the pr it's like a bunch of professional comedians, and then it's just like it shows like Jaden class bully. He like steps up to roaster. Whatever. I thought it was funny. Whatever. They can't all hit.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:05

It's fine.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:05

It's all right. It's fine. It happens. I kill myself.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:08

But no, I honestly, dude, like I I really wish Patrice O'Neill was still like alive. I told you I had a few James.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:16

Patrice O'Neill.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:20

No, dude. I wish Patrice O'Neill was still alive because I feel like he'd be really good in those fucking runs. I think he did a couple.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:26

Yeah, he was.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:26

But he'd do like really good. You know? Be like two people detained in. So, like, listen. Okay. Let me ask you this.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

I I just I was pondering something.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:46

Two people detained in connection to Liam Payne's overdose. I will say I've noticed that when a black musician or famous person dies of an overdose, no one gets arrested for dealing fake drugs.

unknown 1:05:59

But

SPEAKER_04 1:06:00

They're just like, well, no shit, you know? Last time I heard of an arrest made for an overdose, it was Mac Miller. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:06:08

Tell you he's in the room with us. That was pretty that's actually a good bet.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:13

Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:17

But you should do that bit, but not from on stage, but not from the perspective perspective. You'd be like, the fuck is that? How come when a white rapper dies and said he was drugged? But when a black guy dies, it was because he was taking all the shit to hide it from the cops. You don't think that's that's literally what they said with Juice Worlds, like he took it all to hide it.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:39

White guy is like he was poisoned.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:40

Fuck it, I'll try it. You don't think the audience would like if I added the black scent onto it? I think there's a group that would appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I definitely agree. Oh man.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:54

You should just do a whole act with black scent one time. That would be so fucked.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:59

Just like totally I care in front of all people that you've known forever. And like they've watched you, they know you, and then next week just go back to doing the same old bits. You should have just like a black minute that you did one time.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:10

It's like when Norm McDonald went on stage, he's like, I'm gonna bomb today. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Dude, um, I want to remake Peter Pan.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:23

Peter Pan. I want to remake Pan. Off to Never Neverland.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:25

Shit, right? They just remade Snow Right. Snow Fuck me. Snow Right. Snow White. Wow.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:30

White is right, huh? That's what you think? White is right, huh?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:33

I I'll be better next time. No, here's my idea, though.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:38

You're just excited and you're horny to put my penis in your mouth. It swells like the your tongue swells like the Grinch's heart when you see it. I'm excited, dude. It's been three months.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:46

It's been three months.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:47

I know, it's been too long. I missed you, honey bubbles.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:49

I miss you too, BB. But no, I'm thinking it's a little less Disney friendly, right? But here's my idea. So Peter Pan, right? The whole idea is like it's a boy that wants to be a kid forever, right?

SPEAKER_10 1:08:02

Yeah. I think everybody's seen that one.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:04

Yeah. So he wishes to be a kid forever, but what he really does is he just grants the kid with severe autism. Right? Okay. Basically, what he does is he beats him over the head with a shovel to give him brain damage. Wow. You know? Now he's mentally handicapped and he's basically a kid forever.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:23

I would have just I would have just said he gave him some vaccines. Here's Peter Bann with vaccines.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:31

Yeah, but I'm all bringing it, Standy.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:34

It is kind of an extremist. No, it's the fact that you're eating cheese whiz at 11 p.m., ma'am. You're ingesting poison. That's why your child has autism.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:47

Probably.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:48

Which generation has done that besides us? Oh wow, we started eating McDonald's all the time, and now, oh wow, kid people have autism. Oh, really? Imagine that. Yeah. We eat shit and now our kids are fucked up. Whoa. There's not people don't see to me that's just like a straight line.

unknown 1:09:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:05

We're getting into our Joe. I'm doing my Joe Rogan minute now.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:08

Andy started not eating fast food and now he thinks he's Andrew Huberman.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:11

Yeah, exactly. I am now the smartest guy in the room because I only have like three times a week.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:18

That's better than where I'm at. I still eat like shit constantly.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:21

But I'm sure there's gotta be a graph out there that's like, oh, the amount of McDonald's and the amount of fast food restaurants correlation with the cases of autism. And I didn't even hear that anywhere. I came up with that one myself. So what the fuck is up? It's my own theory. Alright. I'm saying women. I'm the I didn't bring me into it. You brought me into it. Okay, fair. I'm gonna I'm gonna dismantle you now, fucker. I'm ready, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:47

You can't dismantle me. I'm undismantlable.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:50

I'm in g I argue with a black woman full time.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:53

I argue with everyone I meet ever.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:55

Kick your fucking.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:56

I have more practice in than you.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:58

Uh yeah, but it's skill. It's skill-based. I'm going to get up with my own. Oh, you don't think I have skill in arguing? I'm going. No, I'm saying I'm facing a harder opponent. The college football playoff committee respects my wins more than they respect your wins. Well, that's just because retarded white guys at work.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:15

Well, that's just because I'm up next, you know what I mean? I'm up next, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:20

You're an up and you're a hot program, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:21

It's about chess, not checkers. I'm a chess player.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:24

You haven't played anybody yet.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:25

I played, I listen, I've played my friends.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:28

You're you're you're yeah, you're an 11-0 team, but it's like, yeah, but he beat Central Florida. It's not Alabama. I go toe-to-toe with Auburn and I take him to overtime. I go, I show up. I show up Saturday night, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, the lights are on. She's in crimson. I'm Little Notre Dame. I got my gold helmet on. Hey, maybe we could do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:50

This is gonna age well for you, man.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:52

It's not.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:53

You're you're gonna be wrong.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:54

I'm gonna be wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:56

Alright. It's gonna be the future.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:57

It's the future. Alright, Mr. Argument.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:03

Um Okay. What do you think about the fucking all the plane crashes that have fucking been going on?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:11

Alright. This is I have another I have a take on this.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:13

Alright, let's hear it.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:14

Are they just telling us about all the plane crashes now and they're making that the issue that they want us to see?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:19

Maybe that's not a I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:22

I feel like it's that I don't I don't know. I don't know why they would make that, but it's like we kind of had nothing going on. It's like, oh actually all these fucking planes are fucking up now.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:31

Dude, I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:32

Is it just like that guy that has the spotlight right now?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:34

It could be. It very well could be.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:36

I feel like it can't just be like there was zero plane incidents ever forever and ever I'm in, and that and then like overnight it's like oh they're fucking oh it fucking flipped over on the runway now. Yeah, yeah. Oh wow, and then it's like oh a two-person a two-person plane crashed. Whatever, dude. I mean, seven thirty-sevens, but yeah, but like what but like they're putting all kinds of spotlight on like oh wow, these three people in a plane almost cra like alright, dude. It's a little fucking plane, those goes down, those go down.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:06

Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:07

I mean the big planes, yeah, I'm with you. It's fucked up. But like what how where's like where's the deaths? My thing show me the deaths.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:14

My thing is though, is like you go on like show me the deaths.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:18

No, yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:19

But like here's my thing. It's like you go on like Instagram and it's like here's the thing. Anytime anything bad happens, it's like everyone on Instagram in any comment section immediately like blames it on Trump, which I'm not even like trying to like defend him or whatever, but it's like you know, it's like they did the same exact shit when Obama was president. Exactly, you know, exactly like anything bad happened, you know, all I my grandpa would talk about was fucking Obama.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:49

Exactly. That's just how it goes.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:51

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:12:52

That's I've totally like I don't that's why I don't engage in any kind of political shit because it's all bullshit. You whichever side that you want to pick to do your argument, you can because there's sides to both of it. For sure. And guess what? You're never really right and you're never really wrong. It's just what it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:08

No, a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:09

It's not rare, is it's fucking worth it. Yeah. Absolutely. Because for two different people, you need two different fucking things. People don't like it's why it's 50-50 every fucking time. Yeah, it's never like, wow, this guy got fucking 80%. It's never, it's fucking 40%.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:23

It literally cancels itself out to zero.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:26

Yeah. And we let fucking people in flyover states decide who the president is every time. Honestly. Really? Yeah. Why do I I mean it is what it is, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:36

The most indecisive ones.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:37

Just how about this fucking Elon? Did you hear that thing that Elon was like gonna give everybody$5,000?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:43

I did hear about that.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:44

How can we can we get back on that? Can we start talking about that again?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:47

Yeah, that sounded nice.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:49

How about instead of like plane crashing about it? Fucking cut it in half. Give me$2,500, I'll suck your dick, Elon. Honestly. Mr. Repopulate, I'll put a baby in it right now if you send me$2,500. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:59

I can really use$2,500 right now.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:01

And it and if you'll like triple it if I fucking shoot out a kid within a year, fuck yeah. I'll take that.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:06

It helped Trump during the first term.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:08

Mr. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fuck yeah. He and Elon's like, depopulation's our biggest problem. All right, start paying. Yeah, really. But let's up these tax breaks on the kids. Because you have kids, it's you get so much money when you know off taxes.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:25

How much does a new uh Tesla battery cost?

SPEAKER_10 1:14:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:29

Fucking a lot. Yeah. I want to have it. So let me get paid to fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:33

Yeah, for yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:35

Mr. I want the world to be populated. Hmm. Put your money where your mouth is and where my penis is. Yeah. Put your money where my penis is, Elon.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:43

Do you what do you think about the whole uh the whole Golf of America thing?

SPEAKER_10 1:14:48

Fucking sweet.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:49

It's fucking sweet. It's the most American shit ever.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:52

That's that's literally America fuck yeah. That song. That is that song personified. It's like, mmm, not the Gulf of Mexico, Gulf of America. But that's like, so now we can just like drill. So it's like, does anything really matter? Well, dude, you what I now we can just drill because it's like we renamed it, so like, well, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:10

Well, I think he renamed it, so technically he's ours now, right? And I think what he's gonna do next, he's gonna he's gonna fill the entire thing with plastic straws, right? You know, that's the next order.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:20

I'm in on that.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:21

Fuck the paper straws, then fill it with gelatin, red forty, liquid sugar, right? RFK's nightmare, right?

SPEAKER_09 1:15:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:30

And then we fill the area with greenhouse gases, warm it up. Next we migrate to Antarctica, right? And now we have enough homemade gummy worms to end world hunger. You ever see people make homemade gummy worms? They make gelatin and put it in the straws? Yeah. Yeah. See people shit on him, but I've got a five-year plan. I'm ending world hunger.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:52

You've already solved it.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:54

You're not you're nothing yet, and you've already got it figured out. What the fuck are they doing?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:58

People should be coming to me for solutions, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:00

You're you're like a modern-day kittenson.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:03

You don't even get just come, just come close to the water. We'll give you fucking gummy worms, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:08

I try, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:09

We know you guys like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:10

I don't, I've always known I've had good ideas. Nobody comes to me. You've always been an idea man. I'm an idea man. I've always said this. I'm an idea man.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:17

You're a leader in thought for our generation, really.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:21

Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:21

Who else is coming up with gummy worms for everybody?

SPEAKER_04 1:16:24

Gummy worms for everyone, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:26

So, I mean, what are we what are we even doing what are we doing here? Let's get to work.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:30

Dude, all I need is the connections, right? It's all about who you know.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:33

Yeah, it's all who you know, who you know, and who you blow, brother. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:37

It's all about who you know, bro.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:39

That's a beautiful idea.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:41

Oh, dude. I don't know, bro. I'm getting tired, bro.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:45

Gulf of America. I am too. I fuck with it. What other what give me another topic? Give me something else I can spout off on.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:53

I was uh reminiscing the other day, and I I gotta be honest. Sometimes I still wish I was at Hooters so I could just be like radically overconfident to hot girls again. That was fun for the time, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:05

Just put myself at like method act, put myself into this mental state where I convince myself I'm better than everyone else.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:11

Yeah. See, it's crazy for me because I can't imagine it because I've I've since I've since I got my the job that I have, I've worked with like three women in five years. Like the fact that you had like 12 women all barely clothed, all at least moderately hot, it's like I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:28

Dude, and you act like you're better than them, dude. It's it's chicken soup for the incel soul, bro.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:33

It's chicken soup for the incel soul.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:36

It really is. You know what I mean? Just act like you have more opportunities than them. You know.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:41

Wow. Just gaslighting.

unknown 1:17:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:44

Gaslighting that kind of rules.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:47

It definitely does rule.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:49

Yeah. Yeah. Most of the girls there are just walking blow-up dolls. But I do kind of I do miss working there every now and then. I do, I do. Not all of them, but you know.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:03

You live and you learn, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:18:05

You live and you learn. You live and you learn. You live and you learn, brother, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:09

It is what it is, man.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:10

Or hang. You live and you learn.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:12

I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:14

I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:15

I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:16

I can't do it anymore, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:19

Alright. Oh, 118. Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:25

Wrap this shit up.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:27

Wrap this shit up. I how about this though? I do want to do, I do want to do uh I I told you I was experimenting with these microphones a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:35

From what I understand, they sound really good. And I was doing a little bit of singing. I wanted to like do a little bit of uh a ballad that I wrote.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:43

Okay. I love a ballad. I'm a bit of a ballad man. Because I'm excited. You're about to lay a ballad upon me.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:49

No, this is real. This is a it's a song I wrote about growing up. Okay?

SPEAKER_09 1:18:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:57

Pretty sure we're gonna get you too bad. Whoa. Yeah, you like that?

SPEAKER_10 1:19:04

Piano going? It's a great song. Who is that?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:08

Uh what is that?

SPEAKER_10 1:19:09

Is that Maroon Five?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:10

They're called Five for Fighting.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:12

Five for Fighting?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:13

Yeah, but you know, I wrote I wrote my own personalized uh again. Do you want to turn off the lights? I I I need the mood to do this, right? Sorry, I'm sorry. No, you're good. I gotcha. Oh you gotta do it on the Yeah, that fucking switches on.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:40

This is fucking uh Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:45

The mood is the mood is like let me let me give you the lead in here, okay? Can I?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:49

Let me close my eyes and get into my let me get into my zone.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:52

Do you have an artist name?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:54

Uh not currently. I'm up and coming.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:56

We have an unnamed brand new up and coming artist here to share.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:02

It's a special setting coming from a dark studio. The mood is set.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:08

A ballad for me too. We have a ballad from me to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:14

Here he goes I'm fifteen, I'm a faggot. Sixteen, I was running full trains on guy seventeen. I got my first STD. I'm eighteen now. I'm legal. So let's go pay for sex with men online and they'll show me the Hubble penetration anal.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:03

I'm still working on the chorus right now. I'm still working on the chorus. Oh it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:12

There we go.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:13

Leader of thought.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:27

My asshole looks just like a lot. Well, it's my fabulous losing.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:38

Yeah, that's what you waited for.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:43

Wow, that is what we waited for. That the album's coming soon, guys. Play us off, Johnny.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:50

Pretty su pretty soon we won't be doing this podcast full-time artist.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:56

I'm I'm impressed.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:58

Thank you.

unknown 1:21:59

Impressed.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:00

I I see tears rolling down your face.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:02

That was beautiful. I was crying over here. I am crying. That was beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:07

Good. Alright.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:08

I'm 15.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:11

Yeah. It means a lot to me. So it's I'm glad you feel that way about it.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:15

I I felt I can I felt a bit of it. Good. I can honestly say I connected to your stylings of music.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:22

Good. You know, I really hope it speaks to people.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:25

It it spoke.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:26

It spoke.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:27

Volumes.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:28

Spoke volumes. Alright, well. Alright, well that's the podcast for for now, so we'll be back.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:36

King Fag signing off.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:38

Signing off. Horrible hanging.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:40

Horrible hang.