Episode 22 - How The Grinch Stole My Innocence

(late re-upload) guess you can call this our lil christmas special, i wish santa got me an audio set up that doesn’t sound like phone calls from jail

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Alright, we're recording. We're recording. Recording. Fucking piece of shit.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

We're recording.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

It's almost the Eve. It's almost the Eve. Kyle's birthday. It is the Eve of my birthday.

SPEAKER_06 0:14

Hooray. We just had a lovely dinner at three o'clock because we are getting old, make no mistake. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 0:22

27 27 Club. How about that?

SPEAKER_06 0:25

Yeah. That's what I wanted to say here. Yeah. Yeah. 27 Club. So what do we think, Kyle? Are you gonna make it through? Are you gonna see the light of 28? I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

I really I don't really care to, but I mean we're here. You know, we're still chugging along. You're not allowed to kill yourself, so I came so against the law to kill yourself. Yeah, so I guess we'll just do this.

SPEAKER_06 0:50

We do have that. Wow. How was Crema? How was what? How was Crema? Crema. Crema. Christmas. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 0:58

It was Christmas was alright. I don't know. Christmas was alright. Yeah, no, yeah. No, I fail. I don't know. We were me and Greg were watching Christmas movies.

SPEAKER_06 1:09

I'm I'm to the point now where the best gift that I got was a steamer to steam clothes. Oh yeah? Get the wrinkles out there. Wrinkle free clothes are nice. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

I'm washed. Dude, does it feel good? Does it make your uh the fabric softer? I haven't even taken it out of the box yet.

SPEAKER_06 1:28

Oh, you gotta let me know about that. I had I used one in Jamaica and it was like life-changing because I've just been wrinkly bastard my entire life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:36

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I like like have you ever done the thing where you like hang it in the shower? Or not in the shower, but like in the bathroom while you shower.

SPEAKER_06 1:44

Not smart enough to do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:45

That's what I heard you're supposed to do, and then take a hot shower, steams it. Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:50

See, I'm not really into I've kind of tried to phase out hot showers in my life. I've been telling myself that hot showers are for girls. And I've just kind of been like gradually lowering my temp. Well showers over the years.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

Well, the since I moved in here, girls! Dude, hot showers are fucking rule. Let's be real, and you know it. Nice. They're fucking rule. And ever since I moved into this fucking place, it only gets like kind of warm. So it's like I've had a lukewarm shower every day for the last year. It's like I'm a boot camp.

SPEAKER_06 2:18

What time of day?

SPEAKER_05 2:19

It depends on what I got going on that day.

SPEAKER_06 2:21

But it's generally all right. It's generally night.

SPEAKER_05 2:24

It's been yeah, lately. Or like right I like to do it like right before I go out for an event or something. Uh-huh. You know.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

I'm the same way.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

Yeah. Nice and fresh, you know? Yeah, we were watching uh How the Grinch Stole Christmas, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:40

I watched every iteration of that movie. Really? This Christmas season. Yeah. Fuck yeah. The new one, the new like weird animated Disney, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 2:49

Fuck that one, dude. I'm about the original one.

SPEAKER_06 2:51

I'm talking about the old school one. Oh the 30-minute narrated read by like the 60s. It's just reading oldest shit. I didn't even realize it's been years since I watched it. It's just read by a guy. Yeah. It's one guy. Yeah. I never caught on when I was a dumbass kid.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

It's just one fucking guy. Fucking. I told you this earlier, how the Grinch stole my innocence. How the Grinch stole your innocence. That's right, guys. Me and Andy, we got raped by the Grinch.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

His penis grew three times normal size. And gaped Kyle and Andy.

SPEAKER_05 3:28

He thrusted with such extravagant force.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

He stole our presence and our innocence this year. He stole the tree. He stole my innocence. Not a busy was left unturned in Hooville.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

He stole my foreskin.

SPEAKER_06 3:46

That's a wild Grinch, stealing foreskin. Do you think the Grinch would be racist? Oh I feel like it's understood that he's racist. Yeah, I mean You can't tell me Jim Carrey Grinch isn't racist. You cannot tell me that. Show me one black guy. Show me one black person in a Grinch movie.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

Yeah, there's no there's no blacks in Whooville. No blacks in Whoovil. No black who's a sundown town.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

There's just racists there. It's just what it is.

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Make no mistake, at the top of the tree, it's just a black guy, not a star.

SPEAKER_05 4:27

Fucking the Grinch is just in a room full of black people. He's just going, noise, noise, noise. I can totally see that.

SPEAKER_06 4:36

Yeah. Grinch is he's a racist.

SPEAKER_05 4:38

Yeah. If you hate Christmas, chances are you hate some other things, you know.

SPEAKER_04 4:45

I don't like a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Picky, to put it politely.

unknown 4:50

Picky. Picky.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Yeah. He's not racist, but he's just picky.

SPEAKER_06 4:59

I wouldn't call him racist, I'd just call him more.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

He's a picky talker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:04

Picky with his friendship. Yeah. That's what it is. What an absurd look. Yeah. Wait, hold on. He only likes playing ticket tenders.

SPEAKER_05 5:15

He's got a five chicken man. Uh fuck. I totally fucking lost train of thought. I was just fucking checking this damn battery. Why does this fucking this is just supposed to like have I got a year warranty on this. Literally, a week and a half later it fucking breaks on me. Why does every fucking piece of technology or person that I associate with insist on being a faggot?

SPEAKER_06 5:40

We need to get Mr. Guitar Center on the phone right now. We should call in. Give Guitar Center technical support. It's gonna be on the Patreon, guys.

SPEAKER_05 5:48

Be like, why are all your products such fucking faggots?

SPEAKER_06 5:51

They're so smart. It's so smart. Make it break any year. Make it infuriating. That like it still works. We're recording this right now, but it doesn't because it randomly is just like, I'm done, bitch.

SPEAKER_05 6:03

Why is that like everything like shit used to be built to last? Like, why does everything suck now?

SPEAKER_06 6:08

Tell me why we have to fucking put batteries in this hole.

SPEAKER_05 6:11

You know what I'm gonna do?

SPEAKER_06 6:12

Why can't it be even a charging cable?

SPEAKER_05 6:14

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna dress up as Steve Jobs, right? I'm gonna get a fucking glasses and a black turtleneck jeans, and I'm gonna do a presentation on how not to be a faggot. Oh wow. Innovation. Innovation the future. Crowdbreaking Trump's back. You've been acting like a faggot your whole life. Explore this as a concept. What about this? Think different. Big difference.

unknown 6:42

Big difference.

SPEAKER_06 6:44

And you go from like the original Apple Rainbow or the Apple logo that had rainbow built on it. Yeah. The original Macintosh shit. Now it's just like, it's just white, guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

We're not doing that anymore. No. This is the police. Say the N word.

SPEAKER_05 7:17

That you know exactly what we're talking about. Say the N word. Do it now, or you're going to be shot. That would be funny though, if you're like surrounded by police and they're like forcing you to say the game.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

You must.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

My wife is black, dude. Please. Dude, please. I can't listen. I used my pass up already. I only got one.

SPEAKER_05 7:50

She's gonna kill me first. Your wife won't give you a pass to save your life.

SPEAKER_06 7:57

Come on, Andy. You're gonna say it.

SPEAKER_05 7:59

You gonna say it? You think I'm gonna pay off this house myself? Oh, that was smooth.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

That was a smooth head swing. A little too smooth. Read it. Read rubber.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Nature, not nurture.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

True.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

You know what?

SPEAKER_05 8:22

I don't know. I don't know how that works. You know what I was thinking about the other day?

unknown 8:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:27

So like here we go. Strapping, guys. So if you say like with a soft day, the N word with like a fr a heavy French accent, it changes the G's completely to the point where it's really not even that word anymore.

SPEAKER_06 8:44

Really? I love that your brain just goes to these places during the day.

SPEAKER_05 8:48

I I don't know how I feel about it, but they do.

SPEAKER_06 8:52

It's entertaining.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

Yeah, it is. I like to think it is. Yeah. But you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 8:58

I think I know what you mean. Like, so you're okay. The police are here, Kai. I know. Say it with a French accent.

SPEAKER_05 9:09

But you know what I mean? I'm I'm really at a crossroads right now.

SPEAKER_06 9:13

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:14

Because it's real technically not. It's a beautiful language. You've changed it enough. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:19

Yeah. Do they even really they don't have that in France? They probably have it in France. They probably got the N-word over there. Well they do. They've probably heard about it by now. Smelly Fox.

SPEAKER_05 9:31

Fucking. So look, okay, what if I try to but I change the French. What if I change the N to a B? So like B, you know what I mean? Okay. So you see what I you see what I'm saying? It's no longer. See what I'm saying? I'm not saying it. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying it. Alright, yeah, that's fair enough. But then also one could argue the intent.

SPEAKER_06 9:53

The intent the intent is what meant.

SPEAKER_05 9:55

Yeah, it's the intent, and it is there.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

I'm sitting across from a guy with intent right now.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

He's just got a lot of intent. Yeah, a lot of very strong.

SPEAKER_05 10:07

He's picky, you know. Picky. Picky and very intentful.

SPEAKER_06 10:12

Picky and he's got a bow calf. Yeah. He was bo he was hooked on phonics early.

unknown 10:26

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

Yeah, dude.

unknown 10:28

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 10:28

I always get tired and hot when I'm fucking recording. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 10:32

I literally was like, my eyes were like glazing over on the way here.

SPEAKER_05 10:37

Yeah, you were telling me that, dude.

SPEAKER_06 10:39

When I was on the expressway three, something about like when I'm coming down 355, I heard it hit a certain point, and it's just like it's my sleep zone. Yeah, no. Like around like Lamont where you like come down this like swoop, like sweeping hill thing. Yeah, you see the black dog? Right there. Right there, I'm just like, oh fuck. Oh fuck. Every time I get this from my car, it's like, oh fuck, dude. I'm gonna kill myself in a car accident. Like I hate to I hate to put this on wax right now, but that's how I'm gonna go. Yeah, I believe I'm gonna fall asleep at the wheel. I already have fallen asleep at the wheel before.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

Dude, have you ever heard have you ever heard of the black dog? No. It's a trucker thing. Apparently, it's like if you're like so sleep-deprived that you like look out and you see a black dog, it means like you're gonna fall asleep, pull the fuck over. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:29

Go find a lot lizard, ASAM. Yeah, right. It's like empty your balls or get sleep.

SPEAKER_05 11:38

You know, I think you know, I thought he was just, you know, enjoying the sloppy. Turns out he was dozing off on the road.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Does that mean the head was no good?

SPEAKER_06 11:49

I think that means it was great. You could relapse to the point of falling asleep. That's what put a baby to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Alright, alright. And we're back.

SPEAKER_05 12:07

Well, I mean listen.

SPEAKER_06 12:10

Is that why your nephew's always asleep when I come over?

SPEAKER_05 12:13

No, they when I come over, they put it, they lock them up away in the playroom.

SPEAKER_06 12:19

Ankle monitor stuff.

SPEAKER_05 12:20

Ankle monitor stuff. Oh, bro. Fucking. When's the last time you visited Santa? Like, how old are you when you stopped visiting Santa?

SPEAKER_06 12:31

Literally this year, these kids, but the last time I visited Santa, I was I would say probably nine or ten years old. And it had been some years before that, because my my parents were never standing in a fucking line for me to see Santa, and I did not give a fuck about it. Even when I was, you know, even when I p was a believer. Yeah. I kind of coming back on the guy now. Really? Kind of believer you. Yeah, I I stopped la stopped going last year, but I did the last time that I went, I went as a bit. Oh yeah? Because I just want I thought it was the funniest thing ever to be like a ten-year-old and sit on Santa's lap and be like, oh, what do you want for Christmas? Be like, I want a yellow fire truck. I thought that was the funniest thing of all time. I like giggled to myself for months waiting to do it. And I probably pussied out because I'm just like, Did you sit on a girl man's lap?

SPEAKER_05 13:23

Pro yeah, for sure I did. For sure I did. Yeah. Do you remember ever, you know, when you were a kid going sitting on grandpa's lap and then feeling him getting erection?

SPEAKER_06 13:33

No. But I do remember visibly, I can still see them. We were sitting in the backyard with my grandpa, who was probably 85 at the time. Really? And he had some shorts on, and old guys old guys for the longest would not buy new shorts, and they just had their shorts from 1985. Yeah. They were way too high. Uh-huh. And I remember his sack literally hanging out of his shorts. Oh. We're talking like probably mid-what is this, your thigh? Mid-thigh. While the sack was hanging.

SPEAKER_05 14:01

Bro, like like Larry Byrd shorts. Yeah. Fucking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:05

Well, he's like sitting down, so they're like bunched up. Oh my god. It's like kind of just choking his old ass nuts. Just sitting in there? It's kind of it's kind of freeing though because.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Like a random hole.

SPEAKER_06 14:17

Like one day I'm gonna have like a true like grandfather clock swinging between my legs. But that's that.

SPEAKER_05 14:24

There's a Daniel Tosh joke where he wanted to get tattoos each year of every year his balls drop.

unknown 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:30

The further they hang.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_05 14:34

Do you ever remember having to sit on your dad's lap when he had to take emergency shits in public? No, that's just me.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

I don't know. Daddy had to shit a lot. Or your dad had to shit? Daddy had to shit a lot.

SPEAKER_06 14:51

Do you sat on his lap while he shat? You were like uh you were like uh a weighted blanket for your dad while you took a shit.

SPEAKER_05 15:02

We played horsey half naked. Turns out he was just straining. I'm just glad we finally stopped showering together. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a tough year off, but I miss him, but this is the first winter alone without my dad in the shower. So cool. In fact, it didn't used to matter how hot the water could get because I could just get closer to him.

SPEAKER_06 15:29

Nobody cleans my back for me anymore. Or gets that hard-to-reach spot in between my cheeks.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

I haven't washed my back since I moved out. Why would you? You know what? I feel like there's a lot of judgment that's gonna come from this, but honestly, I think that's just coming from a place of jealousy because you're lacking the closeness that I had with my father.

SPEAKER_06 15:55

Yeah, hey, sorry you didn't have a relationship with your dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:58

Hey, it's not for everybody. Sorry you weren't loved enough.

SPEAKER_06 16:00

Yeah, sorry that sorry you and your dad just didn't get along like that. Hang like that. Two fun things together like shower. Daddy and shit. Deep into your adult life. Take shake shits. That was a nice one.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 16:16

Take shits. Take public shits. You're shoot like your dad's like you're like sitting in front in front of you. He's like spread on the toilet. Here's also shitting, and you're small enough that your little poop shoot can get back there and you guys can double-team the toilet.

SPEAKER_05 16:30

I had to like hold his balls out of the way for him while he wiped. Sling him over my shoulder.

SPEAKER_06 16:40

Daddy would get real mad when they dipped in the bowl. Don't even get me started on when his penis would touch porcelain. Send a shiver down both of our spots. Uh when just the tip hits it? Ugh. It's a public toilet?

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Little hairs stick to the tip. Nothing nothing to be weird about. Uh fuck them, hey bad. That should have worked a lot.

SPEAKER_06 17:09

I work in a lot of different locations and I shit. I ran into a store last week just to shit. Really? Yeah. I've taken a handful of emergency Meyer shits before. Meyer shits. I I went into going, going gone. Going gone. It's like, it's in a it's uh, it used to be a Dick Sporting Goods. It's like a Dick Sporting Goods closeout store. Oh. Where it's like it's all athletic clothes, but it's none of the brands you want. Yeah. Okay. It's like Columbia running shorts. Oh, yeah. You got some jackets. What do you do? Yeah, yeah. Chill. And I was just like, I can't. I walked in and I was, I always wanted to check the store out because I'm like, it's a sporting goods store. Like, sure, I'll peek around through here.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 17:48

So I'm just like, I walk in. I just did like Christmas shopping at Target. Uh-huh. And I'm like, I run across the street and I'm like, I was going to go sit down at B dubs and have a drink and watch a college football game. And I just I'm like, fuck, I gotta shit. So I like I turn, I go park, and I'm like, fuck. I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna have to shit in this fucking store, aren't I? And like I like walk in through the door and I'm just like walk in, like trying to be cool. Uh huh. Just trying to like look, like browse a little bit, like, oh wow, nice long sleeve, and then like, you know, start snaking my way towards the back. Uh-huh. And then I'm like looking around, like, who's looking at me going back into the shitter because I knew it was gonna be an operation. Yeah. It wasn't gonna be a quick one. Yeah. And then some hogged up food that day, it wasn't gonna be quick.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

What kind of shit, what style of shit was it?

SPEAKER_06 18:35

Um, it was one of my patented um dark brown big boys. Dark brown big boys? It's a dark brown big boy.

SPEAKER_05 18:42

You know the terminology, right? There's different styles of shit. It's like regional, it's like barbecue. There's like there's like Texas style, there's like a Texas style shit, there's a Louisiana style shit.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:52

You know what I mean? They're all gotta got their own uniqueness to them.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? They do.

SPEAKER_05 18:57

I remember one time I I had the shit so bad and I was walking into a I had the shit so bad I was seeing stars.

SPEAKER_06 19:05

Oh, I've had that dry fall.

SPEAKER_04 19:09

Your whole body is just numb. This shit's so bad. If you hit a bump while you're driving, you're gonna shit your pants. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Have you ever been there?

SPEAKER_04 19:18

When's the last time you shit your pants? Um, a little more recently than I'd like to imagine. I bet mine's more recent.

unknown 19:26

Now?

SPEAKER_06 19:27

No, not now. Mine was Pri September. Really? Price September. After like a solid 15-year run of not shooting my pants. At least. Listen. At least. I think it was third grade was the last time I shit my pants. Really? It was just like a sad story. Okay, well, two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_05 19:48

Two weeks ago at work. Oh, it's stories. Well, here's the thing. It's debate. Okay, so it's gonna get detailed. Okay, uh so I farted too hard, and here's the thing. I felt something come out, but when I checked, it wasn't brown and it didn't smell like shit.

SPEAKER_04 20:07

It wasn't brown and it didn't smell like shit.

SPEAKER_05 20:10

It was like gooey.

unknown 20:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

It was called what was it?

SPEAKER_04 20:13

It was cup.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

You're grayed.

SPEAKER_04 20:17

Yeah. Too much, dude. What color was it? It was like clear. So you just like you just dug your finger back there? Oh no, I just saw it and I wiped it up the side.

SPEAKER_06 20:29

I did it.

unknown 20:30

Look.

SPEAKER_06 20:30

When I shipped my pants. You stuck your finger in it? I didn't stick my pants. I did like a very cautious, like, like inch my way down my box. Like inch my way down my boxers, and I was like, oh, it's wet.

SPEAKER_05 20:42

Oh, that's not that's Oh, the leap of faith you're talking about. The leap of faith.

SPEAKER_06 20:47

Yeah. It was something like that. Yeah. That's the that's that's the proper term for that, it's leap of faith. I had big time, I had big time bubble guts that day. Oh, I see. And then I I did my patent slam a train to cold roublet with two shots of espresso in 20 minutes at break. Okay. Already with the bubble guts. And then was like just kind of like building light fixtures, and I was like, oh fuck. And it's the one time in the last year that I was at a job site that only had Portajo's.

SPEAKER_03 21:17

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_06 21:17

Oh no. So I had so I had to throw my boxers in a in a 30-yard dumpster.

SPEAKER_05 21:24

You're Commander Andy for the day?

SPEAKER_06 21:26

I had to this is this is real, real Porta John talk here. But Portajo's have like the slots tied up that you can like peek out. So I'm like, I might clean myself up after using an entire roll of like quarter ply to what cleaning my ass. Like a cleaning, right? And you get like it just smears. Yeah. It just smears.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

It just smears.

SPEAKER_06 21:56

You shake your pants, it's more mucusy than shit. Let's be real. So then it's like next to Portajong, like two sparking spaces over. There's like a vending machine worker that's like loading up his dolly to bring all like snacks and shit in. And I'm like, I had to wait this motherfucker out because I got a pair of Calvin Klein underwear that I'm gonna chuck in this dumpster. And if anybody sees it, I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna run into oncoming traffic, for sure. So I'm like waiting this guy out like a fucking sniper, looking through the little slots at the top of the portage. He finally runs away. I fucking book it out of the portajock. Do the quickest little toss of the most folded up box series of all time. And then just shamefully went back, put my Levi jeans, pulled them back up, was careful to not snag my dick and balls into the zipper.

SPEAKER_05 22:47

Commander Andy.

SPEAKER_06 22:48

It was horrible. Go to Commando. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 22:51

It was like freeing for five minutes. Really? And then it was like, I was just disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

Yeah, especially with jeans, it's just not right, bro.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

With nasty ass jeans. Oh, it's fucking horrible. There should be a shit themed superhero.

SPEAKER_05 23:07

Ooh. Here's none of those. Well, Mr. Hanky. He's not a superhero, though.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Christmas turds.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

I'm talking Marvel, bro. Marvel. He farts to fly. Right? Farts to fly. He could launch turds at people at a high velocity. What does he look like? Um, fucking. I don't know, like a any other super like a Superman Brown Superman. What race takes the biggest shits, do you think? Mexican? You think the biggest? That's sloppiest. Sloppiest. You're talking pure size. Sloppiest. Like a championship shit. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 23:48

Fucking Samoans? Samo all Samoans. They're big people. A lot of protein there too. Yeah. They're big folks. They're big kids of Samoans. Big shitters. Plugs the fucking toilet right up. Yeah. You don't want to. When them boys come over to your house, then you're in trauma.

SPEAKER_05 24:06

Can you install a toilet with a bigger hole? A wide hole toilet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:14

It's like the standard three-quarter rows one.

SPEAKER_05 24:17

It's like the water supply system of a water slide. That superhero, too, I'm thinking he could fucking like diarrhea his way, like burn through shit. It could like burn a hole through the wall or something.

SPEAKER_06 24:37

Oh, that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_05 24:39

Yeah, right? Hot shit. Hot shit.

SPEAKER_06 24:42

He like lifts his leg up.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Hot shit.

SPEAKER_06 24:44

And like lasers a hole out of the wall. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

What would his name be?

SPEAKER_06 24:51

Obvious. I think the leader in the clubhouse for me right now is Pooh Man. Who man? Yeah, but that's a little uninspired. Um the Duke of Dookie? Duke of Dookie. Um.

SPEAKER_05 25:08

Oh, fuck. Defecation.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Say hi to uh guys. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_06 25:22

He keeps dying at this point. Like has to swim underwater. But to get to the point, he has to take a two-minute boat ride with a lady talking to him. Defecation Jones. Defecation Jones. Defecation Jones. I like that. Good reboot for something. What are the good poop words? Oh my. Or maybe he's like a boomerang guy and he's a turd tosser.

SPEAKER_05 25:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:49

He likes boomerang turds that he like not kills enemies with.

SPEAKER_05 25:54

Like the uh the curved ones, the ones that you like to drop. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:58

Yeah, just like the turd like goes down the guy's throat and comes back out of his ass and then comes back to our hero turd thrower or whatever the fuck. Defecation Jones? Defecation Jones. There's a theme song with defecation Jones. I can already hear that.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

Defecation Jones here to save the day and shit down your throat. That's a finishing movie, shitting down your throat. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, he rips your head off. Yeah.

unknown 26:25

Shits down your head.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

I like the idea of doing it while he's still alive, though. Yo. So that he could hear him be like, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 26:36

Yeah. I bet there's a satisfaction to that. And then like once every like eight episodes, he turns around and is like, damn, I had a lot of corn. Damn, defecation, you've been eating corn.

SPEAKER_05 26:52

Ugh. Hold on. Alright, we're back now. What were we talking about again? We were talking about Pooper Hero. Oh yeah. Oh, and farting. And shitting your pants. Yeah, that's right. Classic. Dude, I almost shit my pants like probably a week ago. What's going on with you right now? I just get I fart and I get a little too confident. Because I'll get like a hundred ones where I could just rip it, just full force, just you know, just having fun, you know, just blasting them. You know what I mean? Blasting. But, you know, fucking Russian roulette. You know. That's just up to you. But it's like, I was able to like save it though. Like I felt it coming out, but then I had to like slam my ass shut. You know what I mean? Yeah. So much so that I like jumped forward a little bit. Yeah. It's kind of like how Michael Jackson does that little pelvic bump.

SPEAKER_06 27:50

Probably the wind of you closing your cheeks propels you forward slightly.

SPEAKER_05 27:54

Yeah, when Michael Jackson does that little pelvic bump move he does, that's actually him just almost shitting his pants. He almost shits a lot. He does it a lot.

SPEAKER_06 28:04

He keeps that glove on.

SPEAKER_05 28:05

You should try some lactate. Yeah, it's just he's just got a little bag full of white glove. Just wipe with it, just fling it right off. Oh, I thought you said a little blood. He gives a little blood. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Oh, there's a little blood in this one. Oh no, there's a little blood again in that shit, Black. Oh no. Oh no, I wonder what that could be in front of. Daddy's getting sick. Thank you. Come on, let's go play. McCullough, where you at?

SPEAKER_05 28:56

Fucking, bro. You know what? Oh yeah, that's another thing I wanted to uh bring out. Because we're talking about documentaries earlier. I was watching that uh the Woodstock 99 documentary. Woodstock 99.

SPEAKER_06 29:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:12

Well, basically, it was like they wanted to like redo Woodstock or whatever. Yeah. But it was fucking 1999. So instead of like Jimi Hendritz and shit, it was like corn and slipknot and limp biscuit. And they just like were so ill prepared. And like basically like everyone just broke out in a Fred Durst basically incited a riot.

unknown 29:34

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:36

It is rock star shit. But like but it got like kind of dark though. Because like, so I guess there was like a rave going on, like after the show ended, and there was like this van that came in through the crowd, and then they look into the van, and the guy driving is just totally not there. Eyes glazed, everything.

unknown 29:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 29:58

And uh this is getting it so there's there's two little girls passed out in the back of the bed.

SPEAKER_06 30:05

Bummer. Bummer, bummer.

SPEAKER_05 30:08

Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's why I hesitated. You know, but um I forgot where I was going with that. I wonder where they are today. Now I'm in a weird corner.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

Oh, we're stuck talking about little girls in trip that.

SPEAKER_05 30:21

Okay, um fucking anyway. Fred Durst. Maybe. These are pretty good mics, I don't know. But uh, yeah. Oh yeah, that was the joke. Woodstock. Woodstock, more like wood cock inside of you against your will.

SPEAKER_06 30:43

Anyway, uh, but yeah. I'm glad we took that detour for that.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

I'm horrible hang.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_06 30:55

Horrible great detour.

SPEAKER_05 30:59

Yeah, you know, everyone was doing the nookie back then. You you weren't there, man. Everyone was doing the nookie.

SPEAKER_06 31:06

The nookie.

SPEAKER_05 31:07

Bro, have you ever seen did we ever talk about that movie The Fanatic?

unknown 31:12

No.

SPEAKER_05 31:13

Okay, so you'll I I showed Greg this movie. It's a movie, it came out like 2015. It's directed by Fred Durst. And the main character is um Why?

SPEAKER_06 31:25

Why? Is my first question. Why is Fred Durst directing a movie?

SPEAKER_05 31:29

You're gonna have more questions because the the protagonist, I guess, is um John Travolta playing a mentally handicapped man.

SPEAKER_06 31:37

2015. Yes. Fuck yeah, they got one in late. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:42

And it's just like so poorly acted. And here's the thing there's a scene where um like a father and a son are driving a car, and the dad's like, here, let me uh let me show you some music. And he puts on Limp Biscuit. Totally patting himself on the back. He's like, Yeah, everyone was this is the jam back in the day, man. Oh, you deserved, dude. Totally just patting himself on the back.

SPEAKER_06 32:09

That's awesome. Is it Travolta like earnestly being like Limp hey kid? Check this out.

SPEAKER_05 32:16

It's just like a lot of like freaking out and shit. I gotta, I don't know, should I show you, should I pull up a video or pull up a video? Alright, hold up.

SPEAKER_06 32:24

Fuck it. Talk to the audience for me. Audience. How are we doing with the holiday spirit? I know for me I'm over it.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

I've had too much of a family over the last little bit.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

I start that you have to be careful. I don't want you to be accused of stalking.

SPEAKER_05 32:52

Oh yeah, he's stalking this fucking uh what is he like a fucking Travolta? Yeah, Travolta's like stalking this like celebrity that he has a fucking infatuation with. He's a fanatic, yes. I don't know, you can check it out, but fucking um what was that? I was watching they had they had like videos of like the offspring doing fucking shit. Okay. And um, and I was thinking, now take this, you know, uh objectively, you know. But it's the offspring, but they're singing about uh beating up midgets with chains, right? And you see, now object again, uh take a I'm not I have no desire to beat anyone with chain. I'm saying objectively good that we cleared that up. Yeah, I'm saying objectively, this is just what's going on. The offspring's playing, and they're singing their song, but the lyrics are about you know meeting midgets with chains, and then you look at the crowd, and then they're all like, yeah, like going along with it, right? And then I don't know, like by the second verse, like they start realizing like what the fucking track the song's about, and they're like, wait, this is what the fuck? And then the band's just up there and be like, what? You guys were going along with it for the first half of the song. I bought the album. Yeah, I don't get it again. We dropped the N-word like 17 times in our set already, and you had no problem with it. They're not good.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

They're not good.

SPEAKER_05 34:28

Yeah. They have that song uh pretty fly for a white guy. Oh yeah. Wow. I thought about this. Ready? Pretty shy for a black guy. Oh black dorks, black marvel guy. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_06 34:48

Alright, I like that.

SPEAKER_05 34:50

Listen, I knew that was a rough hit. I knew we've had some rough fits this episode. We're going through them, I don't care. Oh, that's Greg.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Oh no. What the fuck? Never was a one. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 35:19

Oh, yeah. What the fuck? Damn. This is a tie game. It's gonna be a tie.

SPEAKER_05 35:25

What if um what if instead of the offspring, it's the coughspring, and that's where the doctor tells you to cough and then you get scrum because you have soft hands in your day.

SPEAKER_06 35:42

My sweet male nurse practitioner fills me up. It's kind of jacked in his scrubs. But you don't really know because even when you wear scrubs, you have kind of jacked.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

Have you ever had to get your balls checked? My balls checked? Yeah, for like a I had to get a one time. The lump? Well, like, that's part of the thing that they do for like a physical, if you get a physical. Really? I've had plenty of physical. I've had a plenty of turn your head and cough, but my doctor molested me. Starting to sound like No, no, that's a real thing, I swear to God. I've turned my head and cough. I swear to god, yeah, it's the cough thing. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 36:32

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It's never more than a feel, though. It's never like they investigate my sack.

SPEAKER_05 36:38

He wasn't like spinning the two around in his hand like pool balls.

SPEAKER_06 36:46

He wasn't playing with them like they're a flubber.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

Yeah, like, hmm, yeah, this is really soft. Yeah, nice soft.

SPEAKER_06 36:54

Can you imagine that? A male nurse practitioner is like, yeah, nice set here, boy. Real earnest thing. Nice pair.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

He's got like nice glasses on he's like, yeah, nice set here, dude. What do you do with these things? Nice sack, dude. What do you do with these things?

SPEAKER_05 37:09

Never seen a sack like that, dude. It looks like top of E.T.'s head. What's your manscaped routine? When it's cold, that is. When it tightens up.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Not so much when it's hot. God, it's always cold. It's always cold.

SPEAKER_05 37:24

Uh, yeah, we got a lot of tough bits here.

SPEAKER_03 37:29

Uh oh, I'm gonna keep doing that uh.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

Because I do it involuntarily anyway. Oh yeah. So uh I've been watching Caesar Milan, right, to understand how women think. And you know, you you hate to hear it, but it's actually working, you know? I've never been more successful.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

Really?

SPEAKER_05 37:50

You know. Results speak for itself. From a results-oriented guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's you know, that's how I am. You know. That's like here's the thing. I know you're not supposed to call them dog brains, but like behaviorally, a lot of parallels. You know, they live off of attention, you know. Fucking the brain reward system is basically the same. Always put themselves before others, you know what I mean? Yeah, they don't, yeah. Mostly white women.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:24

Mostly white women, in my expression. Yeah. I only have experience with one black girl. I would like to have more though. I think I'm I think I'm flipping. I think I'm flipping. I think I'm flipping. It's time to realize because it's time in what isn't out there. Even uh fucking, even uh Stephanie said, like, I don't you're like too abrasive for like a white guy, white girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 38:49

You're off putting for a white fan.

SPEAKER_05 38:51

Yeah. I don't know, dude. It's just it's like, and I know I spent years at fucking Hooters, so I'm also dealing with like the top one most privileged percentile of women. Yeah, so that is true because of how they look. Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 39:06

But not really because of yeah. It's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_05 39:10

Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like if the I don't know why women, when they like fuck up or do something like shitty, like they like have this tendency to make it worse. I don't know why. Like, you'd think, you know, you've heard of that like when you do something shitty, you're getting real quiet. You say I'm like I'm giving you room to cut here. Okay, okay. You know, you've heard of like trying to make up for it, you know, but what if what if you did the opposite? Innovation. You know what I'm talking? You know what I'm talking about? I I I don't know. Women are so ahead of their time that they've discovered reverse problem solving. Whoa. How about that? What do you think of that?

SPEAKER_02 39:50

Reverse problem solving.

SPEAKER_05 39:51

They're like, oh no, shit, I broke this lamp. Well, I guess now I have to burn down the house. You know? Oh no, now the house is burning. I better dump it out with this dump truck full of gasoline. Now I'm homeless. Allow me to dry my tears with anthrax covered tissues. Okay. You know?

SPEAKER_06 40:10

What did a woman do to you over Christmas?

SPEAKER_05 40:12

Not over Christmas. Longer, much longer than that.

SPEAKER_06 40:16

It's been years.

SPEAKER_05 40:18

Chip on my shoulder. Oh no, I just backed into someone's car. I should probably key my insurance information into the paint job. Oh yeah. Better than not leaving it.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:31

I guess.

SPEAKER_06 40:32

Better than not. I guess. Better than leaving a girl now. Yeah, really. I'm just a girl. That one that one really grinded my gears. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:43

I'm just a girl.

SPEAKER_06 40:44

Yeah, that's TikTok.

SPEAKER_05 40:46

Yeah. I hate that shit. Uh, it's getting hot in here, ain't it? Generating heat. Generating. The transformation into a signal podcast is basically like no difference.

SPEAKER_06 40:59

It's every episode now we have like a 20-minute tape block. Which, hey, Tate, sign us.

unknown 41:09

Tate.

SPEAKER_06 41:09

Sign us.

SPEAKER_05 41:10

He'd probably agree with some of our ideas.

SPEAKER_06 41:12

Our business is slow over there. But we know how to keep our mouths shut. Yeah. About all that stuff that they accused you of, brother. Uh. Alpha King.

SPEAKER_05 41:23

Fucking um.

SPEAKER_06 41:25

Wait, maybe we should just call Tate a pussy. Maybe he'd be more into that.

SPEAKER_05 41:28

Yeah. Maybe he'd like that. I did have an idea for this for the fucking. I did have an idea, which I actually think women are gonna like. Actually. Kill half of the male population, right? Okay. Kill half of the male population. Supply and demand, more pussy for us. True. You know?

SPEAKER_06 41:50

Love it.

SPEAKER_05 41:51

And you know, you know, there's more women, you know, girl power or whatever.

SPEAKER_06 41:56

I'm not gonna lie. That's kind of infuriating. Should we jumble the pussy out there? I can't have none of it. Fucking sucks, dick.

SPEAKER_05 42:07

Steal the ring back. Take that ring back. You wanted pussy power. This is what it looks like. This is what it looks like, babe.

SPEAKER_06 42:18

Yeah, I'm kind of down. Dudes are not really a dude's yet.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

And honestly, I I volunteer to be part of the 50% that leaves. I volunteer. Whoa! I volunteer. Dude. I think we have to do it now. I think we have to.

SPEAKER_06 42:32

That's really honorable of you.

SPEAKER_05 42:34

I I mean shit. I'm gonna make that your brother. I understand it's a it's a grandiose solution. It is. But you know, I got to be able to willing to, you know. I can't say kill half the male population, but not me. You're willing to start the movement. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 42:49

This is the last episode, guys.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

People will remember, I'll go down in history. You will. That that's worth it to me. It's pretty good. You know?

SPEAKER_06 42:56

You know. We need it. We need more work. We need new workers in the field. Yeah. New new male field workers. These old ones are sh.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

Alright. Alright. Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_05 43:13

You ever watch House Hunters?

SPEAKER_06 43:15

Yeah, I've seen some House Hunters.

SPEAKER_05 43:17

I've seen some House. My grandpa used to watch that shit, so I'd always watch it.

SPEAKER_06 43:19

My mom would put that on like Sunday morning. I'd come out of bed at be 8 30 and be two gay guys looking for a house. Great, can I just watch Sports Center? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

I don't know. I kind of liked it a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 43:32

No, but that's the thing, is you'd catch yourself being like, oh yeah, that is a nice property. And be like, what the f what the fuck am I doing with that? Ooh, the porch has an awning. Wow, that is a nice bathroom.

SPEAKER_05 43:44

Oh, dual sinks? Oh. What if what if there was an episode where a real estate agent who's touring a house for a Mexican family, he like keeps mentioning that it comes with an infinity pool.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

He just keeps bringing It's always talking about an infinity pool.

SPEAKER_05 44:05

It's like, you know, that pool never stops going. Once you get in, you just keep swimming and swimming and swimming and swimming.

SPEAKER_06 44:14

Okay, it took me a minute.

SPEAKER_05 44:17

It wasn't a blurring. It took it. Yeah, you're good. I'm kidding, they can't afford an infinity pool. But you know. Boom. Damn. What if it was an Indian family? And they're like, uh, here's the master bedroom. We're dealing with uh we're doing some remodeling, so there's no bathroom. We'll take we'll take it. Like right away. No, we don't we don't need need we don't need no shower. We don't need shower. It's it is fine, just wait it way it is, you know. Uh shit.

SPEAKER_03 44:54

Yeah. You like that one? No? Feedback? Audience?

SPEAKER_06 45:01

Audience?

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Anyone?

SPEAKER_06 45:02

Write in. Text us. Write in. Is there anybody out there? Are we screaming into the void?

SPEAKER_05 45:12

Right, basically, yeah. Are you uh what are you are you gonna give me something for my birthday? What are you gonna give me for my birthday? I am. Just do wait. Oh yeah? It's not your birthday yet. I can't ruin the cigar. It's almost there. I'll tell you what though. As a black man, personally, I want a really loud Bluetooth speaker.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Extra speaker phone.

SPEAKER_06 45:45

So you can walk around Walmart and the entire world can hear your commentation. Extra speaker phone is funny. You start trying to dirty talk your woman and say, Oh, you're on speaker running. Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Oh, thanks. Thanks.

SPEAKER_06 46:01

Cool, great. Everybody heard about my throbbing cock as you walk around Target. Great. Oh, cool. Baljeet at the vape store knows that I'm gay now. Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_05 46:18

Uh bro. We should get fucked up and just watch like a shitty movie or something later on, once everyone comes through.

SPEAKER_06 46:25

That would be cool. I'm not watching what the fuck is Greg's favorite movie. Freddie Got Figured Finger.

SPEAKER_05 46:33

Should I get fucked up, watch like Crazy Rich Asians or something? I've never seen that. Crazy Rich Asians. Oh classic, you know. Crazy Rich Asians. I don't know what that I don't know what that movie's about. I don't know. I've only seen like two Asian movies.

SPEAKER_06 46:48

I've never seen one.

SPEAKER_05 46:50

Seen Parasite?

SPEAKER_06 46:51

I've never seen Parasite. I know that that one, like wars and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 46:54

Hey, that one's pretty good. It's like you read that one though.

SPEAKER_06 46:57

Right? Yeah, you do. See.

SPEAKER_05 47:00

Put on something to relax. Parasite do English homework. A lot of people don't know those Parasite's actually a prequel to Crazy Rich Asians. Oh yeah. Yeah, because in Parasite they like take over rich people's houses. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:14

So a lot of people miss that, you know?

unknown 47:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:18

People just watch it at surface level. Guy guy like you, you go deep. Yeah. About deep cuts. Deep cuts.

SPEAKER_05 47:24

About connecting dots. I love deep cuts. Not those kinds, but I'm running out of shit.

SPEAKER_06 47:52

I'm a simple man.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

One at Hooter's dead. Fuck you, you won't fuck me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 48:07

Hmm. What's up, babe? You wanna take this outside? No? Well then fuck you, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Fuck you, bitch. Whore? Fucking hug your haircut. You fucking slut? Why don't you fuck me? Hey Ma, you fucking whore. I love that.

SPEAKER_06 48:24

Yeah. When I go long fucking you, you're like, you fucking slut.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

Yeah, you fucking fuck me, you slut.

SPEAKER_05 48:32

Uh what if instead of Wi-Fi it was Guy Fi and instead of exploring the internet, you explore a man's ass.

SPEAKER_06 48:42

Pretty sure Guy Fi already exists.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

Pretty sure.

SPEAKER_06 48:46

I don't know if they called it that. I think they called it like meat spin or something.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

Sorry about that. Might be a short one, but. Yo.

SPEAKER_05 48:59

Yo. Would it dare. What it do. Fucking um. Okay. I got this pair of uh, do you know what bone conduction headphones are?

SPEAKER_06 49:12

Oh, is that the thing that you like slip in like behind your ear? Yeah. Okay, I'm I was actually interested in these. I want a review. Yeah? Yeah. Well do you think of them? Because I've heard like, oh, you can you still hear everything that's going on, but your music's just as or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 49:27

It's not just as loud. Or it's like it's never gonna be as loud as putting an earbud directly in your ear. For sure. Yeah. But I don't know, it depends on what you use them for. How my review Okay. Not great for music. Not great for music. But what you can do, have I haven't tried this yet, but I thought about it. You can press it up gently against your asshole, right? And you can play something with heavy bass, maybe some primus. A Millie by Lil Wayne. A milly.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Yeah. Like, oh claypool, you fucking hit those four strings.

unknown 50:06

Magic.

SPEAKER_06 50:07

Oh, you have magic fingers.

SPEAKER_04 50:09

You got magic fingers.

SPEAKER_06 50:12

You start you get really into the who. That Johnette Whistle was an awesome bass player.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

And then when you're ready to come, I just pull out a picture of big tits. Okay. I'm a simple man, dude. What if I like big tits? My two favorite things are big tits and straightforward answers from people. Big tits and straightforward answers. That's goddamn parrot American. Yeah. Unfortunately, those two things do not really come hand in hand.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Don't. Ooh, they don't. They really don't, unfortunately. Boobies like to lie, man. Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_06 50:47

Boobs like to lie. Oh, they lie. I worked with this guy that was like, hey man, I got a date with some boobs tonight. Some big mom boobs, dude. This guy was awesome, dumb. Just dehumanizing. Yeah. It was hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 51:06

Hey, I met this hole, right? And I'm taking her out.

SPEAKER_06 51:10

I told him I went to Lala. He asked me, he asked me that when I came back. He's like, oh, dude, how was Lala? Or Lala? And I was like, oh yeah, it was cool. He's like, is there a bunch of fat girls there? He's like, nah. He's like, did you get your money back? You should ask for your fucking money back. There was no fat girls there.

SPEAKER_05 51:30

Okay. How about instead of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, it's Rudolph the hook-nosed reindeer.

SPEAKER_06 51:37

Nice. Nice. That's really classic.

SPEAKER_05 51:40

You like that movie?

SPEAKER_06 51:40

Spirit, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:41

He's like flying, he's like flying in the skies with the sleigh. He sees a penny on the ground and just like darts to the ground. Rudolph! I knew we wouldn't be good with you, Rudolph of Feinklstein. It's too cold. I need a jacket. I forgot my medication and my blood pressure is gonna be all askew. I told you you needed to clean off my nose or it wouldn't be bright enough. I can't even see. Do you know how much this is gonna cost me, this doctor appointment? Do you think I could get a discount if I told him I was helping out Santa deliver?

SPEAKER_06 52:16

I think one of my clums is gonna fall off St. Nick. We're gonna have to call off Christmas. I knew my nose wasn't gonna be just as bright this year. I'm out of gas, bro.

SPEAKER_05 52:33

Out of gas. We're out of gas. It's a war. You know why there's so many Rudolph movies? It's because we control the media. That's why we just keep making the same movie over and over and over. What are you gonna do if we stop making movies, huh? What are you gonna watch? Bollywood? You need happy Gilmar too. You're gonna watch a bunch of fucking dinga dinga people fucking cry. Listen, that Rudolph said that. That was a character piece.

SPEAKER_06 53:09

Rudolph in the spirit of Christmas.

SPEAKER_02 53:11

Palestine never existed. I hate when we're delivering countries to these places that smell like curry over there.

SPEAKER_04 53:19

I will I'm not delivering presents to Gaza.

SPEAKER_06 53:26

I don't feel comfortable going into these neighborhoods, Santa. I told you that.

SPEAKER_05 53:31

Oh, fucking Noah just came. God here.

SPEAKER_03 53:35

Noah just came. Yeah, he just texted him. Noah just texted me to tell me he came.

SPEAKER_06 53:43

Fuck yeah. He's gonna love this when he listens to it. Yeah, right. That's what I'm gonna start doing. I'm gonna start texting people when I jack off. Not when I get pussy.

SPEAKER_05 53:52

Like how sometimes you'll send pictures of shit.

SPEAKER_06 53:55

Yeah. Be like, just came. I just fucking nutted. Hey dude, what's up? Just nutted.

SPEAKER_05 54:02

Just like my hand, there's just like a coin of semen on it.

SPEAKER_06 54:05

No, it's in your belly button. You kill yourself off.

SPEAKER_05 54:09

Not anymore. I've changed my weights.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Oh. Yes. How about it?

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

Yeah. You know, you live. Time is normal, so I fuck.

SPEAKER_06 54:27

Santa, I think that Britch is gonna try and fuck me again this year. We gotta hurry up and hoop it.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

We gotta save them.

SPEAKER_05 54:36

Oh yeah. I don't like how that dog looks at me. Santa did visit me, though. He got me actually something pretty nice. Oh, whoa, he's uh he's unveiling a stocking right now.

SPEAKER_04 54:46

It's a gun! Right? Pretty cool, huh? Oh, cool. Nice and long.

SPEAKER_06 54:51

Are you gonna suicide on the podcast right now?

SPEAKER_04 54:53

That would be funny if I did that.

SPEAKER_05 54:55

Good bit, but it won't get posted because I don't know how to work computers! Don't worry. It's not a real gun. But there is no orange tip for some reason. Wink. Wink. Yeah, you don't you can't see it. You're listening. How would you know? How would you know? How do you know I don't have a gun? How do you know? I could I could have a dildo and say it's a gun. You would have no idea.

SPEAKER_06 55:16

We should edit this out, but we should end it with a bang. Oh my god. At the end of the gun conversation, it just goes bang. And then we don't put a pot on for like a month.

SPEAKER_05 55:33

Dude, yeah.

unknown 55:35

Dude.

SPEAKER_05 55:36

That is insane. That is, I love that. I fucking love that. Hell yeah.

unknown 55:41

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:42

Hell yeah, dude. Oh, dude, I'm running out of steam. Fuck. You know what? You know what though? When I had that chrome in my mouth, sucking off this 45 caliber in my living room. Yeah. I spoke to God. I did. You know what he told me? He told me He told me that you're a faggot.

SPEAKER_06 56:11

Isn't this the time of year where a son was born? This motherfucker. And dead beat dad. Dirt about me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 56:22

Joseph Joseph wasn't a stepfather. He was a father that stepped up, dude.

unknown 56:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 56:26

Just what it is.

SPEAKER_04 56:28

This girl is a slide.

SPEAKER_06 56:30

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:31

Yeah, okay. I think I'm gonna end this, dude. This is getting ch real choppy.

SPEAKER_06 56:36

End it.

SPEAKER_05 56:37

End it. Alright, well.

SPEAKER_06 56:39

Got the final couple minutes out. Put the bang in it. That would be fun.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

Christmas special.

SPEAKER_05 56:48

Alright, guys. Christmas special. Horrible hang. Horrible hang. Those who listen. Merry horrible. Merry horrible. Happy New Year. Happy hangness.