Episode 20 - The Grand Wizard of Oz

finally cooked again on this one. Last episode before the election and we got sum big fat juicy bits

Transcript

SPEAKER_12 0:00

Alright now we're gonna No intro, because last time I got shit on for my Hell yeah Hell yeah you did.

SPEAKER_13 0:10

I mean it wasn't great but you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 0:15

Alright. Fucking horrible hang. This is episode 20. Episode Whoa. This is episode 20, dude. Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_07 0:22

I can't believe this is number 20.

SPEAKER_12 0:24

This is I know. We're still fucking doing this for some reason. Why? I don't know. Why? We have a passionate group of 15 listeners.

SPEAKER_07 0:33

God bless the 15.

SPEAKER_12 0:34

I think the average is 15.

SPEAKER_07 0:36

I hate you guys. I hate you. I haven't said how much I hated them in a while.

SPEAKER_12 0:39

I hate you guys. I mean, shit, they're still hanging on. So I mean, the the I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 0:46

I wonder how thick that thread is, boy. That last straw about to hit the camel back. Honestly, dude, yeah. It's gonna be within the next hour.

SPEAKER_12 0:55

I was hoping maybe if I uploaded more frequently then I could revive it, but I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:01

Is it working?

SPEAKER_12 1:03

No, no. Well, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_07 1:04

No, can you just leave can you just put it on repeat when you fall asleep?

SPEAKER_12 1:08

The last episode got fucking eight listens, but I did put in the bio that this was the worst episode we've ever recorded.

SPEAKER_07 1:15

Right. Which I think means it's probably the best. Maybe, I don't know. It might be the best episode we've ever done.

SPEAKER_12 1:21

It may I don't know. I didn't even listen to it yet, honestly. I didn't get the chance to listen.

SPEAKER_07 1:26

I hate the sound of my own voice. I do too.

SPEAKER_12 1:30

Which you would you would never guess, but you'd never guess, you know, 20 episodes deep. Yeah, I just hate hearing myself. Yeah, I hate hearing.

SPEAKER_07 1:38

I don't know why anybody wants to hear me. Ever. In any situation.

SPEAKER_12 1:43

Yeah, I don't know. Provide all the time. Apparently, a couple people do. I do get a couple compliments. I mean they're my friends. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:50

Sometimes I might say something funny about killing myself, but that's really about it. That's all I bring.

SPEAKER_12 1:55

I make a lot of jokes about killing myself. In fact, I got a tip that I was shitting on my own podcast too much, and I'm like, well, it does kind of suck to a degree.

SPEAKER_07 2:05

Does anybody want to hear hey, my fucking podcast, dude? It's amazing. Yeah, I mean nobody wants to hear that.

SPEAKER_12 2:11

Exactly. Shut up. I feel like especially if I give you that low of an expectation. I'm not gonna tell you it's good. Whatever. And then hear fart, gay, fag rape. You know what I mean? Fart gay fag rape, yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:25

That's my that's not my proudest nut on Pornhub. That's not my best search. No, nobody wants to hear me. No. Nobody wants to be like I mean, I'm not putting it on. This guy's like, oh yeah, his podcast is great. Yeah. This is the what you put on? No, you can't say that.

SPEAKER_12 2:41

No, no. We have a very, very niche audience that we don't even have yet, really.

SPEAKER_07 2:46

We just don't have to reach for it. It's we have like the concept of an audience.

SPEAKER_12 2:50

Apparently, there's one listener from Taiwan we have. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:55

That's that's just one of our freaky friends with.

SPEAKER_12 2:58

Because 99. What was it? 99.7% of our listeners are from the United States. 0.3 from Taiwan. Yeah, that's pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 3:06

Taiwan. What up, Taiwan mommy? What up? Come come through the tube Eddy and suck us in the cat.

SPEAKER_12 3:16

Do Taiwan people, I don't Taiwanese people have an accent.

SPEAKER_07 3:21

I think they probably do. But I would just kind of jump, I would just jumble it. Sorry, sorry to our Taiwan listener, but you sound the same as everybody else from that region.

SPEAKER_12 3:33

Sorry, I just it's easier for me to generalize, you know.

SPEAKER_07 3:36

You sound like the shitty walk guy from South Park to me, no matter what. That's just you. Listen, sorry.

SPEAKER_12 3:44

Stereotypes and generalizations are just a means of organization for us.

SPEAKER_07 3:49

It's organization is because we have low, little, small American brains. We're trying to declutter. Yeah, we're decluttering. It's not racist. I just have too many thoughts.

unknown 4:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 4:02

I'm just trying to keep my thoughts straight.

SPEAKER_12 4:04

So it's easier if I just go, okay, tortilla people, February people, fucking February people.

SPEAKER_07 4:14

No, see, to me, I'm just like, okay, I can't, my brain can't concept conceptualize that many people, like different kinds of people being in the world. So all right, you're from this place, and it's like the size of New York, and there's this huge, ginormous place with all these people that look and sound a certain way. Alright, come on. Yeah. Like come on. Come on.

SPEAKER_12 4:36

And here's the thing.

SPEAKER_07 4:37

Are people in California really that different from Maine? Like it's like probably the same distance apart. You're the same.

SPEAKER_12 4:44

And just because, you know, I understand. This is horrible. I understand that just because it's a stereotype doesn't make it true for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Sure.

SPEAKER_12 4:54

But, you know, it wouldn't be a stereotype if it wasn't a little true. It's gotta be a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 5:01

Who did a ding-dong? Where did it come from?

SPEAKER_12 5:03

Bad apple spoils the bunch.

SPEAKER_17 5:06

Sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_09 5:07

Sorry, bad. I don't make the rules.

SPEAKER_07 5:10

Do you remember the one kid in class that would always ruin it for everybody? You'd have this great cool day. We're going out, we're doing class outside, and then this motherfucker's climbing a tree. One person can ruin it for everybody. That's what happened.

SPEAKER_09 5:26

They teach us this in school. We aren't racist, we're educated.

SPEAKER_12 5:31

You ever like, you ever like experience something younger, and then later in life you realize that's a stereotype, and then you remember, oh yeah, I remember that one kid.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Yeah. That Indian kid did really smell and clack.

SPEAKER_18 5:44

Grandpa was kind of right.

SPEAKER_12 5:48

Horrible hang, bro. Horrible hang. Although I will say, we were talking though. I'm having a little bit of a another resurgence, if you will.

SPEAKER_07 5:58

It's a resurgence.

SPEAKER_12 5:59

It's fuck white women.

SPEAKER_07 6:01

Fuck white women. I think welcome to this side of the table.

SPEAKER_12 6:05

Yeah. He's converted me, bro. He's converted me.

SPEAKER_07 6:08

Our good brother has came over. He's left, he's left a whack.

SPEAKER_12 6:12

I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 6:14

Stop white women 2024. Stop white women. Can I can I put you down for a Kamala Harris vote right now? That's even better. Undecided.

SPEAKER_12 6:26

See, we're transitioning. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I gotta be honest too. I've really been struggling with this. I feel like I have race dysmorphia too. I feel like I'm welcome to the club. I feel like, and honestly, I'm being real, like talking to you like face to face. I'm being real with you. I don't I can't share this with everyone. I'm still in the closet, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want to tell everyone that I think I might actually be black.

SPEAKER_07 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 6:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 6:51

I it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_12 6:53

I've been projecting this entire podcast.

SPEAKER_07 6:57

And I think when your day is when you are ready, you will say it.

SPEAKER_12 7:02

I think I think you're I I your day will come, young man. When I'm ready, when I'm ready.

SPEAKER_07 7:07

When you're ready to let the world know that you're not going to be able to do it. The question is, when's my dad ready? See, I'm waiting for my dad to die to live my true life. Which I'm not going to let you guys know of. Yeah. I'm not gonna let you know what my true life is, because I am not ready. You're obviously ready. By the way, his address is not his fucking guy. He making me crazy.

SPEAKER_12 7:36

You're making me crazy.

SPEAKER_07 7:37

You drive me up a fucking wall.

SPEAKER_12 7:38

You're driving me up a fucking wall. Let me do some dude. I got too many bits.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

Kidding guy, kidding Noah.

SPEAKER_12 7:48

Kidding. My name is Vikram. My name is Vakram. Welcome. Vikram. And my problem is I I want to I want to rape women, but my penis is too small, and it takes me too long to find it. So instead I had to invent being gay. My boyfriend loves my bouncing. Come on.

SPEAKER_18 8:22

Well, Vikram, thank you for coming on the show, first of all. What you've done here is transcended man's thought by creating being a gay man.

SPEAKER_12 8:32

I've created being gay, and my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_18 8:34

Why did you create this being gay? What did you just how did you originally decide to call it gay?

SPEAKER_12 8:42

Well, I will start by saying a good magician never reveals his secrets. Oh. But I found a boyfriend that loves me for me and my tiny penis.

SPEAKER_08 8:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 8:54

And it makes me very, very happy. My boyfriend really loves my button penis.

SPEAKER_08 8:59

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 9:00

I bet he does. He loves my button penis. He gives it Eskimo show it to me? Yeah, I I can maybe show it to you at the end of the episode, you know. He give he gives my button penis Eskimo kisses.

SPEAKER_18 9:12

Eskimo kisses.

SPEAKER_12 9:14

Butterfly kisses ever? Butterfly kisses.

SPEAKER_18 9:17

My first boyfriend gave me butterfly kisses. And then we started eating red meat together. And became real men. And now we like women.

SPEAKER_12 9:27

Then we started eating uh sausage because I didn't know it wasn't pork. What was the fucking debt bit I tried to do last time? Do you remember it all? It was a shitty fucking bed. That we tried to like savor.

SPEAKER_07 9:40

A shitty bit that you tried to do. Oh, yeah. You narrow it down?

SPEAKER_12 9:46

Ah, it was really not well thought out. Not very funny. Ring a bell.

SPEAKER_07 9:52

Lots of bells. Pretty much all the bells, every podcast we've ever done.

SPEAKER_12 9:58

J just a touch of racism.

SPEAKER_07 10:00

Oh, only a t oh, okay, that narrows it down.

SPEAKER_12 10:05

No, I don't remember. Uh it was like some fucking I don't even fucking remember what I was talking about. It was not worth wasting air time for. You know.

SPEAKER_07 10:16

Was it when you gave my address out live on air?

SPEAKER_12 10:19

Uh it might have been that episode. I think it was that episode.

SPEAKER_07 10:26

That wasn't worth the time on air.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That was that was a decent episode. I understand you felt away.

SPEAKER_12 10:35

Which is understandable.

SPEAKER_07 10:36

It's so funny, though.

SPEAKER_12 10:38

I think it's one of the best bits on the pot.

SPEAKER_07 10:40

It was pretty good.

SPEAKER_12 10:41

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 10:42

But you know, it's a great weapon that you have against me now. You found my weakness. And it's doxing me. Whenever I get nasty, you can just go, uh, Andy lives at one.

SPEAKER_12 10:55

Oh yeah, by the way. Just with a megaphone.

SPEAKER_07 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:59

Everybody.

SPEAKER_09 11:01

Um come have sex at Andy's house.

SPEAKER_07 11:06

There's a huge gay orgy. Oh, you could do that. That'd be so rude. Have a bunch of gay gentlemen showing up in my house expecting an orgy, and I didn't even order food.

SPEAKER_06 11:16

Your dad would be pissed.

SPEAKER_07 11:20

He'd be pissed.

SPEAKER_06 11:20

He'd be like, ah, they're perking all over the fucking driveway. What are these fangs doing here?

SPEAKER_12 11:27

How about how about this? How about a guy who Wait till I die, Andy?

unknown 11:32

Come on.

SPEAKER_12 11:33

So what about a guy that thinks he might be gay and he hasn't had any gay sex yet, right? So he's kind of on the cusp, right? And uh he likes the masculine energy of angry men, right? Are we talking about you again? Hey, again, projecting. So it goes around driving like shit and cutting people off to piss them off. And then when he does, he's just like sitting behind the wheel rock hard because he just loves that he's pissing them off.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

This bit is definitely not about me, guys. Stop asking.

SPEAKER_09 12:13

You really thought you thought of something.

SPEAKER_07 12:16

You thought about you thought about looking in the mirror.

SPEAKER_12 12:22

Stop asking about the public indecency charge, okay?

SPEAKER_07 12:26

No, you ain't gotta worry about that. That little pecor ain't getting up over your window.

SPEAKER_12 12:32

Even if it, although it doesn't count if it's a nub.

SPEAKER_07 12:35

A nub.

SPEAKER_12 12:35

If you have a tiny penis, I guess that does make you less likely to get caught if your dick is out in public.

SPEAKER_07 12:41

See, more benefits. Guys, what are you listening for? Benefits of the small penis. That's why we come to this.

SPEAKER_12 12:47

Dude, that's what we're here to discuss.

SPEAKER_07 12:49

That's why we're here. It's a support group more than a podcast.

SPEAKER_12 12:52

It really is, dude. We're here for our four listeners to make them feel better about these packages.

SPEAKER_17 13:04

I'm so mad.

SPEAKER_12 13:09

The last yellow cab made me cut!

SPEAKER_11 13:12

Oh god damn it.

SPEAKER_12 13:14

Oh, just go slower, slower. Oh, I know you hate that. You fucking hate that. You hate that. Don't jump in the club.

SPEAKER_06 13:20

I'm slow, I'm break checking you so hard. Oh, pull up beside me and give me the fucking finger.

SPEAKER_12 13:28

He like pull he like pulls over and gets out of the car, starts banging on your window. You're just like fucking like trying to like knock him. He's like, get out of the car. He's like, I can't, I came in my pants, sir. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 13:42

It's over, dude. I came. Get back in your fucking car.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Do you want a cigarette?

SPEAKER_12 13:54

I'm sorry, sir, I couldn't help it. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_13 14:02

Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_07 14:09

No, to put a button on our conversation pre-pod. Kaylee Kuoko was nine-year-old Andy's everything.

SPEAKER_11 14:16

Really?

SPEAKER_07 14:17

Shh my my my son rose and sat with her. For sure. Big bang theory? That's the first one. Oh, that's the girl. Devon chick. Gotcha. But it's been fuck white women now. No, yeah. Yeah, we're on fucking.

SPEAKER_12 14:31

Whatever. Ugh. God damn it. Alright. How about uh Willy Wonka and the T blocker factory? Come with me to hormone therapy in a world of penile mutilation.

unknown 14:49

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 14:52

I just watched the original one like maybe a month ago. Oh, the Willy Wonka.

SPEAKER_12 14:58

I've been do I've been just doing fucking Willy Walker talking for months. It's a weird fucking movie.

SPEAKER_07 15:05

You watch that. Like I never watched it as a kid. It's like as an adult, just watching objectively as a kid movie. I'm like, this is cool, but it is fucked up.

SPEAKER_15 15:13

Yeah, it is a little weird looking bad.

SPEAKER_07 15:15

It's so funny how bad like the effects are, too.

SPEAKER_15 15:18

Yeah. When's that movie come out?

SPEAKER_07 15:20

You can just like clearly tell they're in a warehouse.

SPEAKER_12 15:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 15:25

Like a shitty fucking shoot place to shoot. Oh man.

SPEAKER_12 15:29

When did that movie come out? Wasn't that like the 40s or 50s or some shit?

SPEAKER_07 15:33

No, that's got it's a I'm gonna say the 70s. Was it am I that? I'm gonna Google it.

SPEAKER_12 15:40

I thought it came out like when Wizard of Oz came out or some shit.

SPEAKER_07 15:44

Was Wizard of Oz like the first colored movie? First colored movie.

SPEAKER_12 15:49

Whoa. Whoa there.

SPEAKER_07 15:51

That's crazy. That's crazy, dude. Whoa there, Andy. No, there's definitely not black people in the movie. That is true. That is true. The movie with color. I guess it's out. I don't know. Whatever, dude.

SPEAKER_12 16:05

One, two, three. That kid's not from me. So you better get a job, bitch, because I'm not giving you any more money to raise him.

SPEAKER_07 16:13

1971. Bam, I was one year off.

SPEAKER_12 16:16

In a world of systemic domination.

SPEAKER_07 16:22

You should be writing Willy Wonka.

SPEAKER_12 16:24

I think I should.

SPEAKER_07 16:26

Spoops.

SPEAKER_12 16:26

Constantly. How about Willy, uh, Willy Wonka away from his son at birth. Oh how about that?

SPEAKER_07 16:33

Willy Wonka, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 16:35

You like that?

SPEAKER_07 16:35

I do like that. That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_13 16:37

It's a fun one. This is this is a fun one. We're fun one, dude.

SPEAKER_09 16:42

Uh in a world of penile mutilation.

SPEAKER_12 16:46

Shit on me, then drink pee in a world of erotic defecation.

SPEAKER_07 16:56

Oh, you almost lost me with the drinking pee, but then you're like, erotic defecation. That was a you can't you can't avoid a laugh at that.

SPEAKER_09 17:09

Erratic defecation.

SPEAKER_07 17:11

It's just me, no erotic defecation.

SPEAKER_12 17:14

Erratic defecation. Oh, okay. I got a couple more. Well, not a couple more, I got a lot more. Dang it. Uh okay, how about this?

SPEAKER_06 17:27

Okay, how about this?

SPEAKER_15 17:29

How about this?

SPEAKER_06 17:31

Right now. How about this, kids?

SPEAKER_12 17:34

Okay, instead of 50 first dates, it's 50 first date rapes.

SPEAKER_09 17:38

Uh no, no, you were doing so good.

SPEAKER_12 17:41

Yeah, no, we're we're we're plugging through it. We're plugging through it.

SPEAKER_07 17:44

This could be funny.

SPEAKER_12 17:45

He just keeps doing it every day and she doesn't remember. She just wakes up every day. She's like, oh, what the hell? I think something's going on. He's like, I don't know what's going on, huh?

SPEAKER_07 17:56

Don't do that. It can't be Adam Saylor anymore. Who can we recast?

SPEAKER_01 18:00

I mean Who can we recast? No, listen, it is kind of funny to picture Adam Saylor raping someone.

SPEAKER_05 18:09

Well then open your legs then.

SPEAKER_09 18:17

I was thinking like happy go lucky.

SPEAKER_12 18:20

Let's do let's see it. Let's see it.

SPEAKER_09 18:24

That just threw me off so much.

SPEAKER_17 18:30

Oh shit. That was fucked up. Oh my god. Oh god.

SPEAKER_09 18:40

Sorry, I didn't mean to throw it. No, no. That was so funny.

SPEAKER_07 18:45

That was killing. Alright, I can't do it. I completely. No, that was so good.

SPEAKER_12 18:52

We're fucking back, everyone. We're finally back, dude. Oh fuck. Not all of these. Thank you. Not all of these are gonna be winners, but.

SPEAKER_09 19:06

You really saved it.

SPEAKER_13 19:08

I don't know. Fucking Who is the lady in that movie? Who was that?

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Uh Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:18

I saw that one when I was like young. It's a weird movie to see when you're young.

SPEAKER_12 19:22

It is. I watch a lot of those Adam Sandler movies real young. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:25

I was really like, oh, this guy's funny, and then that one is just like, oh, he's well, because you like Adam Sandler, but then you realize he's got so many different roles and stuff.

SPEAKER_12 19:32

He does it all, yeah. You expect him to be that the funny Adam Sandler, and you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 19:38

Especially when you're like 12 and you've seen Big Daddy and you're like, there's no way this guy is not gonna be the funniest dude of all time.

SPEAKER_12 19:44

Yeah, and then you watch like Punk Drunk Love, and you're like, is this guy fucking retarded? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:51

He's got a bunch of those. He does, yeah, there are, to be fair, yeah. You be Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Oh, I didn't watch that. Dude, Yubi Halloween's kind of a banger.

SPEAKER_12 20:00

Is it really? Yeah. Is he retarded in that?

SPEAKER_07 20:03

Yeah, uh, kinda. In a way.

SPEAKER_12 20:05

In a way.

SPEAKER_07 20:06

In a way.

SPEAKER_12 20:06

Like a little Nikki kind of way?

SPEAKER_07 20:08

Uh fuck, it's been a while.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

I was stoned when I watched it for sure, but I I can think Is it just less edgy little Nikki? It might be. It might be.

SPEAKER_12 20:19

My cause my grandma always really liked Adam Sandler movies, and then I asked about little Nikki, she's like, I don't like that one.

SPEAKER_07 20:26

Really?

SPEAKER_12 20:26

Yeah, I mean, I thought it was good. I think it was a little weird and different, but not really for grandma's pride. Definitely not, but yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_07 20:39

Little Nikki.

SPEAKER_12 20:40

Oh man, dude.

SPEAKER_07 20:41

Billy Madison.

SPEAKER_12 20:43

Billy Madison. Let's talk about the KKK.

SPEAKER_07 20:51

Uh so I Has anybody ever led with that? We're gonna discuss the KKK really quick here, guys.

SPEAKER_12 21:04

Um But I was just curious, and I saw I saw apparently I didn't know this. The Grand Wizard's last name is Black.

SPEAKER_13 21:13

Really?

SPEAKER_12 21:13

Yep. What? That's crazy, bro.

SPEAKER_13 21:16

That is pretty that's pretty nuts. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_12 21:19

The fucking the irony. It is kind of a beautiful irony.

SPEAKER_07 21:22

I wonder how he how they got there.

SPEAKER_12 21:24

Yeah, really.

SPEAKER_07 21:29

Well, I well, I guess I don't know the process of how to become a grand wizard. Yeah, I guess not. Grand wizard sounds like it's handed down from father to son. That'd be like Does it not doesn't it kind of sound like that?

SPEAKER_12 21:40

It does. It's like a fucking like you pass it down.

SPEAKER_07 21:43

Which would ensue that like which would mean like some grand wizard only had a daughter and then she married a dude that's last name was black, and he had to be fucking p even though the guy definitely wasn't black, he had to be fucking pissed about it.

SPEAKER_12 21:56

Oh yeah, dude. That'd be like if my last name was white women.

SPEAKER_07 22:03

Yeah, kinda. Fuck them, yeah. We hate them. Yeah. Yeah, wait. We are the k against white women.

SPEAKER_12 22:09

We are the king we're pivoting.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

We are. We're pivoting. No, no. No, we were never in the kkk.

SPEAKER_15 22:15

We were never in the kkk.

SPEAKER_07 22:16

No, we're not pivoting. We're taking a new stance. We're taking a stance finally in that box, something we don't like. We don't have no social core. We've never been at five.

SPEAKER_12 22:27

Even though our name is eerily similar, we decided to stick with the name for some reason.

SPEAKER_07 22:32

We decided to rip KKK against white women. We decided to keep the KKK part because that's the messaging is there. If we don't get hit with a cease and desist, everybody knows what we're mad at. But you know.

SPEAKER_12 22:47

Come with me, mask on, please. In a world where everyone agrees that the whites display superiority.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Okay. Wonka took a turn.

SPEAKER_12 23:00

Wonka did take a turn.

SPEAKER_07 23:02

After retirement?

SPEAKER_12 23:05

Wonka joined. That was him. He wrote that. I didn't. No, he wrote that.

SPEAKER_07 23:09

He went from purple to white.

SPEAKER_12 23:10

He went from purple to white.

SPEAKER_07 23:11

Wilbert Wonka.

SPEAKER_12 23:12

Wilbert Wonka.

SPEAKER_07 23:13

Wilbert White Wonka.

SPEAKER_12 23:15

Does his cap have the little brim like a top hat? Definitely.

SPEAKER_07 23:18

Definitely. He definitely just gets to wear his shit but white. He don't even really gotta put the bed sheets on. They're just like get a cool white pimp suit.

SPEAKER_12 23:29

Do uh do Grand Wizard. Was Willy Wonka the first pimp? Was Willy Wonka? Wait a minute. He could be. He could be.

SPEAKER_07 23:40

Kind of pimping out chocolate, maybe.

SPEAKER_12 23:41

Keep going.

SPEAKER_07 23:43

He's got the suit.

SPEAKER_12 23:44

Yeah, he's got the suit. He's got the the the the munchkins, the little the oompa loompas.

SPEAKER_07 23:49

He's got the oompa Yeah. Yeah. He's putting them to work. Yeah. He's he's selling chocolate. He's selling delicious chocolate, which pimps pimps generally sell delicious chocolate.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

He's got a cane.

SPEAKER_07 24:02

He's got the cane.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

He's got the cane. Holy shit. I think you're on to something.

SPEAKER_07 24:08

Um how do we work a golden ticket into it? Oh the golden ticket out. That's what pimps sell it as. It's the golden ticket out.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ticket out.

SPEAKER_07 24:19

You're gonna be rich, Mama.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Get you out of here.

SPEAKER_07 24:22

Go get you out of here, Mom. You're gonna be rich.

SPEAKER_09 24:25

Shit, Lily Walker's the first pimp. That's a good. I like that.

SPEAKER_07 24:29

Alright.

SPEAKER_12 24:30

That's where are we at? 24?

SPEAKER_07 24:32

I just did math.

SPEAKER_12 24:34

Just did math. We're cooking though. We're cooking, dude.

SPEAKER_07 24:37

Cooking.

SPEAKER_12 24:38

Um, alright.

SPEAKER_07 24:40

Why is it Billionaires Boy Club BBC, and it's on your crotch? You got BBC on your crotch.

SPEAKER_12 24:47

I got BBC on my crotch. That is uh I wish I had BBC on my crotch.

SPEAKER_07 24:54

I wish my crotch was a BBC. Exactly. Yes. Yes. No, this is the right way to say it. Once again.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Yeah, I fucked it up. I don't mean it as like I want it wrapped around mine. You know?

SPEAKER_07 25:07

They just interlock and like twist around each other. That's how dudes fuck.

SPEAKER_12 25:12

Like you ever see those knives that have the paracord wrapped around the handle? Yeah. It is like that.

SPEAKER_07 25:18

It's like slithers around the BBC slithers around your tiny white penis. Shh shh. Coiling up.

SPEAKER_12 25:25

That's sad, dude. Like a bow constrictor just taking out someone's last breath, you know.

SPEAKER_07 25:32

Your last bit of dusty comb.

SPEAKER_12 25:35

Alright, how about this one? Um what if it was like, you know, have you ever seen like one of those stock videos where it like starts off as with like the universe, and then it like zooms in, and then it goes into like the solar system, and then it zooms in and like it goes to Earth, and it just keeps getting smaller and it's a little bit more.

SPEAKER_07 25:55

It ends up in his like some dude's brain.

SPEAKER_12 25:57

And yeah, it just goes like smaller, and then it there's like it zooms in on a person, and then it zooms in on a cell, and then it zooms in on an atom, and then it ends with your penis.

SPEAKER_07 26:10

Fuck. So wait, so my penis is the root building block of all of the world. Building block.

SPEAKER_11 26:18

Damn it.

SPEAKER_07 26:20

Boom, got you. My penis created everything.

SPEAKER_11 26:24

Damn it, bro. You got me. You got me. Fucker. You got me.

SPEAKER_07 26:30

Jack May. Though it's small, it created yours, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

It's an everything. I fucked your mom, dude. That's all that you just said.

SPEAKER_07 26:46

Bang! Bang! I am your father. You are made of my penis. Fucking homo. You know how gay it is to be made of my penis?

SPEAKER_12 26:57

It's like everything. Gas, liquid, solid, it's all made up of your penis. It's all my penis. All of it.

SPEAKER_07 27:06

Behold. My penis. That is crazy. That is kind of a nice. Yours gets enveloped by BBCs that are also my penis.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

That are made up of your penis.

SPEAKER_07 27:21

All those penises are made up of mine.

SPEAKER_12 27:22

But then technically it's made up of making up my penis too.

SPEAKER_07 27:25

I feel all the good feels of penises.

SPEAKER_17 27:29

Does anyone even know what we're talking about?

SPEAKER_07 27:32

No. Shout out to Muhammad. Shout out to Muhammad. Not Muhammad. Muhammad. Yes.

SPEAKER_15 27:40

That was fun.

SPEAKER_07 27:41

Thanks. I actually said that like a long time ago. I'm like, I'm going to keep that somewhere. Not forgetting that. Because if you just say that, if you just say fast, it's Muhammad.

SPEAKER_12 27:53

Yeah. Yeah. Muhammad. That's nice. I like that.

SPEAKER_07 28:00

I need to come over and suck it.

SPEAKER_13 28:05

Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 28:07

Maybe it's a fashion angle. Oh, it's a big hood. It was a big square, maybe. Not pointy. I fashion like a big like square, maybe. Like goes down like half like down to the bottom of your shoulder blades on the hood. It could be a fashion thing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 28:30

Andy is selling trying to sell me a pointed hood.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

No! No!

SPEAKER_12 28:34

You're supposed to record. This is my idea. Fuck. I just started recording like 15 seconds ago.

SPEAKER_07 28:42

That's alright.

SPEAKER_12 28:43

Fuck! It's not though.

SPEAKER_07 28:45

I swear to God. You better hope one of our four listeners doesn't. I'm gonna kill the cat that you love.

SPEAKER_12 28:57

Oh dude. Fuck. Bro. Fuck, I had one, dude.

SPEAKER_07 29:03

Yeah, you fucking had one, alright.

SPEAKER_13 29:05

I had one, bro. Motherfucker.

SPEAKER_12 29:10

That was a weird sound, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 29:12

That was weird.

SPEAKER_12 29:13

That was a weird sound. Have you heard about that new Joker movie? I'm sure you've got it. I've heard it's pretty bad. I've heard it's fucking terrible. I don't know if we talked about this last podcast or not, but I don't know. I would have honestly I would have checked it out if it weren't for the fucking musical aspect of it.

SPEAKER_07 29:30

Yeah, I didn't know it was a musical, which is insane.

SPEAKER_12 29:33

Yeah. I guess I don't know. Nick was saying they were trying to fucking like deter fans of the first one from seeing this one. I don't know if that's true or not, but why?

SPEAKER_07 29:43

See, there's see there's no way that could be true because why would you deter people from seeing your movie?

SPEAKER_12 29:48

It makes no fucking sense.

SPEAKER_07 29:50

What the f I don't know that would be the worst literally the the idea is to get as many people to see your movie. Make money.

SPEAKER_12 29:58

I guess I guess Todd Phillips didn't even want to make a second one, but then for some reason he did, and he's like, oh, it'd be better as a musical.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

Fuck you to the studio. Maybe. That's cool.

SPEAKER_12 30:10

I don't know. It's just I can't you take anything seriously if you're singing. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 30:16

Yeah. I can't watch it. I can't do singing. I can't do it, dude. We're men. I feel like if you're I couldn't do it as a boy, but I feel like if you hit like 17 and you see a musical and you're like, oh alright, cool, musical. Something wrong with you, bro. No, it's a little it's a little bit something that I don't know. It feels like it's not for me.

SPEAKER_12 30:37

It's not for me. It's not for us straight men. Uh yeah. I mean uh It's not for us definitely straight men.

SPEAKER_07 30:46

You know.

SPEAKER_12 30:47

But you know what though? Do you know that do you know, do you mind if I spoil it for you?

SPEAKER_07 30:52

No, you can go right ahead.

SPEAKER_12 30:54

Apparently, he gets raped in jail. The Joker. Uh uh really. Yeah, that's crazy too.

SPEAKER_07 31:01

The Joker gets raped. I've never seen a Batman or a Joker, so I'm gonna be honest with you. Is the Joker like, does he have any kind of like ability?

SPEAKER_12 31:10

I don't think so. I don't really know it that well, but I don't think so. I think he's just a dude.

SPEAKER_07 31:15

He's like a weird dude with base paint. He's just like kind of a mentally handicapped guy.

SPEAKER_12 31:21

And then he breaks out in the song, and he's like mentally handicapped. I think I'm pouring blood.

SPEAKER_07 31:34

Once again, all right. Alright, we go back to projection thing. You've been breaking out in song a lot. Well, maybe that's the whole idea of the Joker, too. I'm the Joker, baby.

SPEAKER_12 31:48

I'm the Joker, baby.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

Uh I've never seen any of it. He so he doesn't have any kind of like cool abilities. He's just like a weird dude. That's yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_12 32:00

I think he's just an evil guy. He just like he likes chaos, you know? He likes causing chaos.

SPEAKER_07 32:06

I like chaos. I don't like causing it really, I guess. Yeah, you like observing chaos. Observing chaos. I like the the variation of chaos I like is other people's kids. Like when I see other people's kids being bad, I really it really entertains me. Yeah, that is like a little kid beating up his little brother or something.

SPEAKER_12 32:26

Or like in Walmart or something, like misbehaving.

SPEAKER_07 32:29

Or like being like at an ex's family party, and I don't know if it was like her cousin's kids or whatever, but like one was just bad as fuck. He would just fucking he would just see shit on the table and just throw it off the table. Really? He would he would be trying to fight everybody, he would go up and like punch like uncles and grandparents and shit. Like he was bad as fuck, and he was like training his little brother. How old was he? Like maybe five or six. And he was just a wrecking ball. Dude. And then he his brother was like three, maybe, and he was just like watching his big brother and learning how to be a fucking shithead. Damn. It was awesome to watch. And then it got really ruin family parties. It was awesome to really awesome. Yeah. Dude, I wish I knew someone like that. It was so I miss it. It was so much fun. Because I had no snake in the game. I'd never had to say a thing. I could just laugh and like borderline encourage. Because I was just a dumb 19-year-old. That somebody's niece or daughter or whatever was dating. It was the best.

SPEAKER_12 33:41

Come home. He's raping dad.

SPEAKER_07 33:43

For real. Like that kid's gonna go to jail for sure. I could just watch that and be like, that's a felon. I would just watch the shit this kid would do. Like, that's a felon. He's beat he's trying to beat up his mom. That's a felon.

SPEAKER_12 33:58

A five-year-old kid just raping his dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 34:00

His mom was like a street lady. I mean she would she would eventually snap and that would also be like funny. Because it was like this poor lady was cursed with this demon job.

SPEAKER_11 34:12

Shut the fuck up, mom. You stupid whore. Seriously.

SPEAKER_07 34:15

Yeah, that's like that's like for sure what he's on now.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

God, mom, all you do is talk.

SPEAKER_12 34:20

Shut up.

SPEAKER_07 34:22

Oh, yeah. No, he just he was just straight punching his mama, which was insane. It was awesome. It was like the true, like, like when you hear black people talk about like how white kids do their parents, like this is the kid. That's the kid that's the guy. Uh huh. He's their he's the one they're talking about. He's the worst kid of all time.

SPEAKER_12 34:42

Dude, I wish I knew someone like that.

SPEAKER_07 34:44

That is hilarious. Kids can really be awesome like that. That was my foot.

SPEAKER_12 34:48

Oh, okay, okay. Fuck dude. Some impressions, maybe? I like doing I want to bring back the gold bloom. Oh, you want to come over?

SPEAKER_07 35:07

Have you been thinking about coming over and playing more time with me?

SPEAKER_12 35:10

Have you been thinking about coming over? Would you like to you know maybe spend some time with me? Come over.

SPEAKER_07 35:17

Come over and maybe play with my penis.

SPEAKER_12 35:21

Would you like to maybe show something on my ass?

SPEAKER_07 35:24

Would you like to put your penis in a face?

SPEAKER_12 35:29

Would you like to put your penis into my ass?

SPEAKER_07 35:32

Would you like to come over and take some clothes off and eat everything in my pool? It's shaped like a dinosaur.

SPEAKER_12 35:41

My asshole feels naked without a dick inside of it.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

I feel so empty without you and me. Please come over again.

SPEAKER_12 35:51

I've got an idea. I've got an idea. How about this? How about we go to Six Flags, right? They got roller coasters, right? And there's a roller coaster, right? It has a loop. You know what that means? You can stick your cock in it.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

We can Yeah, we can ride roller coasters and then after.

SPEAKER_12 36:06

Stick your cock inside the ride.

SPEAKER_07 36:08

We can pick up a bunch of supplies from the store and pick up. We can make ice cream sundaes in each other's buttholes.

SPEAKER_12 36:17

We can eat ice cream sundaes in each right after the ass fucking to fucking put it and make the swelling go down and eat ice cream out of each other's assholes.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

I know it's not your favorite, but I saw Briars' two for one at Jewel this week.

SPEAKER_12 36:31

I don't know. You seem to be being getting a little put off, you know? What are you so uncomfortable for?

SPEAKER_02 36:36

I know how to crush the Oreos just like you like.

SPEAKER_12 36:41

How about this? Well, you should maybe open your mind a little bit, and guess what? I'll stick my cock in it.

SPEAKER_07 36:46

And then I'll bring the sprinkles. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_13 36:51

What do you think about that? Is there gonna come over?

SPEAKER_02 36:57

And we're gonna have gay sex.

SPEAKER_13 36:59

And we're gonna have even more gay sex.

SPEAKER_12 37:02

We're gonna use cum as a topping for the ice cream.

SPEAKER_13 37:05

Never mind, I already just came. I already came, alright?

SPEAKER_02 37:09

You don't have to come over anymore.

SPEAKER_12 37:11

Oh, actually, but well, you know what?

SPEAKER_13 37:13

Maybe pick up the briars.

SPEAKER_12 37:15

My uh my startup time, my restart time's really short. My dick's already hard again. Oh.

SPEAKER_13 37:21

I'm so horny.

SPEAKER_12 37:23

Can you come back? Can you turn around?

SPEAKER_13 37:25

I'm so horny. Please come out, make a U-turn, come back. You didn't even get out of the shower yet? Okay, great. I'm gonna let you go now.

SPEAKER_07 37:35

I'm gonna send you money for the ice cream. I'm gonna seven dollars. Inflation's crazy. Remember to get the Oreos that are in the small packages because they taste more like culverts.

SPEAKER_12 37:47

You know what else is gonna inflate my flaccid penis right before I put it into your ass?

SPEAKER_07 37:52

They taste more stale, like I like. I like the stale Oreos. Pick up the ones in the six pack.

SPEAKER_12 37:59

I like the stale Oreos because they're more rugged, you know, and I let I'm a rough get rugged guy. Spill it all off. I like it a little rough.

SPEAKER_07 38:09

Exactly.

SPEAKER_12 38:12

The inside of my asshole is callused.

SPEAKER_07 38:14

My butthole hurts.

SPEAKER_12 38:16

I can handle it. You know, when I stick peanut butter in my asshole for my dog to lick out, I may always make sure it's extra crunchy.

SPEAKER_07 38:22

It was always your fault. You got me hooked on the crunchy kind.

SPEAKER_12 38:25

You got me hooked on. I didn't even know there was extra crunchy. Nobody told you, nobody told me that. I've always you know, you know what? And then one day I grew up and I said, you know what? It's time. It's time, it's time, it's time. That's why you'll just step it up.

SPEAKER_07 38:42

You'll always be my little tree nut. That's why. Okay, tree nut. I'll see you later. You ruined it.

SPEAKER_12 38:54

Ah, I ran out. I ran out. The applause. I burnt out.

SPEAKER_13 38:58

The applause was really gay of you.

SPEAKER_12 39:03

Well, I appreciate the uh the uh the the lifting, the feedback.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

Yes, it was a little bit gay.

SPEAKER_13 39:11

But at the same time, you know.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

So just remember.

SPEAKER_13 39:14

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this bitch. Just remember, I want it to be uncomfortable. It is very uncomfortable. You know what else is uncomfortable at first? Is your first stick in your ass?

SPEAKER_07 39:26

I didn't find mine very uncomfortable. I find it fitting. As a gay man named Jeff Goldblum.

SPEAKER_12 39:35

Well, I mean when you first do it, when you first do it, you know, when you're around twelve or so. Well you know, it's very tight.

SPEAKER_07 39:44

I found that my Uncle Jim was smaller in size than normal and was actually it worked out kind of in my favor that it happened when it did. And then I made Jurassic Park.

SPEAKER_12 40:01

God damn it. Then I made Jurassic Park.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

It was the place I would escape to.

SPEAKER_12 40:09

It was the place I would escape to. And you know.

SPEAKER_02 40:13

Until I realized that I liked that sensation.

SPEAKER_12 40:15

Until I I looked at the dinosaur and I thought to myself, wow, just imagine how big the inside of his his asshole is.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Wow, it must never hurt him.

SPEAKER_13 40:25

How much ice cream can you fit inside of that?

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Like they need a sanctuary off the coast of Hawaii. And he can really, like you had mentioned, have some really great ice cream Sundays out of that guy. But yeah, that was really it for me.

SPEAKER_12 40:45

Yeah, dude, I I was like, dude, we gotta I respect you for kids to kid. We're like, keep going. Oh man. No, I just fun. Oh dude.

SPEAKER_13 40:58

We're having fun, guys. We're having fun. Now we're stuck in it. Now we're having fun. Now we're having fun, guys.

SPEAKER_12 41:07

Oh yeah. A little before I forget, but there was one thing. So I found this fucking random movie generator, right? And I was just doing it for fun at work. So just like a pop-up a movie and just fucking random movie generator. Yeah, here, let me do that. See, right now. A dog's purpose. Oh. Okay. Um. A dog's purpose. Alright, we gotta we gotta be quicker than a- It's not a lot. I know, it's not a lot.

SPEAKER_07 41:36

You're s you're supposed to refresh a couple times until you find something good. You're supposed to produce.

SPEAKER_12 41:41

At the same time, it's a it's a test of skill.

SPEAKER_04 41:44

Produce me.

SPEAKER_12 41:45

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 41:46

Produce me.

SPEAKER_12 41:47

Do you want alright, I'll give I'll you get one, you get one randomize.

SPEAKER_04 41:51

Produce me, I'm not looking.

SPEAKER_12 41:52

You got you want me to do one randomize?

SPEAKER_04 41:54

One randomize.

SPEAKER_12 41:55

One randomize, okay.

SPEAKER_04 41:56

And one suicide.

SPEAKER_12 41:57

Oh, come on. We can't. We've been already did Willy Walker in the Joggle Factory.

SPEAKER_05 42:04

We're the Walker in the Jogliff Factory! Well, I think we've gotta skip that one too. Yes, that's minute 20 of the podcast.

SPEAKER_12 42:14

Oh, fantastic, Mr. Fox? I've never heard of it! That's not important. Fantastic, Mr.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

Axe! Fantastic Mr. Axe.

SPEAKER_15 42:25

The man fantastic the man facts Mr. Fox. Mr. Fox.

SPEAKER_05 42:46

We've got your poaching now a fortune five of the fucking the fantastic Mr. Far. Coming to a free fucking game fuck. It's gonna be it's gonna you know how the the balls play sports games, it's gonna game bars, it's gonna play the fantastic Mr. Fag! It's the Mr. PM And it's Jeffin' PM two Fridays from the next The Fantastic Mr. Fag will be broadcasted to all game bars across the world, all across the land, all across the land, Mr. Fag. I'm going to randomize all children and old folks.

SPEAKER_15 43:41

I'm going to randomize the movie now. Randomise it. Randomize it. Playing for keeps.

SPEAKER_07 43:49

Playing for keeps. Playing for keeps.

SPEAKER_05 43:52

I'm playing for keeping my virginity.

SPEAKER_12 43:55

How about um playing for how about playing for heebs and your love? for Palestine.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Oh yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 44:09

Billy Major, you can't do that for the heaves.

SPEAKER_12 44:13

Billy Major and like Palestine, I'm no longer exist. Randomized. Okay. Forty-five years.

SPEAKER_05 44:26

Forty-five quiz. Forty-five years an anal slave.

SPEAKER_15 44:33

Forty-five years a slave.

SPEAKER_12 44:35

Oh yeah, dude. Do you know there's a real episode of Bar Rescue called entitled 12 Beers a Slave? Are you rude?

SPEAKER_07 44:47

John fucking Tapper. Who signed off on that?

SPEAKER_12 44:51

Literally, bro, it's a real episode.

SPEAKER_07 44:53

Twelve Beers a Slave.

SPEAKER_12 44:54

I just think it's season three episode five or season five episode three. I'm sure it is.

SPEAKER_07 45:00

If somebody knows it, you know it.

SPEAKER_12 45:03

Okay. Leaving Las Vegas. Uh uh creaming Las Vegas. Creaming Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_08 45:14

Raping Las Vegas. Creeping Las Vegas. Leaving Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_12 45:24

Instead of getting fucked by Las Vegas, he fucks Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_08 45:28

Yeah. He takes the money. Yeah. Raping Las Vegas. He takes the money and gets kicked out of Las Vegas. That's good. Good.

SPEAKER_07 45:38

The casino. The Native American casino.

SPEAKER_12 45:42

Okay. Alright. Randomized. Randomized. Randomize. Surf ninjas.

SPEAKER_09 45:54

Reconcted, rejected, rejected.

SPEAKER_15 45:56

Well That was the wrong button button.

SPEAKER_09 46:02

I was looking for the fucking beat. Surf.

SPEAKER_12 46:06

Okay, you get it. You get it. Randomized. Hocus pocus.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

Oh no. Hocus brocus.

SPEAKER_12 46:21

Uh fuck, dude. What how's it?

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Dickus succus. Dickus succus.

SPEAKER_15 46:28

Gayus penis.

SPEAKER_08 46:29

Gayus penis. Yeah. Comedy. Comedy.

SPEAKER_12 46:35

Randomize. Clear and present danger.

SPEAKER_04 46:42

Uh clear and penis asshole. Uh clear and viscous semen. Oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 46:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

Um what was it called again? Clear and present danger. Clear and present. Um danger now I'm out.

SPEAKER_12 47:15

I've skipped state of grace. State of rape. Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 47:27

The tits of grace.

SPEAKER_12 47:28

The tits of grace. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 47:30

The tits of grace.

SPEAKER_12 47:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 47:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 47:35

Um The tits of gra is this like a girl named Grace, it's about her tits? Yeah. Okay. Alright. Okay. Randomize. Beasts of no nation.

SPEAKER_07 47:50

Queefs of no nation.

SPEAKER_12 47:52

Queefs of no race no nation, okay. Okay. Good. Okay. Next. Next. All dogs go to heaven. All dogs suck my d um all right, don't come at me. No fags go to heaven.

SPEAKER_08 48:16

Okay. Yeah. Um, all Kyle's go to heaven.

SPEAKER_12 48:31

You really needed to beat that one, and I don't think you did.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

No, I didn't. I tried to redo yours i college. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 48:40

It's okay. Next. The fundamentals of caring. Uh fuck dude.

SPEAKER_08 48:51

Alright we gotta we're not as fast as I was fast for a minute.

SPEAKER_12 48:57

Yeah we were hit with hit in the pen and shit too so this slowed a little bit.

SPEAKER_08 49:01

And then I blaming the pen and blaming myself. Okay. Accountability. Accountability somewhere in my life where it really matters on this podcast.

SPEAKER_12 49:11

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_04 49:12

Uh I forgot what the title was.

SPEAKER_12 49:15

The fundamentals of caring The Fundamentals of coming uh defund by rubbish. I can't this sucks. Okay next one Pacific rim.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

Pacific rim job too easy Ladyhawk come on Ladycock.

SPEAKER_13 49:43

There you go. Obviously next one Ladieshaw the most hated I'm sorry the most hated woman in America right now I already know what you're gonna say right now right now our old friend Kamala Harris Kamala Harris Kamala Harris is not really accepted right now.

SPEAKER_12 50:13

She's not you know you know she's got a lot of you know inconsistencies with her promises and things she said and done in the past. That bitch keeps studying the problems but still don't know what the fuck they are exactly just ask her it's a little crazy she just says I'm still studying the problems for fucking years accepted um accepted for being gay that's when you're uh you're a pedophile and you finally find an online forum on Reddit and you he finally feels accepted that's what that movie's about that's nice okay and then the movie ends when Reddit shuts down the page two days later and he kills himself.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

Yes I like that good movie next office smash we bought a zoo we bought a poo we bought a Jew we bought a Jew that's better okay I'll give you that one next it's basically they can just call it tax time tax season tax season the call the balls the balls yeah I'm not gonna beat the balls okay next that's really good Air Force One Air Force com Air Force come alright next airfox com Van Wilder Manchilder Van Child Molestation Van Child Molestation Van Child Molestation Oh that's fair that's not fair van wild no next penis just penis okay prom night rape rape just rape prom night prom night rape remember prom night dump stupid that was something I saw way too young yeah me too and didn't realize like how dark that is it's pretty awesome yeah it's clear it's fucking dark that's fucked up it is really and I was yeah I was young dude God bless Family Guy animation domination after the four o'clock game of Sunday night football that was the days when you wouldn't watch Sunday night football you'd watch fucking Family Guy after it's crazy whoa shrink shrunk honey you shrunk my penis that was mine as if I've not as if I've never stolen a bit but but shrink how about it's about just a guy's penis going flaccid obviously I did see exactly what it is shrink yep shrinkage shrinkage finding Nemo Finding your sexuality a guy that just got cancer and now he's finding chemo finding chemo sorry your one deercom your one deercom okay um smearcom beercom beercom next is this g is this funny I don't even know if this is funny Nope that's the movie Rope Rope That's kind of what I'm getting what I had in mind too uh fuck dude bad minds think alive bad minds thinking alive I was The place beyond the pines the place beyond the guys and it's about uh the ass behind the pines yes but the ass behind the guys yeah there you go yeah I'm not just an ass I'm I'm not just an ass there's a guy here too yeah I'm a person it's like a documentary on Ambercrombie and Fitch models as they grow up I'm more than my body I'm more than just my looks all right next hereafter uh fuck he after dick I thought it was better at this bro uh queer after queer after yeah queer after next like crazy like the movie's called like crazy I like crazy big dick in my ass.

SPEAKER_08 55:04

Are we still playing the game?

SPEAKER_12 55:06

I we should probably stop that is the first true thing you've said so far um what was it or should we keep pushing let's keep pushing it's torture our listeners give me three more okay and then after that I might say four more dude I swear to god they were when I was at work there were some good ones we gotta find them come on guys hard hats launch pails let's go to work and find it night of the living dead night of the living head yeah yeah night of the living head of the head of the living penis knight of the living penis sure it comes at night up I come at night it comes three times a day because it has a pornography addiction documentary I guess stroke my peen round 16 in a world of morbid isolation morbid isolation how you like that uh dude okay I was worried where you were going with that one you were worried yeah when you s when you're talking stroking and I hear the number 16 I'm like oh fuck this might be the last episode they might get him on this one fuck oh my god bro fuck dude come with me suck my teeth suck my teeth in a world of fucking uh male breast milk collectation I got there do you work with any gay people my guess is no no no no no gay people I was trying Have I worked with gay people I don't think I have I mean like I've worked with a lesbian really okay I mean I guess that's counts a little bit I think I don't remember yeah no not really I don't work with a lot of gay people I don't really meet a lot of gay people that's fair I mean I don't really know I bowl with one actually currently yeah no I don't really know only except though I work with one guy I don't really talk to him at all but like the thing look the thing with you know gay people in the workplace is like their whole thing is like oh you can't fire me because I'm gay right so then they kind of a lot of them tend maybe sometimes to take advantage of that yeah they might call in sick a couple more times call in sick a couple more times you know what I mean be like what is wait you're wait again why did you fire me?

SPEAKER_04 57:54

Again though but this is alright I'm gonna push back this is the thing if you got a privilege use it use it use it be open about it honestly don't be shy don't be shy so gay people if this is a true thing fucking take off do whatever I would abuse that motherfucker if I if they were like oh we can't we gotta be nice to Andy I would abuse the fuck out of it dude the power that you have to get jealous is that they don't have do you understand you have immunity in the workplace?

SPEAKER_12 58:25

Yeah it's everything you could literally be in the boss's office getting just pounded by another guy. I'm coming in 15 minutes late every fucking day the boss just opens the door and the dude getting fucked just like makes eye contact with him and the boss is just like hey Barry and just walks past him and goes to his desk. Here's your coffee ice gotcha just like you like you know it's crazy what they get away with you know it's awesome gab awesome I would do it I would too I mean I wouldn't get bent over the boss's desk like that but I would take advantage of it I'm saying you gave me HIV in our world of case atomization sleepy or what where are we at?

SPEAKER_07 59:19

Thinking thinking okay another bit another bit I mean I got another good bit or another bit well never know we never know what we need let's take a take a little we're back you belly full belly full we ate we shit watch some scientific I took a fucking sloppy shit that was an unhealthy shit damn it was wow dad maybe one day I can shit just like you that was your daddy shit right there he's got his father shit yeah he's always shit like his father oh dude hold up I know I got some dude how are these Reese's take fives that I see sitting around how are they what's that like there's a reason why I have three bags of them clearance they're incredible they're amazing yes do you want one?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:29

It's got everything on Mike that's it but uh yeah I'll give you one later but yeah it's got like fucking everything in it. They're fire Halloween deal uh yeah I got three bags for twelve dollars fuck yes fuck yeah dude sorry but yeah I'm blessed no you're good dude I was thinking you know what I was listening to uh you know that one uh what is it that one kiss song it goes uh I was made for fucking cute babies that one is that what they say in that song it pretty much yeah it pretty much is I don't know I heard it over the Walmart loudspeaker interesting uh subject meant to be heard yeah interesting subject but it listen that is like basically one word it's very close it's pretty cool yeah the song already is like see this we've talked about this at work where it's like dude the guys in the 70s could just say whatever oh yeah oh yeah and it all meant like I'm fucking you everything was oh I'm gonna fuck you oh yeah that's it and it was it was just cool it was crazy I was just made to fuck you that was cool you know that uh you know that Detroit Rock City song apparently is about that uh like a group of fucking guys that like were on the way to a kiss concert and they were drunk driving and they all fucking died on the way there that's what that song's about bro what the fuck which is crazy because you'd think like the families of the victims after that would be like maybe don't make it so upbeat enthusiastic bro not really a kiss guy used it my for a hype song yeah's lit yeah who would have thought no that's crazy though that's awesome they they got a sense of humor I got a sense of humor uh how about um how about instead of uh panic when the the dis or status fuck instead of panic at the disco it's panic when the dicks go and it's like uh like a gay guy's like having an orgy with a bunch of dudes and then it's time for them to leave and now he's having like separation anxiety separation anxiety from cox I'm so gay and the song sounds like it isn't that what it sounds like yeah that's the one right alright that's pretty good fucking apparently I I saw they had an album called I guess one of their big albums is uh A Fever You Can't Sweat Out and I thought of uh uh shit that you can't fart out and it's like when you're like at the Edmund Fen farting and it's there's no more it's time to shit you can't fart it out anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:24

You ran out of farts.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:25

Ran out of farts actually that's kind of where I was at yesterday. I was at that knock loose shaw I'm like I got three more dude three more and then I can't they're dangerous bro we were like at this area that was standing and there's a staircase uh well not a staircase but like two steps like right by us and Liam was sitting there and I had to just fucking rip one so bad but I I didn't want to just rip one and I stepped I took a few steps back.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:54

Assault and I was like I that was a courtesy step back courtesy step back it was a courtesy step back I could shit in somebody's eye I could have just ripped one right there and blamed it on something else if he said something but Liam I stepped back a good speaking of disgusting shit she out shout out to my boy Z. I was Tuesday night I was bowling and he just stood up at the table and just started scratching his nuts and then I turned my head and he just scratches I go what the fuck is wrong with you? Jeez just disgusting like what dude like were you born outside dude's rock were you born in the woods what the fuck are you doing? Dude's rock for real dude's rock but like what the f you just stand up and scratch your dick right in front of my face. That's crazy. And he does it all the time that is fucking diabolical diabolical. It's insane it's one of the most disgusting behaviors I've ever seen you shit in our friend's face.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:04

You shit I'll shit in your friend's face. Speaking of shit I think I have an end well not an end really but I wanted to start coming coming up with ideas for the end of our shit drama that we've been working on throughout this podcast.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:19

We need to start brainstorming ideas. So what I'm thinking like he dies right I'm not sure how or why yet I'm thinking it could be a too big of a shit. Took too big of a shit and it killed him but you know how when you like die you like fart and shit yourself or whatever.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:35

This podcast is awesome is because I just had my friend just looked at me and pointed me with real conviction and said he took too big of a shit and died. Nobody's ever had that happen to him working on this he took too big of a shit and he died but that's not his podcast rules.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:00

We're back, we're back. Okay. But yeah, like so you you know how like when you die, you like fart, yeah, or you like shit your pants or whatever? Yeah, then what if it's like all the uh other contestants once he dies, they like go to like scurry and take his shit? You know what I mean? It's like when you get bailed out of jail, like they're all asking for your commissary and shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:23

That's yes, yes, it's valuable shit. It's like a home run ball.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:27

It's like a home run ball.

unknown 1:06:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:30

It's like Shohei's 50-50 ball that he had this year.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:33

I mean, no one's gonna shit that big again. So it's gonna it's gonna be worth something.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:38

Yes, it's gonna be worth something. How do we preserve it? Bring a big like rubber maid? Yeah, dude, what if that you would put Christmas shit in?

SPEAKER_12 1:06:48

What if the in the end of the movie he ended up being like the Michael Jordan of shitting? I mean, I think he is. I think that he just proved himself because has anyone ever t taken so big of a shit that they died? Not died while shitting, but died purely because of the size of the shit. I don't know, I'm probably not. I would guess not, right? No, that's there's no way.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:11

Maybe yeah. There's no way. We need a research department.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:18

Like I mean, you could die from childbirth, but a s uh a shit is much softer.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:23

A shit is much soft. Sometimes your shits ever feel sharp. Uh not it's been a while when I've had that. As a youth, my shits would feel sharp.

SPEAKER_15 1:07:31

You know what? Yeah, it was a youth thing. As a youth. What is that? I'd be like, ah, it's like needles.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:37

Yeah, I mean, must be some Doritos.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:42

I don't know. Was it dehydrated? Could be not enough water?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:46

Sharp, painful shits as a young man.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:48

Yeah, dude. Fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:52

Thank God I grew up. It didn't kill me.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:57

Uh fuck. I know I have one up here. Ugh. Oh yeah. I need to stop fucking doing that. I need to stop doing that. I don't I hate it. I need to stop.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:12

I think they're great. I need to stop.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:13

I need to stop laughing at my own jokes, too. You know what? So the other day my therapist told me she thinks I'm uh sexually frustrated, and I looked her dead in the face and said, fuck you.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:30

I would have looked at her and said, What am I paying you for?

SPEAKER_15 1:08:33

Yeah. Yeah, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:36

Like the buttons.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:38

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:39

I know that. I know that. I'm coming to you to tell me what I don't know about myself already.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:45

I'm glad you caught up to 2016 Kyle. Thanks. Thanks.

SPEAKER_15 1:08:51

Two fucking 26 sessions deep.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:54

Thank you. I'm glad you understand this about me.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:58

Yeah, I wouldn't have discovered that about myself.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:01

You said fuck you.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:03

I took it back right away, but you should have stood on your fuck you. Maybe I should have, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:11

You should have stood on that. Like, really?

SPEAKER_12 1:09:14

I and she's a nice lady.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:16

She's a sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:18

And I'm, you know, SF, so actually frustrating.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:26

Yeah. It confused the shit out of me right there. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:34

That's a shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:36

Why don't you just go and jizz right here? Why don't you just go right on the head and just jizz right there for me, could you?

SPEAKER_14 1:09:42

Why don't you just chiz on my on my smile for me?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:47

Why don't you just joke or why don't you just jizz?

SPEAKER_14 1:09:51

Why don't you just jizz on me? Why don't you just fucking shoot that jizz on me?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:00

Why don't you just jizz?

SPEAKER_14 1:10:03

Oh wow. I love causing chaos in my penial nerve.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:08

I love I love chaos and jizz.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:12

I love chaos and calm.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:14

When there's chaos, I tend to jizz.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

I tend to stay erect when there's chaos.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:23

I'm the jizzer, baby. I'm the jizzer baby. So why don't you kill yourself? So I can jizz. So I can jizz everywhere. I'm gonna jizz everywhere. I'm gonna jizz everywhere. I'm gonna fill your corpse up with jizz. I'm gonna rob the bank and I'm gonna fill the vaults with gun. All the money I leave won't even be usable anymore.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:57

What if he was like, I wanna show you a magic trick? And then he's got his wrecked dick up, and then he slams his head into his fucking like the pencil. And then he's like, oh, I made my potcock disappear.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:13

See, I was thinking a little more simply, where he could just dig, oh, do you want to see a magic track? And he goes, watch this.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:21

Then he just takes his dick out and starts going, Oh, I just jest. That's my magic track. And he was uh acting out, jerking off, and then beating his chest while doing it.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:39

There's your sound effect.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:42

Oh, I jested. Uh I'm legit, baby.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:49

I'm legizer, baby. Alright.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:52

No, I had a buddy the other day tell me, uh, you know, I can't wait till spring already, dude. I can't wait to go out and catch catch a fish, you know. You know what I told him? You know what I told him? I said, why don't you go out and catch a bitch? How about that? Damn. Damn.

SPEAKER_13 1:12:04

Why don't you go pet catch a bitch, bruh? Owned the libs, you know. Catch a bitch, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:10

Find one on the street. Run up to her, grab her, put her in your trunk, you know?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:14

Why don't you just get a bitch? Why don't you just man, quit worrying about these fucking fish. Why don't you get a bitch already?

SPEAKER_12 1:12:20

Why don't you get a bitch?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:21

Always doing his gay fish and shit.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:25

It would be it is kind of funny to imagine what if you had just like tried to catch one with like a giant net. That's pretty much what I do. Walking down the street like two guys on the each end of the street with like a giant net.

SPEAKER_17 1:12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:38

Like fucking uh like you know where they're trying to clean trash out of the ocean, you know.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:43

It's worked out well for me. That's pretty much what I would call it is cleaning trash out of the ocean. Pretty much my experience. It's a beautiful parallel, you know. Yeah, yeah. Made my big net. Cast a wide net.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:01

That do you say to cast a wide net?

SPEAKER_07 1:13:03

Yeah, I cast a wide net, alright.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:05

That is something they say. It'd be funny if you pulled your dick out and then did that.

unknown 1:13:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:23

That'd be a funny little funny little gag. Funny little gay. I don't know if she'd appreciate the comedic timing, but it's just like two inches smaller. Yeah. It's like, huh? Huh?

SPEAKER_07 1:13:37

You shaved a week ago? Cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:42

Very cool, dude. Uh, was that what was that, your foot?

SPEAKER_07 1:13:47

No, that's my. Oh, it's the fucking arm.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:51

No, you're good, you're good.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:52

I'm a fucking idiot, man.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:55

So I was thinking this too. I don't want to be around anymore. Or fucking um. I was thinking about this too. What happens if uh what happens if Kamala wins and she gets pregnant?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:11

Ooh.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:12

You know what I mean? That'd be awesome.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:15

Like images. What is the baby?

SPEAKER_12 1:14:18

Yeah, what is the baby?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:19

Are there two presidents?

SPEAKER_12 1:14:20

Yeah, I don't know. Or like imagine like if you're like giving birth, right? If you're giving birth, like that's what you're doing. You can't, and uh I I would assume as president you kind of are on call, right? Yeah. So like imagine you're giving b she's giving birth, and then just in the room walks in a dude in a suit and walks up to her and whispers, Mr. President, a second plane is just fucking flew into the towers. And then she's like, I'm dilated. What am I supposed to do?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:47

Well, that would be crazy because I'm pretty sure that in our constitution, if if a woman was president and she gave birth and died during childbirth, the baby would be the president, which would be pretty fucking sick.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:57

Talk about having your hands full.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:02

Talk about it. Oh, talk about having your hands full.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:06

Talk about having your hands, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:09

That would be cool. I want to be the baby daddy. I don't want to be the father, I want to be the baby daddy.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:14

Yeah. He could be like this mystery man that the entire country is trying to find.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:19

To the to the female pre to the president's baby.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:24

Or or maybe if someone impregnated her and then killed themselves. I mean, that would be cool. Yeah, because I mean that kind of Barack Obama.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:33

I'm not a stepfather, I'm the father that stepped up. Fuck Mike Obama. I mean Michelle.

SPEAKER_17 1:15:42

Fuck Mike Obama.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:45

I've always wanted to be a stepdad. That's why I was kind of America's stepdad.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:52

You know, my grandpa used to think that uh Michelle Obama was just Obama, but he had transitioned.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:00

Yeah, that makes sense. My grandpa probably would have too.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:04

Wait, they're married? They're two different people.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:08

That's not his dead name. Yeah, your grandpa's totally saying that. That's not his dead name. Sorry, that's not her dead name? Sorry. Blew it. I ruined it.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:20

Now you're good. You're good.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:22

Do you guys fuck with the guitar in the background? Musical stylings by Greg.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:29

I'll put you in the cook hole, baby. Let me jack off in peace.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:38

Cuckled.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:39

Yeah. Let me jerk off and pee.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:45

Let me jerk off and pee.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:48

That's a fun one. That is pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:54

I like that. Are you gonna tell me that that was written about a baby that killed himself or something?

unknown 1:17:01

The fuck.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:02

Probably. Knowing Ted Nugent, it was probably about a baby that aborted himself and regretted it.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:12

Fuck. Fuck.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:16

Um, okay. How about this one? Um, how about have you heard of a goofy movie?

SPEAKER_07 1:17:23

The goofy movie?

SPEAKER_12 1:17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:24

I've heard of it.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:25

Alright. So how about instead of the goofy movie, it's the goofy movie. And it's a it's goofy son trying to impress a girl by voting for Kamala Harris, and then she becomes president and drops a third bomb on Vietnam.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:40

Oh, alright. What do you think of that? Premise is pretty good.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:44

It's a little bit more uh, you know, woven into like, you know, social issues of today than the original Goofy movie.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:53

I see the social issues. Yeah, there's I see creating one. But I think it's the the plot.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:03

I think you got a plot there. It's the plot or the name. We gotta work out one of them. But one of them is good. Uh god damn it, dude.

unknown 1:18:16

Fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:17

That was a huge step for you. That wasn't just racist. You like that? I'm trying.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:27

I'm trying, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:29

Shit.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:30

Alright.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:30

You're not the father. You're the father that's you're the stepfather, you're the father that stepped up for this podcast, dude. Fuck.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:40

Oh, fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:41

Oh, fuck, dude. Oh, fuck, dude. Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:44

Oh, fuck, dude. Uh why don't you come on?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:49

I'm trying to decide what to do. Come on my ass and we'll get out of here. Come on my ass with one more. Let's come on my ass.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:55

No, I got a f I got a f I got a few more.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:57

Okay. I got I got a little bit more. Okay, well give me that cum. Alright. Come on my ass a little bit.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:02

Alright. So uh, okay, so what'd you do for Halloween? Do you do anything? Do you take the trick or treating trick-or-treating? Alright, how's that?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:09

The boys, the boy and the girl. Yeah. Yeah, that was uh trick-or-treating sick. Um adults that rock, rock. Mm-hmm. I guess like some house some places you'll go and they'll be like, oh, do you guys want one too?

SPEAKER_09 1:19:24

Oh, that's nice.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:25

And then you're just walking around eating a Reese and then a pretzel, and then Snat's like, that shit rocks. The kids love it, it's fun as fuck for them. Um Halloween rocks. I love it. I love the costumes. People look so fucking stuff kids look so stupid and funny to me. I love it. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:42

Yeah, I mean, Halloween is cool. I don't know. Halloween, like, holidays don't really mean anything to me anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:48

Halloween is not a holiday. Halloween is a sick day and it fucking rules.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:51

That's fair.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:52

It fucking rules. It has no meaning at all. How about other than the dress up? How about how about how kids get candy and girls get slutty? It fuck what's better than that?

SPEAKER_12 1:20:01

No, how about this? Instead. But what about instead it's a holiday where you could just say whatever you want to anyone without any consequence? I think that'd be a better holiday. He could just like come and called. Uh I don't know. Fuck it day or some shit. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:24

Fuck it day, okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:24

Fuck it day. You just walk in the work, your boss like walks by you, you're just like, morning, faggot, you know. What's he gonna do? It's fuck it day. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:20:34

Yeah. Fuck yeah, fuck it day.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:36

But then they can't, like, it's like the purge. It's like whatever happens within that 24 hours is exempt. You can't like go after.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:43

You're at McDonald's, you're checking your order, you're like, you fucking stupid bitch.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:47

Yeah. I said no cheese, damn it. I know I said no cheese, bitch. Yeah. Fucking do it again. You could just be, yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:55

Maybe if you weren't eating so many of those discounted Big Macs, you'd be able to be fast enough to bring me my order then.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:01

Maybe if you weren't eating this poison on your break, you could get it right when I want it.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:07

None of these fro fries have any fucking salt on them. You should fucking know that. How to season fucking fries. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:16

That's pretty good. You haven't even said a slur yet.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:18

Oh, well. Well, the problem is, is my uh my Halloween, I just I was by myself all day, but I just stayed inside, I didn't get any trick-or-treaters, and I just stayed inside wearing blackface. I hate I gotta admit it, you know, and I I didn't go outside or anything. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:39

You had a Bob Barley costume on.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:41

But like, you know what I mean? I did it for me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:21:44

That's cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:45

It's not even but like here's what people don't understand. It's I like I said, I have race dysmorphia.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:52

So this is like me like secretly putting on dresses in the mirror. That's just my version of that.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:57

It's for you to be you're able to be on your own screen.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:00

It's not, I'm not trying to be offensive, but I don't a lot of people don't buy that though.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:04

No, they don't. People don't get it, man. You know. Some people have real problems in the world like you. Yeah. And some people just don't get that.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:13

Yeah. Come on. Let me say the N-word, man. Give a dog a bone, you know.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:19

Hey, if it was up to me. If it was up to me, I'd give you the pass. But it unfortunately it's not, you know. It's just that kind of thing. It's like I can give you the wig a pass. I can we can say wig a as much as you want. But that's about where that's about where my jurisdiction ends, bro.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:38

Come on, someone. Give a dog a bone. It's like a little treat, you know? Yeah. It's like a little treat. Oh, I remember my first R. I remember my first R. Bank before the war. It's like your first perca set, and you're just like, oh my god. It's like you zoom in on a pupil dilating.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:04

Once again, the the feeling that the guy got when he when he said it for the first time was it's the same montage of like outer space. You ever see a earth feeling, and then it's just like, instead of my penis, it's love.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:17

It's like Leonardo DiCaprio in uh basketball diaries when he first takes heroin and he's just like waving and he's just walking through a field of flowers. Fuck yeah, dude. Alright. Getting tired. My fucking app's being weird.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:35

Involuntary. Rapion.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:38

What was that?

SPEAKER_07 1:23:38

Involuntary rapion.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:40

Involuntary rapion. No more music, huh? No more guitar. Mama! I just kid Fucked him out.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:55

Oh yeah. Bit his lips and gave him head. Gave him aids and now he's dead.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:05

Made him jizz.

SPEAKER_10 1:24:08

And now he's gay. Mama. My asshole is tightening, very, very frightening. That's all tight. That's all tight. That's all tight. That's all tight. Let it go. Let him go. My asshole! He's just a tiny cock, nobody wants him. Does he suck on his asshole?

SPEAKER_12 1:24:37

Oh man, we're running on our last brain today.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:42

Never been a queen guy.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:44

Never really was either. It's fucking cannot.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:47

I mean, not because of that. Not because of that. But because the music. Really? We will rock you.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:53

You know, I actually had sex with Freddie Mercury back in 87. I tried to turn him back. I was the last one he ever had sex with.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:05

Why do you think it was? Why do you think you were the last? Were you that good?

SPEAKER_12 1:25:11

Well, I I don't know. I was tired that night, and you know, he likes it when the girls are real sleepy. And my thing is I don't drink, so you know, he was getting real frustrated with me that whole night, and I don't know, it just didn't feel quite I felt a little off.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:31

Your coochie rotten.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:33

Your coochie rotten.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:34

Mercury said it. Or uh watch the movie.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:39

Oh yeah, how about going back to this? Um uh Halloween, how about this? How about a sketch where it's it's a guy like in his apartment, right? And you see him like making a costume for himself and you see him making a costume for himself, right? Yeah. And it's like, you know, you get shots of him like cutting, sewing, and all this thing. And then when it's finally done, it's like you ever see those costumes where it's like it you makes your you stick your top half of your body through like part of the costume so it looks like an alien's carrying you?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:17

Yeah, yeah, or something like those.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:20

So the costume is one of those, but it's him fucking a pumpkin. Right?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:27

Oh man.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:29

Dude, and then he's like, dude, this is a fucking sick costume, it turned out great. I'm gonna call it my boys, we're gonna go out, and then the doorbell rings, right? And it's a trick-or-treater, and it's a uh mom and uh like a four-year-old girl, and the four-year-old girl is wearing a pumpkin costume. And he used to be like, wait, no, no, no, no, no, this looks bad. No, no, no, don't this is this is a sketch. That's I think that could be a sketch. I think that could be a legitimate sketch.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:00

That's good.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:02

Dude, I'm gonna be there. Wait, can't wait till you see my fucking costume, dude. Wait, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:10

Uh oh no. They're older coming up the driveway.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:20

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:22

He's like trying to put the bowl out, and the kid goes and knock on the door and the door opens the full way. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:29

Fuck yeah, dude. I'm excited for this is as far as holidays do go though, like the little trio of like Thanksgiving, you know, Christmas Day.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:40

Thanksgiving Christmas Martin Luther King Day? I've been saying it for years.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:43

Yes, exactly, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:45

People don't get it. God bless our You need that day off.

SPEAKER_13 1:27:48

God bless Martin Luther King. We need that day off.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:51

We do need that day off. But you know, like, you know, those end of the year holidays are decent ones. I just mean Christmas is okay, but like once you turn an adult, it's just like oh now I have this responsibility.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:02

Great. And I'm out 500 bucks.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:04

Literally yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:06

Minimum.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:09

Sweet. Sweet. Fuck. I wanna like, I wanna like start getting like gifts for like my closest friends and family that are like know I are shitty, but there's like no real gift after. Just to like, and I'm willing to spend like real money on these gifts just to serve as like a fuck you. Like I don't want to do this anymore kind of thing. Kind of send a message, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:28:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:32

Be like, uh like, oh sweet, it's tickets to a conversation with Jordan B. Peterson. Thanks. Oh. You know, those are orchestra seats. Those are really those are expensive. Just a smug just give them a smug well did you learn anything?

SPEAKER_10 1:28:58

Well I actually learned that I'm gay.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:00

Actually I learned that you know just because you got molested doesn't mean you have to turn gay. It just you choose to become gay. Being gay is a choice that I made gay is a choice that I made after I got molested.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:18

I got molested and it really I took some time to really reflect on myself and my life and what I want to do.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:26

It's not because it's just a coincidence why he's gay we need to end this podcast I'm so fucking brain fried dude you're fried I am brain fried now fried fuck dude we had something I fucked it up no you didn't fried it is a fun character what about instead of uh footure what about instead of Gary Coleman it's Gary Colin and he just shits everywhere.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:00

Wait Young Thug oh yeah I would be remiss if we did not mention yes slat free finally free all kinds of probation there was a solid God did his shit he really did there was a solid two to three years of my life where I was genuinely convinced that young thug was the greatest artist of all time yeah I really did I know that about you you were a thug man I was a thug man I went around preaching the word of God I really did preach the gospel of thugga I did I did I said he was better than the Beatles yes a lot of people disagree but you know that's just Did you see wait similar topic did you see the video from that it was Megan the Stallion reacting to when Tory Lane's got sentenced I think I heard about it right she was like that I just saw that I heard of it I didn't see it.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:53

But she's like oh God did that I'm that from the guy I'm like fuck dude you get reprined on a black man's downfall no what the fuck the fuck lady this is Tory Lane's staccato have you ever fucking heard of it?

SPEAKER_12 1:31:06

Damn you fucked him a couple times Jesus it'd be your own have you no heart bitch text me though text me Meg we need to talk about it you can use and dispose of me whenever Lil Dirk gone forever is that is it's gonna be locked up forever dude is it really that bad yeah damn yeah murder for hire oh really I didn't know that I've been so out of the loop with the rap shit murder for hire um and then he was trying to board a flight to like Italy yeah I did see that and his friend was like being an informant right OTF jam allegedly okay I don't know shit but OTF Jam was snitched all on him and they showed like clips from podcasts where like this OTF jam guy was on and he's like yeah Dirk held me down when I was out he took care of my family when I was in prison he gave me 50 racks when I got out of jail Jesus Christ like bro you are the worst guy ever and then I did see that video where he Dirk was like interviewing this was like months back or years back whatever he needs like looks in like dead in the camera he's like I fucking hate rats yeah like that shit and I was like damn bro that shit's crazy.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:27

That shit got him fucked up dude free Dirk free Dirk free dirk bullshit they killed his cousin fuck it I don't get his shit back alright I think we're gonna wrap this up we're at an hour 32. Rapparoo wow we went pretty long nice fuck yeah bro rapper horrible hang horrible hang fuck you episode 20 20 and probably more probably the special 20 was a special dish fuck yeah dude alright you're getting wait wait what what history hyenas my favorite my like first favorite podcast came back wait they're coming back yeah for they're doing an election special really oh that's dope they're doing an election special and allegedly they're back dude I'll check that out I used to taught on Instagram really they were my shit no I used I was l I meant to text Liam I was into that for a while too yes they're back oh that's dude I thought they didn't I thought they had beats maybe my heroes I did too they're posting Instagram videos and shit together oh dude that's fucking awesome yeah it's on they were yes they're the best Patreon is back yes yeah dude fuck yes horrible hang horrible hang fuck yes fuck yes you're gay I'm gay so am I and so's your dad but don't tell him he doesn't want to talk about it he doesn't want to talk about it yeah he doesn't want to talk about it wait till you guys are both daddy better not fucking talk about it.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:58

If you call your dad gay I'm gonna call you gay too I'm gonna knock you down the staircase and then I'm gonna fuck him and then I'm gonna fuck him and then fuck your dad and then I'm gonna fuck your dad me know