Horrible Hang
Horrible Hang
Episode 19 - We’re vizio guys
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this might actually be the worst episode weve ever recorded. We’ll try again next week
Hello, you've just dialed Movie Phone, brought to you by NT ATT. Today's showing is Nick Gets His Asshole Blown Out and Has to Shit in Diapers Now at 315, 415, and 530. And our featured film, Andy Feels Shame for joining ROCT, so he compensates by dating black women later in life at 720 and 945.
SPEAKER_11What's that tab guy?
SPEAKER_10ROC ROCT. Fucking ROCT.
SPEAKER_07God damn it. I tried. I tried.
SPEAKER_04It's alright. We do one take round here.
SPEAKER_07It's fine, dude. We're all slow.
SPEAKER_04Sop'n off all clear. Sop. Oh no. Sop, fellas.
SPEAKER_07I don't know why we still do that shit. Sop. You're having fun. We're having fun. Yeah. Are you having fun? That's all that matters. As long as everyone's having fun. That's what matters to me.
SPEAKER_04I'm having so much fun.
SPEAKER_07So much fun, you can't even fathom it.
SPEAKER_04It's better than other things.
SPEAKER_07Better than a lot of other things, I guess, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean I get a good laugh out of this. We could be online researching for prostitutes right now. It could be much worse. That's one of my hobbies right now, actually. Yeah. Really cool, yeah. Not a not a prostitute guy, but sometimes it's it's just kind of fun to see what stuff's going for. Really? You know? How do you know? I don't wait to see what stuff's going for, what prices are on things these days with the way the economy is.
SPEAKER_07What's like the go-to website for that?
SPEAKER_04What's like there's a couple. I've been put on. Okay. I've been put on. Alright. Artwork construction, bro. High end. It's called Eros.
SPEAKER_07Eros, huh? Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Alright. Which that's high end. That's not really my set. It's not as fun to look at. Because they're more like professional and they don't have the prices and stuff.
SPEAKER_11So they're as well.
SPEAKER_04Yes. It's like it's like high end, yeah. If you've got bread, this is what you do when you fly into town. I like a different one. It's more fun to look at. Which one is that? List crawler. List crawler. List crawler's way more fun to look at.
SPEAKER_07Sounds nasty.
SPEAKER_04It's more real. It's more real. It's way scarier and seethier. It's awesome. It's fun to research.
SPEAKER_07I mean, you've never done any of this? No. You just kind of go on Windows Shopper.
SPEAKER_04I'm just kind of a prostitute window shopper person. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Because they they post like cool videos of them that like you would like probably find you might find on like an OnlyFans or something, but they just post it because they're like, hey, buy this pussy, check it out. That's cool. That is pretty cool. I was put on by like a dude at work.
SPEAKER_07I mean, at some point you're probably gonna give in, right? I don't know.
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_07Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but like at some point.
SPEAKER_04Probably be like an angry 45-year-old, and then I'll end up giving in.
SPEAKER_07I feel that.
SPEAKER_04Because I hate my wife and I'm out of town. Yeah. Whatever it is I hate the kids too.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Dude, once I get it. It's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_04But there's there's this there's this part of it that confused me. I had to ask my buddy at work. It's called it's a lot of them you'll see no G F E.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_04And I'm like, what I'm like, what's G F E? What's that? Yeah. Girlfriend experience. Why do I want do how do I know girlfriend experience? I'm like, so she's not gonna be rude to me. She's not gonna like I'm not I'm not gonna know the mean thing to say about her mother-in-law or my mother.
unknownYeah, true.
SPEAKER_04Like, why would I I don't need the girlfriend experience? I'm gonna make one funny offhand joke and then not get pussy because of it. Yeah. Oh, really? I want I want girlfriend?
SPEAKER_10Like, what are you talking about? He's like, that's bare, dude.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's part of getting the GFE is getting turned down. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Oh great. I'm gonna buy her a meal and not get the fucker.
SPEAKER_11Sweet.
SPEAKER_04Awesome. Girlfriend experience.
SPEAKER_11Wait, so is it like a warning or like I'm not gonna do it?
SPEAKER_04It's a I'm not in this is not my jam. Okay. The service is not offered. Okay. I see. Pretty interesting. I'm like, wow, okay, that's that's something guys want. Alright. I feel like you get a hooker to that. I feel like you have a girlfriend. Yes, yeah. It's pretty cool stuff. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07It is some pretty cool stuff.
SPEAKER_04But there's you know, there's all kinds of varieties on Listcrawler.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You can see all kinds of shapes.
SPEAKER_07Can you filter through?
SPEAKER_04I mean you can like type in your area. Can you filter by size? There's probably there's probably a size thing, a tab, there's like a side menu that you can pull out and like click through. And like some w some girls are just like, hey, I'm down to suck you in your car. Sick. Car dates. That's a category. Like down a fucking suck in the car and not going into your house. I'm like, that's cool.
SPEAKER_07That's that ain't bad.
SPEAKER_04That sounds terrifying.
SPEAKER_07If you're still living with mom.
SPEAKER_04Still living with mom, get sucked in the car in the trifresh.
SPEAKER_07Park on the street. Park on the street.
SPEAKER_04You park on my no my my no parking street that I live on. Get sucked off.
SPEAKER_05Oh boy.
SPEAKER_04With the light of Walmart in the background. It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_04So romantic. Maybe I'm gonna pull her out of this. Maybe she's not gonna do this anymore. I'm gonna set her straight.
SPEAKER_07Looking at the Walmart life through my uh sunroof, seeing the flies buzzing around it.
SPEAKER_04Looking out and seeing the Walmart highlight the back of the neighborhood. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's all part of the aesthetic. Looking, hearing, hearing my history high school teacher over the loudspeaker of the football game as I come in my car. First down porters.
SPEAKER_10Oh I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_11Oh, Tom Myers. That's what the first bit reminded me of. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_04Tom Myers. Wow, high praise.
SPEAKER_11Thank you.
SPEAKER_07Thank you.
SPEAKER_04High praise.
SPEAKER_07This podcast was never known for being good.
SPEAKER_10I would argue it's never been known for anything. Just the way I like it.
SPEAKER_07I still have yet to see you write anything better, though.
SPEAKER_11I'm not trying. There's no competition.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, so you have no room to fucking talk. Yeah, I can.
SPEAKER_11You could be a food critic without me being a cook.
SPEAKER_07I guess that is true.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Really? Fuck you. Interesting, yeah. Shut up, you fag. Yes. Yeah. You're gonna do what I say. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I don't respect myself.
SPEAKER_07This is terrible.
SPEAKER_04I had browns chicken today.
SPEAKER_07Oh, damn.
SPEAKER_04That's why I say I don't respect myself. No, I get it now. I get it now. Heat lamp chicken really gets me going. Oh. Shit that was hot. Shit that was good three hours ago. Fuck yeah. Give me that.
SPEAKER_07Like gas station chicken. You ever eat gas station chicken?
SPEAKER_04I have not.
SPEAKER_07Haven't stooped that low yet?
SPEAKER_04I've stooped to this level of gas station. I have had gas station food. I've had some slices of pizza.
SPEAKER_05Have you ever had a papadilla?
SPEAKER_04A papadilla? That's a Papa John?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_04No, I haven't.
SPEAKER_07I've always told myself once I hit like rock bottom, rock bottom, like I'm probably just gonna have a papadilla.
SPEAKER_04Papadilla.
SPEAKER_11It's just a fucking calzone. I don't get it.
SPEAKER_07It's not even a calzone. It's not even. Because a calzone is at least pinched closed. This is literally just folded.
SPEAKER_11Oh, it's just a folded pizza.
SPEAKER_07It's just a folded pizza. It's not even that.
SPEAKER_04They didn't really do nothing to it, that it's folded in half.
SPEAKER_07I could do that. Yeah, literally.
SPEAKER_04It's kind of just a pizza.
SPEAKER_07It is a pizza just folded in half.
SPEAKER_04Papadilla. It's a papadilla. The papa. I always thought it'd be folded. It says the n-word, too. Fuck yeah. This pizza rock. Shadow papa. Shadow papa just. This pizza's awesome. And it's got good views.
SPEAKER_07All my pizzas have the N fucking spelled out in pepperoni.
SPEAKER_04This pizza has really strong opinions about race relations.
SPEAKER_07This pizza really hates reparations.
SPEAKER_04Really feels strongly.
SPEAKER_07Um, alright. I guess we'll just start throwing some bits out. Uh okay. Uh so how about it's case. Here we go. So how about it's the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, but instead of wanting to get a brain, he wants to get brain from Dorothy. And he's just trying to get his dick sucked the entire moment.
SPEAKER_04It's a billion-dollar idea. And then when he comes, the movie goes in the collar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_10Oh fuck. I just put it on a dusty ass bitch. She's got tornado pussies. She ate hours since she's been in a tornado. This bitch dog watching.
SPEAKER_07If only I could get a little bit of brain.
SPEAKER_09If only I got my dick sucked.
SPEAKER_07Uh, yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_04He's like about to get this dick sucked, and then like all the munch kids come out.
SPEAKER_06He's like, fuck, fuck. I'm blanking out on Wizard of Up.
SPEAKER_04And then they all chill, and then you see like all the monkeys come out and they're like, Fuck. They're trying to like bite his bird off. He was like, just fucking close to kidnapped. Oh, dude, it was all trapped. The witch comes out and goes, chomps it off. She puts his penis as her witch nose. The wind hits it and it gets hard as she flies. And then she realizes it's not practical because it just blocks her vision.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, exactly. It just kind of makes her cross-eyed as it's just sticking upwards in between.
SPEAKER_00I can't stay with this penis on my face.
SPEAKER_07If it calms, it melts her. It just like it's like a fountain up on top of her head. A melting.
SPEAKER_00I melt it. Give me the ontage!
SPEAKER_07Check down off pretty good.
SPEAKER_10One for one.
SPEAKER_06One down.
SPEAKER_10That was good. That was fun. You guys should stop listening now. See you in two weeks.
SPEAKER_11Time to four weeks. Honestly, bro. They all stop listening after the movie phone thing.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah. You really hated that bit, didn't you? I don't like it. That's fine. That's okay. They're not all gonna be winners. They're not all gonna be winners. I gotta come up with new shit constantly.
SPEAKER_04If they were all winners, it wouldn't be called the horrible hang.
SPEAKER_07Exactly, bro.
SPEAKER_04We thrive on mediocrity. Yeah. It's really our home run swing.
SPEAKER_07You're making me feel self-conscious about it now. It helps you grow.
SPEAKER_11What's up? It helps you grow.
SPEAKER_07It was not that bad. Fuck that. It was not that bad.
SPEAKER_11Trying to get you to improve. You a good what?
SPEAKER_07You're trying to improve me? You're trying to coach me?
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_07You're coaching.
SPEAKER_04I'm your talent coach now. Doesn't need to be a chef to be a food critic.
SPEAKER_07I mean that's a fair point, but I don't know. We we we need an opposition though. We need an opposition.
SPEAKER_04We need an opposition.
SPEAKER_07You know. It's okay. That's why you're sitting on the opposite side. It's okay. I feel alienated.
SPEAKER_11You should. You should feel alienated. I'm almost sad over there, too.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_11Don't sit by me. Don't sit by Kyle.
SPEAKER_07No, you're not gonna exclude me on my own podcast. That's not what we're doing.
SPEAKER_11Let's bully Kyle.
SPEAKER_07No, we're not doing that. We're not doing that.
SPEAKER_04Alright, I'm in. Okay. But I'm not gonna do it right now. I'm gonna wait.
SPEAKER_05You're gonna wait?
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna let you build yourself up and get vulnerable. Yeah. Let's get through this. Then I'm gonna get really nasty.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_07Alright, let's see it. It better be funny, though. That's all I'm saying. It better be funny.
SPEAKER_04It's gonna be nasty. Hurtful.
SPEAKER_07Nasty and hurtful. Again, it better be funny. It better be funny.
SPEAKER_04I own him right now. Do you see this? I own him. You don't own anything, bro. I'm pretty sure right now.
SPEAKER_11He's getting red, he's shaking. I'm not getting ready.
SPEAKER_04Right now, I own nothing. My life is empty. I have nothing to call my own, but right now, I own a little bit of real estate in that cranium of yours.
SPEAKER_05You don't own anything, bro. You don't own anything, bro.
SPEAKER_04For free. It's rent free. You don't own anything, bro. You don't own any real estate. You don't own any space, bro. Space is growing. It's under construction. I can feel it the longer we sit in it. I'm just monopoly. You put like one house. I'm putting like three houses next wraparound. I'm putting a fucking hotel on this.
SPEAKER_07Day to day, day to day, my anxiety is on high alert because I'm just wondering what Andy's gonna say about me.
SPEAKER_04Oh, it's gonna be contained within the next hour and it's gonna be fucking rude. And you're and we're all gonna laugh right at you. Ha ha ha.
SPEAKER_05Ha ha ha.
SPEAKER_07Ha ha ha. Like I said, it better be funny. I wish we had video right now.
SPEAKER_04I know, because then they can see how stupid and nervous you are right now.
SPEAKER_07I'm not nervous at all. I'm maintaining a body temperature of 96.8 right now. I'm very comfortable.
SPEAKER_04It's a little cold.
SPEAKER_07Very comfortable.
SPEAKER_04Very comfortable.
SPEAKER_07Very comfortable. Did you guys hear uh RIP Liam Pain?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. That one really hit home for me.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, that was Yeah, that was really a personal one. Really affected me very much. I didn't even know he existed until he died.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I was like, that's a guy from a boy band. That was my first sound. Like, I remember that. That's definitely some girl had a crush on him. It's a cool name.
SPEAKER_11Liam Payne. It is a cool name.
SPEAKER_08Oh, my name is Liam Payne.
SPEAKER_04Wasn't he like Australian, like British or Australian or something? Something like that. Oh my name's Liam Payne.
SPEAKER_08Liam Payne.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, one of those fucking second. Oh, my name's Liam Payne.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, but then you look at a picture of him, he looks like a twink.
SPEAKER_04Really? Yeah. Yeah. Just off name. And name and accent. That's that's a pretty good name, I feel like. Yeah. Fell from a balcony. It's like me. I'm like, I'm Andy. If I can just be like, oh I'm Liam Payne. What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? You want to do all cocaine off my penis? I'm Liam Payne. I do wild crazy shit. Like good Argentina jump. Liam Pain.
SPEAKER_06Little Argentinian jump.
SPEAKER_04Liam Pain.
SPEAKER_07Well, did you hear I heard I heard that what actually happened was that so he was like, he's working on his solo album, right?
SPEAKER_04Okay. I just had a theory that developed as you said that. Really? Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Well, this is what I I don't know if this is true, but this is what I've heard.
SPEAKER_04My theory that I just made up right now is probably the truth. So go ahead.
SPEAKER_07Alright, well it's we're not on the street. Well, I heard he was working on his new solo album, right? And here's the thing. He was really specific about what he wanted for his album cover, right? He was a phone. No phone. No phone. Sorry. It's okay. Sorry. It's okay. Start over. No, but he was really uh particular of what he wanted for his album cover. And he really wanted this like from the ground looking up kind of camera angle view of his like the bottom of his balls and gooch, kind of like the cover of that Ice Spice album.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_07He was really inspired by uh Harry's styles and kind of how he's like getting more experimental with the dresses and stuff, and he figured he'd experiment with his sexuality a little bit on this cover too.
SPEAKER_04Hey, why isn't my career going as awesome as fucking Harry's?
SPEAKER_07Exactly. Exactly. He's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna fucking take a picture of me, Gooch, make it the album cover.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna give him really something to fucking talk about with this album cover.
SPEAKER_07And then he took it to the uh he took it to the label and he said, Oh, if you don't let me use this uh album cover, I'm gonna kill myself and jump off this balcony.
SPEAKER_03And then, you know, they're not going to do shit, pissing. They're not gonna you do this every time, Liam Payne.
SPEAKER_07They're like, Liam, I don't think this is a good idea. You know, a lot of your fans are, you know, younger girls. I don't think this is the kind of direction you want to go towards. And he's like, This is my autistic vision, and my word is final. And, you know, they just kind of put the hammer on him, and then you know, the rest is history.
SPEAKER_11He's British, he's already autistic.
SPEAKER_07He's already autistic, dude. Yeah. You know. We we tried to talk him out of it, you know, we really did, but he he couldn't wait to jump off that balcony. He really couldn't.
SPEAKER_04Artistic vision, it'll get you. I my theory that I just thought of right now, he's a ditty boy. A ditty boy. Oh, okay. I can see a ditty boy. I can see that. That's my guess. I can see that. Probably a ditty boy. Which, yeah. That's how it goes. That's how it goes. Do the crime, you gotta do the time. You gotta kill yourself.
SPEAKER_11He might.
SPEAKER_04Diddy?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. He might be like he should. I don't know. I don't know if it's gonna be another Epstein thing.
SPEAKER_04I don't know if they can let him, but he should definitely kill him. FCM. We're not gonna run rehash.
SPEAKER_11Or be murdered because he knew all the politicians.
SPEAKER_04He knew it all.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Did he was like lower. Somebody's in I don't know. He's lower on the rung. And they could probably just be like, oh wow, look at all these celebrities and not us who were doing that. Ooh, they could do that. He should kill himself though. Because like why? Why not? Really? If he did it all.
SPEAKER_07He's still is he's in jail right now, right? Yeah, he's sitting in the can. He's in jail. Yeah. You think he's getting turned out? He's probably getting turned out, right?
SPEAKER_04He I mean he's a freak bull. He probably is, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. You think he's having a big thing?
SPEAKER_04They might not be letting him get turned out, honestly. Because uh you're a freaky boy.
SPEAKER_07I mean, he might have already gotten turned out before he went in.
SPEAKER_04He could have gotten turned out.
SPEAKER_07Anything could have happened at those freak parties.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I but for sure he's yeah, for sure the butthole's not pure.
SPEAKER_07You think he shits his pants a lot because his asshole is so prolapsed?
SPEAKER_04You know what? I honestly know because he's so he seems very diligent with his lubrication, so I think he's in good shape, honestly. Keeps it alas, huh? Seems like he's in he's diligent. Everywhere he goes, he goes strapped with bottles with travel sized fuckers. Like he's ready to go with the two ounces.
SPEAKER_07If you clean your guys, every time you go shooting, they'll last forever. Right? The same principle here, I think.
SPEAKER_11That's a great way to put it.
SPEAKER_10That's a great way to put it.
SPEAKER_11He seems like an Astroglide guy. He probably uses Astroglide. What's Astroglide?
SPEAKER_04It's a different kind. It sucks, it's terrible. Don't buy it. Don't buy it.
SPEAKER_07How many different lubes have you tried?
SPEAKER_11Only two. Only two. KY. KY is good. Okay.
SPEAKER_04KY. I've never bought lube. I've never bought any sex thing ever.
SPEAKER_11Really?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Do you keep it in your back pocket? I think that's true. I think that's true.
SPEAKER_07I gave it on my car. Just a case you don't have sex.
SPEAKER_04When I was a young man, I was too embarrassed to buy a condom, so I would just steal them. I guess I've bought plan B. I guess that's a sex thing.
SPEAKER_11Self-track out helps. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04They don't have that at Walgreens. I liked now that I'm older, I'm like, you did the crime, do the time. Talk to the transgender kid at the Walgreens. Talk to that kid that rings you out and has to get the plan B. They don't get from out of the case. Yeah. Just be like, yeah, dude, what's up, dude? I actually had sex.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Like it's cool.
SPEAKER_04I like gotta just tell people hey, I actually had sex. Well, we're too shy. This is like twice this year, dude. So tap me up. Dab me up, YZ. Is that your name? Alright, tap me up, then Y Z. Whatever you are.
SPEAKER_11Ivy them.
SPEAKER_04Yo.
SPEAKER_07Yo.
SPEAKER_04Punch him back in. Sop.
SPEAKER_07Yo, my my penis is very small, but I need to get sucked. And I don't know what to do. I need somebody to help me.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_07Come on, you gotta do it with me.
SPEAKER_04I didn't know we were both doing it.
SPEAKER_05Of course we're fucking both doing it. Why do you think I have you on a podcast?
SPEAKER_04Maybe I can interview you about your small penis that needs to get sucked. Okay, you can do that. It didn't sound like you were doing a character.
SPEAKER_01I was doing a character.
SPEAKER_04See how mean and nasty I can get? You're just it's just regular old conversation between a couple of buddies. You talking about getting your small penis sucked again.
SPEAKER_07Well, you know, I don't know. I don't mean to keep bringing it up, but you know, at some point, you know, it's gotta get sucked, and it's like no one else is working as hard as me to get this penis sucked.
SPEAKER_04Well, that's the thing about the penis, is nobody's gonna work harder for your penis than you about your penis. Well nobody else really gives a shit if your penis gets sucked.
SPEAKER_07You know, ever since I had the kids, it's been really, it's been dry lately. Because, you know, this this one time I tried I I tried using the Skittles wrapper as the condom, and fuck it, I ended up with 14 kids. So I think it's safe to say the condom wrapper wasn't really what I was looking for, but it's what I had at the time. I had to make do.
SPEAKER_04Well, you gotta understand it's a Skittles.
SPEAKER_07It was a Skittles wrapper, but also now she got executed for being a woman, so now I'm stuck with all 14 kids by myself.
SPEAKER_04Good.
SPEAKER_07Good.
SPEAKER_04She deserved it. She deserved it too.
SPEAKER_07I have to take care of 14 oopsies now, and I don't have the means to do it.
SPEAKER_04Well, you shouldn't have used Skid on.
SPEAKER_07This is good riffing, guys.
SPEAKER_04I'm whatever team you are. I don't really know the difference. I don't know.
SPEAKER_08They both suck.
SPEAKER_04Whatever, whatever, whatever team you guys like is the one that I like. I'm all fired up for that side. Whatever one you like. Let's go that one. Let's go.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Fucking It's interesting.
SPEAKER_04They got their bye week coming up. Let's see how they come out. If they prepare. They ran some extra plays during the bye week.
SPEAKER_07How about uh how about Mickey Mouse, but he's a Zionist. Yeah. What about that? Oh! Christianity is a manipul manipulation tactic.
SPEAKER_04I don't really know what a Zionist is. Sounds like they're not into Christianity.
SPEAKER_07It's a pro-Jew thing, right? It's just something with Jews. That's all.
SPEAKER_06Oh, I got a funny little hat on now. Oh, it fits right between my ears. Now I'm a Jew. Oh, Armenians are liars. Ho ho!
SPEAKER_11Oh Zionists is just like it's uh you could be anti-Semitic if you just say you hate Zionists and said the Jews that they're interchangeable. So you can just say I hate these fucking Zionists.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_11I see. It's code words. It's sm okay. Yeah, it's code words.
SPEAKER_04It's advanced racism. That's sweet. Can you pull your mic a little closer? That's pretty sweet. I'm into that.
SPEAKER_11That's just like really close. That's really close.
SPEAKER_04It sounds like good to be like, ah, these damn Zionists. Yeah. It sounds like they're like fucking stuff up. Yeah. That's just a good thing. It doesn't sound as aggressive. Yeah. These damn Zionists. These sons of bitches. What are they doing? I don't even really know what it means. These could be horrible things I'm saying.
SPEAKER_07Could be. Fun. Yeah. That was an accident. I feel like I don't get to use these buttons enough.
SPEAKER_04No, we don't really use them that much.
SPEAKER_07We should, Ma. They're fun.
SPEAKER_04They're kind of.
SPEAKER_07These are terrible.
SPEAKER_04With the picture of Chris. Is Chris Tuck?
SPEAKER_07Is that Chris Tucker on there? It's Chris Tucker from Friday.
SPEAKER_04That's funny. That's so fucked up.
SPEAKER_07Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I like that. That was cool. Uh I thought it was gonna like peel off something. You didn't buy the premium ones? No, I did not. Damn it! I can't listen to Evil Doll. This is bad. There's no float as well. This is no there's no floaters whatsoever. Where the fuck is Leo? He was supposed to be on here.
SPEAKER_04This could be great.
SPEAKER_07Hey, what up? What you doing? Hey, you wanna come through?
SPEAKER_10Hello?
SPEAKER_07Hello? I I should mention you are live on air right now. Live to tape. We're live to tape. You wanna come on air? You wanna come through?
SPEAKER_10Live to tape, horrible hang podcast.
SPEAKER_01Dude, I'm trying I'm trying to buy a fucking cat here now, dog.
SPEAKER_10Alright, we need to talk about this.
SPEAKER_07Listen, listen, Greg's not here, he's at his dad's, the cat's not here. So if you want to bring the kitten, the cat other cat's not here. How old's the cat?
SPEAKER_02Wait, I gotta ask.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02Okay, would Greg be pissed?
SPEAKER_07I mean, he's not here.
SPEAKER_11Why is Greg gonna be pissed?
SPEAKER_07Why would he care? I mean fuck it.
SPEAKER_11Hello?
SPEAKER_07We're still here.
SPEAKER_04This is terrible scaring me.
SPEAKER_07Oh, okay, sorry. I think I broke up with you. But yeah, if you want to just bring him. Would that like would Greg care? Greg's not here.
SPEAKER_11Greg can't tell us what to do anymore.
SPEAKER_07Why would he care?
unknownAnd the cat's not there?
SPEAKER_07The cat's not here.
unknownOkay, then I gotta do it, right?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, this podcast is sucking asshole right now, and we need some sort of life, so just Alright, alright, but. Alright, see you in a bit. I'm gonna need help.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna need help.
SPEAKER_07You need help with uh what getting the cat in?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_07I got you. Alright, yeah, we got you. I got a carrier, it'll be fine. Okay.
SPEAKER_04He's making the cat everybody's problem already. This fucking guy. Alright. Alright, bye. See you in a bit. Yeah, I can't come over. I got a cat now. This guy's awesome. Oh fuck, dude.
SPEAKER_11The whole point of the cat is like it doesn't fucking do it. You can just, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_04You can just fucking abandon it and try and get a dog. You'd be like, ah, it's a fucking thing. He's fine for himself. Exactly. If he gets hungry, he'll fucking find a mouse in here or something.
SPEAKER_11I think it's only a taxoplasmosis now.
SPEAKER_04I wonder if it's a tax write-off.
unknownThat could be true, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Could be cool. How about alright, I got one for you. How about it's the movie, uh it's the movie the thing, right? But instead, it's about uh Alan Page's transformation into manhood.
SPEAKER_04Is the thing a little bird? A little penis.
SPEAKER_07She went from female to bird to male.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Yeah. I thought I was revering to a penis. I was reverencing a penis.
SPEAKER_07Oh, I thought you meant I thought you meant because Ellen Page looked like a bird.
SPEAKER_04No, I meant that the bird was growing on her.
SPEAKER_07Oh, the bird.
SPEAKER_04Oh, is that the bird being a bird.
SPEAKER_07I wonder how is how that works. You get like on like a month, like a you take a pill every day and eventually like it's like it's like rogue, and like three months in, this is my penis, like it just like slowly starts coming in and forming.
SPEAKER_04That would be pretty cool if you could just like spray, yeah. Just spray on a cock.
SPEAKER_07That would be dope.
SPEAKER_04Spray on cock.
SPEAKER_07Spray on cock.
SPEAKER_04That's a good late night infomercial.
SPEAKER_03I'm Billy Major and I've got the spray on cock. This is a great product.
SPEAKER_11What if it was like expanding front foam?
SPEAKER_03And if you have an average penis, you can add up to a half inch. Fellas, isn't a half inch a lot of snow?
SPEAKER_07Imagine how much that penis would look like. What if it what if you had like thyroid issues and you couldn't uh go through puberty so you could get like a chia pet pube kind of situation? You could just plant seeds and you know you missed it every day.
SPEAKER_04Just dump a just put water above your penis and then dump a packet of green shit. Green seedlings. Ah shit, that one got in the tip. Fuck.
SPEAKER_07The only problem with that is the first couple of weeks you gotta give it a lot of sunlight, so you can't really go out a lot.
SPEAKER_04You're just driving with your bird out. Yeah. And sunlight hit it. Just doing a lot of reflective tanning in your bird.
SPEAKER_07Just doing a lot of pulling down your dick root of the wave, the fucking waistband in the sunlight.
SPEAKER_04You just go out with your jeans and they're like cut right above your penis. So there's act the sun's actually not out right now, man. Yeah, but ventilation, it's better to get fresh air.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Sorry for making this the bars issue.
SPEAKER_07Alright. I'm gonna pause. Alright. Alright, we're back on.
SPEAKER_04We're back.
SPEAKER_02We're fucking back.
SPEAKER_04Welcome back.
SPEAKER_02Even the hosts don't want to be here. I don't know, bro. What is this pod?
SPEAKER_04Horrible hang, brother.
SPEAKER_07We got Liam here, but he don't think.
SPEAKER_02Thank God, dude. No, I'm charging up the pod. Thank Christ, dude.
SPEAKER_07Okay, good.
SPEAKER_04It's a whole new energy. We need more energy. Yo.
SPEAKER_12Yo. Alright. So uh no topics.
SPEAKER_02No, no, I've got topics.
SPEAKER_07It's just, I don't know. I've been bombing so far this podcast with my topics.
SPEAKER_04Listener. This is listeners. We should do ourselves. We should do our like Adore the Explorer version. What have you been up to, listener? And then just be quiet. Dude, the idea. Wow, cool.
SPEAKER_02We could have callers and give like the worst advice on the planet.
SPEAKER_12Callers? We don't have listeners.
SPEAKER_04We should call somebody and find out what their problem is and solve it right now.
SPEAKER_02Who's the gayest out of us four? Kyle. Explain. You have to expound on it. You can't just say Yeah, let's hear it.
SPEAKER_11It's the facial structure. See, this is the thing.
SPEAKER_07You just say things, but you can't back it up. Whereas I can back my claims up.
SPEAKER_04Um facial structure's real.
SPEAKER_02Like he's made for sucking dick, like mouthwise.
SPEAKER_06What the fuck is that?
SPEAKER_04And he was made for sucking dick.
SPEAKER_07What about my facial? It's not that pointy. Come on. It's not that pointy.
SPEAKER_04The triangle nose.
SPEAKER_07Triangle nose. It's better than the hook nose, Andy. Oh fuck. Jucamo.
SPEAKER_04See earlier in the podcast I said I was going to be mean and nasty.
SPEAKER_07You are being mean and juicy.
SPEAKER_04Not being mean and nasty yet.
SPEAKER_07Being mean and nasty.
SPEAKER_04Nasty Jew face. You have the facial structure of a potential AIDS patient. That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_07Jew face. R O T C lover.
SPEAKER_04He said that I was an ROCT in the intro.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that's the big hang up. That's the big hang up.
SPEAKER_04What a stupid retard. Can you believe this fucking asshole right here? Andy was sucking dick in ROCT. Whatever.
SPEAKER_02Well. Did they they just did push-ups, right? And fingered each other?
SPEAKER_04Uh, yeah, push-ups, uniforms, fingering it's gun twirling. Gun twirling.
SPEAKER_02Oh, wait, no, that's kind of hard. Gun twirling. Wouldn't that hurt your hands? That maple straight on the palm? Maple to the palm. Those were hard, I bet. And heavy.
SPEAKER_04Those are probably hard and heavy.
SPEAKER_02Were they guns or were they wood?
SPEAKER_07I would assume they're one. Yeah, they're probably fake.
SPEAKER_04Fake guns. Given the climate today.
SPEAKER_02I know, but I almost heard the sound when they would do the I literally think they cock it at one point. That's not wood. Maybe it's a real cock wood.
SPEAKER_04Maybe it's a real cock or I mean maybe it's just does the cock.
SPEAKER_07It just does the cock. But maybe he just does the thing. You know what I mean? He's got a cat now.
SPEAKER_02I have a cat now.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, he's scurrying around the room. Samson is up to no.
SPEAKER_02He's faded off the goop like his papa.
SPEAKER_10Samson and his papa like the goop.
SPEAKER_02No, I don't give the goop to him.
SPEAKER_10I'm for real gonna kill my. He's sober.
SPEAKER_02He's sober.
SPEAKER_04He's California sober. My cat is California sober. He just smokes.
SPEAKER_02But Papa's off the wagon.
SPEAKER_04Papa's got a lot in common with me.
SPEAKER_02Being a dad.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, what's it like your first hours being a father? A single father.
SPEAKER_02Okay. If we could just snapshot this view I have right now of the Lego set next to the vape, next to the prescription pills, next to the wallet, next to the lotion. Next to the case. This guy has all these sensors available.
SPEAKER_04From your angle, hidden behind the multiple vape rigs for goop is a knife.
SPEAKER_07You guys are fascinated with my knife.
SPEAKER_10The toenail clippers is nice, but the.
SPEAKER_07You know what, dude? I invite you into my home. No, I appreciate it. You pick apart.
SPEAKER_04No thank you. I appreciate I don't see toenails in the bed.
SPEAKER_07There's no toenails in the damn bed.
SPEAKER_04Well, the clippers are in the damn bed.
SPEAKER_07I gotta keep them somewhere, bro. There's not a lot of space.
SPEAKER_04Unless you're eating them one gets.
SPEAKER_07Uh table for his TV. Boom.
SPEAKER_04Fucking got me, dude. Sorry, my TV for my tape fuck.
SPEAKER_02I'm not hating. My setup is not much different.
SPEAKER_04My setup is buns, but I have a bigger I have a bigger table than you're leading on. Okay.
SPEAKER_12Andy's TV's quite large as well.
SPEAKER_04My table is quite large.
SPEAKER_12Dresser, whatever.
SPEAKER_02Roku City is massive.
SPEAKER_12I don't have the Roku. Lights up the room.
SPEAKER_04Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_02You don't have what are you uh a Fire Stick?
SPEAKER_04Samsung, bruh.
SPEAKER_02Samsung. All the pussies in the room dried to bones.
SPEAKER_04It's money. Samsung's mini. Is it mini, I think, compared to Roku. I think mine's Visio. It was on sale.
SPEAKER_02Mine's a Visio.
SPEAKER_04Vizio's got mini.
SPEAKER_02Guys who have Vizios get cheated on.
SPEAKER_04Guys with Samsung's leave. And then hate themselves for it.
SPEAKER_02They buy cats with no balls.
SPEAKER_04We're Vizio guys. We buy cats that are neutered. Because we're Vizio guys.
SPEAKER_10Neutered cat. Boom or doom? Neutered cat.
SPEAKER_02Do you think someone's gonna be like, if you go 48 minutes into horrible hang, they really hit their own.
SPEAKER_04When they started talking about TVs and getting cheated on, they really hit they really did that.
SPEAKER_02Guys, what else is there though?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, TVs and getting cheated on and buying a cake. Vaping. Vaping. Vaping's a pretty chunk. Vaping. Cooting fuck. Fell off that wagon. I've had some real conversations with myself. Have you? Had some real conversations with myself.
SPEAKER_02Why, like how much money you should and shouldn't spend on.
SPEAKER_04No, just how much I'm hurting myself.
SPEAKER_02Like physically?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, physically hurting myself.
SPEAKER_02You're not supposed to grip it super hard, too. Not like that.
SPEAKER_04I don't I don't like to say that, but when I'm trying to not whack off, I say that I'm hurting myself. Yeah, it is something. I've hurt myself three times in one day. And it's not good. How many times in one day? Three times.
SPEAKER_02Rookie numbers.
SPEAKER_04Hurt myself three times in a day.
SPEAKER_02What are you, nine?
SPEAKER_07Bro, ever since I had quit drinking, dude, I like have not been like interested in doing it. It's like weird. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11I thought it was the opposite. I thought you'd be drinking.
SPEAKER_04I thought it was too, bro. Damn, you gotta get drunk to love yourself.
SPEAKER_07Apparently, dude.
SPEAKER_02Whoa. No, this is good though.
SPEAKER_07I think I needed a break. I think it's well deserved.
SPEAKER_02Well then you're yeah, you're you're on the sauce, gooning.
SPEAKER_07You know what I mean? Yeah. It was not leaky tits, veiny leaking things. I had to do it.
SPEAKER_04I had to do the apps off my phone. What apps? I had to get rid of Reddit.
SPEAKER_07Oh Reddit's bad. Dude, I gotta get rid of apps too. Speak on. I'm ruined, bro. I'm ruined, bro.
SPEAKER_04Reddit would be a real problem if the video most of the videos had sound, but they're mostly just like silent gifts.
SPEAKER_11What subreddits?
SPEAKER_04Just like pretty much black ladies.
SPEAKER_02R slash pog.
SPEAKER_04Pretty much. Black chicks, white dicks.
SPEAKER_02Is that really or is it?
SPEAKER_04That's actually real. That's actually real. Don't even try to bug me. BWWM, black woman, white male. That's cool. It's dark. Well, yeah. It's cool. It's all fine.
SPEAKER_02I'm trying to think of other subreddits.
SPEAKER_04It's all good.
SPEAKER_02I don't look up subreddits on really. I do like Twitter shit. Twitter's the real one. Psycho, like a psycho.
SPEAKER_04I think that's good.
SPEAKER_02The cat's walking on my feet. That's good. Clean stuff. Samson is in the mix.
SPEAKER_04He's he's uh underneath, he's on the bottom part of the table. Samson's first pod. Samson's first pod.
SPEAKER_02He knows daddy's gonna be a star.
SPEAKER_04I like that you instantly were making the cat eat everybody's problem. Well, I got to this cat now, so I don't know if I can hang anymore.
SPEAKER_02Um what am I supposed to do? Leave him? I loved it.
SPEAKER_04It was funny. I'm a weird guy. I love it. I can't believe it. Can't believe I'm sitting in the presence of a cat cat right now.
SPEAKER_02Huh? I mean, you can't not be a cat cat with this guy.
SPEAKER_04He's a fun he's a cute little guy.
SPEAKER_02We'll put this on the Patreon. We'll put this uh up.
SPEAKER_04The videos, the pictures, yeah, the pictures on the Patreon. Just zell me five bucks and I'll send you a picture. I swear I'll split it up.
SPEAKER_02He loves Kyle.
SPEAKER_04Whoa.
SPEAKER_02Kyle, I like your fit right now, dude. You look good. Thank you, man. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_07You like the uh Kramer shirt?
SPEAKER_02Dude, a goth girl would suck you in that outfit.
SPEAKER_04Wouldn't they? I tried to earlier.
SPEAKER_02Dude, me and Andy, me and Andy walked by Emo Knight one time, like in line. Uh-huh. It was just all goth girls going to like a DJ thing. Super cool, super fun. Didn't go didn't go in, but uh just felt the really felt and smelled the smell just smelled and left, just honestly took a whiff and left. It was kind of nice. It was a nice taste. You know how Jimmy John says free smells? So does the Metro on like Thursdays. That's it. Strip clubs aren't free smells.
SPEAKER_04I want to go get some smells there.
SPEAKER_02Jimmy Jones. No vape and no prescription pills, Samson.
SPEAKER_04Turns out he's cool.
SPEAKER_02Dude, he doesn't even know about Zans. Zans missed Samson. Zans were like 2016. Damn.
SPEAKER_00Whoa.
SPEAKER_02Lil Xan has no idea Lil Zan missed.
SPEAKER_07He would have been zooted off his back.
SPEAKER_02Should we play him that freshman cipher? He's never heard it. Oh you have, dude. You need to make a TikTok page. He's literally my son. Look how cute he is, though. He's fucking adorable. Seriously, it doesn't get much cuter cat-wise. Yeah, no. He's his little eyes, man. Dude, they're like kind of big eyes, though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04Right. Because his face is so tiny.
SPEAKER_02And I'm trying not to get him fat so he won't have to experience what being fat is like.
SPEAKER_04What is that, dude? Look at the wonder. The childlike wonder in the kitten. This is great podcasting. Commentating a cat's movements. Yeah, this is great, dude. We're kind of stuffy at.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Come on.
SPEAKER_04Come on, busta. Don't be shy.
SPEAKER_07I I feel like uh Nick kind of kind of took my uh confidence from underneath me. What do you say?
SPEAKER_11Well, I mean, it wasn't my best bitch. I was like, oh, that's not that's not good. And then you start crying. No, that's not true.
SPEAKER_07Nick is a judger.
SPEAKER_02He's chilled, dude.
SPEAKER_04That's your furry. You have a fur baby.
SPEAKER_02I literally do.
SPEAKER_04This is crazy.
SPEAKER_07Alright. Um how about um Alright, so there's this movie called A Good Man, right? It's like a Steven Seagal movie.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_07Uh, but how about instead of a good man, it's uh called a good poo. And it's about a guy who's like life is like going like down the shitter, and it's like everything is going worse and worse, but it turns out at the end of the movie all I needed was a good poo. And yeah, that's how the movie ends.
SPEAKER_02Do you see that's what I need? What's up? Do you see the turd at the end?
SPEAKER_07I think so. You should.
SPEAKER_02Is it worth like the whole movie leading up to it?
SPEAKER_07It better. It better.
SPEAKER_04Is there corn in your shit that you imagine?
SPEAKER_07There could be, why not? Let's add some detail to it. You know. This is a separate production from the uh the shit drama that we're working on.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yes, yes. This is a separate production. You just have so many poop ideas.
SPEAKER_02Lil Wayne? Yeah, dude. We're in the stew cooking up.
SPEAKER_04Samson doesn't even know about Lil Wayne yet. This is insane. This cat knows nothing.
SPEAKER_02We finna smoke crack. Oh man. Have you guys been hearing me heavy breathe on the mic the whole time and not telling me? Or I'm not even paying attention. Someone comment. Someone comment. Chat.
SPEAKER_04I don't hear it. Chat, tune in. Comment.
SPEAKER_11You should do it live. You should go to Twitch or something. Twitch.
SPEAKER_04Do it live. Yeah, so then when you give my address out, everybody knows it for real.
SPEAKER_07No, I like having the ability to like go back.
SPEAKER_02You know. Can anyone freestyle right now? I can't.
SPEAKER_04I can't I cannot. It's his podcast.
SPEAKER_07I can't.
SPEAKER_04He has to.
SPEAKER_07Um I told you this one a while ago. So you know uh you know that guy, uh John Bert and all? The guy that plays the Punisher or whatever? Yeah. How about instead it's uh John Berth canal, and he just keeps showing everyone the inside of his pussy?
SPEAKER_02I like the idea of the fingers like it.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, exactly. Like doing the spread with the two fingers. You wanna check this out? John What was John Berthall's pussy look like? John Berth Canal. We're sorry. John Berth canal. And it uh I don't know wide.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_07Well, he's spreading it open a lot, so I assume that over time, you know, let's get a like, you know, pull the lips out, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Have you ever been to the McDonald's play place? Looks like the slide. Quite lippy.
SPEAKER_05He's like, come on, take a look.
SPEAKER_02Billy likes grape soda. You ever see that movie? No, what about Madison? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Deep reference, deep Sandler reference pre-divorce.
SPEAKER_04Now the Sandler divorce.
SPEAKER_02Noah, I know you're thinking Liam's cooking. You're right. Shout out Noah.
SPEAKER_04Disrules.
SPEAKER_02Florida State, 80s word, Florida State, crew neck, shout out to the street. Shout out Crewack, shout out. They're terrible. Should we have gone to college?
SPEAKER_07This isn't a good idea. Probably.
SPEAKER_04I say it a lot at work. That's one of my little gags that I like to do. You go, ah, guys, I should have went to college. This fucking sucks. Did you say that? I like to say that.
SPEAKER_02You're already an old head?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I just say, This is not my life at 6 45 in the morning. Every day.
SPEAKER_02Have you ever screamed in your car? Every day. No, I seriously have.
SPEAKER_07Every day, right at the windshield. Okay.
SPEAKER_02I have too.
SPEAKER_04I think mine are more like internal scre I'm very inter everything about me is kind of internal.
SPEAKER_02What is that like?
SPEAKER_04It's horrible. But it's all just kind of like an internal scream, and I put on a podcast to act like I'm gonna listen to it, but really it's just I'm putting it on so I don't have to hear my thoughts. I don't even really listen to the podcast.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, right, right.
SPEAKER_04It's just an escape from reality, but to the tune of Bill Simmons' voice.
SPEAKER_02And you get some sports tidbits.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. When I check in for a couple seconds.
SPEAKER_02And you could bond with an older man.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Through audio.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like an old, like an old school jet.
SPEAKER_02It's like a pat on the shoulder. You're basically playing catch with your dad every time you listen to a podcast. If you think about it. Or is that just me?
SPEAKER_04That kind of hit home. Maybe that's all I'm looking for is that chat about the white socks as we throw a ball back and forth. That's all I ever needed.
SPEAKER_07When you drive, do you like get mad at other cars and shit?
SPEAKER_02I'm pretty like a peaceful driver. I don't really like Really?
SPEAKER_07I know you kind of do, right?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm basically.
SPEAKER_07I definitely do. Yeah. I don't know. Because to me it's just like they're not like a human being. They're just like a car. As long as you don't have a face to put to it, you can just it's so easy to dehumanize it.
SPEAKER_04I have to look. I need to see everybody's face.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, after the fact, I want to see, I need to put a face to it. I need another race.
SPEAKER_04I look I definitely look like a psycho when I drive because I'm looking at every I look at everybody. I've looked at you listening. Yeah. You driving in your car right now. I'm looking at you right now. Because I look at everybody when I drive. I need to know.
SPEAKER_07I need to know.
SPEAKER_04I have to look because it m what do you look like? You could be the hottest chick ever and you're just driving next to me. It never is, though.
SPEAKER_02It never is.
SPEAKER_07That's why I remember.
SPEAKER_04Do how women drive? I know they don't work.
SPEAKER_07They do drive and they ruin it for everybody else.
SPEAKER_04Because I go in a lot of these warehouses. Right. And there's always like you always there's always a clear hottest chick there. But she's never more than a 6.8.
SPEAKER_02It's kind of like the whole teacher thing where it's like, is she a teacher? Is she hot? Is she a hot teacher? She's probably just a teacher that you think is hot.
SPEAKER_04Is she this is another another great argument. Is she 22 or is she hot?
SPEAKER_02Whoa, speak on it.
SPEAKER_04This is a great argument that I've been I've been really banging that drum. Is she hot or is she 22?
SPEAKER_02Well, me and Kyle are banging that drum where it's like, is she hot or just not fat?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Okay. That's a similar vibe.
SPEAKER_02That's real. It's also shitty, and I don't necessarily agree with it, but like it's also real in a way. It is so real. Is she hot or just not fat?
SPEAKER_07Listen, I feel like we're making it easier and easier for these gals. You know? Just the fact that we're like so easy. Please, just not fat. Please, anything but fat is cool with it.
SPEAKER_11We made you a drug to not be.
SPEAKER_02Exactly, bro. Exactly. By we he means the Jews. Him and the Jews.
SPEAKER_04Can you be kind of nice and show me your vagina on occasion? Pretty much like my bar. And I'll bend over backwards for you.
SPEAKER_02I don't even want to see it. I just want it on my forehead. I want to like press my forehead into it.
SPEAKER_04You're obviously an idealist. Is that a subreddit? You know, probably.
SPEAKER_02We should start that.
SPEAKER_07You know, Liam, I was thinking about you told me something a while back, or like you asked me something a while back, which was like, do you wish that like more women had big tits, or is it like a thing where it's just like an exclusivity thing where you like it because not everyone has them?
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_07And that was about two years ago, and I've thought about it a lot. And and I'm come I don't think it's an exclusivity thing. I think it's purely size. No way. I guess it is. You think every big tits? I think it would be so lame.
SPEAKER_04Now we're cooking. 48 minutes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Well, well, what if we what I like, what if there's some way to even it out, you know what I mean? For everyone. You know what I mean? Like some kind of like titty socialism.
SPEAKER_04You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Then when do they get the big tits?
SPEAKER_04Like then there's if all tits are big, there are no big tits. I hate to be fucking Aristotle.
SPEAKER_07I mean, there's obviously gonna be a variation, but I mean, you know, even the playing field out a little bit.
SPEAKER_02This is Jordan Peterson shit, is what he talks about.
SPEAKER_07I I like I I really have ruined myself with the shit.
SPEAKER_06If all the tits are big, are there ever any big tits anymore? The other day, I was looking like on my for you page.
SPEAKER_09That's why I'm okay with having my small penis, because if I didn't have a small penis, then there would be no big penis in theory.
SPEAKER_02And then he'll just cry penis.
SPEAKER_09You know, they say that Make your bed, though.
SPEAKER_02Make your bed, that's the big thing.
SPEAKER_07You know, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, make your bed.
SPEAKER_07You know, it's crazy that everyone is okay with having different size tits, but you know, you know, some people like small tits, some people like big tits, but you know, no matter what, if you have a small penis, it's a huge deal.
SPEAKER_10Is my Jordan Peterson also Mickey Mouse? It's Mickey Mouse. Is my Jordan Peterson Mickey Mouse?
SPEAKER_08Don't take any prescription pills next to your face.
SPEAKER_02It's literally Mickey.
SPEAKER_08Well, if you sleep in bed with a bottle of prescription medication without a knife, chance it just chills a shorter expected life term than this to somebody who doesn't. And it's a cat.
SPEAKER_02Nightmare blunt rotation.
SPEAKER_07Without those pills, I can't fall asleep, and I stay awake for days, and the only thing I can think to do is stroke my penis until I'm all scabbed up, and it's bleeding every time I hit a stroke.
SPEAKER_11What are those pills?
SPEAKER_07It's Trazdone, it's so I can sleep. Like Ambient? It's not as strong as Ambien.
SPEAKER_04Trazdone.
SPEAKER_07No, Ambien will like make you black out. Like that shit's crazy. And racist, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. I blame it on my Ambient too.
SPEAKER_02Drinking does it, smoking weed does it.
SPEAKER_04I had an ambient three weeks ago. I've been racist ever since. I've been a real piece of shit since I had that last Ambien. Come to think of it, before I had that Ambien too, it might have been. Maybe I would just need Ambien.
SPEAKER_11Now you're just well rested and racist.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. It's just a beautiful thing.
SPEAKER_02When Horrible Hang does the Chicago theater show, could we do like ketamine or something before the pod?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think that would be cool. I think it would be really cool to like find a if our parents are there? Find kind of like a lady of the night kind of deal and be like, hey, we know you got some stuff. Let's let's fucking do it.
SPEAKER_02Let's see your stuff. Show us your stuff.
SPEAKER_04Show us your stuff. What kind of fun stuff do you got, lady?
SPEAKER_02What if we just film porn and just be like porn filmers and then Cow gets to see big tits every day.
SPEAKER_04That would just bum me out, honestly.
SPEAKER_07It would probably get sad pretty quickly.
SPEAKER_04I'd probably like it it would take me a while because at first I'd like probably just fall in love with the ladies just seeing them because I'm like, oh my god, they're so hot.
SPEAKER_02I want to take you away from all this.
SPEAKER_04And then yeah, I I have that I have the take you away from all this disease really badly. I've noticed that about myself. It's okay. I'll save you. You're captain saving. I love being saved I love saving. I love saving. It's bad.
SPEAKER_02It's okay. Love is love.
SPEAKER_04Such is life. I'm gonna get you out of this, baby.
SPEAKER_07How about a uh how about a superhero that instead of beating up bad guys, he just beats up uh women?
SPEAKER_04What's his uh name? Yeah, what's his name?
SPEAKER_07Um fucking Chris Brown. The womanizer. The womanizer. That's actually pretty good.
SPEAKER_04What about Mike Wazowski, but he's just a penis?
SPEAKER_07But he's just a penis. He's just like the head of a penis. Just a green penis. He's just the head of a penis.
SPEAKER_04What about that? Have you ever thought about that? What if Mike Wazowski from your favorite child's film, Monsters Inc., was just a huge green penis?
SPEAKER_11That's a good thought experiment.
SPEAKER_04Well, Mike Wazowski's guised.
SPEAKER_02Mike Wazowski's green guy?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he's probably like three foot eight. That's a three foot eight penis. That's a huge penis, dude. I don't know what you're working with. Walking around the city scaring kids. No, I know. You're getting a lot of scream energy from that penis.
SPEAKER_02I have a Philly Sixer that curves down hard.
SPEAKER_04What if what if in Monsters Inc. they just gave all the kids access to social media and like showed them what was going on with Diddy and then Diddy opened the door? How many screams do you think they'd get done? Just what if?
SPEAKER_02Don't they inject kids' blood into them to keep them young and fresh and vibrant? Isn't that the whole thing?
SPEAKER_04In Monsters Inc.? They fucking. I don't think in Monsters Inc.
SPEAKER_02That's what the barrel's full of that fills up with blood.
SPEAKER_04That's the scream juice.
SPEAKER_08Scream juice.
SPEAKER_04We saw a different movie. That screams. I wanted to fuck that slug.
SPEAKER_02Is that what they call it? Imagine her slam. Get off of me. She would rock my world.
SPEAKER_04You know that shit, Gushy Gucci.
SPEAKER_02Her throat is endless.
SPEAKER_04You heard the noise and the you saw the trail she leaves when she would slide around. Gushy Gushy Raz.
SPEAKER_07Is that just her wet pussy just dragging across the floor wherever she wrote?
SPEAKER_00Kyle, I'm trying to do Roz. Just to do Slim Shut up.
SPEAKER_02Imagine her slug body just coming on top of you. Like just like her sliding out of you if it's so good. Like those massage videos. Like I'm kind of tarp in a hotel room with K. She's slugging on my body.
SPEAKER_07I just imagine like the pressure increasing as she like gets closer to your chest.
SPEAKER_02I have to pay her like 500 bucks.
SPEAKER_07You don't have to be wrong. Have you ever had a fat girl lay on top of you? Have you pop on top of you? I haven't had it happen once. Once?
SPEAKER_02Can you describe the temperature, smell, vibe, sweat factor? She wasn't that sweaty and she just showered.
SPEAKER_04What did her room smell like and how big was her TV?
SPEAKER_07Small TV, smaller. How clean was her car. How clean was her car? I didn't get in her car. Okay. She probably doesn't have a car. She might not have had a car. I don't know. She's fat girl. This was years ago. So how'd you meet her? It was like a Tinder thing, I think. Did you on a date? Uh I think I went to her house like once or twice, if I remember correctly. Yeah, not really. What did you do? Make out? Yeah, we made out and then, you know, turned over and then she went on top. And I just rem- I'll never forget the Jesus we got. And like trying not to make that sound audibly. No, you're not even heavy for real. No, I always breathe like this. Just for a minute, just for a minute. Get off. Just for a minute. I always I gotta go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_02I always breathe like this. Oh god. Was she topless on top of you or did she have clothes on?
SPEAKER_07No, she had clothes on. Did she keep them on? Yeah, she kept them on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Did you think that would under? Or did you not even go down that road?
SPEAKER_07I I think I I think I tried. Was it pretty much black in the room? It was like dusk. Dusk.
SPEAKER_02Dusky in the room. Dusk and musk. Dusk and dusk in her musk.
SPEAKER_07No, she didn't smell bad though.
SPEAKER_02I thought she tasted like a battery. We talked about that.
SPEAKER_07The way you looked at me, it was funny. But uh no, that was it. That wasn't someone different. That was someone different. Oh, she's doing it.
SPEAKER_02We got real.
SPEAKER_07No, battery acid. No, battery acid was actually less fat than this girl was, but she was grosser.
SPEAKER_02We love women on this podcast. I just want to say. She was fatter and grosser, you said?
SPEAKER_07The battery acid girl was.
SPEAKER_02Was fatter and grosser.
SPEAKER_07Was less fat, but grosser.
SPEAKER_02Whoa. Yes. So just hygiene-wise. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Interesting.
SPEAKER_02Hygiene's big. And white. And white. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_04Gross.
SPEAKER_07Gross.
SPEAKER_02She was white, so that made her gross?
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Okay. Significantly less cocoa butter on her. Ooh. I have dry elbows, kinda. Really?
SPEAKER_02Sometimes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Cocoa butter does a very pleasant smell.
SPEAKER_02Got you some of that lotion you have right on your bed, Kyle?
SPEAKER_07The Jurgens, sure. Is that Jergens?
SPEAKER_04Travel size. That's smart. He can fit it in his pocket.
SPEAKER_07Fit it in my asshole. Where'd you get that knife?
SPEAKER_02Which one? The knife that's on the.
SPEAKER_04Is that the one we got from uh it's got his name engraved in it?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's Phil. It's a work knife. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Where'd you get it? Shout out to Phil. From uh Phil miss you.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, from my job.
SPEAKER_04Shout out to Phil. Good guy, Phil. Phil. I know Phil. I like my Phil.
SPEAKER_02P.H.
SPEAKER_04P. H. I also know an F I I know an FIL Polish dude. F I L I P.
SPEAKER_02Nowhere like best dude ever.
SPEAKER_04Insane. Lunatic. Very fun. Don't get too close.
SPEAKER_02Does he have a wife and children?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. I don't think so.
SPEAKER_02Does he Phil?
SPEAKER_04No, his big thing is smoking pot.
SPEAKER_02Okay. That's it?
SPEAKER_04He used to own a business, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Involving pot? Shut up.
SPEAKER_04No, not involving pot.
SPEAKER_02Big dick fill.
SPEAKER_04Big dick fill.
SPEAKER_02Big dick Phil.
SPEAKER_04Dax and Phil.
SPEAKER_02If we had Big Diggs, I don't think we'd be podcasting.
SPEAKER_04No, I'd probably be like doing cool stuff.
SPEAKER_02Like what? Skydiving?
SPEAKER_04Maybe skydiving.
SPEAKER_02Whoa.
SPEAKER_04I'd probably be like chatting up tons of babes right now. Ton of them. Like, tons. I'd have grey I would always wear gray sweatpants for sure. Just be like, look at my dick. Guys, look at how cool this is. I'm so blessed. And you're not.
SPEAKER_02I was asking, like, do girls care about ass? Like guys assumes. They do. They do.
SPEAKER_04They so do. I need to do squats. Actually.
SPEAKER_07Well, like no guy has a good ass. I'll never like except like baseball players, maybe.
SPEAKER_04I just went to a gol I just went to a golf outing. Hockey players, actually. I just went to a golf outing in one of the holes they had like two middle-aged women there to like heckle you while you hit the ball. It was a fun little gag. And she's like, We the ladies are the ladies are like, Oh, we we're just here to look at your butts and make fun of you. And I'm like, please look away at mine. I don't have an ass. Don't make fun of me. They ate it right up. They're like, You don't have an ass, though, dude. I've seen that video. Yeah. Golf course.
SPEAKER_07Oh man.
unknownVideo great.
SPEAKER_04He didn't deserve her on that golf course. If everyone has tits. That's exactly what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_02No one has tits if everyone has tits. That's what I want to leave you guys with.
SPEAKER_04They're not so special anymore.
SPEAKER_02That's what I want you to sit with. That's what I want you to sleep on.
SPEAKER_04If everyone has them, nobody has them.
SPEAKER_07Did I do that joke before where I was talking about the gay guy that I work with? And that I think it'd be funny if he pulled up in a car.
SPEAKER_04Gee, I don't know. There's been 18 episodes of gay guys that you work with.
SPEAKER_02It's basically suicide and mad.
SPEAKER_07Pretty much. But no. Did I do the one where he I think it'd be funny if he pulled up in a car that's covered in flames.
SPEAKER_04You might as well just do it.
SPEAKER_07Flames? Do you get it?
SPEAKER_04I think he did. That'd be kind of badass. That'd be cool. And I was thinking, like I might suck that. Flames are sweet.
SPEAKER_07Instead of bad to the bone, it would be uh fag to the bone is playing.
SPEAKER_04But dan it, dan it.
SPEAKER_07Fag to the bone. Dan it, dan it. I don't know. I've been saying faggot a lot, this podcast. Okay. I've noticed.
SPEAKER_08Really?
SPEAKER_07I'll let it slice. Well, here's the thing though. Here's what here's what a lot of people don't realize is that guys.
SPEAKER_02If I was gay, what would you guys do?
SPEAKER_04Honestly, by this point, I'd be like a little bit feel a little betrayed. Yeah. Because I've known you for a minute. Yeah, I would be a little hurt that I didn't have like one weird moment where I like heard my door open a little bit when we lived together.
SPEAKER_02Remember that night we kissed? Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. No.
SPEAKER_02It didn't happen.
SPEAKER_07But the thing about that word though is it's like maybe I'm gay. The less you say it, the more power you give it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02What if we were all gay and that's why we're miserable? It's because we're not gay. But if we were gay, we wouldn't be miserable. Maybe. And the podcast would be about fun stuff. Maybe.
SPEAKER_04Fun stuff. We could talk about our sex capades we have with each other. Maybe we should just go gay. Boy Town is so close to here. It's so fun, too. It's so fun. It seems so fun. It seems so fun. Guys crawling on the ground.
SPEAKER_00Eat crystal mass. More pills.
SPEAKER_04It's awesome. Pills. Leather. They're fun. I'd be a flight attendant if I was gay. And we'll get in shape too.
SPEAKER_02I think they all are like in shape.
SPEAKER_04It seems like a pre-reck, pretty much. Unless you're a is that a bear? Is that a bear as a fat guy?
SPEAKER_02It may be easier for me to go down that route, but that's a whole lot of things.
SPEAKER_07You could have immunity at your job, too. Well, you are an odder. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04A mutiny?
SPEAKER_07Immunity.
SPEAKER_04Oh, immunity. Like I'd rather have a mutiny at the end of the way. Like this guy that we work with. Like this guy that we work with.
SPEAKER_07Like this guy that we work off with, like, he basically does whatever. No, that we work with.
SPEAKER_04This guy that we jerk off with.
SPEAKER_07That we work with. And that like.
SPEAKER_04He's cool with your little nose.
SPEAKER_07What?
SPEAKER_04He's cool with your nose to jerk off with?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, he sticks his dick inside your big ass one.
SPEAKER_04You guys, hey, you guys are guests. Do you want to leave or do you want to see this? You don't have to see what I'm about to do.
SPEAKER_11Where's this coming from? Destroy him.
SPEAKER_04In him back, Mom. In him back. Mom's gonna let Dad live this time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, no, let's hear it.
SPEAKER_04No, I don't have any. He said he'd never do it again.
SPEAKER_07I see.
SPEAKER_04I tried to buy time. And now you're embarrassing me even more. You're winning, Kyle. I'm winning. You're winning. I'm winning.
SPEAKER_02Which one of us got spanked the most recently? Think about it.
SPEAKER_04By who?
SPEAKER_02You're assuming your mom or your daddy.
SPEAKER_04Mommy or daddy. Um I think Nick.
unknownMe too.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. No. Why? You feel reasonable.
SPEAKER_04It I cause it's something about you. It's something, yeah, it's some kind of aura that you have like your parents hit you like late. Like late into life. Like you like you might have last week, like you might have had you might have had a sneaky zen in while you got spanked.
SPEAKER_02Like last Thursday. They found my Zen wall.
SPEAKER_04They saw they saw that smeared they saw that you had like the metallic tin that you get for 6,000 Zen points, and they're like, we're gonna spank this kid. I just the guy, a guy that I golfed with had that, and he's like, This is what six million zen points get you. I was like, that's fucking sweet.
SPEAKER_02Golfing sounds sick. The fact that you just said I just golf with this guy, like it's just sounds cool.
SPEAKER_04Just hang you're just hanging out with three dudes. You guys are best friends for like four hours, if it works right.
SPEAKER_02The fuck do you talk about though? Like anything life, liberty, you pursue it.
SPEAKER_04That's all just dumb shit. Pretty much.
SPEAKER_11Wait, did you golf with like two random guys?
SPEAKER_04Three dudes, so I knew one guy from work, and then I actually like I knew the other guy, but I never talked to him, and then another guy did not know at all. And like I barely knew the guy that I know. Still. And it was sick. It was cool. We became boys over those few hours. It was con it was tits.
SPEAKER_11I called yesterday.
SPEAKER_04It's gotta be like the last weekend, huh?
unknownYeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11It was nice yesterday.
SPEAKER_02My sister's at the Killers of Kill Tony thing. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Killers of Kill Tony?
SPEAKER_02I guess it's like regulars. Really? That like do a show, like in a theater. Is that here? It's in uh where is it? Like Rockford or some shit?
SPEAKER_07Oh really? Yeah, I heard about that.
SPEAKER_02That's far.
SPEAKER_07What is that? Like Hans Kim, Ken, like William, I don't know who else. William Montgomery, yeah.
SPEAKER_02That guy rocks. Good guy.
SPEAKER_07Alright, I'm gonna end this ship. This sucks.
SPEAKER_02Alright. Alright. How long do we do though?
SPEAKER_07Uh I think since you came on, it was. It's like 40. Something like that.
SPEAKER_04Plus for 30? Yeah, we're gonna be able to get it. We had 10 on this clip too. You feel good about it?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it's fine.
SPEAKER_11Confident in your work?
SPEAKER_07No. Not that.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, he came. Alright, peace out, y'all. Alright. Horrible hang. Horrible hang, guys. See ya guys.