Episode 18 - This podcast sucks but so do you

not in good spirits frfr so nothing like some sweet homophobia bits

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Alright, hello everybody. Welcome to the Horrible Hang Podcast. My name is Kyle uh Something Something. And if it's one thing I know, it's getting raped. It's getting brutally bent over and just fucked against my will, and there's nothing I could do about it. So it's a good start. It's a good start. Hey. This is a good podcast, dude.

SPEAKER_07 0:26

Did that also catch you off guard?

unknown 0:29

That wasn't special.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Me too. Was it a poem? Well, that's what makes his podcast so great. That's exactly what it is. It is good. You didn't hear now? You could just rape people now. Rape is legal. You can just fuck people over and get away with it, dude. You didn't hear that?

SPEAKER_05 0:43

He wants us to ask what's wrong, but we shunn it.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

What's wrong? He's crying. We know what's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

We know what's wrong.

SPEAKER_06 0:50

He's reading the first letter of that kid that shot up that school girl. That was a line from that, dude. You're fucked up. When's the last time you potted?

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Dude, it's been like probably a month, I think. Month and a half, something like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:06

Probably a month. Should we start with the knife in Ky's bed?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Oh, a knife in my bed. There's a knife in the bacon knife.

SPEAKER_06 1:13

Should we all guess what it's for? Go ahead. I don't think it's a self-harmed thing, surprisingly. I think it's toe related, which scares me.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

It's every morning I wake up and I remember that I exist. I keep it there and just decide, you know, for a few seconds if I'm gonna get up.

SPEAKER_07 1:35

No, it's worse than that. That's not real. Whatever that's there for is way darker than that. And I feel like it has a weird thing to do.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

I have dry skin. Sometimes I itch. Sometimes I itch.

SPEAKER_07 1:47

It's got something to do with your chest and your back. And I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

My chest and my back.

SPEAKER_06 1:53

Wouldn't it be crazy if I just cough the whole podcast?

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Are you still smoking or no?

SPEAKER_06 2:00

Yeah, do you? Are you?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I've got my pen if you want to hit it.

SPEAKER_06 2:03

It's up to you though. I'll be coughing the whole pod, though. That's fine. We'll get lost in it. Oh, fuck, dude. Kyle's shit's been going good, obviously, since the last time you guys are chilling.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Awesome, dude. Everything's awesome. Do you want to get into it or should we not? Like, where's your head at?

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Uh no, I don't really want to get into the details of it, but Do they listen to this? Um, me. They, yeah. There's like a couple friends in there.

SPEAKER_07 2:31

Nobody listens to me.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah, really, that's the real answer. Nobody listens to the flood. In fact, let me check. Let me check. Let me check.

SPEAKER_06 2:39

They got fired because they wanted you to focus on your podcast. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Yes, they saw the trajectory of this podcast and they were just like, dude, we can't have that kind of They said things are taking off.

SPEAKER_06 2:50

And we need you to focus.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

I got fired from Hooters for an undisclosed reason. To put it out there.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

Canned from Hooters.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Canned from Hooters. It is what it is. I was fucking over that place anyway.

SPEAKER_06 3:01

After two and a half years, though, that's fucked up. That was a journey.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

That was a journey. It really was. Think about it. No more Daytona sauce. No more Daytona. Not for free.

SPEAKER_07 3:09

I'd kill myself.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Twelve plays on the last episode. Going places, guys. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_07 3:15

12 is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Who's the 12? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_06 3:19

Four people.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

They changed the way the fucking our most viewed episode has 39. Oh, that's insane. Was that the premiere? That's the Spirit of Derek, episode 7.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

That was a car pod.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Remember that?

SPEAKER_07 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah. I think that was a good one, actually. That was a good one.

SPEAKER_07 3:37

I think they might be right. Which number is this?

SPEAKER_05 3:39

We are about to. Which number is this?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I think this is 18.

unknown 3:43

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Yeah. Yeah, count. Because I still never anymore. Dude, well, we recorded a whole nother podcast like a month ago, but I still never posted it. Dude.

SPEAKER_07 3:54

Because wasn't there a bleep that needed to be?

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Yeah, because I doxed you live on there and I still didn't fucking put the people grant, so I've just been putting it off.

SPEAKER_07 4:02

Yeah, he just straight shared everything about me. I was like, how the fuck do you know that? Well, people are gonna find out we have another podcast.

SPEAKER_06 4:10

Eight of them already know. Eight of them already know. The funny thing is they're two randoms, probably. Probably.

SPEAKER_07 4:18

Wait, what if one of them was a hot babe? No shot at the hell.

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Then they'd be immediately turned off after hearing this. Dude, if a girl listened to this. I never even thought verbs. I hope not. I never even thought about it.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

I mean, I know one that does, but I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

But yeah, I mean, most people would hear this and be immediately turned off by it. Wait, what's up?

SPEAKER_05 4:43

She's still alive. She is still alive.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

But uh Can we can I ask you?

SPEAKER_06 4:50

Yeah, Dibbs. Can we ask your best like favorite memory from working at Ooters? Is that like a crazy question?

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Um I'm trying to think. I remember one dude we went to one time we went to this one dude's house, and um, I guess like he was originally from LA, but he like, you know, his family has a house in Chicago. It's Kiki Palmer's brother.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Dude.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Dude, they show he showed me the awards. I saw the awards in person. It was like kind of crazy. Do you guys know Kiki Palmer?

SPEAKER_06 5:23

It's crazy. No. I know Kiki. Okay. Let It Shine. You ever see that movie? Disney? Let It Shine? Let It Shine, I think it was called. I hope. No. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

The Disney Channel movie. She was on the Disney Channel, though. She had a show on Disney Channel.

SPEAKER_06 5:41

She was she was talking for a minute, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:46

Kiki might be a channel.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 5:47

The name sounds familiar.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Uh, I mean, she had like one show on Disney Channel a long time ago, but I know the names sounded familiar.

SPEAKER_06 5:54

Does Kiki like that?

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Not that Nick knows any black people, but not one.

SPEAKER_06 5:59

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

We forgot to introduce our guests. We got uh we got fucking Liam back here.

SPEAKER_06 6:04

What up?

SPEAKER_02 6:04

And we got uh Q and on Nick on the mic. Oh shit. We got Q and on Nick.

SPEAKER_06 6:08

Rare mix, we're in it.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

A lot of people don't know this. Nick was actually uh right behind uh what was his fucking name? The dude that did the Storm the Capitol? Chansley?

SPEAKER_06 6:18

Was it Rittenhouse?

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Jacob Chansley. I like to have a lot of Kyle friends. No, he was you were right behind Jacob Chansley on the day of fucking Jacob Chansley. The dude with the fucking paint on his face. Is that the name of the rate the girl behind a dumpster?

SPEAKER_06 6:35

What was that guy's name? No, the guy was the girl behind the dumpster? What the fuck? That was Brock Turner, right? Thank you. I knew Nick would know that.

SPEAKER_07 6:44

Isn't he the quarterback for the 49ers?

SPEAKER_05 6:47

No, he was on the like swim team or something, right? Was he a swimmer? I think he was a swimmer.

SPEAKER_06 6:53

It's always a swimming fan. I've always heard a swimmer piece of shit.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yeah, dude. Nick was like basically like the Buzz Aldrin of the January 6th storm in the Capitol event. Right, he was second in line, dude.

SPEAKER_06 7:05

He's the most written house out of the four of us.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

I mean.

SPEAKER_05 7:12

Oh, yeah, the name.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

The name in itself.

SPEAKER_07 7:15

But I mean he's the lady that was sitting next to Rosa Parks on the bus.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

I mean, overly emotional in that way, maybe.

SPEAKER_07 7:23

He's the forgettable one. You're the lady that got up. What are Kyle's?

SPEAKER_05 7:27

Rosa Parks had a car. She didn't even need to drive. Talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Talk about it. Did you see that clip I posted the other week?

SPEAKER_06 7:36

What was it?

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Uh, what about what if uh Rosa Parks only didn't get up from her seat because she had just gotten her period? Dude. Dude, I got compliments from that, too. I got compliments from that, bro.

SPEAKER_06 7:49

It's a sick joke. It's cool.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

I'm proud of it.

SPEAKER_06 7:52

When'd you come up with that?

SPEAKER_02 7:53

What if, wait, what if she came up with that like the day before I went on stage?

SPEAKER_06 7:59

Like in the car?

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Like I think I was at work. Most of the shit I come up with when I'm just like doing shit at work.

SPEAKER_07 8:05

What if she was the first transgender and she didn't want to show she had a huge boner?

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Was she mad? It was like when you're teaching. It was like when you're teaching the pick.

SPEAKER_06 8:20

Nick's not into it. I didn't behold it, brother.

SPEAKER_07 8:23

I didn't behold it.

SPEAKER_06 8:24

Are her eyes too far apart? Why don't I should we pull up a bank or no? Is that crazy? Oh my.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

No, yeah, let's let's Google it.

SPEAKER_06 8:33

Greg could have pulled us up.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Yeah, we need like a Jamie, right?

SPEAKER_06 8:37

Greg is our Jamie, is what I've been saying.

SPEAKER_07 8:40

Rosa Parks. Do you think he's got good words per minute skills on the keyboard?

SPEAKER_06 8:45

Tough.

SPEAKER_07 8:48

Wait, let me see.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

It's a hard pass for Nick.

SPEAKER_06 8:52

We're saying Rosa Parks. Rosa Parks. Is she bad or not? Be real. This is a game show. Is she bad or not? Be real. On B.E.T. TikTok B.E. She had potential. She had potential back in the day before this. Back in the day.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Yeah, past your prime.

SPEAKER_07 9:08

She had potential.

SPEAKER_06 9:09

Look up Rosa Park child picks.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Rosa Parks as a child.

SPEAKER_06 9:15

See what comes up. See what Liz Kyle gets on. I would consider myself bitter. It's just her on a field. They're watching Kyle. All I'm saying is they're already watching Kyle. They're keeping an eye on it.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Dude, fuck it, bro.

SPEAKER_06 9:28

It's all good. Who cares?

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Who cares, bro?

SPEAKER_06 9:31

What were we talking about before that?

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Uh fuck, I don't remember, bro.

SPEAKER_06 9:35

We got lost in the weeds.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Uh, that tends to happen. It's okay.

SPEAKER_06 9:40

Sponsored by Pillowcube. We are sponsored by Pillowcube.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Uh no, we're not. Honestly, that Pillowcube kinda sucks, dude. I already knew that thing pills like a motherfucker, dude. It's gross. I already like got like a fabric shaver and went over the whole thing.

SPEAKER_04 9:56

You're gonna put a fucking pillowcase on it.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

I don't know. It's basically just a bed for your fucking head. I mean, it was.

SPEAKER_07 10:04

Is that a bed for your hand? Should we just solve pillows?

SPEAKER_02 10:11

A special, a special bed for getting head?

SPEAKER_07 10:14

It's a bed for your bird. Clip it.

SPEAKER_06 10:20

Guys, we are cooking. Horrible hanging so back.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Oh, so back, and no one cares about it. But that's fine.

SPEAKER_06 10:28

But they will.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

I need to do something other than wait until they hear this one.

SPEAKER_06 10:32

They're waiting on this one.

SPEAKER_07 10:34

Streets didn't even know they were waiting on this one.

SPEAKER_06 10:37

But any other like good memories from Hooters? Like, I'm trying to positive string this.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Um trying to think.

SPEAKER_06 10:44

Were you desensitized to tits at this point? Like two and a half years? Did you even care?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

I mean, I'm never gonna be desensitized to tits, but I can I I could go into work mode. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 10:57

Guys, Kyle locks in when he needs to, and I want everyone to know that. I can go into work mode.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I mean, I have to run home from work every every shift, but yeah, Kyle's work mode is not jerking off.

unknown 11:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

So one time I'm not constantly jerking off.

SPEAKER_06 11:18

It's a tough existence, man, but we're doing it. It is, it is. We're trying our best. Do you guys have this? Do you guys remember the horniest you ever were in your entire life? Uh specifically?

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 11:36

Yeah, are we saying like a period of time?

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Are we saying you do an arrow, man? Yeah, that's kind of what specifically means.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

No, I just pay your ass out. Shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

But not really. I mean, I remember there was one time where I was just playing Minecraft, and suddenly I just got a huge blood rush for no reason. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 11:57

Minecraft.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

You saw the creepers and I saw the creepers and I was sexually aroused by the creepers. And I've been jerking off to him ever since, dude. Now I can't play Minecraft.

SPEAKER_07 12:06

He's building a castle and he got hard.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Imagine how I felt when I saw there's a Minecraft movie coming out, and I'm not legally allowed in any of the theaters. There's a movie? They're making a Minecraft movie, but Jack Black.

SPEAKER_05 12:19

He's in all those fucking movies now.

SPEAKER_06 12:22

I fuck with Jack Black, dude, though.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Dude, we were talking remember we were talking about this? We fucking uh Will Farr or not Will Farrell, Pharrell Williams is having like a Lego movie for what reason?

SPEAKER_05 12:34

The Lego biopic.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

The life and times of fucking uh Pharrell Williams. But it has to be in Lego.

SPEAKER_06 12:44

It has to be.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yeah, I want it to be more um accessible to children. Is there any way we could do that?

SPEAKER_06 12:52

It's a ske it's a conspiracy, that's what we're saying. Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

I could I see okay.

SPEAKER_06 12:56

All pedophiles, shout out P. Diddy. Shout out P. Diddy. That is true. Can we talk about P. Diddy, dude? Yeah. Let's go ahead. What is it? A thousand bottles of keyboard oil. Yeah, baby oil.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Freaky man, freaky man, freaky man.

SPEAKER_06 13:11

And he had freak offs. Yeah, freak offs is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

And he recorded all of them too, right? I think he recorded all of them so he could blackmail people because he like forced girls to watch Netflix with them. And he was like, if you don't watch Netflix with me, I'm gonna show these videos to everyone. Are you serious? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:28

I just want somebody to watch grown-ups with.

unknown 13:31

P.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

Diddy is sick. Dude, but and he had hundreds of millions of dollars? I'd say. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

He's like, it's lonely at the top, man. You don't understand, okay?

SPEAKER_06 13:41

Bro, give me, give me a hundred K right now, I'm having a freak off. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. So like I get a thousand miles is crazy. Give me like a hundred K freak-offs daily, man.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Do you think they just like put a tarp along the floor in the entire mansion and just like load it up with baby oil? Oh.

SPEAKER_07 14:00

And just like swear to God, show up to work today. First thing anybody says to me today is this about probably 60-year-old man's security yard. He goes, Did you hear that P. Diddy got busted with 984 dildos in his house? First thing anybody said to me today.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Damn, bro. That was my introduction to the world today.

SPEAKER_06 14:22

That at 6 a.m. or whatever it is insane.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Dude, why not just start off your day with like the most atrocious shit you could hear? That way, that's smooth sailing from there on, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 14:37

It's so many dildos.

SPEAKER_07 14:39

He was like, his mind was blown by the amount of dildos.

SPEAKER_06 14:43

No, I was telling him, the guy I work with is fucking crazy. He drinks like three or four rippets a day, the fucking energy drinks, and he'll smoke like fucking 1,000 cigarettes a day. Oh my god. Wait, what are you doing? Rippets? Rippets are like an energy drink, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 14:58

I've never even heard of them.

SPEAKER_06 14:59

It's they're like shitty knockoff Indiana shit, I think.

SPEAKER_05 15:03

It's like nasty.

SPEAKER_06 15:04

It's nasty shit, bro. Working with psychos. Or just working with weird ass people. Is it anyway?

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Yeah, oh yeah. I when I worked at fucking um, well, I don't want to say it, but when I worked at uh that job that Greg's working at now for a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 15:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Like the all f like half of them there were fucking convicted pedophiles.

SPEAKER_05 15:24

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

From what because my brother worked there too. He told me that. I think Greg told me that. They'll just fucking hire anyone, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Holy shit. Yeah, dude. That's wild. And you were chilling in the break room with these fools? Yeah, I had to. I had no choice.

SPEAKER_06 15:38

Just like chopping it up?

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:40

Does that hurt a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 15:40

I don't really well, I didn't really talk to anyone. I was fucking just I was in a shitty mood the whole time I was there. Plus, like, you know, I'd get you had to be there at 4 a.m. sharp and came not a minute late. Oh my god. Yeah, fuck that, dude. I was miserable working on that. Two and a half months, I think.

SPEAKER_06 15:56

And you were just like, no.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Luckily I got back into uh, you know, right like a week after I quit.

SPEAKER_06 16:02

Oh shit, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

4 a.m. sharp? 4 a.m. sharp can't be a minute late.

SPEAKER_06 16:07

With pedophiles.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

With pedophiles, yeah. It's kind of like a Russian roulette. You never really knew which one was like a pedophile.

SPEAKER_07 16:14

But it's like do you find pedophiles to be punctual people?

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Again, I don't know which ones are the pedophiles, you know.

SPEAKER_07 16:22

You know, if anybody's gonna be there early, it'd be a pedophile.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

I mean that is true, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:27

You gotta be Before school starts.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Oh, dude, that reminds me. I have to send the welder more gay porn. What? Shh. Remember okay, so you can get him into that. No, not gay porn, but so fucking I uh I found an app where you can like anonymously text people and I got the welder's number and I was just sending him pictures of black dudes kissing. Just randomly.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Like just over time, not like bombing him, but just like one, wait a few days, send one, wait a few days.

SPEAKER_06 17:07

Your life is amazing.

SPEAKER_07 17:10

Aren't I cool? This is always the best because what if this is getting in front of him having screenshots of five dudes kissing out his phone? I do have you.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

I do. I do now. And I have to keep it there so I can keep sending it to him.

SPEAKER_07 17:24

Does that have anything to do with the knife?

SPEAKER_02 17:30

It could.

SPEAKER_06 17:34

The pure rage you have for this man is. No, he sucks. He's fucking terrible.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

You say it too? Yes.

unknown 17:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

He like literally, I've never met anyone with like less redeeming qualities than him. Like, and I don't take that, I don't give that title out lightly.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

You you are a nice guy, I'd say.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

I really, I really like try to like analyze the good and the bad he does, and he literally just fucks everything up and makes shit harder for me.

SPEAKER_07 17:58

You hate him so much if you have gay pornography, softcore.

unknown 18:01

Literally, bro.

SPEAKER_06 18:03

I hate this man so much angelic that I have gay inventory in my phone. No, but it's not like dick sucking, it's like sweet shit.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

I mean, I'm thinking eventually I'll work it up to sending a dick to him or something.

SPEAKER_07 18:16

It's gonna be guys holding hands or shit. Yeah, dude. Oh yeah, holding hands.

SPEAKER_06 18:23

Guys having a good conversation.

SPEAKER_07 18:28

Guys talking it out. Yeah, literally. Stop. A guy hugging his father.

SPEAKER_06 18:34

Count hurt. Kyle's not gay.

SPEAKER_07 18:40

Even a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Honestly, whatever.

SPEAKER_06 18:47

Do you get like a nut off when you do that? Like, what does what does that do for you?

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Well, I just wanted some way to fuck with him that wasn't like really horrible or criminal.

SPEAKER_05 18:56

So I figured if I could just That might be sexual harassment, though. It is a sexual harassment, actually.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Yeah, but not if he does it if it comes from a phone number that looks like it's from the other side of the country.

unknown 19:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

But yeah, you are right.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

But when he looks over and sees you giggling on your phone and he takes a picture of a black guy sucking a dick, he's gonna know it's you.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

I mean, he is always peering at me, so that is a likely possibility.

SPEAKER_07 19:18

Do you ever like it? It should be like a picture of a dude like shaving his buddy's pubes.

SPEAKER_06 19:30

Do you ever like wait to watch his reaction?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

I like, well, because I never really know when he sees it. I we just kind of imagine that he's like, oh, what the fuck? Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

Like he has been quiet lately. This whole week. He hasn't fucking done anything because he's busy planning something. Yes. It could be. It could be.

SPEAKER_07 19:51

He's busy considering his life, and he's like, whoa.

SPEAKER_05 19:54

I think he likes me, so I think I'm safe.

SPEAKER_06 19:56

No, I think I think tomorrow's. No, I've gone off on him.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

So if he is plotting something, I would be a target. Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_06 20:02

I've gone off on him. Headshot.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Yeah, I've gone off on him twice now.

SPEAKER_06 20:06

He might rape you. He might rape you.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Everyone else does, why not?

SPEAKER_06 20:10

Yeah, right. The Lord does.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

The Lord does. I like to I like to imagine just like God with like a leash and it's me in like a gimp suit on all fours. Just do whatever he says, dude. You know, go ahead. Rape me. Take me for what I'm worth. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 20:28

Does God hate Kyle? God hates Kyle. That's the special name. God hates Kyle.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

God hates Kyle. This really is a cool podcast. I spent a thousand dollars on equipment so I could fucking blasphemize God because I can't get laid. Yes. Yes. And soon we'll be millions. So cool. Once this podcast blows up, that's when everything's gonna get better.

SPEAKER_06 20:56

You're gonna get have a Bugatti off this shit.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

I'm gonna have a Bugatti. Once I market it to the right, you know, area of people.

SPEAKER_06 21:02

Oh yes. They're coming.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

They're coming.

SPEAKER_06 21:05

They're gonna love you. You're gonna love you. What is the demographic?

SPEAKER_05 21:08

Uh white guys.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

Like people like you, really. No.

SPEAKER_05 21:11

I don't even listen to the podcast. Disenfranchised.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I don't even listen.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

He doesn't even listen.

SPEAKER_07 21:16

I talk to him every day, that's all I need. Yeah. It's honestly our listener base is just like dudes with huge dicks that get tons of pussy.

SPEAKER_06 21:23

That's what that's what the streets are saying. Yeah, all five of them did. All five of them. Huge dicks. The 32 is scaring me still. You said 32. 32 fan of the most listeners we've got. 39. 39, my bad. Um, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Spirit of Derek was kind of a wild one, too. It was good though. It was funny.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Can we listen to the pod on the pod?

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Yeah, it's getting hot in here. You want to take a break? I'm fucking sweating. Yeah, I need to. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Stick you out.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

We're back, everyone.

SPEAKER_06 21:57

You're shitting, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:58

No, now we're recording.

SPEAKER_06 22:00

Recording right now.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

No. Oh, that was like nothing you just said was recorded.

SPEAKER_06 22:07

Whoa, okay. I guess God didn't want anyone to hear that. Kyle didn't. That's were you like spaced out or was that?

SPEAKER_02 22:16

I was just I didn't know where we I was like waiting to get my you know be like okay we're recording and then the story just kept going on.

SPEAKER_05 22:23

He was like, that sounds like quite the night.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

And um that shh and give me I was ripping that pen, so I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 22:31

Weed is ruining this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

We had yeah, that's what's ruining this podcast is weed.

SPEAKER_06 22:37

Um I'm not high. Or it's kind of saving it. Soiled.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Oh fuck man.

SPEAKER_06 22:43

All twelve of you need to get high while you listen to this, or this is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. Fucked.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

I think this is the best one so far.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

This is should we get in the bed, Stu? You don't have to beat yourself up out of it. We're witnessing Kyle fully crash out.

SPEAKER_07 22:59

I just watched you jump off a bridge while sitting on the couch.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Yeah, I do that a lot. It's alright. I do that a lot. It's alright, boothing.

SPEAKER_06 23:07

We gotta do that. If there's an AR in this closet, Kyle, I'm gonna freak the fuck out.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

There are no guns in this apartment. I'm gone. That is true.

SPEAKER_06 23:14

I've called somebody.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

I've thought about it, but uh there are no guns in this apartment. Calling 411. We gotta let's try riffing a little bit. You gotta riff a little bit, Liam.

SPEAKER_05 23:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

How about this one?

SPEAKER_02 23:30

How about this one? I got an easy free one for you. Uh homo Johnson. Instead of Hobo Johnson, homo johnson. Yeah, but he was like, What do you think it counts like? Yeah, and I sucked on his cock and I came so hard that it burned to the back of his throat and he went to the I don't know. That's how he fucking he doesn't even sing, he just like talks like fucking into the microphone.

SPEAKER_05 23:55

It does suck. And it's just a lot of distortion.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

It doesn't sound good. I don't I tried, I tried listening one time, I just couldn't get behind it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 24:05

This is why Kyle gets paid the big bucks.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

I don't get paid anything. I pay and then I get fucked over.

SPEAKER_06 24:10

We're gonna get ads. Ads? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

You don't get ads when you have five listeners per episode, bro.

SPEAKER_06 24:17

Kyle, you can't crash out when we're small. You have to wait till we get massive and then have a public freak out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Bam. Yeah, honestly. Like bam.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

Yeah, right. But no, I mean that's what makes this beautiful though, I think, is that, you know, eventually someone will find it, and they'll, you know, go down this rabbit hole, maybe, hopefully. Hear it, and then like, you know, they'll get to know the real me, you know.

SPEAKER_06 24:42

They saw the come of.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

The real me, the the real racist and homophobic joke making me. The super lovable you.

SPEAKER_06 24:51

What would you say to the world world, Kyle?

SPEAKER_02 24:54

What would I say to the world?

SPEAKER_06 24:56

Yeah. Um President Trump probably a rape joke last year.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Uh I don't know. Fucking uh Kamala.

SPEAKER_06 25:06

President Kamala.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

President Kamala. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 25:09

Probably uh What would you like to say to the world?

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Um stop fucking raping each other, stop fucking each other over. I don't know. It's not funny, but it's real.

SPEAKER_06 25:23

Stop raping each other is real. Stop doing that.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

See, my definition of rape is metaphorical. Right. You know, deeper than that.

SPEAKER_07 25:32

Be the change you want to see in the world. You gotta stop raping too, young brother. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:38

Be the change you want to see in the world, yeah. Lead the way. That's what I say. Did you Okay, that's the first thing on your heart. I love that. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 25:49

Such a good guy, Kyle.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

I'm su I'm such a good guy, everyone. Do you hear that? I'm such an awesome guy.

SPEAKER_06 25:56

Is Kyle not the best guy? We should we should work on your dating profile tonight.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

I don't want to do it tonight. Maybe some other time. My fucking therapist wants to fucking do it with me.

SPEAKER_05 26:08

That'll be fun.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that'll be awesome. Wait, girl input though.

SPEAKER_05 26:13

Trying to fucking put Oh, is it a girl therapist?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

It's a girl therapist.

SPEAKER_05 26:17

A tat.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Try and pull up. Yeah, she's cute. Fucking try and pull up my photos app and have her make sure she doesn't see all the tit pictures as I'm trying to find pictures of just me to put on my profile.

SPEAKER_06 26:31

Separate folder, you psycho.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Why? For what reason? I am the only one that goes through my phone. Ever.

SPEAKER_06 26:37

There's gonna be a girl here eventually.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

They say that, but place up in your phone.

SPEAKER_07 26:42

Wait. What if what if you got fuck you're walking down the street and a car runs your ass over and they have to open your fucking your mom is going to open your dead phone? You're gonna be dead. And your mom is going to open your phone. She's gonna look for pictures of you to put all these ways. I'm saying when he gets run over by a tr by a car when you're just walking down the street.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

I mean, realistically, yeah, there's a lot of pictures of big tits on my phone, but it could be so much worse.

SPEAKER_05 27:13

Why do you save them? Well, because why not? I I don't save. You should just Google. You shouldn't. You'll just find five times. Like you'll just save for new. I want new. I can't I can't go back to old. I'm jerked off of this. You don't hoard ones that are. I get like maybe three good pictures. They're really good, I'll uh never kinda don't rewind.

SPEAKER_07 27:34

It's gonna be really good. Never kinda don't rewind. I need a new picture, baby.

SPEAKER_05 27:41

I need the dopamine of the new picture.

SPEAKER_06 27:44

They have to be insanely good. Whatever that means. I love it.

SPEAKER_05 27:48

They have to be good camera, good lighting.

SPEAKER_06 27:51

I don't like too lighting.

SPEAKER_07 27:53

No, I'm give me real. I want like cave, dark, scary.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

You want like DIY. Yes. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 28:02

Indie. I'll take like the LED colored lights. Clean your mirrors is good. Clean your mirrors. Sound footage type, you know. Get your life together. Those tattoos look horrible. Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Paranormal activity type of fucking camera work, you know.

SPEAKER_06 28:17

Great movie. Love it. Seriously, that's kind of my thing.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Uh shit.

SPEAKER_06 28:22

Shout out to Flushlight, also sponsored by Flashlight. Do you still have it or do you throw it out?

SPEAKER_01 28:26

I threw it away.

SPEAKER_05 28:27

I threw mine out too. I threw it away before I came in.

SPEAKER_07 28:32

Wow. Yeah, of course. Whose variety? Whose variety?

SPEAKER_05 28:37

That was just the normal original. Cheap ass. Cheap ass next.

SPEAKER_07 28:41

If you're broke, just say it. Oh, and I got the lube bundle.

SPEAKER_05 28:45

I got it with lube bundle. Lube bundle. Hang on. The lube bundle. Yeah, it just comes with lube. Just comes with lube. Did you ever warm it up?

SPEAKER_06 28:54

No.

SPEAKER_07 28:55

Because I feel like that would that would take to the next level.

SPEAKER_06 28:57

You get the all-in bundle. It's like 120 plus shipping and handling. And it comes with lube, I think a brush or something.

SPEAKER_07 29:05

Well, I'm not going to like lube a liner and a name to scream. Into the pillow.

SPEAKER_06 29:17

It's literally like so much money.

SPEAKER_05 29:20

Well, and like the porn star ones, like, you're not going to fuck it and be like, this feels exactly like or uh Amber Reed or something. I'm not a cheater.

SPEAKER_06 29:27

I was a loyal guy. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 29:31

That is a good point. Like you can't be like, I'm gonna fuck this fleshlight and then oh, let me go actually fuck her to compare to see how accurate it is.

SPEAKER_06 29:40

You know what I mean? There's videos of that.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

There's videos of that? Kyle. Come on, man. Videos of what?

SPEAKER_06 29:47

We're in too deep. We're in deep waters. The pillow cube got me out of pornhole. Is this your goon cave? This is my goon cave. Dude, Nick is the one that told me about goon caves. The goon caves are awesome. It's so fun. So we were at work. We were at work and uh he's like, we were talking about Reddit, because there's like weird subreddits that we enjoy. Uh and there was one that was R slash goon caves. Goon referring to jacking off, and cave referring to like the area you do it in.

SPEAKER_05 30:21

Edging specifically, just edging.

SPEAKER_06 30:24

Like a ton of edging. Edging?

SPEAKER_05 30:27

Yeah. Are you an edger, Nick? I edge sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

You didn't know this? Oh, this is a whole character track.

SPEAKER_05 30:33

Nicky.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Nicki lives on the edge, dude.

SPEAKER_05 30:35

I'm in trying to cut down. I'm trying to cut down.

SPEAKER_06 30:37

He's trying to cut down.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

His favorite gym is the edge. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:42

Guys who have blazers, edge. That's true. They've always said that. I think that's a thing.

SPEAKER_07 30:49

The boots never come off. The boy's an edge on. The boots.

SPEAKER_06 30:53

The boot bar. Boots. I want to riff, guy. I'm trying to riff like I need to be better. You're good. How about this feels like it's an improv y? Like, you should be an improv guy, dude.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

I hate I what I'm getting. Gay? Fucking gay? Is that what you're saying I should be?

SPEAKER_07 31:09

You can get improv chicks. Yes, and that wear cattails.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:14

You can rip them off and do weird shit with them.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

I could. That is true. I don't know about bub plugs and shit. How about this? How about uh how about instead of the backstreet boys, it's the back shot boys, and they all just sing songs about fucking each other. That's pretty cool. You like that? Can I hear a song by them? Uh fucking. What was we did one a f like a while back. Uh I wasn't that gay.

SPEAKER_06 31:40

It was fucking, it was like uh why did Kyle just hit that dude?

SPEAKER_02 31:44

I got chords, bro. Dude. I got chords, bro.

SPEAKER_07 31:47

It's disgusting how good he is. Me and Kyle starting to ban deadass.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

We're starting a band, bro.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

No.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

I was thinking about this, bro, dude. Like, you know how a lot of like, you know, the like the super heavy hardcore bands just have like super like like the fonts, you can't even read them basically.

SPEAKER_06 32:04

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

What if you took like a super like metal font that you couldn't read and you just named your band Faggot? And like no one knew it. Until they got like really big and like popular.

SPEAKER_06 32:15

Because they can barely read the font.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

They like grandfathered themselves into it because of a fucking unleible font.

SPEAKER_07 32:20

So then they're but not sticker. Yeah, but Spotify.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

That is true, that is true. People would look at me like, wait.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

That could have worked back in the day. That could have worked back in the day.

SPEAKER_05 32:31

Wait, there's this one. It's like it's like an acronym, so it's like super fucking long. I love it. It's like, oh fuck, I gotta find it. It's like Free fucking closed.

SPEAKER_06 32:44

I listened to like some of that shit. It gets a little wild.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

It does. I just I don't know. I thought it was a good one.

SPEAKER_06 32:50

It's gone.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

But just imagine being like, yeah, to your friends, like, oh yeah, we're seeing faggot at Northerly Island next week. You know.

SPEAKER_06 32:58

I can't wait for that show.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

Dude, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be metal. Are you a faggot fan?

SPEAKER_06 33:06

They rip, dude. They rip.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

Dude, are you a faggot? You got the shirt?

SPEAKER_06 33:12

Since way before it was cool. No, me and Kyle are going to a hardcore show Sunday.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. I'm gonna lit I'm gonna get beat up.

SPEAKER_06 33:23

We're gonna see this band Candy in their fucking wild 400 capacity room.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

It's a little scary.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

I'm nervous. I am nervous.

SPEAKER_07 33:31

But where is it?

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Uh the subterranean.

SPEAKER_06 33:35

It's like in the city.

SPEAKER_07 33:36

It's gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_06 33:37

Yes, it will. So bad. Andy's gotten kicked in the head before. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Oh, I think you told me about that.

SPEAKER_06 33:44

Yeah. But I'm tall. You are tall as shit.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Oh yeah, no, I'm gonna be fucked.

SPEAKER_06 33:50

That's the only time it sucks being tall.

SPEAKER_07 33:52

Yeah. But it's actually cool because you can see, but it's like. Oh, you got kicked in the head? Yeah. There's just fucking bodies everywhere. People get thrown and shit.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

I mean, for most other concerts, it's nice because at least you can like get some fresh air and like see above everyone else. But in that specific fucking kind of show.

SPEAKER_06 34:11

Kyle and me, we went to see Lucky, and we got like VIP to meet him. And it was like so sick. But we met this girl in line that was like Kyle's perfect chick. Like in one. And I still think about her for you.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

And I'm such a retard. I was like, oh yeah, but his third album is the best one. You're not even thinking about me if I should get a number.

SPEAKER_06 34:36

No, but you guys were like connecting. They were like really like having a thing. Oh disappeared.

SPEAKER_07 34:43

What was that about? Why'd you just assault him? No, I'm not a podcast. No, I'm not assault.

SPEAKER_06 34:48

I don't mean to assault at all.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

I mean like. It wasn't an assault, just a reminder of the many failures I've had in my past. Oh, I've had several.

SPEAKER_07 34:55

I feel that I felt that exact pain, brother. Fuck. It'll take a long time.

SPEAKER_06 35:02

Did you ever go to the bar or something and completely fuck it up? Like with a girl.

SPEAKER_07 35:10

Uh I mean, as a young man, I kinda go back. Failure after failure after failure after failure as a young man. As since I since I got older, I was incredibly better. I don't know what it is about. But young man, I was fumblations. Girls are weird though.

SPEAKER_06 35:26

We hate girls on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Yeah, we are anti this is an anti-woman podcast. We steal money from the feminist uh organizations.

SPEAKER_07 35:36

Men's excellence.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

We actively steal money every week from the uh feminist uh rights organization.

SPEAKER_06 35:44

Car, you're gonna have to get two pillow cubes if you want a girl here. True. Yeah. You can't just sleep on one pillow cube, the both of you. Bro, a pillow cube is 160 goddamn dollars. You spent 160 on that bit.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Well, I got well, I got it for half off on Black Friday, so I paid 80, but usually it's 160.

SPEAKER_05 36:03

That's fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

For a damn pillow. That's like I mean this is nothing.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

I'm fucking.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

It's okay, but it's like nowhere near that.

SPEAKER_07 36:09

Yeah, like it looks like it sucks. It looks like it's overhyped, knocking on.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

It thousand percent is overhyped. How much was it? Uh I paid 80, but like usually it's after shipping 160.

SPEAKER_05 36:23

He definitely paid 160 and he doesn't want to fucking admit it.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

I'll show you the receipt faggot. No, you're gonna say listen, I tell I told I will tell you when I spend large amounts of money on stupid shit. There's no reason for me to lie about a pillow.

SPEAKER_06 36:39

Weed. Weed? Weed. Like how much a month? I'm saying like I spend a lot, you probably spend. More? Probably more than me.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

Yeah. A month, you're thinking?

SPEAKER_06 36:50

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

About as much as I spent on a certain spell or something. Dude.

SPEAKER_06 36:58

Can we know?

SPEAKER_02 37:00

Uh nah.

SPEAKER_06 37:02

It might be the best podcast topic ever and could set this podcast into the street. Have I not embarrassed myself enough in the last 37 minutes? Yeah, this is therapy.

SPEAKER_07 37:14

Did you say the exact thing?

SPEAKER_02 37:16

Well, now the fucking well, yeah. Well now it's a thing.

SPEAKER_05 37:20

You said it.

SPEAKER_02 37:20

I did say it. Okay, we're 40 minutes in.

SPEAKER_07 37:23

Sorry. You don't have to. People probably quit out already.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

No one's listening. Who cares?

SPEAKER_07 37:27

Be lame and not say it.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

So I'm a retard, and I met someone through a friend who is a self-proclaimed uh Spanish witch.

SPEAKER_07 37:35

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

And I paid a little bit too much money. And I paid a little bit too much money for her to put a quote unquote breakup spell on a certain person and her boyfriend. And it did not work.

SPEAKER_07 37:54

They're still together.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Fuck.

SPEAKER_07 37:58

You got tricked by a gypsy.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

I got tricked by more than a gypsy.

SPEAKER_07 38:03

Dude, we've all been tricked by gypsies in different ways. For 500 bones, though, I have been for sure. Have you ever gone to the strip club?

SPEAKER_02 38:12

That's fair. It's crazy. You know, some a lot of people go through life and then learn a bunch of different lessons, and then some people will just learn the same lesson over and over again.

SPEAKER_07 38:25

But that means you didn't learn it.

SPEAKER_02 38:28

Yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_07 38:29

So start learning. I like the way you live, though, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

I don't. It sucks.

SPEAKER_07 38:34

What if it worked out? What it still could how long is that. Yeah, you never specify what's kind of the time range of like when is it like, alright, it's probably it actually probably isn't gonna happen. Because I still think it could happen.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

I mean, it's been like five months. That's it? I mean, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 38:53

It's a breakup spell, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_06 38:58

You think it's still boiling in the mixture? Takes a while to break up. You think she's still stirring that pot?

SPEAKER_02 39:04

Still stirring the cauldron. It's still ruined.

SPEAKER_06 39:09

But when that bitch hits, though, are you gonna be ready? Because she's calling you.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

I mean, yeah. Well, I'm not feeling very faithful in that right now. Don't answer.

SPEAKER_07 39:20

We'll see. Don't answer, guys. I hate to be that guy, but it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 39:25

It's gonna happen, and the nukes are gonna drop and the world's over. Yeah. That's what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_07 39:30

That's gonna be his personal moment where his world's over. You're having your personal moment now. I had my yeah. We've all had them.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

You're lucky I'm so honest on this nothing podcast.

SPEAKER_06 39:42

I mean, dude, I talked about my breadstick thing. Your breadstick.

SPEAKER_07 39:45

Well, I wasn't recording, so you volunteered it. You were gonna. All intention was to be exposed. That's that's the thing. God did that for you.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

How about this? We'll try this one.

SPEAKER_06 39:58

How about uh shout out to God for real on that? I went to church.

SPEAKER_05 40:02

It was weird. I haven't been to church in forever.

SPEAKER_06 40:05

I went once like recently.

SPEAKER_05 40:07

How was it? What was it for?

SPEAKER_06 40:09

Uh I just went to like go connect with God in fashion.

SPEAKER_07 40:14

It's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_02 40:14

Talk to yourself. Yeah. Kind of thing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 40:18

How much longer? What wait, what is the what is the inside of your head sound like when you're at this church? What is it? Is it like just like your voice inside your head echoing off the walls like, so how much longer?

SPEAKER_06 40:29

Well, it's like so I walk in and I'm like, I hope someone doesn't walk up to me and be like, Oh, you're new here. Like, who are you? Like I had that. So you went alone? You didn't go with family? No, my girlfriend was with me, and my mother.

SPEAKER_05 40:40

Oh, that's a weird crap.

SPEAKER_06 40:41

Well, yeah, right. My mom's into that shit, kinda. So she was like hired to go, so we went. And I'm like, okay, hopefully someone doesn't come up to me. And I'm like, oh, it smells clean in here.

SPEAKER_05 40:51

Yeah, it always smells good.

SPEAKER_06 40:52

It does smell like clean and good. And it was like cool, it was like lit up. It was like a cool church by where we live. Which everyone knows where we live because all the 12 people. Anyway. Um inside of your head when you're at church for the first time.

SPEAKER_07 41:13

Oh, it was a nightmare. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 41:15

Well, some okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Can I rip a bit real quick? Let me rip a bit. How about this? Instead of uh that's so Raven, it's uh that's so they them. And it's about a woman that has uh visions of uh people harassing her when it never really happened, and then she fucking goes back and just tells on everyone. And she's trans or she could be trans, why not?

SPEAKER_06 41:38

Well, they them.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Well, is that the same thing? I don't even know if that's the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 41:43

I don't think you gotta be trans to be a they them.

SPEAKER_02 41:45

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_07 41:46

I don't know the science behind it, but I think it's just like Abraham, I'm they them though. I think that's kind of hard. Fuck. I'm trying to be an easy. That's why everyone does it, it's because it's so easy. I'm trying to be them. Don't try.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

You're never gonna win. It's impossible. So many things you're gonna memorize.

SPEAKER_07 42:06

Subra max is them, right?

SPEAKER_02 42:08

It's always the I'm gonna start doing that at work. It's like the Nasdaq 500. Like the number of genders are always going up, dude. You could like check online to like see what the current number of genders are.

SPEAKER_05 42:19

It just crashes after Trump becomes president.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:23

It's a great depression of perfect.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

But what happens when Kamala wins?

SPEAKER_07 42:28

Shit's gonna hit the fan, dude.

SPEAKER_05 42:30

Yeah, it's not gonna be good.

SPEAKER_07 42:31

Shit is shit is literally hitting the fan right now. We like don't have a president. One of the dudes that's running for it has been shot at twice. Yeah. The lady that's running has a different accent every fucking sound town that she goes in. She's not even a good thing. I do that though. I do that. Yeah, but I we shouldn't be president. Oh, hell no.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

You don't want me to be president. You can't be a you can't have a code switching president. I I be code switching, dog.

SPEAKER_07 42:57

I be code switching. It feels fake as hell. I suck. I'm a loser.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Are you are you gonna vote or? No. God.

SPEAKER_07 43:05

I don't think I'm gonna vote. So I have no reason to I have nothing. I have no leg to stand on.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

But I just I'm just ignorant. I I only care about myself. I don't care about what happens outside of my world, really.

SPEAKER_07 43:18

So choosing ignorance with politics. I love ignorance.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

I love being ignorant.

SPEAKER_07 43:22

It's very healthy.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

It really is, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 43:24

Kyle allegedly voted for Kanye.

SPEAKER_02 43:26

Oh yeah, that's right. Because uh last election my parents like forced me to vote and I really didn't want to. Mostly just because I was like, you know, like don't be t like making me do it. Like, if I want to do it, I'll do it. But it's like and then they're like telling me who to vote for and shit, and I'm like, okay, man. So just like out of spite, I was like, I just wrote in Kanye that year. I think he was running that year.

SPEAKER_06 43:49

Dude, you remember that forever.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

I'll remember that forever. I mean, not like it's gonna fucking change anything anyway. I'm one fucking person.

SPEAKER_07 43:57

What I wish Kyle made in a

SPEAKER_06 44:00

That's already decided.

SPEAKER_02 44:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:02

So I doesn't matter. Kyle, what's the first thing you do if you were president?

SPEAKER_05 44:07

Um lower the age of consent.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

Uh make women illegal.

SPEAKER_07 44:14

Hear them out though. I'm kinda into that.

SPEAKER_06 44:17

You have to cut their heads off.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

Yeah, but then it's gonna get gay pretty fast, I feel like.

SPEAKER_06 44:25

Within minutes.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Within minutes, bro. They're like, dude, what does this mean? We have to fuck each other now.

SPEAKER_06 44:33

Till we die.

unknown 44:34

Do we all die?

SPEAKER_02 44:36

I think so. Everyone just fucks each other to death. That's the end of the world. And it's coming soon. It's coming soon. That's Kamala's America, everybody. It's vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote.

SPEAKER_05 44:50

Joy vibes. State mandated gayness. Scary.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

Ooh, I think my wife cheated on me with a black guy. She's been acting distant. And every time the wind blows, her pussy makes a sound like a glass jug. Sounding like ooh.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

How's that?

SPEAKER_06 45:21

Yeah. No bullshit. Probably the best bet you've ever done about this. Not even kidding.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Good. I'm glad you like it.

SPEAKER_06 45:29

That was mind-blowing. I'm glad you liked it. That's going in the act.

SPEAKER_02 45:33

I'm glad you liked it.

SPEAKER_06 45:34

Screaming in the mic.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

My bad. A lot a lot of lot of uh lot of uh shitty ones, but some of them are winners, you know?

SPEAKER_07 45:43

You have that was a home run. That was a home run.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Good.

SPEAKER_06 45:48

Outstanding performance.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate that. Alright, man. We're fucking tired. We're tired. Getting late. I'm just gonna start fucking running through bits. Um, okay. How about uh fuck I had one that I wanted to fucking do? I'm late. Oh yeah, you know what I wanted to talk about? So remember, okay, we came up with this idea like a long time ago. I wanted to like make like a like a drama about competitive shitting.

SPEAKER_07 46:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Right? Like I want like Scorsese, I want like Scorsese to direct it. You know what I mean? I wanted to like like you never you're never goofy at any point in the movie, but just the whole concept of it is goofy, but you're serious the whole time, you know?

SPEAKER_06 46:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

And we had come up with this idea before. And I was thinking about this. Like, you know, at the like the uh you know, every movie there's like a point where you like, you know, you come to a loss, but then there's like a turning point, and it's like, you know what I mean? I was thinking, right, that like, you know, maybe he gets kicked out of, you know, the shitting competition or something. But one day he's like so depressed that uh he was just drinking, you know, at it at the apartment by himself, and he goes to take a shit like a drunken shit, but then he looks behind him and he realizes it's a perfect shit, right? Competitively. Like perfect size, perfect roundness, perfect everything.

SPEAKER_06 47:17

No lumps.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

No, no lumps. So he's like, oh my god, and he reaches into the toilet and grabs it, and he like runs to like the shit committee with the toilet like with the turd to show it to them and be like, look, look at the turd that I fucking produced. Like, this is competition worthy. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 47:37

I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

I mean, listen, we gotta get the money to like fund this kind of thing. Right. But which is gonna be tough. It's gonna be a tough sell. But it's loosely based on my life. Loosely based on my life.

SPEAKER_07 47:51

Doesn't have my huge turds.

SPEAKER_02 47:53

It might be tough to sell to uh sell Scorsese a shit drama, but like it'll get old as shit and be like senile and we'll be able to. Yeah, just wait till he's like by just wait till he's like can't think for himself.

SPEAKER_05 48:05

And we'll be like, Marty, we got a hot one for you. Listen. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 48:12

Like, hey, before you go, we need your help with this little project we're doing.

SPEAKER_06 48:17

If you had to make a movie, oh my god, Kyle's movie would be great.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

Uh, I got a lot of movie ideas.

SPEAKER_06 48:24

I need a cantoway production ASAP.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

I had this. Um, you know, this is um emotionally charged, but I had an idea. What if what how about this? How about an episode of Shark Tank where a guy comes on and he's like, hi sharks. Today I have an invention. I invented a woman that takes accountability when she's wrong.

SPEAKER_06 48:48

I like it.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

Yeah, I mean, this is the part of the podcast where we just fucking preposterous.

SPEAKER_07 48:55

That's what Mr. Wonderful would say. Preposterous. No way.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

This is a scam, for sure. Uh, you good, Liam?

SPEAKER_06 49:04

Okay, I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

You're looking up at the sky for a second there.

SPEAKER_06 49:07

I was taking in the moment. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

We're all a little too sauced up right now. It's fine. It's late at night.

SPEAKER_06 49:18

These things happen, guys.

SPEAKER_02 49:20

These things happen, bro.

SPEAKER_06 49:23

Fucking What's your last message to the world, Kyle?

SPEAKER_02 49:28

My last message to the world? Didn't you already ask me this?

SPEAKER_06 49:31

No.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Um I'm gay. Yes, and I finally cashed that. And retarded. I'm gay and retarded. That's my last message to the world. Fuck, dude. Well. Alright, well, here, let me fucking Okay. How about this? How about Okay.

SPEAKER_06 49:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

How about um 11 listeners?

SPEAKER_06 50:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:02

Uh how about the how about the wiggles? Right? How about the wiggles, right? Remember the wiggles? And half of them are women now, right? And everyone's like wiggles. And everyone's like, they're trans? Like what? You know what I mean? Or how about or what about what if they uh what if they all wore like purple suits and w and like sang soul songs and they like taught kids how to steal catalytic converters. And I think I you know what the name of the group would be called.

SPEAKER_06 50:35

What would that be, guys?

SPEAKER_02 50:36

Uh well, you know, I don't want to say it, but like it starts with a certain word, the certain first half of a certain word, and it rhymes. You know, I think you know where we're going.

SPEAKER_07 50:48

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_07 50:50

Spell check.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

I love how this this podcast is just me making racist jokes and then you looking awkwardly around the room.

SPEAKER_06 51:00

It's the best.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

It's fine. I underst I get it. I get it. It's fine. It's not comfortable. It's gonna get worse though.

SPEAKER_06 51:06

That's our dynamic. It works.

SPEAKER_02 51:09

I mean, it doesn't. We have 12 listeners, but we'll get there. We'll get there, yeah. Once we uh once we uh reach our target audience, I believe.

SPEAKER_06 51:20

I think we should have meetings. Meetings?

SPEAKER_02 51:23

We should have meetings. I think we're doing one right now. To do topics. We could do that. We could do that. I'm de I'm down. Fuck honestly, fuck it. I have a whiteboard.

SPEAKER_06 51:34

You should get a smart board. Make it a damn show, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Make it a damn show, dude. I'm down. Alright. I came up with this a while back. Um, so I used to be afraid of black people because I, you know, I thought they all had nine inches on them, right? But really I'm afraid of them because they all have nine millimeters on them. Come on, there's something to that, and you know it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 52:01

Incredible racist joke.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

That's the thing. That's how you get away with it. There has to be something to it.

SPEAKER_06 52:08

Say when it's good. My grandpa would have really loved you. Oh man. And it's a math thing, and I don't like math, but it's still funny.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Uh yeah. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:20

Metrics.

SPEAKER_07 52:21

Shout out. Metric systems. Pemdas. Please excuse my dear end. Geometry. I don't know. Same ass word, Nick. Uh dumbass. Fuck. Parables. No, no. Awesome. You're fucking me off. Geometry. Same. Paragarian theorem. Fuck. I was supposed to say. That's a bad word. I thought you were smart, Nick.

SPEAKER_02 52:49

What is going on in there?

SPEAKER_05 52:50

A variable. Variable. Variable.

SPEAKER_03 52:52

That's science.

SPEAKER_07 52:53

Integer. Exponent.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

You go. How about square root? How about um. How about how about uh about pie? You can't think of pie? That's a math word. That's a math word. It is a math word. I mean, if you want to count. What other word is it?

SPEAKER_07 53:17

You say five. You can't be so snappy with your next letter. She's gonna run away if you're so snappy.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

I have a problem. Okay. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_07 53:26

You're working on it. Can I go?

SPEAKER_02 53:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 53:29

Isosceles triangle.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_07 53:32

That's geometry. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

It's math. It's part of math. It was a math class. It's part of math.

SPEAKER_05 53:37

We'll leave that up to the geniuses in Washington.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

Carry over. Like when you do long division. Okay, that's strong. That's a stress. Why? Because it's split? It's still a math term. It's still a math term.

SPEAKER_05 53:54

We're talking words, not terms.

SPEAKER_02 53:56

Alright. I guess that's fair.

SPEAKER_07 53:58

It's like, what if I said 531808? Yeah. Y'all ever play Scrabble with a hoe?

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Oh boy. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 54:09

How about this? How about instead of broke back mountain, it's big back mountain. It's just a bunch of fat gay cowboys fucking each other the whole time.

SPEAKER_05 54:18

Ram Ram.

SPEAKER_02 54:19

I mean, it's not that good, but it's like I thought it was.

SPEAKER_06 54:24

Fat Mexican girls. Okay. Have some tortas. That sucked your best dick, apparently. That's what my coworker told me.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

I mean, I could see it.

SPEAKER_06 54:32

So shout out to y'all.

SPEAKER_07 54:33

Nice lips. How about formula? Does formula count? Formula.

SPEAKER_06 54:36

I don't say that counts.

SPEAKER_07 54:37

What counts?

SPEAKER_06 54:39

As a math word?

SPEAKER_05 54:41

Rise. As overrun.

SPEAKER_06 54:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 54:44

That's carry over. That's another carryover.

SPEAKER_06 54:46

Integer? Did we say that? Integer? Oh, okay. Fuck.

unknown 54:51

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 54:53

Sorry. No, you're fine.

unknown 54:56

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 54:57

My bad, y'all. You're good. You're good, dude. Nah, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_06 55:05

I'm staring at the knife on the bed right now.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

The damn knife is distracting down there.

SPEAKER_06 55:11

It's getting more ominous. Is that the same? Is that piece of wood? It's like a cutting board. Is it like a little desk? It's a side table.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

It just hooks around so it's able to like hover over. I got it from Walmart.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

That's cool, actually.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

It's nice, but I fucking hit my arms on it all the time. I just have no room.

SPEAKER_01 55:27

You sleep with your head here?

SPEAKER_02 55:28

I have been because I can put the fan there.

SPEAKER_05 55:31

And I have that.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

I did. I don't like it either, but it's like you said, it's like it's hot as fuck in this room. I have to, my hand has to be right by the fan.

SPEAKER_05 55:39

That's dangerous, the feng shui.

SPEAKER_06 55:41

Oh, so it's just the feng shui is dangerous, dude. It's blowing directly in your face.

SPEAKER_05 55:46

If you switch positions, your life will change, I guarantee.

SPEAKER_07 55:50

Yeah, you're facing into a corner every night of your life, dude. Why are you punishing yourself? What did you do wrong? You don't need to stand in the corner.

SPEAKER_06 55:58

It's okay with it. The other way you're gonna meet a girl at a grocery store. I've tried both ways. I've tried both ways. Y'all have massive veiny jugs that are like leaking milk, which are Kyle's favorite.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

And it's hot as fuck in this room, so they're gonna be sweaty. It's vaulting.

SPEAKER_07 56:15

You guys go to Jewel and weigh them in those fucking things that are like the scales that they look like. She pops it out and she drops it into the.

SPEAKER_02 56:23

Wasn't Hulk Hogan at the Jewel?

SPEAKER_07 56:26

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

It was a Jewel? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 56:28

I'm gonna fight. Yeah, Blackport Jewel. One of my old buddies took a picture with him today. He was a Jewel. Oh, that was today.

SPEAKER_02 56:38

I think it was.

SPEAKER_05 56:39

I saw He's going, he's doing a tour of Illinois. He'll he'll be somewhere else.

SPEAKER_07 56:45

Brother, I'm gonna be here. Good, good bit. But for real though. That's a dude I take a picture with. Hulk Hogan's cool. That's a cool dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:55

Hulk Hogan's cool. You ever rip your shirt like he does? You ever do that?

SPEAKER_05 57:00

I didn't. I had like a super worn-out shirt. I just fucking ripped it.

SPEAKER_06 57:03

In your room by yourself? I did that with a hoodie one. Did you film it? That's cool.

SPEAKER_05 57:07

I shut up. I would have looked sick. You could have made money. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 57:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 57:13

Can we get dark for a second? Can I make a dark one? Yes.

SPEAKER_07 57:16

Whoa, let's do something different.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

So I was watching you ever watched that show on Night Watch? Where it's like they follow like EMTs and shit in New Orleans?

SPEAKER_06 57:26

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

Yeah. So I was watching that. And I guess there was like some woman that like miscarried while she was on the toilet. Which is like really fucked up, you know. What? But you know, and it was like super sad and shit, but I I for a second I couldn't help but think it would have been kind of funny if right before like the baby came out, she like was just like and just like had a huge fart and was like, oh finally. Listen, I told you what it was, man. Don't look at me like that.

SPEAKER_00 58:06

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

I told you what it was.

SPEAKER_07 58:09

How does that enter your mind? What you can you go through your creative process?

SPEAKER_02 58:14

Dude, these it just comes to me, man. I don't know. It just comes to I literally thought that when I was fucking watching that.

SPEAKER_07 58:21

You heard it here first.

SPEAKER_06 58:23

Kyle has this like beautiful white trash like Marilyn Manson like brain that I racist, homophobic.

SPEAKER_07 58:36

No racist joke loving.

SPEAKER_02 58:38

Yeah. I'm not actually I don't feel like I'm actually racist, but it's like, you know, the jokes are so easy to make. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 58:47

You're not racist, you have a black friend.

SPEAKER_02 58:50

Yeah, yeah, right? I have one questionable black listener, which makes me nervous, but shout out to him.

SPEAKER_06 58:58

Shout out to the bro.

SPEAKER_07 59:01

Shout out to hopefully her.

SPEAKER_06 59:03

Can we get him on the podcast? And then I'll be like Andrew Schultz, and I'll be like, yeah, what's up, bro?

SPEAKER_02 59:09

Hey, uh, I got this podcast. We need a token black guy. Do you want to come on for no pay at all? Right.

SPEAKER_04 59:19

Have you had any POCs on this podcast?

SPEAKER_02 59:21

Not even close.

SPEAKER_04 59:22

Fuck no, man.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

Not even close. Long ways from that, dude.

SPEAKER_04 59:26

BIPAC.

SPEAKER_02 59:28

What's up?

SPEAKER_04 59:28

BIPAC. They would like to eat in here.

SPEAKER_06 59:31

They would like to be in here more than me. Yes. But you do love the heat. You should get someone in here. We that's what we need. Culture. Deep rich culture. We don't have that. That's why we lost puppies. Yeah. Yeah. Well then I gotta throw away half my chuck.

SPEAKER_02 59:48

What's up? Then I gotta throw away half my chuck. Yeah, yeah. Whole new chuck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:53

Whole new five. Really puts you in a corner. Dude, it's been good though.

SPEAKER_02 59:59

Oh I like doing, I don't know. I like I've been doing the J Leno voice lately. I gotta hear this. Have you ever done the J you know the Jay Leno? You ever heard of this guy's? You know, you know you ever see that commercial that he did with like the Cheez Its or whatever?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

Yeah, he's like Cheeset's. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, cheeses, you know, they're a little salty, a little cheesy, a little fuck me in my ass, and it'll go easy.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:21

That's awesome. I want Cheeses. He's a weird looking dude, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:26

I mean, obviously that's not like a new obser observation. So like does he even do anything now?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:32

He does that car show.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:34

Oh, he does that car show. Yeah, he almost got like burned alive. Did he really?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:40

Yeah. No shit. His car was like started on fire or some shit when he was in the garage. No shit, bro. Yeah, fucked up. I think he's fine now though. Damn. Yeah, fucked up.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:49

Fucked over, Conan. Did he really? Yeah, he really fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:53

How?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:54

Because like he kept like taking back the uh what's the show he's on? Late show? I think so. Yeah, like it Conan was gonna take over. And he's like, actually I'm coming back. Leno, Leno's coming back. Oh really? And he just kept fucking doing it. Oh really? And then Conan like left for TBS. Damn. I like Conan. Conan's fine. He's the only guy. Conan's cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:18

Conan's cool.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:23

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:24

How much more energy do you guys have? Almost none. None? Okay. Um. Yeah. We're officially a third of the way into the podcast episode. Uh, it is getting late though.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:45

Um I don't know. This is what they've been craving.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Back to being fucking all by myself, bro. I was I was thinking though. I was thinking though. Oh fuck. I I would I kind of This is what we're getting into it.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:01

You have to go through those moments to get to this.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:04

Well, I mean it's not I was I was you have fish, don't you? Like fish? Mm-hmm. Like I was uh honestly, I was low-key thinking about getting a fish.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:13

So you'd shit on me for having fish.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:15

I yeah, after I did shit on you for I will admit that. What are you saying for?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:19

Yeah, what did he say? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:20

You just said they're gay and personally.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:24

But I was thinking about I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:25

I kind of want to get like a chick lid, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:28

Those breed a lot. You'll have like a shit ton.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

Those breed a lot. They are like cool looking though. Get a fucking beta. And you can't fucking like put them in the same tank with each other, right? They'll fight each other.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:41

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:41

Beta rules, yeah. They're like black people. If you put them in the same section, they'll just all kill each other.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:46

Yeah. It's a little mini O Black on your shelf.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:51

The silence is appropriate. Dude, bro, say something. I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:01

I don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

I don't know what to respond to. I love making you guys uncomfortable. I really do.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:07

I don't really get uncomfortable, but I just don't know how to respond to it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:11

I mean, that's fair.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:13

It sucks the air out of the room. It sucks the air out of the room.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:17

It's already fucking hot in here, too. Horrible. So hot. It's like 90 degrees in here. Dying. It's too fucking hard in this fucking room.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:26

It's kind of funny.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:28

It's mo it's most of the problem. Yeah. A lot of pressure. I'm sweating right now.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:34

It feels like what I imagine like the inside of my nutsack feels like. This like humidity and like. It is tough. This is what my inside of my nuts feels like.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:45

My nuts get the craziest stink going when I'm sweating at work. Jeans on. It's just like the stink that develops. I just this is a new thing in life. It hasn't always been like this.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:03

No.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:03

I need that.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:04

I I it's called happy nuts. I get it off Amazon. What?

SPEAKER_07 1:04:08

There's like a man's like a happy nuts.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:13

I swear to God, it's literally I need it. It's literally a like uh Is that like gonna kill me? A cream but turns into a powder. Science. Fuck out of here. Science, happy nuts, shut up.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

Does it have menthol in it?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:27

Nah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:28

I honestly like I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:30

You had a menthol issue.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:31

Well, listen, no, because you eat gold bond powder that comes with a little bit of menthol in it. And at first I was like, oh, this is weird, but then later you're like, oh, it's actually kind of nice and refreshing. Yeah. And then you become accustomed to it. You know.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:44

I d I do feel fresh.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:46

Do you?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:47

I would walk around. It is a nice fresh. I was chilling. There you go. That's good. I felt like I could.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:53

Were you wearing jeans or shorts? Yeah, I was wearing jeans.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:55

Oh my god, dude, I need happy nuts. Dude, for real.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:01

I got the sheath underwear. I don't really I don't know. What is that like? I have never dad. It's an odd feeling. Dude, I'm territory.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:11

Yeah. Yeah, but then your dicks like basically sticks out. Yeah. You can't wear sweatpants. Automatic boner because you're through a hole. Yeah. So like if you wear sweatpants, dude, you're done.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:23

It's like you're showing your you're showing your dick print to your bae.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:26

Straight up dick print, like but it's like tennis.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:28

You get like a tennis. Yes. Tenis fit. Yeah. It's tough. Oh, oh, it's this little mouse. I didn't even think that. It's like it's like straight up, so it's not it's not like building on your leg or anything.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:38

It's a button that no one wants to push. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:44

It's a button you better not push. Did you ever like twist him around, throw the balls in the front?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:50

Dude, you want to hear something fucked up? We me and my girlfriend were mini golfing like two weeks ago. Nice. And she was like, we were waiting in line or whatever. And she showed me a TikTok. It was she's into like true crime and shit. And it was some weird ass dude that would like capture women and put him in a basement. And he made this tape for them. And the tape would be like, you would be bound and gagged and fucked daily. And like all these rules and shit. Fucked up shit, right? And I kept the whole time we were mini-golfing. I just keep saying like lines that he said in his voice. And it was like the best bit of all time. I was like loving my life. It was amazing. You had to be there.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:37

I wish you guys were there. It definitely made some of her shots worse. I I did what? Let's see. By two. That's the art of war right there. Two strokes. Two strokes. Two strokes. That's all it takes.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:50

Two strokes. You have to beat your girlfriend at everything.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:54

If she beats you at anything, you have to break up with her because you are not enough of a man to hold that bitch down. Literally, if she beats you at anything. Yeah. Accept an argument. Yeah, you can't let it.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:06

I think we're gonna wrap this up soon, but Kyle's wrapping it up.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:10

Not right. I mean. I don't know. I'm I'm tired, bro.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:14

Let's wrap it to it. Thank you guys for listening. If one person made it this far, congratulations. What about this?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:23

How about seek help?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:26

They would have been a therapist go see somebody. Go see somebody for real.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:31

How about this? How about instead of uh Apocalypse Now? You know that movie Apocalypse Now? Instead, it's my cock your lips now. And it's just like a guy that like goes around like forcing them to suck his dick.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:45

Wouldn't girls bite it?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:48

Yeah. That's what I would do.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:50

If I was getting face fucked when I didn't want to, I would bite that. Think about it. I was like, damn, what in the fuck? You're not throating me. No, you're not eating on my face. No. You're not doing it. Like, I'm not letting you. You're not doing it. That would suck. I'm finding a dude. I can't even brush my tongue crazy without gagging. I don't know how girls do that shit, man. Shout out to girls.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

Just practice, right? Isn't it like a practice thing?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:23

Don't know. I hope not. That's what I've heard. I hope I never find out.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:27

Not that I wouldn't know myself, but naturally gifted it before. She's just a natural. Hopefully. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:37

Alright. You know, the energy is good right now, dude. Right. We're flowing, bro. So, alright. I'm gonna think I'm gonna wrap it up. You guys cool with that?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:47

No. Yeah. Thank you, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:49

Alright. Fucking gay. I'm gay, whatever. Who cares?