Episode 16 - Mr. Smith Goes To Palestine

back from our accidental hiatus; we discuss our new movie franchise idea, and ben shapiro finds a new hobby

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

No one told me things were gonna be this gay. He shoved his cock inside my asshole in my face.

SPEAKER_04 0:16

And that's that. That's that. That's the amount of effort that gets put into this week's intro.

SPEAKER_14 0:23

Wow. Wow. Wow. We're back. Horrible hanging.

SPEAKER_04 0:28

Who are you trying to do right now?

SPEAKER_14 0:30

Why is it still playing? A little bit of Aaron Wilson right now.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

A little bit of Owen Wilson right now.

SPEAKER_14 0:34

Erin Wilson? You're here. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Just slowly sit your slowly sit down on it.

SPEAKER_14 0:43

This is Aaron Wilson. I'm here with Yankee Candle. And we're doing a big piece on gay sex. Because we're back, boys. We're doing a movie called Marley and Me Too. We're doing Marley and Me Too. This one's even more sad because the dog's gonna kill itself. Yeah, because I see the wife doesn't know, but I'm fucking the dog.

SPEAKER_04 1:05

That's the big twist of Marley and Me too.

SPEAKER_14 1:08

I'm fucking the dog and the wife doesn't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:11

I'm fucking the dog and he doesn't know.

SPEAKER_14 1:12

She's anti-fawn.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

Boring. Boring. What a fucking dumb bitch.

SPEAKER_10 1:19

You don't even let me she doesn't even let me fuck the dog. Fucking vanilla bitch. I can't stand this vanilla bitch.

SPEAKER_13 1:27

She doesn't even let me fuck the dog.

SPEAKER_04 1:30

Oh fuck, dude. Yeah, we've had guests on for the last like five fucking episodes, I think.

SPEAKER_10 1:37

So we've been guest heavy.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

I'm glad to be back. Back to the OG.

SPEAKER_10 1:43

We've hit some hot gentlemen in the cut.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

No, we're good. We're still having a guest on. I didn't fucking spend this money on these mics for nothing, doggy. It's beautiful. It is beautiful. But I like getting back to our roots, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:54

Yeah, I mean you're just jealous. You're a jealous lover and you can't share me. Which I get. You're worried that I'm wasting all my good bits on our dumb fuck friends. Yeah. To make them laugh. And you just want me to make you laugh as I sit next to you on this couch and rub your cock. A little bit, that's true. You got some truth to that.

SPEAKER_04 2:12

It's just what it is. No, honestly, what I was thinking is like fucking. I might have told you this on Friday or whatever. But I was thinking if we have more people on, fucking just like let it go how it goes, and then once people kind of tire out and burn out, then just start ripping bits. Rip bits. That might be the next, you know, move or whatever.

SPEAKER_10 2:32

I want to do the shroom cast. You want to do a shroom cast? I want to do a shroom cat with real shrooms.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

See, my thing with that is though, is like if you want to do it, I can. But like, and I was I felt like I felt great afterwards, but my thing is I can't feel great because first I had to be curled up in a ball in a dark room.

SPEAKER_11 2:49

See, I think that's gonna be what makes it fun. Maybe. Because we can have our mental undoing live on mic. Dude, I would listen to that. Everybody wants a mental undoing.

SPEAKER_04 2:59

Well, I wasn't even saying anything. I was just overwhelmed by lights and sounds.

SPEAKER_11 3:03

Yeah, but when you're forced to say something, that's when the good stuff comes up.

unknown 3:08

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

Yeah, a lot of force behind our four listeners that are listening.

SPEAKER_11 3:14

Noah listening to our mental breakdown as he drives to work. That raw.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

I think our most consistent listener right now is Liam, is from what I understand.

SPEAKER_10 3:22

Shout out to Liam. Shout out Liam. Me and Liam have chemistry, like Nicki Naples and Mindy Rain. It's just what it is. Beautiful, beautiful chemistry. If only we were getting it.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Like fucking uh fucking uh who has good chemistry.

SPEAKER_10 3:36

Who has good peanut butter?

SPEAKER_04 3:37

Like like like uh like Ross and and who's the fucking bitch that Ross is fucking? I've only seen a few episodes.

SPEAKER_14 3:46

Lisa Coudreau. Lisa Coudre, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

Fucking Phoebe.

SPEAKER_05 3:50

Maybe not my type.

SPEAKER_14 3:52

No, she's white! Ew!

SPEAKER_04 3:57

Fuck, she's white. She looks like she could have been on the W NBA roster for this year. To me. Shout out to Cameron. But also I see things through a very uh judgmental lens, as you know. Do you think that? Has anybody ever told you that? It's been noted by some people.

SPEAKER_11 4:14

I don't find you to be that judgmental.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Oh, I'm I'm Judge Judy.

SPEAKER_11 4:19

You are a little bit Judge Judy. I'm Judge Judy. You're a little bit Judge Judy.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

You've got the right amount of math that's in you, too. I there's a balance you want to find. Yeah. Here's my thing. Is I'm judgmental and I can be an asshole, but I also feel bad afterwards, so it's also like, you know what I mean? I can't double down on it. You know what I mean? I can't stand on business when I'm being an asshole. I call you a dumb fuck for the things that you do, but I feel bad about it actually.

SPEAKER_10 4:45

I mean basically the dream man.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

That's kind of how it is.

SPEAKER_10 4:49

Ladies, he's the dream man. That's what I'm trying to do. You know, I like to be a bit like a big thing. I call you a fat bitch, but then I don't feel bad about it.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

They call me an ugly faggot, but you know, other than that.

SPEAKER_10 5:01

But I don't really mean it. I only mean it in the moment. Honestly. For the anger.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Oh bro. We're both fucking I'm a little high right now, dude.

SPEAKER_10 5:14

Really?

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 5:15

Sober as a yudge right now.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

Yeah, right. It's terrible. This is uh I think we're gonna make this a two-party. We're gonna split this between a few days, so I'm sure you'll see the jump.

SPEAKER_10 5:24

There's gonna be a check-in. There's gonna be multiple check-ins.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

There'll be a uh there'll be a few.

SPEAKER_11 5:30

We have to get this done because the boy's leaving. The boy is spreading his wings and flying off to the New York City.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

I mean, you make it sound like I'm moving there to excel my comedy career. I'm going there for three days. You're going there to see to see a Legion of Skanks.

SPEAKER_10 5:42

And excel your comedy career.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

I mean, yeah, I dude, I'm bringing some cards. I'm bringing cards, and I'm bringing them to the Legion of Skanks. No one's gonna scan them. I'm sure not. But you know what? It's the whole it's a numbers game, right? It's the process.

SPEAKER_10 5:57

It's the process. That's what he says with the women. That's what he does say. A lot of people say that actually.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

The number for me is zero. Because they all suck. That basically has been my experience, too. What I've been saying is it's like multiplying any number by zero.

SPEAKER_14 6:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

It's a numbers game, and you multiply any number you'd like by zero.

SPEAKER_10 6:26

There was some black dude that was just on Rogan that was trying to say that one times one equals two.

SPEAKER_11 6:31

Oh, that's Terrence Howard.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

You know he's known for having a little dick?

SPEAKER_11 6:35

I f no, news to me. You didn't know that? No.

SPEAKER_04 6:38

No, yeah, he's got because here's what happened with him. He like got divorced and he he's like freaked out. He's like, My wife's gonna tell everyone about my little dick. He's gonna expose me. She spoke on his penis. Well, she said that, but then later on he went and took a role where he did a nude scene. Oh, and then everyone just saw it for themselves, and they're like, Oh yeah, you know those.

SPEAKER_10 6:57

Damn, she wasn't lying. He did hit her.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

Yeah, but I mean at that point it's kind of on you. It's not like that video leaked. That's a you could go on Max and watch that movie.

SPEAKER_11 7:07

I wish I had the confidence, dude, to just act with my small bird out.

SPEAKER_10 7:12

I guess. I mean.

SPEAKER_13 7:13

Nude's scene, small bird.

SPEAKER_11 7:15

I don't know. That's a level I could never reach. I'd be f I'd be jelking for six months before the parking before the bit. I mean, yeah, you know what jelking is? Yes. Have you ever gotten into that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

Oh, I we'll get into that later.

SPEAKER_11 7:29

Get into that.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

We'll get into that later. Down with the jelks. I got a fucking I got a few bits on our fucking. I mean, none of them are ever any fucking good. But oh my shit sucks, dude. It's not supposed to be good. It's called the horrible hang. Bro, I really wish fucking I don't think this is Liam.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

Liam said he heard it from somewhere, and I wish he had said it on the pod when we were recording, but it was a lot, but it it's something about, you know, gang raping a girl and then all the guys afterwards go chanting O'Doyle rules. Yeah. I don't remember the full there's listen, there's a setup to that, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_13 8:06

I just heard the highlights, but Yeah, that's kind of that was more of a Kyle lead-in. Yeah. Starting with the gang rape.

SPEAKER_04 8:14

I mean, listen, man, we're episode 16. If you don't, you know what it is by now.

SPEAKER_13 8:19

The episode is almost the episodes are almost legal. Our pod is almost legal, folks. Yeah. Not quite. The pod can drive me. Not according to Diddy, but yes, according to Diddy is what I meant.

SPEAKER_10 8:30

It's very legal according to Diddy.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

Yeah, it's very legal according to Diddy. It is legal in uh in Boston, too. Really? Yeah. That's where the whole premise of Boston rules came from, don't you remember?

SPEAKER_10 8:43

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, I'm surprised you were in New York. Just going to catch a game at Fenway. Right there. Guys.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Guys, it's right there.

SPEAKER_10 8:54

I saw the town and now I'm really into Southie.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

No, listen, listen. We could get it, we could fucking get a train, be back in fucking 40 minutes. Top skipping and just saying, why not check it out? Why not check out more with our time? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11 9:09

Yeah, I mean it's just about life's experiences, right?

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 9:14

Oh man. Officer, I only did it because I wanted more life experience. How do I know that I'm not supposed to rape if I don't have that experience?

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Listen, I didn't have anything to do.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

I was bored. Listen, you know, you know, they say the idol's the the idol hands are the devil's playground, right? And my hands were awful idle. Oh, yeah. And the devil was, you know, it was the first day of spring for the idol.

SPEAKER_05 9:41

For the devil. Fuck. I can fuck it all my way. Damn it. Oh, bro. Oh, we're having we're having a little bit of fun, right?

SPEAKER_09 9:51

Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck it. We're so back.

SPEAKER_05 9:53

We're so back, dude. I'm sure when we record the second half of this episode at midnight on Friday, we'll have even more energy. I'm sure it's gonna be awesome. I'm sure it's gonna be great. It always is. I gotta be fucking. I'll be a fucking up that whole night, though. I know, it's fine. Might as well take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_04 10:14

Well, I always like even like last night, I'm always like I am sweating like a whore in church right now. I apologize.

SPEAKER_10 10:22

Uh, we'll take a break in a sec. It's just by pits right now. It's not even by being hot. No, it's mean.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

It's me too. Is that what only pit sweat means? Is that your nerves?

SPEAKER_11 10:30

Only sweat for me is nerves.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Well, because I get only pit sweat a lot.

SPEAKER_11 10:34

Really?

SPEAKER_04 10:34

So yeah, what does that say?

SPEAKER_11 10:35

For me, I've pinpointed his nerves. You just might be a nervous bird. You eat a lot of chicken?

SPEAKER_04 10:39

I mean, I guess.

SPEAKER_11 10:40

Chickens are nervous birds. Cut back on that.

SPEAKER_04 10:44

Where was that fucking from, dude?

SPEAKER_11 10:46

Jim Harbaugh said that. It's a nervous bird. He's like, I don't want my players to eat chicken. It's a nervous bird. I have heard that before. But he's came around on chickens now. He loves his team to eat chickens. But they're actually a beautiful creature.

SPEAKER_05 11:02

Oh bro. Fucking. I had this one. I think I told you this before, but I was having fun with this.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

I realized uh ESPN just sounds like uh like a nervous Mexican guy saying he is peeing.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

ESPN.

SPEAKER_04 11:17

ESPN ESPN.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

ESPN deporte.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

Hey, hey, where where's uh where's Carlos? ASPN? ASPN is it bota body? It's beautiful. It is beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

It was more just a little quick fun one. It's gonna be a lot of dead air in this episode, guys. It is what it is. We've been gone for a while. Yeah, it is what it is, bro.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

Fuck, dude. I hate everything, bro.

SPEAKER_11 11:45

I've been thinking about like this guy watching porn, but he's afraid that people are spying on him. Okay. So like he points, he has to like watch it while the phone's at like almost an angle perpendicular, well, uh parallel to the ceiling, so you can't so you can't see his face.

SPEAKER_06 12:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 12:03

Because he's so worried. He won't just put a band-aid over the screen or over the camera. So he's like pointing the camera in the air and he's like, that's unimpressive.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

So he's like desperately making sure like the front camera doesn't hit his face. Yes.

SPEAKER_11 12:16

He's like, this is not good. I don't enjoy this. Why are you why is this on my screen right now?

SPEAKER_05 12:21

This is unimpressed. I don't enjoy porn. This is not good enough.

SPEAKER_11 12:24

I don't like this. I need something more. I need some well, that's just how I watch it regularly.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

It's never enough, just monotone. Why does it always be? It always does, too.

SPEAKER_11 12:36

Why is it so empty?

SPEAKER_04 12:37

Especially when you're on round seven, you know. Round seven is crazy. Dude.

SPEAKER_05 12:44

What's your record? My record? Uh it's high.

SPEAKER_11 12:48

It's high? It's high. I think I'm maybe three.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

I I was quitting alcohol. I was very nervous, and my dick would not go down, and I needed to keep moving.

SPEAKER_13 12:58

Idle hands.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

So I was basically just coughing up powder by this point. But it I was had to be somewhere in the realm of 15. 15?

unknown 13:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

Oh my god. The scabs. Dude, it was all scab. I had five layers of skin on that.

SPEAKER_11 13:18

After 15, you got a non-union dick, brother. That's scabs. My dick looked like a burn victim after that.

SPEAKER_13 13:25

It probably felt like one too.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

It did, bro. Get me out of here. I need to get to a hospital. It did. Hot showers, cold showers, bro. Not worth it, bro.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Get me out of here.

SPEAKER_04 13:36

You'd think by that point I would just say, fuck it, let's get lotion. Bave me a deosporen. You'd think by the time I'm down to six layers of skin, I'd be like, you know what? Maybe we should get some fucking ointment or something and help encourage the regrowth.

SPEAKER_11 13:51

That's for treats. That's for treats in hotel rooms.

SPEAKER_10 13:52

That's for treats in hotel rooms. That's why they put that lotion in the hotel room. It's for treats.

SPEAKER_05 13:57

The jurgons lotion. It's funny that they call it that, isn't it?

SPEAKER_10 14:00

Jurgen, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 14:01

Jirgen. Jergin off. I'm jerging off. Jergin off, dude. That's pretty nice. That's a classic pit.

SPEAKER_05 14:07

It is a classic pit. Jirgin off. Jergin off, bro.

SPEAKER_12 14:11

Yeah, I gotta go pick me up some jurgen. I've been jirging too jurors. Jerging off. And that just blew through.

SPEAKER_05 14:18

I've been jerging off. I'll live long day alongside the railroad. I don't know. That's what it sounds like to me.

SPEAKER_12 14:25

Jirgin.

SPEAKER_10 14:26

Oh fuck, dude. Jurgen to get it in your ass.

SPEAKER_05 14:31

Um, how about how about this?

SPEAKER_11 14:33

How about how about how about We are fucking back, dude? Sucks, dude.

SPEAKER_05 14:39

We're back, but this is exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_04 14:41

How about Shark Tank, but it and they're trying to sell a uh it's a no gay ray, and it's a it's like a ray gun that you shoot at gay people and it makes them straight again.

SPEAKER_12 14:50

Bow bow.

SPEAKER_04 14:52

Hello, sharks. I'd like to introduce you to my gay ray.

SPEAKER_05 14:55

Let me shoot it at my uh partner here and oh shit, it's jammed up.

SPEAKER_04 15:01

My partner's so gay they jammed up the no gay ray. I'm sorry, guys. Sorry.

SPEAKER_13 15:06

I just met him on the street.

SPEAKER_04 15:08

Fuck, dude. You ruined our pitch.

SPEAKER_10 15:12

I didn't ruin your pitch in the park earlier. Oh my god. You're a pretty good catcher.

SPEAKER_04 15:18

Listen, we're trying to make a deal. Trying to make a deal here.

SPEAKER_11 15:22

Mr. Cuban.

SPEAKER_04 15:24

I'm out. I hate gay people, and for that reason I'm out. That was Barbara, by the way.

SPEAKER_11 15:30

Barbara's in because her son is gay.

SPEAKER_04 15:32

No, Barbara's. Have you seen the show? Barbara's out for like any reason whatsoever. She's not a down bitch. Miserable old hag. If it doesn't like direct.

SPEAKER_10 15:42

What's her name? Barbara.

SPEAKER_11 15:44

Barbara. I'm sorry. Barbara. I'm sorry I called you Martha. There's a Martha Stewart ad on the Roku T on the Roku City right now. It's making me sad. Roku City should only be seen after you're like completed fucking and haven't put a show back on yet.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

I had a lot of bad memories associated to this, which again you'd think by now I'd take it down.

SPEAKER_11 16:02

Really?

SPEAKER_05 16:03

Given that. But no, I still, you know, runs up the electric bill at the same time.

SPEAKER_11 16:10

I just want to find somebody in that city for me.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_10 16:13

There's somebody there for me.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

It's all purple, bro. It's all black people.

SPEAKER_09 16:17

That's all I want.

SPEAKER_04 16:20

What about this? How about uh episode of Shark Tank, but it's just a black guy trying to promote his mixtape?

SPEAKER_11 16:28

Alright, shucks. I got a hot 16 for you. Who trying to purchase?

SPEAKER_08 16:34

Hey, hey, Damon, looking at you. Remember, brother, Foo Boo. This shit is for us and it's by me, motherfucker. It's for us. You've been spitting this hot shit for me, by me, for you, Damon. Listen, listen. I know maybe not your cup of tea, but listen. Help a brother out. I'm big on ownership. So you're gonna get 49% for$14 million.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

$14 million.

SPEAKER_08 17:01

That's to get Alright.

SPEAKER_13 17:03

Okay, man. Alright. That's to get Dom out the pen.

SPEAKER_10 17:08

Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. Shark Tank.

SPEAKER_04 17:12

Shark Tank.

SPEAKER_14 17:13

Shark Tank. Oh damn.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Fucking um Well, we're another one. Because like, you know how like Kevin is always like, he's known as like the one who's like, then I don't give a fuck one or whatever.

SPEAKER_10 17:25

He so doesn't give a fuck. It's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 17:27

He's like the uh the mean one that's known as. I don't know. I feel like I was I I when I'm watching it, every time like I see something stupid, I just imagine Kevin just calling it gay. And that was literally like making me giggle for a few hours straight. And I know it doesn't translate well when you're talking to other people.

SPEAKER_11 17:47

Are you sure? I think it translates great right now.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

I I'm that makes me happy. But he's just like, hey sharks, this is our all-natural almond mutter, gay. He's fucking gay.

SPEAKER_11 17:58

He has kind of got an energy about him.

SPEAKER_10 18:01

He does. He's got that Hollywood elite cocksucking energy to him. A little bit better. Love it.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

He's like fucking like, you're gonna invest in this shit? But Mark, he's a fag. Mark. Mark, he's a fag. Damon's like, you know what? I'll I'm interested. I'll get a share in you. Oh, you know what? I'm interested, man. I'm interested. He doesn't talk like that, but I'm interested.

SPEAKER_08 18:26

He does in the bit. He does in the bit.

SPEAKER_04 18:29

He's like, he's like, I'm interested, man. And then fucking, you know, Kevin's just upset about his existence. So he turns to him. He's like, let me tell you something about black people, Damon. I don't like them. I hope that went through.

SPEAKER_11 18:48

Wow. And then it's just a commercial break. Yeah, just like a beautiful thing about TV, man.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Yeah, just like zooms in on his face.

SPEAKER_10 18:56

Coming back.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Coming back. I don't know, bro. These are all fucking terrible, bro. McDonald's. My shit sucks, bro.

SPEAKER_10 19:05

Did you see grandma's got a McFlurry now? I did see Grandma's Gotta McFlurry. What would your grandma's McFlurry taste like? Um probably olive oil. I want somebody I want to taste somebody's grandma's McFlurry.

SPEAKER_11 19:21

You know what I'm saying, dog. Bring that McFlurry over here, Grandma. Bring that shit over here, Ma. Grandma's sharks.

SPEAKER_04 19:31

I'm here to sell you the Indian McFlurry. Or the grandma McFlurry. I keep fucking off the bitch.

SPEAKER_11 19:36

I am here today to pitch you a McFlurry. So my dog. Damon doesn't the McFlurry already exists.

SPEAKER_13 19:42

Shushush, Shush, Shush. The McFlurry does not exist. You've never had the McFlurry.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Let me speak being very rude. Very rude.

SPEAKER_13 19:49

Mark, I know you have a good relationship with McDonald. I've seen you on the bench with Ronald McDonald before. And I have got a great idea for a new menu item for McDonald's. It is ice cream. You put um MM in it, and you can put um the Oreo in it. You put the Oreo in. The machine is going to be broken about 70% of the time. And it is called McFlurry. Like flurry, like snowstorm flurry.

SPEAKER_05 20:23

Like Blizzard, like not like Dan Queen Blizzard. Kind of like the Blizzard. I know we are known for operating many of those, however, this is a different business venture, a separate one.

SPEAKER_08 20:32

It is smaller and shittier than the blizzard, so it is McFlurry. Do you understand? Lori, let me ask a question for you. What size are your breasts? How big are you?

SPEAKER_05 20:45

Oh open bobs. Oh your bobs. Because listen, you can tell that Bob Bob clearly is very flat-chested, has no breasts. You, however, have a little sabret of some breasts. So I would just would like to know for my Barbara. This is personal business insights.

SPEAKER_12 21:01

This is my infidel business partner speaking to you, Barbara.

SPEAKER_13 21:05

I believe that you strap them big old suckers down, and you have beautiful supple breasts that could feed my entire village.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

You you can feed entire country.

SPEAKER_13 21:14

I believe that you can feed the village with those beautiful supple breasts, Barbara, and in return for half of our business, I would like you to open Bob's. Lori, are you not the one 50%? I am not offering this to anybody else in here.

SPEAKER_04 21:28

Yeah, he's negotiating with the biggest.

SPEAKER_13 21:29

Damon, I will talk to you next. But I am offering for 50% of my partner and I business that I get one for you to open, and then my partner and I, I get two to one squeeze ratio, forty squeezes a week for me. I will cover all transportation to get you to my office or to get me to you and on set here. I would like for three of these things to be recorded.

SPEAKER_14 21:58

You're fucking gay. Whoa.

SPEAKER_04 22:00

You are fucking gay.

SPEAKER_11 22:02

And you've always been.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Alright, so I think so here's what happened. The fucking like a month and a half ago we started recording. We got 20 minutes in and the fucking receiver died. So we and then I went on my fucking New York trip. He went on his Vegas trip. So this is like a month and a half after fucking this recording. I think I'm just gonna slap that 20 on in the beginning of the episode. Fuck yeah, dude. So uh time portal. Fucking month and a half later. How you doing, doggy?

SPEAKER_11 22:32

The last episode. I'm doing fine.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

No one's doing like good, I feel like. At least like not guys, I feel like, bro. I feel like most normal straight men, you don't see a normal straight guy being like, oh, I'm I'm happy. No. It's like it's going.

SPEAKER_11 22:48

It's always going. I've almost never heard a guy say it. Things are good. I'm really happy right now. I've never heard a dude say it.

SPEAKER_04 22:54

That's why like some people are like, oh, I'm not happy. Like, well, no, of course not. You're alive. Like, you're not supposed to be happy.

SPEAKER_11 23:00

It's always a disgusting internal struggle.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Like, that's just life. You're either like completely fucked up on drugs, or you're lucid and baseline at best. I'm a white male and my life is hard.

SPEAKER_11 23:14

Just want it to be easy.

SPEAKER_04 23:15

No matter how easy it really is, you'll always make it hard for yourself, basically.

SPEAKER_11 23:19

The good and this is the uh well, this is the other thing that people don't want to accept. Uh-huh. The good days aren't coming back.

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 23:25

They're not. It's over.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Why can I not hear what I'm saying through the microphone?

unknown 23:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

I don't know. Hold up. One second. Oh, I didn't fucking plug the shit in.

SPEAKER_11 23:39

You didn't plug your headphones in? He didn't plug his headphones in. This is a rookie mistake.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Rookie m I know, dude. It's been too fucking long, bro. Our fucking mid-episode hiatus.

SPEAKER_11 23:51

It has, dude. Everything is different now.

SPEAKER_04 23:54

Dude, I got like. I hope you got time, bro.

SPEAKER_11 23:57

My president got shot.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

Dude, yeah. That's what happened since the like 20 minutes of this episode, and then yeah, that's how much time has passed. Yeah, just Trump just got fucking shot in the ear or whatever. I don't know. What do you think of that? I don't really everyone asks me. I just don't care about politics or really anything like that.

SPEAKER_11 24:19

Yeah, none of it interests me in the slightest, but now I'm like, I think they tried to kill him.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

Maybe. Probably. I mean, do you see the kid that did it? Yeah. They like other people even said, like, oh yeah, he was a school shooter. Which I mean, once you saw the picture of him, I don't remember his fucking name, but he he looks like he owns guns that he shouldn't, you know?

SPEAKER_11 24:40

How does Zach that guy doesn't look like I don't know. I guess the school shooter thing is dead on accurate. But that guy doesn't look like he could pick up he doesn't look like he knows how to load a gun. He doesn't look like a man.

SPEAKER_04 24:50

Well, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_11 24:51

Those are the people passing judgment.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

Well, no, those are the people that really get into the guns. Or the, you know, the kids. The low T kids with uh receding jawlines, greasy blonde hair, you know, can't make friends. It's always those kids.

SPEAKER_11 25:06

Looks like he twists heads off squirrels at recess.

SPEAKER_04 25:08

Yeah, just doesn't shower. It's the everyone that shoots up a school or tries to shoot at someone looks like you don't at least shower before you go out to try and assassinate someone. Every picture is just like they look like they just worked on a roof, dude.

SPEAKER_11 25:24

You couldn't you couldn't hit the dove bulb dove bar before you tried to take out 45? Come on, come on.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

Like, literally, bro, this is like the biggest thing you've ever done in your life.

SPEAKER_11 25:33

Get together, bro.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

Fucking, god damn it. I just I'm a fucking retard. I think it's green. But yeah, dude, it's not a good look, dude. It's oh it's already been associated with like fucking just like outcast, you know, I'm gonna kill somebody.

SPEAKER_11 25:48

They don't do themselves any favors.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

They really don't. Like you'd think that by now, like you'd catch on to the fucking stereotype and like try to be different. Well stand out.

SPEAKER_11 25:58

You could there's like cool villains in movies. Why you know?

SPEAKER_04 26:02

Yeah, none of them look like that.

SPEAKER_11 26:04

We've never had like a cool school shooter. Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

All of all the real life villains just look like soy boys.

SPEAKER_11 26:12

They just look like the guy you don't want to hang with. Yeah, right? Can we just have one like cool?

SPEAKER_04 26:17

Can we have like one cool all the real supervillains have braces?

SPEAKER_11 26:24

Can we have just like one cool guy that attempts a mash shooting?

SPEAKER_04 26:27

Literally, bro. Like one Joe Rogan, like looking guy, at least something. Oh my god, he's a good one. Nobody with muscles has ever tried to shoot up, I don't think. You know?

SPEAKER_11 26:37

Nobody with muscles. You don't see any body. Nobody with muscles has shot anything ever.

SPEAKER_04 26:44

At the range, maybe.

SPEAKER_11 26:45

I guess, yeah, no people though. No people, dude. They keep it chill. They know how to get rid of their anger. They do. They go to Planet Fitness. They do. And they yell at the minorities that are there. They do.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

Yes, it's exactly what they do. I'm a regular at this gym. You don't recognize me? Dude. I've got so many bits that have just over-accumulated. Uh I don't know. I guess I'll just start ripping them. This is one that so I don't know. I thought I genuinely like thought of this one, but then I told it to Nick and he said that there was like some like short on YouTube that was the same thing. So but I I re I did come up with it. I didn't know about I'm just- I'm just gonna say it. So basically, instead of uh Honey I Shrunk the Kids, it's uh Honey I Shrunk My Penis. And it's about a guy who's like got a really small dick and he's trying to convince this girl that he was just a scientist and he made the shrink ray and accidentally shot himself in the dick, and that's why it's so small.

SPEAKER_11 27:45

It used to be normal.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

I swear to you. I swear. I lived an I lived a double life when I was a youngin', okay? I I left that life. I don't do any science anymore. Sarah, please! No, don't leave.

SPEAKER_11 28:01

Oh, don't leave. Come on.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

The fucking I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_11 28:05

It's always fucking happens to me.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

Nobody ever believes me.

SPEAKER_11 28:10

Once a year I work up the courage and I get right in this point, and they always fucking leave.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

Uh, yeah, that's the problem.

SPEAKER_11 28:19

You can relate.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

Yeah. That's a fair lie. That's a pretty creative lie, at least.

SPEAKER_11 28:26

I like it. I'm gonna have to start using that, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

Oh, dude. It's already getting fucking hot.

SPEAKER_11 28:34

This podcast is way different now. We used to sit on the couch together, and now we are looking opposite each other.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Yeah, it took a month and a half hiatus to be like, we have four mics and four seats, who are still sitting next to each other in a hot room.

SPEAKER_11 28:47

We're still holding each other's thighs as we record.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

Just radiating heat off of each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 28:54

Baking.

SPEAKER_04 28:54

Literally just baking on a love seat. On a love seat.

SPEAKER_11 28:58

Bake it out of love seat.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

Bacon out of love seat.

SPEAKER_11 29:02

That's homie shit. Bacon on a love seat with your bro.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

Oh, dude. Fucking there's so much shit.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Blan? Yeah, I didn't really have any. We haven't used the buttons in a while. Thank you. Here, I'll fucking put it so you can do it. That's way longer than it has to be. You didn't need to do the entire flush like it.

SPEAKER_11 29:25

It just needs a just needs one of those.

SPEAKER_09 29:30

Dude. Uh shit, dude.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Uh you're a faggot. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

That's my that's where my brain goes whenever I just can't think of anything, is just taking jingles or something I've heard before and turning it into you're gay.

SPEAKER_11 29:52

If you need cock in your mouth and you need it now, call JJ Wentworth 877cock now.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

Beautiful. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_11 30:04

We're back. We're back. Not even pre-planned.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

Brain waves, bro. Uh, yeah, dude. I'm gonna fucking fill in this dead space, I guess. Uh, I thought of this one too. How about um have you ever heard of that show Ice Road Truckers?

SPEAKER_07 30:20

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

Dude, yeah, my grandpa used to watch that shit all the time. What if instead it was Ice Road Tuckers and it was just a bunch of guys trying to be trans out in Antarctica?

SPEAKER_11 30:34

I was I was uh Take a second. No, I was like, there's a bunch of Tucker Carlson clones and these roads. These roads are being controlled by the Democrats. They're covered in ice.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

These roads, I am paying for these roads to be plowed every day, and they're still covered in ice. Ben Shapiro is a fucking uh funny cuck uh voice to do.

SPEAKER_11 30:54

Funny cuck. Funny cuck. Funny cuck. Dude, ice road tuckers.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

I I I could see Ben Shapiro as a cuck, though. I had this idea where fucking basically he got really into jelking. Do you know what jelking is? You know jelking.

SPEAKER_11 31:10

Dude, I have findings too. Continue.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

But no, I feel like it'd be funny if, like, well, okay, so I recently got into jelking, right? I went on to Reddit, found the jelking community, made a lot of good friends there, right? And so basically, you know, we start talking, you know, I start making some friends, and uh I meet somebody, and uh they invite me out to this camping trip, right? A uh joking focused camping trip, right? It's a bunch of groups, but joke retreat.

SPEAKER_07 31:38

A joker treat.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

A joke retreat, exactly, yes. And we're gonna go out and we're gonna go camping, and we're all gonna be joking, right? So I met up with this guy eventually, right? And we're about to leave for our trip, right? And here's the thing I his name is Jebediah Porch Monkey. Listen, I know that sounds racist, but I swear to God, that's his real name. He's had a hard life. Anyway, fucking we go on our trip, right? We have a night out, you know, everyone's drinking, having a good time. Long story short, I wake up outside with a used condom shoved in my ass, right? Now I figure this is just maybe uh uh like an initiation thing or like a like a little prank, like an endearment thing. I'm not really sure. Either way, I'm really sore when I try to walk, but you know what? I figured we I was hungover, we had a tough night, right?

SPEAKER_14 32:37

Of course.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

But here's the thing though, is another week later, I get home and I meet somebody else on Reddit, right? It's a different person, and they said we're also going on a camping trip.

SPEAKER_11 32:49

This isn't Ben Shapiro anymore, this is you. This is real. This is real.

SPEAKER_04 32:59

We're we're they see they said they said we're also going on a camping trip, right? And I figured, you know, I had a fucking good time on the first time. Let's not judge, let's go again, right? So again, I meet up with these guys, and same thing, we hang out, we have a couple drinks, and again, I wake up the next day outside with a used condom shoved in my ass, right?

SPEAKER_11 33:23

You guys joking?

SPEAKER_04 33:24

I we we we were doing some joking. Okay, yeah, don't forget we were joking. And uh here's the thing, right? I at first I thought, you know, that it was just like a little fun thing, but eventually, you know, three or four trips later, I realized I was getting taken advantage of, right? And here's the thing that I've learned about myself throughout this entire lesson is that I've learned that I trust people too easily. And that's something I need to work on.

SPEAKER_11 34:02

Personal growth, brother.

SPEAKER_04 34:05

So uh anyway, I met up with my friend uh Jebediah, Jebediah Porchwalkie, of course.

SPEAKER_11 34:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:12

And we were getting the talk.

SPEAKER_11 34:13

Is that his father's name or his mother's name?

SPEAKER_04 34:15

I think that is his father's name.

SPEAKER_11 34:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:17

That name has been in the bloodline for a long time. Oddly enough, no one has really had a problem with it. But anyway.

SPEAKER_11 34:29

If you were to describe Jeb.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

Jeb?

SPEAKER_11 34:31

Jeb P.

SPEAKER_04 34:33

Okay, so he is actually Jewish. Which, yeah, it, you know, causes a lot of confusion when you say, hey, you're this big fat Jew. Why is your last name Porchmonkey? It doesn't even sound Jewish. And he's like, well, you know, my father shot he got raped a lot, you know, and there's been a lot of mixing in of DNA. And long story short, the name kind of it just kind of ended up that way, right?

SPEAKER_11 35:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:00

There's a lot of different DNA mixed into my Everybody's got crazy stories. Anyway, anyway, talking to my friend Jebediah Porchmont, right? And I was asking him, like, when uh when on that first night that we went out for the joking, you know, uh retreat. And, you know, he said, no, nothing really. We just, you know, we had a few drinks, you know, had some shots, got a little blurry, whatever. And then I said to him, you know, I uh I woke up with a used condom in my ass multiple times. Is that why does that keep happening? And he insisted to me that uh he's like, well, you know, how about this? Take this drink, we'll have a little drink together, and uh I'll take you outside and explain to you the whole reasoning for the condom in the ass, right? And the last thing I remember is waking up with yet another used condom in my ass.

SPEAKER_07 35:54

Wet butt.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

Wet butt. Wet butt. Wet butt. Oh, fuck me, dude.

SPEAKER_11 36:00

Personal tale. I can honestly say I saw I started drinking 100 gallons or 100 ounces of water every day.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

Oh, did you really? Okay.

SPEAKER_11 36:12

Hydration has something to do with soft bird size. Fellas. Really? My soft I feel like my soft bird is more plump and supple right now.

SPEAKER_04 36:21

Really?

SPEAKER_11 36:21

Yeah. After drinking more water. Two months of 100 ounces a day.

SPEAKER_04 36:26

I can see it. I mean, if you think about it, if you're dehydrated, you shrink up, your whole body shrinks up anyway.

SPEAKER_11 36:30

My bird is way less shameful. Fellas, start drinking more water. My bird is better now. I hate to public a service announcement like that.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

If you've never heard it before, you hear heard it here on our 15 listener podcast.

SPEAKER_11 36:42

You're hearing it right now.

SPEAKER_04 36:43

You need to drink water.

SPEAKER_11 36:44

God damn it, be hydrated for your dick. Your dick, you owe it to your dick.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

Yeah, maybe that'll maybe that'll convince people to hide.

SPEAKER_11 36:51

That's the way to get people to drink water. Yeah. Because your dick is nicer. It's keeping me on. I'm going to do that.

SPEAKER_04 36:57

Maybe that's what Biden should do to fucking, you know. Because everyone's saying, you know, Trump's gonna win because of this fucking, you know, assassination attempt. Dude, if Biden really wants to have any shot of, you know, e level leveling the playing field a little bit. Yeah, drink more water. Dick's gonna be bigger. Listen, I've talked to the FDA, I've talked to the FDA. We've got a long kept secret that I'm willing to reveal to you if I am voted for president.

SPEAKER_09 37:24

I talked to Hunter and uh and I talked to some of the women that he hangs out with.

SPEAKER_14 37:29

You know, does try occasionally?

SPEAKER_04 37:33

He actually uh gave me the idea for this. Um we have dick pills that actually work. And they actually you could increase your size by 50%. Now, the only way you could get this is by directly voting for me.

SPEAKER_09 37:46

You just gotta get to the polls.

SPEAKER_10 37:53

You gotta be an American. Go vote for me, and I'll I'm gonna give you the secrets of how to make your penis bigger.

SPEAKER_04 38:00

We're gonna make everyone's penis bigger. Everyone's gonna walk around with a giant fat cock, no one's gonna even have enough blood to think about anything.

SPEAKER_14 38:08

That's where our party went wrong. We weren't worried about our dicks enough.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

Think about it, dude.

SPEAKER_10 38:12

That's why the Republicans are winning right now.

SPEAKER_14 38:14

What think about it. What party do you want to vote for?

SPEAKER_04 38:17

The regular dick party or the big dick party?

SPEAKER_14 38:21

Who's gonna unlock a better future for you? You think some tax dollar returns and easier, younger retirement? You think that's gonna make it better? It's not. It's not. You wanna have a big old fat cock. Go ahead. Vote for the small dick guy. See how that ends up. Go ahead. That porn star said he had a small dick. I know this isn't hydrate.

SPEAKER_04 38:42

I just give the secret away. I know this is probably the most cocky I've ever been, but that's because I've actually been taking the pills and I have a huge dick now, therefore my confidence is higher than it's ever been.

SPEAKER_14 38:53

Our penis is so big.

SPEAKER_04 38:55

It's so big, that's why I keep falling asleep. I don't have enough blood going to my head.

SPEAKER_14 39:00

Some say that that's true. My penis is massive now. Just like Hunter's.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

So I keep falling asleep. That's why I can't balance on a bike.

SPEAKER_14 39:10

Whichever way I tuck, it pulls me over. I've got shoulder misalignment problems now. Because my huge dick. Because I'm so hydrated.

SPEAKER_04 39:21

That's why I've always got my hands on Wombern's shoulders. I'm actually just trying to stabilize myself because of my giant swinging dick.

SPEAKER_10 39:29

I got two hands. Two hands when I'm smelling your hair.

SPEAKER_14 39:33

Because my dick's gonna flop around for sure when I smell your hair. Throw me off center. Is that L'Oreal? I know L'Oreal when I smell it. It's gonna throw me center left, just like my great political views. My huge cock. Center left. Do you understand me? Please vote for me. Or they're gonna kill me. I'm gonna die. They're gonna stop injecting me with these things. I'm gonna be dead. Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

That was a horrible feeling.

SPEAKER_09 40:02

Thanks. That made me feel so good about that.

SPEAKER_04 40:05

I thought it was gonna be in a better. That's everyone uh applauding for big dick Biden. Live studio audience. Listen, we're not taking either political side. We either of us give a fuck.

SPEAKER_11 40:21

I am. Biden's gay. He sucks. But he's fun now. He's fun because he doesn't remember anything. That is true, yeah. That is true. I like that aspect that he might just lean over and look like he's shitting. I like him for that. I kind of want to keep watching it. In this stage of life that he's at, my grandpa died two years previous. I didn't get to enjoy that. He died when he should have died. Yeah, this is a fun year. The fun dementia. These are the terrible years. He's angry for sure.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

Oh yeah, I see. Well, was he drinking? Was he a drinker?

SPEAKER_11 40:54

Oh, my grandpa? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, well. No, he wasn't angry. I'm saying Biden's definitely like an angry son of a bitch now.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Oh, I see. I see.

SPEAKER_11 41:03

For sure. No, he grandpa was just racist.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

Biden is like has is like the worst at comebacks, dude. Come on. Like that demand. Did you see the video where he's like, I'm like, my son's not the loser. You're the loser.

SPEAKER_11 41:19

I loved it.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

Cooked him.

SPEAKER_11 41:21

Cooked him, Joe.

SPEAKER_09 41:22

Come on, man. What are you doing that for?

SPEAKER_04 41:25

What the fuck is? Come on, man.

SPEAKER_09 41:29

I like that. Come on. Come on, man. Let's have a nice civil conversation here, man.

SPEAKER_04 41:36

Ladies and gentlemen, gay Sinatra. You can suck my cock if you can find it. It's very small.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

Very small.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

That's a fun one. I've been playing with.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

Any just turning at anything. Cock new cock. Fly me to your ass.

SPEAKER_11 42:06

Oh god, I wish I knew some Sinatra right now.

SPEAKER_04 42:08

I don't know much, but the voice is fun to fucking do.

SPEAKER_11 42:12

The old timey singer, that's great.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

He's always singing about New York and shit. Yeah. That's why when I was there, I was fucking coming up with this man. He's like, I love New York City. How can I have sex with how can I have intercourse with this city?

SPEAKER_02 42:32

I wanna rub my genitals on the Empire State. Stick my dick in a manhole.

SPEAKER_11 42:42

Not just any man's hole.

SPEAKER_04 42:45

Not just fuck. It's so fucking stupid. It was right there. It was right there. Or like uh or like uh you ever try to do Lewis Louis Armstrong voice? That's a fun voice.

SPEAKER_11 43:00

It's a crazy one.

SPEAKER_04 43:02

He's like, I see dreams of cream pulling in my cheeks.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

I kinda like the heat.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

And it tastes very sweet. And I think to myself I'm a faggot.

SPEAKER_06 43:21

There's a dick in my ass.

SPEAKER_14 43:28

Dude. And I think to myself that girl had a cop.

SPEAKER_04 43:36

I think she had a cop.

SPEAKER_14 43:39

I'm pretty sure she had a car.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

I felt a bump on my thigh.

SPEAKER_12 43:47

And now it burns when I piss.

SPEAKER_04 43:50

No, no, yeah, now it burns when I piss. Dude, I don't even care if this fucking podcast sucks. This is fun. It's awesome. This is fun.

SPEAKER_11 43:58

It does suck. You guys are fucking losers because you're listening.

SPEAKER_04 44:03

Well, they're not listening. That's fucked that. No one's listening. No one cares. I put my so much effort and money and time and thought in this podcast for no one to give a quarter fuck.

SPEAKER_11 44:15

It would suck if people listen, I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

But at the same time, even if they did listen, they I know what we talk about, and it's garbage.

SPEAKER_11 44:24

It's terrible.

SPEAKER_04 44:25

So the other 99% of the population, this is garbage.

SPEAKER_11 44:29

99% soft. 99.9 at least. It's fucking terrible. We can't get pussy now. Literally, I can't get fucking pussy. Bro, bro, I was listening to- I'm sitting here telling you about hydration makes your dick bigger.

SPEAKER_04 44:46

What's wrong with me? No one cares. Every time I'm like, oh, new episode out now. No one fucking cares. No one listens. It's garbage. I even try to make the fucking name sound funny. Stop. No one cares. And why would they? Why should they? It's garbage. Even if you listen to the first 10 minutes, it's all dog shit. It's just racist, sexist bullshit. And only I and you and like two other people find it funny.

SPEAKER_11 45:19

It's fucking terrible. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

It doesn't flow at all because all I do is just shit fucking jokes.

SPEAKER_11 45:29

Here's oh, we didn't come up with anything. Here's no one.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

I'm trying to copy a podcast that already exists.

SPEAKER_11 45:35

And it's defunct years ago.

SPEAKER_04 45:37

Defunct years ago. Fuck.

SPEAKER_11 45:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 45:44

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_04 45:45

No, that's what I tell myself. I'm like, no, it ended years ago. No one will care. No one will notice that I'm basically doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_11 45:51

Nobody'll care. Nobody fucking cares. They'd have to listen to know. So why don't you start listening?

SPEAKER_04 45:58

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_11 46:00

This poor boy's gonna kill himself. Why don't you at least at least listen to his audio manifesto through jokes for the final three months we have him?

SPEAKER_04 46:09

Literally. Come on. Do you know why I haven't painted the walls red yet? Because I fucking joke about Ben Shapiro getting accidentally raped multiple times. And that's what keeps me from killing myself. Sometimes it's funny to do gay sinatra. Sometimes gay Sinatra's funny. My thoughts fluctuate for I'm legitimately gonna kill myself because no one cares, and fucking Sinatra sucking dance. The juxtaposition in my everyday fucking head.

SPEAKER_11 46:38

The duality of a man.

SPEAKER_04 46:39

The duality of man, bro. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 46:48

We are fucking here, motherfucker. We've arrived. It's not we're back. We've arrived.

SPEAKER_12 46:52

We've arrived, bro. I've seen cocks so big.

SPEAKER_03 46:59

In my mouth.

SPEAKER_04 47:00

In my mouth. Oh bro.

SPEAKER_11 47:04

But how was that fucking uh so let's go there? Let's suck on that cock. Come on. Let's go there.

SPEAKER_02 47:14

Can you fuck my ass, hold? I'm a flame ring faggot. I need fat cock in my ass.

SPEAKER_10 47:32

Uh Aikid.

SPEAKER_04 47:34

Hey, Aikid, Aikid. Yeah, what's up, mister? Aikid. Anybody ever tell you you're a flamin' fucking faggot? Mister! Anybody ever tell you a flamin' fucking faggot?

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Nobody's ever told me I'm a flaming faggot faggot. Well let me let me be the first. Let me be the first. Why do you tell me so? Why do you think I'm gonna be fine? How old are you, nine? You're fucking fl I'm 37. I'm 37. Things aren't going that well for me. Yeah, I was castrated against my will. Had a really hard time. I lodged a testicle. And it delayed puberty for a day. I'm gonna be 43 years old, they said. 43 before I hit puberty. What do you say? You just lodged a testicle? I lodged a testicle in my stomach. It's still waiting on it to fall. It's stuck up there somewhere. The doctors can't find it. They said when I'm 43.

SPEAKER_04 48:29

They insist it's actually not there, but I'm telling them it's in there. Just find it.

SPEAKER_01 48:33

So now all I can do is listen to gay Frank Sinatra. The only thing that I can sing, it makes me feel good. The only thing I can listen to is the killers now.

SPEAKER_04 48:45

Somebody told me that you were a faggot and you like to socte. No, no, no. I'm just killing. You know me you know you know me guy. I fucking love the killers, man. You you know Tony, you know I fucking love the killers.

SPEAKER_12 49:01

Man, this guy.

SPEAKER_04 49:02

Hey Tone, you you didn't fucking tell me the the killers were coming to town. You didn't tell me you got tickets to see the fucking killers.

SPEAKER_07 49:10

Oh, I didn't tell you I got tickets to the killers, eh?

SPEAKER_12 49:16

Well some sometimes I just need to have a me moment, you know? Yeah, the killers is kind of a me and the killers thing. It's not the me and you and the killers.

SPEAKER_07 49:25

It's kind of my uh escape from my fucking retarded son and slut daughter and wife that fucks the priest. It's just uh kind of my escape.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

It's a kind of me thing.

SPEAKER_07 49:38

Don't take it as so personal, but uh it's kind of a retreat for me.

SPEAKER_04 49:42

I'm fucking having a brain fart. Who's the guy with the grey slicked back hair?

SPEAKER_07 49:47

Bolly walnuts.

SPEAKER_04 49:48

Boy walnuts, that's right. It's like don't you'd fucking you know I love the fucking killers. You got tickets to see the killers without fucking seeing me?

SPEAKER_07 49:57

Yeah, I want to go see the fucking killers by myself, Pauly. I need a fucking break from you.

SPEAKER_04 50:02

Come on, Ton, you know how much I love the killers and how long I've wanted to see them. I told you in confidence. I told you in confidence how much I love that when I'm getting fucked in the ass and do fucking albums, Paulie!

SPEAKER_08 50:16

I told you You're not even a real fucking fan!

SPEAKER_02 50:18

You're not even a real fan. I told you when I'm fucking getting my ass bounded by another man and I'm getting my face pressed into the pillow and I'm biting the goddamn pillow and I'm singing and I'm Mr. Broncon as I'm trying to not muffle.

SPEAKER_08 50:38

I take fucking Christopher's gay ass over your day, and you know how deep and personal this shit is to me, Don.

SPEAKER_07 50:45

You said you fucking pillow biting funno.

SPEAKER_11 50:49

The fuck is wrong with you? Why would you say that to me? You know I gotta take action for this fucking family now. You don't say that shit out loud.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

This is literally the soundtrack of me getting fucked in the ass, Done.

SPEAKER_11 51:00

You can't admit that you listen to the killers in this family. Come on.

SPEAKER_08 51:03

Get fucking your ass, bite a pillow.

SPEAKER_04 51:05

We had a secret together, Tone. You be I feel betrayed.

SPEAKER_11 51:09

You should. You should You're a fucking loser.

SPEAKER_03 51:12

You're a fucking l Oh God, bro. Dude.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Zoink. Zoink. Zoink.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

Sound effects.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Random.

SPEAKER_04 51:28

Random. You wanna press the big red random button? You're up It'd be funny if it was You're gay!

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Three cocks, you're gay! You sucked three cocks! Now you're gay officially!

SPEAKER_04 51:46

Oh man. Uh shit, dude.

SPEAKER_11 51:51

Penis.

SPEAKER_04 51:52

Penis. What's up? Penis and asprobe.

SPEAKER_11 51:54

Me and this guy that I work with, we just call each other penis now.

SPEAKER_04 51:57

That's fire.

SPEAKER_11 51:58

It's pretty funny.

SPEAKER_04 51:59

I like that. I wanna start doing that now. I wanna start doing that now. Bro, I wanted to tell you about fucking Sorry. So alright. I'll try and like do a brief summary of this, but like I told you about the guy that I the welder that I work with, right? The welder. So like yeah, so I've told you basically like Chat, has he told you about the welder?

SPEAKER_11 52:25

Chat?

SPEAKER_04 52:26

I haven't talked about him on the podcast. But basically, there's this dude that works with us, he's a welder.

SPEAKER_11 52:31

It's right, half of the listeners know the welder personally.

SPEAKER_04 52:33

Yeah, the half of the listeners. Yeah, literally. But no, I'm I mean, I'll try to give a brief rundown, but like I've met a lot of dumb people in my life, and I have more than a dozen like pieces of evidence as to why he's literally probably the dumbest person I've ever met in my life. Fire. He has no social skills. He'll just like stare at people like like a puppy would. Like you ever like see like when a like a like a newborn baby and like a mother's holding her and she's in front of you and he the baby's just like staring at you.

SPEAKER_11 53:03

He staring through your soul. Dude, it's for me.

SPEAKER_04 53:06

It's worse than that. Like, like make like it's terrible. So fucking basically I've put all my sunglasses.

SPEAKER_11 53:14

What's up? She gets sunglasses. Me? No, he. He has gonna be a people watch.

SPEAKER_04 53:18

Bro, he does have sunglasses that are shaped like flowers and he wears them inside. I swear to God. I swear to fucking god.

SPEAKER_11 53:25

That hurt me.

SPEAKER_04 53:26

Bro.

SPEAKER_11 53:26

That just fuck.

SPEAKER_04 53:28

Dude, and he's like, I don't know. He's kind of fat. He's like in his twenties and has a beer gut like he's fucking like 38 or some shit. That's cool. And um, so basically kind of metal. Through about, you know, months of just come shitting on him like hard as fuck every day. Um his name eventually got reduced down to uh Fat Gay Retard. Fat Gay Retard. Fat Gay Retard. Shout out Mike Rainey.

SPEAKER_11 53:54

Anyway, but um Shout out Mike Rainey, who's definitely listening.

SPEAKER_04 53:59

Yeah, right. And uh, you know me, I love coming up with fucking movies, so I decided I wanted to come I wanted to make a franchise out of this.

SPEAKER_07 54:06

I love it.

SPEAKER_04 54:07

And here we have about 50 movie titles, and we're going through all of them.

SPEAKER_07 54:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:14

I'll I'll be I'll be brief. But uh here, where the fuck is it? Fat there we go. So it started off basically, like, it's based off of the Fast and Furious franchise. First one's called Too Fat Too Retarded, right?

unknown 54:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 54:31

Alright, because obviously basically the first one should be fat and retarded.

SPEAKER_04 54:34

Well, he's too f well the whole concept is he's too fat.

SPEAKER_11 54:38

Sorry, I just stepped all over your million dollar concept.

SPEAKER_04 54:40

No, no, no, no, you're you're right. You're right. You normally there would be. But basically, the concept of this is this guy is uh this character, right, uh heavily influenced, uh is basically too fat and too retarded to uh live, basically. You know?

SPEAKER_10 54:56

To live.

SPEAKER_04 54:57

So basically, they try to figure out what to do with him, and that's all I came up with for that one. Anyway, sequel is uh called Still Fat, Still Retarded, right?

SPEAKER_11 55:07

Still fat, still retarded.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

Because nothing's changed. He's still fat and still retarded.

SPEAKER_11 55:11

It's exactly the same movie.

SPEAKER_04 55:14

So he I forget why I came up with this a while ago, but he goes to jail for some reason. And in jail, he gets turned out, right? Which leads us to our third movie Too Fat, Too Gay, Too Retarded, right? Okay. This is where he explores his newfound homosexuality. And um, alright, movie number four. Still fat, still gay, still retarded. Can you guess why?

SPEAKER_11 55:39

It's very creative. Yes. Well he's probably still fat. If I had to guess, he's still gay. And he can't lose that retarded thing.

SPEAKER_04 55:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 55:48

Well, okay. I don't know how I got there, but yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 55:52

Wild guess. But um, so the fifth Fast and Furious movie's called Fast Five, so this one's called Fat Five. Uh this one's called uh Fat Gay Retard, next one called Fat K Retard Goes to Space. I don't remember why they put him into space. But um and then instead of Furious Seven, it's retarded seven. Alright, I'm just keep going. Uh Fat K Retard goes to school. Uh next one is uh fat gay so basically he goes to Palestine so he can fuck children because no one cares about them there.

SPEAKER_09 56:30

Sweet.

SPEAKER_04 56:31

And um that one's called uh Fat Gay Retard Tokyo Drift.

SPEAKER_11 56:37

Can we have can we have uh can we have one about his fat gay retarded dog where it's fat gay bud, golden retriever?

SPEAKER_04 56:45

Oh, I will add that to that will be sequel number 50.

SPEAKER_11 56:49

His dog spinoff. We're gonna start getting into his golden retrieff. Just rip Airbud completely, but make airbud fat. And give him and give him like five legs or three legs.

SPEAKER_04 57:01

This is um fucking oh yeah, I forgot to mention he's a creep. Like a legitimate certified creep, like had multiple HR reports. Like multiple HR reports. Really?

SPEAKER_11 57:12

Yeah. How do you get multiple these days? Uh I feel like if you're one, you're just like fucked now.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

Usually, but when you're a small company and you only have one welder and he happens to be the Fat Gay Retard and you don't want to pay for outside welding, you go, well, he might abuse a few women here.

SPEAKER_11 57:30

Yeah, literally. Let's just relocate him to a different corner.

SPEAKER_04 57:33

But uh that brings us to uh the next one, Fat Gay Retard gets castrated. Uh wow. Then there's Fat Gay Retard versus uh Fagay Retard rules the world, where he breaks into a sperm bank and he comes into all the samples, so then a bunch of like uh subordinate women get impregnated with his DNA, and now his DNA is within like 500 people, and now there's like an epidemic of Fat Gay retards.

SPEAKER_11 57:55

I can't wait for the director's cut of that one.

SPEAKER_04 57:57

That's a good one. Uh Fat Gay Retard versus the world. Uh Faket Retard goes Hollywood. Uh Fake Retard saves a day. So this guy is in the bathroom, like literally. I wrote I don't not usually the person to like be a Karen and like do this, but like literally every single day.

SPEAKER_11 58:18

Don't admit to this. No, I am. It's for me. It's for me. It's for me.

SPEAKER_04 58:23

It's for me. He was in the bathroom. This one particular day, out of an eight-hour shift, he was in there a total of four hours. Wow. 50% of your shift it sitting in the the fucking wheelchair stall.

SPEAKER_11 58:37

God bless this guy. Anyway. In the wheelchair stall is the same thing. In the wheelchair stall.

SPEAKER_04 58:41

So uh yeah, saves a day. Uh I figure that's because like there'd be some like thing where like they need someone to poop a lot.

SPEAKER_11 58:48

Maybe he could have a stand-up hour. Fat gay retard live from the wheelchair stall.

SPEAKER_04 58:52

Live from the wheelchair stall. But yeah, that's basically that one. Uh fat gay retard gets initiated.

SPEAKER_07 59:00

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 59:01

Uh he gets acquainted with the bloods, and he's like this weird, fucking awkward white guy, so that's why I thought it'd be funny if he was like just like cool with the cool with gang members.

SPEAKER_11 59:13

He must be crazy white boy.

SPEAKER_04 59:14

Fat gay retard uh gets gastric bypass. Get it? Because he's fat and retarded.

SPEAKER_11 59:21

Um Is the next one just gay retard?

SPEAKER_04 59:23

No, not yet.

SPEAKER_11 59:24

He's not fat anymore.

SPEAKER_04 59:25

Well, no, he's still for one movie he's not fat?

SPEAKER_11 59:27

It should be one movie he's not fat that he put the weight on. And then he puts it back on.

SPEAKER_04 59:32

That's the thing, is he always resets it at the end of the movie. That's how we allow ourselves to have so many sequels.

SPEAKER_11 59:36

It's like Kenny from Solid Fire.

SPEAKER_04 59:38

Basically, yeah. Um Fat Gay Retard. Fat gay retard. Fat gay retard cruising and tootin'.

SPEAKER_11 59:47

Cruising and tootin'.

SPEAKER_04 59:49

Um he has two kids somehow, which I don't know how, but uh this is Fat Gay Retard versus Child Support.

SPEAKER_11 59:58

That's just a special that's on A and E.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:01

Um he's very that's a distracted television movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:06

Directed TV.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:09

He's very emasculate, so um I did uh Fat Gay Retard, The Quest for Testosterone.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:16

Uh like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:18

Fat Gay Retard uh gives another 16-year-old HPV.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:24

Fuck, I missed the first one.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

This man really has lived the live the lives of a thousand men. Like you're about like really it's uh Fake Retard versus self-control, again, because he's a creep and you know has multiple HR, you know, complaints. Uh Fake Retard, the search for the clit. And then the end of the movie, it turns out that the clit is actually just his tiny dick. Uh Fake Retard. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:51

He had to look inside to find his small penis.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:54

Fake retard in the big city. Um he's I told you he's got like a huge staring problem, right?

SPEAKER_09 1:01:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:02

So I did uh Fake Retard stares at the sun.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:06

Sweet.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:07

Uh Fake Retard versus restless leg syndrome.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:11

Uh personally attacked.

unknown 1:01:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:14

Fake retard gets banned from the zoo because he tries to fuck the animals.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:19

That doesn't feel like a very long one.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:22

A lot of the it's hard to stretch an hour and a half for a lot of these movies.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:26

It's like, you know how they used to have like the Pixar shorts, it'd be like five minutes before the movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:30

Yeah. Maybe that's what a lot of people say, you know, you should just make this a TV show and just make these, you know, episodes.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:37

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:37

But I'm but I doubled down and said, no, I want this to be a movie franchise. I want all the details. Film, exactly.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:45

This is art.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:46

Alright, Fat Gay Retard versus Child Protective Services.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:50

Classic.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:50

Who's that one? Alright, it it starts to get dark here. Uh Fake Retard allies with Hamas. There's that one.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:00

I don't know anything about that whole situation.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:02

I don't either, but I know I know they're terrorists.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:04

I wish I could add something funny, but I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:06

I don't that's all I know is that they're a terrorist group.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:08

I know they're pretty mad at each other.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:10

Which bring which brings us to uh Fake Retard makes a hostage video. Um Okay. Uh Faket Retard versus the Palestinian refugee children in his basement. Okay. Um yeah. Um Fat Gay Retard rapes a woman until she can't walk.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:33

That's just on Pornhub. That's not a full movie. That's just Pornhub.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:40

I thought I'd switch it up. Fat Gay Retard. I told you it was gonna get dark, dude. I told you this is a this is quite the rabbit hole this man has gone down. Uh Fat Gay Retard goes to White Castle. I thought I'd switch it up a little bit.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:58

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:00

Um Fat Gay Retard gets away with rape and pedophilia. And that's about the trial of it all.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:06

Oh, okay. Okay. Um gets away with. That's gonna be a tough one to pitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:10

That's gonna a lot of these are tough to pitch. I I think we're having a hot I think thought yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:17

Wait, I figured out why we have no listeners.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:20

Yeah, really. No. If you thought fat gay retard gets away with rapes a woman until she can't walk was a tough pitch.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:30

Uh-oh, just wait to hear this one.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:32

Uh so yeah, so here's what's uh yeah. Uh Fat Gay Retard gets away with rape and pedophilia. And then uh fat gay retard versus the petition to be put to death by everyone in the world because I know he got away with it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:47

Uh Fat Gay Retard Escape from Death Row.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:51

So an action movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:53

Yeah, so now he's now he's free. Now he's a free man. Um Fat Gay Retard and uh where am I? Oh yeah, Fat Gay Retard steals his grandmother's Adaban. So now he's into drugs, right?

SPEAKER_09 1:04:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

Fat Gay Retard, the search for a fresh vein.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:13

It's like a molecular movie. Now he's a drug. He's the size of like a speck of dust. And he's inspecting his full body.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:20

Yes. Fat Gay Retard versus sobriety. Okay, so now he's uh sober.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:25

Wow, sober. Now he's sober.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:26

This is a better one.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:27

Fake retard goes to rehab.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:29

Yes, yes. Uh, and then after that is uh, fat gay retard rapes another woman.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:34

I thought he was getting it back on track after sobriety.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:38

The only time he's not raping women is when he's fucked up on drugs. Fat gay retard gets away with rape and pedophilia again. Again.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:48

Two.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:49

Alright, uh, Fat Gay Retard Escape the Rape.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:53

The live action play.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:55

Okay, yeah. Fat Gay Retard versus the state, so now he's back on trial. Um, this time he doesn't win. And then the next movie is called Fat Gay Retard Goes Under. Right? So that's where they finally kill him, and then the final uh installment, as of now, is uh Fake Retard Goes to Hell because he weighs too much to stay afloat in heaven.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:19

That's why.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:20

Yes. Yeah, that's why, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:24

It's a beautiful saga.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:25

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:26

Well for all you Marvel Dorks.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:29

Yeah, well, I'm glad that took the last 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:31

That was awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:32

10, 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:33

That was awesome. I think we should keep going.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:36

I've got a lot more shit. Oh my god. You want to cool down for a second? Yeah, it's hot as fuck. Alright, we're gonna be able to do it. We'll be back, boys.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

I think an hour five.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:08

Bang a little more now.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:09

Bang a little more now.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:12

I like that look.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:13

Do you like this look?

SPEAKER_11 1:06:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:14

Do I look pretty? Do I look beautiful?

SPEAKER_11 1:06:16

You look like Brawny James.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:18

Do I look like one of the Hooters girls?

SPEAKER_11 1:06:20

I wish. I'd be on top of you right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:23

Dude, I feel like I look one like one of the Hooters girls right now. I feel fucking like a bad bitch right now, dude. I really do. You're you're laughing. I feel like I got bad bitch energy right now, dude. Look at me out of my luscious locks, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:38

Sweet tits.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:39

Oh, dude. I'm gonna have my period of Daytona sauce.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:43

It's my favorite sauce. I wish you would.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:46

How about this? Shove these.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:52

I think we need a visual component as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:54

Yeah, this is one of those moments where having video would be nice, but you know.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:59

He just put a couple of towels.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:01

No, yeah. Yeah, a couple of towels in the ticket.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:04

Resting them on his shelf-like nipples.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:07

Shelf-like I got tiny nipples, bro. Fuck you, bro. I got baby nipples, bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:11

Dude, one of my best friends in the world has these nipples that has like these white things that are like hanging off the end of them. It looks like dried milk. Shout out to Zarimbo. God bless them.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:24

What the fuck? I don't even know.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:25

It's the most he's one of the most disgusting people to ever walk the earth, and he'll laugh and say, fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:31

I'm taking this shit off. I'm disgusted right now.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:33

I love it. Your shelf like nipples.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:35

Shelf like nipples. What are they like? Fucking like pinky fingered nipples?

SPEAKER_11 1:07:39

Pinky fingered nipples. I thought like uh what you would hang over your fireplace to like put pictures of the family on. That's kind of what your nipples are.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:47

Well, you hang your stockings on them? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:50

You can hang your stocking off your nipples. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:55

If you're falling and he just so happened to be on the wall you're falling next to, could you grab onto it to save your life?

SPEAKER_11 1:08:01

For sure. Little little coat hanger nipples.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:04

Oh whoa. I almost fell 145 feet, but Do you have hairy nipples? Me? Yeah. I get little everybody else here. Not really. Honestly, I'll get like a couple black ones that come out, but I don't like it, so I'll pluck them.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:19

Yeah. I get really hair. I get someone's the hair will just be like three weeks later, it'll just be like a six-inch fucking hair. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:25

Like if all my hairs were black, I would just leave it, but it's like I've got fucking shitty soft blonde body hair, and then there's just like four black hairs around my nipples for some reason, so I'm fucking I'm wrapping them around the finger and taking them out. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11 1:08:41

Four stray dogs, chilling by your stray dogs. By your nipples, dude. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:49

Oh bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:53

How about here I'll try this? Horrible hang, guys. Horrible hang. This really is a fucking horrible hang. Here we is.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:59

How about this? Um how about like someone that they uh that's so fat, like someone from like 600 pound life, right?

SPEAKER_09 1:09:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:10

That the government decides them to s uh decides to send them to space, right? Because that's the only place that they can't order pizza.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:18

Betty Magoo goes to space.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:19

Right? It's like s it's like Stephen Asante from 600 pound life. If you if you know, you know. But he's just like baiting, he's just like in a giant, like custom-made spaces, like whining, like, I don't want to go to space. Like fucking floating out there. Barely fucking floating. Uh and I figure it could be like a movie and we call it uh 2,001 pounds, a weight odyssey.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:46

It's really good on my joints.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:50

You like that one?

SPEAKER_11 1:09:51

Yeah, I do. Weight odyssey. Cool. Cool. Cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:55

Speaking of space.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:56

Cool, awesome. Thanks for watching.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:57

Speaking of space, how about this? Instead of uh space jam, it's rape jam.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:03

Rape jam. I was gonna go race.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:10

Instead of Michael Jordan starring, it's Kobe.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:14

And it's based in Colorado, not space.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:19

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:20

Number eight. Number eight, Kobe, not number 24 Kobe. Number 24 Kobe died in a car in the point. Helicopter accident. Number eight, Kobe.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:30

Come on, what are you willing to give for greatness, guys?

SPEAKER_11 1:10:32

I mean, hey, five championships. Five wins. Incredibly overrated. Hot take right there. I believe Kobe was way overrated.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:43

Five rings, and if rape court gave rings, he'd have even more. Anyway, I'm kidding. I don't know anything about that. I'm just fucking being a faggot. Uh something different. Something different, dude. Fuck it, bro.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:58

Get it?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:59

I don't know. I feel like yeah. It's rape's a tough segue.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:06

But uh if anybody would know that it's you. It's me.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:12

I don't know, dude. I don't know if it's just me. I feel like whenever I think of rape, like it's not what like it actually like whenever I think of rape, it's it I just think of some guy being like, ah, I'm gonna rape you. Ah Get over here. Like, you know, like like in a t like it's that's not how it actually goes down.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:30

Kind of like a 40s movie. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna fuck you. The blah. You're not gonna like it. We're probably both gonna regret this at some point. Shouldn't worn that though.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:50

It's definitely your fault. Ah okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:55

Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:59

Oh, fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:00

I got a lot more.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:02

Um why do you have a pair of needle-nosed pliers on your bed?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:08

I don't remember, to be honest with you. It could be anything.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:12

Is that what you're using to extract your nipple hairs?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:14

Actually, no. What it is, you ever see those videos where a turtle gets a straw sucking his nose?

SPEAKER_11 1:12:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:20

That just so happens to happen in my dickhole when I'm swimming because my dickhole is so wide.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:26

Lots of straws in those pools.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:27

Lots of straws in my dickhole. A lot of urethral straws I gotta pull out.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:32

Damn, I love swimming in a nice poo, man.

unknown 1:12:35

Fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:36

Um, how about this? How about um Dracula, right? But instead of sucking people's blood, he sucks farts out of people's assholes.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:46

Oh, another dude, you're hitting me with all kind of left turns today. Exactly right. Farts.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:51

He's just like holding someone upside down like by the waist and just like inhaling from the asshole. I'm gonna be real. Like Count von Count, just like Count Pupula. What were you saying?

SPEAKER_11 1:13:04

I'm gonna be honest, if they did if that was the pot of Renfield, that Nick Cage Dracula movie that I saw that was horrible because me and my girlfriend at the time were just looking for anything to do to get out of the house, that movie would have been way better.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:16

How about instead it's Trendfield and it's a guy on Trend trying to become a man? A woman on Trend trying to become a man.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:26

Dude. You've you've been marinating.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:34

Dude, I'm having fun, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:36

It's hot, it's a thousand degrees in the fucking.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:40

I'm not gonna pass out, it's so hot.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:42

Dude, we can't have the fan on because it'll fuck up the audio for the zero people that listen to those podcasts.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:47

Yeah, for fucking three people.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:48

Yeah, it'll be worth it someday, right? That's what they keep telling me. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:13:52

When you fucking kill yourself, you'll be like, well, I at least tried stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:56

Yeah, and they listen to my fucking crying, listen to my- Oh, well, you know, at least there wasn't any background noise, you know?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:02

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was able to hear him talk about rape clearly. Good. Thank God.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:07

I'm glad you could hear every word, every syllable of that. Take a joke, fucker. Not you. Everyone that's bitching. I'm gay. Anyways, uh, how about this?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:20

Instead of uh Take a joke, fucker. Take a joke, bruh. That was that was a lot of incel energy right there. Take a joke, fucker.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:28

I I understand that, but you know, there's there just so happens to be incel in my blood.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:34

Just so happens to be.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:35

You know, it's not by choice, but you know. It happens. It happens, dude. I'll admit it. I'll admit it. And here's the thing, you know, you could get on Reddit and start shitting on women, or you could start a comedy podcast and do it subtly. Talk about rape. And talk about rape. And hide behind the facade.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:55

You can get angry behind a bunch of fake profiles and burner accounts. Or you can use your real name and talk about rape on a podcast. Which one would it be?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:05

Bro, even if I fucking did this shit on Reddit, it'd still probably get more views than whatever this fucking is. This is the adult path.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:11

This is the adult path, I think.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:13

I'm at least trying to be funny. Like, I know I suck and I'm a piece of shit, but I'm at least trying to be funny, bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:20

Uh, everybody's a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:23

Everybody's a piece of shit, bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:25

Especially me, dude.

unknown 1:15:27

Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:28

I've got no laundry either. I'm doing fucking laundry with quarters. This look at my look at me, dude. What the fuck is this, bro? I look like the joker. It's a crazy f I I look like the Joker, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:39

He's got a clearly free weed merch t-shirt.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:42

It is Yes, it is free weed merch. It is free weed merch.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:47

I know, I'm familiar with brands. It's like this hazy purple.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:52

It's purple purple shirt.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:54

But actually, if you had like some nice like stonewashed blue jeans, it would look cool if it didn't have weed weed branding on it. Well, that would be a cool thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:02

It's not like cookies or someone like this is at least like you kind of gotta know a little bit to know it's a weed brand. This kind of just could be anything. Select, you know.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:10

Yeah, it could be anything. Stoner babes would appreciate that. They would. You should wear that shirt out. You should get a nice pair of stonewashed jeans. I wore it on stage once or twice with some nice jeans. Yeah. Exactly. But it can't they can't be dark, they have to be like light blue jeans.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:24

Oh, I wore black jeans. I like purple and black, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:27

Purple. I like the purple and black. I like the purple and blick. That would look cool. It would. I'm doing how I would do it. And which socks and is unfashionable, probably. I don't know, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:37

How about this? Instead of the joker, it's the jelker.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:40

The jelker!

SPEAKER_04 1:16:41

The jelker, if you like that. Would you like to jelk? You wanna know how I got these scars on my cock?

SPEAKER_11 1:16:53

Do you want to know why my cock is bruised?

SPEAKER_04 1:16:59

I love we love joking around here, guys. We're big jokers. We're a pro-joking podcast.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:04

Hydration and joking. Your bird will be bigger by the winter. It needs to be bigger for the winter.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:09

Fat veins and long cock. That's what we're about.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:11

Big time. Big time. Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:13

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:14

Because right now we have a horrible hang between both of us with our birds. They hang horribly. Yeah. That's why we're joking. Yeah, we're gonna be. That's why we're hydrating.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:22

Horrible hangs.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:24

I have such a disappointing hang.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:28

Is it a hang?

SPEAKER_11 1:17:30

It's kind of like you ever lay your head on a pillow? You ever see someone who kind of what it does on my nuts? You ever see someone? Until I started drinking water.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:39

You ever see someone who like just got an interview from a job and like didn't get it, and they're just like hanging their head and arms down.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:48

I have a terrible story about hanging your head today. Oh yeah?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:51

Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:52

True to life. Let's hear it. Construction worker.

unknown 1:17:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:57

Well, I know this, but the audience doesn't.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:59

We it it does. It's the same two fucking losers that listen to it. Shout out to you guys, I love you. I would go out, there's two Porta Johns. Okay. On this job. I go out to Porta John and open the one on the right. This is the first one I'm walking past. I open the door, I find a five foot four Mexican man hunched over.

SPEAKER_14 1:18:20

No way.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:22

Pants around ankles. Mid scroll, mid shit. Oh damn. And then we just we just did forgot he must have had to shit bad. He was just praying. Forgot to lock it. Been there. The shame is great. Just we both went, oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:39

Did he have a can did he have a candle with the Virgin Mary on it burning?

SPEAKER_11 1:18:44

No. Alejandro did not. But he's the van. This is the thing that scares me. Didn't see him the rest of the day. This happened at 9 30. He must he might have gone home in shame.

SPEAKER_14 1:18:55

Damn.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:56

This happened to me though. I forgot to lock. I forgot to lock in a in an actual warehouse before.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:02

Dude, I lock any door I close.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:04

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:04

I have trust issues.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:06

I don't lock any door. Well, my house door. But like one time when I lived in the city, I had too many to drink at the Lyrical Lemonade Festival.

SPEAKER_14 1:19:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:16

And I woke up in a pile of green vomit with it with a lot of the green vomit in my phone charger. So my phone wouldn't charge anymore. Ass naked. Never slept ass naked in my life. And my door was locked. Dude. And I've never locked my door.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:33

Bro. Can I give you a quick story real quick?

SPEAKER_11 1:19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:37

One time.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:38

Did you lock my door? I'm waiting to find who I.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:42

No, but you said fucking you were talking about your phone port.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:45

The last phone I had, which is like, I lost a lot of jokes that were on this phone. Damn. Because just the uh the computer chip was fucked up because I wasn't sure. I woke up one day and it was uh the the thing was dead, it wouldn't turn on. I take it to fucking T-Mobile, and they're like, yeah, dude, the the fucking memory card must have been like sitting in something acidic or something. It was like burned up. And then it occurred to me that I was drinking heavy that night and I pissed the bed. Oh so my phone was literally soaking in my own alcoholic piss that whole night, and that's why it's broken. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:25

That's fucking horrible.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:27

Dude, I wanted to fucking kill myself.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:29

I had to air that fucking phone out for like two days before it would charge, dude. It was fuck it was bad. It was bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:35

Bro, it was the uh uh already the acid acidity from piss.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:40

And then whatever vodka I drank added to that was just Now when did that hit you?

SPEAKER_11 1:20:44

Were you standing in the T-Mobile store? Were you uh oh Yeah. I know I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:50

Yeah. Yeah, I was basically like, ah, it must' fried up. I don't know.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:57

Weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:58

Short circuit.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:59

Weird. I've been using some weird ingredients in my protein shakes lately.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:02

Yeah, no, he didn't even finish the sentence before I knew what happened to that fucking ball.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:08

Oh my god. Oh my god. You're still here.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:11

I'm still here.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:12

I would unfortunately. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:15

I might have killed myself after that one. Uh I almost did, honestly.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:20

And this guy's got a fucking Joker poster sitting here. He looks like the Joker. He jalks like we need to figure out how to make this the Joker.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:28

Yeah, honestly. I really like that. That's all I've been doing lately is taking fucking logos and changing the name of them. You've seen the fucking shirts I've been making.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:35

He's been making these awesome fucking jokes.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:37

Which by the way, honestly, I think I'm gonna post these shirts to the fucking uh the private story.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:43

Just so someone can fucking see them. So four the four people that follow can see them.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:47

I love it.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:48

I've I've uh dude, I have been on fire with these shirts lately, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:52

You for real have been cooking in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:54

Granted, like basically none of them are really wearable or appealing to any like normal person.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:01

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:02

So it's like I couldn't really make funny I couldn't really fuck I couldn't really make money on them.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:08

But it's hot and tiring.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:10

It's hot, you know. I hit the pen and shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:12

You hit the pen.

SPEAKER_14 1:22:16

Dude. Oh my god, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:20

Oh yeah. Fucking I accidentally shit my pants the other day, did I tell you that?

SPEAKER_11 1:22:25

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:27

What kind of shit? Yeah, like a- Tell the story, sorry. I'll interview you after.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:31

Well, no, it was like a spicy brown mustard shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:33

Spicy brown mustard.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:34

Well, because it was an accident.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:36

But yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:37

It was like I farted too hard and you don't really see a lot of people taking a full shit in their pants.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:42

I don't know if you just like pushed it too long and you're like, I can totally make it.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:46

I can't make it. You don't see a there's not a lot of people that shit their pants. I feel that it's like, no, it's the full load and it's a solid log. Like it's like usually it's cause like a mishap with an emergency happened. I farted a little too long. And I was at work, dude. I was at fucking work. So I had to throw the fucking underwear away.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:07

Wow. Dude. Did you not you didn't go home?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:10

Well, it was at the end of the day, so I was like, I just throw the underwear away and went home. But dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:15

My last underwear incident was uh nocturnal emission.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:19

Nocturnally mission, really?

SPEAKER_11 1:23:21

Nocturnal emission, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:22

Really?

SPEAKER_11 1:23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:23

When you were asleep?

SPEAKER_11 1:23:24

When I was sleeping, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:25

No shit. I don't think I've ever shit myself while I was asleep.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:29

It was not a shit. It's just a full load. It was just a load. And I was like, why am I st oh man, you're gross, dude. Oh man. Fucking like somehow that shame was greater than jerking off.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:43

No, dude, it's a it's a heavy shame. It's a heavy shame for sure. It's a heavy shame.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:48

And it's from not jerking off. It's from not nutting.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:52

Oh, that kind of deposit. Oh, I didn't catch on. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:56

Niternal Emission, bro. I'm not shitting in my sleep. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 1:24:00

I don't know. I thought you were sick or something. I don't know what happens.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:02

I'm fucking sick, alright.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:04

Dude, I am the fucking I have cum coming out of my eyes every day. I've still never had a wet dream.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:10

You've never had a wet dream? No. Not even like think back.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:14

I swear on my life I've never had a wet dream.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:16

Do you remember the first time you like questioned a boner?

SPEAKER_04 1:24:19

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:20

Do you remember that? Yeah. Would you how'd you question?

SPEAKER_04 1:24:23

Dude, it was. Well, I grew up with a brother, right? You don't know this because you're an only child.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:29

But yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:30

He was like, yeah, two years younger.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:32

It wasn't like he was 13 and I was 20. But like, fucking.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:37

It'd be funny if you discovered your boner at 20, though.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:40

That would be funny. But like we're young kids, we're like, dude, does your pee pee get hard? He's like, yeah, what is that? So we were just like What is that, man? We would just get hard and we'd be like, fuck yeah, my pee-pee's hard. It'd be like, fuck yeah. My mine's getting hard. Wait, mine's getting hard now too. Fuck yeah, dude. And it'd be like we came up with I came up with we came up with the idea for a guitar that comes attaches to your dick for no reason, no purpose, but just a dick guitar. We were funny, bro. We were funny, bro.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:17

Obviously.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:18

Obviously.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:19

We were funny.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:20

I remember a kid in like third grade telling me that his brother expla similar, similar, but this is third grade Catholic school. His brother explaining it to him that it's like when you find the one that you need that you want you want to hang out with or whatever, then your pee-pee gets hard.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:40

I see, I see.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:42

I feel like I probably just like walked out with Morningwood one day as like a five-year-old and was like, what's the deal with this, Mom?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:50

I don't know. It was very gradual for me. I was just like, well, this is something that happens sometime.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:54

I don't know what it means, but just sometimes why can't I aim my piss anymore? That was my big dilemma. Why can't I aim? It still is. I'll sit down when I got a boner if I got a piss.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:06

Sometimes my dick just turns into Rosie the Riveter. It's just like strong arm and it just won't go down.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:13

Dude, those fucking boners that you'd pop in like sixth period every single day. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:18

Oh dude, I had I had a heavy binder. I had a heavy binder.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:22

Dude, I'd be sitting in front row Mr. Schultz's class, my dick would just get hard. He looked like Shrek, dude. He didn't even know my name. My dick would just be fucking raging in his class. Dude, I all the time. Bro, I shit my pants once in school, too. I also did, but my story is very sad. It's very sad.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:40

Dude, I feel like fucking. I don't know. I've been wearing pair of thieves boxers for like 10 years. Okay. And I'm pretty sure, thinking about it now, every time I've shit my pants, it was in pair of thieves boxers. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't start shitting my pants until I started wearing pair of thieves.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:58

Yeah, switch that up.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:59

Well, dude, they're great boxers until you shit yourself in them.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:02

Yeah, you're down.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:03

Apparently. Well, dude, and they're like fucking 12 bucks a pair.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:08

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:08

And then I'm in the work bathroom. I'm like, is the toilet strong enough to flush an entire pair of underwear?

SPEAKER_11 1:27:14

Damn. See, that's something that I might just like put underneath the garbage bag.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:22

Well, I didn't want it to stink up the bathroom.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:25

Ruin somebody's So you know what I did?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:27

I like wrapped it in like 700 rolls of toilet paper.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:30

I fucking Now it'll disintegrate.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:33

I for a brief minute I had to put it in the pocket and I had to throw it away outside.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:38

Ran to the dumpster?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:39

I ran to the dumpster. Yeah. I had shit pockets. Well what? Am I gonna let it sit in the fucking humid bathroom? Like no.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:47

And if you risk flushing it and then it's soppin' wet, now you're leaving a water poop tray all the way to the dumpster. Yeah, dude. You know what? I would probably just throw it in the garbage can. Took the garbage bag out with me. And been like, sorry, hey guys, I'm just filled it up.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:03

Well now you're making me think why the fuck didn't I think to do that? I'm just carried shit underwear in my fucking pocket across my workplace.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:11

Hey guys, I'm just doing my favorite for the day. I'll spin it. I'm a piece of shit. I'll lie and spin it. Be like, hey guys, I'm just doing a good thing here. I didn't shit my pants. Why would you think I shit my pants?

SPEAKER_04 1:28:22

Oh, bro. Good thing no one listens to this, dude. Good thing. Good fucking favor.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:26

We divulged all the secrets here.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:30

Oh, bro, dude. Um. I mean, I got more, but where are you at energy-wise?

SPEAKER_11 1:28:39

I'm hot as fuck right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:40

Let's keep going.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:42

I'm hot as fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:43

Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:45

Um may I smack a roo?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:47

Yeah, go ahead, dude. Go ahead, bro.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:51

I used to have one of these. Back when I was cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:56

Oh yeah, so. I came up with this too. Um, so there's this movie with Michael Fossbender that came out called The Killer, right? And I was thinking, what if instead it was just about a woman that got an abortion?

SPEAKER_14 1:29:15

Ruined my head, that was awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:17

I I did that on purpose.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:29

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:32

I'm joking out right now, too. Oh my god. Holy fuck. That made me 15 degrees hotter instantly. Holy killer. Killer. Killing babies. Yeah. Oh my god. Holy fuck. I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:50

I heard abortion, but that's fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:57

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:58

That's funny.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:59

Holy fuck. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:02

Uh sorry guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:03

No, I'm sorry, I ruined your hit, but you know.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:06

It was so funny. It's so funny when somebody dies coughing. I appreciate that when somebody dies, so I laugh when I die.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:12

Good. I'm glad. You get it. You fucking get it.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:15

I get shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:16

That's why you're here. That's why you're fucking here. Uh if only weren't fucking gay bowling all the fucking time, right?

SPEAKER_13 1:30:27

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:29

I hate it.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:30

But I'm good at it.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:32

I mean shit. You need something that makes you feel like you're not a worthless piece of shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:36

You know what it is? Is it's just like a complete escape. I'm able to shut off reality. If I don't look at my phone, I'm totally in only there. I'm only there with the guys that I'm with.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:49

That's dude, that's the rest of the world is like shut off. Because I have to think about it, because I give a shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:55

Dude, what there's something about just finding something that legitimately turns the world off. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11 1:31:01

Everybody I pr hope everybody can find it.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:04

Even if you're gay and that thing is getting fucked in the ass, dude. Dude, find it. Good for you, dude. Because I get that's what I was we were talking about video games, just like that complete escapism.

SPEAKER_09 1:31:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:15

I totally get, like, yeah. I mean, you know it's gay as fuck, but like, you know, you you know, you take the good with the bad. You do it.

SPEAKER_09 1:31:23

You gotta do it.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:25

Oh, fuck. We haven't spoken since that um hawk I mean, I hate to do this, but that hawk two girl. Oh god. Alright. Can I well this is how I wanted to bring this up. Alright. This was instantly ruined because everybody in the world saw it in 30 seconds, I feel like.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:41

It was just like I saw it on t on Twitter. You came up with a joke, then a day went by, and then I didn't even come up with a joke for it, and then 60-year-old dudes that I work with were like, You see that girl that's saying hawk?

SPEAKER_14 1:31:55

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:56

There's one dude that still says it, now I call him the hawk. Because he can't get over it.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:01

Yeah, he just runs with it forever. It's all he Yeah, yeah. He's like, This worked.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:06

I'm gonna s yeah, and we have like jokes that kinda you can already weave in with some of the stuff that we use for tools. Yeah. Like when you use lube for shit, it's just did you hawk too?

SPEAKER_10 1:32:19

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:19

It's a lot of that going on right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:21

I feel. I feel. It's a lot of that. And it's horrendous. We've got uh we've got a few tools at work that like what they're like all different types of sanders. One's like a grinder, one's like a they call it a finger grinder, and then one's like a like a sander, and I call them each the uh the finger, the fist, and the tip.

unknown 1:32:39

Damn.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:41

I like that. You like that? Yeah. We'll do shit with the grinder occasionally with like the blade that's like, I don't know, four or six inches big. Yay big. Okay. I mean we do occasionally.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:51

The ones we do are more like surface shit, but Yeah. We're using that to like cut through shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:58

And hopefully you don't get shot in your eye with fucking material.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:03

Speed of work, bro. I've been fucking I've been really and I by the way, I this is a come town bit, I know it is, but I really I I've identified as Fingoth, you know, in the last few months. Yeah, you have. I have. I've really gotten into it, I gotta be honest. To the point where it really has deepened my, you know, it's in deeply ingrained in my personality, I feel like, at this point.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:24

I like to I like when you can do a bit and it just becomes a pr you're a part of your humanity. Yes, exactly. You've become one with the bit. Exactly. Which is awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:33

Love that.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:34

That's how I fucking stay.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:36

Stay ruined in yourself. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:37

Yes. But it's also how I stay sane. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11 1:33:41

I'm with you a thousand percent. I've done this.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:43

So I had a movie idea, right? And basically, the uh the idea is it's like it starts it's like this family man, right? And he like he discovers Fingoth, gets into Fin Goth, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:33:55

Okay. Now, you know, uh by the way, for those who like- Do you think like maybe okay, so maybe he like watches a few TikToks and sees some like goth girls that are finothed. Maybe. Maybe he like falls down the rabbit hole like that. He just like he just like hates his wife. You know. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 1:34:15

No, no, just whatever. Fin Goth is short for finance goth, which basically is you're you're in the financial self-harm. You feel key You feel good from fucking pissing away and losing all your money. So basically, uh family man who gets into Fin Goth discovers it, right? And by doing that, he like ruins his family, right? He fucking runs them into the ground, he spends all the money they have, the college fund, everything. Yes, right? You know, and I feel like he can he discovers so here's what happens. He discovers that he can keep wiring money to Hamas, right? And he starts working with Hamas over in Palestine to make anything and they make a deal to send the wife and kids over to Palestine so that they can rape the wife but and behead the children. Well, listen, it's a movie. Did you want something interesting, bro? You want me to make a boring fucking movie? I just gave you fucking 50 boring movies, bro. You gotta be edgy if you want something interesting.

SPEAKER_06 1:35:24

I guess.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:25

Stop boring. This is a FinGoth podcast, no.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:28

Wow. This is That was different than that was different than my see different, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:36

It's all about the left hooks, brother. The art of diversion.

SPEAKER_14 1:35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:42

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_14 1:35:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:44

Yeah, dude. Really. I I I'm full FinGoth now. I well, I mean shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:49

If me What's your last purchase if you want to get off on live on the air?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:53

$350 to see Deft Tones of Alt People. And I don't know how it gets more FinGoth than that.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:00

I don't know. Why is that FinGoth though?

SPEAKER_04 1:36:03

That's not I mean it's definitely self-harm, but well, it's$350 for a one-day ticket and then also Deft Tones is really popular in the uh FinGoth community. Really? Okay, okay, my bad. My bad. No, you're good.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:18

My bad, FinGoth comm.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:19

I visited Wall Street. I visited Wall Street when I was in New York.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:24

And that was peak FinGoth, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:27

This is really who I am now. I don't think I don't think you guys really appreciate what FinGoth is all about.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:34

No, I feel like the general public doesn't understand it. They really don't. I barely understand it, and I and I support no.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:40

Well, you're you at least are like open to learn, you know. I'm teaching you.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:43

Boy, am I open to learn? Teaching you all about it. God damn, am I always open to learn? Well stop saying such nice things about me. That's me, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:55

Well, no, really what it is was that, you know, I'm a retard financially, and I got tired of fucking all my money being pissed away by me and then fucking losing shit and having to replace it, so I decided maybe if uh you know I was actually into losing money, that'd be I don't know if I don't know if the Fingoth community is gonna appreciate your entrance here. Yeah? Yeah. Why do you say that? Why? Is it too honest?

SPEAKER_11 1:37:19

It might be too much. Yeah, because you found out. Because it's trying to do you just said you're like, I'm retarded, but I'm calling it FinGoth.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:28

Oh, I see, I see.

SPEAKER_11 1:37:29

So I've I'm gonna stand up for Fingoth.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:32

No, you're right. There's a lot of people that, you know, can't help. And honestly, I I feel very conflicted. I'm not sure if it's something I'm going through or if I really am FinGoth. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:37:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:44

Well, because here's the thing, and I gotta be honest, and this is a little this is a little much, but here's the thing, he's gotta be honest. It's a little uh it's a lot of this is a lot. But the other day I was looking at my Chase account and I was beating off to all the money I spent on it. So that makes me think What the fuck? That makes me think that this is really who I am.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:06

Oh, and this is the thing, I don't know if he's lying, folks. And I'm in his room right now. It smells true.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:19

It smells true. I tried to cover it with the Fabriz plug-in.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:23

I'm gonna be that's kind of the part that gives it away.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:26

Plug it in, plug it in. Your room still smells like cum.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:32

Plug it in, plug it in. Your room smells like cum again. Alright. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_14 1:38:38

Alright, one minute.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:42

Uh back again.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:46

But yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:47

We just had a terrifying moment.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:48

Yeah, the fucking our power went out like fucking like a few days ago, and I was out for like 12 fucking hours. And like it was a s after a storm, and then like today was a perfect day, and I go to fucking we take a break, take a piss, and the fucking power went out again. I'm like, no fucking way. Anyway, but uh yeah, no. Fin Goth, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:39:10

Fingot.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:11

Fin Goth.

SPEAKER_11 1:39:14

Fin Goth, dude. It was fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:17

Fingoth, bro. You know what my latest venture with F Fingoth has been? Is I've been uh I've become I think I've become addicted to tipping.

SPEAKER_11 1:39:24

Addicted to tipping.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:25

Addicted to tipping, you know.

SPEAKER_11 1:39:27

I I like tipping good. I like tipping good, but you know my strange addiction?

SPEAKER_04 1:39:32

But it, you know, it's it's transcended from, oh, you know, I want this person to do well to, you know, I just can't have this money. I need to lose this money. Damn. The more money I am It's like also subconsciously, part of this is like is like the more I tip her, like, the more she's gonna want to fuck me, right? So I'm just for sure. Yeah. For sure. So I just get high off the hope that this waitress is gonna fuck me if I tip her.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:03

For sure. It totally matters.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:05

Oh my god. I see that a lot at Hooters. Like a lot, like a lot of fucking um older men that are like, oh, I'm just gonna give her so much fucking money and she's gonna help but love me, bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:18

It's classic play. Which a lot of that's not Fingoth. I don't think that's Fingoth. I think that's Herny.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:26

It's what?

SPEAKER_11 1:40:26

I think it's Herney.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:27

Herny.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:28

Horny.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:29

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:31

I think it's herny.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:32

Yeah, the line's a little blurry. You never really know. The Hooters girls don't mind it, though. A lot of them are kind of dumb to be honest with you. Wow. Which I I'm sure you didn't need me to tell you that, but.

unknown 1:40:45

Wow. I did.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:46

Not all of them. I thought they were all sweet, sweet, smart, beautiful angels.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:49

I thought they were all scholars.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:50

Personally.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:51

But I thought they all had PhDs and were just working here for fun. But uh no, there was one uh there was fucking one girl where um hold on one second. Sorry, I just got a fucking notification.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:44

So where's the when's the last time you guys beat off?

SPEAKER_04 1:41:49

I forgot what I was gonna fucking say. Just kidding. Oh no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I remember what it fucking was. So uh I like to lie to the Hooties girls to get sympathy, and uh I told him one of them that uh my mom had cancer, so fucking What are they gonna do?

SPEAKER_11 1:42:14

Just now?

SPEAKER_04 1:42:15

Not just now.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:16

Like in the last 30 seconds? No, no, while you're on your phone.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:20

No, that was something else. That was something up.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:22

But uh just giving you a funny excuse. Whatever, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:26

But uh but no, like um no, I mean, fucking there's so many girls that are in and out anyway. It doesn't, you know, no one remembers what you tell them.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:36

You could just fucking How could you put that on your mother? You fucking delinquent son.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:46

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Mom. Jesus. But no, dude. There was one girl that I was like, uh oh cancer.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:52

What the fuck would you do?

SPEAKER_04 1:42:54

I'm sorry, mom. Listen, you know, mom, I need to get pussy. I'm sorry, okay? You know, if you're a good mom, you would act as the fake mom that has fake cancer.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:03

Say what you want about him. He's real, guys. Say what you want.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:10

But uh no, but I was like, uh, oh yeah, yeah, my mom's cancer spread. And she was like, oh, oh, so now you have it?

SPEAKER_11 1:43:22

Oh I feel like I do have it now.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:28

Yeah, honestly, I'm like, well, it's not the flu. That's not really how cancer works, but God bless her.

SPEAKER_09 1:43:35

Sweet angel.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:36

God bless her. I'm jealous, honestly. I'm jealous. And you suck. Oh, dude. Are you getting tired?

SPEAKER_11 1:43:47

I'm tired.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:48

It's getting late. What is it, like 10 o'clock?

SPEAKER_11 1:43:52

It's getting tired. I'm getting late.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:55

It's getting up, uh I guess I got a few more.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:05

It's giving.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:06

What do you think about it being a white boy summer?

SPEAKER_04 1:44:09

Is it a white boy summer again?

SPEAKER_11 1:44:11

I believe it was declared a white boy summer. You might be a little out of the loop here.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:14

Listen, I I still think the bit's funny.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:17

Chet Hanks.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:19

But I still I still think it's kind of funny to say it. It is pretty funny.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:23

But a lot of people It's funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:26

I don't know. Fuck you, it's white boy summer. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:29

It's a funny thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:31

You know what? I feel like in the last few years the white boy's been looking at the book.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:35

And I also think that Chet Hanks also said everybody can be a white boy, probably.

unknown 1:44:39

Probably.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:41

Like I would that would be a great like PR spin. Everybody can be a white boy. Which would be hilarious to say. But I I feel like the uh Because I feel like white boy is even just a subculture of white boy.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:55

Yeah. I feel like listen, all of us could be. I feel like the white boy has been slightly reinvented. It's been gett we're getting some big we should have a little bit more respect than we're gonna be pubs. And like, listen, back then, fine. We're putting our time in right now. We're putting our time in.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:12

We're gonna have to really overwhelm people exactly. We were on a bad run there. We're to bad apples.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:18

We've spent a lot of time copying black culture and we've learned from that, and we've used that to our advantage, right?

SPEAKER_11 1:45:25

That's what it's kind of what it seems like.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:27

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:29

If I had to put my finger on it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:35

White boy summer.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:37

I'd say we made it lame and then lame became cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:40

Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Like ironic lame became cool. Yeah. Yeah, no. No, I agree.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:47

I got a couple Nirvana shirts. I mean, I actually like Nirvana.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:50

I mean, people have been wearing Nirvana shirts for a while at this point. It's just kind of like everyone has one, you know? Yeah. Uh bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:46:01

I have a cool one that talks about male seahorses giving birth on the back. We're different. You and I are not the same. Listener. You and I are not the same, white boy.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:15

Alright, we're gonna wrap up so you can't appreciate that.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:17

You can fucking you could fucking suck it, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:46:21

I can appreciate, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:22

Bro. Anyone who doesn't listen to our shitty podcast, secretly. Actually, I just got a letter from Biden. They just he just told me that they're actually secretly gay. And he has uh inside information to know that for sure.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:39

They're actually they're actually gay.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:41

You know.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:42

They live in that room together.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:44

You know, it's actually because they're not getting you know, vi getting violently plowed in their asshole every 24 hours.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:51

They're gay.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:52

They're actually gay. Tweed merch. How about what if somebody invented a bar of soap made from curry to incentivize Indian people to wash up?

SPEAKER_11 1:47:07

How do you know they're not doing that already? Well, because the face you just wrote. I want your eyebrows to the fucking high jump.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:18

Well, because when they pick me up in the Uber.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:23

Really?

SPEAKER_04 1:47:24

Yes. Kidding! Kind of not really. But uh. Alright, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:31

I always have like strange ladies that are my Uber.

SPEAKER_04 1:47:34

Really? Yeah. Like who? Do you have any stories?

SPEAKER_11 1:47:37

I only Uber in Vegas. No. I don't. I mean, well, I guess the one. That's a good setup. When we were there when we were there for Skankfest, we had this really the only I mean it's the only kind of funny story. We had this like older Hispanic lady picking us up who was very sweet. She like did not speak English. Really? Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:47:58

She was just like, Haras, we're staying hairs and we pick we got some dr we got some uh prescription medication.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:06

Okay. Okay. Um we're walking out, and she we're like getting in her large Tahoe and we just hear and it was like an actual shootout. Oh shit, okay. Cops and um a felon or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I don't know, a shooter. And then she's just like saying all these like prayers instead of saying, hi Dios Mio. Hi, Dios mío. She was just like freaked. And we were like also freaked, but it kind of lightened the mood to have somebody freaked in a different language from us, because it was like, okay, who what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 1:48:49

I feel like that would make it scarier, bro. If you hear like praying in another language, then I'm like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:55

That's more to me, that's more like oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:58

Yeah, exactly, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:00

I was like, I feel good here. That's like something's about to go down. I was like, I could tell she speaks to the Lord regularly through prayer. And we're good right now. I felt like that. I felt like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:10

Kind of like when you hear when you're on a plane and you hear an Arabic person praying.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:16

They even allow that.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:18

They do, you know. They do.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:20

Huh.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:21

Which there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, you know, it might make Whitey a little nervous.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:27

Like Boy's Hummer.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:28

When I yeah, there's this too. When uh when we went to New York, we uh speaking patois.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:33

Yeah, a white guy speaking patois at the airplane. They're also probably getting kicked off. Then just there's gonna be a video that says he's drunk and he's peeing.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:47

Dude, I I'll be honest though, when we were in New York, we uh we visited the 9 11 memorial, right? Which is a it was it's a beautiful memorial, it looks really nice. But uh when we were there looking at what it's

SPEAKER_11 1:50:00

Is it have like an actual specific name or is it just called the 911 Memorial?

SPEAKER_04 1:50:03

I think it's just called the 9-11. There might be a name, but to me it's the 9-11 Memorial. But um, you know, we were you know looking into it, and then uh I I looked to the left and there's a uh couple wearing a hijib and a fucking uh you know whatever the woman wears in that religion. And I was just thinking to myself, like, mmm, I don't know about how I feel about that, you know?

SPEAKER_09 1:50:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:28

It kind of gives me uh look at this buck I killed kind of vibes. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11 1:50:34

Smeasel the tiger.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:35

You know what I mean? Like they were scared, like both of them were cheesing, bro.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:40

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:40

You know what I mean? I'm like, mmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:45

Uh, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:48

Alright, man. We're getting to the fucking end, bro. This is about to be a two-hour podcast.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:55

You know that? Jesus. Yeah. Alright. Um That's pretty good. Yeah. How about this? Um how about the Hambler the ham Fuck. The hamburgler, but instead of uh stealing hamburgers, he sell he steals uh people's innocence. He rapes them.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:19

So that's the only difference. That's the only difference. The exact same name. It's the exact same guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:28

And he's just a rapist. But now he's just a rapist. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:32

I just wanted to break that down. Yes. Okay. Yes. Make sure we're on the same page.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:36

That's exactly what this podcast is.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:38

It was confusing for anybody. It's for me for a second. I was like, whoa. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:44

No, you don't have to really think about it for that long. It's exactly what it sounded like the first time.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:50

What if? That's a great place to start. Are you pitching this to me right now? It's a great place to start. What if? Um.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:02

I mean, we're just kind of pushing it at this point.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:06

He steals the innocence. Because he doesn't put the correct toppings on the burger? And like he makes them racist towards the type of person?

SPEAKER_04 1:52:15

Well, no, because he's a pedophile.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:17

Oh. Oh, okay.

unknown 1:52:21

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:23

It's as simple as I said it was.

SPEAKER_08 1:52:26

Wow.

unknown 1:52:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:52:29

Well. Let me take that raff back. Let me take that back.

SPEAKER_05 1:52:33

Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:35

Alright, man. I think this is enough, dude.

SPEAKER_09 1:52:38

Oh yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:40

You know, we're lucky if anyone even gets us fucking deep.

SPEAKER_09 1:52:43

Yeah. I'm with ya.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:44

Alright, man.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:46

Congratulations, you made it through this horrible episode.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:49

Thank you for still supporting our shitty podcast. You're gay, I'm gay.

unknown 1:52:54

We're all gay.