Episode 15 - Kid's Choice R-Words

harry potter and the bridge to dicksuckia, a special guest is back, nickelodeon pedos, and bullying.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:04

Welcome to Harry Potter and the bridge to Dick Sucky. Yes, there we go. This is huge.

SPEAKER_07 0:10

Thank you. This is massive. Alright, guys. So we have an old friend back in the room today.

SPEAKER_06 0:16

Uh Liam, hello? Long awaited, dude. Long awaited fucking. You know we're on episode 15 of this shit. That's disgusting. I feel so bad, dude. I'm an MIA, man. This is fucked up. It's fine.

SPEAKER_07 0:27

Liam's been in the ether. We got Joey with us today. He was on the first two episodes. Yeah, first appearance.

SPEAKER_05 0:34

You on the first one? First two. First two.

SPEAKER_07 0:37

Remember we did it in Liam's room, we recorded two episodes. Legendary. They were a little choppy, but they were still funny. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

Fuck, I should go back and listen to those.

SPEAKER_07 0:45

Go fuck it, dude. I need the listens. I need it.

SPEAKER_05 0:48

I don't even remember those days. I was so fucking weeded out. Really? We were high for sure. I don't fucking remember at all. Because I just chiefed a pen all day.

SPEAKER_07 1:03

I'm fucking high. You're on fucking pain meds now?

SPEAKER_05 1:06

I'm on pain meds, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:07

Kyle, do you still get high? Do I smoke? Yes. Do I get high? No.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Yeah. It's more maintenance. This is gotta be fucked up. Fuck. I need my uh mental health.

SPEAKER_06 1:19

I'm off the code red right now. I'm gonna be crazy. You're about to be just bouncing off the walls, dude. This one's for Uncle Joey. Nipples hard as a fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:29

Once you get the adrenaline going, you'll start to soften up for you.

SPEAKER_06 1:33

Shout out to the fans though, dude. The fans are wanting this, man. I know it. All four of them. 14. Shout out to the fan. 1415 listens all day.

SPEAKER_07 1:42

The last fucking episode got eight listens, and I had to take it down, and I gotta re put it back up because the sound got fucked up somehow.

SPEAKER_06 1:48

I don't know who the eight are, though. That's kind of crazy. What? Like who are the eight?

SPEAKER_05 1:54

One is my ex-rapist pedophile. Dude. Shout out Father Tom.

SPEAKER_06 2:00

Dude, fucking asshole.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

He's a big supporter. He's not an asshole.

SPEAKER_04 2:03

Noah's one of the listeners. No, Noah's one of the listeners. Yeah, he listens to my uh my remixes and shit too. Hell yeah. I got 10 good plays on here, actually, that I just caught him listening to this week. So he's my most listened to uh listener. Such a good guy, no. Yeah, right. He's supporting our locals.

SPEAKER_06 2:19

Dude, he was here. He saw how the sausage is made.

unknown 2:21

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 2:23

It's an ugly process. It's a dark process, dude. But that's how you get greatness.

SPEAKER_05 2:28

He made it through all the breaks where we're gonna be able to do it. The molding process.

SPEAKER_07 2:30

I think it's interesting. We all go back into the other room and then we block off.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

We go to the room.

SPEAKER_07 2:35

And then we have the energy to continue the pot.

SPEAKER_05 2:40

We hold the cat hostage and make him watch us fuck.

SPEAKER_07 2:43

I do wish the cat was in here right now. I just don't like standing on this. He like goes on that and all that, you know what I mean? At least he don't pee anywhere. He's really good about that. That's all you have to do. He's very good about that. Yes, he does though. Those are stakers.

SPEAKER_06 3:00

Clear room. It doesn't smell like cat in here though, which is cool.

SPEAKER_07 3:03

Yeah, that's why I don't want him in here. Yeah, good. There's not cat hair everywhere.

SPEAKER_06 3:07

Dude, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:09

That's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 3:09

So the apartment is clear of cat smell. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_06 3:13

It's not like a cat piss smelling thing, because that's normal, I think.

SPEAKER_07 3:16

That happens. Yeah, he's pretty good about that.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

You want to amp it up, put a humidifier next to the little uh litter box.

SPEAKER_07 3:21

They would like it. Oh yeah, we were talking about steam up that shit. I was telling him last week while when I was a kid, we'd go to my grandpa's house and he had a CPAT machine and I would fart into the CPAT machine. As a little kid terrorizing him, and then one time we I took a cat shit and I put it right next to the air and tick.

SPEAKER_05 3:42

This is the same guy that gave you a car.

SPEAKER_07 3:44

No, he just he just got annoyed with it. Well, he gave me the idea to do it. Is he still alive? No, no, he's kicking it. He's still showing. Yeah, he's kicking.

SPEAKER_05 3:51

Isn't that the bucket yet?

SPEAKER_07 3:52

No, no, he's healthy now.

SPEAKER_05 3:54

You're shocking his system with cat shit, dude. You're keeping him alive. Yeah, probably. All that fucking uh what's that shit?

SPEAKER_06 3:59

Asbestos?

SPEAKER_07 4:00

Asbestos.

SPEAKER_06 4:02

You really fired in the CPAP? That's fucking wild. Hell for sure.

SPEAKER_04 4:06

I was with uh Kyle when he gave me the idea to take a shit in the uh what was it, the urinal? Blaze pizza.

SPEAKER_07 4:11

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

You shit in the urinal? Yeah, left some kibbles and bits in there. Dude. Dude, popcorn shrimp. It's these little fucking pebbles coming up the street.

SPEAKER_06 4:23

Too much dairy, dog.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

I gotta lay off the cheese. Dude, I do. What are they putting in our food? Dude. Hormones to turn us into women.

SPEAKER_06 4:32

Dude, I had spicy ramen like at a weird, like late hour last night. Don't do that. Really? Such a bad boy. Oh my god, horribly. Just liquid lava.

SPEAKER_05 4:43

I like to get home from the gym and throw a pizza on the pizzazz and crush the whole thing.

SPEAKER_06 4:47

Why is it right now, because I'm bulking.

SPEAKER_05 4:49

Yeah, true. Oh, yeah, you're bulking. Well, excuse me. I'm dirty bulking, but he needs beware.

SPEAKER_06 4:54

It's bulk, excuse me.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

That cock's getting bigger, right?

SPEAKER_05 4:58

I hope. You don't need a poop, but I just came off of a run of I had six straight shits that were a single wipe with no poop on it.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Really? Really? They were a dry rock.

SPEAKER_05 5:10

It spanned four days. So your ass was earthbending, huh? That is impressive. You usually have the soft shits. As a whistle. You know what you like to put that on me? But I'm not a soft shitter. Which one is a lot?

SPEAKER_07 5:24

Has been soft. You've got length going for you for sure.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

I only send big turds.

SPEAKER_07 5:29

They're long for sure, but as far as density, it's lacking. That's all I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with it. It's like pizza. It's like pizza. There's different styles in different places. And you know, don't send me shit picks.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

You guys gotta do your reverse shit can alright.

SPEAKER_04 5:46

You guys gotta do the reverse shit can where you just film it and then put it in reverse on Snapchat. Oh yeah. Just watch it go back.

SPEAKER_05 5:54

Here's my problem is my shit picks are always ruined by my wipe edge. And it's just toilet paper covering my master.

SPEAKER_06 6:03

No, I like the idea of your ass being caked with shit while you take the back. That's what really gets me going.

SPEAKER_07 6:10

You ever forget to close the door all the way so you have to like fucking waddle over and close it?

SPEAKER_04 6:14

Worse is when you got no toilet paper and you gotta stand up without even wiping.

SPEAKER_07 6:17

Oh, that's why we got ours in the little cabinet where you can just reach it from there.

SPEAKER_05 6:21

I was with my lady. There were many times where I would have to open the door and go, can you bring me? That's kind of that's cool though. It's romantic.

SPEAKER_06 6:28

It's like married life, like you're in it.

SPEAKER_05 6:30

The last blessing.

SPEAKER_04 6:31

The last podcast we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Messer's so bad.

SPEAKER_04 6:33

The last podcast we were on. Uh me and Kyle had this interesting theory of uh gay men holding in turds and getting turned on by it. What's your thoughts?

SPEAKER_05 6:41

See, now I will say, as a guy that shits big, when I hold in my turd, it's a better percentage chance of having like a seven well, a 12-inch turd. Do you bleed sometimes? You know, it's been a while. It's been a while. My bleeding was normally out of nerves.

SPEAKER_06 6:55

I am kind of a size queen when it comes to shits. Because I if I shit like long as fuck, I'll be like, I'm skinny now.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

Like I feel like a little your your gut's like a trash compactor and it comes out all expanded.

SPEAKER_05 7:06

I like when it hurts when it's coming out. Okay. I like when it hurts.

SPEAKER_07 7:09

You ever eat uh sunflower seeds and then it makes your shit bloody? No. Dude, I remember in fourth grade there was this. Sunflower seeds?

SPEAKER_06 7:18

You played no sports. You can't eat sunflower seeds if you didn't play sports episodes. I think about the cartoons.

SPEAKER_07 7:23

Well, no, so it was this dude in like fourth grade, and he was like known for getting in trouble all the time and shit. So they didn't trust him to go to the bathroom by himself. So he had a bad home life. He had to be yeah, probably. So I had to be his bathroom buddy and walk into the bathroom. And I just remember him fucking being like, bro, check this out. There's blood in my poo. And I'm like, dude, I don't want to fucking see that. And he like forced me to look at his bloody shit with fucking sunflower seeds sticking out of it.

SPEAKER_06 7:49

How bloody was it?

SPEAKER_07 7:51

It had a nice little pool.

SPEAKER_06 7:52

So was it like a what's a like uh what's the thing that falls off the trees? Acorns? Not an acorn, not an acorn, the spiky thing. The spiky like pine cones?

SPEAKER_07 8:02

Pine cones. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, it basically was a pine cone. It had like the little trail of fucking blood too, like the dirty Sprite 2 cover.

SPEAKER_04 8:11

That's kind of hard. Do you ever have a turd that sometimes it's so big you can't push out and you're just sitting here and you're like it was supposed to be No.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_05 8:26

God melted to the ground.

SPEAKER_06 8:39

Guys, it'll hit wait. Worth it. Wait, was that the family guy? Dude, Melakunus' voice does something to me, dude. Yeah. I know her character's not hot in the show, but holy fuck, man. Kind of makes it hot.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

She's Russian.

SPEAKER_06 9:01

Like, actually? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:03

For real? Yeah, she was born in Russia. It makes it hotter. She's adopted. But she looks she's got a brown type energy. Like American USA, like hot, like on the truck washing it, you know, with the the short shorts and shit type vibe.

SPEAKER_06 9:16

Russians don't have beautiful olive skin.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

No. No, that's that's not what a lot of things are. Sums around lizard goes down the room. I heard halfway. That 70 show, Milo Kunis? I don't even know what she's doing. Milo Kunis is not a lot lizard, we'll say that. No, she's beautiful. She's a dying.

SPEAKER_07 9:33

Have you ever seen that episode of uh that 70s show where uh Steven rapes those two girls?

SPEAKER_05 9:40

Oh yeah, season four, app three.

SPEAKER_07 9:44

Oh wait, no, right.

SPEAKER_05 9:45

He was faded.

SPEAKER_07 9:45

It's all gone. Oh wait, that was ten years after the show ended.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

He started with Scientology too, right? What's up? They proved it in Scientology he did it, right? Dude. Did they really? Don't join the smoke circle.

SPEAKER_06 10:00

Said it in the credits, dude. Pay attention. While you're asleep.

SPEAKER_05 10:05

Need to be woke.

SPEAKER_06 10:06

Do you think he's reading in his cell right now?

SPEAKER_07 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

Or beating and shit.

SPEAKER_07 10:10

Right either that or fucking working out, right? We're getting fucked.

SPEAKER_06 10:14

Probably my worst thing. Jill fucking like scares the fuck out of my head.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

My dad told me a lot of interesting stories about Statesville and like dropping the soap is like so real. Dude, can you drop a story right now? Like, what do you got? I don't know. That's I don't want to pick it up.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

I have such slippery hands, dude. I drop at least once a week I drop the soap when I take a shower. At least once a week. And I'm not sure if you're like I'm a proof.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

You're gonna be by yourself. You drop the drop the bottle and you just look up while bending over.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

But no, but I try I I I do try to practice for in case I ever am in the situation where I like kind of like do like a squat with one leg and kick the other one out. I like to stay protected even in my own shower.

SPEAKER_04 10:49

I don't use bars of soap. I use bars. They're using uh they're using powder soap now because it's easier to pick up. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_07 10:57

Fucking like borax and shit.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

Are you like are you are you a foofy guy?

SPEAKER_06 11:01

A loofah? Aloofah? Too many germs. I like uh washcloth in the nuts. I use liquid in my hands. Liquid in hands. Wait, what? No abrasion? In what sense?

SPEAKER_07 11:16

I don't know. Something to scrub with? You're just rubbing and you're just like oiling yourself with fucking body blood. You're masturbating your body.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Dude, wait. We got a scrub, dude. Wait, pause, what?

SPEAKER_07 11:26

You got a scrub.

unknown 11:28

I lather?

SPEAKER_07 11:29

You lather? With my palms? You just use your palms and then rub your body with the soap?

SPEAKER_04 11:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:35

You masturbate your body. I mean, they do that in jail. How do you wash? So you'd be used to that. So's that. Loofah, too many germs, right? I'd use a loofah. I mean, I have my arm.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

I mean, if you just do something different with your ass in every week.

SPEAKER_06 11:50

I could use a rag, but it's not Africa, so I'm not doing that. Yeah, come on.

SPEAKER_04 11:54

I hate the rags are used for cleaning, you know, like filtering your water too. Just remember that. I know, right?

SPEAKER_05 11:58

It's black culture, dude. Come on.

SPEAKER_06 11:59

Sorry, my bad. Peace and love to all those. Jar lift, dude. Wait, that's the only option, so right? Rag loofah? Um, I found it. There's like the scrubbers thing. They like thristles.

SPEAKER_05 12:13

You just like I every time I have one of those, I just end up shoving it in my ass the entire time in the shower. So I had to get a big thing.

SPEAKER_07 12:19

Dude, I keep having that problem too.

SPEAKER_06 12:23

It's a bootet in your shower. Bootet. Dude, no, I I have a removable shower head. I blast my ass. Dude, I you at the at the house we had it.

SPEAKER_04 12:33

No scent?

SPEAKER_06 12:34

Yeah, no. I want zero scent.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

I've never had a removable head. I lied. You just want to be able to take your finger, wipe your ass like a credit card, and just go. Oh, it smells like like a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 12:42

The old leap of faith? You ever do that after you part too hard? That's a smell of the leap of faith.

SPEAKER_06 12:47

You push too hard and it's a little wet after. Wait, so do you use the loofah? I'm actually curious.

SPEAKER_07 12:53

I use a loofah, but I have my own. Greg has his own ionic.

SPEAKER_06 12:56

Oh, you have your own.

SPEAKER_07 12:57

Yeah, we don't share what'd be that'd be why.

SPEAKER_05 13:01

I was really worried you didn't have a few.

SPEAKER_06 13:02

That's one solid relationship, I'll say. Greg has a loofah? That shocks me.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

Does he smoke a cigarette after having sex too or what?

SPEAKER_07 13:12

Fucking uh I feel weird now, fuck. Alright, how about this?

SPEAKER_04 13:16

Have you got all sponge? I can't believe you just rub it on you.

SPEAKER_06 13:20

Dude, is it motion? That is that is kind of- My dad wasn't around, dude. That was mine. He still isn't.

SPEAKER_05 13:28

Mommy taught you how to shower? No.

SPEAKER_06 13:30

Did you grow up taking showers in public beaches?

SPEAKER_04 13:36

That's that kid who that kid who stood who stood in the urinal with your pants down.

SPEAKER_06 13:40

Dude, no, I don't have the cheeks to support that.

SPEAKER_07 13:44

It's always the shovel ass, too, the hang out ass.

SPEAKER_05 13:47

I was jealous of those kids with cabinets. The weird mole.

unknown 13:49

The weird mole.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Somebody's got eczema in their butt.

SPEAKER_06 13:54

No, not so bad. I smell good though. I lather. I mean, fuck. Yeah, I mean good. Yeah. So is it what like what's the benefit? You you like the whole like. You just want to scrub a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 14:06

Well you don't need to get it off, but it's just like doing dishes, you know? You don't just rub it with your hands, you fucking use a sponge and scrub it.

SPEAKER_05 14:14

Dork.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

People who pay rent. Dishwasher, bruh.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

Dishwasher.

SPEAKER_07 14:21

Greg doesn't want to use the dishwasher. He says electricity's too much, which we do use a lot of electricity, but a trade-off I'm willing to make. That's all right. That's all right.

SPEAKER_05 14:31

I got the electric dildos every night.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

Yeah, right. They got like uh solar panel dishwashers now. Really, really? Yeah, just fucking put it next to your window or something.

SPEAKER_07 14:39

Just next to the window.

SPEAKER_05 14:40

It's very convenient.

SPEAKER_07 14:41

Yeah, you've seen my kitchen. There's not many windows in there. You can put it next to the setup.

SPEAKER_06 14:46

This place is a good vibe though. I tell you, if it was like dungeon-esque, it's good. Oh, thank you, man.

SPEAKER_07 14:50

This is like it's good having shit on the wall too. We gotta get more shit on the wall out there, too.

SPEAKER_06 14:54

That'd be cool, yeah. You have a Costco hot dog thing on the wall. You like that? You like that? I love it.

SPEAKER_05 14:59

It's original. I'm right, I'm holding it.

SPEAKER_06 15:03

Oh yeah, let's do it. Oh, that's it. Dude, this is a tough one. Okay, we're in? Yeah, we're in.

SPEAKER_05 15:07

So you alright, we're just having a discussion. Let's go around the room and see we already know Kyle shoots his load onto his chest and lets it crust up.

SPEAKER_07 15:16

Oh no, this is a this is a new beast. This is a newbie. Where does it go?

SPEAKER_05 15:21

What do you do? What do you shoot into?

SPEAKER_07 15:23

A towel. We're talking jacking off. A towel now. A towel. A towel.

SPEAKER_05 15:28

How often do you wash the towel?

SPEAKER_07 15:29

Oh, usually once a week.

SPEAKER_05 15:30

Once a week.

SPEAKER_06 15:31

So you lay the towel out next to you. No, he definitely you definitely lays it on top of him. How do you do it?

SPEAKER_07 15:37

Yeah, it's next to me.

SPEAKER_06 15:38

So you're laying down. So you do a rollover, a rolling squirt.

SPEAKER_07 15:41

I do a rolling squirt.

SPEAKER_06 15:42

Rolling square. I do a rolling squirt. Every time.

SPEAKER_05 15:44

We're talking off.

SPEAKER_06 15:46

Usually yeah. Jacking off power hour.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

We're in. Welcome back to 92.3 the jack off.

SPEAKER_04 15:52

Joey, how do you jack off sideways? Sideways? No, in the shower, actually. Every time? Easy cleanup, yeah. With your thoughts? Phone in the shower? No, yeah, phone out of the you know, it's waterproof, isn't it?

SPEAKER_05 16:05

You s it's waterproof. So when you have a chair in the shower that your grandma uses also?

SPEAKER_04 16:19

Drain babies. Yeah, easy clean up. I've done tourists. Nobody steps in anything. It's all clean at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_07 16:25

Yeah, but that's how when you've when there's like hair in there too, that's what keeps the hair together and makes it that fucking shit. Great, they'll make it hard.

SPEAKER_05 16:33

Then it's just gonna seep back up.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

You gotta get a good video on in the shower bar, you know, just kind of. So Andy, what's your technique?

SPEAKER_05 16:40

Bringing the phone into the shower is insane to me. That's insane.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

I have two phones, so I'm not sure, but I got one for sure. Oh talk about it. Wow. Kevin Gates. Wow. Not a drug dealer. I'm a food dealer.

SPEAKER_06 16:53

Dude. You have two phones, dadass?

SPEAKER_04 16:54

Yeah, I have one in my truck and I keep this one on me at all times.

SPEAKER_06 16:57

So I get my shower's hot as fuck, though. That screen's fogging up for sure every time. You know, just wipe it off.

SPEAKER_07 17:04

There's fucking dick.

SPEAKER_05 17:06

How do you walk with one hand?

SPEAKER_06 17:08

You gotta wet wash your thumb.

SPEAKER_05 17:10

Use your fucking phone as a fucking windshield wiper. I just use your dick as like.

SPEAKER_06 17:15

And also I need audio. I need some form of audio. Sound is necessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:19

Maybe shower flies, bro. That's the worst part when someone's home because it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_06 17:24

I think in the shower. You think?

SPEAKER_03 17:26

It's dark.

SPEAKER_07 17:27

About what?

SPEAKER_03 17:28

Uh everything. Killing myself. It masturbates to it.

SPEAKER_07 17:31

There. Yeah. Usually.

unknown 17:34

That'd be awkward as fuck.

SPEAKER_04 17:36

Uh what a horrible hang. What a horrible hang.

SPEAKER_07 17:40

Bro, you know, you know what I was thinking about earlier? We gotta finish the trick-off talk.

SPEAKER_05 17:45

I feel like I have the Supreme where I take a Kleenex and I'm normally laying down in the bed and shoot the goo straight into the Kleenex.

SPEAKER_06 17:55

So you're holding you're palming a ball of tissue. So you just hold spit down. It doesn't get dry.

SPEAKER_05 18:02

No. You spit on it or not? Put the phone down. You put the phone down, and then you're like, alright, here we go. Go time. Essentially covering your little bird withty two said hike.

SPEAKER_06 18:16

Uh I don't fuck with that at all. I think that's a messy maneuver. I think it's causes so many problems.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

You know what the best one is? Is just letting a girl swallow. That's the easy one. That's yeah, that'd be nice. That's dream on. They do it and then they leave.

SPEAKER_06 18:32

Wait, what were we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 18:33

What's your jerking off?

SPEAKER_06 18:35

What did I say? Oh, sock every time. Sock. Is that crazy? Is that old school? Do you like to do it? Do you like shoot it into the sock?

SPEAKER_05 18:41

Do you just like grab a sock and just like do whatever with it, or you like shoot it into the sock?

SPEAKER_06 18:46

It's on the alright, it's okay. Socks on my dick.

SPEAKER_05 18:49

You know motherfuckers who use condoms to jerk off.

SPEAKER_06 18:51

Wait, but you don't have separate pretty cool. Do you have separate The Condom thing's pretty cool? Do you have separate socks?

SPEAKER_05 18:58

Did you jack off, or did you just rub rubber for a while?

SPEAKER_04 19:01

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_06 19:04

So I'd I I not to brag have plenty of socks. So like and I have specific nuts. Like I know due to the circumference, like some won't fit over my cankles, so I know like that's a cock sock. And I use it for that. So yeah. And I have several of those.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 19:22

I have what's necessary. And I don't I'm not like a crazy jerk. I don't go like rounds and rounds and the same sock, you switch them up. It's maintenance, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:30

It's maintenance for the city.

SPEAKER_06 19:31

Yeah, it's it's it is maintenance. Something to get your mind off at two in the war, you can't.

SPEAKER_05 19:34

I'm like a one nut every 72 hours guy right now.

SPEAKER_06 19:37

Okay, that's bad. That's can't be good. Yeah, I don't know. Some darkness going on there. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 19:42

There's darkness.

SPEAKER_06 19:45

Yeah. Twenty-four hours, or I start getting mean.

SPEAKER_07 19:51

Twenty-four yeah, no, I'm the same way.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

Got a routine schedule twice a day.

SPEAKER_06 19:55

Morning and night? Yes, sir. No mid no mid-afternoon sesh? Good for you. I'm at work during that time.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

I can't just you know get arrested for lewd conduct.

SPEAKER_06 20:03

Dude. Jerking at work is a thing. It happens.

SPEAKER_04 20:05

It happens.

SPEAKER_05 20:06

That happens.

SPEAKER_06 20:08

It happens. Dude, if I don't know. If I don't jerk off at night. Have you guys ever beaten a urinal? Be real. Mm-mm. Me neither. In a stall. Oh, I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 20:17

If I Who hasn't?

SPEAKER_06 20:18

If I don't jerk off three times, I'm just Urinal beats, if you're out there, I get you. I get you, man. Somebody is gonna think like somebody on the internet's gonna think they're like, oh, urinal beats, they're gonna try that.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

They think you're making music. I feel like we're just masturbating on the stall.

SPEAKER_05 20:32

No, in the urinal dog, it is a type of thing. So it's master beats.

SPEAKER_06 20:37

I am the master beat. No. Uh socking's apparently crazy. I thought that was normal. I thought that was like how you do it.

SPEAKER_05 20:44

It seems like everybody's gonna run.

SPEAKER_07 20:47

Do you wash them separately?

SPEAKER_06 20:49

Oh no. Is that crazy? Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

I I have to. Do you have to wash my rag? Really? My rag separate, yeah. You don't. You have to, bro. You want to mix that? Dry crusty shit on your nice.

SPEAKER_07 20:58

So you just one rag.

SPEAKER_05 21:01

Kleenex.

SPEAKER_07 21:01

Well, what are you washing them with a washboard or a washing machine? Oh, the machine. The machine, a hot wash.

SPEAKER_06 21:06

It goes to the creek behind my house. Yeah. You gotta bring them out first in a special story. Keep in mind to just separate your loaves.

SPEAKER_05 21:22

I can't just wash one double another.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

Right? Or like six socks. I can't just wash six socks. Like just think about it. You can have like particles of dry cum in your sweatshirt right now.

unknown 21:34

Who doesn't?

SPEAKER_06 21:36

Dude, if I do if I put a black one to that early right now. If a black wind to that early, I'm gonna see some shit. I just know it. Run me down. You're gonna find oil on here, if anything. Dude, I'm sorry. That's how that's how I've been.

SPEAKER_05 21:48

Dude, you just I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just kind of can't. I just want to know more.

SPEAKER_06 21:57

So you you beat normal, but then once you feel like the wave coming, you just throw it on, keep going, shoot it into the sock, throw it, you're done. Boom, bam, bing.

SPEAKER_07 22:07

I don't that's something.

SPEAKER_06 22:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 22:10

I'm not judging. I'm not judging.

SPEAKER_05 22:12

That's a process.

SPEAKER_07 22:13

But that that is kind that's just it's just wild.

SPEAKER_05 22:15

How so? I feel like that's the same as my Kleenex thing, but I'm disposable and you have you you're handkerchief in it.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Ideally it should be disposable.

unknown 22:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 22:26

That's one old hanky wake for you. You jerk off like a big unk.

unknown 22:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

That's wealth. Never heard of it? Well that's true wealth.

SPEAKER_05 22:34

Success.

SPEAKER_04 22:35

You have like the sock with your initials and gold didn't you keep in there to examine the rug afterwards.

SPEAKER_06 22:40

My pocket watch. You guys don't get it man.

SPEAKER_05 22:43

It's jerk off time.

SPEAKER_06 22:46

Yeah pretty good stuff though. Half past a quarter to three you guys make me want to change my shit up dude I might. I'm also a lefty is that crazy me too. What?

SPEAKER_05 22:58

Oh yeah me too I write a lefty maybe you could lather in the shower with the comp I've never lost me never jerked at lefty can't I can do both the coordination I can't go back to right for a natural athlete.

SPEAKER_06 23:13

Really?

SPEAKER_04 23:13

I can't go back to right I just don't it's not my you found some some type of weight about it.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

I think it's the phone thing like I felt more comfortable holding my phone up with my right maybe it's stronger.

SPEAKER_05 23:22

Oh really coordination I broke my arm as a youth and I didn't like really do all the exercises to make it like really good so my left arm is basically useless so that's all it's that's all it's ever going to do is hold the phone. I don't have a lot of coordination to go up and down with my arm.

SPEAKER_06 23:35

Like you were saying though like he beats standing up I don't think I've ever beat my shit standing up never beat standing up besides the urinal standing up is that's that's serial killer shit. That's fucked off society and my shit sprays dog that's why your whole thing with the handkerchief sprays like a lawn sprinkler?

SPEAKER_04 23:56

Yeah literally is there any real men here that have done toilet beats around the toilet that's easy sit on the bowl backwards you know shit beat on the ball shit beat shape shower on my off days on my eye shit and piss easy clean.

SPEAKER_06 24:14

Yeah the shit beat shape shower I feel like a new man that's you won't want to kill yourself that should be a t-shirt marriage coming soon. Shit beat shaved shower I don't think I coined that I don't want to trademark your dad before you can't but I d I do I would do be doing that. Do you know there are people that brush their teeth in the shower I have I've done it you've done it I don't like the hot water I need cold water with my teeth brushing it's hot water in my mouth I'm not a I'm not a high beverage guy.

SPEAKER_05 24:44

No I'm a cold being cold breeze you do coffee though I can't do coffee cold brew black black coffee ice that's where it's at the same shit dude I like the taste of the bean you know the beans the bean I like the taste of the beans I like taste of the beans frankin beans our sponsor Domino's our sponsor's lane dude I've never been there this store's amazing you went oh yeah dude tell me everything me and my ex-girlfriend we just like started exploring you know there's anal beads everywhere slow down slow down you walked in front of you you didn't feel weird at all when you walked in there oh it was awkward you felt like a pedophile this is this was just one time I was terrified right it was just like yeah they got these big black dildos on the wall and they're just how did that fit in your ass?

SPEAKER_06 25:40

Joey I need to ask very strange so how many facial piercings did the worker have when you walked in just tattoos.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

No facial piercings no maybe a mustache she was uh she was in the prettiest they never are the the really wild ones never are she you know she definitely had a bush so is that like a boredom thing like you're so bored with your check you need to go buy that was a planned idea because she wanted to get freaky so I was like yeah fuck it you know we'll just see what's out there so you went to an establishment just take my credit card and go and bring it back let me swipe you and the credit card right was it expensive did you get like a lot of shit oh I didn't buy shit I let her get a couple vibrators and all that she paid out of her own pocket so what a good gal yeah that's cool.

SPEAKER_06 26:20

What what was your experience man?

SPEAKER_05 26:22

Um it was so it was like probably six years ago now.

SPEAKER_06 26:24

Whoa yeah it was like a baby when I walked in there it was terrifying I need somebody to unleash my freak bro really she's listening she's probably listening she'll call you Noah you think a girl's ever listen to this I got like five right now so I'm not even sure I know one does no shit shout out to her bad yeah I love you too no it was just I just remember walking in being like we need to go right now you weren't feeling the bad it was the I felt so weirded out and sketched out by it. Can you describe like what's in there? Like actually is it like toys organized? Yeah they're all like it's too well lit and it's too organized.

SPEAKER_04 27:09

It's like a dollar tree of like just sex.

SPEAKER_05 27:13

It's a dollar tree of sex yeah it needs to be darker in there. I didn't like how well lit it was we went to the one on Orl in Orland on 159 by all the car dealerships that's the one I went to dude it it's it's fucking hospital lighting in that motherfucker it's like premium it needs to be a little dimmer in here. I don't want everybody to see the light came out of the club yeah I want to high forty when I walk in here you know I don't want to feel like everybody's looking at my penis right now they that's what it felt like is everybody was looking at my penis.

SPEAKER_06 27:45

It's like walking into a porn studio but there's just so many tools yeah tools of the trade yeah no but was there like a they have the booths that you could go in do they have all that or no booths where the porn plays and you could sit in the booth and jerk do they have that no that that's not this kind of establishment I don't know I've never been beaches in Florida I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 28:09

You're old school like that. No I think that's more like an old like not so corporate I think lovers line like corporate big history jerk off and a corporate so but did you purchase anything? No. Because I was just ruining the vibe. Bro if I'm going I'm buying something if I'm going I'm buying something like an outfit or something I don't remember.

SPEAKER_04 28:29

Do they have outfits? Pretty cool stuff you know like the uh banana hammocks and shit you ever seen those? What is that? It's like it's just a strap that goes over your like your cock and your balls.

SPEAKER_07 28:38

Like the one that fucking uh Christanias would wear?

SPEAKER_04 28:40

No his oh was it go like on the side around the hip? Yeah yeah party boy that's that's banana too it was red too right banana hammock it's like the most free banana hammock energy I don't know your bald eagles to fly that's the thing to wear Kyle me and you should go there one time just vibe. Fuck it what you guys should vlog. Just feel it out that's uh name it the horrible buy some poppers dude a guy at work told me about poppers you ever fuck with you supposed to numb your assholes Joey you've done poppers.

SPEAKER_07 29:16

No isn't that what that though is like numb your assholes whoa this guy was not gay he was adamant about that he was like I'm not gay at all but they're fucking no yeah we talked about he like kept like he went to the Marines yeah he like kept like doing them more and more as right before he went to the Marines.

SPEAKER_06 29:32

Yes he was like getting like addicted to poppers yeah it was so funny he's like I'm not gay dude but they're fun like how is that fun like what what does it just numb your ass and then I think it like loosens it like loosens everything up would it help you shit that's what I'm thinking if you're conscious that's interesting.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

People who have lexative issues he was like a tough back fiber just need a fucking popper you like what you like I guess he's got a soft side sorry sorry for the abrupt stop um alright so fucking I'll start with this I guess have you uh have you guys ever walked in on your parents having sex or like heard yeah twice twice yeah I don't think my parents ever had so we're just like me me and Jimbo we were just you know we heard some knocking so we didn't want to come knocking or we heard the bed rocking you know they always say don't come knocking we heard the fucking rocking so we wanted to go knocking fucking How old are you? Oh we maybe 13. 13 yeah so I was right you guys knew what was going to all reverse it just was like disgusting. I don't know how I got convinced to just go walk up to the door put my ear on the wall convinced like squ squibbling with all due respect how hot is your dad he's Japanese and he's my stud dad pe oing yeah so that was the sound of him trying to get it in townoshima he's trying to find the length dude it was just ugly I'll say that dude I remember two things specifically that happened I remember I was at I was on vacation one year and I woke up at like three in the morning.

SPEAKER_07 31:11

Well I woke up a vacation oh I heard my dad was saying I just heard him saying ooh let me see them titties. I haven't seen them in a while dude it's like it's like your parents you hear your mom trying to get you dead do the roar for me I was like dude that's where the gene came from the titty gene that's where the that's where the you're a top guy huh? I had to find out that my dad is also a tit guy.

SPEAKER_05 31:38

I'm gonna ask you just not seen him in a while I want to make sure they're still there you guys heard shit you never saw shit.

SPEAKER_07 31:47

Well I did see this was like a couple years later I went into the room how old were you I didn't have a better sex life than me dog I was like sixth grade I think I was like fucking the computer was in there I was doing homework or whatever. On the ground is this tube right and I look on it and it says dickalicious. Put it on have your lover lick it off and it was strawberry flavored.

SPEAKER_06 32:11

Brought to you by Lovers Lane.

SPEAKER_07 32:12

And you know what my dad likes strawberry a lot and you know I don't that doesn't sit right with me.

SPEAKER_06 32:18

What does that mean? He's sucking his own dick?

SPEAKER_07 32:20

I hope not I'm not sure w what thought is worse fucking thinking a mom doing it or him or he's rubbing jelly on her oh it's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 32:29

I don't know dude jelly sandwich huh so okay you saw that but you never said a lady put strawberry kiwi flavored lube on her pussy and I was eating it I was like this is awesome slow down bro you serious yeah it was like some kind of flavor thing to like inhibit but was it like you were licking Vaseline like was your tongue like slippery no because it was just she just put like the right amount that sounds sick it was awesome I want to try that I got walked in on by a three year old during what dropping bombs right now did he get the camera? No she I was like screaming I was like I'm praying right now because I was on my knees she was on the bed and I was just like up to you know like I was in the trend like I was in the church I was in the I was in the pew dog yeah and they're you know the kid walked in yeah she was there two or three at the time yeah okay not conscious enough to remember yeah did you have to be like or was she like hey get the fuck out of here it was a fuck fuck the cover's over terrifying kiwi it was during the kiwi sesh yeah yeah during the kiwi sesh yeah that just came to me holy I forgot about that dude I wish I had some of that shit when I ate that one girl's pussy that tasted like fucking stink remember no you don't want to cover up stink because then you're still eating stink yeah you're right yeah you're right you're right it's like the Fabrize commercials Papa told me that don't just put axe on boys take a shower that's a polish shower they do that is true that is true but you don't think it helped maybe digest well at that point why are you fucking doing it anyway described the scent it wasn't it so here's the thing it wasn't even it didn't smell bad but it tasted like just awful it just tasted like stain.

SPEAKER_06 34:19

He said it tasted like licking a nine volt battery tasted like copper it it tasted like God's not real no but so just logistically like you would smell that taking off her pants. Yeah it's like it's in the blood so you knew off rip you're like this is gonna be fucked.

SPEAKER_07 34:40

Well it didn't like I said it didn't really smell it wasn't really an issue until tongue met you know see that's that doesn't make any sense to me well I looked into it she did a lot of Xanax and apparently if you like eat a lot of fast food take a lot of drugs and shit it can make your it can throw off your PHP balance is fucked.

SPEAKER_05 34:58

I wonder what I taste like ask ask one of the I taste like Wendy's taste like Wendy's breakfast sandwiches cold Wendy's fries. What about what about you?

SPEAKER_06 35:11

And that box and I've been out of ones in the past I walked in on the hot tub sitch I don't know if I ever remember the hot tub sitch. Okay and I like I was like maybe five or six and I couldn't find my parents I was freaking out like where the fuck are they? And I was just like losing my mind I go out into the like backyard like screaming like where are you guys and she just like slides open like because the hot tub was in like this hot tub like shack kind of you know to like get away from the elements you know yeah and she just like slides open the doors and they're both clearly like naked. But I didn't see anything crazy but she was like what like what you guys like and I just knew something was going down and just darkness ever since work. Straight misery. But that was like the closest call.

unknown 35:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 35:57

So my parents didn't love each other like that.

SPEAKER_07 35:58

So it wasn't like well I it was because I grew up when my m my dad found a new you know new thing. So I was around for the honeymoon phase of all that.

SPEAKER_06 36:10

Gross. Yes yeah have you has have your parents kissed in front of you?

SPEAKER_05 36:14

No. Ooh tough I've never seen my parents kiss. Crazy straight up I don't think no I don't think I have they've been married my the entire time I've been alive.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

Like once a week they're always swinging each other.

SPEAKER_07 36:25

That's cool like making out though? No That'd be wild your parents just like making out just like baby burning each other. No that'd be fucked up insane.

SPEAKER_05 36:35

Maybe I would know how to express my emotions if I saw that.

SPEAKER_07 36:38

It makes a lot of sense now I'm putting all the pieces together but yeah that's a whole thing. Fucking um I want to talk about this too we were talking about this did you uh you said you didn't watch the Dan Schneider documentary right?

SPEAKER_06 36:53

No I haven't seen it. I knew during though you knew during I was in the trenches dude I was watching it when it was going on I mean maybe I was just stupid kid but I thought I thought shit was going fine.

SPEAKER_07 37:04

I didn't realize it wasn't until like a couple years ago I realized I thought that was high quality television and feet feet I don't know I watched all four documentaries and my basic conclusion is it's the kids' fault if you really think about it.

SPEAKER_04 37:19

It is they knew what they were getting into the path with them let's walk down the path they knew what they were getting into and they sh you know yeah that's basically the underlying Drake got fucked right like sucked he didn't so he didn't really go into any detail of what actually happened it's on document they show in there it's uh what happened they show like that he was like there's sodomy there's uh forceful penetration of like the anal cavity shit like that's like ass fucking no here I'll I'll pull it or putting shit shit in someone's ass right here I'm pretty sure it has to do with anal penetration sodomy alright so producer joey sodomy refers to anal or oral intercourse explained by Bass versus State sodomy is defined as any sexual act involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth of the anus of another traditionally sodomy has been referred to as a crime against nature a crime against nature by various course statutes that said God no no sodomy do you remember like the commercials for like they used to do those like sweepstakes for like the fucking Nickelodeon cruise?

SPEAKER_06 38:30

No I remember that yeah I remember that get slimed with your family. Dude what do you think was going on in those fucking crews?

SPEAKER_05 38:37

A cruise that's no rules yeah did you see the thing on Twitter that they're like the Nickelodeon splat is shaped like Epstein's island Whoa that's wild.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

Come on putting the piece of the fucking island you know somebody just got killed I saw on Twitter over some shit like that they're finally leaking all the fucking you can't the truth is gonna be exposed at some point you can't hide forever. You know sooner or later people are gonna get smart enough to just pop a fucking USB drive in and get all the info they want.

SPEAKER_06 39:01

Kids don't have big titties though. No they don't so like what's the You're in the clear brother I don't I don't get it.

SPEAKER_07 39:07

That's what I mean I don't know. I don't fucking get it I don't get it. Plus they're sticky and fucking They're sticky they're not charming sticky they're not charming I don't get it. Dude you don't you know you don't remember those fucking uh sweepstakes at all they used to do them all the time in like the early 2000s. I just remember how hot like HiCarly chick that was a little this was a little bit before that. Pedophile went a trip to the Nickelodeon pedophile cruise ship hosted by Dan Snyder he wants to get close and personal with you and it's the parents' fault what did you expect? A guy that knows what kids like not to be a pedophile? Boom I mean I do think there's some responsibility on like the fucking parents for sure.

SPEAKER_05 39:56

Oh you know what I mean a little bit guaranteed ninety percent of the parents were like we're throwing our kids into acting to make us cash.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

Probably yeah it's it's like a it's like a pyramid scheme you know sick you sit you pimp out your kids to these perverts and they get cash for you.

SPEAKER_05 40:10

And they get to take sweet vacations on the Nickelodeon cruise ship.

SPEAKER_04 40:12

You think that's like advertisement was all right there was literally cash for gold signs is that what they were talking about pimp your kid Jesus Christ I like I like those Nickelodeon shows though it's kind of a bummer it is a bummer makes you so different it's not Victorious girls that was just kind of stories I was too old to watch that probably but I didn't show is my favorite I love that one you like the Amanda show I just thought that was like one of the early shows though like the just the the humor was adult humor they just try to like cram it into like a kid's show but it was kind of fucked up once you start rewatching all this shit you see actually see like the touching and like him sitting in a hot tub with like like with his clothes on next to Amanda Binds while she's in a swimsuit and she's like what 13 years old. Pretty sweet she said she got knocked up by him yeah look it up that's why she's all fucked up she's changed her identity to literally prevent people from thinking she was attractive. It's a look it up it's like real as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 41:08

Damn she had to get an abortion right yeah yeah because she got knocked up when she was 13 by one of the I'm pretty sure we're pretty sure got it all fucking pumped up you know do you remember as hell too do you remember uh from that show uh Totally Kyle Totally Kyle was Drake Bell and he was they played like a stoner there was Hilly moments too yeah one time I was in the shower and then my dick got hard and I said whoa that's never happened before and I went I wonder if I can reach it with my mouth and it turns out I can so I started sucking on my own dick. This should be your hinge bio dude you're destroying Drake get in here why is my cockrock hard I watched Drake and Josh Josh Drake and Josh was that was my favorite of the fucking sniper.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

Like the spin-off of it what it's called Drew and Jacob it's so fucking funny. No what is that?

SPEAKER_07 42:05

Is that like the like table version or something?

SPEAKER_04 42:07

No it's just a really like it was like a YouTube poop video from like 15 years ago. I think it's still on look it up guys. Pull her up just start fighting the whole thing. Yeah it is it's a visual podcast oh yeah I don't know how you like it now but it's a good idea I don't know how to it's just retarded music I don't pay for premium sorry like the rest of you neither do I I'm actually richly make it out with hot shit.

SPEAKER_07 42:47

No that's like a straight yeah that's like a straight fucking rip off that looks like somebody made it from home or some shit.

SPEAKER_06 42:55

For real shit how much code red do you think Dan Schneider had in his mini fridge in his office if he gave me a code red at like that age I'd probably said Coke or code red code red cocaine I would have busted it out.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

Coke I mean maybe he was probably off of cocaine when he raped all these kids oh yeah you know what I thought of the other day you know CM Punk?

SPEAKER_05 43:16

What if instead it was C U M Punk and he just came everywhere C M Punk dude he does every week how does he do it?

SPEAKER_07 43:29

How do I do it this is real talent dude these are the kind of things that nobody else can think of.

SPEAKER_06 43:33

CM Punk's like from here dog when he went to our high school isn't that fucking crazy locale game away it's all it's all at that I was a fucking like wrestling fan dog.

SPEAKER_07 43:45

I was like super into it I was never into that they fucking came over a couple weeks ago into watching WrestleMania before the pod I was screaming at the fucking TV dude I used to put we used to play SmackDown vs Rob 2006.

SPEAKER_05 43:57

My buddy Phil's basement we used to just rip that for Great game. It was twice. Literally the great everyone.

SPEAKER_06 44:02

Next to Simpson Set and Run. Oh my god. I loved Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jeff Hardy.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

King, I loved Ray Mysterio dog, a flyer. I loved R some Ray Mysterio.

SPEAKER_06 44:11

You like some Latin.

SPEAKER_05 44:12

Latin boys. Alright, we got a new match.

SPEAKER_07 44:14

The guy at work got mad at me because the guy at work got mad at me because he uh said, Oh, do you know uh Randy Orton? And I'm like, No, I don't know anything about wrestling. And he but I was like, Oh, I've seen the Iron Claw before. And he's like, it is a really good movie. But he's like, that's not real, and I'm like, well, neither is wrestling. And he got upset at me for that.

SPEAKER_04 44:33

Yeah, you know, that's like that's like calling like that's like saying the N-word. It's like saying God isn't real. You just don't say that to wrestling fans. They will like literally kick somebody's ass over that.

SPEAKER_07 44:41

It's like when you can't tell a retarded person they're retarded.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

Basically. I mean, but like as a wrestling fan, I know what it's like. My cousin's a WWE wrestler, she's on most of the Tuesdays of the years. You know, dude, what?

SPEAKER_05 44:55

Why can't you just enjoy it and just casually every six months? And I'm like, aye, that's the sickest shit ever. It's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Yeah, and they can't name drop, but I'll show you after that. Okay, later, yeah, whatever. It's sick though. She uh she hangs with Triple H a lot. I've seen pictures and CM Punk she's always hanging with. There's pictures of them too all the time. It's fucking crazy, dude.

SPEAKER_06 45:17

Would she beat me in arm wrestling probably? I don't know. I haven't talked to her in a few years. I tried to, bro. Hit her on the pod, dude. What?

SPEAKER_01 45:24

Oh sick that is.

SPEAKER_06 45:26

We really need some female leverage on this pod.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

Dude, Raya Ripley can literally sit on my face, dude.

SPEAKER_06 45:35

Dude, have you seen her, Kyle? Who? She's big. Rhea Ripley? Oh my god. Smoke. Pull her up, dude. I don't know what I got.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

Mommy is always in the room. You don't know who Raya Ripley is? No. She's the new queen. She's the new China, dude. She's just hotter.

SPEAKER_06 45:49

She's like, uh, how would I describe her?

SPEAKER_04 45:52

I used to call her diarrhea.

SPEAKER_06 45:54

Why? Just got a shit. I got you. She's a heel, you gotta shit on her, yeah. No, she's like, she's got sweet cheeks. She's like pretty bad at you. She's Bill, dude. She's Bill, yeah, she can fuck me up for sure.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

This chick?

SPEAKER_06 46:07

Yeah, dude. Well, that's a bad pick. That's her dude. Look at that haircut. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

Let's see if I can find her ass.

SPEAKER_06 46:13

Wait, is she not hot? Am I tripping? No. She gotta be into it.

SPEAKER_07 46:24

That isn't I can't get past the muscles though. There we go.

SPEAKER_04 46:27

You not a muscle guy?

SPEAKER_07 46:28

I'm not a muscle guy.

SPEAKER_04 46:29

I'm not? Dude, she's got her fucking her lats are fucking about the size of a white is a school bus, bro.

SPEAKER_06 46:34

I dated a girl and her mom was a bodybuilder. It was weird.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

Really? Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 46:39

She was like older and just. I think I know who you're talking about. Yep, it's a whole thing. It's like that A24. She's a dancer now, right? She I don't know. It could be. Start with the J. I'm a no contact type of guy. Start with the J? Last name started with you? No. Really? We'll talk after. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 46:55

It's like that A24 movie.

SPEAKER_06 46:56

She was gross though.

SPEAKER_07 46:57

It's like that A24 movie that came out recently with the fucking female bodybuilder. You know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_06 47:02

Oh yeah, brother.

SPEAKER_07 47:03

Oh, the the chick from Twilight. Love Lies Bleeding. Oh, that's her?

SPEAKER_06 47:06

That's her. No shit. She's the yeah, uh fuck what's her name. She's gross.

SPEAKER_07 47:11

Do you watch like all the A24 movies?

SPEAKER_06 47:13

I'm pretty good about it, but I haven't seen that one. That's a lot of like lesbian vibes, which I should watch. I'm worth it, but I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_07 47:20

Have you seen uh everything everywhere all at once? Overrated. That shit was ass. Yeah, dude. I watched it and the the whole movie, it's basically just what would happen if Asian people had regular eyes, is what I took away from that.

SPEAKER_04 47:34

Chaos ensued.

SPEAKER_06 47:36

Wouldn't they just be like white people at that point? No, it's dude, I don't know. The accent's like there's more traits.

SPEAKER_07 47:42

There's more traits than just the eyes.

SPEAKER_06 47:43

It was like too trippy to get into.

SPEAKER_07 47:46

Really? I remember I saw it in the theaters, but I was like fucked up and drunk.

SPEAKER_06 47:49

You have white people's eyes, but you're still yellow. It's a horrible thing. That's the scariest A24 movie. It sucked. It was overhyped, I guess. So I thought it was gonna be better than it was. Yeah. I don't know. I missed the boat on it.

SPEAKER_07 48:02

I mean, there's they make a lot of good movies, but some of them are fucking missile. Like I said, Civil War, I think was decent, but like it missed a lot of the fucking plot. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 48:11

Fuck that.

SPEAKER_07 48:12

Fuck that. Uh did you hear that uh Jersey mics is only hiring women now?

SPEAKER_04 48:19

Jersey jersey dykes?

SPEAKER_07 48:21

Where's there?

SPEAKER_06 48:22

Jersey mics.

SPEAKER_05 48:22

There's one around here. There's one right by the Panera.

SPEAKER_06 48:26

That's a Jersey. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 48:27

Yeah, they only hire women. Better than Jimmy Johns? Way better than Jimmy Johns.

SPEAKER_05 48:32

Oh yeah, yeah. I miss Quiznos.

SPEAKER_07 48:34

Yeah, Quiznos.

SPEAKER_05 48:37

That's gone, right?

SPEAKER_06 48:38

That's just out of the city.

SPEAKER_05 48:42

I saw one in a gas station. It was in a gas station in Minnesota.

SPEAKER_06 48:46

Did you get it?

SPEAKER_05 48:47

No, it was too early in the morning. Dude, I miss CC's. You brought up CC's? Yeah, we were talking about the macaroni pizza earlier.

SPEAKER_06 48:53

That was my spa, dude. I used to eat the fuck out of that place.

SPEAKER_05 48:58

We used to fucking just go and bang our throats our mac and cheese peas. And have 700 brownies after so many brownies.

SPEAKER_06 49:07

They had the like white powder.

SPEAKER_07 49:09

Are you a cold sandwich guy?

SPEAKER_06 49:11

No.

SPEAKER_07 49:11

I didn't think you'd be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06 49:12

I just became one. Like a modest hair time.

SPEAKER_07 49:15

I've been getting into the cold ones. I don't know why. I just used to never like hot ham. But yeah, dude, they only hire women now, apparently. Do you hear about that?

SPEAKER_06 49:25

I like it.

SPEAKER_07 49:26

Well, I mean, it makes sense if you think about it, because the two main jobs there are cleaning and making sandwiches.

unknown 49:31

Hey yo!

SPEAKER_05 49:39

We hate women. Back in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_07 49:43

Incel comedy.

SPEAKER_05 49:45

We're stucking our dick in the first place. Your number one source of incel comedy. Dude. Too bad they don't make it because they get in car accidents on their way to make it to work.

SPEAKER_07 49:59

Now And then they leave. Now in everything everywhere all at once, they're able to see, so they don't get into the car accident, into the alternate universe. Babu.

SPEAKER_04 50:13

So that would mean we're the shitheads then, right? I don't know. No, I don't like that. I like being dominant.

SPEAKER_06 50:20

Shout out to Jersey Mike's all good for them.

SPEAKER_07 50:22

Shout out to Jersey Mike. Make a shout out to Danny Jersey.

SPEAKER_06 50:25

Right hand red moves.

SPEAKER_07 50:27

I never liked a Jersey Mike? No. Jersey Mikes is fine. I mean, they have like hot subs too.

SPEAKER_04 50:33

Like a big fucking full long in my mouth.

SPEAKER_07 50:35

Are we still hot?

SPEAKER_05 50:42

Got the Me To S. Welcome back to Power92.2, the Dick sucking hour. The jack-off time.

SPEAKER_07 50:51

This is 69.9 gay radio. So is this supposed to be like a Howard Stern gimmick? What do you mean? This is a podcast type. Not really. It's more just I come up with these bits and then fucking Come with us on the journey to the bridge to Dicksakia. And I had a plate ticket to fuck off at Elon.

SPEAKER_04 51:10

I just have to switch. It's not this good anymore. Stern's good though.

SPEAKER_07 51:13

I never watched any Stern.

SPEAKER_04 51:15

You always go back and the small page of Tartus was the funniest one I'd ever seen. They had a bunch of big fat guys on there, and their dicks were about yay high.

SPEAKER_05 51:25

I've seen a lot of the Sybian content.

SPEAKER_06 51:27

Sybian content. The fucking uh Beetlejuice shit. Oh yeah, I've seen the Beetlejuice shit, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:32

Beetlejuice, of course. He's like they call him Beat.

SPEAKER_07 51:35

What's up, Beat? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Good guy.

SPEAKER_07 51:39

I was thinking about this. I was thinking about this the other day. Fucking you know Spider-Man, right? I love Spider-Man. You know, Dr. Octopus? Yeah. What if instead of wallpaper? What if instead of Dr. Octopus, it was Dr. Cock no Puss. Ooh. And he just like jerk off four guys at the same time with arms and stuff. Is he supposed to be Jewish? I mean, if he's Wasn't he just a white guy in the movie?

SPEAKER_04 52:06

Cock no puss.

SPEAKER_07 52:07

That's stupid.

SPEAKER_03 52:07

He's gotta be Jewish.

SPEAKER_07 52:10

Because he can get cock, but no puss. Right, there you go.

SPEAKER_06 52:15

Shout out to him.

SPEAKER_07 52:16

Shout out to him.

SPEAKER_05 52:18

I feel a strong kinship with him for some reason.

SPEAKER_06 52:21

I feel you, brother.

SPEAKER_05 52:24

Do it for deal. If getting chicks was about getting their dad to like you, I'd be drowning in pussy.

SPEAKER_06 52:30

And he's such a dad guy, dude. You're such a dad guy. Football, right?

SPEAKER_04 52:33

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 52:33

I can go for hours about the NFL. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 52:36

You like baseball hours. Oh, I know it all. Alright. We got a big sports guy. I like that. You are like the kids, you can't get a lot of people. You're already with my heart over.

SPEAKER_05 52:42

You really are. Guy's guy. It sucks.

SPEAKER_04 52:45

Minnesota's looking to draft number 23 instead of number, what was it, 10? Yeah, they made that trade. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:51

I was always the family. I kind of blew that every time I found it. I hate it.

SPEAKER_04 52:56

I'm good at it.

SPEAKER_06 52:57

Were you good at like meeting your girl's parents and shit? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:03

One was a really big liberal, the other one's a hard right. So there was like no like blended between of personalities. They were already like together but separated. And it just was a there was 13 cats in the house. It was just a couple of things. Whoa. That girl's pussy was fire. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 53:20

Shit. A 12-inch TV in a room. That pussy. You know, not wrong.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

Small TV. You're not wrong. Small TV. Exactly what it was. Yeah, big old like one of those, just a little bit taller and a smaller TV.

SPEAKER_06 53:31

Oh yeah. With Roku City in the background.

SPEAKER_04 53:35

We've all been there, bro. Shout out. The white makeup. I fucking miss her so much. I hate my life. We learned. You guys fuck with taquitos? Taquitos? Spicy blue ones.

SPEAKER_07 53:53

Wait, to take his?

SPEAKER_04 53:55

Oh, that's obviously. Oh, taquitos.

SPEAKER_07 53:56

Oh, like the actual taquitos. I don't think I've ever had one.

SPEAKER_04 53:59

Blue Takis are pretty good.

unknown 54:01

That's my topic.

SPEAKER_07 54:02

What do you get? Like the chicken ones?

SPEAKER_06 54:03

Yeah, three cheese or whatever. Chicken. Where do you get that from? Tostinos. Uh deliveries for the show now.

SPEAKER_07 54:12

Oh, okay, okay. Shout out Walmart. I've been having a corndog Renaissance recently. Of course you have, you sick fuck. Dude, don't hate on the corn dog, bro. There's something to it. I miss your cornless.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

There's something to it. What's up? I miss your cornless dogs.

SPEAKER_06 54:25

The cornless dog. You know what I love? I remember the cornless dog. Kyle probably nibbles on the bread part like a rabbit.

SPEAKER_07 54:30

Absolutely God. The stick, like the what's the little part that's left on the stick after you finish it, just nibble on that.

SPEAKER_05 54:39

And then he peels the breading off and goes straight to the wiener. Slap it on his tongue and stuff. Straight to the microwave.

SPEAKER_07 54:49

I am very, very good. Corn knocks aren't good, bro. Yeah, they're I mean, they're not like high quality food, but it's like a I Which up. When you're drunk, you just throw it in the fucking air fryer and it's quick.

SPEAKER_06 55:00

Do you uh uh season it or throw some shit on it or I ketchup.

SPEAKER_05 55:05

What can you really?

SPEAKER_07 55:10

I'm usually very drunk when I meet. I don't get no I I dip it in there. I get a good dip. I'm a dunker.

SPEAKER_04 55:20

Oh, you're like you dunk the tip of the wiener and then you just eat the ketchup off the tip.

SPEAKER_07 55:25

Just suck it right off.

SPEAKER_06 55:28

I love dunking it in the dark by yourself.

SPEAKER_07 55:32

It is basically in the dark by myself.

SPEAKER_03 55:34

It's 2 a.m.

SPEAKER_05 55:35

Your boxer is slapping it around on ketchup that's on a plate. Like a shitty one too. Drinking straight bob job. Washing it down with a state fair corn dog. With no red. A box of 50 in the freezer. Oh, it's not 50. No, no, no. Corn dog, no corn. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 55:56

I don't have a Costco card, but a stick. Uh that's one of the essentials though when you're at the store.

SPEAKER_07 56:01

It's not an essential, but it's just like I keep it at There's some. There's some in the freezer.

SPEAKER_06 56:07

Does your roommate eat them as well, is it just you?

SPEAKER_07 56:10

I don't know. I don't think so. Probably.

SPEAKER_05 56:13

Can't be two corn dog boys in the same building. No way.

SPEAKER_04 56:17

It's like a corn bar. Bitches only want your wiener if you get bread. That is a fire bar. Damn.

SPEAKER_07 56:23

That is a fire bar.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

Preach.

SPEAKER_05 56:25

Church.

SPEAKER_07 56:26

Dude, fucking uh I want to talk about this too. I was I've been fucking listening to like just like alternative rock at least recently, getting back into that.

SPEAKER_06 56:34

Going through.

SPEAKER_07 56:35

I was listening to that fucking uh Weezer album, and it is kinda a little funny that like Zoima creep. I think that's Radiohead.

SPEAKER_05 56:44

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same shit.

SPEAKER_07 56:47

But it is funny to me that like the one of the whitest bands of all time, one of their biggest songs, the first line is what's with these homies dissing my girl? Why do they got a front?

SPEAKER_04 56:57

Lip Biscuit is better.

SPEAKER_07 56:59

Biscuit Biscuit's fucking terrible.

SPEAKER_04 57:01

I've never been there.

SPEAKER_07 57:02

But I was thinking I was thinking, what if it was funny if they like did that for like the whole episode? They're just like this white band, but they're like talking black throughout all their songs. They're like, Beverly motherfucking hills. That's where a young N-word wanna be. So I'm like Ice Cube. Ice Cube.

SPEAKER_06 57:22

Oh, that's Wheezer. I was trying to put it together. Okay, no, no, okay. It's getting dark if you're listening to Weezer Kyle. You gotta pull yourself out of there.

unknown 57:30

It's getting dark.

SPEAKER_06 57:31

Yeah, that is inactive out here, too.

SPEAKER_07 57:33

That is weird. I was just thinking about how bad everything is lately. It's so bad. Everything fucking sucks. Nothing's getting better. My fucking comedy sucks. This fucking podcast sucks. Everything fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_06 57:45

This is a great pod. Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_07 57:46

I I I hope people agree. I hope people agree.

SPEAKER_06 57:49

You're gonna get 16 listeners on this one.

SPEAKER_07 57:52

And it's gonna make it all worth it. It's gonna make the thousands of dollars of debt I'm in all worth it.

SPEAKER_06 57:57

Kyle's got sick mics, guys. We're official now.

SPEAKER_07 57:59

These are nice mics. So I hope they sound good. Um what about this? You know, have you heard of that movie Baby Geniuses?

SPEAKER_03 58:08

Baby Jesus?

SPEAKER_07 58:09

Baby Geniuses. It's like an old movie.

SPEAKER_03 58:11

Where they talk?

SPEAKER_07 58:12

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What if instead it was uh baby penises and the old babies just talk and have huge dicks?

SPEAKER_04 58:19

Meanwhile, the feds are gonna come knocking. What the fuck is So it's the same movie, their dicks are just big?

SPEAKER_07 58:25

Pretty much, yeah. I don't know if they're geniuses, but well no, probably not, because if their dicks are so big, their blood most of their blood's probably going there, right? Listen, I told you it was gonna get dark.

SPEAKER_06 58:40

No, as a loyal listener to this pod, I love that every time Kyle says some wild shit, it's be like are you guys right? Like, come on. You know what I'm saying? Guys, come on.

SPEAKER_07 58:52

Oh, I haven't even gotten to the horrible rape joke yet. It's like like J-Rock, no scene. And everyone's just like, yeah.

unknown 59:03

Oh, I love J-Rock.

SPEAKER_04 59:05

RAP Jim Lee.

SPEAKER_07 59:06

Come on, that's kinda funny.

SPEAKER_04 59:07

And Phil Collins. Babies with big dicks, kinda funny.

SPEAKER_07 59:10

It is funny.

SPEAKER_06 59:11

I wish I had a big wow.

SPEAKER_07 59:13

Is that the boss baby movie? That's a different movie. That's a different movie.

SPEAKER_06 59:18

But uh one's animated. That one. Yeah, you're right. That one is animated. This is not animated. Yeah, no, that's a live one.

SPEAKER_07 59:26

Okay, so how about we make it a cartoon so it's not illegal? Yeah. How about that? Okay, it's more about the idea. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 59:33

Dude, this is how the Schneider verse was started, by the way.

SPEAKER_07 59:35

It's already hentai. I'm a little bit more open about it.

SPEAKER_06 59:38

Dude, I never got into hentai and shit. Me neither.

SPEAKER_07 59:41

I thank God I never did either. That's like the one thing I've prided myself of.

SPEAKER_04 59:45

That and Gay porn, you you're like the two like forbidden ones you don't watch.

SPEAKER_07 59:49

I've never jerked off to a cartoon.

SPEAKER_06 59:51

Ooh, I feel pretty no, disagree with that. I can't. There's a pretty sick uh Incredibles one. And there's a pretty sick family guy like Lois, like they make some cool shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:03

Do you guys ever like it? Don't even go down that road. Do you guys remember back in the day, like I'm talking like 2012, 2014? Like, do you guys ever pirate movies off of the Pirate Bay? I know what you're talking about. I know the Pirate Bay and fucking ads on that goddamn website. Have you seen them? All porn ads, and it's just strictly you click on one and you got like your sign up for this live cam and shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:23

I think think I didn't get to into like the tentacle shit or like Yeah, that shit's fucking.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:29

All that cartoon shit I'd see on the fucking ads. It was like the Lois Griffin ones you were talking about.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:33

Yeah, is that crazy? Or they were kind of hot to me, but whatever.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:36

I mean, sometimes I would stop my scroll and be like Thinking Yonder. Interesting.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:41

I feel like I'm on the defense this whole app, dude. I feel like I'm really exposing myself. It's just been a while, guys.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:48

Fucking um fuck do you remember someone from high school? He was in migray, so I don't know if you know him. Do you Poodabs?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:54

Yes, we we destroyed his car behind Walmart.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:57

Dude, really?

unknown 1:00:58

Wait.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:59

So there's Poodabs.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:01

Statue limitations.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:02

So it was this dude I knew in high school, and he is he got the nickname Poo Dabs because he got the name. He got really fucked up at a party one time, and somebody gave him dabs, and instead of the dabs, they put Pooh on it, and he was too drunk to realize, so he actually hit the dab. Yeah, that's Jacob. Everyone's called him Poo Dab since. Like dog shift, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:26

That's like that's like actual Jacob, I feel like.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:29

I think it's worse.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:30

Basically Jacob.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:31

Because you're heating it up. Yeah, it's gotta be worse. Yeah, you're dabbing it, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:36

Poo dabs, dude. I probably would have killed myself. Dude. I'm gonna check him out on my head.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:40

He was a cool dude. We we were like kind of cool. Although he was uh he walked.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:47

Where's poodabs these days, man?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:49

Well, dude, the last time I talked to him last time I talked to him, he like DM'd me on Instagram. I'm like, hi how have you been, man? And he's like, not that good, man. I've got a I've got this tumor on my dick. I swear to God. And I'm like, I didn't know what do you say to that? What do you I don't know what to say to that? Like, uh, yeah, like, oh fuck, man. I hate when that happens. You know what I mean? Like.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:14

Can you just beat one of those off? Tumor on the dick.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:16

Tumor on the dick, dude.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:18

If you could spin it and just be like, it's a speed bump. I do fuck too fast. Is it from the shit huffing?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:24

It for shit smoking. It very well could have been.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:26

Could be really good.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:27

It very well could have been.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:28

If you smoke dog shit, you'll get a tumor on your dick.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:31

That's very possible.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:32

Advice. Heard that's what that's.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:33

That's just one example we know of at least. I should have said that in Dare class about read. I would have never touched that junk.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:42

Kudabs is a wild nickname, though. To know that stuff.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:45

You gotta like move out of your hometown if you're like one of the high school people with a nickname. Well, I'm gonna be honest. You can't see them people again.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:51

One time he uh walked for homecoming, right? And like it they're doing like they have like ten of them, whatever, they walked a girl down, whatever, in the football field for the assembly. And um, as he's walking down, I just stood up and screamed at the top of my lungs, poo-dabs. And it was like, you could very clearly hear it, because it was quiet.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:11

Dude, you were rambunctious. He's always been the funny man. Where does he come up with it? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:16

You know, if a n nickname's too good, it's gonna stick.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:19

That's a great nickname.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:19

It's a great nickname.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:20

It rolls off the tongue, poo-dabs.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:22

It really does. Kyle, were you like a troublemaker in high school or like what was your thing?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:27

Not really a troublemaker, but I did kinda like being a dick. I did discover like the joys of bullying, like like freshman year. But like, 'cause can't not that I was doing it really, but like I befriended this kid, and like he would there was this other kid in our wood shop class, and he would like always fucking give him shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:47

And you know, it was really shitty, but I'd be lying to you if I told you that wasn't probably the happiest time of my life.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:55

Whoa.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:56

Really, I really do mean that.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:57

Laughing at someone else's expense.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:59

Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:00

There was uh do you guys remember sh nah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:03

Oh, name drop, dude. Sorry. Oh no, dude, fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:06

He was the man.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:08

Fucking um Wait, what about him though?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:11

You already said his name.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:12

Dude, like swimming with him? He would like Yeah, he was like getting out of the showers, bro. He would stink so bad, bro. Like everyone was. Out of the shower. No, yeah, like he would get out of the pool shower after, like, you know, trying to wash. I don't think he wanted to. He was a unit.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:26

He was a unit.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:28

You know what he's talking about? He was like truck for a barge, bro. He was scraping barnacles off himself. Yeah, he was uh a beached whale.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:37

Was he like a weird guy?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:39

Okay, with the little fucker too, who was like you remember him? His best friend who was like fucking small and had like a he was super skinny, look Ethiopian. Headphones?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:48

I think so. Headphones is a bad I had a class with sounds at McDonald's, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:55

But yeah, no, this dude was like basically the same fucking way. I'm pretty sure he had like a I'm pretty sure he had like a brain tumor removed from his head when he was literally had a scar on the back of his neck.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:05

It's a heavy tumor pod.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:06

Heavy tumor pod. And dude, like the kid like this dude would just like say something in class, and my friend would just be like, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:15

Like, oh, it was so fun to be so mean. It's fun to be so many.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:21

I can never like I feel bad doing it myself, but like seeing it happen, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:29

Shh shh Did the other kid take it well or was he like bombed every time?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:32

I don't know if he knew what was going on, to be honest with you. He never had any reaction to any of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

Was he slow?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:40

Um He wasn't fast.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:43

He's probably just probably just used to his dad telling him to shut the fuck up. He just rolled off shut up hits every time.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:51

Shut up, dude. Shut up, bitch. I'm gonna go to my other's wife wife's fuck. I'm gonna go to my other wife's She's the cool one. She gives me money for downloadable content.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:05

I miss her.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:09

Fuck, dude. Fuck. Talk about more fucking. Oh yeah. Did I uh did I ever tell you about how Jimmy uh apparently has this problem? Well first name's fine. First name's fine. But no, do you know uh he appeared he used to have this problem, I think he still does, where he keeps getting attacked by birds.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:28

He's like serious about it too.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:33

I mean, yeah, I guess maybe that's the trade-off.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:36

But he's like, dude, whatever. Literally, because he's like, yeah, when I go golfing, it's like like this like three or four of these birds will just start flying right at me.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:45

He's got like the devil in him or something.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:47

I guess, dude. Apparently it's not the first time it's ever happened.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:50

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:52

Well, it's it's I mean, it's funnier if you know Jimmy.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:55

It's very funny.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:56

It's very it's funnier if you know. Has Jimmy been on the pod? Jimmy was never gonna come on the pod. Dude, he has to. Jimmy will pre- Well, I've asked him before, but also too, I just know it's just gonna be full of anxiety.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:07

Just get him wickered up and lure him in here.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:09

I'm telling you, it's not it's not gonna be a good one. It's still one of the hardest things. I would love it.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:14

Jimmy's Jimmy's like a very picky eater. Okay. We went we went to the steakhouse for Kyle's birthday, and I'll I'll never forget this. He's we're like, alright, we're like, what are you gonna eat? What are you gonna eat? And I'm like, you know, I'm getting like this this cool pasta, everybody's getting like cool stuff, and Jim he Jimmy's like, yeah, I'll play ball. I'm gonna get the cheeseburger. Like this sick Italian steak out. Play ball.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:41

I'll just play ball, get a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:43

I'll play ball, get a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:45

Dude, I got t I got tenders yesterday at that barbecue joint. I felt like a piece of shit. Yeah, you're a Jimmy.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:50

You're you might be worse than Jimmy. Whoa. No, you're not. But you stay true to the cheeky tendies.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:54

No, yeah, no, you're your Jimmy's worse than you. You bang the chicky tendies. But I it was I shouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:00

The fact that you ate a Tokido, you're better than Jimmy.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:03

I did.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:04

I don't think Jimmy has eaten food that's not American before.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:08

Okay. Praise be to him though.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:13

Is it still written on there? I forgot. Oh, that's not what I'm talking about. I gotta do something.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:24

Fucking uh brother. Um the sadness really me. Do you know guys know the movies?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:32

Do you guys know the movie Moana?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:35

How about instead of Malana, it's Malacca, and it's about a girl who can shit out of her pussy. Is that what you're saying? Coaca. It's like birds have it. It's like that's the uh thing reproduce and shit out of the same organ.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:52

Ew. Coaccla. Dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:55

Coaccle. That's just listen, that's just life. You know a lot of facts. So you know barnacles are like trannies too? But what? Barnacles are trannies. What are you talking about? Like, you know, you know what a barnacle is, right? Like how they reproduce. Yeah. Like asexual.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:09

They reproduce and they're fucking male. Like they by themselves, they're trannies.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:13

Hermaphrodite. Yeah, yeah. Hermaphrodite. Yeah. Male seahorses give birth.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:19

This is the fa this is the animal fact hour of the horrible hang.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:25

That was pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:27

Thank you. Fucking angle.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:35

Boobies.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:36

How's the uh how's the job going, Lam?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:38

Okay, we can't do that. Job's gay. Everything's gay. Work is gay. Work is so fucking gay, man.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:45

Everything's fucking gay. You ever uh Liam, you ever accidentally weld the pussy shut?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:51

I wish.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:56

You ever accidentally mix up the job and the fucking uh you ever accidentally eat the job and fucking weld the pussy shut? Dude, it's just mixed up, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:06

I wonder I I have a topic I wanted to mention. Do you guys remember your first like true heartbreak? Yeah. I have a tale.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:12

Yeah, what's your at?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:14

So I was I I'm not even gonna say this girl's name because it's such a weird name that like it's too weird to say, you know, because it's like one person clearly. Jeff. But dude, I was in love with this girl. And she had a boyfriend, that's how it always goes, you know?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:27

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:27

And I was probably in like seventh grade. Uh-huh. And she would like talk, she would be like, Oh, my boyfriend sucks, all this, you know, that game. Yeah. And then we're one day we're at the bus, and she told me that like the night before that they fucked on his four-wheeler, which is the most like hillbilly shit I've ever heard in my life.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:44

But the seventh grade, that's the hottest thing you've ever heard.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:47

Still might be the hottest thing I've ever heard to this day, and it fucked me up like forever. I still think about it like kind of often. I bet. I fucking bet, yeah. I fucked on a four-year. How old were you again? I was like seventh grade. They're fucking on a four-wheeler. Do you know how many times you have to fuck before you get to a four-wheel? Jesus. That's unhappy.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:09

That's healthy.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:10

That's just fun. Dude, on a four-wheeler, and then you imagine it and you're like, fuck, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:16

It is adventurous, it's very adventurous.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:17

It was my heartbreak though. I don't know if you guys got anything. Then you're shooting into socks.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:22

Did you start listening to country then?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:24

That's when it was I started drinking, yeah. It was the whole thing. Do you guys have any heartbreak stories that you can remember? It could be like funny, it doesn't have to be like real.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:34

Um I don't have anything that goes like anywhere like yours. Mine was just like, it ended up in me being sad, and there was no like cool she she didn't tell me about getting fucked at a four-wheeler. So yeah, I was in Catholic school. We they were not fucking in seventh grade. Nobody was fucking in seventh grade.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:52

That sounds great, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:53

Horny kids. Nobody was fucking.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:00

I feel like I just said something random, then I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:02

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:03

No, I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:04

The boys are getting kids. No, I was just thinking about fucking. I went to th I went to therapy again today.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:10

She's still hot.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:11

Remind me of that.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:12

Therapy.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:12

Ooh. You know.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:13

How's that going?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:14

It's alright. Pro tip. You know, when you're in therapy and they ask, have you ever made a plan to commit suicide? The correct answer is not define plan. You know? And also, like, does it count as a plan if I know what gun I would use?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:32

I mean shit. That was today. Yeah. Heavy. Heavy. Is she cool though? Are you in love with it? You're in love with her now?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:41

It might be a it might be a Melfi situation.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:44

We'll see.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:44

It might be a Melfi. I see. I would automatically love any girl that would listen to what you're saying.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:49

Yeah, and then give me like mildly honest opinions about it. Oh my god, I love you.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:53

And she's right fucking like ten minutes away from you, so I don't even drive. You can see how else I was thinking about too? I feel like when you think about like women in general and like beauty, like when you when you think about like generations ago, like, you know, I feel like women are in general are better looking now, right? Like like hundred fucking hundred fifty years ago, there were no women with like giant tits and asses, right? Yeah, they definitely didn't have BBL, but like just there's no like they're all like fucking flat and shit, right? All just like normal looking things. They all had bug four by four topic we could discuss. That is true. They kind of could almost yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:34

So I was telling we built like four by fours back then.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:37

Yeah, like do you even like look at a woman in one of those bonnets and think, mmm, like covered up, which is kind of hot. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:46

Oh, kind of like one of those kind of situations.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:50

Literally, yeah, we would pop the truck in that thing. No, I I'm kind of a bush guy. We could talk about that. Well, you're a bush guy. No, I thought I was bush light or something. No, dude. I was at a bush heavy, dude. I was at a bar and the bartender told this guy that I was with that she has like a crazy bush right now. It did something to me.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:11

What really? Is that crazy? That is interesting.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:14

I told Andy about it because I was kind of concerned. Like and he was like, nah, that's cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:18

I agreed with him. Him telling me that she said that did something to me. Maybe I saw her would be better, but maybe.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:26

I mean, you just gotta see how it is in practice.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:29

Are you not a bush guy? Is that what you're saying?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:31

Not really, no. My thing is like you shave your legs, you shave your pits, why are you stopping at the pussy?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:38

I like some hair on that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:40

I don't know. I feel like that's just the general norm. If the general norm for men was to shave their legs, I'd shave my legs. So, like.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:47

I don't take I don't take it down to the skin, I'll be honest. I don't want to feel like a little boy. I'm a man. That's fair. That's a fair argument.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:54

It's like a beard.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:55

That's a fair argument.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:56

Take pride in that shit. Yeah. I can probably not a bush guy.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:00

I'm not really a bush guy.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:02

Sorry, ladies.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:02

Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:03

She's pretty much just a big tits guy. Everything else is a big thing. I'm still a boy. I'm still a boy. You're not even a tits guy. You're a veins and areolas guy. It's gotten deeper than that.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:16

It's not, I've seen we've talked about this before. It's not areolas. It's mass and volume. It's mass, volume, and jiggle. Okay? Yeah. That's what it matters too.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:27

I mean, he wants to be swallowed whole by them.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:30

That's what you want. If there's a threat of you being suffocated in your sleep, you're into it.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:36

Yes, exactly. I want them to keep me warm at night, you know. I get it.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:40

Everyone's got a thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:41

They are cool.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:42

Babe, can you get the comforter? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:44

You know. She's out there, Kyle. She is out there.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:48

Somewhere, somewhere. I was playing with this uh new character, uh, fucking Charlie Sheen. And he's basically I mean, he's it's not the character, it's basically just Charlie Sheen, but it's just my impression of a fucking gay Charlie Sheen. Like, I think it'd be funny if she like wanted to like fuck like I don't know. What if he thought like Casey Anthony was hot?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:11

Like someone like What if he thought Casey Anthony was hot? Are you hearing this guy? Casey Anthony is hot. That'd be crazy.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:19

You know, I really want to fuck Casey Anthony, you know. I really I want I wanna I wanna fuck a girl that could uh shuffle cards with her pussy, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:27

She's thick as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:28

Do magical tricks with him. You gotta speak to the pussy when you're talking to it. You gotta speak into it, whisper into its ear.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:35

Did she kill that kid? I think she did.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:37

I think she did, right? Wasn't it multiple? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:40

No, her daughter. I think it was just one.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:42

Recipe OJ Simpson. I haven't seen I haven't seen the doc in a while.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:45

Great football player, even better person. It's like crisp and they need to find the guys that did that.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:52

Why do I feel like no one gave a fuck about the OJ thing? Like when he died, it's a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:57

Is that what it is? And he also there a month ago, he like put out videos. Like somebody went up to him and was like, OJ, we heard you're in hospice. How you doing? He's like, I ain't in hospice. Like Donald Trump said, the media's making up fake shit again. He literally was dying. He just went to the grave lying. I love that motherfucker for that. He stayed true to one thing and it was not the truth.

unknown 1:17:18

He's the best for that.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:20

All I did was fucking lie.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:22

The glove didn't fit.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:24

Yeah, that's why he's like, I didn't kill him for the city.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:27

OJ was just the most positive guy ever. Well, it'd be weird. Yeah, I'm dying.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:38

Now that OJ finally knows that his wife's killer is finally revealed or some shit. Yeah, yeah. I didn't fall for that shit. I didn't click on it.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:46

But then he wrote the book If I did do it.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:48

If I did so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:51

I miss it, dude. That's cool. If I did it.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:54

Dude, that NFL even acknowledge his passing. You ever want to cut a bitch's head off? Just me?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:01

Cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:03

So you like sided me, huh?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:04

Dude, you know what that shit fucking reminded me of? I knew this fucking kid from high school that fucking was talking to this girl or whatever, and he like lied, he like lied to her about wanting to have kids, and then I guess like later on she like found out she wasn't able to get pregnant. Like, that is like the perfect situation to fucking fall in.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:28

What do you mean? Just like nut and bust and run?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:31

No, but like you two you really fucking set yourself up in a pool of shit telling a lie like that, and you just lucked out completely. That's why it reminded me of OJ. Alright, I'm about to tap out soon.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:44

Yeah, me too. I gotta get going.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:46

Alright, um, uh, how about and uh I got fucked by a parrot at Margaritaville. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:54

Such a great shirt.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:55

It's a great shirt.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:55

It's the best shirt.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:56

It's a great shirt. Um how about instead of uh dude where's my car? It's uh dude where's my cock, and it's a trans woman who gets her fake dick stolen.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:11

Do it. Dude, where's my cock?

SPEAKER_06 1:19:15

And it's like a road trip movie? That'd be fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:17

Yeah, it's it's like a road trip movie, like going cross-country to try and find dick. Oh. Like a fake dick. What if they like find it like stop talking on the mic?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:24

We need to we we can't let this get out. Dude, start cooking. This is too good.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:29

That was a great ender, Kyle. Buck you. Yeah, there's my cock. Thank you.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:34

I try.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:34

Kyle, thank you for having me. This was this was huge.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:37

No problem, man. Thank you guys for coming out.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:39

We should make this like a consistent dude. This was really fun. We should do this again.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:42

We'll do it again for sure.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:43

This foursome was elite.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:45

We'll do it again for sure.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:46

Elite. Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:48

Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:48

Horrible hang. Horrible hang. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:50

Horrible hang, you're good.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:51

I hate the listeners. Alright, bye.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:53

Tell yourself. Die.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:54

Hey. Love you.