Episode 14 - Watching Movies With My Gaydar Off

andy got a migraine from not sucking enough dick so we got noah and joey to replace him.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

My name's Nate Higgers and I hate sound tracks. Welcome to the show everyone. Uh we got no Andy today, so replacing him. We got Noah back in stew and we got our buddy Joey. And of course Gregory. Yo what up. Um fucking yeah, so Joey, how about this? This is where we're gonna start up. I'm gonna give you a chance to come clean about this lie that you've been telling, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Which one?

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Uh the one where you said you have an eight-inch cock.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Oh, there's pictures to prove otherwise.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

You keep saying that, and you're like, oh, I'm gonna show you, I'm gonna show you. You want me to put my fucking pants down? I don't want to see it in person.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Dude, if only we had a camera calling it, we could have proven it to the people watching the pod, call that live jazz.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

I'm getting I'm telling you, man, I'm giving you a chance to come clean on air. Uh no, no, yeah. He's actually telling you what's fucking serial. Uh, I wish, dude. I wish, man. Although, uh, I apparently having a small dick, that means though I think that means though, that that's part of the reason I never got molested. You know what I mean? If you're molested, it's because you have a big dick, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

What is there in a touch that's so large and in charge? I mean, not much me really, but well, that sucks for all those kids in the churches.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Jesus Christ. Would you like would you like to contribute to the bit, Noah?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Oh man. So you're the small one. Joey's the big one. I've probably never got molested as a kid, that just means you're an ugly ass kid. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Yeah, that's basically that.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

They always say hang with the older crowd, and boy, if the older crowd comes and hangs with you, you must be doing something right. I'll say that. Does anybody have any nicotine I can do? Uh or or your penis, that works too.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

Nicotine?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Yeah, I'll take the electronic e-cigarette.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

I shouldn't have hit that. That'll fucking make me There you go. Thank you, sir. Um fucking what was I? Oh yeah. I was w thinking we could like talk about some fucking like growing up stories or something.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

You mean just childhood stories that just like forever scarred us in humor?

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Yeah, literally. Like uh, I remember uh so I would go to my uh grandpa's house sometimes, and he had like one of those CPAT machines. And uh when me and my brother were kids, we'd like for laughing. Well he well he ever nap, he would nap, and then we go in there and we'd fart into the CPAT machine. And then eventually we figured out that uh we go outside and we found like a fresh shit. Like it was like glistening, so we put it next to the CPAT machine, so there's all the air that was being intake was just going at the steering turret.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

That is just as bad as gassing the Jews.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

It was basically like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

How did you transport the turd? Did you have to pick it up? Well, yeah, I just hands-on, I used a paper towel, but oh no. Yeah, I was watching through it. There's a story on uh one of Joe Rogan's podcasts, and Joey Diaz was in jail one time, so he pulls out, he's like, Y'all dog Joe Rogan, I had this shoe box, right? And I just took a shit in it, and I left it in my cellmate's drawer for like two fucking weeks. Like a fun fact, you know, if you leave your shit fermented in there for like a while, it starts to get bigger, it expands. Your shit literally expands, right? So Joe Rogan, I kid you not, this scent was so bad. This guy comes out, he goes open up his box, thinking there's a pair of shoes in there. No, dog, I just left a big honky shit in the box for him.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Oh fuck. Um, I was gonna fucking That was a beautiful accent.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Thank you for that. We have four people, we can't have any data. Morgan Freeman.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Um, so fucking do you have I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

I was thinking, reliving my childhood is like opening a bottle of liquor. I have to really dive into it. You have to really dive into it. Yeah, it's not the most prettiest, we'll say. Yeah. I look in the bowl after I shit and I say that's a lot prettier than what I dealt with as a child.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Is there anything that like lie that you like found out wasn't true that you thought was true as a kid? Oh anything like that?

SPEAKER_00 4:16

I guess my parents not being faithful to each other.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, same for me too.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

I heard some stories, you know, on my parents' wedding day, there just so happened to be a moment when my dad cheated on my mom and he banged some redhead girl 30 minutes before the wedding in some fucking parking lot in a car dealership. And I was just like, oh well, I guess there's more of me. Did you have any uh fucking like weird brother stories like growing up?

SPEAKER_03 4:43

What do you mean, like we touch each other or like touch each other, but like like la I think last week I told a story of uh musical jerk-offs that where we had the bunk bed and then he got upset because the bed was shaking. And then one morning I woke up and the bed was shaking.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Wait, what's that? You didn't say anything like white goopy hanging from the top of the book.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

No, no, no, no, it was just the bed shaking, but I'm like, you motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Well, Mike, he didn't like leave his hands hanging from the side of the bed after he was done and some had jumped onto you. Yeah, that's why I just kind of like grazed it. You just wake up with cum on your face, and you're like, oh boy, a white Christmas this year. Is this what cocaine really feels like? Um I'm so moisturized. What about you? No, I anything like that? You know, cum is actually good for whitening teeth, just put that out there. Um, yeah. One time my brother had a really fat girlfriend. The wooden slats under his bed like broke. No, definitely from them like banging their bumps in the house. And they were like, we have no idea how it broke. She sat down and broke the fucking subword.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

I remember uh I remember I used to think women with big asses just had to shit really bad.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

You ever heard of the front butt? The front butt, I have heard of the front butt. Front butts are scary. Like they say, the logic thing in chalk and milk comes from brown cows. Basically, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

They walk into the bathroom with just a giant bubble butt, they come out like flat.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah. I'm sure woman would really have to shut then if that's what you're saying. I exactly. You know, when I was a kid thinking about it now that I think about it, if a woman had a front butt, you think she'd be able to poop out the front too? Probably. But dude, that's fucking Ice Spice, dude.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Ice Spice really has to shit.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah, Ice. Dude, she's up chubby. Like, dude, she's a corn stalk that's overinflated, like the fucking wavy, wacky, inflatable balloon people outside the car keeping it. Yeah, but her ass just hangs out of everything. Like a bookshelf, you know, it just has something to read out.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

I support. I'm fine with that. What uh what other uh uh women have to shit?

SPEAKER_00 6:57

My 600-pound life contestants? Kim Kardashian. I mean I think their problem is that they don't share anybody who was on the biggest loser.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Yeah, but they're all just mass, though. That's that's different, though.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Which means they have gout in their feet, too.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

You know, I think this is a great idea to bring me out. I have quite quite the shit to say today. Do you, do you? I'll take my head.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

What do you have to say?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Uh, whatever you want me to do, say, I'll I'll perform. I don't need a pill for it either. Uh fucking not the blue one, especially either.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Oh yeah, I wanted to bring back the uh I don't know, actually, this was an older one. I don't know if you heard this. It was the uh Heath Leather Heath Letters Joker, but he likes eating shit. He's just like, mmm, just like sucking on like a fucking hard turret that he found out inside.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Stealing candy from a baby, but just stealing it from the bowl. Yeah, like instead of using a knife to put a smile on people's faces, he just smears shit on them. Just smile put a smile on your face. Chocolate popsicle, boy.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

Oh, what happened to my butt plug? And he just pops out, he's like, is this what you're looking for? And he just starts sucking on it.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Any more. And that's a soundboard.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Oh yeah, we now have the soundboard.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

I can't hear it.

unknown 8:23

Fuck.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Oh, you know what? It's because fucking we have four on there, that's why. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

So I can I have to make my own sound effects?

SPEAKER_03 8:31

That's why I'm getting the fucking new one, so that way I could have the four XLR.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Well, if we start talking about queeefs, how are we gonna imitate a queee? Make the sound? I mean, you can just do it through the phone, honestly, if you want. Yeah, I'll just pull a porn hook for you. Find your f your quickest squirting video. Fucking uh what's your favorite category? Oh god, we're going there, huh? Um talking real porn. I like notes. A little bit of gangbang every here and there, you know? Just some uh straight girl on girl, scissor me daddy. Interesting. Lesbians are hot, man. Two gay dudes? No way. That's ugly. Yeah. Lesbian porn is the straightest porn possible. I take a survey of the general public and you you go out and ask any random motherfucker in the zoo. Just say, for example, Brookfield Zoo, you walk up and you're like, two hot girls going at it and you know, getting it on, or you got too gay to you just getting ugly. That's what are you doing? Easy winner. I mean the lesbians. Lesbians win every fucking day. Tits and ass? Times two? Come on. What is their not for like? I mean if you're thinking about porn that's not lesbian because it's about if you're watching lesbian porn, then like doing a god.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Does that cancel out then? Does that just like reduce down back to zero? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

I asked the same thing when I find out like let's say alright, you know how I asked this question. Let me ask you a real one. So you got a transgender, right? Okay. And like it's a girl, like before, but then they go to a guy and then they start liking girls. Does that make them gay? I don't know, dude. Right? See, that's the real that's that's a pickle.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

That actually reminds me, is uh I wanted to do make my own romantic comedy. Um I wanted to do my own romantic comedy. And that it was like it was like a guy and a girl, they go on a date, you know, they have fun, whatever, they're laughing. They're he's like guys like, uh, you want to go back to my place? He's like, sure, let's let's do that. Uh, you know, they get there, they're kissing, they're getting hot and heavy, and she's like, uh, hey, I have a secret to tell you. And she's like, what? Are you tranny? He's like, well, yes and no. And what it is is she pulls out her pants and she has a penis coming out of a vagina.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Is that blue dancing?

SPEAKER_03 10:42

And then what it what it does is it just goes in and out, so you don't even have to thrust. You just kind of press up against it.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

That is not even her math today. What the hell do you talk about?

SPEAKER_03 10:53

So he he's like, Well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, well, I guess, you know.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

That's that is it that is a definition of a daddy chill moment.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Fuck.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

I don't even think I finished that script, but I don't think they did either. Yeah, you should write the whole script off to somebody who's a hee-shi.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

I should write the whole script for that.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Um, how about I'm getting cancelled for this. Oh, fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Uh oh, I gotta show you the uh the sound effect I made. I think I showed you already.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

You you've seen Seinfeld before, right? Jerry! Jerry Oh wait, that's the wrong Jerry. Oh hell yeah. I made this the other day in the bathroom at work.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Jerry? Hello, no. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

That's perfect. That's perfect, because you barely had to do anything, it's just a beep over what was already said, and you turn it into something else. That's perfect comedy.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

You could have just said bitch? You know? Yep. Uh I think we all know what word he said though.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yep. Sounds very familiar. Yep. Especially in the 1950s. Is it Caitlin Jenner? Nah, fucking Caitlin Clark, the woman's basketball player that's tall and fucking what? Was Caitlin formerly known as Bruce? Nah, she's like a fucking woman's basketball player that's like really tall muscular. She's like a dude. Is she friends with Brittany Grinders? She has a penis coming out of her. I don't know who the fuck that is, though. That's that one basketball player from the WNBA who got arrested for having pot in Russia.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

Oh yeah, what's her fucking name?

SPEAKER_00 12:36

And Joe Biden had to free her. Brittany Grinder, yeah. Fucking uh free Brittany. Free Britney. Hi Free Britney. You shouldn't be here about smoking weed. Fuck you, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

Brittany, come home. Do you know who Andrew Huberman is?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

No.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

I heard he's like the guy who's like, oh no alcohol. He goes on Joe Rogan a lot.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Hey, real quick, I'm doing a I'm doing a podcast. Can I call you back? I'm doing a podcast, can I call you back? Can I call you back?

unknown 13:06

No.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Alright, see ya.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Jesus Christ. Is that your mom?

SPEAKER_00 13:10

No, it's my ex-girlfriend.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Jesus Christ. Alright, Matt. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Slightly better.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

But I was thinking, what if instead of Andrew Huberman, it was Andrew Puberman, and he just has like really, really long pubes flowing out of his pants while he's doing his podcast.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

And you're talking like curly or straight kind of pubes?

SPEAKER_03 13:27

I'm thinking long and curly.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Yeah, right. Like firecrot or just normal like a Rapunzel length kind of fucking pube. So blonde or brunette. Or orange. We can go with that's cool.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Well, he's got fucking black hair, so I'm assuming black, right? Hey, dude, some people have orange, some people don't. Yeah, make it orange. Fuck it. He's got orange pubes for some hair.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Orange pubes, yeah, that's a great mix. Call that shiny D.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

He's drinking like the podcast guest keeps getting like stray hairs. She's like, come on.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Like And the guest is like scared to bring it up.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah, yeah, he's like c keeps looking down at it. I did. It was a star recording. Okay. Recording again.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Any whore.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Any whore. Yeah, I want to dive back into this romantic comedy thing. I was also another idea I had was that what if instead of uh what if instead of the woman with the penis, it could be like the woman with the penis, how original. The woman with the penis coming out of the vagina. Yeah. Specifically.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

Um the thrustmaster? The thrustmaster, yeah, the jigsaw. You know. I feel like you can't give it away in the title. What's up? I feel you shouldn't give that away in the title. What? Killer Buzzsaw. That's a penis in the vagina. That's called the killer buzzsaw, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

I think that makes it funnier. Yeah, I've done it. I think no going in.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

At that point, that's like literally saying go fuck yourself, but actually meaning like that means you could actually go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Literally, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

I am fucking myself. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

But I was thinking, how about another version where it's a guy and uh he's addicted to shitting his pants?

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Dude, some people actually do that. I might even joking. Like, there's my coworkers telling me he was like, Yeah, dude, I know these guys, because he does OnlyFans. He's like, dude, I know some people that like they'll pay you like a thousand dollars just to shit your pants. Like, and like wipe your ass right in front of them. I'm like, that's a thing? Really? Yeah, no, like these these rich old people, they'll they'll pay you to piss your pants, shit yourself, fucking wipe it on your nipples. Like, dude, they're like like girls or guys? Anybody, bro. That this is some like Epstein shit, dude. Like, they're not miners, trust me. I don't want to put that out there. There's no miners involved in such activities. This is for grown-ass people. Sound 18, get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

How about instead of big time adolescents, that Pete Davidson movie, it's big time rust.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

It's with the porno.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

It's big time I had sex with those kids. Um, how about this? Um, so me and Nick are talking, and apparently, do you know have you ever heard of uh apparently in China that you can sell uh virgin boy eggs? What the fuck? Apparently it's they're eggs that they like soak them in the piss of virgin boys. Wait, it's in China. What kind of eggs are these? Like quail dog, I don't buy this shit. No, look it up.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Let me look it up. Virginia. I know there'll be certain kunk pound dogs. Dude, they'll do fucking anything. Just search up China virgin eggs, don't put virgin boy eggs. God, which brain is.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

Under the age of ten. Under the age of ten, yes. Yeah, what the fuck? Preferably under the age of ten. Well, how would you know? How would you know?

SPEAKER_00 16:39

I think we can What so you have like someone who's virgin eggs and you're like, oh, this person's like twelve years old, not eight. Ugh. Like that's how you want to be able to tell?

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, maybe there's like an acidity difference or something.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

When's your puberty, like, hormones enter it, I bet. Yeah, it's like milk. You mind if I uh you want if I give a quick promotion real quick? Fur. Soundcloud? Yep. Uh go ahead. Alright, everybody, I make some really, really stellar remixes. My SoundCloud is at Joseph Kazazk. Go check out my shit. Please feel free to like, share, and subscribe. I got your shit.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

It's really popular in the uh gay club community.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

And um the um what what's that? The furry community. And the furry community. You wear tails, you got yours, go ahead and take a listen. Swing that shit round and round, it brings all the boys in town. Uh but it's all I got for you, Bell. Oh, alright, alright. It's a 30-second promotion, that's all I need. Okay, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

Fuck. Do you guys remember Do you guys remember uh Ask Jeeves? That website?

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Yeah. Yeah. Before it was asked.com?

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Yeah, yeah. What if instead it was Ask Jive? And it was just like, shit, man. What you need to know? What you need. Just like a 50-year-old, like happy black dude. I got years of experience.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

I can't answer any questions. And you are out of the pen too. Just ask me, ask me anything.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

You want to know how much you want to know how to access your commissary? I got you.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

How to not suck dick. How to pick up a ring. How to quit sucking dick.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

How to quit your job, how to get an unemployment, how to get the stuff, how to apply for an EBT card. You got you, man.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

How to fit large objects up your asshole.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Is there anyone for a penis enlargement? I don't I think that just comes naturally.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Penis enlargement surgery.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

As a uh dude, yeah, you guys know this that Dennis Rodman was the only basketball player in history, even in human history, to all broken his penis. Not once. Oh yeah, we've talked about it. Three times. Three times. Three times.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Yeah, because he tried jumping into some girl's pussy. Yeah. That's a true story.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

There's a 5.0 episode where he comes off the zip line with like a fucking strap on, and he's up at the top of like a two-story house, and he zip lines right into this bitch's crotch. Yep. Yep. You would think she would bleed at some point. I didn't she? I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

I'm pretty sure he did once he broke this.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

I thought that I I mean the segment looked like a sex doll, but I mean, gee, you never know.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

I know I know that story from like uh fucking like there's like an animated video about it on YouTube I saw it.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Bring back Tosh Poinot and Ray William Johnson, dude.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Dude, I love Tosh Poinot.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Fucking good times. They don't make TV like they used to. XX Shout out to this year's WrestleMania, man. That shit was fucking amazing, dude. Cody Rhodes for the fucking win. Fucking fuck John Cena, Paul Hayden, your fat Walrus. Fuck you. And you're and you're and your 10,000 diabetes cells, you gotta lurking around your feet. Gotta lurk around your fucking feet. That whole match he looked like his blood sugar was low. I think I'm Oh, what the fuck you doing?

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Knocking the fucking panels off the goddamn wall. Are they supposed to like just velcro on? There you barely fucking hang on. It's fucking I would because you're supposed to like do spray adhesive or some shit, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

No, I have a can I can give you that. Joey is crazy. I'm not gonna spray that on the ball on the wall here, but I'm gonna drop it off the wall. My balls, whoops.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Whoops.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Stay. There's nothing more.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

I prefer if you fix that as uh Tony Soprano, Joey.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Oh what the fuck do you want? You think I can fucking fix this shit, you know? You think I can fucking fix this shit? Jesus. Let me fucking tell you. Talk that type of bullshit, I swear to fucking god. Well let me tell you something. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Well let me tell you something. If fucking your sister is a criminal fence, then I should be put in the chair. Well, it is Tony because she's 14. Come on!

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Hey, forget about it. That's fucking pedophilia. I thought if I'm phoney, that's good for me.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

What, prison or minor sucks? No, the gor the girl. The 14-year-old girl. Oh, I bet she enjoyed every bit of it.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Shh shh shh shh. Jesus Christ. You didn't know the CIO's gonna tap in my phone now if I went in some pointering for kids.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Oh, this is a fun um holiday one I came up with last week. How about instead of the Easter bunny, it's the Keister bunny, and he just shoves Easter eggs up his ass and ships them out everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

The pagans were robbed of their holiday. Like instead of laying the eggs, he hops on top of them.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Yeah, and he just lets it just slowly sits on them and lets him go back up his ass.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

They can send out people with their eggs. How do you like your eggs? Sunny Sayo. Sunny Sayo. My eggs soaked in virgin boy yin.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's that boy.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

The shell is so aerodynamic, so it can just slide right back. Aerodymnastics, I know what that is.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

Can we do some uh Asian accents, huh?

SPEAKER_00 21:58

My stepdad's Japanese. Fun fact. If you guys want to make fun of them, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

I just like doing the voice, really. Why would you tell some I uh how about this one?

SPEAKER_00 22:10

I was uh so racist.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Please never forget my name. Which is Ching Chong Wujang Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Bush did 9-11. What was the other what was the bar? Uh fucking uh Jet Fuel Doesn't Melt Still Beams. This is a great album by Mac Muller. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

Shout out Mac.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Don't forget to listen to Speaker Doctor's new album either. Oh man. No, we gotta get too much of a mic time, man. Even hide in the spotlight. Sorry, pal. How are we feeling Noah? I was getting too horny. Living the dream. Yep. Nothing better than being on the horrible hang. Tell me your worst childhood memory. I gotta hear it. My worst childhood memory. Yeah, I mean something so traumatic you never forget. Worse than the twin towers. Um. One time my dog almost ran away and I got really scared.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Man, remember when my dad played Brandon and I had to like walk around the whole fucking town to find him? I don't just it's fine. Whatever. They're not gonna stay up. Oh, they're masturbation platters now, so you don't you don't need to tell? Yeah. Really absorbent. This is a real bukkake platter.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

Fucking I was thinking about this. I w I like doing SpongeBob because everyone knows Spongebob, so it's like easy to do the characters.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Dude, I I have a really good clip to play for you. There's uh do you guys remember the old man episode where he's sitting down there and he's like, oh my god, he's gonna kick my butt! The old guy's like, it's a nice day here, gentlemen, is it? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Did you ever watch like the YouTube poop videos of that shit? Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

So you like kicking butts, do you?

unknown 24:09

Also you!

SPEAKER_00 24:10

If this isn't cancel culture today, I don't know what the fuck is.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man? I love the young people.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

Fucking great fucking. But I was uh I was thinking, what if there was uh like a red pill sponge rob where like Patrick hates illegal immigrants?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Did you just call me a leg we SpongeBob? Water patrol! I'm calling ice on you! Dude, build a wall. Did Kyle I hate these fucking illegal immigrants! They're raping our white women! SpongeBob!

SPEAKER_00 24:51

They're gonna take your job as a crusty crab! It's just called crusty at that point because that's what they leave on children. Did Brandon send you that video where it was like this little kid trying to blow a balloon out of a used condom that was just freshly used to be?

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Oh god, no, I did not want to see that.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Whoa! He goes, it goes- it deflates and he gets all the fucking comedy's mouth.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Jesus Christ, bro.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Yeah, I don't want to see that out there. In the middle of like Saudi or Ravy or some shit. Jesus, bro.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

Who's the owner?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Who's the dad? Exactly. The owner of the car. I don't know, they let him off the leash for a day, and that's what happened. I'm sorry, dude. This shit's so fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

Oh yeah. Fucking um What should we talk about now?

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Oh, I'm sorry you have a slight buzz for that vodka.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Are you? Good. How you f feeling good?

SPEAKER_00 25:52

I'm ready to pod the cast.

SPEAKER_03 25:54

You ready to pod the cast?

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Cast the pod.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

My pod.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

My Thai pod.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

Ugh. You know, the other day, I spoke to God. What'd he tell you? He told me you're fucking gay. Really? Yeah. The other day I tripped out hard on ayahuasca and I relived my whole life. I saw all these fractals, and I literally spoke to God. And he came down and touched. He came down and touched me, and he said, Joey's gay. He touched you but told you I'm gay? Yeah, he told me to tell you that you're gay. And he touched you. He sent me back to Earth to tell you that you're gay. So you got molested. No, I didn't get molested. You got touched by God? No, I'm a I'm a head. Right on the head, like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Yeah, right on the head next to the chef, right? Right on the head.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Right on the right on the head, and then I slowly bent over. And then he pulled down his pants.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Got the whipped cream. Got the whip cream, made the whip cream. This is what Joey will feel like, also. This is what life is after death.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

He came down, he whispered into my ear, he said, spread it wide open for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Let me get you a booty hole ass, motherfucker. And he came again.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Who are you to argue with God? And so I went I bent over and he dilated my asshole to the size of the sun.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

That just sounds very traumatic. Yeah, I mean like bleeding out the butt. Oh, but the amount of pleasure I felt, oh Lord. Is that God's No pun intended. Was that is that like Drake wrote God's plan?

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Yes, that was God's plan. God's plan is to fuck me in the ass.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Hey, God fucks, man.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Fucks me in the ass. And he's gonna have you join in. Can I film it? And he said, Joey, put your dick in my ass. So now we got a train going. And now we gotta get Hey, who's the other participant? Uh Noah. So now Noah's behind you. Who's getting fucked? We're all getting fucked. We got like a human centipede kind of thing going. Everyone just just all of us dicks at each other's.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Because if someone shits and I'm connected to the anus of somebody else, I'm not eating that shit.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

Well in this human centipede. Well, in this human centipede, it's just dick in the ass after dick in the ass after dick in the ass.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Like I I'd rather eat taint all day. Yeah, that that is. Have you seen that movie? That movie's wild. No. That movie's crazy. I do not intend on ever watching that shit.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

I went through a phase where I wanted to watch some like weird ass movies and shit.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Is there a spot like religious porn? Yeah, it's just a bunch of them whatever like they should do jump and I'm gonna look up. This is I wish we were on fucking camera for this, because I'm gonna literally Google church porn. You might find the priest having sex with a young boy fine. Porn up, here we go. Okay. Went to church and fingered myself. Oh, that's lame. Church of no panties, that's cool. Oh wow, we got one in an actual fucking church. Oh god. That's the most unholy thing I've ever heard of. Hell man. I gotta get off this one to say. Dude, you can't look away with someone's gonna be. I mean, pussy's pussy, I'm not gonna cap on that.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

Yo, Joey, give me a s give me a fucking like a story of when you were with a girl or something and it like got fucked up or something.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

What do you mean, like like good or bad?

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Bad. Let's hear bad. Bad's fine.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Well. You got something, I know you got something. I know, because I have to let me look through the my hit list real quick and see who I fucked and remember who what the worst time was. The hit list. My body count on my phone. Okay. So, between the 11 people I have on here. Uh Slate Flex. Not really. I get told that's actually kind of low. Which is kind of fucking odd to me, because then a girl comes out with an 18 body count and you're like, okay, you're a whore.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

I don't know that.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

All the girls I fuck are either older than me or have a higher body count than me. I think the worst one though would have to be Oh, the girl who just called me earlier. I was getting head by her for the first time. And Asia, I hope you're watching this because you're a fucking bitch. Um she probably doesn't remember, but you know, first time I'm getting domed and I looked at her and I was like, dude, you should swallow. Like, just do it. Like, just do it. She's like, oh, okay. Never done that before. Don't knock it, Tilly, try it, whatever. It is, I'm literally busting the nut down her through her mom walks in. Oh, Jesus. I never zip my pants up within a split second. What is going on in here? Oh nothing. We're just cuddling. Why's your hair all messy? Uh we're just wrestling. No worries. Alright. Shuts the door. Fucking 30 minutes later, I'm still not done. I just couldn't get the image of her mother standing in the door. Well, yeah. And my pants are almost down. Like, yeah. That's not like real fucking like that's like some Bradger shit. Like you just see stepmom and daughter just going at it with the fucking guy, and the guy's like 18 looking, small shit, skinny and me.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Dude, I remember one time I went to this girl's house and like we met on Tinder and fucking like she wanted a fuck or whatever. And then like, I guess like she was like introducing me to her like her little brother before we went up, before like which is not good foreplay.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

That's berm cell, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

Yeah. And then I get like she starts getting naked, and I like could not get hard.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

And I don't know if it's because she had no tits or at that point he knew he was gay.

SPEAKER_03 31:27

It might maybe I'm gay. I don't know. But no, I couldn't get hard, and then we I just kind of gave up on it. And she was like, Alright, well, it's okay. Do you want to play Scrabble now?

SPEAKER_00 31:39

What kind of Scrabble?

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Like legit scrabble. Scrabble on her face. I'm like, I'm like, nah, man, I'm going home. But uh there was this other time too, I remember. Uh I was hanging out with this girl and she was like trying to be fucking uh you need a chase her?

SPEAKER_00 31:56

No, I need a vape or something. The vodka's kicking my ass.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

But anyway, no, uh fucking, I was at this girl's house and she like started like like dancing or whatever, doing sexy shit for me, and then she like she had a small ass.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

She looked petite, huh?

SPEAKER_03 32:11

She uh well, kinda yeah. But like no ass whatsoever. But she's like tried twerking for me, and I involuntarily started laughing in her face. Because like, I didn't mean to, but like seeing someone with no ass like try to twerk is j it's just funny. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 32:29

I could have sworn at home director of relationship one time, because I was in familiar with Jackie's. We've been there a thousand fucking times. And do you know who Jake Stilson is? You know who Jake is, right? No, Jake. Hey, you should name drop. Yeah, don't name drop. Alright, that's his alias. Are you gonna edit that out? Uh I don't know if I can. Well, fuck it. Sorry, Jake. Uh he's a nobody anyway, but we're in Jackie's.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

But like, before I we do move around to that, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just funny if she if you're twerking with a small ass, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:58

That just means her ass is lopsided, if you have to ask me. You had a lopsided butt cheek. There's that's not my apartment. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

My thing is that it's like okay, it's okay to not have a huge ass, but don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

But what if one cheek was bigger than the other?

SPEAKER_02 33:09

I don't Well you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Like, don't be trying to do tricks with it, bro. Like, you don't see me trying to swing my dick like a grandfather clock. Tell her to do the split on the dick and just call it a dick. Yeah, just fucking just it is what it is. You don't have the equipment to do fucking extra magic tricks, you know.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Unless you're houdini and you can take a punch to the chest, like she can take a punch to the crotch. I mean, everything's possible. I think you should try and swing like a grandfather clock, Kyle. I don't know, that's a good image in my mind right now. I've never heard of that saying. What the hell does that mean? Someone elaborate on that. What? You've never seen a pendulum and a grandfather clock. Oh, yeah. Just let your dick swing like that. I mean, I can do that.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

I'm gay. I'm insanely gay. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

I am a very vibrant homosexual.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Very, very gay. Very gay.

unknown 33:59

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Oh no. Oh no! Oh yeah! We suck John around here. The Porta John? Long John. You know what we call Long John Silver.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Me, uh me and Homeboy like to call uh you know what I'm talking about when I say this. When we go do drugs in a port-a potty, we call that the port-a-party. The port-a-party do drugs in a port-a potty we call it the port-a-party. In other words, the portajohn. Uh I'm gonna.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Alright, we're recording. Joe Biden? Joe Biden. Well, you know, you know, it's crazy, you know. You know, they say, you know, black people, you know, really have really big lips. But it's crazy because they're always talking in the movie theater, also. So you'd think, you know, flapping those big lips around, you you'd get tired and fall asleep during the movie.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

That movie that one time we were watching that movie, what'd you say it was like extra commentary?

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Oh, yeah. I forgot what the fucking bit was. I forgot what the fucking bit was.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

There's a black couple in there. Some movies though are more fun with commentary. If it's a shitty movie, I want commentary.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

A Medea movie? That's where it's at. Really? Dude, I want to see a Medea movie. When I saw Boo 2, you know how many black people were in that fucking deer? I couldn't see half of them. Just all eyes. All eyes. Like Tupac said, all eyes on me. All eyes.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

It would just look like the uh the roof of a Rolls-Royce. What if, okay, maybe I don't know. This one kind of sucks. We'll try it. Uh what if there was like a foreigner that snuck into a country and he got into St. Louis, and he thought the St. Louis arch was just a giant McDonald's sign the other half got destroyed in 9-11.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

One of the arches, it's just it's just McDonald's. Who's Nick?

SPEAKER_03 36:00

That really had no direction, but the crime in St.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Louis is so bad they stole the other half of the arch.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Yeah. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

I like that. It's just a giant metal French fry hanging on the ground. Yeah, basically. She's one of the bet ones. They use that for that's a poster child for uh erectile dysfunction.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

It's just a giant handle for God.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

He slipped his finger through it.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

This guy's picking. That's actually where you tie the string and hang it to the ceiling. Wait a news? No, the world.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Oh, like an ornament. Yeah. They hang the world by its neck.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

You know that little gold angel in the corner of uh watching movies with the sound off cover? It's like that.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Speaking of which, did you guys hear the new song he dropped? Yep. Quest? What do you guys think? I thought it was.

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Wasn't that out already?

SPEAKER_00 36:53

I don't know. Yeah, it wasn't out of the way. So re-release?

SPEAKER_03 36:58

I thought it was like a leaked song. Or is it like brand new and never been leaked? I don't think it's been leaked because I haven't.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Really? Yeah, because I out of all the Mac Miller shit that you could find in like Dep HIF and shit. This isn't on there anywhere. Oh really? Okay. I gotta look at it. Well, and R.P. Dep, they just got shot down last year. Oh yeah, I saw that.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

Fuck yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

I still use Napster and Limewire.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

Um, oh yeah. Do you guys remember Flat Stanley? Yeah. Those books.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Uh I can't say names, dude. This is so hard. I remember a couple of the kids in my class like didn't mail theirs, and the teacher like shamed them in front of the class. They didn't mail what? They're letting them mail Stanley Stanley. Yeah, do you remember that? You mail in your flat standling and like it's supposed to have like an illustration on it or some shit, and it's like you get it back and like it's like the your grade for your actual assignment. No, I never did that. I never did that either. We had to draw like a flat standing, go ship it to somebody, didn't matter who. They had to like either draw something on it or fucking write a note. Come on it. Yes, that's exactly.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

They just open it up, it's just all gooey. It's glued shut. I don't know. Do you think he has a square penis? Flat square penis? Well, is that isn't the whole thing as he got crushed by a billboard? Yeah, yeah. Is it long or short? Well, I'm considering he's like, Kev, it's probably short. Well, no, it's probably longer because you know, like when you make pasta, it flattens out and gets longer.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

It comes out of the machine. Yeah, it's like that.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

It's like well, you're making lasagna sheets, you know.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

You just stick them all together. He did it to like sneak in the women's locker room under the door?

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Or in those little slits in the locker room. Yeah. Do you guys ever see that family guy skit where Peter's sitting in the locker room and he's just holding a piece of paper over his face saying he's peeping on the girls? And that you can clearly see him, he's just only covering his face. Oh, really? That's how much shit they got me.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Oh fuck. I wish it wasn't so fucking late, dude.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

Oh, I'm a late night person, so this is a bad thing.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

Yeah, I just we're kind of similar in that like around this time we start to you know calm down and go sleep.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

10 45. Perfect. Good thing I work at three tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

We're at 40 minutes. I usually try to do at least an hour. Perfect. Um alright. So I wish fucking Andy was here for this, because this is actually probably one of our best bits. But uh, you know, you said you know who uh Sebastian Manascalco is.

SPEAKER_00 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

So basically who he is, he's like an Italian guy. He does uh big stand-up comedy. He's actually like from around here, he's from Arlington Heights. But his whole thing is he like does a lot of like act outs and stuff. He's like really family friendly and shit. I think at first. But uh the original bit we did was uh Sebastian Maniscalco's into Voar. Do you know what Vore is?

SPEAKER_00 39:51

Is it like some like fucking like Lord of the Rings shit?

SPEAKER_03 39:53

No, it's a uh fetish where you uh want to be eaten whole. Oh. That's hot. So I and he always just uh like talks about like those family fucking stories on stage and shit.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Oh yeah, where he's just like you know how all comedians do that, they always got a way of telling a story, but just throw a kicker in there.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

He's like, my my father never taught me how to fart. Alright? So my ass would just inflate like a balloon, right? Growing up, I had the biggest ass in school. The kids would call me Big Booty Bastion. They point at me saying, Socuso, so gousoo. And I said, Mom, I need to fart. I don't know how to fart. She said she said, You got your father's ass, Sebastian.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

All that tomato sauce.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

I heard dead air, so I figured I'd just sit in it until somebody said something.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Like that's like a stale fart.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

So the next day I I went I went to school and I went up to this kid named Stanley, right? And I sat on him with my ass, right? And now he's been completely flat ever since.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

What a poor guy. What a poor guy.

SPEAKER_03 41:10

Like that's basically that's kind of interchangeable with Tony Soprano, too, but Well, I have to rewatch the whole fucking series.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

RAP him too, whatever is real. I don't remember what I'm saying. James Gandalfini.

SPEAKER_03 41:21

You didn't like that was like supposed to be my best vid. Yeah, that it you're right.

unknown 41:29

Fuck.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Maybe I'll retell it in another episode. Nobody's listening anyway. Um If you don't listen, you'll get raped. If you don't listen, you'll get raped, basically, yeah. That's basically what that means. Our listeners are gay, the ones that don't listen are gay. Everybody's gay now.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

So is half the fucking Democratic Party. Whoops. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

Red pill. Oh, we we're going down the red pill edge now?

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Yeah. Oh, I'm straight edge, baby. Straight edge. As I'm holding a fucking bottle of vodka. Straight edge. Do you edge? Yeah, he's going crazy. Uh yes, I do edge my pubes, if that's what you're asking. No, edge. Like, Oh, I heard about that. What the fuck is edging? Like that you just it's like right before you come, but you don't come. And then you stop, and then you just keep doing dude.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Nick, you Nick is the king of edging, bro.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

He's told us about it, dude. That is that just sounds like blue balls times 10. I mean that's because that's what I do, so. Your nuts don't hurt after that? No, it feels better. I guess. I've got into it. He loves it. You like edging, huh? No, I do it every once in a while.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

What's the longest you've ever gone?

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Two hours. Dude, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Yeah, dude, Nick said he went for like an hour, hour and a half. I'm like, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

No. That's like just an un like describable sensation you must have. Like you're or like the orgasmic feeling. You're like, oh yeah, yeah. Dog, I don't have sex often. I gotta fucking find ways to get that done. Now that I know about that, I feel like Billy Mays used to edge.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Could be. If you think about it, edging actually with all the cocaine he used to do. Actually, edging could be used as a tool to like you know, stop somebody from like being so addicted to instant gratification, you know. It could teach you patience. It could teach you how to like really work hard and be patient, you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Billy Mays, you today I'm about to sell you the idea of edging. Can he dive with an okay cocaine overdose, right? So something like that.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Billy Mays here, and we've got cocaine in the oxyclean. It's Billy Mays here, and I've got five gallons of oxyclean up my ass.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

This is where I'm gonna show you how to butttug a tripod. The sham wow guy. That's up, Vince. Yeah, isn't he like a pizza jet or something? He is, Vince is a pizza jet, but he did a slap chop commercial too. The slap chop commercial would both slap my nuts. That's what he said. Slap my nuts. It's time to slap chop, he goes. Slap ass. This is edgy.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

You see a cute boy, you like his ass, slap it right there.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

Make sure he's under the age of twelve.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

The younger he is, the tighter the ass. Give it a nice slap. Slap just like that.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

Didn't he fucking like I he I don't know exactly why he's a piece of shit, but I heard he like did some shitty shit. Yeah, didn't he like do some like I'm sure he got fucked off on it? Yeah, I'm Googling it. Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

I gotta cut myself off in the video yesterday and I gotta drive after this. Oh boy. Oh, hey, you're still gonna drive me off after, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweet. Yeah, he was arrested for like beating up a prostitute, apparently. Dude, my dad knew it. It was something like that. Yeah, my dad was telling me a story before he went to jail, and he was like, you know, back in the day, we used to have these hookers on 11th Street in Rockford. And we were assholes, man. We'd just go over there in the middle of the night. Some of us would fuck them and beat the shit out of them. Jesus knees. Some of us would just throw shit at him, you know. Whatever try to hit them with our cars. Jesus fucking crazy, man. He was like, people didn't give a fuck. Dude, it's a Rockford, bro.

SPEAKER_03 45:13

Fucking the shittiest fucking town in Illinois. Dude, even uh my buddy, because I posted that fucking video on my story with the uh the hick hop, the uh the fucking crime hopping. It's fucking conservative or hip-hop or whatever. And my buddies lives in fucking like Pieton. He's like, yeah, people around here love that shit.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

Dude, I don't botch out for any conservative people. I do not know people that listen to that shit. Pietone's like Kentucky, bro. They fuck their cousins and they just bot the black people music they think sounds good in the moment.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

It's fucking insane. They have a lot of crazy Walmarts out there too.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

Oh, I used to sell them Pietone, trust me. When I used to sell electricity, I had a drunk guy who used to come and fucking harass me every time I was there, like every two weeks. You're gonna pay my fucking electric bill. Alright, no, no, man, I'm here to help you with your bill. You're gonna pay for my fucking bill? No, ma'am. Give me a fucking beer, and I finally just got pissed. I was like, alright, you're like, I didn't know what to do. I was like, do you just call security? Do you kick his ass? What do you do? Like, I think apparently you can't just kick his ass because it's against the law.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

Dude, that reminds me. Did I ever tell you about that story when um the uh kid with Down syndrome took my hat off my head and he put it into a porta potty and then put it back on my head?

SPEAKER_00 46:23

Does that make do I give him up syndrome?

SPEAKER_03 46:27

I guess so. But no, that was like another situation, like literally, took the hat off my head. This was at like a fucking football game, I think. He took it off my head, like threw it into the blue water, and then reached into the porta potty, took it out, and put it back on my head.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

And if it were you were one of his kind. Oh my god. He's like, Maybe I'm gonna love this.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

I don't think I have doubts in your face, do I? A little bit? A little bit? He's like, Do you like your new hat? And I'm like, no, I don't like my fucking new hat.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

It feels a little shitty.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

He's got a blue and brown color scheme now. But it was like another thing. It was like, like, what are you gonna do? You can't fucking ever anyone else gotta do something, but it's a fucking kid with Down syndrome.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Like, I just had to I had no idea. What would you have done? I I would have been convinced that I would be waiting for the moment he would have said, Oh, it's just oil pastels. Jesus Christ Usually they have to be. That would be funny if he was just like a prankster.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

Oh, so you don't have downstream. If he's just like a menace, I'll go fuck myself.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Uh fuck. That is a genius idea. What? A prank show on somebody's head. Where someone disabled doing the pranks and see how people react. That's taking a very good thing. You can't get mad at them, then, even if they're doing it. I mean, like, put it like this. A man with Down syndrome, you can tell them to do whatever you want, and they'll do it. Go rob a bank, yeah, sure. Go go go go fucking molester that child over there. I don't know. Go fucking dump shit on somebody's head. They'll do it. I mean, that's the happening pile.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

It's like it's like that uh dragon's breath drug that you fucking just blow in somebody's face, they turn into a zombie.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

And it just comes out with people in there. Install, you spewing shit everywhere. The Down syndrome kids were dying.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Do you remember? Do you remember years ago we were on a quest to take an upper deck or somewhere?

SPEAKER_00 48:20

Oh, I was with you the one day I did shit in the home. At Blaze Pizza. At Blaze Pizza. Which one? It was the one in Orlean Edwards. Oh. Dude, I left kibbles and bits in that fucking bag. That's why that place closed down.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Probably. They somehow got equalized. No one was cleaning that shit, bro. That shit probably sat in there, bro. Yeah, they just closed the bathroom. You know what? When I'm out there, we gotta do an actual upper decker, though.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

A p a proper upper decker. Jackie's has a toilet with a tank and sort of stagecoach. Do they? Yes. And I did ask Brandon if I could take an upper decker, but he would not let me. So we're gonna have to do it without his um him being aware. Well, if he sees it, he's immediately gonna ask if it was you. Who says he has to know?

SPEAKER_03 49:02

And we're also on the podcast. If he ever lives.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

Who says he has to know when I show up? It could be a surprise shitter. Like shit somewhere else, and then where you need it. I'll put it in a shoebox and just leave it in the bathroom for two weeks. Let it ferment.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

But if you do it, if the if you shit in the tank, it then it circulates in with the rest of the water.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

I'm giving somebody free jankum. Free jankum. Jankum's crazy, dude. Yeah. You're literally doing you're you're literally your your shit turns into a drug. They do have like Africa and shit, don't they? And why do you think they have such a problem with negotiating oil? We have to off the sheet bean on some. If they try telling you they have black money and need clean money to explain those Nigerian scammers. No, no, no. I need money to clean my money. I have black money. That's a good voice. You don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. You need to send me 2000 bitcoin.

SPEAKER_03 50:02

You need to send me the bitcoin uh no he's idiot. You need to send me 20 million bitcoin right now.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

You work at a gas station now.

SPEAKER_03 50:11

I will send pictures of your small pee-pee to all of your family.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

Oh yeah, go ahead, man. Wait, what? I have my family's dead. I have one million dollar. Just send me 20 dollar and I will send it down. Dude, they're the ones that trade egg rolls as currencies in our fucking country. Jesus Christ. Oh yeah, I think I did this. They trade children, they chilled fucking animals. Anything can be used as currency around there, man. They don't just give any fucks.

SPEAKER_03 50:38

I think I did this in an older action.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

The only thing they hate around there is white people. What? In Nigeria and all those places, they hate white people. I mean like they walk up, they hate like a fucking bamboo, like spheres and AK-47s and shit. Where are you from? Where are you from?

SPEAKER_03 50:52

Did you know uh fucking actually there, um but like back in like fucking like the fifties in fucking like South Africa, like when they were like first starting to give like black people freedom and stuff, it was still mostly black people, but like the white people around there were like you know, still living their life or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

South Africans.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

A white guy invented a cream that for black people to put on their skin to lighten their skin tone.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

So that's what happened to Sammy Sosa. Didn't that be a good one?

SPEAKER_03 51:19

And I'm telling you, it literally became like one of the most bought products ever. It was literally in like like buying milk. Like every household had it. So Martin is easy.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Was that Martin Luther King's dream? I have a dream that we will be the white man one day.

SPEAKER_03 51:36

I have a dream that I will have cream. Do you guys remember that? It was like this South African that will turn me into the white man.

SPEAKER_00 51:44

There was a there was a video on YouTube about like, I don't know, homosexuality in uh like Uganda in Africa. Yeah, it's like Spanish. So let me ask you, why are you gay? Why are you gay? We even watch that reaction. I do not know what that means. I am not gay. I wonder if Michael Jackson tried that skin lightning oil before you went all the way.

SPEAKER_03 52:08

No, Michael Jackson was a white man at heart. Michael Michael Dragson. Michael Jackson, but he does drag.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Michael Jackson. Michael what? Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

Yeah, you're coming up with a- Yeah, you're coming up with a lot of Zen puns earlier.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

Zen Pout is in the bus. George Washington, Zim Floyd from George Floyd.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

I can breathe. Bro, I was thinking about this the other day, random thought. You know, why do like women's clothing never have any pockets?

SPEAKER_00 52:42

I don't know, they got tits. I guess that's your pocket, right?

SPEAKER_03 52:45

Well I was thinking maybe it's because you have your pussy. They're like, you know, why do you need pockets if you have a pocket built into your arm?

SPEAKER_00 52:51

I guess condoms aren't so bad after all that's where that's like the ziploc bag you stuff up your cooch. You gotta hide your drugs. Where your anal cavity works too if you just, you know, if you don't mind some smell.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

But you can't do it if you have a penis coming out of your vagina.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

That's a killer buzz off. Like, like I'll just take my whole sentence of I'll go fuck myself to another meeting. I'll stick a thumb up my ass and smile.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Oh yeah. Yeah, we're live. Too much cum, not enough space. Do you guys remember those, the space bags? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

The space bag commercials, and then you like drug reference?

SPEAKER_03 53:30

No, no. No, it was like those bags that you put clothes in and then you could attach a vacuum to it.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

It like freeze-dries them and shit.

SPEAKER_03 53:37

Yeah, and then it'd be like yeah, like a freeze dryer, basically. And then if not we're not gonna know what you're talking about. It sucks the air out of the bag, right?

SPEAKER_00 53:44

Any other methad would do.

SPEAKER_03 53:46

But they did you they used to fucking have the commercials. It was like too much stuff, not enough space. Too much cum that's too much cum, not enough space. Or fucking um I thought of this too. I told you the other day about this one. Uh you you guys know uh Captain Crunch, uh, Oops All Berries? I know Mr. Munch. Mr. Munch. Well you know you know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_04 54:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:09

Uh how about uh oops all chromosomes? I'll write that one down.

SPEAKER_00 54:21

You know what I just thought about? What? Downtender people in different time periods. They were shunned in the 1800s.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

Didn't they kind of just shuck them?

SPEAKER_00 54:30

If you were like a like a what do they call that? A bed sperm, a stillborn or anything like that, some crazy retard shit. I'm pretty sure they just euthanized you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:39

I think that's what they did.

SPEAKER_00 54:40

You think there was never a point for never washes. What in the world is odd revealing the point? Probably. I hope there was never a point. It's called a filter in society. I hope there was never a point where that was a thing. The filter on society. Euthanasia. Euthanasia. Joey is just talking straight up eugenics right now. That's what you're doing. Oh man. Jesse Jackson is my hero. Starting to see red Chevelle. That's a great song, by the way. Let the bodies at the floor. All that fucking part. If you to answer that question of what they did with retards in prehistoric technology eras, let the bodies hit the floor.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

This is getting heavy, brother. This is getting heavy.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

What if they found like a special job for them?

SPEAKER_03 55:47

Well, they do now. There had to have been a point where we're like, we could probably put him to work.

SPEAKER_00 55:55

Yeah, you make it do something, yeah. Make them greeters at Walmart next to the Vietnam Vietnam PTSD freaks.

SPEAKER_03 56:00

Exactly. Like you just give them some easy work, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 56:04

Yeah. Just like Obama said, yes, we can. They can hand out the pretzels at Wetzels here for change.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

Dude, did I ever tell you about that one time I was at Walmart and uh one of the greeters there, I was checking out, and uh there's a it was like this like older black woman, probably about fucking like 70, and she had a lazy eye and two teeth. And uh she was special. And she went up to me and like she was like talking, she mostly gibberish, but she was like saying talking about like some show that was coming on BET tonight. And I was just being like, oh, you know, that's cool, I'll check it out. Maybe literally, and then like she kept going, and I was just being like, Oh yeah, I'll check it out, whatever. I'm like, alright, have a good night. And I walked away, and then she kept talking like I never left. She just kept talking to no one after I walked away from her.

SPEAKER_00 56:54

I don't think she could see where you were going.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

She may maybe.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

She got a little lost in the sauce.

SPEAKER_03 56:59

Yeah, it was like crazy. They'll hire anyone there.

SPEAKER_00 57:03

Gee, I really know I have a shot at life if Walmart will take me. Oh, dude. You know, she's probably talking to her imaginary friends in the room. Smoke personality disorder and all that shit. Someone forgot to take their circle too.

SPEAKER_03 57:21

Uh, so fucking uh I started going to therapy again. Well, I just went to one up uh one of them. Yeah, to too to deal with my constant thoughts of hot gay homosexual interactions.com sponsored. Just I can't stop thinking about it no matter what I do.

SPEAKER_00 57:46

I actually don't advise visiting the website, it's a gay porn website to say. Oh, I'm gonna visit white no. You're nice for letting the viewers know that.

SPEAKER_03 57:53

Hey man, gotta keep it real like a happy meal. But no, I was saying, I thought it'd be funny if therapy was like, if you start missing payments, they do like a repo operation, and the therapist is just like, you're a failure, and your dad was right about you, you're not worthy of love, and your friends secretly hate you. Just like undoing all the therapy work they had done before.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

Gee, I wonder who invented suicide. It was such a great invention of society.

SPEAKER_03 58:17

Just like shitting on you and using all your secrets against you. She gives you a razor blade, she's like, Here, buddy, go to town. Take a trip back to the slice factory. Now pick up the phone and tell your dad call call your dad and tell him you're gay.

SPEAKER_00 58:32

Jeez, man. I I cred I credit the man who created the news, man. What a what a life-changing invention for society. The news? The news, the one they handed. Oh, the news, I said yourself. You don't see that. What a game changer.

SPEAKER_03 58:47

You people usually use belts now.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 58:52

I mean if you're a class maybe for a classic man you'll use a noose.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

I guess when I was growing up, I used to watch a lot of NASCAR and there was this one UPS advertisement saying if it fits, it ships. So I guess suicide applies to that, right?

SPEAKER_03 59:09

I fucking um I wanted to fucking I had a joke that I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_00 59:13

Basically, like I feel like tying a noose is like what a hipster would do to kill themselves. They're from the Renaissance here.

SPEAKER_03 59:21

I wanted to do a joke about like I try to hang myself, but all it does is make my heart burn worse.

SPEAKER_00 59:31

Now my neck hurts and I'm still alive. Not to be like punny, but what a horrible hang.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

Oh, we gotta bring that back. We used to do a thing where after we said like a really fucked up joke, we'd go horrible hang. We gotta bring that back.

SPEAKER_00 59:46

Roadhouse.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Roadhouse. Shout out Andy, we missed him.

SPEAKER_00 59:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 59:50

He will be back next week.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

I'll be here waiting for you, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 59:55

Oh, fuck.

SPEAKER_00 59:57

Well edge to you, Andy.

SPEAKER_03 59:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:59

Starting to slow down. Just like our brain cells. Yeah, right. So one owl a month be marijuana.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:07

Although, how about oh yeah, dude, remember, we gotta talk about the fanatic. Holy fuck, no, we have to. We have to so okay, so me and I found this movie and I showed it to Greg called The Fanatic, right? And it's um it's directed by Fred Durst. Yeah, Fred Durst. And it's um John Travolta, but he plays a retarded guy. And he dude, like I gotta show let me show you his haircut. They made him look like simple fucking Jack, bro. It's insane. Hunter Dunbar!

SPEAKER_00 1:00:42

You tell him about it. Like the whole top movie is basically he's like some autistic guy, and he's a really big fan of this one actor named Hunter Dunbar, and like he stazes whenever he hears his name, he's like, Hunter Dunbar! Oh my god, he's the best actor on the planet! And like he goes to get his autograph signed and the dude's kind of a dick to him, says, Fuck you guy, fuck you, I'm not giving you an autograph, so he basically just stalks the dude. Oh, fuck. He's white beer.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:12

He's got like the fucking cutoff right in the middle of the forest. Oh, see when he fucking jumps the guy with D you guys get a camera for this podcast?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

I'm gonna grow you and a brow just for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:23

I think the opening line was he walks into the store and he's like, I can't be here long, I gotta poo.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Then he like doesn't do it. Yeah. But like the whole movie, you know, you're just watching John Travolta act retarded. Do you think gay people get turned out by holding their shits inside?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

You like to feel full?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:44

That was pretty good. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

I think the best part of the movie is there's a part where the dude playing the actor, he's driving the car with his kid and he's like, You want me to play some music? What do you think of Limp Biscuit? He like turns out limp biscuit and starts talking about how good it is. It's just one of those days. Shameless plug in his own movie. Limp biscuit. I mean, if you think about it, it's pretty smart because then he doesn't have to pay to use the song. I know. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. Fred Durst is the shit. I'm just saying that now. I fucking love Fred Durst. I can't. He's such a retard. No, he isn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:20

Do you like the music?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:21

Oh yeah. Really? Oh yeah, I love Limp Biscuit. I can't believe that's a good thing. The undertaking coming out to Roland by Lim Biscuit was probably one of the best entrance music of all the early 2000s.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:30

I think you're the first person to say that that shit was actually. Am I the only true Lib Biscuit fan here? Yes, you are. I tried listening to Limbiscuit.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:37

I feel like a black person on the back of the bus. I try listening to them after watching a movie, and I don't do it. I don't cuss. I just want to say it on the front of the bus.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:52

Getting wild.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:54

I can I can get naked too.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

Oh, fuck. I don't know. Thinking about wrapping this up soon.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:05

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Anyone wanna add anything else? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe on my boy Kyle's shit, and uh expect more collabs from um all of us together here in this room tonight. I pray to God you guys all kill yourselves. Drink bleach and have a good fucking night. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:24

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

Horrible hang. It's been Red Boys. Hang yourselves in the horrible way.