Episode 12 - Cuck Dynasty

my roommate joins as a guest, ben shapiro is probably gay, and more seinfeld

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Live from the penis.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Funny how they shook music. Pulling back the curtain by myself. Take a look. Hey, I'm a boss bitter. I'm a hard hitter.

SPEAKER_14 0:14

Yeah, I'm light skinned, but I'm still a dark Ooh, I'm sorry. You can't say that. Hey man, you can't say that.

SPEAKER_13 0:21

I I really felt that line though. Like I I feel like that line's kind of talking about me. That inspired. Is it recording now? It's recording, dude. He talked about me for a horrible hang, dude. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 0:31

Episode 12. Dude, shout out to Drake's meat.

SPEAKER_13 0:35

I don't want to talk about it. Dude, I don't want to talk about it. That's great's the standard, man. I'm kind of pissed. I don't want to talk about it. It's got me upset. I'm sad. I was in a bad mood all week, dude.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

I thought me being nine inches while hard was like already high standard. And then Drake went ahead and he has that while he's floppy. My dog, what the fuck? Now I gotta take a penis and larger. Like it might not work, but it's something.

SPEAKER_13 1:01

Ladies and gentlemen, we got uh we got my roommate and uh longtime friend Greg on the pod.

SPEAKER_05 1:07

Our guest, second ever guest on the pod. My ex-neighbor as a youth. Yeah, that's right. Dude, I wish that somebody would describe my dick as floppy. Floppy? That would be sweet. Like a dick that just unrolls, dude. Yeah. I fuck. It's like it's like a wacky waveable arm foiling tube man in front of a car. He's got a car dealership advertisement dick. Yeah, dude. His dick looks like it waves in front of a car dealership.

SPEAKER_08 1:34

Fucking Toyota thick. He's got like the face on it. He's got a fucking Toyota thon dick. He's got a front tail, dude.

SPEAKER_13 1:42

What I would get the It's a front tail, dude. Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 1:47

Lord smite me down or get it. It ruined my week.

SPEAKER_13 1:50

It ruined my week, dude. I didn't even watch the video. I just heard about it and like because there was a part of me that like I mean, we all knew it was probably gonna be big, but like I don't think it's real. Well, there was a part of me that was like maybe it's just average, dude. And then it would come out, and then we could be like, dude, we're all in the same, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 2:10

Alright, we're all boys here. This is where I'm believing that this is not real. That motherfucker wears sweatpants all the time. You'd have seen that the women would have already had that shit.

SPEAKER_13 2:19

Wait a minute, you're right. He does wear sweatpants. He has a big floppy ass dick. Wearing them right now. Shout out Navika.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Speaking of humans having tails, like Drake's dick being like a tail, do you think that if humans had tails, it would be a thing to like stick your tail in a girl's pussy or whatever? That would be pretty true.

SPEAKER_13 2:36

I'm sure you could. I'm sure it'd be a thing, dude. Everything's a fetish. I'm sure everyone's tried everything, dude. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

Is the human tail buried?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Or like if you're fucking a girl like from behind, would you like grab on the tail, like pull it back?

SPEAKER_05 2:49

100%. 100%. I mean, that's a stupid question, honestly. Slap ass and then slowly stroke the tail. Suck it a little bit while I'm hitting it from the back, dude.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Yeah, I'd rather have a girl's tail in my mouth.

SPEAKER_05 3:04

She puts her tail in my ass while I'm giving it to her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

I'd be like, is this gay? No, it can't be gay. Technically, I'm fucking a girl. Can't be gay.

SPEAKER_13 3:15

I've been horny since before we started recording, Danny. Dog, I'm horny right now. It's been too long, dude. It's been too long.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

It's been a minsky. It's been a minsky, bro.

SPEAKER_13 3:26

Did I uh uh how how how long are we in this podcast? Three minutes? Okay, I guess I could tell the story. Uh did I ever tell you about uh the first time I ate pussy? No. No, I never told you the story. You probably did, but we need a refresher. Okay, I don't so here's what's up. I don't usually like doing stories on this pod, but I'll I'll I'll give a little insight on this one.

SPEAKER_05 3:46

Yeah. Alright, moving on.

SPEAKER_13 3:49

No, I'll tell it. So fucking um so I met this girl, I think it was Bumble or something. And uh like we went to Denny's and uh uh Grinder. Grinder, yeah. We went to Denny's, basically we were hanging out. It was snowing, and it was like it was Christmas Eve, actually.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

You guys went on a date to Denny's?

SPEAKER_13 4:08

We went on a Denny's date on Christmas Eve because that was the only place I was open.

SPEAKER_05 4:11

You guys were destined in the white trash jars. I can't believe this didn't work out.

SPEAKER_13 4:16

Dude, she was too white trash, she was like on a lot of Xanax, which actually I'll get to later.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

But um Sounds like my type of girl, he's still got her number.

SPEAKER_13 4:26

Well, no, well, I had her on Snap and we were hanging out, and then fucking so we went back to I would staying at my mom's place at the time, and I like didn't want to bring girls over to like my house, so I brought her over to like my mom went to bed early.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

I'm exactly the same way.

SPEAKER_13 4:42

Yeah, so I fucking brought her over there.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

If a board creaks, my mom wakes up.

SPEAKER_13 4:48

Now I was ambitious. I wanted to like be like, you know, I wanted to be like the guy, so like we're laying in bed, you know. I you know, I start touching her tits, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

You're gonna feel like a man for a while.

SPEAKER_13 4:57

I wanted to feel like a man, so I was like, get up, yeah, literally. So I was like, Alright, it's like open your legs, I'm gonna eat your pussy. And I was like, she was like, I should've she was like, alright. Like it kind of I don't know if that's what I heard, or like it's like a Freudian slip thing, but like I kind of remember her being like alright, like kind of like a hesitant kind of thing.

SPEAKER_11 5:20

Here we go.

SPEAKER_13 5:21

I went down there, and the first thing I remember is, dude, there's no way they all taste like this, man. There's no way they all taste like this. It kind of describe it okay. So it kind of This is your first experience with this. This is my first experience.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

Describe the first experience.

SPEAKER_13 5:39

It just had this taste of just general stank.

SPEAKER_05 5:44

General stink.

SPEAKER_13 5:45

And and God's not real. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 5:48

General stank was my war hero.

SPEAKER_13 5:50

I just couldn't do it. Like, I'm usually tolerant of like bad taste, but I was like, dude, what the fuck? So I pulled up and I was like, nope, I couldn't, I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_05 5:58

And she's like How long did you stick your face down there for?

SPEAKER_13 6:01

It was down there for probably four or five seconds. It was pretty bad. Pathetic attempt. Listen, but listen, but listen, dude. Listen, dude. So it was really bad. I came up there, but I you know what? I'm not a quitter, so I went, I went back down there.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

Oh, okay. Redemption tour.

SPEAKER_13 6:17

Redemption tour. Went back to Iraq. Yeah, but you know. Job's not done. You know, lightning strikes twice, it was just as bad the second time.

SPEAKER_05 6:26

I can't believe it didn't change.

SPEAKER_13 6:27

And uh, yeah, what happened was I ended up throwing up in my mouth and swallowing it. At which point I wasn't hard anymore. I'm like, we're going to bed.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

I would have rest insane.

SPEAKER_13 6:41

No, I'm cracking.

SPEAKER_05 6:45

Should have got a clothespin or something.

SPEAKER_13 6:47

I I'm maybe I should have plugged my nose. They say if you plug your nose, you can deal with bad taste, right?

unknown 6:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 6:54

Well, what I found out later, well, because I told you she was doing a lot of Xanax and I looked into it. Apparently, if you like eat like eagerly bad, like do a lot of unhealthy shit, like it'll make your pussy taste bad. It'll like throw off the pH or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 7:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah. From what I've heard, that if you just like if dudes eat a bunch of McDonald's, it just just tastes like McDonald's.

SPEAKER_13 7:13

I've heard that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

I mean, not from my experience.

SPEAKER_05 7:16

No.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Yeah. Like I taste my I I've been on a diet of McDonald's and frozen pizza, and whenever I drink my comet, it doesn't taste like that.

SPEAKER_13 7:26

It doesn't taste extra salty. Yeah. Does it taste fatty? No, yeah, right. Tastes just like that.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

Yeah. Dude, I got addicted to coffee partially because when you just hammer black coffee, your piss smells like black coffee. You were talking about this earlier. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

You were talking about something. Is that how you figured out the top taste?

SPEAKER_05 7:47

I'll stay in the urinal and just get hit with a wave of coffee smell. It's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Some dude next to you, you don't know like, damn, smells like coffee. So it's good.

SPEAKER_05 7:58

Damn, dude, did you just slam 32 ounces of straight cold brew? Yeah, I'm fucking weird. I can't sit still.

SPEAKER_13 8:06

Literally, all the time. I don't know, dude. Coffee for me just made me fucking tired, bro. I just got I like never got like the the jittery, like the buzz or whatever. I just got straight to the crash.

SPEAKER_05 8:16

Dunkardonuts cold brew black will make you the most jittery motherfucker of all time.

SPEAKER_13 8:20

Isn't that one of those drinks that's like crazy overloaded with like caffeine? Have you heard of like that fucking Panera drink? It's like called like a power juice or some shit. Oh and it has like as much, it's one drink. It has as much caffeine as like four Red Bulls. It's like crazy.

SPEAKER_05 8:35

Oh, that's the one that like gave a dude a heart attack, right? Probably, yeah. They're killing him with the lemonade. Shout out Donald Trump. Shout out to Donald Trump. Dog, I want to mention. Should we go try that? Should we go try that? Should we pause the pod and go buy some and try it?

SPEAKER_02 8:49

I actually have an idea. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

Just be up for 12 hours.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Um pitch idea. Mix the Panera of Lemonade that kills you with four loco. How about that? Oh, dude. We're back. Fuck off.

SPEAKER_13 9:02

America's now bad ideas. That's too crazy, dude. Yeah, man. You're gonna give the kids bad ideas, dude.

SPEAKER_05 9:08

You know, I saw I know I realize that America's truly falling off because I saw this Twitter video of these dudes playing soccer and one team was really fat guys and the other team was midgets. And it was like in some third world country. I'm like, dude, if we were still popping, we would have had that Medicine Square fucking garden, dude. Yeah. America ain't shit no more. Just have a fucking fucking freak shows here.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Maybe a hockey game of like some fucking of some fat dudes and midgets. Yeah, wouldn't that sound amazing? That would rock. Like, imagine everybody crying of each other. How fun would that be? That would be fun.

SPEAKER_05 9:40

Did you ever see midget wrestling? No, I have had multiple opportunities to go to midget wrestling. I went to one of the shows. It was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

It was pretty cool. I won't go midget wrestling. Dude, I got a lap dance from one of them.

SPEAKER_13 9:50

I was just gonna say, what did you do lap dances? I got the lap dance from one of them. And let me tell you, really bad laptop. Horseshit. Very much a gimmick, dude. Well, I don't think it's her fault, but what I think it was is that like her whole body's too short. It doesn't have like the flexibility and like length to like really be like bendy and shit. No, don't. So it's just kind of like stiff movements.

SPEAKER_05 10:13

They're really they're really big, their bases are like tree trunks. Literally. Yeah. I'm just saying. Are you a lap dance man?

SPEAKER_13 10:22

I mean, I guess it depends on how big our tits are.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Depends on how I am just saying it doing not surprise to me that Kyle decided to go to lap dance, but someone decides for a child.

SPEAKER_13 10:34

Hey man, they paid for me to do it. They're all like, oh, ten dollars. Let's get let's make Kyle do the lap dance. I wasn't like, hey, give me the lap, I was I didn't elect to do it.

SPEAKER_05 10:43

Guys, guys, guys, is the line forming here? Line's forming behind me.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Yeah, but you still talk the office, so do you remember when he says no?

SPEAKER_13 10:52

Do you remember when what was that? Was that in Peoria, that the strip club?

SPEAKER_05 10:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 10:57

Where they had the fucking midget there?

SPEAKER_05 10:58

Yeah, the disgust of the one man and our partner changed. Shout out to Dan.

SPEAKER_12 11:04

Shout out Danny, dude.

SPEAKER_05 11:05

That was so funny. The disgust. When this lady's standing there and her head doesn't even come to the table. He's just like it was so funny. He got so worried.

SPEAKER_13 11:16

Didn't Liam got a lap dance from her, right?

SPEAKER_05 11:20

Probably.

SPEAKER_13 11:20

I think Liam did, and he was like, at first it was like kind of funny, but then he's like, oh, this is I can't do this.

SPEAKER_05 11:27

That's gotta be everybody's experience. It's like this will be funny. And I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Dog, I would feel uncomfortable even finger wretched. I don't know how y'all do that. And I've done a bunch of fucked shit.

SPEAKER_13 11:37

I didn't, I didn't get anything from her. I mean, God bless her, you know. But I couldn't do it for myself.

SPEAKER_05 11:44

Wonder where she's probably right there tonight. Let's get into some same table.

SPEAKER_14 11:48

Let's get into some bits. What do you think? Bits. Bits. Bits, bits.

SPEAKER_13 11:52

I got better, I got much better ones on this, but we'll work our way up to this. Uh how about how about uh like a Mexican that's afraid of his own shit? Okay.

SPEAKER_12 12:03

She's like, oh, oh, it's stinky. I took a poop on the ground and now I smell it wherever I go. It's stinky.

SPEAKER_13 12:13

You smell like the bathroom is haunted. He like doesn't understand that you have to shit in a toilet, or else he's just gonna like smell straight down.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

I thought that was Indians.

SPEAKER_13 12:25

Indians, I think, might do that too. I don't know. That's for real, yeah. They have toilets in Mexico. Do they?

SPEAKER_02 12:32

I don't know. I've never been there. I went there last summer. They do. They do? You went there last summer. Where'd you go?

SPEAKER_13 12:38

Do they all look like the do they all look like the toilets and train spotting, like we saw earlier today? Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Like the toilets and train spotting.

SPEAKER_13 12:45

Yeah, we're watching train spotting earlier today.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

You see train spotting?

SPEAKER_03 12:48

No.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

We decided to get high and watch train spotting. Not a very it's pretty graphic, not a movie you want to watch for high. I thought it was dope. I like the movie. I looked like a fucking dead baby when I'm high or a shitty looking toilet.

SPEAKER_05 13:03

Dude, speaking of midge. Was it mid on the Joker radar?

SPEAKER_13 13:06

Is there a midge, yeah? Yeah. Have you been watching this at all? Have you seen you've seen this before, right?

SPEAKER_05 13:10

No. You've never seen Joker? I've seen like no movies, dude. Yeah. Movies just do not. I just they just miss me.

SPEAKER_13 13:16

Here's the thing about Joker. It's a good movie, but it's like automatically associated with like encelibacy.

SPEAKER_05 13:23

Really?

SPEAKER_13 13:24

So you can't like say you like you can't be too into it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 13:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

I mean, technically me and you are both inseles. Yeah. I mean, we don't get pussy, but no. We don't hate women or anything. Pretty much in there too, right? I mean, you might take woman, I fucking don't.

SPEAKER_13 13:40

I don't hate women. I just don't like when they fuck me over. Yeah. But no, but like this is a good movie. It's just like the whole thing is it's like. Well, because I think it's also connected to like the whole Batman thing. So right there, there's like a whole group of fucking incels right there. Yeah, I've never seen a Batman movie. And then they see a comic book movie that's also like about their life, and they're like, whoa, that's just like me. It's just like me.

SPEAKER_05 14:06

Dude, I just watched Meet the Parents the other day. There's some really great lines in that. There really are. I have nipples, Greg. Would you like to know? That's a classic line.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

The only line I remember from that movie. Fucking incredible. It's a classic line, man. Have you watched Freddy Got Finger, though?

SPEAKER_13 14:21

Oh yeah, you made us all watch Freddie Got Finger. Look at me, Danny! I'm a farmer!

SPEAKER_05 14:29

That's a fucked movie, man. Get inside the animals! You were like MC in that party, crazy, Greg. You should have been playing Saints Row in your room. Shout out.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

I've never played that. I've never played it. Alright, I'll break that. Let's just say that, hypothetically, I was gay. And if I was gay, that means that I want your wet, sloppy cock just going down my throat. And if I was gay, then that would mean I was a homosexual. I want you to like throat your juices down my throat.

unknown 15:10

Cock.

SPEAKER_13 15:11

I'd like a nice tall glass of your juices, man.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Well, well, then Shapiro, this is Jordan Peterson. And what I have to say about that is you would be a gay man if you were putting gay cocks in your mouth, sliding them down your throat.

SPEAKER_13 15:22

Mr. Peterson, is there any way I could fit more than a thousand dicks into my ass at once? Is there any way at all?

SPEAKER_05 15:29

Well, it's all about building up repetition and stretching and and and and and good hobbies and practice for things. Well, no, but I well you need to have you read Malcolm G have you read any Malcolm Gladwell, the 10,000 hour experiment? Malcolm Gladwell doesn't talk about putting dicks in my ass. Well, but he does talk about the 10,000 hours that is required to become a professional in something. And if you wanted to stretch your asshole to fit a thousand cocks into it, I believe that's a good thing. No, but you might need more than 10,000 hours.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

I'd actually say that. Theoretically, that was true. And I would become a professional at sticking fat cocks on my ass. Hypothetically, wouldn't that stretch out my asshole to the point where I would need surgery?

SPEAKER_05 16:04

Well, as a deeply closeted gay man, I would say yes. I just do a carnivore diet and act like those are cocks. But that's a more convenient way and easy up here in Canada.

SPEAKER_13 16:15

But what I was saying in theory is you would have to compress all 1,000 of those decks to fit into my ass, correct?

SPEAKER_05 16:22

You might you might have to put it you might have to compress a file into a USB drive and just have pictures of 10,000 cocks into your going in your ass.

SPEAKER_11 16:29

But you know, uh well then. You're a gay homo, Ben.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

I'm a gay homo.

SPEAKER_11 16:39

I was like, Ben, it's queer and cool of you to be uh so open about being a gay homo on our podcast, Ben. You're a gay homo, and actually, did you know that it's actually not getting pussy is actually known as a sigma male trait. It's actually one of the straightest things you can do. It's actually one of the straightest things you can do is not get pussy. Not getting pussy and building up um a tolerance? There really isn't there really is nothing straighter than not being able to get any pussy at all. Well, it's it really just means that you're a male alpha brain that has just ascended beyond the realm of female brain and they can't comprehend it.

SPEAKER_05 17:19

So you really are the alpha man. If you can't get any pussy.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

If I was gay and my type was Canadian right-wing influencers that are interested in philosophy, wouldn't that mean that hypothetically, I would want you shoving your cock in my ass, Mr. Jordan Peterson?

SPEAKER_11 17:38

I think you do. I think that you do want my cock in your ass, sir, Benjamin.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Um let's just say that this isn't hypothetical, and I actually mean it.

SPEAKER_13 17:49

So let's just say hypothetically, I was being dead serious.

SPEAKER_05 17:53

Hypothetically, hypothetically, I'm going to have to clear this with my really hot daughter, Michaela. And see if I'm allowed to take your cock, Ben.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I also need to get permission from my sexy big Casa Milky sister whenever I want to have sex relations with a guy.

SPEAKER_11 18:11

That's very normal.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

She has big milky tits.

SPEAKER_11 18:15

Very smart that you run things past. They're very fat and very calm.

SPEAKER_13 18:20

They support their own weight.

SPEAKER_11 18:22

They're huge. I'd like for your sister's tits to suffocate me, man.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Hyperfoil, if my wait, that's not a hyperface. All my sisters are big juicy Khazar Milkies.

SPEAKER_11 18:35

They look like they look like if I was walking through the desert and I saw a mirage, the mirage would be those tits. Because those are salvation.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

We we as members of Judaism, we do not believe that Jesus are a savior. But after seeing my sister's big fat milky I might have to say, thinking Jesus was a savior, this miracle is giving my sister big tits for enough people to suck on.

SPEAKER_11 19:08

Holly fucking Louia. Can I hear it from the can I hear it from our uh from the from the entire podcast? Holly fucking Louia. Holly fucking Louya. Big tits.

SPEAKER_12 19:16

Dude, bravo boys. Thanks, Ben. That was beautiful.

SPEAKER_13 19:20

I didn't know you could rip like that, Greg. No, you're f this is fucking great. Ice rocks. I yo, I knew that I do want to say though. I uh I wrote a new Seinfeld episode. Oh I went to the I wrote a new Seinfeld episode. Alright, so okay, so here's what happened. They're saying I said the N-word! So how about this? Okay. Uh Kramer sets up George on a date, right? So basically it's like uh, hey George, you know, uh you you said that receptionist in the lobby was pretty cute, right? Well, I I uh scored you a date with her. The problem is she only dates black guys.

SPEAKER_09 20:02

Jerry, it's just standing I love you, Jerry.

SPEAKER_11 20:04

Wait, what am I gonna do? She's gonna show up and say I'm not black and then not want to go out with me.

SPEAKER_09 20:10

Jerry, well, goes and only date black guys, do not like short, stompy, bold men.

SPEAKER_13 20:17

Well, Jerry, I do have one solution for you. So basically, what happens is he shows up in blackface trying to convince him that her that she's black, that he's black.

SPEAKER_05 20:30

He's like talking about real Disney, like real old Disney shoe polish style.

SPEAKER_13 20:35

He's like trying to talk black and stuff, and she's kind of just like, uh-huh, like going along with it at first. But like then eventually she like he like comes clean, he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I thought you were gonna like not want to go out with me. And if I was white and I was worried, I didn't. And then uh she eventually forgives him, so they make out, right? They go back to the hotel and they make out, but uh she has red lipstick on, so after they make out, Greg's still got the black face on, and he's got these big red lips on.

SPEAKER_15 21:10

That's genius, right?

SPEAKER_13 21:13

And then as a uh uh a side storyline is uh Kramer finds a side hustle stealing Chinese babies from the adoption center and selling them to sweatshops in bulk.

SPEAKER_11 21:24

Jerry, you gotta get in on this, Jerry. They're selling like hotcakes, Jerry. Jerry, you gotta get in on this, Jerry!

SPEAKER_09 21:31

You can't just take Chinese babies and give them to a sweatshop, Kramer.

SPEAKER_11 21:35

Jerry. They're gonna end up in there anyway, Jerry.

SPEAKER_13 21:38

Jerry cutting out the middleman. Jerry, your house is getting dirty. I'll tell you what, I'll hook you up with one of those Chinese babies, and in about eight to ten years, you got free labor for life. So I thought that was pretty fun.

SPEAKER_05 21:53

I like that your Kramer is more like Jerry Stiller.

SPEAKER_13 21:55

It really is, yeah. It really is, yeah. Dude, I should hit. Up, I should hit up Larry David, dude. If they're ever gonna do a revival, dude.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

He's probably gonna he's probably gonna listen to this.

SPEAKER_13 22:05

So he's probably yeah, he's probably one of our 13 listeners.

SPEAKER_05 22:08

He's probably listening. What's up, Lair?

SPEAKER_13 22:11

Our 13 listeners are fucking Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden, Obama, um Adolf Hitler.

SPEAKER_05 22:21

Adolf Hitler, Kyle Rittenhaus. Kyle Rittenhouse is actually subbed. Did you check the Patreon? Really? He subbed to us, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Imagine if Obama was gay. He'd be like, so let me be queer. Imagine if.

SPEAKER_05 22:35

Did you hear him? Imagine if.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Imagine if. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:38

Big Mike and her big fat cock, dude. He's getting busted.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Let me be clear. I am into white guys. Let me be clear.

SPEAKER_13 22:46

I am I am into white guys.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Fucking him from behind.

SPEAKER_13 22:49

I do like fucking him from behind.

SPEAKER_05 22:52

Huge. Huge. My opponent loves huge cocks. Barak, huge cocks. He loves them. His wife even has a big cock. That's how much he loves big cocks.

SPEAKER_13 23:03

Dude, I love that we're doing all the impressions this week. I got I got another one. Do you remember we were doing uh uh Pete Davidson last week?

SPEAKER_04 23:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 23:11

I think we I I want to bring that character back.

SPEAKER_06 23:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_13 23:13

Gay Pete Davidson.

SPEAKER_06 23:15

Gay Pete.

SPEAKER_13 23:16

But uh how about he wants to fuck uh Elliot Page because he's so in a nice tight ass. Nice tight ass. You know, that Elliot Page guy is really, you know. You know, Kim Kardashian was kind of nice, but her ass was way too bulbous. I just want like a nice tight ass. And then uh Andrew Tate, who likes big clits. And then he's he's really into Elliot Page because she he thinks she has a big clit. You know, I gotta be honest, I've really been seeing a lot of that Elliot Page guy, and you know, she's really got a nice, she's got a nice fat clit that I'd love to suck on. Nice masculine.

SPEAKER_05 23:59

It would feel dominating in a good way for such an alpha like me.

SPEAKER_13 24:05

Like I said, an alpha man needs an alpha woman, and like I said, the bigger the clit, the more alpha sigma you are, of course.

SPEAKER_05 24:11

We need to build with my cock and her huge, huge, ginormous clit. Her huge I've never seen a clit like it. I just want to put it in and around my mouth and then go to Romanian prison and think about her clit. It blurs the line as I suck on guy's cocks as an alpha.

SPEAKER_13 24:32

No, no, I'm not I'm not sucking on guy's cocks. I'm sucking on big clits.

SPEAKER_05 24:36

Big clits.

SPEAKER_13 24:37

Make no mistake, those are all big clits. When I was in Romanian jail, I was sucking on big clits every day to get by. Sucking on the city. All those giant men had huge clits.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

They're huge. Vast. Vast. Floppy clits.

SPEAKER_13 24:57

I wish I was better at impressions, dude. If I could be more spot on, I feel like some of these bitch would stick more.

SPEAKER_05 25:02

I wish I could just do more. I need to listen to stuff. I need to listen to people talk.

SPEAKER_13 25:08

You know that Timothy Chalavet is really, you know, looking hot and spicy me lately. Really? Like I said, you know, nice skinny, scrawny soy boy. Nice tight ass, bro. That's your shit. Like a shovel. I think I literally did that bit last week. That's your shit, dude.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

That's my shit.

SPEAKER_05 25:26

Tight boy ass.

SPEAKER_13 25:28

Tight boy ass.

SPEAKER_05 25:29

T B A.

SPEAKER_13 25:30

How about instead of Dune, it's dude, and it's just a bunch of guys fucking each other.

SPEAKER_05 25:35

In the desert?

SPEAKER_13 25:36

In the desert.

SPEAKER_05 25:38

It's just a huge orgy.

SPEAKER_13 25:40

It's just a huge. That was lazy when I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_05 25:44

It's pretty funny. They don't all have to be very highbrow.

SPEAKER_13 25:50

No, none of these are highbrow. Not one of these are highbrow. This is a dumb one, and I don't even think this is good. I think I told this to you, and I don't know if this is, but I thought it was funny. What when Stephen Hawking falls asleep, does he just close his eyes? Because his head's already leaned to the side. Probably.

SPEAKER_05 26:13

Like I guess. Yeah, I don't know. That's Stephen Hawking, dude. That's about what that bit deserved. Talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Did you see you was on Epstein Zion? Do you think that when you were talking to kids, you would type in zone to QB is like, oh yes, baby? Oh yes.

SPEAKER_13 26:26

Oh yes, jump higher.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Like you think when Stephen Hawking has sex, like you need to erase the top of the board before you leave. What's the thing called where they have um the shit that Stephen Hawking has, like where he can't speak? Do you think that when he has sex? No, like the fucking computer, do you think he like types in specific commands to like say enough that he's having an orgasm? Like, oh yes.

SPEAKER_13 26:51

Yes. He's just in like having an orgasm in theory.

SPEAKER_05 26:54

I am about to come.

SPEAKER_13 26:55

It's all mental. It's like a woman, it's all mental.

SPEAKER_05 27:00

Wait, I've seen this problem. You're trying to do goodwill hunting. Fuck you. I'm Stephen Hawking.

SPEAKER_07 27:09

Just do a better equation.

SPEAKER_05 27:13

You slug.

SPEAKER_13 27:14

Dude, are we already 25 minutes in this shit?

SPEAKER_05 27:17

Seems like it, dog.

SPEAKER_13 27:18

Dude, we're going, bro. I got so much.

SPEAKER_05 27:20

Buzz buzz buzzaroo. We're snapping it around right now. We're snapping it around.

SPEAKER_04 27:24

Just fucking saucer passes everywhere.

SPEAKER_13 27:27

I thought of this the other day. How about like a judge in court in like a domestic case? But he's always on the boy's side. Like the judge is like, hmm.

SPEAKER_05 27:36

He's always he rides with the dudes. Yeah, he's like, he's like, hmm. I've thought about this career path, T BH.

SPEAKER_13 27:44

Uh, ma'am, what were you wearing that night? The dude's like, Your Honor, she had it coming.

SPEAKER_05 27:55

Did you say no in a playful way?

SPEAKER_13 27:57

Did you say no in a playful way? And the judge is like, you you did have it coming.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Maybe you're just being hysterical.

SPEAKER_05 28:05

In this court context is very important.

SPEAKER_12 28:08

Your honor, she was asking for it.

SPEAKER_13 28:11

He's got a point. Didn't think of it that way.

SPEAKER_12 28:18

Didn't think of it that way.

SPEAKER_13 28:21

Well, that's horrible, but it's funny when it's not real. Of course.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

Alright, here's a here's a question. Here's a not real question. How different would your life be if there was no porn?

SPEAKER_02 28:37

I'd probably be happy.

SPEAKER_13 28:38

Oh, is this our viewer question?

SPEAKER_05 28:39

This is our listener question of the week.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

How different would your guys' life be without porn?

SPEAKER_13 28:48

Uh so no porn, but I st you still get horny and whatever.

SPEAKER_05 28:53

Yeah, there's just no porn. That's what I said.

SPEAKER_13 28:56

Yeah, but no shit, but like I'm trying to get the full before I get an answer.

SPEAKER_05 29:00

So it's just no porn.

SPEAKER_13 29:01

So it's like China.

SPEAKER_05 29:02

Still the same. Yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_13 29:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:04

Damn.

SPEAKER_13 29:05

Um, I guess I would rape every woman that I saw. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:11

You'd have to be chemically castrated or something.

SPEAKER_13 29:14

Kidding, kidding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:16

I'd already have a house. There was no porn.

SPEAKER_13 29:19

Probably, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:20

So I wouldn't be spending$7,000 on OnlyFans a month.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Sorry, Greg. No, it's all good. Just my first says, no, I did not buy that's fucking joke. I'm sorry. No.

SPEAKER_13 29:35

No one's no one there. All the judgment's coming to me. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

What's your life without porn?

SPEAKER_02 29:40

I'd probably be happy. I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_05 29:43

Probably. I can say that for almost anything. I'd probably be happier.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Probably have to check off my imagination.

SPEAKER_05 29:49

I don't fucking know. Like a pilgrim.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

There's I shouldn't say it, but there was, I just was watching a Kill Tony clip and Cam Patterson was like, his phone was broken. So he's like, I he's like, so I had to jerk off with my mind. He's like, I didn't know what to do with my left hand.

SPEAKER_13 30:06

So yeah. Yeah, I remember seeing that.

SPEAKER_05 30:09

Dude, I was like, fuck, that's so funny. No porn. How would my shit be different? Hmm. I'd just be probably just Instagram.

SPEAKER_13 30:20

Probably Instagram, yeah. I mean, I've every now and then I'll just I I could just crank it to Instagram too, if I'm being honest.

SPEAKER_05 30:26

Oh, what if what if there's still like the magazines and shit though? What if we had to get into magazines?

SPEAKER_13 30:32

Magic like they call it magazine. Yeah, that probably wouldn't be. I would love to.

SPEAKER_05 30:36

Those puppies would probably still be around. I would do a I want to do a throwback jerk with a mag one time. That would be cool. Just kind of get in touch with my ancestors.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

I'm gonna hold Von Jeremy.

SPEAKER_05 30:46

Jerk off jerk off to a letter that my wife sent me while I'm in war. I want I want to do some throwback shit. I want to have my chick write me a letter to jerk off to.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Jerk off to like a little like pocket the fucking rockets that they have soldiers give of the wife back at home.

SPEAKER_13 31:02

Oh yeah. Just write it with like one of those feathering inks.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

Yeah, yeah. Oh, she has to. I need it to be reenact, like Civil War reenactment level of authenticity. Yeah. Oh, or she just like doesn't break character.

SPEAKER_13 31:14

I can only bust if it's antique. You know what I was thinking about?

SPEAKER_05 31:18

Sorry, what were you gonna say, Greg?

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Oh, only you think they got back then, like during World War II, only shit they had was like a little locket clock that had a pitch of their wife in it.

SPEAKER_05 31:26

Dude, insanely horny because all that you're around all this testosterone, you're shooting people, you're doing man shit. Yep.

SPEAKER_13 31:32

Well, I was thinking about this earlier too. I feel like as time has gone on, women have just gotten hotter. Like asses and tips have gotten bigger. They're evolving, yeah. They're evolving. They're evolving. Like, do you really think that like women had like those old, like, like old school bonnets and shit? Men were really saw that and were like, mmm, you know?

SPEAKER_05 31:50

Date a black chick. I mean, see bonnets all the time. Well, I don't see that bonnet comes out, dude.

SPEAKER_13 31:54

I don't know if black chicks were dating in that period, Andy.

SPEAKER_05 31:57

Well, maybe, whatever. I'm talking present day.

SPEAKER_13 32:00

If they were, it was kind of like a Romeo and Juliet situation.

SPEAKER_05 32:04

Yeah, bro. The forbidden love, dog. This shit crazy.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Fairly you haven't seen 90 Samahayak if you think that woman had gotten 100.

SPEAKER_05 32:15

But she's still got her fastball. I know. She's still hitting 100 on the gun. Like, come on. All right. Unreal.

SPEAKER_06 32:25

Punch in. Punch in. Punch in the booth. Punch in the booth.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Fuck yeah doggy. Welcome to the horrible hang. Is that a good radio voice? Welcome to the horrible hang.

SPEAKER_13 32:36

I'd say so, yeah. That's okay.

SPEAKER_05 32:38

That's okay.

SPEAKER_13 32:40

It's better than mine. I don't my voice fucking sucks. I hate my voice.

SPEAKER_05 32:43

No. Everybody hates their own voice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 32:49

Bring it back to Soundboard.

SPEAKER_06 32:50

Soundboard's better.

SPEAKER_14 32:51

Bring it back to Soundboard, boys.

SPEAKER_06 32:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 32:58

Friday, dude. That's a good movie.

SPEAKER_13 33:00

That is a funny movie.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

I like the one with the I think it's the Sacky, the Christmas one that Mike Epps is in. Mike Epps is fucking hilarious. Mike Epps is funny. I've only seen the first Friday though.

SPEAKER_14 33:10

Yeah, I've only seen the first one.

SPEAKER_05 33:11

The Christmas one's hilarious. Cat Williams is in it. Oh, is he? Oh man.

SPEAKER_14 33:15

Shout out Cat Williams.

SPEAKER_05 33:16

He rocks.

SPEAKER_14 33:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 33:18

He rocks.

unknown 33:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_15 33:30

Look, buddy, my ass!

SPEAKER_05 33:32

I feel the veins pumping, Raggie.

SPEAKER_13 33:35

Access granted.

SPEAKER_05 33:37

Access granted to my asshole.

SPEAKER_13 33:38

Access granted to my asshole. Bro, dude. I was thinking about this earlier. Because I was I follow uh like different podcasts on Instagram. Like, you do you follow taste buds at all? I don't really listen to it, but I like to see the clips. Occasionally I'll get a clip. Occasionally I'll get a clip. But that you know what that whole podcast is? It's basically just getting way too aggressive about food tanks. Mainly Joe DeRosa.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like that though. I will stand on a leg with food. I mean, it's funny.

SPEAKER_13 34:11

It's just funny to watch it be like, you know, like, I don't like sauce on my McNuggets. He's like, you don't like sauce on your nuggets?

SPEAKER_02 34:18

I mean, you're probably gay because you're fucking retarded.

SPEAKER_13 34:21

I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna gouge your eyes out of your stupid fucking head. Like it just like goes way over the top.

SPEAKER_05 34:29

That's awesome. Having passion. Not enough people have passion these days.

SPEAKER_13 34:33

I agree with you. I agree. I say it's just passion.

SPEAKER_05 34:35

As a bit of a passionate manager. I'm just a bit of a passionate man myself. I love to see a gentleman with some passion. We had a my parents had this friend when I was growing up that um he was he was always single. He was like the same age as them. Uh huh. They worked with him. Shout out to Slappy. Jesus. That's what we call it. That's what his name is. Okay. And he some lady broke up with him and told him that he had no passion. So he got a dog and he named the dog Passion. Really? Yeah, which is awesome, dude's rocking. That's so dope. He's like, Yeah, well, she said I had no passion. So here's passion. That rocks, dude.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

You're not even a dad. That's the biggest dad joke.

SPEAKER_14 35:22

Uh here. I guess. Let me go back to uh.

SPEAKER_13 35:30

Uh I almost shit my pants the other day.

SPEAKER_07 35:33

Really?

SPEAKER_13 35:33

Yeah, I didn't this time. I have, but not this time.

SPEAKER_05 35:39

I haven't had a trusty solid shit in like four weeks, probably.

SPEAKER_13 35:43

You haven't had a trusty solid shit.

SPEAKER_05 35:44

No trusty salad. Everything is everything is loose and gooey.

SPEAKER_13 35:47

I feel like you usually have loose shits though. I had a very I feel like you're a veteran to the loose shit.

SPEAKER_05 35:54

No, I think it's I think it's just because I like I said, I guzzle coffee now. I think through the coffee. Yeah, that does do it.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

I mean, I had a very gooey shit this morning because I got very drunk last night, so I had one.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

Oh man, I ruined the house today.

SPEAKER_13 36:09

Dude, I'm telling you, I'm always striving for the nice, you know, nice tight package. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 36:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 36:16

Like nice rounded, nice shape, dense. I'm a big dead. I'm big on density. He disagrees, but I'm a size queen. Yeah, he's like he's like all length, but I'm like, it can't you can have a a shitty turd that's long.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

You ever have a shit so intense that you just saw having like a mini orgasm like you trying to push out and you're like, oh maybe not that loud, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 36:39

They and they do say the G spots in the ass. So I mean I guess it's possible.

SPEAKER_05 36:45

Have you ever held a piss so long that like when you finally got to pee, you're like, this is better than jerking off. Like, this is better than nutting. Yeah, it's better. I've had some I've had some pisses that I'm like after a road trip where you just get there and just release it and just it's better than edging the self-dude.

SPEAKER_13 37:03

I remember when I was like in third grade. This kid was probably lying, but I always remember that he told me this. He told me one time he held in his piss so long that he could literally see like a bulge where his bladder was. And then he pissed, and it took like two, three minutes, and he just watched it go down and down and down. That rock that fucking I guess, I guess, I don't know, but I feel like I've held it piss, but I've never had that happen.

SPEAKER_06 37:29

You notice that with women. Women will be like, I like fat. And I'll be like, dude, piss.

SPEAKER_13 37:33

Yeah, you just need to piss. All those obese women just need to piss.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

Yeah, all you big, all you big girls just need to get on a steady regimen of pissing. Pee on my meals. Pee on my meals, queen. That's the level that's where I'm at right now, guys. It's not going too good for me. Piss on my meals, queen.

SPEAKER_13 37:53

No, but like what I was saying about the shit is like you want, I'm saying you want some density because that requires like you want a good diet, you know, you gotta not chop it when you shit. It actually requires like some skill. You know, you want a shit that can support its own weight, you know. Like you could travel with it and it'd stay together. Kind of thing.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

Well, it it could save a marriage.

SPEAKER_13 38:15

Yeah, it could, yeah. You should be able to take a razor and cut it into super thin slices, like good fellas. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 38:23

Slicing a garlic. You know, you're gonna do it. You better slice the fucking garlic thin. Nice and thin. Or I'm gonna slice this shit up and you're gonna eat my shit real thin, Camella.

SPEAKER_13 38:34

Am I getting through to the you know? Like, you know what I'm saying? Am I getting through?

SPEAKER_05 38:38

Yeah, I just I just cannot agree. I'm a size queen. I believe that you need to have big, fat shits that are long and voluptuous. They're long, but they're just the corn can be they're just mud. They're just mud. They're they're they're close to being mud. I'm gonna be honest, I don't like jealousy. And I'm really on the other side of the couch. I'm getting a lot of I can't produce big turd jealousy right now. It's it's similar to incel energy right now, where you're just like, actually, actually, my turds are perfect and unique in their own way.

SPEAKER_12 39:12

Listen, I'm gonna produce good turd energy. I produce good quality turd energy.

SPEAKER_08 39:18

Weak turd energy, bro.

SPEAKER_12 39:20

I'm a I'm quality, bro. It's quality over quantity, dude. It's quality over quantity.

SPEAKER_05 39:26

I mean, that's what people say when they can't do something good.

SPEAKER_13 39:28

Like all the greatest of anything is quality over quality. All the greatest bands have like four albums and they're all great.

SPEAKER_05 39:36

Yeah, but the your favorite album is from probably a band that has two good albums.

SPEAKER_12 39:40

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_05 39:42

They came in, big home run swing, bam, done, check out for six years. Then I'll have another huge, massive shit. And you'll just be like, Yeah, but my consistency, bro, I stay on my grind and I keep having these average ass shits that have good density. Nobody gives a fuck about density.

SPEAKER_13 39:56

I don't know. I just hold myself to a higher standard.

SPEAKER_05 39:59

Put up numbers.

SPEAKER_13 39:59

I just hold I just hold myself to a higher standard, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 40:02

Yeah. I mean, the mid-range game has been taken out of basketball for a reason. The three-point shot. It's it's home run, it's baseball is home run or strikeout, dude. What are you doing? Yeah. You're playing in the 90s, you're playing in 90s shit games right now. I'm not playing in 90s. You need to you need to bring yourself into the 21st century with your turd talk, brother. And this cons consistent.

SPEAKER_13 40:20

Just because it's new doesn't mean it's better. Just because it's newer doesn't mean it's better, bro.

SPEAKER_05 40:26

I mean, I guess, but think about it, dude. Think about it. I don't know. It just it feels like you're trying to prop up mediocrity right now. You're right now you're saying is you're saying that Brock Purdy's elite. Your average ass shits are elite.

SPEAKER_13 40:40

My shits are not average. Well, some of them are, but I don't I don't parade them around. I only advertise the good ones, you know, the top two percent.

SPEAKER_05 40:49

Which again, you describe as your top two percent of shits. What would you describe as?

SPEAKER_13 40:55

Uh, you know, dense one piece. Dense one piece. Dense and one piece, nice shape. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 41:01

Uh like a nice shape to it. See, like I I've had turds that have been U-shaped and curved around the bowl and are like 14 inches long. You cannot tell me that a nice dense turd is a big thing.

SPEAKER_13 41:09

That is I will say that is a that that length, that is a problem.

unknown 41:13

I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_13 41:14

I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_05 41:15

Thank you. Thank you. That there's a certain stall. There's a certain stall at Joliet Jr. College that I had a three-week run on when I was in school there.

SPEAKER_13 41:24

How do you keep it from breaking?

SPEAKER_05 41:26

Do you just have asshole control? You know, what's weird is sometimes you know that it's a huge turd coming out, and then other times you're like, well, you turn around and you're like, holy fuck. Because you just it didn't feel like one big piece. Yeah. But it was one big piece, dude. Ten minute discussion on shitting for our after we were just after we were just like, fucking taste buds is gay. Yeah. We did it better. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_13 41:54

Talk about shit is gay. Bro, did I ever tell you about a few years ago when uh me and this buddy that we hung out with, we made a uh we got high and we made a shit sandwich. Chuck, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 42:08

I don't even want to know what that is.

SPEAKER_13 42:10

So you're gonna hear about it. Okay, so well, it had wheat bread in case you're wondering. So we had wheat bread.

unknown 42:16

Wheat bread.

SPEAKER_13 42:16

And then we took I took a piece of what's up? Not honey wheat. No, not honey wheat, just regular wheat.

SPEAKER_05 42:21

Okay, broke.

SPEAKER_13 42:22

And then we fucking took a leaf, put it on there. I had a tomato, took a slice, put it out of there.

SPEAKER_15 42:29

Shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_12 42:31

And then he took a shit on it and we put the bread on top.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

I got no fucking response to that.

SPEAKER_05 42:42

My response to that is dudes rock. Damn. That's dude shit.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

I've never been so high where I'm like, I wanted to have my buddy's shit on the sandwich.

SPEAKER_13 42:51

Listen, I feel like you're looking down on me right now, Greg. The logistics, huh? I feel like you're looking down on me right now, Greg. Listen, the joy when that was like new high. Like when I was first getting nude high, like really getting like good high. So nude high? Good high.

SPEAKER_05 43:05

So like when I was just get just Hey, bro, you want to get naked and smoke weed at my place?

SPEAKER_02 43:11

Nude high. Maybe cuddle event two.

SPEAKER_05 43:15

All the homies come over, strip and hit the bong.

SPEAKER_13 43:18

But no, dude, that shit was funny, dude. But chugging the bong water. Yeah, of course. But you know what? I'm open and honest, and it was funny.

SPEAKER_05 43:25

So yeah. I'd rather hear you guys about you guys butt chugging bong water, dude. That's more my vibe.

SPEAKER_13 43:32

Well, I think I told you before about uh the piss bottle rockets, right?

SPEAKER_05 43:35

Piss bottle rockets.

SPEAKER_13 43:36

Remember those bottle rockets kit like you could get like a kit where you like take a water bottle and you put like a little cone on it, you could turn it like into a like a rocket.

SPEAKER_03 43:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 43:45

Yeah, we had one of those, but you know, instead of putting water in you just piss in it.

SPEAKER_05 43:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_13 43:49

It was me and Jimmy did that a couple times.

SPEAKER_05 43:52

No, you did that and Jimmy giggled. No, Jimmy did it too.

SPEAKER_13 43:57

Jimmy did it too. Jimmy stuck his little anteater dick inside that bottle too and he pissed it off.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

Uncut?

SPEAKER_13 44:08

Uncut.

SPEAKER_05 44:09

Shout out. Hey, uncut dick. You gotta come on the pod and defend yourself, Uncut Jim. Uncut Jim. Come on, Uncut.

SPEAKER_12 44:14

Uncut Jim.

SPEAKER_05 44:15

Come on, Uncut Jim. You gotta come on the pod and defend yourself. Because I tried.

SPEAKER_12 44:20

That's his new name in my phone, is Uncut Jim. Uncut Jim.

SPEAKER_05 44:25

Shout out to him.

SPEAKER_12 44:26

Shout out to him, bro.

SPEAKER_04 44:28

Reshit's funny though. He's gonna love that. I'll play ball.

SPEAKER_12 44:34

I'll play ball, yeah. I'll play ball, get a cheese.

SPEAKER_05 44:37

We had a nice gentleman's evening. We went out for Kyle's birthday a few weeks ago. Jimmy's a bit. We went, we go to this awesome Italian restaurant, wonderful food, many options for the most wide variety of eaters. And this guy looks at we're like, all right, dude, what are you gonna get? And he's like, Well, I'm not gonna order off the kids' menu. I think I'm gonna play ball and get a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_12 44:57

Playball and a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_13 44:59

We came back not ordering off the kids' menu this time. Special occasion. Not that they had a cheeseburger on the kids' menu. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_05 45:10

It was on the big boy menu. I was gonna get craft Mac, but they didn't even give him crayons. He's playing ball. Shout out, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

Then we came back to his place, got drunk, watched Freddie got fingered. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:23

Yeah, that was the same night. How about that? Uh how many times I wish I had a fucking clicker in my pocket to count how many times Greg was like, I'm fucking drunk, guys!

SPEAKER_08 45:34

I don't know if you guys can tell.

SPEAKER_05 45:37

Yeah, I don't know. I do you guys know that I'm drunk right now?

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Yeah, I drink I drank a whole fucking bottle by myself, basically. It was insane.

SPEAKER_05 45:45

Impressive.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

Yeah. I'm like, I'm just like load of t-shirts. I'm autistic and I'm also a huge alcoholic.

SPEAKER_05 45:53

I don't know, world of t-shirts.

SPEAKER_13 45:54

I feel that word. Andy, did you write any bits? Probably. But if you could buy a time on one, my You didn't write any bits, did you? I think I did, actually. No, you didn't write any bits. I probably didn't. You're fucking gay.

SPEAKER_04 46:09

I am gay.

SPEAKER_13 46:10

You know, that's actually the definition of gay is when you don't write any bits for this show. So technically, I am the only one in the world that's not gay. As of right now. Hmm. Like, god damn it, I can't think of any jokes. Guess I need to have gay sex. It's just one of those things, you know. It's just one of those things in life you gotta deal with. You know, like when you're driving home from work and you hit traffic and you have to have gay sex. Oh god. Hate that, dude.

SPEAKER_05 46:40

Really, it gets fucking inconvenient.

SPEAKER_13 46:43

Fucking gay sex again, more gay sex.

SPEAKER_05 46:45

Fuck, I gotta pull over in Boys Town again. Shit. You know what?

SPEAKER_13 46:51

You know what else I realized I gotta write a bit? You know, SpaceX rhymes with gay sex.

SPEAKER_05 46:58

I don't think that's a bit, I think that's a bar. That's a bar, that's a bit good.

SPEAKER_12 47:02

I'm low lane, dude. Gay sex.

SPEAKER_05 47:06

The F is for gay sex. F is for gay sex, bro. And the F is for gay sex.

SPEAKER_14 47:17

All the Jokers dancing now.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

This is wild. Have the listeners have you guys seen the Joker? I'm talking to you. I hate you.

SPEAKER_13 47:28

I know there's a certain number of people that like actually watch this in their like place and are like doing the same dance he's doing right now.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

Really?

SPEAKER_13 47:36

Yeah, this gotta be just doing the same fucking motions. So like that's me.

SPEAKER_03 47:42

Why is he so happy right now?

SPEAKER_13 47:44

Because he feels liberated that he's uh he's gonna kill people. Yeah, he's trans right now. He's in drag.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

He's a trans joker.

SPEAKER_13 47:53

Yeah, trans joker. Trans joker.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

Smoking a sig. That fucking rips, dude.

SPEAKER_13 48:01

Dude, so how about this one? So uh there's this dude I work with, right? And uh not at Hooters, the other job. And he's like the he's this really weird guy. I think I've told you about him before. And like, dude, I have never he's like 28 years old. I've never seen a man, woman, or child with such a crazy staring problem in my life.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

Those guys are the best.

SPEAKER_13 48:23

So fucking weird. And he's and he like there's this girl that works there, and he like fucking like tried like asking her out and shit. Like, she's like 10 years younger than him, so it was like kind of a weird thing. Fucking but uh what's weird though is he's got two kids, dude. Isn't that crazy? Usually people like that that are just completely socially inept, you know, they I feel like nature does a pretty good job of keeping weeding them out. Yeah, weeding them out. So, like, how the fuck did this not I guess lightning strikes twice? He fucking found the loophole twice. She must be awesome.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Maybe there's hope for me, then fuck.

SPEAKER_13 48:59

There's definitely hope. This dude is a weird as fuck, dude. He should not have ever put his dick inside of anything more. Yeah, Greg, you have hope. You have hope.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

I do.

SPEAKER_13 49:10

You have hope.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

I'm very cute. You're a good fella. Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 49:12

That beard, dude. Well, that beard getting nice trimmed up, dude. Yeah. For sure, bro.

SPEAKER_02 49:17

It looks nice now.

SPEAKER_13 49:18

Fuck. But no, anyway, what I was saying is uh it inspired a new character that I came up with called uh pedo fred.

SPEAKER_09 49:28

Hey, it's Fred!

SPEAKER_13 49:30

Oh, not that Fred.

SPEAKER_09 49:31

Hey, it's Fred! Today I went to the playground dance. I almost got arrested for exposing my dick to some children.

SPEAKER_05 49:45

Yeah, I remember that one. That was a good one.

SPEAKER_13 49:48

Well, my I was thinking from my for my uh you I wish you guys knew it because you could guys could like hear his voice. He literally laughs like the Joker. Like his actual, it's like he's such a weird dude. But you I was thinking, like, well, you know, I I took my daughter to the daddy-daughter dance and they asked me to leave because I was getting too into it. Jeez. I was dancing with all the girls, you know, and I said, Well, it's a it's a dance. You dance with all the girls, you know. This one, I had my hands on her waist.

SPEAKER_05 50:20

I asked their father first.

SPEAKER_13 50:22

Then it's Would you want to trade? I had my hands on her waist, and here's the thing, she was real small, so like my fingers were touching.

SPEAKER_05 50:30

Dog, what the f you're getting pretty deep into this one. You're really taking it there.

SPEAKER_13 50:35

I really every episode.

SPEAKER_12 50:38

We're 12 episodes in, bro. You guys should know what this is about.

SPEAKER_05 50:42

You're taking it there. Not afraid of the heat.

SPEAKER_13 50:48

I don't know, dude. And he's just like, I don't know, dude, but like he's just one of those guys that like the you just want, you know, when there's someone in the office that just no one likes or respects.

SPEAKER_05 50:57

Yeah, and they don't know it a lot of times.

SPEAKER_13 50:59

They know they never do. They never do. And he goes home and is like, no, he just like talks and like says nothing. Like he'll just he'll just like like have an awkward moment. He'll be like, you know, well, another day at the office. Like, shut the fuck up, dude.

SPEAKER_05 51:19

I love a fucking bitch. See, I love work hatred. I had this one with uh this dude Armando that I worked with at the garage door warehouse where it didn't even matter if he was like genuinely nice to me. I just fucking hated the guy. Yeah, I just got to a point where I'm like, you're just a piece of shit. And anything they could do the nicest thing ever, and you will find what is it? What the fuck is that? They will do the nicest thing and you'll be like, fucking piece of shit. What does he want?

SPEAKER_13 51:43

It's fun, but it is fun to just meet somebody. It's fun to just find one person and you could just completely dehumanize them and just say the worst things you could think of.

SPEAKER_05 51:52

That's the only time I like that ever happened where I was just like, I literally hope this guy gets ran over by five bosses on his way to work every fucking day.

SPEAKER_13 51:58

He'll be like he'll be like, like, you know, another day, another dollar. And it'll like you like, shut the fuck up. Even your mom was ashamed to have you. Your wife doesn't respect you, and that's why she left you.

SPEAKER_05 52:13

Shout out to it.

SPEAKER_13 52:14

Shout out to it. Just punching down, going way over the top.

SPEAKER_05 52:20

Yeah, but if he's a pedophile, is it really punching down?

SPEAKER_13 52:23

Uh yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. By the way, this guy's not really a pedophile. I just way over-exaggerate. You gotta be careful with that one, because that's a legit life ruiner. But he's not real. He's not real.

SPEAKER_14 52:40

He's not real, it's just for the bit. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

Should I hit that, Greg? Is that no nick? No, there's nicotine in there. Okay. Are we recording?

SPEAKER_06 52:54

Yeah, we're recording.

SPEAKER_02 52:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

We back. We bike. We bike. It's a horrible hang.

SPEAKER_14 53:04

Horrible hang, dude.

SPEAKER_02 53:05

It's a very nice hang. It's not horrible for me. It's horrible.

SPEAKER_13 53:09

It's horrible.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

I hate it.

SPEAKER_13 53:11

Dude, I think I'm gonna try and get with a black girl soon. I've been thinking about it. Me too, dude.

SPEAKER_12 53:16

Oh, I know you.

SPEAKER_05 53:18

Once you go black, you don't go back. I mean, dude. Once you stop dealing with the pro the problems of the average white woman, can't go back.

SPEAKER_13 53:29

Well, I don't know. A lot of mine, is one, they seem cooler. They don't in general, they just seem like more chill. Two, uh, they're more well endowed, you know. I'm a tit guy.

SPEAKER_05 53:41

Tit guy. In general. You think so?

SPEAKER_13 53:43

Yeah, dude, for sure. Okay. I'm telling you. Okay. Over in Hooters, I'm telling you, bro. All right. For sure. All right.

SPEAKER_05 53:52

Yeah, you got yeah, you got the pond right there. Yeah. You got you got a stocked pond of fish. They fill it up. Yeah. Constantly. There's new people, I'm sure. They keep refilling the pond.

SPEAKER_13 54:04

And guess what? Even on date night on the way to the restaurant, I'm still gonna make her sit in the back, too.

SPEAKER_05 54:08

That rocks. Yeah. You're a big you're a history buff. We've always known that.

SPEAKER_12 54:14

We've always known that. You got anything to say, Greg?

SPEAKER_02 54:21

Um, no, we got any questions from me?

SPEAKER_13 54:23

Um, we were talking about uh the piss Nato's that you used to do at Wendy's.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

Oh yeah. Yeah, basically in high school, me and Nandy, we would go to Wendy's, like sometimes after school, one over Homer. And what's something I would do is I would just go in the bathrooms and I had to piss, and I would just go in the stall, start pissing everyone, go spinning, start recording and send it to him.

SPEAKER_03 54:48

You have notoriously bad aim.

SPEAKER_02 54:50

Yeah, I had four aim. It's so I would just shoot everyone be like, oops, I missed.

SPEAKER_13 54:56

It's so scummy, but it's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 54:59

One time to fucking fucking Josh, he he did it at McDonald's, and I recorded him. He was at the stone, he intentionally backed up and pissed everyone. I recorded him. I zoomed in on his dick and posted on my Snapchat for two minutes. He was like, God, record it! Like fucking screaming at his McDonald's. He's like, it's not funny, it's my penis. I remember that.

SPEAKER_05 55:22

It's not funny, it's my penis. It's a hilarious line.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Uh so funny is my penis! Stop making fun of my penis!

SPEAKER_13 55:38

Okay, how about this one? How about uh instead of duck dynasty, it's dump dynasty, and they all compete for the biggest shit.

SPEAKER_05 55:45

Alright. Who are you taking? I'm taking old Willie.

SPEAKER_13 55:48

You're taking Willie? I was taking Phil probably either Phil or Willy. Or how about or how about how about this one? It's uh Cuck Dynasty.

SPEAKER_07 55:57

Cuck dynasty.

SPEAKER_13 56:00

And it's like uh, you could be like, uh, well, after a long day of hunting, I like calling in Willie and watching him fuck my wife. He does it way better than I ever could do it. And you know, I just want to see her happy.

SPEAKER_03 56:13

I'm about pleasing my woman.

SPEAKER_13 56:14

I just want to please my woman, bro.

SPEAKER_06 56:16

That's all I care about. That's a good woman right there. And if I can't fuck her the right way, then my brother can fuck her the right way, then my brother's gonna fuck her the right way.

SPEAKER_13 56:24

On Tuesdays, I'll have him come over. He's got her bent over the dinner table while I'm making egg dogs in the kitchen. You ever try egg dogs?

SPEAKER_06 56:34

Never had egg dogs, Willie.

SPEAKER_13 56:35

It's a hot dog with an egg instead of a hot dog. Originally I called it that because I would eat eggs while Willie dogs my wife. But then it hit me. Problem is Willie likes his eggs with the crispy edges, but I like mine soft. But again, I just want him to be happy. I mean, shit, he is deep inside my wife right now. What am I gonna tell him? You can't have crispy edges on his eggs.

SPEAKER_05 57:01

It's only right to take care of your stud.

SPEAKER_13 57:04

It's only right. Yeah, I just want to make them both happy.

SPEAKER_15 57:06

I'm just being plepa pleased of myself.

SPEAKER_06 57:10

Southern hospitality.

SPEAKER_14 57:12

Southern hospitality.

SPEAKER_13 57:13

I've never actually watched that show, but I've seen it. Didn't they take it off the air because one of them said the n-word or something?

SPEAKER_05 57:20

Most likely. I mean, that's probably it.

SPEAKER_13 57:23

Yeah. I mean, are you shocked? Like, it was gonna happen sooner or later.

SPEAKER_05 57:27

Like they took him off the air because they finally had a guy in the camera crew that wasn't chill with it.

SPEAKER_13 57:32

Yeah. He was being gay about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:37

Pretty lame about just the English language, really.

SPEAKER_06 57:43

Oh, fuck dick. Nah, I just a man of not very much addiction down here. I just know that word. I just know that word.

SPEAKER_14 57:51

I just say that word. It's just that's how I grew up with it.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

You know, we ain't never really learned a whole bunch of words down here, down Louisiana, way. Whoa, that was awesome. No, thank you. That sounded sick.

SPEAKER_12 58:02

Thank you, man.

SPEAKER_05 58:04

Really? Dude, I was thinking That must have been from them egg dogs you was making while I was like, egg dogs.

SPEAKER_13 58:10

They're coming up, you could smell the egg in them, dude. Dude, how how I was how do normal people talk? Like, what do normal people fucking talk about?

SPEAKER_12 58:19

I don't know.

SPEAKER_13 58:20

You know, like people that aren't retarded and miserable. I've been thinking about it.

SPEAKER_05 58:23

I I just turn everything into a bit. It's so bad. Yeah, it's fun. No, that's what I do, and it's funny. I just turn into, oh, I just cannot be serious with anybody.

SPEAKER_13 58:32

That too, and I feel like I'm just becoming a psycho, too. Yeah. Like, you know, a normal person might like, you know, spill something, and instead of, you know, screaming at the mess on the floor, blaming God, they just go like, oh, whoop, whoops a daisy, you know. Uh-oh, I'm so clumsy.

SPEAKER_05 58:54

I'm just the darndest, tootinous, clumsy fella.

SPEAKER_12 58:58

Uh-oh, I ate too many strawberry pop-tarts. Now got a tummy ache. Now my dick is bleeding. Now my dick is soft and it won't get hard, and I can't see it anyway because it's so small. I don't know.

SPEAKER_13 59:13

They just made a oopsie whoopsie with that. Oops. They talk with like their hands are in the air when they smell. Yeah, I walked in. He's dog in my wife again.

SPEAKER_12 59:23

Whoops, is he a dog in my wife again? She's just a character.

SPEAKER_15 59:29

Fuck mine.

SPEAKER_02 59:32

I do want to point out something about Kyle. He's watching a movie over here, and he was talking about a character that was supposed to be like.

SPEAKER_13 59:41

No, no, you're no, no, this is entrapment. This is entrapment. That was entrapment, and you know it. You know what? Tell him. Are you recording? Of course I'm recording. Of course.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

Yeah, if we were watching a movie over, we were watching the movie Train Spine, and basically there's a scene when the main character, Mark Renton, played by Ewan McGregor, he goes to the club, picks up a chick, and then has sex with her, like in her room, and they show her a nude and everything. And I asked Kyle during this sexy. I'm like, Do you think she's bad? And he's like, Oh, she's not bad. The thing I didn't tell him was I've seen the movie before, and in the next scene it is revealed in a plot twist that she's actually like 15 years old. So I was like, Wow, you think of 15 years? I'm like, Kyle, you were talking about 15 years old. You're like, she's not bad.

SPEAKER_13 1:00:25

And try is doing something you wouldn't have done otherwise. And she had no tits, so I wasn't even fucking paying attention to her.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:32

Yeah. She didn't have tits, Kyle's free. Yeah. You're free to go, sir. Yeah. In this court of law. In this homie court of law. She had my nephew's tits.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:45

Oh, dude. I wish I had your nephew's tits.

SPEAKER_13 1:00:51

Where's the cat? Is the cat He's outside? I thought I heard him bang. Sometimes he bangs on that door. Yeah, I don't know if you guys know. We got a cat. Bang, bang, bang. He's a homie. Yeah. Me and Greg got a cat. Next we're gonna get a black child. We're gonna raise him too.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:04

That would be sweet.

SPEAKER_13 1:01:05

Yeah, we're gonna raise him. And we're just gonna keep fostering, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:10

You guys should make him a world champion chess player. We could. With your guys' minds. We could, dude.

SPEAKER_13 1:01:17

Or maybe we'll make him maybe he's great at golf. Find out he's great at golf. We can be like a second coming-of-tiger wood. That would suck.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:25

That would suck if you had a multimillionary golfing son. Yeah. That would be so horrible.

SPEAKER_13 1:01:31

I mean, if you're good enough, I guess you could fucking you could do it. Um I don't have I didn't write anything down for this, but I wrote down three doors down syndrome.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:48

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

If I was a retard, would you still call me Superman?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:59

See, I didn't know any songs, we needed that. Now I know that one.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:06

If I lost if I had one more chromosome, would you I don't know. Would you call me chrome man? Would you call me chromby man? Would you call me chrome man?

SPEAKER_14 1:02:24

I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:26

Hi again. Hi again.

SPEAKER_13 1:02:29

Um, you're playing with the guitar. It sounds like a guitar. Greg's playing with the spring on the uh the boom arm.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:44

Um musical interlude, I guess.

SPEAKER_13 1:02:47

I'm just gonna run through a couple of the shitty ones I had. How about uh a railroad a railroad worker that has sensory overload?

SPEAKER_08 1:02:57

Whoa.

SPEAKER_13 1:02:58

So like every single shout out to Liam. Yeah. So like every single day at work, he's just like, make it stop he's like, how did he even get hired here?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:13

Who employed you? Who the fuck?

SPEAKER_13 1:03:16

Yeah, well, his mom knows someone who works in the office.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:20

Thought it'd be good for him.

SPEAKER_13 1:03:22

They thought it'd be good for him, you know, get out there a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:24

I thought we could break an old fear.

SPEAKER_13 1:03:28

Yeah, we're just running through shit. Alright, I'm just ripping through them now. Um how about uh one of those semicolon bracelets? Fuck, I can't. How about one of those semicolon bracelets?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:40

Zoro the gay blade. You know which ones I'm talking about? Like the rubber ones. Yeah, yeah, the I didn't kill myself. Yeah, they say like gradulatory tattoo you got yourself.

SPEAKER_13 1:03:49

Yeah, they say like one day at a time on them or whatever. Uh but the insign is lined with barbed wire. Ooh. Good remix. It's it's more of an irony thing. If you appreciate irony, that one's for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:02

Um it's more of an irony thing.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:06

Yeah, I I liked it, but guys, you didn't realize how ironic that is.

SPEAKER_13 1:04:15

You guys didn't. You guys just don't let me break this down for you.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:18

That went over your stupid head.

SPEAKER_13 1:04:20

You guys are so fucking dumb. Let me explain it. Maybe it'll get through your thick skulls this time.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:26

You dunce? You fucking dunce. Fucking dunce? Stupid aunt. I don't know, dude. I'd like to start calling people dunces. Sounds fun. Dunce. You dunce. Or dense.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:36

I like that. Are you fucking duncey? Yeah. Oh, you fucking dentist. I'm a fucking dentce. Blamy cunt! Blamy cunt!

SPEAKER_13 1:04:46

You should have been here for Willy Wanka. Yeah, sure. Willy Wanka. Shout out Willy Wanka. Uh do you think if workplaces like do you think if workplace toilets got bidets, uh, that the number of employees jerking off in their bathroom would go up? Skyrocket. Yeah. Skyrocket.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:03

We installed the bidet here. I've spent too much time in the bathroom just jacking off what's a shit spang my asshole.

SPEAKER_13 1:05:09

Is that what all that moaning is, dude? Yeah. Oh, dude. I wasn't sure if it was the shit or the cum. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:15

That's just stalks.

SPEAKER_13 1:05:16

Was it the shit or was it the cum?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:21

Was it the shit or was it the cum? Oh, Drew Carey. Drew Carey hosting a new game show.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:29

Was it the shit or was it the cum? What I've got these wacky glasses on. Oh I don't know why my voice is like this. Was it shit or cum? That's more Jerry Seinfeld than anybody else, I think. What's the deal with shit?

SPEAKER_12 1:05:45

What's the deal with shit and cum?

SPEAKER_13 1:05:47

What you you you know when you're sucking cock and it shoots cum to the back of your throat and you kind of like like choke on it a little bit because a little bit gets in your windpipe? But then you stick your finger in the air.

SPEAKER_15 1:06:01

And put the shit in your mouth to unclog the cum. You've never heard of this before, huh, George?

SPEAKER_13 1:06:12

Oh, fuck, dude. I feel all right. Starting to wind up.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:17

This is a weird movie. This Joker.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:19

Yeah, it's a strange movie. Especially with the sound off.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:23

Yeah, the whole play the whole movie, no sound. Sound off jokers. Pretty wild.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:30

Uh fuck, dude. Where about hey?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:34

Pretty good, I ain't so far.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:36

I got a few more. I got a I got a quick I got another. I'll tell another story too. Want to hear another? Another Poon story.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:44

I love hearing about pussy. It's my main interest.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

I'm like autistic. I'm so interested in pussy that it's almost autistic.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:53

I just want to watch mus music videos with big butts in them. That's all I really care for now. I'm kind of over pussy, I think.

SPEAKER_13 1:07:02

But no, this one's uh this one a lot of people aren't gonna like this one. So I remember it was COVID, right? Yeah. And uh it was this girl that like I kind of dated, but like not really. It was a weird thing. But like we talked a lot over Tinder, and then eventually I met her, and she was like a catfish. She was like twice the size that she was in her pictures. Awesome. I miss COVID. Uh there's parts of it I miss. But uh anyway, fucking um she was she wanted me to fuck her, but she was kind of gross, so I went soft when I tried fucking her. Which you should expect that if you're in a catfish somebody, I think. I think that's on you personally.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:45

But my first time that I was going to fuck, I also I went soft. Did you really? I was so nervous. Yeah, that's what it was. I can look back and be like, I was terrified.

SPEAKER_13 1:07:54

But you know what my thing is, is when I was ever in a situation like that, it was always like, oh, okay, well, I can finger you.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:00

Yeah. So I think so. How many finger and reps did you have before this?

SPEAKER_13 1:08:06

Uh two or three, maybe two or three reps. But this one, I don't know. Now, I cut my nails. I don't know if she was on I don't know if she was on her period or what. Oh god. But I cut my nails, but I took it out, and it's just it was just like bloody and slimy. And I remember I went to the bathroom to like rinse off, but I'm looking at my hand, and it reminded me of the cover of Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood by DMX. So I took a picture of it and captioned that.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:40

Oh my god. I think that should be the new podcast photo.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:44

Yeah, the new podcast photo.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:47

It's a new episode name.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:49

Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. Yep. I got a couple names for this podcast. I'm picking, or not this episode. I'm trying to decide which one I want.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:57

I like it.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:59

Uh man. Decent story. I thought that was a funny story.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:04

That's fucked up. That's funny.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:05

Yeah, it's fucking gross. Yeah. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:09

But uh. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:13

Oh, let me see.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:14

I should.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:16

Guys, it looks like it looks like kind of a uh Hey, what the fuck, man? It looks kind of like a hot honey barbecue sauce.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:26

Looks like some jam. Oh, just help you middle finger and some nice jam.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:31

Oh my god. Yeah, just add to some banana a good barbecue.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:35

Just like I almost want to throw up right now, like seriously. And I have a oh, I have a good stomach for that kind of shit.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:42

Yeah, man. What do you think I felt?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:44

Did you like it? What did you do after that? Well, I just when you rinsed it off.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:48

I couldn't be in front of her and be like, ugh, like I had to like, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:52

Yeah, I would have.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:53

I I mean I rinsed it off. It was fine, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:57

What did you do after you rinsed it off? Did you just like go back and hang?

SPEAKER_13 1:10:02

Uh yeah, I was like, I'm tired.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:06

Spent a long day.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:08

Spent a long day.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:11

My mom's getting back from Vietnam. I gotta pick her up from the airport.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:16

She got a night flight. Sorry, madame.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:22

Um that's crazy. But how about this one? I was uh I went to uh I took my brother, so I got my brother concert tickets. He likes like kind of like that old like dad rock kind of music. Sweet. I got him tickets to see Hinder. You know who that is? I don't know Hinder. They got that lips of an angel song song.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:41

I don't know why I can't fucking talk today. Lips of an angel.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:45

Lips of an angel.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:46

But like, so you have the lips of an angel. I do pussy lips of an angel.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:51

I don't know. It's been a while since I went to like a rock concert, but like here's what I think. I hate like 45-year-old men. I really do. They're they're poor, they're dirty.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:03

Especially at that show.

SPEAKER_13 1:11:04

They really are.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:06

Not a lot of people.

SPEAKER_13 1:11:06

You know, like men with men with braided goatees. You ever see that? Those guys rock. I fucking I hate I can't. I'm an elitist for sure. And I'm I'm no, I'm not really, I'm not better than anyone else, but I feel like I am.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:20

This is one of the things that I've always loved about you. Is that you can shit on anything.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:26

Oh yes, I can shit on fucking anything.

SPEAKER_13 1:11:30

But who I don't know. It was just one of those bands where they're like, you know, his song's about, you know, you got that one person in your life and they they just piss you off. You know, it's like one of those kinds of bands. I know when that person pisses me off.

unknown 1:11:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 1:11:46

You know, it's chicken soup for the old white soul. You know what I mean? Chicken soup for the fucking loser. I don't know, dude. At this point in my life, the fake sense of elitism is starting to become real. And like I've done nothing to earn the right to have it. I know that. But like, I don't know, dude. It rocks. I don't know. It's it's gonna get worse, too. I was trying to think of a uh like a way to make fun of the name Hinder. I could think of a I came up with a finger, and instead they play uh they play music with and all their uh fingers are penises. Oh that's it.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:26

Oh I didn't know penis fingers are funny.

SPEAKER_13 1:12:30

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:31

Alright, dude. If you could have any one of your fingers to be your penis, which one would you do?

SPEAKER_13 1:12:37

Middle finger.

SPEAKER_14 1:12:39

Longest one.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:41

Yeah, but I'd like to I'd like to think that I would have some of the desk dexterity.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:45

Yeah, probably the finger other, the not ring finger one. The point is this the pointer finger? Yeah, it's the pointer finger. That's what my grandma calls it. Called it or a couple of things.

SPEAKER_13 1:12:55

That's the finger you use when you tell people to go back to their country.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:59

Go back. Get out of here, buddy. You're taking out gerbs.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:07

Uh I got this one bit, which it's more of a food for thought. I don't know how it's gonna go over.

unknown 1:13:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:16

Yay or nay? Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:17

Okay, yeah. Hey, how about let's do this one?

SPEAKER_13 1:13:20

So, uh yeah, so I I thought obviously this isn't something you could do, but like if I were a god and I was in charge of like creating life or something, I think a way to stop young girls from getting taken advantage of is if your pussy didn't grow in until your tits did.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:38

This is an interesting theory.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:39

You know what I mean? Okay, you don't get a pussy until you're like 16, 17, 18, right? And you know, because you think about it, you know, you're way too irresponsible at that age to have something of that power. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:53

For sure.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:54

It's like giving a 10-year-old a million dollars. Like, of course you're gonna fuck it up. You know what I mean? Of course. So this way, you see, I see your face. I told you I gave you the warning. Oh, yeah, you gave the warning. But you but you know, I I think I think there's something to what I'm saying. Sure, go keep going. I mean, that's basically it. Oh, okay. That's basically but you know what I mean?

unknown 1:14:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:18

Guess what happens? If that happens, zero babies are getting raped. Well, you know what? I I said words that you don't like, and that's why everyone's being quiet and weird right now. But really, what I'm saying is gonna save a lot of people.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:33

Alright. So let's get the simulation, let's fire up the simulation. Fire up the simulation. Pussies at 12.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:40

No, I said no pussies until you're 18.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:42

18. I thought it was when your tits came in.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:45

Okay, okay, okay. So maybe a little after that.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:48

Maybe a little after that.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:49

18, no pussy.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:51

18, 18, no pussy until you're 18.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:55

I'd rather just shoot the pedophiles.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:57

You could do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:59

I'd rather just take the take the phone.

SPEAKER_13 1:15:00

Yeah, but this is I mean, you could do both, dude. This is like an extra layer. It's like an extra fire.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:05

They should have open season for pedophiles. They should, dude. Because they put they give you the addresses, they're all online. Yeah. It should be like pedophile purge, bam. Go get one.

SPEAKER_13 1:15:13

Do you think there's a security guy? Do you think there's a security guard at pedophile park in Florida?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:19

Oh. Pedophile park? Have you heard of that?

SPEAKER_13 1:15:22

There's like a there's like a trailer park in Florida when it's just all of convicted sex offenders.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:27

Yeah. Isn't that most show parks realistic? They said you were. No, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:34

Went to Gay Town. They told me you ran that bitch.

SPEAKER_13 1:15:38

Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Alright, man. I think we're gonna wrap this up.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:45

Save it.

SPEAKER_14 1:15:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:46

Horrible hang. Ep 12. Episode 12. Enjoy you fucking losers.

SPEAKER_14 1:15:52

Enjoy. Sucks.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:53

I usually myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:55

If you enjoy it, then I'll go over to your house, give you some nice ass sloppy.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:59

Yes. Bro top.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:00

Yep. Bro top.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:03

Brotop. Alright, you're good.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:06

Fuck off. Bye.