Episode 11 - Fear and Roathing in Ros Angeres

our friend Noah joins us as our first guest, listening to tool, trans boners, and i pitch boston rules 2

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:03

Horrible hot mic hang. You wanna try it? No. No. You're pretty good at it. Changing your inner kane west. Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

And I'm not talking about my penis. This is so off. It's horrible. I was hoping for like a drum preset or something.

SPEAKER_05 0:31

It's probably in there somewhere, but probably. You just keep noodling around. You're getting better at it.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Welcome to the horrible hang.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Welcome to the horrible hang, everybody. We have our first ever guest today. We have a guest. Yes. I'm honored to be here. Hello? Hello, Noah. Hello, crew. Our friend and longtime listener. Lit fucking. Fuck me.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

Friend and longtime wishener.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Friend and long time.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

Welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Welcome to the podcast, everybody.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

We're doing posh podcasting now.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Fucking how are you doing, Noah?

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Oh, I'm doing good. Are you? Yeah. The first podcast I've ever been on.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

How yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

How's it feel?

SPEAKER_04 1:15

Uh, good. A little nervous. A little nervous.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

No, what was that you were saying about reparations is bullshit earlier? You were talking off mic earlier. Oh, yeah, he was going in on that. You were saying if anything, they should be paying us. What was that you were talking about? Oh, they should.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

Yeah. Black people have it backwards. The slave owners did not get their money's worth. Oh boy, man. Nothing like coming out first two minutes in a career, podcasting career, starting out, coming out of the gate, swinging. I was thinking I had to make a big splash at the beginning. Yeah, lots of fans now.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

We usually save the really racist ones for the end of the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

Yeah. I suppose people that know what they're getting into. That's fair, that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

I do like it. I do start off with a big one.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

I'm very honest. You're a very honest poke, if I do say so myself. You must have you have karate man morals. Were you a karate man as a youth? No, I never did karate. Did you play youth sports? I played baseball, yeah. Pay ball? I did karate when I was little. You did karate?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

When I was little too.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

But it was like with the- I see I see how it didn't work out.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Well, yeah, no. But it was like the fake karate where they you go to like the recitals, they you'd kick the wooden board, but like they just snap it. And they're like, oh, look at you. Recital.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

That's how you know it's fake. They had a recital. They had a recital, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

For your yellow belt.

SPEAKER_04 2:39

You're a dance class, dude. It was basically dance class, but and you took you took your dad's multicolored belt and tried to hang yourself with him, and they're like, no, you're years later, for sure, I know.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

No.

SPEAKER_04 2:50

This isn't what you're doing. Guys, I moved back in with my mommy recently. He did move back in with his mommy. Tough Slatin. Yeah, how's that going? Um why I it fully sunk in because now I've like I've become a craft mac and cheese connoisseur. Oh, yeah. That's peak back peak back in mommy's nest.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

I can make you a good craft mac.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

Did you know that there's like the spiral one now?

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Oh, yeah, I've seen this.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

Dude, three cheese. I haven't had it in a while. Three cheeses, five. I missed all these. The last time I had craft mac and cheese with mommy, it was the original standard and SpongeBob. Have you seen the Cheetos Mac? Cheetos.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

That shit's gross. It's gross. Yeah, the bright gross. I've had it for that.

SPEAKER_04 3:29

It doesn't sound very good.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

It's disgusting, dude. They had the flaming hot one too, and there's like a green one or some shit.

SPEAKER_04 3:35

That sounds like a top seller at fucking Walmart. Cheeto Mac and Chi.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Yeah, it was exactly.

SPEAKER_04 3:42

That's white trash shit. As a guy that chops at Walmart, that is some white trash shit. I'm a big Walmart guy. Yeah, Walmart after hours. That's the place to be. You see some fun shit in there. See some fat ladies doing inventory. Oh fuck shit. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:01

Counting hand sanitizers.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

I think I hit that bondhole too hard, bro. Fuck yeah, I'm glad you did. I'm a little higher. I'm a little higher than I originally anticipitated.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

I like to go to Target. It seems like everyone there is a little bit more professional and see that's why I don't like Target. I think it sucks because it's like I'm too good. I'm over. We're at Target. You can't steal from Target. We have a Starbucks. I've done it. We have a Starbucks when you walk in. And we are bad. It's Target. Spices? I'm also white. I don't know spices.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Well, you could if you stole them.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

I'm a self-hating white dude. All the white shit, I'm like, fuck that shit, dude. Target, it's white shit.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Fuck white shit. It is white shit for sure. Marianos, too. Marianos kind of fire.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

I think it's fire because it's more expensive. I'm not practical. Sounds Italian, so they can charge higher prices. It's genius. Yeah. They got the international aisle. So they're like welcoming of the Mexicans. As long as they've got Spongebob mac and cheese, because I'm back with mommy now. Spongebob store that's still in Spream.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Yeah, but they just the noodles just fall apart when you mix them and cook them.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

Yeah, but when mommy makes it, mommy makes it right.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

I guess.

SPEAKER_05 5:24

How about you gotta go back to mommy, dude?

SPEAKER_01 5:27

How about this? How about this? Uh I I've been listening to Tool lately because I can't get any pussy.

SPEAKER_05 5:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

I don't know why that makes sense to me. It just seems like the right kind of mood.

SPEAKER_05 5:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

I don't know. They they you know, they're actually really well known for their songs about not getting any pussy. Do you know that? Really? Yeah, they actually are. They're really they're really row well fucking world renowned. Is that like a metal band? Yeah, it's like a grunge music. They are well world renowned. We're well fuck me, dude. This is a rough start.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

Nothing girls love more than grunge music.

SPEAKER_05 6:02

Here, I'll show you. I'll show you.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

Nothing gets them fired up like fucking dude problems and angst. One thing I know about women, it's that they love guys with a lot of angst.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yeah, that's a big definitely not a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

Misdirected anger.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

They like the insecure ones. See, this song's about not being able to get any pussy.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Perfect for us. It's perfect. This is a fucking we're about to start chanting. This is a ganger.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

And I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 6:37

Does the song have words about not getting pussy? Because the noise sounds like not getting pussy.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Yeah, one of the lines is uh I've I've been coming on my belly because I'm always jerking off. That's one of my favorite lines from them.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

The instrumental is just what you hear when you're a dry spell, dude. But here's the thing, they're like you walk outside and you see a babe, you just hear it's raining, and you just hear p d play it. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I know she's um always jerking off.

SPEAKER_04 7:11

Girl at Walmart smiled at me.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

And they're like, here's the thing, they're like a really psychedelic band, too. So I'm thinking like all that third eye stuff is just because of like they're just at a heightened state of mind from all the celibacy.

SPEAKER_05 7:30

Built up tea.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Built up tea, exactly. Retention.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

Big retention pond of just semen chairing in the balls. But no, everybody knows pea is stored in the balls.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

This song's called uh No Pussy for Me. What's stored in your balls? What stole pea is stored in the balls? P stole everybody.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

What's stored in your balls, Noah? Vitamin C. Balls.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

This I was listening to this thing all all week last week, full disclosure. It's great to jerk off to. We're trying to jerk it off to grudge music. Really? Only grudge music. Jerking off to the time signature changes of tools music.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Grunge music has to be hood up, jerk off. It's not like that's not like lights on self-loving.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

It's like a metronome. It's like a metronome. You know, it really gets a rhythm.

SPEAKER_04 8:24

It's lights off, two in the morning, bathroom, hood up.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

It was not a fine hour for me.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Shooting it down the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

It's been a dark January for me.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

Amen, brother. Amen, brother. It's been a dark while for me.

SPEAKER_06 8:38

It's gonna be a dark while ahead, too. It's all bad.

SPEAKER_05 8:45

How you doing? How you doing with that?

SPEAKER_04 8:48

I'm alright, dude. Where's this jerk off story going? Jerkoffs?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Oh, that was it.

SPEAKER_04 8:54

I thought you were gonna play. Oh, that's the song that's good to jerk off too. Oh, really? Most of them. A lot of them. A lot of them the same, really. Actually, I was I was thinking about how you know you know how they like when these hackers try and like steal your shit, they'll like say that they have a video of you like whacking off on your phone. Yeah, yeah. Which one, I don't think my penis has ever been in the view of the camera, for one, in all my jerk and experience. Yeah, unless it's like on your chest and you've got like I was I was just thinking about like maybe if I was like a really paranoid guy, just like scrolling and like pointing the camera at the ceiling, like with my finger over the other one, just like scrolling, being like unimpressive, gross.

SPEAKER_05 9:40

I've seen so much better different website.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

People that put like tape over their camera, like whacking it, being like, this is mid. I don't enjoy the they're not getting one over on me, dude. They're not gonna catch me going, uh now coming to you in front of a live studio audience, more gay sex!

SPEAKER_01 10:13

More gay sacks.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

My favorite.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

How about instead of a pall bearer, it's a paul beaner, and you just pay a bunch of Mexicans to carry the casket.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:30

Yeah. Some of the churches I've seen, there are a lot of Hispanic people. So they're very religious towns.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

They very are. You gotta watch out though, because they might sneak a buddy or two in the coffin underneath the bedding. You gotta clear it out first.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

Somebody's grampa's cheering right now. Having a burial over the border. Sneaking through.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Uh Noah, what have you been on? How was your week been? Noah's a fucking Amazon driver, everyone.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

Oh, it's been good. Christmas is over. You look for Jeff Bezos. Dude, the richest man on earth, and he just always needs more money.

SPEAKER_05 11:12

Always needs more money.

SPEAKER_04 11:13

The greenest guy ever.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

I am, dude. I'm gonna tell Jeff you said that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:18

That's fucking good.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Oh, I'm sure he'll take action.

SPEAKER_04 11:21

Dude, I want to tell on all the people that have shopping addictions. Like, I go to some of these houses like five days of the week. Like, what are you ordering, people? Ugh. Amazon ladies doing percocassette, drinking wine, going crazy on their husband's fucking charge card. Yeah. Housewives, long ribs.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Should I order McDonald's? I kinda wanna order McDonald's.

SPEAKER_05 11:48

Order McDonald's, dude.

SPEAKER_04 11:49

Fuck it. Yeah. Speaking about crazy delivery. Give me a fish fillet.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Let me get a let me let me let me get a fish fillet.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

Okay, Michael Scott. McDonald's?

SPEAKER_01 11:59

No, that was a that was actually. I remember when I was younger, I saw uh I was at McDonald's and there's this black dude and he was ordering. He's like, yeah, let me let me get a fish fillet. And it always just stuck with me. That's how you know it's always called a fish fillet.

SPEAKER_04 12:14

When the homie wants it, it's good. When a brother wants it.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Speak, speak, dude. Speak of, you know what else that reminds me of? Fucking um when we were fucking we were in um Florida with uh you know Brandon and Joey a couple years ago, right? We were at one of those restaurants and they had the playoff games going on. And uh the Lakers are playing NBA players. Yeah, fucking NBA playoffs. And uh I remember there's this one dude, black dude at the bar, and he's just like, oh, LeBon J.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

You're there with Stephen A. Smith.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

LeBon Jack!

SPEAKER_04 12:51

He definitely had money on the game.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Oh, I'm sure he did. He seemed so excited for it.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

That's the year I'm thinking of that fucked that year by those very Lakers. Yeah, yeah. Fucking LeBron. Fuck that motherfucker, dude. Game one. Don't bet on him, game one.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Pro tip. Dude, I don't I don't even really watch basketball that much anymore. But like, I don't know. He's on the decline, isn't he? A little bit.

SPEAKER_05 13:18

I mean, he's still good, yeah, but he's just old. He's still good. He'll just turn it on in the playoffs, it doesn't fucking matter.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, true. Yeah. Do you think he's better than MJ?

SPEAKER_04 13:27

No. No. No. He's got maybe he's got a better career, but MJ's the goat. MJ? I'm gay.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

I feel like LeBron's been around for like 20 years.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

Literally 20 years, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Like kids.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Well, he's like 40, so he's been around for longer than that.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

Alright. Do you guys now as a white guy, do you guys claim these foreign white guys as white guys that are dominating the NBA? Oh, from like they have an arrogance. Wait, so what was the claim? These foreign white guys like Jokic and Doncic, these like sick ass white dudes that like never got never did in eight in sixth grade they didn't see a black kid dunk a basketball in gym class and go, alright, I guess baseball maybe. Like I don't think they're the same. I don't I want to claim them, but I don't think we can claim them. They have a different arrogance about them. Us American white guys know our role to stand in the corner, hit the three play defense. Yeah. Get back on D. These guys are different. They're doing 360 passes and shit. They're a different what? I want to claim them, but we can't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

What about how what if there was a you know that show? Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

SPEAKER_04 14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

It's are you smarter than a fifth grader, but uh all the contestants are retarded.

SPEAKER_04 14:48

Jeff retarded worthy.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

So it's more of an even, it's more of an even match.

SPEAKER_04 14:53

Like dating on the spectrum, but a spelling beat. That show is brutal. I was in fifth grade. I'm like, dude, I'm not a fifth grader. I'm dumb as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

That way, if you lose on the show, it's way more hurtful, too. Yeah. I knew I was smart in a fifth grader.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

They send you back a grade. That show fucked me up because I'd be in like eighth grade and we'd be watching it and be like, fuck, I don't even know this shit. I'm not smart in a fucking fifth grader.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I would kill myself. You know about Tissig, I can memorize everything, right?

SPEAKER_04 15:27

What is the 29th president?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

By the way, the people that are upset about me making the retarded voice, that's not actually a retarded voice. That's a voice of me after I uh try to blow my head off, but I fail, so half my jaw is missing. Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

If they ask any questions about trains, those kids are gonna be ready.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Or or the military. What is it with autistic people in the military?

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Yeah, it attracts them. There was dude. They got five guys planes.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Dude, yeah, that's right. What what dude? We went to fucking five guys like a week or two ago. And uh it's like later burgers, yeah. One of the employees, and he comes around, he's like, guys like your food. And we're like, Yeah, yeah, it's good. And he's like, Yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, I don't mind you know, this job's not that bad, but you know, you know, it's whatever.

SPEAKER_05 16:22

Love the bros. Yeah, just starts talking. I love the bros.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

And then he starts talking about how he got kicked out of the military, so that's why he's working here. Just completely, you know, when people just tell you shit, yeah, just drop personal information like that. And you're just like, all right, man.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

Yeah, man, yeah. My wife left me. Yeah, your mind is like I had a weird, I had a weird second tour. And ever since then, I've been here flipping burgers and fries.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

But it was funny because he like us with peanut oil.

SPEAKER_05 16:53

We have peanut oil.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

But it was funny because he was like sweeping as he was doing it, and he was like making rounds around the floor. So he'd like keep lapping around and making his way to us, and he'd keep like keep bringing it up. Like, yeah, you know, you know, I do miss the military sometimes, but you know, you know, you do too many uh unlawful things, you know, I guess. I swear to God. Awful things in the military.

SPEAKER_04 17:20

They love it. They love telling you about that stuff. They love talking about that stuff. How fucking wild they are.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

We need to get more acquainted with this soundboard. Yeah, that thing's in general. Do you wanna you wanna try some? Oh, I didn't mean to.

SPEAKER_04 17:31

That's a really good one. That's a great one. That's that's the best button we've ever found. Oh, that's Asian for sure. Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! This honor your family.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

I like it.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

It's a nice button.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Uh, hold on. I got a good bit, I gotta find it.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

How about this? Okay, how about so uh I have a movie idea, right? Another movie idea.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

So in this movie it stars Chris Pratt, right? And uh in the beginning of the movie, he adopts a like a little Asian boy, right? And he raises him, and they form like a great bond or whatever, right?

SPEAKER_05 18:06

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

So they're he's hanging out with his little uh Asian son or whatever, and he like just to make him laugh, he did like a little Asian impression, and like the little boy thought it was funny or whatever. And uh there's some guys on the street, they're like, you know, that was actually a really good Asian impression. You should uh you should think about trying to do that professionally, you know what I mean? And then he so he does it and he becomes really, really good at it. Okay, and he starts like selling out theaters and stuff, and he becomes like famous for it, right? Yeah, and then but as this happens, the kid's a little bit older, and so now he's like kind of like thinking about it more.

SPEAKER_04 18:40

Jim Carrey.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Jim Carrey.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

Is Jim Carrey our guy to play this role?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

No, it's Chris Pratt.

SPEAKER_05 18:45

Oh, it's Chris Pratt.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

I don't know why, but for some reason it's Chris Pratt's okay. That's who popped in my head. But uh the the the Asian son's a little bit older now, and he's like, like, father, your your new your new profession is very hurtful to me.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

How does he have an accent if he was raised by Chris Pratt? Well he's still Asian. He's still Asian, right? Okay, we'll roll with it. Myth busted.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

We'll roll with it. All right, anyway, we'll we'll roll with it. So uh basically the son makes him pick like either you know your new profession or uh the kid. So Chris Pratt says, fuck this kid. I'm fucking famous now. And he's like drops the kid off at the firehouse. He drops the kid off at the firehouse, right? Now it happened that's gotta feel good. Go put him to work. No, now what happens after that is by doing that, he like awakened.

SPEAKER_04 19:35

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Is there a loser button on here?

SPEAKER_05 19:39

God damn the button again.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Oh, the let me f let me finish this fucking pitch real quick, though. Anyway, so uh by dropping off the kid and abandoning him, he doesn't know it yet, but he awakens this like Asian curse, right? This like bad luck thing that keeps following him, and now he starts to actually turn Asian, right?

SPEAKER_04 20:06

Even more? What's up? Like even more than he already was?

SPEAKER_01 20:09

No, well, he was just pretending earlier. He was just doing an impression, but now he's like actually turning Asian.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Chris Pratt or the son?

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt's turning Asian. Is the son actually Asian? The son's actually Asian. How is he actually Asian? He was adopted.

SPEAKER_04 20:24

He was adopted. He was adopted. You know your script. I like this. He absorbed all the culture while he was still in Asia and he's retained it.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Well, it's the curse that he that it's the Asian curse from abandoning his Asian son.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Like there could be like a scene where he's like, uh, come on, family, let's go out to dinner, and then they drive there, and then they get there, and they're like, Dad, this is a pet smart. And they're like, Don't ask any questions. You know, times are tough.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

You can tell he grew up in a broken household because he said, Come on, family, let's go for dinner.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Come on, family. Hello, family.

SPEAKER_04 21:02

That's what you think normal. That's what you think normal sounds like.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

I don't have an ending to that, but sweet. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

That's the end of the pitch.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

I don't have an ending to it. I need I need like a full resolution.

SPEAKER_04 21:13

It's kind of unfinished, but the son comes back and shoots up a comedy show or something. Shoots up a comedy show. Why not Chris Pratt gave up his son to pursue comedy? Who plays the person?

SPEAKER_01 21:24

To pursue his yeah, basically, his uh little Asian impression isn't it on stage and just be like, oh, rice patty or whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

I think Chris Rock plays the son.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Chris Rock plays the son?

SPEAKER_05 21:38

I think Chris Rock plays the son.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Chris Rock's a little old though. I like the idea of it, but Chris Rock's a little old though. How about how about how about Dome Alone instead of Home Alone and he's just sucking his own dick? I just watched that.

SPEAKER_04 21:54

I'm going through a thing. I just watched that video.

SPEAKER_05 21:58

I'm going through.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

thing dude it's okay it's really not it's getting real sad dude no I dude yes I feel yes we gotta put this in the middle mom bought more tissue yes why are these socks so crusty oh new crack mac and cheese yes oh damn it that's too odd well it's a children's show now that's jeopardized like the Jeopardy thing what's Nader's a bad rip that's pretty good it's pretty offensive that they'd have a retarded button on this free soundboard app we need to take to Twitter dead air to X I love it how about uh do you know TJ Miller was accused of rape a few years ago I didn't know that really yeah he was apparently so I thought it'd be funny if uh instead of TJ uh Miller it's uh TJ Filler with Come Against Her Will doesn't really roll off the tongue per se no but a lot of shock failure TJ Filler TJ Miller you guys are making me sound horrible right now I need I need a little bit of support for you guys making you sound horrible I know I tell I know I'm taking you guys down a dark path right now you gotta trust me you gotta trust me he's a young boy named TJ fellow with calm against will TJ fellow with calm against will who is TJ Miller legend has a chance he was in a he was he's a stand up comedian he's like in a few kids' movies too every Deadpool he was the bartender he's the bart yeah that's right I haven't seen that's probably the easiest one for people he's pretty good he's we saw him at Skankfest he's pretty fucking funny man I enjoyed him he was okay I enjoyed him he's not really I mean he's fine he's just fucked up that we can't not really my type of humor but I don't know that's just me personally what other famous people did you see at Skankfest? That's where dude that's where I got all this done dude that's where I got all these signatures on here that's where I got the the Gillis signature the list signature Ari Shafir told me he liked my shirt.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

You saw Ari Shafir? Yeah when I was walking I was walking into the pisser he was walking out of the pisser and a Dennis Rodman NWO rodzilla shirt on and he's like that's an awesome shirt it's like thanks dude that really happens for yeah it's really cool yeah it's like a genuine interaction that is pretty dope as fuck that is pretty dope. I'm shocked that like famous people are just normal people go to the bathroom it's fucking wild dude do you ever think about are they pissed too I speaking of pissing have you seen him piss on a bottle in the Joe Rogan podcast?

SPEAKER_01 25:11

No what he's called Protect Our Parks was that Ari Shafir doing that I think I have seen that before have you ever pissed in a bottle oh yeah I've never pissed in a bottle shut up never pissed don't you work in construction?

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Never piss in a bottle yeah just piss like on the side of the building actually yeah what if you first bro it's sterile it's good for you dude yeah no I'm I've I always have this great anxiety of like if I have to piss that bad I'm going to more than fill this bottle and I once you start pissing how do you stop pissing yeah this is something I've genuinely thought about pull it away I don't know I'm able to see that have you ever had to cut have you ever been like at the tippy top you've been like driving tippy top of the bottle you're like fuck but you're seeing an above while driving yeah I was gonna say it's the only time I could fathom peeing in a bottle like a truck driver?

SPEAKER_01 26:08

Yeah yeah like don't they have catheters?

SPEAKER_04 26:10

Some of them probably I think some of them have catheters. Hardcore motherfuckers do the real ass motherfuckers driving trucks dude what'd you know about that shit they would not pay me enough to have a tube inside no maybe a fun I would maybe I could fuck with a funnel system I'd get down with fun but not a catheter think about a catheter then you just got like an external bladder still carrying it with you stank brother yeah what if it spills does your peas smell like coffee when you drink coffee oh yeah mine does too I noticed that really you just started drinking coffee and oh it just have a black cold brew I never really noticed if my oh my god my piss just smells like straight coffee fucking wild it like punches you in the face but it's like kind of pleasant kind of pleasant it's better piss smelling piss smells like coffee Noah let me ask you this you're a big Kanye guy right are you still a Kanye guy still a Kanye? Okay he's coming back he's about to release a new album isn't he yeah he is what do you think of uh Kanye's new woman oh yeah but like Kim lookalike it's basically Kim Kardashian with better tits. It really is not that Kim Kardashian had bad tits after but he he to he took it and traded in and got a lower mileage she did short term lease so he did yeah this model is much low mileage short term lease this model is much quieter too I don't know if you've noticed that you've never really seen this woman speak never heard her voice can't say I'm looking for it but yeah I wonder what her take is a little peculiar but you know what whatever I wonder what her take is on abortion she's got good case in clothing yeah I bet she has a lot of strong opinions her I bet she has a lot of strong opinions on uh mandatory health care you know she rocks she's probably a really smart lady that's why Kanye likes her so much he's always been into that kind of thing intellectual women Kanye divorced Kim because he was tired of her queefing all over the house you think Kanye divorced Kim or Kim divorced Kanye well this bit um Kanye divorced Kim because she kept farting out of her pussy all over the house I I like to use my pussy as my change purse like that she's southern I don't know that's I I know it doesn't really sound like her but this feels right to me no it sounded just like her if you were deaf I use my pussy as my change purse so the quefs rattle around the change inside of there they call me rattlesnake Kim rattlesnake Kim I don't know I thought it was funny rattlesnake rattlesnake if nothing else we could take rattlesnake Kim from that fuck it I liked it I don't know about her chunky change pussy but oh my god one two three one two three three two one horrible hang back again and it's horrible it's horrible dude it's fucking horrible I gotta be I gotta be honest dude I was thinking about this the other day dude I'm so glad that I'm not Indian yeah like what's that moment like when you're growing up and you first realize that you're Indian like what happens when you like that moment when you're like oh fuck I'm Indian you know what I mean like when it's like the first day of school and then you figure out that like nobody else smells like curry it's just you nobody else has dura for breakfast why do why does nobody want to sit at my table no this food is spicy no no why the food has no flavor chicken fillet socks yeah but they'd be like the plug for all the other high school kids that need vapes and stuff the plug really em the plug really em the plug really and the plug uh dude so um how about this I was uh do you do you remember Yahoo answers?

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yeah Yahoo answers I went down a rabbit hole I went down a rabbit hole for like a half hour the other day just because they'll like if you go to like the bottom of the page they'll like suggest other questions that were asked and you could just keep you could just keep doing that until like you just end up somewhere. I ended up I swear I'm not kidding you I ended up it was this woman that claimed she was fat I'm not saying she was fat she said she was fat and she the the the title was uh uh diarrhea um gallons of it diarrhea parentheses gallons of it gallons of it they were asking a question yeah and they're like is it normal to have diarrhea and it fills up to the brim of the toilet I'm not making this up and she goes yeah I've been drinking coffee and beer to keep my energy up I've actually had that similar fear I've had nightmares where I've been using the bathroom and it's where the overflow is from going so far. So it must be a comedy I was afraid of that when I was younger yeah I was always afraid of that when I was younger you know when you're doing real damage and sometimes it's like ah shit what are we what are we looking like back here's no way that's there's no way it's real cheek if it's filled to the brim dude that's at least half the water in the toilet is your shit so there's no way there's no way I want to meet the guy it's a gal I want to meet the gal it's a gal it's like uh I imagine Tammy from Thousand Pound Sisters probably have seen those toilets for like extremely obese people where it's like a gigantic toilet seat where they have the wide seat yeah because people are so heavy they'll just break through a normal toilet holy fuck do you remember in Soulplane where they go to the back in the bathroom and they're like oh this seat's too big and they're like oh let me get the white adapter for you and they put like a smaller toilet seat over it the white adapter it's a fucking great movie that was a funny it was so stupid Snoop Dogg incredible in that movie dude you came up with this one the other day I wrote this down you came up with this when you were fucking uh hanging out because we drove past the Hooters lot and I wanted to see if there was anyone I knew there and uh I said it's usually filled up in the back and you went is that a way to describe a rape probably yeah you could also say when when it's really busy at work they're getting raped I always I do say that I actually say that basically every shift I said that as a member of the true blue crew I'm not proud to admit I use that kind of foul language at Craig Culver's establishment I'm sorry but it was happening like that sorry I had a little team meeting there perfect timing I would describe it that was beautiful beautiful yeah in your face suck up in your face suck up yes yes no where does no that guys that was me that wasn't a soundboard that was noah dude no the middle school button oh no that's the white people entering a school button I knew so true that's half of this podcast not now I'm jerking off access granted that's me opening my asshole ready to accept dick to accept dick it is access granted kill my boy ass that's after I shove ten dicks in my ass at once it's a good trick that's after I lock my car where the trunk's filled with uh cum and then put the keys in my ass and I put the keys in my ass that's when I walk through a haunted house with my fist in my ass that's when I'm in a Mexican household because every Mexican household has a haunted room in there is there more yeah there's more oh there's 46 pages of this shit dude okay here let's do more scenarios more scenarios yeah that's too long they need to stop why is it still going that's yeah it's too long a ghost it's getting scary too close to him it's when I shove my fist in my ass that's when I put my newborn baby in my ass that's Nick's fat fucking girlfriend that's when I get my that's when I'm feeling crazy with my ass.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

That's when I'm feeling crazy That's when I sniff my hand after I take it out of my ass. That's the Hooters girls before each shift that's when I feel spooky and I decide to put my hand in my ass that's when I fart in a balloon and huff it right afterwards. That's when I try to suck the fart out of my own ass that's when we're all uh drinking glasses that's what happens after I go rounds on my ass. Ding ding fight I can do it all day that's a giant jet going into my tight little asshole it's me doing my exercises so I can accept into my asshole.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

That's us when we travel to Africa. That's the inside fingers pitter pattering and the gerbil inside of my ass when I released that's that's Kim Kardashian's queve that's um Jeffrey that's Jeffrey Epstein inviting someone to his island you're about to say something racist at church. That that's Ray Rice after he hit his girlfriend I didn't mean to do that one either uh that's that's me ripping up fuck dude that's me shoving a piece of paper into my ass that's me ripping up the paper that says the baby's mine denied denied uh for you dude dude that's me when my buddy puts his fist in my ass without telling me dude dude dude that's me when I want my buddy to put his fist in my ass um we could do hold up we could do better we could do better uh into the spittoon yeah literally spitting into my buddy's ass that's Andy feeling good because he thinks that if he's good at bowling that that's cool that's the rumble in my ass the strike of wood into my ass uh seven tenths split my ass that's me sneezing because there's Mexicans around and they're smelling and they make me sneeze. I don't know dude I don't know dude that's the mu that was tough that was the mucus in my ass where if you're listening this late you deserve an award you deserve it that's uh an autistic man after he gets turned by a girl and he thinks he's a villain in a Star Wars movie.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

That's a noise I wish my dick made that one three of these fucking lightsaber ones made that noise dude fuck fuck I I bought in too early unzip your pants that's my dick is really small my dick is really it's probably the smallest dick in the world actually normal micropenis I actually have a micro penis micropanis I got a micropanis the ASMR version of horrible hang I'm not gonna say what that is me shoving sonic in my ass what's up hot and fresh jazz that's me blowing my hat off that's my mom walking in and finding me ever had a surprise party I have not been a part of one I have not I was I've been in a lot of surprise parties should we keep doing this this is kind of fun I don't know is this boring though listeners you fucking hate the listeners anyway not that you give a fuck wait what were you saying about surprise parties fire you don't like I think I really I think I really had them laughing there for a minute I think we were really cooking with gas there hitting them buttons it was top notch entertainment bro you you know what that uh move you know what movie I watched the other day is that movie have you heard of that movie Beautiful Boy it's like a sad movie it's got Tim it's got like uh Steve Carell in it and Timothy Chalome no that's a real that's a power couple Timothy Chalamet the boyfriend yeah he might as well be right he looks like a boyfriend in every movie he's in yeah I thought he was dating Taylor Swift was he dating no that's the fucking Travis Kelsey yeah that's Travis Kelsey NFO Timothy Chalome is the new uh he's uh the new Wonka oh he's got that he's he's one of those like I think there's like a wave of like twink white boys that that people say are fucking attractive we're back you're one of those Kyle I'm not a twink dude I got a beard fuck face you're so back dude you're so back and you fucking hate it dude no you're so back and you hate it that's what's in style just accept it be a hot twink you know it's your desk I hate myself I hate myself it has nothing to do with it wouldn't it be funny wouldn't it be funny if like Pete Davidson and uh I don't know Ian Fidance wanted to fuck Timothy Chalab fuck yeah dude like Pete's like you know I I know every I know everyone's jealous of me for getting to fuck Kim Kardashian but I I just want to fuck guys her her ass is too big and bulbous you know I want a nice tight ass that looks like a shovel you know yeah Pete I hear where you're going this Pete everyone's talking about I got a fat cock but it'll feel a lot fatter and it's had a tight asshole like Timmy's you know I get it I suffer from the same syndrome Pete calculate depth energy you know Ian finance right you've heard he's like why didn't anyone tell me we're gonna see Timmy's tight ass you didn't tell me we were sniffing out cute guys I want to live in between the ridges of his cute little asshole he's got a little Mrs.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

Garrison to him well isn't he like in the trannies and shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so I just feel like that's how we would talk yeah I gotta find a signature on here somewhere really I do so that's cool as fuck fuck yeah dude captured him collected it like Pokemon dude M G O M G yeah get rid of this dead end that's a good one oh fuck you I gotta download shit now oh you downloaded it you gotta like line up the good one oh I thought I had to pay for it duh duh sounds what else is on here dude duh

SPEAKER_04 44:00

No, this shit sucks. Hey Kyle, you have a small penis. Duh. Duh. Hey guys.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Fucking game.

SPEAKER_04 44:15

Duh.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

This podcast fucking sucks, guys.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

Duh. This is actually the best episode because I'm on it. Hey! Oh.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

We need you to help fill in all the dead air.

SPEAKER_04 44:29

Do you think there's a group of women that seek out men with small wieners? And podcasts?

SPEAKER_01 44:35

In podcasts? I hope so. I really hope so. That's their title.

SPEAKER_04 44:39

I've got the market cornered on small dicks and podcasts. Got it fucking cornered. You see any tumbleweeds blowing through town trying to fuck a chicken? He's got a podcast on a small dick, he's about to talk to me first. Bacaroo.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

I was thinking about this the other day, and this is gonna probably come off as crass, but I was if men are sex, if they say men are sexist towards women now, just imagine if men weren't attracted to women at all. You know what I mean? I agree. You know, like misogynists will say that women are only good for sex. Well, what if you took that away too? And then what are you left with? They're just annoying people, right? Women? I'm not saying that, but I'm saying from the point of view of someone, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 45:27

On a general sense.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

That would say that women are only good for this is tough to go along with, but I need you guys' help a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 45:37

In a general sense, I think women have no idea what they're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Yeah, that's why women need to shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_04 45:47

Yeah, yeah. Women never want to see a man happy. Especially if a man is not interested in them. That just pisses them off. This is unlistenable.

SPEAKER_05 45:58

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_04 45:59

You guys need to get a woman on the podcast at the other side of the podcast. I would love to. I would love to.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

Maybe I'll try to. Maybe I'll try to.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

Holy shit. Greg, your your time. I think I put the lipstick on, Greg.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

If you think about it though, I think most women are to at least to some degree kind of autistic. You know what I mean? You ever see them when they get excited? They just start waving their hands around the same way.

SPEAKER_04 46:23

Yeah, they don't know how to process emotion. They're not real good with emotion. Yeah. Yeah. In emergency situations, it hits them in waves.

SPEAKER_05 46:34

Uncontrollable waves. Respect me too. I'm a little bitch. Oh, fuck.

SPEAKER_04 46:42

I think it's like the moon affects it. Like the tides. I've heard that.

SPEAKER_05 46:46

Mercury's in retrograde, brother.

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Drop that one. When they start acting crazy. That's how you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Does Elliot Tage have a penis now? What's going on with that?

SPEAKER_04 46:57

I hope so. It's that little fella. Well, even if you get the surgery.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

Although I'm pretty sure even if you get like surgery to get a dick, like what it is, it's like it comes with a pump and you have to like squeeze it. Or like pump it up manually. You know what I mean? Like, have you ever seen that movie Dodgeball where he's got the bulge and he has to pump it up? Yeah. It's like that.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

I hope that all the fucking medical penises that they're all disappointed with their dicks, too. I hope they're not like stoked on their cock. Me and Mick were talking about this. I wish I was stoked on my cock.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

If you're getting a fake dick, do you get to pick your size? You shouldn't be able to.

SPEAKER_04 47:35

Which you should be a lottery. You should pick the size and they should give it to you two inches smaller than what you requested. I think that would be fair punishment for coming over. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

I like that idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:47

Two inches shorter because that ain't all it's cracked up to be, brother.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

That's just like the state tax or something. Exactly. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 47:53

Exactly. But nobody can know that. Fucking uh guys hear our buddies.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Oh yeah, I heard it too.

SPEAKER_04 47:59

I heard it too. If you did get one, how long would you ask for it?

SPEAKER_01 48:04

Well, I'm gonna I'm getting as big as I want, dude. I want a big dick. If I didn't know that rule, eight. Even if your dick's so big it's a problem, it's like okay, man. You got a huge dick. Shut up.

SPEAKER_04 48:16

Even eight, I feel like eight is too big.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

It probably is too big.

SPEAKER_04 48:19

I feel like it toes the line.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

I was thinking instead of like an air pump. I was thinking instead of using like an air pump to get the dick hard, they should implement like airbag technology. So it could just be like instantaneous. Yeah, point of con start finish rate. Point a button, your dick to like just instantly on this button.

SPEAKER_04 48:40

It's got the care it's they take it and do like crash test dummies.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

Yeah, like your pants just pop up immediately.

SPEAKER_04 48:49

Yeah, what if it like misfired when you weren't blackout?

SPEAKER_01 48:53

I feel like it could break easily that way, too. There's block to the store there. Dennis Rodman.

SPEAKER_04 48:58

Dick breaks.

SPEAKER_05 49:00

Damn shit's hurt.

unknown 49:02

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 49:04

Rodman. Um duh. Duh. Shit hurting. That shit hurting, though.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

That shit hurt.

SPEAKER_04 49:12

You ever gonna open these Christmas gifts?

SPEAKER_02 49:14

That's just fucking candy.

SPEAKER_04 49:15

It's just fucking candy, dude. I'm an adult man and my yeah, and people buy me candy.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Oh, it's just downloading all of them.

SPEAKER_04 49:24

You dig.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

That's me eating the dried-up cum off my chest. The crust king. Crust King. Shout out the uh the uh OG listeners. You know what, actually? We're on episode 11 for fucking Fruity Flavors. We never got past 10. Whoa. So we're now running longer than uh Fruity Flavors lasted.

SPEAKER_04 49:45

Wow, new longest running podcast. Title holder.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

That's unsettling. That's really loud. That really feels good in my ears. That's me boarding my doors to keep Mexicans from crawling into my basement. Oh never stop. Why would Nails on a chalkboard continue to play?

SPEAKER_05 50:12

Because that's nails on a chalkboard. It's supposed to be fucking annoying, dude. Jesus Christ. You're really fucked up. Gamer fail? What's that? Oh, that's gay. That was really cool in 2011.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

My penis won't get hard.

SPEAKER_05 50:32

That's a good job.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

Yeah, that should be further up, I agree.

SPEAKER_05 50:38

Welcome to the club. No penis getting hot club. Tap in, fellas.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Do you guys ever watch Fear Factor?

SPEAKER_04 50:49

I loved over it.

SPEAKER_01 50:50

A little bit, dude.

SPEAKER_04 50:51

Do you guys think I'm just gonna say tap into the no penis getting hot hour here on the Horrible Hang Radio?

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Do you think that uh black people on Fear Factor uh win like the challenges where they have to eat like bull testicles and stuff because they're used to eating soul food?

SPEAKER_04 51:07

Oh, they have like the hidden advantage?

SPEAKER_01 51:09

Yeah, they're just used to eating like wild shit.

SPEAKER_04 51:13

Hold the fuck on. I was doing this last week.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

No, no, listen. Have you ever seen the key and peel bit with soul food? And that it just gets more and more like obscure each order they get.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

Really?

SPEAKER_01 51:26

It gets down to like a human foot.

SPEAKER_04 51:31

Fuck yeah. Oh, get it. Soul food. Soul food? Where's that foot? Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

Oh fuck. That's the problem with this app. You need all the buttons to be in one spot and they're not.

SPEAKER_04 51:44

Have you seen that fear factor where they have to drink their literal glasses of like goat cum? Probably I've probably seen it at some point. It's also it's funny that the guy that gave the people to goat cum is now the most trusted news source in the world. Really? It's pretty funny. That is crazy. He was like, he was like, touch that tarantula, dude, like 20 years ago, and now he's like the man. Yeah. The newsman. He is the man. He just does MMA post-fight interviews and podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

Yeah. It's just a dream. Cryotherapy. Fucking made too many pot uh too many uh comedians way more famous than they should be. Damn, dude. For being honest here. We're being honest here. I like Rogan, and I don't think he meant to do that, but that's kind of what happened, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_02 52:33

Speak on our peers, Kyle. How about what do you really how do you really feel about Joe Rogan as a fellow podcaster?

SPEAKER_01 52:39

What did he have you on? I liked his old comedy. Like his old, like his first couple albums from like 2000. I like those, but that was also when I was pretty early on into listening to stand-up. Gotcha. How about instead of the Addams family, it's the Adams Apple family, and they're all trans. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 52:56

You like that one? It's an updated 21st century spin on it. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

Yeah, I like that one.

SPEAKER_04 53:01

Pretty uplifting.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

That's a recent one. I came up with that one today.

SPEAKER_04 53:04

It's an uplifting title. And they all have names that could go for bullshenders, like Sam.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

Fuck it. Well, I don't know the names of any of the characters. I don't never watch that show, so I don't know the names of any of the characters, but John. You were a fake. Suck in a dick. Suck in a dick. Really, real hard because you are a gay. I don't know. Um, I just I just take songs and just write you're gay to them. Like, you know what the one I was thinking of always fun. It really is. You know what the one I was thinking of earlier? Is uh you know, you know that scene from Polar Express? Have you ever seen Polar Express?

SPEAKER_05 53:47

Yeah, way too many times.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

You know that scene? You know that scene with the hot chocolate? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:52

I hate that scene.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

No, I was thinking, I I thought it'd be funny if like instead of the hot chocolate, they were singing you're a We got it! Yeah, instead of hot hot they're just instead of saying that, they're saying you're a faggot to the guy with the glasses, and the whole song's just like, ha ha, you're a faggot, ha ha, you're a faggot. Oh we got it! And at the end of the thing, the kids just like crying. It's like they made a whole performance out of it.

SPEAKER_06 54:23

Pre-planned musical dance routine. 20 grown men calling me a faggot on the train for months. Oh, you're a fight!

SPEAKER_00 54:37

He's a faggot!

SPEAKER_04 54:41

Okay, sex. Yeah, he wants it.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

Yeah, he wants it. We fucked it. This is a fucking mess, bro. How about a quick break?

SPEAKER_04 55:00

It's the best sound and sniffle you'll ever fucking hear in your life.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

Yeah, by the way, wing stop, go fuck themselves. Fuck Wingstop, dude. I just ordered$70 worth of fucking food. They delivered it one bag at my door because yeah, usually when you order$70 worth of food, it all fits in one tiny bag.

SPEAKER_04 55:16

You've made a mortal error, Wingstop. I just made the wrong.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

I've just I've worked in food. So it's like I get how shit worked. How do you fucking send out the less than half of somebody's fucking food? Rick Ross.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

Yeah, Rick Ross. I want to talk to the boss, Rick Ross.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

I would have had a mouthful of lemon pepper.

SPEAKER_04 55:36

I was supposed to. Can we absolve this issue, Mr. Ross? Because otherwise, you've got one podcast full of pissed off gentlemen here.

SPEAKER_01 55:45

They did deliver the corn, though, which means tomorrow I'll have it in my shit. I always look forward to it.

SPEAKER_04 55:51

You can rinse it off and eat it again.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

Rinse and repeat.

SPEAKER_05 55:55

Rinse it off, eat it again. Fuck Wingstop, dude. Fuck Wingstop, right? Fuck you.

SPEAKER_04 56:00

You look in the bowl once you're done. I'm I'm a little scared sometimes to look back at it. You're scared? What? Not scared, but I just get a little grossed out. Gross out.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

Do you paint a picture and then burn it without looking at it afterwards? No.

unknown 56:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:15

You gotta analyze it a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 56:17

You're not proud of them? I try to like lay the toilet paper and cover it. Just like the face. Yeah. You can't bury your logs. Noah buries his logs. Yeah, it's like my survival instincts sticking in.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

I don't know. In my country, boop outside.

SPEAKER_06 56:47

It was a good turd.

SPEAKER_04 56:49

21 gun salute. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:51

What country is it where they shit in holes?

SPEAKER_04 56:54

Oh, that was perfect, no.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

That was perfect. Do they do that in in like China?

SPEAKER_04 57:01

Where they do what?

SPEAKER_01 57:01

I bet. They shit in holes. Actually, apparently, it's like a known thing that like a lot of Chinese people are known for like coming to America and breaking toilets because I guess they like stand over the hole there. So a lot of Chinese people come and they stand on our toilets and fucking break them. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

And we're worried about the Mexicans.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

This toil written makes no sense to me.

SPEAKER_04 57:27

The toilet.

SPEAKER_01 57:28

What do I place my feet?

SPEAKER_04 57:31

They like the big splash.

SPEAKER_01 57:33

That's why they that would be a huge splash. You're standing.

SPEAKER_04 57:37

That seems like the word doing it wrong.

SPEAKER_01 57:39

Dude, you're shitting. It has to squeeze past your ass cheeks that are close together, so it's getting smished. Like you're making pasta.

SPEAKER_04 57:49

Dude, when you guys were in school, were you ever lucky enough to be part of the group that would be like climbing in the stalls in the bathroom? Oh yeah. Spider-Man and NG. Yeah. Those kids rock. I never did it personally. I wasn't that guy. You ever see those fucking kids rule?

SPEAKER_01 58:04

You ever see those videos?

SPEAKER_04 58:06

They're all in jail now. Every kid that reached the top.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

You ever see those videos where it's like just a dude in a stall and like a dude will like crawl underneath it into the stall?

SPEAKER_03 58:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Or like you'll sit, they'll see like a little kid like looking through the crease in the door.

SPEAKER_04 58:21

Yes, that would happen to me in school. Think about it. Kids do that. I'm telling the teacher, bro.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

Think about it. If that kid's Asian, if that kid's Asian, all he has to do is turn his head to the side and he's got a full perfect view through that. I see you.

SPEAKER_04 58:40

They come in, pull pants all the way down to ankles to piss.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

Oh yeah, girl.

SPEAKER_04 58:45

Dude, bathroom shit rocked.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

It's been a while since I saw someone doing that.

SPEAKER_04 58:51

I was like, what the fuck? It's so funny. As a youth, I was like, there's something wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 58:55

Just like the shovel apps, like the cheeks are like just like clenched together.

SPEAKER_04 58:59

That made me think like their dad didn't teach them how to piss. I was like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, you have no shame. You're a little whore, dude.

SPEAKER_05 59:10

I get why Father Town looks at you funny.

SPEAKER_01 59:14

How about shout out? How about instead of uh the Wizard of Oz, it's the Wizard of Oblock, and you shoot your 45 caliber five times in the air to go back home.

SPEAKER_05 59:24

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 59:26

How many times in the air? Five times. Oh. So they they shoot their Glocks five times in the air.

SPEAKER_04 59:33

Where's the tornado taking somebody from and where is it landing them to? Does Dorothy wind up instead of going to Kansas, but she winds up at Obok? It takes them to Africa. Oh. Oh, okay. What's the ghetto version of a tornado?

SPEAKER_01 59:49

What? Do you have a is that a joke? No. Oh, I thought you had like a punchline you were waiting for, Tannin. Oh shit. The ghetto version of a tornado? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 59:58

There is a Black Wizard of Oz movie with Michael Jackson in it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

The whiz, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:03

Or is my uh grandpa once called it uh the hard R of Oz.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:10

Your grandpa, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

My grandpa, he's quite the character. He's quite the character.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:16

That's pretty funny. You're welcome if you made it this deep into the pod. That was a gem. That was that was I bet your racist grandpa hated when the movie turned back to color. He's like, oh shit, he's black.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Earn it back. He's like, what?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:39

Earn it back. You're not a Negro.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

Fucking that kind of reminds me of that Leave the World Behind, but I've dude. That bit does not fucking work. I need to figure out something of a way to fix it or something.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

Enough people haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:57

Well, you don't it doesn't I've never seen the movie. It doesn't really have to do with the movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:03

Wait, is that the one where phone stop working?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:05

Yeah, but the so the bit is so that movie was produced by the Obamas, right? So basically the idea of the bit was like, what if I showed it to my grandpa and he like watched the whole movie, became emotionally invested and liked it, and then at the end of it, he was like, Oh, that was a really good movie. And then I revealed to him that it was produced by the Obamas, and he just uh supported their work. But and I don't know, I need to find out a delivery, it never fucking works on stage.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:33

Immediately goes to Rotten Tomatoes, zero percent.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:36

Literally, right? Fuck it movie, fuck it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:42

Dude, that movie's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:44

I told oh yeah, uh fucking um jumping around here a little bit. But um, I told you a couple weeks ago about that Egyptian guy that works at Hooters, right?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:55

Yes, Egyptian.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:57

So there's this Egyptian guy that works here. He like moved from Egypt like six months ago. He like kind of knows English, but barely. He reminds me exactly of Borat. Like he comes here just kind of like he doesn't really get like American customs and shit. He's very touchy, like, because I guess people in Egypt like touch when they talk to each other and they don't do that here, so it's like he'll like touch your elbow when he's talking to you, and you're like, dude, get the fuck off of me. Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:22

Fucking homo.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:24

But it was funny because like country you're from, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:27

We don't do that shit here.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:29

Well, no, it's crazy because like touch.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:32

He's gonna learn fast. Touch some guy on the street.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:35

Well, dude, uh well, over there, apparently, like, they don't really um respect women the same way we do. Which is kind of funny, because like my co-worker was dude, yeah. One of the managers was talking to him, and he was like, So what like are women like allowed to like have jobs in your country and shit? And he's just kind of like, uh, no, uh no. We put them in cages.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:01

Is it a joke or casually?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:02

It it is like zoo. Oh my god. You pay to look at them. Kind of like this place.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:12

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:14

Cooters iso. Yeah, I mean kind of a lot of it's just old guys that are fucking coming there overpaying to fucking have one or more of the girls come talk to them. Fuck yeah, that's basically what it is. It rocks, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:29

It fucking rocks. Yeah. Bring me my wings in conversation, underage girl. Dude. So does the Egyptian guy have like eyeliner?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:41

No, he's actually very wide. He's got a he's got a wide body. He's a wide build? He's a wide build, dude. He really just takes up space. Built for a pill. Well, he's like also he just kind of like, you know, especially like in a kitchen, there's not a lot of room. People need to move around. You know, when you like move around somebody, so they usually get a sense of like, oh, let me get out of the way a little bit. He just doesn't. He just like a statue, just stoic, just stays there. Flat. Yeah, like doesn't get the hint.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:08

Fucking Spongebob, dude. Flat. Fuck, dude. Flat. Oh, green motherfucker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:18

Yes. Sweet. Conclusion.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:23

I see you going poo-poo in the stall. I gotta figure out a better bit for that because I like doing the Asian voice a lot.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:30

So do you guys have to like warn the waitresses at Hooters? Like, watch out for the Egyptian guy. He's gonna touch your elbow.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

Well, he was actually like trying to take pictures with the girls and shit. Why? Very cool, very cool guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:45

He wants to send it back to the brand.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Yeah, probably like postcards. Postcards to mom.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:51

Very nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:54

America number one. America number one.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:57

Number one waitresses.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:59

Number one waitresses in the country. Uh goddamn, guys. Horrible. This is horrible. I got a couple more. How about uh thanks, Noah? Um, how about it's almost over fucking if you think about you ever think about how Nardwar like could have brought up so many celebrity rapes from the past that he just chooses to be quiet about?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:27

He's got all the shit. Nardwar knows everything.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:31

The FC interview.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:33

R. Kelly, we have to it's it's R. Kelly, we have to know. Because you're R. Kelly. Yeah. And we have to know. You're Josh Giddey. We have to know.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:49

Josh Giggity.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:50

He ain't do nothing. As long as he helps SGA win the MVP.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:54

Yeah, he gotta quit it, didn't he?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:57

The fan he the family declined to talk.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:01

Family declined to talk.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:03

Yeah. I see. One would assume he paid.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

Oh fuck. I wish we didn't wait so long to fucking do this bit. Yeah, I forgot I forgot. Fucking eater. What up? No, I got the um Yes. Yes. So I got I got a pitch for the sequel to Boston Rules. Boston Rules. Boston Rules. We got good feedback on the Boston Rules bit. Did you listen to the last episode? Do you know about Boston Rules?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:31

I listened to it, but I don't completely remember it.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:34

Okay, let me just give you the cliff notes real quick. Cliff Notes. Alright. So Boston Rules originally comes from Comtown. He came up with this fake scene where this guy goes to a party, fucks a girl, it's dark in the room, he's fucking her, he turns on the lights, it turns out she's black, and he just throws up beans for 20 minutes straight. Oh yeah. So I came up with an idea for the rest of the movie, right? And um so like he's got a buddy who's uh wanted for statutory rape, and uh the idea of that one is yeah, no, the idea of that one is they find out that the age of consent in Massachusetts is actually 16, and he meets this 16-year-old girl online that he wants to fuck, so he's like, dude, we should go to Boston. Perfect. So I can fuck this 16-year-old. That's like a road trip movie. Came up with Boston Rules 2, right? So fucking Boston rules again. But like, I I gotta give you, like, you need to know like the essence of it. Like, it's a real old 90s, it's real the vibe of it is really it's an old 90s movie, like kind of like a Tommy boy. But like before cancel culture, where they're just it was cool to say whatever. And the guy, the guy, the guy that's won it for statutory, his name's Tommy, right? And he's just kind of got like this carefree, he's like, uh he's like uh statutory rape, haha. Like he's kind of got like that vibe going. It's like an old 2000s, like meet my friend Tommy. Yeah, he's like a stiffler. He's like like like pending charges, dropped, ha ha ha ha, you know, kind of thing. He loves skateboarding, hates playing by the rules.

unknown 1:08:15

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:16

They said you can't be in a relationship with a 15-year-old, but Tommy makes his own rules.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:21

This is Tinder bio.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:23

Yeah, it could be his Tinder bio. He's like he's like, I don't know, man. We just have a really strong connection, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:32

She's really mature for her age.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:34

We just have a lot in common, you know. She's actually pretty mature for her age.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:42

She just got her learners permit last weekend.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:44

They hate me because I like them ripe. So I think they're jealous. They're jealous they can't pull like me. They're jealous because it's so tight. It's like, I'm re It's like I'm so good at pull pulling pussy. And it's like, no, they're under the age of consent and they don't know better. That's why you're so good at it. Your honor, why am I here in court?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:17

Because I'm good at pulling pussy.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:19

I drop her off at high school and then I have the whole day free. Sweet deal.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:28

All their friends are impressed by my charger when I pick her up from Els Cam. No, but uh the plot basically the plot idea for it is um so the black girl um is pregnant. The got black girl that got fucked in the first movie, pregnant, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:46

So throughout the whole movie, he's just trying to figure out a way to like abort the baby without her knowing. He's like sneaking, trying to sneak plan B's into her drink and shit like that. Jeffrey Dahmer.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:00

Elka Seltzer style. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:03

He like takes her out to dinner, he's like sticks like a fucking like a firecracker up there or some shit. Like, she's like, ow, what are you doing? Of course.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:12

Of course. Very common abortion method.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:16

Like under the table at dinner, like poking her with a coat hanger.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:19

Like, ow, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:21

Steak knife.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:24

Steak knife. Alright, guys. This is pretty dead.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:30

The horriblest thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:32

This is pretty bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:33

I should have told that joke.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:36

I wish I told that joke earlier in the fucking thing, but That's why they gotta listen to the end. Um let me try this one. I got one more I could try. Um how about how about uh home alone, right? Home alone, but uh the burglar opens the door and uh you know he pulls this like he opens the door and it pulls a string and there's just like a 50 gauge aimed right at his face instead of like a flamethrower. Just like a rocket launcher aimed right at his head, blows up the whole house. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:14

Just like if all of McAllister.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:16

No, I'm just thinking like you take all the little traps in it, and you just like way overdo it. You know, like you open the door, a bucket of gasoline falls in your head, and a match falls on you. You open the curtains, and your whole family's just there, like watching you. He puts glue on the couch cushions, and when someone sits on the TV, it turns on and child porn comes on, and then it and then it just rings the police.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:45

Who's that guy from To Catch Predator? Chris Hansen?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:48

Yeah, like Chris Hansen opens the door.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:51

No boys in here.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:53

Or how about like they're sneaking up the the uh they're sneaking up the stairs and like suddenly just an eight-inch black dick shoves shoves up the ass. Just gets raped. Just skip, just skip the fucking the quirkiness of all the traps, just goes straight to rape.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:13

A huge cock.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:16

OG Mudbone grabs his arm. OG Mudbone.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:19

You don't belong here.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:20

You don't belong here.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:23

Fuck, dude. Alright. I guess let's end it there, dude. That's pretty good. Oh well, okay, we're at 18.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:31

Horrible hang. Horrible hang, everyone. Thanks for doing this, Noah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:34

The number one live show.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Noah hates Vietnamese people.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:38

I actually really like them.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:39

No, he doesn't. He said he's he hates them, and he says all they do is fucking wander around their rice patty, and he says he wished they didn't exist. Conclusion. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:54

Yes.