Episode 10 - Geppetto-phile

gay rock music, live pd, and andrew tate

Transcript

SPEAKER_09 0:00

Alright, we're going. George Bush doesn't care about black people. George Bush doesn't care about black people. No crazy intro this week, guys.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

I'm sorry. Horrible hang, everyone. Horrible hang. Horrible hang. Episode three? No. I think this is ten, dude. It's nine or ten. It's nine or ten. Shit. So. It's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_09 0:24

Fucking we tried recording an episode last week. I didn't really have any shit wrote, and it turns out we're not that good at riffing. Because that would suck ass.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Yeah, it sucks. It's just sad. Depressing. Well, yeah, too, because that was the day of. That was the day of. Vibes fucked up. The vibe of my life is fucked up. No.

SPEAKER_09 0:45

Do you want to share or do you wanna?

SPEAKER_05 0:47

Not at all.

SPEAKER_09 0:48

Fair enough. No, fair enough.

SPEAKER_05 0:49

Fair enough. Okay. Not in the slightest. So thank you.

SPEAKER_09 0:53

Alright, what you been up to lately? Other than, you know, what you've been doing with your time.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Dude, we went to an open mic. That was fucking chill.

SPEAKER_09 1:02

Yeah, we went to open mic. What was that? Yeah, it was Thursday. Thursday night. Went okay. I love that club, but as of late, the crowd there has just been bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:11

The crowd sucked. There was a lot of really funny people though.

SPEAKER_09 1:13

Yeah. That's what I mean. That's what, like, I know you're not supposed to say I know you're not supposed to say, like, oh, the crowd sucks, but like, I feel like when I've gone to multiple shows there and I've seen multiple people perform good jokes and do well, like, and you still aren't getting I feel like there's a lot of people that still aren't getting the kind of laughs they should get.

SPEAKER_04 1:31

Yeah. Yeah. And with mo I mean, with most people sitting, like writing in their notebooks and stuff, like I get it.

SPEAKER_09 1:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:38

Everybody's with the colour.

SPEAKER_09 1:39

Well, because like I was saying, it's probably mostly comics.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:42

It seemed like it was mostly comics. Oh fucking dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

I wonder if it's like that's like the if it's like a big community thing. If everybody's like, we gotta all stay and root each other on. I wonder if there's like a camaraderie piece of it. Maybe as an outsider.

SPEAKER_09 2:00

There probably is.

SPEAKER_05 2:02

And like everybody's like, oh, we get our drink, and then I feel like it's like maybe like five of the old people would be like that.

SPEAKER_09 2:08

Well, like I see some people talking at the end of it, but like I stayed. Because like I don't we don't I don't usually stay till the end. Just because a lot of other people leave. Let's like everybody else left. So it was like there was no like big social gathering at the end of it. So I'm like, fuck it, I'll still leave too.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 2:24

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

It's weird. It is weird.

SPEAKER_05 2:27

Uh fucking because at least for me, my my bowling stuff is like it's like a community. Like if you want to be a part of it and like know everybody, you gotta like stay the hour after and drink and fucking get fucked up with these people.

SPEAKER_09 2:41

Yeah, yeah. Dude, fucking I've had to do so much of this bullshit in the last couple weeks. Do you for your union job, do they make you do like sexual harassment training still?

SPEAKER_05 2:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 2:55

Do they do they make you do like the online training?

SPEAKER_05 2:58

It's uh easy llama. Easy llama. I think it was called. Yeah. Yeah, it's a real thing.

SPEAKER_09 3:05

I don't think mine was called easy llama, but it's just the point the whole idea of that is so dumb. Like as if like you were gonna fucking be the kind of person that was gonna, you know, sexually harass someone, but then you take the training and you're like, oh wait, I didn't realize that's wrong.

SPEAKER_05 3:23

Wow, it's uncomfortable if I come up and rub her shoulders. Zero percent of people that's uncomfortable for her? No way are reformed from that. You know, take it over here, Johnny. Take it over here, Johnny. Come read this. They're saying they don't like it when we call them tutz.

SPEAKER_09 3:36

They don't like it when we call them tutz. Dude, they don't like that. Dude, I remember um when I worked at Cole's a few years back, they made us do one, and I remember this one specific example. They're like, uh, it was like uh David likes to uh stand in the doorway with his arms and uh in the frame of it when uh Laura comes by so that way she has to squeeze past him. Is that sexual harassment? And I'm like, that's oddly specific. I feel like that's something you came up with.

SPEAKER_05 4:07

That's sexual harassment, that's genius.

SPEAKER_09 4:11

I never thought of that.

SPEAKER_05 4:12

Like I could have I could have been sexually harassing my wife for years like that. That sounds like you did it. That's fucking genius. Yeah, that's something that you gotta get well, in order to create good rules, you gotta get a creep in there. Yeah, yeah. Like a real sick.

SPEAKER_09 4:28

It was just oddly creative, you know.

SPEAKER_05 4:30

You could have came up with some bullshit. That's fucked up. That's that's too specific.

SPEAKER_09 4:35

That is way too specific, dude. That's quid pro quo. That's a funny word, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Quid quid pro quo. Quid quo pro quo. Quid pro quid pro qur quid pro quo? Quid pro quo.

SPEAKER_09 4:49

A little bit of Netflix and quid pro quo.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Wow.

SPEAKER_09 4:56

Hey babe, you want a Netflix and quid pro quo?

SPEAKER_05 5:01

The fuck is a quid pro quo? I think that's like a legal thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_09 5:05

I think that's like uh, oh, I'll give you this promotion if you fuck me, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Or if you don't. Quid pro bro stuff.

SPEAKER_09 5:13

I think it's kind of like that quid quo pro.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Quid pro bro, I'm stuck. Come over here and fuck me, loose.

SPEAKER_09 5:19

Well, sounds to me I heard I heard from a little bird that you're a quid pro ho, and that's why I'm doing this in the first place.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

Why don't you come over here and give me a quid quo blow job?

SPEAKER_09 5:33

Quid pro blow job? Oh Jesus Christ. This is a rough start, everyone. This is a rough start.

SPEAKER_05 5:40

I like it. It's fucking terrible.

SPEAKER_09 5:44

It's terrible. How has how has work been? Anything interesting happened?

SPEAKER_05 5:49

Miserable, dude. I uh I I so just want to not fucking wake up one day. But then like once I'm out of bed, I'm like, alright, define. Yeah, it's always once you get out of bed for me. When uh when my alarm goes off, I'm like, I really wish that I just didn't wake up ever again.

unknown 6:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:08

I was cool with it. No, I feel that. I've had the Cat Williams conversation with myself every night before bed since he said that. Yeah, I'd just be like, shout out to the show. Just be fine if you don't wake up.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

I'm like, yeah, alright, I guess I'll do that.

SPEAKER_05 6:20

I feel that it's pretty sad. It's really sad. I like it.

SPEAKER_09 6:27

You mean like you feel Cat Williams come out in the way that when you you know are visiting a client's house, you want to fight their 12-year-old son. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:37

Cat Williams is a man.

SPEAKER_09 6:39

Yeah, dude. Work's been fucking whatever. Hooters has been whatever.

SPEAKER_05 6:44

I was thinking treating you over there.

SPEAKER_09 6:46

It's fine. It's fucking, it's still a restaurant job.

SPEAKER_05 6:49

Any any any ladies coming to try through some pussy?

SPEAKER_09 6:53

Absolutely not, dude. Fuck. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 6:56

I'd not like Hooters right now, actually.

SPEAKER_09 6:58

Nothing ever changes, bro.

SPEAKER_05 6:59

It's football day. It's Hooters Day.

SPEAKER_09 7:02

It's really, it's really when you're working there, it's honestly not that different than any other restaurant except the tits are out.

SPEAKER_05 7:09

For sure. Yeah. For sure. When you really break it down.

SPEAKER_09 7:15

Yep. Always.

SPEAKER_05 7:16

Pretty much it. Always.

SPEAKER_09 7:18

It did get me thinking though. I was thinking it'd be funny. Fucking morning didn't restock the fucking You fucking didn't pull anything to thaw. They didn't do fucking silverware. They didn't do shit this morning. But no, I was thinking I was thinking it'd be a funny prank if you like took like a retarded kid to Hooters, like like a friend of yours, like a group friend that has Down syndrome or something. And then you and then you like try to convince them that it's like totally cool to just slap their asses as they walk by. You're like, dude, it's like the club. You could just you can just walk around, you can just give them a. And then he's like, are you sure?

SPEAKER_05 7:54

As long as you sli as long as you take a one dollar bill and slide it into their breasts.

SPEAKER_09 7:58

If you if you miss, you don't get to go hit for a second time, but you go, are you sure? Dude, I'm telling you. And he just fucking You made me drop the chicken wing! Well, if anyone's gonna do it, it's gonna be him because he could pull that card. Remake! And you know, none of these girls are ever gonna be like there's gonna seize retard be like, oh, they're not gonna say anything.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

No.

SPEAKER_09 8:26

I think it's a fake I think it's a safe prank.

SPEAKER_05 8:28

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_07 8:30

Well, save for the retarded two.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Sorry, my ass got in the way.

SPEAKER_05 8:36

That's what I would say.

SPEAKER_08 8:38

Yeah?

SPEAKER_05 8:39

Yeah. I would say that. If a nice young Downtenger man came up and sat my quarter quarter behind quarter region.

SPEAKER_09 8:47

I mean me too, but also I'm not a hot girl with my tits out.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

That's true.

SPEAKER_09 8:52

You know, the perspective changes.

SPEAKER_05 8:54

I guess. I'd just be thankful if somebody touched me.

SPEAKER_07 9:06

Um sucking on a cock.

unknown 9:10

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Hey! Oh, the Allison changed. I like that. Yeah. Here comes the cocks, man.

SPEAKER_07 9:19

Here comes the I just dropped a juicer. You like that one? That's fucking great.

SPEAKER_06 9:44

What other songs do they have?

SPEAKER_05 9:47

I just think uh I end up just going gay. I am gay here, but apparently it's fucking it. It's Pearl Jam Eddie Better voice.

SPEAKER_07 10:00

I was sucking on a cock and then it's spludes all over my face.

SPEAKER_05 10:07

Creed the Creed guy like kind of rips his voice too. Oh yeah, he totally does.

SPEAKER_06 10:14

With arms wide open, here comes my asshole. Asshole wide open. With kits cut open. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_07 10:34

My ass wide open.

SPEAKER_09 10:37

Fucking. What if someone's asshole is just so big that like when Katrina happened, they could just like let people stay inside of their asshole? Like let the homeless people stay inside. Joel Olstein. You remember that?

SPEAKER_05 10:53

Yeah, Joel. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We wouldn't open his church. That guy rocks.

SPEAKER_09 10:56

Joel Olstein's asshole so big, Joel. Like he wouldn't let people in. He's like, I gotta keep it clean. I won't open my asshole for you guys. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 11:05

Dirty migrants are staying out of his asshole. I hope you guys understand, but you keep guys over there.

SPEAKER_09 11:12

People are banging on his asshole trying to get out.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

Don't bring that into my ass. This is an ass of God.

SPEAKER_09 11:21

I will not let my asshole become a shelter. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 11:25

I'm a man of God, but I've got, you know. I don't know why they keep recommending people to go into my asshole. Christ, why is this your calling for me? Why do they need people in my asshole, Christ?

SPEAKER_09 11:40

I'm deviating from your word, Father. John 3.16. John spread his cheeks open as wide as he could let. And let all the poorer people inside the rest for the night.

SPEAKER_05 11:52

Paul's 12th letter to the Corinthians 9 17. There will be a great flood. There will be a great flood. And one leader of a megachurch must diarrhea. Get the duckbill and spread his asshole open.

SPEAKER_09 12:11

Noah's Ark was to protect from his massive flow of diarrhoea.

SPEAKER_05 12:18

Noah's Ark.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

Ark of the Diarrhea Covenant.

SPEAKER_09 12:24

I got drunk and ate a bunch of plums last night. Bunch of prunes. Got eaten last night.

SPEAKER_05 12:30

God ate a bunch of prunes. And the brown dam was open. And the brown dam was open.

SPEAKER_06 12:38

Brown dam was open. On the seventh day. God shit is brittles.

SPEAKER_05 12:46

We can do a creed song.

SPEAKER_09 12:48

We can do a creed song.

SPEAKER_07 12:52

What others, what's the other big song I got? For the whole. My asshole's on fire.

SPEAKER_06 13:06

Come take me to the doctor. My asshole is stretched.

SPEAKER_09 13:15

Father stretch my asshole. Father stretch my asshole part two. Father stretch my anus.

SPEAKER_08 13:26

But listening.

SPEAKER_09 13:27

You listen to a lot of Chevelle working in the union. Chevelle? What's Chevelle? Dude, you should know Chevelle, dude. You're the union guy, bro. It's it's just fucking dad rock.

SPEAKER_05 13:40

It's dad rock.

SPEAKER_09 13:41

It's just fucking.

SPEAKER_05 13:42

See, that's the rep that we get, man. This is see.

SPEAKER_09 13:44

It's the kind of music that you've got playing on the DWALT speaker when you're working in the shop.

SPEAKER_05 13:49

Nobody's persecuted and made fun of more than the construction man. It's us and the Italians, which is pretty much 50-50.

SPEAKER_09 13:54

That is fair.

SPEAKER_05 13:54

We're the only guys that you can make fun of now. And we're all very sensitive about this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_06 14:01

Let's be real.

SPEAKER_05 14:03

Let's be real fucking sad.

SPEAKER_06 14:04

Especially without someone to talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 14:06

Fucking makes you want to kill yourself every day.

SPEAKER_06 14:09

So sick.

SPEAKER_05 14:13

It's so it's bad. It's fucking lyrics. Oh no, this is not the shit we play, dude. No. Like I said, this is what you play when you're fucking doing work in the garage.

SPEAKER_09 14:24

You got the D-Walt speaker going.

SPEAKER_05 14:26

This is that. If your dad listened to that in the garage, it's because he had a nine to five where he was a pencil pusher and he got cock in his ass and he wanted to be cool and he went home and he thought that's what was cool.

SPEAKER_09 14:38

And borderline personality disorder.

SPEAKER_05 14:40

BPD. He's cheating on his wife with dicks in his ass.

SPEAKER_09 14:45

Was a veteran but wasn't really a veteran.

SPEAKER_05 14:48

And then he listens to Chevelle. He comes home and throws on the new tunes that they just put out. Gets in his tundra and throws on some Chevelle. And his wife's like, oh, that's a real man.

SPEAKER_09 15:01

That's a real man. No, it's not. That's not that is an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_05 15:08

That is a cult. And nothing more, really. Because he wasn't just a chance. Not AIDS.

SPEAKER_09 15:18

AIDS implies he's getting around. He's angry because he's not getting around. Oh, yeah. He's got something that he got a long time ago and can't shake off.

SPEAKER_05 15:24

It's only one guy at the office that fucks him. He's jealous.

SPEAKER_09 15:27

He he wants more. He's got like a herpes or something. Something that sticks, you know. Something that's yeah. You know, like an old wife. Gross. I'm Steve O, and this is plagiarize an entire article without citing my sources.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Yeah, this is Claudine Gay. I'm gonna be the fucking queen. I'm gonna be the queen of bee of Harvard. That's the one she got fired from. And I'm gonna yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:57

She plagiarized her whole shit. Did you see that? The lady that was like, no, it's not hate speech to say fucking genocide. No, I didn't see that. Claudine Gay. That was her real name.

SPEAKER_09 16:07

Oh, I think I heard of her name.

SPEAKER_05 16:08

The black lady, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 16:09

What if Jackass just did like mild shit? I'm Steve. I'm Johnny Knoxville. We got a shopping cart. I'm Ben Margera. We've got a sharpen cart, and we're not gonna put it back in the place we're supposed to put the shopping carts after you're done using it.

SPEAKER_06 16:29

Damn, I'm Steve-O. I'm Steve-O!

SPEAKER_05 16:34

And while we're at the same grocery store and they're doing that, we're gonna do a little mild kick flippin' Ollie's on the fucking shopping cart, dude.

SPEAKER_09 16:42

On the fucking shopping cart. I'm Steve Out, and this is shelf checkout, but we forgot to check out one of the spices, but we're not gonna tell anyone.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

I forgot. I'm embarrassed to go back, and we're worried they're gonna think we stole all the other stuff, too.

SPEAKER_09 16:57

I'm Preston Lacey, I've got a frozen pizza, and we're gonna put it back in the mac and cheese aisle.

SPEAKER_07 17:08

Filter through. Filter through.

SPEAKER_09 17:15

So such fucking garbage.

SPEAKER_07 17:17

I got fucked by a dude.

SPEAKER_06 17:23

His name's Big Mike. And he fucks my mom. He works at the turtle wax plant. He works at AutoZone. He stocks shelves all day. He stocks shelves all day. Complimentary wiper changes. He collects car batteries. Times are tough. We can't afford Mac and Cheese. He can't afford the name brand Mac and Cheese. We're shopping at Aldi recently. What's the Aldi brand? I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 18:08

I forget what the Aldi brand is.

SPEAKER_05 18:09

It's been a while since I shopped at Aldi. Clancy's? That's a fucking Clancy's chip. Clancy's, yeah. Uncle Clancy's pretzel rocks.

SPEAKER_07 18:16

Clancy's.

SPEAKER_05 18:18

Clancy. Openly racist chip. No, Kirkland's Costco, right? Yeah, yeah. Kirkland's Costco. I'm a Sam's Club man. There's Sam's Club man? Sam's Club man, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 18:27

You're a rare breed. I feel like there's not as many of those.

SPEAKER_05 18:29

I know.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Really? They're a dying breed. What what what Sam's Club is there even near here? Um Joyette, nasty.

SPEAKER_05 18:37

Really? There used to be one right in uh right over the bridge.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:42

And in Blow Meowville.

SPEAKER_09 18:44

Blow Meoville.

SPEAKER_05 18:47

Oh, fuck, dude. Toilet. Blow Meoville and Toilet. Toilet. That's where we live. What's toilet? Joilette. Oh, okay. Good one. I like that. Yeah. It sucks. I'm a local jag off and I'm gonna kill myself. For real.

SPEAKER_09 19:03

I feel that. We're both gonna kill ourselves. Monday we will. But until then, we're doing this shitty fucking podcast.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

Fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_09 19:09

So um I've been watching more live uh live PD. Live PD. I love live PD. Did you hear they brought it back? They brought it back. They did? Yeah, they did bring it back. I think it's got a different name now, but it's still live PD. It's the same exact thing. Have you ever watched like clips from Live PD and then compared it to clips from Cops? Because Cops is like 20 years before. Well, I I watched so much Cops as a kid. Dude, Cops was like before like all the fucking Black Lives Matter and all the like, hey, cops shouldn't be like literally. I I think I've seen one episode of Cops, and it was like a dude who had like a bag of weed and they chased him down and beat him with a baton.

SPEAKER_05 19:52

Yeah, cops was like, let's see what we can get away with. Let's see how long let's try and ruin the good old days. It was fucked. Cops is insane.

SPEAKER_09 20:04

Cops wasn't cops wasn't. I mean I don't know, dude. And cops is a crazy one though. Is there a beep here?

SPEAKER_05 20:11

Live PD is fun because you feel like you get the risk of you might see something you shouldn't because it says live. Yes. So it's like you're kinda it's a little bit gambling. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 20:23

Which I love. No, I feel that. I don't know. Cops for me is like it literally every episode would be like, woo-hoo, we have a uh six-foot-tall black male in the uh Kmart minding his own business, not touching or saying anything to anyone. We want to get some backup in here. I think he looks familiar, but then again, who can really tell anyways? Boop boop. So you plan on paying for that? Come over here. I'm in the checkout line. What are you talking about? And then just start beating him for no reason. Of course. I know it just sounds like I'm being a dick. I swear to God that it's fucked up. That's what it is. Watch any cop, watch any clip from cops.

SPEAKER_05 21:06

They were fucked up.

SPEAKER_09 21:08

It's like they were like there was no interest in like let's try to be simple with these people.

SPEAKER_05 21:12

They would just pop every episode bang high speed chase through a neighborhood.

SPEAKER_09 21:16

Demonize drug addicts and black people, basically.

SPEAKER_05 21:19

Black guy on foot they're trying to hit with a car now. Bang. It's been an hour and a half. It's coming.

SPEAKER_09 21:25

But I like live PD is more like normal, at least. There's like more normal. I mean, there's like cool shit that happens too. Really? But it's like more like I feel like they try to like a regular pullover show. Yeah, but they like try to reason with them more. I mean, obviously, they go on chases and shit too, but I feel like they're not just immediately like, oh, you've got weed, get fucking back. You know what I mean? Like, put your fucking hands rocket to them. There was one where uh I was watching the other day, and it was uh they were trying to find like a uh suspect that stole from a Walmart or something, and they had like a picture of the suspect. And they like it was a black guy, and they're like, you know, you we're just checking you out, just patting you down, because you do look uh pretty similar to our subject. And then he like shows another cop, and he's like, Oh yeah, they do look pretty similar. And I think it'd be funny if they just show the pictures, just two completely different black eyes. It's like one's like Jamaican, got like fucking dreads, the other's like light skinned, whitewashed looks like Donald Glover. Like they do look pretty similar as you show me.

SPEAKER_05 22:31

It's just like the it's like the amateur sketch of the leprechaun. He's like, listen, it's just fucked.

SPEAKER_09 22:38

It's like listen, dude. A lot of times we pull these kind of people over, we gotta get a DNA sample because we really can't just tell the difference.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Yeah, yeah, it's fun.

SPEAKER_09 22:48

No, but no, for it is funny, but like they've chilled out in the newer episodes, but it's crazy how like 20 years ago, like I feel like in the early 2000s changed so much, dude.

SPEAKER_05 23:00

Watch an old movie is the same thing, shit is so different. Dude, say and do.

SPEAKER_09 23:06

I feel like uh in the early 2000s, like just anything went because that was before people started saying, like, hey, I have feelings, and that's wrong.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

Nobody was gay yet. You know what exactly.

SPEAKER_09 23:18

But there was a moment where it like like it was always like getting more and more like lenient in terms of what you can say and do, but I feel like at like 2003, 2002, it like reached a peak almost every time. You know what I mean? I wish I could have made a comedy movie back then.

SPEAKER_05 23:34

Right.

SPEAKER_09 23:34

I had a move, I had a uh so okay.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

Somebody made Freddy Got Fingered, dude. You can do anything.

SPEAKER_09 23:41

Here's my here's my idea that I came up with shit. I wasn't gonna do this bit on the podcast, but I literally spent like a week straight chronicling my ideas. Alright, so there's a bit on Com Town, right? I can't fucking find it anywhere. I try to came up with a fake movie called Boston Rules, and there's an imaginary scene in there where a kid goes to a party and fucks this girl and the lights are off, and then he turns the lights on and it's a black girl, and it's just a 10-minute scene of him vomiting beans.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

Jesus.

SPEAKER_09 24:17

I know. Not my bit.

SPEAKER_05 24:19

Not my bit.

SPEAKER_09 24:21

But I dude, I could not stop thinking about it. I I created my own like plot line for this fake movie, bro. Really? So what I'm thinking is it's two dudes, right? One's only named Kyle because I feel like that's the perfect name for like a douchebag in 2003. Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:40

You couldn't have a movie without douchebag Kyle in 03.

SPEAKER_09 24:43

And then there's his buddy Tommy. Now, Tommy is uh wanted for uh statutory, right?

SPEAKER_05 24:48

Of course he is.

SPEAKER_09 24:49

Yeah, so he's really into the younger gals.

SPEAKER_05 24:51

Damn it, Tommy.

SPEAKER_09 24:52

Right? And uh, I'm thinking the opening scene could be like uh he's like fucking this girl in the bed, right? And she and she's like making like moaning and making noise and stuff, and then you hear the mom from downstairs like beating on the ceiling, she's like, come on, keep it down there. And she's like, shut up, mom.

SPEAKER_07 25:15

I'm trying to fuck. And then afterwards, the girl goes, Yeah, mom, shut up, we're trying to fuck. Boston rules.

SPEAKER_09 25:26

And you're next, old lady. So I'm thinking the plot for this movie could be right, he finds out that the age of consent in the state of Massachusetts is 16, which I did have to Google to find that out for this bit. Cops are on the way any minute.

SPEAKER_05 25:46

Oh wow. Well, well, no, that wouldn't send it. It's the fact that you bought plane tickets to Boston right after.

SPEAKER_09 25:53

Well, yeah, okay. I'll get there. I'll get there. So I'm thinking like this plot of the movie could be like uh Tommy meets this uh like 16-year-old girl online. He really wants to fuck her. He's like, bro, I really want to fuck this 16-year-old. And he's like, bro, you know you can fuck 16-year-olds in Boston. And I'm like, dude, we should go to Boston. And it's like a road trip movie, right? And like along the way, and like along the way, they stop at a house party, which is where the scene with the black girl happens.

SPEAKER_05 26:20

Okay, right? Yep. This is such a 90s movie. It's it's so 90s. So 90s, for real.

SPEAKER_09 26:26

No, wait, wait, no, here's the kicker. And I'm thinking the end, the end of the movie, the last scene, could be like Kyle and Tommy each fucking a 16-year-old on the bed. And then they just look at each other and go like, dude, Boston rules.

SPEAKER_07 26:42

They just high-five.

SPEAKER_05 26:45

That's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_07 26:46

End credits.

SPEAKER_05 26:47

Boston rules. Yep. This is a good no, we need more upbeat for the end for all credits. No, and then it's like Boston more more than a feeling by Boston.

SPEAKER_09 27:04

I was thinking, I was thinking Chevelle could play over the vomit scene.

SPEAKER_05 27:08

Probably.

SPEAKER_09 27:09

For some reason to me, that made sense. To make it extra light.

SPEAKER_05 27:13

For some reason, Chevelle fits his vomit. For some reason.

SPEAKER_09 27:17

To make it to make it even sicker, to make it even more love, even more swank, you know?

SPEAKER_05 27:24

Yeah, disgusting swank. That's that good shit.

SPEAKER_09 27:28

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:29

Back through the mic. That's fucked. Did you? We're back, everyone. Bang.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

Bang, bang, horrible hang.

SPEAKER_09 27:36

Dude, I have been on this weird kick of just anything. Like, I'm not really on the actual TikTok app, but I watch a lot of like the YouTube shorts. It's basically the same thing. It will not stop showing me autistic people reviewing fucking fast food. It's all I see now. There's this one like shubby Asian dude with a giant gap tooth that like to be the roughest look. It really, it's one of them for sure. In the world, but dude, he he'll he'll go to like Burger King and eat like a like a greasy whopper and be like, oh, that you can really taste the uh the seasoning on the uh on the grill patty and the the uh the the the fired the char. You can really taste the char on the patty, and the bun is a nice, soft, crispy on the edges.

SPEAKER_05 28:26

Burger King location 9745.

SPEAKER_09 28:29

It's like the employee squeezed this burger in his between his fingers before he wrapped it up and served it to you. He definitely lower your standards.

SPEAKER_05 28:38

He scratched his hat, sweat his fat, sweaty, hairy chest, and then he put the fucking lettuce on your cheeseburger, dude. Don't think about it. You don't want to think about how it was made and what was buttered. You don't want to think about it. It's fast food. Yeah, honestly.

SPEAKER_09 28:55

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 28:56

Yeah, like Yeah, I will eat it three times a day.

SPEAKER_09 28:59

And I will still fucking watch the videos and fall for oh.

SPEAKER_05 29:03

And give a genuine, like, oh shit, that's good.

SPEAKER_09 29:06

When I saw a video on the ghost pepper fucking chicken fries, I fucking got some. So I did. Guilty as charged.

SPEAKER_05 29:15

It worked. That's what I just say. It worked. It worked, yeah. It worked. The government psyop worked. Because that's all that these fucking videos are. These reviews. Government Psyop, dude. I want to just have kids so I can put them in YouTube videos and make them review toys and make me millions of dollars and never go to work again. I've seen shit on that. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen videos like kids these days is to make money, profit off their existence.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Yeah. Those toy reviews are just crazy, dude. I mean, the money that them fucking people make. Which is weird.

SPEAKER_09 29:48

Because I remember my cousins coming over like over Christmas time and watching that shit. I'm like, what are you watching?

SPEAKER_02 29:52

So weird.

SPEAKER_09 29:53

So strange.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

Every kid stumbles upon it. It's so weird. Oh yeah. That was nice. Thank you. Thank you. Smells like root beer and jizz.

SPEAKER_09 30:02

I think. Alright. I got some. I'm gonna be honest, guys. I got some bits, and I'm just gonna start fucking firing through them. So you're gonna have to listen and keep track of which one is which. Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude. I got a few uh movie ideas. I got a couple new ones. Um, how about uh National Lampoons Vacation to Epstein's Island?

SPEAKER_05 30:29

Griswold's on the fucking fight log. I didn't even like movie.

SPEAKER_09 30:35

Yeah, yeah. He's like, Dad, I didn't even want to go on this stupid vacation.

SPEAKER_07 30:41

But there's 12-year-old girls that we're gonna sex criminals, cousin Eddie.

SPEAKER_09 30:48

Like, remember that scene where he's like emptying out the RV in uh Christmas vacation? Yeah, how about like the same thing, but he's just like in his robe, fucking a 12-year-old bent over?

SPEAKER_07 31:01

It's like morning! It's a beautiful result, isn't it? He's just found to hand you your shot.

SPEAKER_09 31:13

Fucking uh Stephen Hawking trying to watch Mizet's reach for the top shelf of a fucking did you hear about that?

SPEAKER_05 31:20

What's a mizet?

SPEAKER_09 31:22

Fuck you. But do you hear about that?

SPEAKER_05 31:26

Yeah, I did. I heard they were jumping up and down. Jumping up and down doing goodwill hunting in front of Steve Hawk.

SPEAKER_09 31:33

It's like, and then people are like, that's such a weird thing to be into. I'm like, well, what's he gonna be into? Doggy style? Like, it's gotta be something that he can watch.

SPEAKER_05 31:42

It's gotta be a good spin on something.

SPEAKER_09 31:44

Yeah, like it's gotta be something all visual.

SPEAKER_05 31:50

I can't believe it, man. That's so fucking funny. I wonder if his little bird works or works.

SPEAKER_09 31:54

Was there more people on the list? Are there more people coming out?

SPEAKER_05 31:58

Yeah, there well, there was a few redactors still, but yeah, the list came out.

SPEAKER_09 32:01

And it was just Stephen Hawking was the only notable name?

SPEAKER_05 32:08

No, no, there was a bunch of names on it.

SPEAKER_09 32:10

It was it was Stephen Hawking, and then the entire cast of like an old Disney Channel show that lasted one season.

SPEAKER_05 32:17

There was like a few hot chicks that were on it. I was like, what?

SPEAKER_09 32:20

Really?

SPEAKER_05 32:20

Yeah. Megan Fox. I can't think. No, a little older than that, like 90s movies. Derek Shauvin? Yeah, Derek Chauvin was on the list. Um Michelle Obama's cock was on the list. Michelle Obama's thick veiny penis. Not Michelle Obama, but Michelle Obama's cock was on the Michelle Obama.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Yeah. Dodgeball? Dodgeball. Dodgeball reference? Fuck yeah. Um who else was on it? You were on it.

SPEAKER_05 32:49

I wasn't fucking You were on the list.

SPEAKER_09 32:51

Dude, I didn't get a letter, dude.

SPEAKER_05 32:53

Yeah, I mean, I I thought you would have been.

SPEAKER_09 32:55

When are the Jake's coming for me?

unknown 32:57

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 32:58

You know what's been making me mad recently? Is remember the original Jake from State Farm Guy? Yes. That guy got fucked because of George Floyd. Yep, yeah, he did. He got fucked.

SPEAKER_09 33:08

He got one commercial. He got one. Well, it just goes to show the kind of things that Derek Chauvin has done for us, you know? It's changed.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

Yeah, he's really he really.

SPEAKER_09 33:19

I saw your smile turn into a frown after I said that.

SPEAKER_05 33:22

He made us more diverse by changing the fucking state farm guy. Everything's still the same. The cops still.

SPEAKER_09 33:30

He turns imaginary characters black by killing real ones. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 33:40

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_05 33:41

That was funny. Horrible hang. That's funny. Yeah, you think about it. That's what he did. He killed a black guy, and then in TV he killed a white guy. Yeah. Wow. That guy's the original Jacob State Farms khaki pants, which was the big joke, are hanging up at a bar at ISU. I guess he went to ISU. He worked at this bar. He was a bartender there, and then he got that. That's the story.

SPEAKER_09 34:05

What if they like added the black stereotypes to it but kept the same outfit?

SPEAKER_05 34:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 34:10

He's like, shit, I've never put on the khakis before, man.

SPEAKER_07 34:16

It should look good below the waist. Khakis.

SPEAKER_09 34:22

Do you think khakis look good when they're sagged?

SPEAKER_05 34:26

No, because I used to do that.

SPEAKER_07 34:27

You used to sag. I could see that actually.

SPEAKER_05 34:30

I had a yeah, I had some khakis that were definitely too short, but they were my favorite shade. And when I worked it, fucking I would just tuck my shirt in and have like around the crack of like mid-crack of my ass, like khakis sagging down while I worked at Home Depot.

SPEAKER_09 34:44

Got the got the nine, got the strap and the khakis. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:49

You got the banger and the kack. Strapped khakis? Got the banger and the kack. That's a fucking frat guys. Hey, I got a banger and a kack.

SPEAKER_09 34:57

I got the banger and a kack.

SPEAKER_05 35:00

Banger and the cock, dude.

SPEAKER_09 35:03

Um, how about this? How about um how about you know the movie Natural Born Killers?

SPEAKER_03 35:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 35:09

You've heard of it? How about natural born killers, but instead of killing people, they molest children? It's like a Bonnie and Clyde story, but instead of killing people, but instead of taking lives, they take childhood. Instead of taking lives, they take innocence. Yes.

unknown 35:33

That was good.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 35:37

We had a freaky Friday moment there.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

Yeah, we no fuck, dude. This sucks.

SPEAKER_09 35:43

What about what about a freaky Friday, but like with a guy and a girl? Which doesn't sound like much at first, but I think like they could do like there'd be a scene where they switched, but then they switched back, and then she's like, oh, oh, and he's like, What's wrong? And she's like, I got raped. And I'm like, I didn't get raped, you got raped. She's like, yeah, but a woman for two minutes already get like I don't know what to tell. It worked fine for me. I didn't get raped.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Statistically.

SPEAKER_09 36:16

If you freaky Friday with any woman, it's tough because you can only last a few minutes before you just I need you to help me with this a little bit. Come on.

SPEAKER_05 36:27

What do I do? Where does it go?

SPEAKER_09 36:29

I don't know. I understand I'm not exactly setting you up for success with some of these topics.

SPEAKER_05 36:35

Freaking Friday with a woman. I'd just play with my tits.

unknown 36:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:41

I would get stuck. I'd be just playing with my fat, voluptuous tits.

SPEAKER_09 36:46

Yeah, that's just the whole movie. That'd be the whole movie. Just jerking off and jiggling the tits.

SPEAKER_05 36:55

I would just be like a fucking like a chimp woman.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 37:03

Although I I don't know how I'd do all that from the kitchen.

SPEAKER_09 37:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:08

I'm gonna kill myself.

SPEAKER_09 37:09

I'm gonna kill myself too. But not before I shit. I really ought to shit.

SPEAKER_05 37:12

Shit is important, dude.

SPEAKER_09 37:14

That's my ideal Saturday night. It's shit and take a fucking 45 to the temple.

SPEAKER_05 37:20

That's pretty much gonna be my night. I'm excited. I'm excited. My mom's got a lighter that looks like a gun.

SPEAKER_09 37:29

Oh, I've got to go. I've got a fake gun that looks like a real one in that drawer.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

Really?

SPEAKER_09 37:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 37:38

Can't remember what.

SPEAKER_09 37:39

You wanna open the drawer?

SPEAKER_03 37:41

Which drawer?

SPEAKER_09 37:42

It's the uh third to the bottom, so second up.

SPEAKER_05 37:45

No, I don't want to open your drawer.

SPEAKER_09 37:48

It's just the whole thing, it's filled to the brim with cum.

SPEAKER_05 37:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 37:51

It's just just like a tsunami of cum comes to you as you open it.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

You gotta put the tissues somewhere. I don't ever see them in the fucking garbage can.

SPEAKER_09 38:01

Just dump tissues in it and just charge like a giant paper mache. Just paper mache with cum and just that solid block. Once it drives, you can like carve it.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

You make your Cuban cum cigars out of those. Cuban cum cigars. Smoked cum. On occasions.

SPEAKER_09 38:23

On occasion. Down in Memphis for their barbecue. At the last hour of smoking, they fritz the uh brisket with cum.

SPEAKER_05 38:34

Get the brush out.

SPEAKER_09 38:39

Speaking of brush, I was at Hooters the other day and I saw one of the older girls had leg hair. Yummy. That shit, I don't know. I have leg hair. I here I know we're supposed to be all body positive, but I don't know. I feel like that's like just like the one thing where you could I could be head over heels for you. If I see armpit hair or leg hair, just all goes away in a second.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Armpit hair is kind of funny.

SPEAKER_09 39:04

It just bothers me. It makes me upset at its very existence.

SPEAKER_05 39:10

I haven't been around waves with armpit hair.

SPEAKER_09 39:12

Well, it's like also you work at hooters. Don't you have to don't you get checked for a uniform? They let you get past with fucking pokies coming out of your fucking tights.

SPEAKER_05 39:22

Isn't that part of the requirement? Are there hiring girls with that as an option?

SPEAKER_09 39:26

In blue states it is.

SPEAKER_05 39:28

These damn blue state hooters. God damn it. We hate Trump. The original Biden ruined this fucking joint.

SPEAKER_09 39:37

The original Hooters is in Florida. They would have never.

SPEAKER_05 39:41

Never done that. Never. Did you ever take a picture with the Hooters girls? I didn't when you were a kid? No, I didn't. Never? Your parents didn't like think that was a funny bit. No. To put you with like the five hottest ladies you've ever seen. I think I went five years old, maybe.

SPEAKER_09 39:56

I think I went there twice in my life before I worked there. I love Hooters.

SPEAKER_05 39:59

I want to have it right now. It's my favorite.

SPEAKER_09 40:02

I can hook you up tomorrow. You have to reheat it.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

No, I'm not a reheating guy.

SPEAKER_09 40:08

Wings are tough to fucking reheat, too.

SPEAKER_05 40:10

You can't. It just you lose it.

SPEAKER_09 40:13

This isn't funny. So how about this? How about uh you know Gerpetto from uh Pinocchio?

SPEAKER_03 40:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 40:20

How about Gerpettophile?

SPEAKER_05 40:26

You like that one? Start lying again, Pinocchio.

SPEAKER_09 40:29

He he's uh he's a toy, he's like a toy maker, but uh really he just builds toys to lure in children into his shop.

SPEAKER_05 40:38

That's right. Fucking did he build Pinocchio?

SPEAKER_09 40:40

He did build Pinocchio.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

He just wants him to lie. He just wants him to lie. And then he fucks himself with his nose.

SPEAKER_09 40:52

I like that one though. I imagine it'd be funny if he just like had him go behind him and he's like lie, like had him like lie and then tell the truth, lie and then tell the truth, and he's just like pressing it up against his asshole, so it's just like the fucking power gear.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_09 41:11

Why don't you play with this nutcracker? I made you let me show you how to use this nutcracker. You you put your pee-pee in the mouth and you nut in it.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

Oh, I'm a real boy. I'm not a real boy. I'm not a real boy, I'm a real boy. I'm not a real boy. Does it feel good? Is it working? It smells like shit.

SPEAKER_09 41:43

Are you happy? What if Pinocchio was originally like a sex style that he made and then it came to life, and then he woke up halfway through and he's getting fucked. Well, he became a real boy. Stop, stop, I'm a real boy, I'm a real boy now, I'm a real boy now.

SPEAKER_07 42:04

You didn't notice me literally gain life halfway through, you fucking splitter, splinter, splitter. When did he get the splitters?

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09 42:14

What kind of masochist is using a wooden sax doll?

SPEAKER_05 42:18

That's insane.

SPEAKER_09 42:20

That's some old classic white Dr.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

Tweedlefuck or whatever his name is. Sick puppy. Geppetto.

SPEAKER_08 42:31

Poo Poo Nokio. You know what to stick your nose when I'm getting in one of my moods. Did you hear what our fucking what our fucking Fazul fucking cousin Geppetto's fucking doing now? He's making fucking dolls and he's fucking himself with him. He's making fucking dolls. He's making fucking dolls and he fucks himself with his with his wooden fucking dolls.

SPEAKER_09 42:54

Fucking ja pedophile.

SPEAKER_06 42:56

Fucking ja pedophile. He's your cousin. Don't call him that. He's a pedophile and he's a fucking rat. He's a fucking soprano is what he is. He's a fucking soprano. Watch your mouth, kid.

SPEAKER_05 43:11

You're coming up too hot on this. He's a fucking yes. You're jumping up. If I hear fucking ja pedophile again out of you, I'm gonna crack your skull.

SPEAKER_09 43:20

If you think it's fucking funny, huh? Just you know, those were from years ago. Those charges were years ago when they were dropped. You don't hold that against him. He's family.

SPEAKER_05 43:31

We went through this with Uncle Mo. You can't call him fucking short for less. Blood is thicker than water. Soprano's blood is much thicker than water. And it's thicker than accusations. Cousin Geppetophile. Cousin fucking believe you, you phanook. Oh my god, bro.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

Uh, that's the uh name of the episode, I think. Geppetophile. Yo yo man. It's your boy Gepetophile.

SPEAKER_09 44:04

Oh man, bro. I think we should start a gang.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

I'm the hottest white dude that talks black. Je pedophile.

SPEAKER_09 44:11

We should start we should start a poop gang.

SPEAKER_05 44:13

Poop gang? Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 44:16

Get hard, get tattoos.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

I'd like to get tattoos.

SPEAKER_09 44:19

I I I can I got a name. Southside Shittas.

SPEAKER_05 44:22

Southside Shitta's.

SPEAKER_09 44:23

Southside Shitta's.

SPEAKER_05 44:24

I've done some crimes with my poo. I design I deserve to be in a pooh gang.

SPEAKER_09 44:28

Yeah, we we we take big dumps around here.

SPEAKER_05 44:30

I took a big dump in a public place before.

SPEAKER_09 44:32

Gang gang. We take big dumps on this turf.

SPEAKER_05 44:35

Yep pedophile takes big dumps.

SPEAKER_06 44:37

Are you from around here? Let me see your poop.

SPEAKER_09 44:40

You shit round here? You shit round here, buddy? Hey yo, who'd you call uh you call anybody? You think you can take bigger dumps than me? Think you take a bigger shit than me, buddy?

SPEAKER_05 44:49

You think you can come into the toilet at our fucking Casey's gas station and take a shit there, buddy?

SPEAKER_09 44:53

You don't fucking play around in this part of town, buddy. I'll shit right down your fucking throat and plug it up. You think you can like some fucking mighty putty.

SPEAKER_05 45:03

And then you can read you inside of your guts like silly putty.

SPEAKER_09 45:06

Read you inside your guts. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. The bidet ain't gonna help clear that out. Oh. Shout out to bidet. Did you use the bidet yet?

SPEAKER_02 45:15

I've not used a bidet yet.

SPEAKER_09 45:16

Yeah, you should use the bidet right after this podcast.

SPEAKER_05 45:18

I don't know, man. Listen, I either I don't think I don't think emotionally I'm in a good spot to use a bidet right now.

SPEAKER_09 45:25

Why? You think you're just you think you're ripe for addiction?

SPEAKER_05 45:28

Yeah. You're ripe for addiction. I'm ripe for addiction right now. I'm fixing to pick up a bad habit right now. So I'm trying to do not do stuff.

SPEAKER_09 45:38

The fur I'm telling you though, like the first time you use it, it's like whoa, but then after that you get used to it, and you just have a clean asshole.

SPEAKER_08 45:45

Huh.

SPEAKER_09 45:45

Me and Greg have the cleanest assholes in town right now. And we're going to.

SPEAKER_05 45:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 45:50

I know nobody else in this shithole town has a fucking thing.

SPEAKER_05 45:52

It made you guys get really serious. You guys got a cat. You jumped in together. Yep. Officially gay now. I mean, you guys are. I'm hearing wedding bells around the apartment.

SPEAKER_09 46:03

But no, like the thing with the bidet is like the first time you use it, it's kind of catches you off guard. It's just because it's so accurate. It's more powerful than you think. Not like too powerful, but it's more powerful than you think. And it get it's so accurate, it hits you right in the pupil. And then, like I said, it's more powerful than you think. So you're like, ah, ah, it breached, it breached.

SPEAKER_05 46:27

It's like when you go to the eye doctor and you have to like put your face on the thing and it shoots the fucking Yeah, it's like an eye wash station.

SPEAKER_09 46:35

It's like an eye wash station.

SPEAKER_05 46:37

And it just goes, it it's like brown eye wash station. It's got red dot site. That's a good one. It's got a red dot site on your beehole. That's crazy. I heard I've heard this accuracy thing. I've heard that before. I don't know what it is. How does it know?

SPEAKER_09 46:53

How does it know? I feel like it's almost no matter where you sit. Right at the eye. Does it have like a Google AI using it to track my asshole? That's fucked up. Tracking technology used on assholes.

SPEAKER_05 47:04

I knew Bezos was doing something. Bezos is putting cameras in the bidet. I wish, dude. I want him to watch me take a shit. Fuck you. Watch me poke my balls and tuck them back and wipe wipe my ass and then get shit on my ball sack. You ever do that? You ever have a messy shit and then you get shit on your ball sack? No.

SPEAKER_09 47:29

Well, actually, yeah. Well, if I have diarrhea, I've had it once or twice before.

SPEAKER_05 47:32

Never why are you still alive? I ask myself, why didn't I kill myself when I got poo on my balls?

SPEAKER_09 47:39

I yeah, I wanted to bring this up because I mean you saw me perform the other day because I went on stage with this. But the other day, woke up, I went to take a shit. You're in a burping mood today. I am, dude. I don't know. I had omelet earlier. I appreciate it. But uh fucking what was I talking about?

SPEAKER_05 47:57

Your stand-up.

SPEAKER_09 47:58

Oh yeah, yeah. No, I was saying the other day, I fucking woke up, I went to take a shit, and like I was just not paying attention. I was looking on my phone, and my t-shirt was like a little long, so it went over my ass cracked.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 48:12

And instinctually, I just went to fucking push it in with a toilet paper, and the shirt went in with it. I'm like half asleep. This is a lot softer than it usually is.

SPEAKER_05 48:25

The dread count's kind of high on this.

SPEAKER_09 48:28

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 48:29

Did Greg buy a new brand?

SPEAKER_09 48:31

This is a lot less abrasion than I'm used to feeling. The tricky part now, after that, is taking off the shirt without the shit touching any part of it. Impossible. Impossible.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

You're like doing a math equation to roll it up.

SPEAKER_09 48:45

You know, you just on the back of your head. You have to fucking like roll it inside out like you're putting on a condom in reverse. Or like when you pick up dog shit with a with a Walmart bag and you gotta like pull the shit in and make it go inside out.

SPEAKER_05 49:02

Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Dude, how the fuck? That's that's like going to that should scar you. That's PTSD inducing. It's like you went to Vietnam and you just shit.

unknown 49:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:14

Luckily, it wasn't one of the good shirts. You'll never put a long shirt on again.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

I mean, you definitely don't feel smart after doing that. Do you ever poop?

SPEAKER_05 49:22

Do you ever like not take your jacket off and poop?

SPEAKER_09 49:25

Not really. I like need I need more airflow in case things get hot.

SPEAKER_05 49:30

No tarps off. If I'm at home, my tarp is coming off. No shirt, no sweatshirt, nothing. You take naked shits? No, I don't think fully naked.

SPEAKER_09 49:38

Really?

SPEAKER_05 49:39

Every now and then it hits different.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

My ankle's gotta be warm.

SPEAKER_09 49:42

Every now and then it hits different.

SPEAKER_05 49:45

I've taken a naked shit, but I won't get naked too shit with only the specific purpose of I see, I see, I see. If I'm getting in the shower, it's probably gonna be a naked shit. I see, I see. It's what it is. Big fat shits that smell.

SPEAKER_09 50:01

Oh grandma's cookies. Those cookies that your mom made were fucking good.

SPEAKER_05 50:07

Yeah, they slap. They do slap. They slap. They're made with love and pride racism.

SPEAKER_09 50:13

And what?

SPEAKER_05 50:14

Prior racism.

SPEAKER_09 50:16

Oh, my granddaughter is dating a black guy. She needs to be opened up really wide because she's a whore. She wants me to meet him, so I took the liberty of putting a locks on all of my cabinets just in case. And my grandson is a faggot, apparently. I don't know, something about just an old innocent lady saying just wild shit is so funny to me. Because it's like when you're younger and you see your grandma's like this innocent person, then you finally meet the meeting. Meet them and they like start like talking about politics, and you're like, oh. This is what I paid all those years of social security for. You know, when I was a little girl, my cousin was actually a faggot, and she was actually pretty cool. I always felt safe around them.

SPEAKER_06 51:12

I went to the movie and I saw a man kiss a man on the big screen.

SPEAKER_09 51:17

I can't believe it. I felt so bad for them once they got beaten with those two by fours by those giant. I always just thought they liked playing dress up. Made me happy. Isn't it funny how just low effort and just casually older people will just drop wild slurs like that?

SPEAKER_05 51:41

It doesn't make sense. The world that they must have lived in, dude. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_09 51:50

My grandson is also dating a black guy.

SPEAKER_05 51:54

People are afraid to say vinegar around people that they don't look like now.

SPEAKER_09 51:57

Oh no. I forgot the dude's name, but shout out Falcon Moes. Sean something. It was funny. He was a good dude. We went to the open mic the other day. We saw some some decent bits. A lot of garbage, some decent ones, though. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 52:14

It's fun.

SPEAKER_09 52:17

Um, I got a couple more characters.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

I do not exist right now, horrible hang members. It's okay.

SPEAKER_09 52:24

I'm trying to come up with more characters.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

I love the characters. Characters are fun.

SPEAKER_09 52:27

Characters are good because like you can come up with a character and then like riff off of it. You can always bring it back. Um about uh Andrew Tate, but he's in the closet and trying to like prove that he's not a gay. Which kind of is how he is. Already, yeah. But I think it'd be I think it'd be funny if he tried doing it through discussing his love of big clits.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 52:57

You know, you know, as as a uh as an independent man, I feel like there's really nothing straighter and more masculine than just getting down there and just sucking out a big fat clit, you know? Just a real witch's finger, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 53:11

You've got you've got yourself an obviously dominant woman and you need to dominate her if you're a dominant man.

SPEAKER_09 53:17

I've always felt like the bigger the clit, the bigger the personality.

SPEAKER_05 53:20

That's what it's all about size.

SPEAKER_09 53:22

I need a personality, I need a clit that matches my dick, clit that matches my personality, and my sigma mindset.

SPEAKER_05 53:29

If it flaps in the breeze, it's good clit.

SPEAKER_09 53:31

I want a woman with a clit so long that if she gives birth, it wraps around the baby's neck.

SPEAKER_05 53:35

It really means she comes from good stock. Good family backed.

SPEAKER_09 53:39

Stocky woman. Got Indiana Jones' whip coming out of her pussy. Good genetics.

SPEAKER_05 53:46

Son of a bitch. Good genetics.

SPEAKER_09 53:52

You've heard of the front tail, but have you heard of the or have you heard fuck? I was gonna say I was gonna say, you've heard of the front butt, have you heard of the front tail? Butchered it. Butchered it. But that was good. The Tate voice is kind of fun to do. If I were any better at doing fucking voices.

SPEAKER_05 54:10

I know. I need to listen to some people talk. That's what I'm learning.

SPEAKER_09 54:15

I was watching some videos on like doing like showing a guy on how to like do impress and how to like use different parts of your throat to suck big black dick.

SPEAKER_05 54:28

Wow. Different caverns and ranges.

SPEAKER_09 54:30

I had to make that joke before you made it. So that was good. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 54:37

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_09 54:37

I want to bring that one black. I want to bring that one. Fuck me. I want to bring that bit back. Because I feel like I could have added more onto it. Okay. Let's keep that character in the back pocket, though. Keep him. Write it down. Andrew Tate definitely isn't gay because he loves big clits.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 55:00

Alpha babes. Alpha babes.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

If you're a true alpha, you can dominate an alpha woman. Fuck yeah, dude. Alright. We'll fucking wrap it up soon because we're very low on gas right now. Um sputtering. Sputtering.

SPEAKER_05 55:19

Andy Tate Sputtering.

SPEAKER_09 55:21

Alright, I got two more because I told this one on the last podcast that we RIP, the secret episode. I so I told you about the I went so yeah, I think I told you about this. I went to uh like a family Christmas party right around Christmas time a few weeks ago. And there were a lot of kids there. One of the kids got like a uh like a hyper realistic baby doll. You know, like you've seen them, right? It just looks like freakishly real.

SPEAKER_05 55:46

Yes, they're fucking disgusting. They're creepy. They are creepy, but very, very creepy.

SPEAKER_09 55:50

I had the I think funny but very dangerous idea when I saw that. I thought it'd be funny if I like took a video of the doll and like grabbed its junk and then grabbed the baby by the head and be like, you dumb motherfuckers, it's a doll. You thought it was a pedophile, thought it was just grabbing baby's junk.

SPEAKER_07 56:16

But I the problem is that I like that. The problem is, is if like half of that, if that gets clipped, or like the second half of it gets stuck in the cloud and you send it to somebody, you're the one to jay.

SPEAKER_05 56:32

You got busted, like your fucking death chick and your girl is this. Your boy posted a vid and your lady saw the vid. You got fucking pedophile busted though.

SPEAKER_01 56:41

Pedophile busted.

SPEAKER_05 56:44

Fuck, dude. That would suck hard.

SPEAKER_09 56:46

Have you ever watched the like the old clips on YouTube of Catch Predator?

SPEAKER_05 56:51

I've seen some.

SPEAKER_09 56:52

Yeah, I've seen a few. I saw one, uh, the uh the thumbnail. Are they real? Do you think they're real? Maybe. I don't. I mean, you could I don't think if you want to make it real, you can definitely do it. Because there's tons of people on YouTube that definitely do it.

SPEAKER_05 57:07

Oh, yeah, the YouTube people do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 57:09

Well, they're it's not like you need to make up pedophiles to make up entertainment. There's plenty of real ones that you can use, you know.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

Fuck, I had a really good script.

SPEAKER_05 57:18

But uh, I saw on YouTube like that's my dream career is writing scripted to catch a pressure. Just like edging.

SPEAKER_09 57:28

That's how you edge and be I think the guy that posts the videos on YouTube needs to be in check because I saw on YouTube the other day, and the title of the video was uh Best of Chris Hansen's Predator Bust or Best of Chris Hansen's predator bust on to catch a predator. And I remember thinking they just let them bust before they take him to jail.

SPEAKER_05 57:50

It just in parentheses it says bust you teens edition.

SPEAKER_09 57:55

You guys gotta make that more clear. I fucking stumped. Fuck that joke up.

SPEAKER_08 58:00

It's the end of the episode though, so fucking the episode.

SPEAKER_09 58:03

This was a juicy one, dude. This was pretty good. This was decent. It was longer. Yeah. Alright, hopefully. Hopefully, next one will be even better. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:13

Sorry, we suck. You suck. Horrible hang. This is a great episode, in your opinion, doesn't matter. You're gay. Um faggot. Mike Obama 2024. Obama. Uh big Mike's cock. Big Mike's cock. I don't want to taste it.

SPEAKER_09 58:31

Um, Indian people smell weird. Thank you.