Episode 7 - The Spirit of Derek

riffing on the sopranos, more seinfeld, and a heated discussion on the density of a shit

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

No, Andy, you cannot open a Mexican restaurant and call it Spic filet. It's wrong. God damn it. Welcome to the show, everyone.

SPEAKER_06 0:10

Welcome to the show. Stop giving away my business ideas that's a podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

I I thought I had to speak my my mouth. By the way, I got special permission to make that joke, by the way. Special permission. I got special permission to say that word. Oh, really? Yeah. I asked Derek Chauvin. He gave me his blessing. He's the emperor of words now.

SPEAKER_06 0:31

I heard he guys got stabbed yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

I heard he got stabbed yesterday. It didn't say he died though. No, it didn't. No, I was getting dude. I saw that I was gonna be this is gonna be so relevant, dude. I was like, mmm.

SPEAKER_06 0:44

So what was your what was your interaction? Were you like, were you one of those fuck guys? Or like get on him. What was your hot take?

SPEAKER_02 0:52

I was uh in the kitchen with my parents, so it was more of a silent like fist pump in the air. Alright, understood. I just needed the I just wanted the bed done. But yeah, oh yeah. You need the bed.

SPEAKER_06 1:09

Do you want to start off with something or um yeah, yeah, I can. Okay. I can start off with something here.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Let me stop. Oh yeah, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

You really gotta talk right out.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Let me talk right into that shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:27

Talk right into it. Um, how was your Thanksgiving?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

It was it was alright, not very eventful.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

So my my I went out with my mom to the casino for Thanksgiving, because it's what we do because we don't have an actual relationship with family. Yeah. It's what we do.

SPEAKER_06 1:43

We just go gamble and eat buffalo chicken sandwiches at the casino. That's very cool. True story. That's love, dude. That's love. My mom came decked out in all her Christmas gear already. She's got a Rudolph Chain.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Rudolph Chain.

SPEAKER_06 1:57

Or Chain Blang. It's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Blang and Rudolph Chain.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

She's a fucking there was multiple, multiple security dudes at the fucking casino.

SPEAKER_06 2:07

We're like, damn, miss, I like that chain. But I was just like, dude.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Was it like big?

SPEAKER_06 2:14

Yeah, it's like it's like probably about a golf ball size.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Bro, it's like a fucking pennant.

SPEAKER_06 2:20

Yeah, it's big. And it's cut it's straight connected in like with the chain. Really? It's not like a it's not like a piece of jewelry on it. It's like a fucking Rudolph Jay.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

It'd be funny if he had if she had like the uh like the giant Jay-Z Cuban links with it. Just like obnoxiously big chain.

SPEAKER_06 2:37

Loki, my mom's my mom's got a strong neck for that one, I think. It was a big piece of jewelry. Jewelry? Big piece of jewelry. Um, but anyway, it was just like she had all this Christmas shit on, so I was like, I hate Christmas music, I hate Christmas time. Yeah, me too. Um, I don't really have a family to speak of, so I it sucks. You know, growing up, I guess now I kind of do. I'm just a bitter fuck, so I've kind of just grown to not really care.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 3:02

I hate to cheese. I don't want I don't want to buy you Christmas presents. My humbug.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 3:08

Um but I just like the Christmas songs are just the worst part of it all.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 3:14

To me.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

I don't even know why they ex the fact I don't know, as an adult, when I hear like somebody else, like another adult, be like, let's put on Christmas music. I'm like, huh?

SPEAKER_06 3:24

It makes me cringe internally. What? It hurts my soul. Yeah, like I can't believe it. If there's no kids around, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Honestly, like, I don't know. I just can't I know I've said it, but uh being an adult, adult man, being like, you know what? I'm feeling some Christmas music right now. Would you fuck my ass tonight? Imagine being like balding like in your 2005 Toyota Camry. Yeah. Fucking there's like a trash bag for a window. You're freezing cold, it's snowing, it's below freezing, and you've got just Christmas music on.

SPEAKER_06 4:00

It's all worth it. Like it's all about the spirit.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

It's all worth the spirit. This is the reason for the season. It's fucking gay, dude. Rudolph, would you fuck my ass tonight? Rudolph, with your ass so tight. Would you take this cock tonight? Would you split my shitter tonight? Rudolph the red-ribbed Rudolph the Red Rocket. I don't know. I think.

SPEAKER_06 4:27

Red tipped. Rudolph the red-tipped reindeer.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Had an elongated cock. Cock.

SPEAKER_06 4:36

Yeah, I like that better already.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

It came out like a red rocket. Rocket. Or is that exclusively for dogs? I'm not sure.

unknown 4:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_07 4:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:48

Come and fuck my ass tonight.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

I was telling you uh earlier, I started watching Sopranos.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

Wow. I'm very happy to hear this. This is like the best show.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

It's good. It's good. I'm about to start. I'm about to finish. Uh oh, Christopher, why don't you come suck my cock over here?

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Come here, rookie.

SPEAKER_08 5:08

Hey, Tony, you're fucking gay. Why are you wearing my panties in the kitchen? The kids are home.

SPEAKER_06 5:15

It's a fucking respecting tone.

SPEAKER_08 5:18

What? This is my house. I pay for this house.

SPEAKER_06 5:20

You can't just put my panties everywhere, Tone. I get that I'm the young guy, but this ain't right, Tone.

SPEAKER_08 5:25

It's hot outside. I need a little air down here.

SPEAKER_06 5:28

You gotta let me wash my bloomers. I shitted in them three weeks ago, Tone. You gotta let me wash my underwear.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Just like pink patties on. Just the robe and wife beater.

SPEAKER_06 5:39

Christopher, Christopher's in normal attire and just big granny panties. That's the secret. Christopher's gay. Sorry, I ruined it for you.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_06 5:49

No, he's not actually gay.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Okay, alright. Don't fucking ruin the show for me.

SPEAKER_06 5:53

Now I can just play with you and act like I'm ruining it.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Fuck.

SPEAKER_06 5:56

I can really fuck this shit for you.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

And plus, I didn't realize like how many like when is he gonna suck a cock? Is this an episode where you finally suck a cock? Like, wait, what the fuck did you just say?

SPEAKER_06 6:06

The whole time he's ready for Christopher to suck a cock. When does Tony become a big positive figure for the LGBTQ community? Edgie told me that.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Um, I had a couple ones. Nothing really that great.

SPEAKER_06 6:24

We're just down here at Satriali sucking cock all weekend.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

We're sucking cock all weekend, Carmela. Carmela, I told you we're sucking cock down at the Bada Bing this time.

SPEAKER_06 6:34

I'm gonna need you to give me a neck rub when I get home, Carmela, because me and the boys have a big Christmas sucking cock event going on. We're just gonna be sucking cock all day for the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Can I talk about one scene that I did find really funny? It is a little bit of a spoiler.

SPEAKER_06 6:51

Okay. Well, it's been out since 1990. So if you want to fuck if it's a spoiler, go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

That's fair, that's fair. But I really thought it was funny where it was the episode where uh she's like in the playing soccer, and there's like the soccer coach that's really good. Oh, and all the dads like him, and then uh they he's like going to a different area or whatever. He's going to coach in a different area, and they don't want him to, so he goes and uh You're not fucking leaving his team, buddy. Yeah, right. He goes in Meadow's room and he's like, Oh, I got some good news. Uh I told uh your coach I get he's gonna be coaching here for a little while longer. And Carmella's like, Tony, he's fucking a friend, she's 14.

SPEAKER_08 7:32

And you brought him over here.

SPEAKER_06 7:36

I was like, Why? Tony was so betrayed, man. That was like one of their first great betrayals.

SPEAKER_10 7:43

And then he was like, you know, maybe, maybe there's just a misnomer.

SPEAKER_06 7:48

See, that's the thing. That's why sport, that's why sports are beautiful. It's because you'll take the worst guy of all time and be like, yeah, but he wins 11 games a year. We're playing in the fucking Big Ten Conference Championship every year.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

So what are we gonna do here? It's Penn State, Joe Paterno, Sandusky. He was fucking guys in the ass for 20 years, but because they made the Big Ten championship game, he was allowed to continue fucking. He was allowed, bro.

SPEAKER_06 8:18

You didn't care. You turn your head if you win 10 games. It's what you do. Sports are beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

That's a good show, though. Like it, like I think the last show phenomenal. I think the last show I ever really got into was like was two years ago, and it was Seinfeld.

SPEAKER_06 8:33

Yeah. Sopranos is really truly funny, too. It is the more that you get into it, you realize, you realize, holy shit, this shit's funny. I'm excited. Deep down, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

I need to get back into Seinfeld. I still didn't finish it. I think it'd be funny if uh Kramer like came back to doing stand-up, but he's doing uh stand-up on the spot by Jeremiah Watkins. Okay, and he doesn't realize that they're supposed to yell at the yellow suggestions, and then the whole thing kind of just unfolds again.

SPEAKER_06 9:03

Yeah, he does it all again. He goes back and relives. He has like a Vietnam flashback to the Laugh Factory, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

It just starts like flashing before his eyes.

SPEAKER_06 9:14

I always love with that Chappelle, that Chappelle clip that he made, where he was at the laughter, he's like he's like, this reminds me of Krama fucking up. He's like, I hate the comment giving me. Damn, he's having a tough set.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yeah, he's having a tough set.

SPEAKER_06 9:32

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I I think it'd be funny if there was an episode of Seinfeld where George finds out his new girlfriend is 15. How was I supposed to know? She looked like she was 21. Jerry! Jerry, I fucked her, Jerry.

unknown 9:48

I fucked her.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

I fucked her a lot of times, Jerry. He's been going to a jail for a long time, Jerry. I fucked her many a times, Jerry.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Newman?

SPEAKER_02 9:58

I stuck it in her ass, Jerry. I stuck it in her ass, Jerry. What am I gonna do?

SPEAKER_06 10:02

You stuck in her ass, Jerry.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

I always wondered why it whistled every time the wind blew. Oh, I wish there was a button for that. There will be. Maybe we can get one soon. We can get a button soon.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Jerry, he's been fucking a child.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

Jerry!

SPEAKER_09 10:29

Did you hear Jerry? Did you hear what George did? He's fucking a child! He's fucking a child, Jerry.

SPEAKER_10 10:35

He's fucking a child.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

You don't have a legal age you can say, Jerry. You're not gonna tell anyone, are you, Jerry? You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?

SPEAKER_06 10:45

Jerry's not. He was dating 16-year-olds in real life, actually. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Well, you better not tell her, Jerry, because I've been fucking her too.

SPEAKER_06 10:56

Jerry, what about these pictures that I cut your face into? I cut and paste your head on.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

I cut your paste your head on a bunch of child pornography, Jerry. What are you gonna do about that? You think the cops are gonna believe your story when they see that?

SPEAKER_04 11:10

A guy blackmailing a guy with a bunch of pictures that he just glued with a glue stick on?

SPEAKER_06 11:20

Who are you covering it up? And he peels it off. It's like, this is your face.

SPEAKER_09 11:24

Is that you with a child's vagina?

SPEAKER_06 11:28

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, no, I don't even know where these whoa, is that your face eating out that monster box on that kid? Where'd you get that?

SPEAKER_02 11:42

I saw this. Uh, have you ever seen uh have you heard of Super Hot Fire?

SPEAKER_06 11:48

Super Hot Fire that he's like this rapper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. McDonald's iced tea. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

He's like, I put the ball in, I missed it. Psych, I switched it. That's how I was like his.

SPEAKER_06 12:03

I know that guy. Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

I said I put the laundry in the machine, I fit it. I put the underwear in because I shit it. That is way too long. Uncomfortable how long that was. I got a whole new podcast set up. Uh new mics, new fucking uh interface coming soon.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Oh noose turp and your boy.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

What we're doing about that.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

Big ups for the wagwam kyle for the setup, man.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Oh yeah, no problem, man. No problem. We are moving the podcast forward.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Wavelength higher.

SPEAKER_06 12:55

Smoking the weed.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

We are taking the gay jokes and the racist jokes further.

SPEAKER_06 13:01

We're going to have special guest Chet Hanks on the podcast every week now.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

And then I was telling him we're gonna get the iPad for the soundboard, so we're gonna have almost unlimited sounds.

SPEAKER_06 13:12

Unlimited White Boy Summer. Unlimited sounds for your podcast heads.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

For your podcast eds.

SPEAKER_06 13:23

I could do this forever. Dishit is fun. I like talking like this. I kind of lost it there.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

We're back on everyone.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

We're recording the podcast in blocks now. We're coming back, we're cutting in hot because we just we were just talking, we were just talking new pods up, right?

SPEAKER_07 13:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 13:41

And so guy Kyle just looked at me and said, like, I like this. Because we're we're in a car in a park in an undisclosed location right now. And he says, he says, I don't know, I'm gonna miss this because I just feel safe in here. And as am I the only one that doesn't ever feel safe when I'm just sitting in a car? No, like in a in an undisclosed location.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

No, I get what you're saying. I'm saying, as far as the things are saying, we're in a bubble, a soundproof bubble. It's that's the soundproofness, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 14:09

I guess, but when I'm when I'm parked, when I'm at a fucking red light, I hear people that are on the phone with other people in their cars. Like the car is the least private place, I feel like. Okay, well because you know Mumbo.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Oh, are they on the other are they on the speaker though?

SPEAKER_06 14:22

On the speaker coming through the speakers, we're not on the we're not playing through the speakers. I guess we should be though. Shout out.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

We could, maybe. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 14:32

Uh just be a noise pollution podcast or just a car that drives around spouting off fucking horrible things.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

How about instead of Freaky Friday, uh, it's uh Fatty Friday, and it's uh a skinny girl switches with a fat girl.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Ooh, okay. I think that'd be a good premise. That's a good premise.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Or how about uh Freaky Friday with Kamala Harris and Derek Shelvin?

SPEAKER_06 14:57

I feel is that Freaky Friday? Are they not this have we seen them in the room together? I I mean, I know.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Kamala's very broke up, I believe. Yeah, Kamala Harris is secretly Derek Shulvin. She is, she could be in light blackface. In yeah, wig. She's do yeah, she's like the best blackface.

SPEAKER_06 15:16

She's doing white face. Yeah, she kind of is doing white face, if anything. She's I mean, because I don't know what that motherfucker looks like. Derek Chauvin. Just other than when he was a white shoe. Since he came and did the podcast, I can't remember his face.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

Yeah, Derek Chauvin's gonna guest on our pod next week.

SPEAKER_06 15:32

We got to go back and listen to it. Go back and listen to the third episode. He was on. He's coming back. See, we almost just got taken out by a fucking semi-truck right in here. Yeah, we're so safe.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Why are they salting the fucking road? There's oh well, I guess it's supposed to snow tomorrow, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 15:46

Fuck my ass. I hate the snow.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I fucking despise the snow, dude.

SPEAKER_06 15:50

Fuck that shit.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

The one thing that would not be bad about moving to Austin.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Right? Other than the homeless people. I was I'm down with the homeless people.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah, I don't know. I w I've been thinking about it, dude.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Lots of people that need to fuck and stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 16:06

Just lots of fuck for shelter? That'll be my crib. My crib will be fuck for shelter, Austin. The most progressive hotel. You just gotta come in and lick me up.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Lick me up.

SPEAKER_06 16:22

Come in and lick me up. Come and slob it up. Slurp it up. Just yeah, just slurp me, get a room for the night. I'm gonna be a billionaire. That's gonna be my I just need investors. If I get investors, we're off the ground. Who do you think you could get to invest? Probably Mark Cuban.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

You think you can get Mark Cuban?

SPEAKER_06 16:38

Yeah, I mean, I think he's on he's he needs to get back to being a hot shot. Yeah. Mark Cuban hasn't done a hot shot, hot young billionaire thing in a while. Because he's not he's not a hot young billionaire anymore. Yeah, he's he's old ass Mark Cuban.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Yeah, he's wrinkly now.

SPEAKER_06 16:51

Yeah, he's wrinkly. He's still he still only has good white basketball players. Like Mark Cuban famously only can get good white basketball players.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

How about this?

SPEAKER_06 17:02

That sucks.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

How about this? Guy comes on Shark Tent. He's like, Hi Sharks. Uh, I want to show you my uh penis extender. And what it is is it's like an apparatus with like a string coming from the top, you lay down in it, and then they put like, you know, those are.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Damn, man, we ain't never need this at Foo Boo.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

You know those circle weights they have?

SPEAKER_03 17:19

Because the guy did with the hole in it?

SPEAKER_02 17:21

They put that over your dick to weigh down your pelvis, and then the string ties to the top of your dick, and you kind of just lay there while it stretches you out.

SPEAKER_06 17:30

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

What do you think of that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 17:34

I think it'd be fun if you just what are you looking for? What are you looking for from the sharks today?

SPEAKER_02 17:39

I'm looking for, I don't know. I'm thinking 20% for, I don't know, a cool 10 million.

SPEAKER_06 17:47

Mr. Wonderful's very interested.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Listen, you're telling me.

SPEAKER_06 17:50

I believe just on a personal basis.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

If you can create a product that makes dicks longer, everyone's getting it. No matter how much it costs, no matter how much it hurts, dude. Dude, you're gonna walk into somebody, they're just like, ah, uh, uh, like just fucking it's ripping their dick off. They're like skin's like tearing.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

They're just like Can I tie it on to my clitching?

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Just a little longer, just a little longer. I swear, it's I swear it's gonna work. Just a little longer. Ah, just a little longer. Yeah, can I try it? Can I try it?

SPEAKER_06 18:19

Can I tie it onto my clit for reference? That's bar.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Trust me, it's long enough. It's long enough to tie a knot.

SPEAKER_06 18:32

Who's this wait? Who's the special guest on the episode? They need a special guest on the shark tag. Is it Sebastian Manascalco?

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Maybe it's Sebastian Manascalco, yes.

SPEAKER_06 18:42

Here's my penis extender. Would any of you shark Sebastian? I'm a big comedy fan, I'm a big fan of you. I'd really be interested in getting you in on this penis extender. Where's your head at, C Bass?

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Well, let me ask you this.

SPEAKER_06 18:55

Does it hurt? It hurts a lot.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah, our uh guest over here who's trying it out is actually screaming in pain right now. We've got a cloth in his mouth. I don't know. I'm surprised you didn't hear it.

SPEAKER_06 19:09

It it hurts a lot.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

But what's important is what's afterwards.

SPEAKER_06 19:14

No pain, no game, Sebastian.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

Come on. You're telling me not every guy, even the guys with baked dicks don't want a longer one? Come on, dude. It's gonna be the new iPhone. Everyone's gonna have one in their living room.

SPEAKER_06 19:27

Five inches of snow is always worse than four inches of snow. You know that as a Midwest kid, Sebastian. Come on. Yeah, how do we even need to pitch you here? Come on. Yeah, we know you have a small little Italian cock.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Yeah, how come five inches is a lot when it snows, but not when I show her my cock?

SPEAKER_06 19:45

Oh, no, women these days, Sebastian. I can't believe it either, pal. Can we get you on board?

SPEAKER_02 19:55

How about I buy 50% of the company?

SPEAKER_06 20:00

49%. We need to maintain shares, Sebastian. You've got a deal. Great. Get that hog over here and let's get extended. Seat ass.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Dude, I gotta shit. I gotta be honest.

SPEAKER_06 20:15

Really?

SPEAKER_02 20:16

I've had to shit for a few hours now.

SPEAKER_06 20:18

Set rules.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

It's always when I'm in the car for some reason. I don't know why. I don't know if it's like the angle that I'm sitting at or what. I used to have a heated seat pad, right? Like one of those, like you just put it over, you plug into the thing, but I I had to get rid of it because it kept making me have to shit. It's true, because I I think what happens is I think the heat is like it like slow roasts the shit in your asshole, right? And it tenderizes it in there, right? And it just gets softer until it pops out the pressure cooker, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 20:48

I understand this theory, and we need to team up on a theory together.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

I think that we can make another shark tank product based on that.

SPEAKER_06 20:55

I have for many, at least in my youth, not as much now that I've become a man, but in my youth, elevators were really elevation changes like going up and down a ladder. And elevators are really big. When you go to Colorado, when you go to Colorado and you gotta shit more. I have to like shit for four hours before I can leave the fucking airport.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

It's like putting the shit in a fucking vacuum chamber.

SPEAKER_06 21:20

There's there's no there's no illumin, there's no Illuminati uh under under the ground of fucking Denver airport. It's all just sewage lines because guys, because dudes like me just go there and get a shit for four hours.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Yeah, dude. They have to compensate extra for all the extra shit that comes in for the travelers.

SPEAKER_06 21:39

Sorry guys, your stupid fucking theory is wrong. That's why it's elevated.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

That's why it's elevated. The city is actually just built on top of a giant pile of shit.

SPEAKER_06 21:51

That's why they fucking smoke all that weed to hide the cover, this to cover the fucking shit out of the first ones to do it. Denver smells like Shit, dude. It's a mile-high fucking turd, dude.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

You're on top of the mountain, you're like, look at that. Is that beautiful? I'm like, no, it's not. It's a giant piece of fucking shit.

SPEAKER_06 22:10

The Colorado Rockies, dude. What do you think Rockies are? What do you think the Rocky Mountains are, dude? They're just fucking rocky shit.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

The horizon has a brown haze to it every day.

SPEAKER_06 22:23

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Dude, god damn it, bro. I'm gonna have to make sure. I hope this one swims back up, dude.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

City is here.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

I could tell it's still in one piece, you know, but like I could tell it's like coming, you know?

SPEAKER_05 22:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Every time I laugh, it gives the driver's seat a kiss. Then it goes back into hiding like the Homer Simpson meme. This is this is poetry. This is poetry. I could feel it whispering hello to my asshole.

SPEAKER_06 22:50

It bef it betroth from my asshole only to give a slight peck of a kiss to my seat. And then retracting as if Homer J.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Simpson. I could feel it waving hello to my asshole right now. It's important to me that I that you hear every detail.

SPEAKER_06 23:11

Up and down gopher style.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

I'm really big on uh visuals, you know. Visuals are important. Really big on imagery. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_06 23:20

You have to be able to see the shit. You have to be able to see the shit.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

You have to be able to see the shit, dude. Like when you like before you flush it, you mean?

SPEAKER_06 23:31

E well yeah, that's yeah. Yeah. To begin with. Like, have you ever taken a shit and not looked at it? I've well no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Have you ever have you ever heard of a mother giving birth to a kid and not loving it?

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Well, yes, but well, yeah, I guess. I mean, I they at least look at it.

SPEAKER_06 23:49

They at least look at it. But um well, I've ruined too many shits with wiping my ass.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Yeah, that's the thing. You gotta look at it on a picture in that. You have to take the picture with the shit still attached to your ass.

SPEAKER_06 24:07

You have to you almost sometimes have to dig around in there and get you know, tuck that paper underneath and make it kind of a bedding for your prized, your prized possession.

SPEAKER_07 24:16

Bedding.

SPEAKER_06 24:16

So you can oh, dude, you ever do that when you ever shit when there's already you gotta put your pig in a blanket sometime.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

You ever do that? You ever shit in the toilet when there's already toilet paper on top and it just sits on top of it like an island? And you can smell it because it's not in the fucking water.

SPEAKER_06 24:34

There's something to meets you in the back of the throat that smell.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

There's something to me about the imagery of a shit that's just so big that it like sticks up from above the water.

SPEAKER_06 24:46

You come to a job site sometime. You don't need imagery anymore.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Just imagine walking in anywhere, you have to shit, and then you go in there and it's just sticking like three images out of the water. You're like, oh, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 25:00

When you turn around after doing that, you're like, damn, bro, you kind of a slut.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Dude, that means somebody somebody has to remove that manually.

SPEAKER_06 25:07

I know somebody's gonna put the glove on and grab it. You gotta get the little knife out. Cut that bitch out.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Chop it out.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Just like mommy used to. She used to cut up your hot dogs and put them in your fucking macaroni.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

You ever take you ever take a good shit in public? And it's like uh it's one of those uh automated ones, so then you turn it up and then it rips it away from you.

SPEAKER_06 25:31

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

That shit's disappointing, bro.

SPEAKER_06 25:34

That's that feels like every time how Liam Neeson gets his baby girl just snatched from his arms at the beginning of every movie.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

That's how that feels.

SPEAKER_06 25:43

Yeah, taken five shit when the shit disappears before I can wave goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

Yeah, taken five is about him going to take a shit in a public restroom, and then he's so excited about it, and then it flushes before he can get a good look at it.

SPEAKER_04 25:55

He's gotta beat it to the ocean while it's doing the dead.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Yeah, he's like looking through it.

SPEAKER_04 26:00

He's like he's getting all the blueprints from all this isn't mine, I know it's not mine.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

He's like throwing it out of the way. Taken five.

SPEAKER_06 26:09

Taking a dump.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

Taking a dump. Taking colon a dump.

SPEAKER_05 26:18

I must find my shit. Where's this shit? I need it. I need I have a very special set of shit. I care more about this shit than I did my daughter.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

I have a very special shot of shit.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

My daughter's a fucking whore now.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

I don't even care about her.

SPEAKER_05 26:32

I want this piece of shit. I need to get this piece of shit so I can do the Alaskan pipeline and freeze it in a condom and fuck my daughter with it. My daughter's dating a black guy, and I'm really upset about it. I need this to simulate what his big black cock must feel like. So I'm going to freeze it in a condom. It's very important that I get this big shit with corn ribbed for my pleasure. You know, that's called an Alaskan pipeline?

SPEAKER_06 26:57

That's what I said. The Alaskan pipeline.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06 27:00

Yeah, I do know that actually. See if you hit rewind over there. No, I'm kidding. No, yeah, Liam Neeson taking a dump.

SPEAKER_07 27:12

That's a good one. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 27:20

We're back, everyone.

SPEAKER_09 27:23

Part three. Part three, part three, part three.

SPEAKER_06 27:27

Because after ten minutes, every ten minutes we have to scream at each other because we cannot fucking stand each other. That's why we stopped so much.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

It's like uh it's like Drake and Josh.

SPEAKER_06 27:39

Yeah, it's like exactly like Drake and Josh.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

How they fucking hated each other.

SPEAKER_06 27:42

The boys was fine.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

I wanted to make my own episode of Drake and Josh. Oh yeah? Uh-huh. I feel like it'd be funny, like I think there would be funny if there was an episode where like Josh keeps getting mad at Drake because he keeps shitting into his hand in the shower and trying to like toss it into the toilet from the shower. Poop skit ball! He's talking to the cameras like he's been missing a lot lately. It's all over the floor, and he doesn't clean it up. What about this? Megan is actually uh trans, right? Okay, he's a like a 40-year-old man, and just like with a wig and horrible makeup. Like, I'm going out with my girlies to meet some cute boyfriends. We're going to meet some cute boys tonight at the social.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Just us girlies.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Just us, you know, girl things.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Hopefully, when a guy takes his hoodie off, his shirt comes up a little bit too. Because us girlies really like that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

Oh, I almost left the house without my tampons. You know I can't leave the house without those.

SPEAKER_06 28:59

You remember the last time I had to leave the house without my tampons, don't you, Josh? Wouldn't it want another accident?

SPEAKER_02 29:07

Wasn't there like in the show like she was like had like was like super smart and had all this like high-tech shit or whatever?

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

I remember there was an episode where they went into her room and there was like a control panel or some shit in her room like that. I think it'd be fun. Like they sneak into a room and she's like trying to build some kind of like robotic pussy. Like this like big secret project. They're like looking at it. She comes home early. She's like, what are you guys doing in my room? Get away from my robot pussy. It's worth$40,000. Why is it covered and cum? Mom!

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Oh Drake was throwing shit in the toilet again.

SPEAKER_09 29:56

Mom, can you please tell Drake to stop throwing turds in the toilet? Half of them don't even make it in the bowl.

SPEAKER_06 30:02

What if they just like looked at the control panel and they just saw there's a bit there was a button and like it had it, you know, it had like the case around it.

SPEAKER_07 30:10

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 30:10

So it was like, it's like, do not press.

SPEAKER_07 30:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:13

And it says in big letters, gay sex. And then Drake and Josh, like Drake and Joshua, whoa, what is it? We gotta press it. What is it? You think who's gonna have who is it? Sex with who? Who is it? Who's gonna have gay sex? And they like take it off and they press the button, and their body just like they just start going, whoa, whoa whoa, whoa, why are my pants coming undone?

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Well, I'm not doing this. Yo, I'm not doing it either. I'm not gay, I'm not doing it. They just start fucking.

SPEAKER_06 30:44

Yeah, they're just like crying and fucking against both of their wills. The puppeteer is just like controlling them to make sweet, sweet ad club on Nickelodeon at 6 30 at PM.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

It like keeps happening. It's like the parents are in the room, they just start fucking each other. Mom, tell Megan to stop! What does Megan have to do with you boys fucking in the kitchen?

SPEAKER_09 31:12

This is disgusting. Megan! Megan!

SPEAKER_07 31:16

Megan, he's tearing my ass, Megan! He's tearing my ass!

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Oh, fuck you. I miss that show, bro.

SPEAKER_06 31:27

And then that Gibby motherfucker comes out.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

That's iCarly.

SPEAKER_06 31:31

I know. It's a crossover episode.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Oh, it's the crossover, the Jake and Josh are okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:37

Yeah. And then he starts.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

I bet Gibby shits, dude.

SPEAKER_06 31:41

That boy, yeah. Gibby looks like a domper. Do it Gibby is his real his legal name is do-it-be fartin' and that motherfucker be fartin. UB Fartin? UBart.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Oh, Yubi, yeah. That could be a name. He said the grimace milkshake is uh Yu B flavor. I told him Yubi Fartan. That was fucking garbage. Oh man. That was trash. That was terrible.

SPEAKER_06 32:04

I heard somebody's neck just snap. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Have you watched any other shows or anything lately? I've been like trying to watch it lately.

SPEAKER_06 32:13

I was a succession guy.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

Oh yeah, I remember that. I never got into that.

SPEAKER_06 32:17

Um succession rules. I was watching um Shameless was on the other day. I never got into that one either. Um well how what are you watching? Maybe I've seen some stuff.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

I mean, I've watched Sopranos, I told you that. And uh I watch a lot of my like intervention clips on YouTube. That's been my big thing on YouTube. It's my strange admission and intervention. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Okay. Tough times over there, huh?

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah, but I here's the thing. I've noticed with a lot of these episodes, every one of them is like Jimmy was a really had an incredible passion for music. And they're just all fucking terrible. It like cuts to a scene of him like rapping. He's like dressed as a wigger. He's like, yo, yo, my it's like cringy as fuck. Like, I wish I could do a better impression on the spot, but it's like hor you know what it like now I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_06 33:09

Yeah. Now it's well, now it's funny to me because it's like now that I've gotten older, it's like I've been around kids and like seen some people grow up. It's like, okay, if my cousin was on that show, what the fuck would they say about him? Like he's never done anything good. Yeah, like and he's doing pretty good in his life. Like, yeah, he's like on a scholarship at college. If he if his shit turned and went bad, he's got no accomplishments. Yeah, so they would be like, Wow, he was really just so gifted. He had such an ear for the harmonica.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

Like they would have literally nothing to say, so they have to pull shit out of their ass, I think. Because it's like kids really kids really do nothing.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think it I've noticed too, like with the My Strange Addiction thing, I was thinking you never see like there's never like a wholesome addiction, too. You know what I mean? You never see anyone like that's addicted to going to the library or something.

SPEAKER_06 34:02

No, nobody's nobody nobody can't make their mortgage payments because they're just stuck at the library.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Nobody's like it uh is in a uncomfortable social like situation, is like, uh, I need to go to the library.

SPEAKER_06 34:15

They don't get caught up at the library and forget to go to their shift.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

The parents don't wake up in the three in the morning and the the bedroom's empty. He's like, where is he? I bet I know where he's at.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

Ah, that fucker's down there reading books again, isn't he?

SPEAKER_02 34:28

And he's just like naked, covered in books.

SPEAKER_06 34:33

He's got all this Shakespearean literature.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

I'm on volume seven.

SPEAKER_06 34:41

Victorian area adult novels.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

How about this? About two years ago, Derek started using the N-word. And ever since then, it's been a snowball effect.

SPEAKER_06 34:59

It's been a real N-ball effect over here.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Now he's addicted to that too. We're talking about Derek Chilvin here.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Uh victim Derek Chauvin.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

What if uh one of the guys on that show was addicted to heroin because he couldn't handle the fact that black people exist? Jesus. He's just like crying. He's like, it's just I it's that everywhere I go, it's like I can't do anything without being reminded of them.

SPEAKER_06 35:30

He just hates how white he is.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

He's like, we just can't be cool like them, and they're just all cool all the fucking time, man.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

The swag is scary, man. Dance and shit. I wish I was.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

I wish I was fucking coordinated, man. I just I can't do anything athletic. I'm just like, no, it's really funny. They're tend to they tend to be so much funnier than me.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

They're just so much more confident in. They really believe in themselves and not to mention the fucking dicks. I mean they got three legs, and she has a fucking needle, man. And I just feel intimidated. I don't know what to do. I don't even fucking really know what inseminated means, man, but it's just not right, man. Next week on uh intervention, Austin is addicted to sodomizing children.

SPEAKER_06 36:28

Jesus Christ, Chris Hansen episode.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

And they're just like filming him do it, like somebody stop them.

SPEAKER_06 36:36

You've got to get the B-roll.

SPEAKER_10 36:38

You gotta get the shot.

SPEAKER_06 36:39

People don't know what that means. We're broadcasting to idiots on the learning channel that come here to learn what sodomized means. You fools. All of you fools, this is the learning channel.

SPEAKER_02 36:57

This is the learning channel, guys.

SPEAKER_06 36:59

Where we have big small people and 700 pounders, and you learn about how shit their lives are. Learn.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

How about this? I want to make a documentary about a serial killer who doesn't really kill people, he just goes around and finds newborn babies and pushes on their soft spot so they become retarded. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_06 37:22

That's not where I expected that one going at all.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Good. That's how it's supposed to work.

SPEAKER_06 37:29

What's his name?

SPEAKER_02 37:31

The serial killer?

SPEAKER_06 37:32

Yeah, well yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Uh the uh soft spot bandit, the temple bandit.

SPEAKER_06 37:40

Softy, the pusher, the smusher, the soft spot.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

A simple push of the thumb, dude.

SPEAKER_06 37:50

Um yeah, the great thought the thought the evil thumb.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

It's like popping in one of those toys where you like put it in and it pops. Remember those rubber toys that came in the McDonald's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just like jumps up.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

The thumb of doom.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

You got anything?

SPEAKER_01 38:12

The ass fuck thumb.

SPEAKER_02 38:13

The ass fuck thumb.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Um you ever hear that song, Gimme Shelter?

SPEAKER_05 38:20

Yeah. Oh, children! It's just a shot away.

SPEAKER_06 38:26

You know that one?

SPEAKER_05 38:27

Yeah. Rolling stones. Gimme pussy!

SPEAKER_06 38:31

Gimme pussy. What if he was just like screaming and there was a war breaking out? Give me gash. Because of because of pussy.

SPEAKER_09 38:41

I need some pussy. My dick is really hard. My dick is really hard.

SPEAKER_08 38:49

Now why can't I think straight? My dick is really small. My dick is really small.

SPEAKER_09 38:55

It's better than hard.

SPEAKER_08 38:57

Tickle track. It's like a tic-tac. But goddamn it, it is hard. Sprite flavor.

SPEAKER_06 39:07

You see that? They got sprite flavored tic-tacks now. Did they really? I saw that. Yeah, I saw that at Target.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

I've only uh had the orange ones, dude.

SPEAKER_06 39:14

The orange ones rip, though.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

Orange ones are the best one. My grandpa used to have those and I'd always eat them.

SPEAKER_06 39:20

Shout out to grandpas, dude.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

Shout out to grandpa.

SPEAKER_06 39:24

I'm into the old bird.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

You're into the old bird.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

I'm really, I'm really a I'm a goose chase, man. A geese chase. I chase the geese sneeze. I try to get to get the geese, the geese to sneeze my way. Why did you look in my eyes when you said that to me? I'm not trying to do that. I think you know exactly why I looked in your eyes when I said that to you. I suck really old dick. That's my thing. I'm a gay man that only sucks old dick.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

I'm gonna be honest, I only got my dick sucked one time, right?

SPEAKER_06 39:59

Right?

SPEAKER_02 40:00

But the one time it was like he wasn't very good looking, and like it was it kind of took it was like a self-reflective moment for me because I like hate myself so much that when she was sucking my dick, I like pitied her for trying to get my approval.

SPEAKER_06 40:17

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

That's how fucked up I am. I'm like, uh, you're sucking me off? Look at this swine trying to get my approval.

SPEAKER_06 40:27

See, for me, it's like the whole thrill is just getting them down there. Then once they're down there, I'm like, ah fuck, I feel bad. This sucks. I probably I probably wouldn't, I wouldn't, I like to you know, treat the other people how I like to be treated. I'm like, I wouldn't really want a penis in my mouth right now.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

It's like a blockbuster movie. It's all about the buildup, you know.

SPEAKER_06 40:45

I'm trying to watch Sports Center right now. I wouldn't want I wouldn't want a penis in my mouth right now.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

You're distracting me, babe. Come on.

SPEAKER_06 40:54

I'm just trying to watch Scott Van Pelp do Scott Van Pelp do the highlights, man.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

It's like when you're eating and your dog keeps putting his paw in your lap. Like, come on, come on.

SPEAKER_06 41:03

Come on, man. I just don't want penis in my mouth right now, man. Can you just take your penis out of my mouth?

SPEAKER_02 41:09

Come on, take your penis out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_06 41:11

This is how I really be feeling.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

I'm just, you know, I'm a sympathizer with women. I guess.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Women sympathizer?

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Sympathizer.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Oh, I'm a oh, I'm a sympathizer, alright.

SPEAKER_06 41:22

You're a simp, bruh. You don't even have multiple wives. I'm a simp. Your wife doesn't even let you have multiple wives. You're a sympathizer, dude. You're a simp.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

You're a simp if you don't have multiple wives.

SPEAKER_06 41:35

Are you gay? I think it's gay if you don't have multiple wives.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

It is gay if you don't have multiple wives.

SPEAKER_06 41:41

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

The more wives you have, the less gay you are.

SPEAKER_06 41:44

The harder you hit, the straighter you are.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Yeah, the more you the harder you hit them, the straighter you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_06 41:49

It doesn't matter what you hit. We're not talking about anything in specific.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

That that's how I know a man is really straight. It's how hard can you hit a woman?

SPEAKER_06 41:58

Yeah, I mean, I tried to do a stand-up bit like that one time.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

How much can you enclose that eye socket?

SPEAKER_06 42:04

Is there a chance it's popping out? Just off fucking pure suction, dude. Making that making that pop.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

Oh man. Hello. Hello. From the other side. From the other side. How about how about uh John Wick, but instead it's John shit, and he just has to shit.

SPEAKER_06 42:30

Ooh, okay. He's like, I have to shit. He keeps he keeps like finding bathrooms, but then like he's like shit.

SPEAKER_05 42:38

There's a construction guy in here. I need to shit.

SPEAKER_06 42:41

He runs into the bat, runs into the hospital. Oh the shitters are full. Oh please, I need to shit. Glances at the urinal. Can I make the angle? Better not. I'm John Wick. I can't be shitting in a urinal. I've never seen John Wick.

SPEAKER_02 42:56

I haven't either. Isn't it about like he's trying to get like his dog back?

SPEAKER_06 42:59

Somebody stole his dog. I'm just basically trying to get his dog back.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

That's what I thought.

SPEAKER_06 43:04

But I but like when I think sounds right. But yeah, I read that. John Wick has a dog.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

He has a dog, he's trying to get back. How about when instead of trying to get a dog back, it's he's trying to get Derek Chauvin back. Try to get Derek Chauvin out of jail.

SPEAKER_06 43:16

See, we're gonna stumble into one of these Derek Chauvin ideas, and it's actually gonna be a really good one one of these times. So you fuckers laugh now.

SPEAKER_04 43:23

Yeah, this idea sucks. That would never work.

SPEAKER_06 43:26

There's a lot of crap here, but there's some diamonds in the rough here. You dumb babies. There's some diamonds in the rough. I fucking hate the audience.

SPEAKER_02 43:33

I hate our fans. Well, I don't why?

SPEAKER_06 43:37

I don't know. I think I'm creating my own persona for them in my own head. Oh so I can hate them. And none of you pussy none of you none of you pussy showed up to the fight either. I said there was gonna be a fight where we record the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 43:53

I hate you guys.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Did I tell you about uh my endeavor with the b Black Lives Matter ice cream?

SPEAKER_01 44:00

No, you didn't.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

So Ben and Jerry, no? Yeah, it was Ben and Jerry.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

So Ben and Jerry's came out with like it came out a few years ago, like in 2020 when all that shit was going on. They had like a Black Lives Matter like fucking flavor. You know, they have all those flavors.

SPEAKER_06 44:14

Yeah. Yeah. Ben and Jerry and their gay sex and their flavors, which they're known for.

SPEAKER_02 44:18

And here's the problem though. It's so good. Now it's coffee flavor.

SPEAKER_04 44:26

It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Yeah, it's a real thing. I don't know if you like coffee ice cream, but I do. And it's like coffee with fucking chocolate and caramel in it. It's fucking awesome. Oh shit. And so now, but like I knew it was a fucking marketing thing. Yeah, but like I bought a ton of it, and now I'm just, but like I my parents are fucking Republican. I can't keep it in the freezer. So I've just got this stockpile of Black Lives Matter ice cream.

SPEAKER_06 44:49

That you're like fucking keeping it. I don't know what to do with it.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

I need to get a new cooler.

SPEAKER_06 44:53

You're like Anne Frank in this ice cream at your house.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Yeah, it was what was it called? It was called Change is brewing. Get it? Just coffee. Coffee brewing.

SPEAKER_06 45:02

Very creative. Ben, Jerry, gay sex, and names for flavors.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

You know they actually uh Jerry, how about we put a Swedish fish in this one?

SPEAKER_02 45:11

How about we put a Swedish fish in this one? Put a Swedish fish in this one, Jerry.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

How about a hint of mint?

SPEAKER_02 45:15

How about a little hint of mint with a Swedish fish? Oh, how about that? How about we make changes brewing, Jerry?

SPEAKER_00 45:21

You know that you know they actually made a uh And then they won't know that we have kick that we committed all those crimes back in the day. In line with the Rodney King.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Ben and Jerry were behind the Rodney King.

SPEAKER_02 45:35

You know, you know they actually came up with a flavor uh before that, but they had to shelf it, right? It was called Stop, I Can't Heath. Yeah, they couldn't.

SPEAKER_06 45:47

I like it.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

I came up with another one too, but I can't say it. Take five, I can't heath.

SPEAKER_06 45:58

Hershey, take five, I can't heath. I can go all day.

SPEAKER_02 46:03

You listen to that West Side Gun album?

SPEAKER_06 46:05

Eminem, take five, I can't eat. He thought he was Eminem.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

How about instead of uh West Side Gun, it's West Side cum. And he just raps about fucking cum. Cum, cum, cum, cum, come. He just raps about eating cum.

SPEAKER_09 46:29

Hey, yo! Hey, yo! Hey yo! I put the cum in the cum!

SPEAKER_08 46:35

I put the cum in the bowl. I get the spoon and eat it like some cereal. I mixed it up, it got runny. It got it's getting on my lips, it's extra runny. It started off hot.

SPEAKER_09 46:50

Now it's not. It's cold and it's getting runny. Apply it to my lip like some lip gloss. Got a nice shine to it. Decided to it bounce off. Boop boop boop. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

Come shot. If you guys don't know who West Side Gun is, you need to fucking listen to West Eye Gun. His fucking music's dope, but it's also pretty funny. I'm gonna contact.

SPEAKER_06 47:23

Big cum step coming through.

SPEAKER_09 47:26

He came in the back of my throat. Break a little bit. Thought he might have an STD. Went to the doctor. I'm all clear. He said it's just syphilis. My syphilis. You got syphilis. Cup cup cup cup come. Shot a hot load on his face. Shot a hot load right on his cheek. Head to go to the emergency room.

SPEAKER_08 48:02

Load a hot come on my foot. Give me eczema.

SPEAKER_03 48:05

I told him partner it'd be good for your skin.

SPEAKER_08 48:09

He said to make it a lot more supposed.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Oh, that's fucking great, dude.

SPEAKER_06 48:22

It's kind of long. It look like a booger coming out of my nose.

SPEAKER_09 48:28

I look like a three-year-old boy. I look like a fucking baby with cum. I look like I look like a three-year-old boy, but I come like a 12-year-old. All I do is come. Dude, we I could keep doing this.

SPEAKER_06 48:45

This could be the whole show.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Just a whole episode on WestsideCom. We gotta bring it. We gotta bring WestsideCom back.

SPEAKER_06 48:55

Yeah, Westsidecom.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Uh dude.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Comeway the machine.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

Comeway the machine. Uh Benny the Benny the Cumber. Benny the Cumber. I want something that rhyme looks closer to Butcher.

SPEAKER_06 49:13

No. The blaster.

SPEAKER_02 49:17

Uh Benny the Musher, and he's just tries to fuck guys in the ass, but he's always soft because he thinks he's gay, but he's not.

SPEAKER_06 49:26

Barely even needed a shoehorn on that one.

SPEAKER_08 49:29

I thought I was gay. Guess I'm not. So I took a fat load and cooked it up in the pot.

SPEAKER_06 49:39

Thought I liked dick, man. That shit made me sick.

SPEAKER_08 49:43

Thought I liked balls. Guess it's only eight balls.

SPEAKER_09 49:48

He thought he liked balls.

SPEAKER_08 49:52

He thought he liked balls.

SPEAKER_06 49:55

But really he liked pussy and not dick in his mouth.

SPEAKER_08 50:00

Really he liked pussy, but not me.

SPEAKER_02 50:05

Oh dude.

SPEAKER_03 50:09

Come shot dancing in the moonlight.

SPEAKER_02 50:13

Um what about this one? How about uh quartz?

SPEAKER_06 50:19

I come in quartz.

SPEAKER_09 50:21

I come in quartz.

SPEAKER_06 50:24

I just almost threw up I cum so much.

SPEAKER_09 50:31

I got the sperm bank banked up for the next seven months. Accounts for a com okay, alright.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

Oh dude, that's fucking funny, bro. We gotta bring him back for sure. How about this? How about Paul Mooney, but he just loves mooning people?

SPEAKER_01 50:51

Who's Paul Mooney?

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Uh you don't know Paul Mooney, the comedian?

SPEAKER_01 50:54

No, I don't know, Paul.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

Fuck dude. But uh, I think it's still funny, but he's got a real deep voice. A guy that just moons people. That's really funny, dude. He's like an old I mean he's dead now, but he was like an older black dude, and he's just got like a real deep voice. He's pretty funny. But I don't know. I think I think it'd be funny if he just had this obsession with mooning people. And he but like he'll like go on like somewhere where there's a camera and he'll just kind of like slowly look behind, and he kind of just like takes his thumbs and put him in his waistband and like slowly like works it down and just stakes it. Yeah, and just sticks his fucking ass out at the camera. And he's like, Paul Paul, what the fuck was that on camera? He's like, Whoa, whoa, what do you what are you what are you talking about? He's like, You're mooning the camera right here. I didn't moon any camera. What do you what are you talking about? He's like, I have you on video, literally mooning the camera, and they play it back, and he's just watching himself like like a woman, like take the fucking underwear off and fucking shit.

SPEAKER_06 51:53

I love you.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

It's like, well, like it was hot. I need to get some air down there.

SPEAKER_06 52:00

You boys ever heard of swamp ass?

SPEAKER_02 52:02

You boys ever heard of swamp ass? You never heard of some swamp ass? Huh?

SPEAKER_06 52:06

Don't tell me you're hating on swamp ass!

SPEAKER_02 52:08

Can a man get a little relief from his swamp ass?

SPEAKER_06 52:10

This looks like a job for swamp ass, man!

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Does this look like a job for swamp ass? Uh fuck.

SPEAKER_06 52:20

Sweaty ass.

SPEAKER_02 52:21

Sweaty ass.

SPEAKER_06 52:22

Think about that. Just think. Sweaty ass.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Sweaty ass. Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Did you ever see Toy Story?

SPEAKER_02 52:33

A while ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:34

There's a snake in my ass.

SPEAKER_02 52:36

There's a snake in my ass. I've heard that one before though.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

How were how are how are things at home? How are the uh how's the fam?

SPEAKER_01 52:44

Fam bam is bam and fam.

SPEAKER_02 52:46

Fam fam is bam and bam.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

Fam bam is bam and fam. It's a bam fam.

SPEAKER_02 52:49

How's the boy and the gal?

SPEAKER_01 52:51

Boy and the gal are alright. We know all about our animals and shit.

SPEAKER_02 52:54

Dude, I didn't realize. Dude, I didn't realize how many kids like how many guys or like people are with kids that are our age. You know what I mean? Right? There were way more than I thought there were. None of them are competent. Especially around Chicago. I thought more women would just get the vacuum, you know. Oh, for sure. It's a blue state. I guess not. I I'm so out of touch with reality, I don't even understand why anyone even keeps their baby anymore. Like, I was thinking about it anyway, and I I in my back of my head, I'm just like, why, why? Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 53:27

Well, for the first two years, it's basically a paperweight from what I gather.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 53:31

Well can't do anything, and it's not even a paperweight.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

But like, I'm just I'm just like completely ignorant to the emotional side of it. I just see a problem with a solution. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 53:43

Yep. Problem. Taking care of something. Well, we got a problem here. Solution. Dyson.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

Tony Soprano gives an abortion. He thinks he's gotta take care of someone. What? A third one? Do I need to take care of this? Chris's like, hey, don't, you know, it's a fetus. You gotta go to the clinic. Oh, there's gonna be a visit to the clinic, alright. He just doesn't understand.

SPEAKER_06 54:11

We gotta, you know, we gotta take care of another one.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

We gotta take care of another one? I got this. Don't you worry.

SPEAKER_06 54:20

Let me handle it, Christopher.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Let me handle it, Christopher.

SPEAKER_06 54:23

A doc Tone, a doctor's gonna do it, Tone. Are you not on the stage?

SPEAKER_02 54:28

What didn't you understand? She gotta remove it from a body.

SPEAKER_06 54:30

Get over here, Adriana.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

Oh, I know how to remove a body, alright. Wait in the car. Wait in the car. Tone has lost his fucking mind. Tone's lost his fucking mind. Tone doesn't know what an abortion is. He thinks he's gotta kill his unborn child.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

He's gonna kill you, Hydriana. He thinks he's gonna kill his unborn child.

SPEAKER_02 54:52

How about this? Instead of uh Pink Floyd, the wall, it's George Floyd, the ground. Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_06 55:00

Jesus, horrible hang.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

That one's pushing it.

SPEAKER_06 55:03

That one's pushing it.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

That one I did not get permission for. Well sorry.

SPEAKER_01 55:09

What are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 55:10

We don't apologize. We don't apologize. But yeah, we're getting to the ringer here. I love it. I got a few more, but. Horrible hang, man. Horrible hang, dude. Uh fuck. Let me see what else I got, bro.

SPEAKER_01 55:27

Did you do anything for Thanksgiving?

SPEAKER_02 55:29

Did I do anything for Thanksgiving? Yeah. Not really. I mean I went to my I went to uh my uh my grandparents' house. And then went to my house a little bit. It was fun. I I like, but like white people don't know how to season their fu like I'm not even trying to be funny. White people really do not know how to season their food. It's like I know it's like a gimmick or whatever.

SPEAKER_06 55:49

It's very truthful.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

It's so true to the point it legitimately bothers me. Very truthful. Because it costs nothing to fucking season.

SPEAKER_06 55:56

And you white folks do not budge on your seasoning.

SPEAKER_02 55:58

No, it it's zero effort. Zero. It makes your food twice as fucking good, so why in the flying fuck would you not do it every time? That's my thing.

SPEAKER_01 56:06

I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

You white folks. I don't get it. I do not associate with you white.

SPEAKER_02 56:13

Afraid of flavor, dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:19

So I'm a self-hating white. Just like that guy that was addicted to heroin.

SPEAKER_07 56:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 56:27

He's really just because he hated himself.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

Yeah, he's really just hating himself. I'm the guy. And he don't know how to express it. I'm addicted to heroin.

unknown 56:34

No.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

What if there was a guy who like was like on a was like not trying to be racist, but being racist, not being aware of it. And like he's having tacos and he's taking pictures of it and sending it to his Mexican friends thinking they'll like it.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

Yeah, this is just a classic guy that works in a warehouse that's got that got a Mexican guy that he's finally friends with.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

He's like, look, I'm eating tacos.

SPEAKER_06 56:57

Like Yeah, them oblivious ass fucking.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

He's like, he's like he's like, cool, man. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 57:04

Nor see, normally the the the thing that you'll see on on job sites with the white dudes and the Mexican bros is it's like, hey man, you gonna crack some fucking coronas tonight? That's what that's that's literally taking tacos. I'm gonna have some coronas tonight, is taking a picture of tacos and sending it. It's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_02 57:23

Hey Pedro, look, I'm eating a quesadilla.

SPEAKER_06 57:26

Hey look, don't you guys like this? Hey look, yeah. Don't you guys like this stuff? Hey, don't you like this? Aren't we cool? Don't you guys like this stuff? Look at me, I like it too. It's such fucking dumb chimp brain shit. Hey, I like this shit too, man. Hey, look at me. We're not hey, guess we're not so different after all, Jose. Hey, Pedro, I'm using the N-word. Pedro does too, in most cases.

SPEAKER_02 57:52

Every white Mexican uses the N-word.

SPEAKER_06 57:54

Yeah. They all 100%.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

The sun will rise tomorrow, and Mexicans will continue to use the N-word.

SPEAKER_06 58:00

The Mexican bros get down with the racist. The Mexican bros get down with it. They're funny.

SPEAKER_02 58:06

Oh fuck dude.

SPEAKER_01 58:08

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_02 58:08

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

Horrible hang.

SPEAKER_02 58:12

Horrible hang. I heard about um I heard this word. That's apparently it's a real word. It's called Pooforia. And it's apparently when you have a when you take a large enough, if you take a large enough stool, you can orgasm from it. Male G spots in the ass.

SPEAKER_06 58:34

I would argue a giant dump is better than sex on a lot of occasions.

SPEAKER_00 58:38

A good dump? A great big jump. A good dump?

SPEAKER_02 58:42

One that really relieves the pressure. I'm big on the solid shits, dude. Something about dropping a solid shit, just a sense of pride washes over me.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

Brother, you're speaking my lane.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

You know, you know it's gonna be good when you feel the splash hit your ass cheeks, and you're like, hmm, oh no. There's some weight to that.

SPEAKER_06 59:04

See, I like darn cork boys that are so long that they eventually just snap. See, yeah. And it's more of a kerplunk.

SPEAKER_02 59:10

See, here's the thing. I here's the thing about your shits. I admire the length of them.

SPEAKER_06 59:15

Tell me about my shits, Kyle.

SPEAKER_02 59:17

I'll tell you about your shits. I'll tell you about your shits right now. They're they're very long.

SPEAKER_06 59:23

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

But they're not dense enough, dude. They're soft, they're alcoholic shits.

SPEAKER_06 59:28

Alcoholic shits.

SPEAKER_02 59:29

There's no there's no um I'm not even an alcoholic. But there's no, you know what I mean? There's no challenge to it. Anyone can make a shit.

SPEAKER_06 59:37

You're saying my shits don't have a spine. You need to spend a side.

SPEAKER_02 59:41

You need a specific diet to make the perfect size shit with a good density that doesn't break when you drop it.

SPEAKER_01 59:49

I can't believe that you're coming at me about the density of my shits right now.

SPEAKER_02 59:54

I don't know. I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_06 59:57

I mean, sure, I've been known to uncork a couple longies throughout the years that may, you know, bend around the bowl and form shapes, but I think that's just my natural god-given ability.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:10

That where it can kind of be, in a sense, like a double helix where it never breaks throughout all the wrapping. And that if I was if I was per se looking for a certain shit that I needed to find, I would be able to find that when it hits Great Delhi into the ocean.

unknown 1:00:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:26

Like the Mason. I would be able to find my shit. I don't know if you could. Mine stands out enough. And I believe in its firmness.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

You believe in the firmness?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:33

I believe in the firmness and the density. These are unbelievable, uncharacteristic really remarks from you coming at the density of my shit. So what's wrong with America, really? It's because of pussy losers like you that are coming at people's density of shits because you're jealous, no nothing haters. You were born on third and you thought you hit a triple. Because you have decent.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:55

How can I be jealous of something that anybody can do?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:58

Really? Anybody can do that? Anyone can make world raptors, twisty turny, J-Hook, S-shaped shits? Anybody? I'm a first round pick, god damn it, in the shit Olympics. I'm fur I challenge first overall. Yeah, the candyman hook shit? The candyman hook shit is a special move that was respected for years until the incident.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:24

Do you know uh do you see the remake of Candyman? The new one?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:29

Did you?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:30

Do you like the ending of it? Where it's revealed that uh Candyman's actually Derek Chauvin and Blackface?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:35

I thought it would I thought it really tied a nice bow on the saga.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:38

Yeah, yeah. Well, what I think happened is the Candyman was possessed by the spirit of Derek to the point where he just became Derek in Blackface.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he just got inside Derek.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

He he like devolved into Derek. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:54

Yeah, he wanted to get inside of him.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:55

Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:56

Yeah. He got inside of him.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:58

He got inside of him. Alright, man. I think I'm about ready to wrap this up, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:04

Alright, wrap that shit up. Alright, so span new to your pets and yourself, because I fucking hate the listeners.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:11

Uh yeah. Andy hates the listeners. You're gay. And tune in next week.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:18

For another dose of cock.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:19

For another dose of cock.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:20

And a horrible hang.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:22

Hey yo, West Side cum. Come, come, come, pick. Back at it. Back at it. Took a fat load in the eye. Now I got pink eye. Strep throat. Didn't know about me till I got the cum shot. It's okay, cuz I still got another good eye.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:39

I just got a vaccine boost and it was a cum shot. Now I got too pink eye. They're as pink as my lips. Once I put the cum on them and they shine like they got a lip gloss on them.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:53

This shit's popping from the cumb.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:55

This shit's popping from the cum.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:58

All right, bye.