How Should Christians Handle Thirst Traps?

How should Christians handle thirst traps, lust, and temptation online?

In this episode of Call Him Father, Micah and Pastor Taylor talk about modesty, social media, lust, pornography, and how young Christians should respond to sexual temptation in a hypersexualized online world.

They discuss what the Bible says about modesty, why attention and validation can become addictive, how social media algorithms work against purity, and why both men and women are called to honor God with how they present themselves.

They also get practical about what to do when thirst traps show up in your feed, why unfollowing or blocking accounts can be a wise step, how young men can build real guardrails against lust, and why “premeditated sin” often starts with small compromises that seem harmless at first.

The conversation also touches on joy and happiness, asking whether God actually wants Christians to be happy and why the gospel should produce real joy in the life of a believer.

Call Him Father is a podcast tackling hard questions about faith, life, and following Jesus in a modern world.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Call Him Father Podcast. We're getting into some good stuff today. We're going to talk about modesty, gonna talk about social media and uh thirst traps on social media, what to do about it. Do you avoid it? Do you unfollow? Do you block? Do you look at it? How do you, as a young guy, deal with the pressures and the temptation of social media? We talk about joy and happiness, the difference of both. Does God want you happy? And we get into some great stuff. So uh buckle up and uh it's gonna be a great episode. Thanks for hanging with us.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Do you think as Christians we're meant to be happy this side of heaven? Yeah. Really?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

The gospel, the whole summary statement of Christianity. If you go back to the original languages, you break apart that word, it literally means news that causes great joy. Yeah. So what happens is honestly, you get these more theologically conservative background and orientation churches, which I'm a huge fan of, by the way. I'm reformed in my Christian theology. I like Martin Luther. I like the Protestant Reformation generally a good thing. Um, there's a lot of reasons why I'm not Catholic. But the problem is when you get into these sort of like book-heavy, theologically dense Christian contexts, you know, a lot of times what can happen is it like we can address all the technicalities of the gospel so we can take apart the atonement of Christ and hit this thing in every different way, shape, and form, talk about penal substitutiary atonement, Christus Victor, all of these great themes, but there's no freaking joy, dude. Yeah, and and the gospel literally means news that causes great joy. In fact, about Jesus, it says prophetically about him in the Psalms that he's anointed with the oil of gladness beyond all of his companions. Yeah, the fruit of the spirit, Micah, is love, joy is literally the second one. And so what happens is you have these people because they live in footnotes and they don't have joy, and the gospel hasn't really affected them emotionally to make themselves feel better. We say dumb things like joy isn't happiness.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

But do you think happiness is synonymous with joy?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I think that happiness grows out of joy. I think that you gotta have joy first, and happiness is gonna grow out of that. And part of the critique against this, that's right, when people talk about the difference between joy and happiness. Yeah, you know, I can think of a a really well-known mainstream pastor who I'm not gonna name drop here. If I said it, everybody would probably a lot of people would recognize him. Um he said recently, I don't want your happiness, I want joy for you, though. Yeah. And where he's right with that is um happiness in and of itself is circumstantial if it's not anchored in the right stuff. Yeah. So if we're just waiting for happiness based on not having any difficulty in life, right? It's like bank accounts balanced, relationships are pretty good, I'm at a good spot in my career. Yeah, I mean, people get bored with that pretty quickly. The happiness kind of tends to run out. But the problem is happiness is coming from non-eternal realities, right? And that's weak. And happiness is circumstantial. And so that's that's true. And what I want to say, man, is I think if we understand the gospel, the news of Jesus Christ that causes great joy, we're gonna have a lot of joy and we're gonna be a people marked by joy. I think Christians should be the most freaking joyful people on the face of the planet, and it's going to look like happiness if we are experiencing Christian joy, I think, in a way that's faithful to the implications of what Jesus Christ has done for us.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

I do.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Do you agree?

SPEAKER_02 3:54

I do.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 3:56

I think that a lot of Christians get. And I think I've fallen into this too of like, you know, it's we're not meant for this side of heaven kind of thing. Um and yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's like the wanting to work hard in me. It's like, why why would we be put here if like the battle has been won already? Like there's obviously still work to be done. So I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, well, you should just be out doing that work. But who wants to take advice from someone who's like super grumpy and sad?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Dude, I think, I think, Micah, part of like why we're why the church isn't as vibrant as Jesus has intended it to be, is because like our vision of God is just so jacked. Revelation literally says that his face is shining like the sun in all of its strength. Yeah. I mean, like, that's the faith of Jesus, that's the face of Jesus right now, according to Revelation one. We live in the Pacific Northwest. Here's the illustration I've given before. Because the question here is like, what's the vision of God that you have come to mind when you think about him? And how I've illustrated this before is there tends to be kind of like a couple different possibilities. One is kind of a gray and gloomy God. We live in the Pacific Northwest. We don't see the sun for like nine months out of the year. It's awful. Right. And that that's kind of a lot of people's vision of who God is. It's gray, it's gloomy, it's sad. I don't feel good when I look at God because he's disappointed in me and he's angry with me and frustrated with me because of my lack of religious performance. Right. And yet revelation's gonna come around and says, No, like, dude, his face is shining like the sun in all of its strength. Yeah, right. Like it's like right now we're in the time of you're here where the sun's coming out more, people get nice, yeah, right? Like your neighbor that has just been mad at you is where is like, hey neighbor, how you doing? You're talking to each other again. People are giving each other the parking spot at Costco instead of like flipping each other off and losing their religion over it. And we're more friendly, everybody's smiling more, everybody's outside more because we're coming in contact with this great beautiful orb of light in the sunshine that we haven't seen for nine months. Yeah. And that's how the scripture is speaking about the face of Jesus Christ for those of us who are in covenant relationship with him. Right. And so of course, if when I think about God, the predominant set of lenses that I view him through is through disappointment, anger, frustration, and you know, like he's not proud of me and he doesn't love me, of course I'm not going to experience joy, and therefore happiness is a byproduct of my Christian joy. Yeah. If I look at the face of Jesus and I see him beaming with like joy and delight in me, yeah, like the Father said over Jesus at his water baptism, this is my beloved son with whom I'm well pleased. When I realize, man, that that is my covenant inheritance in Christ, that I'm righteous in my relationship with God because what Jesus has done. And so now the Father's saying that same thing over me and his face is shining like the sun in all of its strength. Dude, how can you not have joy? Like, how can you not be happy about that? How can that not lead to a smile on your face, uh, some pep in your step, right? Like some like how can that not lead to something that looks like happiness if that's gonna be your vision of who God is? Yeah. Which for the born again, that's right and good. That's your inheritance.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Tozer said it this way, he said that what comes to your mind when you think about God is the most important thing about you, because it's it's gonna define everything about you.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

So my wife and I are talking about modesty, and this has been, you know, I guess ever since we got married, this has been a topic we've talked about because the world tells you like as a female to wear like as close to nothing as possible with like swimsuits and stuff. So where do you think like the line is there for girls? Like what what should they be wearing? Um, how should they be portraying themselves on social media? Like, what do you think is appropriate?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Well, welcome to Call Him Father, uh, where we have two dudes who talk about what ladies should wear. But it's a great question, it's worth asking, it's worth wrestling, and as dudes, it's very relevant to us as well. Um so, and and does the Bible have something to say about how we dress and how we present ourselves? And absolutely it does. Um, and we could go a couple different places. All right, let's let's do First Timothy two uh nine and ten. This is what Paul says to Timothy. Real quick context background Paul has instated Timothy as a pastoral overseer of this local congregation, and he is giving him instruction on proper Christian behavior within the context of the church. Right. So this isn't just descriptive, this is prescriptive. This is like this is directly relevant for us in 2026 in church world. So this is what he says about uh women in particular in modesty. He says, likewise, also women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, this is ESV, with modesty and with self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pool pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

So, okay, so a few things your hair.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

No braiding nice clothes. Get the hijab out, dude. If you're gonna show up to church. No, I don't I don't think that's what's going on there. Um, but with we could talk about the cultural context of that and what the braid was doing in that cultural context, different for us. What he's getting at, he talks about modesty and respectable apparel. So when you have a woman like throwing up pictures in like shoestring bikinis on social media, I I mean, come on, like that doesn't fit that description. Somebody has to argue how you can do that and be faithful to this biblical command. Because again, there these are commands, it's not optional. It's not like we get to vote on it, it's not like we get to like you, I don't see a way that you can nuance your way out of this one specifically. He specifically uses the word modesty and respectable, respectable apparel. Now, one thing that I think is important to bring up with this man is like the question of why somebody would be doing that. And as a pastor, that's really what I'm most interested in. And and this isn't gonna be the case for everybody, but let's just be real. I like a lot of times it's for attention seeking and it's attention grabbing. Yeah, and if you're a young, beautiful woman, you know that if you throw up a picture of yourself in a shoestring bikini, you are gonna get more likes on that thing. You're gonna get more engagement, you're gonna get more comments than a post if you're just like in your sweaties, you know, like cuddled up on the couch with your freaking stupid hypoallergenic poodle and your popcorn getting ready to watch the next episode of Mormon Housewives or whatever. You know, like that one's gonna get a lot more engagement. And so that is one of my primary concerns is for the person doing that, is this you're seeking attention from other people because of a daddy wound? Yeah, because you're didn't grow up with a sense of security in your identity, yeah, that your love for who you are, you're not just the beauty of your body, like there's a lot more to a person than just your physical appearance. And by the way, like as far as physical appearance is concerned, most of that's gonna be flipping genetics. So if you are gonna, if we're gonna put ourselves out in the world based on the stuff that we didn't really do anything about that was just given to us because of chance genes, uh like why would it not be a better approach to put yourself out in the world based on the stuff that really matters, which I think Paul gets at? The quality of character, yeah, the mind, the heart, the personality, godliness, that is gonna be such a better way to attract the right type of attention from somebody. Yeah, it's the quality of the conduct of the person's character, not just a physical appearance that they didn't do anything to get.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

If you're starting to like really doubt how you look as a girl, and then like you know you can post that, and then you get all this validation from your girlies and from dudes and stuff. Just curious if that's like where some girls end up.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, dude, if you're insecure and then you know that all you have to do is like take a freaking selfie on like a beach somewhere, and then you'll immediately get that crazy dopamine hit of all of those notifications and all those likes and all those comments and all those drool emojis from these dudes that are thirsting over you now and objectifying you. And that's another thing that drives me crazy, bro. As a dad now, I have daughters, I know what it is, and to the young ladies out there, I know what it is to be a young man, yeah, and what goes through your mind when you see that stuff. And to the gentleman, here's what I would say just because it I think this was Luther, he said it this way concerning temptation to sin. Right. You can't keep the bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair. Right. And the idea is like this stuff is everywhere, dude. And the algorithm is so against Christian, faithful, chaste living for men and women. Yeah, but men, I know this, like you're scrolling on social media at night, and then all of a sudden, like what starts to show up more is the stuff that you're looking at. You're a dude, you're a young adult. The algorithm does not care about your spiritual development as a follower of Jesus, it cares about attention, it cares about showing you things that you're gonna engage with. Yeah, what you want to see, not what you need to see. And this is what ends up in front of the guy that's wasting his life on social media scrolling. You're gonna see this type of stuff, and then it starts a cascading event of just dumb things that you're doing in your mind. So just because it's out there, I guess what I'm trying to say, it doesn't give us the excuse to not respond to it in a godly way. Yeah. Delete your there's traps. Yes, exactly. You see it, turn away. On like recognize, we gotta recognize, man, that like just because somebody's putting herself out there like that, this is somebody's daughter. Yeah, like this is God the Father's good creation, yeah, and man, he's serious about it, and that puts the fear of God in me. And you don't want to objectify a human being that is created in the image and after the likeness of God, and with lust, that's what we're doing. We're reducing a human being who who bears the image of God to an object from my own personal fulfillment, right? So that's not good. Yeah, and as a dad now, I know what it's like to view the world through the lens of a young man, and it's not a good thing. And I don't and I I don't want that for them. And so this is a part of what we're gonna talk about. Like it if there's that desire to put themselves out there that way, I I mean, uh hopefully they're so secure in my love for them and God's love for them that it's just never even uh it's just never even a thing. Yeah. Um but a part of the conversation I think needs to be what what happens in the mind of a young dude on the other end of that freaking Instagram post. Yeah. And he's not doing good and godly things to it.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Yeah. And it's also like to keep in mind for the guys, it's like this is someone's future wife. And this is also like your sister in Christ, if it is if she is a follower. So it's like you should be treating him like that. But from the guy's perspective, it really is just like, yeah, if I have any girl that you know, him and I are friends with posting like that, I just have to unfollow them. Like I can't have that on my feet.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Micah, what do you what would you say to the young guy? This is something that you and your wife have talked about, very relevant. Yep. The what would your advice be to the young dude who is, you know, he's got these chicks that he's following, maybe from high school they were friends, or he's following some dumb accounts or whatever. Yeah. He's trying to follow Jesus. Um, he's not acting and here's the thing about social media, dude. You don't you don't have to necessarily be actively seeking it to have it just show up in front of your face. Right. So, you know, like just give some practical advice, man, on what you what you you and Emma have talked to, what you've done, how you've met that challenge as far as like you see you're scrolling, and then like there's these young women that are posting these horrible pictures of themselves. How how have you responded to that and what do you think is wise for the young guys out there that are experiencing this?

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Yeah, I'd say it definitely took me a while to understand, like, especially from the female perspective, like that it matters how things look, it matters how like you I think what shifted my perspective was like, okay, what if someone were to go through like Taylor's following, like who you're following, would it be okay for this account to be on there?

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Dude, I've had people call me out on likes. I liked a thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

And I've had people call me out on it. Yeah. So I guess thinking about it from that through that lens and then um yeah, just having to go through my following and clean it up. Um and what was the focus?

SPEAKER_01 18:54

So you're saying don't be afraid to like unfollow.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah, just don't yeah, I wouldn't it's it's I feel like it's uh it's you kinda have to. Like you're you want to eliminate any sort of like risk of temptation, right? And I feel like it's just creating healthy guardrails in your life. Whether you're single or married, I feel like it's good. It's like if you're struggling with porn or lust to just cut out anywhere that that could sh like make you stumble. So like having Snapchat, for example, like a discover tab is just a nightmare. And you know, what are you really doing on there? You know, what are you trying to hide from people?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

And um so I don't I'm so old, I don't even know what that is. I have no idea what you're talking about. There's a Discover tab on Snapchat.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

It's just a it's awful. Yeah, it's bad.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Dang.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Um But yeah, I would just not don't be afraid to unfollow girls or say not interested. There's also an option on social media where you can go to like sensitive content and you can say like sh don't show me this or show less. And it was weird, like by default, like I don't know if it's like the demographic I'm in, it had like show more automatically selected when they released that feature, and I had to go in there and change it. I thought that was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Wow. Can I say this too? I think a lot of times the focus is on women here and how they present themselves, yeah. But let's be honest, there's like just as many dudes who are doing the exact same thing. Yeah. Looking for validation, affirmation um from the opposite sex in ways that aren't healthy, posting the same stuff. Like I think it's good to be consistent here. So the dude that's like hopping up doing the you know, banana hammock, beach picture, flexings, washboard, aves everywhere. Like it could be the same thing. It's like what do you what are you what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Yeah, and how do you reconcile that with the call of scripture to respectable apparel and modesty and presenting yourself in a way that honors Christ? Sure. Like, do you see Jesus doing that? Right. You know, like no, that's not what he does. You think Jesus would make gym edits? Gym edits? Yeah. Dude, maybe, man. He's rolling rocks at the resurrection. You gotta be kind of buffed to do that, dude. I mean, like, that thing was heavy. Don't put that in there. Um yeah, so I think it's good to be consistent with that one. Like, dudes can do the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

And it's not good. Yeah, and to the young guys that are having that consistent experience where you have these experiences. Accounts that just pop up. I'm follow them. You're not dumb. Don't be dumb. You know that if you see, because what happens, I think, for young guys, bro, is we know what it is to honor Christ with our eyes. It's not complicated. Yeah. Like it's very straightforward. Jesus says if you lust after a woman, you've committed adultery, sexual morality in the heart, it's all there. You've objectified his good creation. It's not good. And so because we're smart and we're religious, what we do is we try to set ourselves up to sin without actively searching for it. And so I, you know, somebody won't unfollow all of those accounts. And then with just kind of the hope maybe that they open up social media and one day it's like, oh, hey, there it is. Whoops. You look for too long, and then ABCD happens and you're on a porn site and be an idiot. And so I just want to say, like, let's be men who do uh uh what the scripture calls us to do, make a covenant with our eyes, yeah. Realize that this is somebody's daughter, realize that this is God's good creation, and I don't want to ever objectify um a person, a human being who bears the image of the Almighty. Yeah. God sees all of that, and uh and and I want to be wise as far as not putting myself and counseling young guys to do the same thing. Don't put yourself in a situation where there's the potential for a chain reaction of dumb things to happen when it's in your power.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I called that what you just described, the whole like setting yourself up to sin. I call it like premeditated sinning. Because it's like guys are really good like problem solvers until it comes to like something where they don't actually want to cut it out from their lives, where it's like scary too. Because it's like you can be like, Oh, I want to quit drinking, but then you go out with your friends who are drinking, and then you end up drinking, you're like, I don't know how that happened. How did I get here?

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Yeah, so drunk right now. How did that happen?

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Yeah, or like, yeah, like with the you know, porn stuff, it's like I don't want to sleep with girls, but I'm gonna go on Snapchat where I have girls that I've hooked up with in the past. And now, how did that happen? It's like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 24:32

And now we're sleeping together again.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Yeah, how did that happen? Nobody put a freaking gun to your head and say, get in bed with her and take all of your clothes off right now. Yeah, like a slide into it. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

And I feel like what I've noticed is I feel like the the enemy comes in like temps in a way where it it feels like really innocent at first. Like it feels like I'm doing this, but it's out of good intent, and then it slowly slides into like where you back to where you were, or like what you're trying to get away from.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

And here's a really good like practical Christian living thing here, man, because there is um I was just talking to somebody about this today in a different context, but it totally applies. There's the work of God in my life, and then there's a stuff that He calls me to do. So it's like you can't just be the type of person that's like, hey, you know, Jesus, would you like just take my attraction to the opposite sex completely away and just you know, like help me never feel these things again and not be willing to do things about it? Like the New Testament is not opposed to effort, bro. Right. It's opposed to earning. You can't earn favor with God, you can't earn love, God's love, you can't earn your salvation, you can't earn Christ's approval. That's all given as a gift of grace. Peter comes around in 1 Peter and he's like, hey, like make every effort to add to your faith virtue. Yeah. So there's the faith in Christ that you have that saves you. And then Peter's like, like step up and be a man, yeah. And make every effort, every effort, not just put like half of yourself into it, not just like 20% effort, not like, you know, like halfway commit to this thing. Right. Make every effort to add to your faith virtue. What's virtue? It's godliness of character, yeah, it's integrity, it's living rightly in the world. And so there's what God does, and there's what I do. Um, when I first became a Christian, I was a 10-year porn addict at the time, and God did a supernatural work in my life. When I, dude, I I don't to this day, I don't remember 10 years of pornographic videos and images because I experienced Romans 12, 1 to 2. Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. There's a supernatural component here. I literally, my mind was renewed, it was washed. This was a supernatural thing that I experienced where I can't remember. I mean, 10 years, man, that's a lot of that's a lot of experience with porn. Like it's a lot, it's a lot. And and it's gone. And he he wiped it uh from my mind and from my life. And my desire wasn't like I didn't want to go watch porn again because I came and encountered the beauty of God, the joy of knowing God, and I realized pornography is a counterfeit. This is all dumb. I was looking for Christ all along. GK Chesterson has said it this way: He said, uh, every man knocking on the door of a brothel is looking for God. Same thing with porn, same thing with the thirst trap of social media and the bikini pictures and the Jim Flex guys and whatever. It's all the same stuff. And I realized when I met Jesus, like I was looking for God, and he was the answer all along. And and and so my desire shifted, and I didn't want to watch porn anymore. Yeah, and I still, you know, back to that Luther quote, uh, like I couldn't keep the bird from flying over my head, but I could keep it from making a nest in my hair. Right. And so the temptation showed up. Christ was tempted, he didn't sin. It's not a sin to be tempted, it's a sin to do dumb things with the temptation. Right. The temptation would present itself, and I had to make the choice. Okay, so there's this chick, like freaking basically naked, right here in front of me on this beach or whatever. Um, not a lot left to the imagination at this point. Do I keep looking or do I look away and honor God and honor her? I'm gonna I'm gonna look away. Like, don't let the thing make a nest in your hair. Right. You have a thought come into your mind. Don't let the thing make a nest in your hair. Like, think about Christ. Break your fascination with it. Don't let the movie reel start kicking off. And living in that trap of pornographic imagination, yeah, put it to Christ, start talking to Jesus about it, ask for his help to overcome it, and God does a steady work in us over time. Yeah. So we have responsibility here. Yeah, that's good. And and I think to your point, like sometimes that just looks like, dude, just freaking follow unfollow the account, man.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Simple as that. Yeah. Very good thing to do. Just remove yourself from being from the temptation or from the ability to be tempted in a specific context, if it's if it's a consistent thing for you.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Cool.