Yes, You Missed a Funeral for a Dance Recital

A grandma-in-law unfortunately passes away suddenly. The dance recital is scheduled. They chose the recital. We're talking about the parent who skipped a funeral for their kid's performance and why we think they were kinda mean for this. Plus two more stories: a parent who punished his kid for essentially bullying another student, and a groom disinvited his best friend's wife from his wedding.

Transcript

Welcome And New Format

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hello, and welcome back to Catch Up with Kai and Cohen. I'm Kai and I have Cohen with me. And today we're gonna be looking at some stories from the internet about people's views, whether they're right, whether they're wrong. And we've got a couple pulled up. What do you think about this, Cohen?

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Yeah, we weren't too sure what series we're gonna do. So we thought, no, let's pull some posts from social media, read it aloud, give us some perspective and views on it. We know it's very commonly and well done, but we thought we'd just give it a try to see how it goes.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

But hey man, seems like people like it, so why not? You'll get the catch up and Kai and Cohen edition of uh this might be a little bit different, but who knows?

SPEAKER_00 0:41

We'll see.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

So let's go

Funeral Or Daughter’s Recital

SPEAKER_01 0:43

start with the first one. Do you want to read this one out?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yeah. So I got one that says, Am I the asshole for prioritizing my daughter's recital over a funeral?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

So here Initial initial thoughts. Just from reading that title, do you do you have an opinion over if someone's an asshole?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Just from that, so the preface I didn't read, I haven't read it yet. But just from that title, I would say I would say an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah, kind of an asshole, right? For prioritizing a recital over a funeral.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

And why do you think an asshole?

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Well, because you know, a funeral is something that it's it's the end of life for someone, it's the final event.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Yeah, but what if you didn't know that someone? If it's if it's like an acquaintance.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Right, of course. But context, context of course matters. If if it's like an acquaintance, someone that you you know didn't particularly get on with or weren't super close with. I think it's still like you know, nice to Yeah, I guess yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I mean, if it was an acquaintan acquaintance that passed away and I wasn't, I guess, do you call it an invite to a funeral? Yeah, would be a good one. The courtesy is to go to show your respect.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Right, especially if there's like you have nothing else to do. But you know, we've got some context where it's someone's stars recite recital. But let's get some more context. See exactly what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

So here's a post. My daughter, five years old, had a dance recital on Saturday. Her dance studio scheduled everything a couple months ago. So my husband and I were pre were prepared to attend. Last Wednesday, my father informed me that his mother-in-law, his wife's mother, had passed away, and the funeral would be on Saturday. He said that he and his wife wanted me to attend it with my family, but would settle for just me. I'll be honest, I didn't want to go. I didn't have a close relationship with my father's mother-in-law. My kids saw her once a year at most. But I wouldn't mind attending if it weren't for my daughter's recital. The funeral would take place in a different city, a very short flight away, which my father had offered to cover.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

That's pretty nice.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

So it wouldn't be possible to attend both. I offered my condolences, but said my daughter had a dance recital on Saturday, and my family wasn't able to attend the funeral. My father said he'd understood why I couldn't take my children, though his wife was disappointed I wouldn't just tell my daughter's dance studio that there had been a family emergency. In spite of that, they both thought I should still go on my own. They said that my husband could attend the recital on his own, that missing one of my daughter's events when I'm there for everything else wouldn't be a big deal, and that she's so young that she probably wouldn't remember it anyway. She'd have more recitals in the future, but the funeral would only happen once. I stood my ground. Saturday came, I attended my daughter's dance recital. Both my father and his wife were radio silent all day, and I chose not to bother them. My father finally called me yesterday and we had an argument. He said his wife was inconsolable because her mother loved me and my children, and it broke her heart that we weren't there to say our goodbyes. He also said he was disappointed at how dismissive I had been of his wife and her family, and he couldn't believe I had refused to make such a small sacrifice for someone who would drop everything to do the same for me. I continued to stand by what I did. I understand her passing was sudden and the funeral was rushed, but I had made a commitment to my daughter and I wanted to honor it. My father said she should be old enough to understand that her mom has something more important to do. Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

What do you think? Straight away, I think I'm sticking to my original guns and saying this guy's this no, not a guy, this uh woman. This person is probably an asshole. What do you think? Oh, I don't know. Actually, I think they are. And I think there's a there's a couple things that are kind of interesting in this in this post, specifically with her wording. I noticed that obviously I'm reading too much into this, but that's the fun of it. I noticed that she exclusively refers to her dad as her father. And I feel like most of the time when people do that, it says a little something about their relationship with that person.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Like it's not exactly a term of endearment, is it? But what would what would that impact your decision to call this person an asshole?

SPEAKER_01 5:05

No, it doesn't. I think it provides some context though. Okay. That this person seems to not really get along too well with her with her father. And what was that? Her grand her gr grandma? It would be grandma in grandma in law, right? So not exactly not exactly someone that you would ever really be close with in the first place.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And she says it here. Yeah, I mean it's not she, is it a he?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I think it's a she.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, anyways, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. Honestly.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

So it sounds like you don't really think she's an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

I don't know. I think I think I'm more leaning towards not an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Dude, I mean, from my point of view, okay, so it's someone's funeral, someone that's part of the extended family, I guess. And she has her daughters, this person has their daughter's dance recital, five-year-old daughter's dance recital, and the choice is between going to the dance recital and attending this funeral. So if it was if this was like a situation where it's a single parent and you know they gotta be there for the daughter's dance recital, I would totally be on their side. But considering that the family only requested this person's attendance, and they were a bit on they, you know, they were fine with the rest of the family not attending, but if this person could attend and her this person's husband was available to stick around with the for the daughter's dance recital, I think she's kind of an asshole for skipping out on the funeral to attend a dance recital for her daughter.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Oh, I could see both sides, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Can you what's your argument for not an asshole?

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Well, number one, she's not close with the this this person. I actually think they they're gaslighting this person saying that oh, you would they would do everything to drop what they're doing. That's true. And like, oh wow, you didn't show up to this. Like they're kind of blaming her for kind of kind of insane, just for to blame not just, but like to blame all this on her. So there's a little bit of gaslighting I see here.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

And then the argument could be made. I don't know, like, how do you know the kid is gonna understand? Like the these events are like it could be so monumental for them. It could like it could impact their development, like their growth, their perspective. It could make such a huge impact for them. So you you don't you don't know that. You can't you can't make that decision or say that about the daughter.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Yeah, completely sure.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

That's unfair. Yeah, that's that's where I lean towards not an asshole. But that being said, I can also see why the person could be labeled as an asshole because you're right. It's like they're technically still family. And the gaslight part, I don't know, but like apparently they consider them close.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

But the thing that kind of stuck with me is this person chose to So Saturday came, I attended my daughter's dance retrital. Both my father and his wife were radio silent all day, and I chose not to bother them. My father finally called me yesterday, and we had an argument. That specifically is a little bit strange to me. This person didn't attend the funeral and also seems like did not really offer any condolences on the day of. And it there was no conversation had until her father called her after the funeral had already happened.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah. I also find it weird because it it says the father understood why I couldn't take my children.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah, because she couldn't take her children, but they were like, okay, don't you don't have to bring your whole family. Because she said, My family can't attend. Yeah. So then her father seems to have said, Okay, looks your family can't attend, but we would still like for you to attend. So you know, judging by that, how she it didn't seem like she offered much.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah, because I'm trying to think. Wife's father's wife's mother.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

It it's a pretty distant person, to be honest. Yeah. You know, like it's it's one thing if it's like your mother-in-law or father-in-law, like obviously you really should be there for that kind of event. I mean But like a grandmother. Yeah, given that you have like a good relationship. Yeah. But a grandmother-in-law and a grandfather.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Like to say that this person cares so much for you. Yeah. But then you're saying the person's saying, oh, we only met them like once a year. Like, sure, like maybe there's different perception of how close this, like how close they are. But but mentioning that, I think is a form of gaslighting to say that, oh, they would have dropped everything for you, but you couldn't even do this.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

I'm totally with you there. That that really does seem like a form of gaslighting. Yeah. I wonder if that I mean I'm sure it does, but I wonder how much grief plays a role in this, you know, if your world is.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

It said it was sudden. So I I I find that emotions are pretty high already. Like it's probably like more than 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

And it must be like I could I could totally see it being quite crushing that someone in the family dies so suddenly, and then you know, you don't even have like the people that you maybe you want like as much support as you can get, and if you don't get that like it's like a tense situation, you know, like the smallest things set people off in these situations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

I just say that because I think as a kid you're pretty sensitive. Like maybe yeah, you could brush it off like, oh, they're just a kid, they don't understand, but once again, you don't you don't know if they're gonna understand.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Like that's fair. But the way I see it, I feel like it is totally fair what you're saying. But I would argue that maybe it's not so damaging ha as having you know the one parent there. So in that sense, like yeah, it really could be like a really, really monumental thing, you know, a really important dance recital. And I wonder how much a kid would really be able to understand if they're if one of their parents was not able to make it there.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yeah, I would say, oh man, I don't know. So what's your so your final verdict is that they're an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I still think they're an asshole, yeah. I I think it's uh they're they should have done something, you know. It feels like they didn't really offer much. They offered their condolences like their condolences. Did they?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

I offered my condolences, but but this was beforehand, right? Yeah. Yeah, this was uh this was once the person passed away. I feel like on the day of maybe it's appropriate, maybe it's it seems a bit she seems this person seems a bit inconsiderate. Is all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Like even if you don't go to the to the recital, I feel like you could still do to do some things to show that you care. But it almost feels like this person really doesn't care. But uh I guess does a person have to care?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

That's my view.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

You know what I mean? Don't you think it would be decent to care? There was a loss, a sudden loss of human life, technically part of the family.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

And it's like this is the truly the final time you'll ever be in the same vicinity as this person in your entire life.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah. I just feel like uh what gets me is that they've they've prepared for this dance recital, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 12:04

True.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Like imagine how much the kid's looking forward to performing in front of their parents and one of them is gone. Yeah. I mean, how but I guess but I guess to rebut that though, if you're able to explain that to your kid, exactly a five-year-old, it's actually not I've like it depends. But I think if you were able to explain it pretty well, they would actually be understanding.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah, that's that's kind of the the camp that I'm in as well. Like, of course it's not gonna be good. Your five-year-old is going to be sad, undoubtedly. Even if they don't express it, they're they're if they if they like you, they're gonna be sad, you know. Okay that you're not that on my mind.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Okay. 60% asshole, 40% not the asshole. So technically the asshole.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Yeah. What what uh what pushed you to that decision?

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Because I think the right step would have been maybe try to talk to your kid first. Yeah. Maybe maybe they did. I'm not I'm not trying to I'm trying to make no judgments here, but maybe trying to explain that what's happening. There's been a loss to in the family. And it's the kid's family too, technically, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Don't you think by thinking this way, you're being a little too graceful for this for this poster? Like I feel like if they had if they had this kind of dialogue with their kid, they probably would have mentioned it in the context. I feel like people that make these posts, they will they will put as much out there to cover their own ass as possible.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

And this person didn't say anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

Yeah, so even so that's what I'm saying. Like, even with that in mind, yeah. That even that much grace I'm giving them, yeah, I'm still saying it's 60% asshole. Yeah. So imagine if they maybe maybe all the facts were available. Maybe that would be like an 80% asshole. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think this person is mostly an asshole. Okay. Are you should we should we look at the comments? What they think?

SPEAKER_01 13:43

I mean, this is the the comments are the most fun part.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Okay.

Comment Section Logic And Grief

SPEAKER_00 13:46

The first, I'll I'll read out the first comment. Okay. This is the most popular upvoted comment. Funerals are the living. Are for the living. Are for the living. You go to support your loved ones who are still on this earth. If you don't have a close relationship with your dad and his wife, I totally understand how it's going. But if you overall had a good relationship with your dad and his wife, I think you made the wrong decision. Grief is hard. And when you feel the people you care about don't care about you in return, it just amplifies the grief.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

I think that's pretty correct, especially that final sentence. I agree. Like I said, this is like the this is this person's final moment. And I think you shouldn't go to a funeral if you actively dislike someone.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

If you actively dislike someone, I think you shouldn't go. But I think even if like you're okay with like imagine imagine a friend, not a close friend, but just one of your friends. Because I'm thinking of like one of my friends, even if like if it's like a friend from like high school that I haven't talked to in a while, yeah. If I find out they pass away and there's like a funeral, I would go.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I if I were friends with them in high school, 100% I'll go. Yeah. And don't you think that's like kind of similar to this? Yeah, I mean, like, I guess true, because say a friend passed away, even without asking me, I think I would go. Yeah. In this situation, they even asked her. Yeah. But she I mean, I'm I'm assuming generous here, but I mean, like, they're saying no. I mean, they don't want to go. Yeah. So yeah, I guess I'm leaning more towards like more towards that asshole now.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah. Specifically like not being there for the because you know, just think about how how her dad feels. Because maybe this person wasn't important to this person, but maybe the grandmother, the stepgrandmother was quite important to her dad. And the for me at least, if someone's like important, someone that's important to me, I'll try to make an effort to make that person important to me as well.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Okay. Second comment.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Which one?

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Not the asshole. So is she quote unquote so young that she propn she probably wouldn't remember it anyway, or old enough to understand that her mom has something more important to do, which isn't?

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I think that's pretty valid. Yeah. And I think this is this is something that adults do all the fucking time, which is really fucking annoying. And it it always bothers kids as well, which is conveniently belittling kids in whatever way is convenient for you. You know, specifically in this where the person's father says the daughter is so young that she probably wouldn't remember it anyway, but at the same time, apparently old enough to understand. Well, these two are like contradictory, you know? And I feel like this happens all the time when people are dealing with kids. They think kids don't really know, they don't really get it, they don't really understand, they don't really remember. Kids do understand. That's the thing, man. Exactly. They understand all the way. Once they can like talk and and think and shit, they understand what the fuck you're doing, what the fuck you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

And like this is so disrespectful to a kid, you know. Imagine saying it, which is why like these people will never really say it to like kids' faces, or if they do, they're like huge assholes. But yeah, this is it's like such an inappropriate stance.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

It's a hard one. That's why I think it would be. I mean, I don't know what the person did. I think that's why it's more important to try to talk to them first. The kid first, too. Yeah, agreed. Not only the dad and the stepmom. Yeah. But because like you said, like I don't know, it might have a huge impact on on them.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

I think I've had actually no, I don't remember, but like I'm trying to remember if I had times where my parents didn't show up, but I think they they have.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

I mean, I I know distinctly moments in my early childhood where specifically adults said that I wouldn't remember it, or they expected me not to remember it. And then I bring it up and they're like a surprise, or they're like shocked, or they like act like it didn't happen until I keep pushing and they're like, okay, you're right, that happened.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Yeah. Okay, next comment. We'll do we'll do two more. Okay. The first one, I mean the next one is slightly you're the asshole. I actually think it's fine for you to miss the funeral, but it sounds like you didn't take make or you didn't make any effort to show your care. You could have sent flowers or a fruit basket, called your stepmother, and sent a nice note about what a great lady your stepmother grandmother was, and how you're so sad to miss the funeral. I think if you had put in a little effort to show your care, it would have gone a long way. To which the person said, I called her and offered my condolences. And I did apologize profusely when I said my family wouldn't attend the funeral, to which the person said, Okay, never mind, not the asshole based on the person's response.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Hmm. I have a little trouble really believing this. I mean, in the original post, the person themselves says that they did not talk to her parents on the day of. But then here she says, I called her and offered my condolences. And I did apologize profusely when I said my family wouldn't attend the funeral. I'm guessing this is from the original conversation that they had when she originally said, like, oh yeah, my family can't come. And that's when she offered condolences and apologize. But I don't think she made any effort on the day of. And I think so. No, it doesn't seem like it. I mean, or else she probably would have said, like, oh, I did send flowers. I did call them. But I mean, in the original post, she explicitly says, I did not contact them. Wait, wait, really? Yeah, she said I went. Yeah, there. Saturday came. I attended my daughter's dance recital. Both my father and his wife were radio silent all day, and I chose not to bother them. That's stupid as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Oh, I get what you mean. I get what you mean.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Yeah, like choosing not to bother people that are clearly, you know, in grief, that is like such an L. That is so obviously the movie moves.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Maybe that's why. Maybe they thought, oh, they're they're grieving. I shouldn't bother them. No.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

No, I think I think she knows she did something wrong and didn't want to have to deal with the uncomfortable situation on the biggest.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Hey, okay. Okay, I didn't think about that. You think that's what happened?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

I I think that's totally what it is. And I mean, like, everyone comes here for validation, anyways. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

I guess I guess I have to take into account of the bias that this is the person who's posting it.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Totally. Yeah, because we're only hearing their side of the story. Yeah. You know, and for their side of the story, surely they're making themselves seem like as normal and like chill and you know morally correct as possible, surely. Even even if they don't intend to, that's like your natural bias, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Yeah. Okay. Wow. Yep. Okay, last one.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Ugh. All these comments about funerals are for the living. You should have supported your dad. You should have showed more compassion, rolling eye emoji. All of those are emotional manipulation. You have children, and your first priority is to those children, not senior citizens. If they are having trouble dealing with the sudden death of an old person, then they should get some therapy. Damn. That's kind of harsh. Yes, your daughter will have other recitals, but every event will have special moments, and you are not required to give those up for a funeral for someone living or dead. And before people pile on, I'm in my 60s and have not and I've lost several people close to me, but never made my children feel obligated to attend. My children can support me, but are not responsible for my emotional regulation. I don't agree with all of that. I think you you should like they're saying you should you're not required to give up those for a funeral for someone. I mean, context matters. Like you said before. Like if you were, if you knew them, I think it's it's common, it's like courtesy to show up to the funeral. But I kind of agree with the emotional manipulation part, like I mentioned before, like the gaslighting. But once again, it may have they may have said that out of like heightened emotions when they're grieving. But I also agree with the part with the children that they might they might take those moments quite special, each one of those moments. Because you gotta look at that. When you're five years old, everything's so novel, everything's so new. So they could have it, it might have a huge impact on their on their on their like life moving on.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

So the really big problem I have with this person's comment is saying you have children and your first priority is to those children, not senior citizens. Fair enough. But let's keep in mind that this family, this is not like random senior citizens. Yeah. And I I think it's a bit like, you know, people are always so disingenuous in these comments. They're always, you know, clearly have like some bias, and this person clearly has bias. To kids, but but against senior citizens for some reason. And then he says, or sorry, and then they say, if they are having trouble dealing with a sudden death of an old person, then they should get some therapy. This is so incredibly tone-deaf.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Oh, yeah, it's horrible. That's that's that's this person's an asshole for saying that.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Totally, yeah. Listen, if you've got a personality like this where you don't really give a fuck about people, where you and it's like so obvious, you're gonna reach a point in your life where you are you're not gonna have very many people around you. Yeah. You know, if this is the if this is your attitude towards humans in general, then I mean, like, what the fuck are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

This is a this this is this is a terrible, terrible thing to say to someone. If you're having trouble dealing with sudden death, you should go to therapy. That's that's that's a disgusting statement. Yeah, bro, you should go to therapy for for saying this shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Yeah, because dude, loss is it's an it's it's final. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Yeah, that's grief.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

Is yeah, it's an unbelievable experience. Yeah, that for someone who's have to go through grief for that.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

That is that is permanent. It leaves a permanent scar on you, you know, especially if it's if it's someone that was was really a part of your life. It's it's a part of you that's gone that's never coming back. And to have this kind of attitude towards it is frankly pretty idiotic.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

I would say, you know what, the person's an asshole. Yeah, I would say more that's my conclusion.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

For the most part, I would say this person is an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Yeah. That was our first one. And then we have another one.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

On

Grounding A Son For Bullying

SPEAKER_01 23:33

to the next one. This one seems a little bit shorter, but so the title for this one is Am I the Asshole for Grounding My Son after he got kicked out of class for refusing to sit next to somebody?

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Okay, just from that title. Once again, I don't know the context for this. Let's see. For grounding my son after he got kicked out for refusing to sit next to somebody?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

I mean, this one is much more ambiguous. You totally need context. I would say. Because like, what if the person was like a bully? What if the person is like an asshole? You know? Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, not the asshole, I would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's for this one, you totally need context. Yeah. I was gonna give it a rip. But but but she's asking, or sorry, not she, this person is asking if they are an asshole for grounding their son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, I would say not the asshole. For grounding the son for not for refusing to sit next to somebody? Yeah. But no, no, but she did ground her son. And you don't know the reason that the son wasn't sitting with somebody.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

So maybe the person that they weren't Yeah, they they are the asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Just like initially, right? Yeah. But uh, okay, here's the body of the of the post. My son is a sophomore in high school. About a week ago, they did a lab for chemistry class, and he was paired up with this one girl. I feel like I've heard him talk about this girl before with his friends, calling her ugly and saying she smells like feces. That is so ridiculous. He was paired up with this girl, and while they were doing the lab, my son was apparently standing so far that he couldn't actually even help her in the lab. Eventually, the teacher caught on. And when she told him to move closer, he said no, saying she stinks. The teacher threatened to write him up if he didn't, and my son still refused, so he got kicked out of class. I got the call, and when he came home, I took his phone for A, not listening to the teacher, and B publicly making fun of her, presumably in front of the whole class. I will say, I've met this girl before for something else school related in the past. And it's true that she doesn't smell the best, but my sentiment is the same. But my husband and my son think I'm making a big deal out of things. Am I the asshole? Not at all. Fuck. Yeah, not at all. Dude, this this bro, your son and your husband fucking suck. Your husband and your son are the worst people ever. Your son's a fucking bully, he's a shitty guy, and your husband is also a fucking bully and a shitty guy and is enabling your son. What the fuck is going on here, man?

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Yeah, so I mean, like, I mean, I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to play the devil's advocate. Like, son, okay, smelly, smelly girl.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

I mean, no, this is just this is like so sad.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

No, but like, I'm trying to see, like, yeah, I mean, this is this is bullying. Yeah, this is like they're literally saying calling her ugly, and she smells like that. That's dude, yeah. No. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

I mean, you know, whenever you've got a kid in in school that has like poor hygiene, it's it's never like you don't know their context. Like you maybe they're like it's it's it's almost no, not almost, it is never the kid's fault for for you know that kind of stuff, being being dirty, having dirty clothes, having poor hygiene. There's clearly something going on at home that the kid is dealing with, and so you know, the son having this kind of attitude. Obviously, this dumbass was not raised properly. He was not taught that he can't be having this kind of attitude to these people. And imagine what the girl must be feeling. I know, right? Especially as a girl, dude. That that's like that's probably gotta be like the one of the worst moments of her life. Like, this is something that people take their own lives for. Yeah, this is something that's like so like this this kid has no clue how horrible, or maybe he does know, but you're in high school. Is it high school? Really? Yeah, holy fuck. Wow, sophomore in high school. How old is that?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

That'd be like, I don't know, is that grade 11 in Canadian context?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Oh, so he's like 16, 15, yeah, 16, 17, something like that. Yeah, yeah. I guess no, I guess this would be grade 10. Dude, even if you're grade 10, you're old enough to understand this, you know. You can't be this fucking dumb. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Yeah, yeah, not the let me see what the comments are.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

But like the big thing is, and then she says, My husband and my son think I'm making a big deal of this. Your husband is agreeing with your son? Why the fuck did you marry this guy? What the fuck? That's not good, man. That's not good at all. You know, I could I could see so clearly why the son thinks it's okay if if his dad has this kind of opinion.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah, and honestly, what surprises me is that the teacher threatened to write him up and he still didn't do this.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Yeah. This is clear is such a bad kid. Yeah. And unfortunately, the mom probably doesn't even realize how bad her kid is. Probably because her I I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but that's probably the point.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

I mean, once again, I'm trying to play the devil's advocate. I mean, like I I feel like as a kid, maybe maybe it would have been better to go about the other way, like a better way rather than just calling her names and like straight up like ostracizing this girl.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

And I mean, for the kid, there's like he's al he's already like the the son, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

The son is already like fucked up and he needs to be. I think they should do way more than grounding. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Yeah, they should make him reach out to the girl.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Grounding is not enough. Yeah. This kid needs to learn, he needs to understand what he did is wrong. Not just not just punishment, because you know, the punishment it'll make him feel bad and maybe it'll deter him from wanting to do it again, but it's not gonna change him. You need to change him.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Dude, like this will forever impact the girl's life. Yeah. Their self-esteem, their self-confidence.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yes. And and this attitude is gonna ruin this the son's life as well. Eventually it's gonna get caught catch up with him. You know, you can't live your whole life having this kind of attitude. Someone is gonna someone's gonna set you right. And is it better to get set right by your parents than a pure or a stranger or something like that?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Okay, ready for the comments?

Hygiene, Empathy, And Accountability

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Okay. First comment not the asshole. Your son is a bully and your husband is enabling his behavior. I really feel sad for this girl.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Totally agree. 100% agree. The son is totally a bully, and the husband is entirely enabling this behavior.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Yeah, the per the the this other person said the exact same thing. Like your son has no idea what her home life is like, which probably is why she smells differently. It sounds to me she doesn't have any support at home as far as access to washer and ability to clean herself and calling her ugly is totally uncomfortable. Yeah, like what the hell?

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Where'd that come from? Yeah, where did that come from? Uh I mean, dude, uh he was definitely playing it up too. Like, no one is so fucking smelly that you can be standing like a desk away from them. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's he was obviously playing it up, like making it seem much worse than it is. And again, this this poor girl clearly is dealing with something. Like, no, no parent that's you know, really, really aware and involved in their kids' lives. No parent is gonna is gonna send their kid to school like all messy and dirty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So clearly there is something much more.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

And who would want to go to school dirty?

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

I mean, yeah, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Like she would, she would, she she would rather be clean and not be made fun of, yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_00 30:38

There's one devil's advocate in the comments. I'm conflicted. How many of us would happily stand next to someone who smells like feces? The school has to do something, but forcing kids to pair up with her is unkind to both children. How should the son have handles this better? Suck it up and smell shit, meaning the scent not girl, ask the teacher to speak privately, which I which we said before they should have approached it better, but the sh the the son straight up is bullying her, calling her names.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Have you ever personally been in this situation?

SPEAKER_00 31:03

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Partnered with someone that you didn't want to be partnered with?

SPEAKER_00 31:07

Never.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

An uncool kid or someone that you thought was smelly?

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Not at all.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

I have. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

I don't give a shit. How's that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Who gives a fuck, man? Like I can I can stand being next to someone that doesn't smell great for one class. It's it's not gonna be the death of me. You know what is gonna be the death of me? Embarrassing this kid and and making a big deal out of it. Like, like that is so much worse than just I'm not saying everyone should suck it up. I'm just saying that's what I I do. And I think that's way better than making a huge deal out of it in front of the class, getting the teacher involved, getting fucking sent home, and then getting grounded. Like, what the hell? This is all way too much.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

I guess this is this is another another devil's advocate. So, okay, so if my teenage daughter gets paired with the boy who doesn't wash his ass and smells like he doesn't wash his ass, I do not expect her to continue working with him. I don't expect anyone to actually, the kid needs a shower and a meeting with the school counselor. But I do expect my daughter to be kind and how she handles it, especially in a circumstance where the boy in question hasn't done anything wrong. I'm going with ESH, have no idea what the fuck that means.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

That means everyone sucks here.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Okay. You suck because it sounds like you expected him to continue working with this girl despite her hygiene. Your son sucks for being unintentionally cruel about it. He could easily have handled his concerns privately and chose no not to. Your husband sucks for being okay with his son, being intentionally cruel about it. He could have supported his son's argument about not working working with her while also condemning his important behavior and chose not to. Good. That last line feels like deja vu. Compassion would not have cost anyone anything in this situation.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

Yeah, these people a lot of these people in these comics are acting like the the smell is like gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Yeah. You know. Whereas this whereas what he's doing could kill someone.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Yeah. I think the the person I feel the most contempt for is the husband in this situation. That I would know what is this guy doing? You know, taking his son's side, but saying, like, yeah, the girl smells, what do you want? This is just so stupid.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Damn, yeah. This one was a pretty easy one. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, last one for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

So we

Destination Wedding Uninvites A Spouse

SPEAKER_00 33:18

we both don't know this, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:19

No.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

Okay, so the title Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Attend My Childhood Best Friends Destination Wedding after they uninvited my wife.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

First of all, being from the judging from that title, totally not an asshole. I agree. I mean, why if you don't invite my wife, you're you're not inviting me, you know? Yeah. Once you're married to someone, that's a unit. It's it's a couple package. Yeah. There's no there's no one or the other. I agree. I agree. Um, so I gotta say no, not the asshole for refusing to attend your child. Man, childhood best friend is discluding your wife randomly.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Yeah, there's something, there's something going on.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Yeah, what the fuck kind of childhood best friend is this? Either either it ain't such a good friend or maybe the the wife is not so cool.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Okay. Anyways. Let's see. So here's a story. My best friend from childhood is getting married. He and his fiance have been together for about seven years and planned a destination wedding. They wanted a smaller, more intimate wedding and decided to combine the bachelor and bachelor party into a week-long trip. About a year ago, I was told about the wedding and was asked to attend. I was specifically told that both my wife and I were invited. The only thing we would need to pay for was our airfare. Everything else would be covered. Over the last year, there were multiple conversations confirming that both my wife and I would be attending. Based on that, we requested and received PTO from work, bought plane tickets, and started preparing for the trip. We bought clothes and other things we would need for a week-long destination wedding. About a month and a half before the wedding, my friend told me there was no longer enough space for my wife. Apparently, she had been cut from the guest list, and there was only one room for me.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

First of all, that makes no sense.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

He also mentioned that numerous other guests were upset. Some people had to pay for their own accommodations elsewhere if they wanted to attend after previously being told they would be covered. And some guests had their invite invitations revoked entirely because they were overcapacity. I was honestly shocked. I told him that if my wife couldn't attend, then I wouldn't be attending either. I asked him what happened and why this situation occurred. I wanted an honest explanation. His response was basically that they didn't realize they had a capacity issue until invitations were sent out. I asked how that could happen if they already knew the venue capacity beforehand. He refused to answer directly and kept saying that this wasn't about the guests because it's their wedding. I told him that while it is absolutely their wedding and their choice, they had set clear expectations a year in advance and repeatedly confirmed these expectations. Now, after people had spent money, used PTO, and made plans, they were changing things and expecting everyone to be okay with it. He and his fiancee have taken no responsibility for the situation, instead blamed the guests for overreacting. He also told me that I was the only one making a big deal about not being able to bring my wife. To be clear, I never demanded that they reinvite her. I simply told him that if my wife wasn't welcome, I wouldn't be attending either. Am I the asshole for being angry about this and refusing to go to the wedding?

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Not at all. And I wonder what the fuck is going on. There's so many things strange about this post. So one of the first things I noticed was this guy, so apparently there was no room for his wife, and he just had a room for himself now. How the fuck does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 36:44

So I had a wedding. Yeah, I was involved in the planning process. Uh-huh. It wasn't a destination wedding, but I planned a wedding. I mean, not really me, but my wife. But I'm trying to see, you know, when you book a venue, the venue that you book is based on the capacity. So meaning that you have an idea of how many guests you have and they're going to be in the wedding. So to say this is a capacity issue a year later, where you sent out invites, meaning that you probably would have finalized the way before, and then just to say, psych, yeah, I take that back. Kind of weird.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

That's that's insane. And also, can you believe his best friend pointed out that he was the only one making a apparently making a big deal about his night wife not being invited? I mean classic gaslighting. Yeah, like bro, what the fuck are you talking about? They they spent money, they spent money, they they took pay time off, they spent money to buy their tickets, they spent money to buy clothes and whatever the fuck else they were doing. And then, you know, just that alone is enough to make someone pissed off. Yeah, you know, I did all these things and now I'm not invited. Like that alone is enough.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Like, like I get I get that is their wedding. Yeah. Because weddings are stressful, it's expensive, but like maybe it'd be different if it was like a local wedding, but a destination wedding where you did all that you described, you pay for it, you took time off, and then just to say, oh I changed my mind.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Yeah, I changed my mind. It's my wedding, it's not my guest's wedding.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

That's kind of an that's that's kind of a dick move, man. Yeah, I mean, like maybe, yeah, like I don't I don't I don't think I saw that he apologized that they no, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

And on top of that, this person to the poster made it clear that he didn't even want to, he didn't even ask for his wife to be reinvited. He just said that if my wife can't go, then I can't go either, which is like 100% fair. Yeah, that's fair. I would expect anyone to be that's in a committed relationship to have a a very, very not even similar, the exact same position where you know you invited us and now you're uninviting one of us, but you can't really do that. You have to it's either both of us or or none of us, you know. But but still, I think it's weird that this person that suddenly there was no room for the the wife.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Well, it's not just the wife though, there's multiple people.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Yeah, but if this guy has a room, why couldn't the wife be in the same room as him? Like, are they rooming with people? Wait, what do you mean? Because in the post he says, where was it?

SPEAKER_00 39:17

I can't find it, no, but he basically said that there was a I asked how it just says there's no longer no longer enough space for my wife. So she had being cut from the guest list and there was only room for me.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Yeah, so how is there how is there a ro I maybe that means the venue, maybe not like the accommodation. I was thinking about it in like the accommod accommodation sense. I guess they didn't specify that, so I don't really know. Yeah, I guess that's I thought that was weird. But but if it's a destination wedding, how do you even have problems with the venue?

SPEAKER_00 39:48

I mean, I I maybe I could see it, but once again, when you book the venue, there's a capacity list there. Like it specifically identifies how much people can be at the venue.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

No, but I mean like how many people can you even get to go to a destination wedding? I would say like max like if you're very lucky, 30 people are gonna be able to make it. I mean it depends on how you want it, how big you want it though. I guess so. Well, but my point is like say you're doing a destination wedding. It's hard to believe that you're overcapacity on it on the venue. Yeah. You know? Like, because it's not like you're you're booking a venue for like a hundred people.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

I mean mine's not I'm not really over the top about that. Mine's just more like when you book the venue, you know how many people can attend. That's my thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Yeah. Something clearly happened with the with the wedding couple and now they're they're like cutting people. I mean, it's definitely gotta be like financial struggles. Yeah. But they're just not admitting it.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Yeah. I can I think that's one big thing, not just being honest about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Yeah. And all and being pretty defensive about it as well. You know, throwing it back at the Yeah, you just straight up gaslit them. Yeah, you're saying, like, oh, you're the only one making a big deal out of this. Yeah. First of all, I don't believe that. If that if there's someone else in a similar situation, yeah, I find it very, very hard to believe that no one else is making a big deal out of their fiance being suddenly uninvited from the wedding. I agree. So I think I think he's not the asshole for being angry. Yeah, and his uh a supposed childhood best friend is an asshole. And then you're ready to see the comments. Yeah, but don't you think like something like this, it's like almost so stupid that it seems unbelievable. Childhood best friend is this much of a moron? Really?

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Well, no, I actually don't think I think childhood best friend means nothing. Really? Yeah. I mean, I had many childhood best friends and I'm not friends with right now. Yeah, but he is. But you don't know how their dynamics changed.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Well, he's saying my best friend from child.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Yeah, like it could be like not that close anymore.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Yeah, true. True. Man, this guy shouldn't have said like childhood best friend, but he says like friend, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

But yeah, let's see the comments.

Who Pays For Bad Planning

SPEAKER_00 41:45

All right. First one, not the asshole. I would not attend. I will go on a holiday with my wife, use the tickets, but I wouldn't be attending. Then they can give your seat to someone else. See, you're assisting them.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Honestly, not a bad idea. That's a pretty sick idea. That's good time, actually. I think that's a pretty good idea. Yeah. Uh and you know, you you also do have like an easy out saying, like, oh, you know what? Since my wife isn't coming, I won't come either. And then you can just reinvite another couple that you had to split up. You know? Yeah. It's like a one-win situation. Yeah. Obviously, you're still losing out because you know, you planned for this this wedding and now you have to change your plans. Yeah. But it's still like a lovely, I'm sure it will, it will still be a lovely vacation with your wife. Yeah. Yeah. But still like downsides being like you you didn't personally choose this vacation destination and supposed to be different. So it still like kind of sucks. But I think that is probably the best of a bad situation.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Let's see. So over a year they kept you and other guests, presumably by tickets, outfits, gifts, and accommodations, and decided to disinvite them a month before the actual wedding. That is terrible. You can you can't treat people like that and don't expect pushback. I also think your friend is lying about other people not making this an issue.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Totally true. I I think this person has got it down, Pat. I think the friend probably is lying about a bunch of things, actually.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

Yeah. Like so, whatever the reason could be. Let's say you're the host of the wedding. Yeah. Like how would you make up? Take how would you take responsibility for this?

SPEAKER_01 43:16

I would you just, you know, honesty is the best policy, man.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

You just apologize profusely. I was like, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Yeah, just right away, I would just say because I think it's like probably a financial issue. Yeah. And I think if you're honest about that, who's gonna be mad at you?

SPEAKER_00 43:28

You know, I mean, they'll be mad. And I think you should be, you should expect them to be mad.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

I think it's understandable though, like because you know, since they because I think something something unexpected came up which caused financial issues. I don't think they or at least like I I'm comfortable giving enough benefit of the doubt to the person to say like they didn't go over budget initially. It was something bad that happened that caused them to go to have financial struggles rather than like They overbooked initially and they were just like being assholes about it.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

I see. Yeah. I mean Yeah, I think the best thing to do is just being honest.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

Apologizing. I think if they're already on like financial constraints, then it'd be difficult to make like make up for what they purchased in the plane tickets. Maybe like maybe like a gift, maybe like out of gesture of I don't know, apology, but yeah, but honestly, we could just go a long way.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

Yeah, I mean, definitely not the way that this guy went about it being like argumentative and stuff. Yeah. And it does make I'm I mean it it does not that it makes sense, but it's tensions are high around wedding times.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Yeah, I'm trying to look for a comment where they're trying to say he's the asshole, which I can't really find any, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

Yeah, this seems pretty cut and dry.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Yeah. I'm trying to look here, but no, they're all they're all not the asshole, not the asshole. I would end this friendship one says.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

You know, I think I think in a lot of these scenarios, people in the comments are so rabid. What do you mean? Like they maybe it's to do with commenters being like maybe a little bit younger, but I feel like they don't they really don't think about the consequences of whatever the fuck I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

It's just like it's much easier to type all these comments out than to actually follow throughout with your actions.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Yeah, like I saw uh I I briefly while you were scrolling, I briefly saw some one of the comments said like, go and then send them like postcards while you're there, which is like a huge asshole move in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Oh, I mean, yeah, I no, no one's gonna do that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Like that's like a that's like a this one of the stupidest suggestions you can have. Yeah, but I see it quite commonly on posts like this where people are like, yeah, just like just fuck them over. Just go go gung fucking ho, you know, like throw shit at the wall, fuck those guys, break up with your boyfriend, whatever the fuck, all that shit. So it's nice to see uh every once in a while. Yeah. People are pretty uh grounded on something like this.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

Well, this one's pretty easy, I think. Well, not the Haswell frame.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Yeah, we gotta find some more controversial ones for uh for next

Next Episodes And Upload Schedule

SPEAKER_01 46:04

time.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Yeah, I mean, how do you think this went? A little too easy. Like, I mean the episode.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Oh, I think I think it was good. I think it was fine, yeah. But yeah, it would be it would have been nicer to have something more juicy.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Yeah, I mean, well, let us know like how this went. I think maybe if we need to go more in depth per per post, like see to try to identify more like context, identify more values, morality.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Yeah, and one thing I wanted to do was come up with my like my own, I guess, like story of one that I was unsure of whether I was an asshole or not.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

But all I could think of was stories where I was like clearly an asshole. Yeah. You know. So maybe for next time.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Yeah, we'll try to look for more juicy ones that are kind of like fiddling around this line of am I the asshole or not the asshole?

SPEAKER_01 47:00

But so now we're on this uh new, not exactly schedule, but new format once again, where Tuesdays we will have is Tuesdays the miniseries? Yeah. Yeah. So Tuesday every Tuesday we will be uploading a new episode continuing our miniseries. And then on Thursdays will be fun time where we talk about whatever the fuck. But uh yeah, that's all the time we've got for this week's episode or by week or double episode, whatever the fuck. Thank you guys so much for listening once again. Really appreciate it. You guys coming back every single week. But yeah, that's all from us. This has been catch up with Kai and Cohen. I'm Kai. And I'm Cohen. Thank you very much. Peace. Peace.