The Best Friend Project
When her best friendship ended, Rachel Joy Swardson went to the bathroom. Hundreds of them. She taped up postcards with a QR code in bathroom stalls, asking the question she was too hurt and humiliated to verbalize, "How do you do friendship?" Thousands of women answered, and their stories changed and healed her. So she brought them forward, here for you on The Best Friend Project podcast.
The Best Friend Project
Ep 9: ☎️ On the Phone | Melanie Curtis
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Wait, did she really say she manifested a best friendship with Weird Al Yankovic? She said it, and more.
In this 1990's-style phone call series, we check in with our featured guest of the week to hear what they thought of their episode.
Tune in to this bonus episode where we're On The Phone with Melanie Curtis, getting her thoughts about Episodes 7 and 8, where she appears with her "other" best friend, Shannon.
This is a quick, fun catch-up where Melanie and Rachel reconnect to reflect, reframe, and add a last dose of seriously good friendship wisdom. Grab your headphones and eavesdrop while we are On The Phone.
Hello. Hi. Hey, Melanie.
SPEAKER_00Oh, girl. We're doing it.
SPEAKER_01We are. How are you, friend? I'm good. So fun to hop on the phone with you, and I have gotten an amazing response from our conversation.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. It's powerful.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How about you?
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, it was wonderful to just hear Shannon and me get to share about our beautiful love story, friendship love story, which always makes me really happy. Yeah. But it also felt very real and true to hear your struggle and your the reality of your pain. And I really appreciated that from you.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. It was hard for me to listen to your words and just the modeling that you and Shannon did. I mean, the the look on my face, like if you see it on YouTube, like I'm literally stunned by the things you say because there's not even in like my friendship repertoire, if you will. And and yet when I watch that video of you two dancing, I just get like clamped because I'm like, I want that, but I do want you to know I was profoundly moved and changed by that episode. And I'm like, I'm gonna start crying again. But like I have made intentional efforts to be silly, and like I'm getting like serious about silliness, and it feels so good.
SPEAKER_00You know I love that.
SPEAKER_01Yes. But that's thanks to you.
SPEAKER_00Oh girl, that just I just you're gonna make me cry because that's like honestly, like that's that that moves me because that's something that is really important to me and just is so real for me to know that you are seeing me, that you are like getting how true that is from me, like that means a lot to just know that. So really honestly, thank you.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you. And also the biggest takeaway for me was when you know, you very confidently and strongly like correct me when I misunderstood and I thought you had to put the other friend first, and you're just extremely bold and like no, you have to put the friendship first.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, totally. And you know, at the end of the episode, just uh when you were doing your sort of solo reflection, um I wanted to speak to that briefly because I feel like what I heard you, and correct me for sure if I'm wrong about this. I feel like I heard you thinking that that things would have guaranteed been different and you would have had this best friend that you feel that you've lost when we don't know if that's true. Like, not everyone likes to be met with accountability. Not everyone can hold space for real emotional pain, you know? And so, like, we you really don't know if that friendship could have weathered that transformation. So I I just wanna I want to say that so that you don't think and like live the rest of your life with this deep regret that if only I had done something differently, then I would have this mystical thing that I think is possible. You know, we just we just don't know. So I don't know. I just want to give you like some love on that front that you might have gone forward from this friend either way.
SPEAKER_01I need a minute with that, because that yes, um I do suffer from revisionist history a lot. I think, oh, if only, and then I just rewrite historical events and and think that that would have changed everything. I think one of the things that was so emotional and really hard-hitting for me in our conversation was when it emerged through our conversation the why. The reason I never said anything is that I didn't feel safe.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And the reason you and Shannon can be silly and you can confess to opening bottles of wine and you can have that is because there is such a safety in your friendship. And according to all of the research I've done from all these surveys that have come in, emotional safety is the number one thing that everyone needs in their relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship.
SPEAKER_00Correct.
SPEAKER_01Um, it's emotional safety. And at the crux of it, you know, to your point, and I really want to thank you for calling that out, I didn't feel safe way earlier on in the friendship. Yeah. You know, and so I didn't say anything. And that wasn't because I'm a bad person or I'm a bad friend. I didn't feel safe. And I'm not saying she's a bad person or she's a bad friend.
SPEAKER_00And there's loads of reasons why we feel unsafe. Some of them are rooted in our own, you know, painful past, some of them are rooted in the way that the person, you know, responds to us, the way that they, you know, show themselves in conflict. Like the is kind of like Shannon's story about uh the person that asked her to not say something to the husband or whatever, and how that is evidence of a low integrity person. You know, and it's not a judgment. I don't say that as a judgment. I say it as like it understandably causes a lack of emotional safety because it brings into question, well, what if she would do that with me? Don't tell, you know, her I did this. Like it's just a it's a it's something to look for, you know. Like there are just there are lots of reasons why we would feel unsafe. So I would say try not to take it all on yourself. Certainly be responsible for what you are responsible for. And it's okay to acknowledge what's true from another person as well.
SPEAKER_01Very, very well said. And ironic to be talking about uh safety with you when you jump out of planes, my dear. And also, I just saw on Instagram, like, what were you doing with Weird Al Yankovic? Like, I was like, Oh my god. But tell, tell, tell.
SPEAKER_00I want to hear it all. I can't even start. I'm so I'm over the moon. My heart is bursting. Like, I'm not joking. I love Weird Al so much. I'm I've been a lifelong fan of his. In 2009, I got to work with him on a project. I did a skydiving stunt doubling role for this video that he was making. And I so I met him also in 2009, and it was very cool. And I just have been making the joke for like 17 years about how Weird Al and I are best friends.
SPEAKER_01You say making a joke, I say manifesting. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Right, exactly, manifesting. And so I to and he has a song named called Melanie that's basically about a woman being stalked by a like guy who likes her. It's again, Weird Al's comedy is very, you'd have to know his stuff, but it's hilarious. Yeah. And so, anyway, long story short, the I had shirts made, and I was gonna see him at this concert that I went to a couple days a couple nights ago, like just doing the VIP, like get to say hi to him again because I wanted to. I wanted to say hi to him again, see if, like, you know, and just see if he remembered me and all the stuff and make the joke. Anyway, had the shirts made that say best friends forever with our picture printed on it. Made one for him. Hilarious. But the best part about it is yes, he remembered me. We had a wonderful moment, but when we were like just kind of chit-chatting on the side when he was like signing the posters and stuff, we had a little extra time to talk. And I I told him I was like, that exact thing. I've been making this joke since you know, since we met in 2009, and that's why I had to get the shirts made. And he's like, joke. Like, what do you mean? We're not best friends. So good. So good. Just oh yeah, my heart is just uh swelling for real. It's just wonderful.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, as is mine, and um yeah, just I mean, your joy is infectious, and I just am so glad you're on this earth and you're doing what you're doing. And I say on on this earth ironically, because you do spend the more time off the earth. Right. But um, yeah, and how full circle to have that word L moment come up, and now you're best friends, and we're talking about best friends. So I think, you know, for our listeners, you can manifest, you know, just pick a best friend.
SPEAKER_00So I basically am like, now I need to just keep going to Weird L concerts and just keep doing the meet and greets and just be like, hey man, what's up? I'm just you know making time for our best friendship. Totally. Yeah, because it's intentional, right?
SPEAKER_01Totally. Well, I'll while you're in the concert, I'll be outside in your tent selling your merch. Yes, perfect. Good. Well, let's stay in touch on all of that and thank you again uh for taking the time to be on the Best Friend Project podcast. Or anyone who hasn't yet taken the survey, you can do so at the best friendproject.co and click on survey. So um thanks again, Melanie, and do give my love to Shannon and stay in touch.
SPEAKER_00I'm hugging you from here, girl. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01All right, bye, friend.
SPEAKER_00Bye.