Star Wars: A New Hope

My friend somehow made it this far without ever seeing Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope, so it was finally time to introduce him to the galaxy far, far away. In this episode, we watch the movie together and capture his completely unfiltered first-time reactions as he meets Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, and Darth Vader for the very first time. Along the way, we make terrible predictions, roast questionable decisions, debate whether the Force makes any sense, and see how a modern first-time viewer reacts to one of the most influential movies ever made. If you enjoy movie reactions, comedy podcasts, film commentary, and hearing someone discover a classic decades after the rest of the world, you’ll have a good time with this one.

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:04

Alright. We're rolling. Welcome to the third inaugural episode of the I'ma Watch a Movie podcast. I'ma watch a movie. I'm a watching movie. I'ma watch a movie. That's the name of the podcast. What is that like a robot voice? How's that supposed to be? I'ma watch a movie. That's a funny way to say it. Welcome in today. This is my boy. Well, I'm I'm Jack Trimber, your host, super ultra professional stand-up comedian. This is Hector Castor. I'm also a comedian. Um Hector has never seen Star Wars before. Um so uh I've been trying to get him to watch it forever. So I started this podcast to trick him into watching Star Wars. Uh trick him and my roommate into watching movies. So uh we're starting with A New Hope. Uh I'm I'm super excited. Oh, that's your phone. Uh you want to just get rolling? You ready to do it? Hell yeah. If you're at home and you're and you're listening and you would like to uh listen watch the movie with us, go ahead and press play in three, two, one. This never works. Hang on.

unknown 1:17

A young farm.

SPEAKER_07 1:19

Oh, by the way, uh way to easy how gay this movie is, dude. Alright, hold up. We gotta restart. Um we could only find the or the the only one that I have access to is the one on Disney Plus, which is one of the remastered ones. Um so the original one that came out in 1977, George Lucas has gone back and made like multiple different changes to Oh really? Like he's added CGI things, it doesn't change the story at all. Uh but like keep in mind this movie came out in 1977, and then you'll see some of the CGI stuff, and it's not gonna look like it's from the 70s. It doesn't look great.

SPEAKER_11 1:55

Uh man, that kind of sucks. I wanted to see like the nice.

SPEAKER_07 1:57

I know it's not like the ideal version, but this movie still rocks, you're still gonna get it, you're still gonna love it. They don't really uh change too much except for uh one thing that I'll point out to you. But uh so now we're gonna start the movie, Star Wars A New Hope, starting in 3, 2, 1. There we go. We're rolling.

SPEAKER_11 2:18

So the first episode is actually the fourth movie.

SPEAKER_07 2:20

Yeah, the first one that came out.

SPEAKER_11 2:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:23

At the time it was just called Star Wars. It didn't even have like subtitles or anything, but Lucasfilm.

SPEAKER_11 2:31

George Lucas. What a pretentious piece of shit. So uncreative. You could come up with a whole movie, but I mean, the name of every movies, yeah. Just Lucasfilm.

SPEAKER_07 2:42

It's very full of himself. Let's go. You have to do some reading at the start. I'm sorry. I've heard God, the music's so good. Episode four. A new hope.

SPEAKER_09 2:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 3:03

Oh, Civil War. Timely.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

Oh the Death Star.

SPEAKER_11 3:27

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 3:28

Yeah. Damn, I haven't seen this movie in years. I'm so excited to watch this again. We we did bring some snacks today. We have some food, so if we munch into your ears, I'm very sorry, but you're just gonna have to fucking deal with it.

SPEAKER_11 3:49

I'm a quiet eater, it's okay.

SPEAKER_07 3:51

I won't put the mic right in my mouth when I'm chewing, but we'll see accidents happen.

SPEAKER_11 3:56

Okay. Alright, that's interesting. So there's a whole war.

SPEAKER_07 4:01

Yeah. It's been happening. Galactic Empire. That looks pretty sick though. Right? If I saw this in the 70s, I'd be mind blowing. Right, bro? Like, I understand why, like, people are obsessed with like I I fucking love these movies, but I don't even I couldn't even imagine watching this. Oh. Hard to. Oh, there's a silver one of those guys? Yeah, I don't think he's really a character. I think he's like only in this scene. Yeah, poor guy. Yeah. It's just a gay British guy. Do you want captions or anything?

SPEAKER_11 5:23

Yeah, we can put on captions. Alright.

SPEAKER_10 5:26

So it's just two robots just hanging out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:29

Shit. I don't know how to put the captions on. Alright, pause the movie in three, two, one. We did this last week.

SPEAKER_11 5:36

Don't you gotta press one of those buttons, a star button or something? Um yeah, that one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

Nope. There's like a setting. Maybe they just don't have captions for this. Alright, fuck it. We're gonna have to go without sorry everybody.

SPEAKER_11 6:08

That's all the armor these guys got, dude. Right. It's got toilet boards on there. You guys are on a spaceship. It's all he could give you. Oh, Stormtroopers. I've seen these guys. Yes, sir. I don't know if Star Wars is family guy.

SPEAKER_10 6:30

Just that family guy.

SPEAKER_07 6:32

It's a classic. It is. And if you've seen that, you pretty much know all the beats of this. They arguably do it better.

SPEAKER_11 6:40

Oh, dude, that's so sick. I want one of those.

SPEAKER_07 6:44

Like the armor? Or like you just want a stormtrooper?

SPEAKER_11 6:47

A stormtrooper, like the armor. There's not a single fat guy, though. That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_07 6:51

That's only in family guy. Not very inclusive of them.

SPEAKER_11 6:55

No.

SPEAKER_05 6:57

Ain't you a little fat to be a stormtrooper?

SPEAKER_07 7:04

I could go for one DEI stormtrooper. Just one fat as hell stormtrooper.

SPEAKER_11 7:10

Yeah, that would make oh look at he's kind of big.

SPEAKER_07 7:16

Darth Vader's kind of big Darth Vader. He's a big boy.

SPEAKER_11 7:22

I could take him. I could fuck up Darth Vader.

SPEAKER_07 7:26

Get him in a little triangle hole.

SPEAKER_11 7:27

He's not getting out of that. Yeah, dude. He doesn't have any ground game. Yeah, bro. Darth Vader has no ground game, dude.

SPEAKER_07 7:33

Nobody's checked his grappling yet. Reading popcorn out of my commemorative Megan 2.0 popcorn bucket. Movie I've never seen before. Oh, is that Leia? Uh-huh. Ooh.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

Batty alert. Oh.

SPEAKER_11 8:05

Oh, she is hard. Right? It's sad that bad bitches have to die sometimes. It's sad that all bitches die eventually, dude. Yeah, but it's especially sad when they're bad. It is especially sad, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 8:23

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_11 8:35

Look at that, dude. That was me, dude. I'll fucking grab his neck, dude. Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_07 8:39

Get my leg up, bring him down.

SPEAKER_11 8:40

Fucking double leg him.

SPEAKER_07 8:45

Funny thing when they were filming these. Uh so the gu the James Or Jones, the voice of Darth Vader, wasn't like the guy in the suit isn't James O'Jones. And so there's another guy who's like Swiss or something, I forget his name, but he was he said all the lines. So on set, Darth Vader. Sounds like like you are part of the Rebbe Alliance and a Twitter angle. Yeah, dude, it's so the behind the scenes are so funny.

SPEAKER_11 9:12

Because James O. Jones is a fat black guy, right?

SPEAKER_07 9:14

Yeah. It's Mufasa.

SPEAKER_11 9:26

I'm wondering what the little twink looks like for this guy.

SPEAKER_07 9:30

It's definitely a twink.

SPEAKER_11 9:32

Yeah, definitely a small little gay guy that was in this. Just getting dogged out.

SPEAKER_05 9:39

I'm in R2.

SPEAKER_11 9:40

Oh my god, dude. This is the only job a twink could have back in the 70s. Just be hidden in gold. We can put you in a little gold suit. They're like, Yes. Gold?

SPEAKER_06 9:54

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 9:57

Was there somebody in R2 D2? I think it was a midget in there, yeah. Some little guy pulling levers and shit.

SPEAKER_11 10:05

Yeah. Oh, they got her.

SPEAKER_07 10:09

The stormtroopers are badass. The music in these movies. Forget how good it is.

SPEAKER_11 11:31

Oh damn, dude. Now they're in Saudi Arabia. Now they're in the desert.

SPEAKER_07 11:36

CTPO's gonna get thrown off a roof.

SPEAKER_04 11:39

C Th no!

unknown 11:45

It's all caused in my personality.

SPEAKER_11 11:48

Dude, you're a robot, you have no feelings. Exactly.

SPEAKER_07 11:50

All he does is bitch the entire movie, dude. Really? All he does is complain? It's like, oh my god, it's so hot out.

SPEAKER_11 11:56

Dude, made out of a gold.

SPEAKER_10 12:08

They're on Tatooine. He's rolling pretty easy in sand. Right? I didn't know R2 D2 was all terrain. He's got all modes.

SPEAKER_07 12:16

He flies in the prequels. Really? Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_11 12:19

Oh, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_07 12:21

Spoiler, sorry.

SPEAKER_11 12:30

Oh, sassy, dude. That's got a sassy.

SPEAKER_05 12:34

Oh catch you following me. Tell me to catch you following me.

SPEAKER_06 12:43

Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_11 12:46

Oh man, dude. That's oh, I feel bad for our two neat. Right. He's so cute. They kind of walk alike.

SPEAKER_07 12:59

Him and Tony. She's having more time with a tougher time in the sand than our two is.

SPEAKER_11 13:18

Yeah, I know. You're just gonna leave your friend like that? Right? Your one buddy. What a bitch, dude, what a sassy slut. Oh man. Oh dude, R2 DJ is so adorable, man. I want to pick him up. Oh, there's scary aliens.

SPEAKER_07 14:09

There's lots of scary aliens. The fucking like devil was in this movie. Yeah? Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 14:15

Oh, see, dude. Oh man. This is the Middle East. There's fucking thieves walking around.

SPEAKER_07 14:24

Like you see him. Okay, Trump to do something about these Jawas.

SPEAKER_11 14:30

Yeah, Trump needs to fucking bomb these people, dude.

SPEAKER_07 14:35

They're scaring R2. Very rude of them.

SPEAKER_11 14:40

Look at him. What? What is that?

SPEAKER_07 14:42

It was a Jawas.

SPEAKER_11 14:43

A Jawa.

SPEAKER_07 14:48

When I was a kid, my dad told me that he was that one. That he was what? That he was he was in this movie and he was at Jawa, and I believed him. Oh, really? For years. I was like, yeah, my dad's actually in Star Wars.

SPEAKER_11 15:03

My dad was a small, small hooded midget. You believe in daddy or an idiot?

SPEAKER_05 15:11

Yeah, I'm saying it out loud, obviously.

SPEAKER_08 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 15:16

Oh, these guys are cute. Damn, Star Wars is a lot of cute guys.

SPEAKER_07 15:20

A lot of little fellas.

SPEAKER_11 15:23

Oh my god, dude. You remember a little person back then? You were loaded, probably. Look at all these jobs.

SPEAKER_07 15:28

Right?

SPEAKER_11 15:29

What's a dwarf now, the guy from Game of Thrones?

SPEAKER_07 15:31

Peter Dinklage. He gets all the roles, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 15:35

He doesn't like when they have jobs. Oh man. That would have been nice to be a dwarf in the 70s.

SPEAKER_07 15:49

I'm sure there's still people out there that are.

SPEAKER_11 15:51

No, it's just Peter Dinklage. I bet Peter Dinklage rolls in pussy, but he looks kind of asexual, though.

SPEAKER_07 15:57

Peter Dinklage literally rolls in pussy, dude. Jive right in. Return to sender, dude.

SPEAKER_08 16:05

Return to sender.

SPEAKER_11 16:08

No, he looks kind of asexual or like gay or something. I don't know. He looks like he does.

SPEAKER_07 16:12

It would not surprise me if Peter Dinklage was gay.

SPEAKER_11 16:14

Something.

SPEAKER_07 16:16

Like he's scared of it. Dude, gay midget has to clean up. Oh my god. Dick's Oh Jesus. Size of their body.

SPEAKER_11 16:31

He's at Dick Height. Oh. There's another R2. Man, that silver guy was really in there for half a second.

SPEAKER_07 16:54

Yeah, you'd never see him again.

SPEAKER_11 16:58

It's Wally.

SPEAKER_10 17:02

It's a gonk droid. Oh, he's a trash can. Gonk. Gonk.

SPEAKER_07 17:09

Grok droid. Grok. Hitler was right, Grok. My God, who invited you?

SPEAKER_11 17:33

This is my gay sex party.

SPEAKER_07 17:36

This is what they look like in the seventies. You have to stay mobile.

SPEAKER_08 17:42

You can't let him catch us.

SPEAKER_07 17:47

See that right there? That that's added in.

SPEAKER_11 17:50

Hell yeah. That's edit it? Yeah, that does it really bad. Yeah. That's edited in there. Really? That's not a real uh hippo insect thing. No, it's not. Is this supposed to be like a lizard or something?

SPEAKER_06 18:03

Something like that.

SPEAKER_07 18:16

Now they know it was droids. God, this movie looks incredible.

SPEAKER_11 18:21

It does look really good. Hands up, don't shoot.

SPEAKER_07 19:09

Wasn't around back then.

SPEAKER_11 19:19

This movie does rock, dude. I can't believe I've never watched this room. Right, bro?

SPEAKER_08 19:22

Like, this is actually for this movie's is nuts.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

God damn, dude. Imagine watching this as a kid in the 70s.

SPEAKER_10 19:31

Yeah. In a segregated movie theater.

SPEAKER_07 19:34

It's real quiet in there.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

Jokes, jokes, jokes. Black people aren't loud in the world.

SPEAKER_07 19:47

Oh, hold on. Is that the that's the big one? Luke Skywalker? Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_11 19:52

Oh shit, dude. That's Mark Hamill. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 20:02

To music. I forgot. I left. I put a soda in the freezer. I'm gonna put it in the fridge before it explodes.

SPEAKER_11 20:28

Was his dad's name? This is his uncle. Oh his uncle. Uh Owen?

SPEAKER_07 20:35

Uncle Owen. Really? Owen and Pepperu, I believe is his aunt's name.

unknown 20:46

Alright, uh, I'll take the other. Take me two over the garage.

SPEAKER_11 20:57

Dude, George Lucas loved twinks. Oh my god. He had an eye form. He had an eye form. This is peak twink, dude. The best twinks in the 70s. Oh my god, look, he put him in tights and everything.

SPEAKER_07 21:12

Look, why don't you go ahead and turn around and bend over for me?

SPEAKER_11 21:16

Oh shit. Need you to move a little slower. R2DT's about to get some some pussy.

SPEAKER_07 21:25

Leaving it they're leaving him behind. It's crazy because if that didn't happen right there, this like the rest of the movie just wouldn't happen.

SPEAKER_11 22:07

Really? What is how is R2D2 so important? He just rolls.

SPEAKER_07 22:11

Well, like uh like a plug something into him before they sh they show up.

SPEAKER_11 22:15

Oh, that's what she was doing. Yeah. Her child pornography.

SPEAKER_07 22:19

Just live on her own child pornography. I can't let Vader know. I know you're lying, I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_08 22:36

Did that mean a little hard to find with the fucking time?

SPEAKER_06 22:43

Oh my god, I tell you you didn't tell me.

SPEAKER_07 22:56

But all around the galaxy looking for the stuff. It's very hard to find.

SPEAKER_11 23:02

Using the force to just Oh, he's what?

SPEAKER_04 23:06

He's just using the force to like jack himself off. It's not illegal, they're not touching.

unknown 23:21

That's how we take the new set. If you take my V S. Have you been in many values except for actually that's not much more than I have?

SPEAKER_08 23:31

That's not fair to Wells.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Well, right.

unknown 24:05

So medium out there, no data.

SPEAKER_11 24:08

So Luke Skywalker was a nobody. Yeah. Who just became a somebody. Okay, I thought he was always important from the jump.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Well, you're not going to be yourself.

unknown 24:28

He's on the past.

SPEAKER_07 24:31

He's in love.

unknown 24:33

He says that he's a resident of the added private entity. But we are all weeping over this little army unit. It's become a bit extended. Obi-Wan Kenobi. I wonder if we call Ben Kenobi. I think we'll say that.

SPEAKER_11 24:53

Really? Oh Ben Kenobi. Guy with the same last name.

SPEAKER_07 24:58

Yeah. It's the family guy one. Old Obi-Wan Kenobi. I wonder if he means old Obi-Wan Kenobi.

SPEAKER_11 25:11

Damn, dude, he's in love.

SPEAKER_07 25:16

Or do you fast forward to when she takes her clothes off?

unknown 25:20

Oh, yeah, well.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

There you go.

unknown 25:34

Where'd she go? Bring her back. Find out the entire message.

SPEAKER_11 25:37

My boy is horny. Oh my god. No! Bring her back! Bring her back! I didn't even get her to see a pussy.

SPEAKER_07 25:48

Yeah, aunt Peru.

unknown 25:51

Here, see what you can do with him. I'll be right back.

SPEAKER_11 25:53

It's probably the first girl he's seen as not his aunt in forever. Honestly, yeah.

unknown 26:03

No? I don't like you either.

SPEAKER_11 26:06

Oh, you sassy bitch.

SPEAKER_07 26:08

I don't even like you. Blue milk.

SPEAKER_11 26:12

Oh, that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I want to try and have my application to be kind of easier.

unknown 27:27

Harvest floor, I need to know.

SPEAKER_07 27:31

They're moisture farmers.

SPEAKER_10 27:33

Moisture farmers? Yeah. Just collecting water?

SPEAKER_07 27:37

That means they live on a desert planet.

unknown 27:45

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_11 27:50

Damn. You didn't need anything. That's just me with my parents, dude. They're like, you can't do stand-up. I was like, but I got to.

SPEAKER_10 27:58

Well, I'm a gay little twink. You have to let me do stand-up. Let me do stand-up in the big city. Washington, DC.

SPEAKER_07 28:06

No hecta. You have to stay and collect moisture. Parents are Jewish.

SPEAKER_11 28:14

All hater parents are Jewish. Then at the day, dude. Damn, look, they got two sons.

SPEAKER_07 28:22

This is so iconic.

SPEAKER_11 28:36

That's not right, dude. A white man in the fucking desert.

SPEAKER_07 28:42

Doesn't have a lick of a tan on him either.

SPEAKER_11 28:45

Pasty white. How's that even possible? Not even something burnt, nothing.

SPEAKER_07 28:52

It's so funny. Like, you know how people are like, oh, Jesus from the Middle East. He was like, you know, obviously like a brown guy. Like this is just a historical retelling. Luke Skywalker was brown.

SPEAKER_10 29:07

R2 escaped.

unknown 29:18

These asteroids are getting quite hard attacked. Even I don't understand their logic design.

SPEAKER_08 29:28

Blasted.

unknown 29:29

It's too dangerous for all the sandwiches.

SPEAKER_08 29:32

On the sand people?

SPEAKER_07 29:35

Wait till you see him, brother.

SPEAKER_08 29:38

That's awesome. On the sand people.

SPEAKER_07 29:42

Tatooine's just Saudi Arabia, dude.

SPEAKER_08 29:44

That's all it is.

SPEAKER_07 29:57

Lucas. Lucas, where are you?

unknown 30:08

He said he had some things to do before he started today.

SPEAKER_07 30:11

Is she just making cabbage soup?

unknown 30:13

I think so.

SPEAKER_11 30:28

You got it, boss. He loves being bossed around, dude. He didn't find bad. Is that the same people? Yeah.

unknown 30:36

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_08 30:41

Oh my god, dude, that's insane. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_07 30:47

Dude, wait till you see some of the shit in the prequels.

SPEAKER_11 30:57

He owns Ozark 2.

SPEAKER_07 30:59

Some of the bad aliens just straight up have like thick Japanese accents.

SPEAKER_11 31:05

Pretty cool. They were just going after everybody. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 31:17

Look at these disgusting little goblins. Welcome into the bank today. What can I do for you?

SPEAKER_02 31:31

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 31:35

The sand people are right. I can smell one of them now.

SPEAKER_11 31:41

Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 31:43

They got Luke. They're gonna throw C three PO off the off the roof.

SPEAKER_11 32:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_10 32:46

Hello there.

SPEAKER_11 32:47

It's Obi. Isn't that Obi?

unknown 32:51

Right?

SPEAKER_11 32:51

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 33:08

These sand people. They hate us.

unknown 33:14

Boy, am I gonna see you?

SPEAKER_07 33:18

They never liked us since they took down the two towers.

SPEAKER_11 34:42

Oh man, took him apart.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

I must have taken a bad step.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

I don't think I can make you go on, Master. There's no sense in listening yourself on my account.

SPEAKER_07 35:08

I forgot how like for real gay Luke is.

SPEAKER_11 35:12

Yeah, they're all pretty gay, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 35:16

Oh, we won't groom him.

SPEAKER_11 35:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 35:20

That's literally the plot the plot of these movies.

unknown 35:24

You find the clown ones? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

I was once so Jedi Ivan.

SPEAKER_10 35:34

Big lore exposition.

SPEAKER_07 35:50

Damn. Shit like that hits so hard after you watch the prequels.

SPEAKER_11 35:55

So what Luke is just trying to be like a Navy SEAL, basically?

SPEAKER_07 35:59

Well you said he was gonna like try to enlist in the Empire.

SPEAKER_11 36:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 36:04

That's just the military?

SPEAKER_07 36:05

Yeah.

unknown 36:06

So if you'll not be needing the outfits down the line sure. What is it?

SPEAKER_11 36:22

Your father's killed many of sand people with this.

SPEAKER_07 36:28

He was the most racist man in the galaxy and a good friend.

SPEAKER_09 36:56

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 37:25

Penetrate. It's so funny that these movies are just Oh shit.

unknown 37:58

I placed information like you just survived that memory systems assigned to you. My father will have a retreat. You must see destroyed, safely delivered here, this is our most desperate hour. Tell me when we want to help me. You help me out.

SPEAKER_11 38:18

Oh shit, he's gotta come out of retirement, dude.

SPEAKER_07 38:21

I'm not really into girls like that.

SPEAKER_11 38:24

Luke, though.

SPEAKER_07 38:25

He's my type. No stay. You have so much more left to learn.

SPEAKER_11 38:35

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_06 38:43

Just met this guy, dude. Horny old perv. Down in the basement. I just need your help for a quick second lifting something.

SPEAKER_07 38:50

Very heavy. Why did you put on these tight leather shorts to help lift them?

SPEAKER_08 38:56

What do you like a drink, Luke? All of it, all of it.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

How am I explained then about the force?

unknown 39:17

Look, I can take you as far as anchoring. You can get a transport area most likely or wherever you're going.

SPEAKER_05 39:31

It's not too pushy about it. Oh, Death Star.

SPEAKER_11 39:34

Yeah. The Death Star.

unknown 39:40

That will allow us to do another clip. Dangerous to your stars.

SPEAKER_07 39:46

Space Nazis.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

The last remnants of the old Republic have been swept away.

SPEAKER_07 40:17

I forgot how much they explain the politics.

SPEAKER_11 40:25

Are those the rankings on their shirts? Just fucking Starburst? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:31

As you can see, I have five blueberry starbursts.

SPEAKER_11 40:35

I am the best. I've been a twink for a long time. I've been stuck in dying.

SPEAKER_06 40:41

I'm the only one here who's slowly dying of a problem.

SPEAKER_11 40:48

Oh shit.

unknown 40:54

Next to the power of the force. Don't try to frighten us with your source of this word for invader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the slower planet.

SPEAKER_11 41:05

Shut up, bitch. Is he just talking to the boss like that? Dude, yeah, he uses the force. Are you stupid? Why are you speaking out of turn?

SPEAKER_03 41:16

You're not going to fit in this journey.

SPEAKER_07 41:21

God, this shit's iconic, dude.

SPEAKER_11 41:26

Oh man, that's nice.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

You will then crush the rebellion with one swift stroke.

SPEAKER_11 41:42

One quick stroke. Dan, do you see three PO. That's a tight tight man, dude.

SPEAKER_07 41:54

Look at that behind. All the Jawas are dead.

SPEAKER_11 42:06

And these last five. Goddamn Jawas.

SPEAKER_07 42:11

Fucking Jaw was. So Obi-Wan's saying that it was the the stormtroopers that did this. Well, they might they've got to save his uncle, his his aunt and uncle. This shit scarred me as a kid.

SPEAKER_09 43:08

Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 43:16

Brutal, dude.

SPEAKER_11 43:30

Damn, that was rough, right? Oh my god. Fuck. Space Nazis. These guys don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_07 43:39

I truly do not. It's gotta suck to be on the Empire, but you have to be one of those guys with the you gotta wear the bike helmet. It's like why don't I get to wear the fucking stormtrooper outfit? Like, God, that's the only reason why I signed up. It's an anal probe.

SPEAKER_11 44:02

It's like a mini Death Star. Oh Jesus, dude, that's scary.

SPEAKER_07 44:20

It's funny because like in the like this is rated PG. Because it came out in the 70s, and that's how like ratings work, but like some of this stuff's pretty fucking intense.

SPEAKER_11 44:29

I do because kids were tougher back then.

SPEAKER_07 44:36

They could get raped and it wouldn't even phase them, dude.

unknown 44:40

Nothing could be done there.

SPEAKER_07 44:51

Let's go, Luke.

SPEAKER_11 44:52

Yeah, because that's the only choice you have. It's either that or be homeless.

SPEAKER_07 44:56

It's not like a heroic decision we're making here.

SPEAKER_11 44:59

It's the only thing you have.

SPEAKER_07 45:05

Luke, I really don't think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_11 45:08

It's pretty bad. That's worse than watching your uncle and aunt getting murdered.

SPEAKER_07 45:18

Most icely.

SPEAKER_11 46:02

Yeah, yeah, you can tell. Like it's pretty bad.

SPEAKER_07 46:04

It's jarring.

unknown 46:15

We don't need to see your identification.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

He's on the droids you're looking for.

unknown 46:20

These aren't the droids we're looking for.

SPEAKER_11 46:27

Jesus, dude.

SPEAKER_07 46:29

Just hitting the mind trick on him.

SPEAKER_11 46:30

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 46:31

Of all the other stormtroopers are like, wait, what dude shut no, like that that's that's definitely the ones that we're looking for.

SPEAKER_11 46:41

Just gaslit him.

SPEAKER_07 46:42

Something happened to Carl today.

SPEAKER_11 46:47

Some old twink some old and some twink guys came in.

SPEAKER_07 46:52

He's old gay dude and it's twinkle lover.

SPEAKER_11 47:03

Oh man, I would have gone god quick, dude.

SPEAKER_07 47:08

Yeah. Like obviously you'd want to say that you'd be a Jedi in this universe, but realistically I'd be like that dude in the background. Yeah. Walking around, dude.

SPEAKER_11 47:22

Oh, there is a black guy. Look at that. Look at that. How deep into the movie.

SPEAKER_07 47:26

He was CGI added in the CGI added black guy.

SPEAKER_11 47:29

Oh, is this oh I know this scene. Yeah. When they're in the bar. The music. Yeah. Yeah, just getting fucked up, dude, getting lit.

SPEAKER_07 47:49

Banger tune. Serving children. It's the devil.

SPEAKER_11 47:56

That's the devil for sure. Oh. It's our boy.

SPEAKER_07 48:07

I don't think he's in the movie anymore. What do you mean? I don't think that guy's a character.

SPEAKER_11 48:13

Oh, really? Yeah. Chewbacca?

unknown 48:15

We don't serve your character.

SPEAKER_11 48:16

We don't serve your time. Get that funky droid out of here.

SPEAKER_07 48:28

Guido.

SPEAKER_11 48:39

What is that? Chewbacca isn't in this movie?

SPEAKER_07 48:42

I didn't see Chewbacca. I thought you were talking about the white dude he was talking to.

unknown 48:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_11 48:47

No, I was talking about Chewbacca.

SPEAKER_07 48:49

Nah, yeah, Chewy's the man. I think Chewbacca's the only one that's in every single one of the Star Wars movies. Oh, nice. Except for the first one, maybe.

SPEAKER_09 49:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 49:08

This man got a pussy for a mouth.

SPEAKER_11 49:11

What should I do before I fuck your pussy mouth?

unknown 49:16

I don't like you either.

SPEAKER_07 49:17

This is a fucking pignos.

unknown 49:20

You won't get. I have the death sentence on 12. I'll be careful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:44

Damn. He's my twink. Keep your hands off him.

SPEAKER_11 49:50

Only I get to fuck him.

SPEAKER_07 49:52

And everyone just goes back to business.

SPEAKER_11 49:53

Man, dude, it's just the same. Yeah? Same one, same one.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

Let's go.

SPEAKER_11 50:32

Um this child is Gambino. It looks different in this.

SPEAKER_07 50:40

A little lighter in this.

unknown 50:43

It's a ship that made a castle running for a R S.

SPEAKER_07 50:55

God is so cool.

unknown 51:03

So control.

SPEAKER_11 51:14

They don't really need C3PO. They just need R2D2.

SPEAKER_07 51:18

No, they really don't. It's just there. Yeah. It's just there to be sassy.

SPEAKER_11 51:23

Yeah, just to be a sassy little bitch.

SPEAKER_07 51:25

God, I can't believe we're doing this.

SPEAKER_11 51:27

You better not leave me here, these sand people.

SPEAKER_07 52:18

Space Nazis. I could I could be okay with all the changes. Except for the one that they make in this scene.

unknown 53:18

Fa fa.

SPEAKER_11 53:20

Light his ass up solo.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Ooh.

SPEAKER_07 53:33

So the change that they made in this, which it just makes no sense, is that they CGI added Guido, that guy shooting at him first.

SPEAKER_11 53:44

Yeah, I saw that.

SPEAKER_07 53:46

Which is like.

SPEAKER_11 53:49

What did you just think a little bit quicker?

SPEAKER_07 53:51

No, it's like to show that like he's he's not that bad of a guy. He he shot at him first, so obviously. No, dude, just have him blow his fucking head off. Yeah. Still self-defense.

unknown 54:11

I think it is time we demonstrated the full power of this station. Central calls for all the way.

SPEAKER_10 54:16

Get the peanut butter.

unknown 54:18

Lock the door on two.

SPEAKER_11 54:20

Yeah, lock it in. I don't want anybody to see this.

SPEAKER_07 54:31

Great police. Good police work. This one's locked, so obviously there's nothing back here.

SPEAKER_11 54:41

These are bad, dude. This guy's all gold, and you can't find him, right? Like it's this is all gold. He's shining, dude.

unknown 54:54

Ever since the SP TV, I think he's done demand.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_10 55:12

It's a Jewish guy.

SPEAKER_11 55:16

Oh shit, is that Jabba? Yeah. Damn, first thick guy of this uh of the movie.

SPEAKER_07 55:21

So this scene was not in the theatre. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 55:25

That doesn't look real. That seems like um Men in Black.

SPEAKER_07 55:28

They filmed this with like an actual guy playing Jabba because they didn't know what Jabba was gonna look like. And then they went back and CGI'd over him with this.

SPEAKER_11 55:39

I always thought Jabba was too big to walk.

SPEAKER_07 55:42

He doesn't really walk, he just kind of slithers around. I thought he was just too big to move. It looks so bad.

unknown 56:06

I think I had a choice.

SPEAKER_07 56:09

So disrespectful. Imagine how bad that dude smells.

SPEAKER_11 56:40

He's not a human being.

SPEAKER_07 56:41

Right? Like in my why why would they put this scene in the movie? Like it doesn't add anything. He's a slug. And like the reveal of Jabba the Hutt in the third one is Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 56:52

Oh, so he wasn't even supposed to be in this movie. No, not at all.

SPEAKER_07 56:56

Yeah, the theatrical version. He's just that scene's just non-existent.

SPEAKER_11 57:02

It made him less mysterious. Yeah. Because from what I expected, Jabba was just so big he just stuck in one place.

SPEAKER_07 57:08

I mean, that's what you get in like the third one the third one, because he's just like literally on this like pallet that they have to move around.5 has light speed.

unknown 57:26

But little rush, so you'll just get on the colour.

SPEAKER_07 57:28

Millennium Falcon. Iconic. I love how grimy everything is.

SPEAKER_11 57:40

Yeah, they're dirty as fuck. Oh, he's a op. Fucking spy.

SPEAKER_07 57:57

Let's go on.

SPEAKER_10 58:13

See what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 58:13

He just bitches the entire movie. I forgot how much I hate this. Oh, really? We could drop you off. You want us to drop you off back there?

SPEAKER_11 58:24

You are not relevant to the purpose here, dude. Nothing, dude. We got a fucking ape now, dude. We don't need you. We're gonna smelt you down, dude. Turn into a chain. Sell your gold.

SPEAKER_07 58:42

Necklace and put on Java.

SPEAKER_02 58:55

Oh no we make the jump to hyperspace.

SPEAKER_07 59:12

Oh, Chewy's nice with it? Chewbacca is so nice with it, dude.

SPEAKER_11 59:24

Dude, mind your business.

SPEAKER_10 59:27

Go over there. Shut the fuck up, kid. Go with your little gauge roid. It's for big boys. Oh, so sick.

SPEAKER_07 59:37

Oh, look at Earth. How does that thing move in space?

SPEAKER_11 59:43

Who knows? So big. Oh man. Just gangbang leader. She's just blacked.

SPEAKER_07 59:56

Perhaps she'll respond to another form of torture. Gang rape.

unknown 1:00:11

Princess Leah, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest as I said on the other way this battle station operator. No star system there.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

Not after we demonstrate that you are without using us with the location of the regular base.

unknown 1:00:42

I have chosen to test this station as a destructive car on your own planet order.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:47

No.

unknown 1:00:48

Oh no, it's easy. Then name the system.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:57

This dude is about it.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:59

Yeah, dude, he has five blueberries, four strawberries, and four oranges.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:05

I'm the furtious child.

unknown 1:01:11

You see, Lord Mavers, you can be reasonable. Continue with the operation.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:17

You lied. Oh he said you stupid. He said you gullible.

unknown 1:01:24

We will deal with our rebel friends soon enough.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:36

This guy just signed up to be in the military to feed his family, and now they're like, yeah, blew up a planet.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:45

Oh, they actually did it.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:47

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:48

Damn, these guys are ruthless. Shoot, like, shit's like for real, like in pens.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:54

I thought they were just bluffing.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:56

Obi-Wan knows.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:00

No, he felt it. There's no way they cried around here, dude. That was fast. Yeah, there's that was so fast. They didn't know it was coming. It's all your words.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:19

Many cute little boys died today.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:23

So many twinks were on all the round.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:37

This was added in there? No, that's a that was in the original. Playing like monster chess.

unknown 1:03:05

I see your voice out.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:08

Damn, Han's atheist.

unknown 1:04:12

This time let go, you're conscious. How am I supposed to find it?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:24

It's perfect. Just stay right there. I'll get right behind you.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:27

I'm gonna show you the force. I'm gonna force something. Oh the old feeling. Dude, just vibe. He's telling you just a vibe. Oh that's fast.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:07

Harrison Ford is ultimate Chad.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:13

So they're they're showing up to a blown-up planet. They don't know that though. Oh skeletons have reached down to him. I thought he felt it. I thought he felt it in his bones. He just didn't know what planet it was. Yeah.

unknown 1:05:31

They're now conducting an extensive search of the surrounding system. She died. She died to us. I told you she wouldn't have unconsciously much favored or anything.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:42

Dude, you just blew up her planet. Yeah. The fuck? Expected to be a murder. She fucking lied to me. I just murdered her family and everybody she loves. And she's gonna lie to me? What a bitch.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:19

If you were to blow up a planet, it would like destroy an entire solar system, you know?

SPEAKER_11 1:06:27

Think so? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:30

Well, like if you removed like I think it's like Venus from from the galaxy, our galaxy, then like all cause like Venus pulls on different planets and keeps them all like kinda in rotation. Yeah. It would fuck up everything.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:45

But that doesn't count in this universe, do you know?

SPEAKER_10 1:06:47

Obviously not, but it'd be fun to see a version of that with Planet Hydrogenus with Solo.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:01

That's no moon.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:24

But they're so close to saving our game. Just get up there. The gravitational pool.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:43

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:52

Maybe before the Empire gets us, we go oil each other up in the back.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:58

Now now, Ben, stop. Okay, all right. I just throwing it out.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:05

We might die, who knows?

SPEAKER_10 1:08:08

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:35

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:54

How do you call that? The force.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:04

This is incredible, dude. They made this in the seventies.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:47

I want one of those suits so bad.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:49

Yeah, that'd be really fun. Let's do stand up in a full stormtrooper outfit. Don't address it. Let's raid the cap from stormtrooper.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:00

This is a Death Star. Look at my stormtroopers over here. You think they get good benefits? No. You don't think Darth Vader's paying for college? No, I'm health insurance.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:55

Just choking them out every chance to go.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:59

This is your health insurance.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:01

Well, it's the day I'm retiring. I can't wait to go home and finish college.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:11

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:18

Oh no. Let's go, Chewy. Nice.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:34

Damn, is that probably. I was gonna say, did Luke just kill a guy for the first time just nonchalantly?

unknown 1:11:45

Oh yeah, we should be able to buy the other one.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:51

Yeah, plug in there.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:54

C3P is I'm so jealous. Steal the files, Ian.

unknown 1:12:00

He says he's found the vacant post of the phone.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:03

He says he's found the Epstein files. The Vader files. My god, Darth Vader was on Epstein Island. I'm not touching them. I'm not touching them. I'm not touching them. It's still legal. It's still legal. Darth Vader posting an apology video. Look, he was very good at business. We needed all the parts for the Death Star. Death Star was very expensive. Look, he had a lot of private starships, and yes, I flew on them a couple times. But I had to I had to get there, okay?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:40

What do you want me to do?

SPEAKER_08 1:12:43

Oh man.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:46

Yeah, Julange I knew her. I did. I wouldn't even try to make friends with them, okay? More acquaintances. Okay, I was at a party once.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:58

Dude, the Prince Andrew video. Have you d you seen that of him getting interviewed by like the BBC after all the episode? Right before he got arrested, and he was trying to play it all off. Oh man. What do you say? The whole interview is so funny because it's just them being like, here's all this evidence of you being a pedophile. He's like, no, that can't be right. You know, that doesn't really make much sense because uh, like, you know, I you know, I barely even knew Jeffrey, because like one of the victims told a story about how like he was holding her and sweating, and he's like, that actually can't be me because I actually uh because of my PTSD, I don't sweat anymore. Little little fact about me. I actually have lost the ability to sweat, so you know, obviously she's lying.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:41

That's insane.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:43

That's crazy that's a PTSD not. Dude, and then the interviewer said that uh they found that Princess Leia's on there, they're gonna go try to rescue her. But the interviewer said that after the interview cut, which was one of the worst interviews ever. He was just like, I thought that went pretty well. It's worth a watch at home. Go check out Prince Andrew, pretty much confessing to be a pedophile. Oh man, dude, what have marked. After Epstein got arrested for being a pedophile, he went to Epstein's house in New York, and he's like, I didn't want to be a chicken, I wanted to go talk to him in person and tell him, Jeffrey, we can't be friends anymore. And the interviewer's like, it says that they had a party that night, and you're the guest of honors. It's like, well, I would hardly call it a party, it was me and ten other ten ten close friends.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:31

It's like, dude.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:32

Jesus.

unknown 1:14:33

You better be right about this. All right, what's your plan?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:42

Gladly.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:05

My boy's trying to get blasted, do you? That's all. Definitely lock the door.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:16

Just over the intercom in the space station. Yohoo boys, I'm in here. I hope nobody comes in and blasts me really hard.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:41

Oh, there's a black one.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:43

You saw that? That's pretty sad.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:45

The black C3. Oh yeah, the the the bad guys are, you know, obviously.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:49

No, they're all black. They're all in blackface.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:53

They put C three P on blackface.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:19

I like how he's just walking around, like he's not the most important person on the ship.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:23

There's no backup not the most powerful guy in the universe.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:27

It's like nothing. Chewbacca's just impulsive as fuck, dude. Right. It would have been a way better way to go just fucking start blasting people. Jesus, fuck it.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:29

His plan's boring.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:39

Yeah, he still hasn't murdered anybody yet.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:44

Just been on camera duty.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:46

Yeah. His aim is good. He's got an aimbox.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:54

This part's so funny.

unknown 1:17:57

Uh everything's under control, ever situation normal. Uh that's like weapons now function, but uh I think everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:10

How are you?

unknown 1:18:12

Uh uh negative, negative. We have to go about that. We have to leave here. Uh now you must lock down. Large.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:19

Asking, how are you?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:28

He's the fucking man, dude. He's a fucking idiot. Wasn't even close to pulling that off. It would have been better to just not answer that. So baddy alert.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:45

Alright, come on, Lee.

unknown 1:18:49

I need Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you. I got your two, you're right here with Ben Canobi.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:01

I would like to see Lei in a wet t-shirt contest.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:03

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:07

The way she was laying down like that, dude? Oh my god. So he's saying that he he knows that Obi-Wan's there.

unknown 1:19:16

The Jedi are extinct. The thought has gone out of the universe. You, my friend, all the life of their religion.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:23

So there's only very like few people that know how to use the force. Yeah. And it's him and Obi. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:29

So what Obi-Wan said in the beginning was that Darth Vader helped the Empire hunt down and kill all the Jedi.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:36

Oh. Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:40

So there used to be a ton more, and now it's just going to pull up on him.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:01

I feel like they would have such a better advantage there. That tiny little hole. I feel like they could bottleneck him pretty good.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:08

See, what I'm thinking is, so you can learn the force. And there was a bunch of them. Nobody wrote a book.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:14

You can't learn the force.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:16

Oh, I thought you could learn the force. So you're just either born with it or you're not.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:20

Yeah. Um, everyone's kind of connected to it, but that's because he's Yeah, because he's one of the the chosen. He's one of them ones.

unknown 1:20:32

The main entrance seemed to be the only way, you know, how to pull other information making people disrespectful.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:39

Yeah, dude, if I lived in a universe where this was possible and people are like, yeah, we don't really do that anymore. That'd be like I'd spend every waking hour.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:47

Oh, trying to learn it? Yeah. Just not rescue.

unknown 1:20:54

Maybe you would give a plan for getting out?

SPEAKER_07 1:21:00

Just yelling at each other.

unknown 1:21:02

Somebody has to say my skin.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:04

Hell yeah, Leia, let's go. Strong female character, we love it. Finally, some pussy, dude. It's nothing but a sausage fest.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:19

You don't know what chewy's got.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:22

Definitely has a big dick. It's definitely packaged. See him, dude? You fucking hairy beast.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:32

He's got a two-footer, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:34

He's just hiding it.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:53

This movie's so fucking good, dude. God damn, I forget.

unknown 1:22:29

There's something alive in here that you're imagining.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:32

Uh oh.

unknown 1:22:37

Did you say that?

SPEAKER_10 1:22:38

Oh, it's a snake. It's Chewy's dick.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:44

It's coming for Leia, dude. Leah. Chewy's the only straight guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:49

Chewy's the only straight one.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:54

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:02

Oh, dude in duty water. Oh.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:05

It's got me. Taking into duty water.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:15

Later, why don't you dip down in the water real quick? Step to your chest, up to your chest.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:19

Why don't you take that dress off and come and save me? Take the dress off.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:26

It told me underwater. Deep on the new way to stop it is for you to go topless.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:33

Oh man.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:38

It's fucking terrifying. This is stressing Chewy out. It raped me.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:06

I don't want to talk about it. Really? You got a bad feeling of it? Now navigating into the water.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:18

Something about this doesn't feel right, guys. Wall's getting closer. Now I'm starting to worry, everybody.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:27

This is an infamous scene too, then.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:29

This part terrified me as a child.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:31

Yeah, this shit does look scary. How would the gang get out of this?

SPEAKER_07 1:24:57

Stormtrooper hits his head on the door. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:10

You guys found me. You know what that means. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:19

You told they they don't know that they're the the droids from Tatooine.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:26

Oh shit, dude.

unknown 1:25:39

Alright.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:44

Stormtroopers are so fucking bad at their jobs. No wonder Death Vader's always killing them.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:53

Yeah, dude, they get paid shit. No housing turn. I wouldn't give a fuck either.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:57

Doubt they get any training whatsoever. Fuck it. Here's a gun. Here's a gun.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:02

They have to go to college, nothing. Stop putting your thing in everything.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:38

Fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:29

So where did this thing go? Did you get the stuff? I think he bailed. He just dipped down. He's like, fuck this, too. Damn, my guy was just walking around.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:41

Just strolling.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:42

Like nothing.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:44

He's going to shut down the tractor beam so they can escape.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:51

Oh, is Yoda in this movie?

SPEAKER_07 1:27:53

No, he's in the next one.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:58

God damn.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:09

How many of those stormtroopers do you think die on the Death Star from just falling off one of those? They can't have great peripheral vision, you know?

SPEAKER_11 1:28:17

Yeah, not on that mask.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:19

They're just marching around. It slips, falls.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:24

Probably like a hundred.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:26

Good good amount.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:33

Shut up, Lady.

unknown 1:28:53

Somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:56

Damn, Leah. Malin.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:00

Strong female character.

SPEAKER_10 1:29:04

I didn't know Leia was a bitch. I thought she was cool. I thought she was chill, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:09

I didn't know Leia was a total cunt.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:17

Just throw her back in the fucking trash compactor, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:21

Oh no. We almost died for this, dumb bitch.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:26

She won't even let me get any fucking pussy, dude. Fuck this bitch.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:34

They're so bad. Right, dude? They're so dumb.

unknown 1:29:43

Are you safe?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:45

Yes, mass. I'm safe, Mass. Don't worry about me, Mass.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:53

That's how the droids talking star was. Oh fucking pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:23

What a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:35

See just like that. So many stormtroopers die every day. I don't think he's killed anyone yet.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:09

No, he hasn't.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:11

Get him. Oh, let's go, Luke.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:14

There we go. Let's go, Luke. First one.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:20

She just starts sniping him. Hold the blicky bitch. First shot. Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:37

Just the feet. Just went up an inch.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:41

Swiggling their toes under there. Oh give them a little smoochie smooch.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:02

I mean it's sneaky. Oh man.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:10

I can't wait. So there's there's a there's a way that I've heard someone talk about watching these movies that I think that maybe we should do, because I've never done it before. Where you watch this one and then the next one. And then you go back and watch the three prequels so you get all the context and everything before you watch the final one. Which I think might be a good way to watch them, especially for your first time.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:36

Which is the final one?

SPEAKER_07 1:32:38

Uh Revenge of the Sith. Or Return of Yeah, Revenge of the No. Revenge of the Sith is the third one. Return of the Jedi is the sixth one.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:45

Oh, dude, they're about a battle.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:52

Oh.

unknown 1:32:55

So because now I'm going to be like when I left you, I was about to look at Nalcon and uh for me to die.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:14

God damn, dude. Again, just imagine watching this in the seventies. The sound design. They got laser swords. Just two geriatric old men fencing each other.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:09

Yeah, exactly, just for the fun of it. I wonder how popular fencing got after this.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:17

Probably skyrocketed, dude. It's like how archery got popular after the Hunger Games or whatever.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:24

For this, I bet fencing was like everybody was like, yeah, this is gay as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:28

Little did they know.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:30

It's the closest thing to being.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:33

This is the gayest thing ever.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:35

Oh, he's oh the game's rolling up. The squad.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:45

Oh man.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:53

Just watching it.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:55

Letting Darth Vader do his thing. Fuck. This part always makes me cry.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:33

What? So he actually died? Yeah. Oh, what?

SPEAKER_07 1:35:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:37

I thought that was like a magic trick. He just disappeared.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:39

I thought he David Blaine that shit. Nah, he's dead. What? But now he has become one with the force.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:49

Did all that just to be inside his little twink, dude? It's beautiful. I want to lose this.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:58

Always? All the time? I don't know if I really want that. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_06 1:36:01

There will never be a moment when I'm not watching you very closely.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:05

All the time.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:09

Oh man, poor guy. Oh, that old man that you just met die from. My entire fucking planet just got blown up, you asshole. I don't fucking know any of you.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:21

Why does he want to hurt about him and his fucking idea? Uncle and aunt. You saw your uncle's body burnt.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:30

He's gonna teach me how to be the ultimate gay guy. I don't have anybody to teach me. I gotta do one.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:35

I'm a self-taught gay guy.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:39

He didn't even teach me how to go cruising yet. These are sick. Chewy's for real a demon on the wheel, dude. Why don't you use the laser that blew up a fucking planet?

SPEAKER_11 1:38:31

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:38:42

Dude, like, how do you even make something like that? That does look sick as fuck. How do you make something like this in the 70s? That is so sick. Like George Lucas for real, like invented movie making techniques for this shit.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:55

He did.

SPEAKER_07 1:38:57

He invented like I think it's like the blue screen is what he used for all this, and that's how he like not a green screen? No, like he invented that for like to make that shit work. Like it's it's incredible.

SPEAKER_11 1:39:27

Luke, he's trying to take your bitch.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:31

Oh, okay, that's why they let him go.

SPEAKER_10 1:40:00

My type of guy capitalist pig. That's me. Fucking love capitalism. Yeah, he's just a single man, dude, just strolling through space. With his big furry friend. Yeah. It's literally us, dude. Just chilling, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:31

Oh, screw it.

unknown 1:40:34

What do you think? Do you think a prince is gonna die like me? No.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:43

They're both just trying to fuck her.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:54

Is that Algernon or whatever?

SPEAKER_10 1:40:56

Is that Algernon 2? Looks just like it.

SPEAKER_07 1:40:59

No, that that was the one that they they blew up. I don't know. I forgot uh Yavin is the name of this planet. What's it called? Yavin 4. Yavin Four. It's a moon of another planet.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:13

It's where the Rebel Alliance hangs out. Oh. The X-Wings. This Antifa. Damn, they got Luke and Drip. So before they added all the CGI stuff, this stuff right here, the readout of the Death Star, is like the only computer generated effect that was in this movie in the 70s.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:54

Um, yeah, they put a bunch of bullish in it.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:56

How the fuck does that thing move in space?

SPEAKER_11 1:41:58

I guess it's jets, dude. Darth Vader's doing it with the force. He's moving the whole ship with his force.

SPEAKER_07 1:42:09

They're about to pull up.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:11

So they're in the jungle now. You know what I noticed? Well, she didn't even say thank you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:22

Damn, that's insane.

SPEAKER_06 1:43:24

Like, oh my god, you guys so fucking stupid. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:30

You know what? Look at that. We were hot now.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:32

Gross gross man. I would hate it.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:35

I would hate it every time I was hot.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:47

Really didn't say thanks once. I'm gonna grab some water.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:56

Do you have like a water bottle or should I Yeah, uh there's a thing in the there's there's cups to the right of the uh is it still filming? Yeah. Okay, tight. There's cups to the right of the sink in the cabinet. And then uh there's a water thing in the refrigerator. It's almost over. Yeah. Cups to the right of the sink in the cabinet. Hector's gotta get water, so it's just us right now. What's up? No, it's on the left on the side of the fridge. On like the wall of the refrigerator, there's a thing you push the cup up against.

unknown 1:44:45

Oh, oh, I know.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:46

Yeah. Just explaining Hector how my fridge works. Gotta keep the podcast going. So Han just got all his money and now he's dipping. And all the Luke is joining the rebels to go fuck up the Death Star. Yep. He's joining Albers and Blizzards. Luke asked Han to stay, and Han said, fuck you. Did you bring the water?

SPEAKER_11 1:45:34

I already drank it, I left it over.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:35

Oh nice.

unknown 1:46:13

Hey Biggs. I told you I name this.

SPEAKER_07 1:46:15

Biggs. Oh wow, Luke has a friend. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him in the climactic battle.

SPEAKER_11 1:46:31

Now it's turning into Top Gun.

SPEAKER_07 1:46:34

Literally. Like Top Gun 2 does this battle. Like that's uh Maddie's home. Excuse me. He'll be back down. Cameo alert again from roommate Maddie if he wants to pop in.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:03

We should do one of these with your uh Asian neighbor.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:08

Watch crazy rich Asians with him. You love this, right? Have you ever seen Mulan before?

SPEAKER_11 1:47:17

Are you the guy who made Parasite? You wanna watch a movie? You wanna watch the movie you made?

SPEAKER_07 1:47:23

You made this, right? This is the one that you made, right? What do you mean, no?

SPEAKER_09 1:47:31

What's up, buddy?

SPEAKER_07 1:47:39

Did you go to the Nats game?

SPEAKER_06 1:47:44

Nice.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:49

A New Hope. Episode 4?

SPEAKER_11 1:47:53

Yeah, it's the OG Ward original. Yeah. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:57

They're about to fuck up the Death Star.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:00

Oh man, what? R2D2 is just on top? Yeah. Vulnerable as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:04

They all have R2 units up there.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:06

The most important character in the show is just on top vulnerable.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:09

They do like repairs and shit.

SPEAKER_10 1:48:12

Oh, there's a fat guy. Chubbs.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:21

Fat guy's so funny.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:28

Damn, dude. That's a big dog.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:35

Yumbar said no, so I figured I'd join the rebellion.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:39

Of course the Liv's got the fat guy, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:41

Biggs, do you mind turning off your radio? You're breathing really heavy into it.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:47

Sorry. Just thinking about donuts.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:55

Let's go, boys.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:59

Let's go, Maverick.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:08

People did use to say Tom Cruise was gay.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:10

No, he's just into Scientology.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:13

Pretty gay. If you're a Scientologist out there, I meant full offense by that. Yeah, fuck you. God damn, Luke. His name's Porkin.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:56

That's great.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:58

The one fact.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:00

Pork chop.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:01

What's up, Fatty? Oh no, they killed the fat guy.

SPEAKER_10 1:50:08

He was too heavy. He was too big, dude. Oh, you know. Drove his chip down.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:12

It was so easy to spot.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:14

Dude, I mean the family guy one is the best. He's like spilling out of the cockpit. He's so fucking bad. Yeah, Earl Jones. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:24

Oh man.

unknown 1:50:29

We've picked up a new signal. Enemy fighters come your way. Let's go negative. I don't see anything.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:36

They got the blackface stormtroopers coming at him.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:48

Oh, they are black-faced stormtroopers.

SPEAKER_10 1:50:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:51

Those are the pilots. Damn, the emo stormtroopers.

SPEAKER_10 1:50:54

Oh my life and toppies. Crying in my skin.

SPEAKER_07 1:51:00

Throw just playing emo music.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:04

Yeah, if you want to be a pilot, you could be gods.

SPEAKER_07 1:51:09

Oh shit. Let's go, Luke. It's crazy he started out as a farmer and now he's just collecting bodies.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:16

Exactly. Just all his friends died.

SPEAKER_07 1:51:19

You blackface boys with me.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:50

That's his friend, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:51:52

This is now I think his friend is the one with the mustache.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_09 1:51:56

Goose.

SPEAKER_07 1:51:57

Yeah. Yeah, literally. This is just Top Gun.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:00

It is.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:02

Mark Hamel should sue Tom Cruise. Should sue Scientology.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:06

That was the original one.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:12

Darth Vader is Lord Xenu, dude.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:15

Oh it was that. Oh, I thought he was about to drink.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:21

Just drinking and flying, he's pulling his flask up, yeah. It does look like he's killing up a flask.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:13

I'll fucking kill you, Obi Wan.

SPEAKER_11 1:53:16

So do you know Mimo, dude?

SPEAKER_07 1:53:18

It's just fucking hammered the entire movie. Do you want to fuck up my fucking Darth Star?

SPEAKER_11 1:53:29

Should have fat till.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:34

Oh damn fat bitch. He's such a sassy gay guy. This is good podcasting we're doing right now.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:19

We're just on too this is a good thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:09

See, this is all just Oh. These movies are for real, just a metaphor for Oh Grooming Let's go, you got it.

SPEAKER_10 1:55:27

I missed it.

unknown 1:55:31

I got it.

SPEAKER_11 1:55:34

Oh, you suck, bro. How'd you miss?

SPEAKER_10 1:55:37

Didn't go in. You piece of shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:40

Oh my god. It was too tight. Couldn't get it in. I had to lure it up first. Don't worry, little twink Luke's about to come and save the day. Oh twink Skywalker. It's truly incredible.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:44

Yeah, dude, mind your fucking bit. That's Luke Skywalker. The fuck? This is Twink Skywalker you're talking to right here, bro. You think I can't fit in this tiny little hole right here? It's just the little holes, man. This man can.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:55

I spent a whole day with Obi-Wan Kenobi. You think I can't squeeze into a little hole?

SPEAKER_11 1:57:00

He taught me to close my eyes. He told me to close my eyes and not think about it.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:09

Hilarious that you bring that up.

SPEAKER_10 1:57:45

No. They got goose.

SPEAKER_09 1:57:48

They got goose. Damn.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:58

So funny, this is literally just talking.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:00

It was fucking goose, dude. He's the best one.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:04

Not the guy that we just met who gave us one line of exposition about him. No.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:09

Alright, come on. You got this, Luke. He's the last one remaining, I think, right? Yeah. Yeah, dude told you. Taught him to close his eyes and not think. And just accept it.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:27

Relax your anus, Luke.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:29

Relax it.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:30

Loose enough. You're not going to be able to get in if you're so tight.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:48

Damn, Vader, you just just shit faced out there. Oh think you'd be able to hit him if he wasn't so fucking dry.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:54

No, they got R2. Oh, you see fucking uh the colonel in the back? The guy with the mustache? Yeah. That's cool.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:11

This guy again just trying to feed his family, being forced to blow up an entire other planet.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:22

Oh. Oh. Oh he came back.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:31

Motherfucking Indiana Jones coming back to save Twink Skywalker.

SPEAKER_11 1:59:36

Nobody messes with my Twink. He's mine. OB Wan gave him to me.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:54

Oh shit. Looks like he didn't die of AIDS.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:00

Wait, wasn't Darth Vader on it?

SPEAKER_06 2:00:02

Nah, he was on his little ship. Oh, he was on his little ship. He escaped. So will I.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:16

Damn, blackface storm. What the fuck was that? Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:21

Damn, they killed all the blackface stormtroopers.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:25

Oh, he did it.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:26

How could they?

SPEAKER_11 2:00:26

Let's go, Maverick. Leah, you better give me some pussy now.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:36

These are the same clothes you were wearing when we when he rescued you? You wanna put a little something skimpier on when I came back?

unknown 2:00:49

You have her hang in.

SPEAKER_08 2:01:02

Oh another trade on her, dude.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:07

Oh my god. Let's go celebrate. Damn, it's Leia.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:11

It just turns into Leia sitting in the corner watching the Mogo at it. She's like, guys, I would love to participate here. No, you stay, you stay over there.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:22

This is for us. This is boy time. Oh, they better get a metal.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:29

Is that Leia?

SPEAKER_11 2:01:30

Yeah. She took the little bunch.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:31

I finally put something else on. Should have given Chewie a perm here. They all totally just had like a force of them for just then.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:50

That's 100% what just happened, dude. Medal of Honor.

SPEAKER_07 2:02:08

Give him a new paint job. What has pissed off me and every other Star Wars fan forever is that Chewy? They give Chewie like a silver one. And they don't even show him putting it on, like. Arguably the most important part of the entire plan, Chewbacca. Ace pilot. R2's okay.

SPEAKER_10 2:02:36

Don't even give Chewie a medal. Like. Yeah, that's fucked up. Why? Because he's a fucking hairy beast? That's racist. That is racist. Can't believe it, dude.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:45

That was fucked up.

SPEAKER_10 2:02:47

He was chilling at a bar, bro. You were getting hairy.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:50

He was looking good.

SPEAKER_10 2:02:51

Oh, that's it. Motherfucking Star Wars, bro. That was sick.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:55

That was sick. Wasn't that fucking awesome? But so when is when does all the drama happen? What episode is that one?

SPEAKER_07 2:03:01

The next one. The next one is when shit like that's so this one, you know, establishing everything. And then the next one they really go like deep dive into like, you know, the lore and like. Oh, that was sick, dude.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:11

I was waiting for the incest and the fucking Nah bro.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:14

That's the the baby one, bro.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:17

Damn, that was sick. I'm surprised.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:21

Oh my god, I love this movie so fucking much.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:23

That was great. Holy shit. 50 years late, but I finally did it. Finally fucking watched it. Finally fucking watched it. I'm watching every Star Wars movie with him, so we're cuz it's like I've never seen it, but I feel like I've seen it because it's been like so embedded into pop culture.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:42

Right, especially like, you know, if you've seen the Family Guy thing, you've you know what happens in it.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:46

Family guy, that seven years show fucking brings it up a lot.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:52

It's important to see.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:53

Yeah, it was weird. It's weird to see how many movies like ripped off start. Exactly.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:57

Yeah, no, like just reference it or like man, ultimate, ultimate fucking sci-fi fantasy. Yeah, incredible.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:08

So which is the next one? Is it the next one uh Empire Strikes Back? What episode is that?

SPEAKER_07 2:04:12

Episode five. Episode five. Empire Strikes Back. Okay. So I think we're gonna watch the next one. This one, Empire Strikes Back, and then we'll we're not watching any of the bad Disney ones, and then we'll go watch Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, and then we'll go back and watch episode six. I think that that would be a very interesting way to experience Star Wars for the first time. Yeah, yeah. So I'm uh I'm excited to watch the rest of the show.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:39

Whatever you want, dude. I'm just the one for the ride. That was pretty fun. That wasn't the right one. That was fun as fuck. Faster than I thought it was gonna be. Twink Skywalker.

SPEAKER_07 2:04:56

I would like like you know, I said this in everyone so far, but I would like to see rated X cuts of these movies with gratuitous sex scenes in them, you know, like extra 30 minutes of them just going to downtown.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:12

It's probably someone porn home, dude. There's probably some Star Wars.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:15

That's it, the old Google. Alright. We're gonna cut the cameras here, folks. I'm gonna have a good goddamn time.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:24

X-ray to Star Wars.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:25

All right, well that was uh our our third inaugural episode of the Amazon movie podcast. Uh thank you everybody for watching. I've been Jack Trimber.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:36

I'm Hector, dude.

SPEAKER_07 2:05:37

Peace out. Yeah, vote I don't know if this will come out before that.