Alien (Directors Cut)

My friend somehow made it this far in life without ever seeing Alien (1979), so I decided to fix that. In this episode, I show him one of the most iconic sci-fi horror movies of all time and capture his completely unfiltered reactions as he tries to figure out what’s going on aboard the Nostromo. We joke our way through the movie, react to the twists, debate the characters’ decisions, and watch him experience the legendary chestburster scene, Ripley, and the Xenomorph for the very first time. If you enjoy movie reactions, comedy podcasts, bad predictions, and hearing someone discover a classic film decades after everyone else, this episode is for you.

New episodes featuring first-time movie reactions, comedy commentary, and discussions about classic films, cult favorites, and movies everyone should have seen by now.

Transcript

unknown 0:03

Boom.

SPEAKER_03 0:03

Alright. Welcome to the fourth inaugural episode of the I'ma Watch a Movie podcast. Uh I'm your host, super ultra professional stand-up comedian Jack Trimbert. Today my guest is Jack Schwartz. What did you say it was? What is the name of the podcast? I'ma watch a movie. I came up with that. I'ma watch a movie. I well that Pat and I were riffing during the second episode that I did and just can't say I'ma watch a movie, so that's how we say the name is I'ma watch a movie. I didn't think of the name before I I started recording the first episode. It's a perfect name, it's on the fly. Straight to the point. Not bad. Not bad. Um uh we so I I've never actually explained the premise of this podcast. Uh we watch movies, thank you. So today we're watching Alien, the director's cut. Um Jack, Jack wasn't excited to see it. He's putting it up. We we took a lot of time trying to figure out what to watch. Finally went back to the first idea. Um but this is one of I'm excited for it. This is my favorite movie of all time. We're watching the director's cut. Um, you want to just launch into it? You want to just get going? I'm done. So if you're at home, if you're listening and you would like to watch the movie with us, uh the director's cut, go ahead and press play in three, two one. Three, three, two, one. Now, press play. Nailed it. And hope they don't have a delay as well. Yeah, whatever. You guys is the first spooky movie we've done on here. Oh my god, is it scary?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

A little bit. You didn't tell me it was scary. My bad. Do you make a move on the guests during the movie?

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Usually afterwards. I've had sex with everyone I've had on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Everyone. Every single one of them. With this is kind of the perfect format for me though, because I don't really stop talking during movies anyway. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

There's not I mean, you know, it's alien. There's an alien on a fucking spaceship that's just give away any spoilers. Sorry, my bad. It is crazy that I feel like I've never seen this movie. I remember the first time I watched this movie for the first time like seven years ago, and was just absolutely blown away. Then I went back and watched the director's cut, which we're watching now, and also just floored.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

The director's cut is so much better. Usually the director's cut is worse because they cut out things that they didn't feel the movie needed. Although they have always done this text thing. I've seen this in the new versions.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

It rocked. But they uh the changes that they make in this, they add one scene that I feel like really brings the entire movie together. They cut out a couple things. It's there's not too much changes. U DC uh Segourney Weaver's pussy, which is pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah, not what it wouldn't be my top pussy lineup. I'm not a Segourney Weaver fan, and I feel like it's lame to not be, but Sigorni Weaver as far as like what else was Sigourney Weaver is um she's in a lot. Was she in Kill Bill? No, that was Uma Therman. That's Uma Therman, never mind. I think I'm getting them mixed up. She was in a lot of movies.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

I can't think of it.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Oh, I know who Sigourney Weaver is now.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

She's a girl from Alien.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

What if the whole podcast was me shushing you every time we do it? Watching this fucking movie.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

That was the first episode. I had my buddies not a comic on. We watched The Matrix, and it's a good chunk good big chunks of silence on that one where we're just watching The Matrix.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

That's a fucking hell of a movie, though. It was awesome. Yeah, I do feel like that's gotta be a common occurrence on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

Yeah, I guess time will tell. When like Pat and I watched Snatch, it was it was a lot of Snatch? Guy Ritchie movie, Brad Pitt. But the one where he's a coke dealer? No, he's uh he's a pikey, he's like a what's it called? Uh like a gypsy, Irish gypsy. You can barely understand him. And it's Brad Pitt? Yeah. Chasing Statham. And him you can understand. Surprisingly, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

I feel like I feel like this like impulse to narrate what we're seeing, but hopefully they're watching it as well. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Let's see. I don't know, man. I just I I love this movie. I think it's the the setup is perfect, the way the camera just tracks through the ship so you kind of understand where everything is and how the whole layout is. It looks incredible. Just trying to go for I don't know shit about film. I just love this movie so much.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

No, it's good. It is good. You know, you want to get uh it's like a it's a it's a moving establishing shot. Yeah. Which is good for showing a lot of space. Yeah. And they spent all this money on the set. I think it's like a real ship they made. I don't think it's really into space.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

I heard that. Ridley Scott is all about realism. He's Christopher Nolan and that. None of these actors made it back. Um, yeah. Apparently these are supposed to be set in like the same universe. Are they actually though? Apparently.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

What's the fucking point? Yeah. It is kind of a similar vibe. Definitely. Is that a really scott movie? Is that what? Is that a really scope movie?

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Uh I believe so, yes. I want to say yes. I know Denis Villeneuve did 2049.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

That's a new one?

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Yeah, that's a good movie. I tried to there's a there's an alien video game called Alien Isolation, where you're like Sigourney Weaver's kid or something, and like, you know, same shit happens. You're just running away from an alien on a ship, and uh it's it's one thing to watch a scary movie, but like I didn't that's the first time I ever tried to play a scary video game. Oh, it's it can be intense. I I d never finished it. It was because the alien uses like they used AI in it to like like if you hide in one place over and over again, it'll start checking their place first. And like I just wasn't adaptable enough to get better at it.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I started playing The Last of Us, and uh it's a great game, but it's so fucking stressful that's extremely stressful. I also felt like I knew what was gonna happen the whole time because I'd watched the show. I'd I'd watched the show before I played the game. Yeah. And it was like like having zombies chasing me, even in the Call of Duty games, like the zombies game, it was like it's so stressful. I don't really enjoy it. It's it's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

I remember like the the OG Nazi zombies, me and my brother would play a fuck ton of, but then once once the maps got bigger and it got like way harder, and like there was some like it just got way more too intense.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

It just becomes about learning how to like which direction to sprint the whole time. I'm not about that. Check out this guy's package. So if I am this guy and the first thing I do is probably jerk off. Probably before everybody else joins me at breakfast. Just to make sure everything's still working. How have you guys been? That's what Segorni Weaver's in recently is Avatar. Yes. And she now she plays a child. Yeah, which was childly off-putting. It's an it's an avatar child with the exact same voice as current modern day seventy-year-old Sigrony off putting it.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

I mean they would all be Asian.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

But black guy is still trying to fight for his wages.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

We are getting rid of DEI, so maybe they got it right. One of them slipped through the cracks. This the ship is intricate. It's a really cool design. Like I don't even know like how do you come up with this shit in the 70s, you know?

SPEAKER_01 9:47

It's also weird because futuristic movies that were made back then always have like this weird analog feel to all the tech.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

I love the monitors, how they still have like the big TV boxes. Nothing's touch screen. Right, like they couldn't imagine touch screen.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Old school keyboard.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

So you just woke up and think about land at home, going back to Earth. Don't disrespect her. So far in the edits, I haven't heard the movie getting picked up on the mics, but I'm also so terrified that one of these episodes I'm gonna go and edit it and you just hear the movie play playing on full blast. I'm actually surprised you don't, but you can hear it a little bit in like loud points for someone.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

You probably want to a little bit so you can sync it up. Yeah. This movie would make me want a cigarette. I've always found that in movies sometimes they light up a cigarette and you go, like, I think, man, that's a that's a good cigarette. Like that one hit it.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

Especially after being asleep for how many years they've been post-cryo sleep cigarettes, dude. Black dude still complaining about money. At least I got one thing right about the future. Somebody has judged. Somebody has to speak up. If you want more, let me know. I kinda do. You want more? Yeah. Let me get that Coke. Coca-Cola. Keep commenting, say something funny.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

He's getting the Coca-Cola. It sounds like I'm covering it up and it is Coke, but it is Coca-Cola.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Right. So that's why they're not by Earth.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Yeah, I fucking know. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Well, look, I that's that's the thing with these commentaries is I I keep like retracking what's happening because I don't know if you we're riffing on. It's bad. I'm sorry. It's bad commentary. It's hard to um I just want to make sure you're up to speed, you know, on the same page.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

But knowing when to riff and when to watch. I'm still trying to decide if I think Sigornia Weaver's hot. That's my main conundrum at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

I think she's pretty good in this one.

unknown 14:53

Six, five, five, six.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

And you do see her pussy in the director's cut, so is that the only difference between the regular?

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Sigorney Weaver's cut. 20 seconds declamation 39 degrees two seconds. This guy on the right, skinny white dude, looks like Mike Feist. Who's that? He's a guy who looks like me. Oh, okay. From Challengers. You know what I mean? White guy? Oh, yeah. The gay tennis movie? Gay tennis movie? Bye tennis movie. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Bye is gay. Sorry. God, this movie's incredible. Big old balls. Are they the big ship or the little ship? They're the big ship.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

They're the big ship. Is there a little ship? Do you see a little ship?

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Oh, are those planets in the distance? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

That that looked terrible.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

This movie's dog shit. It's funny that enough. Like even like with Star Wars, it's like they're like the CGI was amazing, and then nowadays I watch it just shit.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

This looks like dog shit, dude. I could imagine watching something like this in the 70s and just being absolutely mind blown though.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

For sure. I mean that looks okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Yeah. That less so.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Idiots. You guys fucked up. No, you're right, Jack. This movie does suck.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

I was right. Fuck this movie, dude.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

I watched Romulus not that long ago. I didn't hate that one. Yeah, it was fine. But I feel like I'm starting to feel like all these movies are the exact same movie.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Well, that's the the big complaint about Romulus is that they just kind of redid a lot of the first and second alien movie. Cause uh some of the the third and fourth alien movie really are fucking out there.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

They like they went too far. Yeah, dude, it's the original movie.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

They're really fucking bad. The fourth one in particular. Damn. I may need to grab some more whiskey.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Did you say turbulence? From what, all the space wind, yeah. These fucking idiots, dude. If there's one thing you walk away from this podcast, it's it should be that I know a lot about space. Jack knows a lot about space.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

He watched Project Hail Mary one time.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

I can tell you everything there was to know about space.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Now I know everything about space.

unknown 18:32

Let's go with it.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

If you're watching the movie, now is a good time to change your Zen. Pop a Zen in if you're watching along with us. Back when you could say Merry Christmas. This was real futuristic. Maybe holiday lights. Topography.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Those kind of look like Hanukkah lights.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

They do literally just have like string lights.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Yeah, it's high production quality.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

I heard the fog budget was seventeen point nine million dollars. I don't think that much money existed back in the seventies.

SPEAKER_03 20:10

They also yeah, they saw all the sharp things pointing up on the computers.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

I think you'd know if it was fucking breached. It would have been turned inside out. Idiots.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Have you seen Prometheus?

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Mm-hmm. I don't like You don't like how bald he was? How bald, but also sexy he was.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

I mean I just didn't like the uh the questions I had about my sexuality after watching that movie.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Well, that movie makes you question everything. God, your sexuality.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Man, alien. I don't like the changes that movie made to the alien lore, especially from the director's cut here.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

What was it it was that they were human?

SPEAKER_03 20:59

Well, it's they were us. The It's like the way the alien works kind of changed. Cause like I can get more into it as the movie progresses. I don't want to jump too far ahead. In Prometheus? In this one. Oh. Because there's like some specific changes that they made. Alright, I'm gonna grab another bottle of whiskey. You riff, say something funny, make people laugh. Hey oo.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Instagram at Jack J Schwartz. But you won't find me doing this shit on my Instagram. Drinking whiskey. Been watching a lot of mad men recently. It's important to find your inner misogynist. You know what I mean? Trying to bring it back to the sixties. With everything but racism, but also sexism. I wanna To respect my wife in a suit with a cigar and a nice cup of whiskey. Oh, he's back. Is that fucking fireball? Oh my god. Why do you have the tiniest bottles of whiskey? Where are you getting these from? But these are like really these are good, good whiskey.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

It's a distillery under the house. It's yeah, it's moonshine. Mabi.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

And elf drops it off.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

This the one that we were drinking was. We're drinking all a match fancy whiskey. No, this is mine. I was about to say he's gonna come beat our ass. I don't know what this one is. Bessa Balkans whiskey. If you're at home watching along, open your bottle of Bess of Bessa Balkans whiskey. Not a sponsor, but maybe one day. We are sponsored by Dr. Pepper. No, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

We're drinking Coca-Cola. Fuck. Piece of shit. They're like. They're treating her like shit because she seems kind of butch. That's what it is. Yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah, why don't you smile a little bit more, Toots, huh? She's literally she's like the second hottest woman on this planet. Have a little fucking respect. Not much of a competition.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

I do know, uh I think that that the Lambert is technically transgender. Who's Lambert? This woman? The butch the Butch lesbian. Because in the in the second one in the second one, when uh uh scorney in the second one, they're recapping the crew of the ship, and there's like a line in her file that says that she like was born male or something. So pretty progressive from Ridley Scott and James Cameron, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Seems kind of pointless, but I respect it, I suppose. Yeah. That's what makes it a horror? That's the scariest part of the movie. I just really remember we we've done one of their podcast together once. And uh it never saw the light of day when I did the studio audience. We said some incredibly offensive things, probably for the best that one never comes out. Oh, jazz hands. Let it go, dude. He's so worried. I mean, he's probably got kids, man.

unknown 25:13

We have to scroll down.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

What makes you say that? He's probably got kids. He seems like a good guy. He's got kids.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

What makes you how many? How many kids?

SPEAKER_01 25:23

He doesn't know. We're only making those jokes because this movie is so old and that's how white people thought of people back in the day. Obviously, we are modern men, that's not how we think about things. It's pretty fucked up that they did that. Would you say drinking is a huge part of this podcast?

SPEAKER_03 25:53

No, I've had one beer on the podcast prior to this. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

This is gonna go different. I'm excited about it. I'm gonna drink all of your Western board. A bottle's gone. It's a really small bottle.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

What should you drink in anything? Probably tea. Seems like a tea gal. Ooh. Not binary. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

They love putting chucks in movies. They really do. It's like uh it's a it's a uh the shoe of the time. Extremely uncomfortable shit. The cat's been there the whole fucking time? What was the cat doing while they were in cryo sleep?

SPEAKER_03 26:38

It was just running around. At the well, they were in the little pods, but uh in the start of the movie we were following the cat around the space station.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

My cat is so annoying that I guarantee you my cat could wake me up from cryosleep.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

You're twenty years away from home, no way to get back in there.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Every morning I wake up to my cat yelling at me, being like, the food hasn't gone off. And then it goes off at the same time every single day. They're supposed to have some sort of internal clock which is out the window.

SPEAKER_03 27:21

Alien spaceship.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Is that motherfucker a droid? No? Oh, he's just British. He's just British. There's no droids on this in this movie? Where did you get that from? I don't know. I guess from the new one. Is it a spoiler? Maybe the new one, yeah. Do I already know that? Oh putting my mic uh near my penis. So listen. Oh that's a good noise.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

The podcast is over, we're never doing this again.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I made it bad.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

That one's not as good as the other one, I will say that.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

Why does it taste like dip?

SPEAKER_03 28:57

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Tastes like wintergreen dip.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

It's not that balkan. I don't know what balkan whiskey is, but it's not as good as the Irish stuff.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Big orfices.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

Yeah, that's a big theme of the movie. Orphuses? Well, it's supposed to be uh uh look at nostrils. It's supposed to be this movie's technically, if if you want to get want me to get on my filmmaking bag, it's supposed to be like a metaphor for sexual assault. No, it's not. Yeah. The alien looks like a giant penis. Like the Ridley Scott said that like his intention during the movie was to make the men uncomfortable while watching it, you know?

SPEAKER_01 29:45

That's so stupid. What's unclear drinking? What's uncomfortable about the metaphor?

SPEAKER_03 29:56

Our penis is fucking beautiful. This has like a chloroform taste to it. It's really not it's not great, but it's what we got. I do have I don't know, I got some other stuff. Yeah, like lemon chimney. No, no, no, no. Just drink it all really fast. This podcast has never seen the light of day after.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

It will in fucking court. Okay, so if you're watching the movie now, you'll see a bunch of people, they got headlights on.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

So there's some shots. God damn.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

I am feeling a bit filmy right now to know that it is complicated to light the inside of a helmet. Right?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Jack's a big filmmaker guy. So in these shots where it's like the wide and you see the full room, the people in the suits are children. They're really Scott's kids.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

And just to make the space seem bigger?

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Yeah. You can kind of tell in some of the shots that they're gonna be. So it looks like they're walking like a baby.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

One of them's literally a baby. Yeah. Oh, it's a gun. A penis-shaped gum. Gun. I'm so uncomfortable around this gun. Bravo, Ridley.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

So this is what this is where I don't like Prometheus. Is like cause like this whole this ship is in Prometheus. Not this one specifically, but so like the guy there. He is he's known as the space jockey. Um He seems like he's like fused to the ship, you know? Like he's like I don't know, there's like a lot of mystery about this. You see that like something came out of him. Yeah. And like it's it it's this like it's the horror of like the unknown that I find so terrifying about this movie that they don't explain everything. But then in Prometheus, they're just like, nah, it's a suit. There's a big bald guy, and it's a dude in a suit.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Oversimplification. I do think, yeah, the more you show of a creature, the less scary it is.

SPEAKER_03 32:18

But like also there's Wait, so this is a guy? It's a there's a guy in a suit in there, apparently. But there's also so there's a scene that's added in the director's cut that really solidifies what all this means. In this movie. Yeah. I'll get into that when we get into that scene, but a real elephant man thing. It's fucking terrifying. But it's just a mask. That's just a mask, and there's a bald guy in there.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

So more terrifying.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Boo.

unknown 32:46

That transmission.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

That guy's a fucking drone. I know he's a cyborg.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

I know he's a cyborg because of pop culture. I don't know why you're talking. It's hard to keep this up.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Because he's he's he's doing a fucking cameo in the new one.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Okay. They CGI him into the new one. Right, because he's probably dead. He's very dead.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

He's uh Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings. Holy shit. It took me a second, but yeah, I did not make the connection. Yeah. Ian Holm. Also used children doubles. Actually, they used dwarves. I think they used both children and dwarves. Not children. Child dwarves.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

So they put the they put a child in the suit and then they put the dwarf on his shoulders in the soup so he would look like a full man. No, it didn't want him to look like a full man. Uh you're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Big tunnel.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

It's fucking massive.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

And really Scott was like, everyone's gonna think this is like a giant pussy, and it'll make you scared. And it'll make you terrified. And the parallels between this tunnel and Sigourney Weaver's Weaver. Sigourney Weaver's beaver. That's that's should have been what I said. Ooh, a little POV.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Eggs. I wonder what could be in the eggs.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

More eggs. My money's on more eggs.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

What are those called? I think they're just called Russian dolls, right? To us they are. In Russia they're just called dolls. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Okay. Don't think I would have fell. Everything in the uh uh in the set looks like ribs.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

So that's that's what I want to get into. Do you want me to just get into it now or do you want to save it for?

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Well we can.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the ship itself is some sort of exoskeleton. So what God. Okay. If you're gonna spoil it. No, I'm not gonna spoil anything. I'm not gonna spoil the scene later, but from what what I get when I'm watching this movie, especially the director's cut, is that the alien kind of terraforms its surroundings. You know? Like the ship wasn't originally like this. Right. But the alien got loose, and he it's like a it's supposed to be like a biomechanical thing. It's not like fully organic, it's not poorly mechanical. No, the alien itself. The alien is biomechanical. And it like secretes stuff that kind of terraforms its surroundings to create a nest for these eggs. And it uses organic material to make eggs. So the ship wasn't the ship didn't look like this before the alien got loose. And he added ribs. It added ribs, it added pussy ribs on the inside and orifices and penises and stuff. I don't know. Talk to the alien for her pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Oh. First thing I would do, honestly, shove my head in there. I mean, exactly what this dude does. Is it really?

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Yes, dude. No, he just gets out of there and the movie ends. And then it's spooky down there. We probably shouldn't go down there.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

They uh they modeled these after the movie Tremors, Kevin Bacon. That's a reference. That's a reference.

SPEAKER_03 36:52

We should have watched Tremors. That's a good movie. Terrified me as a child. Tremors? Yeah. You walk around dirt like hook. I watched that when I was like five years old on the city.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Doing the Dunewalk. Dude, I'll Dunewalk. My Dunewalk's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

I believe it. Little Timothy Chalamet. You're Jewish, so. I am.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

I'm just realizing though, if we're seeing Sigourney Weaver's pussy, it seems like she's gonna give birth. Because the alien movies are all about birthing aliens.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

More more of the later ones, but uh spoiler alert, you we don't see Stigourney Weaver give birth. It's just kinda it's so what it is. The director's cut is just a 30-minute scene they attack on at the end where Sigorni's credit just pleasuring her Delta post-credit of Sigourney Weaver Weaver. If we break quarantine and go the beaver's right.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

The first thing that made me think this guy was a fucking cyborg wasn't even knowing that he was. But it was actually the way he spoke. And it wasn't just because he was a little off point. But he said it's great acting. He said, you know? I don't remember what he said, but he said something along the lines like Pour me another whiskey. Alright. No, don't pour me another whiskey. I'm still drinking this dog shit. Bean slop. Bean slop is what he just said. Isn't that what it says? Bessa balkin whiskey. Ooh. My girlfriend does this for her face every night. She said it makes her look young.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

Do I still get my money?

SPEAKER_01 39:32

A lot of people always yelling during movies. In the movie or out of the movie. Oh shit. Oh my god. Cut the camera, I have to come. Yeah, that's a trans woman. Good thing they're wearing unsealed oxygen masks, these fucking idiots. There's a chance I'm too smart for this movie. You can't just wear a non-rebreather like that. And expect to not get I mean, come on. I mean you were an EMT, right? I was a paramedic, you son of a bitch. Watch your fucking mouth.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

Sorry. Oh do you feel uncomfortable? Not enough.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

See? He's on to something, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

God damn, this movie's so fucking good.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Who is this woman? What woman? The person with the oh that's a man?

SPEAKER_03 41:07

Yeah, that's the first guy who woke up.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

I'm not that smooth. Which one of these actors was considered like the male sex symbol at the time? Do you think it was this guy on the left?

SPEAKER_03 41:43

Yeah, Dallas, the captain, probably. Definitely wasn't Ian Holm. That's this guy? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

No.

unknown 41:58

Do you take responsibility?

SPEAKER_01 42:00

It's probably probably Dallas. I think it was, but it's so funny when you look at who was considered hot back in the day, is always so different. Not that he's not like a hot guy, I guess. I'd smash. The the guy with the this guy doing this looks the exact same as that guy. As Dallas. The guy with the face hugger on? Yeah, the guy with the oxygen mask on. The taller one. The other one. Him. Yeah? Oh right.

SPEAKER_02 42:29

Acid blood.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Come on!

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Come on, see? That's why. Oh man, this is such a perfect premise. For a movie. Like they're in space with an alien that bleeds acid, so like you can't just shoot it.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

It's the classic gun on a plane situation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:53

Snakes on a plane.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

We should have watched that. Fuck, fuck. We should have watched a home pause movie. We should have watched Snakes on a plane real quick. What was the fucking what was that Kevin Hart movie? Soul Plane. Yeah. That's what we should have watched. See how racist we could get watching Soulplane. It's hard not to with Soul Plane. It is funny, I feel like on my podcast, I'm like a little modern day freedom fighter. I'm damn near an activist on my podcast. I'm fucking Nick DePaulo. Say the N-word. Shout out Nick DePolo. Say the N-word. Shout out Nick DePolo, he's got great takes. Say the N-word real quick.

SPEAKER_03 43:48

Say the N-word. Say the N-word, Jack.

unknown 43:56

You don't kill it.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

I opened for Nick DePolo and he um waitress came in and it was a guy some like little kind of nerdy guy with glasses and he walked in and Nic Dopolo says uh I'll take a he said I'll take a uh a soda with lime and uh hotter waitress and you can't teach that kind of humor anymore yeah I mean fucking hilarious that's that's an awful thing to say to someone it was a man oh okay alright alright so it's funny that's hilarious yeah if it was a woman that'd be fucking absolutely horrible that's a that's a funny line it's pretty good that's a good line say what you want about the guy people call him crazy people call him uh psycho people call him red pilled people call him nuts very people call him racist people call him uh pretty moderate an open mind this is my podcast by the way PDE no plugs podcast doesn't exist we're gonna cut that on YouTube Spotify Apple Podcasts Air Git Podcast we're cutting all this out we're gonna put a hundred thousand subs some podcasts are smaller you know your podcast the one you host fair enough I will fucking kill you don't ever talk shit in my pocket you better be sitting this close to me because of the camera yeah it looks weird like it's it's hard to get the it's I'm gonna it feels a little weird but to be fair I'm usually on that side yeah it's good though it's on what side on this side I'm I'm usually sitting where you're sitting uh it's my spot someone kinda lean back on the guest put my head in their lap or they run their hand through my hair but you know I guess we're not gonna do that this time. Keep dreaming keep dreaming dude just wait till the camera comes give me a couple more whiskey keep sipping it was a pretty entertaining podcast but for the last forty five minutes they just made out started as a podcast but just turned into an extremely graphic gay pornography. Very low res gay pork great audio though I said noise is this a different guy than the cyborg guy or this is the cyborg guy I don't know what you're talking about. Okay the Okay but is this the same guy? Yeah spilbo baggins but there's two there's four people on this on this ship two there's a lot of people on the ship but I just mean the the guy okay the guy who was doing the little surgery I think there's seven people in total but four of these people look like two of the same people which was the the s the side there may or may not be cyborg guy and and the other guy who was in the in the in the first guy OR or whatever like the two guys in the OR the guy who you said who looks like oh no Dallas that guy right there but no that that's Dallas?

SPEAKER_03 48:44

Yeah it was him and it was Bilbo Baggins who were in the OR No but they were outside of it no the guy who they just make a weird cut then the guy who you said who looks like you is the one who had the thing jump on his face. Right and now it's gone the guy from the gay tennis movie but it's not him obviously for the record probably is it's his dad I have no concept of time or anything it's actually the same actor this movie came out what year?

SPEAKER_01 49:17

203017? No it didn't talk about Sigrant Weaver's 400 years old now.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Still playing a 12 year old alien child i is this in the 80s 70s what no fucking way I mean let me double check I'm pretty sure I want to say 71 it's like stone age 79 I said 71 what a fucking idiot this came out after Star Wars that's crazy 79 Star Wars came out what year? 77 Yeah when the world was fascinated by space travel weird aliens who's the hottest alien you think in movies in movies yeah probably this one from a porn I watched she had pretty big tits okay um was she Hispanic?

SPEAKER_01 50:22

Probably okay that meant like um extraterrestrial beings oh okay you're just talking about Latina porn uh does like Natalie Portman in Star Wars count she's technically an alien well I in that sense we're all technically aliens I will say this Natalie Portman in Star Wars I was Anakin's age I I mean I was watching the I I even looked exactly like Anakin like I had the exact same vibe I did I was thinking or child child Anakin I didn't grow up into that Anakin I mean you've seen you can see how I grew up I look like this which is I turned into Mike but I think a boy Anakin I saw myself in him but Natalie Portman was my first really big celebrity crush and it was specifically Natalie Portman playing um what's Pad May Mine was uh Emma Watson and Harry Potter I didn't get that I didn't understand that I think I think Emma Watson's hot now I don't really think I don't watch those movies back I mean as a child like kind of growing up with those movies and watching her progress into a hot adult she's one of those people though who looks kind of the same which is always weird it's like this weird thing when you're the same age as an actress okay what what's that uh what's that girl's name who was in War of the Worlds oh like the eyes the girl with the eyes she has eyes you know what I mean though like I guess with the eyes like she has like big eyes yeah what's her name again uh it's not Joey King that's different um she has a three name name yeah gotta google it is it they're breaking apart the alien pussy my mind or I'm not trying to change your mind Dakota Fanning Dakota Fanning she was my s we're like the same age and um just tell me how to I was watching movies with her as a little kid and I remember thinking she's not hot because I was her age and then now when I watch those same movies I watched War of the Worlds recently I was like oh she's so cute. Yeah and it's just funny but like yeah because now she's little kid cute even though now she's an actual adult she also she looks the same. But it's like it's it's weird isn't it like I'm like oh she's so cute I I should have appreciated that yeah but it's like no at the time I was her age so I was like I don't want to I don't want to fuck that girl it's like that'd be weird adult women as a child had sex with anyone you do always want to have sex with adult women even when you're a child.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Except unless not women you know unless you're a different type of person unless you're in the files the X Files Yes if you're a cast member of the X Files you're a pedophile the X Files Next week on the X Files.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

They still kinda do that voice even in this time even in the 70s where they they kind of talk like this see the transatlantic accent.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

It's like where does that come from no one talks like that I mean it was like an accent that was like made up for movies. Right. Like no one's like leading man talk. Except for like in Casablanca. Put that gun down honey that kind of thing hey watch it watch it tutz.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

You better watch out I still use a lotz is a good word. Tuts is it's it was so sexist and it circled back around and now it's funny.

SPEAKER_03 54:17

It's not sexist anymore is that a Star Wars helmet that is a Washington Redskins leather helmet. Oh it's a leather helmet that's why it's shaped Redskins this is a Redskins DC sports household sure is I'm more of a commander's house I'm not meaning a giant fucking pussy yeah yeah okay I'm a PC warrior they made it back I guess the movie's about to end a lot of balls good thing nothing went wrong why is the director's card only 14 minutes long? This is how I wanted to make the movie but the studio made me make all these changes. Real quick what's the black guy's name so we don't have to keep calling him black guy?

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Fuck um for the record that is fucked up Howard Jackson It is fucked up of us to refer to this character as black guy. It's because like you know at the time these movies came out America was still hello racist. So black guy always died first and that was like a real big pretty good in the 70s 1979 I think that that was people felt great about it.

SPEAKER_03 55:36

I think that that's when things were best for his name's Parker that's the character's name?

SPEAKER_01 55:42

Yeah what's the actor's name?

SPEAKER_03 55:44

How about we show a little respect what the character's name was uh Yafet Kodo Yafet I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly I feel like I am Yafet Kodo Yafet Kodo yeah he's awake he is but this is the guy I said he should have jerked off right when he woke up because now he's in the what now what do you do?

SPEAKER_01 56:18

You got face fucked by an alien that's true he didn't have that post note clarity This guy kinda looks like me he looks like old me I think that guy looks more like you the cyborgs He said where are we? He said right here Fucking Dallas you son of a bitch a classic dad joke wait what did we say his name was Parker? Parker a lot of people don't know this LeBron James actually got his headband from Parker it was actually inspired by Parker he's very vocal about that but a lot of people don't know it. Ninja Turtles also modeled everything they do off of Parker Parker's a big inspiration for a lot of movies Mr Kodo whoever this girl is you say she's trans or whatever she is so much hotter than Sigorni Beaver Sigorniwe trans or not for the record and I want to make that really fucking clear because I don't like trans jokes. I don't I really don't watch the Matrix episode I mean just boycotting everything those brothers did this scene's incredible I mean this is the scene this is why it's weird because I've never seen this movie but I've seen so much of this movie in a you know what I mean just from pop culture. But man just like I know for a fact that right now Parker's gonna suck this guy off.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

That is because I've seen it online so many times and the way they just set everything up because we're like what?

SPEAKER_01 58:18

We're an app and the way they handle this are they trying to shove something into his mouth? Yeah they think he's choking oh my goodness they uh they looped that audio a little too long because I recognize the same noises back to back.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

I am an actual filmmaker okay I work on movies you want to shout out the movie that you're making right now?

SPEAKER_01 58:49

Nah it's alright and what's this little fucker on about anybody got a cigarette and this is what his voice would say he's so cute low-key he's a cute little guy god damn dude weird to do a time jump right there watch this little guy go and run away and they're like whew next game Sigorni refill your plastic mug and let's hit the road and the fact that they're doing anything but looking for this fucking thing.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

I think that's what they're they're like scanning I mean I don't know they're they're dropping whole well what's his name off Sue the only thing the fact that they're not all terrified and trying to find this thing.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

There's no fucking way I'm letting that slide dude I mean who knows what they've seen. We don't know what year is it 2073? Something like that yeah isn't that hilarious too this is what it's gonna be like in 2073 right Trump's just finishing his his sixth term bring the alien back I don't care what happens to any that little alien who jumped out of that guy's his trunk is gonna be vice president I want him to be my best friend he seems very nice I just wish he killed the black guy first that's all I care about. And now the head of education this little alien alien guy all the way here all the way to say harpoon cattle prod so Gorny went fucking this is the scene where you see your pussy experiments with cattle prod. I'm trying to see this little they them's pussy dude or whatever they got whatever they have I'm fine like whatever they have I'll put it in my mouth I'm trying to come out of that woman like an alien trying to come into her like someone else who I don't know good riff what initially popped my head was not acceptable to James Ash I like that this guy too the guy in the in the hat yeah he's got like a Vietnam hat he's just Parker's boy he served in a World War II yeah that is a hat shape that you do not see on anyone's head other than a World War II veteran. That is very true. Isn't it it's like so much hat there's a lot of hat. It's not really a fact that that hat is wearing him yeah there's no I mean there's a little band yeah oh my god dude I would I'd just be like yo put me back to sleep put me on ice fuck this no I'd find this little fucker I'd find this little fucker so fast I would because I'm skilled I I think that I belong in space I I think truly and I mean this and it's not just the several whiskies talking I think that I would be fine in this situation.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

You think you'd be fine in this situation I fucking do dude because first of all Wait until you watch the next ten minutes of this fucking movie. I guess sometimes an alien comes out of you I have heard that this movie's kind like Ridley Scott uh actually said this in like some of the interviews that this movie's just kind of a metaphor for uh Somali immigrants in uh in Minnesota.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:44

It's weird because earlier you said much different than that well that's what in Sarasota Minnesota. Oh did I say Sarasota Somali refugees in in Minnesota?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:02

That's what Minnesota that's what all the people keep talking about on Twitter. Minnesota all the smally daycares give me your where's your booty that's what small people sound like in Minnesota they do. I should have been a pirate we should be watching a pirate movie you want to pause it and watch Pirate Top 15 pirate movies go top 15 Captain Phillips Captain Phillips number one let me see how many I can name before I get to the parts of the Caribbean movies I do like to think that people are watching this movie while listening to us. But I couldn't just have a worse way to experience the movie fuck up yeah I will say this is the most commentary that we've actually done over one is it really I mean um I'm not even talking that much I guess I am saying quite a bit but I am a little snatched you got me but like there were there were moments when we were watching Star Wars where Hector and I were just fully locked in watching Star Wars is a great film. Like the whole like final battle sequence was pretty silent.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:15

We were just kind of locked in what's the battle sequence of the first movie Death Star Oh right yeah of course now the alien's gonna eat the catal scene little little filmmaker hat on uh director's cut headbit um they show the alien for like half a second before the big reveal of it see if you can see it is Jones the name of the cat Jones yeah Jones is Jinx for some reason Jinxy Jinxy's from Meet the Falkers meet the parents meet the parents my grandmother's cat growing up was named Tunsis Trinsis Tunsis and that's just a little tidbit for you fellas Tunsis I mean they were Jewish that's maybe Jewish I guess I've never heard that before and I'm not Jewish tunsis this guy is space cramer isn't he? Space Kramer

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

He's gonna say the space n-word.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

I don't know. Neptune?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

These sets are absolutely incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:19

Every time I watch that just looks like an engine.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

Every time I like specifically watch this part, I'm blown away by like the set design.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:25

It is crazy because they didn't have the CGI they have now, so they had to build out the sets, and I think set design is lost. Set design is lost. It truly is. Some people still do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:36

Ooh, what's that?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:45

It's a condom wrapper. I've never used a condom that looks like that. But then again, I've never used a condom. Shouldn't actually hit mics. It's pretty loud, I think. I also have used a condom.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:05

We'll see what happens later. Look at that shot.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:11

What are the clips gonna be? Are there gonna be clips of this on Instagram? Yeah, I'll I'll chop it up. I'll send them to you before anything. Look at this, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:24

Look at this.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:26

Alec. Look at see about to crammer in through these doors.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:43

He does look like crazy. Yeah, no, you're not wrong.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:51

I guess Sigoni Weaver would be Jerry. Transperson is George.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:57

Trans person is George, I guess. What is the trans character's name? The trans thing is real, you're not just No, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:07

No, like that's that's a real it's not like explicitly said, but like it's something that's just kind of shown in passing in the next movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:14

I I think I guess it's just because they were like, well, this is the future. Wait, that was it, right? Yeah. Just kind of dangling. Swinging from a chain. They did a good job of hiding it though. He couldn't really it's because it's swinging from a chain.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:31

Like he put in the like the reason why you removed that from the theatrical cut because he wanted the reveal in this scene to be like the.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

But I think that was good though, because that it wasn't it wasn't a true reveal. I didn't feel like it was revealed to me. Yeah. Not in the way that you're about to fucking see. Matter of fact, I only know that I saw it because I know the shape of the alien. Yeah. But if you didn't know the shape of the alien, you wouldn't have thought of it. What does your dick look like, brother?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:57

Your dick doesn't have a tiny penis that comes out of the front?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:01

No, it has that, but I mean God damn. It is such a small fate. Just fucking Jonesy, run. Jonesy, you have nothing to do with this. I heard Jonesy was originally supposed to be a dog, but uh Parker was way too scared. I regret saying some of these things, but these are jokes. We can have a Zen counter? Is that number two or number three?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:36

I started with one. Put it on the screen, editor jack, edit in, Zen counter. It's been a little over an hour. I think we're like an hour ten. Let me snipe that an hour ten.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:50

They say you're supposed to put nine minutes. You're not supposed to put more than one Zen in an hour. It really says you you should only leave it in for up to an hour. This is your third one. And I take that as you should take one every hour. You take that as a challenge? Sigorney Beaver? Yeah, and it's partly because I know her so well now. Like I know her.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:43

Dude, that's what I was saying when I was watching The Matrix. It's like it's weird to see like Keanu Reeves, Lawrence Fishburn, and uh Young.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:52

Well, Keanu Reeves looks so fucking sane.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

He looks the same, but like uh fuck, what's the guy? Hugo Weaving? Like it's weird to see because like I've seen Hugo Weaving Smith. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen him in like The Matrix be CGI to be younger. Or in in the Hobbit CGI'd to be younger, which is oh yeah, because he's fucking he's with an elf is an elf. Yeah. So like it's weird to see them just actually be young, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:16

It's it's jarring almost. But Sigourney, I'm like looking at her and I see this old Sigourney Weaver, and I'm trying to like strip that away, strip away whatever my my mindset is about it, and strip away every the hair and just try to see her beaver. I'm just trying to like order her coming up. Like as if I was a young man watching this now when this movie came out, like would I think Sigourney Weaver was hot? I do I would think Sigourney Weaver's an amazing actress and undoubtedly a beautiful woman. I'm sure people did. That's a weird thing, too, is that like you'll watch movies and be like, She's the hot one, she's the ugly one, and the ugly one is the hottest woman I've ever seen. But it's like, um, I mean that the whatever they are, they're fine. They're just looking on that.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:03

Her or him and put an alien in the sequence is incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:08

Sigorny, I just don't see it, but I will say I respect them for not hotting her up. She's not wearing visible makeup. I mean, I know she's wearing actual makeup, but she's not wearing like pretty girl makeup.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:20

That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:21

I like that because it's realistic. She's on a fucking ship with all these little assholes. She don't got time to do makeup. No, I mean when the when the fuck? Why would you? I was coming here. I didn't even know this was the there was gonna be a camera. I almost didn't do my wake my makeup, and I'm glad I did. We took like an hour before we do each other's fucking telecom. What the hell? Fucking nuts. Cut that part out. Sorry, editor Jack, cut that part out. Nobody wants to know that we do each other's makeup.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:50

The sequence is incredible. This scared the shit out of me the first time I saw it. Also, like the only jump scare in the movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:02

Oh, way to fucking blow it. Way to ruin it. I'm not gonna jump now. You're not gonna know. You don't know me, dude. I'm really jumpy. I gotta get me a flamethrower, though. I occasionally see spiders in the lobby of my building. I have to get a flamethrower. Burn down the entire fucking building. When I first moved into my apartment, is it okay to talk about things that are unrelated to the movie completely? Um when I first moved into my building. Uh one weekend somebody broke into the apartment and I had to wrestle them out. Flamethrower would have been mighty helpful. Yeah, fucking right. Yeah. You've heard that story, I imagine. Yeah. You've heard the stand-up version.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:44

No, I've never I've never actually posted it the 90 times that I have heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the night on the stage that I've heard it.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:53

In reality, though, I almost fucking beat this guy's ass. I believe you, yeah. No, I actually didn't. I was actually like really kind. I could sense that he wasn't uh all the threat. Yeah. We like dap we fully dapped up and like laughed. And I as I was like wrestling him out. Right. But I I grew up a wrestler. I had full control over him. I was behind his back, I had his arm rack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had wrist control for those who know. Where's Matt? Get a real man in here. Talk about fucking podcasts is over. I am drunk. We're in this podcast. You're drunk? I'm a little drunk. I had three of these. Lightweight. I am a lightweight. You don't fucking I almost got high before this, but then I was like, I won't. I w I feel like I won't have anything to say if we've been completely silent the entire problem. What alien was that? It's the penis head. That was the same alien? Why did he have hands in that one?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:04

He had hands earlier. He went like this.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:06

He was like he looked like a mermaid man.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:11

He looks like Barnacle Boy.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:19

I like her big eyes. I love a big-eyed broad. That's why you're gonna be able to do that. I like a girl who really sees what's going on. I wasn't into Coda Fenny, that's the thing. I am into the girl from Ted. And mean girls. Oh, uh yeah, she's hot. Yeah.

unknown 1:16:37

And then don't find the others.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:42

Yeah, that's a woman. I gotta pee. Riff, be phony. You wanna pause the movie?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:50

Alright, I'll riff. Hey. Welcome to Jack Schwartz Podcast. I'm Jack Schwartz, your host. I'm alone. I'm in uh I'm in Trimber's house and I'm watching the movie Alien. Not Aliens, because that's the that's the plural version which comes next. Uh apparently in the next movie, there's more than one. And this one there's only one, and I'm not particularly scared. I'm not particularly scared of it. I'm gonna have nightmares about it for weeks, but I feel fine. Are you and I want to know if you're watching this movie, because if you are truly, you're fucking psychotic, first of all, who watches a movie like this. But also I'm glad that you invited me into your home to chime in on this movie. I am talking over Sigourney Weaver, which feels disrespectful because she's uh a film goddess. But um This is probably the last good movie she was in. I think um she was in Avatar and all the Avatar movies. Not a fan of those. Don't think those are good. So I guess this was one of multiple alien-related movies she was in. I bet you in this movie she doesn't become a child version of the alien and then run about. You know what I mean? And they keep referring to somebody as mother, and I actively still don't know who the fuck they're talking about. Tripper, who is mother? Is mother like the fucking the computer is named mother? Which what fucking simp came up? It's like an AI computer. Is it an acronym?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:27

It's yes, I think so. Like uh it stands for mother operating tother hither.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:38

Just shut the fuck up, man. The oh the oh the M in mother stands for mother, you fucking idiot. What about fucking this is a big reveal? This is a big reveal part. Oh, her pussy? Beaver? I can't wait to see her fucking pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:59

It's the highlight of the movie, that's why.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:01

Can you say pussy on on uh LimeWire or whatever feed you're posting this podcast?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:06

We're posting on the Daily Wire, actually, and I believe that you can. Is this a BuzzFeed Snapchat video? Yeah. I'm actually posting this on MySpace.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:49

What do you think it is, folks?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:52

Like, comment, and subscribe if if you have a prediction, comment yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:55

No Stradamas to new coordinators.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:06

Crew expendable. So it just means bring the alien back at all costs. Fuck everyone else. You better not be explaining this to me. You seem a little drunk, so I just want to break it down for you. That's why Ash let the If I was drunk, I'd be hit and let the fucking person on.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:28

I also have to pee.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:33

You should hold off and go and pee. This is a good part. You see, I think you see boobs. I'm gonna wait.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:38

Okay, I'll wait. Also, I'm gonna be in the bathroom for a while. Uh oh. Not him. Poor expendable bitch. Shouldn't even try to leave that door, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:08

Dripping calm.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:16

He is dripping calm. Damn girl. He's got a real orderly vibe to him. He looks like uh an officer in in uh in in Hotel Rwanda. I can see that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:44

Super niche reference, but Oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:56

Boobs on the wall. Folks, if you're That's what you were fucking talking about? You're watching Log at home, go ahead and rewind and pause it at those babies.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:03

That's what you but you made reference to this? That's how much you realized.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:07

Go ahead and jerk off with us if you're watching at home, folks.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:10

Talk about more I've never seen more evidence of a man jerking off to the weirdest part of a movie ever. You've been like, wait, don't go to the bathroom for tits on the wall. And folks, you've probably paused it by now to masturbate with this. Oh, shoving a magazine down her throat. No one's ever tried to kill someone like that. No human. Oh, titties twistering Parker. Purple Nurple. And he that's you know you should have known that's the wrong move, because his systemic homophobia.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:00

You don't be touching my fucking nipples. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:09

Oh Dude, you didn't even see it coming. He's totally a robot. You had no idea. This guy's a fucking robot? You had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:23

And he runs on two percent, which is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:27

I don't know if he caught it earlier.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:29

So he didn't know either?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:30

No one knew. Could you imagine working with someone for like ten years and then finding out that they've been a robot? It happened to me once at Panera bread. Yeah. Yeah, the Sally girl was a robot. You Bilbo Baggins was a Sally girl Panera bread?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:12

You know what's weird? I swear to God, those are all um catheters. I guarantee that's how they did that. Those are all inflated catheters. Tubes with the inflatable ball in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:26

Yeah, probably how they got it done. This is also why people think that it's a part of Blade Runner, because like the replicas and whatnot. Folks, thanks for being here. Jack's going pee. I got a riff. Ian Holmes kind of explaining stuff in the movie. Sorry if we've been talking too much during this movie. I feel like we've been We've had a couple drinks. You know, Jack's a bit of a lightweight, but you know, I'm I've been I've been trying to feel it out a little bit, you know, because I feel like the earlier ones we weren't talking enough. So, like, you know, we're early on in the podcast, alright? We're still trying to figure it out. We're trying to figure out our legs, we're trying to figure out how much to talk, how little to talk. So I'm gonna have to watch this one back and really make some adjustments afterwards, or just make everything like this, because I've had a good goddamn time, you know. We've been we've been having fun. Bilbo baggins covered in cum on the table, that's always fun. I think Jack's sitting down to pee right now. God, this movie's incredible. I love this movie so much. It's it's in my top four on Letterboxd. This movie's so good. Yeah, that's uh that's a flaw of the bathroom in there. There's nothing to dry your hands with.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:33

Um did you bring up the fact that I said to pee?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:36

Yes.

unknown 1:26:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:37

Hope you heard it.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:41

Yeah, I said to pee at people's houses.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:43

Iconic. This line.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:48

God, I love this movie so fucking much. Yeah, my literally. That's what it's all like. It's pretty close.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:00

Yeah, that is pretty close.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:05

My grandfather was like the guy who did like this, he did this to people's lips while they talked for this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:13

Bilbo Baggins was in the studio and he was just running his fingers through his mouth.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:22

Burn, baby, burn. How the fuck does this guy end up in the newest one? It's a different robot. He's the exact same fucking guy. Same model.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:33

Different robot.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:37

So now it's just the three of them. Yeah, it's the two women and the black eye, which is fucking accurate. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. If this was ahead of a movie time. Tarantino would have been in the film for some time. Black eye would have fallen out of the spaceship. Tarantino would always ri he writes in that his his character says the n word. In every movie. Classic bit, dude. What if I don't know why everyone did everyone to WhatsApp?

SPEAKER_03 1:28:08

I was just reading the script. I don't know why everyone's WhatsApp.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:11

It's like, yeah, but you wrote the script. I wrote the movie. Miller Gibson does the same shit. Every Mill Gibson movie, he's racist. I watched a Miller Gibson movie where he lives in a black neighborhood and he goes, I wasn't racist. Until I'm living in this neighborhood. And I go, okay, I think you were racist the whole time, I'm pretty sure. Sounds like a racist man writing a movie. See now we're going to Independence Day. I guess Independence Day was doing them, but it was like the same looking ship.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:45

So their plan right now is to just launch the thing that they went down to the sh the planet on. Against orders. They're just gonna get in that and launch and blow up the blow up the ship, try to kill it. Which is what I would have done in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:02

You wouldn't have done shit. You would have had sex with that cyborg man.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:07

Probably a couple times. Just take it for a spin, see if it gets hard, you know. Maybe you smooth like a ken doll down there, but I'm sure it's a mean handjob. I like a man who's made of milk. Let's be a good milkman.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:23

Milkman.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:24

Alright, milkman. Let's see if you can milk me.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:32

So if you're still watching, you've got Sigourney's hero moment well underway. Looking for the pushy cat.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:38

She's the man that's coming. She could blow up the cat, but she's going to find the cat because she's a true hero.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:43

She's going back for Jonesy? Yeah. I'm sorry. I love cats, I would leave Jonesy behind. Jonesy would leave me behind.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:56

If that was my dog, I would go back.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:58

It's heartbeat overhearing. It's gone now. It was it was definitely a heartbeat before. I I didn't quite catch it.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:18

Try to be louder. The first big mistake is name your cat Jones. Jonesy decent cat name. Just name just Jones? That's a that's a last name.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:37

So what is the first name? Indiana? Cat Jones. No, that is the guy I work with heavily. That's Stephen Chen. Great bit, by the way. It's a great bit. I checked no wheels. Shout out Steven Chen. Shout out Steven Chen on any and on any any podcast I'm on, shout out Stephen Chen. Shout out at Good Boy Soup. We gotta edit this out.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:49

Uh-oh. So this is the part where people kind of really make about this movie being about sexual assault. What the alien does to her.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:29

Much more humanoid than the original. Extremely, yeah. Not that tall. Did you see the guy in the new one?

SPEAKER_03 1:32:40

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:41

Oh my god. You know about this guy at the end of the movie? He's a public player, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:49

Parker, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:55

God, this movie. This uh Where did it go? That's that's what people, you know, kinda in her ass violated her. God, this part's incredible. Is he better wear like a puppet? The way that she's running to them and then the screaming just stops, and now she's just alone. Incredible. Fuck, I love this movie. The thing that really like ties the entire movie together that I'm shocked that they cut out of the theatrical cut. It's really wonder if I could spot it. It's like a whole extended sequence, you'll be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:31

Sigona, you better run. Run, bitch, run.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:59

That's all it is. This right here.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:06

This is all directors got?

SPEAKER_03 1:36:08

Yeah. That's what like the alien ship looked like.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:46

Right, so it's terraforming.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:49

That's Dallas.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:20

So it's like turning them into eggs and keeping some of them alive to make more. It's like the the read I get from this after watching the the opening scene when they're on the ship is that this is what the alien did on the other ship.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:40

Like it fused that dude, the space jockey or whatever, into the ship, kept it alive so that it could make more aliens. But then you watch Prometheus, and it's just like I was just a dude in a suit, big bald guy. That's what the ship always looked like. It was a prequel. It was an alien prequel. I guess we have to do seven episodes of this podcast to watch all the alien movies. I mean, dude, after playing the alien video game, I'd be d cooked. Be I'd I'd be j I would just find a corner to hide and sit in and wait to die.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:07

Oh, I would have done that so long ago. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:10

I'd find an airlock and just open it up. Fuck it. Let's see what this feels like. This movie really says fuck people with epilepsy, too.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:31

Yeah, a lot of strobe. Yeah. A lot of strobe.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:35

Incredible looking though.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:37

It is because it's practical. So tall sets.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:42

It always makes everything better, but like, goddamn, does this movie look incredible? I remember watching this the first time I watched this, just being absolutely floored by like this whole sequence. Just by how incredible, like all the close-ups and shit, like you still on this Jonesy shit? Oh my goodness, dude, leave the cat. Like Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:08

My mother's the same way, honestly. Purge.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:14

What do you mean your mother's the same way?

SPEAKER_01 1:43:16

I don't know. They call the ship mother.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:24

Classic mother. Me being born like you have one minute to purge. God damn, dude. Just nerve-wracking at the end there.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:54

Let's see if they do sound or not for the explosion.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:58

Bullshit. Yeah, this movie's dog shit. This movie's dog shit. When are we seeing her pussy? I told you it's 30 minutes at the end when she gets away. She just lying there's no there's no position. Jack I'm gonna let you in on on I'm sorry, it was lying. You don't see Segordi Weaver's fucking pussy in this video. I hate to break it to you. There it is. That's Gordon Weaver's picking.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:31

We heard the Star Wars photon canon.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:41

Oh man. What a great movie, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:44:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:55

Jack was scared to watch this because he was uh he was too scared. He's a big old pussy and doesn't like spooky movies. Said he was too scared to be able to be able to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:02

Well, I in bad events I did think Segorona's Weaver, Seguridon Weaver's Beaver was gonna be in this movie, and I was pretty worried about it. Sorry I lied to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:09

Jack as a gay man is terrified of Beaver. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:16

Do I think this is a good movie? I don't know. I mean I'll say this, like you get if you factor in the time it came out, and people being blown away by like the special effects of it. I just think the escalation of everything's so good.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:31

Now she's now she gets it just powered down, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:34

This is why this is the OG crazy cat lady. This is how the start this is how it happens.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:42

But she did it, dude. So I guess Jones was in a Jones cryo sleep. Yeah, there's no way they just let the cat they just let the cat on the ship and be fuck it. We'll see you in fifty years. See if you're still around. There's cat shit everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:10

I wonder how much they paid this cat.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:15

Probably two dollars. It was probably like eight different cats.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:22

Oh that's a good point. I wonder how many cats it was.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:35

Or was I lying, dude? Or was I lying?

SPEAKER_03 1:47:03

What uh what are your final thoughts on the movie?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:09

I don't know. I mean I think like I don't know. I mean I will say I'm blown away by her absence of ass. Crazy. Wait, what's that? Goes to show you uh what's that right in front of me with the time? What was he fucking tucked into a cabinet? Oh yeah, he'll never find you there.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:03

Why is he tucked in? It's a survivor.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:13

And this is the sex scene?

SPEAKER_03 1:48:16

Yeah, thirty minutes.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:56

I I never really definitely there.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:17

It's extremely lubricated. It would have to be. Of course. As a giant penis, you need to be self-lubricating.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:49

The old school hockey gloves. I guess her plan is to shoot him and they asked a little bit about breaking the ship and she's got her spacesuit on. I don't know how that saves her though. I feel like you gotta put the spacesuit on and open the airlock.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:08

I think that that that's her plan. She's just got the harpoon gun in case, you know. I do know whatever song that she's humming here, Lucky Star or whatever, uh was like Sigorney Weaver's idea, and they had to spend like an extra $2.5 million to like for her singing to get to get the rights to that song to put in the movie. To sing it badly, though? I didn't know that was the rule. Jesus, dude. Like for 1979, even for like today's standards, man, I th I think that this is incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:52

I guess it's very clearly a guy in a suit.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:55

For sure. But it's either a guy in a suit or it's a real it's a guy in a suit or it's a full CGI thing. And I will take a guy like a practical, like tangible thing, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:05

Did you see them blue primate?

SPEAKER_03 1:52:08

Yes. That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:10

Sure, but the whole time I just kept thinking that's a guy in a gorilla suit.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:13

That or it's a puppet, you know, like if it's one or the other. Oh let's go. Those are hockey gloves for real? I think they are, yeah. Nice. So you've seen Romulus. Yeah. The latest one. That alien that she just blew off, that's the one that they find at the beginning of the movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:17

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:18

It's still alive. These things are impossible to kill. There's no water in space. What do you think? A little bit better than you remember?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:08

I don't know. I mean, I still don't know if I've ever seen it. I think that I've seen this movie ten times, even though I've never seen this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:16

So it's I feel like in pulp culture, you know, it's just kind of in the zeitgeist. It's hard to like not know what happens in Alien, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:24

Like it is, but I I think it's fine. I mean, I think it's fine. I mean I I rewatched Terminator 2 the other day and was like, oh, it's not as good as I remember. So it's all about when you watch it.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:35

I think like That's true. I don't know, man. I I watched this movie for the first time, like I said, like seven years ago, and like to be fair, I was extremely inebriated when I first watched it and was just like, I'm there. Like it was, man, this I love this movie. I think that it's it's one of my favorite of all time. That's that's how you gotta watch it.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:01

Like if you think of it as like, oh, it's a trope, it's not a trope.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:04

It's hard, especially because like you've seen Romulus, which is kind of retreads a bunch of this, so like it's really hard to like. It's hard to go back and rewatch the first one, but like, god damn, is this movie fucking incredible, man? It's such a perfect premise. Like they're trapped with this alien on a ship in space that bleeds acid, so they can't shoot it. So what the fuck are you gonna do? Just get picked off one by one. Like that's that's all it is. And that's that's what I think is so great about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:33

Yeah, and it's fun that they couldn't kill it, like they never even killed it, it never died. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:38

Comes back in the seventh fucking movie or whatever. I think that's the music. I muted it, but yeah, that's uh alien. That was alien. That was fun. I had a good time.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:57

You have a good time? I think I had a good time. Yeah, I think the movie's fun. I d you know I I almost wish I kind of wish that I would have watched it a long time ago, maybe. I sure I'm sure that would have hit a lot harder. Yeah. I think there's a reason that I've been avoiding this movie that my whole life. Yeah. And I think it's maybe the fact I don't really know what it is, I guess. I do I will say this. I don't know shit about any of these characters. I don't know anything about Segorna Weaver's character. I mean that's that's what like you don't need to know anything about the character. But why do I care? I don't care about her.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:30

But that's like the if they gave you like because so when when they first made the movie, uh like when when the the marketing was coming out, like they never because like you know, most of the times when like they market a scary movie, you know who like the final person's gonna be, you know? But like when they marketed this movie, people had no idea who was gonna live and who was gonna die. People didn't know any of these people in this movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:55

So no one had any idea that's competitive horror movies that you don't have to hire stars, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:02

That's what makes horror movies so good. But now when you watch a horror movie and like Chris Hemsworth is the only guy you know, it's like, okay, well he's gonna live until the end of the movie. Maybe unless it's like Cabin in the Woods, then that's a big joke. But like I don't know. That's what I think is so incredible about this movie is watching it through through that lens, you know. But that's uh 30 seconds of credits. That's that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:27

You know, it's considered one of the best movies of all time. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:31

It's in my top five.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:33

I think if you factor in when it came out, it becomes impressive.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:36

That's how you need to I have a hard time factor it in.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:39

It is so many movies like that where I watch it and I go, uh like yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:44

I don't know. There there are definitely some of those older movies that I've watched that I've not been impressed with. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but like I watched this one when I was like twenty, twenty-one, and it uh it it fucking blew me away. I'm I love this movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:00

It's it you know, it brings in a question too, is like is the perfect way to watch a movie holding a microphone in the way. Yeah, no, that's actively looking for things to discuss about it. Maybe not, but but hey, I mean hey, it's no project till Mary. That's uh that that is very true.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:17

Bit of a different take on uh on the whole alien interaction thing. That's for fucking sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:24

Alright. I think that's gonna do it. Well, I mean, I'm I'm uh I'm impressed, and you know, I I'm pretty bummed about Segorney Weavers Beaver not being displayed in the director's cut. Don't worry, I got some pictures, I'll show you. I'll show you Sigourney Weaver's Beaver, but I've seen the new avatar.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:45

Ten-year-old alien. 13-year-old alien. That's the kind of stuff that I like. Getting jokes. Sorry, that felt bad saying it. Um all right, well, before we say anything abhorrent, that's been that's been episode four of the I'ma watch a movie podcast. I'm Jack Trimber. This is Did you forget? No, you're supposed to say your name. Oh, I'm Jack.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:10

Jack Joseph Schwartz.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:12

Your middle name's Joseph.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:13

I hail from Tampa, Florida. No plugs. My social security number is 444 376 2934. No plugs. We're gonna cut that all out.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:22

Sorry, not allowed to plug anything. Uh plug Tampa. Thank you, guys. Yeah, no plugs. No plugs. I've got to edit out your tattoo in the video. All right. Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:33

Love you, bye.