Spring Breakers (the worst movie I have ever seen)

 In this episode, we watch Spring Breakers for the very first time... and things do not go as expected. We went in expecting a cult classic, but left wondering how this movie became so iconic. Join us as we break down the plot, performances, chaotic visuals, wild dialogue, and the moments that had us completely confused. Whether you love Spring Breakers, hate it, or have never seen it, this spoiler-filled movie commentary is full of first reactions, jokes, hot takes, and plenty of disbelief. Tune in to hear two friends try to figure out what everyone else saw in this infamous A24 crime drama. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Alright, uh, we're recording. Welcome uh to the fifth inaugural episode of the I'm watching movie podcast. Uh I'm I'm that's the name of the podcast. Uh I'm your host, Jack Trimber. Uh today my guest is Abe.

SPEAKER_11 0:20

Abe.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Abe Messing. Uh many credits, fellow comedian. Um today. Today we're watching Spring Breakers. Um, according to what was what was the list?

SPEAKER_10 0:33

46th best movie of all time.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

46th best movie of all time. Uh I've never the only thing I know about it is that uh Franco's doing a Chompa impression, so I'm pretty excited to watch it. And Selena Gomez is hot. So yeah.

SPEAKER_07 0:48

She yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_08 0:49

Oh, is she in this? She's in this oh, she's in this. She's in this movie.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

So yeah. I've been talking about this movie for the last 30 minutes. Sure.

SPEAKER_08 1:05

I mean, I'm I like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

I think your sneaky little tricks to get us to watch this movie. That's fine. Reading peanut butter pretzels. If you're watching along at home, want to eat along with us, go ahead.

SPEAKER_08 1:18

Get yourself some Trader Joe's peanut butter pretzels. Um but yeah, uh you want to just launch into it?

SPEAKER_10 1:31

Yeah, dude. Let's I I really want to I really would like to watch this movie. So um I remember that I remember this coming out in theaters uh before I was like I I remember being upset that I remember pretending that I wasn't uh I was trying to think of a way to watch this movie without like um being like discovered as a sexual uh pervert for wanting to for James Franco for seeing James Franco.

SPEAKER_08 2:01

See Franco like that yeah uh I mean I've when did this movie come out?

SPEAKER_10 2:07

I don't know. But I remember I remember being like fuck, I gotta see this movie, and I d I need to see this movie, and I don't want to be accused of being a kind of smokescreen for checking out how hot Dave Franco is.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

James Franco, not Dave Franco.

SPEAKER_10 2:22

He's still one of my favorite actors. He uh I mean Spider-Man? Yeah, he's great.

SPEAKER_08 2:27

Spider-Man 2? Also great.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Spider-Man 3?

SPEAKER_11 2:31

Really good, Spider-Man 4, Spider-Man 5, really good.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Spider-Man 6 probably his best. Spider-Man 6.

SPEAKER_11 2:38

Spider-Man 7, Franco was really incredible. Was he in 7? He was in 7. Spider-Man 8, yeah. Incredibly good. Incredibly good. I never saw eight, but Spider-Man 9, also really good performance.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Yeah, that's the one where uh that's the one where he uh sexually exploited his uh students.

SPEAKER_11 2:58

Yeah, Spider-Man's not even in that one, but they call it Spider-Man 8.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Okay, let's watch a movie.

SPEAKER_11 3:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 3:03

Alright, Spring Breakers. If you're at home, want to watch it with us, tee it up, press plane 3, 2, 1. We're rolling. Oh, it's an 824 more. I didn't know that they were making movies back then. It is 46 Bess. Maybe it is a banger. Is your TV fucked up? Is that just is that how it looks? I think that's just the movie. That's just the movie? Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 3:31

Oh, it was. It was like the title card like a Warner Brothers does like a a lightning strike or whatever sometimes.

SPEAKER_12 3:40

Or like Harry Potter looks spooky? Yeah. I just got caught.

SPEAKER_05 3:43

That was your TV fucked up, dude.

SPEAKER_10 3:52

And the volume was on, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:56

It is. I'm not hearing anything.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

We might be experiencing some technical difficulties, everybody. I'm hearing something. No, I'm not. Okay, there we go.

SPEAKER_08 4:20

All right. Oh, starting off with uh Skrillix. Okay. Sex positivity is so important. Extremely important. Matter of fact, if you're watching along at home and want to jerk off with us, go ahead anytime. We're gonna be going the whole movie. Oh, tits, nice. Okay, I see why you wanted to watch this now. Alright. Folks, for real?

SPEAKER_11 5:10

That's Chekhov's gun. That's gonna be coming.

SPEAKER_08 5:12

Those are Chekhov's tits, yeah. Okay. A lot of tits so far.

SPEAKER_10 5:20

Had next spring break looks that resembles this in any way.

SPEAKER_08 5:23

Yeah, no. I'm sure if I went to college it would have helped, but Oh yeah. Spring break at Northern Virginia Community College was not uh quite as lit as this dude.

SPEAKER_12 5:46

Uh what what? I don't even they're like that one is like just like the beer is their dick and they're pissing. They're peeing?

SPEAKER_08 5:56

I don't know. Love pissing at a girl's mouth. Got a feeling I'm gonna have to do some heavy editing around this one for the YouTube video.

unknown 6:14

Why?

SPEAKER_08 6:15

Oh, because of the drugs and tits.

unknown 6:18

Damn.

SPEAKER_08 6:20

Good pick, Abe.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

Been waiting twenty years to see this movie.

SPEAKER_11 6:28

Oh I just want to go on record and say I have no sympathy for drug addicts. It is 100% your fault. It is your fault, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 6:45

You need to get it to work. You need to get it again. Idiot, just stop. What do you mean you're addicted to something?

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Oh okay.

SPEAKER_05 7:20

I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 7:23

Oh, okay. This is how women's whores. This movie was definitely written by a woman, that's for sure. Classic girls.

SPEAKER_07 7:39

Just girls being girls here.

SPEAKER_08 7:42

Did you go to college?

SPEAKER_07 7:44

Did I?

SPEAKER_08 7:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 7:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:46

Is this what it was like?

SPEAKER_10 7:54

Yeah. That wasn't how college this was like college for me. This this was college, yeah, yeah. Most of my professors look like that guy.

SPEAKER_08 8:14

Selena Gomez, nice.

SPEAKER_05 8:23

Amen.

SPEAKER_08 8:28

Okay, so she's the religious one, and this movie's gonna be about her breaking from those bonds to become a dumb spring break slot.

SPEAKER_10 8:36

Yeah, so why don't you just skip ahead to like minute 48 or something?

SPEAKER_08 8:41

Is that girl just putting a gun in her mouth?

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Oh, it's uh Okay.

SPEAKER_08 8:47

It's like what is that? Is that Fetty Wap in the background?

SPEAKER_07 8:51

That's Lil Wayne. Oh, dude, I uh I I I do hate party culture.

SPEAKER_08 9:04

Yeah. That's why I I I don't know, man. Like I I'd go and visit friends at college and stuff, and like it seemed quite exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

It was disgusting. Disgusting, man.

SPEAKER_08 9:18

Just hot girls being gross sluts. Gross, right?

SPEAKER_07 9:23

What's your name?

SPEAKER_08 9:24

What's my name?

SPEAKER_07 9:25

Yeah. Wanna just sign that statement?

SPEAKER_08 9:27

Jack. I hate I hate women. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

This is a funny time to watch a movie like this when you're in just in the throes of your first weapon history.

SPEAKER_08 9:35

Yeah, this is gonna heal me. This is gonna make me feel a lot better.

SPEAKER_07 9:38

Thinking about my We can just talk about what happened if you want to.

SPEAKER_08 9:43

We can just sort of you wanna just pause the movie? Just get real deep? Yeah. I'm so sad, Abe.

SPEAKER_09 9:54

Okay, had enough of that. Next scene, they s do it out of a bong. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 10:02

It does seem very artsy fartsy. Yeah, except for my mom too, yeah. Both our moms don't have demon blood. Every other woman is a dumb whore.

SPEAKER_07 10:43

Not my mom.

SPEAKER_08 10:45

I s I said except our moms.

SPEAKER_07 10:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 10:48

I just miss her so much. So is she friends with the college girls?

SPEAKER_01 10:58

It's hard to say. I don't really know. I she in college? Yeah, I think she is.

SPEAKER_11 11:10

Maybe she's like a high school senior or something.

SPEAKER_08 11:15

God, frat parties look so sick, dude.

SPEAKER_07 11:18

Have you ever been to a frat party in your life? No.

SPEAKER_08 11:20

You never went to one? No. Frat's always ne never the concept of a frat never made fun to me because you have to be bullied by guys for like Oh, that's cool, baby penis. Um you have to be essentially bullied by people for like months, right? You have to pay them money to bully you, and then they're like Now we're brothers. Now we're best friends.

SPEAKER_11 11:54

The technical situation with Matt Deacons, where you pay him money to live in this house, and he bullies you.

SPEAKER_08 12:00

Yeah, I mean that's kind of the setup, but there's seven or eight more deacons here. I'm still in the hazing process, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 12:10

He wakes me up every morning with a beer bong and a baby doll.

SPEAKER_06 12:16

You ready for work, pussy?

SPEAKER_08 12:26

Still have absolutely no idea what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

That's what makes us one of the best movies of all time. Because any any moment, Frango's gonna pop out.

SPEAKER_08 12:36

Turn Selena Gomez into a little slut girl.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

I I think that is kind of actually, I think that's what goes, right?

SPEAKER_08 12:42

I feel like that's gonna be the plot of the movie. Which is a little sacrilegious.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

It is like it's like good girl gone bad.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

You Jewish?

SPEAKER_05 12:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

I knew it. Yeah. You wanted to watch this sacrilegious movie.

SPEAKER_07 13:04

This movie seems like sticky and gross in the same way like Euphoria is.

SPEAKER_08 13:10

Yeah, Euphoria never appealed to me. I've never watched a second of that.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I've seen the clips of uh Cindy Sweetie's tits a whole bunch.

SPEAKER_10 13:20

On euphoria?

SPEAKER_02 13:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 13:34

I knew this is what girls did when they hung out.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

What is happening, dude? Yeah, take up get in your underwear and have a seizure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 13:49

Just girls being chicks, dude. God, this movie was totally written by a woman.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Women's sexuality is exhausting.

SPEAKER_08 14:18

Yeah, is it just sitting on a bathroom floor? Selena Gomez's name is Faith.

SPEAKER_07 14:30

Oh, is it? Is it a bigger thing? Really wanna get out of here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 15:02

This is uh Yeah, I can really see how this was the forty-sixth best movie of all time.

SPEAKER_07 15:09

Franco's gonna Franco's gonna turn around.

SPEAKER_08 15:23

They had like forty bucks on the floor. This movie was definitely made before only fans.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

She's just watching Kimbo Slice videos.

SPEAKER_08 16:13

God, I knew this is what girls do when they hang out, dude. I always knew it.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

See, this is why I don't hang out with chicks.

SPEAKER_08 16:33

So I prefer hanging out with my boys because we're not we're not actually We do I mean we do this, but it's gross when girls do it.

SPEAKER_07 16:42

I just feel like I'm I feel like uh I shouldn't I I just feel weird.

SPEAKER_10 16:47

I feel like I'm in the room with them.

SPEAKER_08 16:49

It just feels uh These girls would be a nightmare to hang out with. Could you imagine trying to have a conversation with one of these dumb sluts?

SPEAKER_12 17:05

A little on the nose, huh? It would be awesome if they mic'd this fucking these mic actresses up.

SPEAKER_08 17:14

Mic these actresses up? Are they they're just nothing but it's been whispering these the volumes up pretty fucking high too. And then when shit happens it gets loud.

unknown 17:29

Just pretend it's a fucking video game. Act like you're gonna figure something.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

Okay.

unknown 17:36

You can't scare a shit.

SPEAKER_08 17:38

I really like how they keep repeating stuff. It's a lot like having a conversation with a woman.

unknown 17:50

Let's fucking do anything.

SPEAKER_08 18:07

I'm very confused as to what's happening right now.

SPEAKER_07 18:10

They have three hundred and twenty-five dollars between the between the four of them.

SPEAKER_08 18:14

The four of them, so now they're going to go rob a bank. Maybe they're gonna go rob Franco. Oh, okay, so it's just squirt guns. YouTube, it's squirt guns. Yeah. These girls whose parents are paying for them to go to college have to resort to thievery to get money to go on spend break. All their dads are lawyers.

SPEAKER_07 19:17

It is like 325.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

They can't just wait a little, I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 19:21

If you you can get I feel like you can probably stop spending so much money on on drugs and stuff, you know? They were snorting coke off the bathroom floor earlier. Maybe don't do that. Somebody's head.

SPEAKER_11 19:57

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_08 19:58

I have no idea what's happening right now. Looked like there were people gambling. I don't know. Is it their friend's car? That's fucked up. I'm very confused as to the message of the movie so far.

SPEAKER_11 20:28

I mean it might have been because I just wasn't paying attention, but it's like I f they just like it.

SPEAKER_08 20:56

These four super hot chicks couldn't just ask to go with a couple of grap bros who have a house already.

SPEAKER_09 21:02

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_08 21:03

They they didn't need to spend a dime on spring break. You guys could have gone for free. Not the kind of girls that get drinks paid for, so they gotta they gotta not these girls, the hottest girls that you've ever seen in your entire life. Definitely not these girls.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Spring break, spring break.

SPEAKER_08 21:30

See now it's getting all loud. I don't understand the volume composition of this movie. Do you want a party bus with a bunch of college students? It must have cost twenty bucks a pop. Yeah, they're gonna end this with like a surplus of like twenty thousand dollars. You just third to twenty would have been plenty for the entire weekend. Lying to her grandpa. That's gross.

SPEAKER_11 22:49

Nice.

SPEAKER_08 23:04

Folks, again, at home. Whip it out whenever.

unknown 23:24

Like it's never gonna end.

SPEAKER_08 23:27

I'm sorry, this doesn't look fun to me.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

This doesn't look like fun. I'll be watching NBA in the corner of my phone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 23:38

You go enjoy yourself. I will be watching John Wall highlights while all these people are snorting coke and.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Are you guys having fun?

SPEAKER_08 23:47

Fuck you guys. How dare you! All-time leading point score, by the way.

SPEAKER_07 23:52

All time leading point score.

SPEAKER_08 23:53

Did you guys see LeBron got the all-time record against the OKC Thunder? Just watch this bucket. Just watch his bucket.

SPEAKER_09 24:00

Turn that shit off. Yo, turn that shot off. Turn that shit off. Yo, watch this.

SPEAKER_08 24:03

Have you guys seen John Wall's high school mixtape? It's actually really good. Yes! Frankenstein. Damn, I was such a big fan.

SPEAKER_07 24:18

I really like it.

SPEAKER_08 24:19

Me too.

SPEAKER_07 24:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 24:23

But it's so obvious he did it. Why do you agree to be in this movie, man? I mean, this is the real him right now.

SPEAKER_08 24:29

This is probably why This is probably why it happened.

SPEAKER_07 24:38

Hey bud. Hey man.

SPEAKER_08 24:42

Spring breakers.

SPEAKER_07 24:46

Matt Degan's all time favorite movie.

SPEAKER_08 24:48

Is this one of the movies that you've seen before? They're college students. They're college students.

SPEAKER_07 24:58

Have you seen this movie? Have you seen it? Did you see this movie? You did? In theaters?

SPEAKER_08 25:08

I a hundred percent believe that.

unknown 25:14

You can change your life. You can change who you are, yo. You just got hypnotized and printing.

SPEAKER_08 25:19

Is he supposed to have an accent?

SPEAKER_12 25:22

Like, just be a black guy.

SPEAKER_05 25:37

Forty-year-old man.

SPEAKER_12 25:39

Yeah. I did know.

SPEAKER_08 25:41

I fucking love bikinis.

SPEAKER_12 25:42

I did know a guy like that.

SPEAKER_08 25:44

Um white guy with dreads? White guy, drug guy.

SPEAKER_07 25:48

I don't know if he totally had dreads, but there was a drug dealer in my um hometown that was like that guy.

SPEAKER_08 25:53

It's like the only thing that matters is boobs and bikinis. That's all I care about.

SPEAKER_07 25:58

But it was upstate New York, so like this is this is a real this is like Miami or something, I imagine. But those guys, those guys will kind of materialize anywhere there's uh women.

SPEAKER_08 26:12

It's like a possession movie. Kind of like pond scum where a couple girls just start dancing, they just kind of morph out of the corner. Hey, what's going on, ladies? Do you want to shake your booties over here? It is unacceptable to have dreads as a white person, right?

SPEAKER_07 26:29

Yeah, I mean I'd there's no reason to do it.

SPEAKER_08 26:31

I had a phase, but we were dreaded up. Yeah. A couple years there.

SPEAKER_10 26:36

Was it dreads or what what was that? Was it dreads or was it? I think they're just braids. Braids, yeah. Not dreads.

SPEAKER_08 26:54

Such a waste of beer. Now this looks fun. This is what I call a good time.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

Nine dudes one girl, no one has a shot.

SPEAKER_09 27:36

I think I like them less the more depth they get.

SPEAKER_08 27:40

I won't even call it depth. They just keep saying the same things over and over again.

SPEAKER_07 27:47

I got fooled by that.

SPEAKER_08 27:50

There's no character growth here.

SPEAKER_10 27:56

It's an allegory for the ninja turtles. You can see that you can see that Selena Gomez is.

SPEAKER_08 28:00

They all have different colored bikinis. Obvious Donatello. You think Selena Gomez is Donatello, or is thinking she's more of Raphael? We'll see what kind of weaponry they give her. Yeah. She gets the nunchucks. Okay, I mean that's Michelangelo. Yeah, that's definitely Michelangelo.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

Never said I've never said anything anywhere like that.

SPEAKER_06 28:32

God damn, you look so sexy. I want your pussy so bad.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

This is just a girl you know casually. The girl you see in passing.

SPEAKER_08 28:40

That's gonna be my new pickup line at the bars. Like, god damn, babe, I want that pussy so fucking bad. I got a feeling I'm not gonna be able to show any of this movie on YouTube.

unknown 28:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 29:01

That is I mean it is a gonna be a bit so much legwork, we could jump ship right down and do something that's no no no, I mean I'll I'll make it happen. You know, you go to the chicken shack, they got only they only deal in hundred to the chicken shack.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

The chicken shack, they only uh accept a $100 dish.

SPEAKER_08 30:00

We all know Friday night there's a mad rush at the chicken shack, so we get in there at like 11 30 right after closing.

SPEAKER_11 30:39

By the way.

SPEAKER_08 30:51

Yeah, she's wearing she's wearing orange. And then it's kind of like a a sh uh uh master splinter. Master splinter Hey, what's going on, my ninja turtles? Yeah, they should do away with the Chinese rat voice and have Sean Paul be Master Splinter.

SPEAKER_06 31:19

Michelangelo, you gotta focus more man.

SPEAKER_05 31:36

These girls are bigots.

unknown 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 31:39

It's really their ugly side came out there. Ugh.

SPEAKER_08 31:52

I will say they gotta stop changing colors if they really want to stick to the Ninja Turtle thing. This movie's all over the place. This movie doesn't know if it wants to be a metaphor for Ninja Turtles, if it's an assault on religion.

SPEAKER_10 32:04

So it's Gomez, and then three girls you'd never heard of. I guess so.

SPEAKER_08 32:09

I don't recognize any of them. And one of them pulled her tits out, so uh she can't be that famous.

SPEAKER_10 33:01

Yeah. When they got money for hammers, where'd they get the fucking hammers from? It's like if they got hammer money, they got spring break money.

SPEAKER_08 33:14

On hammers, yeah. Hammers and bikinis. And then they had to go and get all this. Bunch of high rollers at the chicken check. That dude was just eating his chicken and they he looked kind of like. Dude, if this was realistic, I feel like they would have walked out of there with like 50 bucks tops. This movie would yeah.

SPEAKER_12 33:40

Like this movie would be sick if Jack Trimmer was watching NBA on his phone in the background of every scene.

SPEAKER_08 33:54

They're all screaming at it, she's like, yo, do you guys want to watch Carmelo Anthony phone booth scoring highlights? Yeah, they really seem like a bad influence on her.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

Again, whip it out anytime. There's so little dialogue.

SPEAKER_08 34:58

Like there's like it's it's gonna be it's like we And when there is dialogue, they're just in the same like five things. It's just like it's like royalty free footage of partying it's a lot of people. She got arrested? Uh they got 'em looks like they did. You sluts party too hard. Oh, they got all of 'em. Party too hard.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Looks like you're going to party jail.

SPEAKER_08 36:04

You have to go sit in the corner with Jack Trimber and watch NBA highlights.

SPEAKER_09 36:13

Since when is Falling with the Ball not a travel? Since when is Falling with the Ball not a fucking travel, right?

SPEAKER_08 36:18

Were you in the Oh, you were at Hotbed last night, yeah. It is a travel, by the way. Find out with the bass boy. It's a travel. What's up, man? How are your cousins? Later, bud. You don't want to stick around and masturbate to this movie with us? Hey, if you want to do pull-ups right now, we can do it. You have a choice, Abe. You can stay and do the podcast or you can go and do pull-ups with Deke. That's competition all.

SPEAKER_07 36:47

Uh when do you get back? When are you getting back? I wait till the improv, but I'll be eating them later to kick your ass around. What are you doing with the improv tonight? For who?

unknown 36:57

Alec Floon.

SPEAKER_07 36:59

Oh, okay. Oh, nice. Tell him I said what up.

SPEAKER_05 37:01

Tell him I said what's up.

SPEAKER_08 37:03

Tell me I say, yo, Alec, what was good, dog.

unknown 37:05

I'll say, hey, guys, do you know Abe and Jack?

SPEAKER_08 37:08

And he'll go, no, and I go, Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 37:13

Film that for us. Don't say my last name. Film film that for us, yeah. This compilation is still going.

SPEAKER_07 37:22

It was good that Matt was here because we fucking need to go watch this shit.

SPEAKER_08 37:33

They were just partying too hard. What do you mean, why is this happening? Girl brain. Yeah, this is really the really the climate to find yourself spiritually.

SPEAKER_10 38:13

Tell you what the God, the like faith was like she's like religious. It was kind of uh she's n she's not even really religious anymore. Like I there's no like they've already corrupted her. It was pretty quick that she just gave up on that shit.

SPEAKER_08 38:29

V I I see I don't know if she was actually about it or if she was just faking it. Like there's very little exposition. I think that the horniest guy of all time made that list of top movies of all time.

SPEAKER_09 39:23

Yeah, but then he tried to cover it up by putting There Will Be Blood Number One. I put that.

SPEAKER_08 39:29

What was number two? Fucking Another Dumb Slub movie? Great riffing, Jack. Good job.

SPEAKER_07 39:37

Think of one. You've got we've got all the time in the world. Think of another movie movie. What's another tits?

SPEAKER_05 39:41

What's another dumb slut? What's a movie with tits in it?

SPEAKER_07 39:48

There's nothing. I'll tell I'll let you know the fucking movie.

SPEAKER_08 39:52

Oh, what's another movie with tits in it? What's another dumb slut movie? James Bond? Nah, that that those movies are cool. Those aren't horny enough.

SPEAKER_07 40:00

I can't think of there used to be there used to be on Netflix, there used to be so many movies that were just like number one cheerleader camp. There were obvious like sophomore movies. Yeah. Do you remember those? Yes. So many of those. I guess American Pie is like kind of like that.

SPEAKER_08 40:14

Yeah, I've never seen any of those. Oh, Big Frankenstein's gonna bail them out. I was uh at a friend's house one time, like spent of the night, and we were watching a movie that was on TV at like midnight, and so it ended at like 2 a.m. and then afterwards just on like network television, softcore pornography. That was a good night. So they are pretty color coordinated right now. They all they all got they all got the turtle turtle looks. Uh the last one fucked it up.

SPEAKER_07 40:53

Ruined ruined the careers of the other three girls in the movie because uh for whatever reason. And then Selena was untouched.

SPEAKER_08 41:01

Shot Selena Gomez into stardom. Imagine being a parent that doesn't know much about movies or anything.

SPEAKER_10 41:11

I think Vanessa Hudgens might also be one of them. She just has her hair dyed, I think.

SPEAKER_06 41:16

What else is she in?

SPEAKER_10 41:17

She was a Disney Channel girl.

SPEAKER_06 41:19

Okay. A couple Disney Channel sluts.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Oof.

SPEAKER_05 41:28

It's a me, Sean Po.

SPEAKER_08 41:55

He's about the money. I don't know Mars Selena Gomez music.

unknown 43:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 43:02

That's yeah. I that actress. Is that the Vanessa Hudgens lady?

SPEAKER_10 43:10

Maybe.

SPEAKER_08 43:11

I was gonna say, imagine being a parent that doesn't know much about movies and you don't know anything about this, and your kid really likes Disney Channel stuff. And so you bring your child to go see this because Selena Gomez is in it. As a father, just being like, no, we can stick around, we'll see what happens. Huh?

unknown 43:39

Calm down over there.

SPEAKER_08 43:41

The twins. The the twins Oh, I like that face. Pretty nice. Just watching this to get some pickup tips. I'm just gonna be Franco at the bar. You believe in God?

SPEAKER_03 44:12

Monotheistic religion. You don't believe in polytheism, okay, faith.

SPEAKER_08 44:17

Oh, that's real. I got friends that are twins that like to double penetrate people. You into that.

SPEAKER_05 44:38

I don't know what you need to be praying for for him to be the answer.

SPEAKER_06 44:44

Franco, no.

SPEAKER_09 44:58

Here that I want y'all to take my freshman seminar on cinematography MYU this fall.

SPEAKER_08 45:14

I don't know if y'all know anything, but I was in Spider-Man one through eight, so.

SPEAKER_07 45:33

Ooh, I love the will they, won't they?

SPEAKER_08 45:36

God, I just wonder if they're gonna get together and be happy. He was giving off big green goblin energy. You're oversharing, bro. You're gonna scare the hose away.

SPEAKER_10 46:38

I think having my son end up like that is like maybe my like Franco son or slut daughter.

SPEAKER_08 46:48

Like Franco Springbreaker is like that's like the w that's like a clear sign that you completely fucked it. I could I don't even know what I would need to do wrong with a child.

SPEAKER_09 47:03

That is true, but this is still probably five times worse. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_08 47:08

I mean that is a complete dereliction of duty. Just complete wiggardom. Yeah. It's also funny because it's Franco and like you know that that's not his real voice. Yeah. It's just like you you don't talk like that. I think his pants should be sagging more.

SPEAKER_12 47:33

You got it just right.

SPEAKER_08 47:41

See, this looks like fun. These guys would love to watch NBA highlights with me.

SPEAKER_03 47:48

Oh, Trimmer got his phone out! Tripper got his phone out!

SPEAKER_08 47:52

Yo, yo, you're gonna go. You playing an You playing an Austin Riverside school mixtape over there? We haven't put that shit up on the TV.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

Who got an HDMI? Who got the HDMI? Oh, but we know we got we got an airport. What's it called? You gotta screen mirroring. You don't need HDMI when you got screen mirroring.

SPEAKER_08 48:15

Yeah, but you can just screen mirror it. You know, uh we actually we went through this whole process. We had an HDMI plugin, but we figured out the screen mirroring.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

Man, you straight. Franco talking, you straight. You're straight trying to hustle me right now. You're trying to hustle me, trying to tell me screen mirroring is the new HDMI. You're trying to hustle the hustle.

SPEAKER_08 48:39

Imagining these guys having an intricate conversation about airdropping technology is very funny to me. Yeah, you just gotta hit that button and then it just pops up on my phone and we ain't even gotta send text to me.

SPEAKER_03 48:51

That's the new product place most. Lengthy conversations about different kinds of Bluetooth connectivity features.

SPEAKER_08 49:01

We gonna party out here, man. Man, we got the airdrop up and work and we send the pictures of our dicks to each other.

SPEAKER_03 49:05

That's what spring bringers as like a four and IP. Like, I thought it was gonna be moving about boobs, and there's a little bit of that, but it's mostly mostly about emerging technology.

SPEAKER_08 49:13

Especially an ad for screen mirroring and airdrop. I'm not really sure. Man, they got these new things that are called airpods, alright? They're like headphones, but they don't even got a plug into your phone. Damn, Selena Gomez is just racist. He took her to a spot with a bunch of black dudes doing the same thing that she was just doing. Yeah. And now she's like, mm, not for me. Yeah. I just don't like how they keep talking about screen mirroring.

SPEAKER_07 49:49

At least they're not fucking whispering anymore.

SPEAKER_09 49:51

Oh, you notice how they only whisper when they're not talking about screen mirroring?

SPEAKER_07 49:54

When they're screen mirroring, we're talking about screen mirroring, suddenly they speak clearer. Suddenly they speak crystal clearer.

SPEAKER_03 49:58

Franco loses the accent when he talks about screen.

SPEAKER_04 50:08

Such a stupid bitch.

SPEAKER_08 50:15

Yeah, because before we had to use an HDMI to lightning cable adapter in order to plug it into the phone so we can put our phones up on the television.

SPEAKER_03 50:24

Always changing up the adapter ports.

SPEAKER_08 50:27

First it was lightning cable, now it's HDMI fucking USB-C bullshit.

SPEAKER_06 50:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Let's go, guys. This guy's fucking weird. This guy's weird.

SPEAKER_08 50:36

I don't know. I don't know. He keeps talking about iPhone adapters. I don't want to hang out with it.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

This coke is clean, we tested it. It's not about the Coke, it's about his insistence on his interest and it's not.

SPEAKER_06 50:45

Man, don't even get me started when they remove the aux cord from the phones now. Now we gotta get a new fucking aux cord lightning adapter to plug into my goddamn headphones.

SPEAKER_03 50:56

I ain't gonna do nothing to hurt you. Oh damn it, I always mess up. Fuck, man. I always mess up. I almost had her.

SPEAKER_08 52:26

I told her I was gonna be thinking about her when I was fucking her friends.

SPEAKER_04 52:30

What a foolish thing to have said, dude.

SPEAKER_06 52:35

Baby, it's okay, you can leave. Just I just want you to know that I like you so much that when I I have sex with your friends, I will be thinking about you. That didn't work?

SPEAKER_10 52:45

Uh wait. I the timeline of this is a little fucked for me. Wait a minute. So this is like a flashback or something?

SPEAKER_08 52:51

Or is she literally just I think she is Leaving now. Okay. Watch her just not be in the movie anymore. The old bait and switch. Now we're stuck with Franco and his friends talking about airplane. I like how in this world there's also two sons. There are two sons on this planet. They're on tattooing. They don't address it, but there are two sons. I would very much like this to just be on tattooing.

SPEAKER_06 53:34

Stay with me on the planet and come on, baby.

SPEAKER_08 53:37

We're gonna go down to most icy and fuck around. We gonna we gonna we're gonna go to most icy and put our phones up on the TVs anymore.

unknown 53:46

Baby, baby. We can do airplay.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

We can do airplay.

SPEAKER_06 53:51

Look, I'm gonna be thinking about you when I do airplay with your friends.

SPEAKER_03 53:56

Before you go, baby, just know I got you and find my friends. I'm gonna look at my grid and I can see her. I can see you. I'm gonna know what you're gonna know where you are. And that's just the incredible power.

SPEAKER_08 54:05

I have my notifications turned on too, so anytime you move, it'll let me know. And that's a brilliant piece of technology that parents can use to track their children. Applications that are widespread.

SPEAKER_12 54:22

Everything is a little bit lots of sharms out there. That's what they call sharks.

SPEAKER_03 54:25

That's what they call sharks on the planet with two songs. Sharms.

SPEAKER_08 54:29

Sharms. So many sharms out there. It's gonna be a bunch of little that's why the chicken shack was doing so well, because this is a different fucking planet. Chicken is still chicken. Whatever the planet is. They call it chonking. Chonking shack. I must be dreaming.

SPEAKER_06 54:52

Ladies, I want you to know I'm still thinking about Selena Gomez.

SPEAKER_08 55:01

It would be very funny if Gomez just isn't in the movie anymore.

SPEAKER_03 55:09

For the last like 45 minutes, this has been 51 minutes.

SPEAKER_08 55:14

Feels like this could have been f easily 30 minutes of the movie to get to this point.

SPEAKER_12 55:37

So then he was like, I'm alien, but they call me Al and nobody he's no friends.

SPEAKER_08 55:44

He just don't schedule completely clear. He's got nothing to do but hang out with these bitches. If y'all check out this cool thing in my car, I can actually, it's called Apple CarPlay. Check this. Check this cool shit out. I can I can cast my phone onto my computer screen on my car.

unknown 56:08

I thought that was great. I don't have to go to your school. That was the best thing in the world. Some people don't want to do the right thing. I'm like doing the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_08 56:19

So are these girls just not going back to school? They're just staying with staying with Franco? Yeah, where are they? Were they in Florida? Where the fuck are they? I'm guessing Miami. Oh yeah. Boy, the guy's really leaning into the alien shtick.

SPEAKER_07 56:36

Yeah. Ugh.

unknown 56:44

I'm the last one standing.

SPEAKER_08 56:48

I'm gonna give myself a cool nickname like that. Yeah. You know, my friends call me Moose. Moose. Everybody call you can call me Moo for short. Nah, Moose. Moo. Just have a bunch of like moose memorabilia in my house.

SPEAKER_06 57:15

Yo, babe, check this out. I got different colored tennis shorts.

SPEAKER_08 57:38

I want a house like this so bad. I want people to come to my house and be like, hey, are you okay, man?

unknown 57:51

I got nothing. I got shirking.

SPEAKER_08 57:55

Oh, let's see who picks up the nunchucks. Yeah. He said he's got size. Okay, alright. They're laying the groundwork here. Ninja Turtles back on the table. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are those things called the uh that Raphael has? Size. Size? Yeah. And he name dropped him, so. Right there on the wall.

unknown 58:16

Look at this motherfucker here. Look at this motherfucker. Fucking army on the case.

SPEAKER_12 58:31

Why the nigga's license plate is ball. It's not I it's not alien.

SPEAKER_06 58:36

Missed opportunity.

SPEAKER_08 58:52

I love bringing my host to the strip club.

unknown 59:02

Mr.

SPEAKER_04 59:03

Zonny Friends.

SPEAKER_09 59:05

It's unclear what they one of us yo, one of us one of us always lies, and one of us always tells the truth.

SPEAKER_08 59:16

Is that Gucci Mane? I don't know, man. I don't know what that guy looks like. That's Gucci Mane. Okay, so they're introducing the villain of the movie with about 30 minutes left. That's good. That's good pacing. That is Gucci Mane. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_10 59:40

This guy in the red in the red. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 59:51

Franco, that's racist. You can't say that. I think we might have to cancel James Franco.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:01

He's kind of a social outcast, honestly. He doesn't seem that cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:11

Just socially awkward. Yeah. Pisses off everybody talks.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:19

Like he in a vacuum when he bails you out of prison and then tells you how cool he is. Yeah, but I feel like these women should be able to catch on by this.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:29

Is that which he means real fucking face tattoos?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:32

Does he really I don't know if he has face tattoos? Oh dude, he has a weed jacket? That's so cool. God, I want a weed jacket so bad. That's just that's just Adidas. I think I'm talking about Franco. This jacket says smoking chief. I want I want that jacket so bad, dude.

unknown 1:01:08

And then you can hide. She's like I made you breaking.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:14

What is the rivalry? I don't understand what's happening. He just sort of pisses off everybody he meets with with no effort. He's just slapping his girl's buttons.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:35

Dude, I gotta say, this has been really astoundingly bad. You picked it, brother. It's actually blown my mind.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:47

Number 46 best movie of all time. I think those tits were lopsided.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:52

It's the it's the dude dude like the hype up music.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:55

And then nothing happens. Then nothing happens and then cuts back to this shot. The slow motion stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

Okay, then uh then do like let's do slow motion and some whispering.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:04

Let's go uh whisper to each other. Uh you can you take your tits into the camera real quick? Okay, cool. Uh you sticks black eyes start talking about Apple CarPlay. Franco just said the n-word.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:22

Yeah, he did, yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:23

We just kind of skimmed over that. I really think we're gonna have to cancel James Franco.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:29

Hold on. He does have a lot of shit, man.

unknown 1:02:34

I'm everybody uncomfortable when I'm out.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:37

Ain't nobody like hanging out with me. Nobody wants to be my fucking Every room I step into, people wish that I wasn't there. I'm a straight up paradigm.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:52

People call me a social parasite.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:58

I interrupt people and I talk over when they're women.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:04

I actually think that Gomez is not gonna be in the rest of the movie. I was kidding, but it's I don't know if they're gonna cut back to her just praying, you know?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:14

Hold up, so when you get bailed out, it's not just you're like off the hook. Like you still didn't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:18

You still have to you got bailed out, yeah. Yeah. She can't she couldn't leave. She's she's gonna have a warrant for arrest. She's thinking about Selena Gomez.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:32

And so oh god. So she she she did just leave. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:43

What kind of all this he does have good trigger discipline?

SPEAKER_12 1:04:05

Okay, so these girls are just he really is.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:37

This was their spring break plan. Where's the third girl?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:58

She's in the cook chair, you got all your different colored shorts.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:07

No more shorts, no more shorts.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:12

Alright, this is uh the scene's going on a bit too long. I wouldn't trust a college girl's trigger discipline. He just discovered that he's gay. Nice car montage. Pretty sure we've seen this exact shot. Yeah, we've got nine times.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:24

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:24

What happened to the Where was the third girl during all that? She was going through all the different colored shorts. That's what she was. She was making sure you had every color. I noticed that you're missing turquoise. I didn't I didn't uh I didn't see an indigo one in there. What's up with that, Frank? Babe, I promise you I'll go get indigo shorts right now for you. I promise.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:59

Okay, so these girls are just typical women men.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:26

He sings Starts crooning, does some Sinatra singers all the time Start singing toxic.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:39

He's saying who you saying who Britney Spears is.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:45

Let me put y'all onto some new wave shit. Her name's Britney Spears, little underground artist y'all may not have heard of. Yeah. Feels like they only had about forty minutes of movie. The script is I mean, the script is like there was no script. There was there was four lines in the script.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:09

It's it's I I want I it's like I wanted to find myself here.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:14

I gotta get out of here. I can't be doing this. I wish I could just be here forever.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:18

And then Franco being like just airdropping and Bluetooth technology.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:35

So now they're all just gangsters, okay. Interesting twist. Um what's up with Selena Gomez? I like to think that this is the point of the movie that that dad who brought his kid to see the movie decides to leave because he realizes that Selena Gomez isn't gonna be in it.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:03

Just preposterous.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:21

Two sounds. This is how we do it on a this is how we do it on a Tatooine, baby. No wonder everyone hates him. These are all his usual social interactions. Just pistol whipping people, making people uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:54

So nice to meet girls in real life that aren't on hinge.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:59

It's crazy because usually I just be looking at pictures of girls on hinge and none of them respond to me or anything. So gotta be honest, this is the first time I've ever actually talked to a woman before. This is pretty cool. It's still spring break. So these girls have turned into like mob bosses over the course of what four days?

SPEAKER_09 1:11:25

Wait.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:46

This movie is so fucking bad, dude. This is hilarious. It's uh I'm so glad we watched it. He's like, um he's in big combination with an alien.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

Aliens, we've been doing nothing, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:56

He's been doing nothing. He's just been driving in circles. Where were they just now?

SPEAKER_08 1:12:07

See, it either feels like there was 40 minutes of this movie or three hours of this movie, and they cut out way too much.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:15

You get in the car. Get in the car driver out of this.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:21

One of y'all bitches want to connect your phone to my Apple CarPlay.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:27

Look, baby, baby, you can play whatever you want on Apple CarPlay on my car.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:35

Oh no, Gucci Main.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:46

Ho ho ho, Merry Spring Breaking.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:20

What you just killed one of them? I can't tell.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:31

Which is weird because the rest of this movie has been crystal clear and very easy to understand. I guess she he shot her in the arm. Nah, baby, I can't take you no hospital. I make everybody uncomfortable at the hospital. They say I'm not allowed back there. Like, not even for treatment? Nah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:55

Especially not for the one time.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:59

I had a splinter in my foot and I made everybody too uncomfortable. They said I can't come back.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:03

Dan, they shot they shot it with the charcoal gun. Merry motherfucking spring break. Yo, get the charcoal gun. Merry Christmas. Use the charcoal gun. Stan and go get you cold.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:16

Stan go hit you with some fucking cold this year, bitch.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:22

Good riffing, Gucci mane. Improving. Y'all never gonna believe it, but I came up with that shit on myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:33

Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:38

The director's like, hey, uh, Gucci, I noticed that you said Merry Christmas there for some reason. Um, we'll just make it a coal gun.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:48

Just to make it sort of make sense with the whatever. This movie's always serious.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:52

Yeah, I mean, we're out of film, we can't reshoot anything.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:58

She just oh, she's in a shower, okay?

SPEAKER_08 1:15:15

Number forty-six best movie all time. Was Project X on that list? Like this feels comparable.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:40

Wait, so Cotty got shot in the arm.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:42

Gonna be honest, couldn't tell you a single one of their names except for Selena Gomez, and she left.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:47

So they shot Cotty. Plays.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:59

Caught a cotton because we like cottage cheese.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:03

Cottie doesn't really know about the whole like gun dick sucking thing.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:06

It was that was like a the one I guess yeah, she was too busy counting his shorts.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:05

Again, what's up with getting arrested and getting bailed out? You can't leave the state. Yeah, I I immediate warrant for your arrest. This shot again, very nice. Glad to see it. I missed it. Alright, we're gonna get it. I mean I'd I've been having a real tough time tracking everything. He's gonna kill this guy. I guess so. Well, he's the one who shot her. Yeah. I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:01

This movie is more, it's more um.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:06

I'm a I'm having a harder time understanding it than I am like like uh I don't know, like uh um Shudder Islanders.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:18

Yeah, dude, I'm I'm really like I don't understand what these girls' motivation is. I don't understand why the two of them are staying.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:25

Back on the bus.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:27

The bus that's just always running taking college kids back. I mean, this is an alien planet. The South Sun. Do not follow the North Sun. Don't follow the North Sun. You end up in Gucci Mean's lair.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:40

It's always Christmas in there.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:43

Ho ho ho.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:47

That'd be nice. Three there's three girls. Ho ho ho.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:51

I guess it kind of makes sense.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:54

Yeah, alright, cool.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:55

Yeah, good. I want a DVD commentary track with Gucci Maiden. It's like now if you notice in this scene, I said ho ho ho because it was three hoes in the car. Everybody knows that you need three hoes for Christmas to happen. Yeah, these two seem like pretty bad friends.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:27

It seems like the first time somebody's had it looks like they're having sex, but that seems like that's the first time this has happened in the whole movie.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:35

Yeah, I feel like there's been a lot of implied. Yeah. It's nice to actually see it. I'd love to see Franco's penis.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:44

I love that Franco fought for this scene.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:47

Franco was Franco really fought for this scene.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:49

This was actually, this was uh not this was filmed after the fact at his school. Uh he thought that it would slide in well in here.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:57

Yeah. Oh, it's we were at fucked two college. Yeah, I actually I have a lot of footage.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can help out with that. I think that we could probably make this work.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:24

Brit. That's one of the names of Brit.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:26

Okay, alright, alright, so we got Candy. Okay, Brit and Candy, Faith and Cottie. Look at us, dude. An alien. And I'm guessing Gucci Made is Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:47

Ah, Chris Kringle.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:52

Gucci Made does have like a a Christmas rap album, which is really yeah. He is an incredibly prolific artist, isn't he? Yeah. Like ridiculous. I mean I I think that I I don't want to speak ill on the man, but I I haven't heard any of his stuff in years. Yeah. But I remember him being big when I was in high school. Spring break. Two sons, double sons. This is a very interesting element to just set this on an alien planet.

unknown 1:21:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:29

I'm Alien and this is Planet Alien.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:33

It's different from Earth. It's pretty much the same, but I just make people mad, uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:46

I'm kind of a tumor in all social settings.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:50

Kind of a social pariah, you know, people really are terrified every time I walk into a room. Awful trigger discipline, dude. They gotta twins, twins. What have they been doing the whole fucking time? It's counting his shorts. Yo, Mr. Alien, they they just came up with a new color shorts. We got we'll have them here by tomorrow for you.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:18

He's on his laptop. Why don't I have this color?

SPEAKER_08 1:22:20

Yo, why don't we got this color yet? So is he gonna go shoot Santa Claus? Yeah, I think so. Please give me like a John Wick level action sequence for the end of this. Just an unreal one take with all these women half of this movie is bullshit compilations or montages.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:18

I guess so.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:36

Shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:41

I'm gonna start hitting that every time I have sex, and I was like, God damn, baby, you playing fucking Mozart on my penis right now. Play the piano on my dick.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:51

So such lazy ass sex.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:55

Oh yeah. It's like worse.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:57

It's like sex with Stephen Hawking. It's just fucking Gucci.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:00

Oh yes. Please. You are playing the theory of relativity on my penis. Yeah, probably because of all the numerous crimes you've committed.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:31

Okay, okay candy.

unknown 1:24:35

I'm saying.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:36

Or that was Britt. Fuck, I can't believe I fucked up the characters' names. I will say this uh this seems like it's turning into a last Ronin Ninja Turtles story arc. You know about that?

unknown 1:24:50

No.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:51

Last Ron.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:52

I know what Last Ronin is. Yeah. The idea of Last Ronin.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:54

The Ninja Turtle comic book Last Ronin, where uh all the turtles are dead except for one. And he's he's like brutally killing the Foot Clan and stuff like that, and you don't know which turtle's left until the end. Seems like this is the direction it's going in. This really is a Ninja Turtle metaphor. Which one do you think is gonna live? Um I mean Which one do you think is gonna be the last Ronan? The twins are Yeah, what are the twins doing? Why is he bringing these two girls with him? Not the twins, yeah. He's just watching them shower.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:37

Double moons.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:40

It's a beautiful nod to have double full moons.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:44

Remember, we are on a planet.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:49

God, I wish that was just a wrinkle in this movie. Now remember, y'all, this is an Earth. Not that we would know what Earth is, but we're taking it. We just on planet alien.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:02

We almost got bit by a shump. A shump.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:08

That's supposed to be a skunk. Yeah, it's a charm. What do we do?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:14

Yo, look out for that sharp. It's a great white sharp.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:21

Grey white sharp. If this isn't like a really sick action sequence, I'm gonna be severely disappointed. Because the rest of this movie's been so incredible so far. I don't think it's gonna be action. I think it's gonna be really tight dialogue.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:37

And they're gonna work shit out with Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:40

Think they're gonna have a real nice heart-to-heart conversation with Mr. Hoho?

SPEAKER_12 1:26:43

I think it's gonna be, it's gonna be a there's gonna be a range of emotions had.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:52

Did they just shoot Franco?

SPEAKER_10 1:26:59

Wait, I don't know. Should we rewind that? Oh my god. They did. I can't believe we just missed the fucking bait. What is this?

SPEAKER_12 1:27:07

We rewind it because that's insane. I can't wait. Did they just kill him? You can't rewind it? They did just kill him.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:12

You know what? Hey, fuck it. Look, if you're if you're watching along, we're at one hour and twenty-four second one hour twenty-four minutes and five seconds. We're rewinding to an hour twenty-three and twenty-five seconds. Or an hour twenty an hour twenty-three and five seconds. We're going back one minute, right? Rewind a minute. Press play. Three, two, one. Hang on now, play it. Well, that didn't work. Let's try that again. Alright, sorry, everybody. I am so confused. They did just kill him though, because what else would have happened, right? Yeah. But that's him. Okay, now they're walking up the dock. No one's fucking watching this movie with us.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:16

Someone just shoots him.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:29

Oh, oh. They don't shoot. They don't shoot Franco. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:33

Franco gets shot, but not so You're telling me that two college students just watch someone get shot in front of them and they're not like Jesus Christ. Okay, so Okay, so now they're gonna go kill Santa Glass. What is in it for them? What the fuck is it? Get the boat and leave. Go back to his house and take all his money.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:08

I mean they're not John Wick.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:14

Scoochie main still in the bathtub watching those girls shower, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:27

Yo go slower. Clean yourselves slower. Make it more boring.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:58

Why the why did they kill him?

SPEAKER_03 1:30:59

I don't er like cause they shot Cotty? Were you guys that close with Cotty to begin with?

SPEAKER_08 1:31:11

I would love it if this ended. That shot again. Okay, very nice that they keep reusing that. It's very important.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:34

Call back to beer to uh beer piss pen.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:38

Yeah. My favorite way to get off.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:45

So what and they stole his car?

SPEAKER_08 1:31:52

What are you gonna go back to school now? It's so it's Selena Gomez, she just left. She did just dip. I was kidding when I said it'd be funny if she wasn't in this anymore, but she's just gone. It was a movie about two girls whose name we learned in the last ten minutes of the fucking movie. Franco just gets unceremoniously shot in the fucking head. Felt like he had that common. Wow. Wow. What do you think the What do you think the message is here? To our audience at home, we always like to come away with a message of the movie. And I think uh if I had to put my finger on it, it would be uh women are stupid. It's gotta be monotheism is not the answer.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:46

Wow, that was it, that was it. That's incredible.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:49

What the fuck was that fucking movie? Top 46 movie of all time. Is this a Selena song? No. No, this is I know who sings this. El Ella something? So what do you think the pitch was for this movie? What do you what do you think that like the the boardroom pitch meeting, the the high-level oversight was?

SPEAKER_12 1:33:25

I mean it's gotta be like well, I mean I s it was probably written by Franco and then kinda uh worked backwards from Franco's vision.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:38

He's like, yo, uh I don't think Vanessa Hudgens.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:42

I think it was gonna be it was just Franco be like, I'm gonna make a movie, and then okay. And then there was not really any oversight at all.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:48

There's nothing after that, just being like, yo, fuck it, give me yeah, it was Gucci May. Whoa. I mean, uh what the f I thought I'm so confused. I thought it was really bad. I thought that was I thought it was really bad. One of the worst movies I've ever seen. Uh wow, man, I can't believe that was and like look, there's like there's a lot of like funny bad movies out there, you know. Like there's a lot of like he he like you know, Battlefield Earth, like you know, that that's like a hilariously bad movie, but like this was you could tell that this was trying to be something like artistic. I didn't like how much slow-mo there was.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:28

There was a lot of like the slow-mo ass jiggling, which is like I know it's like that's a classic shot for ass jiggling. But I am a big fan of that, but but they kind of just use that for every uh felt like they used it as a crutch, you know?

SPEAKER_08 1:34:39

Felt like they were really leaning heavy on the uh on on the ass.

SPEAKER_10 1:34:44

Selena Gomez's second, even though she was like not even really that big of a character. Candy was Vanessa Hudgens actually better.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:50

Tell you what, you could have removed Selena Gomez from this movie, and it's exactly the same.

SPEAKER_10 1:34:54

Nothing changes at all. John McCain was in this movie.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:57

He was oh neat, Barack Obama was in this movie. I didn't know that. Oh, John McCain was one of the twins. Huh. There weren't they weren't actual twins?

SPEAKER_09 1:35:13

Hard to say here. Uh this freeze.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:18

I really need to know. Okay, yeah, good, good. I need to know all the stunt players. Tim Biff Turner. Alright, well, that was uh awful. That was really awful. It's really bad. It's really, really bad. I can't I can't believe you just made me watch that. I had a great time. This was a lot of fun. Okay, I will say, proof of concept that bad movies work on the podcast, so that's good. Yeah. But like I'm just I'm I am in shock by how bad that was. Complete just pointless. A completely pointless movie. I did get my I mean it like it was yeah, I completely agree.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:55

I um yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:00

I mean uh like at a loss for words here.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:07

Yeah, I uh I didn't like it very much.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:12

Well yeah, I don't know what else to I don't know what else to say about it. That sucked. That was bad. I'm sorry if you watched that at home with us.

SPEAKER_12 1:36:23

I think I I mean my heart would have picked up a little bit when they killed Franco, but they didn't even kill Franco. They he got he just got killed.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:30

Just unceremoniously. I thought that they were like maybe when he was sucking their penis guns, they would have shot him and then you know been their own mob boss become funny that you really did call it that she just left and that was it. I was trying to be funny. I thought it would be a a funny joke if that was the last time we saw her in the movie, and it actually was the last time we saw her in the movie. Yeah. Hilarious. Oh, they had a chef, that's cool. It's funny. Assistant chefs, some craft service people. They really shout out Ian Kemp. They liked um put a graphic of Ian Kemp on the screen. I'll find it, I'll put them up here. Craft services worker, Ian Kemp. Gucci man just kept eating. Gucci man aged so much. We gotta get Sean Kemp on the player, Ian Kemp on the podcast to talk about. Yo, we just kept making fucking more and more food for me. You just wouldn't stop.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:28

I want I want sweet potato with marshmallows melted on top. I want s'mores. I want camp with the campfire some blueberry casserole.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:37

I want fondue, not gonna eat it, but I want it there. I just want to look at it. Yo, make it slower. Make it more boring. I want two girls. Want two girls showering naked. Oh, wow. Alright, dude, that was sucked. Yeah, I think uh you wanna call it? Yeah. Alright. Fifth inaugural episode of the I'ma Watch It Movie Podcast. I'm so sorry if you watch that at home, but hopefully you had a good time. Uh I know I did, but I had a good time. I had a good time. Bye, everyone.

unknown 1:38:10

Alright.