No Pain No Gain Is A Lie

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Mish played water polo for South Africa, competed at two World Cups and loved every moment of it. But what was missing was the inner game. The identity work, the belief work, and the hidden programmes running silently beneath the surface that no training plan ever addresses.

In this conversation with Laura from MindFuel, Mish dives into exactly that. 
◼️ How no pain no gain could actually be working against you. 
◼️ How to tell the difference between your mind pushing you forward and your soul calling you somewhere new. 
◼️ And how the athletes she works with, when they start tapping into the New Man Codes, the tools Mish teaches, begin seeing performance results beyond anything they ever imagined possible.

Follow Mish across socials:
🌐 Website: https://www.kingsofcompassion.com
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@new.man.codes
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/new.man.codes/
🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0aVdBnEsdmmHOLotFhsaOV
🎬 Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@kingsofcompassion

Connect with MindFuel:
🌐 https://www.mindfuel.fit
✉️ connect@mindfuel.fit

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi everybody, my name is Mish and welcome to Kings of Compassion, the podcast for men building their lives from the inside out and remembering who they are. When Laura from Minefield asked me to do this podcast, for me it was a no-brainer. What Laura is bringing is the mental performance to the game, as much as these professional athletes bring their physical game. You see, for a good portion of my life, I played water polo for South Africa. I went to two World Cups and it was a real joy playing the sport. But what was missing for me was learning the tools that helped me deal with what was up here and what was in here. The identity stuff, the belief stuff, all the fear and the programs actually running beneath the surface. And this is what we're gonna dive into in today's episode with Laura. We discussed the idea of how no pain, no gain could actually be working against you. How to tell the difference between your mind pushing you forward and your soul drawing you to somewhere new. And how the athletes that I've worked with, when they start tapping into things like the new man codes, they start to see performance that even they couldn't expect in their wildest dreams. And so I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did with Laura from Mindfuel. Please enjoy.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Hi everyone, and welcome to Mindfuel, where we're making mental fitness accessible to endurance athletes so you can train your brain as consciously as you train your body. Today we are diving into the complex topic of identity. And joining us for this discussion is my dear friend Michelle Cachuccio. Mish, welcome to Mindfuel.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Okay. Firstly, I am super excited to be doing this. I know that this has been a long time passion and project of yours to get off the ground. So I'm so proud of you, my friend. It's like this is amazing to be doing it and finally living it. So it's an absolute honor to be here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Thank you. I'm so grateful for all of the support along the way. Same as in sports and life, we can't do it without a bit of help, and you've been a real rock for me. So thank you so much. Mish, we start every episode here by asking our guests to introduce themselves, not by telling us what you do, but first by explaining who you are. So I'll ask you a slightly different way. How would a friend describe you?

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Beautiful question. How does a friend describe me? The other day, actually, a friend of mine she sent me a voice note and it was interesting because she said to me, Mish, you know what? You're one of the most courageous people I've ever met. And uh she said to me, When you face things, Mish, she said, You just even if you're scared, you just go straight through it. And in my mind, the thought that came through was, dude, if you know how much fear and like scaredness I sit with. But I feel the fear and I do it anyway. And that's really one of the things that I've learned early on, you know, whether it was in sports or school or whatever it was, is to feel that fear and and and to do it anyway. So I think that's how uh folks would would describe me is that Mish is quite courageous, she feels the fear and then she does it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yes, well, I that was a wise friend knowing you very well. I would absolutely say the same. And I think the other thing I would add is that you love big and you love hard and you love unconditionally. So all of us who get to interact with you are very lucky, and I'm happy that we might be able to share a bit of that today. So, since we are talking to an audience of athletes, and you have been one pretty much your whole life, can you tell us a little bit more about your relationship to sport?

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Sports was huge for me. Um, like literally growing up in I grew up in South Africa, you can hear my accents a little bit strange, some might say. But um, growing up in South Africa, sport was a big thing, you know, outdoors, all that sort of stuff. Um, it's it's really important for us. But water polo for me was my key sport. I'd always been a big swimmer, um, I loved the water. Um, if folks out there listening, if they understand astrology or kind of any type of um out there stuff, like I'm a water sign, there's a lot of water in my charts, and so I love being in the water, and so swimming was always a big thing, but I'll never forget when I got hooked on water polo. I'll never forget. My brother used to play water polo, he was a really good player, actually. And he made a suggestion, he said, Mish, why don't you go and try out water polo? There was a team that was playing outside of our school, and they made that suggestion. So I was like, Okay, so I phoned my best mate and I said, Hey, let's go try out just for fun, let's see what it's like. And she was like, Okay, cool, I'm gay. And so we went, these two young kids, I was like 15 at the time, and um she was 16 at the time, and we walked up to this kind of brand new team. We had phoned the um the organizers of the club, and they said, Yeah, just come down, no worries, it's cool, we'll welcome you. And it was super scary. I felt the fear and I did it anyway because it was it was a sport that I didn't know, I didn't even know the rules, um, but I just knew like I'd watched my brother play, but I just knew, like, okay, just go and play, just have a give it a go. And we got in the water, and uh, I never forget this moment. It was like it was like pure bliss. I got the ball and I was swimming, swimming, swimming, and I passed it, and I took this shot, and it was from quite far out, it was probably eight, nine meters, and it was going, going, going. I was going kind of like the top left-hand corner, and I it hit the post, and everyone turned around and went, Whoa, this this chick can throw, you know. And I was like, Whoa, I can throw. And then the moment it hit the post, even though I didn't get the goal, literally that spark, I was just like, Oh, oh my gosh, this is my game. Because I was like, dang, I need to, I need to get it like this. Is it I need to get it in that kind of top left, you know? That was one of my favorites.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I still feel that energy in you right now, and like in the story. Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

And at the time, I was like, I was 15 years old, and that's honestly, uh, from from then on, I was hooked. They saw I had potential, so like my mates, um, my friend, she also did really well, and so we were in the team straight away, and literally that was kind of the rest is history. Um, and so from then on, I just kind of um really focused on it. It became a key, like a key anchor point for me because at that time when I was going through the school area, and I can feel myself getting quite emotional around the identity side of things. This was when I was first kind of struggling with the identity or the idea of being gay, and there was a lot of emotions coming through at that time, and so sports allowed me to channel the frustration, to channel the fear, to channel the heaviness that as a youngster I didn't know what to do with because when I was growing up, I'm not that old, but like even in South Africa, um, that's quite a mindset to break, and it was very unconventional, and so water polo gave me this outlet. It was a community, it was a people, uh, it was people and friends who I knew would always be there because we had something in common. Whilst I felt on the outside, outside of water polo, there was nothing that felt safe to me because it was so different. But this I knew that we could all focus on, and it felt like I belonged there. And so that became a really, really big part of me being able to cope with at the time a really, really huge thing in my life and how to navigate that. And so, sport for me, and I believe like for kids everywhere, it gets people off the streets, it gets them out of mischief, and there's just so many lessons that I learned from sport, which honestly I took into business, I take into life now, and it's just become a critical way of life and community for me. So that's kind of that was kind of the journey in there.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Oh, beautiful. So, so much of that resonates with me, and as you were saying, that about being in that challenging age, teenage years, I guess, in school, and sport being that safe place for you for different reasons. For me, saying, you know, I felt a lot of self-consciousness, a lot of rejection socially and in outside of sport, but always I was a competitive softball player, and my team were my rock, and that was the place when I showed up. I just knew I was accepted exactly as I was. We were all going to support one another and have fun. And looking back, I didn't totally consciously know that at the time, but looking back, I'm so grateful I had that. I think it really helped me get through those tough transition years as a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

And Mish, you went on then to play water polo very competitively. So can you talk a little bit more about that career? Because then I want to hear more about what happened when you had to leave sport behind.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Yeah, sure. So I didn't know I was that good at water polo until uh we just kept on playing. And each trials that I went to um I kept making the team, and then we made uh so a friend of mine, she started doing it, and then we took water polo to our school and we started it there, and then everyone's like, wow, this is so cool. And um, it just kind of snowballed from there, and everyone loved it. It was such a nice change from swimming because swimming's quite an individual sport. Um, and the school that I was in that I grew up in, swimming was we were very competitive at, but it was no disrespect to the swimmers, honestly. It's all cool, but it's a very individual, and we found it a bit boring. And so when we got to like get the ball and passed around, it's like, wow, this is so cool, it was loads of fun.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Um you can talk because your head's above water.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Yeah, exactly. And also there's lots of like um camaraderie there, you know. It wasn't just the girls' teams, also the boys' teams as well, or the men's or the ladies. Um, and as we started to get better and better, we actually started to play against the men's teams. Um, we played against masters, which are those guys who are I think the kind of age group was about 40 plus. Um, and so I just kept training, and it was like that literal passion for the sport that just kept me going, and as I said, just kept me out of the heavy stuff, which was for me a great relief. And I kept on going to trials and I landed up um this was in 1998, end of 1998, 1999, I got invited to go to the South African training camp because they had seen me be uh playing in all the national tournaments, uh, which is all obviously where all the provinces go to compete, and they I got the invitation, which was awesome. And um, so yeah, I'll never forget actually that particular invitation because uh it was January and it was a big thing because we had Hungary, I think it was at the time. They had come as an international country to come and train against us to give us a flavor of what it was like to play at that international level, and we had never experienced anything like it, and it was quite nuts because I remember you know, South Africa, December time is our holiday time, and I'd gone with my brother and my parents, we'd gone down to um to our seaside holiday, and this was probably about a month before uh training camp was due. And my brother and I were playing in the ocean and messing around, and he pushed me into a wave just playing around, and I got dumped by the wave, and on I landed on my knee, and literally my kneecap um got moved to the left, and I landed up being on crutches for like three weeks, and it was quite devastating because um I still remember that as well. Like, as I hit the ground and I tried to stand up after that wave, it's kind of spat me out on the shore. I knew I couldn't walk, and just my I just saw almost the dreams of playing South African water polo like shatter in front of my eyes, and I was like, no, I'm not gonna allow this. And um, it was tough. My brother felt terrible, bless him. Um, and he did a beautiful job of like carrying me up all the way back to the apartments. But from there, it was literally okay, um, I'm not gonna focus on this, I'm gonna focus on recovery. And again, it became a testament of understanding where I put my focus is what I create, which is the stuff that I teach now to the athletes that I coach or the high performance men that I work with. And that was a beautiful lesson because I remember rocking up at the training camp, and my coach was like, Wow, Mish, like what a way to rock up my like my knees in a brace. I'd lost the crutches by this time because I'd been um doing a lot of physiotherapy. Thankfully, um, in the town that we had um we were in, we had a great physio, and she was willing to to work, and my parents were great to support me through that recovery, but it was a tough one. But I I'd made the decision, I was like, no, I'm going to training camp, I'm gonna show my coach I'm there and I'm gonna do whatever it needs to be done to make that team. And I was the second youngest of that whole training camp, um, the second youngest of the girls to to be in the trials, and we were literally I was competing against women who were like nearly twice my age. And uh I never forget I did all the swim tests, I had my brace, I was like up at five o'clock in the morning. We would at that stage, um, those training camps, we were training like four times a day. It would start off with a swim test, so we'd be on time, and you know, they would clock our times and look at how fast we were swimming, then they would look at ball skills, so that would be kind of the second um uh session of the day. Then we would do drills on the third, and then in the evenings we would play a match, and the Hungarians would then um play against us, and so that was brutal. Like intense, yeah, like four four four times a day, or sometimes it was doing weights, or it was drills on the land, just kind of you know, practice drilling, drilling, drilling, throwing the ball, all that sort of stuff. So that was the level that we got to, and then so I I made the team, which was like wow, I was so proud and and incredibly um happy and grateful that I had made that decision to go for it. Because I could have dropped on the excuse of saying, Well, I uh I injured myself. Now, it's not to say that I put my knee in danger, if that makes sense. Um, I was very cautious, but it was the passion and the drive that my coach saw, and he was like, Wow, Mish really wants this, and thankfully um that was enough to get me in the team, which was super cool. So um that was the first year I'd made the team. We did a bit of um playing provincially, and I landed up in the World Cup in 1999, it was the junior ladies, which was amazing, and then two years later, I actually captained the side that then went to Australia, and in between then, we played test matches against uh countries that came to visit us. Um, and so yeah, that was kind of that was the international career. I wish it had been more. Um, we actually landed up getting invited to the Olympics, but um for for I'll I can speak about it later. I think that's um something that will probably come up later, but we didn't land up going, unfortunately. But that was kind of the dream I was hopefully to get to the Olympics. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Well, I mean, to play at that level of any sport is truly remarkable. So congratulations and the the resilience, the confidence, the mental fortitude that you had to have in those tryouts against people who had far more experience who were not injured, to come through and and make it and do that all within the bounds of what you knew your body was capable of and willing to give you at that point is is remarkable and something I think we can all take away of you know, our minds are powerful and can um you know overcome some of the physical hurdles when needed, but also that we have to be gentle with ourselves and know what those limits are and not cross them too far.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

No, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

So so what happened now? When did you know it was time to step away from water polo? Because spoiler, um, Mish is no longer playing competitive water polo. So what happened?

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Um after I played in Australia, I actually um had an invitation to move to the US uh on a on a scholarship. There's kind of initial inklings and ideas, and I landed up speaking to my folks about it. At that time, I was um I think yeah, it was my last year at university, and my dad said to me, Mish, like, listen, if you want to go, we'll absolutely support you, um, no problem. Um, but he said, kind of just you know, just think about it. And unfortunately, the way women's water polo is run across the world, it's not really highly paid, and there's not much um longevity in that particular sport. And he just said to me, Mish, you know, you can make a decision to kind of go and do this, and that would be okay, but you'd be starting again, or you can uh you know continue what you're doing. And if I'm honest, that wasn't really what kind of got me to the stopping because I had made the decision to not go to uh to to the university, it was very expensive for my folks. Like you can imagine going from South Africa to to the US, even though it would have been a scholarship, there's still been costs that would have uh been occurred uh incurred. So um it just didn't feel worth it. There wasn't enough for me to to follow that in terms of the trajectory. I think if it was a different sport, like maybe like women's football now, or like women's rugby, women's uh cricket, like there's there's there's enough in there. Um, I think I would have been more motivated. But honestly, as a South African player, we had to fund everything ourselves. We were doing fundraising. Um, we were like I remember my dad and I um uh creating these events. We did my dad was so cool, he helped me create this event, which was a motivational event where people would learn how to walk on fire with a motivational person, and the funds from that would go into my pot um that would then fund me to go and travel. So we had to do things like that, and after a while, it kind of you start questioning well, um, you know, does is this really worth it? And if I'm honest, where the real heartbreak came in the sport was when we got invited to the Olympics and we were all super stoked. But the reason we weren't able to go was because at the time our South African government had said you can't go because there weren't enough players of colours. Now, I understand that. I understand that um you know we wanted to open up to you know folks of colour to be in all sport. It was a big thing in South Africa. South Africa is obviously massive in sport, um, but to hold a team back in a sport that wasn't, you know, it's it's nothing against folks of colour, but um they you know they're generally not water water people, if you like. And we did have some folks join, and and we did have folks that were part of the developments, so it wasn't as if it wasn't possible, but the government at the time just didn't see the efforts that we had been making to bring players of colour into the team, and so it was just a no instead of a negotiation, and I think that was like the heartbreak of like oh, like they things just became too hard, and so I landed up moving to the UK um just for opportunities reasons, and I played a little bit there when I was in the UK, but again, it became really, really expensive. I was trying to set myself up in the UK. I literally landed up in the UK with like like a thousand pounds. I'd arrived, and like 800 of that went to rent in the first in the first month. So, like I had 200 200 quid to to navigate um in the UK, and it's just like this is just just too much. So, um, and I wonder how many people that actually happens to, you know, and youngsters, men, women, I'm sure it happens everywhere. It's like we just don't have the funds to continue doing something um that we love so much. But there's no regrets. Like I love the choices that I've made and I love the level that I got to. Um, but I was happy when kind of I was able to let go and then channel my passions into other things, which I've which I've obviously done.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Yeah, absolutely. And that's it's amazing that you could come to that place and be content.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

But before we continue, I wanted to say a big thank you to supporting our show. It really means a lot to me and to the world I see being created by people who watch and support this Kings of Compassion movement for men. Now, if something in this conversation has landed for you, if you can feel something inside shifting, that's no mistake. That's a part of you resonating to some of the truth that you're hearing. You see, every moment you choose a new thought, every moment you choose a new way of doing things, you're creating a new reality, a new version of yourself. And when a man does this type of work, the people around him start to feel it. His family feels it. The way he provides, the way he shows up for himself, the way he loves his family, all of it responds because he made a new choice. That's what's available for you on the other side of your old belief systems and programs. So if you're ready to find out what working with me directly or in a group looks like by applying things that I talk about on the podcast, there's a link in the description. Book a call with me, let's talk. I would love to chat. Also, if you'd like to drop a comment below, tell me what's landed for you today in this show or what you would love to hear more about. We read every single comment that comes through and it helps shape the content that we're bringing to you in this community. And of course, guys, if you're getting value, remember to like, subscribe, and to share this with someone who you might think this is gonna change their world as well. You never know. And so I really appreciate your support. That's it for now. Let's head back to the show, guys. Thanks again.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

You know, being part of that team was a way to help you feel at home, if I may put words in your mouth, and and to maybe uh avoid some of the challenging feelings around being gay or maybe some other feelings around fitting in or knowing who you were. So as you transitioned out of at least team sport or water polo, how did those feelings come up or not? And what did you do to work through them?

SPEAKER_01 22:27

This is the biggest journey of my life, honestly, and it's uh it's never stopped. Um at some point, if you don't go within, it catches you. Um, and so I'd left the water polo world, I still gymed, I landed up playing softball um in the UK and kind of still being in that community, which was which was amazing. But understanding that when I had a discomfort within, that stopping of the water polo almost forced me to start going, Mish, it's time. And what had happened is I had left the water polo, and then I started literally partying hard because that was the program that I'd been given, right? And we're all programmed, right? In South Africa, it was when I was still there, it was uh go to school, go to university, uh find a husband, have three and a half kids, and stay at home. And that was that was the program. And I was like, nope, that's not mine, I'm going to London. And so I got to London, and there was a new program being served, which was work hard, play hard, climb the corporate ladder and see how far you can go, then find a partner, settle down, have three and a half kids, and then you're done. Um, and that also wasn't the program because something within me moved me to say, Okay, Mish, um, I'll never forget there was a day when I woke up and I'd switched on the TV, I was getting ready for work, and that day I'd woken up, I think it was like a Monday or Tuesday, so it was like early on in the week. I woke up empty wallet, empty bed, like painful head, and I just knew like in my heart, I watched the TV, and there was this um, there was the earthquakes in in China or something, and something within me was like I wanted to go and help, and I didn't felt like I belong in London anymore. And that's actually that feeling is what I followed, and I landed up leaving the UK for a year and traveling around the world, and that was when I actually started to look within, and I started I left to go traveling with the intention of okay, this is a blank canvas. I am no one's daughter, you know, no one's sister, I didn't go to the school, I didn't play water polo, uh, I didn't, you know, work at this company in the UK or get to this level at work. I left all of it behind, and that intention of when I went traveling around the world for a year was blank canvas, and that's really when I started to say, okay, well, who am I? What is it that's in here that needs to come through? And that was a big part of when I started to kind of wake up to who I truly am, and it's the best decision I'd ever made. And so, you know, that breakup with water polo was painful, but the key that I learned there was listening to that that I call it now, I call it that kind of soul call of listening to that, and I followed that, and and that has led me to to where I am today, so it's been pretty spectacular. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

I want to key in on that a little bit more because the minute that you said earlier you felt called, it struck me that we're so good, and I think a lot of endurance athletes especially were always pushing through pain, mind over matter, mind over matter, because we want to finish the race, and that's wonderful and serves a purpose, but there are times we really need to listen to the feeling and dissociate that a bit from the brain. And I think you actually coach people a bit on how to do this. So can you share a little bit more how do you build that trust with yourself and how do you start to recognize what's coming from the heart and is a feeling versus what the mind is telling you?

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah, it's a good question. I guess, like, how do you recognize one between the other? Um, there's always fear that's gonna come up, but knowing is very obvious. So if I were to say to you, like, is your name Laura? you're like, Yeah, of course, you know. And if I said to you, if your name is Mickey Mouse, you're like, no. But if I you know, so it's when you start to understand the tools, you can then start to learn how to discern. But for me, um, that initial call, that day where I literally on the on the telly I saw like people dying. It was a it was a voice, and it was so clear. There's there's like a there's like an essence of clarity in that voice, and it became undeniable. It became undeniable. I like there was there was loads of fear, but I knew I had to do it, and I knew that if I didn't, I would probably land up doing something really stupid, like leave the planet or just party myself into oblivion, which at that stage when I left um for for traveling, I was weighing close to 100 kilos, okay? Which is yeah, I picked up a ton of weight, having stopped the water polo and just at that time I was smoking, drinking, partying, you know, sex, drugs, rock and roll, all that stuff. And it's it was a definitive decision, and it was like a click, your heart goes, and you can't stop thinking about that thing, you can't stop listening to that voice, and it just becomes an obvious yes, and that's how I then learned. And then to there was another part to your question. Well, like, how do you know? Um, to keep following that almost. What I started to do was go, okay. Well, I started to look for validation, so there were lots of prayers, there was lots of like, wow, okay, show me the way, show me the way. And as I made the decision, all of a sudden, click, click, click, click, this thing started to fall in place, and I was like, huh, like, uh-oh, this is this is starting to really open up. And as I then left to actually go traveling, when I was traveling, that same voice came through and literally saved my life many, many times. And I'm not joking, like saved my life. So there was one time I was traveling in Guatemala and this voice came through again, and it said, you need to leave the project where you are at. And at that time, I was volunteering in um in Guatemala, we were doing turtle conservation, and this voice was loud and it wouldn't stop, it was just like kind of all-consuming. And so I sat my friends down, I said, guys, I'm gonna be leaving the project, I'm catching the um next bus, which is in a few days' time. You're welcome to join me, I'm gonna go traveling. And off we went, and um, they decided to come with me, and so the four of us left the project. Everyone is quite annoyed. They're like, What were you going? and I was like, No, I'm done. There's just something within me that's telling me to go. A month later, we're in another hostel in a different part of Guatemala, which we were at the time, and a whole bunch of people in the project that were there when we still had left walked into this hostel, and we were like, Guys, what are you doing here? And they said, You won't believe it, Mish. The night after you guys left, a bunch of poachers came onto the beach and started um taking a bunch of the volunteers with pangas, and like we're threatening to rape and murder them. And I was like, Oh my god, yeah. And so that, and I can tell, I promise you, we could I could be on this podcast for like ages, just telling you the number of times that that voice, um, which I now know is my higher self, you can call it whatever you like, but it's like that version of myself that is all loving, all knowing, that is that soul wisp. It's like, keep following that, keep following that, and um, and so when you start to get an essence of that, it's it and you start following that, it just takes a bit of practice, and then it just becomes a knowing. But honestly, I still forget sometimes, um, and then I want to kick myself because I'm like, damn it, like I I could have remembered to take this or whatever it is, um, and it takes practice, but there's an essence that you start to to find the truth in it, and it feels so comfortable and so calm, and there's like there's a sense of knowing. Um, and and the knowing is like everything's gonna be okay, so it doesn't matter what you do, it's kind of that feeling, and it keeps coming back to the feeling more than in here, and I've learned to follow that more and more and more and more and more, which has led to the beautiful life that I live now. Um, and so now it's just a way of being.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

You can feel the calm in your energy as you think about that.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Yeah, it's kind of like it settles down.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

I think one of the things that really struck me as you were talking about your travels and following that thread too, is that you didn't stop and ask anyone around you or your parents or your best friends, hey, I'm thinking about doing this. What do you think? Or maybe you did and you didn't listen and you didn't include that in the story. But I think it's so common for us to want either that validation, and I suppose that maybe comes back to what you were saying at the end of needing to build that trust with yourself. Can you talk a little bit more about how you learn to do that and not just turn to the outside and ask for validation? And that's something we're really taught to do in society.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Yeah, so there's there's there's big programs in society, and I see this in the men that I work with, right? A lot, a lot. Is you need to know the answer. Okay. And I grew up from the age of like 10 years old, driving in the car with my dad, listening to tapes of like Tony Robbins, right? And if you don't know who Tony Robbins is, he's like one of the OGs of personal development. And so I'd be driving in the car with my dad, and he'd be like, you know, positivity, and you're gonna like follow your mind, and you know, like let go of the mind and follow your heart. And I so I was kind of really exposed to this stuff very early on. But one of the things that listening to those tapes taught me, my dad guided me in this, which was get a mentor, get someone who you can float ideas with. Okay, and so I've always done that, it's just been uh something that my dad had kind of guided me to, and of course, through water polo, you have a coach, it's not like I walk up there and it's like I know what the hell I'm doing, right? So it becomes obvious that I was like, I've got a water polo coach, and then we had like a goalkeeper coach, and then we had a nutrition person. I was like, ah, it's these people who know a little bit more than I do that are imparting their knowledge and sharing with me. And so when I did leave before I left to go traveling, right? I had this kind of essence in me going, go travel, go travel, go travel, this is what you want to do. And I flirted it with my parents first. My folks thought I was bonkers, and the funny thing was, right, is because when I said to them, guys, I'm going traveling around the world, it was 2008, like Lehman's brothers had just crashed. Swine flu, and I was like, I'm gonna do it next year. And by the time I was leaving, swine flu was hitting, all right, and I was stopped starting in Mexico. So like my parents were freaking out. They were like, Michelle, you're going into like the like the danger zone, and I was like, Yes, I'm going into the danger zone. That's exactly and I like didn't even get cross my mind. But what what I used other people right as soundboards, and so what I learned from my mentors and coaches throughout the years is to approach people who you know like and trust, and I think it's the trust part that's important. Don't go to people that are envious or jealous. That's not gonna be helpful, right? Because you can't see everything, there's blind spots, everybody's got blind spots, and that's a very important thing to note to know that I'm not perfect, I don't need to know all the answers, and actually, I can speed up my progress, my wherever I want to go, if I get help, and that's a lot of things that I see athletes and a lot of the professional athletes that I work with, they sometimes feel like they have to know the answer, and it's like, no, you don't, because there's help all around, and that's the programming that society gives us, and this support that I choose to tap into doesn't just come from a mentor, it comes from friends, it comes from nature, and it comes from praying, it comes from meditation, it comes from all over because the fabric of support is all around, much like abundance or well-being or whatever it is. You've just got to believe it and tap into it if that makes sense. And so when I started to understand that, what I started to then do was listen to feedback and then feel, hmm, how does that land for me? Or wow, like LK said something to me, Laura said something to me. I'm like, ah wow, that's something that I haven't thought about. Dang, like that's really cool. Thanks, my friend. Like, I really appreciate that. And so it's taking these things and then from there take what's good for you and then make your own decision, but don't outsource your power to say, well, whatever LK says, I'm gonna do. No, it doesn't work like that because then you lose the sovereign nature of you, but more than that, you lose your own creativity because we we didn't come here to all be LK, we didn't come here to all start mindfuel or kings of compassion, which is what I do. We didn't all do that. We we came here to bring our own signature, and so if I'm only doing what Laura says, or if I'm only doing what my mentor says, then it's gonna be boring, and so I always try and um incorporate and and honor the creativity that comes from an idea or a decision that I need to make about my own life because ultimately it's my higher self, God's source, whatever it is, wanting to come through me and be expressed. And so knowing that you can't actually get things wrong, that's also super helpful. And I learned that from one of my mentors that I still work with, so yeah. Does that I hope you that answers the question?

SPEAKER_00 35:46

It does, and I think one of the things you touched on that will resonate a lot with us athletes is you know, we don't seem to shy away from having the sport, the physical sport coach, the physio, the massage therapist, the nutritionist. But on the mental side, maybe we aren't as consciously thinking about having some of the friends and maybe a sport psychologist and tools like Mindfuel, other podcasts to support us. And I think that's hopefully what we're building here, but also just something that's so important to remember that our minds, our souls, our emotions also need that support. And it's not that we just take it at face value, we need to piece it together in a way that's authentic to us, and as you've said, keep what resonates, leave what doesn't, but knit it together in a way that really serves us and helps us feel more ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

It's such a beautiful point, Laura, because um this is the work that I do. Okay, so I work with some professional athletes, guys playing at the highest of levels, right? And um the level of beating up and self-deprecate, like deprivation and just like painful things that go on in our minds as sports people, all for the goal, all for the glory, all for the whatever it is. And what we don't realize is that that's a limited version. And this pause is a deliberate one because I want that to kind of really land. If we're going for the gold medal or whatever it is, that's important, it's cool, but know that it's an experience, and when you come from that place, you're like, wow, like my higher self, spirit god, whatever it is, is wanting to come through and experience this, like wow. So for me, okay, we went to our first match, okay, in Italy in 1999 as the junior ladies water polo team for South Africa. We lost 32 goals to one, okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

I shouldn't laugh, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

But what an experience, and we were like, we played Russia, okay, and these women had been playing for like obviously ages, and we were like these young guns going, Yeah, we're South Africa, we got totally smashed. But what like our spirits were so alive because we were like, Whoa, we got to play in our first World Cup, and they were looking at us, going, You guys, like, and we were just so happy we scored a goal, and they were like, What the hell are these chicks like on about? Because we were like came out of nowhere, we're the only African team that's ever kind of come to the World Cup and all of that. And so for us, it wasn't about the goal, it was about the being, it was about you know the being there, and that's really what I help my athletes that I work with, the elite performers, remember that you're here to enjoy the experience. It's not just about the goal, like the scoring of the goal or shooting the hoop or hitting the home run or whatever it is, right? The touchdown or whatever the sport is, triathlon. I know you focus on triathlon, so it's like that um you know, the four-minute mile or whatever it is. It's about every step that goes towards that. And if you do it with the energy of I get to, like, wow, as a soul in a body, I get to experience what it's like to push the body to the limit, then the spirit goes, wow, like awesome, like give me more, you know. And that's when it starts to become a dance versus um, I'm gonna beat myself up, um, you know, this is really hard. And there were many times in my career where I had these moments which led to a lot of beating up. And upon reflection, now, if I look back on that younger vision, I sent her so much compassion and actually did a healing process this morning, as I was telling you before we got into the podcast, um, around that mindset because when we fail, there's no such thing as failure, but back in those days, and very much in this the sporting community, there's all about failure. And it's and I say so often to the guys that I work with, imagine if we that's like expecting to get it right every single time, perfectly the first, it's not possible. So you're setting yourself up for failure already, and so there's no such thing as failure, it's just tweaking and lessons and tweaking and lessons and tweaking and tweaking until you get to the code, and then you're like, Yeah, now it's like now I'm big wave surfing, awesome! And so it's it's it comes from here, it starts from here, not from out there the goal of surfing the hundred-foot wave, running the four-minute mile, doing the super bike or super swim, whatever it is. And when it comes from here, and you allow that joy to come through, and this I've seen with my clients, they start to score more goals, they start to make more money, they start to lift heavier weights, and they're lifting weight, and they're going, Michelle, I don't know how I'm doing this, and I'm like, Because you're doing it for the joy, and there's phone calls. Mish, I've like no negotiated an insane contract, and it's like, because you're doing it for the joy, you're not doing it for the money, you're not doing it for that outcome only. Um, and I think that is is the big difference that I have learned now in the way I coach folks. If I'd known that back then, it would have been like a game changer for me. Um, so the whole kind of to sum that up quite nicely, it's it's about the destination, of course it is, because you need an intention to know where to go because otherwise you just flap around in the wind. Intentions are important, but it's about the journey as well.

unknown 41:22

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

And some people go like, no, no, it's just about the journey. No, it's not about the journey, because then you're just walking around in the same mountain without a without a reason. It's about the destination. And people like us, we tend to pick really interesting like destinations, no, and it's that pushing, but sometimes we push ourselves from what's called the dark motivation, which is no pain, no gain, versus a light motivation, which is I'm stepping into my greatness, and when you come from that light motivation, there is no limit, and a lot of people don't know that, and that's quite fun.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

What a beautiful way to start to wrap up our conversation, Mish. Big piece of wisdom there. Um, if people want to work with you or to find you and follow up with you, how are they best to do that?

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Best place, I would say kingsofcompassion.com. That's my website. Um, it's going through many changes, but that's one of the best places. And then on the socials, right now I'm very active on TikTok, and the handle is at new.man.codes. Newman Codes. I have started this movement which is really guiding high-performing men into a new place of um being so that they can reach their legacy without the performance. It's beyond performance, it's beyond the mind, it's beyond the I should. And it's the allowing the real man to come through, which comes from a place of power and being without the forcing. And the guys that I work with every single time they kind of come into the program, um, they're very blown away because it actually comes with great relief. It's like, I don't have to perform anymore. And it's like, no, you don't. They're like, whoa. And so, yeah, the container that I've stepped into now, it's incredibly beautiful. And so, if you want to know more, check out the website or hit me up on TikTok, New Man Codes.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

Powerful. Anyone would be lucky to work with you, Mish. Thank you so much for sharing some of your wisdom with us today. All of Michelle's contact details will be on our website in the experts section. And if this resonated with you, please like the video, subscribe to our channel. If you have any follow-up comments or questions, you can post in the comments down below or email us at connect at mindfuel.fit. And if you haven't already, check out the other videos on our channel and head over to our website on mindfuel.fit for loads more resources and to subscribe to our mailing list. So thank you again, Michelle, and happy and healthy training to all of you.