The Hidden Habits that keep us Stuck

Most of us don’t stay stuck because we’re lazy, incapable, or unmotivated. We stay stuck because of small, repeated habits that quietly shape the way we think, react, and move through life. In this episode, I unpack the hidden patterns that keep us circling the same frustrations, from overthinking and perfectionism to avoidance, distraction, and the comfort of familiar discomfort. More importantly, I explore how awareness creates change, and how the smallest shifts in daily behavior can begin to unlock momentum. If you’ve ever felt like you’re capable of more but can’t quite break through, this conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to the reset series. Today we're going to talk about hidden habits and how they can keep some people stuck. And the reason they're called hidden habits are they're not immediately obvious that they're something that you're doing every day, but they are something that you do and they're something that are holding you back. So people think of habits and they think a habit is like, you know, smoking, vaping, drinking, whatever people associate habits with being physical bad habits. Um, but ultimately a lot of people have habits um that are hidden, and they're called that because you do them every single day, but you yourself are not even aware that you're doing these, they've just become part of who you are. And the first one I'm going to talk about is overthinking. And this is a bad habit because when you start to overthink a situation, um the mind starts to answer all the questions. So the rational thought process kind of leaves, and you are the only person who's answering those questions. So, for instance, if you're going to join a gym, say, you know, you've wanted to join this gym for a long time and you've plucked up the courage and you think, right, I'm going to join the gym, I'm going to join the gym next week. That's it. I'm going to join, I'm just going to bite the bullet and I'm going to go. And then the overthinking mind kicks in, as it does, because it's it's a habit, it's a hidden habit and it's happened. It's kicked in, and immediately what happens is the overthinking mind starts telling yourself, Well, you know, what if I join and it's really busy? Or what if I join and I don't know what to do? What if I join and I look really stupid? What if I go and there's no one there that I know? So immediately the overthinking mind has kicked in, and what that's doing is it's actually sending negative messages to you to tell you that this isn't something you should do, you know, I wouldn't go there, you know, maybe hold off. And because you've been afraid of taking that step, and because you've been afraid of moving forward, you start to relate to those messages that the overthinking mind is telling you, and you think, Oh, yeah, you know, maybe I will wait, maybe I'll wait a week, maybe I'll wait two weeks, you know, what's the worst that can happen? But ultimately, what happens is you don't move forward, so you stay so stuck in the situation that you're in before you decided to join the gym. So ultimately, you're always in a place where you're wanting to join, but you never actually take that step forward to join. And then another one is, and I spoke about this in the first episode, is fear, fear of judgment. So, like, we're all afraid of being being judged, and you know, anyone who says they're not as a liar, like I don't really care what people think of me anymore, and that's just because I've gotten to that place in my life and I've gotten to an age in my life where I've had so much life experience that I just don't value um what other people think of me, and that's not in a cocky way. I value the people who I appreciate and I value certain people's opinions when I ask for them. But if people want to think negatively about me for whatever choices I'm making in my life, well, that's really on them, you know, and I've said that before. But I suppose um fair judgment is a real thing, you know. We all want to be liked, you know, we all want to fit in, and that's like that comes from when you're small, you know. You go to school, you want to make friends, you go into the workplace, you want to fit in, you want to be liked. That's a natural feeling, like it is totally natural to feel like that. But when you move into the area of complete fear of being judged, and that's holding you back from living your life, well, then that is a bad habit and it's a hidden habit because, again, you're not necessarily aware that you're doing that, and you're not necessarily aware that that's actually holding you back from living your life. But if you think about it, like you're afraid of what other people are going to think, so you don't live your life, you're afraid of what other people are going to think. So I'll use the example of the gym again. You know, you don't join the gym. Well, like ultimately, they might think bad about you anyway, and they might judge you anyway for something else that you're doing. But what's happened is you actually have not joined that gym, which means you've actually held yourself back and you haven't lived your own life and taken your own chances in life, um, because of what you're afraid of, what other people are going to think. So, you know, fear of judgment is real, but it's something that you really have to tackle in life. Because if you spend your whole life thinking about what other people think of you, and you know, fear of being judged, well, your world is going to be very small, and you're never gonna step out of your comfort zone. And this is a hard pill to swallow, but ultimately, people are gonna judge you no matter what you do, they just do, and you know, if you're doing good in the world, if you're doing bad, there is always going to be somebody out there with an opinion, and I've said this before, but what I can say is they are not doing better than you, and more times than not, they probably have more fear of you know being judged than you do, and they just like to protract that onto other people. Another one I think that's really important is inconsistency. So I see this all the time with people. So, you know, they'll join the latest program, or you know, they'll take that big step, they'll overcome the fear of judgment, they'll join the gym, they'll go to the gym on the Monday, they'll go to the gym on the Tuesday, they'll go to the gym on the Wednesday, you know, even though that's not what's on their plan, they'll just go 100 miles an hour into this program, and then come Saturday, you know, they'll get a takeaway, they'll have a few drinks, they'll eat food that they shouldn't, you know, and it's not that you shouldn't eat the food, it's just it's not in line with the progress where you want to be. So they make this big commitment, and then come the weekend, they're not as consistent as they were during the week. So, inconsistency is a really, really um big issue for people who want to move forward and want to progress because what's happening is you're actually making all this progress during the week, or you could be making all this progress at the weekend, and then the rest of the week you're not, and it's just if you want to move forward in your life, and if you want to actually make real change, then you have to be prepared to be consistent, and you don't have to be a hundred percent consistent all of the time. Most people aren't like some people at a really high level are people who are competing, you know, people who are going on stage, they have to be consistent, they can't have one day off, they can't have, you know, even one meal off more times than not because it will affect their progress. But if you're you know an average person who just wants to hit their goals and wants to move forward in life, you know, to get that job, or you know, to go to the gym to feel a bit better in yourself, you have to be consistent, you don't have to be consistent 100% of the time, but you do need to be consistent 95% of the time, and inconsistency is probably the reason that you're not moving forward, so you're getting so far, and then you just go backwards, and it's because you're not consistent throughout the whole process, and therefore you're not just you're just not going to make um make any way forward, and I suppose I can speak about that in my own um experience. You know, I've signed up for things before I've been really consistent, and then you know, the weekend would come around and it'd be all gone out the window, really. Um, and then I'd wonder on Monday and Tuesday when I did my check-in, well, why wasn't I making any progress? You know, why wasn't this happening? I paid all this money, and I went to the gym, I trained, I did my steps, I ate good all week, and then I would sit and think, Well, I didn't eat good all weekend, you know. And the reality is you can't actually undo a week's worth of work in the weekend, you just can if you're gonna be really, you know, mad about it. But I had to sit and say to myself, Well, listen, you know, I'm not being consistent fully, I'm not being consistent with my goals, and therefore I had to accept the hard realization that, like, you know, this was my fault, this wasn't anything to do with the program, or this wasn't anything to do with you know, the coach, it was all on me. So once I decided to be consistent, fully consistent, that's when I started to see the results. And inconsistency is really one of the biggest hidden habits that you have that can hold you back in life. Um, another one I think is distractions, and that can be by way of you know, a relationship, it can be by way of friends, and I say this because, like, not everybody who is encouraging you to go out and drink or encouraging you to not apply for the job has your best interests or hearts. Um, and I know that's probably hard to hear, but I've had that experience in my own life where I had people saying to me, you know, oh, I wouldn't do that, or why are you doing that? Um like I even had people to me say to me when I didn't drink for nearly a year, you know, that I was boring, that you know, I um I didn't know how to have fun anymore, that I'd become obsessed with my journey. And I could have taken that on board and I could have said, Oh my god, is this the way people really perceive me? I need to stop this, I need to, you know, start going out, I need to drink more, I need to go out more with people. But I didn't. I actually sat and thought about it, and I really thought, like, well, that's not coming from a place of caring, that's actually coming from a place of insecurity within them because they don't know how to go out and not have a drink, and they don't know how to stick to their goals, and they don't know how to commit and be consistent to things, and that's not putting me on a higher level, that's just where I was in my life at that time. So I definitely think distractions from people um people need to be aware that they're not always coming from a good place. Like, look, if you're doing something and you're doing it, you know, intensely and it's affecting your life, well, then maybe somebody telling you to slow down a little bit is coming from a good place. But if you want to level up in your life and you want to move forward and go for a higher job, if you want to buy a new home, if you want to travel the world, if you want to join the gym, if you want to lose two stone, and if there's somebody in your life that's encouraging you not to do any of those things, well, I would sit and question whether that person should be in your life or not. And I've done this in my own life, and I have removed myself from friend groups that did that, and that's just because they weren't actually serving me any purpose anymore in my life. I realized that these people had their own interest when they were giving me um advice, and it was purely to keep me at the level that they were at, they didn't want me to exceed. And once you clip your wings and kind of remove those people in your life, you will actually start to excel and you'll excel quite quickly because what happens is once those people are removed, you actually start surrounding yourself with people who are on the same level as you and people who have the same interests as you, and that's where I am now. Nearly everybody in my life has has goals, they've drive, they want to achieve things in their life, they're like-minded, you know, and it just means then that when I'm asking them for advice, I know it's coming from a good place because I give them advice, and we're all, you know, encouraging each other to be our best selves. We're not trying to keep people down at a low level. So if you have people in your life like that and you this will resonate, which you will actually be aware that they're in your life now when you're listening to this, like think about yourself like why are you friends with them? Or it could be a partner, it could be anybody, it could be a family member, like you know, like why are you listening to their advice? So, like if it's family, it's very hard, you know, you're not gonna cut your family out. Um, but what you could do is stop asking them for advice, you know, accept that they're not giving you advice, it's coming from a selfish place, so just don't ask them. But if it's a friend, I'd question, like, look up the definition of a friend, because to me, that's not really um, that's not really, you know, a friend. And look, I think another thing that holds us back in life is our past. Um, for me, like, you know, that was a bad habit I had. I spoke very negatively to myself um hundreds of times a day, really. Um, and I didn't even know I did it anymore. I actually just did it because it was a habit, like it really, really was. And the messages I told myself every single day were, you know, messages like, you know, you're not good enough, um, you know, you'll fail, you won't succeed, there's no point in trying, you're not gonna make it anyway. And like, well, when I think back about telling myself all those messages, really, what was gonna come out of that? Like, there was no positive movement that was going to happen if I was telling myself those messages hundreds of times a day, and I did like it could be over something I was going to wear, it could be over, you know, a night out I was going to go on, it could be anything like that, it would be a negative thought process, and it was only when I shift my mindset and I took the very first step that I spoke about in the first episode of pushing myself outside my comfort zone, um, that something nice happened, something good happened, and something that wasn't in line with those messages that I've been telling myself happened, which ultimately what happened was then I had to start telling myself different messages, and that didn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen overnight. I wish it did. I wish there was one switch that we could all just you know click and everything would be better. But you have to remember if you've been this way for a very long time and you have told yourself these messages, or if you have been, you know, an overthinker, if you're afraid of judgment your whole life, you're not gonna just wake up tomorrow and not feel like that. But if you if you take the step and say, you know, I'm going to take that step forward, I'm going to replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts about myself, I'm going to take that step forward. And even though I'm going to overthink the whole situation, I'm going to go to the gym or I'm going to apply for the job. Or if you are thinking now, you know, well, you know, I am surrounded by people who aren't really good for me. Those people aren't um serving me a purpose. Well, I'm not going to cut them out straight away because I don't, I'm not strong enough to do that yet. But I'm going to see less of them. I'm not going to ask them for their opinions anymore. Well, if you make any of those choices now in line with any of the things that are holding you back, I guarantee you that you will start to see results. And once you start to see results, then you can build on that. And that's the foundation. That is your foundation for the rest of your life. But ultimately, if you don't make any changes to any of those things that you're doing right now, well, I can a hundred percent tell you that you will be where you are now this time next year. That is a hundred percent a guarantee, nothing will change. Um, if anything, your world might have even just got a little bit smaller because you'll stop going to things, you really just won't push yourself out there. And you know, you have to ask yourself like this is our one chance in life. That's the one guarantee that everybody has, you know, that we're all going to live here at some point, and you know, the difference between that is you know, I heard this um this saying before, and it really struck up me on a headstone is like the date that we're born and the date that we die, and the dash is in the middle, and ultimately the dash is really our life, like it sounds bizarre, but it's one little dash, but that's our life, that's what happens in between the day we're born and the day we die. So, you know, you can spend the rest of your life living in fear, you can spend the rest of your life avoiding living the life that you want to live, but ultimately, when the time comes or down the line, you know, you're gonna have to sit with that and you're gonna have to ask yourself like, is that really how I want to live my life? Because life is not meant to be lived, um sitting inside looking at everybody else living their life. Everybody has a fear of being judged, and everybody has a fear of failure. But I can tell you now that when you fail, that is when you grow as a person. The people who succeed in life, like Olympic swimmers, um, Olympic champions, you know, professional boxers, you know, entrepreneurs, they did not succeed the very first time they tried to do something. They did not, and that is an absolute fact, and they've probably failed more time than they succeeded, but people focus on the succession because that's what that's what everybody talks about, that's where they got the medal. But really, they should have got the medal for all the time that they failed, because the failure is what makes you grow as a person. When you fail, you learn, and when you learn, you grow, and that is just a fact. And in my own life, how I've grown as a person and how I am where I am today now, and I'm not where I was a couple of years ago, is because I failed, because I put myself out of my comfort zone, I was really uncomfortable, you know, to the point sometimes that I'd have a panic attack, and that's the truth. But really, in those moments, like nothing really bad happened, and I was able to say to myself, Well, you know, I did it, and when you do that, there's something amazing happens inside you that this fire ignites, and you think, Oh, I'm gonna live my life, I want to go after my life. So, today, if you've listened to this, and if you are somebody who's avoiding living your life, if you are somebody who's inconsistent, if you are somebody who is afraid of being judged, well, ask yourself when the time comes down the line, you know, are you gonna reflect back and think, God, like, why did I care so much what other people think? Because I can almost guarantee you, you will not care what people think when you get like down the line, you know. So, look, have a think about it today. I hope you found some of this useful, and I hope, if anything, that you sit and you reflect on it today and you do one thing for yourself that will extend you into the person that you want to be.