You're not too busy. You're Overcommitted to the wrong things.

In this episode of The Reset Series I challenge one of the most common beliefs keeping people stuck: “I’m too busy.” The truth is that most of us aren’t lacking time, we’re overcommitted to things that no longer align with our priorities. I explore how distractions, obligations, and the habit of saying yes too often can quietly pull us away from the life we truly want to create.

You’ll discover why time is one of the most honest reflections of what matters to us, how stronger boundaries can transform your energy and focus, and why meaningful growth often comes from subtraction rather than addition. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or frustrated that you never seem to have enough time for yourself, this episode will help you reset your perspective and start making choices that align with the future you’re working toward.

Transcript

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Hi everyone, welcome back to the Reset and Rise podcast series. Today's episode is called You're Not Too Busy, You're Overcommitted to the Wrong Things. And I think a lot of people will relate to this. It's a personal one for me. Because if you've been telling yourself I'm just too busy, this episode is definitely for you. Because today we're going to challenge one of the most common stories we tell ourselves. And this isn't to make anybody feel bad. This isn't to make people feel like they're not doing enough. It's literally just to shine a light on how we are spending our time and what we are actually doing with our day. And maybe look at the fact that maybe we're not too busy. We've just committed to things that aren't aligned with who we are. Because the truth is, you probably are not too busy. You're just probably spending your time and energy in ways that no longer align with what matters to you. And once you see that clearly, everything starts to change. So sit down, have a listen, and we'll go through it together. So the first thing I'm going to talk about is the myth of being busy. So somewhere along the way became the badge of honor to be really busy. And we all work with these people. I worked with a lady like this, and I still work with people like that who have to be super busy. They have to just, you know, when someone says, How are you? they say, Oh, I'm busy automatically without even thinking about it. Because busy sounds important, busy sounds productive, it sounds successful. But when you really think about it, most of us aren't busy because we're pursuing like meaningful things within our lives. Most of us are busy because we're distracted. Busy because we're available to everyone without asking ourselves, should we be available? Is this what we want to do? Busy because we're reacting to situations instead of actually leading front and centre with what we want in our own lives. Busy because we've said yes to too many things and no to too many. There's a big difference between having a full life and a purposeful one, and I really mean this because I'm speaking from a place of experience. My life used to be so busy, and I always said I was too busy for all the things that were very meaningful in my life. But when I looked at it, I had actually confused the two. So think about it. How many times have you actually said I don't have time to exercise and then spent 40 to 50 minutes scrolling on your phone? How many times have you said I don't have time to start that business and then watch three or four hours of Netflix? How many times have you said I don't have time to work on myself whilst spending your whole day solving problems that belong to everyone else? Remember the energy drainers I spoke about before? So the issue isn't usually time, the issue is priority and you're not prioritizing yourself. And time always reveals the truth. And this is going to be a hard truth for some people. But if I looked at your calendar and your screen time today, I could actually tell what your priorities are. And not what you say they are, but what they actually are because time never lies. We all get like the same 24 hours, and don't come at me for this. I'm not I'm not aiming this at people who have children, okay. I totally get that there's people out there who have children, and then there's people who don't, and they don't have the same 24 hours, okay? I'm a man, I'm a mother to a neurodiverse child. I don't have the same 24 hours that other people have, you know. And before you think, oh, my situation is different, I get it. Like, you know, you could have children that have additional needs, you could have multiple children, you could have a demanding job, you could have your own business, responsibilities, a house. The list is absolutely endless. But this is not about pretending that life is simple, it's about recognizing that even when our lives are complicated, you still have a choice. The choice is still yours. Right, maybe you can't control every single hour of the day, but you can control some, and I do that myself. I can't control a big portion of my life, but what I can control, I do. And those small windows are where I find that time for me to do what's valuable in my life and is aligned with who I am as a person. And those small windows they matter way more than you actually think. 10 focused minutes every single day beats waiting for a perfect free weekend. That let's face it, it's never gonna arrive. And if you actually think about it, there's a cost, a very hidden cost of saying yes all the time. So most people aren't suffering from a lack of time, they're suffering from an excess of obligations. Every time you say yes to something, every commitment that you make that takes energy, and every promise that you give to somebody, well, that occupies a mental space in your head that you're meeting a need to attend to them the favour that you didn't want to do. Like we all do this, we all say yes to things, but as the yes is coming out of our mouth, we're actually thinking in our head, I don't want to go on that night out, I don't want to see these people, I don't want to do that thing, but yeah, you're actually saying yes. Um, you know, did you ever feel like really guilty for skipping something? And then the energy that you give to not going to the event, then when you've still said no, you're not gonna go, the conversation that drained you, you know, the friend that always drains you, that just you can't eliminate, you feel guilty. So you're giving so much of your time to that. The group chat that you constantly check, you're still in this group chat, you're not really conscious. Why am I in it? Like, what's it's actually serving me? But if you added up the time, you're probably spending seven hours a week replying to messages in that. Think what you could do with those seven hours for yourself. Like these things all might seem small, but when you add them all up together, they create absolute exhaustion in your life, and that's where the problem is. When everything feels important, then nothing is important. If everything creates a busy life for you, then you're just busy, but not busy with valuable things. The more things that you try and carry, the less progress you are going to make on the things that matter, and that's you, you're the thing that matters, and I really mean that. Like you don't need to manage your time better, you need boundaries, and I've spoken about this before. If you don't have boundaries, unfortunately, people will sense that, and people are very good, not all people, but some people are very good at draining the absolute life out of you and taking and taken and taken until there's nothing left to take. But what that means is then you have absolutely nothing left to give for yourself, and at the end of the week, well, what would what better way off are you? Where are you? And that is why so many people feel like they are absolutely snowed under, super busy, but they are, but if they sit back and look, they're actually not busy with things that make them happy. And what like what successful people understand is so think about this. Have you ever like known people that are really successful, you know, and that could be at anything in life, it could be their job, it could be their their own goals, whatever, but that they seem calmer than other people, you know, they're not as high, highly strong, they're not as hyper, and that's not because they have less to do, it's just because they're absolutely ruthless about what they won't do and what they don't do. They understand something really, really powerful, and that's because they don't chase every opportunity, they don't go to every meeting, they don't respond to every request immediately, they protect their attention because you can always make money, you cannot make more time, and I said this before: some people think they're poor, but they're not, they're time poor. Like your time is priceless when you think about all the things that you're not fitting into your life anymore. Well, if you had the time to do that, she'd be rich. That's all some people say. I wish I had the time to go to the gym, I wish I had some time for me, but ultimately you probably do. You're just giving your time to the wrong people and the wrong things, therefore, it's making you unhappy. Like the people who achieve extraordinary things, they're not working every second, they're just not, and you see this all the time. People that are hugely successful earn really, really large salaries, probably work less hours than someone on minimum wage, but it's because they set boundaries and they're really, really careful about what they spend their time on and they focus on their own goals. That's the priority. They are focused on the right things when they're working, and that's so important. So, like you have to ask yourself, what story are you keep on? Like, what story do you keep on repeating in your own head? I don't have time. People say this to me all the time, okay? I'm getting up and I'm training, I'd love to be like you, you know. I wish I had the time. People say this to me who don't have children, and that's fine. People say this to me whose children are grown up, you know. I wish I had the time to work out like you, Amanda. Or, you know, oh, I wish I had the time to take up running. I don't have the time. That's what they say. But let's be honest, most of the time, that's not actually true. A more honest version of that would be it's not a priority right now, and that changes everything. If you think about those two sentences, I don't have time, or it's not a priority right now. So imagine replacing, I don't have the time to exercise with. Exercising isn't a priority for me right now. Well, that kind of stings a little bit different, doesn't it? So imagine saying, like, I don't have time to do that podcast right now. That podcast isn't a priority for me right now. Suddenly the excuse disappears and you're left with a choice. And that's going to be uncomfortable for some people, okay? But it's also empowering because if you think about it, if you make that a priority, well, you have control over that, you have the real control to make things a priority in your life. Because if something isn't a priority, well, you can change that, you can decide differently, and you can reclaim ownership of your life. And I was trapped in that circle once where I said, you know, and I was busy, I had a small child, you know, I had like different things going on in my life through my family situation, and there actually was no time, you know, when I looked at it, but when I started to evaluate, and I've spoken about the life audit before on on my other uh podcast, but when I did an audit of my situation and I had a look about what I was spending my time on, well, I was giving my time to so many people that didn't deserve it, and I was getting nothing back in return. So little by little I started to change my habits and I started replacing the messages that I was telling myself with. Not that I didn't have the time, but that I wasn't making the time, that I wasn't a priority, and I started doing one small thing for myself every single day, and that led then to bigger things, and little by little the boundaries started to get put in place, and I decided that I was going to be the big priority in my life, and you can too, you can tell yourself that. So, like the real question is like instead of saying how do I find more time, think about saying, Well, what am I willing to stop doing? That is the real question. Like, what distractions do you need to get rid of? What obligations have to go, and what habits need to be challenged? You know, like growth isn't usually about adding stuff in, you know, it's not usually about continuing on the path that you're on with all the commitments that you have, and then throwing the gym in on top of it and a run in on top of it, and tracking your food in on top of it. It's not about that, you know, it's about removing, taking out the clutter, removing the noise, the energy drainers, removing obligations that are not aligned with your future, they are not aligned with where you want to be. And the life that you actually really want is often hidden underneath the things that you're unwilling to let go of. And you have to ask yourself that question: why won't you let them go? And the reason you won't let them go is because they're familiar, they're what you know. Like, even though it's painful and even though it's you know draining of your time, like these are things you know, these are people you know, these are situations that you know, so you know what's going to happen every week, but if you let them go and you step into the unknown, well, that's scary, right? But I guarantee you that when you step into the unknown where the time is scary, and I am speaking from a personal experience, that is where the magic happens. Because if you like, I don't know if anyone's ever read the book, like Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, but when you move into that situation where you have now stepped out of your comfort zone, well, that is where the growth happens. The growth can't happen if you stay in the exact same situation that you're in now, it just can't. So, like the age, whatever age you're at now, right? Well, five years ago, you were five years younger. Where did you want to be in five years' time? Because think about it, your future self is waiting for you. It's waiting for you in five years' time from now. So, even one year from now, imagine yourself one year from today, the healthiest version of you, the strongest version of you, the most confident version of you. Well, what would that person think about how you're spending today? Would they be happy with what you're doing with your time? Would they agree with the choices that you're making, or would they say to you, why did you spend so much time on energy on things that didn't matter? Like your future is not built in huge moments and decisions. It's literally built in the ordinary Tuesdays, it's built in the 10-minute decisions, it's built in the priorities every single day that you will not give up. And it is built doing the things every single day that seem really small, but they add up. Consistency is key. And every day you're casting a vote for the person that you're becoming. The question you have to ask yourself is who are you voting for? What person are you voting for? And look, a little like simple, you know, reset exercise that you could do is before we finish today. Like, I want to ask you something. Think about this. If you have a pen and paper close by, um use it. If not, try notes or just try and you know, visualize this. Take three columns. Column one is the things I say are important, column two is where my time actually goes, and column three is what needs to change. Now, the only thing I'll say when you're gonna do this is you have to be brutally honest, you have to have no judgment, just be completely and utterly aware. Everything starts with awareness, so be completely aware because awareness creates clarity and clarity creates action. I've said this before. You do not need a completely different life, you just need your time and your priorities to start telling the same story. So take the three columns and write the things down into them and then look at them and ask yourself, you know, is this where I want to be? Is this where I imagined being? And if the answer is no, well, the change and the choice is with you, it's only with you. It starts with you and it happens with you, but you have to want it and you have to do it. So as I come to the end of this episode, I really want people to take some notes away from this for themselves. And the really important message I want to give is you are not powerless, you are not stuck in a situation because you're there now, and that is if you're 20, if you're 40, if you're 50, wherever you are in your life right now, it is not a full stop, okay? You are not trapped, and most of the time you're actually not too busy, okay? And that's a hard pill to swallow, it really is, but it's a fact, you know, and you need to face the fact that you're not too busy, you're simply just making the wrong choices, you know. You're being asked to make a choice between distraction and intention, a choice between reacting or leading on your own life, a choice between living, going through the motions or living by choice, the choices you want to make. And there's no point in going out and saying, I'm gonna change absolutely everything in my life. The best advice I can give you is to start small, protect one hour of your time, even start with just saying, you know, one like one less yes. So if you're a yes person and you're giving of your time to everybody, well, once just say, No, not right now. Start creating boundaries because those boundaries are what they're gonna enable you to find the time for you, and remember, this is your life, you need to take the step towards what matters because your best life isn't waiting for you to find more time, like that's not gonna happen. And if you're waiting for the perfect time, I can tell you now that perfect time isn't coming. What's coming for you down the line is you're gonna wait until a time until you're not able to do these things anymore, and then you're gonna be in a situation of regret, and it's much more painful to be in a situation of regret when there is no more time to do anything, then give up the time that you're given to people now and set the boundaries. So, like your best life is actually waiting for you to use the time that you already have, but just use it differently. So, take some of those messages away today. Make your list and have a look with it and see what you can take out of that that isn't serving you, and that you could prioritize that time on something for yourself. Thank you so much for joining me on the reset and rise. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and thanks for listening.