FBNF CYA Talk With P-Dub of GME - We Got Motion Podcast

Self reflection and observations in the wake of life by P-Dub. Seeing the trauma of prison incarceration. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Top of the mountain, top of the moon, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Um this is what I want to give to you, right? Just so we understand what we at with it. The other day, right, you know what I'm saying, we uh we did a podcast on the Sunday cookout. We did the cookout, you know what I'm saying? It was it was fun and games, it was a lot of shit going on on it, a lot of ignorance, like you feel me, you know what I'm saying, you know, people like to tap into the ignorance, so I ain't hating on the ignorance, you know what I'm saying. I understand this is the nature of the internet. The internet is like, you know what I'm saying, if I post something positive, it gets a couple of hundred views. If I post something that gotta do with freeing the slaves, it get a couple of hundred views. But if I post like some murder or somebody hating on somebody or some uh sorry about that, unaliving, because I gotta be cool by my YouTube, right? You know what I'm saying? Right, uh, that um the views go crazy, right? Shout out to my boy Rick, you know what I'm saying? Mashed up at all time, you know, figuring out life force, you know what I'm saying, on that side, um, on the free but not free side, though. You feel me? I'm saying the people that's been incarcerated, the people that's still incarcerated, and um to the two people that was on the live, uh, it was three CJ had tapped in two, shout out to CJ had tapped in two, but the two people, uh Bobby Yeah and um uh King James, right? I was listening to them as I was rocking, right? And if you ain't seen that live, go back to you go to Regless Podcast. You could uh that's where it's posted at the full video. You could go to uh any of my channel, I mean any of my IGs. If you know I got about four or five of them because we got Frequency 99 rocking, um, or this channel, whatever you can look at the clips. And um the two people on there, the brothers on there, man, it was like a lot of drama. A lot, it was a lot of stuff going on, a lot of like, you know, you don't know if it's true. He said, he said, you know, you know what I'm saying, and shout out to my LA brother. I know the gang lifestyle sometimes is the culture, we just kind of can't shake it. Because even here in the Bay Area, um, even though we don't bang rags, we gang members too. You know what I'm saying? Especially now, this generation is much more uh outwardly gang memberish than um my generation, but we was all banging the turf, same thing as banging the set. We just ain't ragging it. We you would kill a die for it for shit that you don't own. That's just period what it is, right? Um, I gotta say unalive. I keep on not saying I gotta say unalive, can't say kill a die, right? Um at the end of the day, right? My point is why I'm watching it, while I'm watching it unfold in front of me, I'm as I'm moderating, you know what I'm saying, and I'm trying to keep the peace. Uh, and it's funny, like, my role to be the peacekeeper because people that know historical me, uh, P dub is immense. You feel me, I'm saying? But I'm listening and like uh YA California Authority was brought up a lot. Like, you know what I'm saying? Yay. Anybody don't know what the California Authority is, I'm gonna give you a quick tutorial, right? If you in if you from California, you probably know what it is, especially if you like over 30. Like you know what I'm saying. Um, California Youth, CYA was a horrible place to be. You know, they're giving out lawsuit money for it now. Um, I think LA already got there, like I think they gave them like a couple of hundred million, like you know what I'm saying, that was dispersed amongst people victims, like you know what I'm saying. Uh I think they're supposed to be giving out some money in the bay, you know, they kind of moving through the system, whatever. But California Youth, bro, when you was there, it was a badge of honor, it was the baby pin, like you know what I'm saying. Uh the staff that worked there, whether they was youth counselors, whether they was like, you know, like the kind of security counselors, they was horrible. Like you know what I'm saying. And like anybody that worked there back in that era, um, I apologize to you if you was one of the ones that was trying to teach us something and um and and guide us in our way. Um, but to the rest of them, like bro, like if you was in California Authority, uh, which we was called YA babies, it's still in you now. Like it's still in you now. And I'm on the panel the other day, and I'm like, listen, they told me why. So I'm like, I'm 47, they talking about why they like younger than me. One of them 40, I think they're around the same age, but it's like, look, at 40 some years old, why was still being invoked? Not just, it wasn't even me being invoked like on no shit, like um it was being invoked like on a gangster level. Like, you know, when you was in Y, man, like the Y mentality was even with the police in there, with the staff, the harder you was, the more reward you got. If you were smashing, if you was whooping ass, if you was a leader, a gang leader, if you was a boss, you know what I'm saying, right? That don't matter if you was black, Hispanic, Asian, whatever, right? You got the perch. That's that's how it was. If you was a southern, if you was prey, any of that, even a staff preyed on you. You know what I'm saying? So imagine your son or daughter going to the California youth authority, and you know they soft. Like, you know, this kid, we 13 years old, 14 years old. You know, first time I went, I was 13, like you know what I'm saying. Uh, and for those that remember why my first violent was 68877, and then I recommitted and I became a 74093. And um, the point of me even talking about it is like when you was in there, imagine you your son of daughter going, you know they soft, and ain't nobody in there to save them, right? Ain't nobody in there to save them. The police, nobody in there to save them. They every day get preyed on. You know, they probably they probably messed up one time in their life when they got there, and that's how it ended up being, right? And they go through that where they end up being a victim or they end up going up and being a victimizer. Because sometimes you're gonna you might go in there soft, you come out a fighter, right? And it never leaves you. It never leaves you. You know what I'm saying? It's like a uh a part of you was born, a demon child within you that you could never, you know, totally exercise. You feel me? And I'm listening on a panel at two real men, you know. No, no, I'm saying this respectfully, I'm saying this with pain in my heart. I'm saying it to you, right? I'm I'm talking as an OG, and I'm listening to him, and I'm like, the battle scars of the California Youth Authority, and like to any, I'm saying CY, but if you're in any state, I'm sure you had some type of programs like this, and I'm sure you empathize and sympathize, right? I could hear the trauma. I can hear grown men not knowing how to go, hey bro, you heard my feelings, but when you got at me like that, that wasn't cool, but let's holla about it. And another man going, you know what, man, you're right. I shouldn't have done it. I was just as petty as you. But that Y mentality, it almost dares you to go against it, right? And I've been to the California Youth Authority, I've been to Juvenile Hall, I've been to County Jail, I've been to the state penitentiary, I've been to the feds, right? So I didn't went through almost every part you could go through, like you know what I'm saying, and the trauma don't stop, right? And sometimes I I literally, like, you know, I could literally be in a place of of of cheer and positivity, and out of nowhere, that could just disappear. Like out of nowhere, it could just be gone and be and and vanish. And I could be going through a world of pain and hurt and can't even express it. I could sit by myself in a room and shed some tears and don't even understand why. I could be angry about stuff and and want to act out and and and and kind of don't really get it, right? You know what I'm saying? And I'm watching a panel, and I'm like, damn, we was on, it was a marathon, so we was on live for like, I wish we was uh, I wish we was live streaming on Twitch or something like that, because we probably would have got some coins, but we was live streaming for two hours and 44 minutes, and I was watching the brothers go back and forth about issues that probably to me seem like they're pretty solvable. Either we just, you know, either squatching and apologize, hook it out, or we just don't talk, right? But when you're talking to people that's traumatized, when you're talking to people that got PTSD and don't really know how to deal with it, or probably don't even recognize that they got it, it's difficult for men to go, hey bro, man, let's just let it go. Because one man might say that and the other man say something else. Now you feel like a sucker. And plus, we in front of a live studio audience. So a lot of men, it's hard for us to uh break it down when other people watching, right? And it's it's sad. It's sad. And I'm telling you that I'm not saying it's just I'm just judging like it's not in me, too. But it's just funny, uh, not in a laughable way. So when you sit back and watch it in real time, you watch it unfold in front of you, watching grown men go, hey, they like they really tripping on each other. Like this could lead to to being unalive. This could lead to something that's very detrimental to your heart and soul. It's like it's a real thing. Like you know what I'm saying? And and you could be so out of control, out of touch with it that literally on a recorded device, you could threaten another man's life and just out of control with it and don't understand what you're doing, right? So it like it made me kind of touch bases back to my real true essence of who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do in this world, like you know what I'm saying? Like everything I learned throughout the course of these breaks from freedom. Uh, and that's why free but not free was spawned and born. It was because of that, like you feel me, you know what I'm saying, right? And that conversation, even though it wasn't really all the way conversation, at the end, it kind of got together, and I understand some people, we just content, right? But I seen the trauma, I seen it. And free but not free is supposed to be about that. You know, the FBNF, I made it a media arm. Uh, for sure. You've seen a lot if you watched many of my interviews when I'm talking to people about recidivism re-entry, I'm talking to people, we might be talking about bank robbery, might be talking about what it was like to be with Mac Dre, we might be talking about uh other things, but almost everybody you ever seen on my panel has some type uh been incarcerated. They had some type of reform going on. They like, you know, they might uh have gone back a few times and they trying to figure out re-entry. So shout out to all my brothers. Um, that sometimes, like since we both all of us have been out, we ain't really kind of kept in touch the way we supposed to with the support groups and stuff because everybody trying to work and stuck in the matrix trying to figure it out. But shout out to all my brethren, man. Like you know what I'm saying. Uh I ain't been out a year yet. And to people that either don't know I've been incarcerated uh recently or people that do, sometimes the way I move and make it seem like it's simple. Like I'm rocking, like you know what I'm saying. Like you gotta, like you know what I'm saying, but people don't know what it's like on the camera, so people don't know what it's like when I'm by myself chilling, looking in the corner, uh uh dark man in my in my head, like you know what I'm saying, and it's there. And I watched it unfold the other day. So what I would like to do is I would love to uh just extend any oligarches to people that want to talk about stuff like that. Don't gotta be on camera. You could just hit me up. You hit me up in a DM. You know, you could uh leave me a message. Um, you could, if you got my number, call me, whatever, right? Because when I look at it, it'd be like, you know, I'm a dude that's kind, I have to be the consummate boss. I'm always like the leader of men, of women, of children, right? And the times when I gotta sit back myself and go, hey, um what's up? I gotta talk to myself and go, hey, who's gonna feel me when I'm down? You feel me? I'm saying, who's gonna let me know what I should be doing, right? And shout out to my brothers that's been in Y. Like, anybody that's been to a youth authority, we all understand. Like, we understand that it's fucked up in our heads. Like, some of us can't control it, some of us can wear it like every day and rock through it. And people don't understand the trauma behind it. It comes out as violence and it comes out as anger a lot, but in real life, it's really sadness, it's really like it's kind of hopelessness sometimes. You just feel like, damn, I really nobody really understands me. You walk around the world, you misunderstood. And I'm not saying this to just for you to exalt those of us that's been in there, give us passes when we should be grown men and grown men's situations. But I am saying that if you got anybody that's been through any kind of trauma like that, it's like coming back from war. Literally, it's like being a warfare, it's like coming back from war and not understanding how much the world has changed and most of the time moving in situations uh with aggression because that's what we was taught. The penitentiary teach you that too. Quiet is just kept. School teach you that. When you step out, you in junior high or middle school or high school, we stepping out for lunch or recess or whatever for that's the yard. We don't see it when we're doing it. When you're in that lunch room and you clicking up with your people and you moving back and forth to these classes as a group, as a gang, or with your folks, or whatever, that's what prepared us. All that stuff is preparing us for the for what we at now. Like you feel me? And a lot of times it's very difficult for you to put your finger on that. And that's why it's important when your kids come home from school that you ask them what they learned. You know what I'm saying? You ask them how was their day, not just when it comes to like, you know, their homework and all that, but what have they been through psychologically? Like, you know what I'm saying? And if you somebody, as a man, if you're somebody's wife or girlfriend or something like that, sometimes just take the time to sit back and just ask them, hey man, what's what's on your mind? How you feel? You know, what you've been going through. If you're a man for show today with your wife or your significant other, or even your sister, whoever, and just ask them, what's going on? Like, how you feeling? You know, this this slavery, this slave mentality that we be having in our mind, like it's so easy to dismiss because every day you gotta go to work for eight hours, you know, accumulate that 40-hour work week plus overtime just to pay your bills and then kind of sit down and not really have nothing to save and have to do it again. If you got kids, you gotta go through the rat race. And I'm an entrepreneur, you know what I'm saying? And I and I still I'm in a race. And I and sometimes even knowing that I'm in a race, it man, it destroys me knowing that I'm still in a race and I'm trying to avoid the rat race. You feel me, you know what I'm saying? So it's like we sit back and we kind of underachieve, like you know what I'm saying. You're hoping that you overachieve, but you underachie, and that shit could make you sad, it can make you mad and try to figure out life, like you know what I'm saying, right? And um, that's where we at with it, like you know what I'm saying. And for those that don't really understand, oh King James, I'll see you I know you see, like you know what I'm saying. For those of us that like really get it and that's really trying to do something to help it, uh let's come together, man. Let's come together, right? And I don't mean that you won't see Doug do no ignorant stuff within the next couple of days or have a conversation that might seem meaningless and stuff like that, because I understand that I'm in this media world. And just so we understand, let me put this out there, right? You know, I I've been a musician damn near my whole life. I was surrounded by musicians. Uh almost all my family was like in some type of music, right? So music is like my life, and being in a realm of like the music, whether it's gangster shit, whether it's RB, whatever, right? It's a it is a realm that's like kind of dangerous, and it's like you kind of don't know, but I feel like I know how to navigate that world. This world of media, this podcast world, it's a different animal. You know what I'm saying? It's a different beast, you know. And what I've learned over the course of my life is that I when you force me to be a real nigga, I go back to jail. I don't want to be forced to be a real nigga. I don't want to have nobody to push me in no corners like that, but I gotta be a real nigga. This podcast world is so phony and so fake that you never really know what's real. Not just the podcast world, the media world is so phony that you could think you're doing some real shit, but you fucking with fake people. That's why it's just important for you to rock towards whatever bag it is you're trying to secure and make sure that you're not just doing this shit for likes and clicks and the euphoria that you get from being accepted from a thousand uh uh comments, uh uh uh likes and hella views is your currency. Because it because if it ain't really paying you, it ain't monetized, you just doing it. That's like it's like the dopamine, like when you pay playing candy crush or you hitting the slots, you might not even be winning. You know what I'm saying? But the the the jingle with the words and the bright lights and the excellence and stuff like that, that's like your dopamine's in your head is making you feel as if you're winning, as if it's currency. Getting a hundred thousand views on YouTube, it feels like it's currency. But is you really getting to the bag? Or are you really getting money? Like you know what I'm saying? And I and I I'm telling you that as a man who um once did a lot of criminal activity, not always for money, but sometimes just because I wanted to step in that world, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes my fascination with weapons and being a thug was uh enough, right? Just make sure that you ain't misguided. Like you know what I'm saying? And for those that you know, double back on this, you know, when I clip it and you see it, um, my heart goes out to those that sometimes can't get over the mentality of their version of YA or their version of prison and not even realizing that they free, right? They freed from that realm. You know what I'm saying? But up here, you still in a cage, and your heart is black, and you don't know how to love, you don't know how to forgive, you don't know how to fall back, and you definitely don't know how to sit back and just shed some tears and just whether they thankful tears or just the tears are like, let me just get it out this way instead of getting that weapon and pointing it at somebody, right? Sharpen your mind, man. That's really the best sword that you could ever wield in life. You know what I'm saying? Soften your heart and understand that when you walk into a room, you can light it up just by being that guy. And as a man who sometimes walks around and feels like it's all eyes on me, for those that also feel the same thing, that the way you move, people emulate that, or they're looking for you to lead them. You know what I'm saying? And um to all these media outlets, uh I'm establishing something. Me and my business partners, we establishing something. So anybody that's got any ideas that they want to pitch for anything like this, tap in, man, Frequency99. It's a media arm. We're absorbing podcasters, we absorbing content creators, we absorbing everything, man. You know, we're putting everything on paperwork, we signing it, and we cultivating that, especially anything positive, because there's so many negative things in this world that you could just scroll right now on your timeline and just see every day. And um, sometimes I'm part of the negativity, and I apologize for that for the people that's looking up to me for something else. But just know that even when you see that, if you see me doing that, I'm still pushing towards a greater, a greater realm, right? Go hug your people, kiss your people on the forehead, make sure the babies know that you love them daily, and for those that have been through any trauma in their life, whether it's actual war or the war in your head, tap in, man. I'm like a hotline. I got the game for you, I got the sauce. Free but not free. It's the cobbler, man. Don't be a fool, man. Don't be a fool.