Why Does It Hurt So Much When Life Doesn't Go My Way?

Life doesn't always unfold the way we hoped, planned, or expected. A relationship changes, an opportunity falls through, someone disappoints us, or reality simply refuses to cooperate. So why does it hurt so much?

In this episode of Seeing What's Here, Vanessa and Pablo explore the tension between desire and attachment, why disappointment can feel so overwhelming, and what our reactions reveal about the deeper needs and stories we carry within us. Together they examine whether suffering comes from life's challenges themselves, or from our struggle to accept what is already here.

Join us for a conversation about expectations, resistance, unmet needs, and finding peace in the midst of life's unexpected turns.

To connect with Pablo, click on the link below to follow his Substack. or email him at info@chroniclesofpablo.com 

https://substack.com/@pablo375324

To connect with Vanessa, you can message her on social media platforms: 

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/therealvanessaramsey?igsh=ZGQzNGZ5cmNlcXE5&utm_source=qr

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TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@expansive.life0?_r=1&_t=ZP-96y7a0MYNSh

Visit her website at https://expansivelifesolutions.com

#SeeingWhatsHere #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You ever notice how fast your mind goes to it's them. They're the problem. They're the difficult ones. They don't get it. And it feels completely true and justified. But if you slow that moment down just a little, something important is underneath. And most of us don't stay long enough to see it. That moment right here, that's what this podcast is about. Welcome to seeing what's here. And good afternoon, Pablo. We are not in our normal time.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

No coffee today. Yeah, we're having some Arnold Pollens. Very nice. Thanks, babe, for those. Yes. Very good. You want it's a little mint. Very nice.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yes, it is. Yeah. So I know. I feel like different, it's a different time of day. So it is a different feel to it.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

And I just got off the roof.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

So you did.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Yeah. So yeah. In my age, yeah. It's really, it's it's really scary to be up on the roof like that. Um, my nervous system isn't the same as it used to be when I was younger.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Because I think it knows if I fall, it's gonna hurt really, really bad.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

I know it's probably why I haven't gotten back on a snowboard. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Oh, sheesh. Yeah. So this week, yeah, like I was mentioning earlier, you know, I I had different thoughts playing around in my head and um really was focusing on all right, what's what's the main message here that I wanted to put out as a topic on the table? Yeah. So it kind of was came around from um reading the book by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul. And then I also just finished a novel because I like to just read a novel before I go to bed. And it's called Dark Matter. And I I'm so sorry, I forgot the author's name.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Something Crouch.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Blake, I think. I had to just look it up because I haven't read that one. Okay. I do know of Michael Singer because Jessica reads them all the time. So I know some of his uh ways of thinking, but I haven't read the book. And um, but I looked that book up, Blake by Blake Crouch. Blake Crouch. Just to see what was going on. Yes, very, very cool premise.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yes, it is exactly. So you know, Michael Singer is talking about letting go of our attachment to things in life. And then in the novel Dark Matter, it was more about this man pursuing or trying to get back to the life that he thinks he wants. And isn't is it it's a bit of sci-fi in there with you know the multiverse and different versions of yourself. So, but both of them left me kind of with the same question or thought just why is it that I I suffer so much when I don't get what I want in life, you know?

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

So that's what I've been pondering. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

So it's a big one, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Life happens. We do not control it, like we don't control the weather. And things just happen in life, you know, the loss of a friend or people slandering you, and you know, maybe it's just your plans not working out the way that you wanted them to.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Um, so I mean, of course, all those things just happen in life, well, you know, whatever it is. But I want to bring in a practical thought with this. When something is not going the way we want it to, take a moment to name it silently and out loud. And when you notice that, what's going on in your body? Like, okay, the first physical sensation when you when you say that thing out loud, what is that first physical sensation in your body that comes up? You know, maybe a tightness in your chest and not in your stomach. And yeah, that's I think where we can begin to process the here.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Okay, so I have a big one. I have a really big one. And it's and it was recently, um, um, after our last podcast, um I was uh I was my cousin was here and I was singing uh a song for him, and I I don't know, I felt like really good about singing and playing the song for him, and he really appreciated James did too. But I'd gotten triggered because I didn't get the response from other people that I expected. Okay. And I was like, wait a minute, what is this?

SPEAKER_01 4:26

How did you feel?

SPEAKER_00 4:27

I felt terrible, and I sat with it, you know, because it's like, okay, what is this? And and so so I um it's well, I'll tell you what I realized I don't know if it's an age thing, it might it might be an age thing, but at at our age, I I almost feel like I can it's almost like I don't want energy leaks because I only have a certain amount of energy. So I'm starting to really notice where I'm leaking this energy. And so the triggering thing was okay, I didn't get the response that I wanted. Okay, so then it just takes me back to my performance days. I was, you know, I used to be a drum major, I was in band, I was in local bands, I used to perform. So it was a thing that I did. And so typically when you perform, you get some applause or some kind of kudos or whatever, and it was crickets, right? Total crickets. And I was just like, holy shit. And so at the time, I really didn't feel it, I just knew it. Like it was like, whoa, what was that? And then I just went on being present, but it was like really the next day when I was like, okay, yeah, there's there's some there there, because it's bothering me. It's still bothering me that it was crickets, and I had spent my whole life thinking that I was this performer of some sort, and to still just get crickets, you know, it's like, what the hell? You know. So I just sat there with it and I was like, um, what am I gonna do here? Like, um, I don't well, here's what I found out by just sitting with it. That I had in my whole life a lot of getting ready to perform, that takes a lot of energy. I didn't realize that that I didn't really have that naturally, like I have to build that up.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

And so that was one of the things that was an effort. Because what I what I realized after it was all said and done is I really don't like to do it. It's not anything that is coming from a place of fun, because we had just talked about that. Yes, and so like I'd been bike riding and doing other things, and the level of fun was way up here, and then when I was singing and playing, it was like efforting. And not the real effort, and I was telling Jessica this later, is the fact that when you're in performance mode, and I don't know why I've always had this, but I've always had this idea that like somebody was gonna ask me to perform at any drop of a dime. Like I could be in public somewhere, and somebody was gonna ask me to play something, and I should be ready. I used to always think that it was God, like God is gonna ask you to play in front of him. Okay, are you gonna have the song ready, you know, whenever he comes and asks, and so I just always had this leaking energy of always being ready to perform. That's a lot of pressure, it's a lot, and it was too well, and and again, it was all based on identity. This identity that I'd created that I was this performing singer-songwriter, you know? And so it turns Jessica and I were talking a little bit later, and then I remember our sessions. And I remember we had one session, I don't know if you remember this or not, but you said, What would you do if you were just to lock that piano up, just put it in the case and forget about it? And I was like, I don't know. I never I've never even considered it, you know. But after that, I was like, wait a minute, maybe I shouldn't be leaking out this energy like that. It's not even fun anymore. You don't even like it to you don't even enjoy it. You don't enjoy to to do it. Not like Michael Jackson. Do you think he would have this? No, he loved it. So it was like, okay, so maybe you aren't this thing that you think you are, or this isn't even part of your identity anymore. Maybe you can let it go. And so then I just started to think about something else that Jessica told me about about um these things that we identify with. Um maybe they're just vehicles to get you where you're gonna go. And you don't necessarily have to stay in that vehicle, it's just there while you need it. And so in particular for music, um uh I I think it was uh it was really it was hard. Okay. If you believe in that concept that you chose your parents, you know, then I would have to say that I probably did choose them for music because they both loved music. One played it and loved it for playing Blake guitar, and then one appreciated it and just loved the sound. And so for me, it felt now that I can really see it. I I think what was going on is I was trying to learn how to play the instrument so I could connect to my parents, ultimately. Yeah, I was trying to learn how to do these things because I remember my dad one time telling me that the magic of music is in the chords, and so the my whole life I'm just trying to figure out these chords and how they respond to music and all that, and then my mom would tell me, Well, the magic of music is in the words, like in the and all that. And so then I would listen to words and all that, but over time I realized in myself, because I would I drugged that piano to the Caribbean. This is what made you tell me, like, maybe this is not such the great thing, because I sat there and I've really forced it for another five and a half years, it was an efforting. I woke up every morning at like four o'clock or really early to practice, to write, to create, and it was all not good, you know, it was all contrived, nothing coming from anywhere, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

So it's a big realization, Pablo. Wow, you really went full circle with that initial feeling of like, oh, okay, I'm not feeling good. Yeah. But you could have took it, taken that, and caused a whole bunch of suffering from it.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Oh, absolutely. Well, I mean, then holding on to it instead of just saying, Well, well, here's what I started to to realize maybe a couple of years ago, and actually maybe even earlier than that, um, because I noticed in the culture as well that people weren't paying for big shows anymore of music, you know, and you know, like to go see a uh like a singer-songwriter perform, they weren't doing that anymore. And the audiences kept dwindling and dwindling, and I was like, what's going on there? But then at the same time, you start seeing the the rise of the podcaster and then of people speaking in public, you know, and people having you know uh speaking engagements now, and those actually filling auditoriums. And so then I thought about it. It's like, well, that doesn't that make sense? Like you're trying to understand the world in any kind of way, and so you started with music, and then yeah, um, it was very helpful to synthesize a lot of the things that I felt with what I learned with music. Like I learned it, and I learned the words, and I learned how to think put things together, and I was trying to go through the world to see it that way, to synthesize it that way, even though though I wasn't technically like that, you at least have that it's the vehicle to metabolize it because it's just too much on its own, you know. Especially if it's all mind.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

So as long as you can sit there with the chords of it and the words of it, and then the magic of it. Like when you think about the songwriter who actually did it, and it's like, where did this come from? You know, it's like this is not contrived, this is coming from somewhere you can tell in the field, you know. And so anyway, I told Jessica, I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna let that go. It doesn't need to be a part of me anymore. You know, it it was it was a part, it was a I guess it was a very important part. It led me to certain things and all that. But well, and then I thought about what you said or the question that you're asking, like when life doesn't go your way, I was trying to remember when I realized that I wasn't gonna be a uh songwriter like that. It was something that I had to let go of slowly. Probably after 9-11 happened, um, I realized, because everybody wrote songs, and so I did too. And and I listened to everybody's, and mine were just wordy and you know, just mine. And others were more tapping into the collective consciousness, you know? Yeah, and so it was like, okay, you're not that, but you should move on. So it was like I didn't give up the dream because it took me a while to give it up. It took a lot of well, like I still tried and I still kept the dream alive. So I think I didn't really give it up until here, Montana. I think it was here where I was just like, it really that's not gonna happen. The reality of of that ever happening isn't gonna materialize. So it's hard to um well, because it was such an important part of who I thought I was.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

But it it's not even who I am anymore. You know?

SPEAKER_01 14:26

That that is an amazing full circle realization, I think, that you processed. That's really, really cool. And that was kind of bringing up my next thought with all of this was just when we can slow it down, identify it. Here's how I'm feeling, and it creates this little space just between you and then the suffering, the fear, the the whatever it is for you to just anchor to the present. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Did you feel resistance a lot when you if there was a thought of, oh, okay, this is you know, not who I am, or maybe I should give this up, or did you feel resistance within you?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

In the past I would. Okay. In the past it would be really it'd be something that I could say but not really believe. You know. But now it's I don't know, it's like um it's just if I mean I don't I feel like you you can develop yourself only to a certain extent, you know, that you have a capacity for. You know, like um whatever is before you.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Yeah, maybe that's before you.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah, yeah. And and so I don't know, yeah. I think about those people who work on it daily, and it's like, well, that's what I'm saying. If if it's in you, you'll do it. Because it's in you, right? Otherwise, if it's not in you, right, you won't do it. Like and it could kill you.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Yeah. Well, like you said, if it doesn't feel uh like joyful and playful, then that was a good realization.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

That's a clue. Yeah. That there's probably there's probably no more there there. Yeah. Yeah. And it's still poignant, like it's still meaningful to me, but the performance aspect isn't so whatever. And so it's funny because after that, you know, I was just noodling around the keyboard and I started writing some words, you know. And so isn't it funny that it's not that it's that creative process and where it's asking you to go.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

I think that's what's important.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

You know?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

You can try to put yourself there by mind, but eventually your body's gonna react and your soul's gonna say something and it's gonna it wants to rectify all that.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah. And maybe in you letting it go in that release is what could maybe uncap something deeper. Something deeper. Who knows? That's really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Just from the identity, yeah. Thinking that that's who you are.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

This kind of taps into what I was reading in Michael Singer's book about, and it I think it was a Buddhist concept about having no preferences in life. And I've been sitting with that because it does contradict a bit from what I have been taught with my rabbi about when we do have desires, though, that those are those are divine, and we should, you know, do that and pursue that. So, but I understand what Michael Singer is saying, because in having no preferences, then you can just go through life without the disappointment. But okay, so from the love of moon of therapy from my rabbi, um, that perspective is if I desire something or want to set an intention for something in life, do that, you know, journal it, write it, speak it out loud in a meditation or whatever, but then also letting go of that attachment to it, to the outcome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I was just kind of playing around with those thoughts this week.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

I think you're right.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Because to squelch any desire or to be like, oh, okay, well, that's not for me or whatever. It's I don't think that's healthy.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

It's weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

But I understand though, having no preferences. Because sometimes things are just what they are.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

I know, yeah. I know some people that do it just to protect themselves. Yeah. It's a method of control because you know, the world's way too big and bad. Yeah. And they need control. They need to filter, right? Make sure that only certain things come in. I know that to be a fact for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

I was working with a client one time, and yeah, we were talking about intentions for her life, and she's like, oh no, I don't ever do that. I don't set intentions because then I'll never be disappointed. So, and I'm like, oh, that's not a way to live though.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah, yeah, that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Well, bec oh, so that's what I was kind of thinking about where the your subject was so interesting to me because one of the things that hit me about this, kind of the same thing that hit me about the whole carpet for the horse thing, is that I'm catching on to this really late in life.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Doesn't know time is irrelevant. Yeah, but still. I felt that. Like, why didn't I learn this when I was in my 30s or 20s or whatever? But you know, what we we were who we were and we are who we are now. So don't again, that's a comparison, I feel like.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Even with yourself, I know.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Well, and then that where's that energy come from? I talk a lot about this with Jessica because what now when you when you are feeling the feelings like that, it's like who's that? Where's that from? It's things from the past, it's not even in the present, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Right, yeah. So we're then basing how we're living today on things that don't exist anymore and bring and that and that takes a ton of energy, yeah. Yeah, but we're protecting ourselves from a wound that right.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

That was the same thing because after that whole performance anxiety and no, you know, crick crickets being the response, you know, then it's just like it's the same old thing again and again and again, right? And and you just I don't know, you get tired of it. You get tired of the insanity of why do I keep doing this with no because you're the one that's doing it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Again, you could have projected and blamed, but that's good that you went inward and like all right, what's the stirring up in here? Yeah, yep, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

So, but going back to when things aren't the way um we kept going back to mind. That's what I was telling you earlier. Like that was the that was the default thing that I kept going back to. But now after learning all this, especially the whole idea of the music the music being the ship, being the vessel, that would get me this far. And then I could hop off the vessel, take everything that I learned from that journey, using you know, music as that vessel, music as the framework, maybe. Yeah. Or not music, but songwriting in particular, that kind of songwriting as the framework of getting through life, and then not needing it, saying, Okay, it got me. Where I needed to. Right. It got me to understand who I am. Right. Understand what I am. Yeah. And now I don't, I don't, my ego doesn't need it. That's what it is. I don't need to do that anymore to prove to anybody that this is what is.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

I just have this beautiful thought of, I mean, just like taking a journey somewhere. You know, you get in your car and you go to the airport, and that's that works for that piece of the journey. But then you guys flew to Hawaii and you obviously have to get on a boat or a plane for that. So you needed another vehicle to get you there. And then when you're there, yeah. And then when you're there, then you walk places or so it's one of those little cute little Yeah, scary things. Yeah. So it life is that way too, right? So sometimes certain vehicles are needed for certain terrain.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Well, yeah. And I did like music because it's very 3D, 5D, obviously. You know, because you know, the music part of it, you know, 3D. But then all that 3D-ness transcends into this realm. Like it's like, well, how do they get you there? It's like, that's the magic, man. That's that magic.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

There you go. So is it in the chords or the words?

SPEAKER_00 23:16

It's in it's in all it. It's in all.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

It's in it's in source wanting to make itself known. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Badly. And it finds a vehicle. It finds ways. Yeah. It finds a person for it to go through. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

But I guess that's that's the important thing. Don't don't get hung up on the attachment to that.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Exactly. Yeah. There's a big difference in saying, you know, I I would love for this to happen and then this must happen.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

I know.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

And yeah, that the must and the should. That's that's again, that's that mind, like you said, and the forcing and efforting. And I mean, things can get done that way, but you can maybe end up being very miserable at the end of it or burnt out, or who knows. Versus letting go and getting out of the way and just letting life flow.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Flow through you.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Yeah. That's a much preferred way for me, anyway. This leg of the journey. I've I've done my fair share of efforting.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how I caught it. It was an energy leak. It was, it was like, Yeah. Well, it's a trigger first. It gets the trigger. Yep. And then he was like, why is that such a trigger? You know, like nobody knows you like that anymore. Well, my cousin knew me like that. Benny remember remembers. Oh, yeah. That was the other whole thing. The nostalgia of that, like the relationship itself reminds you of the history. Sure. All the nostalgia. In fact, I don't know if we have time to go through this, but we uh because my cousin came over, um, I I asked him, I said, Hey, are there any records you want to listen to? Because I want to go to the record store and get some. He was like, Uh, yeah, anything Chicago. So, because he remembers me and us during those time with Jill with Chicago. So we get some Chicago records, and then there was this one night that we're here that I swear to you, when you're doing that, it's like you're conjuring up something. We were playing the old records, talking about the old times, and it was almost like we put ourselves in a trance of nostalgia and history. So time traveled, kind of, and so my person was in there again.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Ah, hello.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Yeah, and so then it's like, oh yeah, and the feels because you know, that that guy, oh yeah, I mean, yeah, he it took a lot to get on stage and do stuff. So, you know, those are those feels are still there. Yeah, what it takes to do that, yeah. But now I'm at this age and I'm not really doing that. I'm thinking, no, that's not what I do, right? So I noticed all that energy. Wow. And I was like, wow, that's a lot of energy, man. Yeah. And then I noticed how much I'm always waiting and ready to play. And it's like, imagine if you just took all that away. What would happen? What would happen if you freed yourself from that distraction?

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Yeah. So you did, and and then what? What came up? Did you feel like, oh, I have all this energy. Now I want to channel it into something else.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Well, I mean, that's what you realized. That one it's gone. Like you realized it. You touched it, and it wasn't as there's no there's hardly any more juice in it.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Got it. Uh-huh. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Is that all there was to that? That's what it feels like now. Yeah. And yeah, there's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

So when life doesn't go our way though, why does it hurt so much? Why is it, you know, people will hang on to something for a lifetime? This never happened, or why did this happen, or this needs to change, or they've always been this way. Da-da-da.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Man. I think they still have more work to do, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Well, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

I think it the like I always say, the disagreeableness is touching on something, right? And I mean, obviously, if it's something 3D that you can fix and immediately your world gets better, that's gonna be great. Right. But I think we're talking more like 5D stuff. Yeah, really.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

And I think it brings it brings up those unmet needs that we have in life. Then okay, I I'm feeling this way because I had a need for whatever approval or fairness or belonging. You know, and and again, there are is nothing wrong with our needs. This is no, no, the human experience. We have needs, we shouldn't make ourselves feel bad about that.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

So, but understanding, or I like to use the word innerstanding, that those needs. You can't meet my needs, my husband can't meet my needs. It it's it's truly needs to come from within me.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

That's I think probably why it feels so good knowing this now. Because yeah, um you do have to really understand that there's nothing outside of you. Or not just understand it, but kind of know it. But then there's the other thing about, you know, because like that that that episode we had about play, you know, you think that you know what life is and you don't.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Because then you go out there and you do something unexpected, and then life says, ah, look, look at this. Here I am again. You're like, damn, there you were.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Well, because life is, I think, very um, yeah, and it's a spiral. So things do come come up again, but I'm not the same person, you know, over here as I was over here. So I'm just now looking at it from a different angle now. But it's because yeah, source wants me to examine that and then go within.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Yeah, don't leave this, don't leave the put playground without those things that you originally wanted to do. And it's weird because you don't really know what those things are unless you can be quiet enough. Because right now you're only, or at least I'm just talking from my experience. I only knew because people were telling me phones were telling me, jobs were telling me, you know, spouses, uh, coworkers, friends, whatever. But those the the it the stuff that's inside And yeah, there's not much that is from like that needs too much. Yeah, because it's the expression of your living that that's how like it all feels like connected, you know? Like even though I'm not gonna perform and have that anxiety about performing, you know, I have all that um I have all that underneath my fingers now. If I ever wanted to go to the piano and just connect to source, I can do that that way. Right. You know?

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Oh, absolutely. So that's a beautiful thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

So that's like part of the journey, I guess. I don't know. Like you're going through this thing trying to figure it, figure it out, you know, trying to figure out what it is and what you're doing. And then by our age, you're like, well, then you got all these like cool things in the utility belt, you know, that you can do and stuff. Sure. You don't necessarily have to use them even. Right. And then just keep going forward into the unknown.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Like which can be scary for people, the unknown.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Yeah, but it is because we have a need for control in life. Yeah, I mean, aren't we all realizing that now that all the things that we thought were gonna be there aren't there?

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Nope. So true. I think more and more of that will be revealed as things play out, yeah, for sure. But it's when we're focused on again the what we think we want or need again. And Michael Singer says that. How do you even know that you need that or want that? I mean, yeah, kind of explore that a little bit, you know. Um, but then we're missing that present moment. It we're not being present and realizing, like, okay, yeah, I do have control in this moment right now, in this moment and the next, and the next, and the next, you know, I do have safety and whatever the unmet need is. If we can first again identify how we feel, and then look at all right, it's coming from a need for whatever that is. And then yeah, that recognition that I do have that right now in the present moment.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Which is kind of hard when you think about people in really bad situations, whatever that may be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Yeah. Or, you know, like the projection on to people that uh like in um like at our age in 50s and older, um some people like to just get away, like because they don't really need to be connected too much. And so some people would think that that's a terri a terrible thing, but I think it depends. Like if you realize that there's nothing outside of you that's gonna make you happy, then what would your life look like? You know? It'd be really simple, don't you think? Like probably just coffee in the morning, some breakfast, a walk, yeah, a thing in the garden.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

You know. If you were with somebody, maybe some time with them, some reading.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Yep. Your cat.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Your cats, and then the sun goes down. Exactly. You know, and then you do it again. Yeah. Um it could be that that could be it. You know, for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Yep. One is actually here right now. Lived more that way.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

But like, I mean, why do we have all these things then? You know, all the play stuff. That's what I'm saying. I think there's there's something to it. There's like you're supposed to come here and do your thing. Yeah. And so you have those things planted in you. Right. So you go after it. Yeah. But then it's the it's just your vehicle, and it gets you where you need to go. I really like that. Because it finally, you finally realize, oh, I am that thing. I was always that thing.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

That's what I think, man. Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

I don't know. I was always that, yeah, like we were talking about earlier, just the observer, you know. That's who I am, even when I was 10, or right now, and I'm observing the thoughts and the feelings, and that's yeah, my rabbi calls it the silent witness.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

We don't have to identify with the feelings either. I don't, I think that was something I was afraid of being too emotional or feeling. Oh, there was some trauma in that too. But also, I think I I had the idea of, well, then oh, if I let myself let that emotion come out, then I was thinking there was an identity with that. And it's like, no, there isn't. It's just again energy passing through consciousness.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

It's okay. Let it feel it because it needs to be felt. It's usually a signal that there's something, something. I yeah, I love that. Yeah, exactly. But it's not who you are. It isn't who you are.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

Yeah, that's very nice.

unknown 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

Yeah. So I never got to reinvent myself. Like a lot of people after something like that would say, Well, okay, I'm gonna do this instead of it. But yeah, I think that's what happens. Yeah, you just take it and you're like, okay, what did I learn from it? Well, I learned quite a bit about vocabulary. Good words, you know. I love good words now. And um, and yeah, just an appreciation of music and modes and things like that. So that's not bad. Yeah, you know, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

So for me, my whole process this week was just realizing it's okay to set intentions, see where it goes, see where that vehicle takes you, and but also setting the intentions, don't become so attached to that outcome. Just let it go, release it. Yeah. Set set it.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I'm gonna share it with you. Yeah, because I felt that it was weird about the feeling of it. Okay, so because of all the craziness of the having everybody over on Friday when we got back, I didn't know it, but I'd misplaced my keys for the truck. I didn't even need them until Saturday afternoon when we're gonna go somewhere. I was like, I misplaced my keys, I don't know where they're at. But I thought about it. I was like, well, we got home and I haven't gone anywhere since. So they're here somewhere. They're here. Yes. Here in this building somewhere. And then I started to think about Michael Singer and how we all react to things like this, yeah, because you know, a lot of times this is where the beginning of anxiety and worry and the things start to percolate, you know. And I was just like, I'm not gonna do that because I know the keys are here. Right. So what I'm gonna do is just know that eventually they're gonna show up and I'm just gonna get them out of my pocket.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

And so yeah, the day goes on, Sunday goes on, and then it was like part of Monday, right? And uh, and so finally it I was like, Well, hmm, they had it dropped or anything, or maybe shit, I'm getting dementia now. I put them in the fridge or in the freezer next door or something weird. It's like, well, that'd be a clue. But uh, no, I found them. They'd fallen uh behind the sink uh in the in the restroom next door. I was like, ah, there you are. I popped them in my pocket and they came over and I told Jess. And she was like, You didn't have a bigger reaction. And I was like, Well, because I didn't feed it. You know, exactly. I knew either way I was either gonna find them or not find them. Right. If I didn't find them, I would just have to remake them. All that angst, I don't need to feel any of the those feelings until it happens. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can do that now. I can say feelings, I don't need those. Anxiety, worry. Shh. And so then there was no buildup. And then so when I finally found the keys, it wasn't any kind of relief. It was just it was the knowledge that I knew I was gonna get the keys and just put them in my pocket. That was it.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

There you go. You you let go, let go, yeah, instead of the worry and the stress and everything, which were builds up resistance and yeah, oof. Yeah, yeah. You didn't you can all work. The keys would have been like, hello.

unknown 38:20

No.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

That's our weekend uh it's all just because there's a mouse again. I was like, maybe that mouse got the keys, and she loved that story.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

That's cute. Yeah. So I think maybe this week it's just an invitation to notice what's happening inside of us when reality isn't meeting our expectations.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Let it come up and see yeah, what are those unmet needs that it's attached to. And yeah, just take that pause. Like those are great examples that you gave this week. And if you need to take a deep breath, do some breath work with that. And it just gives that space for whatever needs to come up to come up, I think.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

Yeah. Excellent.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Yeah. Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

All right, yeah. And if someone wants to reach you, Pablo, how would they do that?

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Uh, they can reach me at infocchronicles of Pablo.com. And if they want to do some work like what we do here, absolutely. Can they reach you?

SPEAKER_01 39:18

Well, I post regular content on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. And my business is expansivelifesolutions.com. And yeah, you can reach me, send me a DM or an email if you have any questions. And yeah, thank you for listening. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Cheers.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Cheers.