When Love Hurts: Finding God in the Middle of Marital Struggles." Part 1

 Discover how to find God in the midst of marital struggles.

Marriage can be one of God’s greatest gifts, yet it can also become one of life’s most challenging experiences. Many women have loved deeply, prayed fervently, and still found themselves navigating pain in their relationships. In today’s post, we will explore how to find God during these difficult times. We’ll share insights and personal stories that highlight the importance of faith, perseverance, and trust in God, even when the future seems uncertain.

Understanding the Struggles in Marriage
Marriage is a beautiful union, but it often comes with its own set of challenges. Communication can break down, trust can wane, and loneliness can creep in even when you’re not alone.

The Reality of Marital Pain
Many people experience disappointment, conflict, betrayal, and pain in their relationships. These feelings can leave you questioning if God hears your cries for help. However, it's crucial to remember that even in the most painful seasons, God remains present and faithful. He often works His greatest miracles in the midst of our deepest struggles.

The Importance of Sharing Your Story
Sharing your experiences can be incredibly powerful. It creates a space for healing and understanding, allowing others to feel less alone in their struggles. As Barbara Wallace shared, today's conversation focuses on real stories of faith through difficulties, particularly from guest Stephanie Daniels, who tells her journey through marital challenges.

Stephanie's Journey: Finding Faith in Pain

 About Stephanie Daniels
Stephanie Daniels is a devoted mother and a woman of faith who has experienced marital struggles firsthand. She is an author and has written about her journey in her journal, "I Choose to Forgive," which helps others navigate their own challenges.

Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns
Stephanie reflects on her first marriage, where she began to notice unhealthy dynamics about six months to a year after the wedding. She realized that her husband was drawn to same-sex attraction, a struggle that was hidden from those around them, including fellow church members. It’s often the unseen battles that weigh heavily on one’s heart.

The Emotional Toll
As Stephanie explains, the emotional and spiritual impact of feeling unheard and unseen can be profound. When she felt her concerns were dismissed, she began to shut down emotionally. This is a common coping mechanism for many in challenging relationships. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing.

Steps to Finding God in Marital Struggles
Step 1: Acknowledge the Pain
- **Why it matters:** Acknowledging your pain is crucial for healing. It validates your feelings and opens the door to God’s comfort.
- **How to do it:** Take time to reflect on your feelings and be honest with yourself about the struggles you face.
- **Example:** Like Stephanie, sharing your story with trusted friends or family can help lighten the emotional burden.
- **Common mistake:** Avoiding the pain can lead to resentment and deeper issues down the line.

 Step 2: Seek Support
- **Why it matters:** Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can provide encouragement and perspective.

- **How to do it:** Join a support group or community where you can share and listen to others’ experiences.
- **Example:** Stephanie found solace in discussing her struggles with close friends who understood her pain.
- **Common mistake:** Isolating yourself can intensify feelings of loneliness.

Step 3: Cultivate Your Faith
- **Why it matters:** Strengthening your relationship with God can provide hope and guidance.
- **How to do it:** Engage in prayer, meditation, and Bible study to deepen your connection with God.
- **Example:** Barbara emphasizes the importance of prayer in her podcast, as it invites God into your struggles.
- **Common mistake:** Neglecting your spiritual life during tough times can lead to feeling lost and abandoned.

Step 4: Embrace Forgiveness
- **Why it matters:** Forgiveness is a powerful tool in healing and moving forward.
- **How to do it:** Practice forgiveness, both for yourself and others. This doesn’t mean you condone hurtful actions, but it frees you from the burden of carrying resentment.
- **Example:** Stephanie’s journal, "I Choose to Forgive," serves as a guide for those looking to embrace forgiveness in their own lives.
- **Common mistake:** Holding onto grudges can hinder your emotional and spiritual growth.

Conclusion
Finding God in the midst of marital struggles is not easy, but it is possible. By acknowledging your pain, seeking support, cultivating your faith, and embracing forgiveness, you can navigate through the challenges in your relationship. Remember, God is with you in your struggles, and He can bring healing even in the darkest times. 

Key Takeaways
- Acknowledge your pain and share your story.
- Seek support from friends and the community.
- Cultivate your faith through prayer and scripture.
- Embrace forgiveness for healing and freedom.

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 Frequently Asked Questions
 How can I find comfort during marital struggles?
Finding comfort often comes from prayer, sharing your feelings with supportive friends, and seeking guidance through scripture.

 Is it normal to feel lonely in a marriage?
Yes, many individuals experience feelings of loneliness in their marriages. It’s essential to address these feelings openly with your partner.

 What role does faith play in healing a marriage?
Faith can provide strength, hope, and guidance during challenging times, helping couples to navigate their difficulties together.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Planted and Rooted by God's Word podcast. I am your host, Barbara Wallace, and today's discussion, we will be discussing finding God in the middle of marital struggles. Today's conversation is for the woman who has ever loved, deeply prayed faithfully, and still found herself walking through pain within a relationship. Marriage is one of God's greatest gifts, but sometimes it can also become one of life's greatest challenges. There are seasons when communication breaks down, when trust feels fragile, when loneliness exists even through you're not alone. There are moments when you pray for change, you pray for healing, prayed for answers, and wondered if God hears every tear that falls when nobody else is watching. Today's episode is not about judgment, it's not about telling anyone what decision they should make, it's about sharing a real story of faith through difficulties, a story of heartbreak, healing, perseverance, and learning to trust God even when the future feels uncertain. If you ever experienced disappointment, conflict, betrayal, loneliness, or pain in a relationship, I believe today's conversation will encourage you because even in seasons where love hurts, God remains present. He remains faithful, and sometimes he does his greatest work in the middle of our deepest struggle. So let us pray. Dear precious God, in the name of Jesus, we come before your presence, humble as we know how, asking you, Lord, to forgive us of all our sins and unrighteousness. We ask, Father God, that you use us as your vessel and that the word that goes forth, the lessons that will be heard, may inspire someone, may encourage someone, may lift someone up that's going through difficult situations. We know that you are all consuming fire and that without you in our life, nothing is possible. So, Lord, we give you the glory, we give you the honor, and we give you the praise in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. So today, my host today is Stephanie Daniels, and I want to introduce her. I'm glad that you're here, Stephanie. Can you please give us a little bit of information about who you are? Well, um, like she said, my name is Stephanie Daniels. I am a child of God. Um, I believe in God. I'm, you know, a servant of God. And um I enjoy, you know, I enjoy what I do in Christ as far as you know, working with the youth, um, sharing stories, which is why I'm on here now to share whatever the Lord would have me to um say. Um I am an author of a journal, I choose to forgive. It's a 21-day journal. I'm working on a manuscript, you know, concerning my first marriage in my early 20s. That's years ago. Um, I'm working on a couple of books and journals. So basically, I believe that whatever I've gone through in life that God has called me to share in hopes of, you know, giving giving others hope that, you know, whatever God has brought me out, He can bring you out as well. Thank you so much for that introduction. Yes. All right. Thank you. You're welcome. Appreciate that introduction of yourself. So now our audience know a little bit more about you and the wonderful things that you're doing because of Christ in you, and I'm happy to have you here on my podcast today. And again, the title of our podcast is When Love Hurts and then God is in the midst of healing. So we thank you for that. So my first question to you today is let's see what my first question is. I want to throw it all at you one time. So my first question is looking back now, when did you first realize that things was becoming unhealthy? Um, I think we're frozen again. I'm sorry. But I hear you, so it's okay that if we froze? If you're frozen, we're gonna keep moving. Oh, okay. All right, well, repeat the question, please. I'm sorry. Alright, so looking back now, when did you first realize that things was becoming unhealthy? Um, when it comes to my first marriage, immediately. Well, no, no, when I say unhealthy, let me go back because immediately after the after the wedding and the marriage, you know, coming home, honeymoon, and just getting to know each other a little more. I'm not gonna say I realized it it was becoming unhealthy. So I would say maybe a year. It could have been like six months into the marriage to a year. Okay. Six months to a year. All right. Gotcha. And you said that was 20 years ago, right? It was a little over 20. I I've been saying 20. It was actually in 1995. So we were 30 years, yeah. Alright, so that's been some time ago. So okay, so all all wounds are healed. Exactly. In the name of Jesus. In Jesus' name it is. Hallelujah. So um, let me ask you, what were some of the challenges that you faced that others just couldn't see? So it was only something that you were able to see, but no one else knew what was going on. Okay, so in the beginning, um, well, like I told Barbara earlier, even throughout talking through over the years, is that um, so I'm just gonna share with you this. Um, this is what my book is about. Not trying to share a book, but I'm saying book because I mean it's gonna be as complete just working on the final touches. But the thing is, um, after being married, I found out that my husband was attracted to same-sex marriage. And um, I don't know who in the ministry, my father was a pastor, so I don't know if he saw and just thought that uh maybe he was delivered from it. I don't know who saw, who didn't see. I know it was some conversation about it. I remember people acting a little funny, but I didn't know why. Um so things that didn't people didn't see was how he act behind closed doors. Gotcha. So, and you know, the Bible says that uh you can't serve two masters, not even that. You cannot like two, I f I believe like two spirits can't shine at one time. So you know exactly he had a gift of singing and getting acquired to singing, and I always noticed that he had the choir singing, so therefore you're not gonna see a certain uh negative spirit operate, not unless you God just really show you. So everybody sees this anointed uh young man, you know, getting acquired to sing, the choir singing good. And I don't think everybody saw what I saw or even saw what I was seeing behind, you know, closed doors. Exactly. Yeah, so um when I did, I brought it to my father because I was always known to be the outspoken one. Matter of fact, I didn't bring it to him, I brought it to a sister-in-law of mine, and she went to tell him, and it got kind of got a little, wasn't ugly, but it was to the point like, listen, the ministry is going well. Um, I don't know what's going on with you. Me, I was the problem. I don't know what's going on with you, but don't start no mess in my ministry. So whatever I relayed to my sister-in-law, whoever else was in the family, relayed to him. So obviously they didn't see what I saw, and I was already deemed as the troublemaker. So don't start no mess in my ministry. Right. So it basically seemed as if because the church seemed to be thriving and the people was enjoying what they were hearing, and you know, they were the church seemed like it was moving, which was a false, you know, uh revelation that was going on. God doesn't move like that because if you're not for the Lord and you're doing things that's not sound in the word of God, then it's just all pretend. And so that's nothing but the devil and the trick of the enemy. Because you can be up in a church and you can be clapping your hands, and we both know that if God is not in the midst of that, then that's junk. He's not gonna accept that, and that's why we always ask God to come in the midst that it not be fleshly, that it be decently in order. And if you're not doing anything decently in order in the eyesight of the Lord, then it's not done correctly. So I can see why someone is saying, hey, you better stop that. Because, you know, they're looking at the reactions and the flesh, how the flesh is moving through the church. So of course they're gonna tell you, stop, don't do that no more because you know, things are moving, uh our people are feeling it, but you know, that's that's just false um action of what's happening with the Lord. I get it. Right. And at that time, that's when I just shut down because it was it was more like I know what I see as a father, you're not hearing me, and as a pastor, you don't see what I see, so I just shut down. I stopped sharing anything. Exactly, and that was gonna be my next question with those challenges. How did it affect you emotionally and spiritually? Like you said, you shut down because you like you you don't say anything. It's like, okay, why am I speaking up if you're not even listening to me talk? So it's a waste of my time, so I might as well just, you know, go into my own little self and just be quiet, which I find myself, I used to do that at times where it's like, okay, y'all not listening to me. I don't even want to waste my breath and waste my time. Right. And so, which is not really healthy in the in the sense of it, but that's that's a coping mechanism that it sounds like that you did. I'm like, I'm not talking about nothing, just let it go. Whatever, you know, you wave your hand and yeah, okay, whatever. We we're moving on. That's what you say and going on. That's what it's saying going on. So, and that is a spiritual disconnect when it comes to things of the Lord. Right. Um, so yeah, I believe that. Were there was there a moment when you realize something had to change? Um, as far as me and him? Yes. Um not right, not right away, because um, I don't know if it's I didn't I read the questions, but I didn't stick all the way with them. But um the thing is, um, because I had just gotten married, I was more I was really embarrassed. So I was embarrassed, and uh my faith was I really had strong faith back then, and sometimes we could call it, I don't I don't want to say crazy faith, but crazy faith is when you just really, really believe God, if I'm not mistaken. But I just wanted to I felt like I knew God could change him. But um, and I also rather, because I just got married, and everybody, I spent $100 on the own. I came out of $100 out of my own pocket. Everybody was so happy that Stephanie was getting married, they were just throwing money to my sister, throwing money, what she needs, what she needs, what she need. So to have like a the largest wedding and to have like, you know, I'm the last one in the family to get married, um, I was embarrassed. Mm-hmm. And so I'd rather s I rather stayed with it, even though I was hurt, and I knew I was like living, you know, in deception. Well, we we are in deception or being deceived, but I'd rather stay with it. Yeah. It was deception, but I'd rather I said, well, you know what? Because I could have ended it right away, but again, I was embarrassed. So my thing is, alright, let me give God a chance. So I want to st I'm staying with him, um, you know, being his friend, hoping things work out. Because I've said everybody knows when everybody found out that he was um attracted to same-sex marriage, I mean same-sex, then I'm like, okay, so I'd rather stay with him, and then hopefully God would deliver him. That's what I was thinking. That was my idea, and that you know, the God would get the victory. So it's okay that people know, but the outcome will be better, and I'd rather have that outcome. So I, you know, absolutely. So so right away I didn't see anything that I had to change, or you know, oh, it's time to, you know, get out of it or whatever. And I can I can see that. I can see I can see that. I understand that perfectly well. Uh, thank you for that um honest, candid answer. So, how did you continue functioning while you were carrying such an emotional weight? Because you knew what was going on, and you pretty much said you trusted in God. You knew that, you know, if I pray to God, perhaps God would change him. But for yourself to function and carry on day to day, how did you function during that time to continue? Well, I always say, um, I thank God for my father because when we were teenagers, he, you know, he well, first of all, he had backslid, he was living in a backsliding state. You know, living in a backsliding state. So when we were teenagers, we always say that he got himself together right on time. Because you know, you got four daughters, and it's time for everybody to start dating and ripping and running. So he kept us, he got, he got himself together, gave his life back to the Lord, started a church. So we in ministry and he always taught the word. And the word is what the word of God number one is what kept me. And it's also, I'm gonna tell people, I knew enough to call on the name of Jesus. I don't know if anybody remember Helen Baylor's testimony, but she would give her testimony, and then between that, she'll say, But she knew enough to call on Jesus. And we listened to that song, and we listened to that song while I was going through, before I was going through, so that song, it wasn't a coincidence, or it wasn't for the song wasn't being listened to for nothing. It actually played a big part of the world. That was a good song. Yeah, it played a big part of my life. And a part was I knew enough to call on the name of Jesus. And so all I had, all I had at that time was Jesus. And all I that's what I did. I just like because I I was going through like doubt, questioning God, you know, did He love me? Why was I going through this? You know, I just got married, I'm battling, deal, never had a relationship with my dad, so I'm going through both at the same time. So I all I did was I was like pity. I was having a pity party, you know, why am I going through this? So in all the way I the only the only way I could could cope or deal with it, it was an emotional roller coaster, was just keep calling on Jesus. Right. And I also stayed in the word as far as you know, turn your TV on to um when they had television network back then, whatever station they had where, you know, Bishop T D Jakes would speak, Juanita Bynum. And the TBN? TBN, TBN, TBN. And we had Bishop T D Jakes, you know, Woman Now Loose, Juanita Bynum, whatever her thing was back then. Those are and Yalana Adams' songs. So I stayed in the word. Although I was crying and going through, but I stayed finding, you know, trying to find some hope. So I stayed listening to different uh messages throughout the years and crying and praying, but yeah. Absolutely. Because in in Romans 8 and 28, it says, in all things God works for the good. So it seems as if that's what you were holding on to, right? Knowing that, you know, God works all things for the good. Right. And staying and and persevering and pushing forward because in fact you had, let's say, things to hold on to, to look forward to, things to remind you about who God is, listening to gospel stations, listening to gospel music. So it didn't remove you completely from God's grace and his mercy, but it kept you something to hold on to, which is really good because many times folks during difficult times like that can't hold on to God because of the pain and the agony, and like you said, the shame to be shame that this is what I've gotten into, right? And everyone's looking at me because of the fact that, like I said earlier, the marriage God gives us is a great thing that He created. And then for you to get in a situation which you were makes uh a big difference. Say, well, I I feel shamed that I, you know, I fell into this, and it should be uh my happily ever after. Right. Sorry. You're right, you're right. So um if I can add before you move on, um the part where I not only felt shamed or questioned God was I have the God God has blessed me with the gift to discern, right? And I'm also a dreamer. So I wasn't dreaming anything before we got married, but um discernment, I believe at one point the sermon kicked in, but I didn't pay attention because I was caught up into the idea of being married, uh, hanging out with the other siblings and the cousins. Like we went on uh while engaged and getting to know each other. We went on like we always went on, I call it couples trips skating, bowling, great adventure, sizzlers, wherever we went, red lobster. So I so here I am, caught up into that. If I saw one or two, if I saw any even four different little things, when I asked and the answer I got, I just accepted. And of course, and again, we well, my father always taught, you know, don't let the enemy mess up, mess with your blessings. So I'm figuring, oh, this is my time to be blessed. So the little thing that I did see or I thought was a little off, oh, that's the devil. That's just the devil trying to, you know, deceive you of your happiness or take care of it. Right, you get blind-sided of the red flags, and you say, Well, that can't be it, because then you start saying, the devil is trying to block my blessing. Right. And he's throwing these little tiny things in, but then the meanwhile, what God was doing, like you said, was giving you the discernment of what was really going on. Right. But because us as Christian women, we we we love so hard because of Christ in us, right? We don't want to see anyone that has any flaws, right? Or see anyone that may not be good for us, and so we hang on a little longer to it than we most necessarily need to. And then, you know, like you said earlier, you you had folks in the church and family looking at you kind of side-eyed, like it has to be you. You know, perhaps you need to get closer to God, get on your knees at the altar and you know, cry it out and and let God, you know, deliver you. Where and and we get trapped in those times where we feel, okay, it has to be me, Lord. I'm gonna, you know, get on my knees and I'm gonna cry and I'm going to dedicate myself to you, and I'm gonna tarry for a long time, I'm gonna fast for days in on and days off. Exactly, nothing changed because it's not even us, and the enemy is so crafty to have these things set up where you're seeing what needs to be seen, but you have others in the background just sending that monkey wrench in the middle of the thing, making it worse. Exactly. So, really good. What lessons did God teach you about yourself? And this could have been after, you know, you got out of that relationship and you reflect back of the lessons that you were taught during those times, not really in the situation, but when you got out of the situation. Well, like I said, this was a uh how you said that rocky rocky road or up and down, merry-go-round, whatever you want to call it type marriage. Um, but I did I I I number I immediately learned that um um when you when God speaks to you, even if you're not sure, you know, go to go, don't just take that little one on eye type of thing. If you you know really gotta fast or you wait, if you feel like God didn't give you your answer, don't move on, like, oh well this must be it because God didn't say anything, then you wait on God. Um what God also taught me, um, because um in the you know, in the beginning, before he even came along into my life, um, like I always told people I was saved, sanctified, and I was satisfied. I was not living any and yeah, I was satisfied. Like all siblings married, they got kids. I was good. I was working. I talk about going, you know, after uh work, going to the sister house, eating, you know, hanging out with the nieces and nephews. I say, I'm that on, go to another one. I had I had to cook it. I still don't cook. I meet at the sister's house hanging out, so it's like praying, always praying. I do I used to Like the traditional hour prayer, I would pray, pray in the spirit, uh, have my praise, thank God. And I would I always do that even before I ate. So um I would say like what I learned is to really when it if anybody out there um you're not married or you you say that you're getting engaged or someone's pursuing you, and however it is, you're talking and getting ready to work on a little relationship there. If whatever you've been doing before God, keep doing that, don't stop doing it. And as a matter of fact, do more. Because I also found myself doing quick prayers. Because if I'm coming home, with my hour of prayer is not an hour no more because now I'm hanging out with you know with my fiance. You know, we're talking, we're getting to know each other. We had group prayer, we had um Bible study amongst each other, but where's my personal time with God? I didn't have that. Well, if I would have if I would have had that, I um I feel like maybe God I would have saw, you know, him for what he really was. Exactly. Gotcha. That's fine. Okay, it it kicks back in, it could be the connection. Okay. So I can hear the answers, and that's all that really counts. Okay, okay. So tell me how did healing begin for you? Although you knew what needed to be done, and you saw that you were, you know, getting out of that situation, and you continue on doing what you would normally do anyhow, but how did healing begin for you? So it seems as if we lost Stephanie in the midst of this conversation, and she was explaining to us how she held on to what she believed was her restoration days, and that when she heard someone speak to her about what she needed to do to continue on, she was feeling as if someone's prophesizing that there was going to be changes in her marriage, and it was really for her to restore. She was at the place where she believed as if, okay, when he left, then I can get back into the grace of God, but then he wanted to come back, so she gave him time after time, chances after chances, and and in that situation, she realized that based on what we were hearing, that that was it took her a long time to get to where she needed to get to. Uh, because of the fact that we got disconnected from the call, and which we were really having a good time, we're gonna have to pick up on part two because part one is really, really good, and again, this segment is not to tell you what you need to do in your situation, but this segment is just to remind you about God's grace and his mercy and how you pray through things and how you go for counseling with your pastor and you speak about what's going on, don't hold anything on, and again, as Stephanie was saying, don't keep it in, don't let anyone convince you otherwise differently because your faith holding on to God is very strong. And she mentioned how there was times where she stayed involved with listening to gospel programs, she listened to gospel songs, so she was always in a moment where she was giving God praise and she was praying and she was fasting and she was lifting God up and glorifying his name. She didn't let that situation that she was in that was very troublesome, stop her from doing and loving and connecting with God. Although it was a mistake after she got into the relationship, and she reminded herself that six months into it, she saw those red flags that many a times we as women that love God, especially when we love God so much, and we find someone that seems to be in the church, and they seem to be equally yoked with you, that you want to hold on to them because you pray as Christian women, please let me find a man of God that's strong, and that's someone that's gonna serve you, and someone that's gonna go to church with you, someone that's gonna worship, someone that's gonna pray for you, and you pray. So that was a situation that she was in, and being, you know, a sister of other sisters that was married prior to her, she held on to that that that hope that this was going to be a good relationship, and then she found out that it wasn't. But again, this is the first part. We're definitely gonna have her back for a second portion of this segment so that we'll be able to discuss more with her. So let's say this is part one of this uh when love hurts, finding God in the middle of marital struggles. So we'll have a part two because it's it's getting really good, and I pray that everyone comes back to listen to part two of this so that we can get more of an understanding, more of an insight, more of her conversation, because she has to speak on her own behalf, and I can't, but I can just tell you what we went through, which was very powerful. So, because of her not being here, I'm going to pray right now for some woman that may be going through a situation like this right now, and I pray that God heals you and hears you, and that he guides you closer to him for more understanding. Dear precious Father God, in the name of Jesus, I thank you once again for this opportunity to acknowledge who you are in our life. We know that you are our strong tower. We know that you are omnipresent. We know that you are the great and mighty God. We know in any circumstances that we may come across, Father God, that you are greater than that. We know, Father God, that you build us to love and you build us to care and you build us to be caring, as if Father God, we don't allow folks to come in and move us away. But I pray for strength for that woman. I pray for courage. I pray that, Father God, that she leans onto you, Lord, and that Father God, she seeks you diligently to find the answers, that she holds on to your unchanging hand, Lord Jesus, and that she not let go. I pray, Father God, that there is peace in her soul, Lord, and I pray, Father God, that there's restoration in her life, Father God, that she may be able to move on with joy, unspeakable joy, and that, Lord, that you just hold her closely and wipe away her tears, her hurts, and her pains. So, Jesus, I thank you for this opportunity. I thank you for being with me today, and I thank you for allowing us to use this platform for your glory and for your sake. And Jesus Christ, we give you the glory and honor in Jesus' name. Amen. So if you enjoyed this podcast today, this episode, which was When Love Hurts, Finding God in the Middle of Marital Struggles, I want you to like, share, subscribe, and tune in for part two of When Love Hurts, Finding God in the Middle of Marital Struggles, because it's going to be a dynamic episode. So I give you all, bid you blessings to each and every one of you. And until the next episode, may God continue to bless you.