The Wedding Planner Within: A Story of Control, Survival & Integration

As a child, Leslie sensed something wasn’t right long before she had words for it. After being taken from her home, growing up across countries, navigating instability, and later experiencing abuse, she developed one powerful strategy to survive: control.

In this deeply honest conversation, Leslie shares how that protector showed up throughout her life through perfectionism, bulimia, achievement, work, relationships, and eventually parenting. But what changed everything wasn’t forcing herself to be different. It was learning to see the pattern, understand what it was protecting, and give it a name.

Together, we explore what happens when we stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking “What happened to me… and what am I protecting?”

This episode is part of theNaming phase of cycle-breaking.

For more information about Leslie’s project, Casa Damara: Go here

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 Disclaimer & Resources

This podcast is intended for personal reflection and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health support.

If you are looking for deeper support in the cycle breaking and parenting space, you can explore coaching and resources at www.branchout.life and follow along on Instagram at @branchout.life.

It Ends With You - A journal for interrupting inherited patterns.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

This is It Ants With You, a space for courageous conversations about interrupted inherited patterns, reclaiming your truth, and freeing future generations. I am Patricia and I am so glad to have you here. Hello, hello! In today's episode, through this conversation, we explore the naming phase of the cycle breaking journey. Because cycle breaking is rarely a single decision. It unfolds in faces from slow awakenings, small act of courage, and gradual shifts that over time transforms everything. My hope with these conversations is to bring those faces to life through real stories so that together we can make more sense of what this work actually looks and feels like. And the naming phase comes right after the awakening phase. And if you like to explore that phase more, you can listen to the previous episode. But this naming phase is the moment when something that once felt confusing, familiar, or quietly uncomfortable begins to make more sense because you finally put words to it, you stop asking what's wrong with me, and begin asking, what pattern am I seeing here? You call it for what it is, and often that's where freedom begins. And today I am joined by Leslie Jacobos. Leslie and I met through Dr. Cephalli's Coaching Institute while training and becoming certified in conscious parenting. We later both continued our learning through compassionate inquiry with Dr. Gabor Mate. We share a deep commitment to doing the inner work required to show up more present for our children and for those around us. Leslie is truly a citizen of the world. She has lived across countries, cultures, and even at sea. Today she joins us from Pescadero in Baja California, Mexico, where she lives with her husband and her four beautiful children, and where she has founded Casa da Mara, a beautiful and intentional space that weaves together all of her work around raising the inner child, becoming the mystic mother community and her retreats. I'll leave a link in the show notes so you can explore more on her work. Leslie, it is so special to have you here. For real. How are you today?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Thank you, Patti. Thank you for the invitation. I know that we've been wanting to talk for a while and we made it happen. So I'm really excited about it and just to talk to you and about this podcast. And yeah, so thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah, thank you, Leslie. So let's just, if you can to get us started, can you just start by sharing a little bit about how you were raised and how did you experience it growing up? Just give us some flavor, take us there.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Sure. Well, I was born in Mexico, close to Mexico City and a state called Queretaro. And um I am a daughter to a Mexican man, Jaime Jaca, and to my mother, who was born in the United States, so she has dual um uh dual uh nationality. So she's from the US, but also Mexican and really grew up more in Mexico. Um and her her father was American and moved to Mexico and met my grandmother. So I grew up in this town that back then was not as big as it is now. Now it's a full-grown city and uh, you know, filled with people from Mexico City and such. So when I grew up, um, my parents were together. Uh there was definitely some tension that I felt as a child, and we'll talk probably a little more about that. Um, but for the most part, I had a very um happy childhood playing with my cousins uh up until age five. And um, my brother was born when I was four years old, so that was um uh I was gonna say it's an amazing experience. And then also I remember being four and just being like, no, because he was born on Halloween, so I was at a Halloween party and then was taken to the hospital um to go meet him. And as a four-year-old, I did not want to leave the party, and now I I love him so much. We have an amazing relationship, but we always joke around about when he was born. And my parents ended up separating when I was five, and this is when things started to get, I think, more shooken up than they were already, because there was definitely uh a sense of chaos at home with lots of arguing and uh and yes, just lack of respect between my parents, and but when I was five, uh everything changed. My my parents separated, and my mom started dating uh a new man, and shortly thereafter, she actually kidnapped us and took us to the United States because she had American citizenship. And um obviously my father did not know that she was going to take us or nobody really knew, and so my brother and I were now with my mother and with her her new chosen partner. Um, and at five years old, you could imagine um I was very, very close to my father, which was a shock. Um, and I could go into more detail if you'd like, but basically that started my life then in the United States, and with a man um who was now part of our family system and constellation, um, which from the very beginning, when I met him as a child, I had this intuitive knowing something's not right here. Um and we we were in the States, we moved around a lot. So I moved around every year. So you have an idea, every single year of my life for school, I had a different school until I went to high school. And the only reason I went to the same high school is because I was adopted at 15, and then my adopted family had me in a school where I was I was more grounded and there was more stability. But the before the scenes were chaotic and like a hurricane in many ways. Um, yeah, so that I don't know if you want to go deeper into different parts of it, but there's a lot, there's a lot more, but just to get a sense of that.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah, that that definitely gives us a flavor, and thank you so much for sharing so vulnerable here, open and transparent about it. Thank you. Um yeah. And so can you go back to the first moments where you started recognizing something in your family dynamic was perhaps not what's off that it didn't feel right. You kind of started alluding to the men that you all of a sudden uh were being raised by, etc. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Yeah, so I think it goes back to that five-year-old Leslie, right? And that time where um my brother and I were taken out of our context and out of our language and out of our home, and um, and then placed in a literally in a car and driving. And I knew a little before then there was a sense because I still I've gone back in meditation and inner child healing and have felt even before that there was something that was off. And I mentioned a little bit the dynamic with my parents and the fighting and such. Um but when I was five and we were in that car driving to the United States, I knew that something was because I wasn't told, obviously, you weren't told you're being kidnapped or I'm taking you somewhere. You know, I just knew something is happening and we're leaving to somewhere where we're not supposed to. And in fact, I was so upset that I started kicking the seat and screaming and saying, take me back to my father, take me back, because I knew we were going so, so far away. And we ended up having uh a car crash, and which was a huge event in in my life because my mother almost died. There was lots of things that happened. Um and it was I actually can visualize being in the hospital, and nothing happened to me. It was amazing, not even a scratch. My brother was on a table and they were uh trying to stitch him, but he was two years old or one and a half. So you can imagine my mom was elsewhere because she was not doing well, and my stepfather was diabetic diabetic, and so he had had some sort of crisis. And he wasn't my stepfather then, he was her her partner. And I I remember sitting in that chair and just watching the whole scene almost like a movie, yeah, you know, like it, like literally this five-year-old watching, like, wow, what is happening, and where am I? And so from a very young age, there was a sense of this is not there's not that there, I mean, there's the myth of normal, right? But this is not normal. Like something is um, and obviously that was a very big event and traumatic event, but it it was just the beginning of what was to come. Eventually, um the man who my mom decided to marry became my abuser. So there was a whole, so there was the the little girl already knew there was something in her that was fighting to not be there, and um yeah, I mean, I see her clearly now, and I can I can hold her and hug her, but back then I know that there was this place of her of deep intuition and deep knowing that this was not the right thing, and yet it is it is what it is, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Yeah, wow. And how who did you have to talk about this then?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

I mean, yeah, there was no adults to talk about this to, right? And um what one of the things that I did do is my brother and I became very close, and I made up an imaginary friend for him called Mr. Hand, and so we would play at night, like sleep. I would sleep him and we would sleep together, and then Mr. Hand would come out to help him process, but it really in retrospect helped me as well, right? And so we had this little game where we would talk to each other through this imaginary friend. Um, but obviously two little kids. I mean, we're talking from very young age until um closer to uh preteen years. Um, so no, there was no adults to speak to at all. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

So what a smart, clever way, right? Through play in a way you were doing your own therapy right there. And 100%, yeah. Yeah. And so how did this manifest then later for you to then because you're the way you're talking about it right now? I can tell that there has been a lot of work done. And I know you from our previous trainings and certifications, and I know the path you've taken, but how um, yeah, how did this manifest and when was that turning point for you that you were able to finally name it for what it was, right? What was happening beyond your childhood?

SPEAKER_00 12:13

So, as I mentioned from the very beginning, it was very chaotic, right? Being in different schools, being in different countries, in different languages, a lot of movement, uh, not being able to speak to an adult. And so this chaos made for a lack of control. And so there was this place where there it was an uncontrollable situation for a young child. Um, so it started to manifest in my body um at 11 with bulimia and trying to control how I ate, what I ate, and how I threw up, or and um yeah, it manifested in my in my body, in um in food. It's then started to manifest as well in my studies, in perfectionism, and how I wanted to um excel in certain things, but to a point where uh perfectionism was well, perfectionism is not healthy ever, but it got to a point where it was very stressful. So, in retrospect, now I can I I see, I know those places where um the lack of control was trying to gain some sense of control. And I think, and then I think you asked, when did I realize that it was about what was manifesting the control? So it's been a process. I started uh therapy since I was 15 because of the bulimia. There came a moment, and that's why I ended up being adopted at one point, because there came a moment where the bulimia was very intense. And the family that adopted me, they're in Spanish we would say familia política, their political family, because they they were actually um parents to a woman that married my uncle, my mom's brother. So they were connected in a way, the the their grandparents to my cousins. So they saw that something um was going on with me, but they saw, I think they also saw that I had some sort of drive to uh excel and and a drive to to not be in the situation that I was, and so um there was a fork in the road at 14, and I think that's one of my my major forks, where then I was able to make a decision for myself where they offered two options. And um, the options were we can send you to a rehab center for eating disorders and you go there to get better, or you can come and live with us, and we're we live in Georgia, and we'll invite you into our house, and you'll live with us, and um, for all intents and purposes, we'll adopt you. Uh, of course, the third option was I stay where I was, and I knew in that place growing up, I was now in Mexico, back in Mexico, in Cabo San Lucas, and Cabo uh town started to become a party place. I knew that um if I stayed, I could be very well lured into other things and other addictions potentially, uh, you know, to um help this lack of control. And so I took the opportunity, but it was a very clear knowing of like, okay, this is the route to go, and so grateful that there was a family that saw this in me and that took me, and that that started to shift my whole life around, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Wow, wow, yeah, incredible. And what I'm struck by as you're talking is how that knowing was never not there. Yes, it was always there, yeah. Okay, and so what did you call it when you finally saw it clearly, all of it?

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Well, there was a moment, I think, around, and and it's it's a one, it's one that hides because it still comes up today at my 43 years old, right? But I think uh at 18, there was a moment of knowing, oh, this is all about lack of control, right? And um, and I'm living my life in a way that is trying to control every situation because otherwise there's no safety. And so there when there was a naming to that, there was a kind of a release of tension almost like of course, this is this is it. Um, and I think I realized that, yes, like my my late teens, and yet as life has it, you know, it was very easy to realize it and then kind of hide it and then go back into seeing it, and then um, because then naming it helped, and then yet there was um there was fear that if I took this uh place of uh you know, changing the way that I was that I was gonna collapse because then what would be the structure to hold?

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

There was a um an idea that was obviously wrong about control being the structure.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Yeah, that's what felt more familiar, right? Yes then, okay. And how did naming the pattern change the way that you saw yourself?

SPEAKER_00 17:47

I think that the moment that I named it, there was a clear separation of knowing that's not me. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

You're not the problem.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

I'm not the problem, right? And I and I could, and as I'm speaking to you, I'm putting my hand out because I'm saying, like witnessing that part of me that doesn't define me, and being able to witness it initially in the naming, like I said, was even like my nervous system, like everything, like, oh, you know, like I can release some of the tension. And if you think about when we're in um deep states of wanting to control, we're tense, right? And we're holding it all together. And so the moment I named it, there was this kind of releasing like in my shoulders and everything, but also witnessing as okay, this is not defined me now that I can see you, I can see who you are and what you are, and then it it was it's been a process to then now see that part of me as this protector part and not as an enemy.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

It wasn't immediate, but there's been a process.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah. The a smart protector, then, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:04

We think a smart protector that needed that was just trying to create some sense of safety in a place where there was absolutely none. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

And can you speak a little bit on some areas, maybe as in your adult life, where you were using that control mechanism to protect yourself? Can you give us an example of how that looked like? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

It's really funny because it started to show up everywhere. And it's taken um years to then kind of laugh about it, right? Now, now I I I laugh, but not in the making fun. I just laugh at wow, our ego is so it wants to protect us so much that it will go out of its way to do all sorts of crazy things to make us believe that we are safe when in theory it's just the ego playing. An illusion. An illusion. And so I think the first the first big one is I went into studying uh finance and administration. And when I was studying finance, it's very easy to control numbers because if they don't match up to something, you go back and you, you know, until like you get the correct quote unquote number. And so I was very comfortable with numbers, and um, I then went into work for a CFO in a big project, and I was uh second to the CFO with numbers, and um, so that was very interesting. And when I realized the um the pattern, and I'm like, oh, there you are again, control. Because at this point, I was um thankfully the bulimia had really uh become, I was just gonna say become controlled once comes in, right? But the bulimia was now not uh an active problem. And um, just like when you have a some sort of ism, an alcoholism or it's always something that could be present, but it could be not active, right? So bulimia was not active, but yet I was using this form of control through what I was studying and then how I was working. And then I realized, oh wow, I'm trying to control numbers. So I ended up going into a completely different realm, which is when I got married, I absolutely loved planning my wedding and doing everything regarding the planning, and it was so much fun that I ended up creating a wedding planning business and that was also so much fun. And I married tons of different people, and I'm laughing because at one point I realized, oh my gosh, there it is again. Because now, as a wedding planner, I could control the timelines, and when the bride and groom go dance and when the father of The bride is gonna go join, and when the first kiss, it's because everything is put on a timeline, right? What time the vendor arrives, or what time it ends in the every minute to the minute, sometimes to the second, depending on fireworks. So you know, everything is so then I realized wow, and that that business was successful and it was also a lot of fun until I could see, oh, there's that part of me playing again. And and it got to a point where the yeah, the the level of control now in the wedding planning was the control was eating me up, overtaking.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Overtaking.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Um so it's shown up in different ways in my life. Like I said, the bulimia, then the finances, and the wedding planning, and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Yeah, wow, yeah. At some point, then you're like, okay, this is a pattern, this is clearly a pattern. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

There's a saying that says, um, if it happens once, then it might be an accident, right? If it happens twice, pay attention. If it happens three times, it's a pattern. And so yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

It's a pattern. Get curious. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. How did naming the pattern change how you interacted um in your life with your relationships, in your family later on?

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Um, well, I mean, because then it started to show up in my parenting as well. So then I became, you know, and that's where it comes up for a lot of us women and and parents in general. Um, but uh, I started to notice it was coming up with my children. And there is a place with your children where you you cannot control if a child is having, I mean, you could if you decided to to use extreme measures like beating them up or something, right? But if a child is having a big meltdown or tantrum or they're playing or they're roughhousing, um, of course you can set boundaries, but there are certain things that you can't control from the expression of the child, from the way the child wants to speak. Um, and I was caught in a place where I suddenly was met with a wall of you cannot control me, especially my firstborn. My firstborn and I were like ram and ram together. And one of my, if not my biggest teacher, yes, when I realized, oh, like he's really pushing for, you know, like this this this fight of almost like who's in control. Um, and I was playing the game, and I wasn't being the parent, I was being that little girl that needed that stability. So I'm not sure if that was your question, but you answered it to my parenting.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Yeah, you answered beautifully. This idea that we can control our kids in parenthood is such an illusion. And the our ability to embrace and see parenthood as an opportunity for personal growth, for healing, like you're saying right now, right? Healing that part of you, that little inner child that was showing up in those moments when it was feeling like it was losing control. That is a beautiful gift that parenthood can give. I always say parenthood is a fertile ground for personal development if we choose to see it that way, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Yeah, for sure. And I have a funny story because um at one point when my son was six, and I was just butting heads with him and butting heads with him, I went to somebody recommended a parenting specialist. And I was like, Oh, I need to go and figure out what to do and how to control him, right? Yeah, and so I went with my husband and we went to the session and we sat down with her, and she said, Hi, my you know, my name is Norma. Um, she's an amazing um probab probably one of the the pioneers of conscious parenting in Mexico. And I didn't know this, I just knew she was a parenting expert. So I sat with her and we started saying all the things about Juan Emilio, right? Like about he this, he that, this, that, this, that, and just the blame, and like he won't listen, and he, you know, and um, and what do we do? Tell us what we have to do to get him like under control. And she was just listening very calmly and kind of receiving everything. And after we like finally like let everything out, she said, Well, I think you might have come to the wrong place because um I'm not here to tell you how and what you will say to your child. This is about you, and if you want to work with me, you're gonna have to work on you. And it was like a full stop, like, what? What do you mean this is about me? Um, I mean, we had already, I had already, like I said, been doing therapy since I was 15, and I had started yoga when I was 19. I was already like moving all these places, but the the the becoming a parent was a completely different scenario. And for her to say, this isn't about your child, it's about you, that was a huge um another one of those places where I there was another fork in the road. And I've seen them a lot in my life where I had to decide: do I go to another therapist and have the other therapist just tell me what I have to say to my child so he can be controlled? Or do I face this and stay here? And the fact that she said, You're I think you're in the wrong place. That caught my what do you mean? You know, and I still get goosebumps thinking about it because it was almost like a like a threat in a beautiful mother Durga way, you know?

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Yeah, you were ready also to see it, right? You were there. Um, what fears? There must have been some fears coming up, you know, for you as you were facing this new way of looking at things, right? With not coming from control, but from completely the opposite in the term in terms of parenting, right? Yeah, you want to do come you want to go to the other side of the spectrum, everything but control, so that your kids can shine and be their own spirits, their own essence. So I think what about the fears there? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

I mean, to the most primal fear, like fear of of dying, of not being able to be, right? Because, like I said, from a very young age, this sense of uh this illusion of control um helped me uh in quote unquote helped me feel a sense of safety. And so there was a very primal fear of I won't survive, uh especially considering my um abuse uh history and my mom not being able to to see what was happening, even if I spoke to her about her about it, and there was a blockage in her. Now I I the it's not an excuse to excuse the parents to have to have a blockage, but now I see the different parts you understand the limitations that made her um act in that way, but as a child I didn't, and as a child that meant I was completely on my own, and if I didn't care for myself immediately, I would die, yeah, or I would not, you know. Um so I think a very primal fear, and then of course there's other fears like uh just a fear of loss, uh a fear of abandonment, uh self-abandonment, um a fear of yeah, losing everything, losing your your children. I mean, there's it's a whole spectrum, but I think the most the primal if I go to that, um it's life or death, yeah. Life or death, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

And what helped you stay grounded, Leslie, through all of this in that awareness?

SPEAKER_00 30:13

I mean, I I don't want to um get overly uh spiritual, but I but I think there was definitely source god, goddess protecting me in many ways. And then in this human embodiment, um there was always this inner knowing, like very deep within my heart, that I was supported some way, somehow. Wow, and that knowing, I think, through my life has kept me coming back to okay, I am supported, even though everything outside of me felt like I wasn't. Um, and that still comes up today. You know, there's times where I have an argument with my husband because life is nonlinear and these parts of us start to show up again, and especially when we're tired or we don't have nervous system resilience or um, you know, we're triggered, etc. And when those parts, when that part specifically, the control one we're speaking of, um, comes up, it really takes this place of acknowledging her and that she's there to um protect me from death, literally, and saying, Okay, but you can step aside right now. I'm the one driving. I actually have a name for her. She's she's called, she's just called the wedding planner because I love it. Yeah, so because I she's useful for some things. Like sometimes I need her to structure things, and I'll say, Okay, I'll call you in because we do need to structure some things, and like if I'm planning travel and I have to, you know, mm be organized and such, she comes in very handly, handy, but then there are times where she starts to feel very comfortable and take over, and then I'm like, okay, you can go rest now. It's time for how do you know? How do you know when she's starting to take over? Because my reactions tend to be then um bigger than they typically are. Um I I mean, of course I react. I mean, I try to respond every time, but there's places where I react. But there's times where I don't just react one time where suddenly everything starts triggering, and then I know, oh, okay, hold on. It's not about the other person. It never really is, but but it's easy to blame when it happens once. But then when you start noticing that it's happening a lot in one day, and you're like, okay, there she is again, you know? And then she um, yeah, I just notice her more because I've had a relationship with her, and so I talk to her, and um, and so when she's present, I can kind of feel her come back in the room and say, Okay, do I really need you to be here now? That's taken a while. It's not an extra video. Those have been years of like having that relationship with her.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

To know that that's not who you are, right? This is not this is just this survival mechanism. I love it. I love this relationship with talking about uh friending your ego, right?

SPEAKER_00 33:16

Well, and like you were talking about naming it. So even in the naming, what if we were to give that part a name, like an actual name? You know, in my case it's the wedding planner and I uh but maybe you name her something else, you know? Yeah, I love that. What do you think keeps people from naming patterns sooner? A lot of times it's just not noticing that it's happening and that it has to happen over and over again, and life keeps bringing them back to you to see if there's a place, and sometimes they come stronger to see if there's a place where you will open some awareness to what's happening. So I think just a lot of times it's the unconsciousness, not because we don't want to, it's because we're so um in the doing and we don't give ourselves space and time to um really be in a witnessing mode that we can't even we can't even see it, really. Um, and the other thing is once we see it and we have awareness to it, a lot of people get stuck in just the awareness. And what is required, in my opinion, is the once you you see it, there's intention that goes into action to start to make it integrated, yeah. To integrate it, to start to make a change in some way. Um, and like I said before, when you see something happening not once, not twice, but three times, then it's time to pay for pay attention.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Yeah, get curious, and like you're saying, I'm hearing you say, once you know the awareness is there, then take responsibility. Now it's your responsibility to do something with it, right? And not just uh play victim, like, oh, this is what I had based on on the resources that were given to me back then, I didn't know any better.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Okay, sure, but now that you know that this is what's happening, and as you know from the presence process and work that we've done together in this place of responsibility, and and it's it's in the therapy language in many places, it's this ability to respond, right? Exactly. So, how are you going to respond to the knowing that there's an awareness now to a pattern? How do you choose and and doing that with compassion because it is scary? It is scary to change the habits that you've created for safety, for survival to the deepest, like thinking you might die. So it's understandable that they're there, but once you start to notice, they don't get those patterns don't get to rule your life anymore. And so now it's time to take the ability to respond to them in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

What a beautiful piece of wisdom, right there. Yes. I have I have this closing ritual that I ask all of my guests if this work continues, Leslie, what ends with you? And how will the next generation and the re relationships around you um feel the difference?

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Thank you. Well, I see it with my uh with my children, of course. I have four um beautiful children and and now it's it goes beyond patterns and and naming um, you know, those things that don't serve us for myself, but also for my children, and hopefully in some if they decide to have children for my grandchildren. And so I have taken a bow to end whatever I can become an awareness of to very gently, compassionately pay attention and end it with me. And it's it, you know, it sounds like it sounds like it could be easy, and I know it's not because there's many that I still they come up, they come up all the time. Just last week I had another one come up when I saw myself and I dine and a codependent dynamic, and um, and but now witnessing, oh, okay, that codependent dynamic is actually my inner child from this stage wanting to come up for something here, and so it's in really seeing and and taking action to what I'm seeing with again, I'll repeat that with gentleness and compassion.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yes. Beautiful, beautiful. Um I love this message, and what a great way to end this episode. I wish I could stay a lot longer talking to you. Thank you. It's always a good moment with you, always with a lot of presence and uh thoughtfulness, there's depth in everything that you share. And I'm gonna leave here on the podcast a link to your project, which is an amazing project. Maybe you can say a little, a couple of words on Casa about Casa Damara here for everyone who's listening because it's what a treat that is to come across this project. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Um, thank you. And as you, you know, the last question you had asked was about um how it ends with us, and and this is what this project is really about, too. Um Casa Damara is a conscious family living community, and the vision is to um allow a space for parents to be able to witness these patterns in different ways with different modalities, and our children to be involved so that our children already have, they already have everything, their essence, their pure essence. But what happens is that through culture and through our projections and such, as you know, we uh divide them from that essence. And so, what if there were a place where they could have all these tools and their parents are also working on their tools to end their patterns? And um, and maybe and the kids will go through their life and they'll have their nonlinear experiences, um, yet they'll have at least, and then the hope is the presence of their parents in a different way, and they will also have the tools that they could come back to if they need to. So a place, it's a community. Um, we have 22 homes, a retreat center, uh, and an 18-room small hotel. And the idea is that people come and do inner work. Conscious parenting is not just about what you tell your children at all, it's actually about your reparenting, so where they can come reparent themselves and from that place be in presence with their children in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

And isn't that the best gift? It's not the perfect parent, it's the parent that is present there for whatever struggle I'm going through. I can go to my parents and they can uh be with me, be with whatever it is that I'm feeling. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

I invite everybody to come, whoever you know, to come host a retreat or come live in community and collaborate. Uh, we're in Pescadero, Mexico, and thank you so much for asking and sharing that.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

I'm coming, Ranchad is coming with uh the parent and child retreat. I sure hope so. Yes. Well, thank you, Leslie. Yeah. Before we finish, let's make meaning of what we just heard together. The first thing is this the knowing was always there. What struck me most in listening to Leslie was that even as a little girl, she knew, she sensed something wasn't right, she couldn't explain it, she didn't yet have the language for it, but the knowing was there. And I think that is very true for many of us. There is often that quiet knowing inside of us that notices when something is feeling off, unsafe, disconnected, or simply not true. But we override it, we may explain it away, and we may adapt to survive, but our knowing, it is still there. So there's I firmly believe that there's no greater expert on what feels right or wrong for you than you. The second thing that stayed with me was this idea of what grounds us. For Leslie, it was her spirituality, her faith, her deep inner knowing that there was something bigger than herself holding and protecting her. For someone else, it may be nature, community, journaling, movement, creativity, but the question always remains, and it is what protects your essence? What reconnects you to who you are beneath the roles, the fears, the patterns? Because when that source comes from within, from the inside out, it becomes abundant. It just doesn't run out. And the third thing I want to name is this in Leslie's story, there were visible moments of rupture and trauma. It was evident, right? Which helped make sense of where the pattern of control came from. But for many of us, it is quieter than that. Patterns can form through subtle experiences, through what wasn't said, through emotional absence, through constantly adapting. And that's why this works asks something of us. It asks us to slow down, to notice, to journal, to get curious, to stop living only in the doing because awareness rarely arrives in noise. And lastly, how scary is it to let go of something that once protected you? Leslie's control wasn't the enemy. It was a brilliant protector. But like Dr. Gabor Matez says, it's like wearing a winter jacket that once protected you in the middle of the summer. At some point we have to ask, is this still really protecting me? Or is it getting in the way of how I show up with the people I love? I am sure many of you found parts of your stories in Leslie's story, and maybe today's invitation is simply this: what if the thing you're trying so hard to hold together is the very thing asking to be named? Until the next one. Thank you so much for listening to It Ends With You. If you enjoyed today's conversation, do please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone you love. It truly helps this message reach the people who need it most. I should note that this podcast is for reflection. And educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health support. If you're looking for deeper support in the cycle breaking and parenting space, you can explore coaching and resources at branchout.life. It Ends With You is created by Branch Out Coaching and produced by Rob Gregorson. Until next time, and remember, when you choose differently, the cycle begins to end.