The Hidden Cost of Hyper-Independence

In this episode, I sit down with physician, executive coach, and lifelong learner Aparna Ananth to explore what happens when the identities we've built our lives around begin to fall away.

From a childhood marked by emotional self-reliance to a successful career in medicine and leadership, Aparna shares how a fiercely independent protector helped her survive, achieve, and thrive. But when a sabbatical, an unexpected divorce, and the loss of long-held identities arrived almost simultaneously, she found herself facing a question she could no longer ignore: "Is this all there is?"

This is a deeply reflective conversation about healing, asking for help, trusting life's unfolding, and moving from doing to being. Together, we explore the difference between control and agency, the wisdom of Internal Family Systems, the courage required to soften old protections, and the profound practice of allowing.

This conversation is a powerful reflection on how healing often isn't about reinventing ourselves, but about uncovering the parts of us that have been there all along beneath the roles, expectations, and protections we've carried

This episode sits primarily in the Restoring phase of Cycle Breaking, reconnecting to self, with beautiful threads of Integration woven throughout.

Support the Podcast

Your support means the world and is deeply appreciated. If this resonates, click follow and leave a review to help spread the message of It Ends With You.

 Disclaimer & Resources

This podcast is intended for personal reflection and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health support.

If you are looking for deeper support in the cycle breaking and parenting space, you can explore coaching and resources at www.branchout.life and follow along on Instagram at @branchout.life.

It Ends With You - The journal, for interrupting inherited patterns.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

This is It Ends With You, a space for courageous conversations about interrupted inherited patterns, reclaiming your truth, and freeing future generations. I am Patricia and I am so glad to have you here. Hello everyone! I am so excited. We now have listeners from around the globe, from all continents. I am super excited about this. That It Ends With You has reached out a global audience already. And today's guest is Aparna Anan. And Aparna and I first crossed paths years ago when she sat on the board of a healthcare company where I worked, long before I entered the coaching world myself. And on paper, her accomplishments are just remarkable. She's a physician, a cardiac anesthesiologist, an MBA, executive coach, a board member, and a leader who has spent decades shaping healthcare across the United States. But those achievements are in what stayed with me. What stayed with me has been her presence. That beneath all of the achievement is someone deeply curious about people, someone genuinely interested in what lives underneath the surface, someone willing to ask questions that many of us spend years avoiding. And perhaps that's why I'm so excited for you to hear this conversation. Because while a partner is, by every external measure, incredibly successful, the story she shares today isn't really about success. It's about what happens when the trophies no longer tell the whole story. As she writes herself, I am a success story for higher education. The proof is in the letters behind my name, but these letters do not tell even half the story. What follows is a story about survival, identity, the courage to release the roles and definitions that once made sense but no longer fit, and ultimately about reconnection to the self, to her truth. She is someone I would describe as widely awake, and I think you are about to understand why. Aparna, welcome to It Ends With You. Thank you so much for being here and for joining the conversation, the courageous conversations. I am honored you said yes to my invitation to the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

I am so happy to be here, Patricia, and equally honored that you would ask me. It's always a pleasure chatting with you.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

The excitement is mutual. To get us started here, when you think about this phase of restoring, which I call when we are reconnecting to the self, to our essence, what feels most real or present for you right now?

SPEAKER_03 3:21

So what comes up for me is the model of the four stages of consciousness by Bob Anderson and some other authors, I think. And the stage I find myself in is the through me stage, which is one of allowing. Most often, we still kind of shift between stages, but most often. And just for your audience, I will list the stages for context. The first stage is stuff is happening to me. So a stage of victimhood, a sense of helplessness. Um and the next stage is one of by me, which is a stage of doing and feeling agency for controlling elements of your life, or responsibility for what's happening in your life. The third stage is through me, which is one of allowing and accepting. And the fourth stage is as me, which is a sense of being one with the world, with life, with the universe, however one may describe it.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

So you're in this allowing phase, I'm hearing. I cannot for you to walk us through how you arrived to this beautiful place you're in today. And can you bring us back all the way to childhood? How did you grow up? What was your experience growing up?

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Okay, my childhood, um, by most people's standards on paper was idyllic. I grew up in um, I was born in India, grew up in a middle-class Indian family. We did not want for food, clothing, or shelter. Um my father is a self-made man. Um, he came from very humble background and he educated himself and became who he is today. Uh, my mom is a very caring, uh loving woman, and very soft-spoken and kind. Um and yet, yet, so I'd like to preface this with something I heard, I believe it was Gabor Mate who said this. Trauma is not what happens to us. Trauma is what happens within us as a result of what happened to us.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

And then he he goes on and says, as a result of what happens to us without the companionship of uh an adult in your life, a caregiver, a mother, a father, uh, to be by your side during that time.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Yeah. Yes. So I I I want to preface what I'm saying with that, because this is about not about what happened to me. It this is about what happened within me.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Not anybody's fault, including my own. This is just a description of what happened within me. Uh, I truly, truly believe um, my parents did the best that they could do with what they had in the moment, and I have only done the best with what I have had in every moment along my way. So I'm it this is just uh a story to say how external circumstances can impact people in different ways.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

Um, so my parents, when I was very young, my father got a job um outside the country. Um, and he and my mom, I was about two or three, maybe, and he and my mom wanted to move there first, settle in and things. They didn't want to take a little baby with them. So they left me with my grandparents, and I knew something was up, I knew people were going. They, you know, they said somebody told me your parents are going. Um, and I remember standing and crying that just take me with you wherever you're going, just take and they were trying to convince me, it's okay, we'll come back and get you. Promise, we'll come back. And I was like, no, just take me with you. But you know, they international flights are usually at night, and I went to sleep and they left, and when I woke up, they were not there. Uh, the first time I I was I remember being very upset. My grandparents were there for me. Um, and my grandparents, well, they had their own issues and personally and interpersonally, and um, having brought up five children of their own somehow, I I don't think they were well even suited to bring try to bring up a sixth one. So um just but they were there, adult supervision was present. Okay, that was a good thing, I guess. Um, my parents did come back and they did take me uh with them, and those were very happy times for me when I was just with my parents in another country. Then they moved back to India, and again when I was four or five years old, the same thing happened. All just the same picture. What was different inside this time was I didn't cry anymore. When I woke up and they were gone, there was a little voice inside me that said, I'm here, I've got you.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Wow, and so early.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

Yes. And in the language of um internal family systems, I guess you would say that was the beginnings of a very strong protector part that had come into play.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Um do you mind for for the our listeners that are not familiar with internal family system to explain it briefly what that concept is?

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Yes. The internal family systems, I think, is a fascinating approach, one of many, of course, developed by Richard Schwartz, and it is based on developmental theory and uh family systems. So he proposes that inside ourselves we develop an internal family of voices that play various and calls them parts, and they play various roles, just like various members of a family might. So you have the youngest, most vulnerable parts that we don't like to listen to or hear too much because they are usually hurt and crying, and it's painful to listen to them. So we call them the exiles and we put them away safely in a dark corner.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

And they have freezes, is this part that freezes in a way?

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Exactly. So in this case, you might say, I had a little exiled little girl who was so afraid that her parents were leaving her and feeling rejected and abandoned, and none of those feelings are pleasant. So got that little girl got exiled, put away, and a protector was there to keep her quiet and to present a face to the external world. And this was this protector who's like, I've got you, I am here, you don't need anybody. And to the outside world, it was I don't need anybody. So this self-sufficient, independent, fiercely independent, I can do it, I don't need anybody, um was the protector that developed, and that protector has stood for me for a very long time, still present today, just playing a slightly different role. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Uh so that how how did that role? I'm sorry to interrupt there, but how did that role serve you then? And then as you say that it showed up later in life for you? Can you can you paint a picture there for the listeners?

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Yes, uh internally that protector part kept my exile from completely breaking down and losing all sense of agency and and and I guess just imagine a two-year-old girl being abandoned and left to me. My grandparents were in a sense strangers and they were not engaged in they took care of me in the sense I was bathed and fed and clothed.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

The basic needs, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

But nobody held me, nobody asked me, what are you playing? Can I play with you? Uh, or what's happening? Did you what happened with your friend, or how was your day? And this actually continued all through my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Yeah, no emotional connection there.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

No, there was absolutely zero emotional connection with my family, both my parents, my grandparents, uh, they were all kind of self-involved, or my grandparents were sucking up whatever extra energy my parents had, who were both working as well the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Tired, most likely, right? Exhausted.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

As soon as they walked in the door, my grandparents had their list of demands. So if you weren't the squeaky wheel, you weren't gonna get any grease, and I was not a squeaky wheel.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

So got it.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

So how this protector helped me was I could survive in that surrounding, standing all by myself with all the spin going on around me, people in their own little things, nobody with any time or attention for me. But because I had this protector, I could stand and take care of whatever I needed. And you know, this gradually developed to pretty much everything that I needed to do. If I needed to play, I had a playmate. If I needed someone to hold me because I fell down and hurt myself, I had someone. I never had to go crying to an adult, and I never did.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

I even fell down and broke a finger once and I didn't go crying. Um, eventually it was looking so ugly. I went to my mom and I said, I think I need to go to the doctor. That's what I said.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Wow, wow. I just can envision that little girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Yeah. But uh, this protector has been there for me very strongly.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

And and what has been at what cost? What has been the cost then?

SPEAKER_03 15:16

Well, I to this day, I don't my grandparents are have passed. My parents, I still don't have a parent-child relationship with them at all. Uh, I don't many things have happened in my life for better and worse. I have never shared uh my accomplishments or things that I am proud of or uh creative things that I do with them or almost with anybody else except one person who we will talk about at some point. Um and I I have just been very self-contained, and honestly, you know, Patricia, if I think about it, it hasn't been too bad for me, and even today, I wouldn't say it's been a terrible cost. Um because maybe perhaps I still don't feel the need. Oh yeah, I and I enjoy people's company, I enjoy connecting. I I love to hang out and talk to people, but I don't feel a need for it.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Yeah, that little girl with a broken finger, right? That doesn't need anything.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Yeah, I if I could have driven myself to the doctor, I would have, but that was a little beyond the capabilities of a six-year-old girl at the time.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That self-independence that makes us to not rely on others and not need it, right? Yeah, um, it serves you well, that part of you, right? I I could imagine for accomplishing things, for getting goals, I could imagine.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Um has there been an instance where it you can tell, okay, this is not serving me?

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Yeah, I in self-independence in retrospect, because in in the moment it it was it seemed very appropriate. Yeah. But in retrospect, if I look back on the first 40 years of my life, it has been there's okay, my motto was I can rest when I'm dead. It was go, go, go, go, go. Because I can do it myself, goes hand in hand with I have to go keep doing it myself because no one's gonna do it for me.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

So it's always been go, go, go, do, do. You you every time I sit down, it's like, oh, that hasn't been done, or this hasn't been done. Um, so go do it. Once we finish the list, then we can rest, but you know, the list never gets never ends, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

So it's this uh restless, I'm hearing, right?

SPEAKER_03 18:25

This and even connections with people, it was it became things on a list that I have to go meet this person, I have to have lunch with this person, it because there was just so much that just it the protector, the thing about protectors is they are very unifocused. Yeah, so when I can do it myself is just that keep doing it yourself, they don't think beyond that, they don't think, oh yeah, I've done it, now I can chill. No, yeah, this protector's role is do. And so I did and did and did. Um now it's it has shifted, and you know, there there's ways that you release protectors from their uh burden and focus and allow them to be something else of what they wanted to be in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

So there is that now, but in retrospect, I can see that all I could see was the task list of what to do.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Exactly. Like what started to shift in you where in you where those roles no longer felt sustainable.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Um you know, there was a time um my husband at the time, you know, he was the one person that I did open up to and relax with and say maybe even too much so, because the my whole world of people I might have leaned into for different things, I took it all and leaned into one person because he was the only person I felt safe with. Um, where my protector took a break every now and then. Um, but my husband at the time and I we had kind of reached the pinnacle of our uh respective careers at the time, and we were doing everything we wanted to do from the career front. We had just built a beautiful um forever home together, and I just had this moment where I was looking up at this house that was almost complete, and it just topped me in my tracks, and this just my head was full with these words. Is this all there is?

SPEAKER_01 21:17

That's a strong realization right there.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Yes, is this all there is? No, that day I just got up and kept going because there were still things to be done, but that that kind of stayed with me. It was like a seed that had taken root and it was not gonna go away. So I started thinking about um taking some time off work, taking a sabbatical, just now that you know the house was all done and paid for and we weren't hemorrhaging money, I we could live on one person's income for a little bit while I thought about it. Um, and he was very supportive of that, and so this was in. June of 2023, when um I actually submitted my resignation from work. And I'll tell you that Protector was not happy. And I I even said this out loud to my husband, like, I have never been dependent on somebody ever in my life.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

I have always had, you know, in my entire adult life had a job, um, been self-sustaining, and this is not very comfortable for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Yeah. That was a strong realization and action that followed that you actually, you know, realize this. Is this it? And you actually taking action to get get uh take a step back from the doing, doing, doing. Yes. And I'm curious, and I want to hear the the rest of this, but in this particular moment, what made you do it? Because yeah, it's so strong as you're talking about it, right? What made you actually go ahead and say, you know what, I'm taking a step back.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

So the decision to take a step back. Now the thing about one thing I've come to know about myself is once something takes root in my mind that strongly, there's no choice. And I don't say it in a sense of helplessness, that becomes the path. It's like crystal clear that that's where I need to go and what I need to do. I I felt that way when I was four years old about becoming a doctor, and then everything I did from that point forward was in service in of becoming a doctor. Um, so this was like one of those things, it has to be done.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Okay, you had the clarity, you knew that that action needed to take place.

SPEAKER_03 24:01

Okay, so continue on because this is but my protector was not happy about this action, so tried to stop me even at the last moment. And um uh, you know, my husband at the time did say, uh, well, I am here, I'm with you. We've got this, I've got good health insurance, you'll be fine, you can take some time off, we can afford it. Um, and so I hit send on that email. And a few weeks later, I was minus job for the first time, unemployed in my life. Um, and uh I it's it took some time to you don't just go from a hundred miles an hour to zero, yeah. So I uh did a lot of this was during the summer, so you know in the Pacific Northwest it's really nice. I spent a lot of time hiking in nature. I volunteer as a ranger at Mount Rainier National Park, so I was still keeping myself busy but in different ways. Um and then in September we both went for to do the Camino to Santiago, and clearly we both did two separate Cinos because at the end of that he said, I'm done, I want a divorce. Um so this so here I was two months unemployed, and uh the one person that I was relying on emotionally and now financially said he is out. Um, no explanation to this day. Uh he and non-negotiable, it's like he also got some clarity, and that's all he wanted to do. Um I say this because I did not have a gradual shift of recognizing unsustainability. The the incident I talked about when I had that moment of clarity was somewhere in the end of May of 2023. And here we are in October, early October, and said I'm out, and by mid-October, both my legs were cut out from under me. My career was one leg, my marriage was another. The two things that determined my identity at the time were gone. As they say in Buddhism, the cup shattered.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

Totally shattered into a million pieces.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

And how did you not go to that place of this is happening to me? What you spoke about earlier, and instead be in this place that you're right now.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

Well, my protector didn't let that happen. I've got your hand get up and start doing what needs to be done. You've I knew nothing about finances early on. We had decided, um, because I was uh because as an anesthesiologist, I made the bigger income. Um, I bring in the money, he takes care of it. Um so I knew nothing about finances. I I did not even know how much money we had in the bank. Um, I did not even know how much my paychecks were. Um something got deposited as long as my credit card worked, that's all I cared about. Um so it was like, and and he kind of made it, I'm gonna say quote unquote, easy for me by kind of pulling out one rug from under me. He's like a couple of weeks in, he's like, you better get your own health insurance because I'm taking you off mine. And a couple of weeks later, he was like, you know, you're secondary on all the credit cards. I'm just gonna take your name off them. You've got to get yourself your own credit cards. So it's just like, okay, go learn, go learn, go learn, go do protector is like, yes, let's go, let's do this. We have to do this. We had no choice.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

So what does in in this in the midst of all of this? I can see the protector leaning on the protector serving you quite well. Oh, but what what may not have been serving you in those moments?

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Well, actually, I don't know that I was present for a lot of it. Okay, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah, it was that protector part of me just doing whatever needed to be done to logistics logistics, not very disassociated.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Very dis I don't even it was there was a sense of numbness and fog. It was just okay, what needs to be done next? That's all I could do. Didn't talk to anybody, actually. Nobody even knew about this from October to December. Um, so couldn't didn't talk to anybody about what I was going through. It was just do-do-do, and he didn't want to talk to me either. So we were living in the same house, just literally talking. Okay, you're going out. Do you need anything? What do you you know? It was just literally logistics that we were talking. This paper needs to be signed, or the and um I don't know if I was truly present in that time. I think another little exile was created there who curled up into a ball and went into a corner and said, I can't deal with this.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yeah. And and what what brought you back to connecting to yourself, to your knowing?

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Uh see, this is kind of where without my actual asking for it or intentionally doing anything about it, this is where I say, um, now I'm not a religious person and I don't truly believe in any organized religion uh or rituals, but I do believe in a greater existence, and I do believe that we are all a part of that greater existence. It is not somebody out there who's looking at us and saying you're being good or being bad. Bad, yeah, that's Santa Claus, but um, but we are all part of this greater existence, and it's kind of like my actions send ripples, whether they are positive ripples or negative ripples, and likewise others ripple back to me. Um, yeah, we're interconnected, we are all interconnected and interdependent. I didn't have all these words back then, but I did believe in a greater existence, and that existence kind of showed up around me in that time. You know, simple things like okay, I have to learn how to invest my money, I have to figure out how to do this. So I reached out to somebody, the the one person whose name I knew because he used to do our taxes and give us investment advice many, many years ago. My husband eventually just started doing all of it himself. But I remembered this guy's name and I called him and I said, I don't know anybody else. You and it's not even someone I had ever spoken to. Usually it was the two of them talking, but he knew my name because it was on all the documents, right? Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm so and so this is this is the situation, and he remembered us. This is the situation, and I'm kind of starting from scratch, yeah, and I need I need help, and so he gave me some advice on okay, this is these are the things you need to do right now, yeah, yeah. Um, from that point of view, and then at the end of the call, he's like, and if you don't mind me going on a personal note, you know, and I'm really sorry this is happening. Um, I have been through it myself, and this is a book that I found very helpful. If it speaks to you, please, um, by all means, I hope it helps you.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

I'm hearing you picked up on oh not picked up. What was required of you was to perhaps for the first time in your life raise your hand, ask for help. I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Yeah, and help came more than I asked for, actually, because that was the first book of at this point. I think I read almost 300.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Wow. Um you got onto that journey, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:43

Yes, and the books are not books that I look for, or um, you know, I they they show up. Somebody mentions a book, or um, you know, my library sends me, since you read this, would you like to read this?

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Yeah, or the healing root circle, right?

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Like you join in the healing root circle, or you show up and you say, Do you want to join the healing circle? I'm doing this. So things have shown up at the right time. And again, if I look in retrospect, the healing circle would not be as meaningful to me had I done it a year ago.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

It showed up when it needed to show up, when I had what the resources I needed to participate fully. So that's been the journey, the path, the shift. Um, and it's been one of those things for me that this is the path, there's no other way. And it's not in a helpless, I'm just gonna go because I don't see any other way, but rather there is no other way because this is the way for me.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Yeah, that's beautiful. What what has been the hardest for you in terms of letting go and releasing what you call now allowing?

SPEAKER_03 35:16

You know, it honestly I I won't even say anything was that hard. Once I got past the we can fix this, and I was trying trying to get him to change his mind, and we can fix this once I stopped. It everything was just easy after that. A sense of relief instead of trying to control, not relief, just flow. Um the logistical things, I found the right help at the right time. Um I asked for help and received it from total strangers, mind you. Total strangers or some random name I pull from the past um and reconnect with or connect with for the first time, but I knew they were peripherally in my life. Um the there was no anger, there was and even today I just I just feel very open and in in in terms of um take not Kans words, you know, I just feel just real loving kindness even for my um ex-husband now, because I I I truly I hope he has found the path to joy, whatever his path is, because it wouldn't it wasn't easy for him to do what he did.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

And whatever he did it for, I hope it has found him the joy that he needed, that he was looking for um profound. The okay, if I had to say something was challenging, it was uh releasing the friends that I had. Not all of them. There were friends I reconnected more strongly with friends who existed before my marriage. And uh a few of my friends from our the early part of our marriage. But most of our friends in the more recent years, I realized that we're not we're not connected in the way I was trying I was trying to connect before. I also found that help did not come from there.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

From those groups, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Yes, and uh even on asking sometimes. Um and so it's not it's not a judgmental thing, but it's just more of a this is not what I need in right now. As in I'm here if any of you reach out to me individually, I am here, I'm still here. I'm not like cutting you out and don't ever call me again. Um, but I'm not a part of the groups and part going to events and meetings and things that we used to do as a group anymore. Um and some of the ones who were closer at the time, um, and even letting of they were gone, but for me to release it was it took a moment. So if anything, I would say that was probably the hardest part, and even that not too much because it seemed very natural.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Wow, yeah. No, I'm I'm picking up on this shift that you had from the doer in your life to the being more, yeah, and once that shifted, there was no way back, no, you haven't looked back once, and you have started to enjoy the beauty of the possibilities, right, that exist from this state of being. Yeah, it's how beautiful. So just to wrap up, I have this little ritual where I ask my guest the same question. And so, a partner, if this work continues, what ends with you and how would the relationships around you feel it?

SPEAKER_03 40:06

Well, I believe, like I said, that we are all interdependent, interconnected, and how we communicate with words and physical touch, these are only two ways of a million infinite number of ways that we connect with each other. Um, and so any opening that I experience ripples out as opening vibrations into the universe, and those who are ready for it will have access to it. It I was explaining this to my sister-in-law, not this specifically, but explaining to energy um waves to my sister-in-law the other day, and I it said it's like radio waves, they're all there. You have to tune yourself to that frequency and you hear that station. If you tune yourself to another frequency, you hear that station. That means all these waves are already there.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

It's like and if you're too busy, you don't attune to any.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

Right. And so it's a matter of what you tune into. So the radio station that I want to broadcast is this one of opening, of being, of loving kindness, of integrating mind, body, and spirit, and that has been a big part of my journey. And one day I'm happy to talk about that. But the mind was my intellect, and my body was how I climbed mountains and worked out, and my spirit was something. Um, but now they're coming together with a deeper understanding, and that's what I would like to broadcast. And I'm hoping more and more people in the world are tuning into the something like this, rather than the violence and the aggression and the fear that is out there.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

I think this is beautiful. Imagine if all of us did a little bit of this, right? In some internal work, getting to know ourselves better, slowing down so that we can connect with our bodies, our spiritual being. Um, it's all connected, the mind and the body at the end. Yes, and so the world will definitely be a better place, I think. Yes, thank you so much for this uh time, this moment, your presence, your consciousness, your thoughtfulness. I really appreciate it, Aparna. Thanks for sharing.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

It's been a true pleasure, always a pleasure talking to you, Patricia, and my love to all your readers and listeners. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Before we close, as usual, I would love to leave you with one reflection from Aparna's story. I hear people say, especially those who identify with the performer or the fiercely independent one, say things like, but this is part of me that helped me succeed. Why would I want to let it go? I think Aparna shows us today that we don't have to. The goal isn't to get rid of the protector, to get rid of that part of us that often helped us survive and accomplish incredible things. The invitation is simply to let it stop running the whole show. Aparna is still achieving, leading, and creating impact, but she is doing it from a completely different place. She has moved from the hyper-independence to being okay asking for help, from protecting to opening, from doing to being, from controlling to this beautiful stage now that she's in to allowing. To me, that is what restoring looks like. So the invitation from me to you today is this can we keep our drive, our ambition, and our gifts while softening our grip on life enough to actually be able to savor it? Because maybe healing isn't about doing less necessarily, but more about being more. Thank you for listening. Thank you so much for listening to It Ends With You. If you enjoyed today's conversation, do please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone you love. It truly helps this message reach the people who need it most. I should note that this podcast is for reflection and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health support. If you're looking for deeper support in the cycle breaking and parenting space, you can explore coaching and resources at branchout.life. It ends with you is created by Branch Out Coaching and produced by Rob Gregorson. Until next time, and remember when you choose differently, the cycle begins to end.