Episode 6: “Ask The Gap”

You asked. We answered.

This week Haily and Rick open up the floor to their listeners for the very first Ask The Gap episode. From family reactions and generational differences to future plans, the big move to LA, and what success really looks like for The Age Gap Effect — nothing is off limits. Almost.

Fair warning: Episode 7 is coming next week, and the questions get significantly more intriguing.. You’ll see what we mean! 😉

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The Age Gap Effect is hosted by Haily and Rick — a real couple, a real age gap, and zero filter. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and never miss a conversation worth having.
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Transcript

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All right, today's a special day class because we are not the teachers. You are. Welcome to episode six, Ask the Gap, our first ever listener QA episode. You sent us your questions and we are answering everything. Oh, whoa, whoa. You said almost everything last week. In all fairness, we got so many questions sent in that Rick and I couldn't just choose a few. Yeah, there was such great participation from everyone. Thank you so much for sending in all those questions. Thank you. So, in true age gap fashion, today's going to be our PG 13 episode. And we'll leave you with some Uber money and a bag of nuts on the dresser for the next episode. That'll be our age gap after dark. So let's get into this episode. Welcome to episode six of the age gap effect. All right, let's start with this week's Cotton the Gap moment. Rick? Oh, I had a very specific gap moment this week. I got to attend Maverick's IEP meeting with you at his school. Um actually, maybe you should tell people some background on what an IEP is. So an IEP is an individualized education program. And it's where we sat down with Mavs teacher, um, speech therapists, his VP, different professionals in the school, and basically his group of advocates. And we helped to kind of go through what he did for the year and see what worked, what didn't, and how he can be as successful as possible. I found it just kind of ironic that here I am sitting in a pre-kindergarten class in these tiny little chairs with his teachers and the school vice principal, I think, and the speech therapist, and not someplace I thought I was going to be at this point in my life. But it was really adorable and very productive. It was great to have you, especially because there's so many things that you you don't know. So you come with these fresh questions that I are are actually very, very helpful. So it is nice that we have this tag team. Yeah, this whole world of autism is a whole new horizon for me, but it's uh worth the challenge. It's a lot to learn. Um, but I you know, I give it to you because you're a you're a trooper. Well, thank you. What was your uh Totten the Gap story this week? So mine is kind of a couple of different situations. I I swear I space out on the fact that we have these episodes that we put out, and I've caught found myself in a few different conversations where a friend will bring up a story or a scenario about me, and I'm like, how in the hell do you know that? And it like I have to have a like a second where I break it down. I'm like, oh fuck, they're listening to our podcast. You thought they tapped your phone. So it's more of a cut-in-the-blonde moment. All right, so let's get into our questions. I'm gonna read the first one, and do you want to just kind of go back and forth? Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea. Okay, cool. So, question one. Have you been surprised by the reaction of friends and family, people you assumed had your back that didn't, and people you didn't expect who showed up big? Oh boy. Um, yeah, no, and I haven't been surprised uh by the reaction of uh some people close to me. I've been shocked by the reaction of some people close to me. Uh, mainly from the negative standpoint. I've I've had some really, really close friends and family that are welcoming you and adore you, and that's all been well and good. But the few that have rejected you won't even meet you, um, think that your tattoos are scary. Um that, you know, the I'm just shocked. And hopefully that's gonna subside over time, but I don't know how to deal with these people in the short run. It's really, really been shocking. Um I think that in the beginning I did have a few comments from people of, well, have fun while it lasts, and you know, things like that, because everyone thought we weren't gonna make it. And not everyone, I'm sorry. I said a few people thought we weren't gonna make it, the negative ones. Placing Bet Snap, no, I'm just kidding. Yeah, right. Um, but now that we've been together over a year, and now that we live together, and now that we're everyone can tell that this is a forever thing, I think those people will start to come around. But frankly, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with them. So those are those are my surprises. How about you? Oh, um let's see, I think I was shocked. Um, and I said it in our podcast, it was more the friends that really know me. I mean, I make bad jokes all the time, right? So the whole sugar baby avenue, I've joked and touched on that too. We all like to laugh at stupid crap. But um, it were the friends that wouldn't let down on some of those comments or that started just making me feel uncomfortable. Those are the people that I feel like were the biggest letdowns. Um, like true colors. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I kind of went into this expecting to have some weird pushback because I knew this was gonna be a shocking scenario. I've never dated somebody with an age range like this. Um, but I was I was more shocked by the support that I got from friends that I would have never expected to reach out. That is probably my my biggest thing in this this question that I think of is all of the love and and this the connections that I've made that have gotten even deeper because I have friends that have parents in age gaps or that have dabbled themselves. So I think that was the cool thing for me, and that was my favorite part about this. Well, and again, I th I think that the biggest factor here that is so surprising is that the people that were really bad to you or negative about you in my life have never met you. And the people that were very negative towards me in your life have never met me. So those are the ones that have had the most negativity are the ones that neither one of us is or one of us hasn't met the other's friends. Yeah. And it was, I don't know, it's it's just so childish at some point. Like get over yourself. Because even my friends that maybe had some naysay kind of things, uh, you know, about their comments came around when they realized that this is a real deal. Because I kind of got that that vibe from some people too, like, well, have fun while it lasts, it's a summer fling. But I think then it turned into a oh shit, they're serious, and people have just adjusted. Definitely. And I think it has a lot to do when people meet us, when they've met us and see us together, that changes a lot, perspective. Yeah, and you buy a ticket to the show or move along to the next theater. That's kind of how it works now. Our next question was what's the most significant generational impression you've made on each other? Has Rick inspired older tendencies in Haley? And has Haley inspired younger traits in Rick? Ooh, um, that's a funny one. Let's see. Um I think that God, you've well, you've introduced me to a lot of things that I didn't know, like about LA history and um poker. That's a big one because I was only railing before I met you. I think you need to explain railing again. Railing is when you are a voyeur to the poker world, when you're uh watching when you're on the rail, which is outside the poker tables, standing along a railway. Watching a friend play poker. There's some sort of partition. But yes, railing. Um, so yeah, you've taught me about poker and uh music history, music. I've I'm not a big movie person, so I think that's probably a big one. Is you've talked to me a lot about movies and actors and things like that. But you have no idea who they are, which is pretty funny because you have a lot of knowledge of music and and even movies, but yeah, still don't. Well, okay, more modern music, you probably know more about than I do. And I talk to you about like Beatles' history, so that's kind of a generational flip-flop. Yeah, we're kind of mixed on this. Yeah, I'm way older than you spiritually. In your heart. Um, I think with introducing things like I I got you those compression sleeves, the leg sleeves. Oh, yeah. For your legs, and that was or I'm always pushing like new be like um not beauty, like skincare or like food, health and diet. Yeah, so that's probably my um generational reinforcement. I'll tell you one generational thing that you taught me that I have had not dealt with before at all was a full service, full self-driving. Full self-driving, yeah, FSD in your Tesla. Wow, that is a game changer. And at first I was really hesitant to drive your car, as you know. And once I started with the FSD, I am sold. Uh my next car is gonna be a Tesla. I was never the one that volunteered to drive. I mean, I don't know, I just went through this phase in life where I was like, done. So I was a passenger princess. But when I got that car, it's so funny. Like, I still have those moments where I'm like, damn it, I how am I the driver again? But I it's FSD, like it makes it fun. It really does. Oh, this is a good one. This is a question I think directed more towards you than me, but it does affect both of us. The question is, is being in a biracial relationship or an age gap relationship more of a challenge? Ooh. Um well, first off, I think like long term, the the that's so funny. I think the age uh issue would be something long term, just with you know age-related complications to life. But I I don't think that um being biracial would ever be an issue with us. No, it hasn't at all. But um, you do have that mixed race background and never feeling like you really fit in. So it translates a lot to this age gap relationship. I think it brings the well, there's that understanding, I guess. But I mean, I'm I'm like so many different things. My mom was black and French and Native American, and my dad's Polish and Italian and like European mutt. So I'm according to ancestry in 23, I'm enough to be considered a colonizer. I'm also enough to be considered everything else under the sun. So, you know, take your pick. Um, I did tell Rick from the start, if you were looking for a black chick, you got ripped off. I got a flat ass and I don't twerk. Yeah, but you have a lot of other redeeming qualities, so uh I can cook. No, um we do have um, so we went to my sister's wedding a few weeks ago, and my sister with mixed kids, it sometimes some come out light and dark. I got the light stick, and my sister is darker than I am, and she married a black and Irish guy, so their kids are are more mixed. Um, so it was funny because we kept making all the jokes with my sister and her husband about how we were gonna be the white ones that stood out at the wedding. I love them. We get along really well. I uh had so much fun at the wedding, but we um did stand out. I kept saying I was gonna go up to the it a lot of his family doesn't know me either. So there was that we kind of look alike, but they were like, who in the hell is this white girl that's just standing on stage? Um, so I kept telling my sister where I was gonna say, White people, am I right? And she was like, Haley, do not say that. Um, but she didn't give me a dress code for Mav. So I took it a step further and I ordered him a suit, and it was blue with white pinstripes. A seersucker suit. Yeah, and then white leather shoes, and it led me to all the Colonel Sanders jokes, and then a western bow tie. And if you don't know, Google it. It's like the Quaker oatmeal guy or Colonel Sanders himself. Yeah. Um, so I I loved it, but I got vetoed hard. Well, everyone thought that heard about it ahead of time, did not think it was a good idea. He kind of looked like a plantation owner. Oh my god. I died. Yeah, I pushed hard. So then it got the idea got nicked, and I ordered him a bow tie, but it was so freaking funny. I died. All right, what's the biggest difference between Las Vegas and Los Angeles? And which do you prefer? Oh, that's a good question. I for me, I've grown up in LA, so I know it far better than you. Um, it's a bigger transition for you than me coming from Las Vegas, but I normally just stay in Las Vegas for like a month and then I'm back in LA for most of the time. After I met Haley, I just stayed there in my condo and and almost for a year in Las Vegas. So I really got to feel what it felt like to live there. And I have to tell you, the biggest difference I noticed is are the roads. The roads are smooth as glass in Las Vegas, and they're horrible in LA. I I knew they were bad and I knew we had a lot of potholes here, but geez, after coming back from Las Vegas, it really exposed itself. That was that was a big difference for me. Oh God, I miss the roads in Vegas. I swear, it's like like cutting a knife through butter. They're so smooth. And then you come to LA and you're like surrounded by crazy real estate. And it drives me insane to see like a beautiful house when you're driving through parts of LA and the road in front of it has a pothole. Yeah. Almost in front of every house. I kind of get one on purchase. WTF or WTP. What the pothole? I wondered what the hell he was. It's an LA term. You know, I think as far as the age gap, though, for moving from Las Vegas to Los Angeles and how people react to us and so forth, it's kind of about the same. I think in the bigger cities it's not really a thing. It's like when we went to Carlsbad where people were noticeably gawking at us as an age gap couple. Yeah. Um I see, I'm so torn. There are a lot of things in LA that I really enjoy now that I've been here a little bit. Um, you know, things that I found that I like to do. I still think I like Vegas more, though like the roads. God, I miss driving in Vegas. Um and Vegas isn't as 24 hours as it was pre-pandemic. So that because that used to be a big luxury too, knowing that if I wanted a cheeseburger at three o'clock in the morning, or if I wanted to go out and sit at a restaurant, I could. Um there's this weird comfort about that, even though you never take advantage, knowing that you have that freedom. There is a lot to that. Yeah, but I mean, as far as like LA, uh there's a lot of things I do like with food and restaurants, and and there's there's a lot to do entertainment-wise. Um the personality though, yeah, I still think I like Vegas more because I see less protests and like just everyone's so angry in LA. Yeah, well, I think we know that LA is not long for us. We're gonna be out of here pretty soon. Yeah, I mean, I can you blame them though? I guess I'd be angry too if I had to pay for gas. And the taxes. Yeah. And don't get me started on this generation. No, I'm just kidding. Um yeah, I I still think that Vegas wins for a lot of things. As far as like education and like, you know, what's the joke in Vegas? If you uh have a medical emergency, you go to the airport. Yeah, not the hospital, the airport. Yeah, so I mean, LA kind of overrides a lot of things, but as far as like just the people, and I think it's familiar, so I'll always have a really big soft spot for Sin City. Okay, our next question is does Rick have kids? And if so, how's that going? Well, um Rick has a daughter, and she's a little bit older than Maverick and me. Um, we'll just say that this is a journey that's in progress, and some relationships take time to find their footing, and we're hopeful about how things transpire. I think that's the right way to put it. We might do a whole episode on blended family dynamics down the road because it deserves its own space. But for now, it's a journey. Next question. Oh, here's our next question is what are things you always agree on? What do you have challenges agreeing on? How do you resolve quarrels? Who apologizes first? Do we have a therapist that's been sending us questions? Those are the questions we had for our therapist. Um God, I think that we have long-standing disagreements. I think that in the moment, sometimes uh you'll piss me off, and vice versa. I work at it. It's human, right? Um, I think we keep it real about that, but typically we'll get pissed off at one another, and then there'll be a conversation about it, and then whoever was wrong, or or if we both are, then we apologize and it's done. And neither one of us has any ego problems about apologizing first or ever. I think we both apologize a lot to each other for inappropriate comments or behavior, or hey, I'm just being an asshole today. I'm really sorry. It just happens. I I like that when there is something wrong or there's a disagreement, or if you hurt my feelings, um your first move is to try to figure out what happened and how that can not happen again. I'm I think you're really good at resolving conflict and moving forward with resolution. Well, I think we're both really good at communication, and that's what it always comes down to. That's what our therapist told us was that we have the best communication. She's really blown away by that. And frankly, this is the best communication I've had in a relationship. Yeah, I I think we do a really good job at not staying in rocky waters for too long, but recognizing that we're human. And I mean, it's not that I want to fight the person that I'm with, but I also don't want to feel like we just live in a fake relationship where we can't express when we're unhappy. Yeah, well, there is nothing fake about this relationship. I think um, like or the challenges of what we have to agree on, one of the biggest ones, frankly, is Thai food. I mean, that's your go-to when we try to figure out what to order from takeout. All right. Here's one for you. How has Rick adjusted to life with a new girlfriend and with a small child? Well, it is a good question. And you would think it would be really difficult, but frankly, it's it's just been a very smooth transition. I am not used to having a five-year-old around, that's for sure. Um, not used to having a 35-year-old around. You're telling me same, actually. But um, no, I would say that the the biggest adjustment, the steepest learning curve has been about autism and really dealing with those issues, uh, the support that we need for him, the additional help we're gonna need for him. That's been an adjustment, but it's it's one that I welcome. I think it's been really good. It was complicated at first. I think we were both very cautious about how we were gonna go into this. And it's been a really smooth transition. Um even when it wasn't, I think that you and I have really worked together on smoothing out the bumps and steering through the rocky waters. We do work really well together. I mean, that's part of the attraction for this relationship in its entirety, is that we work so well together on every issue. I think you get it more. There's so many moments with kids where it's like, God, what did I sign up for? And you just want to rip your hair up. And then you have those, he's my Rick moments, or I'll I'll wake up in the morning and you guys are cuddling and I'm trash on the other end of the bed. So it's those moments that I think make the hard parts worth it. He's really sweet. Okay, here's a funny one. Who's the spender and who's the saver? Oh, interesting. I don't really think we have those kind of roles, though, because usually one partner is out spending and the other one is always saving. I think we both have uh a really good grasp on what we should spend or shouldn't spend. And um, yeah, for saving, if it's from an investment standpoint, yeah, I do that a lot. And that's kind of my hobby. Um thank God. But your spending, uh, I've never complained about your spending. You I think that you do a really good job and looking for discounts and deals, and you only buy things that we really need. Yeah, I kind of get off on like getting the best price. I like that stuff. But it's like a wild hair. Like sometimes it'll be fun to go shopping, like for going on a trip, like and you and I will do it together. But when we first moved out here, there were so many things I didn't think about, like buying new spatulas and dish towels, just like stupid little things. And I don't know, it's it's fun in the moment, but then I just kind of got annoyed because I kept having to go and get shit for the house. Well, you needed so many things because you cook and you cook so well and and so often. And I had nothing for you to work with here. Yeah, I I think I do a good job of looking for deals because it's like kind of a hobby. Like, I don't know, not not like a cutting coupons and stuff. But like if I if there's something I want, I'll do the research on it. I'll find the best deal and I'll I'll look at reviews and comparisons like from other like like I've been looking at smokers lately because I want to start smoking. Um so I enjoy enjoy the whole hunt and research part of it. Um but yeah, I think the most shopping I do is at Costco or the grocery store. Yeah, or in the garden section of Home Depot. Well, see though, that's stuff to beautify the house and make good meals. It's all all good shopping. I can get toxic too, don't get me wrong. The other day I walked by this croc store and there was a pair just screaming at me, cat calling me from afar. But I have what you call self-control, Richard. Yeah, that's why you only own five pairs of crocs and not 15. It's gonna be like pretty woman, you know, where he comes over, she's in the tie. All I got were these crocs. Oh, I like this question. What are your one, two, and three year plans and goals together? What does your dream life look like in three years? Ooh, three years from now. Why don't you start with this one? Um, God, okay, so three years from now. Um well, I think we uh the one of the biggest things is that we've been on the hunt for our forever home. And so that's the one of the biggest things in play right now. So three years from now, I hope that we are in our forever home. We have everything situated with Mav and him on a good routine. Um we've progressed with our podcast. And the animals come in, because that's the exciting part too, is getting some we had talked about the idea of maybe having another kid, and I think the idea of donkeys and dogs kind of overrided that. That might be better than another kid. Yeah, I think that the animals is gonna be a huge game changer for our lives, and and it's something we both really want, and our whole life is gonna change. Yeah, uh you know, I never saw myself as someone that had a lot of children, like physically. I always wanted to adopt. So I know that's something we've talked about, maybe in the next three years, addressing, but I I I don't think there's any pressure to change any of our dynamic, just as life continues, we're gonna grow and develop. No, we really have done a good job, I think, of talking to each other about our goals over the next few years and and beyond. But we have uh real specific timelines for when we want to have this house packed up, when we want to put it on the market, when we want to start going to these other states and exploring different places to possibly live. Maybe Florida, maybe Texas, maybe Nevada, maybe still California. Yeah, I think that's the biggest goal right now. It's figuring out where we're going to plant our seeds and grow our roots. Um, and yeah, just hopefully seeing everything with this podcast progress and getting Mav into sports and just lifing. Yeah, we have a lot of plans for Maverick over the next three years. Yeah, he um he's gonna be somebody. Or he's out. No, I'm just kidding. All right. What is your highest aspiration for the podcast? Commercial success or inspiring other couples? That's a good question. I don't think we really set out though to have high aspirations for this podcast. I think it was more along the lines of, hey, we're having these difficulties, we're having these adjustment periods, we should share this with other people. And that kind of started the ball rolling. Yeah, I have really no set um expectations. I think if one person listened, it would have been really cool. And I mean, God, what did I say in our last our last video? 45 followers later. Here we are in the big time. Yeah, I think when there are no expectations, it it gives us all the freedom to just enjoy without having that pressure. I think that conversation we had when we were first going to start it was really good, like so many of our conversations. But we agreed that if this is fun, we're gonna keep doing it. If it's not fun, if uh it becomes aggravating or difficult, then maybe not. Um, but I think so far we're having a lot of laughs doing this together. Yeah, we've had a really good time. And it's a really great journey that we've gotten to take together. So yeah, I I mean, I would like for this to do really well. I would like for this to be something that could create change and and make an impact. But if it doesn't, I think it's been a really great experience just for the two of us. And I think it really has shown us too how well we work together that we hadn't done anything like this before together. And so building something like this is completely different than even setting up a household. No, it is exciting. I it was an idea, it was a conversation, and we really did the damn thing. So even if this is it, which I don't think it is at all, I I am so satisfied and happy and proud of what we've done. I agree. I think we've already accomplished it. So, I mean, it could have been OnlyFans, but we chose Spotify, and I'm happy with it, baby. Okay, this last question. We've had several variations on the theme. Um we've had been asked, when are you getting married? Are you two planning on getting married? Will you ever get married? When, where, how? So the question is, are we gonna get married? What is the plan? Are you asking me? Uh, not yet. Oh gosh. No, but seriously, that is the plan. That's where we're heading. And we've had some really good talks about it, and we know what to expect, what we want from each other, and uh what we're planning for each other. And that's the direction we're headed. It's just a matter of time. I think everyone's just shocked that it lasted. So, hallelujah, let's get them married and the hell on their way. Yeah, I think people are really surprised that we've lasted this long. They because there were so many people that just thought it was a summer fling, ourselves included, by the way. Yeah, I'm just saving for Rick's dowry, and you know, that dryer money adds up over time. There you go. I want more than just a cow and uh two horses. So the answer to the question will let's just save it for the next episode. Well, that's episode six. Thank you for sending us your questions. This is exactly what we built this community for. You are the show now, too. What the fuck? That was supposed to be. I wrote that line for me. I thought that was my line. No, that was supposed to We really appreciate every single one of you. We really do. Oh, wait, that's yours. And next week, episode seven, Ask the Gap after dark is exactly what it sounds like. The questions get a little more provocative. No? Okay, interesting. Interesting's a great word. A very diplomatic word. Come back next week. And before we go, I wanted to give a quick shout out and thank you to our favorite unpaid sponsor, the age gap effect.