When 'No' Is a Godly Word: Lisa Redl on Burnout, Boundaries & Protecting What Matters Most

Have you ever been so busy helping everyone else that you lost yourself in the process? In this episode, Toby sits down with Lisa Redl — unfiltered, fiercely protective of her family, and refreshingly honest — for a conversation that a lot of women need to hear but rarely have.

Lisa opens up about burning out from a compulsion to help everyone, even people who never asked for it, and how that pattern quietly cost her in her most important relationships. She shares what it took to finally walk away — temporarily — to rediscover who she was outside of everyone else's needs. And now she's channeling that hard-won wisdom into a new project to help other women avoid the same trap.

Together, Toby and Lisa dig into the faith side of this too: the idea that 'no' isn't selfish — sometimes it's the most godly word you can say. They talk discernment, boundaries, and what it really means to steward your family and yourself well.

In this episode you'll hear:

- Why helping people who didn't ask can be just as draining as helping those who did

- How burnout can quietly damage your closest relationships before you even notice

- What it looks like to step back, reset, and find yourself again

- Why 'no' can be an act of faith, not selfishness

- Lisa's new project to help women recognize the signs before they hit the wall

This one is raw, real, and full of truth. If you've ever felt stretched too thin trying to hold everyone else together — this conversation is for you.

Connect with Lisa Redl and follow her new project on Facebook: Lisa Marie Redl

Talk with Toby — Real Life. Real Faith.

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New episodes drop Tuesdays.

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Reach out at ttannas1@shaw.ca

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, it's Toby, and I'm really glad you're here. She's outspoken, controversial, and perhaps one of social media's most unfiltered voices. Lisa Rettle isn't afraid to say what she thinks. But beyond the post is a woman whose life has been shaped by deep conviction, family struggles, and some profound suffering. She's a mother, a wife, an advocate, and a fierce voice for those she believes have been overlooked or unheard. In this conversation, we move beyond the controversy to explore the real story. Faith through hardship, marriage under pressure, burnout, motherhood, and what happens when life doesn't unfold the way you imagined. We talk about healing, rebuilding, and the new project she hopes will help other women avoid the same pitfalls she faced. If you've ever felt stretched to the limit, caring more than you thought possible, or trying to hold everything together on your own, this conversation is for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

All right, Lisa, welcome. Thank you so much. It was a long journey to get here.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

I well, first of all, because you live on the island. I do. But you're visiting the Okanagan, so you drove up from Pantikton.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

I did.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

And I haven't seen you like in person in years.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

But here's the thing: I see you online all the time. I haunt everybody. So you are very outspoken.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

So much so that you have been taken off platforms. Cancelled, blocked.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

I haven't been arrested yet. There's no wood to know.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

I never got you water.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

It's okay. I'm a great toe. It's fine. Okay.

unknown 1:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

My first question was gonna be who are you really? But I think we see we see who you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Don't have that ability to not be anything else.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

So when you put it out there like that. And we're gonna talk all about that later, like all the things, but is that just something you have always done?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Here's the thing. Everything that I've done that that people have been like, oh, give me a reputation for.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

As I've gotten older, I actually like stand behind the things, like the the the cause behind it. Yeah. Maybe not the execution and how I handle things. Like I think that that's where I've I've kind of over the years have able to um refine that. Refine that that justice, that that thorn for justice. And that I think that's where it all comes down to is that I'm I've never purposely been hurtful to anybody. I've always supported people. Like I I feel like I'm a friend that if you're succeeding, I'm actually usually happier for you than you even are. I just think that like when it comes to like, you know, oppressing people or you know, going after women, children, the elderly, the the unhoused, like that kind of stuff, that's when like Lisafer will come out to me. But I am trying to refine that.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Well, let's talk about how faith plays into that. But did you always have a faith growing up? Or is that something that came to you? Okay, talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

So I grew up in an basically an atheist household. Okay. There wasn't a lot of faith. And I know when my cousin died when when I was in grade six, I just the I I always had the faith in me. Like I knew there was more, but everyone around me was telling me there wasn't. And then I saw how Christians behaved. And you know, when I went to my mom put me in Bible camp when I was um like four or five years old, they told me I was going to hell. The counselors. I mean, fair enough. I was challenging them. Lucifer. I was challenging. Well, I I think I was just always somebody that challenged and questioned things. Yeah. So when they were telling me, like, we had to do a play where there was goats and there were sheep, and the goats were the devils, and the sheep were the angels, and I was the only goat. And I would my mom had payphones back in that time, and my mom got like a $30 bill from me calling collect, being like, Mom, who's Satan? Mom, am I going to hell? And it was really because I was like, What if I don't believe in God? Like, what do you, you know, and I just I was questioning things.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

And I think that we should be able to question things and we should be able to have hard discussions and hard conversations without ego and pride and all these other things getting in the way. Because that's where real growth is, is being able to look at ourselves and situations and be like, okay, something in my spirit doesn't feel right. And that's why I think women too, it where we we placated to the masses, we've become so agreeable. We don't want to burn burn a bridge, Lisa. You don't want to do this, Lisa. And I, you know, I look back at you know, 20-year-old me with people saying those things to me, and I'm like, you know what, burn that bridge. Yeah. But when did it turn? So you didn't grow up with it, but you then you questioned it. There was constant little things where I I I felt God. And I felt that pull to like read the Bible and to pray and things like that. And uh different things happened along my journey, like horrible things, like different things, and it came to a head. Um it was basically like I I I was done. Like I'd I was just fired from that morning show. And that in a in itself was was such a harmful experience for me because you know, I went to HR, I went to everybody saying, Hey, like I'm being actively bullied and harassed every single day. And you know what? And I again I can see it from a different perspective. This person that bullied me every day, he he had worked so hard for so many years in this position. And here comes this bubbly blonde coming in and like kind of taking over. And so he every day mercilessly bullied me. And then I had to go on air and try to like be like, hi, I'm not completely like broken. So yeah, I look like you know, the the bad, the rebel, the person like calling it out. Um, but I didn't like it. And I and it pushed me further and further and further down. And I remember one day after I got fired, um I'd I actually had been so depressed that I was at the Pentington hospital with my mom and sister, all three of us that have very dark um humor. And I was so like Which probably saved you. No, it has saved my life. But I we were all sitting there and I was completely out of it. And I'm like, my sister is she's very like curious. She's like, I'm just wondering, like, what what was your plan? Like, what were you gonna do? Because I called them to say goodbye to them. That's why they came and got me. So you were I'm I was ready to go. But once you hear my what I was planning to do, like it's ridiculous. So um, she's like, What were you planning to do? I'm like, Well, I was just gonna like drive up into the forest and and then wait. She's like, What what do you mean? Like, you're gonna go wait for death? And I was like, Yeah, that was my plan. Because like, I didn't want to do anything too harsh to myself. I just wanted to just go. So I was like, and then we were just joking around back and forth. She's like, Yeah, I can just imagine you're up there and you're like, I'm really hungry. Like, let's go get a burger. And then I'll I'll continue. And then we'll and then we'll go back and wait, you know? And so we just we went back and forth like with that, and we just were laughing so hard. And then we just um we just yeah, we got through that. But in the those moments when I was I was on the floor, like I was just like praying to God, like if you're real, you need to show me. Like I've been, you know, waiting my whole life for you to sh give me a sign that you're real. And it it was honestly like I can't really explain.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

But it was so it was again of with a lot of people, it is a low moment, like the lowest. And then you I I mean, and I know you got married and he was Well, I met him months later.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Uh just a few. So the Iron Man happened after this.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

We almost thought that I wouldn't be able to do the Iron Man because I was so depressed. And the Iron Man honestly saved my life too. Because you know, God gives us so many, like, this is another thing that we are all discouraged is from feeling. People are like, Don't cry on the news, Lisa. Don't feel, don't say this. And I'm like, God gave us every shade of feelings for a reason. Because we we need to feel angry, we need to feel grief, we need to feel all these feelings so that we can walk through them. Because if we don't, we get stuck. I just think that we need to be real about our feelings. And the more authentic we can be with where we're at, the more permit permission we allow other women to to step in that as well and to feel their feelings so that they can have their own breakthroughs.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Well, so what's interesting to me is you're aware of all this, and I feel like you've been aware of this for a year. A very long time. Yeah. But and you have four children. I do. And you are here in the Okanagan because you were at your wit's end. So you know what not to be. But like as a woman, it like I just what what do you say to women who are going through it? And even as someone like you who's aware of it, you still got to this point.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

And honestly, I've been, yeah, it's one of those, it's a sneaky thing that that especially again, because of how we have been conditioned as women. And there isn't a lot of like, you know, they're like, oh, just you know, we all have the 20 same 24 hours. Do we? I just put my daughter's dress on five times and then she didn't want to wear it. So she wore a different dress and then she kicked her shoes off, you know. So we don't have when you have kids and you have different things going on, and people, especially people who aren't parents, like you you don't know until you know. And you know, giving, you know, there's this big push for like the trad wife and being at home with the kids. But again, I was somebody who was a huge feminist being like, have your own career, do your own thing. And I slowly, I slowly, you know, lost myself. And I became the very thing that I was like scared and warning other women not to become. Um and that is well, just reliant. Like, you know, in the last few months I realized that my house wasn't in our name, our truck wasn't in my name, our RV wasn't in my name, even BCAA. So I had my I got locked into my car walking one morning, and my husband had got BCAA for him and all four of our kids, but not for me. And so I was like, I called BCAA and I just dropped my kids off at the bus stop, and I've got like a five, six, ten, and twelve-year-old. And BCAA is like, Well, do you have any of your kids with you? Because I can let you in your car if you have one of the kids with you. And I'm like, I mean, I'm not on it. And I can't honestly explain why why, but somehow, like, I completely lost my identity. And that's what I'm like trying to find back, and I'm trying to help other women reclaim that, even when in our circumstances, like a lot of us can't just drive to pent, go buy a minivan in Boston Bar and say, see you later, guys. Like a lot of okay. Well, so this is big.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

This is big. Let's go here now because you have gone from being like the mother who you homeschooled. I know they're in school now, but half of them are, yeah. Okay, so homeschooled, really, you have created a homestead.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

She said on the uh when I got here, she's like, I I look like a Mennonite right now. I'm like, I've been in Mennonite for five years. Okay. Like I've been like, I got ducks hatching in my kitchen right now. Well, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Okay, so that to the point where you said to your husband, yeah, I'm going for I said one month.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

One month? I might go to six weeks if I feel like it. I don't know. Okay, so but this is this is extreme. It's absolutely extreme. And I honestly, I have seen too many women. So, you know, it's one of those things where I remember back in Penticton, I I went and I saw this guy, and he was always at the bar and he was hammered. And then I saw another woman, and she like she was like a raging alcoholic. She was like a mess. Everyone was talking about how mentally unwell she was, and nobody questioned why. And years later, I learned that that woman had given birth to two lot two deceased twins. She lost her husband, she lost her career, she lost everything. And who was there to help her? Right. And then the man at the bar who I just looked at him like he was pitiful. He had also lost a child. And that's where like I'm grateful for my the bad experiences because it's given me such a unique and deep level of empathy for people. Like, even the people that have hurt me the most, I will still like you know, drive by where they are and I I'll pray for them. You know, I'll be like, okay, like what you know, people that are healthy and healed don't behave this way. There's just things that have made me completely rethink the way that I look at people, and that's where I don't want to get to. I didn't want to be that person that's like, oh, look at Lisa's going off the rails. And I well, because you are very public. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

So I mean, a lot of people could be feeling this way, but they're not on social media, right? Putting it out there. So what is behind that?

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Why do you do that? So I I everything I do is actually very purposeful. And people think that I just don't have any self-control and I just want to put it out there. But what I've learned over the years in broadcasting, especially, is you see the public stuff, but you don't see my inbox. And my inbox is where the good stuff is. The inbox and the really good stuff. No, it they it's the stuff where you know, someone says, Hey, by you sharing your story, it gave me, you know, the courage to share mine. You making this move made me feel, you know, inspired to do this. Even in the last 11 days, the amount of women who've come up to me or have called or emailed or messaged me and have said, like, you've really inspired me to take some steps in my life and to like be unapologetic in taking time for me. Right. And so while they might not be able to take a month, yeah, anyway. But they could take some time. And mine was an extreme case. Like, I felt like it was life or death for me. I mean, I don't know if you know my whole journey, but I mean, there's been a lot of things back to back that have you had a public legal battle. Public, very publicly legal battle. We had to publicly apologize to a company who we should have sued. But again, I thought we don't, you know, we're Christians, we don't sue people. They're they're gonna do the right thing. We're gonna make this right, and this is gonna all, it's all gonna work out. We're gonna have a conversation and everything's gonna work out. That's not what happened. And, you know, we we were strong armed into reading something. My only regret in that whole legal battle um was that my kids will now see my husband and I bending over for a corporation.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

But maybe they'll see that you did that in the end for them.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Well, and I we did, but we still ended up losing everything, right? So, you know, we did that because we were scared to lose our home and lose our livelihood. And I'll give you a short end of what happened. So last time I saw you, I was living in Kelowna and the homeless crisis was happening. Yeah. And I was like front lines trying to That's right. You and um Shiloh. Shiloh, yes. Yeah, and so we both one day we just looked at each other, we're like, this is BS. What's happening? We like put on our army boots and we went to work. And we um we just exposed a lot of systems and things that were corrupt and weren't working for the people that are the our most vulnerable. And seeing people put be being put on a ball field with no resources, and you know, homelessness comes from like people aging with the foster care system, a lot of First Nations people, and you know, people who have a lot of trauma. And how are we treating these people? You know, and in the Bible it says how we're supposed to treat those people, but Kelowna did it a different thing. And I think there's a little bit of naivety for me because I thought, again, the city did the right thing. Yeah, and everybody else step up. We're all gonna step up. And and for the most part, we we did. I mean, we had like like gourmet food for those people every day in the ball field, like so many amazing restaurants and people came forward and volunteered and helped, but it it was still wasn't enough, right? And I had a lot of backlash, a lot of people mad at me. We're all a few decisions or a lack of support system from being in a tent at the base of Knox Mountain. Like we just need a little bit more compassion, right? And so I ended up being really angry and you know, kind of left Kelowna, sold, sold our house out of like Is that why you left? Big reason. And that's something that I'm trying to refine as I get older is okay, what is my battle? Like, which battles should I, you know, because you feel like you could fight them all. Right. And I and I I used to think that every problem was my problem. We were I was like wearing a baby, almost getting arrested by police because they were trying to take the tents down of these people in minus 30 degree weather, like with Windchill. And I was like, you can't make them take their tents down, and they'd be like, You're gonna get arrested for obstruction of obstruction of justice. And I'm like, I dare you to arrest me.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Like So this is your social justice streak. Yeah, this is what caused you to leave Kelowna.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah, and that and that's why I mean if you're looking back to anything where people have have an opinion about me, I guarantee it was something to do with me being a justice seeker. I'm not out to hurt people, I'm not out to like, you know, I'm not a mean girl.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Just build yourself up.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Yeah, I want everybody to win. I think there's room for everybody. You know, you doing a podcast, like I I honestly like I was so excited for you. Like, I just think it's such a great fit for you. And I think that that's you know, where people, you know, misinterpret my um intention. Intention. My book is actually called Lisifer, The Road to Hell is K with Good Intentions. Coming soon. Coming soon to a storm here. Um, but yeah, I I think it is like it it all comes from a pure place and my heart is is pure, but unfortunately, my justice, my thorn for justice has gotten me in a lot of trouble. And it has made me take on things that maybe weren't mine to take on. Trying to build a village in my half an acre during the pandemic, like like I was like an outlaw, you know, like I was had bylaw at my house every single day. My house was like, you know, a light post for for all the moms in my area, but it was against the COVID rules. So, you know, I kept doing all and then we had a squatter live at our house, and he so we we had so many things happen back to back. So finally we get an RV and we're like, this is it, this is our time. This is our escape, our our break. We can finally rest as a family. And I'm gonna tell you, it was three of the best months of our lives as a family. We were all in the groove. We had such an amazing adventure, and it was cut short in um Oceanside, California, and we discovered there was mold in the RV. And we had just purchased it $50,000, $5,000 worth insurance, like the highest level of insurance. And it was completely a write-off. So I I looked like I looked like I was gonna die like from mold illness. I had my son had nosebleeds every day.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Like I was it was if if you watch that unfold online, that was not it was awful.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And as a mother of four, with like, you know, it's 10 days before Christmas, trying to like pivot. And because I have been through so much in my life, I am able to like really pivot. And I'm able to like, you know, make a lemonade out of a lemon, right? And so we did, like, we went on a cruise to Hawaii for 16 days, and then we end up living in Hawaii for six months. And so people are going, oh, poor you. Right. And that's that's exactly where it kind of fell off is that people were like, Oh, you know, they figured it out because I'm so resourceful. I mean, I I was like, I'm the person that will go in back alleys and get tables and like coffee tables and chairs and refinish them. So I had our place in Hawaii furnished within three days from like restore habitat for humanity, garage sales, like, you know, and I just made the most of what was a hard situation and trying to heal. And um, I was very, very, very mold sick. And so was my son, my middle son, and angry. But that six months in Hawaii was so healing for me. Um, I really was able to really, for the first time in many years, take care of myself. And we had like the best six months ever. It was when we got back from Hawaii, and you know, I'm used to like demossing my roof and doing all the outside inside work, and you know, I build stuff and I do all the things. And in Hawaii, we had a landscaper come to our place. Like, I didn't have to do anything except for be present with my kids, go surfing, yeah, all those things. It was a good life, yeah, and take care of myself. And so when we got back to the island, I remember I was driving with my son Elijah, and we drove by a man who's on the streets, and he was wearing shorts in the winter and no shoes. And he's like, Well, we gotta we we better go get him some clothes. And I was like, No, we're not gonna do that today. And it was that aha moment for me was because I had this like God complex where I was like, someone's on marketplace or on their Facebook, like the local ask me, and they're like, My dad can't start his car, and he's in comics and I'm like half an hour away, but I'm I how am I gonna get to CoMox? How do I fix it? I can help, I can do this, I can fix it. Yes. And then when that happened with that man on the streets, I'm like by me playing God constantly, how is that working out for you, Lisa? First of all, and also who who else am I robbing of being a blessing to this man? Right? If I'm to if I'm in there. I got my hands on everything. Yeah. I'm actually stopping other people and I might be enabling. Right. And so having like really trying to sharpen your discernment on like, okay, is this me saying to do this, or is it God?

SPEAKER_01 22:13

So you really took on like a a Jesus-like role. You fed the hungry. I did. You probably washed their feet. I did. Close. But you also I feel like the story of you from before you got married to when you got married to when you had kids, it's all about giving, giving, giving. So what did that do to you?

unknown 22:38

Burnout.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Deflation. And and I mean, I we've talked about before. You've you've hit rock bottom.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Well, and again, it's it was if you really unpackage, if people actually took my whole timeline of my life and they they actually saw the heart behind the things that I did and the causes, like taking care of my husband's grandma, who was 98 years old. Remember what you know, I I bathed her, like I I fed her, I I I brought her back to life, you know, and and it burned me out. I had two little kids.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

She took her out of a care home because you felt she wasn't getting the proper care. Yeah. And you brought her into your home with your family.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

I did. We even built like a walk-in-bathtub for her. And, you know, I got to see how that system was failing, seniors, and how you have to have a ton of money to have any kind of dignity in in aging. And this is the this is what we've done wrong in North America is the way that we treat our elderly, the way we treat our First Nations, the way we treat um people who've aged of the foster care system, um, moms, you know, all these people in the Bible, it talks about the vulnerable and the weak. And if you really look at my timeline, that's who got it, like those causes that I was so like in people's faces about were about protecting the weak. And I'm not sorry for that. And I never will be sorry for that. But I, in hindsight, I would have found better ways to take care of myself while fighting those battles. I think that's where I went all in.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

You know, and it took from my own family and it took from my own marriage and it took from my own friendships because I was like, it's one in the morning. I gotta go down to the ball field and go check on my my friends. You know, I brought one of the guys from the ball field in Kelowna and I moved him into my backyard in Parksville. Like I moved Cowboy Troy with me. We were like we were fishing and crab hunting, and we made crawfish traps out of like a two-liter Coke bottle. Like for Mother's Day, Marcus watched um the four kids while me and Troy were out in the middle of the lake fishing on Cameron Lake together. Like he was my buddy. But again, like, where's the boundaries? Yeah. And is this am I helping everybody at the cost of my own?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

And what's the answer?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Yeah, like you have to have a balance. And you know, we talk about balance and motherhood and balance and careers and balance, and there is a it's very hard to find balance. In every scenario I've gotten myself in, in my head, I've had these conversations, be like, well, if I just explain it, if I just tell them exactly what they did and how they've hurt me, we're gonna work it out. Everything's gonna be fine, and we're all gonna like you know, sing kumbaya by the fire, and that's just not life. You know, ego, pride, all these and money and power and all these different things come to play and humanity is lost. And that's where technology and things like that, where you're not you don't have to say to people's face. Like I welcome those conversations. And uh, people think I like conflict. I don't like conflict, I like resolution.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Okay, well, speak to that because you do put everything out there. I do.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

If you follow Lisa on social media when she's not kicked off, I'm so if you're not let me just say something. Lots of people think that I've either blocked them or delete. If you can't see me, I've probably blocked you. But if you can still see my name on Facebook, it's probably my sixth account because I've been banned, I've been deplatformed, I've been been taken down so many times. So I've had to create new Facebooks, and then people are like, Why did you delete me? I'm like, I I was deleted. So why do you get deleted? Because I I do speak out of about things that people um don't want to talk about. I mean, I do go pretty far because I've talked about like like the book of Enoch, and I talk about things that people, you know, like is like I don't I haven't I don't know how I don't have a measure. Here she goes. I don't have a measure stay across earth. I can't tell you if it's flat or not. I don't think I'm not a flat, I'm not a flirther. I'm a I I like to go back to the Bible. I like to look, what does the Bible say?

SPEAKER_01 26:32

So we know it's established that you like to help and you like to call out injustice.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yes, but I'm working on I'm restoring my Eden to Well that and we're gonna we're gonna talk about Eden, Lisa.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

But what did you lose in yourself in that? Now remember, you she has four children, you have four kids, you have a husband. What how's that all looking right now? Because as we speak, you have taken a break. You pulled yourself out of your family.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

I pulled myself out of the trenches of what felt like death to me. And I think it's again, you know, many years ago I was my I grew up with a major feminist who's very, very left-leaning and very like, you know, a guy was mean to me, he's like, get rid of him. Like she just did not put up with any BS from guys. And so I was raised to be very strong-willed and stuff. But as I got closer with God, I kind of feel like I was trying to be the man's version of the biblical wife and not necessarily the biblical way of the biblical wife, where I I kind of became a martyr, I became a doormat. I felt like I had to swallow the stress of everything around me. I had to fight, I had to fight all the battles for my family. I had to be the protector, the nourisher, the you know, um, the teacher, all these things. And there's just not enough of me to do that well. So, where was your husband in all this? Um working.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Working out, working out and working.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Well, and also like so after the whole um the homeless situation here, and then the pandemic, and then I was so burnt out from taking care of Omi, and I was like, we need a village. In me looking for a village, I became a village to a whole bunch of people.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

And then I was again stretched so thin because so again, it's almost like you became like the man role.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

No, this is exactly in charge. Exactly. And this is where my mom says, You oh, you take an idea, but then you like you take it way too far. You're like, I need a village. I'm gonna I'm gonna build one. And I did. Like, I I mean, if you watch my journey, like we have a gym, we have had a woodworking shop, we had, and I had this again, naive idea that that we would have this multi-generational, I'd have old men in the workshop teaching the younger kids how to use tools. I had old ladies in the garden, you know, gardening with the my daughter and my kids. And I had this like really delusional version of how well this is why why can't it be like that? Like that, why shouldn't it be like that? That's you know, you look at all these countries around the world, and we seem so progressive here in North America, but like we're all burnt out. Women are very like stretched thin, and we're supposed to be the career person and the nurturing mom and the the cook and the you know the you know person in the bedroom and all the different things. And and we don't have permission to be anything else.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

I just want to get into because I I mean people might not feel it to this degree, but you were like at rock bottom. Like you had nothing left in the tank.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

And I've been there many times through your life. Yeah. And and I think the lesson there is, you know, they it's kind of cliche, but they they talk about when you're in an airplane, make sure you put the mask on yourself first. And I I never was doing that, you know. I I had such little self-worth that like I never thought I deserved anything.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Which is so because you were so giving and you felt so many people deserved so much. So why don't you feel like you deserve it?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Well, I exactly. My mom's the same way. Like it's I think it's a generational thing where we just feel like we're not, you know, like I I would never take the last piece of cake, I would never do anything. And again, it was my children who actually helped me heal that because I watched with their friends. They'd get a brand new car, a remote-controlled car that I just bought them. And their friend would say they liked it. They're like, here, and they would just give their stuff away. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I did this. But this is you. Yes, this is you. This is what I've done.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

And it it was actually like it was not just like a an aha moment, it was kind of heartbreaking, you know, because I was just like, oh, like that's setting these little humans up for like a like pain. But but this is the thing about parenthood. We all screw up.

SPEAKER_00 31:07

No, and I just but I just but you don't feel that way.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

No, I know. Look what they're seeing now. Well, they're seeing their abandonment. No, because they're with their dad, the children are fine, the kids are fine, they're more than fine.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

And and uh this is another lesson for me with with our husbands is that a lot of times because people who are so scared of um things being out of control that they control everything around them. We I I also many times have robbed my husband of the ability to grow as a father too, because I'm like, I'll do it. I'm just gonna do it, I can do it better. And like I, you know, and like so many times he'd be like, How do I do this? I'm like, Google it, figure it out, you know. And so it's been a long journey there, just trying to give him the space. Because if I was there right now, my kids will rock right past my husband and ask me a question right past him. So he doesn't ever get to experience what it's like to be me, right? Like women leave the house, like go. I call it Airbnb, and that's the micro thing of what I'm doing right now. So Airbnb is basically um the first time I did this was after Omi. I went to Vernon. I just wanted to be somewhere where no one touched me, no one needed me. I didn't have to hear any noise, like the you know, the overstimulation. I got a little Airbnb for me. For for me, for one night. I mean, it was it was one night, I think. And I all it had was a guitar, a record player. Um, there was cows outside, and there's a a claw foot bathtub, and I had a face mask, and I just honestly, just that little reset for me was just like so life-breathing. So I'm not encouraging moms to like restore their Eden in such a you know extreme way that I have.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

But do you think it's because you were at such an extreme? It takes this extreme.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

I think because it was back-to-back of you know, the the lawsuit, having a squatter at our house, having contractors who completely like we had to have our our buildings on uh cranes and get the foundations rebuilt because they built them on sand. And so, and we lost so much financially, and it really affected my marriage and my family, and you know, it it made me really angry. And you know, coming out of that and taking one month unapologetically to take care of myself, like it's given me so much clarity. And you're halfway through it.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Yeah, on day 11. You look good. I feel and I I mean from the inside, I feel like there's some light back in your eyes.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Right. I couldn't even look in the mirror for a while because if I felt so dark. And my mom said, my mom's very blunt, and she's like, when you first got here, like I'm like, there's no saving her. Like I look like principal trench bull for Matilda, um, like a puffer fish that's stressed out. Like my my cortisol is so high. You know, my mom says some things that are sometimes cutting, but like she's right. And she's just been able to really help me, like, just kind of you know, find that little girl in me again that was like, you know what, I deserve something. And I of course with moms, you feel guilt. You feel like, okay, is my daughter gonna be okay without me? So this is big a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

This is a big thing, but necessary, obviously. Yeah. So what's gonna be different when you go back?

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I honestly think that this is all part of kind of the my brand is restoring Eden. And and what it is, is like I've been trying to build this brand for I think two years now, and I couldn't, and I couldn't figure out why. And it was because it was because um I hadn't done it yet. How can I teach other women to put the mask on themselves and to take restore their Eden, take care of themselves when I'm I'm not an example of that? Well, I was thinking God kind of shows you, right? Like, hello, we're not doing this until Yeah, and no, and honestly, like not I I couldn't, I couldn't get any fur far with anything. It would just it would be a sabotage, like something would happen. I would try to build it, take it down, take it down. I'm like, okay, what what do I need? And I just I keep thinking of that scripture, come all ye who are um weary, and I'll give you rest. And and also like my whole life has been like hockey and rugby and like you know, boxing and doing things that are extreme and Iron Man's. Oh, we did Iron Man once. I remember watching you because she's always been online, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:41

But I remember just doing it without really training at all.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

No, I ran on audacity. I I I we rented a canoe once just so I could practice the swim, and I kept running into the boat. My sister and my mom were in, and it was like swearing.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

But you finished it.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

I audacity. I ran on pure audacity. And um yeah, I just and again, but going back to the Iron Man, like that was like every, you know, when you can take your pain and put it into something, like every stroke of my like everything was like, you know, thinking about every person that hurt me or anything that's held me back, and that's what got me through that. And I I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not striving. Like people call people influencers. Like I call myself a de-influencer. I've done all the striving, I've done all the, you know, being busy and you know, just for being busy. And I just want to encourage people to slow down, like smell the roses. Like you walk with my kids down the beach, they'll stop at every single flower to smell it.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

And we you you have raised beautiful children. I don't I only know them from what I see online, but I can see that they're kind and they're inquisitive and they do enjoy their life. I mean, they my husband stopped in at your place. He's like, Where am I? Where where have you sent me?

SPEAKER_00 36:55

It's like it was like well, just go in. Literally, like a farm. She helped me live. Live. She's like, Lisa, you can take a candle. Lisa, I want you to live. Don't die. You look like you're dying. I need you to live.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Well, you were looking, no, I mean it it was just you looked like you just needed somebody to give you a little something.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

But and and and that. So you doing that, and honestly, with you and like other women throughout the last year or so, who you know, lots of people will just like love the show. Like, I can see people who watch my stories, and I know that they're just being like, Oh, is she gonna break today? Is she gonna crack? Like, and I I know what they're doing, and I know we have this insatiable like need to for like watching people's drama, getting the popcorn out and be like, oh, what's gonna happen next, right? But there's women in my life, like you and other women who've just done little small kind gestures, but that have meant like so much to me and helped get me out of like what felt like the pits of hell, and it restored me. Like it just gave me like the okay, you you can go again tomorrow. You can pick yourself up and and you can keep going. And um, I'm learning to slow down. And I never thought that I would ever do yoga or Pilates. First of all, I don't believe yoga.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

You shouldn't be doing yoga.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

That's what I'm gonna tell you. I don't believe in yoga. A lot of it is actually like occult practices and even what they say at the end of it.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Well, you're worshiping that it's just like kundalini or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Yeah, and a lot of the new age stuff is very self-focused. It's like, look at me, take it, treat yourself, and even me leaving for a month could feel like that, where it's like, oh, you know, those kids are holding me back. I need to take care of me right now. And that can be very toxic too, right? Because if you read the Bible, it's about service to others, it's about loving your neighbors, it's about praying and loving, praying for and loving your your enemies.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

And but can I say I feel like you've been your whole life doing that? You're allowed to take this five minutes in the grand scheme of life.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Right. But if people see me and they're like, oh, she probably just loves abandoning her kids all the time. Like, you don't know context, right? People don't people will always try to like they'll assume something that isn't there. And what I've found is um through music, I've written a lot of songs over the last few years. Well, we're a lot years ago, and then I've just started actually turning into music, really feeling all the feels, walking through it, and now you know, doing things like Pilates. And when I do Pilates or yoga, I'm I'm honestly like um Yahweh is actually the breath of God. So when you're actually breathing and you breathe and you go, Yah way. And I honestly, the entire time I'm doing any of those movements, and if I don't feel in my spirit I should do them, I don't do them. Like, I think that the more you seek, the more God will reveal to you. And anything can happen to me in the world now, and people wonder, like, how do you keep getting up, Lisa? Like, how you know what, how are you so resilient? And the only answer is God. I would be definitely dead by now if I if I didn't have God. And I just feel like when you can look at life as a lesson and everything that comes out, you're like, okay, what have I I learned yet? And why is the same thing happening to me over and over again? What is God trying to teach me right now? And am I am I blocking it? Am I in the way? Somebody else in the way, you know? And I think if you can look at at life that way, you become less of a victim to it when bad things happen to you because you're like, okay, this is just gonna make me better.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Right. Well, it's like he's forging you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

And anything that's beautiful had to be forged through fire. And if you if you do read the Bible and you see things like Job and you look what through what Job went through, and people are like, well, look at my life. They're like, Well, what's wrong with Lisa? What is she doing wrong? And you know, yeah, I'm not perfect. I've done a lot of things that I regret, and I maybe did things a bit emotional, but you know, sometimes we are put through the fire for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Well, we are put through the fire, and then we've got sin, right? There's there's general sin, there's personal sin. So not everybody who is going through something. It's not because of something they did. I think there's demonic there's this demonic sin though, too, right? The generational there's a lot of stuff, and a lot of times when you are getting closer to God and getting closer to your calling, I mean, that's when the spiritual attacks come. That's when they show up.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

And that's we could always warn new Christians is that if you if you get baptized, I've been baptized three times. Uh, the first two didn't work. Um, but it like you have to expect that if you do give your life to God and you go all in, you have to expect. And same with if you get married, anything that like the enemy doesn't like, you they will go go for you. And so lots of the people are like, why is all these things happening? And it's because this is part of your walk. If you walk the walk of a of a real Christian, your life isn't supposed to be easy. No, okay. Let's talk about bringing back Eden.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

So this is your new brand. Yes. We know the reference to Eden, but is it to the garden or is it to you?

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Both. Okay. So I am very self-aware. I know how things appear and what people are probably thinking and saying behind my back, and I'm okay with that because it starts conversations. And if we're talking about things, we're actually being able to grow, right? And maybe questioning why we're living the way we're living, why something in our spirit doesn't feel right with how we're living. And restoring Eden is basically just bringing you home to you and to God. Every woman is a different has a different way of restoring herself. Like some people have self-worth, they don't need to do it the journey that I'm on, right? And so what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to develop a way to be more in tune with our systems too. Like I'm developing an app right now that is about restoring Eden, but it's also um going in with your cycle. Like we've been also conditioned to ignore our cycle. And if you really start studying your cycle and you actually get in tune with the days of your menstrual cycle, when you should be resting, you're like, why am I eating? Why do I want to like yes take down the fridge? Yeah. You if you go to any like facet, which you shouldn't really do, but if you want the a burger that looks just like the actual picture, you have to ask for heavy everything. So once a month, you have a heavy everything burger. I go to Wendy's, I get a double day of extra everything, and it is disgusting and delicious. But again, like we're so conditioned to just, you know, you know, get through it, you know, just suck it up. And I want to challenge that. I just want people to be able to restore us back to how God created us women. And we are supposed to be out there doing things like biblically, but we're also supposed to rest. And we're also supposed to like nurture our bodies and our spirits, and um and in that way you are putting on your own mask first.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

Yes, exactly. So when you talk about going Going back home, because you will go back home. Like, you still love all those things. You love motherhood. You love gardening. You love fixing things.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

You love fishing and camping. Yeah. All of that.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

So, where is that? How's that all gonna fit in? That's what I go back to, because you didn't answer this question. What are you going to do differently when you go home?

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Well, non-negotiables, right? So I think that we all find excuses to not do things things for ourselves. And I think that, you know, doing these 30 days and thinking, okay, what does my body need? Even like buying food for myself. Like I'm so used to just eating like my kids' leftover Annie's mac and cheese and having my coffee cold and just doing little things. What I started with, and this is not as extreme as leaving your family for a month. But I just got a coffee frother. My friend Sydney bought it for me. And then my either my husband or kids washed it in the sink. You're not supposed to wash, and they wrecked it within weeks of me having it. Bought another one. And just that act of self-care of making myself a really beautiful coffee in the morning and just saying, like, you're worth this coffee. It seems it seems so stupid, but it's just that little mind shift in like you're important, you're valuable. I got a one-month pass at Pure Fitness in Penticton and it's for unlimited classes. Yeah. And then I got another pass at World Gym for a month for their red light therapy, their um hydro massage, their infrared sign. Nice gosh, you were having a no, I'm I'm taking this to 13 years, you guys. Don't think that I'm like a kept woman. I'm not. This is very out of my, you know, you know, it's it's all like stored up. And so I've been doing like two classes a day and really taking care of myself. So when I do go home, uh that's not really like feasible. You're not gonna be doing that. I'm not gonna be spending all day in self-care. But what I'm gonna take from it is do I have an hour a day where I can go for a walk? I can, you know, at least if you're doing something active. So I like rollerblading. Yeah, I like, you know, playing hockey. I like doing things, you know. I like I love Pilates now, the slow movement of it.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

And you're doing something that makes you laugh every day.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

And like my kids are watching me like And that's how they're learning what an adult woman is.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

Yes. And so coming home and me being more unapologetic about my me time and creating and carving space for myself. I think that that's a huge step that most women um don't take, but maybe you should.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

And so what will it look like for your marriage?

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Well, that's really up to for my husband to decide.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

So do you think it's more about what he does or what you let him do now?

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Both. I think that I have to stop being a martyr. I have to stop being a doormat because how can a man respect me if I'm not taking care of myself too, right? He's over here taking very good care of himself, and I'm over here being like, woe is me, right? Pity party. And somewhere in the middle is a sweet spot. And I mean, I can pray for a miracle. I can pray that he's one day gonna see this. But right now, like I think we're both on a journey right now of like trying to figure out we've both been through so much. So we've been squeezed in so many different ways. Like, I don't think many marriages can survive.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

God has to play some part in it. There has to be some kind of heart softening and miracle.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Yeah, and I believe in that. I believe that you know, I I I believe it.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

Don't give up on anybody.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

Look what happened to Saul in three days. You know, there's there's always a miracle. Be the woman, do the things, but make sure that you're you're taking care of your people first, you know, your husband, your kids, your family, and then then if there's room to help the needy, if there's room to help people, like I mean, know your limits, stay within it. I think that's probably the the best way to sum up me over the years is I didn't know my limits, even with how many kids I had.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Well, you've got you've well be fruitful and multiply. Well, you did that. I did that. So they're all beautiful, and they're gonna go out into the world and be amazing people. And I think it's because of your self-awareness and your heart is so good, and you you know, your methods may be well, you're reining them in now. And so I think Well, you're talking about it, so that's for a good first step.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

First step is admitting you have a problem.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Too much helping. It could there's a lot worse problems to have, but you can see that when you take away it hurt my kid. Yeah, and you're gonna you're fixing that. You're fixing that now.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

No, I am. It's a good mother, and honestly, watching you and everything that you've been doing, you know, like I've it's it's very inspiring to me because you are. You are you are being this. You you know, you are you are well. I'm trying, I'm trying. But you're doing a really good job, you know, and you You are doing a good job too.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

This is what we need to say, because I think sometimes we think women are strong and and they they know that.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

That's the that's the that's the biggest thing, too, is when people that is so huge, is that people forget that the strong people need support too, and they need to be told you're doing a good job.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

I'm happy to see that you are now taking some time for yourself. Never too late. Never too late. So thank you. Thanks for coming up here today. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for please continue to share because now we're all so invested. Thanks for joining me today on Talk with Toby, real life, real faith. Until next time, keep walking in faith, keep trusting in God in the everyday, and may his peace meet you right where you're at.