Meal Talk

The Reboot!

• TJ Ferguson & Jamal Russell • Episode 1

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The Meal Talk Boys are back! They swap horror stories from their worst jobs, call out Jamal’s wild workplace behavior, talk comedy, and put some Buffalo Trace bourbons to the test

SPEAKER_01

We are doo doo doop doo doo doo.

SPEAKER_00

Meal talk. Welcome back to the reboot that nobody asked for. TJ Ferguson, Jamal Russell. We'll just say it's episode one of Mill Talk. Welcome back, sir.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. New place. New vibe. New place, new vibe. We're not on that dingy couch. Dingy couch. In that basement.

SPEAKER_00

We had the worst shooting setup. We could go anywhere that didn't look like we lived in a trap house. Yeah, man. Moved up in the world. That old velvet green couch, bro. It was so uncomfortable too.

SPEAKER_02

We had the camera all in the back of the hallway. In the hallway. Yep, next to the washer and dryer bedroom. We had to put it all in the back. But it was um look at this beautiful setup.

SPEAKER_00

It was that uh that was that I was using a different camera then too, though. This is a little easier to use now.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you got your small little osmoso dingy.

SPEAKER_00

This makes it easy to use. But welcome back.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Episode one of Bill Talk. Cheers. Cheers. Look at this.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I missed it. TJ is now a professional drink maker. Uh he got the little smoke thing. You know, you saw the men's.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't smoke this one though. You didn't smoke this one, you got the little smoke thing.

SPEAKER_02

He always do the little smoke thing.

SPEAKER_00

Presentation. Because if I smoked it, I wanted to smoke it up here, but then I was like, if it flies, it's gonna hit the carpet.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's a that's a downstairs adventure. Yes, everything, yeah. See that? Yeah, but also didn't put egg white in this one. But you know, we here. Still tastes good to me. We are here.

SPEAKER_02

We are back, new setup. You know, we got a nice little table with plants and some pictures up there. Loving the setup, aren't you? Yeah, look at this. Oh, we got some. We got mics. Uh the you know, because remember last time? I remember all the times we used to record, and TJ used to fuck it up.

SPEAKER_00

And have to start again. Or we would get not recorded. We got so many lost episodes just because that was because that was my bad. The recording was off. That was my bad.

SPEAKER_02

Remember those days, man?

SPEAKER_00

It was some gold. That still happens. I did that last night.

SPEAKER_02

You messed it up on your 101s?

SPEAKER_00

When I recorded my whole set and then canceled the recording before it was over. So the open mic. Yeah, that still happens.

SPEAKER_02

See, that's news. You gotta tell the people about you coming back. Uh three weeks in a row.

SPEAKER_00

Coming back. Three weeks in a row. I don't know that I'm all the way back, but uh, you know, it feels good to be back out there. He got new jokes. Doing new jokes about his new life. It was a little, it was, it's interesting being back, and I tell people this all the time because like you can leave, you can quit comedy and come back, and nothing will have changed. No, we still. Last night was proof, bro. And I was like, But you got the new comics, man. Yeah, you got new comics, but the comics I know, I'm like, y'all doing closures on free shows? We trying to get listen, man. We trying to get paid. But you getting paid. You are you have traction, but like I'm like, why are we doing closures and open mics?

SPEAKER_02

Man, ever since the Kevin Hart came out, everybody stepped that game up.

SPEAKER_00

But there's a closure on an open mic, though. It's just like because uh the majority of what I worked was new, but it's just like you know, open mic, you can just all right, that's it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

That's all I got to work on.

SPEAKER_00

Like, we don't I I don't know. I mean, I I'm guilty of it too, but it was just interesting being out so long and coming back and seeing people.

SPEAKER_02

You thought everybody's gonna work all new?

SPEAKER_00

Not I don't think I thought people would work all new, but I thought they would be working something something else. I'm like, we full-blown closers on a five-minute set, and it's you I guess I I don't know. I got a different perspective now. I got a different perspective having not been there for a while. It feels good. I'm also like, why am I doing just as well with new as you doing with your regular material?

SPEAKER_02

And this is good material, bro. I mean, you good, and then Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Just gotta, you know, I gotta talk my shit, man. Not humble. No more humble TJ. No more humble TJ. No more humble TJ. Okay, you're just coming out of everybody's throat. Coming out of everybody's throat. Foot on the gas. Foot on the gas. I'm gonna do two rooms and I'm gonna make it. Uh it feels good to be back, though. It was fun. It feels good. I think also working new material helps it be more fun. I think part of getting out, I just got bored of doing the same shit. But I wasn't writing. True. Yeah. We also unemployed. I'm also unemployed. Yeah, I've also got nothing else to do. That contributes to the life. Also just hanging out. Yeah. You gotta be applying for jobs and how's that going? I actually love it. You either love applying for jobs or being unemployed.

unknown

Being unemployed.

SPEAKER_00

Being unemployed is fun for a while. Like, I mean, I gotta get, I know I have to get a job, but like, it's just also just like the rat race that we live in isn't like actual life. Uh so it's like when you aren't in that for a little bit, you're like, oh damn, I got time to do what I want to do. I got time to like focus on me. Um But it's also hard too with Have you run out of shit to do? Oh, dude, I'll get so bored every day, bro. I'm so like starred for human interaction. So that's probably another reason I want to like get out and like do comedy in. Because I'm just at the crib like with honey to-do list, like, you know, trying to get like the room and stuff ready, or like trying to write, or trying to figure out something to record, or trying to figure out something I'm gonna sit here and bullshit about for a 30-second clip that's gonna get 250 views.

SPEAKER_02

So disrespect on Instagram. Right.

SPEAKER_00

The algorithm sucks. Anytime you do anything different, it's like, nah, bro, that's not you. What are you doing? And it for me it was because I was posting memes. My memes, I had memes with like two million views. And I started posting myself. Instagram's like, who, who, why? Nobody wants to see your face, bro.

SPEAKER_02

But Instagram did come out. The the algorithm guy or whoever it is who works there, he did come out and he said Instagram is no longer gonna push people who don't record their own content. So that the people who do the memes or like the face beside you and just point, they said they're gonna push that the bottom, and everybody who does original content or themselves, bro, my meme is gonna push you to the top.

SPEAKER_00

My memes used to be destroying. Like I would post a meme, and within 20 minutes I'd have like five. Go back to the meme. No, because it's just it's so easy, bro. It's so like and then it's like when I do put my own stuff out, people aren't the following I gain from getting memes don't want to see my original content because they swipe to see memes.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they they followed you to see memes. They followed you to see memes. It's a bait and switch, man.

SPEAKER_00

So they want like five to ten seconds.

SPEAKER_02

You treated them like how you treated me when I got here.

SPEAKER_00

But this was look, you asked me to you asked me when I helped you move, I owe you anything. I said no. You said no. I said no. I said, if anything, get me a bottle. Um, so this is this was your repayment helping me move this chair upstairs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

See, you must have put that in a fine agreement.

SPEAKER_00

Now you move this chair upstairs. You know, I did thank you and sent me a bottle though. So we got this package in the mail, and it was like from Spirit something. I was like, oh damn, Maul sent me a bottle for helping them move. But it wasn't. To be honest with you, I would have took credit for that. If you would have told me, it was like, thanks for the bottle. I'd be like, hey, you're welcome, dog. But it wasn't. We opened it up, it was a plaque. And it was a plaque for like number one gen something award. So somebody had won some type of award and they had sent it to the wrong place. It wasn't for us. Did you keep the plaque? So we had kept the plaque, and then it was I guess it was two weeks ago. I had gone to the Defenders game, and Tamaria was having her book club, and she said during their book club, this lady just shows up at the door and she was like, Did you guys get a plaque delivered here? Like, did you get this plaque? And apparently it was her husband who had some event in LA. It was his. He had that they had won some kind of award for this gin. So he needs that plaque to take to LA with him. And it was just so happened that we still had it here. Oh because it was just hanging out. We were just like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I'm just saying no.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't know. He was like, Yeah, no, we ain't got no plaque to live with. I was like, but I was like, damn, Maul sent me a bottle. I was like, I was propping you up, and I was like, Oh, this ain't from Maul. I was like, I just helped him move. I just helped him move. Here's the thing, too. Helping someone move is the worst, and you can't say no. Because you asked me, I was like, damn, Maul, Maul really considers me a friend. I was like, this Negro done asked me to help him move.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, I wasn't gonna ask. I was gonna thug it out myself. Nah, bro, you still be moving. I was gonna thug it out myself, man. Just me. You know who helped me move in the other place? My mom.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I was like, Maul help, I'll help him, I'll help him move. She was a terrible help. But it's funny because I'll ask someone, like, help me move, and be like, oh, I can throw you 50 something. Oh, nah, you could hook it, don't worry about it. And then you give it to them at the end, and they don't never like, oh nah, keep it. They'd be like, Oh, thank you, take the shit. Yeah, I offered, man. You said no. So I'm like, I'm good. People like, I got some pizza and beer. I'm like, sir, I'm grown. I don't even want to help you for a pizza party. Pizza. Got some pizza. And then they'd be like, yo, bro, you go, I just helped you move and you got some little Caesars. Got you a five-dollar hot and ready. Got a five-dollar hot and ready. And them shits just be sitting all day.

SPEAKER_02

Nasty. Nasty.

SPEAKER_00

Then I ordered Lil' Caesars one time. They were supposed to make it custom, bro. They just put stuff over top of a hot and ready. You're supposed to make it custom. Like, you know, you can like make your own little ingredients and stuff, so they gotta cook it fresh. They just put the ingredients on top of a hot and ready. Sent it to me. But you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know, but I don't do little Caesars, man. I'm bougie.

SPEAKER_00

The little Caesars are actually underrated.

SPEAKER_02

I do little Caesars for my senior citizens because they if you get it. I'm not doing extra for them.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, if you get it, if you get the hot and redies, it's trash every single time. But if they like actually make it there, it's it's underrated. For like a cheap pizza, you really can't beat it.

SPEAKER_02

So little Caesars.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So what's your top five?

SPEAKER_00

Top five pizza. Top five pizza chains. Top five pizza chains. My number one is Jets. Jets? Jets pizza.

SPEAKER_02

Isn't that the worst rated one?

SPEAKER_00

No, Jets.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like every time I see a top five or like one of those little influencers, they go to Jets, they hate it.

SPEAKER_00

No, Jets is crack, bro. Where is Jets? This one right around the corner from here.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't know it was in Maryland. I always see him in Ohio.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, nah, Jets is great. Jets? Um. I like Papa John's. If you were asking 12, 13-year-old me, Pizza Hut would have been on there, but Pizza Hut is just Pizza my number one. Really? Pizza Hut number one. Nah, maybe I just I guess I haven't had it in a while because it's just it's not the same now that they don't have the go in, sit down, play with the jukebox.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, back in the back. The red cups.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's just, it's not the same. Oh, you okay. Yeah, the nostalgia of it. The pizza. Yeah, so I don't know if the pizza was better or if I it was just the idea. Yeah, it was just the idea.

SPEAKER_02

I do remember going inside. But pizza at my number one. I love pizza. I've never had pizza in a long time.

SPEAKER_00

20 bucks, you can't beat it. They used to have something back in the day. This is when I was in high school. I don't remember if it was called the beast or I don't know what it was, but it was three pizzas, and they would put them in one box.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I remember a rectangular box.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I remember me and one of my homeboys was in high school. We were high as shit. So we went to Pizza Hut, got the box or whatever, like sitting in my Jeep eating it. And my uncle walks by and I'm like, oh hell, he's gonna know I'm high.

SPEAKER_02

He's gonna know. And then you just had some pizza. Yeah, you just hanging out, just chilling. And some pizza, dog. Uh I used to work there too. At Pizza Hut? In high school. That's my job. I used to work at Six Packs Pizza Hut. Are you scamming there?

SPEAKER_00

No.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_00

You told me about the job. Tell the people how you were scamming on the on the on the car rental job. Listen, man, it's not. I was just trying to get some extra money, man.

SPEAKER_02

Which entails scam. They did fire me, though. I was trying to get some extra money. Because no one buys the insurance.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

No, they don't.

SPEAKER_02

No one buys the insurance, but you get paid commission on the insurance. Yeah. So what I did was I used to take a corporate code, put it into their reservation, right? It'll knock their per day rate from like 30 or 45 to like 15. Okay. Then I'll add the $20 a day life or insurance. Then I'll get their daily rate back up to $30 without them even knowing. Before they even showing up to the place, I'd have done that before they even show up. And their price is the same or cheaper with the insurance. So did they even know they had the insurance? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Or you just okay.

SPEAKER_02

I tell them, I was like, I'm like, here, this is what I got for you, right? Your bill was $300 for the week. I got you $300 for the week, but I also got the insurance on there, so you're covered. Same price. No difference.

SPEAKER_00

Or just a damage waiver. Or do you have like all the personal?

SPEAKER_02

I add as much as I want to get the price the same. Right? Because I could add as much if it's hired, I start taking some shit off. So I'm like, I'll just add like damage waiver or like or roadside assistance.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? So you over there doing math. That's $3.90. I can take that off. I can move this one up though. I take this one. I got it.

SPEAKER_02

And if they argue with me, I'll give them a better car.

SPEAKER_00

Why would they argue with you giving them insurance?

SPEAKER_02

Because sometimes they do. They used to argue with me. The price will go. I give them, I could save them $75 with the insurance. And they still argue. They used to argue with you. Because they'd be like, I don't really need it. I don't want that. I'm saving you $75.

SPEAKER_00

But the thing is, they so dumb that they don't understand how it works. So people be like, because I used to work at Enterprise, and like people be like, I got my own insurance. I'm like, yeah, but with your insurance, if something happened to this car, you still gotta pay the deductible. So if your deductible is a thousand dollars, exactly. You still gotta pay for that. And they'd be like, nah, nah, I'm good. I'm like, you don't understand. This is gonna relieve you. This is $45 for three days. This is gonna relieve you of having to worry about that. And we had the car blow up, you just give us the keys and you go home. And you go home. That is it. And then we had, man, it was a crew. So a majority of our rentals were insurance rentals. So through the week, it was just like they not buying insurance because like they like somebody already hit my car. I've already done whatever, I'm not paying for your insurance. But then they would have the weekend specials like Friday through Monday, where you could get a compact car. I want to say it was like $9.99 a day for the weekend. And every week, it would be 300, 350-pound dudes that would come in trying to get a weekend special on a compact car. Take them out to the car, talking about, I can't fit in here.

SPEAKER_01

Sir, you know, you know damn well you wasn't gonna fit. You 500 pounds. You know damn well you wasn't gonna fit in that motherfucking car.

SPEAKER_00

And our compacts was like the Chevy Sonics, like the Fiat. Or Honda Fitz. I can't fit in there, sir. You knew what size you were when you booked the compact.

SPEAKER_02

You wanted the cheapest red. And I wanted to upgrade. Them dudes, I don't help. You would help? Them dudes I don't help. Them dudes I don't help. I'd be helping the this this is where I used to eat. But big bread, bro. When people used to book those uh 12-seater vans. Oh yeah. Them 12-seater vans, because they used to they'll book them all. They'll book them online and it'll be like $1,200 just for the van, right? So here's what I do for that. I go in, I'll see their name, I'll book them, I'll create a reservation for them online, like through my laptop in the house.

SPEAKER_00

You working off the clock scamming people. Yeah, sir.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta get I gotta get this money.

SPEAKER_00

Off the clock scammer.

SPEAKER_02

I'll book them online because if you book them on the computer at work, they'll see that shit. And they'll be like, oh, you book this. I'm like, nah. So I book it online as I'm like if I'm name. I see their name, I'll write all that shit down. I'll book the same thing, I'll book a compact car. You go through so much extra. I book a compact car in the they'll have two reservations. I'll book a compact car in the name for the same amount, for the same length.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And then I'll add all the insurance. Because it's way cheaper. It'd be like $200 instead of $1,200. Then I'll add all the insurance and then I'll upgrade them for like a price.

SPEAKER_00

Because you get an upgrade commission too.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I get an upgrade. I'll upgrade them to the 12-piece of a van. So they'll get a 12-passenger van. I get all the insurance. I get the upgrade for $70, $75 a day. All that commission. And they'll come to me like, yo, that was a great sale. I'm like, hell yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00

You did more work. You did more work. You did more work to not do your job than you would do on your regular job. You were at home. Yeah. You were at home pulling shifts.

SPEAKER_02

Look, my commission checks was like five, six thousand, bro. It is college.

SPEAKER_00

I'm eating. I'm eating. Yo, bro, you should be. If you hadn't gotten caught, you wouldn't have never gotten into comedy. You would never move back. You would be a regional manager for Hurts right now. Yeah, they would have promoted me. With your button up in khakis, you would have been somewhere. You would be in Indiana or somewhere. Uh dog dang.

SPEAKER_02

Bro, this is how they I don't even know if they was looking, I didn't know they was looking into me. I didn't even know.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't even know, bro. You didn't know you were being investigated.

SPEAKER_02

I I put it on vacation. I went to I went to New York. I was doing comedy at that time, so I went to New York and did some shows like Broadway Comedy Club, right? It was like a year in.

SPEAKER_00

Broadway. We'll talk about that.

SPEAKER_02

I did Broadway Comedy Club, and then I came back. As soon as I came back, I was gonna come back. I returned the car the next day. I went to my shift. Before I even clocked in, the dude was like, Yeah, don't clock in yet.

SPEAKER_00

We gotta talk to you. We gotta talk to you. Come on now, close the door.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and they was like, we heard, we uh we noticed that they pulled up the whole sheet, though.

SPEAKER_00

Let me talk about these discrepancies.

SPEAKER_02

Pulled up the whole sheet, man. I was like, damn, y'all got me.

SPEAKER_00

Y'all got me. You just gave up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I was like, listen, dog, y'all got me, bro. I was just trying to make some money. Everybody in here doing it. They say, yeah, we know everybody in here doing it. You told them how to do it. And I'm like, You know they snitched on you immediately.

SPEAKER_00

They were like, Mo.

SPEAKER_02

Someone else got caught, and then they started.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, bro.

SPEAKER_02

I'm putting them all in your pocket.

SPEAKER_00

I'm putting money in your pockets. They don't care, bro.

SPEAKER_02

They just I'm feeding their families. I'm just a single college man. And they had like families of fives and shit. I'm like, I'm feeding y'all families.

SPEAKER_00

No, they couldn't wait to rat on you, bro. You can't get caught.

SPEAKER_02

You know what I'm saying? I went down. I went, I walked out with my hair held high, man. I was a hero in that place.

SPEAKER_00

What's the uh what's the worst job you've had? Worst job?

SPEAKER_02

I had some jobs. I didn't like auto zone. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00

You won't put nobody's wipers on.

SPEAKER_02

No, I was I because that's what they used to, it'd be grown men. Grown men coming in there like, yo, man, can you put my battery in? I'm like, you 35 years old, bro. You a grown ass man. You put your own battery. I can I can see it. The fine ladies, I go and do it.

SPEAKER_00

That's your mall. That's your uh that's your job, Maul.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's what that's what they used to tell me, bro. I need to be ready to smack them because it's your job, man. I'm like, you a grown ass man, man.

SPEAKER_00

I had a woman put my battery in one time. So can you put my battery in? I tipped her though. She was like, they ain't tipped, man.

SPEAKER_02

I ain't hate that. When I did the uh I came in as a that's right after that was a job I had right out I got fired from Avis Budget. And I moved back here. That was my first job back here in DC auto zone. And I had to do like this uh meeting. So they hired me as a manager. So I was a gray shirt. I was a gray shirt. Not the red. Not the red. So that's how they did it. They did it, they were very racist in this big meeting. Okay. So when you go to this big meeting, like a big warehouse in like buoy or something, Bowie, Maryland, they was like, alright, it's a bunch of red shirts and gray shirts in here. I want the red shirts to go on this side, and I want the gray shirts to go on that side. Right? And then during lunch, they was like, we don't want, we want the gray shirts to talk to the gray shirts to get to know each other and the red shirts to talk to the red shirts.

SPEAKER_01

You feel good, didn't you?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I was on that gray shirt side. And a little red shirt trying to walk across. I'm like, bro, hey, go back, go over there. And they had this weird, but I didn't know auto zone had a chant. They had a chant.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, they're they're trying to get you to drink the Kool-Aid, bro. But he spelled it out with their name. You had to like, you had to be a cheerleader.

SPEAKER_01

It was like, A, U, T, Z, E, O, E, Auto God. Who did that shit?

SPEAKER_00

Like, I'm not gonna be here for long, man. So that was the worst shot of AutoZone.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_00

Why?

SPEAKER_02

Just first of all, it was It was a lot of manual labor. It was a lot of manual labor, and I couldn't finagle for extra money. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't finagle for extra money as a manual. Like, I'm putting in, I'm putting headlights, uh, batteries, windshield wipers. I'm like, I don't know shit about cars. Nothing. I'm getting asked a lot of questions. I don't know. I was making shit up. That's what you gotta do. I would just line to people. Fake it till you make it. I was just lying to people, bro. Then you had to do those planograms. I don't know if you ever worked a retail store.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I worked at a sprint retail store.

SPEAKER_02

You had to do like the planograms. Oh, I just like a story about that. Listen, you gotta take down this whole shelf to reimagine it to like the way they want it now. But I'm like, the way it is, is fine.

SPEAKER_00

No, but that stuff expired.

SPEAKER_02

But they had to take this whole thing down and then they gotta do it again. The trucks come, I had to manage. It was in the hood, too. It was all the In the hood, so I had to manage hood rats who can't know who boyfriends will come in. Fucking like boyfriend come in arguing with her. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with that? I'm supposed to manage this girl getting beat up by her boyfriend. Like I can't. What am I supposed to do about this? You know what I'm saying? Money missing from the hash register. Like, I know who stole it. I'm not trying to say nothing. I'm not trying to be a snitch, boss. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Bro.

SPEAKER_02

And then the manager above me, he was a hood rat. The dude who managed all the managers was a hood rat. All he cared about was his hellcat. And if it was working that day.

SPEAKER_00

And he's getting parts.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he's just walking in a shisty.

SPEAKER_00

He got that job to get parts. Bro, that's a funny. That's funny. I've I um interviewed for a part-time job. I think this was probably like 2000, it was probably 2020 during the pandemic. I was working at the airport for an Enterprise. It wasn't Enterprise, but it was like a knockoff enterprise or something. Anyway, long story short, I was a person that would just move the car from the garage to the car wash. They wash the car, I bring it back. So I go on the interview, but I dress up. You talked about this on your thing, the you talked about this on your um Instagram the other day. You know, you dress up. So I go in there. I made myself presentable. I got on button up, some slats, you know what I'm saying? Looking stupid. And a nigga with a Chicago Bulls hat comes out looking stupid. Nigga with a Chicago Bulls hat comes out to interview me.

unknown

Bro.

SPEAKER_00

So, bro, like the only way you weren't getting hired is if you had something on your driver record. So I get hired, and my supervisor is a nigga named Howard. Big, big fat black dude. Couldn't nobody stand him. They everybody just talking shit about Howard. I can't stand Howard. I can't stand Howard. But they all lazy, bro. They too lazy to walk to the car, drive the car, and get like everyone. Like, I'm like, bro, everyone should be a superstar at this job. It's so easy. Howard talk about, damn, you seem like you catch on pretty quick. I said, Nick, all I'm doing is moving cars. What is there to catch on to? Like, what's there to catch on to? This is easy. So uh, but yeah, that wasn't the worst job. The worst job I've ever had, which I talked about too, was I did so I had a few, like, I won't say this is the worst job because it taught me a lot, but like working for my dad through like high school and stuff, doing construction. No, construction. He has on concrete business, so it's like 95 degrees out, hot manual labor. I would go back to school every year looking like a foreign exchange student from just getting toasted by the sun. I would go back black as shit. You left the purple, you used to wear purple? I got more like red, but you couldn't even see my beard. You know what I'm saying? So that was working. But the only thing like working with your dad, anything that happens on a job site that goes wrong was my fault. It was always my fault. I didn't even have to be there. I could be off. Somebody hit somebody in a truck or something. Like, well, what happened? I wasn't even working. Well, you should have known that it was gonna happen. You should have called him and told him. Working with your dad, is it weird when you're off and he he's on? Well, the thing is, I was I was never really off. Because like like it won't really no sick days or my dad's like a hard ass. Like, get it, get it out the mud. Which he did. I mean, he made a life for himself off of a high school degree, you know, making really good money.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, you know, my dad high school degree, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like but he didn't make a life for himself, yeah. So he made a life for himself, like super well, very well respected in the community and stuff, both parents. But you know, so like that was like, you know, so it taught me a whole lot, but I used to hate it. I used to hate it. And my dad's like uh, you gotta do this this way, you gotta do this, this, this, or it's wrong. And I'm like, Well, I'm good at this. Well, you gotta know how to do this. Well, well, but what can I just keep doing this? Yeah, but like what if hear me out now? Hear me out, what if? Um, that so that was that was an experience, but you know, I grew to not mind it. Uh-huh. But doing door to door in New York, that was a wild experience.

SPEAKER_02

I did door to door in Providence, Rhode Island.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I was in New York.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I did that shit.

SPEAKER_00

So, but uh, I I went into the interview and I was like, Yeah, I don't want to do this. Because I had done door to door in Houston, I didn't like that. And then this was door to door, and he was like, Listen, mate, I'm gonna give you a paycheck. Come out for a week, try it. If you don't like it, you know I'll pay you. And you're going your way. Second day on the job, he's like, You got your passport? We're going to headquarters in Manchester, you want to go? So I'm on a plane to Manchester, like two days in. We go to Manchester, we're going to a rally in Liverpool. And this rally is just like people from around the globe, and they're just talking about how much money they've made. So this person made this much money. It's a pyramid scheme. I understand. Yeah, this person made this much money. I'm out there chilling, bro. Like, I'm living a good life. I'm beating big wigs and stuff. You meant to quit when you get back. No, I didn't, so I quit. We went on a road trip to Albany, and there was a blizzard. It was like six, seven inches of snow, and they were like, get out there, let's get in the field. So I'm traipsing around in my timberlands. So what I was selling, different agencies or subsidiaries sold different stuff. So mine was World Society for Protection of Animals. So I was basically showing up on people's doorstep being like, hey, no, you didn't plan on saving the animals today, but here's your chance. And then it was like, I don't know if you know it, but they got these bears in whatever country, and they make them play hockey. So it's like YouTube videos of bears playing hockey. And you show these people, I was showing talk to that, and then I remember I was like smoking Newport Reds, like in New York, like $13 a pack. And they were like, if you sell two a day, you're doing good. You're gonna have a good life for yourself, two a day. But I mean, it was getting you knocking 100-150 doors a day, most slamming doors. Some people would invite me in for a beer, and it was a Friday night, it was like 8 30. I'd already sold one. I knocked this woman's door. She's like, Oh my gosh, come in. She signed up. I gotta sign her up. I was like, what made you buy today? She was like, she starts crying. She starts crying, bro. She's like, my pet just died, and it's great what you're doing. Sign here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just sign right there with you.

unknown

Keep talking.

SPEAKER_00

So that was that was probably the worst job. That was probably the worst job that I had. But I mean, it was it was a good experience because I got to go to UK. Oh, and I got the I had to go out in the field in UK. We went out with a rep there. I went out with this dude named Wasseen. He was he was doing his for Red Cross. Much easier to sell. So we go to five doors. He sold three of them. He was like, yo, let's go to the mall.

unknown

Done.

SPEAKER_00

Went to the mall, went to Old Trafford, got to see that stadium. But it was a wild time, man. And then I had a friend from grad school that moved to New York, so I got him signed up for the job too.

SPEAKER_02

We were out there together, just I I was so many sales, I I had so many sales jobs, but I ne I always found the lupo.

SPEAKER_00

I never I never just done the sale. You were one slip up away from having a completely different life, Jamal. You were one slip up away from like going away for two, three years and coming back.

SPEAKER_02

I used to work so less. Because I used to I used to sell, bro, I used to sell Cox Cable inside of Walmart.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, bro, that's the worst. I see them people table.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, bro. Improvidence is sell that shit.

SPEAKER_00

Before you tell me that story, tell me that story. But this was recently, this was in the last six months. I go in, we in Target. Black dude come up to me. I have my Travis Scott's on, he's so we start talking about sneakers. I'm like, oh they get you. Oh, you got phone service? T-Mobile? Oh yeah, I can get you cheaper than that. So I'm talking, I'm just entertaining him. I'm just entertaining him. But I've given him some information and stuff like that. And then like you get to the end, and I'm like, bro, I'm not, I'm like, I'm not gonna switch right now. I was like, I'm just I was like, I'm I've done sales, I'm in sales, you know, I'll hear you out. I get home the next day, I got an email the next morning from ATT talking about welcome. I was like, sir, absolutely not. But you can go to your story now, but that just made me remember that.

SPEAKER_02

They kicked me out of that Walmart. I used to get these niggas down. It was me and this old dude. We used to stay in there. This old dude was so mad because he was he was trying to make sales the honest way. Like he was telling the truth and nothing but the truth. I'm like, you I'm told, I'm like, you're not gonna make no sales, tell the truth, bro. You gotta lie to you, motherfuckers. Because the sale was like, say you got internet $50 a month, right? It was two years. After two years, that shit jumped to like $160, right? I he used to have a placemat with the price check at the bottom.

SPEAKER_00

Letting them know that it was gonna change.

SPEAKER_02

Letting them know it was gonna change. I cut that shit off.

SPEAKER_00

I cut that shit off. I'm glad I was never worried. I'll be so mad.

SPEAKER_02

I cut that shit off. Because once they got installed, you got your money. So that's all you had to do is get a quick install date. Instead of going like, yeah, I'll get installed in two weeks, so they can call Cox and try to do that reason. Nah, you get that shit next day. I used to get, I used to make so much sales, right? Lying to these motherfuckers. And then on my day off, like, he was there by himself. They used to come, the customers used to come looking for me, yelling at him, like, yo, he told me it was 60 bucks a month. I called Cox, it was $95 a month, and I already signed up, they already installed it. I'm like, they already installed it? I fucked that Walmart up, they switched me. There's the thing. Cox was getting so much money from me.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_02

They didn't fire me.

SPEAKER_00

They were like, we moved each other.

SPEAKER_02

They moved me to another Walmart.

SPEAKER_00

Friendlier territory. We just that Walmart up. Bro, I got a homeboy. I got a homeboy like that. I used to work with him at Sprint. And uh I ain't gonna say his name, but I ain't gonna say his name. But he used to live in Syracuse, and in Syracuse he was selling drugs, but he was moving phones like they were drugs, man. This nigga would have like cell phones in the back of his car, selling them from the trunk, signing people up for the service. I'm like, bro, how you listen, T. This is what you gotta do, T. This is what you gotta do. And I was just like, all right, man. Some people just they got that hustle gene, bro.

SPEAKER_02

I always follow people. People like, cause they because going up to them, like, hey, you looking for Cox Cable? Never worked. So they used to go, hey, do you know where like the Pop Tarts are? I'm like, yeah, I can show you what a Pop Tarts are, and I walk them over to the Pop Tarts. And you just wiggle that way into Cox Cable. Like, speaking of Pop Tarts, you buying Pop Tarts must mean you got some kids. But you got a family, because hey yeah. So, you know, what your kids watching? We got a nice little kid package, and then come back over to the table. You got that hustle gene, bro. I was fucking, I was making some man, I was making so much commission. Call it for fun, because I used to have these commission-based jobs. I was making so much money off commission during these jobs. Bro. I used to get fired, and I start selling video games inside the wall inside the mall. So you found another. That's the thing, bro. I used to I used to buy the video game with like little gift cards.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Right. Oh, you you told, tell me the story again.

SPEAKER_02

I used to buy video games for the in the gift card. And I used to buy gift cards, and then I'll buy it, because no one's buying that shit, so I'll buy it. All right, and then I'll get the commission. The video game's like $10, I'll buy a gift card, like $25, and I'll buy like 10 of them bitches. Then I'll just give them out to people, like families or whoever the fuck I'll make.

SPEAKER_00

So you just make them.

SPEAKER_02

And then I'll get the commission back. I'll do like the difference. You know what I'm talking about? Like you spend like $50 on gift cards, but then they'll get for selling them, you get a commission on like $1,000. So I only spent $50 and I made $1,000. So I'm like, alright, I'm gonna keep doing this. But I used to never, they need to catch on to me. Only reason they fired me because for time card fraud, because I never showed up on Sundays. You just I was at I took the laptop to be logged into inside the little kiosk. I used to take that laptop, go home on Sundays, log in, click, I'm here. I'm chilling on a Sunday playing video games, nigga text me, like, yo, I'm in the mall, where you at, trying to go to lunch.

SPEAKER_00

You you were one bit step away, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Oh shit. Now I'm I'm like, yeah, I'm in Target right now, walking around, looking at stuff. I'll be right there. I fucking ordered the Uber, fucking got up there, and that nigga he working at the smoothie store ratted on me. Yeah, he ain't over. I ain't never seen him on a Sunday. He's like, yeah, he never the dude over there told me you never here on a Sunday. And then they checked the cameras and like, yeah, man, you never here on Sunday. We're gonna have to let you go. Did this nigga follow me? This motherfucker followed me on Instagram after doing comedy. And like, yo, man, see you doing comedy, big ups, bro. I'm like, nah, nigga, you fired me.

SPEAKER_00

After you let me go.

SPEAKER_02

You fire me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, work world, work world, the work world is wild, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's why it's new.

SPEAKER_00

Comedy was for me.

SPEAKER_02

Because I'm like, I keep meaning and nothing. I can't find I can't. If it's money involved, I'm gonna try to find a way to make more.

SPEAKER_00

And that's when that's what I feel like why I always come back to comedy because every time I go and do something else, it's like, even when I cut it off when I had my last job, I was like, I'm gonna focus on this. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna try to make this money. But it's just like I be in there, like, man, I don't give a fuck about any of this, man. Like, I don't care. I'm like, I'm making y'all rich, but y'all don't care about me.

SPEAKER_02

I care about me. I never man. This is my last job, though. I I I said that to myself, I wrote it down. I'm like, this is my last job. You're gonna make it. I'm like, this is it.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm gonna ride them coattails. So I'm done. When Jamal starts headlining, I'm going on. That's the only reason I came back to comedy. I was like, I came back to comedy to feature for Jamal Russell, and I'm happy. I'm gonna be content.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, that's it. I'm gonna be content.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna do my two, three DC rooms, post some clips, and go on the road with Jamal. Listen, man. And have people mad at me. Nah, man. You can't do that because then everybody who be giving me rhythms never give me rhiz no more, man. Nah, bro. I'm this is what we're doing. That's my plan. You got your plan, I got my plan.

SPEAKER_02

That's my plan, man. I can't work no more, man.

SPEAKER_00

That's my plan. I'm like, yep, I'm riding, I'm riding Jamal's coattails. Head it out.

SPEAKER_02

Comedy is the mission for me. And I'm almost, I feel it. I feel like I'm I'm like I'm like this. Well, you you are killing it, bro.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I'm this close. I'm not like super close, but I'm like, yeah. You killing it. I'm almost dead. That's the thing. That's the thing about comedy though, because I feel like I feel like probably from like 2017 to 2019, that's how I felt. You look like that's how I felt, bro. Like I was like, because remember I got into the San Francisco comedy competition, which isn't as big now as it used to be, but it's still a prestigious like festival. And I mean, I'm out there. Everybody else on that festival was a headliner. I'm like a headliner. I'm like, I'm not even top dude in my scene. You feel what I'm saying? I'm not here though. I'm not even the top dude in my scene. If I'm in this competition, so I feel like that. I was getting more festivals, and I feel like I was like, I was alright, something's gonna happen, something gonna happen, something, and then nothing never happened, and I was like, what the f- What am I doing? Like, what am I doing? It's like, it's like, all right, I'm getting in these festivals, I'll do it all this stuff, and then I get back to the home clubs for 11:30 show, like, I got you 13. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

The disrespect on your name, man.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

You just can't you just came back. Because now it's run by like mostly new comics.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right? And they're all kumbaya friends type of shit.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So if you try to go, like, say I go to a spot, right? Everything I've done, credits that I have, I can go to a spot and they won't bump anybody. Yeah, you just gotta go up. And I'm sitting there like, yo, man, can I get can I get some time, right? And they'll be like, yeah, but you uh we'll see. Because maybe we got someone coming in who's not here. And then they'll tell me this person who's coming in. I'm like, well, that motherfucker's shit. So why are we waiting for him? They couldn't just have me go up. They don't know. But then they'll be like, oh no, man, because we have this state, we don't really want to bump him. He did sign up ahead of time. But I'm in my head, but I'm like, but I'm here. I don't want to be that type of that dude, but I'm like, but I'm but even here, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Even like uh, even like coming back out, it's just like you said, like a lot of a lot of newer people don't know me. Not that I'm not that I'm anybody, you know what I'm saying? But it's just also like I'm funny. Like I've always been funny, like I've always been in these rooms. So even like last night, I feel like I went after you because no one else wanted to follow you. So like we're gonna put you after Jabal. And I'm like, all right. They gave me extra time. I did eight minutes there. I was like, all right. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's how I went last week. They were like, we'll put you at the end, so give you some extra time. I was like, oh, y'all still respect me a little bit. That's what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02

That's just true.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They might not have a bump rule, but when they do give you time and they think you're like funny or somebody, they'll just be like, all right, instead of five minutes, they'd be like, all right, you can do 10.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because I looked at my phone, I was like, oh, I did eight minutes. I did eight minutes of new.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you, sir. You know what I'm saying? Because now that's how I finagle it now. It's like, since everybody's all kumbaya, nice, they don't really want. I'm still mean to some of them, right? I'm still an asshole.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Because, you know, some of them need to, some of them need that kick in the ass. But I just go, listen, you got time at the end, I go at the end. Yeah. And they'll be like, all right, cool, we can put you at the end. Like, that's fine. Right? Cool. If I didn't sign up, just let me go at the end. Let me do five to seven. We're good. That's my compromise to new comics who don't want to be bumped. No, I get it. But I was I grew up in the game where you get bumped. Like Tony Woods came in.

SPEAKER_00

Bro, we all got bumped. We all got bumps. We would all get bumped.

SPEAKER_02

Shay come in. You you get you in the back of the line. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Everybody would just talk shit about you too, though. Everybody was, it was blood. A lot of these comics now wouldn't have gotten into the rooms that we were doing. Like they went on pride. Yeah, they were exclusive, bro. I did so many late nights working the door, flyering and shit. And I'm like, and I'm doing this shit at the time. Like, I don't even need to be doing this. No, I didn't, I didn't fly her.

SPEAKER_02

That's one thing I pride myself on.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not doing that shit. I humbled myself. I did all that shit.

SPEAKER_02

I worked seven o'clock in the morning. I had to go to work at 7 o'clock in the morning. I get off at 5, and you're telling me I gotta come back and do more work just to do five minutes at 1 o'clock in the morning. I was like, nah. I go to these shitty mics when no one's at, just me and the bartender. I go there until you want me. That was it. That was my thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I did all of it.

SPEAKER_02

I couldn't stand flyering.

SPEAKER_00

I did all of it. It's different though. It's different now, though. I mean, it's different.

SPEAKER_02

I've never seen someone bark in a long time. Like, I don't, like, even these shows, when you walk into the show, you've I've never seen, I don't rarely see people outside with flyers.

SPEAKER_00

It's different, but it's it's different, but it's still the same. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02

But you went to um, you've been in New York, right? Mm-hmm. Like Times Square. Yeah. They got motherfuckers barking. Yeah, you want to do a comedy show? They don't know that I do comedy, because I'm not a big name, but like I'll be walking to me. You want to do some comedy? You want to come to a comedy show? They the comedy show is like three miles away. Yeah. You gotta walk 10-15 minutes. They got time square squares giving out flyers.

SPEAKER_00

When I when I uh when I first moved to New York and lived there, because you mentioned Broadway, Broadway was like the starter club. Like I would get in Broadway and think I thought I made it. I was like, oh, I'm in Broadway, like I'm doing these shows, and then I came to realize I was like, oh bottom tier and course. But I was also doing like because at that time I thought I was an urban comic. You know, those are the comics I watched, so that's what I thought that I was. So like then I was doing shows like I had worked at Broadway with um her name was JQ. And JQ was like, oh yeah, you funny. So she started like taking me to the other side. So I'm like out at the Bronx doing shows. So I'm on a show with uh Smokey Swore ass. You know him? So he was like, he's like a deaf jam guy. Smokey swore ass, Michael Collier. Okay, yeah, he was on the show, he was hosting the show. So I'm in like these shows, I'm like, and I'm in the car riding around with these niggas, and they got TV credits and stuff, and I'm like, oh yeah, I'm making it, bro. I'm up in there, and this is like, nope, still, you know, 10, 12, 15 years later, now I'm like almost starting from scratch again. But at least it's fun again now.

SPEAKER_02

Right now, you had a time off, man.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like right now, in this moment of going in and just like working new stuff, and like I want to get a good reaction, but if I don't get the reaction that I want, I know it's because I'm working something new. I'm like, alright. But it's like I'm still getting a good reaction.

SPEAKER_02

You get a little something, you get a little, you get a little giggles from half the room on a new bit, you're like, alright, cool. Now I gotta make it stronger so the whole room gets. Yeah. Seemed like cool, but if you get nothing, I I you get nothing on a new bit, I give it three tries. I mean, alright, that's why I just move on.

SPEAKER_00

But you also know for the room, so like even some of the bits I wanted to work last night, like a lot of the religion stuff, the black people were fucking with.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I'm saying? The black people, they know they got it, but the white people were like, we this out my lane, but it's just like, well, have something for everybody.

SPEAKER_02

No, man, I gotta it's been pretty good.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you got a lot of traction. You you've had a really good uh last couple years.

SPEAKER_02

Last two years has been good.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Two years has been good. After that don't tell competition, everything has been good. Yeah. You got some management. You know, booking agents. Yeah, I might do a little, might do a little. I just want to have, you know, when you see those comics. The reason I started talking to like the booking agent guys, because you see those comics who they'll do like a small little tour. It's like seven cities. I'm like, that's what I just want to start posting those little flyers. You know what I mean? Those little flyers. Hey, seven cities. I'm being North Dakota and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? I know I got a grind to get ticket sales, but I'm like, I just want to post those little flyers.

SPEAKER_00

And then keep doing it. I'm going to start helping you. Featuring for just one of the five minutes.

SPEAKER_02

And that's it.

SPEAKER_00

We got our first uh we got our first bourbon of the day.

SPEAKER_02

First bourbon of the day, benchmark.

SPEAKER_00

So the cocktails were made with 101.

SPEAKER_02

Which 101?

SPEAKER_00

Uh Wild Turkey 101. That's what the cocktail is. That's downstairs. Okay. But this is benchmark foolproof. Benchmark foolproof. So this is Buffalo Trace. So all of these are from the Buffalo Trace Distillery.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Buffalo Trace Distillery.

SPEAKER_00

This is their bottom shelf.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, the one with the dust on it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, this is their bottom shelf. Bourbon. But value. So you try it, let me know what you think. Sniff it. Is that how you do bourbon? Yeah, I got some I got some actual like of the bourbon glasses downstairs, but I don't like them. Why are you just staring at me, dog? Because your face went like your eyes got big. That shit burned on it. Yeah. Yeah, you went drinking. Your eyes got big. You're supposed to taste it. You gotta let it hit the front of your tongue first and then let it dissolve.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't know how I didn't know the bourbon tasting rules. I just drunk it. What you think? It tastes like bourbon, dude. But burns a little bit. Can we have alcohol after you taste? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

For 25 bucks you can't beat it. That's $25? $25.

SPEAKER_02

I get that.

SPEAKER_00

It has $125 proof.

SPEAKER_02

How much how much $125 proof would that mean? 62% alcohol volume. You get fucked up, but that shit.

SPEAKER_00

So that's the first bourbon. Yeah, that's that's that's how I think that we don't some bourbon tastings. It burns alright.

SPEAKER_02

It has an afterburn. Like it's it's still burning.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Is that natural?

SPEAKER_00

It's natural.

SPEAKER_02

So don't think you burning though. I feel like you used to this burning. I got used to it.

SPEAKER_00

So this is a bottle. So there's a bottle I want that I can't find anywhere called Stag. Stag. Yeah. So a lot of bourbons, I've I've gotten kind of getting kind of big in the bourbon culture.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So they have these.

SPEAKER_02

He started smoking meats, he got a grill outside, and he, yeah, see.

SPEAKER_00

So, but they got these allocated bourbons. So they only come out at like specific times. So, like this right here, this is probably my favorite. This is hard to find.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Or illegal.

SPEAKER_00

Harder to find around here. This is an Eagle Rare 10-year. And this is Colonel E. H. Taylor. Uh, this is bottled in bond, which means that it has to have aged at least four years, and they're like distilling regulations they have to follow, and it has to be 100-proof. So I found this bottle the other day.

SPEAKER_02

So, what is proof?

SPEAKER_00

That's like uh don't give me the line. But it's like the amount of essentially the higher proof, the more alcohol is in the bourbon. So I found this the other day. They had just gotten a shipment of this, which I've had this bottle for probably five, six months now and haven't opened it. You bought these online? Mm-mm. I found them, I found them at the liquor store, at the ABC store here.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay, in the Virginia.

SPEAKER_00

So I've been saving opening that, but I finally opened that. I found that and I tried it. So but we'll see. We'll see which one's your favorite of the batch. Batch. I mean of the batch.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. The last one kind of kind of hurt.

SPEAKER_00

It burned, right?

SPEAKER_02

The last one kind of hurt.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, the last one kind of hurt. So we'll try this one, then we'll see if if you like the same one I like. Uh let me tell you, the best drink I've had.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not a bourbon hardcore guy. The best drink I had, I headline like a distillery in like Haymarket, Virginia. They had a Snickerdoodle apple cider.

SPEAKER_00

Alright.

SPEAKER_02

Snickerdoodle flavored apple cider.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I think I've had that. Out in Ashburn?

SPEAKER_02

Out in Haymarket.

SPEAKER_00

Oh no, I did. I did one out in Ashburn and they had it. They might be under like the same.

SPEAKER_02

That right there was the best drink I ever had in my life, bro.

SPEAKER_00

I think I might have had that.

SPEAKER_02

I tried to go online and order some, but I couldn't find it. But I'm like, this here is delicious. I would drink that every day. So this is the This was the Colonel E.H. Taylor small batch.

SPEAKER_00

And Colonel E.H. Taylor was the one that got the bottle and bond regulations.

SPEAKER_02

So he's black? Nah. Nah. Okay. Smells like bourbon. Let me do the TJ thing.

SPEAKER_00

My palate has evolved. I will say that. You ain't really fucking with that one. You don't really know. You ain't really fooling with that one.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta give it an honest try. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

The finish though. The finish is nicer. I'm saying it go down smoother. Yeah, the finish is nicer.

SPEAKER_02

It's less heartburn. It's less heartburn. I keep some hair on my chest on this one. It's good though. I feel like see see I'm like I'm like a uh I'm like a bitch drinker. Don't don't just say, mm-hmm. No. Don't just do that to me. I agree. I'm like a bitch drinker. You know what I'm saying? I I like to you know add little flavors to it, you know what I mean? Well I like cook with it, you know what I'm saying? Like some like like this one here will make some fire wings. Barbecue sauce. Since it's like cheap, right? But since the flavors are better on these, you can make it.

SPEAKER_00

But niggas don't like to use that expensive ass bourbon for like food. Alright. So we're trying this last one's the Eagle Rare 10 year. 10 year. So this is one I've been holding on to this bottle. Oh, see. Yeah, I've been holding on to this bottle.

SPEAKER_02

This is special.

SPEAKER_00

I like this is my favorite.

SPEAKER_02

This is your favorite.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

You know how they do in the movies. Delicious. Delicious. I see that. That right there. No burn. No burn. Smooth as hell. Can't even taste the bourbon flavor. That right there was good.

SPEAKER_00

That's my favorite.

SPEAKER_02

And that right there? I can drink that.

SPEAKER_00

That's my favorite.

SPEAKER_02

I really did.

SPEAKER_00

And the crazy thing is, this bottle costs more than this bottle. This bottle costs more than this bottle. That right there? Yeah. So this is like, like I said, this is bottom, this is bottom shelf. It comes with a screw top. I just happen to have a this is my old Eagle Rare Cork that I put in here. Yeah. So this is like bottom tier. This is probably mid-tier, and this is one of the ones. This one's harder to find than both of these.

SPEAKER_02

See, this one, all right. This burns the most. Right? This gives you a good afterburn. This one burns a little bit, but this one here, no burn. Smooth going down. This one right here burnt. It was like, it's like, it's like it feels like it was mixed with something, but it wasn't. It's good. You know what I'm saying? You still get the bourbon taste, but it was just smooth.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, I got one more. We got one more today. Yeah, one more. This is my infinity bottle.

SPEAKER_02

Infinity bottle.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. So this is when I get low on a bottle. Like I can't really make a drink with it or anything like that. It goes in here. So right now, this is Knob Creek, Uncle Nearest, and 1792 small batch. So three different bourbons. So um Uncle Nearest.

SPEAKER_02

There's three different bourbons in this. Like you combine bourbons?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So this is a bourbon jungle juice. This bourbon infinity. This is the infinity bottle. So this is gonna get.

SPEAKER_02

So you call it the infinity bottle. Yeah, exactly. That's not the official name. This is what you name it in your house.

SPEAKER_00

No, this is this is the thing. This is what they call it in the bourbon world.

SPEAKER_02

You just combine, like, so you just this bourbon, this bourbon, this bourbon, you put it in this bottle.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. But none of these are in there right now. So this is three completely different things. So in Uncle Neeris, he apparently taught Jack Daniels how to distill bourbon. So he's Jack Daniels. He was a black man. Uncle Daniel. Uncle Nearest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00

So this is Uncle Neeris 1792 in Knob Creek. And this will be, when we record next week, it'll probably have, or next week, the week after, whenever we record again, it'll probably have more stuff in it. Okay, so this is so so this is bourbon jungle juice. This is bourbon jungle juice. This is bourbon jungle juice.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, don't try this at home, kids. Nah, try it. Live your life. Have fun. I don't think I've ever had bourbons just combined out of here.

unknown

Alright.

SPEAKER_02

Luckily, luckily I Ubered here. Yeah, you be alright. This is this is insane. I just might feel like it's gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_00

It's different. Take your word for it. You've been drinking this on a daily. No, I don't drink this on a daily. This is I just learned about this the other day. Like people started doing it. I'll be watching little videos, and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna make me one too.

SPEAKER_02

That shouldn't be legal, bro.

SPEAKER_03

What is that?

SPEAKER_00

That's got a lot of flavors. There are a lot of flavors to it. I'll be watching the videos.

SPEAKER_02

That's a bourbon 10,000, man.

SPEAKER_00

I'll be watching the videos, man. And they be like, they'll sniff it. They'll be like, they'll be like, damn. Got some notes of caramel. That's a little licorice. I think it's a little licorice there. I think that's a little licorice. So I get none of that now. So maybe I'll maybe I will get there eventually. But you be smelling it? Yeah, I'll be smelling it. I'll be cuz I'll be like, I'll be trying to pick out the difference. They'll be like, I smell vanilla. Because the ingredients, nothing in this. Mm-mm. They'll be like, I smell vanilla. I smell caramel. I'll be like, it smells like bourbon. That's how I smell it. It smells like bourbon to me. They all got the same smell. But all of these, all of these, like I can sip. Like I don't have to mix any of these.

SPEAKER_02

You do the ice cube, which TJ now does the big circle ice cubes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Or I can drink, like, I'll drink these neat though. Like no ice or nothing. Just sip it neat. And just watch TV. Just watch TV. Watch uh before the 90 days. I've been on 90. Before 90 days. You ever you ever seen that? Before 90 days? Before the 90 days, fiance. So it's like before the people move over.

SPEAKER_02

That's the dude with the little neck.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's a bunch of different ones. Right now. Right now. So right now we are we to tell all now. So tell all. So it's one couple. It's this older white lady. She like 50 something. And she been in Nigeria with a black dude. He like 30. And it's so clear that he's scamming her. So clear. She's white? She white. She had to go meet a king. Quote unquote. Quote unquote. So they supposed to be broken up, right? They're supposed to be broken up. And on the tell all, he's like, technically, she is she is my wife. We are together. Cause they went to some ceremony. There's another one, she likes 50. This 26-year-old dude from Turkey.

SPEAKER_02

From Turkey.

SPEAKER_00

From Turkey. He like 50k in debt. Tomario gets me hooked on all this shit, bro. I be fighting. I be fighting that shit so hard, I'd be like, bro, I don't want to watch this show. I want to watch that shit, and I'll be like, You be into that, bro. What's her name? She dumb. Like, she thinks he likes her? You get into this shit. Then I start getting into it. So that's what we are right now. So yeah, I can just like sip that watching that. But um, yeah, man. Nice little bourbon run here. We'll try some different ones next time.

SPEAKER_02

Ah man. I'm like, well they headed now.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, we good. We go how long we been? Now I gotta start partying. Oh yeah, we almost had an hour, so we can get ready to wrap up soon. See that? Yeah. See, we back. We back. We back.

SPEAKER_02

You ain't even talking about your kid, man.

SPEAKER_00

We'll say that for next time. He's not here yet, but he's gonna be here. Next baby. He's gonna be here.

SPEAKER_02

Next month. It's uh cliffhanger. TJ is having a kid. I'm having a kid. And his name is Jamal.

SPEAKER_00

His name's not Jamal. His name is uh Well, we'll we'll talk. But you know, he was gonna it's funny having a kid and knowing when that kid was conceived. Which is Jamal's birthday. So I say he should be called Jamal. Jamal's birthday. We went to the Bill Pickett rodeo. Yes, sir. We went to the Black Rodeo. We got home and TJ can see what I'm saying. He worked his magic. But the thing is, I think we're gonna go back to the rodeo this year with the kid.

SPEAKER_02

That was a big argument in my relationship, man. The rodeo? Yeah. Why? Because it was my birthday. Okay. And remember, I paid for everything. Oh, I didn't know that. I paid for the tickets. Remember when we went to go get something to eat?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, remember when we were paying drinks? I paid for the food and the drinks. Yeah, but I mean, she to be fair, she was like hanging out while we were like hanging out. You know what I'm saying? So like we went to do our thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but I here's the thing. I told her it was my uh she knows it's my birthday. I was like, this is my birthday, right? And she was like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, all right, we're gonna go to I sent her, like, hey, I'm going to Bill Pick and Rodale. So I'm like, all right, maybe she'll buy, at least buy her ticket, right? But she didn't do that. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00

She I had to buy my own ticket. Wait, time out, time out. Is this gonna get you in trouble? No, no, no. Alright, cool. I was like, we'll we'll cut it down yourself. I can edit it out after.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no. I bought my own ticket, and then she she she didn't buy any ticket. So I bought my ticket, I bought her ticket.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Right? So then once I did that, I'm thinking, like, okay, she's gonna buy some meat. At least she'll buy some meat. But then we get there, and and I also you were late.

SPEAKER_00

No, I wasn't late. You weren't late, but you weren't there as early as you told me I was gonna leave.

SPEAKER_02

Because I had to wait for the the person to get dressed. We know who it is. She cycled, she cycled to a couple of few outfits, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Bro, that's that is the worst, bro. So that's the worst. And baby, I love you, but I'm gonna tell this. I'm gonna tell I'm gonna tell this story. When we went to that defenders game, remember we got there like second quarter. Yeah, I was in there by myself, kicked. I said I want to be there by kickoff, bro. It's like 40 minutes before kickoff. At the table chilling. Yo, uh, but uh start. But you can't do anything. You can't do anything. You just gotta pretend. But you don't pretend to be cool, and the whole time I'm like, and then we wait on the train, and then the train is delayed. I'm like, wow, I would have been, I would have already been here. I would have already been here by now, bro. I would have already been here by now. You can't get mad, you gotta just pretend like it's not happening. But and and that's the thing, and I think even with relationships, it's like I love you, but if I'm going to a game, I would much rather hit you up and be like, Hey man, let's let's go to the game. But women, they want to be like, they want to be involved too, because what you want, you want them to like what you like. Yes. But but I also want to be on time. I also want you to get there when I would get there. I also want you to get there when I would get there.

SPEAKER_02

So when I did the don't tell special, we had an argument, bro. I had to be there, bro. I had to be this is this is a big moment for me recording in New York. It's huge. It's huge, it's huge. I'm in the I'm I'm in the hotel, right? I had to get there at 7.30, starts at 8. I had to get there at 7.30. I'm I'm dressed at 7.15, right? And train will get you there by 7.30. I'm in there and she's cycling through like six or seven outfits. Yo, just this ain't even about you. To be in the audience when niggas can't see you.

SPEAKER_00

It's not about you right now.

SPEAKER_02

You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm sitting there and I'm sitting there like, she like, do you think I've wear this jacket or with these boots? I'm like, in my head, and I said it, I'm like, whatever gets you to dress the fucking fastest. Okay, I gotta get there. Okay? I can't be late. You know what I'm saying? I can't be late. This is a big moment for me. Right. And she used to, she's like, ugh, I guess I'll put the jacket on. Put the fucking jacket on. Just let's go. Let's get the fuck out of the house. Let's go. I gotta get there. You know what I'm saying? I took you to this thing and you're you're fucking it up.

SPEAKER_00

I don't, and like I don't have anything like that now because I haven't been doing as much comedy since we've been together, but she's also gotten used to, so when I do go out and do stuff, it's like like not in a bad way. Not in a bad way, it was like she used to me being here. You know what I'm saying? But it's just like I gotta get out. Yeah, I gotta get out. But my last relationship, my last one before that, bro. There's so many times we would get into a fight before a show. Before a show, and I'm just like, I mean, like, into it, into it, bro. And then I just gotta go on stage and everything be cool. Yeah, you gotta, yeah, you just gotta I think about that a lot, because it's like, you don't know what that comic is going through.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. They'll get on stage, they'll turn it, they whatever happened in their life, they turn it off and they'll make fun of whatever they do their jokes and have a good time, make fun of you, whatever. And they get back off the stage, and now life is still clean.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? In theater, we call it clean feet.

SPEAKER_02

What you call it?

SPEAKER_00

You call it coming in with clean feet. It's like whatever's going on in your life outside of coming onto the stage don't matter. You come onto the stage, you come on with clean feet. Yeah, that's what we call it. But like by the last, there was so much that. I mean, we going in on each other before a show. And it's just like I gotta go on stake, hey y'all do it. Yeah, no matter what happened, you're like, Chuck it-chuck.

SPEAKER_02

That's how we had when we got back together, I had to have a conversation. I'm like, it's my moment, right? Like, like when I did the live Taskmaster at the Warden Theater, right? That's when she really got mad at me for bringing the shirt that she bought me. She bought a shirt with her face on it.

SPEAKER_00

She wanted you to wear it.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, okay. No, no. She was she was mad because I wore it. But they asked me, Taskmaster, they do like these live games.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They asked me the thing, they asked me to bring in a crazy clothing item. And I'm like, that's a crazy clothing item. Yeah. Her, it has her name on it. Keep talking. It has her name on it, and like four or five pictures of her on it. Right? So when I got there, I brung it. It won me the game, it won me in a challenge, and the audience members was on her side. They were just like chanting her name. But when I brought this to her, I was like, hey, they asked me to bring a clothing item that was crazy. Guess what shirt I brung?

unknown

Right?

SPEAKER_02

I was like, guess what shirt I brung? And then she got mad that I brung that shirt. Because she was like, this shirt has my face on it, and you're making fun of me. And I'm like, no, you they loved you. They were part, you were part of it. I mean, you were a part of it. They loved you, right? They were screaming your name. Every time I went on a stage to play a little game or whatever, they were like, go Ashley, do it for Ashley. That's what they were doing. Right. Right? But she couldn't take that. So then she thought I was like texting someone else or you know, cheating, or anything like that. And then she was, and then I then I was like trying to diffuse the situation. I showed her my green room, or I had like a big room with just me in there. And she was like, Fuck you, a green room. Who are you talking to? She started talking to my ex. I'm like, no, I'm talking to you. I'm I'm talking to you, I'm sharing this moment with you. But anyway, when we came back together, I was telling her, I was like, listen, when I'm having a moment in my career and I'm sharing it with you, and you're mad for some strange reason, you save that shit for tomorrow. Yeah. You don't, you don't shit on my day. You like if I made you mad for some reason, you save it for tomorrow. You congratulate me for today, and then save it for tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00

Because the thing is, like, it took it took so long to get to these fucking moments. To these moments, bro. It takes, like, they don't like everyone, like, and this is so cliche, and everyone sees like the good shit that happens, but no one sees the 12 people in a room that still has the football game playing in the background. I'm like, I'm doing some shit now.

SPEAKER_02

Some shit now. I did a show at a barn with a cow behind me.

SPEAKER_00

We've done everything.

SPEAKER_02

And you know what I mean? Like, I'm doing this, and I'm on Warner Theater. I'm trying to share this with you, and you're telling me I'm texting my ex when I'm texting you.

SPEAKER_00

And we can, we'll, we can, uh, we're we're running a little long. Oh, okay. We'll no, no, you're good. We'll talk about that next episode too, because it's just like our boy is on funny as fuck right now. Yes. You know what I'm saying? And like, people don't know. DC people know a version of me. DC comics know a version of me. They don't know the shit I did before I got here. And like, me and me and our boy, we we've been on some bullshit shows together. We we came up together. Me and him did a psych work together. We bro, I did a deaf show with him, a virtual death show. In order for them to laugh, they had to like send like emojis up, bro. I I I took I took my lunch break at my regular job at 10 o'clock to do this show. Like, we've been through that, but before we even Did that like we did shows together in Charlottesville and like Richmond and stuff, and it's just like people don't know that aspect of us. So, like, I was busting his balls in a group, and I can feel people being nervous. He's being mean. I can feel people being nervous, but I'm like, y'all don't you don't even fucking know. Yo, meaning, you know, humble TJ who who sucked it up on this DC comedy scene, which I shouldn't have did that shit. Look at the camera. I shouldn't have done that shit. I'm better than all y'all motherfuckers.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Whoa. Now that's about it.

SPEAKER_02

Just new TJ. Because remember, I was trying to get TJ to be controversial.

SPEAKER_00

Now he's trying to be controversial. No, bro. Like, it's just like I I humbled myself and I didn't need to humble myself. My mom would always be like, don't get too humble, because if you get too humble, people overlook you. Yes, sir. People overlook you. So Mama's right. Yeah, and I and I and I honestly have. And I'm not saying I'm anybody, but I'm also saying even being back, I'm working new shit, doing just as well as you doing with your fucking closers.

SPEAKER_02

So don't see this. Listen, TJ. TJ had one kid. And now look at him.

SPEAKER_00

We'll talk about the kid next time. But you talked about the Ashley shirt. I got these. Oh, my bad. My bad. No, you got these. I got these Tamara. Tamario's socks. I got the Tamaria socks right here. She gave this. This was her gad gift at her first her first Christmas together. How long we got dated before you get these socks? So I think we started dating in July.

SPEAKER_03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

So we we met in June and we became official in July. So like six months. Six months. Six months you got these socks. And I she her her present was a gift to Puerto Rico.

SPEAKER_02

It was three months before I got the shirt. Three months before I got the shirt. And that's insane, bro.

SPEAKER_00

So I got these. But then she also got also got me WrestleMania tickets. See, I never got this, bro. But you y'all, y'all, you it's still new. But I got on a trip to Puerto Rico. But I think that it was part of it was like, you know, after my last relationship, everything with us has been pretty easy. Like, you know, we we mesh pretty well. I think we got the same, we have some of the same interests, you know what I'm saying? So it's just been like, but when you've been in toxic shit before that, sometimes you don't know how to deal with it. Well, why is this so easy? True. You know? That's true. Uh, but we can get into that. We can get into that more next time. This is a hard style. Hey, we back. The Bill Talk boys are back.

SPEAKER_02

Next time we'll have a meal with our bourbon.

SPEAKER_00

We will have a meal with our bourbon. We'll we'll we'll explore some new bourbons. I knew that was gonna happen. We'll explore some new bourbons next time a picture just fell down.

SPEAKER_02

I whip something up. I got some, I got I got some new recipes. Let's do it. That I I created, I conjured up, man.

SPEAKER_00

Now I got my slow cooker back. Or when do you you're out of town coming up?

SPEAKER_02

May May 12th, yeah. May 11th and May, May 13th.

SPEAKER_00

All right, we'll get something on the books before then. Yeah, yeah. To record again. So yeah, Sunday. So so we back. Thanks for listening. We'll catch you next time. Peace.