Meal Talk

“I wanna be a player”

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The Meal Talk Boys are back! They discuss TJ’s first days of fatherhood, Jamal’s dating experiences, new jobs, and comedy.

SPEAKER_00

Do do do do do do Nigga here, bro. Do do do do episode four reboot meal talk. Welcome. We got both mics on today. We're cooking well. Uh I didn't know my mic was off. It was a conspiracy that TJ turned it off. What happened last week was Jamal set the mics up. I didn't set the mics up. You did set the mics up. Remember, I brought the mics out. I was like, hey, take care of this. And I came back and you were like, here, this is all I do. And I checked my mic. And I was like, yeah, we good, but I didn't check your mic. But I asked you to check the mics.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not a professional at this point.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I just assumed. Well, it's not really press and play. No, I don't need a professional. You don't need a degree for it. You know what I'm saying? But we're good today. Both mics are on. Welcome back. We a week later than we would normally be. You know, but we are here. Yeah. Life is life.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean? Life is life. You know what I'm saying? The moment has come. The baby is here. TJ is a new dad. Baby boy Taj is here. Taj. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What happened to Jamal? No, sir. It was never Jamal. It was never Jamal. We discussed this, man. He was. So what happened was Taj was conceived on Jamal's birthday. Yes, sir. After the Bill Pickett rodeo. I know. Which is the black rodeo. So Jamal feels like he should have a greater stake in the name in this baby than he does. In the name. So I should it should be like Taj Jamal Ferguson. I mean, he would still be a TJ then, but still be a TJ. But he's he's not. His initials are TXF. Yeah, he's here and he's he's cool. It's been fun. Has it been fun? It has been. You don't have the tired dad glow yet.

SPEAKER_01

You still happy about it.

SPEAKER_00

I'm still, nah, I mean, it's been it's been a couple of nights where I'm just like, because he'll start crying, and I know, like, it's like, all right, I done burked you, I done fed you, I done changed you. I'm like, now you're just crying to cry. So all the options? You just, yeah, but you're just crying to cry. It's just like, so he's just going ham, and it's like probably like two or three nights ago, and I was just like, I don't know what you want me to do, man. Why don't you do what black most black parents do? What's that? Let him cry. Well, I did. I mean, he I let him cry, but I'm like trying to like stop him from crying, you know. So I'm like holding around, like trying to rock him and trying to, I'm just like, you're just crying to cry. And then there are times he hates getting his diaper changed. Hates it with the passion, goes ham every single time. But then like halfway through, he'll stop and be good. But then it's like he'll remember that he's supposed to be crying. So he'll be like, oh, good now. Wait, I'm supposed to be upset right now.

unknown

Nah.

SPEAKER_00

He's like, he'll be like, this ain't so bad. Wait a minute. No. Who taught you how to change a diaper? Uh did you Google it? No, I mean it's pretty self-explanatory. No, I feel like it's more I feel like you don't just wipe and put on. No, you wipe, pull up, boom, and it's like all like it's not velcro, whatever, but it's something sticky, just boom.

SPEAKER_01

You don't gotta flip him over or nah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, uh hold his legs up, wipe up, get it off. He be shitting though. Do you check? Huh? Do you check? What do you mean? Like, like when you wipe, do you like look at it? See the color too. Because I have to wipe, I wipe until I don't see anything anymore. But do you check the color of the poop? Well, you don't have a choice. You're gonna see it. Like you're you're gonna see the poop.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like you're supposed to just like actually just check. You know, as an adult, I check now, as an adult.

SPEAKER_00

Oh no, I mean, but it's you don't you don't check? It's second, it's second nature. Like as an adult, we gotta like stand up or you know, get down in there. Look at it. Like with him, you just he's when you poop as an adult, do you check? No color. No. You go on faith? Yeah, I go on faith.

SPEAKER_01

What if it's red?

SPEAKER_00

Okay, I guess I'll something I'll. You gotta check, huh? I gotta start checking. But with him, it's just like, you know, he's on his back. I'm taking the diaper off, so I don't have a choice but to see it. And the doctor was like, you're gonna see all different. You you'll see grey, not red, like you'll see green, you'll see yellow, you'll see orange. Orange? Yeah, like they be invasive. If your baby shitting orange, you're not gonna panic? Not now that I know not to, I won't. I'll still panic. I've never seen one shit. And bro, he be he be shitting, bro. There's so many times that like I will be in the process of putting his clean diaper on.

SPEAKER_01

And shitting in?

SPEAKER_00

He starts shitting. That's gross. I can't do it, bro.

SPEAKER_01

I can't do it.

SPEAKER_00

He starts shitting. Nah, things like things you think gross though, like once it's yours, like you're gross. Like you kind of, I mean, but you forget, you forget about it. Because even like, I've never been a person that's like enjoyed like holding small babies. I'm always like, nah, get a few months, like get a year, then I can rock with you. But with mine, I'm like rock with you. Like then I can then I can mess with you, you know what I'm saying? But like with mine, I'm just like I'm tossing them around like I've been doing this my whole life. Like the nurse was like, Did you cry? Yeah, I shed a few tears. I shed a few tears.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Um I think you were, I ain't think you was that man. The crier.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, it just depends. I shed a few tears. On when you first saw him? When he came out.

SPEAKER_01

Happy tears, sad tears, nervous tears.

SPEAKER_00

Oh no, happy tears. Doom and gloom tears.

SPEAKER_01

All right, now I gotta lock in.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, happy, happy tears. It is funny, because like I said, it doesn't feel like real until he comes out. You know what I'm saying? And then he came out and I was like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01

It's happening.

SPEAKER_00

And Tamaria said it felt that way for her too. She was like, man, I've had imposter syndrome this whole time. And then like when he came out, she looked like she had seen a ghost. They felt about it. She was looking like, oh, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01

That's mine. I know she felt relief. Once that oh, yeah. How fast? How fast did she have her first drink? Uh how fast can you have your first drink?

SPEAKER_00

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01

I mean how fast.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I think within the like 48 hours or whatever, but it was Saturday. Um so he was born on Monday, and then Saturday I made her an espresso espresso martini.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Um so she had it then.

SPEAKER_01

So the rules? The doctor was like, hey.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's fine. Like as soon as he comes out, because there's certain stuff that she can't like eat while he's in there. Like she couldn't have sushi for nine months. Because of raw fish? Yeah, because of raw fish. Um, like deli meat. She couldn't have like processed meat and stuff like that. And as soon as he comes out, they're like, oh, have what you want. Good to go. Yeah, so she has sushi. We had sushi that night.

SPEAKER_01

First night, you just did everything she wasn't supposed to do during pregnancy.

SPEAKER_00

We didn't have any drink, but yeah, we had to say we have a liquor, sushi, processed meat night. No liquor, but sushi. Well, she don't even like processed meats like that. Like, me not having a sandwich for nine months would be hard.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_00

Like, that would be hard. Like for her, she was like, whatever, but like, yeah, she was like, Yeah, I want some sushi. So we got sushi. Um Have y'all been out since the baby? Like a date night? Yeah, we went over to uh Saturday, last Saturday, we went over to Hops and Shine, which is right across the street. Just the kit. Both, I mean, we took the kit with us. Oh, you did the oh you took the kid. Oh, you mean like have we been out just the two of us? Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. We probably won't. I mean, it'll probably be a while before just the two of us go out, but we've been out as a family. Like we went and had lunch. We went and had like a drink at Hops and Shine and had some like appetizers. Um, yeah, but it'll probably be a while before just the two of us go out.

SPEAKER_01

Oh man, yeah. Congratulations, sir.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you, man. It's it's fun. It's uh how's the job search though? I got I signed an offer letter for a sales job.

SPEAKER_01

For a sales? Another sales job? I thought you was done with the quota feeling.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, I'll do what I have to do. Nervousness of holding on to a job. I ain't never nervous about it because I'll I'll honestly rock on the base until they tell me I can't go to base anymore. But I was just like, I wouldn't. I don't know. Like I We can sell it. Terminix. Pest control. Are you a pest control guy? Yeah, pest control. A commercial though, not residential. So like the commercial.

SPEAKER_01

So the commercial people will call you and say, hey, we need uh exterminator. Or are they trying to buy Terminix?

SPEAKER_00

Are you are you? So it's it's it's gonna vary. So I'm gonna So I'll be doing cold outbound to like restaurants and warehouses and stuff like that, and then I'll have incoming leads that'll come into me. Um then you know sometimes I'll just go on site somewhere, but I mean they're giving me a company car and everything. So you're gonna ride around, look at their restaurants, like, yeah, you need an exterminator? I'll call them. I'll call them to sit those meetings up. So it's just like any other sales job. I'm just like prospecting outbound cold call and stuff like that. So the same thing I was doing in my last job. You got a company car? You have a company car that says Terminex on it? I don't think they I don't think they're labeled, honestly. Yeah, we'll see when I get it. Um, but I don't think they're labeled, and it's mostly remote. So I'm How you gonna get it though?

SPEAKER_01

You gotta go get it somewhere?

SPEAKER_00

The car, yeah, I'll probably have to pick it up from the office, but there's an Alexandria office, so.

SPEAKER_01

And you signed for this job. I signed for this job. Interviewed and everything.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Interviewed and everything.

SPEAKER_01

You know what the baby's here? Fuck it.

SPEAKER_00

Well, that's I would have I would have signed up if the baby wasn't here just because I'm bored.

SPEAKER_01

But you had you had the whole hot dog. I'm still gonna do that. You had the whole hot dog thing, man. You can't you got back in the comedy streets how you're bored.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's the no, that's the like that's the thing. I'm still gonna do that. I'm still gonna do the hot dogs. We'll see about comedy. Um you already quit already, man. Man, man, Marine wrote two jokes. He was like, you know, I'm done. No, I'm not done. I just we can talk about that. Uh I'm still gonna do the hot dog thing. That's still playing. Me and my dad still got that in the works. Um I'll have some more time to make some more videos, get some more stuff going. Comedy, maybe we'll see. We'll see. All right, we can talk about that. Yeah, but this was just like, yeah, I got comedy at night, but like just doing during the day, like during the day, like at the crib, like all the time, just like doing nothing. Like, that shit's cool for like a month. Like a month. Like a month, you're like, yeah, all right, whatever. And then like after a month, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing, bro? Like, let me let me find something. Uh you know what I'm saying? Uh so yeah, I interviewed. I mean, like I said, the only difference between this job and what I was doing is I'm selling a product and not a software. So I'll do it until I don't have to do it. Hey, I alright, man. What's the pitch? Jamal, I haven't even started yet. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

What's your pitch, though, man? I don't know. I'm a restaurant. My restaurant is disgusting. Nope. How you gonna pitch me?

SPEAKER_00

We're not doing we not doing that. Let's talk about how I might not come back to comedy. Let's talk about that. I want to hear your pitch, man. I ain't got no pitch for you.

SPEAKER_01

You ain't got no pitch, or how you gonna sell me in this term X?

SPEAKER_00

Nope.

SPEAKER_01

I'm saying I'm a restaurant, I need help, man.

SPEAKER_00

So we'll uh we'll we'll see. We'll we'll see. I probably shouldn't even have said the name. They'll watch this podcast, be like, nope. Already in my done.

unknown

Done.

SPEAKER_00

Gotta delete all that. I gotta I'll mute that.

SPEAKER_01

You gonna mute the term terminex? Shit. So but yeah, life is life and you know, it is what it is. It is what it is. I don't think people, I don't think fathers say that.

SPEAKER_00

Comedy, yeah, man. I mean he's gonna be good regardless. So Taj will be good regardless. Um is it just T A T A J? T-A-H-J. T-A-H-J.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, T-A-H-J. So he's still T J. Kinda. He's still TJ Ferguson. Kinda. It's close. So I mean you can still call him like Taj. I think in school he'll be TJ.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, I don't know. I don't think he will. No, you don't think he'll be TJ or I don't know. I'm gonna try to come up with like a cool nickname.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think you come up with a cool nickname.

SPEAKER_00

His friends come up with a cool name. He comes up with it. That's usually how it works.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so they might call him TJ, or they may call him T or Ty. Yeah, T, Ty, Ty. We'll see. We'll see. Uh you can't go into school with your dad's nickname.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we'll see how it goes. I've always been TJ. Like I've tried to go by Thomas on numerous occasions, it just never sticks.

SPEAKER_01

But your name is Thomas Middle Name Jerome. Yeah. It's not Thomas Jerome middle name. Or is it is it Thomas Jerome middle name Ferguson? No, it's Thomas Jerome Ferguson. Thomas Jerome Ferguson. Yeah. So in school, no one called you Thomas.

SPEAKER_00

No. No one just called you TJ. I was always TJ. Like in my family life, everything's just always TJ. Did you introduce yourself as TJ when you met people? Yeah, because I've always been TJ. But even in acting, like there was a there was a phase in acting where I tried to go by Thomas Jerome. So like when I graduated college and I was like.

SPEAKER_01

Why you always put the Jerome in there? Why don't you just say Thomas? Thomas Ferguson.

SPEAKER_00

Because Tom, I don't think Thomas Ferguson sounds good as Thomas Jerome. So I was just trying to go by Thomas Jerome, not Thomas Jerome Ferguson.

SPEAKER_01

So you never put oh you just your last name would be Jerome in these situations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I tried to go by Thomas Jerome when I had gone to actor Stered O'Louisville, but it still just ended up TJ. I tried to go by Thomas Jerome in comedy and it just doesn't stick.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm just thinking I think Thomas Ferguson is a good comedy day. I don't. Just Thomas Ferguson?

SPEAKER_00

Nah. I mean, maybe. I mean, I guess it could be. I just think Thomas Jerome has more of a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01

You outgrew Thomas, though.

SPEAKER_00

I don't think I After a while, like I don't think I ever grew into Thomas. Because I've always been TJ.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so we can't start saying Thomas now.

SPEAKER_00

I'm going to start saying Thomas. Thomas sounds much more grown than TJ. Yeah, how you doing, Thomas? Hey, how you doing, Mr. Russell? How are you? Mr. Russell. How are you doing, Thomas? I'm going to start calling you Thomas now. So yeah, I tried uh yeah, so I don't know. Yeah. Thomas is an old white name. Thomas, yeah, Thomas is a very old white name. It's a very white name.

SPEAKER_01

I got an old black name, an old white name.

SPEAKER_00

Fergus, like I know there's a Ferguson everywhere. And they're they're black, they're white, they're every color in between, but like everywhere you go, you're gonna see a business named Ferguson, and you're gonna find someone named Ferguson.

SPEAKER_01

You're the only person I know named Ferguson.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know one, but like travel somewhere else, and like you'll see a business or anything.

SPEAKER_01

My name Ferguson?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, see you'll see named Ferguson. There was a dude I went to high school with, his name was Brian Ferguson, white dude. We used to play baseball together and stuff, and uh we used to always tell people we were cousins. And uh we're not, but we I mean probably somewhere down the line. We could have been. Uh so yeah, that's that. So I'm gonna start that. I'll sell some shit. Um I would never take a sales job without base pay, though. I would never do that. Good base pay? Yeah, sell enough to accept the job. Oh, 1000%, or I wouldn't have accepted it. Alright, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Do you have a quota? I will have a quota. Every sales job has a quota where they're like, all right, we you're not selling this much, we gotta let you go. Yeah, but I don't like sales jobs because it just comes with that extra pressure of like, I just want to work and get a paycheck. I don't want to have to fill anything.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think the good thing about this is though, it's not a niche market. It's like it's like an actual need that most companies in residential, well, I'm not doing residential, but it's it's an actual need that most places have.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Whereas the last thing I was selling, I was selling a software that helped environmental health and safety professionals manager safety data sheets. Um, and it's just like well, this is a very niche.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, we got uh we got a contract with a pest control company. This is our second one. The first one, that nigga was ass.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, you know what? That was a terrible company. I gotta lead. I call this motherfucking the stairwells. I gotta lead right now. You you could be my first customer.

SPEAKER_01

We call this motherfucking, because here's the thing. He's supposed to go and do 10 apartments every Thursday, right? Every Wednesday at this time. It was every Wednesday, he was supposed to do 10 apartments, go in, look, spray if they need spray, talk to the cuss, talk to a resident, see if they need anything. That's what he was supposed to do, right? And the residents can request them if they see something. They see a mouse in their apartment. They're like, all right, I want the I want the pest control to do it. So I put them on a list, I'll send them up there. They'll be these are fucking senior citizens. So they'll be in their house all day. They're not doing anything. They never leave.

SPEAKER_00

So it's nothing, it's not like, oh, they weren't home.

SPEAKER_01

It wasn't like you can't tell me oh, the customer wasn't home. I know she's in there. She can't even walk, right? So then the and the resident will sit and they'll and they'll wait all Wednesday for this person, because that's how senior citizens do, right? They wait all day, they wanted to talk to the person. Next thing you know, we keep getting calls after calls after calls about like, hey, I was in my apartment all day, the pest control never came. I got the letter saying he's coming Wednesday, but he never came, but he never came, but he never came, but he never came. So I'm like, all right, cool. So you know, we s I set up a little sting operation. Right. So I'm like, where is this motherfucker going? Because every time he gives me the paper back, he's going, oh yeah, I checked his apartment, they good, they good, they're good. I was like, well, where's this motherfucker? He ain't doing nothing. This motherfucker comes in with his little bucket, his little sprays, his little shit, and he in the stairwell. He just sitting there talking to his little friends on the phone. That's what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, it's so-and they come downstairs and give me the keys. Well, yeah, all good. It's so much more effort to do that than to just do your job.

SPEAKER_01

All you have to do is go in and spray some shit.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you could have been done. Like you just been in there.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I'm saying? You could have just been done, all that is 10 apartments. You can win in and done your job. But this motherfucker's sitting in the stairwell. So I had to call the company, they over there, like, oh, we'll send someone new. They send someone new. This time they send a woman. I'm like, all right, I had to break it down to these people.

unknown

Right?

SPEAKER_01

I'm like, all right, they're like, we're gonna send Amber now. So I'm sitting there, like, alright, listen. And I know Amber's a good worker, but these are old black people. Do you understand? These are these are old black people. You're sending in a white woman to do pest control.

SPEAKER_00

She don't know damn pets. Hell, she knows about the damn pets. That's what they did that automatically, man. Let me do my damn stuff.

SPEAKER_01

They did that automatically, bro. First, she did, she did one day they roasted her ass. One day they roasted her ass. They like, don't send this motherfucker white bitch back in my house. She don't know what the fuck she does. I asked her to pull out the frigerator. She can't even pull up the motherfucking refrigerator. How you gonna get the mouse out of my house and you can't even pull up the fucking refrigerator, weak bitch? I'm like, God damn. I'm like, Miss Johnson, relax, okay? Old black people, bro.

SPEAKER_00

That shit they asked. I can imagine.

SPEAKER_01

So I had to go back and call the company and like, hey man, can you just send something? This is nothing against her. Well, no, I get it. Can we send someone else? Send a guy. Black guy, white guy, it doesn't matter. Just send a man that can move refrigerator appliances. Yeah, what the hell is she gonna do? Who the hell is she gonna do? Yeah, they roasted her for like a week, man.

SPEAKER_00

So I won't do, I won't be doing any of that. Like, that's the technician's job.

SPEAKER_01

So I'll just be Yeah, you the guy I talked to when I call on the phone.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, now you got a new pest control person.

SPEAKER_01

But yeah, a new company, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we can stop talking about that though, because You don't wanna get fired? Yeah, I want to get fired before I start. Then uh comedy, I I might come back. I might come back. You don't need to. I don't need to. I don't need to. You had a good life going on, man. It'd be comedy be fun. Like when I got back out, it was fun, but it was just like I was talking to Omar about this because he saw me at a Cap Laugh show and he's like, Man, it's good to see you back out. And I was like, I'm already kind of over it. It's I'm already kind of I don't know that I'm over comedy. I think I'm over DC comedy. It's a because they treat me like Shador, bro. They treat me like I'm a first-round talent, and y'all motherfuckers be treating me like I was drafted in the fifth round.

SPEAKER_01

It's because you disappeared, man.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's because I but even so. You disappeared, motherfuckers moved on, moved up. Yeah, but motherfuckers moved up, but it's just like also a motherfucking white dude that hasn't done comedy in three years will come back and this motherfucker will be on a showcase.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, no.

SPEAKER_00

First, first night bomb, and I come back, he like, yo, I got you 13 at 1130, nigga, eat a dick.

SPEAKER_01

That shit used to piss me off.

SPEAKER_00

Eat a dick. And that's the thing too. It's just like, yeah, I I get, I get the like, oh yeah, we gotta make sure he's still gonna be here. But it's like also when have I I've always been consistent. Like even leaving and coming back, I'm always been consistent. I've always been just as good or better as anyone else on the show. It's not about that no more though. What's it about now?

SPEAKER_01

It's it's it's because the new the newer comics have they don't care about funny, right? So the new comics, they they have like a no-bump rule. It's like all sing together, kumbaya type of situation.

SPEAKER_00

That's why motherfuckers are offended by a comedy roast. So it's like That's why everyone's upset.

SPEAKER_01

I'll go into like a mic. I was talking to people yesterday at a show, and I'm like, I'm tired of going to the mic, and I'm going in, right? And I know who I am, I know my abilities. Right. And then I'll go in and I'll see like six or four comics go up and they all eat and shit, but they're all friends with the producer, right? They're all little friends, they all do the little writing groups and all that shit together. And I'm like, all right, you got ten people in the audience who happen to come to this fucking mic. You got four people just bomb after bomb after bomb. So I'm I'm walking in, I'm like, all right, cool. Can I go next? You know what I mean? Like, can I go next? Can I go soon? Can I can I can I get up? And they're like, Yeah, we can get you up. We can get you up, uh, you know, maybe we have some space, we'll put you on the wait list, right? And then that's face I made. I'm like, I'm not a waitless motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm not a weightless guy. You know what I'm saying? Like, I I like my thing is like I don't want to be like pulling rank or anything like that. Yeah. But I'm like, you gotta bump some of these motherfuckers. You got this one bitch up here just throwing pussy jokes for five minutes about how her pussy stink, and and you got you see the fucking crowd just leaving in troves, right? But you can put your next friend up who you know is terrible.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm not even like I'm not even talking about the new rooms. I'm talking about the rooms where the old school rooms have a motherfuckers know me. And I'm just like, I was like, I'll uh I mean to cut you off. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, the old school rooms will have a fucking they they do what they would have a person you've never Seen in your life. And they'll, oh, he used to do comedy six years ago. And then they'll pull up and then oh, he'll get some time. But I'm like, this motherfucker, you haven't seen this nigga in six years.

SPEAKER_00

But he'll let them go, but he'll let them go up, and then it's just like, it's probably been a year and a half to you, but still, like, I haven't been dead. Like, I still know how to tell jokes, and they'll be like, it's like, oh, you gotta prove yourself. Like, I'm not, I'm past the point of proving of proving myself. Not only because I'm past the point of prove myself, I just I don't want to. I don't have that drive. Like if I if I do it, if I if I do it and I go out and I go up, I'll get it, but I'm just like, I'm past the point to be like, oh, I need to show you what I can do because I've done, granted, I probably I didn't make it where I probably could have or want to, I've done enough to know that I I could have had I put in the work. True. And I could have put in more work. Um, but that's neither here nor there, but it's just like I'm about money now, man. I mean that's a point you should get to. I just need money. And the thing is, just like I think while I say I'm over the DC scene, though, I'm just like, I'm not I don't have anyone on the DC scene that that drives me. There's no one I see on the DC scene where I'm like, I want to do what they're doing.

SPEAKER_01

Like, no one has officially made it from here.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like Winston's probably the closest thing he's doing, like funny as fuck, and it's like I've done plenty of shows with Winston in Charlottesville and Richmond before DC and all those things, but it's just like everyone, the so-called top guys of DC, it's just like y'all been in the same spot for for eight years, bro. Who are the top guys? I'm not naming names, but the ones that would would consider themselves top guys. Yeah, like y'all don't do anything outside of DC. You don't do festivals, you don't network, you do the same three rooms. I go away for two years, come back, y'all still doing the same jokes. It's just like, it's just a bunch of content. People gonna be mad. It's a bunch of content comics. I'm not talking about the younger crop, because the younger crop, they're hungry, they put out sketches and all that shit, but like You're talking about the old heads. They're content, and instead of like they sit around and they talk shit about people that are making it, and I've never understood that you don't we don't count those people no more.

SPEAKER_01

Who's that? The old heads? Those ones that just doing that little sit and just do the same rooms? Yeah, they sit around we don't count them no more, like they in the scene and they're they're doing their thing, but we don't really count them as a part of like all right, that's a part of the DC scene, because we don't Yeah, and they sit around You know what I'm saying? You just you're not you're not motivated.

SPEAKER_00

So I've never seen people sit around and talk shit about people that are making it though. You know, you're just there, you know what I mean? So and I remember I saw some Nori, Nori Davis posted this on Threads the other day. He was like, he was like, man, he was like when I was coming up, he's like, I wish I had spent more time on marketing than just learning how to be funny, because I was coming up, it was all about being funny. He was like, so now I'm funny as shit, but I can't sell any tickets. That's how it was when I was coming up, just well, just be funny, just be funny. Like we start posting vids, just oh man, don't worry about posting vids, man. You know, whoever's gonna see you gonna need to see you. Like, who the fuck is gonna see you doing doing the same room over and over? There's no industry, we don't have the same industry at Hotbed that used to come through Big Hunt. At least Comedy Central would come through there and shit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's no industry here in Washington, D.C. You gotta go out around town. Like I found it in LA. That's what they saw me in LA just on a whim night. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Just on a whim night of me just being in LA. That's what they found me. Because you're in LA. That's because I was in LA. For that one little weekend I was in LA, they found me in L.

SPEAKER_00

Because you're in LA, so it's just like, I'm gonna post a clip at Hotbed and make it.

SPEAKER_01

I never, here's the thing. When I was growing, when I started, at first, if people were like, the old heads would tell you, hey man, just be funny, and then they'll find you. I was one of them old heads. And I'm like, all right, cool, just be funny. So then after a while, you realize it's not about after losing competition, after competition, after competition, you're like, all right, it's not about being funny. Yeah. It's not about and then you go to like some of these little auditions, these just for laughs auditions, these little Netflix, and you'll do it, and you're like, oh, I killed that night. They'll give it to someone who bombed. Yeah. And you're like, oh, that motherfucker, I remember him. He bombed. He bombed on the same show that I was on. How the hell did he make it? It's not about being funny. Yeah, hey. It's about it's I don't know what it's about. It's about other factors, not about being funny. It's other things afoot. Yeah. But being funny helps, but it's not the only, it's not the say all be all that it used to be back in the day.

SPEAKER_00

So yeah. So I mean, like, all that to say, like, I might get out, I might not get out. It's just like, man.

SPEAKER_01

I've just not now. Yeah, but basically, but when you're comfortable. Yeah, but I'm not even house.

SPEAKER_00

But I'm not gonna be pressed on it. Um I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even like getting out.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I'm f I'm I'm 41. I feel like if it was gonna happen, this shit would have happened by now. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01

So hey, listen, man, Bernie Mac didn't get famous, and he was about 47.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's true. But I mean, I got other things like we we do the podcast, you know. Like, I can make a like sketch here and there if I want to. Like, so as long as I'm doing something creatively that's it.

SPEAKER_01

Hey man, you got a kid now, you're gonna have kid jokes.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna have kid material.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, kid jokes. You can do kid sketches. Yeah. You could be one of those uh, you can put a podcast and do vlogs about the family, man. Yeah, so we'll see. The the the Fergusons. We'll do it. You know what I'm saying? Y'all can do it together. We'll see how.

SPEAKER_00

We'll see how things shake out. But yeah, a couple of pranks. Like I said, when I show up at the 11:30, and he's like, I got you 10. I'm like, nigga, I'm going home.

SPEAKER_01

It's too late.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not sitting around to go up 10.

SPEAKER_01

Uh you can do it, man. I always wanted to be one of those uh pranking boyfriend and girlfriends on YouTube.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, that's what that's that's your goal. That's your relationship goal. Yeah, man. How's that going? How's Hinge going?

SPEAKER_01

I deleted it.

SPEAKER_00

That's how it's going.

SPEAKER_01

I deleted Hinge, man. The last five women I've asked out, they unmatched me.

SPEAKER_00

What was this? Oh, that I was gonna say what was the last straw, but that was it?

SPEAKER_01

That was it, bro. Because I'll we'll be talking for like three or four days. I'm like, all right, this is enough talking. Let's go out. And as soon as I say that, unmatch me. It seems like they're having a great conversation because we're just talking about regular stuff. We're talking about dinosaurs and shit. That's weird. I don't know how we got the dinosaurs.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

But we're we're talking about it. And then I'm like, all right, cool, I'm gonna convert this dinosaur conversation into a date. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I know a great museum that shows, you know what I'm saying? I know a great museum, a dinosaur museum, and then we can go get some hot dogs after that. You know what I'm talking about? Like, I'm trying to convert it to a date. I'm doing my best as a maintenance. And then they unmatch me.

SPEAKER_00

But what dinosaur museum do you got to do the Smithsonian? Dinosaurs. I went to a Smithsonian. I got a big ass. What's the one with the long neck? Is it a Bronosaurus? Yeah, dinosaurs. I was looking, I was like, Y'all can stone cold, stun the shit out of this piranosaurus, bro. Just jump up there, yeah. Uh yeah, yeah, I don't know, man. We'll we'll see. It's it's been cool having a kid, and it's like this is my first Father's Day, and I'm like, it's a it's like another birthday, bro. I've been getting text messages all morning.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But it's gonna stop though. The Father's Day text? Nah. After a while. Nah, I don't. Because I still text people on Father's Day. I don't text nobody. Well, that's you were a different breed, Jamal. You are a different, you are a different type of petty. You you came over here, you ain't showed no gifts, no nothing. I'm like, What gifts on Father's Day? So you could have brought me a bottle? You could have brought me I never bought a gift on Father's name. We already want them uppity fathers. You already want them uppity fathers. I dit here and raised you in this DC comedy scene to the point where you are ahead of me. Y'all niggas ungrateful. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01

You said thank you, too.

SPEAKER_00

Ungrateful ass niggas, man.

SPEAKER_01

That's all you get, man.

SPEAKER_00

He wants gifts now as a day. Yeah, ungrateful ass niggas, bro. Hey, should have come over, game over empty hand. I made this nigga breakfast. I know on Father's Day. Thank you, sir. Mimosas. The single men are fathers too. No. Here we go. We deserve praise too. We're doing all the hard work out here. Yeah, it would suck to be single right now. We're doing all the hard work out here, man. It's a different game out here. Society as a whole is a different game, bro.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, man. I'm asking our women, they're telling me convince me.

SPEAKER_00

Do you want to do yes or no?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I don't have time. Convince you or what? This is what she said to me, bro. This is what she said to me. And this is like pissing me. This this was like the almost the breaking point of the edge. When I'm like, I asked her out, and then she was like, I'm like, you ready for Sunday brunch?

unknown

Right?

SPEAKER_01

She's like, Oh, I could be free. Depending on what we're doing. I'm like, all right, it's either yes or no. She she didn't she said, Oh, okay, well, I do have uh a dude did ask me out for a basketball date, but I don't know what a layup is. So I might say no to him if you offer something better. But in my mind, I'm thinking, all right, well, it seems like you already have plans to go on a basketball day, whatever that is, to go on a basketball day. And she goes, What would you have in mind? I'm like, all right, we can do either, I did not do my normal shit. I send three options. This is Jamal's special.

SPEAKER_00

All right. I send three options. You might want to rethink that because it hasn't been working super well.

SPEAKER_01

It hasn't been working super well. But I can't just go, we're going here at seven, be ready. That sounds crazy to me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm like, I want you to be included. I pick three options. We can go here, here, or there. And then she's like, what would you rather do? I'm asking you. That's what I said. That's what I said. I said, I gave you three options, now pick. You now you can pick one. Unmatched.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, bro. I ain't got time for that.

SPEAKER_01

That was that was the whole kind of that unmatched.

SPEAKER_00

I don't have time for that. That's yeah. Good luck to you, bro.

SPEAKER_01

I'm off it, man. This is a summer of Jamal.

SPEAKER_00

You're like, I'm just out. Good for you, though. You got other shit going on. Like you got comedy. You got the voiceover stuff.

SPEAKER_01

I'm talking to women in the wild now.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you got shit, you got shit going on. You got enough shit to go. You got enough shit going on to not be pressed.

SPEAKER_01

I did hit a one. I did hit a pickup line. I've done it two out of ten times. I mean, I've done it ten times. It worked two out of ten times. So I'm proud of this pickup line.

SPEAKER_00

Let's hear it. All right. Oh, you gotta clear your throat. This is gonna be good. It's not that good. You cleared your throat before you start. Let me get a picture.

SPEAKER_01

It's not that good though, but it's worked twice. So in my head, I'm like, oh, this is good numbers. Let's hear it. You know what I mean? All right. I only works for black women because I don't think white women get it. That's why I failed a couple of white women. It's um you must hate coffee because your body is tea. When I tell you that shit worked twice, I'm in there. I'm like, yo, this is this going in the road.

SPEAKER_00

Both of them unmatched you though.

SPEAKER_01

No, this is real life.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, this is real life. This is real life. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

This is real life, man.

SPEAKER_00

This is real life after shows, man. You got dates on it? Yeah. You got dates from it? No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no. I've only got numbers from it. Okay. No dates. So in my head, it worked. No dates, but just two numbers. Two numbers is good. Nah, bro. I'm here for it. I'm rooting for it. My batting average, I'm I'm treating it like baseball. I'm rooting for it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

Like I'm my batting average is like 0.2. I be pulling. That's 300 is the barometer. Of baseball? Yeah. 300. You batting 300. You're bad. I'm batting 300.

SPEAKER_01

But if you're if you're 0.2, you alright. You below average. But you below average, but you're alright. You're not getting cut from the team.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, but you might not play. But you but you're gonna be on the team, but you you might not play.

SPEAKER_01

If I'm batting a one, I might get cut. So I'm just saying. Right. I'm in the major leagues now.

SPEAKER_00

All right. I'll take it. I'm good. I'm I'm happy for you, bro.

SPEAKER_01

I'm trying. I'm happy for you. You know what I'm saying? I'm doing more crowd work. Are you doing more crowd work now? I'm doing more crowd work. You know what I'm saying? I'm working on that. I'm talking to women in public. This is a new me, man. This is a summer of Jamal.

SPEAKER_00

You can't you can't do crowd work though, Jamal. You the wrong Pikmin to do crowd work. You got no, it's certain rooms in this city, you got no room to fuck up. When you fuck up, you get a talking to. That's true. Meanwhile, motherfuckers gonna stage have a complete meltdown. Headline a show the next week.

SPEAKER_01

That's true, but I'm saying I'm gonna make sure my crowd work is nice. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

It'd be like, you can't do anything wrong. And this whole uh whole motherfucking existential crisis on stage for five minutes. Oh, yeah, that's all right. That's alright. You'll get them headlining next week.

SPEAKER_01

You Middle Eastern, your ass get banned. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Yeah, man. I'm proud of my little pickup line. That's good, bro. I'm proud of you. You know what I'm saying? It was some good-looking black girls, you know. Did they did they mess? Did they answer my first text? No. Did they never did they ghost me right after giving me a number? Yes, they have. But I got the number that's progress. Okay? So I'm gonna keep hitting this line, and then eventually it'll lead me to a date. That's what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00

I have faith in you, bro. It's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, man.

SPEAKER_00

It's 1,000% gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, by the end of this year, I'm gonna be a player.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, let's let's slow down. You get so ahead of yourself, bro. Let's just find you one. How you go from I'm looking for love in a relationship to I'm gonna be a player.

SPEAKER_01

Because listen, the more pickup lines I grow, the more confidence I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_00

The whole thing you like And now I'm gonna be a player. The whole thing you've said this entire, I'm looking for love. I am. I was looking for love. But now you're gonna be a player.

SPEAKER_01

But if love don't come, you might as well be a player.

SPEAKER_00

All right. All right. Okay. All right. You don't think I have the ability to be a player? I don't think you want to be a player. Do you think I have the ability to be a player? Well, no. Since no.

unknown

I just know.

SPEAKER_00

Well, no, since you ask it, no. Since you since you put it very black and white like that, but I think the main reason is because that's not what you want to do. I think that's the main reason. That's crazy, man. Bro, I got a homeboy. I got a homeboy out in Charlottesville. This nigga, he's he's I consider him a good friend. He's just a piece of shit, though, bro. Like women or just in general? Yeah, he's married. So he's married. So he doesn't know a piece of shit. He don't smoke, he don't drink, he just loves women. He loves that's his vice. And then whenever he does something fucked up, he tries to justify, like, nah, listen, T, the reason I cheat, that lets me know that I love my wife. Cheat that lets me because ain't none of them like my wife. So anyway. And I don't know how he moves the way he moves. And he's still married. Still married. And I don't know how he moves, how he moves in Charlottesville. So he was he had this chick. So he's got a wife, kids, married, family, and he was dating another chick who was also married at the time, but then these two had a house together. So the side chick had a house together? The side chick and him had a house together. So something happened with the side chick. This nigga was in love with the side chick. Something happened with the side chick, so they fell out. I'm talking to a nigga on the phone one day. He's driving, he's like, Man, T, I just want to take my car and drive it through the motherfucking living room right there. My bitch done left. I just want to drive my car through the living room. And I'm like, Negro, you having a complete family. You have a complete family at home, bro. And you talking about driving your car through your side chicks, living room. Like, what are you doing? You don't understand, but he just he had this sixth sense, bro. It was the 4th of July one year. This would have had to be like maybe 2014. Maybe 2014. So it was me, his brothers, and like the fan. We all went to um, we all went to Atlanta. We had a great time, 4th of July. But we could be out and about, so we driving around, and he would just pull up to a chick at a stoplight, just pull up and be like, yo, what's your phone number? She like, what? What's your phone number? Oh, 555. Give it to him. Just give it to him. Alright, where are you going? I'm gonna follow you. So then we in a club in Atlanta. His wife and like family and stuff, they were supposed to ride with us. They were taking so long. So this nigga just leaves. So it's just me, his brother, we go to the club. So we in the club, we all dancing, like we up, we dancing, everybody's dancing on a girl or something. He's dancing on a girl, and then like everyone's dancing. All of a sudden, this Negro just like dips out on his girl. So he's dancing and he slides off her. She's looking around like, What happened?

SPEAKER_01

He danced with his wife.

SPEAKER_00

No, no, he danced with a different girl. He left the wife. Yeah, because she was taking too long. So we dipped out. So she's calling him mad, pissed off, whatever. So we all in the club dancing, dancing, and then the girl that he's dancing with, like all of a sudden, he just falls off and slides off. The girl's in the club looking like, What in the world just happened? Not even three seconds later, his wife walks in the door. It's like he had a spidey sense. It's like it's like he had a spidey sense to know something was about to go down. But he's just like, he's been that way as long as I've known it. So when she walks in, this nigga just chilling. Yeah, he just slid off. Yeah, TJ dancing with girls and he just chilling. He just slid off. He just slid at him. He's like, Yeah, we just chilling.

unknown

What's up?

SPEAKER_00

So that's just and like even his own brother, he's like, Man, I love him. He's just a piece of shit, though, man. He's like, my brother, he's just a piece of shit. And like, as long as I've known him, he's been like that. That's a cool dude, man. He's something, bro. That's a cool dude. He's something. He's something. Every time he called me, he'll like we'll talk in normal. And he'll like, oh, let me tell you T. Let me tell you, nah, nigga, stop. Stop. Yeah, I don't want no more information. And then I told this nigga, like, do not, don't put me into none of your shit, bro. Because his wife called me one time. Put you a lot? Huh? Yeah, put me in a lot. Like, hey, have you seen, oh yeah, he said he came through that. I'm like, man, nah, I talked to him like three hours ago, but that's all. That's all I know. I don't know where that nigga at right now. I ain't got nothing to do with nothing. You got me guilty by association, so she mad at me, and we cool. But we cool, but I'm guilty because I've been fucking around with you.

SPEAKER_01

But you also guilty. You know this nigga be cheating.

SPEAKER_00

We ain't that cool. We ain't that cool, but like just don't involve me with it. Just don't involve me with it. Nah, man. I can't involve you no lies, man.

SPEAKER_01

Nah, nope. I can't involve you no lies. Nope. I don't want no parts. Nope. I can't involve you no lie. No, I'm in my man TJ house.

SPEAKER_00

Nope. I don't want no parts of it. Nope. I can't involve you no lies, man. Do not involve me in that. That's crazy. I had another friend do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told her, I'm with you, man. Why? Why?

SPEAKER_01

But thing is, I I've used you in the live, but I just did I've never You've used me? Yeah. For what? I've used you for not hanging out with someone. Oh, yeah. For that. Back in the day when uh I was dating an old girl, Ashley, I've used you.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01

Like, yeah, I'm uh I'm gonna go over TJ house and read some of these lines. I'm in the house, nigga. It's a Wednesday. I'm in the house.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, have fun at TJ's. Yeah, but you're not out doing dirt. You just don't want to hang out.

SPEAKER_01

I just don't want to hang out. You shouldn't have known people weren't compatible.

SPEAKER_00

You shouldn't know you weren't compatible if you did not want to hang out with your girlfriend. On a Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01

It's some days you want to, but it's some days you don't.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, some days I just want to chill.

SPEAKER_01

I just want to sit in the house, man. I don't want you to come over. And if I say no, don't come over. It's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it's just like I just need some feeling. So I'm like, I so I gotta lie.

SPEAKER_00

It's like I just need some me time.

SPEAKER_01

So she knows she don't have your number or nothing.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm not gonna just use CJ. I just need a little me time. That's fine. I can I can do that. You can do that. But like if you out doing some dirt, if you out doing some dirt, and then it's like, nah, don't involve me with that.

SPEAKER_01

I can't do, I can't cheat. Because one woman is expensive. You tell me I got you got two women, that's just hella money.

SPEAKER_00

One woman's already expensive. I can't do two. He's been, I don't know what I don't know what he's on. That's insane. I don't know what he learned that the rest of us did not learn, but he just has something. Let me get your number. Five, five, five. It just works. It works. It just works.

SPEAKER_01

So is this against the guy objectively? Is this a handsome guy?

SPEAKER_00

I was just so he's a handsome guy, but he's not like he doesn't seem like that. So he's not like Corbin from Love Island. Oh so he's not like this big, like swole up, like muscular. He like 5'6. He's like 5'6, 180 pounds.

SPEAKER_01

Like he lives in Charlottesville. Yeah. So like, does he have like a good job for Solarsville? Like in Charlottesville, he's like, oh, he got money.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, he's got a good job. He's got a good job. He's also just like a he's just like a hustler. Like he's always like, he's always like knowing how to like make money and shit like that. But it's just like, I don't know how you do what you do, bro. All the time.

SPEAKER_01

I think I feel like I feel like his wife has to know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think it's probably like one of those like no, but like don't have evidence. Oh, here's another thing. Here's another thing that he said happened one time. So I forgot. So he's in some car. So he's got a car. You know how you connect your your your um car phone to the Bluetooth?

SPEAKER_01

Your car phone?

SPEAKER_00

Your your cell phone? Oh to the bathroom. Okay. Yes, I said car phone. That's old as shit. Like the bag phone. You know, that used to be a thing, right? No, the bag phone. So you connect your cell phone to the Bluetooth. So apparently, he was on the phone in his car somewhere in Charlottesville. So he didn't have it connected to Bluetooth. And I guess his wife was nearby somewhere, and while he's talking on the phone to somebody, the phone connects to the Bluetooth of her car. Of her car. So he saw it. And then, like, I guess whoever's on the other line. So then his wife's called him, like, who the fuck is this? Man, I work with her. I work with her. That's what that's my worker. Like, she works for me. I'm just like, this type of shit does not happen to normal people. No. That's like some cartoon shit, bro.

SPEAKER_01

That's it, man. So I don't know what he's doing, but I'm saying I should get his contact. Whoever. All you gotta do is slide me his number, man. Cause whatever he's doing seems to be working.

SPEAKER_00

You met him. You met him. He can't just show at Hot Bear when I wasn't there. I met him? Yeah. He was um so I'll tell you, so Brian Parisi was headlining. Huh? Okay. All right. And I know that because he was like, he did not fuck with Brian at all. He was like, but he's like, he was like, you nigga Jamal, that nigga funny. Man, that headliner T, nah man, ain't fuck with him. Brian Perezi. He said they left. He said they left. But I think he introduced himself to you after the show. I think he said.

SPEAKER_01

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00

This would have been a while ago.

SPEAKER_01

That would have been a while ago. I don't remember him, bro. If I would remember, if I knew that was him, the goat himself, you could have got some points.

SPEAKER_00

He was having it. He like your Jay-Z. It's like, you want to give you $2,000? Yeah, then. Or you want to go to dinner.

SPEAKER_01

I want to have a dinner with this man, the goat. Just say, let me get your number. And you bitches give him your number? I need a little secret sauce, man.

SPEAKER_00

That's how we be, man. Yeah, I told you.

SPEAKER_01

My goal was the end of the year to be a player, man. By the end of this summer.

SPEAKER_00

We talked about this, bro. We talked about this, Jamal. You're not. No. Don't do it to yourself.

SPEAKER_01

I want a hot boy summer, man.

SPEAKER_00

Don't do it to yourself, bro. Six hot boy summer. No, don't do it to yourself. You need a different friend group for that, bro. You gotta have like a different friend group if you want to do some shit like that.

SPEAKER_01

You're not gonna support my hot my hot boy summer? No, I can't do it. So every week I come over here with a new girl. You're not gonna support it? Nah, I'm settled. You're not gonna clap it up for me?

SPEAKER_00

I can't do it, bro. I mean, I'll I'll support you. But I mean you're saying you're not gonna clap. You're like, all right, yeah, she's fine.

SPEAKER_01

You're not gonna support it up for me.

SPEAKER_00

I got you. Thank you, man.

SPEAKER_01

I got you. All I need you to do is fire up the black stone and I'll bring bitches over.

SPEAKER_00

That's our game plan. You know, you know no one likes that person, right? You know, you know no one likes that person that has someone new every time you see them. Well, that person's never been me, man. Every time. Come over.

SPEAKER_01

I've always been the by-myself person. I want to be a new woman every time person.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, that's just who you are at this juncture in your life. If you start bringing older people, it's like, oh yeah, we're gonna invite Jamal. Jamal, cool. But you bring in a whole nother dynamic that we don't know. And then each time we hang out, it's another different dynamic.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like men will be, I thought men would be proud of that. In the movies, the other men are proud of this.

SPEAKER_00

Nah, bro. We don't like, we like we like the dynamic to be the dynamic.

SPEAKER_01

That's just me coming by myself, huh?

SPEAKER_00

Or or bringing someone on a regular that we know. And then if you bring somebody new after that, we like, all right, he's back in the field, he's doing whatever. But just someone new every time we gotta bring into the friend group and talk up and make feel welcome.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Nah. I bring her over here to feel invited.

SPEAKER_01

To feel loved. Right? I bring her in my circle to feel loved.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? You didn't even when I had the cookout, when we had the cookout, when we first moved here, you were y'all were together then and she wanted to come, and you were like, nah, this is for me.

SPEAKER_01

It was too soon. You're like, nah, this just for me. It was too soon. I was a different Jamal back then. So I'm like, yeah, this is just for me. But she wanted to come last minute. And then you're like, you were like, nah, nah, nah, man. The plans are already set. Nah, you can't do it. Plans are already set. You can come to the next one. She came over here eventually. Yeah, she made it over. Yeah, she came over here eventually, you know what I'm saying? So eventually I'll have someone else.

SPEAKER_00

So I want to do something. Nick, I could go. I got all these weeds up like two weeks ago, and these shits came back. The shit is coming through the cracks? Yeah, shit's coming through the cracks, bro. Um, I want to do something before the summer's over. I might even like I might put like SummerSlam out on the projector or something. I want to do something before the summer's over, though.

SPEAKER_01

Summer jam?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, have a little have a little SummerSlam, WWE.

SPEAKER_01

Alright.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I want to do something before the summer's over, have a little get together. Listen, man, USA soccer makes it. Oh, yeah, if they make it to the final. Yeah, I'm saying to the final, to quarterfinals, semifinals.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, wherever a significant amount, wherever the FIFA is, then you can watch it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we'll throw it on the projector.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I'm saying? And then we can have a nice little American day. You know what I'm saying? Some apple pie.

SPEAKER_00

I have a hard time rooting for the U.S. The only reason I don't have a hard time rooting for the U.S. this year is because it's mostly black. The soccer team. The soccer team?

SPEAKER_01

But I thought the the the most um the most important person, the white guy.

SPEAKER_00

He is, but he was hurt the other day and we still won. And it's a young guy, black, I think it's a black gun or something. He's black. Obala gun. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00

I'll be rooting for him, but yeah, I don't like I don't like rooting for the U.S. and shit, because I'm just like, yo, we some assholes. Nobody likes us right now. In America? I mean, in the country, and on earth. In the other country. Other countries hate the U.S. right now. But he always hated us. So we'll beat the shit out of them. But it's not to the level like it is now. Like it's like. But they won't say nothing. It's like true hate now, though. It used to be like, yeah, we they we hate them because they better than us. Now they hate us because we mediocre and still think we better. But we like better. Nah, we the cowboys, bro. Cowboys. We the Dallas Cowboys. Like we had some success in the 90s, and we still hanging on to that success. We don't still have the same respect we used to have, but we think that we have it.

SPEAKER_01

We think we have the we think we have the success, but we are still top dogs.

SPEAKER_00

There's no nothing lasts forever, though.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

It's like, you know, you remember last time we discovered you was a bully? But they yeah, but listen. That's how we are. But here's the thing, like, the thing is like people would hate us but respect us. Now people just hate us. They don't respect us anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but they still won't say nothing because they know deep down they will beat the shit out of us. Nah, they just clown us. But they clown us in your country.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know how you like, you know the thing is, like Jamal's a Republican, guys.

SPEAKER_00

If you hadn't caught on, Jamal's a Republican.

SPEAKER_01

You know the thing was like America. We'll sit over here in America and we'll talk shit about America. Yeah, right? Like we're like, oh man, America sucks. It's shit, president, racism, all that shit. But as soon as someone else who's not from America talks shit, like, oh chill. Nah, like chill. You can't talk about America because I'd be like, talk your shit. Nah, I can't. I'd be like, nah, chill, bro. You don't live here. Don't talk shit about us. We're like, talk your shit. You know what I mean? Only we can talk shit about us.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. That's why we shall be. Like we be there, our national anthem is getting booed and shit now.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, they boo it here. We boo it here, dog.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I haven't sung the national anthem in a very long time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And this is a Please of allegiance? I haven't done that in ages. And it's like we talked about it. It's like, I would rather be black in America right now than during the civil rights movement. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we talked about that.

SPEAKER_01

I went on a date with a white girl last week. You can't do you can't do that back in the day. You could, but you just had to be a mean sneaky about it.

SPEAKER_00

How was that?

SPEAKER_01

That was awkward. Why? It's just. When you go out with a white girl, you could already sense that her life isn't what my life was.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, different, different sensibilities.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean? Like she's talking from growing up and like, I got, I had, I got, I got a dad, a mom, and six brothers, and we had a boat, and we got a, you know what I'm saying? We from Georgia and all this. And then she's like, yeah, me, and then they'll talk like, they talk like they from uh they lived in the ivory tower.

SPEAKER_00

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01

Right? And then I'm talking from like the bottom. From the trenches. You know what I'm saying? I'm talking from the bottom. I'm like, we ain't had heat for two years. You know what I mean? You just can't fathom that life.

SPEAKER_00

That's what I want for you. I want you to get you a white woman because I want you to become pro-black. So I want you to get you, yeah, I get a white woman to get pro-black. The most pro-black niggas I know all have a strong white woman. They make you feel the difference. They make you feel the difference, bro. They always, I'll be like, y'all be. It's hard to relate. And I'll be like, I'll be like, because honestly, like, it'd be niggas, they be upset about everything and black this, black that, and black that. And I'm like, what you gotta? You got a white woman. That's fine. Love who you love.

SPEAKER_01

You know? I endure it just so I can smash, but during the date, you be like, oh, this is crazy. No, I mean, I want you to know nothing about this life. I want you to love who you love, but like, miss me with all that.

SPEAKER_00

I'm so pro-black. And have a white girl? Yeah. Yeah, miss me with that. I'll be just ruffle some feathers. Ruffle some feathers, but that's that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_01

So you telling me if I'm pro-black and I got a white woman, a white wife, it's over. I can't be pro-black.

SPEAKER_00

You can be pro-black. I'm just not gonna take you as seriously as you want to be taken. If you had a black wife. Yeah, as if you had a black wife. As if you had a black wife.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I'm just not gonna because it's just I I I don't understand how one can be so pro-black and not find a qualified black woman.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, man, black women be annoying.

SPEAKER_00

Any women be annoying. We're not getting in, any women can be annoying. We're not getting into no, nope, you not getting nope. I have a black woman. So you pro-black. Huh? Yeah, I'm I'm pro-black. The last two women I've dated have been black. Yeah, you've been doing good. You got a good track record. But the thing is, you also like, you also like, we we are very much the same in like our outrage of things. You know what I'm saying? Like, we not, we're not two people that like everything that happens, we're like, man, I can't believe they said this, and I can't believe they're doing this. We kind of like, yeah, this is fucked up, but what am I gonna do? But it'll be niggas that be so pro-outrage and want to be out protesting, marching, starting fights and stuff, and I'm like, but you got you got ginger. That's true. You got ginger over there. So it's like it's almost like they're trying to compensate for the fact.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even like, I don't even like white. You know, like the when like the George Floyd stuff is happening, all these like protests, these white people go out. And they'll protest. Yeah. And they feel like they do good. Yeah. But when they're done protesting, they go back to their little happy white lives.

SPEAKER_00

And the thing with those protests, though, because I was at those protests, I was protesting heavy, but it was also in the middle of COVID, and I was like, what the fuck else I got to do? What if I can do like you trying to go protest? I'm like, who all gonna be there? Yeah, yeah. You come? Yeah, uh, oh, Jamal gonna be there. Uh how about Dom gonna be there? Uh my throw. Oh, they're gonna be there too? All right, I'll be through. I'm coming. I'll get out. I've never been to one. No, bro. We went, bro, we I was out marching heavy, bro. And them shits was so disorganized, bro. It was like, we would march from motherfucking White House over to the Capitol, back to the White House, back to the Capitol. I'm like, why we walking back and forth? Like, did nobody plan this shit? Like, what is going on? So I was out there, bro. We was marching, it was a group of us. It was a group of us out there marching, comic, comic group. It's comics, it was comics, it was comics. Me, Jose, Luft, Luft, Charlie Ross. Oh, damn, Grayer came out, Grayer came out, Charlie Ross? Oh, damn. Grayer came out. It was it was a Martin Phillips. Oh shit, you had to walk slow. We had to walk slow that day. It was but we was out there, nigga, but this shit was like, it wasn't nothing else going on. It was vendors and shit out there. Yeah, nigga selling food, selling masks. I had an I Can't Breathe mask.

SPEAKER_01

Like, it was just what else was there to do? Uh I was in my house chilling, watching y'all motherfuckers on the news.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but you weren't part of the solution, you part of the problem. But yeah, I was I was we were I was an essential worker. I did that shit. I did it too, but I was an essential worker too. I went to work every day. You'll say I was an essential worker. I would only have to work, I would only have to work half a day, and they would pay me for a whole day every day, and then I would switch off with the other person that I would normally work with. So they were doing us good during during the pandemic.

SPEAKER_01

So they're like, well, senior citizens are vulnerable, so we need you at work. But I'm like, I'm not a nurse, man. Yeah, what you want me to do? I take care of the build. I'm like this property man, I take care of the building. You like I can call somebody. You know what I'm saying? Like I can call somebody. How about they hire them, but they're like, we need you in the building. So we just we went in and we got like this little gate for like front, like it's like a gate and it's a front window for the for to the rental office. And uh, we just had the gate down and they just like knocked on the door if they needed us. Niggas wasn't knocking on, they were in their apartments, they wasn't knocking on the door. Yeah, people were chilling. So it was just eight hours of us just sitting there not talking to anybody, which was beautiful because I didn't have to talk to anybody.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, get you? How don't you get you a white woman, bro, so you can be pro-black. You be out here marching, writing speeches. I'm trying to get an Asian girl. Okay. That's my goal. You can do it.

SPEAKER_01

I've been hitting on a lot of Asian women.

SPEAKER_00

You can do that. You can't be a player, but I feel I feel like you can get you an Asian. I feel like you can do that.

SPEAKER_01

I'm trying to get me an Asian girl. I've been hitting on a lot of Asian women.

SPEAKER_00

What you need to do is.

SPEAKER_01

And then Don was like, how don't you get a girl who likes anime? But I'm saying, like, all those girls, no offense to them. All right. But if you meet a girl who's too into anime, she be hideous. Like the girls who love anime be hideous. It's hard pressed to find a girl who's like sexy and oh, I love anime. Right? And the guys who are like too into anime, they also be hideous.

SPEAKER_00

They don't have no hairline.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I'm saying? They be hideous. You just gotta like it. I just want someone who likes it and respects it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

Most women I tell I enjoy it, they have like this, they'll get like this scowl on their face. Right. As if I'm a weirdo.

SPEAKER_00

But I'm like, I'm just saying I enjoy it. I casually watch it. It's not like my life. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01

Going to conventions, I'm like, I enjoy watching it. I like watching it. You know? But they'll get this scowl on their face of okay, it's over. So I'm just trying to find a nice girl that I like, that I can talk to. That's not number one priority. I like talking to.

SPEAKER_00

I have faith, and that's the thing. I like talking to. You broke after we got drunk on the first episode, you were like, I can't do this. Because you were like, we going somewhere. I forgot where you said y'all was going. You're like, oh yeah, we broke up that day.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't like, I don't listen.

SPEAKER_00

That was the end of it.

SPEAKER_01

It's like once I got home, I had the conclusion. I I sat and I thought. And I'm like, I just don't like talking to this girl. That's a good reason to break up. I just don't like talking to her. And she's like, why are we always having arguments? I'm like, and I just brung it up. I don't like talking to you. That that explains it.

SPEAKER_00

And it's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's like every time I talk to you, there's a problem. Tell you this. So, all right. America. Send if you got friends that like anime, that likes it, that likes it, don't love it, email us at mailtalk23 at gmail.com. Or send us fan mail through Buzzsprout and let us know who Jamal Russell can go on a date with. He he needs someone. He's looking for love, and if he doesn't find love, he's gonna try to be a player. And I'm trying to protect his ego. I'm trying to protect his ego. If going to player goes to Roger Maul, you about to, you gonna, you just gonna completely spiral. And you're gonna you're gonna know you're gonna be 2023, Maul. I don't pay the tip. I split the check. You go, you just gonna spiral. You've been on a good trajectory, bro. Comedy shit going well. The algorithm on Hinge was going well, and then I just don't, I just don't want you to spiral. I'm not gonna spiral, man. I'm just this is my goal. All right, I just don't want you to spiral.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, support me in my goal, man.

SPEAKER_00

We're gonna end it there today. We're gonna end it here right at an hour, nice, crisp. Email us mail talk23 at Gmail. Give us recommendations for Jamal. He needs somebody. White, black, Asian, Indian. We don't care. He doesn't care. Equal opportunity. He does care.

SPEAKER_01

He doesn't want him to be he doesn't want her to be white.

SPEAKER_00

I want her to be white because I want Jamal to be pro black. Pro black. Jamal be I want Jamal to be Black Panther pro black. All right. Mill, anything you want to say? No, sir. All right, we out.